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DEACON:
In high school,
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
3
00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:04,162
everyone's got
that one magic moment,
4
00:00:04,195 --> 00:00:05,930
when all the fears
and insecurities
5
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,533
of being a teenager
just vanish,
6
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
7
00:00:08,566 --> 00:00:10,168
and you're on top of the world.
8
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:12,203
It's like the planets
have aligned or something,
9
00:00:12,236 --> 00:00:15,873
and everything you touch
just turns to gold.
10
00:00:15,907 --> 00:00:18,576
And then,
there's this other moment.
11
00:00:20,712 --> 00:00:22,647
[]
12
00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:43,735
MAN:
Get in there.
13
00:00:43,768 --> 00:00:45,937
Follow those plans.
14
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:46,904
That's right.
15
00:00:46,938 --> 00:00:48,706
[BOYS SOBBING]
16
00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:50,775
I'll never touch
myself again,
17
00:00:50,808 --> 00:00:51,943
I swear!
18
00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:54,245
It's all a big...
19
00:00:54,278 --> 00:00:57,882
Please, no!
Mommy! Mommy!
20
00:00:57,915 --> 00:00:58,750
No!
21
00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:02,487
Oh! Oh, God.
22
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,357
Please don't kill us,
Mr. Porno Man!
23
00:01:06,391 --> 00:01:06,924
Relax.
24
00:01:07,392 --> 00:01:09,460
[BOYS SOBBING]
25
00:01:09,494 --> 00:01:10,695
We ain't gonna kill youse.
26
00:01:10,728 --> 00:01:12,397
Huh? Oh.
27
00:01:12,430 --> 00:01:14,365
We're gonna cut off your balls.
28
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:19,037
This was unfortunate
on two levels.
29
00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:21,372
One, no one wants to get
their balls cut off.
30
00:01:21,406 --> 00:01:23,875
And two, we hadn't even had
the chance to use 'em yet.
31
00:01:23,908 --> 00:01:25,610
Well, socially, I mean.
32
00:01:25,643 --> 00:01:27,512
[]
33
00:01:32,984 --> 00:01:36,187
High school is about
being able to make mistakes.
34
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:38,523
And when you're 17,
you screw up a lot.
35
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:39,390
But that's okay,
seeing as people expect it.
36
00:01:41,526 --> 00:01:45,029
I mean, 99 times out of 100
they give you a free pass.
37
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,198
Well, this story
is about number 100.
38
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,802
[GIRL MOANING & SCREAMING
IN DISTANCE]
39
00:01:56,674 --> 00:01:58,576
Let me go back
to the beginning.
40
00:01:58,609 --> 00:02:00,478
Now, it all started
around my 17th birthday,
41
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:03,514
with our usual morning routine,
film appreciation.
42
00:02:04,215 --> 00:02:06,084
Now, when I say
"film appreciation,"
43
00:02:06,117 --> 00:02:08,619
I mean "film duplication."
44
00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:10,188
You see, Fred borrows them
45
00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:11,756
from his job
at the video store,
46
00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:14,659
then Matt makes copies
of them at school,
47
00:02:14,692 --> 00:02:17,728
and I market them
to needy freshmen.
48
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,564
WOMAN [OVER TV]:
Oh, my God. It's so big!
49
00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:21,799
Oh, Christ!
50
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,234
It's totally unwatchable.
51
00:02:23,267 --> 00:02:26,204
MATT:
This is really shoddy work.
52
00:02:26,237 --> 00:02:29,073
And jeez, look,
the boom mike is in the shot.
53
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,142
[THUMP]
What the fuck?!
54
00:02:31,175 --> 00:02:34,112
Why do they always show
the guy's face?
55
00:02:34,145 --> 00:02:35,980
FRED:
They're trying to make us feel
like we're better looking,
56
00:02:37,081 --> 00:02:38,749
so we should be able to get
chicks as hot.
57
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,551
How the hell do you know?
58
00:02:40,585 --> 00:02:42,086
It's a basic rule of porno.
59
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,054
[BELL RINGS]
60
00:02:43,087 --> 00:02:44,222
Let's get outta here.
61
00:02:46,524 --> 00:02:48,793
All right, now. Dirty Darla
No. 7 is a modern classic.
62
00:02:48,826 --> 00:02:50,294
This is grade-A porn, my friend.
63
00:02:50,328 --> 00:02:51,662
Worth a lot more than $20.
64
00:02:51,696 --> 00:02:51,963
Sweet!
65
00:02:55,099 --> 00:02:57,235
DEACON:
Matt's an aspiring filmmaker.
66
00:02:57,268 --> 00:02:59,303
At the moment,
he's a little underappreciated,
67
00:02:59,337 --> 00:03:01,305
and he gets
pushed around a lot,
68
00:03:01,339 --> 00:03:03,608
especially in gym class.
69
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,810
But he's still trying
to develop
70
00:03:05,843 --> 00:03:07,912
his personal visual style.
71
00:03:07,945 --> 00:03:08,346
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
72
00:03:09,013 --> 00:03:10,014
GIRL:
My razor!
73
00:03:11,415 --> 00:03:13,951
GIRL 2:
Sarah, I can see your panties!
74
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,753
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
75
00:03:15,786 --> 00:03:16,554
GIRL 3:
Oh, my God!
76
00:03:19,056 --> 00:03:21,592
[INDISTINCT CHATTER & LAUGHTER]
77
00:03:31,102 --> 00:03:32,470
GIRL 3:
Oh, my God. It's that guy
78
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:33,804
at the door again!
79
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:37,708
Ugh, busted.
80
00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:40,011
Now, you could say
that Fred's problem
81
00:03:40,044 --> 00:03:40,645
is that he can't get up
the nerve to talk to girls.
82
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,786
[IN SULTRY VOICE]:
That test was so hard.
83
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,665
Now, personally I think it's
just a self-confidence issue.
84
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,567
One that he's working on
very hard.
85
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,870
Five, six, seven,
86
00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:08,306
eight times a day.
87
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,582
[SQUIRTING NOISE]
88
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,418
[WHISPERS]:
Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:25,790
[HEAVY BREATHING]
90
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:38,669
Ye-- Aamahh!
91
00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:42,440
Yeah.
92
00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:47,545
That's me, Deacon Lewis.
93
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:50,081
Now, to understand why I led us
down the wrong road
94
00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:52,049
you have to imagine
what it's like
95
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,251
to be a 17-year-old guy
with only one thing
96
00:04:54,485 --> 00:04:58,222
on your mind,
all day, every day.
97
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:01,192
But to have absolutely
no way of getting it.
98
00:05:01,459 --> 00:05:04,695
We're all sitting here
that your parents
99
00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:06,530
have signed
your permission slips
100
00:05:06,564 --> 00:05:08,232
to attend
101
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,201
my sexual
102
00:05:10,234 --> 00:05:12,136
education course.
103
00:05:12,169 --> 00:05:15,706
I think we will begin
with hormones.
104
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:17,508
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
105
00:05:18,676 --> 00:05:21,646
STUDENT:
Hey, where'd they
get a picture of me?
106
00:05:21,679 --> 00:05:23,347
TEACHER:
I can see by your tittering...
107
00:05:23,381 --> 00:05:25,449
[WHISPERS]
You hear about Rachael?
108
00:05:25,483 --> 00:05:25,750
No, what
happened?
109
00:05:27,218 --> 00:05:28,853
TEACHER:
That a lot of you
are uncomfortable...
110
00:05:28,886 --> 00:05:30,488
STUDENT 1:
John Baldwin nailed her.
111
00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:32,189
...with the male organ,
the penis.
112
00:05:32,223 --> 00:05:33,457
Rachael Unger?
113
00:05:33,491 --> 00:05:33,557
Uh, yeah.
114
00:05:35,559 --> 00:05:37,795
It was at Richard Rosenblatt's
party on the weekend.
115
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:40,665
I, uh, was in
the bathroom.
116
00:05:40,698 --> 00:05:41,799
[SNICKERING]
117
00:05:41,832 --> 00:05:43,167
TEACHER:
The other half of you
118
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,605
have a vagina.
119
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,440
Mr. Lewis.
120
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:53,444
Would you like to join us?
121
00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:55,279
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
122
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,815
Thank you.
Back to the breast.
123
00:05:59,784 --> 00:06:02,920
I absolutely refuse
to believe it.
124
00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:05,890
Rachel told me she wasn't
ready, but she did it.
125
00:06:06,457 --> 00:06:09,160
With him!
126
00:06:09,193 --> 00:06:10,328
Look at her face.
127
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,700
I was fed up with losing out.
128
00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:16,934
And something had to be done.
129
00:06:16,967 --> 00:06:19,370
[]
130
00:06:19,403 --> 00:06:21,205
See that?
131
00:06:21,238 --> 00:06:22,206
Can I get a ride?
132
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,607
Yeah, sure.
133
00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:25,343
Yeah, let's go!
134
00:06:25,376 --> 00:06:28,012
That should be us.
135
00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:29,680
That's not gonna be us.
136
00:06:29,714 --> 00:06:30,414
This year, next year,
or any year. Ever.
137
00:06:32,483 --> 00:06:35,720
Why not? Think about it,
all you gotta do
138
00:06:35,753 --> 00:06:38,189
is follow the simple lessons
of Tony Montana in Scarface.
139
00:06:39,457 --> 00:06:41,892
Oh, good movie.
140
00:06:41,926 --> 00:06:43,661
"First you get the money.
141
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,197
BOTH [IN TONY MONTANA VOICE]:
"Then you get the power.
142
00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:49,066
"And then you get the women."
143
00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:51,669
BOTH:
Word.
144
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,771
So we're gonna become
Cuban drug lords?
145
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:54,572
The porno pirating operation
is bringing in plenty of money.
146
00:06:56,407 --> 00:06:58,576
And then once I get my new car
for my birthday tonight,
147
00:06:58,609 --> 00:06:59,710
we'll have the power to go
148
00:06:59,744 --> 00:07:01,045
wherever we want.
149
00:07:01,078 --> 00:07:02,546
And then there's nothing
stopping us
150
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:02,813
from gettin'
the girls.
151
00:07:04,148 --> 00:07:06,217
[CAR ENGINE]
152
00:07:07,318 --> 00:07:09,653
Bye, sphincter.
153
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:10,588
Know what?
154
00:07:11,789 --> 00:07:14,225
Nothing's gonna change,
Deacon.
155
00:07:14,258 --> 00:07:15,826
You're still gonna be
the kid
156
00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:17,194
who shit his pants
in fifth grade.
157
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:20,030
And no one will ever let you
forget it.
158
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,066
It was a stomach virus,
asshole.
159
00:07:24,435 --> 00:07:26,871
FAMILY:
Happy birthday!
160
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:26,937
[]
161
00:07:34,311 --> 00:07:35,079
MR. LEWIS:
It's that new computer system
162
00:07:36,147 --> 00:07:38,048
you've been talking about
for months.
163
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,117
Art! Why did I wrap it?
164
00:07:40,151 --> 00:07:41,786
Sorry, honey.
I got excited.
165
00:07:41,819 --> 00:07:42,987
MRS. LEWIS:
Don't you like it, honey?
166
00:07:43,354 --> 00:07:47,258
Yes, I-I do, I do.
I-- It's just...
167
00:07:47,291 --> 00:07:48,459
I'll take it.
168
00:07:48,492 --> 00:07:49,593
Max!
We can take it back
169
00:07:49,627 --> 00:07:51,061
if it's not right.
170
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:53,130
No, Dad.
No, no.
171
00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:55,099
It's-- I-- I don't know.
172
00:07:55,132 --> 00:07:57,668
I--
173
00:07:57,701 --> 00:07:59,336
I guess I just thought
you guys were buying me
174
00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:01,472
that car I wanted.
175
00:08:01,505 --> 00:08:03,474
MRS. LEWIS:
Car? Why do you need a car?
176
00:08:03,507 --> 00:08:05,109
Son, you don't need a car.
177
00:08:05,142 --> 00:08:06,577
You can borrow the minivan
any time you want.
178
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:07,545
Right.
179
00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:12,016
Tom Cooperman's parties
were legendary.
180
00:08:12,049 --> 00:08:15,319
But in the five, six years
he was at our high school,
181
00:08:15,619 --> 00:08:17,655
he never invited us once.
182
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,559
Coop, what's goin' on,
man?
183
00:08:24,628 --> 00:08:26,063
Can we come in?
184
00:08:26,096 --> 00:08:28,332
Ah, no, actually.
We're having a séance, man.
185
00:08:28,365 --> 00:08:30,634
And everybody likes to keep it
really chillin'.
186
00:08:30,668 --> 00:08:31,669
If you don't believe in the dark
powers then you can't come in.
187
00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:35,773
Wait a second, man.
188
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:36,774
What?
189
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,143
It's my birthday today.
190
00:08:39,176 --> 00:08:39,844
So cut me a little slack,
all right?
191
00:08:42,246 --> 00:08:43,481
[LAUGHS]
192
00:08:43,514 --> 00:08:45,583
It's your birthday?
193
00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:47,685
You guys,
my best friends are here.
194
00:08:48,185 --> 00:08:51,021
[ALL SCREAM]
195
00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:52,423
Come on, man!
196
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:53,924
Hot babe.
197
00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:55,659
Whoo!
198
00:08:55,693 --> 00:08:59,463
Hey, Stephen, lookin' good
in that grey sweater, man.
199
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:03,234
Thank you.
Doin' a great job, boys.
200
00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:04,001
Look what I have.
201
00:09:04,702 --> 00:09:07,304
Look at that dude.
I fuckin' hate him.
202
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:08,706
All right.
Have a good time, man.
203
00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:09,773
All right.
204
00:09:09,807 --> 00:09:11,442
And, uh, wear
a rubber, dude.
205
00:09:11,475 --> 00:09:12,243
MAN:
Like he'd know
what to do with a rubber.
206
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,479
[LAUGHING]
207
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,949
Oh, my God.
It's Naomi.
208
00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:27,725
Yeah, she looks good.
209
00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:34,798
FRED:
Oh, no.
210
00:09:34,832 --> 00:09:36,233
Beer foam moustache.
211
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,338
I'm gonna go talk to her.
212
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,007
[SPITS]
213
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,375
What have I got to lose?
Jesus, Fred.
214
00:09:45,843 --> 00:09:48,045
Your dignity, God!
215
00:09:48,078 --> 00:09:49,246
FRED:
Don't talk to her.
216
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,281
Please.
217
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:57,855
DEACON:
Naomi.
218
00:09:59,089 --> 00:10:00,357
Hey, Deacon.
219
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,594
Hey, um, where's Jake?
220
00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:05,763
Like I care.
221
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:08,566
You mean, you're not
going out with him anymore?
222
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:10,534
Duh.
223
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,037
Freakon! Hey!
224
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,204
What's up,
Naomi?
225
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,406
Ed.
226
00:10:15,439 --> 00:10:16,774
Come on, Naomi.
I'm goin' to the pool.
227
00:10:17,141 --> 00:10:19,043
Talking to Deacon.
228
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,444
[LAUGHS]
229
00:10:23,948 --> 00:10:24,648
Whatever.
230
00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:26,483
Whatever.
Whatever.
231
00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:27,718
Whatever.
232
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:29,219
Whatever.
233
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,455
Asshole.
234
00:10:31,488 --> 00:10:33,490
Whatever.
235
00:10:41,398 --> 00:10:43,033
FRED:
Do you realize how long
236
00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:44,234
it's going to take
to save up for a car
237
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,103
selling pornos
at $20 each?
238
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:51,175
What?
239
00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:52,309
There's a small problem.
240
00:10:52,343 --> 00:10:54,545
What?
241
00:10:54,578 --> 00:10:56,480
I got fired yesterday.
242
00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:56,914
[LAUGHS]
243
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,085
All right, Russ caught me
and went berserk.
244
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,553
It was-- It was crazy.
245
00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:04,288
It was like some sort of
sting operation
246
00:11:04,321 --> 00:11:05,823
he'd been planning for months.
247
00:11:05,856 --> 00:11:07,291
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you're kidding me.
248
00:11:07,324 --> 00:11:08,626
Tell me
you're kidding me, Fred.
249
00:11:08,659 --> 00:11:09,960
I'm not kidding you.
250
00:11:09,994 --> 00:11:11,295
And now I gotta work
twice a week
251
00:11:11,328 --> 00:11:12,963
at my dad's office,
he's so pissed.
252
00:11:12,997 --> 00:11:13,430
See! See, I told you
this Scarface plan was stupid.
253
00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:17,234
This is great!
254
00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:19,436
So now not only do we have
no car, no girls,
255
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,005
we also go no money.
256
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:21,639
And no porn.
257
00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:23,007
Shit.
258
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,643
Tony Montana
would be pissed.
259
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,383
COMPUTER:
Stop right there.
260
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,218
Stop right there.
Stop right there.
261
00:11:38,555 --> 00:11:39,590
Not for monkey boys.
262
00:11:39,623 --> 00:11:40,924
FRED:
Goddamn it.
263
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:42,559
Your dad really knows
his firewalls.
264
00:11:42,593 --> 00:11:44,128
[DOOR OPENS]
Ahh!
265
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,663
Hey, asshole. Don't
just come barging in here.
266
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,499
We could've been naked.
Whoa.
267
00:11:48,532 --> 00:11:49,967
DEACON:
Shut up and listen to me.
268
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,802
I figured out a way to get back
269
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:53,437
on the Tony Montana track.
270
00:11:53,470 --> 00:11:53,904
So I'm at the zoo today...
271
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,775
[CHIMPANZEE CHEEPING]
272
00:11:57,808 --> 00:12:00,744
MS. ARIEL:
People, people.
273
00:12:00,778 --> 00:12:01,712
Witness the miracle
274
00:12:02,479 --> 00:12:03,681
of nature
275
00:12:03,714 --> 00:12:05,015
at its most primal.
276
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:06,383
And these monkeys
are doing it.
277
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:08,585
They're going insane.
278
00:12:08,619 --> 00:12:10,788
And Ms. Ariel
is videotaping it.
279
00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:15,325
MS. ARIEL:
...of his engorged penis.
280
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,794
The male deposits his seed...
281
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:18,062
[GRUNTING]
282
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:20,464
...and moves on.
283
00:12:20,497 --> 00:12:24,568
Probably to a younger...
284
00:12:24,601 --> 00:12:26,236
more desirable female.
285
00:12:26,303 --> 00:12:28,505
One who doesn't
have any issues.
286
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,641
Whatever that means.
287
00:12:30,674 --> 00:12:32,676
That's when it hit me.
288
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:33,677
Incoming!
289
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,044
[SCREAMS]
290
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,717
Well, Roger, actually.
291
00:12:42,686 --> 00:12:45,022
Little help?
292
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:50,227
What?
293
00:12:50,427 --> 00:12:51,528
Let's make one.
294
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,530
One what?
A movie.
295
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,033
Oh, that's great,
that's perfect.
296
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,534
I've already got an idea
for, like,
297
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,469
a sci-fi horror kinda thing.
298
00:12:59,269 --> 00:13:01,138
It's like The Jetsons meets
The Shining--
299
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,172
No, you moron.
300
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,575
A porno movie.
301
00:13:04,608 --> 00:13:05,809
Oh, even better.
302
00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:06,343
Yeah, and here's
the best part.
303
00:13:07,211 --> 00:13:08,245
I got an angle.
304
00:13:08,278 --> 00:13:09,780
What kind of angle?
305
00:13:09,813 --> 00:13:11,582
We can make pornos that cater
to guys like us.
306
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,984
You mean virgins?
307
00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:16,120
Exactly.
308
00:13:16,153 --> 00:13:18,522
Adult films made
by virgins for virgins.
309
00:13:18,555 --> 00:13:20,324
Well, here's a question.
310
00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:22,726
Uh, how are we going to get
the women to star in the film?
311
00:13:22,893 --> 00:13:24,394
And the guys.
312
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,630
That's simple.
We'll surf the Net or something.
313
00:13:26,663 --> 00:13:28,565
We can figure
that out.
314
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,100
And then...
315
00:13:30,134 --> 00:13:30,901
[LAUGHS]
316
00:13:35,739 --> 00:13:37,775
What's so funny?
317
00:13:37,808 --> 00:13:38,675
It was too much, man.
I couldn't--
318
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,279
Oh, you're funny.
319
00:13:42,312 --> 00:13:43,514
I'm serious about this.
320
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,718
We can't make a...porno.
321
00:13:47,751 --> 00:13:50,521
Deacon, do you have any idea
322
00:13:50,554 --> 00:13:52,790
how much trouble
we would get in?
323
00:13:52,823 --> 00:13:54,992
Do you have any idea
how much money we'd make?
324
00:13:55,425 --> 00:13:57,828
Like how much?
325
00:13:57,861 --> 00:13:59,363
How much?!
326
00:13:59,396 --> 00:14:00,964
Enough to buy a car.
327
00:14:00,998 --> 00:14:02,399
Enough to get more camera shit.
328
00:14:02,432 --> 00:14:03,200
Enough to
take out girls.
329
00:14:04,835 --> 00:14:07,037
Enough to do whatever
the hell we want.
330
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:09,206
Well, what about
the moral implications?
331
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,041
It's a free-market transaction
between two consenting adults.
332
00:14:12,509 --> 00:14:13,744
What's the problem?
333
00:14:13,777 --> 00:14:16,413
Uh, hello?
We're not adults.
334
00:14:16,446 --> 00:14:18,081
He's got a point, Deacon.
335
00:14:21,418 --> 00:14:23,620
You just don't
get it, do you?
336
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,189
If we make this movie,
337
00:14:25,222 --> 00:14:27,391
this year could be the best year
of our lives.
338
00:14:27,691 --> 00:14:29,760
We go in boys,
and we come out men.
339
00:14:29,793 --> 00:14:31,094
But you know what?
340
00:14:31,128 --> 00:14:32,563
You two losers
would rather sit back
341
00:14:32,596 --> 00:14:34,164
and play it safe.
342
00:14:34,198 --> 00:14:35,632
Well, I'm not waiting
on you, man.
343
00:14:35,866 --> 00:14:37,434
I'm not wasting
another minute.
344
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,169
I'm making this movie,
with or without you.
345
00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:40,404
And when I show up at school
346
00:14:40,437 --> 00:14:41,905
in my new set of wheels,
347
00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:43,407
you know what I'm gonna
have to say?
348
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,044
Sorry, guys.
That ship has sailed.
349
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:49,513
You blew it.
350
00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,687
That was
a great speech, Deacon.
351
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:57,754
Thanks, man.
352
00:14:57,788 --> 00:14:59,690
Did you work that out before?
353
00:14:59,957 --> 00:15:02,359
No, man.
354
00:15:02,392 --> 00:15:07,865
Okay, so let's say that we were
actually going to do this.
355
00:15:07,898 --> 00:15:09,867
What would we call our company?
356
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,768
Oh, I know.
357
00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:14,438
After School Special.
358
00:15:24,781 --> 00:15:28,819
[]
359
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,960
DARLA:
Hey, Vic.
360
00:15:36,994 --> 00:15:38,896
Hey, Darla.
How you doin'?
361
00:15:38,929 --> 00:15:40,030
Ready for Number Eight?
362
00:15:40,664 --> 00:15:43,066
Sure, just give me
a couple of minutes.
363
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,801
It was great, Vic, huh?
Some good action.
364
00:15:44,835 --> 00:15:46,203
Nice arc there at the end.
365
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,404
Thank you
very much, Mikey.
366
00:15:47,437 --> 00:15:48,005
MIKE:
No problem.
367
00:15:49,206 --> 00:15:51,808
Hey buddy, let me ask you
something.
368
00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,644
I want you to be
completely honest with me.
369
00:15:53,677 --> 00:15:55,312
Sure, Vic.
370
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,581
You think I'm too fat?
371
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:59,082
Are you kidding?
372
00:15:59,116 --> 00:16:00,918
I mean, I know I've put on
a few pounds recently--
373
00:16:00,951 --> 00:16:02,686
Vic, the camera loves you.
374
00:16:02,719 --> 00:16:04,388
Seriously?
375
00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:06,089
Absolutely.
376
00:16:06,123 --> 00:16:08,158
[LAUGHS]
377
00:16:08,191 --> 00:16:10,427
Hey. Thanks, buddy.
378
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:11,495
[BOTH WHISTLE]
379
00:16:14,131 --> 00:16:15,866
All right.
380
00:16:15,899 --> 00:16:16,934
Thank you, seriously.
381
00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:18,302
Sure.
I needed it.
382
00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:19,970
WOMAN [OVER INTERCOM]:
Dr. Jablowma.
383
00:16:20,003 --> 00:16:20,370
Dr. Heywood Jablowma.
384
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,740
Please report
to the emergency room.
385
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,009
Dr. Heywood Jablowma
to the emergency room.
386
00:16:26,043 --> 00:16:29,046
We need two forms of ID
to prove she's over 18.
387
00:16:29,079 --> 00:16:30,948
Okay, how much money
do we need?
388
00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:33,250
A first-time porno actress
makes only 250 to 500 bucks.
389
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,585
That's it?
Does that include the sex?
390
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:36,720
[MOUTHS]
Shut up!
391
00:16:36,753 --> 00:16:36,787
DEACON:
Yes, Matt.
392
00:16:38,588 --> 00:16:41,024
We're not supposed to have sex
with these women, are we?
393
00:16:41,058 --> 00:16:42,326
DEACON:
No, Matt.
394
00:16:42,359 --> 00:16:43,393
Fred, take these
urine samples
395
00:16:43,427 --> 00:16:44,995
down to the lab.
396
00:16:45,128 --> 00:16:47,297
Okay, in a minute.
397
00:16:47,331 --> 00:16:50,100
We also need
an adult signature to set up
398
00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:51,702
the bank account and website.
399
00:16:51,735 --> 00:16:52,803
Let's use
Principal Taggart's name.
400
00:16:54,104 --> 00:16:56,473
You're a genius. That'll never
come back to haunt us.
401
00:16:56,506 --> 00:16:58,442
Then whose name
are we gonna use, huh?
402
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,949
I'm Ronald Greitzer,
here for my 4:00 appointment.
403
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,584
WIFE:
He's got a rectal exam.
404
00:17:07,617 --> 00:17:09,152
It's worse when he sleeps.
405
00:17:09,886 --> 00:17:11,688
You know, he does a lot
of night scratching.
406
00:17:11,722 --> 00:17:13,757
I try to prevent it.
407
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:16,360
RECEPTIONIST:
Don't forget your sample jar.
408
00:17:16,393 --> 00:17:17,327
Go get your stool jar.
409
00:17:17,594 --> 00:17:20,464
I'll be over here.
410
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,431
Huh?
411
00:17:21,465 --> 00:17:23,166
No.
Why not?
412
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,102
It's perfect. My dad's got
Mr. Greitzer's signature,
413
00:17:25,736 --> 00:17:28,005
his credit card number,
his Social Security number.
414
00:17:28,038 --> 00:17:29,940
And he'll never find out?
415
00:17:29,973 --> 00:17:33,410
It's not like we're sending him
our annual report.
416
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,446
It'll be like an official name
of record or something.
417
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,615
WOMAN:
Code blue. Crash cart
to the specimen room.
418
00:17:38,648 --> 00:17:40,584
Greitzer it is, then.
419
00:17:40,617 --> 00:17:41,485
And...we need porno names.
420
00:17:44,321 --> 00:17:45,389
What do you mean?
421
00:17:45,422 --> 00:17:47,157
It's a basic rule of porno.
422
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,693
All people affiliated with
the production of an adult film
423
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,063
have porno names so their
friends don't recognize them.
424
00:17:53,096 --> 00:17:54,297
Oh, you mean like,
425
00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:56,433
Johnny Hardmember?
Exactly.
426
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:57,434
Hey, that's a good one.
427
00:17:57,834 --> 00:18:01,038
I'll be Balls McLongcock.
428
00:18:01,071 --> 00:18:04,341
You guys are dorks.
Those names are for the actors.
429
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,076
Heh. You're
just jealous
430
00:18:06,109 --> 00:18:07,778
'cause you don't have
a cool porno name like us.
431
00:18:07,811 --> 00:18:09,346
Exactly.
432
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,081
All right, fine.
433
00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:12,115
Then I'm Sam...
434
00:18:12,149 --> 00:18:13,784
Slam.
435
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:14,985
Yeah.
436
00:18:15,018 --> 00:18:16,620
Sam Slam, the backdoor man.
437
00:18:17,921 --> 00:18:18,922
That name sucks.
438
00:18:18,955 --> 00:18:20,424
You don't get it, do you?
439
00:18:20,457 --> 00:18:21,992
A porno name needs to be
a very subtle thing!
440
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,495
[SQUISHING]
441
00:18:25,529 --> 00:18:27,531
Sorry, Balls.
442
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,633
I guess I'm a little new
at this.
443
00:18:29,666 --> 00:18:29,800
Yeah, and you're funny too.
444
00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:38,742
MATT:
I say we make him
from Hawaii.
445
00:18:38,775 --> 00:18:41,545
Do you know what a Hawaiian
driver's license looks like?
446
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,046
No.
Exactly.
447
00:18:45,015 --> 00:18:46,083
Won't it seem a little
suspicious?
448
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,952
Like, why are we
in Cleveland?
449
00:18:48,985 --> 00:18:50,487
DEACON:
Vacation.
450
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,823
People from Cleveland
vacation in Hawaii.
451
00:18:52,856 --> 00:18:54,291
Where do you think
people from Hawaii go?
452
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,565
MATT:
Aloha.
453
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:02,165
DEACON:
Mahalo.
454
00:19:09,739 --> 00:19:10,774
Dad.
455
00:19:12,976 --> 00:19:14,544
Uh, Mom.
456
00:19:14,578 --> 00:19:16,713
Can I use the car?
457
00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:18,415
Uh, Deacon, I have to go
to the video store later.
458
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:20,984
I'm sorry.
459
00:19:21,017 --> 00:19:23,887
Mom, you said I could use
the car, but it's never free.
460
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,623
Okay, Deacon, I'll walk
to the video store.
461
00:19:28,725 --> 00:19:29,860
Where you guys going?
462
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:31,194
Out.
463
00:19:31,228 --> 00:19:34,498
How come you boys
are dressed like Don Ho?
464
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:39,803
Because, Mr. Lewis,
this is the new style.
465
00:19:39,836 --> 00:19:41,771
Yeah, for ass wranglers.
466
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:43,874
Max.
467
00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:44,941
[LAUGHS]
468
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,776
Ass wranglers.
469
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:49,045
All right, boys,
let the wrangling begin.
470
00:19:57,721 --> 00:19:58,889
Are we really gonna do this?
471
00:20:01,091 --> 00:20:02,092
Oh, yeah.
472
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,594
[STARTS ENGINE]
473
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:06,763
[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING]
474
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:11,067
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]
475
00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:15,472
Here we go
476
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,907
Well on to the next stop
477
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:18,208
Bouncin' to the town hop
478
00:20:18,241 --> 00:20:21,344
[SINGING CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY]
479
00:20:21,378 --> 00:20:23,146
Keepin' it in good hands
480
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,682
Takin' it to all the lands
And tradin' it for gold
481
00:20:25,715 --> 00:20:27,984
All ya brothers
And sisters...
482
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,288
IDs.
483
00:20:38,962 --> 00:20:39,062
Oh, Richard Runningbear
from Hawaii.
484
00:20:42,399 --> 00:20:44,768
Okay, well,
have a good time, guys.
485
00:20:51,841 --> 00:20:52,943
Oh, and, hey, guys?
486
00:20:53,944 --> 00:20:55,245
That's a nice lamination job.
487
00:20:55,912 --> 00:20:57,247
Oh, thanks.
488
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,249
[CLEARS THROAT]
489
00:20:59,282 --> 00:21:01,117
You don't understand.
490
00:21:01,151 --> 00:21:03,220
We have to get into
this strip club tonight.
491
00:21:03,253 --> 00:21:03,486
Next two years of high school
totally depend on it.
492
00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:10,160
We've got cash.
493
00:21:13,396 --> 00:21:15,165
Have a good time, guys.
494
00:21:15,198 --> 00:21:19,035
[SUPREME BEINGS OF PLEASURE'S
"STRANGELOVE ADDICTION" PLAYS]
495
00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:27,244
[EXPLOSIONS]
496
00:21:35,552 --> 00:21:35,752
I must resist
The thought you kissed
497
00:21:39,389 --> 00:21:43,293
The truth
You somehow turned around
498
00:21:43,326 --> 00:21:43,660
I must resist
499
00:21:46,029 --> 00:21:48,164
Hey! What'll
you boys have?
500
00:21:48,198 --> 00:21:49,833
Two-drink minimum.
501
00:21:49,866 --> 00:21:52,736
I'll have a Scotch,
straight up on the rocks.
502
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:53,770
Uh,
503
00:21:55,438 --> 00:21:59,976
I'll have a 7
and 7.
504
00:22:00,143 --> 00:22:02,812
Uh, same for me.
505
00:22:02,846 --> 00:22:03,847
Thank you.
506
00:22:06,449 --> 00:22:08,118
What the hell
is a 7 and 7?
507
00:22:08,151 --> 00:22:10,020
I have no idea.
508
00:22:10,053 --> 00:22:11,721
But I heard the guy
over there order one
509
00:22:11,755 --> 00:22:14,591
and I like the way
it sounds.
510
00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:15,792
Numerical.
511
00:22:15,825 --> 00:22:16,026
This constant condition
512
00:22:18,495 --> 00:22:21,931
My strange
Strange love addiction
513
00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:25,835
Strange
Strange love addiction
514
00:22:25,869 --> 00:22:29,739
Strange
Strange love addiction
515
00:22:29,773 --> 00:22:32,342
Strange
Strange love addiction
516
00:22:34,110 --> 00:22:37,714
Strange
Strange love addiction
517
00:22:37,747 --> 00:22:39,215
Do you want a dance?
518
00:22:39,249 --> 00:22:40,517
Uh, no, thank you.
519
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,956
I need to go
to the bathroom.
520
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:48,391
How 'bout you
buy me a drink?
521
00:22:50,193 --> 00:22:51,161
Okay.
522
00:22:51,194 --> 00:22:53,129
Seven and 7.
523
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,831
Want mine?
524
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,535
What brings you boys
to the Pretty Kitty?
525
00:22:58,568 --> 00:23:01,504
Well, actually, uh,
we're filmmakers
526
00:23:01,538 --> 00:23:03,306
and we're here
looking for new talent.
527
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:04,708
Really?
528
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:05,975
Really.
529
00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:07,844
You interested
or what?
530
00:23:07,877 --> 00:23:09,245
No.
531
00:23:11,381 --> 00:23:12,882
But I do know
someone who is.
532
00:23:15,819 --> 00:23:17,487
Yeah...
533
00:23:33,870 --> 00:23:35,271
Hi, I'm Ashley.
534
00:23:35,305 --> 00:23:36,906
You guys
the filmmakers?
535
00:23:39,442 --> 00:23:41,411
Videographers,
actually.
536
00:23:41,444 --> 00:23:45,081
I wanted to shoot on film,
but these guys wouldn't let me!
537
00:23:47,417 --> 00:23:48,952
All right,
here's the deal.
538
00:23:48,985 --> 00:23:50,553
We're paying top dollar here,
okay?
539
00:23:50,587 --> 00:23:52,856
Hetero only, no anal.
540
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:53,022
And we'll be distributing
through our website. So...
541
00:24:00,263 --> 00:24:01,431
Aren't you a little young?
542
00:24:01,464 --> 00:24:03,066
Uh...
543
00:24:03,099 --> 00:24:04,567
Er, no.
544
00:24:04,601 --> 00:24:07,804
Well, aren't you,
is the question I have to ask.
545
00:24:07,837 --> 00:24:09,305
I mean, we will need
two forms of ID
546
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:13,243
to prove that you're
over 18, so...
547
00:24:13,276 --> 00:24:15,645
I'm 18.
548
00:24:15,678 --> 00:24:17,480
Then you're hired.
549
00:24:17,647 --> 00:24:19,382
Shouldn't we
audition her first?
550
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,550
Shut up, Matt.
551
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:22,452
ANNOUNCER:
She's everybody's
552
00:24:22,485 --> 00:24:25,088
favorite naughty schoolgirl.
Give it up for Ashley!
553
00:24:25,121 --> 00:24:25,355
[EVE EDENHURST'S
"LOLLIPOP" PLAYS]
554
00:24:26,723 --> 00:24:29,893
Bad boy, he drives me crazy
555
00:24:29,926 --> 00:24:34,197
Keeps we warm
When it gets hazy
556
00:24:34,230 --> 00:24:38,635
Tastes so sweet
And it feels all fine
557
00:24:38,668 --> 00:24:41,671
Want my lollipop
All the time
558
00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:47,343
Gimme, gimme my lollipop
559
00:24:47,377 --> 00:24:49,846
Once I start
It's hard to stop
560
00:24:51,748 --> 00:24:55,685
Candy-coated
With sugar on top
561
00:24:55,718 --> 00:24:57,620
Gimme, gimme my lollipop
Yeah
562
00:25:04,093 --> 00:25:05,094
Yeah
563
00:25:08,765 --> 00:25:13,803
Gimme, gimme my lollipop
Yeah
564
00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:25,482
[GIRLS WHOOPING]
565
00:25:42,065 --> 00:25:44,067
[VOMITING NOISES]
566
00:26:01,484 --> 00:26:02,085
[GIRLS GIGGLING]
567
00:26:04,821 --> 00:26:08,124
FRED:
Ashley, we love you...
568
00:26:08,157 --> 00:26:11,694
Look, this is my picture
and this is my number.
569
00:26:11,728 --> 00:26:13,663
When you're sober,
call me, okay?
570
00:26:13,696 --> 00:26:14,664
Bye.
571
00:26:14,697 --> 00:26:16,833
Sphincter?
572
00:26:20,069 --> 00:26:22,205
MIKE:
And...cut!
573
00:26:22,238 --> 00:26:23,439
Okay, people.
574
00:26:23,473 --> 00:26:25,041
Reset and we'll
go again right away.
575
00:26:25,074 --> 00:26:26,476
MAN:
Nobody step in the lube.
576
00:26:26,509 --> 00:26:26,609
Mike, I need
to talk to you.
577
00:26:28,177 --> 00:26:31,514
Okay, five minutes
and we'll go again right away.
578
00:26:31,548 --> 00:26:34,050
I hear someone's been muscling
in on our territory.
579
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:34,484
Yeah, I heard that.
They're recruitin' new talent.
580
00:26:37,053 --> 00:26:38,922
Jimmy Rimmer says
they're from Hawaii.
581
00:26:38,955 --> 00:26:41,291
Hawaii?
582
00:26:41,324 --> 00:26:43,826
Why would someone from Hawaii
wanna come to Cleveland?
583
00:26:43,860 --> 00:26:46,696
I don't know. Vacation?
584
00:26:46,729 --> 00:26:48,765
It's Cleveland.
Look out the window.
585
00:26:48,798 --> 00:26:50,800
Hey. There's the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, huh?
586
00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,571
Yeah, I guess.
587
00:26:54,604 --> 00:26:56,839
What is this,
F with Vic month?
588
00:26:58,541 --> 00:26:58,942
If these goddamn amateur yabos
589
00:27:00,710 --> 00:27:04,447
try to muscle in
on my territory, I swear to God.
590
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:05,481
I'm gonna go off.
591
00:27:05,515 --> 00:27:06,749
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
592
00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:08,484
Who you gonna shoot?
593
00:27:08,518 --> 00:27:09,686
I don't know.
594
00:27:09,719 --> 00:27:11,020
Everybody, nobody.
I don't know.
595
00:27:11,054 --> 00:27:12,055
Calm down, Vic.
596
00:27:12,088 --> 00:27:14,490
Huh?
I don't need you
597
00:27:14,524 --> 00:27:15,925
all agitated.
598
00:27:15,959 --> 00:27:18,661
You've still got,
uh, five films to star in today.
599
00:27:18,695 --> 00:27:19,696
You're right.
600
00:27:19,729 --> 00:27:21,464
Yeah, course I'm right.
601
00:27:21,497 --> 00:27:23,199
Don't worry about it, okay?
602
00:27:23,266 --> 00:27:25,301
We'll find these guys
and we'll take care of it.
603
00:27:25,335 --> 00:27:26,302
Good.
604
00:27:26,336 --> 00:27:27,503
Good.
605
00:27:27,537 --> 00:27:29,505
You hungry?
606
00:27:29,539 --> 00:27:31,207
Yeah, I could eat.
607
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:31,374
Wanna grab some lunch?
Sure.
608
00:27:33,076 --> 00:27:34,210
Good.
All right.
609
00:27:34,243 --> 00:27:35,378
Let's break
for lunch.
610
00:27:35,411 --> 00:27:36,646
We're breakin'
for lunch!
611
00:27:36,679 --> 00:27:39,182
[FRED AND MATT LAUGHING]
612
00:27:39,282 --> 00:27:41,484
What are you guys doing?
613
00:27:41,517 --> 00:27:43,486
Oh, we came up
with a great idea.
614
00:27:43,519 --> 00:27:45,888
We're gonna pre-sell copies
of the video on the website.
615
00:27:45,922 --> 00:27:47,123
Will that work?
616
00:27:47,156 --> 00:27:49,659
I don't know,
but it's fun.
617
00:27:49,692 --> 00:27:51,527
FRED:
One thing though.
618
00:27:51,561 --> 00:27:54,230
If our motto is
"by virgins, for virgins"
619
00:27:54,263 --> 00:27:55,398
maybe we should put,
620
00:27:55,431 --> 00:27:55,565
like, a picture or something
621
00:27:57,033 --> 00:27:58,234
of one of us on the website
622
00:27:58,267 --> 00:27:59,669
to sort of sell the image.
623
00:27:59,702 --> 00:28:01,304
You're not putting
my picture up there.
624
00:28:01,337 --> 00:28:02,438
Why? You're a virgin.
625
00:28:02,472 --> 00:28:03,439
No, this is a good idea.
626
00:28:04,807 --> 00:28:08,511
But it doesn't necessarily
have to be one of...
627
00:28:08,544 --> 00:28:09,712
us.
628
00:28:13,549 --> 00:28:14,617
MATT:
I don't know.
629
00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:15,852
Do you think he'll be mad?
630
00:28:15,885 --> 00:28:17,387
FRED:
What, are you kidding me?
631
00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:19,656
He looks great.
He'll probably even get laid.
632
00:28:19,689 --> 00:28:21,257
MRS. LEWIS: Deacon?
Lucky bastard.
633
00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:22,258
Honey, are you in here?
634
00:28:22,291 --> 00:28:24,093
Off!
635
00:28:24,127 --> 00:28:26,963
Oh, hi, boys.
Look who's here.
636
00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:27,930
Your good friend Jake.
637
00:28:28,931 --> 00:28:30,233
Hi, guys.
638
00:28:30,266 --> 00:28:31,467
Okay, boys,
639
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:32,602
have a good time.
640
00:28:32,635 --> 00:28:33,736
Bye, Mrs. Lewis.
641
00:28:33,770 --> 00:28:35,138
Goodbye, Jake.
Thanks.
642
00:28:35,171 --> 00:28:36,105
Good to see you.
Come again.
643
00:28:36,139 --> 00:28:36,172
I will, for sure.
644
00:28:40,276 --> 00:28:42,045
What the hell's
going on here, sphincter?
645
00:28:42,078 --> 00:28:43,780
What are you doing here?
646
00:28:43,813 --> 00:28:43,980
No, no, no, no. I saw
the strippers drop you guys off.
647
00:28:46,449 --> 00:28:48,251
FRED:
Uh, we don't know
648
00:28:48,284 --> 00:28:49,485
what you're talking about.
649
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:50,953
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
650
00:28:50,987 --> 00:28:52,088
Well then, uh...
651
00:28:52,121 --> 00:28:53,289
Well, then,
what's this? Huh?
652
00:28:53,322 --> 00:28:54,657
"'Oh, my God.
653
00:28:54,691 --> 00:28:56,559
'There's a boy at the door
looking at us
654
00:28:56,592 --> 00:28:58,027
naked in the shower.'
655
00:28:58,061 --> 00:28:59,362
"The AD Club secretary
656
00:28:59,395 --> 00:29:00,363
lathers all of their gl--
Glis--"
657
00:29:03,166 --> 00:29:04,267
Glistening.
658
00:29:04,300 --> 00:29:05,668
Shut up!
659
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,470
"Glistening bodies.
660
00:29:07,503 --> 00:29:08,538
"First girl: 'I'm so dirty.
661
00:29:09,238 --> 00:29:11,474
'Do me the right way,'
she moans."
662
00:29:11,507 --> 00:29:13,509
What kind of sick shit is this?
Are you guys--?
663
00:29:13,543 --> 00:29:15,545
You guys trying to run
a whorehouse or something?
664
00:29:15,578 --> 00:29:16,345
No.
665
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,082
That is great writing.
Are you crazy?
666
00:29:19,115 --> 00:29:22,585
They're not whores
if we film them, idiot.
667
00:29:22,618 --> 00:29:25,321
You retards are trying to make
a porno movie?
668
00:29:25,354 --> 00:29:26,956
Hey, you can't prove a thing.
669
00:29:26,989 --> 00:29:28,524
Yeah.
670
00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:30,126
Who's the girl?
671
00:29:30,159 --> 00:29:31,427
MATT:
Uh, she's a stripper.
672
00:29:31,461 --> 00:29:32,462
Her name's Ashley.
673
00:29:32,495 --> 00:29:32,729
Shit.
674
00:29:33,863 --> 00:29:35,665
Who's the guy?
675
00:29:38,568 --> 00:29:40,737
You know,
'cause maybe I could, uh...
676
00:29:40,770 --> 00:29:40,903
[CLEARS THROAT]
677
00:29:41,771 --> 00:29:43,239
Maybe I could do it.
678
00:29:43,272 --> 00:29:45,141
No, it wouldn't work.
Why not?
679
00:29:45,174 --> 00:29:47,143
It's harder than it looks.
You need stamina, girth.
680
00:29:47,176 --> 00:29:48,711
What, you don't think
I can do it?
681
00:29:49,312 --> 00:29:52,749
Trust me, the Jake-meister's
nailed his.
682
00:29:52,782 --> 00:29:54,150
Look, just...
683
00:29:54,183 --> 00:29:55,384
forget it, man. It's--
684
00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,420
Listen here, you little fuck.
685
00:29:57,453 --> 00:29:59,422
I wanna do it. All right,
and if you don't let me,
686
00:29:59,455 --> 00:30:00,890
then I'm gonna
tell your mom
687
00:30:00,923 --> 00:30:02,458
what kind of sick shit
you're up to.
688
00:30:02,492 --> 00:30:04,127
All right?
689
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,061
Come on.
690
00:30:05,161 --> 00:30:06,729
Oh, Mrs. Lewis!
691
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:08,030
DEACON:
Okay, fine!
692
00:30:08,064 --> 00:30:10,066
You can do it.
693
00:30:10,099 --> 00:30:11,467
You'll need these.
694
00:30:11,501 --> 00:30:13,269
That's what I thought.
I'll see you on set.
695
00:30:13,536 --> 00:30:14,804
Bye, fucker.
696
00:30:14,837 --> 00:30:16,305
DEACON:
In my basement,
after school.
697
00:30:19,942 --> 00:30:21,077
Go up there.
I'm not going up there.
698
00:30:22,545 --> 00:30:23,846
Man, she's all alone.
699
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,014
Will one of you guys
go over there?
700
00:30:25,047 --> 00:30:26,315
I'm not
going up there.
701
00:30:26,349 --> 00:30:27,550
One of you
has to give her
702
00:30:27,583 --> 00:30:28,651
the finer points
of the scene.
703
00:30:28,684 --> 00:30:29,986
And that person
is you. So go.
704
00:30:30,019 --> 00:30:32,221
FRED:
You're wasting time.
705
00:30:34,857 --> 00:30:37,059
FRED:
Oh, man, I'm really nervous.
706
00:30:45,234 --> 00:30:45,601
[CAMCORDER BEEPS, WHIRS]
707
00:30:46,903 --> 00:30:48,237
What's he doing?
708
00:30:48,271 --> 00:30:49,272
So...
709
00:30:49,305 --> 00:30:51,440
I'll be directing.
710
00:30:51,474 --> 00:30:53,409
Okay.
711
00:30:53,876 --> 00:30:57,013
Okay, um...
712
00:30:57,046 --> 00:31:00,750
I want you to play this
really understated.
713
00:31:00,783 --> 00:31:03,085
It's a very visceral scene
714
00:31:03,119 --> 00:31:07,023
so it's important not to--
To play it too over the top.
715
00:31:07,056 --> 00:31:09,091
Uh-huh.
716
00:31:10,393 --> 00:31:13,129
Hey, did--? Did you guys shave
or something?
717
00:31:13,930 --> 00:31:15,798
Um...
718
00:31:15,832 --> 00:31:17,900
Let's, uh-- Let's roll.
Let's do this.
719
00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:19,836
Come on, get, uh...
Get the boom.
720
00:31:19,869 --> 00:31:22,638
FRED: Get going.
Okay, boom in position.
721
00:31:22,672 --> 00:31:23,873
What?
722
00:31:23,906 --> 00:31:25,708
What?
723
00:31:27,176 --> 00:31:29,078
[WHISPERS]
Get in position.
724
00:31:32,315 --> 00:31:34,250
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
725
00:31:38,354 --> 00:31:39,689
It has to be closer.
Get closer.
726
00:31:39,722 --> 00:31:40,723
What are you doing?
727
00:31:40,756 --> 00:31:41,824
You have to get closer.
728
00:31:41,858 --> 00:31:41,991
Don't! Just give it.
729
00:31:42,792 --> 00:31:43,926
What do you want?
730
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,062
Get closer.
Come on, man.
731
00:31:46,095 --> 00:31:47,096
Oh!
732
00:31:48,231 --> 00:31:49,532
My mom gave me $30
for this boom
733
00:31:49,565 --> 00:31:50,233
and you just broke it.
734
00:31:54,103 --> 00:31:55,304
MATT:
You're a disgrace.
735
00:31:55,338 --> 00:31:56,772
You make me nervous, man.
736
00:31:59,141 --> 00:32:00,309
Um...
737
00:32:00,343 --> 00:32:03,512
So, Ashley, could you take
your position?
738
00:32:03,546 --> 00:32:04,480
Okay.
739
00:32:04,513 --> 00:32:08,584
Are we really gonna do this?
740
00:32:08,618 --> 00:32:10,152
Obviously, yeah.
741
00:32:13,656 --> 00:32:14,357
Okay, so um...
[CAMCORDER CLICKS]
742
00:32:16,058 --> 00:32:18,995
We're starting with the...
743
00:32:19,028 --> 00:32:20,029
masturbation.
744
00:32:25,668 --> 00:32:27,103
And then, uh, Philip
745
00:32:27,136 --> 00:32:30,339
the yearbook editor
is gonna surprise you.
746
00:32:31,974 --> 00:32:33,576
Okay.
747
00:32:33,609 --> 00:32:35,544
Uh...
[CAMCORDER BEEPS]
748
00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:38,514
Okay, um, action.
749
00:32:38,547 --> 00:32:40,616
[SIGHS]
750
00:32:40,650 --> 00:32:43,386
These yearbook photos
of the debate club
751
00:32:43,419 --> 00:32:45,655
are just making me so hot.
752
00:32:45,688 --> 00:32:46,656
[SIGHS]
I can't help myself.
753
00:32:48,991 --> 00:32:50,593
[]
754
00:32:50,626 --> 00:32:52,895
Wow.
755
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:54,830
And you know I--
I hope nobody comes in
756
00:32:55,631 --> 00:32:56,799
because I...
757
00:32:56,832 --> 00:32:58,668
I think I forgot
to lock the door.
758
00:33:00,236 --> 00:33:02,672
ASHLEY:
Oops.
759
00:33:04,573 --> 00:33:07,843
DEACON [OVER WALKIE-TALKIE]:
Camera rear,
760
00:33:07,877 --> 00:33:09,679
close-up.
What?
761
00:33:09,712 --> 00:33:14,016
Get a close-up.
762
00:33:14,050 --> 00:33:15,051
Mm.
763
00:33:16,919 --> 00:33:18,487
Yeah. Oh.
764
00:33:19,622 --> 00:33:21,624
Oh, yeah!
765
00:33:21,657 --> 00:33:23,059
Oh!
766
00:33:23,092 --> 00:33:27,063
Oh... Yeah. Oh!
767
00:33:27,129 --> 00:33:30,933
Oh, yeah. Oh! Oh! Yeah!
768
00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:31,934
Oh, God.
769
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:32,969
Okay, cut.
770
00:33:36,439 --> 00:33:37,406
[QUIETLY]
Okay.
771
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,708
[BOOM CLATTERS]
772
00:33:41,110 --> 00:33:42,611
Did I do something wrong?
773
00:33:42,645 --> 00:33:45,147
Oh, no. You were great.
774
00:33:47,416 --> 00:33:49,385
I think I've got everything
I need there, um...
775
00:33:49,418 --> 00:33:51,053
I'm gonna set up for Jake.
776
00:33:51,087 --> 00:33:51,287
I gotta go to the bathroom.
777
00:33:52,588 --> 00:33:54,991
No, you're not, Fred.
Jake, you ready?
778
00:33:56,058 --> 00:33:56,993
DEACON:
Yeah, action.
779
00:33:57,026 --> 00:33:58,060
Okay.
780
00:34:01,897 --> 00:34:03,833
Oh, my God.
781
00:34:03,866 --> 00:34:05,468
What are you doing here?
782
00:34:05,501 --> 00:34:07,203
I'm sorry.
Please don't tell the principal.
783
00:34:11,073 --> 00:34:14,043
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't.
784
00:34:14,076 --> 00:34:15,077
MATT:
Cut.
785
00:34:15,111 --> 00:34:16,278
That was perfect.
786
00:34:16,312 --> 00:34:17,813
Yeah.
787
00:34:17,847 --> 00:34:23,419
Uh, why don't we move on
to the...sexual material.
788
00:34:24,086 --> 00:34:25,087
Yeah.
789
00:34:25,955 --> 00:34:26,922
Yeah.
790
00:34:26,956 --> 00:34:27,957
[CLEARS THROAT]
791
00:34:30,326 --> 00:34:31,427
And action.
792
00:34:37,633 --> 00:34:38,634
[MATT LAUGHS]
793
00:34:39,969 --> 00:34:40,970
That's it?
794
00:34:41,971 --> 00:34:45,107
Wha--? It's not hard...yet.
795
00:34:45,141 --> 00:34:47,209
Oh, well-- Yeah, I can see that.
796
00:34:47,243 --> 00:34:49,211
[LAUGHING]
797
00:34:50,312 --> 00:34:51,347
Shut up, man.
798
00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:52,381
Shh.
799
00:34:53,816 --> 00:34:55,785
Um, Ashley, maybe you could
help him out a little.
800
00:34:56,852 --> 00:34:58,654
Yeah. Wait, what?
801
00:34:59,755 --> 00:35:00,756
Okay.
802
00:35:05,194 --> 00:35:06,562
[PANTING]
803
00:35:06,595 --> 00:35:07,563
[HOWLS]
804
00:35:07,596 --> 00:35:08,564
[SQUIRTS]
805
00:35:08,597 --> 00:35:10,733
Oh. Oh, God!
806
00:35:10,766 --> 00:35:11,801
I'm not set up
for that shot.
807
00:35:12,101 --> 00:35:13,102
God!
808
00:35:13,135 --> 00:35:15,571
Well, that's just not right.
809
00:35:15,604 --> 00:35:16,705
Can I put
the boom down now?
810
00:35:16,739 --> 00:35:17,706
I'm sorry.
811
00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:19,275
MATT:
That's disgusting.
812
00:35:19,308 --> 00:35:20,810
I-- I-- I never do this.
813
00:35:20,843 --> 00:35:22,578
She-- She got me too excited.
814
00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:23,579
What?
815
00:35:23,612 --> 00:35:26,248
I got a problem, okay?
816
00:35:26,282 --> 00:35:28,184
Okay, is that what you guys
wanna hear, huh?
817
00:35:28,851 --> 00:35:30,820
That I got a tiny pee-pee,
818
00:35:30,853 --> 00:35:34,190
and I'm a-- I'm a premature
ejaculator, huh?
819
00:35:34,223 --> 00:35:36,358
All right, okay, listen,
calm down. It'll be fine.
820
00:35:37,293 --> 00:35:38,727
Not a problem at all.
821
00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:40,963
We'll, uh... We'll,
uh, film it again
822
00:35:40,996 --> 00:35:43,332
and we can splice it
together, right?
823
00:35:43,365 --> 00:35:44,200
Yeah.
824
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,669
Well, we'd have to shoot it,
like, 20 times
825
00:35:46,702 --> 00:35:48,404
to get enough footage!
826
00:35:48,437 --> 00:35:51,307
All right, that's it,
little fucks.
827
00:35:52,374 --> 00:35:54,443
I'm outta here.
828
00:35:54,477 --> 00:35:55,711
Quit looking at me.
829
00:35:56,879 --> 00:35:59,115
If you guys
tell anybody about this,
830
00:35:59,148 --> 00:36:00,516
I'm gonna kick your ass
and kill you.
831
00:36:00,816 --> 00:36:01,917
Then I'm gonna rat you out.
832
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:03,619
Come on!
833
00:36:09,592 --> 00:36:11,460
ASHLEY:
Uh...
834
00:36:11,494 --> 00:36:12,495
now what?
835
00:36:13,596 --> 00:36:15,131
Uh...
836
00:36:15,164 --> 00:36:16,465
Just one sex-- Sec.
837
00:36:19,835 --> 00:36:22,104
MATT:
Deacon, you do it.
838
00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:23,205
What? Me?
839
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:24,807
Come on, this is
your big chance.
840
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:28,377
Gimme a break.
Yeah, why don't you do it?
841
00:36:30,012 --> 00:36:31,614
Fred.
What?
842
00:36:31,647 --> 00:36:32,781
Come on.
843
00:36:34,083 --> 00:36:35,584
You do it.
844
00:36:35,618 --> 00:36:37,386
I have to run the camera.
845
00:36:37,419 --> 00:36:39,488
Oh, God, like you're the only
one who can run the camera.
846
00:36:39,522 --> 00:36:40,956
Oh, fine.
847
00:36:42,324 --> 00:36:44,593
Fine, I'll do it.
848
00:36:46,395 --> 00:36:48,764
I'll do it for the sake
of the film.
849
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:52,868
Matt.
850
00:36:52,902 --> 00:36:54,036
Put your shirt back on.
851
00:36:54,069 --> 00:36:55,538
Okay.
There you go.
852
00:36:55,571 --> 00:36:57,606
God. Straighten up.
853
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:58,641
Okay.
854
00:37:01,510 --> 00:37:03,312
You know what?
855
00:37:03,345 --> 00:37:04,914
I say we just pay Ashley
856
00:37:04,947 --> 00:37:05,114
and, uh, chalk it up
to a failed experiment, right?
857
00:37:08,184 --> 00:37:09,185
Fine with me.
858
00:37:09,218 --> 00:37:10,586
Yeah, me too.
859
00:37:10,619 --> 00:37:12,454
No.
860
00:37:15,224 --> 00:37:17,960
We can find someone else.
Who?
861
00:37:17,993 --> 00:37:20,296
DEACON:
And we'll pre-sell 'em
through our website.
862
00:37:20,329 --> 00:37:21,163
So, what do you think?
863
00:37:25,801 --> 00:37:29,271
You guys are gonna be
legends of the school, man.
864
00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:35,110
Oh, my God.
865
00:37:35,144 --> 00:37:36,178
I've got it!
866
00:37:36,979 --> 00:37:37,413
Oh, my God.
867
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:39,415
The Math Team captain.
868
00:37:39,448 --> 00:37:40,749
What?
869
00:37:40,783 --> 00:37:42,885
The Math Team captain
is in detention
870
00:37:42,918 --> 00:37:44,253
for something, all right?
871
00:37:44,286 --> 00:37:45,387
For fixing grades
for a girl.
872
00:37:45,421 --> 00:37:45,688
Oh, my God, that's perfect.
873
00:37:46,655 --> 00:37:48,424
And the cheerleader's in there.
874
00:37:48,457 --> 00:37:52,461
And she is going to
875
00:37:52,494 --> 00:37:53,429
get grounded if she fails
one more test.
876
00:37:55,631 --> 00:37:56,599
That's perfect.
877
00:37:56,632 --> 00:37:58,601
Okay, okay, so...
878
00:37:58,634 --> 00:38:01,170
she goes over to his house.
879
00:38:01,203 --> 00:38:02,771
And-- And she's really,
really hot.
880
00:38:02,805 --> 00:38:03,906
Really hot.
881
00:38:03,939 --> 00:38:05,241
Type that in.
Type that in.
882
00:38:05,274 --> 00:38:06,842
"Really, really, hot. Hot."
883
00:38:06,875 --> 00:38:09,311
All right, okay, perfect.
And-- But he's bright.
884
00:38:09,345 --> 00:38:09,778
She's not in calculus
or anything. She's like--
885
00:38:11,614 --> 00:38:12,982
Algebra.
Algebra.
886
00:38:13,015 --> 00:38:14,250
Right, because
she's a slut.
887
00:38:14,283 --> 00:38:15,918
She doesn't really...
888
00:38:15,951 --> 00:38:18,020
So, what should we call it?
Like Orgasmic Equations?
889
00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:20,289
I don't know.
Make it-- Make it broader.
890
00:38:20,322 --> 00:38:23,392
Uh, Twelve-Inch Ruler?
891
00:38:23,425 --> 00:38:25,794
I-- You're getting closer.
892
00:38:25,828 --> 00:38:25,894
Slide-Rule Slut.
893
00:38:27,296 --> 00:38:28,530
[POUNDS KNEES]
894
00:38:28,564 --> 00:38:30,032
Slide-Rule Slut.
Slide-Rule Slut.
895
00:38:30,065 --> 00:38:31,033
Slide-Rule Slut.
896
00:38:31,066 --> 00:38:32,568
Slide-Rule Slut.
897
00:38:32,601 --> 00:38:35,170
Oh, my God,
I gotta go to the bathroom.
898
00:38:35,204 --> 00:38:37,206
Okay, I'll leave,
you keep typing.
899
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:38,173
Right, right, right.
900
00:38:38,207 --> 00:38:39,241
Oh, my God.
901
00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:40,943
And he doesn't know what to do.
902
00:38:40,976 --> 00:38:42,378
He's-- He's-- It's strange,
it's kind of foreign.
903
00:39:11,740 --> 00:39:14,209
[BELL RINGS]
Oh!
904
00:39:16,178 --> 00:39:17,313
TEACHER:
Mr. Lewis.
905
00:39:17,346 --> 00:39:18,747
Oh, my God, are you okay?
906
00:39:18,781 --> 00:39:19,748
Yeah, thanks.
907
00:39:19,782 --> 00:39:20,816
Jeez.
908
00:39:20,849 --> 00:39:22,618
[CHUCKLING]
I'm so embarrassed.
909
00:39:22,918 --> 00:39:23,919
[HORN HONKS]
910
00:39:24,987 --> 00:39:26,855
Well, I-- I guess
I should go.
911
00:39:26,889 --> 00:39:29,325
Um, Deacon,
will you wait
912
00:39:29,358 --> 00:39:30,559
while I change my shirt
really fast?
913
00:39:33,595 --> 00:39:36,465
Will you just turn around
and block me? Nobody will see.
914
00:39:36,498 --> 00:39:37,800
Oh, my God.
915
00:39:39,401 --> 00:39:42,838
So I haven't seen you
around school for a while.
916
00:39:42,871 --> 00:39:46,041
Oh, yeah, you know, I'm just
working on this-- This--
917
00:39:48,744 --> 00:39:50,646
This project at home.
918
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:52,281
Cool.
919
00:39:52,314 --> 00:39:54,216
You can turn around now.
920
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:02,391
Listen, Mark and J.T.
are having a party tonight.
921
00:40:02,424 --> 00:40:02,825
Do you wanna meet me there?
922
00:40:03,659 --> 00:40:04,993
Really?
923
00:40:05,027 --> 00:40:05,994
Why not?
924
00:40:06,028 --> 00:40:07,363
[SCOFFS]
925
00:40:07,396 --> 00:40:09,231
Yeah.
926
00:40:09,264 --> 00:40:10,399
Cool.
927
00:40:12,801 --> 00:40:15,237
Watch out!
Move!
928
00:40:15,270 --> 00:40:18,040
Jerks!
929
00:40:18,073 --> 00:40:19,141
And that's the history...
930
00:40:21,744 --> 00:40:23,679
of the blowhole.
931
00:40:23,712 --> 00:40:26,849
Now, on to the sea lions.
932
00:40:26,882 --> 00:40:27,316
Sea lions, as you will see,
are not really lions.
933
00:40:31,053 --> 00:40:35,023
They have no fur, no tail,
and they do not live in Africa.
934
00:40:35,057 --> 00:40:35,124
Deacon, Deacon!
Deacon, guess what.
935
00:40:37,626 --> 00:40:39,194
Guess what, man.
What?
936
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,063
Our site got linked
by another, bigger site.
937
00:40:41,096 --> 00:40:43,832
Somebody read our stories
and liked them!
938
00:40:43,866 --> 00:40:45,601
That's great. And?
939
00:40:45,634 --> 00:40:48,504
We got a few more pre-orders,
and a ton of hits.
940
00:40:48,537 --> 00:40:49,505
How many?
941
00:40:49,538 --> 00:40:51,306
Twelve thousand.
942
00:40:51,340 --> 00:40:51,507
Holy shit. Nice.
943
00:40:55,210 --> 00:40:57,679
Guys, we gotta hurry up
and make this movie.
944
00:40:57,713 --> 00:40:59,681
Um, I can't, uh, really
do it tonight, guys.
945
00:41:00,916 --> 00:41:02,484
Where are you going?
946
00:41:02,518 --> 00:41:04,553
Um, Naomi invited me
to a party.
947
00:41:04,586 --> 00:41:06,121
Can we come?
948
00:41:08,023 --> 00:41:10,392
Yeah. Of course you can.
949
00:41:10,426 --> 00:41:14,863
Um...the thing is, I really
want you to but, uh...
950
00:41:14,897 --> 00:41:16,899
I, uh... I don't know,
951
00:41:16,932 --> 00:41:19,501
I was kind of getting this vibe
from her, you know what I mean?
952
00:41:19,535 --> 00:41:21,170
Okay, we can just
meet you there.
953
00:41:21,203 --> 00:41:23,806
Sure. Sounds good.
954
00:41:23,839 --> 00:41:23,872
It's at Mark
and J.T. Slistak's house.
955
00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:28,444
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING ON SPEAKERS]
956
00:41:28,477 --> 00:41:30,579
That's right
Ladies and gentlemen
957
00:41:30,612 --> 00:41:32,080
Step right up
958
00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:36,118
To the biggest
The baddest show in town
959
00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:39,855
I was sitting and wondering
960
00:41:43,225 --> 00:41:47,463
What is it really all for?
961
00:41:47,496 --> 00:41:49,998
[SONG CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
962
00:41:51,867 --> 00:41:52,835
So, what?
963
00:41:52,868 --> 00:41:55,003
Oh, oh, no, um...
964
00:41:55,037 --> 00:41:56,138
Hey, guys.
965
00:41:57,172 --> 00:41:58,974
NAOMI:
Oh, look who's here.
966
00:41:59,007 --> 00:42:04,279
So I hear you guys are working
on a project together.
967
00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:06,748
Uh, yeah. Yeah we are.
968
00:42:06,782 --> 00:42:09,017
But we can't really
talk about it.
969
00:42:09,051 --> 00:42:10,652
Yeah, it's private.
970
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:13,956
Hey, guys.
971
00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:16,525
Deacon, what's up, buddy?
Give me some skin.
972
00:42:18,627 --> 00:42:19,628
Come on. Ha-ha.
973
00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:21,463
What's up?
974
00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:22,598
Pbbt.
975
00:42:22,631 --> 00:42:24,299
JAKE:
You dumb shit.
976
00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:26,001
What's up, Naomi?
977
00:42:26,034 --> 00:42:28,070
What're you doing
hanging out with this loser?
978
00:42:28,103 --> 00:42:28,537
What's your problem, Jake?
979
00:42:30,272 --> 00:42:31,273
What's yours?
980
00:42:33,475 --> 00:42:34,776
Whatever.
981
00:42:37,579 --> 00:42:39,548
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, what was that all about?
982
00:42:39,581 --> 00:42:41,016
He really pisses me off.
983
00:42:41,049 --> 00:42:43,585
Jake is such an asshole.
984
00:42:43,619 --> 00:42:44,520
Tell me about it.
985
00:42:46,655 --> 00:42:50,125
You know when we were going out,
he was mean to me all the time.
986
00:42:50,158 --> 00:42:52,761
Okay, I think
he was compensating
987
00:42:52,794 --> 00:42:55,230
for his little penis
that never gets hard.
988
00:42:55,264 --> 00:42:58,734
[COUGHS]
989
00:42:58,767 --> 00:43:00,802
You were really smart
to dump him.
990
00:43:02,771 --> 00:43:04,273
And I'll tell you why.
991
00:43:07,042 --> 00:43:08,977
'Cause you--
You deserve someone that'll...
992
00:43:14,750 --> 00:43:16,418
treat you really well.
993
00:43:18,086 --> 00:43:19,254
You know what you are?
994
00:43:20,956 --> 00:43:23,492
You're a nice guy.
995
00:43:23,525 --> 00:43:24,760
[KISS]
996
00:43:29,798 --> 00:43:31,700
Deacon.
997
00:43:32,968 --> 00:43:33,068
I've wanted to do that
for a long time.
998
00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:37,239
So why didn't you?
999
00:43:37,272 --> 00:43:40,108
[]
1000
00:43:40,142 --> 00:43:41,243
Now I know
Where the feelings go
1001
00:43:46,548 --> 00:43:49,151
Now I know
The feeling's growing
1002
00:43:53,488 --> 00:44:00,228
Now I know
I'm not alone
1003
00:44:03,298 --> 00:44:04,566
Do you have anything?
1004
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:05,367
Like what?
1005
00:44:05,734 --> 00:44:07,336
Protection.
1006
00:44:08,570 --> 00:44:10,806
No.
1007
00:44:10,839 --> 00:44:12,240
Hold on.
1008
00:44:15,744 --> 00:44:17,145
Here.
1009
00:44:19,982 --> 00:44:21,416
Do you want to?
1010
00:44:22,217 --> 00:44:25,921
Oh, of course. Yeah.
1011
00:44:33,729 --> 00:44:34,896
What's the problem?
1012
00:44:39,134 --> 00:44:41,436
It's my first time.
1013
00:44:41,470 --> 00:44:43,605
It's okay. Just go slow.
1014
00:44:45,073 --> 00:44:45,741
DEACON:
Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic.
1015
00:44:46,975 --> 00:44:49,077
What do I do?
I mean, what do I do?
1016
00:44:49,111 --> 00:44:50,779
I gotta think.
1017
00:44:50,812 --> 00:44:53,682
Right. Now, I've seen porn,
I've seen lots of porn.
1018
00:44:54,683 --> 00:44:56,518
That's it.
1019
00:44:56,551 --> 00:44:59,655
I'll borrow a little scene
from Forrest Hump.
1020
00:45:02,090 --> 00:45:03,091
Yeah.
1021
00:45:04,726 --> 00:45:06,595
Then I'll take
a little something
1022
00:45:06,628 --> 00:45:09,765
from American Thigh
part one and two.
1023
00:45:12,267 --> 00:45:15,037
And then I'm gonna finish up
with some classic material
1024
00:45:15,070 --> 00:45:17,539
from Pulp Friction.
1025
00:45:21,410 --> 00:45:23,779
You know, it's true
what they say.
1026
00:45:23,812 --> 00:45:26,048
It really does help
to have company.
1027
00:45:26,948 --> 00:45:29,551
COOP:
I might have to have you tell me
you're a lesbian.
1028
00:45:29,584 --> 00:45:31,219
ASHLEY: What?
Where the hell is Coop?
1029
00:45:31,253 --> 00:45:32,220
Huh?
1030
00:45:32,254 --> 00:45:33,789
What the hell is this?
1031
00:45:33,822 --> 00:45:35,524
FRED:
That is a special effect.
1032
00:45:35,557 --> 00:45:37,459
If you want this film
to look amateurish,
1033
00:45:37,492 --> 00:45:39,294
find somebody else
to do it, because I--
1034
00:45:39,327 --> 00:45:40,929
What y'all talking about?
1035
00:45:40,962 --> 00:45:42,464
Come on, already.
Let's do it, all right?
1036
00:45:43,065 --> 00:45:44,866
Okay, places, please.
1037
00:45:51,773 --> 00:45:52,774
And action.
1038
00:45:52,808 --> 00:45:53,942
COOP:
Watch your ass, man.
1039
00:45:57,112 --> 00:45:58,380
Oh, this summer tent-pole
blockbuster has me so scared.
1040
00:46:01,516 --> 00:46:03,385
COOP:
Put your head in my lap
1041
00:46:03,418 --> 00:46:05,320
and I'll let you know when
the scary parts are over.
1042
00:46:06,655 --> 00:46:08,123
What're you doing?
1043
00:46:21,937 --> 00:46:22,771
Monster's coming out baby,
just--
1044
00:46:24,606 --> 00:46:26,975
Oh, God, this is bad.
1045
00:46:27,008 --> 00:46:29,845
How's Naomi?
1046
00:46:29,878 --> 00:46:30,645
Fine.
1047
00:46:31,246 --> 00:46:34,282
COOP:
Oh, Jesus Christ,
this is horrifying.
1048
00:46:36,485 --> 00:46:38,954
[SIGHS]
1049
00:46:38,987 --> 00:46:41,056
DEACON:
All right,
be honest with me.
1050
00:46:41,089 --> 00:46:43,658
Do you ever think that maybe
we've just gotten a little bit
1051
00:46:43,692 --> 00:46:46,094
over our heads with all this?
1052
00:46:46,128 --> 00:46:46,995
COOP:
Oh, goddamn it,
here comes the monster.
1053
00:46:49,831 --> 00:46:51,533
MATT:
Fire! Fire!
1054
00:46:52,734 --> 00:46:53,902
[SCREAMS]
1055
00:46:53,935 --> 00:46:55,170
DEACON:
What are you doing?
1056
00:46:55,637 --> 00:46:58,540
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
1057
00:46:58,573 --> 00:46:59,775
Get the fire extinguisher.
1058
00:47:04,846 --> 00:47:06,381
MATT:
We're all going to die!
1059
00:47:13,989 --> 00:47:16,158
Clear!
1060
00:47:16,191 --> 00:47:17,526
Ah!
1061
00:47:19,494 --> 00:47:21,196
[SCREAMS]
1062
00:47:21,229 --> 00:47:23,999
I can't believe this.
1063
00:47:24,032 --> 00:47:26,601
Are you okay? You okay?
1064
00:47:26,635 --> 00:47:27,335
MRS. LEWIS:
What is going on here?
1065
00:47:28,103 --> 00:47:29,371
You okay? You okay?
1066
00:47:29,404 --> 00:47:31,039
Nice rack.
1067
00:47:31,072 --> 00:47:32,107
[GASPS]
1068
00:47:33,341 --> 00:47:35,210
Mom, Dad,
what are you doing here?
1069
00:47:35,544 --> 00:47:37,612
Max sprained his wrist
at soccer practice.
1070
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,114
What's going on
here, Deacon?
1071
00:47:39,147 --> 00:47:40,749
MR. LEWIS:
Wait, wait, honey,
1072
00:47:40,782 --> 00:47:42,751
I'm sure that Deacon's
got a pretty good explanation
1073
00:47:42,784 --> 00:47:47,222
why there's a very beautiful,
naked girl in our kitchen.
1074
00:47:47,255 --> 00:47:48,390
Well?
1075
00:47:48,423 --> 00:47:50,292
Well, uh...
1076
00:47:55,463 --> 00:47:56,932
His girlfriend.
His girlfriend?
1077
00:47:56,965 --> 00:47:57,933
Yeah.
1078
00:47:57,966 --> 00:47:59,734
Yeah, my girlfriend.
1079
00:48:00,235 --> 00:48:02,704
Well, what are you doing
in my kitchen
1080
00:48:02,737 --> 00:48:04,906
without any clothes on?
1081
00:48:04,940 --> 00:48:07,609
Oh, uh, well, we were having
a make-out party.
1082
00:48:08,810 --> 00:48:10,579
MR. LEWIS:
Make-out party?
1083
00:48:10,612 --> 00:48:12,614
That's great,
where's the other girls?
1084
00:48:12,647 --> 00:48:18,687
Oh, their, uh...
dates stood 'em up.
1085
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:20,322
Yeah, theirs did,
mine didn't, man.
1086
00:48:20,355 --> 00:48:22,123
Mine got sick,
she had to go home.
1087
00:48:22,157 --> 00:48:23,959
Mine has mono from too
much making out with me.
1088
00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:25,861
What's that smell?
1089
00:48:25,894 --> 00:48:29,798
Uh, we had a small fire,
Mrs. Lewis.
1090
00:48:29,831 --> 00:48:31,833
I tipped over a candle.
1091
00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:32,167
It was to set the right mood.
1092
00:48:33,735 --> 00:48:35,503
A fire?
Oh, no, Dad.
1093
00:48:35,537 --> 00:48:39,341
Allow me to take responsibility.
I'd feel better that way.
1094
00:48:39,374 --> 00:48:39,975
We can-- We can pay for it.
1095
00:48:40,742 --> 00:48:42,410
I am really sorry,
Ashley.
1096
00:48:42,444 --> 00:48:44,012
I just didn't even know
he had a girlfriend.
1097
00:48:44,045 --> 00:48:45,947
Say, would you like
to stay for dinner tonight?
1098
00:48:45,981 --> 00:48:47,515
Oh, no, no.
Ashley has this-- This--
1099
00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:49,050
ASHLEY:
Okay.
1100
00:48:49,084 --> 00:48:50,752
Great, I'm Art.
1101
00:48:50,785 --> 00:48:53,121
Oh! Ugh.
1102
00:48:53,154 --> 00:48:55,490
Okay, okay.
Do you have a shirt?
1103
00:48:55,523 --> 00:48:56,391
Yeah, of course.
1104
00:48:56,524 --> 00:48:57,525
Yes, she got this robe.
1105
00:48:59,294 --> 00:49:00,929
MATT:
Yeah, she's got
a shirt in here.
1106
00:49:00,962 --> 00:49:02,931
[GIGGLING]
Kids.
1107
00:49:02,964 --> 00:49:04,599
MR. LEWIS:
So get this,
Johnson comes in and he's like:
1108
00:49:05,333 --> 00:49:06,801
"Hey, where are the MB-90s?"
1109
00:49:06,835 --> 00:49:08,503
I'm like: "Man, you gotta
be kidding me.
1110
00:49:08,536 --> 00:49:11,506
We discontinued the MB-90s,
like, six months ago."
1111
00:49:11,539 --> 00:49:12,407
And they think he's the genius.
1112
00:49:13,341 --> 00:49:15,377
Johnson sounds
like a complete moron.
1113
00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:16,611
Exactly.
1114
00:49:16,645 --> 00:49:18,246
Ashley,
1115
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,081
I have a personal
question for you.
1116
00:49:20,115 --> 00:49:21,750
Exactly how old are you?
1117
00:49:21,783 --> 00:49:28,723
Oh, well I'm 19, but I tell
people I'm 18, right?
1118
00:49:29,791 --> 00:49:33,495
Eighteen. I-- Isn't that funny?
1119
00:49:33,528 --> 00:49:35,830
I've got it, I've got it.
Don't worry, don't worry.
1120
00:49:35,864 --> 00:49:36,898
MRS. LEWIS:
More sausage, Art?
1121
00:49:38,166 --> 00:49:40,669
MR. LEWIS:
I'm on a diet. Put that down,
son, before you hurt yourself.
1122
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:43,905
[]
1123
00:49:43,939 --> 00:49:44,773
What are you doing here?
1124
00:49:45,340 --> 00:49:46,975
I thought I'd come by
and say hi.
1125
00:49:47,008 --> 00:49:49,277
Maybe we could hang out
in your bedroom.
1126
00:49:49,311 --> 00:49:51,079
Oh, God, now's
not a good time.
1127
00:49:51,112 --> 00:49:52,314
What's wrong?
1128
00:49:52,347 --> 00:49:54,049
Well, nothing,
nothing at all.
1129
00:49:54,082 --> 00:49:57,118
It's just-- Let me
talk to you later?
1130
00:49:57,152 --> 00:49:58,119
MRS. LEWIS:
Deacon?
1131
00:49:58,153 --> 00:49:59,454
Who is it?
1132
00:49:59,487 --> 00:50:01,122
Hi, Mrs. Lewis, I'm Naomi.
1133
00:50:02,557 --> 00:50:05,860
Yes, this is Naomi,
and she's my-- My good--
1134
00:50:05,894 --> 00:50:06,895
Girlfriend.
1135
00:50:08,897 --> 00:50:09,364
H-his girlfriend?
1136
00:50:10,031 --> 00:50:12,334
Deacon has two girlfriends?
1137
00:50:12,367 --> 00:50:13,702
I'll break
your other arm, Max.
1138
00:50:13,735 --> 00:50:15,337
What do you mean?
1139
00:50:15,370 --> 00:50:17,172
Deacon's other girlfriend
is having dinner with us.
1140
00:50:18,773 --> 00:50:20,608
Oh, God, I can explain.
1141
00:50:20,642 --> 00:50:24,279
Naomi, this is Deacon's
other girlfriend, Ashley.
1142
00:50:24,312 --> 00:50:25,313
Hi.
1143
00:50:25,347 --> 00:50:27,148
Oh, my God.
1144
00:50:27,182 --> 00:50:29,617
How old are you,
you slut?
1145
00:50:30,518 --> 00:50:32,020
Eighteen.
1146
00:50:33,855 --> 00:50:36,391
I thought you were
a nice guy.
1147
00:50:40,595 --> 00:50:41,596
[DOOR SLAMS]
1148
00:50:46,801 --> 00:50:48,837
Hey, hey, let her go.
1149
00:50:48,870 --> 00:50:49,437
Let her go? Are you insane?
1150
00:50:51,306 --> 00:50:52,707
That's Naomi Feldman.
1151
00:50:52,741 --> 00:50:54,376
I've been fantasizing
about her
1152
00:50:54,409 --> 00:50:55,844
ever since I was
in the seventh grade.
1153
00:50:55,877 --> 00:50:57,612
Yeah, well,
fantasy and reality
1154
00:50:57,645 --> 00:50:59,414
are two different things,
Deacon, okay?
1155
00:50:59,447 --> 00:51:01,616
Don't fall in love with her
because of who you think she is.
1156
00:51:01,649 --> 00:51:05,587
Make sure you fall in love
with the-- Like, the real deal.
1157
00:51:05,620 --> 00:51:05,887
All right. So, what should I do?
1158
00:51:07,422 --> 00:51:09,290
Whatever.
1159
00:51:12,794 --> 00:51:14,029
NAOMI:
So she's a porno actress
in your porno film
1160
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:17,999
and she pretended
to be your girlfriend
1161
00:51:18,033 --> 00:51:21,836
because she ran upstairs naked
because the light caused a fire
1162
00:51:22,704 --> 00:51:24,205
and you've never
had sex with her
1163
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,074
and you've never
kissed her?
1164
00:51:26,107 --> 00:51:28,243
Yeah. Pretty much.
1165
00:51:30,912 --> 00:51:33,782
So I guess this means you're not
my girlfriend anymore.
1166
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:36,651
Not necessarily.
1167
00:51:38,286 --> 00:51:40,655
I wanna come to set tomorrow.
1168
00:51:41,656 --> 00:51:43,658
No, no, no.
1169
00:51:43,691 --> 00:51:45,860
Why not? I'm curious,
I wanna see
1170
00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:46,327
what this porno looks like.
1171
00:51:47,562 --> 00:51:49,964
I'm sorry, but you can't.
There's just no way.
1172
00:51:49,998 --> 00:51:51,633
Matt and Fred'll kill me.
1173
00:51:51,666 --> 00:51:53,435
I'm not supposed to be telling
anyone about this.
1174
00:51:53,468 --> 00:51:54,202
Well, just tell them
I'm creative consultant
1175
00:51:55,403 --> 00:51:57,072
for the female point of view.
1176
00:51:57,105 --> 00:51:59,774
No offense but the, uh,
female point of view
1177
00:51:59,808 --> 00:52:02,077
really doesn't matter
in these kind of movies.
1178
00:52:11,352 --> 00:52:12,987
Okay, okay.
1179
00:52:13,021 --> 00:52:15,557
Okay.
1180
00:52:15,590 --> 00:52:16,524
Okay, fine.
1181
00:52:16,558 --> 00:52:18,426
Thank you.
1182
00:52:18,460 --> 00:52:18,660
MAN:
Have a good night, everybody.
1183
00:52:20,028 --> 00:52:21,262
Hey, Vic,
you gotta see this.
1184
00:52:23,431 --> 00:52:25,700
This "After School Special" shit
is amazing.
1185
00:52:25,733 --> 00:52:26,501
They got a ton of hits on their
site with their stupid stories,
1186
00:52:29,370 --> 00:52:31,439
and they don't even
have any product yet.
1187
00:52:31,473 --> 00:52:33,641
Are you sure it's the same guys
from the Pretty Kitty?
1188
00:52:33,675 --> 00:52:35,210
It's the same guys.
1189
00:52:37,412 --> 00:52:38,480
Bingo.
1190
00:52:38,513 --> 00:52:40,148
I just found out
where they live.
1191
00:52:40,181 --> 00:52:42,383
Gimme their address.
1192
00:52:42,417 --> 00:52:42,851
What are you gonna do?
1193
00:52:43,418 --> 00:52:46,054
Gimme the address.
1194
00:52:50,425 --> 00:52:51,025
I'm gonna teach those assholes
a little something
1195
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,562
about the adult-film business.
1196
00:52:55,363 --> 00:52:56,998
Goddamn amateurs.
1197
00:52:57,031 --> 00:52:58,867
Think they can screw
Vic Ramalot?
1198
00:52:59,300 --> 00:53:00,268
Are you ready?
1199
00:53:00,301 --> 00:53:01,369
I'm ready.
1200
00:53:01,402 --> 00:53:02,370
We gonna do this?
1201
00:53:02,403 --> 00:53:03,371
Let's do this.
1202
00:53:03,404 --> 00:53:04,539
Let's do this.
1203
00:53:10,979 --> 00:53:13,014
[]
1204
00:53:19,954 --> 00:53:22,023
Hello.
1205
00:53:22,056 --> 00:53:23,224
Is you Greitzer?
1206
00:53:23,725 --> 00:53:26,094
Yes, that's me.
1207
00:53:27,162 --> 00:53:28,429
Ro-nald
1208
00:53:28,463 --> 00:53:30,265
J. Greitzer?
1209
00:53:30,298 --> 00:53:31,199
Actually, it's "Ronald."
But yes.
1210
00:53:32,133 --> 00:53:33,434
Huh.
1211
00:53:33,468 --> 00:53:34,936
I get it. Brilliant.
1212
00:53:34,969 --> 00:53:37,071
You ain't even
a goddamn kid, are ya?
1213
00:53:37,105 --> 00:53:38,106
Get in the house.
1214
00:53:38,139 --> 00:53:39,140
Come on.
1215
00:53:40,375 --> 00:53:42,544
What are you doing?
1216
00:53:42,577 --> 00:53:44,078
What am I doing?
1217
00:53:44,112 --> 00:53:46,114
I'm putting you in retirement
from the porno business
1218
00:53:46,147 --> 00:53:47,115
for good, you hear me?
1219
00:53:47,148 --> 00:53:47,582
Yes.
1220
00:53:48,149 --> 00:53:50,451
No more schoolgirl
fantasies.
1221
00:53:50,485 --> 00:53:52,954
And no more goddamn pornos
by virgins, for virgins.
1222
00:53:52,987 --> 00:53:53,955
You got me?
1223
00:53:53,988 --> 00:53:55,590
[SCREAMS]
1224
00:53:55,623 --> 00:53:55,823
Please don't hurt my husband.
1225
00:53:57,091 --> 00:53:58,426
What the--?
1226
00:53:58,459 --> 00:54:00,528
I'm sorry, I'll never
rent them again.
1227
00:54:00,562 --> 00:54:02,764
It was only that one time
my wife was at her sister's.
1228
00:54:02,797 --> 00:54:03,565
Please, I promise.
1229
00:54:03,865 --> 00:54:05,700
You rented a dirty movie?
1230
00:54:05,733 --> 00:54:07,735
You told me it was
Jakob the Liar.
1231
00:54:07,769 --> 00:54:10,838
What? I shouldn't be entitled
to a little joy in life?
1232
00:54:10,872 --> 00:54:13,441
Look at all the trouble you've
brought into this house.
1233
00:54:13,474 --> 00:54:14,442
Mmm!
1234
00:54:14,475 --> 00:54:16,978
Ronald, you are a pervert.
1235
00:54:17,011 --> 00:54:18,780
Excuse us.
1236
00:54:18,813 --> 00:54:19,948
I don't think that was him.
1237
00:54:19,981 --> 00:54:21,616
What the hell was that?
1238
00:54:21,649 --> 00:54:23,851
I'm sorry. That was the address
they gave me on the site.
1239
00:54:23,885 --> 00:54:25,920
With a bunch of
9-year-old girls in there.
1240
00:54:25,954 --> 00:54:27,388
I know. I'm sorry,
Vic, I'm sorry.
1241
00:54:27,422 --> 00:54:28,189
Jesus. You see that cake?
1242
00:54:29,557 --> 00:54:30,558
It was a good cake.
1243
00:54:30,592 --> 00:54:32,093
Man, it looked good.
1244
00:54:32,126 --> 00:54:33,828
Was it ice cream?
Like, chocolate ice cream cake?
1245
00:54:33,861 --> 00:54:35,296
Let's get one.
All right.
1246
00:54:35,330 --> 00:54:35,997
It's super easy, man.
1247
00:54:36,965 --> 00:54:38,533
Camera right is left,
and camera left is right.
1248
00:54:38,566 --> 00:54:40,301
Yes, there's a line
that we can't cross.
1249
00:54:40,335 --> 00:54:42,737
You understand?
We can't cross the line.
1250
00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,707
What is she doing here?
1251
00:54:45,740 --> 00:54:47,742
Naomi is my girlfriend.
1252
00:54:51,479 --> 00:54:52,347
Excuse me.
Can I talk to you?
1253
00:54:53,982 --> 00:54:55,450
Yes. Fred.
1254
00:54:55,483 --> 00:54:56,951
Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred.
1255
00:54:56,985 --> 00:54:59,187
Naomi can give
a female point of view--
1256
00:54:59,220 --> 00:55:00,321
Shut up.
1257
00:55:00,355 --> 00:55:00,555
What are you doing? Huh?
1258
00:55:02,991 --> 00:55:04,726
Didn't you see
that Beatles documentary
1259
00:55:04,759 --> 00:55:06,060
on the History Channel?
1260
00:55:06,094 --> 00:55:08,196
You're pulling
a Yoko Ono on us.
1261
00:55:08,229 --> 00:55:08,296
A what?
1262
00:55:11,799 --> 00:55:13,268
FRED:
All right, fine.
1263
00:55:13,301 --> 00:55:14,869
You know what?
1264
00:55:14,902 --> 00:55:16,571
I'm sorry I said anything.
1265
00:55:16,604 --> 00:55:18,640
I'm sure, uh-- I'm sure
it's gonna be great, all right.
1266
00:55:18,673 --> 00:55:21,976
Let's just get started.
She's gonna be really helpful.
1267
00:55:27,749 --> 00:55:29,117
[ZIPS PANTS]
1268
00:55:30,885 --> 00:55:32,186
Well, hey, Naomi.
1269
00:55:32,220 --> 00:55:32,787
Hey, Coop.
1270
00:55:33,421 --> 00:55:35,156
What, are you helping
these guys out?
1271
00:55:35,189 --> 00:55:36,424
Sorta.
1272
00:55:36,457 --> 00:55:38,493
MATT:
Okay, people.
Places, everybody.
1273
00:55:38,526 --> 00:55:40,695
Let's try to do this
with a little feeling, okay?
1274
00:55:44,032 --> 00:55:45,033
Hey, Coop.
1275
00:55:49,470 --> 00:55:50,505
[SIGHS]
1276
00:55:52,774 --> 00:55:54,042
And action.
1277
00:55:54,075 --> 00:55:56,911
This quadratic equation
is so hard.
1278
00:56:01,416 --> 00:56:04,419
Maybe we should just
stick to the long division.
1279
00:56:11,059 --> 00:56:12,260
Ah.
1280
00:56:13,261 --> 00:56:14,829
Cut. This is all wrong.
1281
00:56:14,862 --> 00:56:17,699
She would not be fantasizing
about some geek.
1282
00:56:17,732 --> 00:56:18,833
He's not a geek.
1283
00:56:18,866 --> 00:56:20,735
He's the Math Team captain.
1284
00:56:20,768 --> 00:56:23,838
NAOMI:
No, he should be
really well-dressed.
1285
00:56:23,871 --> 00:56:27,742
And maybe he's a foreign
exchange student from Portugal.
1286
00:56:27,775 --> 00:56:29,277
Okay, nobody told you this,
so it's not a big deal.
1287
00:56:31,512 --> 00:56:33,681
But nobody calls "cut" but me!
1288
00:56:33,715 --> 00:56:34,682
[LAUGHS]
1289
00:56:34,716 --> 00:56:36,617
Who cares, Naomi?
1290
00:56:36,651 --> 00:56:37,452
Deacon agrees with me.
1291
00:56:38,219 --> 00:56:40,355
Look, you guys,
can we get this done today?
1292
00:56:40,388 --> 00:56:41,656
My balls are freezing.
1293
00:56:41,689 --> 00:56:43,424
Shut up, Coop,
this is important.
1294
00:56:43,458 --> 00:56:44,492
Oh, and my balls aren't?
1295
00:56:44,525 --> 00:56:45,226
Oh!
1296
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,228
Jesus!
Goddamn...
1297
00:56:47,261 --> 00:56:48,663
COOP:
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
1298
00:56:48,696 --> 00:56:49,864
ASHLEY:
I think you broke my nose.
1299
00:56:49,897 --> 00:56:51,265
COOP:
I'm sorry, baby.
1300
00:56:51,299 --> 00:56:52,867
You know what?
This is ridiculous.
1301
00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:55,169
I mean, who does a dress
rehearsal for a porno, anyway?
1302
00:56:55,203 --> 00:56:57,271
Oh, sure. Why don't we just
throw the script out
1303
00:56:57,305 --> 00:56:59,574
while we're at it
and improvise.
1304
00:56:59,607 --> 00:57:01,542
Guys, I appreciate this.
1305
00:57:01,576 --> 00:57:01,709
I appreciate getting money
for doing absolutely nothing.
1306
00:57:04,812 --> 00:57:08,950
But this is my career, and I
have no footage for my reel.
1307
00:57:09,917 --> 00:57:11,486
Whatever.
1308
00:57:11,519 --> 00:57:12,553
Ashley, listen.
1309
00:57:12,587 --> 00:57:13,621
I'll kill you, Deacon.
1310
00:57:13,654 --> 00:57:15,590
Wait, Ashley--
1311
00:57:15,623 --> 00:57:17,458
Ashley, hold on.
FRED: Where are you going?
1312
00:57:17,492 --> 00:57:17,625
[FARTS]
MATT: Come here, Ashley.
1313
00:57:19,193 --> 00:57:21,162
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
1314
00:57:21,195 --> 00:57:24,899
Oh, great. That is just great.
1315
00:57:24,932 --> 00:57:27,101
What do we do now,
huh, Deacon?
1316
00:57:27,135 --> 00:57:30,371
Your girlfriend
ruined everything.
1317
00:57:30,405 --> 00:57:31,773
Wait a second here.
1318
00:57:31,806 --> 00:57:33,808
If you guys knew
anything about women,
1319
00:57:33,841 --> 00:57:33,975
we wouldn't
have this problem.
1320
00:57:35,476 --> 00:57:36,444
But you don't.
1321
00:57:36,477 --> 00:57:37,812
Who asked you?
1322
00:57:37,845 --> 00:57:39,647
Whatever.
I'm out of here.
1323
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:40,915
Come on, Deacon.
1324
00:57:40,948 --> 00:57:42,183
Yeah. Get out of here.
1325
00:57:42,950 --> 00:57:44,285
Leave already.
1326
00:57:44,318 --> 00:57:45,386
Go!
1327
00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:47,422
Are you coming,
Deacon?
1328
00:57:52,660 --> 00:57:54,562
NAOMI:
Okay, here we are.
1329
00:57:54,595 --> 00:57:57,231
DEACON:
Wait a sec.
What are we doing here?
1330
00:57:57,265 --> 00:57:59,634
Oh, I thought you might want
some new clothes.
1331
00:58:00,968 --> 00:58:02,770
I really don't need
new clothes.
1332
00:58:02,804 --> 00:58:04,739
I gotta meet up with Matt
and Fred later on today.
1333
00:58:04,772 --> 00:58:06,407
I already blew
'em off yesterday.
1334
00:58:06,841 --> 00:58:09,277
Deacon, you don't have to hang
out with those boys anymore.
1335
00:58:10,378 --> 00:58:12,380
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
1336
00:58:12,413 --> 00:58:14,615
I just thought we could spend
the day together.
1337
00:58:14,849 --> 00:58:16,484
What about Matt and Fred?
1338
00:58:16,517 --> 00:58:18,052
What about me?
1339
00:58:33,801 --> 00:58:35,036
What are you wearing?
1340
00:58:35,069 --> 00:58:38,406
I'm wearing a sweater.
Why?
1341
00:58:40,274 --> 00:58:41,809
Matt and I
have been talking.
1342
00:58:41,843 --> 00:58:43,177
Okay.
1343
00:58:43,211 --> 00:58:45,146
We want to make this movie.
1344
00:58:45,179 --> 00:58:46,747
Yeah, dude.
Obviously, so do I.
1345
00:58:48,349 --> 00:58:50,618
No, Deacon.
1346
00:58:50,651 --> 00:58:53,821
We want to make
this movie we wrote...
1347
00:58:53,855 --> 00:58:54,589
without you.
1348
00:58:57,258 --> 00:59:00,461
I know what this is about.
It's about Naomi.
1349
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:03,197
MATT:
By virgins,
for virgins, remember?
1350
00:59:03,231 --> 00:59:06,234
As soon as you got what
you wanted, you blew us off.
1351
00:59:06,267 --> 00:59:08,736
Come on, man.
You don't understand.
1352
00:59:08,769 --> 00:59:10,938
Do you even like her?
1353
00:59:14,342 --> 00:59:17,445
Fine. Do it without me.
1354
00:59:27,221 --> 00:59:28,222
Fine.
1355
00:59:29,023 --> 00:59:30,024
Fine.
1356
00:59:36,163 --> 00:59:37,164
Deacon.
1357
00:59:38,866 --> 00:59:39,901
Rachael?
1358
00:59:39,934 --> 00:59:42,904
How--? How are you?
1359
00:59:42,937 --> 00:59:43,170
Good, good.
How was France?
1360
00:59:45,473 --> 00:59:48,676
Oh, it was so fun,
we just got back yesterday.
1361
00:59:48,709 --> 00:59:50,778
The school totally
screwed up my schedule.
1362
00:59:52,313 --> 00:59:53,781
How's John Baldwin?
1363
01:00:00,121 --> 01:00:01,822
Who told you about that?
1364
01:00:02,990 --> 01:00:05,660
Everyone knows.
1365
01:00:05,693 --> 01:00:07,261
Everyone's a liar.
1366
01:00:08,529 --> 01:00:10,398
I didn't do it
with John Baldwin.
1367
01:00:10,431 --> 01:00:12,133
You didn't?
1368
01:00:12,166 --> 01:00:15,002
It's not like
how it was with us.
1369
01:00:39,594 --> 01:00:42,797
FRED:
As soon as you got what
you wanted, you blew us off.
1370
01:00:42,830 --> 01:00:45,399
Do you even like her?
1371
01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:47,668
RACHAEL:
It's not like
how it was with us.
1372
01:00:48,736 --> 01:00:51,572
I don't know, sometimes
I feel like the whole world
1373
01:00:51,606 --> 01:00:55,509
is just passing us by
and we're just sitting still.
1374
01:00:55,543 --> 01:00:55,910
And, like...
I don't know.
1375
01:01:01,349 --> 01:01:02,750
Anyway, I'm sorry.
1376
01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:06,921
Well, you know, uh...
1377
01:01:06,954 --> 01:01:09,924
you can be a real dick
sometimes.
1378
01:01:14,328 --> 01:01:16,797
[LAUGHING]
1379
01:01:21,602 --> 01:01:23,604
FRED:
All right,
so now what?
1380
01:01:23,638 --> 01:01:24,972
Do we make this thing?
1381
01:01:25,006 --> 01:01:26,774
DEACON:
I don't know.
1382
01:01:26,807 --> 01:01:28,175
Maybe we should just
call it quits.
1383
01:01:28,743 --> 01:01:30,011
Hey, guys.
1384
01:01:30,044 --> 01:01:33,614
Oh, Ash, hey.
What are you doing here?
1385
01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:35,049
I need you.
1386
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:36,017
What?
1387
01:01:37,718 --> 01:01:40,187
I need you to make this movie.
1388
01:01:42,323 --> 01:01:43,658
For my reel.
1389
01:01:43,691 --> 01:01:46,060
Well, actually we were
just talking about--
1390
01:01:46,093 --> 01:01:48,362
Oh, wow.
1391
01:01:48,396 --> 01:01:51,232
You have an eyelash,
Deacon.
1392
01:01:51,265 --> 01:01:52,299
Make a wish.
1393
01:02:00,641 --> 01:02:03,944
DEACON:
Testosterone is a drug
more powerful than heroin.
1394
01:02:03,978 --> 01:02:05,579
And girls know it.
1395
01:02:05,613 --> 01:02:08,015
They use our obsession
against us to get flowers
1396
01:02:08,049 --> 01:02:08,382
and class rings
and commitments.
1397
01:02:10,718 --> 01:02:14,522
And, in Ashley's case,
full-length adult videos.
1398
01:02:14,555 --> 01:02:16,223
But, come on,
if she hadn't come back,
1399
01:02:16,257 --> 01:02:18,025
we could have stopped.
1400
01:02:18,059 --> 01:02:20,594
But we were weak.
1401
01:02:20,628 --> 01:02:22,830
At that moment,
if Ashley would have asked us
1402
01:02:22,863 --> 01:02:24,799
to jump off a bridge,
as I'm sure you can guess,
1403
01:02:26,434 --> 01:02:27,902
we would have done it.
1404
01:02:29,537 --> 01:02:31,405
We had to finish the film.
1405
01:02:33,607 --> 01:02:37,178
So I've been thinking
about getting into films.
1406
01:02:37,211 --> 01:02:39,814
Any tips on how I can break in?
1407
01:02:39,847 --> 01:02:40,748
Um, not really.
1408
01:02:41,949 --> 01:02:44,285
Acting classes, I guess.
1409
01:02:44,318 --> 01:02:47,788
Really. I didn't think
there was much, you know,
1410
01:02:47,822 --> 01:02:49,724
acting in those sorts
of films.
1411
01:02:49,757 --> 01:02:52,159
I guess it kind of depends.
1412
01:02:54,195 --> 01:02:56,097
So you think
you can get me an audition?
1413
01:02:56,130 --> 01:02:57,098
For what?
1414
01:02:57,431 --> 01:02:58,666
[SIGHS]
1415
01:02:58,699 --> 01:03:00,735
How long have I been
cutting your hair?
1416
01:03:00,768 --> 01:03:02,570
I don't know.
Since I was like 8.
1417
01:03:04,905 --> 01:03:05,306
[WHISPERS]
I know who you are.
1418
01:03:07,775 --> 01:03:10,745
Don't worry,
your secret's safe with me.
1419
01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:13,080
Come on. I just wanna--
Just make one film,
1420
01:03:16,450 --> 01:03:19,086
you know, just to see
what it's like.
1421
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:21,956
That's great, but how
can I help you?
1422
01:03:21,989 --> 01:03:26,694
Oh...I get it.
1423
01:03:26,727 --> 01:03:29,363
You do for me
if I do for you.
1424
01:03:31,098 --> 01:03:32,266
That's how it works.
1425
01:03:32,299 --> 01:03:33,534
Okay.
1426
01:03:39,039 --> 01:03:40,174
Wha--?
1427
01:04:02,530 --> 01:04:03,531
Ooh!
1428
01:04:07,601 --> 01:04:09,603
[YELLS]
1429
01:04:27,588 --> 01:04:29,690
This is it.
1430
01:04:29,723 --> 01:04:31,692
This is the magic hour.
1431
01:04:31,725 --> 01:04:33,093
The high school prom.
1432
01:04:34,395 --> 01:04:37,565
But let's remember
what's really important:
1433
01:04:37,598 --> 01:04:40,134
The transition of the moment.
1434
01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:42,002
Like, we've all,
you know, for instance...
1435
01:04:42,269 --> 01:04:46,106
We've all read The Metamorphosis
by Franz Kafka.
1436
01:04:46,140 --> 01:04:47,775
Yeah, dude.
My mom has that book.
1437
01:04:47,808 --> 01:04:49,877
Let's see that,
up here and in here.
1438
01:04:52,279 --> 01:04:53,280
MATT:
Action.
1439
01:04:56,116 --> 01:04:59,653
Ira, I have something
to tell you.
1440
01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:01,155
What is it?
1441
01:05:01,188 --> 01:05:03,724
This prom
is making me so hot.
1442
01:05:03,757 --> 01:05:06,193
I think I'm ready to lose
my virginity to you tonight.
1443
01:05:06,227 --> 01:05:08,128
Action.
Oh, Ira...
1444
01:05:08,162 --> 01:05:10,097
I--
[CRASH]
1445
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,176
Guys, this is like Nickelodeon
with penises and vaginas, man.
1446
01:05:22,843 --> 01:05:24,211
Did I sound stupid?
1447
01:05:24,245 --> 01:05:25,713
Let's just get naked
and get it on.
1448
01:05:25,746 --> 01:05:26,680
Okay.
1449
01:05:26,714 --> 01:05:27,715
[]
1450
01:05:27,748 --> 01:05:28,749
Round two.
1451
01:05:30,784 --> 01:05:32,786
Yeah, that's
what I'm talking about.
1452
01:05:35,522 --> 01:05:36,657
Action.
1453
01:05:36,690 --> 01:05:38,325
More like an animal,
like an animal.
1454
01:05:38,359 --> 01:05:38,525
[COOP HOWLS]
1455
01:05:41,462 --> 01:05:42,997
Okay, all right.
Next setup.
1456
01:05:44,632 --> 01:05:46,367
My dress is ruined.
1457
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:46,667
Is that okay?
1458
01:05:48,435 --> 01:05:50,104
What are we going
to do now?
1459
01:05:55,342 --> 01:05:56,477
Oh, yeah.
1460
01:05:56,510 --> 01:05:57,845
[MOANING AND SCREAMING]
1461
01:05:57,878 --> 01:05:59,113
I'm going--
I'm going handheld.
1462
01:06:01,181 --> 01:06:02,683
Oh, so good.
[GRUNTS]
1463
01:06:02,716 --> 01:06:04,752
Oh, Mick.
Oh, just like that. So good.
1464
01:06:04,785 --> 01:06:06,153
Oh, yeah.
1465
01:06:06,186 --> 01:06:07,721
What are you doing?
1466
01:06:07,755 --> 01:06:09,223
It's a basic rule of porno.
1467
01:06:09,256 --> 01:06:10,791
Oh, my God!
You gotta to be sweaty.
1468
01:06:10,824 --> 01:06:10,891
And...action!
1469
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:16,330
What?
1470
01:06:16,363 --> 01:06:17,498
But, teacher, I...
1471
01:06:19,199 --> 01:06:20,167
Hold on.
1472
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:21,335
[FARTS]
1473
01:06:21,368 --> 01:06:22,803
Oh, God!
It was a queef.
1474
01:06:22,836 --> 01:06:24,204
Are you--? Are you--?
1475
01:06:24,238 --> 01:06:25,806
She queefed.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
1476
01:06:25,839 --> 01:06:26,941
I had the shrimp salad
last night, man.
1477
01:06:28,275 --> 01:06:29,944
And, look, I told my mom--
1478
01:06:29,977 --> 01:06:31,779
You just about done?
"Quit putting so much--" Yes.
1479
01:06:31,812 --> 01:06:33,447
Oh! Pick up where we left off.
1480
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:34,648
That's what I'm saying.
1481
01:06:34,682 --> 01:06:35,582
FRED: Action.
Oh, yeah!
1482
01:06:35,616 --> 01:06:36,884
Oh! Ho--
1483
01:06:36,917 --> 01:06:38,185
[FARTS TWICE]
1484
01:06:38,218 --> 01:06:39,653
Oh, my God!
1485
01:06:39,687 --> 01:06:41,155
Warn us next time.
1486
01:06:41,188 --> 01:06:42,623
You know, this ain't easy, dude.
1487
01:06:42,656 --> 01:06:43,390
I got people
I don't even know
1488
01:06:44,358 --> 01:06:46,393
bouncing up and down
on my stomach.
1489
01:06:46,427 --> 01:06:47,962
You know what?
Lunch.
1490
01:06:47,995 --> 01:06:50,097
We're over schedule,
we're overbudget,
1491
01:06:50,130 --> 01:06:51,632
so put everything aside,
1492
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:54,368
we take that fine bridgework
of gossamer and silk.
1493
01:06:54,401 --> 01:06:56,670
No questions?
All right. Let's do this.
1494
01:06:56,704 --> 01:06:59,306
And...action!
1495
01:07:02,009 --> 01:07:05,379
[]
1496
01:07:34,141 --> 01:07:35,609
Hey, Vic, here you go.
1497
01:07:35,642 --> 01:07:37,478
Listen, about your account--
Talk to Mike.
1498
01:07:37,511 --> 01:07:39,279
No, it's good.
Have a good day. Thanks.
1499
01:07:39,313 --> 01:07:41,015
Yo, Dave, there's a kid
on the phone.
1500
01:07:41,048 --> 01:07:42,583
Wants to set up a new account.
For what?
1501
01:07:42,616 --> 01:07:44,218
Something called
After School Special.
1502
01:07:44,251 --> 01:07:46,553
I'll get you a form.
What did you say?
1503
01:07:46,587 --> 01:07:47,955
Well, no, it's for
another customer.
1504
01:07:50,357 --> 01:07:52,626
Did you just say
"After School Special"?
1505
01:07:52,659 --> 01:07:54,762
Yeah.
I'm gonna get some pasta,
1506
01:07:54,795 --> 01:07:56,163
get some sauce,
get some cheese,
1507
01:07:56,463 --> 01:07:57,831
I'm gonna put it in there
and I'll mix it
1508
01:07:57,865 --> 01:07:59,199
with these bastards' nuts
1509
01:07:59,233 --> 01:08:00,467
and make balls lasagna!
[YELPS]
1510
01:08:03,737 --> 01:08:03,871
[BOTH LAUGH]
1511
01:08:06,006 --> 01:08:07,775
So?
How does it look?
1512
01:08:07,808 --> 01:08:09,977
Well, I cut together
some footage
1513
01:08:10,010 --> 01:08:13,380
to give to Ashley
for her reel...
1514
01:08:13,414 --> 01:08:15,449
but I don't think
I can finish this movie.
1515
01:08:15,482 --> 01:08:17,151
Why not?
1516
01:08:17,184 --> 01:08:18,886
I can't even watch it.
1517
01:08:18,919 --> 01:08:20,287
Every time I turn it on,
all I can think about is Coop
1518
01:08:20,721 --> 01:08:22,656
farting all day long.
1519
01:08:22,689 --> 01:08:24,758
That was pretty gross.
This is just it.
1520
01:08:24,792 --> 01:08:27,928
The movie looks great,
but seeing all that other stuff,
1521
01:08:27,961 --> 01:08:28,529
all that disgusting,
nasty stuff...
1522
01:08:30,931 --> 01:08:32,900
That's what's taking
all the fun out of it.
1523
01:08:32,933 --> 01:08:35,002
And I just--
I don't want to do it anymore.
1524
01:08:35,035 --> 01:08:36,270
Great. I knew it.
1525
01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:39,573
I knew you couldn't
handle this.
1526
01:08:39,606 --> 01:08:41,608
Take it easy, Fred.
No, shut up, Deacon!
1527
01:08:41,642 --> 01:08:45,646
I knew when it came down to it,
Matt would wuss out.
1528
01:08:45,679 --> 01:08:48,949
You know what? Fuck you, Fred.
You're the wuss here.
1529
01:08:48,982 --> 01:08:51,151
At least I don't wack off
every time I see a girl
1530
01:08:51,185 --> 01:08:52,619
in the hallway.
Hey, shut up, Matt!
1531
01:08:53,087 --> 01:08:54,621
No, you shut up!
For once in your life, be a man
1532
01:08:54,655 --> 01:08:56,457
and admit this movie
was a mistake.
1533
01:08:56,490 --> 01:08:58,759
Hey, why don't you make me, huh?
Hey, hey, hey.
1534
01:08:58,792 --> 01:09:00,427
Matt's right.
1535
01:09:00,461 --> 01:09:00,861
This movie was a mistake.
1536
01:09:01,995 --> 01:09:03,997
What are you talking about?
1537
01:09:04,031 --> 01:09:07,067
This whole thing was your idea.
1538
01:09:07,101 --> 01:09:08,635
If you didn't like
making the movie,
1539
01:09:09,736 --> 01:09:11,605
why didn't you just
say something?
1540
01:09:11,638 --> 01:09:14,575
I don't know. I thought
you guys were having fun.
1541
01:09:14,608 --> 01:09:16,043
I didn't want to be the wuss.
1542
01:09:17,845 --> 01:09:19,880
DEACON:
We convinced Matt
to finish the movie.
1543
01:09:19,913 --> 01:09:21,415
We had orders to fill.
1544
01:09:21,448 --> 01:09:23,317
But after that,
we promised ourselves
1545
01:09:23,350 --> 01:09:25,018
we were gonna shut down
the website
1546
01:09:25,052 --> 01:09:25,085
and get out
of the porn business.
1547
01:09:26,753 --> 01:09:28,422
We weren't gonna let life
pass us by anymore.
1548
01:09:28,455 --> 01:09:30,290
So we did what any
self-respecting teenager
1549
01:09:30,324 --> 01:09:31,325
would do.
1550
01:09:31,358 --> 01:09:32,659
We threw a bitchen party.
1551
01:09:32,693 --> 01:09:33,360
Hey, guys.
Ashley.
1552
01:09:35,229 --> 01:09:37,764
Hi, how's it going?
What's up?
1553
01:09:37,798 --> 01:09:39,766
Hey, baby.
1554
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,101
Hey, Ashley.
1555
01:09:41,902 --> 01:09:43,871
This is such
a great party.
1556
01:09:43,904 --> 01:09:45,272
Well...thank you.
1557
01:09:45,305 --> 01:09:47,074
I have the biggest news.
1558
01:09:47,107 --> 01:09:51,245
So I sent my reel to Vivid
and they want to fly me and Coop
1559
01:09:51,278 --> 01:09:53,814
to L.A. to talk
about a contract.
1560
01:09:53,847 --> 01:09:55,449
Get out of here.
Oh, ha-ha-ho!
1561
01:09:55,482 --> 01:09:57,050
Wow.
I know.
1562
01:09:57,084 --> 01:09:57,518
Hey, congratulations.
Thank you, sweetheart.
1563
01:09:59,219 --> 01:10:01,288
MAN:
Deacon, Vinnie says
we need more ice.
1564
01:10:01,321 --> 01:10:03,323
Hey, that's me.
Hey, I'll see you guys later.
1565
01:10:03,357 --> 01:10:04,358
Okay.
1566
01:10:05,659 --> 01:10:05,726
So, what's going on, guys?
1567
01:10:08,162 --> 01:10:09,530
Can I ask you a question?
1568
01:10:09,563 --> 01:10:11,798
Yeah.
1569
01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:13,467
He wanted to know, actually,
if we'd ever get girlfriends?
1570
01:10:16,503 --> 01:10:20,274
In a couple of years,
girls are going to be dying
1571
01:10:20,307 --> 01:10:22,509
to meet guys like you.
1572
01:10:22,543 --> 01:10:24,111
I told you.
1573
01:10:24,144 --> 01:10:25,412
ROGER:
Yo, Fred, Matt.
1574
01:10:26,914 --> 01:10:29,082
Hey, guys. Great party.
1575
01:10:31,818 --> 01:10:33,120
Yeah.
1576
01:10:34,621 --> 01:10:36,423
MAN:
God, you're--
You're looking good.
1577
01:10:36,456 --> 01:10:37,758
Hey, hey.
1578
01:10:37,791 --> 01:10:37,925
He looks great.
1579
01:10:39,793 --> 01:10:42,429
FRED:
We should have put my picture
up there.
1580
01:10:42,462 --> 01:10:44,798
Or mine.
What's he got in those pants?
1581
01:10:48,502 --> 01:10:52,539
My soul
Is melting away
1582
01:10:52,573 --> 01:10:53,640
How's Naomi?
1583
01:10:53,674 --> 01:10:57,377
I don't know.
Good, I guess.
1584
01:10:57,411 --> 01:11:00,314
I thought she was
your fantasy girl?
1585
01:11:00,347 --> 01:11:01,615
Yeah, she was.
1586
01:11:01,648 --> 01:11:02,149
But I don't know,
at the same time it...
1587
01:11:04,117 --> 01:11:06,887
It wasn't like it was
with Rachael and I.
1588
01:11:06,920 --> 01:11:09,656
We connected.
You're gonna dump her.
1589
01:11:12,392 --> 01:11:14,094
You're breaking up with me?
1590
01:11:16,263 --> 01:11:18,165
Can we still have sex?
1591
01:11:20,767 --> 01:11:22,836
Naomi, listen.
Listen to what I'm saying.
1592
01:11:22,869 --> 01:11:25,405
Deacon, the only reason
I went out with you
1593
01:11:25,439 --> 01:11:27,841
is because I thought
you were a nice guy.
1594
01:11:27,874 --> 01:11:30,811
And now you want to
break up with me?
1595
01:11:30,844 --> 01:11:32,145
Yeah, I guess so.
1596
01:11:33,547 --> 01:11:34,514
If you tell anybody
about this...
1597
01:11:35,315 --> 01:11:37,551
I won't.
I have a reputation.
1598
01:11:37,584 --> 01:11:41,154
Jeez, you can tell people
you dumped me, if you want.
1599
01:11:41,188 --> 01:11:42,723
Really?
Sure, what do I care?
1600
01:11:45,359 --> 01:11:47,227
You are a nice guy.
1601
01:11:50,697 --> 01:11:52,499
Just do me a favor
1602
01:11:52,532 --> 01:11:57,104
and don't tell anyone
about the movies, all right?
1603
01:11:57,137 --> 01:11:59,539
JAKE [OVER SPEAKER]:
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
1604
01:11:59,573 --> 01:12:02,876
These sick little shits
right here
1605
01:12:02,909 --> 01:12:04,311
are porno...
1606
01:12:04,344 --> 01:12:05,312
Shit.
1607
01:12:05,345 --> 01:12:06,813
...graphers, man.
1608
01:12:07,180 --> 01:12:09,149
No, they're perverts.
Right, Deacon?
1609
01:12:09,182 --> 01:12:13,387
They make porno movies
in their basements.
1610
01:12:13,420 --> 01:12:15,022
Jake, you better
give it a rest, buddy,
1611
01:12:15,322 --> 01:12:16,823
because no one's
listening to you.
1612
01:12:16,857 --> 01:12:19,092
Oh, really?
1613
01:12:19,126 --> 01:12:21,695
Shit-pants?
Ha, ha, ha!
1614
01:12:21,728 --> 01:12:22,863
You know what, I bet I know
someone who might believe me.
1615
01:12:26,333 --> 01:12:28,035
Your parents.
1616
01:12:29,503 --> 01:12:31,805
The website's
in someone else's name.
1617
01:12:31,838 --> 01:12:33,340
All of our files are encrypted.
1618
01:12:33,373 --> 01:12:35,108
There's nothing
tracing it to us.
1619
01:12:35,142 --> 01:12:37,311
Well, I guess it's a good thing
that I...
1620
01:12:37,344 --> 01:12:39,212
I took the tape of Ashley
1621
01:12:39,713 --> 01:12:42,316
masturbating in your basement,
huh?
1622
01:12:43,950 --> 01:12:46,553
Once your parents see
what kind of sick little movies
1623
01:12:46,586 --> 01:12:47,421
their good boy Deacon's making,
they might be kind of mad.
1624
01:12:53,093 --> 01:12:54,828
Did you make any copies
of that tape?
1625
01:12:54,861 --> 01:12:55,228
Hell, no.
1626
01:12:56,463 --> 01:12:59,700
So you sent the original tape
to my parents?
1627
01:13:00,534 --> 01:13:01,535
Yup.
1628
01:13:01,568 --> 01:13:02,736
[BELCHES]
1629
01:13:03,870 --> 01:13:05,072
Hey, Jake...
1630
01:13:05,105 --> 01:13:06,640
What's up?
1631
01:13:07,274 --> 01:13:08,108
[GRUNTS]
1632
01:13:08,141 --> 01:13:09,943
You're a real dick.
[GRUNTS]
1633
01:13:14,414 --> 01:13:17,351
You should probably avoid
pissing her off.
1634
01:13:17,384 --> 01:13:18,385
Noted.
1635
01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:22,322
Shi--
Guys, we've got a problem.
1636
01:13:31,965 --> 01:13:33,300
Not so--
[TOY SQUEAKS]
1637
01:13:33,333 --> 01:13:35,402
Not so fast, ladies.
1638
01:13:36,603 --> 01:13:39,406
Which one of youse
is Balls McLongcock?
1639
01:13:43,143 --> 01:13:43,777
Nice name.
Thanks.
1640
01:13:44,978 --> 01:13:48,548
Too bad you're not gonna
be able to use it anymore.
1641
01:13:48,582 --> 01:13:49,883
Who the hell are you, man?
1642
01:13:49,916 --> 01:13:51,852
Who the hell am I?
1643
01:13:51,885 --> 01:13:51,952
I'm the competition.
1644
01:13:53,620 --> 01:13:55,055
Who the hell are youse?
1645
01:13:55,088 --> 01:13:56,757
Come into my town?
1646
01:13:56,790 --> 01:13:58,859
Pay the ladies twice
what I pay 'em?
1647
01:13:58,892 --> 01:13:59,893
This After School Special
bullshit
1648
01:14:02,696 --> 01:14:04,664
is cutting into my business.
1649
01:14:04,698 --> 01:14:08,235
So now, I'm gonna put youse
1650
01:14:08,268 --> 01:14:10,504
out of business.
1651
01:14:12,072 --> 01:14:13,273
Get in the car!
1652
01:14:13,306 --> 01:14:15,041
DEACON:
So here we are
1653
01:14:15,075 --> 01:14:16,276
back at the beginning,
hanging from meat hooks.
1654
01:14:16,676 --> 01:14:18,612
But now we were boys
who'd become men.
1655
01:14:18,645 --> 01:14:20,614
And real men just don't scare
that easy.
1656
01:14:20,647 --> 01:14:24,117
[SCREAMING]
1657
01:14:24,151 --> 01:14:24,484
Anything
but my balls!
1658
01:14:25,852 --> 01:14:27,454
Start with this one.
1659
01:14:27,487 --> 01:14:29,823
Me? Why me?
1660
01:14:29,856 --> 01:14:31,625
It was all Deacon's idea.
1661
01:14:31,658 --> 01:14:32,292
First I'm gonna kill you!
Let me--
1662
01:14:33,560 --> 01:14:35,595
No, no, no.
No, no, do Deacon.
1663
01:14:35,629 --> 01:14:37,464
Please, it was
all his idea.
1664
01:14:37,497 --> 01:14:39,433
Even better.
1665
01:14:39,466 --> 01:14:41,168
Let's get the leader.
1666
01:14:41,201 --> 01:14:44,271
[SCREAMING AND MOANING]
1667
01:14:44,304 --> 01:14:45,839
Oh, no! No!
1668
01:14:47,507 --> 01:14:48,642
Quit squirming, kid.
1669
01:14:49,009 --> 01:14:50,544
It hurts worse
when you struggle.
1670
01:14:50,577 --> 01:14:52,512
We've got preorders!
1671
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:54,948
What?
1672
01:14:54,981 --> 01:14:56,817
We presold copies
of our video.
1673
01:14:56,950 --> 01:14:58,385
[CHUCKLES]
1674
01:14:58,418 --> 01:14:59,586
Wha--?
1675
01:14:59,619 --> 01:15:02,322
How many? Fifty? A hundred?
1676
01:15:02,355 --> 01:15:03,356
[LAUGHING]
1677
01:15:03,390 --> 01:15:04,658
63,212.
1678
01:15:07,994 --> 01:15:09,396
That's a lot of product, Vic.
1679
01:15:09,429 --> 01:15:10,831
FRED:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1680
01:15:10,864 --> 01:15:12,432
We got orders
from all over the world.
1681
01:15:12,466 --> 01:15:14,568
I swear, all over the world.
1682
01:15:14,601 --> 01:15:16,970
We'll give you the website
if you let us go.
1683
01:15:19,339 --> 01:15:20,574
Cut 'em down.
1684
01:15:20,607 --> 01:15:21,007
[GRUNTING AND MOANING]
1685
01:15:26,580 --> 01:15:27,948
So, what's your cut?
1686
01:15:27,981 --> 01:15:29,149
Absolutely nothing.
Except--
1687
01:15:30,517 --> 01:15:33,353
What except? There's no except!
Except...
1688
01:15:33,386 --> 01:15:36,957
you promise to supply us
with quality porn,
1689
01:15:37,424 --> 01:15:39,059
free of charge.
1690
01:15:39,092 --> 01:15:40,794
It could come in handy,
I mean...
1691
01:15:40,827 --> 01:15:42,395
[SNIFFS]
1692
01:15:42,429 --> 01:15:44,130
...until we get
girlfriends.
1693
01:15:44,164 --> 01:15:46,166
And...
What? No, Matt!
1694
01:15:46,199 --> 01:15:48,168
And you promise
to maintain
1695
01:15:48,201 --> 01:15:50,070
the vision
of After School Special.
1696
01:15:50,103 --> 01:15:53,073
And what, pray tell,
might that be?
1697
01:15:53,106 --> 01:15:53,340
The key is to...
1698
01:15:55,208 --> 01:15:58,778
try to remember what it was like
before you had sex.
1699
01:15:58,812 --> 01:16:00,680
What did you use
to fantasize about?
1700
01:16:00,714 --> 01:16:01,548
A math teacher who bends over
a little too far?
1701
01:16:04,751 --> 01:16:08,788
The door of the girl's
locker room open just a sliver.
1702
01:16:08,822 --> 01:16:09,389
Going over
to your friend's house
1703
01:16:10,624 --> 01:16:13,260
and catching his mom
walking out of the swer.
1704
01:16:13,293 --> 01:16:14,227
Dude!
1705
01:16:14,261 --> 01:16:16,396
Not you. Deacon's mom.
1706
01:16:16,429 --> 01:16:19,199
Oh, have I been there.
1707
01:16:19,232 --> 01:16:20,700
Guys!
1708
01:16:20,734 --> 01:16:23,003
All right, deal.
1709
01:16:23,036 --> 01:16:25,672
I'm gonna need those
master tapes.
1710
01:16:25,772 --> 01:16:29,442
Kid, you ever need a job,
gimme a call.
1711
01:16:29,476 --> 01:16:31,845
Come on, let's go.
Come on, come on.
1712
01:16:33,046 --> 01:16:33,847
FRED:
Thanks, Mr...?
1713
01:16:34,881 --> 01:16:37,017
Ramalot.
1714
01:16:37,050 --> 01:16:38,919
Vic Ramalot.
1715
01:16:38,952 --> 01:16:40,287
Good name.
1716
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:41,421
Thanks.
1717
01:16:44,624 --> 01:16:46,760
[SNIFFLES]
Vic, you okay?
1718
01:16:46,793 --> 01:16:48,895
Yeah, I'm all right.
1719
01:16:48,929 --> 01:16:50,397
Oh, come on.
I'm good, I'm good.
1720
01:16:50,430 --> 01:16:53,133
It's me,
what's the matter?
1721
01:16:53,166 --> 01:16:54,901
That damn kid.
1722
01:16:54,935 --> 01:16:56,803
He reminded me of...
1723
01:16:56,836 --> 01:16:58,071
the way I was
when I was his age.
1724
01:17:05,345 --> 01:17:06,179
[TIRES SCREECH]
1725
01:17:07,948 --> 01:17:10,417
[SOBBING]
Aw, Vic, come here.
1726
01:17:10,450 --> 01:17:12,886
Let it out, let it out.
1727
01:17:12,919 --> 01:17:14,054
Aw... That's it.
1728
01:17:15,488 --> 01:17:17,691
Come on. You okay?
1729
01:17:17,724 --> 01:17:20,126
Yeah, yeah, I'm good,
I'm good. Thanks.
1730
01:17:21,995 --> 01:17:24,164
You hungry?
I could eat.
1731
01:17:24,197 --> 01:17:25,932
Grab a bite?
Yeah.
1732
01:17:25,966 --> 01:17:28,802
Honey, did you go
through the mail today?
1733
01:17:28,835 --> 01:17:30,370
Hmm, not yet.
1734
01:17:31,671 --> 01:17:33,473
I'll go get it.
1735
01:17:39,613 --> 01:17:42,082
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
It's a minivan, Fred!
1736
01:17:42,115 --> 01:17:44,117
It won't go any faster.
1737
01:17:44,150 --> 01:17:46,052
MATT:
Come on, you drive
like my grandma.
1738
01:17:53,159 --> 01:17:54,394
[FRED SCREAMS]
1739
01:17:54,427 --> 01:17:55,862
What are you doing?
We don't got time.
1740
01:17:55,895 --> 01:17:57,263
Stop sign, man.
1741
01:17:57,297 --> 01:17:58,832
I'm not about to lose my license
over this.
1742
01:18:39,873 --> 01:18:41,841
Looking for something
in the mail, Deacon?
1743
01:18:41,875 --> 01:18:42,876
Um...
1744
01:18:44,310 --> 01:18:46,212
No, I just--
1745
01:18:46,246 --> 01:18:48,181
Maybe something
you didn't want us to see?
1746
01:18:50,083 --> 01:18:50,850
Mom, Dad...
1747
01:18:51,551 --> 01:18:54,721
It's too late, Deacon.
If you just wait a sec...
1748
01:18:54,754 --> 01:18:56,222
We just want you
to know
1749
01:18:56,256 --> 01:18:58,291
how deeply disappointed
we are in you.
1750
01:19:03,163 --> 01:19:04,397
I can explain.
1751
01:19:04,431 --> 01:19:05,799
You can explain?
1752
01:19:05,832 --> 01:19:07,200
Well, explain it to me, son,
explain it!
1753
01:19:07,534 --> 01:19:10,904
Believe-- If you just
give me a chance, I--
1754
01:19:10,937 --> 01:19:14,774
How in the hell
can you ever explain this?
1755
01:19:14,808 --> 01:19:15,375
How did you manage to get a C
in biology?
1756
01:19:17,577 --> 01:19:20,213
You are a straight-A
student, boy.
1757
01:19:20,246 --> 01:19:22,649
I knew we shouldn't have
let him have a girlfriend.
1758
01:19:22,682 --> 01:19:23,216
Let alone two.
1759
01:19:25,018 --> 01:19:27,554
Is that what this is about?
1760
01:19:27,587 --> 01:19:29,522
My biology class?
1761
01:19:29,556 --> 01:19:32,492
Mom, Dad,
1762
01:19:32,525 --> 01:19:35,328
I'm 17.
1763
01:19:35,361 --> 01:19:38,064
I'm driving,
I got a girlfriend.
1764
01:19:38,098 --> 01:19:39,566
But the fact is, you guys
treat me as if I'm a little kid.
1765
01:19:42,102 --> 01:19:44,804
Is it too much to ask for
to be a normal teenager
1766
01:19:44,838 --> 01:19:46,039
with a normal life?
1767
01:19:46,072 --> 01:19:47,741
I don't like
your tone, son.
1768
01:19:48,441 --> 01:19:51,077
I just want to have fun
with my friends.
1769
01:19:51,111 --> 01:19:52,278
Okay?
1770
01:19:56,449 --> 01:19:58,384
Okay, then.
1771
01:19:58,418 --> 01:20:00,420
But make sure we don't get
a repeat performance
1772
01:20:00,453 --> 01:20:01,755
in the finals.
1773
01:20:01,788 --> 01:20:03,323
I won't.
1774
01:20:10,029 --> 01:20:11,297
[EXHALES]
What's up?
1775
01:20:11,331 --> 01:20:11,798
[WHISPERS]
What's going on?
1776
01:20:12,532 --> 01:20:14,601
They don't have it.
1777
01:20:14,634 --> 01:20:16,369
[WHISPERS]
But neither do I.
1778
01:20:16,402 --> 01:20:18,104
We don't have it either.
I don't know.
1779
01:20:18,138 --> 01:20:19,706
Don't just stand there
all the time.
1780
01:20:19,739 --> 01:20:20,039
[WHISPERS]
What are we gonna do?
1781
01:20:21,307 --> 01:20:22,742
Your parents are right there.
Ah!
1782
01:20:27,781 --> 01:20:27,847
How much do you know?
1783
01:20:29,415 --> 01:20:32,952
Pretty much everything,
Mr. Slam.
1784
01:20:34,154 --> 01:20:35,722
These are my demands.
1785
01:20:42,662 --> 01:20:44,030
[SCOFFS]
1786
01:20:46,099 --> 01:20:47,934
Done.
1787
01:20:51,137 --> 01:20:52,205
Did you know all along?
Are you kidding?
1788
01:20:53,673 --> 01:20:56,042
Who do you think
made the first preorder?
1789
01:21:03,983 --> 01:21:06,085
Little bastard.
1790
01:21:10,557 --> 01:21:12,025
So, what do we do
with this?
1791
01:21:15,628 --> 01:21:16,262
I have an idea.
1792
01:21:23,336 --> 01:21:24,404
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
1793
01:21:24,971 --> 01:21:27,907
You meet me right here,
after school.
1794
01:21:27,941 --> 01:21:30,009
FRED:
So I guess we all got
what we deserved, huh.
1795
01:21:30,043 --> 01:21:32,378
No money, no power...
No women.
1796
01:21:33,279 --> 01:21:37,317
Tony Montana
would be pissed.
1797
01:21:37,350 --> 01:21:40,119
Speak for yourselves, guys.
1798
01:21:40,153 --> 01:21:42,889
DEACON:
I don't know if we got
what we deserved or not.
1799
01:21:42,922 --> 01:21:44,791
Okay, probably not.
1800
01:21:44,824 --> 01:21:47,994
But Rachael dumped that guy
and we got back together.
1801
01:21:48,027 --> 01:21:48,795
We haven't had sex yet,
but somehow I'm okay with that.
1802
01:21:52,098 --> 01:21:55,201
You know, I don't think I want
to rush it this time.
1803
01:21:55,235 --> 01:21:56,970
And even though we kept quiet
about the film,
1804
01:21:57,570 --> 01:21:58,838
word got around.
1805
01:21:58,872 --> 01:22:00,440
And just like Coop said,
1806
01:22:00,473 --> 01:22:02,609
we became
legends of the school.
1807
01:22:02,642 --> 01:22:04,744
And Fred finally learned
how to talk to a girl.
1808
01:22:05,111 --> 01:22:06,679
Hey, Fred.
1809
01:22:06,713 --> 01:22:09,649
I hear you know a thing or two
about giving a woman pleasure.
1810
01:22:13,586 --> 01:22:14,754
No, I don't.
1811
01:22:21,661 --> 01:22:24,631
Matt knows a thing or two
about giving women pleasure.
1812
01:22:25,865 --> 01:22:27,500
I know everything.
1813
01:22:28,668 --> 01:22:29,135
[GIGGLING]
1814
01:22:32,972 --> 01:22:34,641
We should go out sometime.
1815
01:22:34,674 --> 01:22:37,010
Oh, I knew you'd come around.
1816
01:22:38,311 --> 01:22:40,280
Maybe all four of us
could go out.
1817
01:22:40,313 --> 01:22:44,751
Um... Yeah.
That could work, you know,
1818
01:22:44,784 --> 01:22:46,920
depending on my schedule.
1819
01:22:46,953 --> 01:22:48,755
[LAUGHING]
1820
01:22:48,788 --> 01:22:50,490
So...
1821
01:22:50,523 --> 01:22:51,491
call me?
1822
01:22:51,524 --> 01:22:52,892
Oh, most definitely.
1823
01:22:52,926 --> 01:22:53,359
Cool.
Later.
1824
01:22:55,094 --> 01:22:58,798
Ladies, ladies.
What's up? All right.
1825
01:22:58,831 --> 01:23:01,000
See you.
Bye.
1826
01:23:02,936 --> 01:23:06,439
Oh! God, watch where
you're going, sphincter.
1827
01:23:06,472 --> 01:23:08,741
I thought I told you
not to call me that anymore.
1828
01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:09,375
Oh, that's right, I'm sorry.
What are you gonna do about it?
1829
01:23:13,980 --> 01:23:17,183
Some people
just never learn.
1830
01:23:17,216 --> 01:23:18,751
[CHUCKLES]
1831
01:23:18,785 --> 01:23:20,553
You know...
1832
01:23:20,586 --> 01:23:23,723
you really shouldn't have mailed
that tape back to us.
1833
01:23:26,359 --> 01:23:28,394
MAN [ON TV]: Attention, Wallies.
What's that?
1834
01:23:28,428 --> 01:23:31,097
[SPED-UP DIALOGUE PLAYS
INDISTINCTLY]
1835
01:23:31,130 --> 01:23:33,299
What is that, guys?
1836
01:23:33,333 --> 01:23:33,866
JAKE:
I got a pro-pro-problem.
1837
01:23:35,468 --> 01:23:36,836
Nice work.
Thank you.
1838
01:23:36,869 --> 01:23:38,271
For real, what was that?
1839
01:23:38,304 --> 01:23:40,740
I got a problem!
What was that?
1840
01:23:40,773 --> 01:23:41,741
I've got a tiny, tiny, tiny
pee-pee, pee-pee.
1841
01:23:43,242 --> 01:23:46,279
Pro-pro-problem.
She-- She-- She--
1842
01:23:46,312 --> 01:23:48,047
Then I got a--
1843
01:23:48,081 --> 01:23:51,217
I got a problem.
I got a tiny pee-pee.
1844
01:23:51,250 --> 01:23:52,885
I never wanted it.
1845
01:23:52,919 --> 01:23:55,588
A tiny, tiny,
tiny pee-pee, pee-pee.
1846
01:23:55,621 --> 01:23:57,857
BOY:
Jake's a premature ejaculator.
1847
01:23:57,890 --> 01:23:58,157
People, premature ejaculation
is nothing to laugh at.
1848
01:24:04,197 --> 01:24:06,299
I'm gonna get you for this,
you little shit!
1849
01:24:08,601 --> 01:24:10,903
In high school, everyone's
got that one magic moment.
1850
01:24:10,937 --> 01:24:13,506
[TRUCK HONKS]
For us, this was it.
1851
01:24:13,539 --> 01:24:14,173
Don't ever say Vic Ramalot
never gave you nothin'.
1852
01:24:17,443 --> 01:24:19,645
[IN UNISON]
Thanks, Mr. Ramalot.
1853
01:24:19,679 --> 01:24:22,248
Let's hit a drive-through.
I could eat.
1854
01:24:22,281 --> 01:24:25,818
[SPOOKIE DALY PRIDE'S
"MARSHMALLOW PIE PIECE" PLAYING]
1855
01:24:25,852 --> 01:24:28,087
[SHOUTING AND LAUGHING]
1856
01:24:28,121 --> 01:24:29,422
Whoo!
1857
01:24:29,455 --> 01:24:30,523
...and tricksters
Chucklehead hipsters
1858
01:24:31,491 --> 01:24:34,127
Hop on for the ride
1859
01:24:34,160 --> 01:24:37,130
We're eatin'
Marshmallow pie
1860
01:24:37,163 --> 01:24:38,698
Hop on for the ride
1861
01:24:39,565 --> 01:24:42,268
We're eatin'
Marshmallow pie
1862
01:24:42,301 --> 01:24:45,538
Hop on for the ride
We're eatin...
1863
01:24:45,571 --> 01:24:46,506
WOMAN [ON TV]:
Oh, oh, that's good.
1864
01:24:47,673 --> 01:24:49,609
Oh, that's so good.
[MAN GRUNTING]
1865
01:24:49,642 --> 01:24:52,111
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that--
Just like that.
1866
01:24:52,145 --> 01:24:53,946
That's right.
Oh, just like that.
1867
01:24:53,980 --> 01:24:55,281
Just like that.
That's right.
1868
01:24:55,314 --> 01:24:57,283
Oh, oh, yeah.
1869
01:24:57,316 --> 01:24:59,619
Oh, boy, why do they always
have to show the guys' faces?
1870
01:24:59,652 --> 01:25:01,087
WOMAN:
Oh, yeah.
1871
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:02,989
Oh, you know,
it's so that guys will think
1872
01:25:03,022 --> 01:25:05,091
that they can get girls
as hot as her.
1873
01:25:05,124 --> 01:25:07,660
It's the basic rule
of porno.
1874
01:25:07,693 --> 01:25:09,595
That's true.
WOMAN: Whoo!
1875
01:25:09,629 --> 01:25:10,596
Oh, my God!
1876
01:25:10,630 --> 01:25:11,164
[HOWLS]
1877
01:25:11,764 --> 01:25:14,700
Is that our basement?
1878
01:25:14,734 --> 01:25:16,569
[ANYTHING BUT JOEY'S "ONE"
PLAYING]
1879
01:25:16,602 --> 01:25:18,404
I'm bitin' this
Love-struck lollipop
1880
01:25:18,438 --> 01:25:19,038
Tradin' licks
To reach the core
1881
01:25:21,307 --> 01:25:23,709
I've never
Been one to be sore
1882
01:25:23,743 --> 01:25:26,546
That I'll never be
The one two, three, four
1883
01:25:26,579 --> 01:25:29,415
Whoa-whoa
Whoa-whoa
1884
01:25:29,449 --> 01:25:32,218
Whoa whoa-oh
1885
01:25:32,251 --> 01:25:35,054
Whoa-whoa
Whoa-whoa
1886
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:35,388
Whoa whoa-oh
1887
01:25:38,124 --> 01:25:39,692
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
1888
01:25:39,725 --> 01:25:41,360
So sorry
So sorry
1889
01:25:41,394 --> 01:25:43,596
I've never been big
On starry eyes
1890
01:25:44,697 --> 01:25:47,533
Defibrillating smiles
1891
01:25:47,567 --> 01:25:50,303
Fascinating minds
1892
01:25:50,336 --> 01:25:51,404
To think that all this time
I don't get one thought
1893
01:25:54,273 --> 01:25:57,677
Or one chance
Or one two, three, four
1894
01:25:57,710 --> 01:26:03,015
Just a little fun
1895
01:26:03,049 --> 01:26:07,653
'Cause all I need is one
1896
01:26:08,988 --> 01:26:10,790
I'm open
I'm open
1897
01:26:10,823 --> 01:26:12,258
Here's hopin'
Here's hopin'
1898
01:26:12,291 --> 01:26:15,094
That I'm invited
1899
01:26:15,128 --> 01:26:15,895
I'm chokin'
I'm chokin'
1900
01:26:16,896 --> 01:26:17,864
Heartbroken
Heartbroken
1901
01:26:17,897 --> 01:26:20,233
Love unrequited
1902
01:26:20,266 --> 01:26:23,803
One thought
Our last chance for one dance
1903
01:26:24,203 --> 01:26:26,339
Or four, three, two
One joke
1904
01:26:26,372 --> 01:26:28,174
I'll steal first base
1905
01:26:28,207 --> 01:26:31,277
Just like Diet Coke
Just for the taste of it
1906
01:26:31,310 --> 01:26:32,845
And one thought
1907
01:26:32,879 --> 01:26:35,581
Of your one-blue
One-green eyes
1908
01:26:35,615 --> 01:26:38,484
And defibrillating smile
1909
01:26:38,518 --> 01:26:40,153
Fascinating mind
1910
01:26:41,220 --> 01:26:43,322
To think that all this time
1911
01:26:43,356 --> 01:26:46,859
I don't get one thought
Or one chance
1912
01:26:46,893 --> 01:26:48,361
Or one two, three, four
1913
01:26:48,461 --> 01:26:53,900
Just a little fun
1914
01:26:53,933 --> 01:26:56,135
'Cause all I need is one
1915
01:26:59,639 --> 01:27:05,244
Just a little fun
1916
01:27:05,278 --> 01:27:11,184
'Cause all I need is one
1917
01:27:11,217 --> 01:27:12,385
I'm open
I'm open
1918
01:27:13,152 --> 01:27:14,720
Here's hopin'
Here's hopin'
1919
01:27:14,754 --> 01:27:17,089
That I'm invited
1920
01:27:17,123 --> 01:27:18,925
I'm chokin'
I'm chokin'
1921
01:27:18,958 --> 01:27:19,926
Heartbroken
Heartbroken
1922
01:27:19,959 --> 01:27:20,626
Love unrequited
1923
01:27:22,461 --> 01:27:24,564
And I will be there
1924
01:27:24,597 --> 01:27:27,934
Always
Always forever
1925
01:27:27,967 --> 01:27:28,501
And I will be there
1926
01:27:30,336 --> 01:27:33,673
Always
Always
1927
01:27:33,706 --> 01:27:39,078
Just a little fun
1928
01:27:39,111 --> 01:27:44,750
'Cause all I need is one
1929
01:27:44,984 --> 01:27:50,423
Just a little fun
1930
01:27:50,456 --> 01:27:52,892
'Cause all I need is one
1931
01:27:53,993 --> 01:27:57,263
Two, three, four
1932
01:27:57,296 --> 01:27:59,699
["ONE" ENDS]
1933
01:27:59,732 --> 01:28:00,833
[]
231816
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