All language subtitles for Leclerc Against the Wall

( theme music playing )

( playing theme music )

some of you may be
itching to know

why i am sitting
at the piano.

the reason is sad but simple.

after an exciting chase,

monsieur leclerc,
our regular pianist,

has just been arrested
by the gestapo

on suspicion of concealing

975,000 forged francs

down his trousers.

at the time of his arrest

he was disguised
as a pillow stuffer

with...

with feathers in his hat,

because he was delivering
two parachutes

to help the british airmen
escape inside

two dummy land mines
which are to be attached

to a german bomber
and dropped over london.

this simple little plot

was hatched by
british intelligence

in between doing crossword
puzzles and reading a paper

which i believe
to be called "the beano."

rene,

- here is my music.
- ah.

how good it is
to see you

at the piano
once more.

do you remember the way
you used to play for me
when we first met?

i played in all the bars
in those days.

i was know
as syncopated sydney.

oh, play for me
once again, rene.

♪ i love you as i've
never loved before ♪

( off-key )
♪ loved before ♪

♪ since first i met you
on the village green ♪

♪ village green ♪

♪ come to me ere my dream
of life is o'er ♪

♪ life is o'er ♪

♪ i love you
as i loved you ♪

♪ when you were sweet ♪

both:
♪ when we were sweet ♪

♪ sixteen. ♪

oh, rene, how it all
comes flooding back.

just like a typhoon.

do you remember the way
i used to sing for you

under the old willow tree
by the river?

oh, yes indeed.

the trouble i had
lugging this piano down there.

why do we not
get married again, rene?

( rene plays bad notes )

what have we got to lose?

well...

are you afraid i might
run off with a younger man?

that could be
one of the problems, yes.

i would not do it.

i am in the autumn
of my life.

there is the hammer toe
on my right foot,

the bunion on my left,

and the first murmurings
of sciatica in my right hip.

you might still hobble off
with a younger man.

i promise you, rene,

i will be by your side
24 hours a day.

what do you say?

edith,

edith, i do not
know one man

who could resist
such an offer,

but you have forgotten
denise laroque,

the leader of
the communist resistance,

she is wild about me.

she would kill
any woman whose lips

even brushed
against mine.

oh, rene,
you are my wonder man.

always you think
only of me.

oh, let me kiss
those magic fingers.

one of denise's friends
might see us through the window.

i have good news,
herr flick.

i have finally caught
the wandering pillow stuffer.

he is outside.

then bring him in.

bring the prisoner
in here!

leave us.

i suppose you thought
because van smallhausen

was very small
and walked with a limp

that you could outpace him.

little do you know
he was the cross-country

limping champion
of westphalia.

listen to me,
pillow stuffer.

an anonymous person
informed us on the telephone

that you have something
of great value in your trousers.

was it madame lenare
from the dress shop?

we are not concerned with
the identity of the informant.

berlin, however,
is interested in

the contents
of your trousers.

the whole of berlin,
or just hitler?

take them off!

if you please, sir,
i would rather not.

von smallhausen?

yes, herr flick.

remove the trousers.

yes, herr flick.

not you, the prisoner.

yes, herr flick.

very well.

i will do this

under protest.

what do you think,
von smallhausen?

rather disappointing,
herr flick.

where is it?

where is what?

the forged money.

i know nothing
of any forged money.

lock him up while i decide
what to do with him.

but if i could...

yes, general.

of course, general.

it is indeed
terrible news, general.

you may rely on me
to act instantly.

the resistance have stolen
two of our latest land mines.

not the mark vi?

the mark vi.

( spits; cuspidor rings )

those damned resistance people
are getting very cheeky.

they make you look
the right monkey, no?

( cuspidor rings )

i think maybe
they blow you up.

we must find
these land mines at once.

( spits )

in case they plan
to blow up your place,

i think i go to my place.

a typical wop reaction.

we face being blown up
24 hours a day,

don't we, gruber?

i prefer not
to think about it.

do you see me twitching?

do you see me
looking nervous?

no. i have more important
things to think about.

aaagh!

it is all right,
colonel,

it was only
captain bertorelli.

silly schoolboy prank.

colonel,
i have serious news.

what is it, helga?

in his quest for the missing
gestapo forged francs,

herr flick has arrested
the old piano player
from the cafe.

what's serious about that?
he's only a frenchman.

two minutes before
he would have taken me,

bertorelli,
italian war hero.

somebody,
he tell the gestapo

i have 975,000 francs

down my trousers.

herr flick has announced that
if the money is not returned,

the pianist will be taken
to the town square and shot.

that's not important.

the money's at the cafe.

rene can return it
anonymously.

captain bertorelli,

where precisely
did you put it?

one of the waitresses,

the one with
the little body

and the big mouth,

she stuff it
inside the oven.

gruber, what is
your relationship with rene?

i think he trusts me.

it is possible
he knows something
about the land mines.

go and see him.

help him get the money
back to the gestapo.

worm your way
into his confidence.

he might drop something.

we can but hope.

mamma!

what are you doing
out of bed?

too long i have been
up in that room

starving on
what you give me.

so i am cooking myself
a big baked potato.

oh, mamma,
you are a wonder.

edith, we have customers.

what is this old bat
doing down here?

is it not wonderful, rene?
her appetite has returned.

she is going to have
a big baked potato.

potato?

where did she get it?

where did you
get it from?

you concealed it
from me--

from behind the cistern
in the bathroom.

inside that potato
is the spy camera

for photographing
the german invasion plans.

- what have you done with it?
- it is in the oven!

the forged money
is in the oven!

my god!

( coughing )

is it done?

done?

you have just burned
a spy camera

and 1,000,000 francs.

do not worry, rene,
it was forged money.

it is the camera
i am worried about.

well, i am not to blame.
i shall tell the resistance

that it was this
deaf old crone
that did it.

then i shall
tell the germans
about the paintings,

and the airmen,

and the stolen
land mines.

ha ha ha--

i can finger you,
buddy,

and get you sent
to the big house
just like that!

is there no end
to the evil in this woman?

get her back to her bedroom
and bung up her ear trumpet.

rene, that british idiot
who thinks he can speak french

is in the cafe.
he is asking for you.

oh my god.

good moaning.

good moaning.

i have bad nose.

this piece of poper
has been pisted...

on the wills of
the town squeer.

it is a picture of
monsieur leclerc.

without his trousers!

unless the money
stolen from the gestapo

is returned
within 24 hours,

this man will be shot
in the town square.

what are we going to do?
we cannot let them
shoot the pianist.

we cannot give them
back the money.

your mother has just burnt it
in the oven.

it seems to moo that things
are gooing from bid to woss.

could we not
forge some more money
to give to the gestapo?

how can we?
the forger is the one
they are going to shoot!

under threat of death,

he may reveal our connection
with the resistance.

we could all be shot
in the town square.

and all because your mother
wanted a baked potato.

i know monsieur leclerc,

he is a brave man.

he will hold out
to the very last moment,

bravely hoping the money
will be returned.

and when it
is not returned?

he will drop us in it.

rene, lieutenant gruber,
the one that fancies you,

is coming across
the town square.

act normally.

i've been doing that
for weeks.

it does not
discourage him.

i will goo down
the back pissige.

ah, rene.

ah, lieutenant gruber,
come in.

your usual?

thank you.

you look pale,
and your hands
are trembling.

well, it is the worry
about the war

and hoping that
you will win,
of course.

i have come to help you give
that money back to the gestapo

so that your pianist
can be released.

lieutenant, that will be
a little difficult.

my wife's mother has just
cooked the money for lunch.

oh dear, this is
not good news.

however, rene,
all is not lost.

you have, i take it,
heard the expression,

if you scratch my back,
then i will scratch your back?

it is not one i use
every day, but yes.

i could very likely
help you

if you could
let something drop.

i see.

on the other hand,
he was not a very
good pianist.

do you have any information
as to the whereabouts

of the stolen land mines?

no, lieutenant,
but should i hear
anything

i will, of course,
let you know at once.

because if they
were returned,

i am sure i could arrange
for the release of the pianist.

i see.

remember, rene,
my door is always open.

i am sure it is,
lieutenant.

by the way,
i have moved my room.

i now have one with
a most beautiful view.

it is at the very top
of the west tower.

it is always good to have
a friend in high places.

oh, rene, what a wag.

yvette!

we must at once make
contact with michelle.

the only way
to secure the release
of monsieur leclerc

is by giving back
the land mines.

she is across
the town square

in the yard
of the builder,

with the airmen.

you finish serving
these customers

and then we will
go to her.

helen,
are the airmen inside?

they have been in there
for one hour.

- one hour?
- it is the time
it will take

for the german bomber
to get from france
to england.

they should be
acclimatized by now.

i think they are
still breathing.

good, we will now
practice their release.

- hello.
- hello.

now listen, chaps.
we'll pretend you're

somewhere over
england at 5,000 feet.

the bombs
will be dropped,

they'll be slowed down
by a small parachute,

so that will give you
about 30 seconds

to unscrew your nuts,

you will open the top,
and climb out.

next, you sit
astride the bomb,

pull out your parachute,
adjust the webbing,

jump off and pull
the rip cord.
is that clear?

it's rather a lot
to remember.

is there any chance
of writing it down?

you couldn't
read in the dark.

good thinking.

right.

stand by.

to represent
the release

we will both
give you a bang

with a hammer.

shut your traps.

on the count of three,

one, two, three.

( loud bang )

both:
ohh! ow!

i say, do you
have to do that?

it went
right through me.

couldn't you just tap
with your hand gently?

all right, chaps.
start again.

30,

29,

28,

27,

26,

25,

24,

23,

22,

21,

20,

19,

- 18...
- what is going on?

the airmen are
practicing their escape.

they have 30 seconds before
they hit the ground.

( wrench clanks on floor )

i've dropped the spanner.

can i borrow yours?

don't be silly.

here it is.
start again.

thanks awfully.

one, two, three...

listen, if we do not get
these bombs back to the germans

they are going to shoot
the pianist.

impossible, they cannot
have them.

i say!

i've got a crossed thread
on one of my nuts.

helen, give it a bang
with your hammer.

ow!

why do you not give the germans
back their money?

it has been cooked
with the potato

by his wife's mother.

can you get nothing right?

hurray!

i've done it.

england, here i come!

i say, fairfax,

don't forget
your parachute.

oh, of course.
silly me.

( clanging )

i've dropped
my spanner again.

here, have mine.

i've finished with it.

thanks.

there is only one course
open to us.

we must get on the radio

and ask british intelligence
to help us.

if this is an example
of their handiwork,

i do not think
we have much hope.

what do i do next?

pull the rip cord.

you know, i'm not too keen
on this idea.

herr flick of the gestapo!

i have here
orders from berlin

requiring you to provide
a firing squad to execute

the wandering pillow stuffer.

if the money
is not returned,

you are to shoot him
in the town square

at 7:00 in the morning.

it is signed by
heinrich himmler.

i keep this.

me, i collect
the autographs.

those are your orders,
that is all.

heil hitler.

( all meekly )
heil hitler.

this is going to make us
very unpopular.

especially you, gruber.

colonel,

i did it last time.

i really don't think
it is my turn.

i think you are right.

bertorelli, you wanted
to be in this war,

your troops can
do the shooting.

me? oh no.

me and my men

we are all
italian war heroes.

we do not shoot
old pianists,

even the lousy ones.

i am your superior officer.

you will do as i say,

or i will
report you to berlin,

hitler will hear about it,

he will tell mussolini

and he will send you
to the desert

to fight montgomery.

he is the one
with two badges
in his hat.

oh, no!

please, colonel.

not the one with
two badges in his hat.

i talk to my men,

we shoot the pianist.

what is happening?

there is no sign yet
of monsieur leclerc.

what is the time?

it is 10 minutes
to 7:00.

oh, look!

there is
the firing squad.

a right, a left,
a right, a left...

keep up the step!

a left, a right,
a left, a right...

make the halt!

make the right turn!

make the stand at easy.

and move your feet,

move your feet.

get in line!

good.

good moaning.

where have you been?

the r.a.f. was supposed to
drop that money last night.

i wetted all night
in the woods...

flushing my titch.

then why did
they not come?

the bummers
pissed overhead,

but the clods
were very loo,

and it was
a bit figgy.

it is monsieur leclerc!

oh, the poor man.

is no need to push.

make the attention!

if the money
is not returned
in two minutes,

the wandering
pillow stuffer

will die.

give him the money!

oh, roger, have courage!

keep you chin up.

i have prayed
for the money.

a fat lot of good
it is doing!

load the guns!

what happens if he cracks
at the last minute

and drops us right in it?

do not worry.

i have guns trained on him
by our markswoman.

you have
one last chance

to tell us where
you have hidden
the money.

very well,

i will tell you
everything.

she missed!

edith, what did you do
with that hand grenade?

the bummers.

capitano, is a raid!

we come back later, eh?

you stay where you are.

you take the aim, okay?

come on!

♪ i see children of
the marseillaise ♪

♪ shout freedom... ♪

michelle, rene,

look!

it is
the 1,000,000 francs!

in the nick of tomb.

pardon me interrupting,
herr flick,

but the money is here.

fellahs, quick!
grab the dough!

you no grab the dough,
you take the aim.

( theme music playing )