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1
00:00:03,844 --> 00:00:04,978
Guys, guess what I found--
my set list
2
00:00:05,045 --> 00:00:06,179
from when I did stand-up
in fifth grade.
3
00:00:07,714 --> 00:00:09,215
What is the deal
4
00:00:09,283 --> 00:00:11,417
with these moms who make lunch?
5
00:00:11,485 --> 00:00:13,486
Have you seen this? Have you
heard about this, Kelvin?
6
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:16,188
I mean, why are you writing me
a note, you silly goose?
7
00:00:16,256 --> 00:00:19,391
I know you love me.
You told me this morning!
8
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:23,095
And what is the deal
with these juice box straws?
9
00:00:23,163 --> 00:00:25,998
I mean, how hard
does it have to be
10
00:00:26,065 --> 00:00:27,800
to get the facacta thing
in the hole?
11
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,868
It just spills all over ya!
12
00:00:29,936 --> 00:00:31,269
And then I have
a bunch of stuff about, like,
13
00:00:31,336 --> 00:00:33,570
the difference between
little girls and little boys.
14
00:00:33,638 --> 00:00:35,339
You know,
little girls be sharin'.
15
00:00:35,407 --> 00:00:37,175
They be sharin', man.
Little girls be sharin'.
16
00:00:37,242 --> 00:00:38,609
It's funny 'cause it's a list.
17
00:00:40,078 --> 00:00:42,213
Oh, boo. You're not laughing.
What's wrong?
18
00:00:42,281 --> 00:00:44,015
You consto?
19
00:00:44,082 --> 00:00:46,784
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just bummed
about work junk.
20
00:00:46,851 --> 00:00:48,852
The car czar and his cronies
are this total boys club,
21
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,020
and I can't get in.
22
00:00:50,087 --> 00:00:51,487
Whoa.
23
00:00:51,555 --> 00:00:52,689
Look at the sunny-side ups
on that breakfast platter.
24
00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:53,857
Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm!
25
00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:55,292
Hey, boys.
26
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,160
What are we doin'?
Looking at some girly pics?
27
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:59,362
I can get in with that.
28
00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:02,199
Ahh, yeah, to think that she is
somebody's daughter.
29
00:01:04,167 --> 00:01:05,667
She was once a baby...
30
00:01:05,735 --> 00:01:07,169
In a nursery.
31
00:01:07,237 --> 00:01:10,172
It is infuriating.
32
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,440
Baby, calm down.
33
00:01:11,507 --> 00:01:14,109
You're forgetting
your sexy secret weapon.
34
00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:15,845
My Jack Nicholson impression.
35
00:01:15,912 --> 00:01:17,079
Hmm?
36
00:01:17,147 --> 00:01:18,513
Lakers.
37
00:01:18,581 --> 00:01:20,448
No. Me!
38
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:21,850
I'm amazing at guy talk.
39
00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:24,385
Just invite the guys over,
and I'll help you get in.
40
00:01:24,453 --> 00:01:25,486
I'll be your guy guide.
41
00:01:25,554 --> 00:01:26,687
Your guyde.
42
00:01:26,755 --> 00:01:28,223
Yep, already a word.
43
00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:29,490
Realized it
as soon as I said it.
44
00:01:29,558 --> 00:01:31,092
- Yeah.
- Hey, guys.
45
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,460
- Hey!
- Whazzup!
46
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,195
What-- question mark--
is-- question mark-- that?
47
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,463
I just went to see Dr. Spratt
48
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,598
about my little spill
down the stairs,
49
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,533
and apparently, I still have
a mild concussion,
50
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,871
and I have to wear
this stupid helmet for a month.
51
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,772
You look like a crayon
a fat kid would eat.
52
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,075
Did you valet your kayak
or did you find street parking?
53
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,209
Let's go around the horn!
54
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,977
Yeah, did you, uh... oh...
55
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,678
Helmet joke. I just wanted in.
56
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,513
You know what? I think this is
really good because...
57
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:56,082
you do hit your head a lot.
58
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,449
Aah!
59
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,085
I'm going down. Oh!
Ohh!
60
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,552
Okay? Aah!
61
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,788
Yeah, I don't remember
any of that.
62
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,591
Maybe because of the concussion.
63
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:07,192
How did I get here?
64
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:08,693
Penny.
65
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,262
Penny. Penny.
66
00:02:10,329 --> 00:02:11,963
Pen.
67
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:13,531
- Penny.
- Stop.
68
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,201
Stop. It's not funny.
69
00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:22,838
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:02:26,278 --> 00:02:30,347
Goal!
71
00:02:30,415 --> 00:02:31,648
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- All right,
72
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,650
enough with the showboating,
ya tiny Hooligan.
73
00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,252
It's bad enough we're
getting beat by someone
74
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,389
who's only slightly larger than
the actual foosball players.
75
00:02:38,456 --> 00:02:40,056
I'm sorry.
76
00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:46,296
You had to take her
to a soccer game?
77
00:02:46,363 --> 00:02:47,863
It will never catch on here.
78
00:02:47,932 --> 00:02:49,532
Oh, great.
79
00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:51,334
There's Brody.
I hate that douche.
80
00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:52,936
Oh. Are you kidding me?
81
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:55,137
This guy is
a world-class dum-dum.
82
00:02:55,204 --> 00:02:57,439
I think you guys are being
pretty hard on Brody.
83
00:02:57,506 --> 00:02:58,974
He seems like
a funny, nice guy,
84
00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:01,509
plus his name has the word
"bro" built right into it.
85
00:03:01,577 --> 00:03:05,013
Yo, D. Rose!
What's up, gangsta?
86
00:03:05,081 --> 00:03:06,614
How's it going, Brody?
87
00:03:06,682 --> 00:03:08,817
- Just crushin' life, bro.
- Congrats.
88
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,485
Whoa! Still hanging out
with the nutcracker, huh?
89
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:13,220
- The nutcracker!
- Classic Brody!
90
00:03:13,288 --> 00:03:15,056
Ohh!
91
00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:16,390
Your hand's a turkey, bro.
92
00:03:18,693 --> 00:03:19,994
Wild turkey.
93
00:03:20,062 --> 00:03:21,462
Ohh!
94
00:03:21,529 --> 00:03:24,131
What a sick jerk.
95
00:03:24,199 --> 00:03:25,699
I know.
96
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,167
Why can't he understand that
Alex and I have transcended--
97
00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:29,502
- Not your crap! The fist bump!
- What?
98
00:03:29,570 --> 00:03:32,505
A fist bump is a sacred contract
between the fists of men.
99
00:03:32,573 --> 00:03:33,840
You don't go playing around,
100
00:03:33,907 --> 00:03:35,741
turning people's hands
into turkeys.
101
00:03:35,809 --> 00:03:39,579
I don't like that guy,
and I want it on record.
102
00:03:39,646 --> 00:03:41,448
We've been over this.
There is no actual record.
103
00:03:41,515 --> 00:03:43,648
Then why are we doing
any of this?
104
00:03:43,716 --> 00:03:45,951
Okay, babe, get ready
to follow me into the boys club.
105
00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:47,886
All guys love college football,
106
00:03:47,954 --> 00:03:49,221
so I'm gonna bring it up,
107
00:03:49,289 --> 00:03:51,090
then you launch into your tirade
about the BCS.
108
00:03:51,157 --> 00:03:52,924
We need
a legitimate playoff system!
109
00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:54,193
- Mm!
- Let's do it.
110
00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,195
- Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh!
- Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh!
111
00:03:58,298 --> 00:04:00,631
Everybody having a good time?
112
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,600
- Great party, Jane.
- Mm-hmm.
113
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:03,968
Oh, except for
these veggie puff things.
114
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,570
You got anything with some...
animal in it?
115
00:04:06,638 --> 00:04:08,672
You know, something that
used to have a mom?
116
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,875
Speaking of moms...
117
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:13,077
I see a lot of college football
fans around here, huh?
118
00:04:13,145 --> 00:04:14,645
Man, do I approve of the BCS!
119
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,382
No! We need a legitimate
playoff system! Huh!
120
00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:21,418
I'm not a fan
of college, uh, football.
121
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,555
Hey! Oh!
122
00:04:25,623 --> 00:04:27,657
I love this candle, Jane!
123
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,759
Oh! Where did you get this?
124
00:04:29,827 --> 00:04:33,595
Well, actually, I made it in my
candle studio/our laundry room.
125
00:04:33,663 --> 00:04:34,963
Really?
126
00:04:35,032 --> 00:04:36,999
- Yeah.
- Would you show me how you do it?
127
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,068
Uh-oh! You did it now, Brad.
128
00:04:39,136 --> 00:04:40,369
You found her hobby...
129
00:04:40,437 --> 00:04:41,837
Making bad versions
130
00:04:41,905 --> 00:04:43,939
of things that you could
just easily buy in a store.
131
00:04:45,409 --> 00:04:48,076
But, by all means, show her how
you make that thing.
132
00:04:48,144 --> 00:04:50,045
Yeah.
Show me how you make it.
133
00:04:50,112 --> 00:04:51,746
Show me.
Show me, show me, show me!
134
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,381
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me. Don't leave me.
135
00:04:53,449 --> 00:04:55,517
Unh!
136
00:04:56,785 --> 00:04:59,387
So...
137
00:04:59,455 --> 00:05:02,023
you and the guys wanna
go check out some porno?
138
00:05:02,091 --> 00:05:04,191
Get some eyes on some thighs?
139
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:06,793
Some peepers on some creepers?
140
00:05:06,861 --> 00:05:09,596
Some rods and cones on some...
141
00:05:09,664 --> 00:05:12,666
bwras and thowngs?
142
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:15,769
No.
143
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:17,871
This helmet thing
isn't that bad.
144
00:05:17,939 --> 00:05:20,373
I mean, we just need
to cute it up, right?
145
00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:22,308
- Here. Take that off.
- Try this one.
146
00:05:22,376 --> 00:05:24,043
Eh? Come on, it's pink.
147
00:05:24,111 --> 00:05:25,445
All right.
148
00:05:25,512 --> 00:05:27,413
This is so stupid.
149
00:05:27,481 --> 00:05:29,549
What? I think it's cute.
150
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,385
Oh! So sorry. Sorry.
Oh.
151
00:05:32,453 --> 00:05:33,819
Oh, no.
Don't worry about it.
152
00:05:33,887 --> 00:05:35,687
Actually, I read somewhere
that wearing a helmet
153
00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:38,156
reduces your peripheral vision
by 40%.
154
00:05:38,224 --> 00:05:39,824
- Really?
- No, I can't read.
155
00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:42,494
I'm, uh, I'm Pete.
156
00:05:42,562 --> 00:05:44,262
- Oh. Penny. Hello.
- Penny.
157
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:46,431
- Helmet shopping, I see.
- Well...
158
00:05:46,499 --> 00:05:48,533
I'm, uh, I'm looking
for a lock myself.
159
00:05:48,601 --> 00:05:49,867
There's a hobo
in my neighborhood
160
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:51,469
who keeps trying
to steal my bike.
161
00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,036
Nice use
of the word "hobo."
162
00:05:53,105 --> 00:05:54,505
Makes him seem more quaint,
right?
163
00:05:54,573 --> 00:05:55,672
A "quaint"?
164
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:56,907
Isn't that the space
165
00:05:56,975 --> 00:05:59,210
between a gal's goal
and her penalty box?
166
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:01,011
I'm sorry.
167
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:02,879
I'm gonna be
kinda forward here.
168
00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:05,583
Do you wanna get a coffee
with me sometime?
169
00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:09,119
I would love to.
I would love to.
170
00:06:09,186 --> 00:06:13,089
But you know what? I've got
so much going on. So slammed.
171
00:06:13,157 --> 00:06:14,690
No, it's okay.
It's totally okay.
172
00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:16,826
Can't, uh, can't blame a guy
for trying.
173
00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:19,929
- All right.
- Okay.
174
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:22,165
- Are you crazy? He's beautiful.
- I know.
175
00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:23,599
- He's soo cyah.
- So cyah.
176
00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:26,502
So cyah. I can't go on a date
wearing this.
177
00:06:26,569 --> 00:06:28,937
Come on. He could be your
soul mate, your kindred spirit,
178
00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:30,405
your "One Tree Hill".
179
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,107
That's not the saying,
but you're right.
180
00:06:32,175 --> 00:06:34,776
I cannot let this thing
hold me back.
181
00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:36,178
I have helmet.
182
00:06:36,246 --> 00:06:38,980
- Helmet doesn't have me.
- That's right.
183
00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:42,350
- Hey, Pete?
- Hmm?
184
00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:44,552
Um, I'm actually in
for that coffee.
185
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,187
Great!
What changed your mind?
186
00:06:46,255 --> 00:06:48,489
Uh, just some advice
from a friend.
187
00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:49,757
She's very wise.
188
00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:54,762
This one's top-notch.
Barely felt that.
189
00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:56,263
Ah, she's a gem.
190
00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:03,934
Four sandos and counting.
191
00:07:04,002 --> 00:07:06,037
What's with the big appetite,
hungry puppy?
192
00:07:06,104 --> 00:07:08,473
I'm carbo-fueling
my rage for Brody.
193
00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:09,874
Come on, man.
It was just a fist bump.
194
00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:12,377
It was...
Not just a fist bump!
195
00:07:12,444 --> 00:07:14,011
I'm sensitive, okay?
196
00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:16,548
This is not the first time
I've been handshake-betrayed.
197
00:07:16,615 --> 00:07:18,282
It was the fifth damn grade.
198
00:07:18,349 --> 00:07:20,450
Jimmy Nichols offered me
a high-fiver.
199
00:07:20,518 --> 00:07:22,286
I accepted.
200
00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:25,622
Why not?
It would be rude not to.
201
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:26,657
Then he offered me one
down low.
202
00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:27,791
Took that as well.
203
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:29,526
Bam!
204
00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:32,428
Pulled that "too slow" crap
205
00:07:32,496 --> 00:07:34,329
just like the cheatin'
half-Italian bastard
206
00:07:34,397 --> 00:07:35,564
that he was.
207
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:41,303
School would no longer be
208
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,572
a safe place
for me to shake hands.
209
00:07:46,576 --> 00:07:47,776
Dave?
210
00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:50,612
Down low, too slow.
211
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,046
David?
212
00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:53,848
All that pain...
213
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:55,149
What's happening?
214
00:07:55,217 --> 00:07:56,718
It's my fault.
215
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,388
I invented
"down low, too slow."
216
00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:02,690
What?
217
00:08:02,758 --> 00:08:04,726
I did this to you.
218
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:05,826
What are you talking about?
219
00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:07,828
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
220
00:08:07,895 --> 00:08:09,162
- Dave!
- I'm sorry!
221
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:11,464
What are you talk--
what about your truck?!
222
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,666
What are you talking about,
Candice?
223
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:14,467
You'd look great with bangs.
224
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,069
May I? Watch.
225
00:08:16,137 --> 00:08:19,405
- Look at that. See?
- All right.
226
00:08:19,473 --> 00:08:21,874
So then Denise
comes back from the garden center
227
00:08:21,942 --> 00:08:22,975
- with another fountain.
- Ohh!
228
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:24,409
That makes three.
229
00:08:24,477 --> 00:08:27,013
Oh! Hey, hey, hey!
I'm feeling you, guy.
230
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,981
If shopping
were an olympic sport,
231
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:31,416
my wife would be...
232
00:08:31,484 --> 00:08:32,752
a fat bitch.
233
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:36,555
Ohh!
234
00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:37,689
How you doin'?
235
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,360
You guys think
your wives are bad?
236
00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:44,129
Brad is so spoiled,
237
00:08:44,196 --> 00:08:46,397
he can't sing "Louie, Louie"
238
00:08:46,465 --> 00:08:49,267
without adding the words
"Vuitton, Vuitton."
239
00:08:57,108 --> 00:09:00,010
Who knew?! Ha ha! Kerkovich!
240
00:09:00,078 --> 00:09:02,546
Gettin' loose
with the spousal abuse!
241
00:09:02,613 --> 00:09:03,681
- Mm.
- Wow!
242
00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:04,882
Hey, let me ask you something.
243
00:09:04,949 --> 00:09:06,917
Is there
a 10-inch whore here?
244
00:09:06,985 --> 00:09:08,385
'Cause that was a low blow!
245
00:09:08,452 --> 00:09:09,519
Ohh!
246
00:09:09,587 --> 00:09:10,687
Give me that, dum-dum.
247
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:12,388
That's for you.
248
00:09:12,455 --> 00:09:13,522
Oh.
249
00:09:17,027 --> 00:09:18,627
Hi!
250
00:09:18,696 --> 00:09:20,663
Wow!
Well.
251
00:09:20,731 --> 00:09:22,231
Listen, I know we talked
about coffee,
252
00:09:22,299 --> 00:09:24,366
but I thought we could do
something a little different,
253
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:27,435
so I booked us
on a segway tour.
254
00:09:27,503 --> 00:09:28,970
What?
255
00:09:29,038 --> 00:09:30,205
Wow. Um...
256
00:09:30,272 --> 00:09:32,473
Thoughts? Comments?
Concerns?
257
00:09:32,541 --> 00:09:33,975
Uh, okay. We could do that.
258
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:35,177
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
259
00:09:35,244 --> 00:09:36,845
I mean, it's gonna be awesome.
260
00:09:36,913 --> 00:09:38,180
I know it's lame that they make
us wear these stupid helmets.
261
00:09:38,247 --> 00:09:40,348
I was all,
"um, I think we're cool.
262
00:09:40,416 --> 00:09:41,649
We're not gonna, like,
263
00:09:41,717 --> 00:09:43,483
accidentally bang our heads
on stuff."
264
00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:45,619
And the segway guy was all,
"the president of our company
265
00:09:45,687 --> 00:09:47,021
actually died tragically
on one of these."
266
00:09:47,089 --> 00:09:49,857
And I was all,
"I'm sorry for your loss."
267
00:09:49,925 --> 00:09:51,726
Okay, well, uh, let's segway.
268
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,360
- Let's segway!
- Let's segway.
269
00:09:53,428 --> 00:09:54,595
- Okay, the tour company
is around the corner. - Okay.
270
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:55,696
- Follow me, sir.
- Yeah.
271
00:09:55,764 --> 00:09:57,098
But it's very intuitive.
272
00:09:57,165 --> 00:09:58,164
It's kind of an art,
is what I'm...
273
00:09:58,232 --> 00:09:59,298
Oh. Look out. Jeez.
274
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,934
- Penny, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
275
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,836
Honestly, this could not be
easier to do, in a weird way.
276
00:10:04,105 --> 00:10:06,840
That's it, Penny.
Try leaning another way.
277
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,842
Okay.
278
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,676
Then try...
279
00:10:10,745 --> 00:10:12,178
- You're dragging a chair.
- I think-- I know.
280
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:13,512
- Just-- just...
- Yeah, no, I'm...
281
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,615
- Hiya!
- That's it. You got that.
282
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:17,883
Yeah!
283
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,986
Ohh.
Great party, Jane.
284
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,188
And thanks for the scotch.
285
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,758
That was the second-best
18-year-old I've had all week.
286
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,993
Ohh!
287
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,361
He's just playing.
288
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,129
- Yes, he is.
- Y-yeah. Yeah.
289
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:34,165
Playing with breasts that aren't
attached to someone I hate.
290
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,332
What?!
291
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,734
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
292
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,669
- Unh!
- Aah!
293
00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:39,971
Aah!
294
00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:41,672
His humor
makes me uncomfortable.
295
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,207
They're fine.
296
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:46,042
Baby, I am so sorry I left you
hanging with the guys.
297
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,511
I got caught up with the wives,
and they would not let me go.
298
00:10:48,579 --> 00:10:50,113
It all worked out.
299
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:52,315
I got to shoot the bull
with the boys club all night.
300
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:54,918
And they invited me
301
00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:57,788
to watch a game
with them after work!
302
00:10:57,855 --> 00:10:59,022
Oh, that's great!
I got invited out, too.
303
00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:00,590
The gals want me to go
to their spinning class
304
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:01,824
and then have salads
afterwards.
305
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:02,992
Look at us--
306
00:11:03,059 --> 00:11:05,194
me in the boys club,
307
00:11:05,262 --> 00:11:06,996
you hangin'
with the trophy wives.
308
00:11:07,063 --> 00:11:08,230
Yeah!
309
00:11:08,298 --> 00:11:10,099
Hold up.
310
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,600
Are you calling me
a trophy wife?
311
00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:12,734
W--
312
00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:14,003
'Cause that's awesome!
313
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:15,604
Yeah! Unh!
314
00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:16,972
- Mmm! Mmm!
- Mmm! Mmm!
315
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,306
Oh, you did it.
316
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,541
- Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh!
- You did it. Unh!
317
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:21,676
Yes! Yes!
318
00:11:21,743 --> 00:11:23,244
How are we doing, Brad?
319
00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:24,879
Great! Yeah!
320
00:11:24,947 --> 00:11:26,981
Ha ha! Aah!
321
00:11:27,049 --> 00:11:28,649
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
322
00:11:28,717 --> 00:11:29,818
Yeah!
323
00:11:29,885 --> 00:11:30,952
- Hey!
- Yeah!
324
00:11:33,422 --> 00:11:34,888
- Aah! Oh!
- Aah!
325
00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:40,093
You just got car czared!
326
00:11:40,161 --> 00:11:41,862
Ohh! That was the best ever!
327
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,598
So... how are things going
with Pete?
328
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:45,833
Not great.
329
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,167
I mean, I really like him
330
00:11:47,235 --> 00:11:49,437
and I even gave us
our own couple name.
331
00:11:49,504 --> 00:11:51,571
P&P Romance Factory.
332
00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:54,974
But I do think he's getting
a little weirded out
333
00:11:55,042 --> 00:11:57,510
that I only wanna go on dates
where we wear helmets.
334
00:11:57,578 --> 00:12:00,313
Yesterday, we took
a moped safety course.
335
00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:01,548
Well, I'm glad you came to me
336
00:12:01,615 --> 00:12:02,749
because I--
you're welcome--
337
00:12:02,817 --> 00:12:05,485
took it upon myself
to fix your problem.
338
00:12:05,553 --> 00:12:07,453
Hey, guys.
339
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,421
Have you seen Dave?
340
00:12:09,489 --> 00:12:11,056
He ran out of the truck
yesterday, acting really weird,
341
00:12:11,123 --> 00:12:12,491
and he's been...
342
00:12:14,561 --> 00:12:16,662
You can still tell I'm wearing
a helmet, can't you?
343
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:19,865
Al, I don't think
this is gonna work.
344
00:12:19,932 --> 00:12:21,867
Really? I think they're great.
345
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:23,534
I don't know what
the two of you are up to.
346
00:12:23,602 --> 00:12:25,636
I think it's amazing.
I want no part of it.
347
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:28,272
I need to go find Dave. So make
yourself useful and help me!
348
00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:34,144
Oh, no. This is bad.
He's into the sangria.
349
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:35,312
What do you want?
350
00:12:35,381 --> 00:12:37,415
Good God, man!
351
00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:39,115
That is the worst sangria mouth
I've ever seen
352
00:12:39,183 --> 00:12:40,784
on a non-spaniard.
353
00:12:40,852 --> 00:12:43,253
All the pain you suffered
from "down low, too slow"...
354
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,654
it's my fault.
355
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,856
- Oh.
- Dave...
356
00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:47,524
I don't think
that you created--
357
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:51,795
I was 10 years old.
I high-fived Becky Lutz.
358
00:12:51,863 --> 00:12:53,263
Then I offered her one
lower down.
359
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:54,697
"Down low," we called it.
360
00:12:54,765 --> 00:12:57,099
She swung for my hand,
and I pulled it away,
361
00:12:57,166 --> 00:12:59,668
and then the rhyme
spilled from my lips...
362
00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:01,670
like poison.
363
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:04,774
"Too slow."
364
00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:07,109
Becky died that summer...
365
00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:08,544
Whoa! Unexpected turn.
366
00:13:08,612 --> 00:13:10,812
"My Girl"-style.
367
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:11,946
Bees.
368
00:13:12,014 --> 00:13:13,180
You know when you're young
369
00:13:13,248 --> 00:13:14,482
and you get something
in your head
370
00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:15,784
and no one corrects you,
but you keep believing it
371
00:13:15,851 --> 00:13:17,519
- even though it's crazy?
- Yeah.
372
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:20,121
Till I was 13, I used to think
"L-M-N-O" was one letter.
373
00:13:20,188 --> 00:13:21,556
You're an idiot.
374
00:13:21,624 --> 00:13:22,657
I'm an idiot?
375
00:13:22,725 --> 00:13:23,858
What comes after Tuesday?
376
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:25,092
Wed-nes-day.
377
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,493
- I'm sorry. I didn't...
- Wed-nes-day.
378
00:13:26,561 --> 00:13:27,961
Who knows how many lives
I've ruined,
379
00:13:28,029 --> 00:13:30,697
how many dreams I've burgled?!
380
00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:31,832
- Maybe we should
just tell him. - I know.
381
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,601
I gotta make this right.
382
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:37,871
I'm gonna use my knowledge
of handshake trickery
383
00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:41,942
and teach you a countermove
to the turkey fist bump.
384
00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:44,544
You can take Brody down.
385
00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:47,112
This may be
386
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,816
the single dumbest thing
387
00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:52,852
that have I ever
been associated with,
388
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,220
and I love it and I'm in.
389
00:13:55,288 --> 00:13:57,457
Mmm, mmm.
390
00:13:57,524 --> 00:13:58,558
Ahh.
391
00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:00,259
Ugh. Good God.
392
00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:07,404
I like that.
Yeah.
393
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,671
Hey, boo!
394
00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,507
Hey, babe.
I made that salad you like.
395
00:14:10,574 --> 00:14:11,909
Burrata, tomatoes,
396
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,743
and balsamic so old
it's a burden on its children.
397
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,045
Aw!
398
00:14:15,113 --> 00:14:16,380
You're sweet.
399
00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:18,248
Hey, you got yours
trained well, huh?
400
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,783
If only I could train him
401
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,585
to not spend so much money
on gossip magazines. Am I right?
402
00:14:24,588 --> 00:14:26,222
Yeah, these guys...
403
00:14:26,290 --> 00:14:28,057
- Oh, boy.
- What was that?
404
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:29,526
What?
405
00:14:29,593 --> 00:14:31,093
Uh, you junk-talking me
in front of your coworkers.
406
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,595
No. We always talk
about our wives.
407
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,564
That's how I bonded
with these guys.
408
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:37,032
Ted always talks
about how dumb Sheila is.
409
00:14:37,099 --> 00:14:39,167
Keith talks about
Wanda's surgery addiction.
410
00:14:39,235 --> 00:14:41,169
She looks like
a Tom Petty Halloween mask.
411
00:14:41,237 --> 00:14:44,372
Hey! Wanda is
a lovely, inspiring person.
412
00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:47,743
Whoa, babe! You seem crabby.
413
00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:50,378
Why don't you...
414
00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:53,448
go run along to the store,
415
00:14:53,515 --> 00:14:54,682
get yourself something nice?
416
00:14:56,384 --> 00:15:00,187
Oh, you did not
just say that to me!
417
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:10,263
Well...
Pete and I are done.
418
00:15:10,331 --> 00:15:12,365
What happened?
419
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:13,867
Well, I planned us
this impromptu picnic.
420
00:15:13,935 --> 00:15:17,136
I couldn't do a normal picnic
because of...
421
00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:20,306
Needless to say,
it did-a not-a go-a well-a.
422
00:15:22,209 --> 00:15:23,877
Okay.
423
00:15:23,945 --> 00:15:26,078
Careful.
424
00:15:26,145 --> 00:15:27,813
You know what's crazy?
425
00:15:27,881 --> 00:15:29,849
Because of the helmet,
we never had sex.
426
00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:34,453
So instead, we just got to know
each other, and it was so great.
427
00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,155
This helmet wasn't just
protecting my head.
428
00:15:37,223 --> 00:15:38,958
It was protecting my heart.
429
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:40,592
Is that a quote
from "Iron Man 2"?
430
00:15:40,659 --> 00:15:42,794
This sooks, though.
I really liked him, Al.
431
00:15:42,862 --> 00:15:45,663
So tell him the truth, okay?
Honesty is the best policy.
432
00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:48,232
You know what? You're right.
I am gonna call Pete.
433
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,667
I'm gonna invite him over,
434
00:15:49,735 --> 00:15:51,569
and I'm gonna answer the door
proudly
435
00:15:51,637 --> 00:15:54,205
in my flesh-colored
prescription helmet.
436
00:15:54,272 --> 00:15:56,240
Hi.
437
00:15:56,308 --> 00:15:57,407
Thanks for coming.
438
00:15:57,475 --> 00:15:59,242
Thanks for inviting me.
439
00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:01,011
Aw. Oh.
440
00:16:01,078 --> 00:16:02,379
Ooh.
441
00:16:02,446 --> 00:16:04,815
Aah! Oh!
442
00:16:08,786 --> 00:16:10,153
Welcome to my home.
443
00:16:11,656 --> 00:16:14,123
And this comes
with the rainbow package, so--
444
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:15,224
Aah!
445
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,492
You would not believe!
446
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,960
Zero parking
at the country club!
447
00:16:18,028 --> 00:16:19,896
And she was all,
"that's not your ottoman!"
448
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,998
And I was all,
"dressing on the side, bitch!"
449
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:24,634
And Dante has a boat.
You need to fix this right now.
450
00:16:25,836 --> 00:16:27,336
What?
451
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,404
One second. Just one...
452
00:16:29,471 --> 00:16:30,906
What?
453
00:16:30,973 --> 00:16:32,774
What the hell are you doing?
454
00:16:32,842 --> 00:16:35,343
You want a trophy wife?
You got one.
455
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,580
Aah! And I crashed my car!
456
00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:40,181
So I need a new one.
I want this one.
457
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,316
But it has to have
a special little piggy airbag
458
00:16:42,384 --> 00:16:43,685
for my new BFF...
459
00:16:45,219 --> 00:16:46,620
Carnitas.
460
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:50,123
What?!
461
00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:51,191
What?
462
00:16:51,259 --> 00:16:53,160
What?!
463
00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:01,390
There he is.
464
00:17:01,457 --> 00:17:04,459
Now remember, let him make
the first move, then react.
465
00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:07,396
Fist bumps are a dance, man.
A dance!
466
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:09,731
Hey, Maximils!
How's it goin'?
467
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,267
How's it goin', D. Rose?
468
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,269
What's up, almost Mrs. D. Rose?
469
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:14,670
Ha ha ha.
470
00:17:14,737 --> 00:17:16,704
Good one, Brody.
471
00:17:16,772 --> 00:17:18,206
Ohh!
472
00:17:18,274 --> 00:17:21,676
Your hand's a turkey.
473
00:17:21,743 --> 00:17:23,744
Well,
too bad it's Thanksgiving!
474
00:17:23,813 --> 00:17:25,180
Mm!
475
00:17:25,247 --> 00:17:26,781
Thanksgiving, huh?
476
00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:28,950
What's Thanksgiving without
the mashed potatoes?
477
00:17:36,457 --> 00:17:39,426
Yeah.
478
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,393
- I'll kill you!
- No!
479
00:17:40,461 --> 00:17:41,428
Whoa!
480
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,730
No. Max! Max!
481
00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:45,199
Sorry, Brody.
482
00:17:45,266 --> 00:17:48,367
Max is just a little sensitive
about handshake stuff because
483
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,402
someone did the whole "down low,
too slow" thing to him
484
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,603
when he was a kid.
485
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,974
I had no idea.
Sorry, broseph.
486
00:17:55,042 --> 00:17:56,442
No hard feelings, right?
487
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,811
All right.
488
00:17:58,879 --> 00:17:59,946
Squid away.
489
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,949
Squid away.
490
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,883
Oh, yeah.
491
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,784
- I'll kill you!
- No! Aah!
492
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,921
Thank you for inviting me over.
493
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,122
It's a lot easier
to talk to you
494
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:12,190
when I'm not trying
to rollerblade
495
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,658
or play the jai alai.
496
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,027
I'm glad you're here, too.
497
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,164
Ooh. Okay.
498
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,265
Oh.
499
00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:28,438
Ooh.
500
00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:29,907
Quilted.
501
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,775
Boink, boink.
502
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,144
Ooh. Soft, huh?
Yeah.
503
00:18:34,212 --> 00:18:36,112
- Okay.
- That's nice. Mm-hmm.
504
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,480
- Mmm. Mmm.
- Mnh.
505
00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:39,115
- Mmmm. Mm. Ooh. Ooh.
- Yeah.
506
00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:41,584
- What?
- Ooh!
507
00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:43,786
Ooh! That is the stuff.
508
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:46,522
Yeah, mama likes that. Mmm.
509
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:47,590
Okay. Okay.
510
00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:49,525
Um...
511
00:18:49,593 --> 00:18:50,693
I don't know what's going on.
512
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,694
You're acting like a weirdo,
513
00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:55,663
so I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go.
514
00:18:55,731 --> 00:18:58,566
Look, it's because
I am a weirdo.
515
00:18:58,634 --> 00:19:01,169
I hit my head a lot--
516
00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:03,038
like a cartoon coyote
a lot--
517
00:19:03,106 --> 00:19:05,473
and that's why I have to wear
a helmet for a month.
518
00:19:05,541 --> 00:19:08,742
And I've been covering it up
because I...
519
00:19:08,810 --> 00:19:10,611
I really like you.
520
00:19:10,678 --> 00:19:13,680
But... if you wanna go,
I understand.
521
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,590
Every queen...
522
00:19:24,658 --> 00:19:26,492
needs her crown.
523
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,630
Aw!
524
00:19:30,697 --> 00:19:31,764
Calm down, was all that was.
525
00:19:31,832 --> 00:19:33,133
Yeah. Calm down.
526
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,801
Yeah. Aw.
527
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:36,036
What?!
528
00:19:36,103 --> 00:19:38,604
Oh, you know I will, girl!
529
00:19:38,672 --> 00:19:40,772
Girl, I will cut your face off!
530
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:41,941
But not really.
531
00:19:46,112 --> 00:19:47,813
I cannot believe you would
embarrass me like that
532
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,181
in front of my coworkers.
533
00:19:49,249 --> 00:19:50,249
Why not? You did it to me.
534
00:19:50,317 --> 00:19:51,850
Oh, come on.
535
00:19:51,918 --> 00:19:53,085
Like you never talked smack
about me
536
00:19:53,153 --> 00:19:54,486
to your i-banking buddies?
537
00:19:54,554 --> 00:19:56,287
No. Never.
538
00:19:56,355 --> 00:19:58,456
'Cause we're a team, and you
don't do that to your partner.
539
00:20:00,426 --> 00:20:01,725
We are a team, aren't we?
540
00:20:01,793 --> 00:20:02,961
Yes.
541
00:20:03,028 --> 00:20:04,628
I'm so sorry.
542
00:20:04,696 --> 00:20:06,464
I just-- I wanted to be part
of the boys club so bad
543
00:20:06,531 --> 00:20:09,367
that I-I got carried away,
and I...
544
00:20:09,435 --> 00:20:10,868
I messed up.
545
00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:14,838
It's okay.
546
00:20:14,905 --> 00:20:17,707
Aw, boo bear.
547
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,078
Brad, you're still here, huh?
548
00:20:21,145 --> 00:20:23,813
Figured you'd be at a, uh,
hotel patio bar by now,
549
00:20:23,881 --> 00:20:26,149
boobs-deep
in a red velvet Margarita,
550
00:20:26,217 --> 00:20:27,617
talking to
your girlfriends about
551
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,219
Cartier friendship bracelets
and panty lines.
552
00:20:30,287 --> 00:20:32,321
- Nah, you crossed the line!
It's about to-- - No. Okay.
553
00:20:32,389 --> 00:20:34,555
I got this.
554
00:20:34,623 --> 00:20:38,293
I'm done talking smack
about my partner.
555
00:20:38,361 --> 00:20:40,761
Okay? And I don't need
your stupid boys club.
556
00:20:40,829 --> 00:20:42,364
So if you have a problem
with that,
557
00:20:42,431 --> 00:20:44,899
I suggest you take
that hood ornament
558
00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:47,435
and do something really painful
559
00:20:47,503 --> 00:20:48,703
with it.
560
00:20:48,770 --> 00:20:51,538
No one ever speaks
to the car czar like that.
561
00:20:51,606 --> 00:20:52,539
Ever.
562
00:20:53,975 --> 00:20:56,743
But I like it.
563
00:20:56,811 --> 00:20:58,012
Wait. No, I don't.
564
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:01,115
Why would I like that?
No boss would like that.
565
00:21:01,182 --> 00:21:03,150
But you are my top salesperson,
566
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,019
so, uh, what am I gonna do?
567
00:21:05,086 --> 00:21:07,586
Later, Brad.
568
00:21:07,654 --> 00:21:10,589
So... it worked out.
569
00:21:10,657 --> 00:21:11,657
Yeah.
570
00:21:11,725 --> 00:21:14,327
Well, except, uh, real talk?
571
00:21:14,395 --> 00:21:16,629
This little piggy is gonna be
60 pounds in, like, 3 weeks.
572
00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:17,830
Yeah.
573
00:21:17,898 --> 00:21:19,032
- I bought him in anger.
- Mm-hmm.
574
00:21:19,099 --> 00:21:20,366
- Yeah, I was rash.
- Yeah.
575
00:21:20,434 --> 00:21:22,200
- I don't know what to do.
- I know.
576
00:21:22,268 --> 00:21:23,868
I mean, we could give him away,
but here's another wrinkle--
577
00:21:23,936 --> 00:21:25,703
- I've grown to love him. Mmm!
- Ohh!
578
00:21:25,771 --> 00:21:28,240
Mmm!
579
00:21:28,307 --> 00:21:29,807
You love him, I love him.
580
00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:31,209
I can't hear you.
581
00:21:31,277 --> 00:21:33,378
No, I know. It's 'cause...
582
00:21:33,446 --> 00:21:34,846
Sing, baby!
583
00:21:34,914 --> 00:21:36,181
♪ Ahh ♪
584
00:21:36,249 --> 00:21:37,749
Sing!
585
00:21:38,848 --> 00:21:44,192
-End-39900
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