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www.titlovi.com
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Hi. I'm Steven Weber.
And I play the murderer...
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Thanks, Lyle.
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00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,653
...in this Handsome mystery movie.
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00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:31,740
Enjoy this exciting multiplatform event.
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[exhales sharply]
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[surf rock music playing]
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[narrator] Tonight, "A Lil' Dab'll Do Ya."
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As a detective, there's no greater skill
that you can hone than your intuition.
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I mean, if you can't trust your gut,
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you might as well be
in parking enforcement.
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00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:07,920
-Yeah, I mean, go be a meter maid.
-A meter man.
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00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:12,049
Very good, Detective Rice. Very good.
14
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You're looking at everything
from all angles.
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All right, let's take a look
at the board, shall we?
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00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:21,516
What do you see?
What does your gut tell you?
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00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,101
I'm looking at the boner.
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00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:26,438
That man's dick is hard.
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00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:29,399
I think
it's the classic Margaritaville theory.
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00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,567
The theory that states
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00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:34,363
if a middle-aged man has too much
laid-back fun, he ceases to exist.
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00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,157
Yeah. Anyone else got a theory?
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00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,951
Detective Burt Jerpis.
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00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,787
I know, Detective Jerpis. I hired you.
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00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:45,290
We see this guy here, sure.
But is that the whole story?
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00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:46,792
How do we know
that this guy doesn't work
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00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,502
at a rental car agency
at the airport, all right?
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00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,297
And it's his boss' last day.
Maybe that guy's name is Roger.
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00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,841
Roger loves to golf.
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00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,259
So he and all of his coworkers
dress up like Roger.
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Golfers. And you wanna know
what Roger always wanted to do?
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Skydivings. So they all get in the car,
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they go over to the airstrip
and they get in the skydivings plane.
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00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,561
They get up to 20,000 feet
and they get into an argument.
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00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:07,730
Maybe it's about a girl,
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00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,315
maybe it's about who had the right recipe
for the veggie chili.
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00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,192
We don't know the answer to that yet.
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00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,153
But then argument breaks out
and this guy gets strangled.
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00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,947
He gets thrown out
of that skydivings plane.
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Guess where he lands, of all places?
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-Golf course. Case closed.
-You know what?
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00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,829
Let's not trust our guts.
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I'm sorry. [sighs] That's not the boner
of a man still livin'.
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00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,085
Handsome! We need to talk now.
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Yes, Lieutenant.
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Yes.
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You didn't fill out
your retirement papers.
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-You pulled me out here for that?
-I thought you should know.
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00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,765
Of course I know.
I'm the one who didn't fill 'em out.
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00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,433
Don't try to complicate things
with your sweet talk.
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00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,310
Sweet talk?
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00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,438
You poor, innocent kid.
You just don't get it, do you?
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00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,358
No.
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00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:58,321
-What were we talking about?
-I have no idea.
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00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:02,450
Believe me, I'll remember.
And when I do, you'll know, missy.
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00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,535
Connie!
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[sighs]
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[indistinct chatter]
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00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,882
I just remembered what it was.
[chuckles]
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00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,802
We have so many leftovers
from Waikiki Wednesday,
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00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,678
I think you should take these home.
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00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,848
No, no, no, I'm good.
I'm trying to watch my weight--
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00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,474
Oh, no, you don't understand.
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00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,811
-They've got thick frosting...
-Yeah.
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-...smeared just the way you like it.
-Yeah.
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00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,483
And they're shaped like beach balls
that just bounce right into your mouth,
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00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:39,237
bounce right into your belly
and bounce right outta your butt. Hmm?
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00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,866
I'm, uh... There's no way I'm taking
these, uh, home with me.
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00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,326
[Tucker] Hmm? Hmm?
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00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,041
[engine stops]
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00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,841
[car door creaks]
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[grunts]
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Hello, Candy. Hello.
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00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,280
[sighs]
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These are not mine.
That's all I'm saying. Don't ask.
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[sighs heavily]
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00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:43,176
Yeah. Every day's a tough one.
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00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,386
Every day's a tough one,
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00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,513
but it's so much better
when I come home to you.
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00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:50,433
I love you. I love you so much.
You're so pretty.
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00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,687
Do me a favor. See those cookies?
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00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:56,982
Don't let me eat 'em.
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00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:02,779
You hear me? If I go near those cookies,
you knock my ass over, all right?
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00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,908
'Cause you're capable of doing that,
you big fucker.
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00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,534
[sighs heavily]
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00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,540
Yeah, let's go for a walk.
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00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:19,087
[Durante] Hey, Handsome,
don't pretend I'm not here.
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00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,172
Durante.
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00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,967
Stop letting your dog shit on my lawn.
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00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:29,306
-Not hers. Don't recognize it.
-Of course it's hers.
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00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,392
It looks like her,
curled up as a piece of shit.
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00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:33,935
Okay, look at her.
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00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,272
She's not even looking at it.
She knows it's not hers.
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00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,442
There's no caginess about her.
No recognition whatsoever.
95
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,361
-She's just playing it cool.
-Look into her eyes.
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00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,738
They're pools of pure tranquility.
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00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,574
You think you can read a perp
better than me?
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00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,785
You've lost it. You know that, right?
Happens to the best of us.
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00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:53,121
You used to investigate real crime.
100
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,999
Now you're chasing around
cheating husbands,
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00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,961
hanging outside of crappy motels
in Venice.
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00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,046
You know what makes this country great?
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00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,465
It's not that everybody's
cheating on their spouses,
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00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,799
because they're not.
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00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:09,012
It's that everyone unconsciously
feels cheated.
106
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:13,808
That's right. By the government,
by their bosses, by Whole Foods.
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00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:17,895
And then they transfer that suspicion
onto their loved one.
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00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:22,859
And it's that very feeling
that keeps me in such great business.
109
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,946
I'm thinking of buying a Ferrari.
110
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,991
Well, I just put 50 bucks
into my IRA account.
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00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,702
And in lieu of getting a Tesla,
I'm gonna retire soon-ish.
112
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:37,832
-That job really wears on a person.
-It does. It really does.
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00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:42,087
-Hey, uh, you got new neighbors.
-On the other side? When?
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00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,590
Are you not paying attention?
A couple of weeks ago.
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00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,885
Renters.
Looks like a single mom and her kid.
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00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,846
-Maybe the kid took the dump.
-I just saw nervous fidgeting.
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00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:55,058
That was nervous fidgeting.
That's definitely nervous fidgeting.
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00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,061
Of course Candy's fidgeting.
You know where I found her?
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00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,731
I found her abandoned
in a foreclosed house in Burbank.
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00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,234
Buona sera, Handsome.
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00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,987
Ah... Buona sera, Esta.
122
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,906
Hmm. Why are we wishing each other
good evening?
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00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:14,327
It is just... an okay sera. Just okay.
124
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:17,289
[stutters] Well, it just started.
It could get a lot better.
125
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,791
Mmm. I don't think so.
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00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,340
[playing slow-tempo tune]
127
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:34,097
I still don't know what she sees in you.
I'm guessing she likes to be depressed.
128
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,100
I could say the same thing about your dog.
129
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:40,062
Yeah. We're gonna go back on our walk.
130
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,442
[Durante] I get it.
Your dog has had a tragic history.
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00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,070
But don't let her shit on my lawn.
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00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,822
[sighs] Go.
133
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,200
[sighs]
134
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:43,291
-Can I help you?
-Hi. I'm your neighbor, Gene Handsome.
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00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,627
I thought I'd come and welcome you
to the neighborhood
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00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,463
by, uh, bringing you and your daughter
some cookies.
137
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,299
-I'm the babysitter.
-Oh! Okay, well, then,
138
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:54,636
-you can take the cookies.
-I'm not opening this door.
139
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,391
I commend your cautiousness.
You seem like an A-plus sitter.
140
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:05,480
But, as I said, I live next door.
I am an officer of the law.
141
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,899
So you really got nothin' to worry about.
142
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,859
I'm sorry.
I'm not comfortable opening the door.
143
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,113
You think I'm a creep. [chuckles]
144
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,324
Oh, my God, that's the last thing
I wanna be, is a creep.
145
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:20,745
No, no, no, that's not my intention.
That's not who I am.
146
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:24,166
I mean, you can go put them on the porch,
but I can't say anyone's gonna eat them.
147
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:31,172
I'm gonna leave them right over here,
but you gotta do me a favor.
148
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:35,260
After I go, please bring in the cookies.
149
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,595
'Cause later tonight,
I don't wanna see them out here,
150
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,057
'cause I'm afraid
I'll come over and, uh, eat one.
151
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,894
-Wow.
-I know. I got a problem, I...
152
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:48,773
All right, anyhow, take them in.
Thank you very much. I'll see you later.
153
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,264
[cell phone ringing]
154
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,106
Handsome.
155
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,984
Yeah.
156
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,529
All right, pick me up. [sighs]
157
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,911
[sighing]
158
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:49,751
I gotta go. I gotta go.
159
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:54,213
I'll see you later. Make me get up.
160
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,259
-You know what I watched the other night?
-[Fleur] Huh?
161
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:01,930
Best movie I've ever seen.
I don't know if you saw it. San Andreas.
162
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,473
I love San Andreas.
You fuckin' kidding me?
163
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,393
Oh, my God. The Rock? Perfection.
164
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,562
The absurdity?
Best absurdity I've ever seen.
165
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,689
Maybe one of the best movies...
Easily the best...
166
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:15,234
What won the Oscar in 2015
that was better than San Andreas?
167
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:18,655
Best movie ever.
And all the time he spent in a boat.
168
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,533
He's in a boat,
but he's a helicopter pilot. I loved it.
169
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,200
-I loved it.
-I loved it.
170
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:27,414
What would you do if you had a partner
who didn't like how loud you talk?
171
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,291
I don't talk loud. You talk loud.
172
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,460
I don't know who talks louder between us,
you or I.
173
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,045
-We both talk very loud...
-[chuckling]
174
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,382
...and I don't know
which one is the louder talker.
175
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,220
[indistinct chatter]
176
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:44,597
Good morning, everybody.
177
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,266
-Everybody's looking sharp.
-What do we got goin' here?
178
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,476
[Fleur sighs]
179
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,522
-Holy shit.
-What the fuck is this?
180
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,317
[indistinct radio chatter]
181
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,947
[Handsome] I can't believe it. No way.
182
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,659
Fleur... I think I know this girl.
183
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,202
-You do?
-Yeah.
184
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,079
That's my neighbor's sitter.
185
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,040
I tried giving her cookies yesterday.
186
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:14,586
-What do you mean, "tried"?
-I tried. She wouldn't take them.
187
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,964
She's a very cautious young lady.
She wouldn't even open the door.
188
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,675
-She knows the person who did this.
-Absolutely.
189
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,012
All right, has anyone else noticed this?
190
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:28,725
But it looks like her body's put
into the shape of the Star of David.
191
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,560
-Oh, man.
-[Dino] Jesus.
192
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,646
Jesus.
193
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,899
Jesus.
194
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,068
Sir, can I quit the force forever, please?
195
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,904
-You wanna quit the force?
-Yeah.
196
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:42,989
Why?
197
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,491
'Cause we're all sitting here casually,
198
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,535
talking about this chopped up woman
in this yard, and it's disgusting.
199
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:53,416
We're not casually talking about the lady.
We're trying to figure out who did this.
200
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,085
-Sir, I have a theory.
-You do? What do you got?
201
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,504
Suicide.
202
00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,839
-That's it?
-That's it.
203
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,469
-I deduce that that's stupid.
-Hey, easy. We're all trying here.
204
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,388
Sorry, Detective Burt Jerpis, sir.
205
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,473
I know, Jerpis. Go ahead.
What do you got?
206
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,266
This is a drive-by, plain and simple.
207
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,935
-How do you get that?
-[Jerpis] I'll show you, sir.
208
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:17,482
Our victim was out for a walk.
A leisurely, late night walk.
209
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,400
Along comes our perp,
210
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,569
driving a late '90s Honda Accord,
purple...
211
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:22,945
That's my gut feeling.
212
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,532
Then this punk... [chuckles]
and that's what he is,
213
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,743
takes out a gun, shoots our victim.
What's on the gun?
214
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:32,830
A silencer. Why is there a silencer?
To keep things quiet.
215
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,708
Then, to cover his tracks...
216
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:41,088
he chops the body up into these pieces
217
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,508
and arranges them
into this religious symbol.
218
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,387
-Case closed.
-[Handsome] No, not case closed.
219
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,556
We don't have a bullet wound,
and we don't have a killer.
220
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,892
Oh...
221
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:54,852
[exhales sharply]
222
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,691
-That's why you're the boss.
-All right, who's the king of the castle?
223
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,984
The house belongs to Talbert Bacorn.
224
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,904
-The actor?
-Yeah, yeah. I'd bend him over. [sniffles]
225
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:06,989
Uh, and then what?
226
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,159
What do you mean? I'd just bend him over.
Eat a little popcorn out his ass.
227
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,412
-Okay, I'll do the interview with Bacorn.
-Mmm-hmm.
228
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:16,248
-Okay. What about me?
-You take care of that.
229
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,374
Ah.
230
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:20,753
Guys, on the right is the home
of Talbert Bacorn,
231
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,755
the star of Rainbow Squad.
232
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,549
[tourists cheering]
233
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,300
[cameras clicking]
234
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,429
-Do what you gotta do.
-[snaps fingers] Done.
235
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,015
I'm... I'm freaking out!
236
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,603
[Handsome] Of course you're freaking out.
There's a crime scene in your front yard.
237
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:40,857
Okay. Do you think
someone is... is threatening me?
238
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,358
Do you think they're trying
to send me a message?
239
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,568
What do you think that message is?
240
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,071
-Do you think PETA is trying to ambush me?
-PETA?
241
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,783
[grunts] I wore suede pants
at my premiere.
242
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,036
[stammers] Well, I don't think
that's really their style.
243
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:57,665
Why don't you just sit down and breathe?
244
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,001
Do breathing exercises?
245
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:04,756
No, not formally.
Just sit down, kick back, breathe.
246
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,677
[tourists speaking Japanese]
247
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,932
All right, let's go. Keep it moving.
There's nothing to see here.
248
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:18,019
They want to know if that's
a decapitated body on Mr. Talbert's lawn.
249
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,479
No.
250
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:23,399
[in Japanese] She thinks we're stupid
because we don't speak English.
251
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,651
Why would she assume
we don't speak English?
252
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:28,530
Because we're a bus full of tourists
from Japan who don't speak English.
253
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:34,285
Is the body arranged carefully
in the shape of a Star of David?
254
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:37,413
[in English] Is the body carefully
arranged in the shape of a Star of David?
255
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,165
Unequivocally no.
256
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,792
[in Japanese] What's a Star of David?
257
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,502
It's a symbol for Judaism.
258
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,546
[speaking Japanese]
259
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,047
Rabbi?
260
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,677
The Magen David is said to symbolize
the shape of King David's shield,
261
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,806
but there is really no support for that
claim in any early rabbinic literature.
262
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,098
In my opinion.
263
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,100
[tourists speaking Japanese]
264
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:03,940
Tell me about last night.
What did you see? What happened?
265
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,610
You may have saw or heard something
that you're not even aware of.
266
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:12,114
Ah, so true.
An actor's senses are so finely attuned.
267
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,324
Like a detective's.
268
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,659
Mmm...
269
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,869
Probably a little better
than a detective's,
270
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:21,582
but a little worse than a blind man
whose fingertips are so sensitive,
271
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,502
he can make words out of bumps.
272
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,588
Back to last night...
273
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,632
-What went on?
-Last night, last night...
274
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:33,052
Well... [sighs] I pet sit
for my next-door neighbor,
275
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,054
so I went next door and fed the dog.
276
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,806
-You pet sit?
-I do.
277
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,184
Are you close with the neighbor?
You love dogs?
278
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:44,063
I seize any opportunity
to add to my actor's toolbox.
279
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:48,943
Should I have the opportunity to play
a pet sitter in some future project,
280
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,487
I know how they'll feel.
281
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,365
That's a real dedication to your craft.
282
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,951
It's my life.
283
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:02,373
When you were over there, did you see
anybody walkin' around, coming, going?
284
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:06,377
No, nothing. It was all quiet.
Not a creature was stirring on my lawn.
285
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:10,256
Well, I really don't think
the victim would've been stirring.
286
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:15,386
So you come back from your neighbor's.
You're home. What next?
287
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:19,015
Well... [sighs] I got undressed for bed,
and I watched my movie!
288
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,770
Yes, it was on cable. [laughs]
It's an old movie of mine from 1985.
289
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:28,440
Patty-Cake. I played Emil,
the baker man's illegitimate son.
290
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,193
-I think I remember that one.
-Mmm. [inhales sharply]
291
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,238
It's an early work, but underrated.
292
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:40,536
The scene where I'm crying and chanting,
"Patty-cake, patty-cake."
293
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,873
I hold up my little hands
for my father to clap them,
294
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,041
and he rejects me.
295
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,002
[clicks tongue] Still holds up. [chuckles]
296
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:51,255
So, you're watching the movie.
Did you hear anything?
297
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,591
Mmm...
298
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:55,677
No.
299
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:57,762
Okay.
300
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:04,476
Uh, if you think of anything else,
please give me a call.
301
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,562
Do not text me. I don't enjoy it.
302
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:10,149
So you'll send me a special police detail
for my protection?
303
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,859
We're gonna keep an eye on things.
Don't worry.
304
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:15,196
Oh, thank you.
I'm used to a lot of attention.
305
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:21,077
-[indistinct radio chatter]
-[sighs heavily]
306
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,999
You do know it's the ex-boyfriend,
don't you?
307
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,336
-Lieutenant Kenda.
-Detective Handsome.
308
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,422
Do not worry.
I've got all the angles covered.
309
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,216
It's always the ex-boyfriend.
310
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:39,303
It's the old, "If I can't have you,
no one will have you."
311
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:43,515
-You see chopped up bodies a lot?
-Not a lot, but I've seen them.
312
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,017
You know what that says?
313
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,480
"To kill you is not enough.
I want to punish you."
314
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,066
Very personal. Very close.
315
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,570
-Have you been stretching like I said?
-Occasionally.
316
00:19:56,653 --> 00:20:00,700
You need to do it more than occasionally.
Limbers you up.
317
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,285
[clock ticking]
318
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,501
[indistinct radio chatter]
319
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,799
[clock ticking continues]
320
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,025
[knocking on door]
321
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,238
Hey!
322
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,950
Oh, shit.
Sorry, I thought you were my sitter.
323
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,243
Yeah, about that...
324
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:48,080
I'm, uh, Gene Handsome,
detective with the LAPD
325
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,541
and, coincidentally,
your next door neighbor.
326
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:54,045
-Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.
-Hi.
327
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,214
-Oh, shit. Did Heather get arrested?
-Why would you say that?
328
00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:01,177
[sighs] Sticky fingers. Yeah, she's stolen
a few of my going-out tops,
329
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,637
but it's really hard
to find a good sitter.
330
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,682
Well, I've got some bad news.
331
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,809
[sighs]
332
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:13,773
This is so brutal.
And then to get chopped up like that?
333
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,859
-Yeah. It's tough.
-Oh, my God. Poor Heather.
334
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:21,572
It's terrible. And, uh,
what was your relationship with her?
335
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,408
Was she close to you guys?
Was she like family?
336
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:27,286
She... Eh...
337
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:31,498
She... she was the babysitter.
But, you know, nice.
338
00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:32,750
She was fine.
339
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,127
-Oh, hey, honey.
-Hi there.
340
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:39,548
Uh, this is my daughter, Carys.
Carys, this is Detective Handsome.
341
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,176
Did you overhear everything that happened?
342
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,302
[Carys] Mmm-hmm.
343
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:46,263
The angels came
and took Miss Heather to hell.
344
00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:48,182
[Nora snickers]
345
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,350
Hmm.
346
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:52,436
[chuckling] I don't know
where she gets that stuff.
347
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,272
-Kids.
-Oh, shit!
348
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,984
I'm so late for work
and I'm out of sick days.
349
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:01,028
-What time do you work till?
-One o'clock. Fridays are my half-day.
350
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,864
I'll watch her.
351
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:04,824
-Wait, are you serious?
-I'm totally serious.
352
00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,493
I've got some questions to ask you.
353
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,871
Uh, we can get back to that
as soon as you come back.
354
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,788
-Great. Thank you so much.
-Yeah. Sure.
355
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,665
-That's great. You're fine.
-Yeah. Yeah.
356
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:19,255
-[Carys sighs]
-You're great. Yeah. Okay. Good? Okay.
357
00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:24,676
[Handsome] How about that?
358
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:29,223
Who wouldn't want a real detective
as their babysitter?
359
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:30,474
[scoffs]
360
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:36,522
Guess you. You're the one who doesn't.
361
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:38,857
[groans]
362
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,068
I'm really good at dancing.
363
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:43,279
You're gonna love the show
that I have planned for you.
364
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:47,199
Very exciting. I love the arts.
I'm a patron.
365
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:48,868
Of the arts.
366
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,621
-Take a seat on the couch.
-All right.
367
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:56,583
[Liz Phair's "Why Can't I?" playing]
368
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,972
d Get a load of meGet a load of you d
369
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:13,392
d Walking down the streetAnd I hardly know you d
370
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,394
[sniffles]
371
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:18,606
d It's just like we were meant to be d
372
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:21,984
d Holding hands with youWhen we're out at night d
373
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:25,362
d Got a girlfriendYou say it isn't right d
374
00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:26,822
d It isn't right d
375
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:28,657
d And I've got someone... d
376
00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:32,411
-When does it start?
-[Carys] This is the pre-entertainment.
377
00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:35,664
It's important to set a tone
for the audience.
378
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:39,126
And for the record,
you can't be talking to me.
379
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,963
d Whenever I think about you d
380
00:23:43,047 --> 00:23:47,551
d Why can't I speakWhenever I talk about-- d
381
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:48,636
[music stops]
382
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:01,107
Hi.
383
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:04,110
-How's Carys?
-A delight.
384
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:07,071
-Really?
-She's a great kid. Yes.
385
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,199
-Oh, good. Great.
-Yeah.
386
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:14,996
-Is, uh, now a good time?
-Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh.
387
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:18,582
-All right. How was your day?
-Ugh, it was disgusting.
388
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:20,334
[sighs] I hate teeth.
389
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:23,004
I am so sick
of looking into people's mouths.
390
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:24,796
I have this recurring nightmare where
391
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,342
instead of all of my teeth falling out,
I get more of them.
392
00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:30,761
Just, like, more and more and more.
393
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:34,015
I get teeth fingernails
and teeth toenails.
394
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:36,975
My belly button even sprouts a tooth.
It's disgusting.
395
00:24:37,059 --> 00:24:39,603
Have you thought of getting out
of the dental industry?
396
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:43,357
[sighs] Yeah. Teeth are vile.
397
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,860
You know, both of our jobs,
we see the worst of people.
398
00:24:47,778 --> 00:24:49,071
That's so true.
399
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,948
-Heather, your babysitter.
-Yeah. [sighs]
400
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:54,618
Did she have any romantic interests?
401
00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:58,372
Oh... Um, not that I'm aware of.
402
00:24:58,455 --> 00:25:03,752
You know, she did mention an ex-boyfriend,
but he's back east and he's married now.
403
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:08,298
-I didn't get the sense that they talk.
-Okay, do you have any info on him?
404
00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:11,593
Uh, no, just that he's married.
405
00:25:11,677 --> 00:25:13,179
-That's it.
-Okay.
406
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:16,140
Um, was anybody giving her any trouble?
407
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:20,352
Did she, um, uh, have any issues
she was dealing with?
408
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:27,068
Well, I... I mentioned the, like,
klepto shenanigans.
409
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:28,569
-Mmm-hmm.
-Um...
410
00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:31,197
Well, I know she had
a hard time paying bills,
411
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,115
-but that's pretty standard, right?
-Mmm-hmm.
412
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:35,117
I mean... [scoffs] so do I.
413
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:37,035
You know,
the rent on this place is ridiculous,
414
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,538
but we have to have a yard, so...
415
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:46,295
You know what? She did actually tell me
that sometimes when she would go out,
416
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:51,217
she would get into these, like, bar fights
with other girls when she got drunk.
417
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,301
About what?
418
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:56,764
Well, one time, I know it was because
she made fun of a girl's highlights.
419
00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:03,145
Apparently, Heather told her she looked
like a bale of hay from Temecula.
420
00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:07,233
-That's a very specific insult.
-That is why it stuck with me.
421
00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:09,610
Mmm. Did she live alone?
422
00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:13,030
Oh, no, there's a roommate, Amanda.
Here, give me your pad.
423
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:19,370
Uh, Amanda would probably know more of,
like, the personal crap about Heather.
424
00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:22,956
Most of the time, we just talked about
what she gave Carys for dinner.
425
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:27,628
-That's the address.
-You don't dot your I's.
426
00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:30,005
Who needs 'em?
427
00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:34,092
-Heather lived here in the living room?
-Yeah.
428
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:35,719
This is all of her shit.
429
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:36,845
[siren wailing]
430
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:39,931
Um, listen, I have a guy
from Tinder jogging over,
431
00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:41,808
so is there any way
you could come back later?
432
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:43,685
Forgive me,
433
00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:47,481
but for someone whose roommate just died,
you don't seem very upset.
434
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:49,107
Oh, no, I'm really sad.
435
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:50,901
But also, I want this place
to just go back
436
00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:55,197
to being a normal one-bedroom,
because this is a really awkward setup.
437
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:56,907
You two didn't get along?
438
00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:59,576
No, I mean, she was fine.
Like, if you had your period
439
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:04,623
and were lying down and complaining...
But, like, she could also be really rude.
440
00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,708
What, like making fun of your highlights?
441
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,878
I haven't had highlights since 2014, so...
442
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:11,755
I'm not keeping track. It's all good.
443
00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:14,883
-What is this used for?
-I don't know.
444
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:19,305
Uh... [groans] She was actually, like,
a very problematic roommate.
445
00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,807
Like, I have my childhood
gymnastics trophies.
446
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:24,393
I keep them on my headboard.
She thought that was dumb.
447
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,604
So then when I went to the bathroom,
she called me Mary Lou Rectum.
448
00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:31,525
Oh, and then one time, she told me
to tell my tits they could come out
449
00:27:31,608 --> 00:27:34,027
now that my gymnastics career was over.
450
00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:37,573
-She date anybody?
-Heather likes old dudes.
451
00:27:38,199 --> 00:27:41,577
There was one guy she was meeting up with.
I think he was in his forties.
452
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:45,289
Old dude. [stutters] Yeah,
what do you know about him?
453
00:27:45,372 --> 00:27:48,334
Nothing. Uh, he didn't stay over.
He didn't spend the night.
454
00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,711
I do not think he wanted
to be seen in public with her.
455
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:53,714
-Why's that?
-Well, that's usually really good sex.
456
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:57,009
When someone hates themself
for stooping to fuck you, you know?
457
00:27:57,593 --> 00:28:00,179
No, uh, uh, I don't. I have no idea.
458
00:28:00,554 --> 00:28:04,891
-Also he bought her a lot of finery.
-Finery? [stutters] What's finery?
459
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,186
You know, luxury clothing
for a modern woman.
460
00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:09,021
Oh.
461
00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:13,317
"Silky Lamb."
Is that like a lotion version of finery?
462
00:28:13,567 --> 00:28:14,651
No, I just told you.
463
00:28:14,735 --> 00:28:17,571
Finery is luxury clothing
for a modern woman.
464
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:20,073
Listen, my booty call's
about to be here any second,
465
00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:23,577
and he's my favorite match on Tinder,
so I can't have you fucking this up.
466
00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:28,540
-Okay, thank you for being so patient.
-You're welcome. Goodbye!
467
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:34,170
Lester! Welcome back, my friend.
How was your vacation?
468
00:28:34,255 --> 00:28:38,759
Had a mind to stay in Tahiti longer,
but all these bodies thought different.
469
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,177
Pretty gruesome. What do you think?
470
00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:45,015
Well, something very interesting's
going on. Come on over here.
471
00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:50,396
-You see this sheen coming off her skin?
-I do.
472
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:53,148
Can you discern that
this woman is unusually greasy?
473
00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:57,110
-She is.
-She is very well creamed.
474
00:28:57,193 --> 00:29:01,114
-This here's a very well-creamed body.
-She seems unusually greasy.
475
00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:03,074
-You don't see this often.
-That makes sense.
476
00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:07,579
I was just at her apartment.
She had an extremely nice jar of lotion.
477
00:29:07,663 --> 00:29:09,873
Are you sure that jar you saw
said "lotion"?
478
00:29:09,956 --> 00:29:11,958
When I see the word "lotion,"
I don't forget.
479
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:15,629
No, no, no, no, no.
This here's not lotion. This here's cream.
480
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:18,089
-Well, what's the difference?
-You don't know?
481
00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:20,926
-I don't know.
-Well, lotion's water-based.
482
00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:25,472
You apply it liberally all over your body.
But cream is oil-based.
483
00:29:25,556 --> 00:29:28,517
You got to be careful with cream.
Lil' dab'll do ya.
484
00:29:30,226 --> 00:29:32,354
Um, I'm sorry,
[stutters] I didn't get that.
485
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:33,605
Can you repeat that for me?
486
00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:35,399
Okay, listen carefully.
487
00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:38,694
Lotion is water-based.
Use as much of that as you want.
488
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,612
Don't matter. It's water-based.
489
00:29:40,696 --> 00:29:44,616
But cream, that's oil-based.
You hear me? Oil-based.
490
00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:48,078
-Lil' dab'll do ya.
-Okay, so lotion, I go crazy.
491
00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:49,913
-Yeah.
-Do what I want. All over.
492
00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:53,542
-Now what's the story with cream again?
-Lil' dab'll do ya.
493
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,586
Thank you. Thank you.
494
00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:59,255
Anyway, she was killed
via blunt force to the head.
495
00:29:59,340 --> 00:30:01,967
You see this globe-shaped dent
here on her skull?
496
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:05,637
-Yeah.
-Well, weapon was about yea big.
497
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:10,141
-Well, what about the dismemberment?
-Well, that was all postmortem.
498
00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:15,439
But what's most notable about the job is,
whoever did it was very, very sloppy.
499
00:30:15,522 --> 00:30:19,025
Just jabbing here and there
till the limb come off.
500
00:30:19,109 --> 00:30:21,695
Jabbing. Lil' jab'll do ya.
501
00:30:22,446 --> 00:30:25,657
-Get the fuck on out of here.
-Okay. [chuckling]
502
00:30:25,741 --> 00:30:27,075
[indistinct chatter]
503
00:30:28,410 --> 00:30:29,620
Cell phone records, bam.
504
00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:32,205
Okay, so, uh, most of these calls
are to be expected, right?
505
00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:34,666
We got the job, roommate, parents,
pot dealer, pussy waxer.
506
00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:36,793
But then there's a number that repeats.
507
00:30:36,877 --> 00:30:39,380
Traces to an office landline registered
to an executive.
508
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:42,298
Lloyd Vanderwheel. He's in fireworks.
509
00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:46,094
-Well--
-[Tucker] Handsome!
510
00:30:46,177 --> 00:30:49,014
-Oh, shit. [sniffles]
-We need to talk now!
511
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,349
[Fleur] Mmm.
512
00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:52,893
[clears throat]
513
00:30:57,731 --> 00:31:01,192
-Meet you in the car?
-Yeah. See you there.
514
00:31:03,404 --> 00:31:07,741
[sighs] So, how'd you like the cookies?
515
00:31:08,909 --> 00:31:11,578
Um... [stutters]
They were great. Amazing.
516
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:13,246
-Ah, really?
-Yeah.
517
00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:17,376
Because truth be told,
they weren't leftovers.
518
00:31:17,459 --> 00:31:21,463
I made that batch just for you.
519
00:31:23,339 --> 00:31:25,091
[chuckles]
520
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:31,264
I just want you to know that I'm here.
At the station. At your house.
521
00:31:31,347 --> 00:31:34,560
Not my house. I have a family visiting
from Caracas. They're very nice.
522
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:39,940
I just don't know how they feel
about the sound of gentle lovemaking.
523
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:44,570
Or raunchy lovemaking.
Whatever. Just sounds in general.
524
00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:46,530
Why did I come here to see you?
That's right.
525
00:31:46,613 --> 00:31:51,159
The retirement papers. Sign 'em, Handsome.
You're not fooling anybody.
526
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:54,245
And by the way, my tubes are tied.
527
00:32:00,961 --> 00:32:02,295
You gotta fix this door.
528
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:05,591
-Yeah, I will.
-[door creaks]
529
00:32:06,508 --> 00:32:07,509
[Handsome groans]
530
00:32:17,478 --> 00:32:20,564
It's a booming, sparkling morning.
Can I help you?
531
00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:24,526
Yes. Detectives Handsome and Scozzari
of the LAPD.
532
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,237
Uh, we're here
to see one Mr. Lloyd Vanderwheel.
533
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,198
-One moment, please. Mr. Vander...
-[phone beeps]
534
00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,618
Oh, shoot. My finger slipped.
[chuckles]
535
00:32:32,701 --> 00:32:35,370
-Mr. Vander... Oh, shoot.
-[Lloyd] Uh, yes, Sky. What's going on?
536
00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,956
I'm sorry.
[stuttering] I got excited
537
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:41,417
and I pushed the button too soon,
Mr. Vanderwheel. [chuckles nervously]
538
00:32:41,502 --> 00:32:45,756
-Sky, don't push the button.
-Oh, God! Go ahead. No, I...
539
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:47,466
Sky? Sky?
540
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:50,176
Hey, uh, forget about the intercom.
541
00:32:52,262 --> 00:32:54,931
-[phone beeps]
-These detectives are here to see you.
542
00:32:55,849 --> 00:32:58,309
So, uh, what's this all about?
543
00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,854
-[Handsome] Do the thing.
-Yeah. [clears throat]
544
00:33:01,772 --> 00:33:02,939
[inhales deeply]
545
00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:05,651
-Mmm-hmm.
-[shutter clicks]
546
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:07,360
[Lloyd] What...
547
00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:08,987
[stammers] What was that for?
548
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,907
Oh. Oh, this? Don't worry about it.
549
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,742
-You look great in this shot.
-[cell phone chimes]
550
00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:17,662
Ah, then again, bet you've never taken
a shitty photo in your life, huh?
551
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:19,247
-Is this about...
-[cell phone chimes]
552
00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:21,833
...the Lancaster Jazz
and Heritage Festival?
553
00:33:21,917 --> 00:33:23,627
Did we go too big? Uh...
554
00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:27,088
I just got caught up with, uh...
555
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:30,258
So clearly, you're familiar
with Heather Dromgoole.
556
00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:33,803
-Heather?
-You were seeing her romantically?
557
00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:39,392
No. No, no, no, no, no. She's...
she's an old family friend from back east.
558
00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:42,812
The kid of my parents' friends.
559
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:48,234
Uh, she moved out here recently
and, um, I was helping her get set up.
560
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:49,528
Oh.
561
00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:51,237
So you guys aren't a thing?
562
00:33:52,238 --> 00:33:54,324
-No, I'm... I'm single.
-[Fleur] Oh.
563
00:33:55,325 --> 00:33:58,537
-So you're single?
-Yeah. I'm single.
564
00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:00,288
-He's single.
-I was asking!
565
00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:02,999
Okay, she'd be calling you regularly for?
566
00:34:03,083 --> 00:34:06,461
Just to get advice. Check in.
567
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:10,674
She got real lonely in LA, as one does.
568
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:14,720
I think she looked to me
like a bit of a father figure.
569
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:18,682
-Oh, yeah, Daddy?
-Yeah. That's right.
570
00:34:18,765 --> 00:34:20,183
[chuckles]
571
00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:23,604
So why you asking all these questions
about Heather? Did she get arrested?
572
00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:25,021
Why would you say that?
573
00:34:25,105 --> 00:34:27,440
Uh, maybe blackmail.
574
00:34:28,399 --> 00:34:31,653
I know she had a...
a bit of a blackmail incident
575
00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:33,279
with her high school English teacher.
576
00:34:33,363 --> 00:34:36,700
You know, I had a, uh, black male incident
577
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:41,121
with my sexy-ass
black high school English teacher, too.
578
00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:46,042
Heather was the victim of a murder
on Thursday night.
579
00:34:46,668 --> 00:34:48,587
Oh, my God! Uh...
580
00:34:49,545 --> 00:34:51,089
I'm sorry.
581
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:55,677
What? [stuttering] I... This...
I can't believe this. Wow.
582
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:57,721
I mean...
583
00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:02,768
I can't believe this,
but I can believe this.
584
00:35:02,851 --> 00:35:04,269
-Excuse me?
-Huh?
585
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:08,440
You know, some people, you can't
imagine anyone wanting to murder.
586
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:10,358
But Heather?
587
00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:14,946
You know?
588
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:18,325
But still, it's devastating.
589
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:21,536
Jesus. God. Jesus.
590
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:24,497
Any ideas of who would be upset with her?
591
00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:28,126
Uh, no. No one comes to mind.
592
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,253
-Wow.
-[intercom beeps]
593
00:35:30,336 --> 00:35:31,630
-[Sky] Mr. Vander...
-[intercom key clacking]
594
00:35:31,713 --> 00:35:33,089
Oh.
595
00:35:33,173 --> 00:35:36,885
I'm... I'm sorry.
My one o'clock is here.
596
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:39,638
Um, but, hey, let me give you my card.
597
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:45,143
And, uh, you guys can give me a call
if you have any, uh, more questions.
598
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:48,813
-Who's that?
-Oh, that's, uh... It's my kid, Carys.
599
00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,984
She's the biggest sweetheart.
Anyway, here.
600
00:35:53,484 --> 00:35:57,948
Yeah, just give me a call, uh, if you have
any names you wanna run by me
601
00:35:58,031 --> 00:36:03,453
and I'll help however I can.
I... aim to please.
602
00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:08,166
Oh, give me a fuckin' break.
603
00:36:08,249 --> 00:36:10,626
I'm not buying
the whole father-figure thing.
604
00:36:10,711 --> 00:36:14,464
-Thank you very much.
-Sure. Have an explosive day.
605
00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:17,175
I mean, who calls
their fake dad that much?
606
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,052
[Fleur] Yeah, yeah, it's very suspicious.
607
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:20,553
You know, I just, uh...
608
00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:23,807
[stammering] I realized I gotta go
to the bathroom, like, bad.
609
00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:26,559
-It's okay, I'll wait.
-No, you know what? [stammers]
610
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,687
Could take a while,
so why don't you just go ahead,
611
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,731
and, uh, I'll take a cab
back to the station.
612
00:36:30,814 --> 00:36:32,733
That's okay.
It's gonna be that long of a trip?
613
00:36:33,859 --> 00:36:35,068
[exhales sharply]
614
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:36,611
Yeah, uh... [sniffles]
615
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:40,741
-Okay, I'll just sit and meditate.
-Nah. Nah, nah, nah. You know, you go on.
616
00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:42,117
I mean, like the lady said,
617
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,952
[chuckles]
it's gonna be an explosive day, right?
618
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:47,663
-Interesting.
-What? What?
619
00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:49,499
[knocking on door]
620
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:51,918
[door opens]
621
00:36:52,002 --> 00:36:55,213
-Hi there.
-Why are you talking to me?
622
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:58,925
Ooh, the detective.
Just busy detecting, aren't you?
623
00:36:59,425 --> 00:37:01,845
I'm Charles, Carys' friend.
624
00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:04,139
We met while making fun
of the mailman's calves.
625
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:06,391
Hi, Charles, nice to meet you.
626
00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:10,686
Carys, could you tell your mother
that Detective Handsome's here to see her?
627
00:37:10,771 --> 00:37:15,608
Oh, we're off to check out a four-bed,
three-bath open house. So... [chuckles]
628
00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:18,236
[Nora] Oh, hi, Gene. Come on in.
629
00:37:18,987 --> 00:37:21,448
Hi, um, I was driving home from work,
630
00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:23,742
and I thought of something I wanted
to ask you.
631
00:37:24,784 --> 00:37:28,204
-Are you hungry? Do you want some pasta?
-No, I'm good. I'm good.
632
00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:31,917
Were you aware
that your ex-husband knew Heather?
633
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:37,881
-What? Lloyd was fucking Heather?
-Well, he says that he wasn't.
634
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:40,675
Oh! [grunts] You know what?
I bet he got off on the fact
635
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:43,804
-that he was fucking my babysitter.
-So you definitely didn't know?
636
00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:46,056
He would fuck my gardener
just to rattle me,
637
00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:48,141
'cause that's just
the kind of guy that he is.
638
00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:49,267
[door opens]
639
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:51,853
-[Devon] Knock, knock.
-Oh, hey, neighbor.
640
00:37:51,937 --> 00:37:53,604
[chuckles] Hey.
641
00:37:53,688 --> 00:37:59,360
[sighs] Aroma of the forest floor.
Full-bodied. Jammy finish.
642
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,488
-That's what's in store for you tonight.
-Wow, thank you.
643
00:38:02,572 --> 00:38:05,533
-"Wow" is right.
-You two know each other? Yeah?
644
00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:08,536
-Devon.
-Uh... [chuckles]
645
00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:11,998
Yeah, we do. Handsome here has broken up
quite a few of my house parties.
646
00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:15,668
I affectionately like to call him
Detective Buzzkill. [chuckling]
647
00:38:15,751 --> 00:38:18,880
I wouldn't call four strippers playing
with your dreidel collection
648
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:20,006
a house party.
649
00:38:22,050 --> 00:38:27,597
Sounds fun. Devon and I met when I was
watering the flowers in this very window.
650
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,977
Mmm-hmm. And I was staring
into her house over the fence.
651
00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:34,312
-And then he waved at me.
-Oh...
652
00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:35,605
-[Devon] I'm a waver.
-[Nora] Mmm-hmm.
653
00:38:35,688 --> 00:38:38,399
Then we locked eyes
and there's a moment where we were like,
654
00:38:38,483 --> 00:38:42,111
"We should probably have dinner together."
And we're about to do that.
655
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,406
Cool, cool.
656
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:48,284
[accordion playing]
657
00:38:54,249 --> 00:38:55,750
[Esta moaning]
658
00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:58,169
[Durante] Oh, Esta.
659
00:39:00,171 --> 00:39:03,716
Put that accordion on my abs.
660
00:39:04,634 --> 00:39:06,677
[Durante and Esta moaning and grunting]
661
00:39:18,899 --> 00:39:22,568
And, uh... a, uh, double cheeseburger.
662
00:39:22,652 --> 00:39:24,905
Okay, and would you like to
make that a meal?
663
00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:27,866
You know what? Give me
the single cheeseburger on its own
664
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:30,076
and make
the double cheeseburger a meal. Yes.
665
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,828
Okay, and what beverage
would you like with your meal?
666
00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:35,915
You know what? Fuck it.
667
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:37,667
-Chocolate milkshake.
-[man] Okay.
668
00:39:41,337 --> 00:39:42,380
[sighs]
669
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:47,468
I'm sorry, I know you guys
are church kids. Excuse the salty talk.
670
00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:49,595
It's okay. Satan gets all of us sometimes.
671
00:39:49,679 --> 00:39:54,100
Yeah. You know, tonight's the last night
I'm gonna eat this crap.
672
00:39:54,184 --> 00:39:58,063
I mean, no offense to Norm's Burger.
I don't mean that your food's crap.
673
00:39:58,146 --> 00:40:00,481
It's just...
It's not good for a guy like me.
674
00:40:01,191 --> 00:40:03,568
Yep, this is it.
Gonna start fresh tomorrow.
675
00:40:03,651 --> 00:40:05,528
I think that's great.
You can be your best self.
676
00:40:05,611 --> 00:40:07,405
I can be my best self!
677
00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:08,698
-Very kind of you.
-Yeah.
678
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:17,290
Weren't you just out back there
with the other guy?
679
00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:19,459
Oh, the headset's broken, so...
680
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:23,213
Yeah. Sort of like old-fashioned service.
681
00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:25,590
-Uh, yeah, a bit like that.
-Okay.
682
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:27,217
Uh, $9.57's your total.
683
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:28,593
I was ready.
684
00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:33,431
Thirty-two, please.
Number 32, your order is ready.
685
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:05,171
Okay, so this is her debit.
I flagged some interesting purchases.
686
00:41:05,255 --> 00:41:08,674
Uh, okay, you tell me, who the fuck spends
900 bucks in one pop at Hallmark?
687
00:41:08,758 --> 00:41:10,176
Hey? Come on.
688
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:11,886
I mean, otherwise, it seems kosher.
689
00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:15,390
Uh, this one is
her Victoria's Secret Angel Card.
690
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:19,602
I mean, the girl could not resist a "buy
five panties, get the sixth free" event.
691
00:41:19,685 --> 00:41:21,687
And, uh, here's her PayPal.
692
00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:26,401
I found something
which I think will intrigue you.
693
00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:28,653
Okay? What's that?
694
00:41:29,988 --> 00:41:33,074
-Did you sign off on this?
-Yeah. Why?
695
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:38,829
What the fuck?
696
00:41:38,913 --> 00:41:42,125
-When did she start wearing ties to work?
-I don't know. Oh!
697
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:47,797
She's getting regular deposits
from MrFFF@aol.com.
698
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,176
Fireworks, Fireworks, Fireworks, huh?
699
00:41:51,259 --> 00:41:55,722
He's putting $500 a week into her account.
What's he paying her for?
700
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:58,433
I guess it must be out of the goodness
of his heart, right?
701
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:02,937
Where's the, uh, cell phone records?
702
00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:07,983
And they're underneath, uh, this.
And I've got them.
703
00:42:08,068 --> 00:42:10,986
And okay. How about this?
704
00:42:11,071 --> 00:42:15,450
Heather, Mondays at 7:30 p.m.,
is calling Lloyd.
705
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:20,371
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
also calling Lloyd.
706
00:42:20,455 --> 00:42:24,417
Same time. Fridays...
You ready for this?
707
00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:28,421
1:30 p.m., she calls Lloyd.
Take a guess why.
708
00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:30,673
-Chits and chats at Chuckie's?
-Yes!
709
00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:32,717
-Yeah.
-Yes! That sounds like fun.
710
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:37,222
Friday is the day
that Heather gets off work early.
711
00:42:37,305 --> 00:42:40,015
Nora works until 1:00.
712
00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:42,477
She comes home.
She says goodbye to Heather.
713
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:47,398
Heather goes out.
Who does she call? Mr. FFF.
714
00:42:47,482 --> 00:42:50,485
That's right.
I think she's reporting to him.
715
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:56,699
Well, Mr. Vanderwheel,
looks like we're having a reunion.
716
00:42:56,782 --> 00:42:59,494
-[grunts] Hey, you.
-Hey, you.
717
00:43:02,037 --> 00:43:03,914
Don't play coy with me!
718
00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:07,001
I know I'm looking at two people
who did the hokeypokey yesterday.
719
00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,878
-What? [chuckles nervously]
-Bingo.
720
00:43:08,961 --> 00:43:14,217
Okay, you were giving money to Heather
to spy on your ex-wife.
721
00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:16,136
Uh...
722
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:18,304
What? [chuckles]
723
00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:19,388
I see you.
724
00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:22,600
Oh, I see you clearly.
725
00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:27,063
And let's not waste this moment
of beautiful transparency
726
00:43:27,147 --> 00:43:32,485
by watching you throw
a pile of stinky bullshit at my face.
727
00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:33,486
Okay!
728
00:43:33,736 --> 00:43:37,532
Okay, I planted Heather
in Nora's home to get dirt on her.
729
00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:40,326
We're in the midst of a custody battle.
730
00:43:40,410 --> 00:43:43,288
And Heather would tell me things
Nora would forget to do,
731
00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:45,123
like get Carys her flu shot.
732
00:43:45,206 --> 00:43:48,793
She told me the crap
that Nora was feeding my kid.
733
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,836
She told me what would stress Nora out.
734
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,631
Besides me and my lawyer.
735
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,883
[Fleur] Okay.
Look, I'm gonna ask you a few questions,
736
00:43:55,966 --> 00:44:00,846
and, uh, Handsome over here's gonna know
if you're telling the truth or not.
737
00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:03,266
Uh...
738
00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:06,144
Did Heather turn on you
and threaten to give you up to your wife?
739
00:44:06,227 --> 00:44:07,061
No.
740
00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:13,526
No. Uh, was Heather blackmailing you
for even more money?
741
00:44:13,609 --> 00:44:14,610
No.
742
00:44:14,694 --> 00:44:16,404
Did you like that move I did yesterday
743
00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:19,740
where I made your dick bend
all the way to the right?
744
00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,034
[softly] I loved it.
745
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:29,709
-[Sky] Bye! Have an explosive day.
-Thank you.
746
00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:31,752
You can go in now.
747
00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:34,880
-Talking to me?
-Yeah.
748
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:39,093
[sighs] Appreciate it.
749
00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:56,902
Hey, Sky, is that the, uh, book
of all your company's work?
750
00:44:56,986 --> 00:44:58,321
Mmm-hmm. Sure is.
751
00:44:58,404 --> 00:45:01,532
Wow, those are beautiful fireworks.
752
00:45:01,616 --> 00:45:02,867
-[Fleur] Oh, yeah.
-Really.
753
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,368
[Fleur] Very impactful.
754
00:45:05,703 --> 00:45:07,788
Could I borrow that book
for a couple of days?
755
00:45:09,749 --> 00:45:13,461
Well, this is the coffee table book.
756
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:16,088
Well, you've already taken it
off the coffee table.
757
00:45:16,171 --> 00:45:19,425
Yeah, you have a point.
But it'll go back over there soon.
758
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:24,972
If you remove it,
then what would I put on the coffee table?
759
00:45:25,055 --> 00:45:27,267
-You don't have a second book?
-No.
760
00:45:27,350 --> 00:45:29,852
We get a monthly fireworks magazine,
761
00:45:29,935 --> 00:45:32,397
but it's not nice for putting out.
[chuckles lightly]
762
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,607
You could consider this an opportunity.
763
00:45:34,690 --> 00:45:37,234
-An opportunity?
-Yeah.
764
00:45:37,318 --> 00:45:38,903
To get a second book.
765
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:43,824
You could get a book
on fireworks, plants, carpentry.
766
00:45:43,908 --> 00:45:45,826
Whatever you want. You're in charge.
767
00:45:54,502 --> 00:45:55,836
It's time.
768
00:45:58,088 --> 00:45:59,299
[sighs]
769
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,177
Hi, Gene.
770
00:46:03,803 --> 00:46:06,347
-Nora, how're you doing?
-Good!
771
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:11,143
So, I think the mailman put one
of your letters in my slot by mistake.
772
00:46:12,312 --> 00:46:15,356
Indeed they did. Thank you very much.
773
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,775
-Can I ask you something?
-Sure.
774
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:22,321
Is that someone you put in jail
and now they send you threats?
775
00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:24,740
[scoffs] No. Nothing like that.
776
00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:28,077
-Oh, come on. Tell me.
-No, it's not. [sighs]
777
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,664
A while back, I was into this woman.
778
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:35,626
Her brother was in prison.
She said, "Could I look at his case?"
779
00:46:35,710 --> 00:46:39,171
I did some investigating.
And there wasn't much I could do.
780
00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:40,923
But I started a correspondence with him,
781
00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:43,884
and I thought it was gonna be
a temporary thing,
782
00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:47,680
and here I am, ten years later,
still getting letters.
783
00:46:47,763 --> 00:46:49,640
So you still read his letters?
784
00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,560
Of course! I feel bad tossing 'em.
785
00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:56,313
Besides, every once in a while,
he writes some nice poetry.
786
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:57,857
[laughs]
787
00:46:58,941 --> 00:47:00,360
What are you up to this evening?
788
00:47:00,443 --> 00:47:02,945
Oh, well, I'm on my own tonight.
789
00:47:03,028 --> 00:47:05,990
Just doing some online gambling.
Carys is with her dad.
790
00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:08,158
-Oh.
-Mmm-hmm.
791
00:47:08,242 --> 00:47:09,702
I'm always on my own.
792
00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:10,828
-Well.
-Yeah.
793
00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:13,330
Would you like to come in?
794
00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:17,126
-[Nora] Were you working late?
-Um...
795
00:47:18,335 --> 00:47:22,089
No, I was just, uh,
out doing some errands.
796
00:47:22,172 --> 00:47:23,298
-Hmm.
-Not a big deal.
797
00:47:23,383 --> 00:47:24,759
[chuckles lightly]
798
00:47:28,387 --> 00:47:29,347
You need another pillow?
799
00:47:31,181 --> 00:47:32,933
Uh, no, I'm comfortable.
800
00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:35,811
-Yeah.
-Mmm-hmm.
801
00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:38,313
-How about some music?
-Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
802
00:47:38,398 --> 00:47:39,649
Fantastic.
803
00:47:39,732 --> 00:47:44,779
You are in luck,
'cause I just started buying 45s.
804
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,448
Last time I collected these,
I was a little kid.
805
00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:51,827
My first 45 was "I Think I Love You"
by the Partridge Family.
806
00:47:51,911 --> 00:47:53,871
Maybe that dates me. I don't know.
807
00:47:54,580 --> 00:47:57,291
Well, anyhow,
this is one of my favorite songs.
808
00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:00,086
["Fooled Around And Fell In Love" playing]
809
00:48:00,169 --> 00:48:02,088
Mmm-hmm, that's Elvin Bishop.
810
00:48:02,922 --> 00:48:03,923
Oh...
811
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:06,091
Yeah.
812
00:48:06,175 --> 00:48:08,177
-This is a good one.
-Yeah.
813
00:48:25,194 --> 00:48:26,862
d I must have been... d
814
00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:30,700
Elvin's a blues guitarist.
Blues guitarist.
815
00:48:30,783 --> 00:48:32,618
His voice is very gravelly,
816
00:48:32,702 --> 00:48:33,953
and so, he wrote this song
817
00:48:34,036 --> 00:48:36,330
and didn't feel it was right
for his voice.
818
00:48:36,413 --> 00:48:38,082
So he, uh...
819
00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:42,503
He let his, uh, backup singer,
Mickey Thomas, sing the song.
820
00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:45,214
And it went on to be a big hit. Big hit.
821
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:48,008
[groans]
822
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,176
[mumbles]
823
00:48:51,971 --> 00:48:55,933
Yeah. Yeah.
I like this chair better. Yeah.
824
00:48:57,727 --> 00:48:58,728
[exhales]
825
00:48:58,811 --> 00:49:01,230
d I fell in love d
826
00:49:01,313 --> 00:49:02,314
Mmm.
827
00:49:03,232 --> 00:49:08,445
I find the wooziness of that guitar
828
00:49:08,529 --> 00:49:10,239
so romantic.
829
00:49:10,322 --> 00:49:11,532
Yeah.
830
00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:20,165
Elvin Bishop's nickname
was Pigboy Crabshaw.
831
00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:22,084
How about that? Pigboy Crabshaw!
832
00:49:22,167 --> 00:49:24,879
Where's a name like that come from?
[sighs]
833
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:26,296
I'm sorry. [cries]
834
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:30,300
Wow. [sobbing]
835
00:49:30,384 --> 00:49:32,177
-What's going on?
-Oh...
836
00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:35,097
I'm fine. [chuckles]
837
00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:37,808
I am a bit concerned.
You know, you're crying.
838
00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:42,229
No, no, no, no, no.
[stutters] It's fine. I just, um...
839
00:49:42,312 --> 00:49:43,313
Wow.
840
00:49:44,857 --> 00:49:50,988
[sighs] That song
is just evoking something
841
00:49:51,071 --> 00:49:57,119
I want so badly for myself that it aches.
842
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,414
For my kid.
843
00:50:02,207 --> 00:50:04,960
I have this dream of owning land.
844
00:50:05,044 --> 00:50:06,211
[chuckles lightly]
845
00:50:06,295 --> 00:50:11,091
[sniffles] And, um,
I think about Ojai all the time.
846
00:50:11,967 --> 00:50:15,054
And in my dream,
we have a couple acres. Nothing fancy.
847
00:50:15,763 --> 00:50:21,393
Enough that we have those,
like, big beautiful reaching trees.
848
00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:25,397
And a bunch of dogs.
849
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:30,653
And they just run through the grass
with Carys, and...
850
00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:34,824
God! I love dogs so much.
851
00:50:37,284 --> 00:50:43,415
And in my fantasy, I'm not, like, staring
into people's decaying mouths anymore.
852
00:50:43,499 --> 00:50:48,837
I'm massaging beautiful dogs for a living.
853
00:50:49,338 --> 00:50:50,506
It's my job.
854
00:50:51,757 --> 00:50:56,011
And I'm spending time with my daughter.
855
00:50:56,095 --> 00:51:00,725
My weird... [cries] awesome kid.
856
00:51:04,436 --> 00:51:06,063
[sniffles] And, you know, we're just...
857
00:51:06,146 --> 00:51:09,399
we're so far away
from all of the fighting, and the...
858
00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:14,029
and all the lawyers,
and just all of that crap.
859
00:51:17,449 --> 00:51:18,367
God.
860
00:51:19,326 --> 00:51:23,163
And for some reason... [sniffles]
in this song, I can just...
861
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:24,832
I can really feel that.
862
00:51:26,417 --> 00:51:27,293
[sniffles]
863
00:51:28,127 --> 00:51:30,880
I can feel what it would be like
to have that.
864
00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:34,967
God! [sniffles]
865
00:51:35,926 --> 00:51:37,594
That's why I'm crying.
866
00:51:39,513 --> 00:51:41,682
-I have the same exact dream.
-[snickers]
867
00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:46,478
-[chuckling] You do?
-Yeah. Exactly the same.
868
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:50,024
I dream about the open land,
869
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,610
the green, the trees, the dogs.
870
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:55,738
Specifically, this dog.
871
00:51:55,821 --> 00:52:00,534
And, uh, not being a dog masseuse.
That's not something I'm interested in.
872
00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:01,869
It's not for everybody.
873
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:06,581
But, um, you know,
[stutters] I love all that.
874
00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:11,754
And one thing that I don't have,
that you have, is just the family aspect.
875
00:52:11,837 --> 00:52:14,256
I... I dream of having a family. Yeah.
876
00:52:15,174 --> 00:52:16,175
[clicks tongue] Hmm.
877
00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:22,139
[sighs heavily] Isn't it so weird
878
00:52:22,932 --> 00:52:28,145
how you can miss something
that you never had?
879
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:30,064
It is.
880
00:52:32,316 --> 00:52:33,818
[both chuckle lightly]
881
00:52:49,249 --> 00:52:50,459
You want some tea?
882
00:52:53,253 --> 00:52:54,254
Hmm?
883
00:52:58,300 --> 00:52:59,760
[inhales sharply]
884
00:53:01,095 --> 00:53:03,764
What do you think about a shaved pussy?
885
00:53:07,559 --> 00:53:08,602
What?
886
00:53:15,650 --> 00:53:17,069
[sighs]
887
00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:39,466
[groans] Hmm.
888
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,511
Yeah. I'm getting up.
889
00:53:44,346 --> 00:53:45,514
[grunts]
890
00:54:45,365 --> 00:54:46,366
Huh.
891
00:55:20,275 --> 00:55:23,487
Then she mumbled,
"What do you think about a shaved pussy?"
892
00:55:23,570 --> 00:55:25,197
I mean, who says something like that?
893
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:29,243
Was she casually checking out my opinion?
Was she taking a poll?
894
00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:31,120
Was she gauging my interest?
What is that?
895
00:55:31,203 --> 00:55:34,331
Hey, look, I mean, it could've just been
a point of personal curiosity,
896
00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:37,334
like, "What do you think
of this shade of lipstick?" type of thing.
897
00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:39,503
-[clears throat]
-[sighs] That's what I'm afraid of.
898
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:44,049
Yeah. Speaking of which,
I have a very slightly achy vagina today.
899
00:55:44,133 --> 00:55:45,342
I'm so sorry.
900
00:55:45,425 --> 00:55:48,303
Eh, I'm walking a little funny.
I mean, look, it's only slightly.
901
00:55:49,263 --> 00:55:50,764
[Handsome] Mr. Vanderwheel!
902
00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:52,557
[indistinct chatter]
903
00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:01,733
-You're a difficult man to get ahold of.
-His girth is nuts.
904
00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:04,153
Hey.
905
00:56:04,236 --> 00:56:08,448
Uh, heard from Sky that you were out here,
uh, hooking up another event,
906
00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:11,035
and so, uh, I just got
a few more questions for you.
907
00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:12,119
That's no problem.
908
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:16,206
Tell me about the, uh, Lalalime party.
909
00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:19,459
Did I ever tell you? Uh, you know,
I fucked the founder of Lalalime once.
910
00:56:19,543 --> 00:56:21,461
I got a free pair of pants out of it,
so...
911
00:56:21,545 --> 00:56:22,712
-Very helpful.
-Yeah.
912
00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:25,507
Yeah, right, yeah,
we did the show for that party, yeah.
913
00:56:25,591 --> 00:56:27,342
And did you, uh, bring Heather?
914
00:56:27,718 --> 00:56:29,761
Actually, yeah, I did.
915
00:56:30,012 --> 00:56:32,597
When she found out
it was, uh, a celebrity-packed thing,
916
00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:33,765
she begged to come.
917
00:56:33,848 --> 00:56:38,103
Said that I could back off
on buying her expensive finery
918
00:56:38,187 --> 00:56:40,647
in exchange for me bringing her
as my assistant.
919
00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:41,940
Sorry, back up. "Finery"?
920
00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:44,193
What's that?
921
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:47,029
I don't know.
But she talked about it all the time.
922
00:56:47,112 --> 00:56:49,739
It's luxury clothing for the modern woman.
923
00:56:50,324 --> 00:56:51,825
Okay. What the fuck?
924
00:56:51,908 --> 00:56:53,868
-So I know. Shoot me.
-[sighs]
925
00:56:53,953 --> 00:56:56,956
Hey, look, was she, uh, talking
to any particular people at this party?
926
00:56:57,039 --> 00:56:58,040
Anything we should know?
927
00:56:58,457 --> 00:57:01,376
I mean, she definitely was
making the rounds,
928
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:04,671
but I was so busy overseeing
the Dragon Dicks, I couldn't...
929
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:05,714
[chuckles]
930
00:57:05,797 --> 00:57:10,552
Oh, it's, uh... It's an industry nickname
for grounded fountains.
931
00:57:10,636 --> 00:57:13,639
Uh, anyway, I couldn't, like,
keep an eye on her nonstop.
932
00:57:14,139 --> 00:57:16,433
-There were, uh, gift bags there, correct?
-Yeah.
933
00:57:16,516 --> 00:57:18,143
-From, uh, the Silky Lamb?
-What?
934
00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:19,937
-Did you get one?
-Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
935
00:57:20,020 --> 00:57:23,899
Those... those bags weren't for us.
Those were closely guarded.
936
00:57:24,483 --> 00:57:26,109
Apparently, in these bags,
937
00:57:26,193 --> 00:57:29,989
there was a lotion and a cream
that was worth 1,000 bucks.
938
00:57:30,572 --> 00:57:32,491
-You say a lotion and a cream?
-Yeah.
939
00:57:32,992 --> 00:57:34,784
A thousand bucks.
Can you believe that?
940
00:57:34,868 --> 00:57:36,453
Lotion and a cream?
941
00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:38,372
Heather tried to take a bag.
They made her give it back.
942
00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,499
Said it was only for famous people.
943
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:41,959
-Are we good?
-We're good.
944
00:57:42,042 --> 00:57:44,169
-Got all we need. Thank you.
-All right.
945
00:57:44,253 --> 00:57:45,254
[Fleur] Thank you.
946
00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:50,342
Oh, hey, uh,
so listen, I was just thinking, uh...
947
00:57:50,425 --> 00:57:53,387
I think I'm gonna hang back for a second,
get more details on the party.
948
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,180
Nothing you need to concern yourself with,
949
00:57:55,263 --> 00:57:57,015
I just wanna make sure we cover our bases.
950
00:57:58,558 --> 00:58:02,437
Where is this, uh, gonna take place?
I don't see any space for that.
951
00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:04,939
Oh, yeah. Well, you wouldn't, right?
[chuckles] So...
952
00:58:05,024 --> 00:58:06,150
[sighs]
953
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,817
[cell phone ringing]
954
00:58:11,113 --> 00:58:11,947
Handsome.
955
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:16,076
Ingredient analysis on the girl's cream
came back from the lab.
956
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,120
It matches a rarified brand.
957
00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:19,496
Fancy-pants.
958
00:58:20,330 --> 00:58:21,498
Silky Lamb?
959
00:58:21,581 --> 00:58:23,917
-That's it!
-Of course it is.
960
00:58:24,001 --> 00:58:26,503
-Lil' dab'll do ya.
-Indeed, Lester.
961
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:29,506
A lil' dab'll do ya. Have a good day.
962
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:44,646
[door creaks]
963
00:58:52,362 --> 00:58:54,031
[dog barking in the distance]
964
00:59:19,056 --> 00:59:20,890
[barking continues]
965
00:59:53,382 --> 00:59:55,049
[grunting]
966
00:59:55,134 --> 00:59:56,801
Oh, my fucking back!
967
01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:03,725
[continues grunting]
968
01:00:06,270 --> 01:00:07,937
[groaning] Ow.
969
01:00:11,816 --> 01:00:13,527
My back. Ow.
970
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:16,280
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
971
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,822
[groaning]
972
01:00:25,247 --> 01:00:27,207
Yeah. I'll get you some water.
973
01:00:27,291 --> 01:00:29,042
Oh, is that good!
974
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:32,546
Look at how delicious this water is!
You're gonna love it.
975
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:34,714
All right. Mmm, diggity.
976
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:37,342
All right. There you go.
977
01:00:37,425 --> 01:00:41,304
This'll make you feel better. All right.
[grunts]
978
01:00:41,388 --> 01:00:44,516
Let's get some... air for you.
979
01:00:45,809 --> 01:00:46,643
Ah, there we go.
980
01:00:49,938 --> 01:00:53,233
Feel better? Feels nice, right? [sniffles]
981
01:00:53,317 --> 01:00:55,194
-What we got going on?
-[whimpers]
982
01:01:22,304 --> 01:01:23,847
[knocking on door]
983
01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,229
Detective, well!
984
01:01:30,312 --> 01:01:33,273
Come to check on my well-being?
Now that's service.
985
01:01:33,357 --> 01:01:36,235
-Yeah. I'm in the service industry.
-[chuckles]
986
01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:43,575
I'm sorry, did I interrupt your swim?
987
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:45,410
Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine.
988
01:01:45,494 --> 01:01:48,288
You know, there comes a point
at which one can be too fit.
989
01:01:48,372 --> 01:01:49,873
I've gotta watch myself sometimes.
990
01:01:49,956 --> 01:01:53,210
Yeah, as, uh, an actor,
your body is your instrument.
991
01:01:53,293 --> 01:01:54,378
That's so true.
992
01:01:54,461 --> 01:01:58,715
You know, when I'm performing,
I'm never just delivering a line. I'm...
993
01:01:58,798 --> 01:02:00,217
vibrating.
994
01:02:01,510 --> 01:02:03,720
No wonder the ladies love you so much.
995
01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,308
My vibrating isn't something
to joke about.
996
01:02:09,184 --> 01:02:10,435
Right, right.
997
01:02:11,478 --> 01:02:17,567
So I just came by to make sure
that all your windows and doors are secure
998
01:02:17,651 --> 01:02:20,153
and nothing could happen, you know...
999
01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:23,365
Well, this is a bit, uh...
Oh, good. All right.
1000
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:26,951
Yeah. Yeah. That is solid as a rock.
1001
01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:28,620
You are good to go.
1002
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:30,497
Do you have any other doors like this
in your house?
1003
01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:33,708
-Why, yes! Off the balcony in my bedroom.
-Mmm.
1004
01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:35,585
By the way, there's no ice in there.
1005
01:02:37,587 --> 01:02:39,673
That's wonderful. After you.
1006
01:02:44,010 --> 01:02:46,721
Yeah, you wouldn't want anyone coming
in here while you're sleeping,
1007
01:02:46,805 --> 01:02:47,931
being vulnerable.
1008
01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:49,057
Oh, God, no.
1009
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:51,310
My emotional vulnerability is already
at such peak level.
1010
01:02:51,393 --> 01:02:53,812
To think I'd also
be physically vulnerable? [chuckles]
1011
01:02:55,897 --> 01:03:00,026
Yeah. Well, you know what?
All tight. All good.
1012
01:03:00,110 --> 01:03:01,027
Yeah.
1013
01:03:01,528 --> 01:03:05,031
Well, looky-looky! How about that?
1014
01:03:07,075 --> 01:03:08,702
Got the Silky Lamb.
1015
01:03:09,869 --> 01:03:11,079
How about that?
1016
01:03:11,162 --> 01:03:13,873
You know, I hear great things
about the companion lotion.
1017
01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:15,083
Do you have that, too?
1018
01:03:15,166 --> 01:03:19,004
Well, the lotion I gave to a friend.
The creme is the superior product.
1019
01:03:19,713 --> 01:03:21,465
-The creme?-Creme.
1020
01:03:23,091 --> 01:03:24,426
Tell me about the creme.
1021
01:03:24,509 --> 01:03:29,180
Do you see how well-moisturized I appear,
even though I just got out of the pool?
1022
01:03:29,263 --> 01:03:31,600
You're a very shiny individual.
1023
01:03:32,559 --> 01:03:35,979
I applied just a dime-sized dollop
of Silky Lamb
1024
01:03:36,062 --> 01:03:38,940
when I got out of bed this morning.
That's it.
1025
01:03:39,524 --> 01:03:40,442
No.
1026
01:03:40,525 --> 01:03:42,986
Yes. It's totally water-resistant.
1027
01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:45,279
Fucking genius! I swear by it.
1028
01:03:45,363 --> 01:03:46,448
A lil' dab'll do ya.
1029
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,575
[laughing] Huh?
1030
01:03:52,245 --> 01:03:55,665
Well, this takes over the room.
Look at that.
1031
01:03:55,749 --> 01:03:57,501
Oh, yes. That was a gift I received,
1032
01:03:57,584 --> 01:03:59,836
when I wrapped the film
Atlas Shrugged Again.
1033
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:02,797
Yeah, I don't normally do
light romantic comedies,
1034
01:04:02,881 --> 01:04:07,301
but I felt I wanted to give back
to some of my, well, simpler fans.
1035
01:04:07,386 --> 01:04:10,514
Yeah, that movie.
Huh, can't all be winners.
1036
01:04:11,097 --> 01:04:12,265
Um, what?
1037
01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:15,352
Oh, please!
That movie was a piece of crap.
1038
01:04:16,060 --> 01:04:18,438
But, come on, that happens.
1039
01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:20,524
Oh, that reminds me.
1040
01:04:21,274 --> 01:04:23,526
Remember the last time we saw each other,
1041
01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:27,614
we talked about, uh,
your movie Patty-Cake?
1042
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:29,991
You know, the movie you watched
1043
01:04:30,074 --> 01:04:34,746
the night that that monster dropped
that body off on your front lawn.
1044
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:37,832
Yes, that was a terrifying evening.
I shall never forget it.
1045
01:04:37,916 --> 01:04:42,462
Well, I watched it because
you got me intrigued by your performance.
1046
01:04:42,546 --> 01:04:44,714
-And?
-Well...
1047
01:04:44,798 --> 01:04:46,591
Well, what?
1048
01:04:46,675 --> 01:04:48,342
You were a kid.
What did you know?
1049
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:53,390
Well, I'm sorry. [chuckling]
You don't know what you're talking about.
1050
01:04:53,473 --> 01:04:55,850
Oh, come on. Those line readings?
1051
01:04:56,935 --> 01:04:59,813
Bit histrionic, don't you think?
Heavy-handed.
1052
01:04:59,896 --> 01:05:04,859
It's as if you were attempting to act,
as opposed to just acting.
1053
01:05:07,904 --> 01:05:11,116
How fucking dare you.
1054
01:05:11,199 --> 01:05:12,784
I was luminous!
1055
01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:14,953
I fucking killed it.
1056
01:05:15,036 --> 01:05:16,538
[breathing heavily]
1057
01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:20,333
Those scenes hold up,
you fucking half-wit!
1058
01:05:21,876 --> 01:05:23,962
You've got quite a temper.
1059
01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:29,467
I betcha Heather Dromgoole
brought out your dark side
1060
01:05:29,551 --> 01:05:33,054
when she made fun of your performance
right to your face.
1061
01:05:36,099 --> 01:05:38,685
-Never met her.
-Oh, I think otherwise.
1062
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:43,272
As a matter of fact,
I've got a half-wit theory about it.
1063
01:05:44,190 --> 01:05:45,692
[indistinct chatter]
1064
01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:56,119
[Handsome] I think you met Heatherat the Lalalime party.
1065
01:06:00,206 --> 01:06:03,376
I think when she was denieda Silky Lamb gift bag,
1066
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:05,545
she went looking for a celebrity.
1067
01:06:05,629 --> 01:06:07,130
And she found you.
1068
01:06:13,678 --> 01:06:15,429
[inaudible]
1069
01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:27,358
[Handsome] She came home with you.You two had sex to seal the deal.
1070
01:06:32,739 --> 01:06:36,242
And she landed that Silky Lamb lotionas a parting gift.
1071
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:50,131
She stopped by the night of the murder.Things got sexy again.
1072
01:06:50,214 --> 01:06:54,302
I think you creamed Heather head to toebefore you made love to her.
1073
01:07:05,354 --> 01:07:07,148
[laughing maniacally]
1074
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:13,780
After sex, you two were lounging around,flipping through the channels.
1075
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:17,492
Ooh! Oh! It's my movie.
1076
01:07:17,576 --> 01:07:21,705
[Handsome] You found your own movie!You never pass up watching your own movie.
1077
01:07:21,788 --> 01:07:23,873
This is the worst thing I've ever seen.
1078
01:07:23,957 --> 01:07:26,960
[Handsome] I think Heather made funof your crappy performance.
1079
01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:30,630
Is this, like, before you took
acting classes? This thing sucks.
1080
01:07:30,714 --> 01:07:33,216
Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man.
1081
01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:34,843
[Handsome] She had a bad habit of that.
1082
01:07:34,926 --> 01:07:38,012
You know, people I talked tosaid she liked to do a little ribbing.
1083
01:07:41,224 --> 01:07:43,226
I think she was standing about right here.
1084
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:48,231
And then you got angry.
Yeah, real angry.
1085
01:07:49,983 --> 01:07:52,735
You shoved Heatherfrom a dark place of inner rage.
1086
01:07:53,444 --> 01:07:56,364
But I think she was very greasy.Very slippery.
1087
01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:59,576
And she fell backwards into your statue,
1088
01:07:59,659 --> 01:08:02,954
which, of course, explainsthe globe-shaped dent in her head.
1089
01:08:03,037 --> 01:08:07,208
A woman lay dead on your floorbecause of your fragile ego.
1090
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,127
And then you panicked.
1091
01:08:09,210 --> 01:08:12,005
And you went to your neighbor's garage
and you chopped her up
1092
01:08:12,088 --> 01:08:15,759
to make it look like it was
some sort of serial killer type thing.
1093
01:08:15,842 --> 01:08:19,428
Your cuts were so profoundly sloppy
1094
01:08:19,512 --> 01:08:21,640
because your hands were heavily creamed,
1095
01:08:21,723 --> 01:08:24,100
the tools slipping in and out.
1096
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:28,312
And then you chopped up her body
and threw it out on your front lawn.
1097
01:08:28,396 --> 01:08:30,607
Like a pile of dog shit.
1098
01:08:30,690 --> 01:08:35,403
'Cause who's gonna suspect a killer
of dumping a body on their own front lawn?
1099
01:08:35,486 --> 01:08:38,572
Now here's where I was really confused.
1100
01:08:38,657 --> 01:08:41,701
The Star of David?
That one had me miffed.
1101
01:08:41,785 --> 01:08:43,828
And then, I figured it out!
1102
01:08:43,912 --> 01:08:47,081
You're a self-loathing Jew.
You're a self-loathing Jew.
1103
01:08:47,165 --> 01:08:48,457
[screams]
1104
01:08:48,541 --> 01:08:51,127
[screams and groans]
1105
01:08:51,210 --> 01:08:52,712
[Talbert] You bastard!
1106
01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:55,256
-You're gonna end up dead on my lawn, too!
-Get off me!
1107
01:08:55,339 --> 01:08:56,633
[laughs maniacally]
1108
01:08:56,716 --> 01:08:58,384
[both grunting]
1109
01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:01,429
[struggling]
1110
01:09:01,512 --> 01:09:02,513
[groans]
1111
01:09:03,682 --> 01:09:05,349
[both grunting]
1112
01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:10,604
Freeze, asshole!
1113
01:09:12,649 --> 01:09:15,026
-How?
-The sliding door by the pool.
1114
01:09:15,109 --> 01:09:18,446
[pants] But you checked the door.
You jiggled the handle!
1115
01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:21,866
That was a fake jiggle, my friend.
1116
01:09:22,491 --> 01:09:23,868
I should be an actor.
1117
01:09:28,081 --> 01:09:29,623
[indistinct chatter]
1118
01:09:29,708 --> 01:09:33,252
Well... [grunts] I guess that explains
why my vagina was achy all morning.
1119
01:09:33,336 --> 01:09:34,378
Why's that?
1120
01:09:34,462 --> 01:09:38,049
Well, you know, it knew you were gonna
need help. It was pulsing a warning.
1121
01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:40,134
So that's your finely-tuned intuition?
1122
01:09:40,218 --> 01:09:42,011
Oh, yeah. Either that or,
1123
01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:44,597
you know, my pussy can't handle
more than four toes anymore.
1124
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:45,974
-[laughs]
-I hope it's not that.
1125
01:09:46,057 --> 01:09:48,977
-I love you for so many reasons.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1126
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:53,690
[Joe] Hey, Bacorn, nice bathrobe.
1127
01:09:53,773 --> 01:09:55,524
Fuck you, Joe Kenda. Fuck you!
1128
01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:58,027
You wouldn't like me. I just lay there.
1129
01:10:03,157 --> 01:10:05,159
-Lieutenant.
-Detective Handsome.
1130
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:07,286
I told you it was the ex-boyfriend.
1131
01:10:07,620 --> 01:10:10,957
The old "If I can't have you,
no one can have you" trick.
1132
01:10:12,083 --> 01:10:15,628
Yeah, that's a... that's a good theory,
uh, but he's not the ex...
1133
01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:19,298
Well, yes, he's the ex-boyfriend.
Good one. Good theory.
1134
01:10:22,969 --> 01:10:24,345
What the fuck?
1135
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:27,849
Hi. [stammers] What is going on here?
1136
01:10:27,932 --> 01:10:30,434
Hi. Detective Handsome, LAPD.
1137
01:10:30,518 --> 01:10:32,103
-Kaley. You know...
-Hi, Kaley.
1138
01:10:32,186 --> 01:10:33,271
I live right there.
1139
01:10:33,354 --> 01:10:34,522
-You live right there.
-Yeah.
1140
01:10:34,605 --> 01:10:35,689
So it's your dog.
1141
01:10:35,773 --> 01:10:38,401
-Oh, my God, is... is my dog okay?
-Dog's good.
1142
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,988
Oh. What is this shit going on
next to my house, man?
1143
01:10:42,071 --> 01:10:44,949
Uh, your neighbor, uh, murdered somebody.
1144
01:10:45,033 --> 01:10:47,368
This is ridiculous.
I just got back from vacation.
1145
01:10:47,451 --> 01:10:50,704
And here I am, coming back
to all this commotion next to my house.
1146
01:10:50,789 --> 01:10:52,706
Wait a second.
You're Kaley Cuoco.
1147
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:55,835
-Yeah.
-Wow.
1148
01:10:55,919 --> 01:10:57,879
-I love saying your name.
-Oh.
1149
01:10:57,962 --> 01:10:59,422
-It's a delight.
-That's nice.
1150
01:10:59,505 --> 01:11:01,174
It rolls off the tongue. Kaley Cuoco.
1151
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:03,676
Do you need any help solving this one?
1152
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:05,053
-No, we're good.
-Okay.
1153
01:11:05,136 --> 01:11:07,972
Even though you're Kaley Cuoco
and I'd love to say, "Come on in."
1154
01:11:08,056 --> 01:11:09,182
-[chuckles] Okay.
-It's all solved.
1155
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:11,350
-All right. Great.
-He's being taken away.
1156
01:11:11,434 --> 01:11:12,476
This is so fucked up.
1157
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,937
You know what... Driver!
Take me back to the airport.
1158
01:11:16,272 --> 01:11:18,274
-Enjoy your good looks.
-All right.
1159
01:11:18,357 --> 01:11:19,358
Wow.
1160
01:11:24,322 --> 01:11:26,240
[narrator] "A Lil' Epilogue'll Do Ya."
1161
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:31,287
Wow, I am so lucky that I met you.
1162
01:11:32,705 --> 01:11:35,041
Honestly,
I look at your face and I just...
1163
01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:38,127
[chuckles] I don't even know
how to talk about it.
1164
01:11:38,211 --> 01:11:41,130
Seriously, this feeling I have is just...
1165
01:11:41,214 --> 01:11:44,092
bigger than anything
I could ever explain to you.
1166
01:11:44,175 --> 01:11:46,177
I cannot believe that you...
1167
01:11:46,260 --> 01:11:48,554
Miss, we're just about wrapped up inside
and ready to bail.
1168
01:11:48,637 --> 01:11:51,850
Great! Thank you.
You can call me Nora.
1169
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:54,477
-Hmm, Nora it is.
-[chuckles]
1170
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,813
And we found this Tupperware of cookies
on the side of the washer.
1171
01:11:56,896 --> 01:11:57,981
You taking these with?
1172
01:11:58,064 --> 01:11:59,816
Oh, no, those are gross.
You can toss them out.
1173
01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:00,984
All right.
1174
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:03,820
[Nora] Hmm.
1175
01:12:05,488 --> 01:12:06,697
[inhales sharply]
1176
01:12:06,781 --> 01:12:09,575
Anyway, back to what I was saying before.
1177
01:12:10,284 --> 01:12:13,454
I cannot believe you have done this
for me. I really can't.
1178
01:12:13,955 --> 01:12:17,917
Well, if a person can make someone else
happy, they ought to do it, right?
1179
01:12:18,001 --> 01:12:21,921
Right. I can tell it makes you a little
uncomfortable to be thanked, so I'll stop.
1180
01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:23,798
We were gonna have you up
once we get settled,
1181
01:12:23,881 --> 01:12:27,844
but then I realized
you would not be comfortable with that.
1182
01:12:27,927 --> 01:12:29,720
I don't think
I'd be uncomfortable with--
1183
01:12:29,803 --> 01:12:32,849
Yeah, no, I know you would hate
that power dynamic.
1184
01:12:32,932 --> 01:12:37,228
Me, just, like, so grateful. [chuckles]
You, a goddamn angel.
1185
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:38,980
I don't know that
I would go calling me an angel.
1186
01:12:39,063 --> 01:12:40,731
Yeah. And like an angel,
1187
01:12:40,814 --> 01:12:43,817
it's better for you
to just stay at a distance.
1188
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:45,194
Observe from the clouds.
1189
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:50,449
[laughing] You don't want me calling you
and sticking around in your life.
1190
01:12:50,533 --> 01:12:53,119
I know you would not be comfortable
with an arrangement like that,
1191
01:12:53,202 --> 01:12:54,370
so I'll save you from the pressure.
1192
01:12:54,453 --> 01:12:55,746
[stammers] I'd be comfortable.
It'd be okay.
1193
01:12:55,829 --> 01:12:57,165
Yeah. Carys!
1194
01:12:57,248 --> 01:12:58,499
Honey, come here.
1195
01:13:00,209 --> 01:13:03,880
I want you to say thank you to Gene
before we never see him again, okay?
1196
01:13:03,963 --> 01:13:05,048
I don't want to.
1197
01:13:05,131 --> 01:13:06,215
-[Handsome] That's okay.
-[Nora] Carys.
1198
01:13:06,299 --> 01:13:08,551
-She doesn't have to, it's not--
-I wasn't finished.
1199
01:13:09,051 --> 01:13:11,345
I don't wanna thank him in words.
1200
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:14,182
I'll thank him with a dance.
1201
01:13:16,434 --> 01:13:20,438
This is the shining youth of America.
[chortles]
1202
01:13:33,117 --> 01:13:34,160
[Charles vocalizing]
1203
01:13:34,243 --> 01:13:37,663
[whispering] Yes, yes, yes.
1204
01:13:47,798 --> 01:13:48,799
Ha!
1205
01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:59,060
Well, I think I should be thanking you.
1206
01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:01,562
That was something.
1207
01:14:02,521 --> 01:14:03,606
[Nora] Hmm.
1208
01:14:06,609 --> 01:14:07,818
[Nora sighs]
1209
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,529
Goodbye, Gene.
1210
01:14:12,698 --> 01:14:13,532
Forever.
1211
01:14:19,372 --> 01:14:20,539
We're all good, Nora.
1212
01:14:24,043 --> 01:14:26,379
-Oh, okay.
-[chuckles] Mmm.
1213
01:14:28,006 --> 01:14:29,715
[both] Mmm...
1214
01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:32,676
[Nora] Mmm.
1215
01:14:33,719 --> 01:14:34,928
[man] Mmm.
1216
01:14:36,222 --> 01:14:37,348
[Nora] Ah.
1217
01:14:40,018 --> 01:14:42,520
-[Handsome softly] Oh, boy.
-[Nora and man] Mmm.
1218
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,605
-[chuckles]
-Mmm.
1219
01:14:49,485 --> 01:14:51,237
[moving truck engine starting]
1220
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:52,488
[door opens and closes]
1221
01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:56,617
[car door opens and closes]
1222
01:14:56,700 --> 01:14:58,036
[car engine starts]
1223
01:15:05,835 --> 01:15:11,132
Boy, uh...
that's, uh, not what I expected.
1224
01:15:13,050 --> 01:15:15,052
It is what it is. Yeah.
1225
01:15:17,846 --> 01:15:19,640
Au revoir, Detective.
1226
01:15:20,849 --> 01:15:23,061
-Yeah, later, Charles.
-Yeah. Excuse me.
1227
01:15:25,063 --> 01:15:26,064
Um...
1228
01:15:27,398 --> 01:15:29,733
-You're in... you're in my way.
-Yeah, yeah.
1229
01:15:31,069 --> 01:15:32,945
Yeah, come on.
Candy, over here.
1230
01:15:33,029 --> 01:15:34,738
-Okay.
-All right.
1231
01:15:40,786 --> 01:15:43,539
All right, come on, sweetie.
Let's go, come on.
1232
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:52,465
[Durante] Hey, Handsome!
1233
01:15:52,965 --> 01:15:54,967
Neighbors moving out already?
1234
01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:58,096
-[Candy barks]
-[Handsome] Shh.
1235
01:15:58,179 --> 01:16:00,264
-[barking continues]
-[softly] It's okay.
1236
01:16:00,348 --> 01:16:02,475
Yeah, she's heading out to Ojai.
1237
01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:04,560
She got a couple acres
and a little farmhouse.
1238
01:16:04,643 --> 01:16:05,978
What's she gonna do out there?
1239
01:16:06,062 --> 01:16:08,606
Well, she's given up
being a dental assistant.
1240
01:16:08,689 --> 01:16:11,734
She's gonna go into canine massage.
1241
01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:13,944
She found a program there.
1242
01:16:14,027 --> 01:16:18,157
Two hundred hours, you're in.
It's kind of holistic. She's very excited.
1243
01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:21,952
Wonder what kind of money
you can make massaging dogs.
1244
01:16:22,536 --> 01:16:23,412
She'll be fine.
1245
01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:29,252
It is what it is.
1246
01:16:29,794 --> 01:16:30,920
[accordion playing]
1247
01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:35,841
Later.
1248
01:16:36,801 --> 01:16:38,761
Coming, Esta!
1249
01:16:42,390 --> 01:16:43,724
[door closes]
1250
01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:47,060
[whispers] Yeah. Go ahead.
1251
01:17:18,926 --> 01:17:20,928
[surf rock music playing]
1252
01:17:23,928 --> 01:17:27,928
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