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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,909 --> 00:00:06,244 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:25,397 --> 00:00:28,166 YOU FIND ME SAMPLING ONE OR TWO OF THE LOCAL VINTAGES, 3 00:00:28,168 --> 00:00:30,802 SO THAT I MAY CHOOSE A HOUSE WINE FOR MY CAFE. 4 00:00:34,206 --> 00:00:35,707 HMM. 5 00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:37,976 TOO GOOD FOR THE PEASANTS. 6 00:00:39,979 --> 00:00:41,113 ( sniffs ) 7 00:00:42,148 --> 00:00:43,615 ( choking ) 8 00:00:48,087 --> 00:00:50,321 TOO BAD FOR THE PEASANTS. 9 00:00:50,323 --> 00:00:52,958 GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE GERMANS. 10 00:00:57,964 --> 00:01:00,298 RENE, HAVE YOU FOUND A SUITABLE ONE YET? 11 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,035 YES, THIS ONE WILL DO VERY NICELY. 12 00:01:03,037 --> 00:01:04,836 GO AND PUT A PINT OF ANTIFREEZE 13 00:01:04,838 --> 00:01:06,404 IN THAT BARREL. 14 00:01:06,406 --> 00:01:09,107 RENE, YOU ONCE MORE HAVE A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. 15 00:01:09,109 --> 00:01:10,876 HOW MANY BOTTLES HAVE YOU TASTED? 16 00:01:10,878 --> 00:01:13,045 OH, NO, IT IS NOT THE WINE, EDITH. 17 00:01:13,047 --> 00:01:15,580 A GREAT LOAD HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS. 18 00:01:15,582 --> 00:01:17,849 THE GESTAPO HAVE RECEIVED BACK THEIR MONEY, 19 00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:20,085 MONSIEUR LeCLERC IS FREE, AND THEY ARE NO LONGER 20 00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:21,486 SEARCHING FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 21 00:01:21,488 --> 00:01:23,288 SO, FOR THE TIME BEING, WE ARE AT LIBERTY 22 00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:25,924 TO MAKE AS MUCH MONEY OUT OF THIS WAR AS WE CAN. 23 00:01:25,926 --> 00:01:28,459 I WILL DRINK TO THAT. 24 00:01:28,461 --> 00:01:31,029 RENE, MICHELLE WANTS YOU IN THE BACK ROOM. 25 00:01:31,031 --> 00:01:32,964 OH HECK. 26 00:01:32,966 --> 00:01:34,566 I KNEW IT COULD NOT LAST. 27 00:01:39,271 --> 00:01:42,240 MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THOSE DIRTY OLD OVERALLS? 28 00:01:42,242 --> 00:01:44,710 THE GERMANS SEEK ME EVERYWHERE. 29 00:01:44,712 --> 00:01:46,411 I AM DISGUISED AS A BUILDER. 30 00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:48,379 SHOULD THEY FIND ME HERE, 31 00:01:48,381 --> 00:01:50,415 I WILL SAY THAT I AM REPAIRING YOUR WINDOW. 32 00:01:50,417 --> 00:01:52,550 BUT IT IS NOT BROKEN. 33 00:01:57,056 --> 00:01:58,489 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 34 00:02:00,159 --> 00:02:02,260 WHEN WE STOLE FROM THE GERMANS, THE LAND MINES, 35 00:02:02,262 --> 00:02:04,830 IN WHICH THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE TO ESCAPE, 36 00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:07,365 WE HAD TO REMOVE 1,000 KILOS OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE. 37 00:02:08,968 --> 00:02:11,436 YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS EXPLOSIVE? 38 00:02:11,438 --> 00:02:14,773 TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I NEVER GAVE IT A THOUGHT. 39 00:02:14,775 --> 00:02:16,574 THEN I WILL TELL YOU NOW. 40 00:02:16,576 --> 00:02:18,844 IT IS HIDDEN IN A PUDDING FACTORY. 41 00:02:18,846 --> 00:02:21,847 OH, WHAT A GOOD HIDING PLACE. 42 00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:24,783 UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE SECRET INFORMATION 43 00:02:24,785 --> 00:02:27,452 THAT THIS FACTORY IS TO BE COMMANDEERED BY THE GERMANS 44 00:02:27,454 --> 00:02:30,488 FOR THE MANUFACTURE OF FROZEN STRUDEL, 45 00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:32,958 WHICH IS TO BE SENT IN FOOD PARCELS TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT. 46 00:02:34,727 --> 00:02:36,527 WE WILL PASS THIS SECRET INFORMATION 47 00:02:36,529 --> 00:02:38,496 ON TO THE ENGLISH TONIGHT ON THE RADIO. 48 00:02:38,498 --> 00:02:41,032 WE MUST NOT LET THE EXPLOSIVE FALL INTO GERMAN HANDS. 49 00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:42,768 WE HAVE THEREFORE ARRANGED 50 00:02:42,770 --> 00:02:44,870 FOR IT TO BE DELIVERED TO YOUR CAFE. 51 00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:46,671 NOW LISTEN! 52 00:02:46,673 --> 00:02:49,274 WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE 1,000 KILOS OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE? 53 00:02:49,276 --> 00:02:51,309 IF THE GERMANS FIND EVEN ONE KILO, 54 00:02:51,311 --> 00:02:52,577 I WILL BE SHOT. 55 00:02:52,579 --> 00:02:54,545 DO NOT WORRY, IT WILL BE DISGUISED 56 00:02:54,547 --> 00:02:56,047 AS A PRODUCT OF THE FACTORY. 57 00:02:56,049 --> 00:02:58,316 WHAT?! HIGH EXPLOSIVE STRUDEL? 58 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,119 DO YOU THINK WE ARE FOOLS? 59 00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:03,822 WE KNOW YOU DO NOT HAVE A BIG ENOUGH REFRIGERATOR. 60 00:03:03,824 --> 00:03:05,257 THEN HOW WILL YOU DISGUISE IT? 61 00:03:08,795 --> 00:03:12,463 IT WILL BE DISGUISED AS 500 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 62 00:03:12,465 --> 00:03:15,066 500? LOOK, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? 63 00:03:15,068 --> 00:03:17,735 IF I AM QUESTIONED, WHAT REASON AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE 64 00:03:17,737 --> 00:03:20,105 FOR HAVING 500 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS IN MY CAFE? 65 00:03:20,107 --> 00:03:22,908 YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE CORNERED THE MARKET. 66 00:03:24,243 --> 00:03:26,344 YOUR IDEAS GET WILDER AND WILDER. 67 00:03:26,346 --> 00:03:28,546 I WILL NOT DO IT, AND THAT IS FINAL. 68 00:03:28,548 --> 00:03:30,415 WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? 69 00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:33,018 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT IN YOUR COMFORTABLE CAFE, 70 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:35,753 AND LOOK AFTER A FEW PALTRY CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 71 00:03:37,123 --> 00:03:39,991 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A 24-HOUR EMERGENCY PLUMBER, 72 00:03:39,993 --> 00:03:41,893 WITH PUTTY UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS, 73 00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,829 BURNING YOUR HANDS ON A BLOW LAMP, 74 00:03:43,831 --> 00:03:46,497 DRINKING TEA FROM AN OLD PAINT KETTLE, 75 00:03:46,499 --> 00:03:49,034 SITTING ON A PILE OF BRICKS, EATING A DOORSTEP SANDWICH, 76 00:03:49,036 --> 00:03:51,803 WITH A 12-INCH SPANNER IN YOUR BACK POCKET? 77 00:03:53,005 --> 00:03:54,940 WHEN IS THE FIRST DELIVERY? 78 00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,474 ( Michelle sobs ) 79 00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:58,409 RENE, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE IS ON THE PHONE. 80 00:03:58,411 --> 00:04:00,946 HE WILL BE HERE IN ONE HOUR TO DISCUSS A PROBLEM. 81 00:04:00,948 --> 00:04:03,514 OH, MORE HEADACHES. 82 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,455 ( sighs ) 83 00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:12,390 THANK YOU, GRUBER. 84 00:04:12,392 --> 00:04:14,226 THESE ARMY BOOTS 85 00:04:14,228 --> 00:04:16,862 HAVE BEEN PLAYING HELL WITH MY BUNIONS. 86 00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:19,097 I THINK, COLONEL, THAT YOU AND I 87 00:04:19,099 --> 00:04:21,933 WERE NOT CUT OUT FOR THE MILITARY LIFE. 88 00:04:21,935 --> 00:04:23,801 BETWEEN YOU AND ME, GRUBER, 89 00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:26,071 I PRAY EVERY NIGHT THAT HITLER 90 00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:27,939 DOESN'T INVADE ENGLAND. 91 00:04:27,941 --> 00:04:30,041 THAT DAMN BRITISH WEATHER, 92 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:33,345 IT WOULD BE FATAL FOR ME WITH MY RHEUMATISM. 93 00:04:33,347 --> 00:04:34,812 AND THE FOOD. 94 00:04:34,814 --> 00:04:37,515 BEFORE THE WAR, I WAS ONE MONTH 95 00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:39,985 IN A SMALL HOTEL IN CROYDON. 96 00:04:39,987 --> 00:04:42,653 WHAT ABOUT MANCHESTER? 97 00:04:42,655 --> 00:04:44,990 THEY EAT FAGGOTS FOR BREAKFAST. 98 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:49,427 IT'S A BARBAROUS COUNTRY. 99 00:04:49,429 --> 00:04:51,529 AND THE ROMANS PUT UP WITH IT 100 00:04:51,531 --> 00:04:54,099 FOR 1,000 YEARS. 101 00:04:54,101 --> 00:04:55,200 COLONEL, 102 00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,735 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS OUTSIDE. 103 00:04:57,737 --> 00:05:00,571 VON KLINKERHOFFEN?! DON'T LET HIM IN. 104 00:05:00,573 --> 00:05:02,673 GRUBER, HIDE THE BOWL. 105 00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:07,178 HIDE THE BOWL. 106 00:05:08,447 --> 00:05:10,782 HIDE THE BOWL! 107 00:05:12,785 --> 00:05:14,286 COLONEL, YOUR FEET. 108 00:05:14,288 --> 00:05:16,321 OH, MY! MY BOOTS! 109 00:05:18,090 --> 00:05:20,225 KEEP HIM TALKING. 110 00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:26,431 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 111 00:05:29,402 --> 00:05:30,601 HEIL HITLER. 112 00:05:30,603 --> 00:05:31,736 HEIL HITLER. 113 00:05:32,805 --> 00:05:34,072 WHERE IS THE COLONEL? 114 00:05:34,074 --> 00:05:35,740 THE COLONEL? 115 00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:38,310 COLONEL VON STROHM. 116 00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:41,279 OH, UM... HE WENT FOR A STROLL. 117 00:05:41,281 --> 00:05:43,315 A STROLL? WHERE? 118 00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:46,784 BEHIND THE CURTAINS. 119 00:05:59,698 --> 00:06:01,399 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 120 00:06:01,401 --> 00:06:03,468 KEEP FIT EXERCISES, GENERAL. 121 00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:06,537 I AM PREPARING MYSELF FOR THE INVASION. 122 00:06:06,539 --> 00:06:08,506 WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING BOOTS? 123 00:06:08,508 --> 00:06:10,541 I AM TOUGHENING UP MY FEET 124 00:06:10,543 --> 00:06:13,378 FOR THE PEBBLES ON THE BRITISH BEACHES. 125 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,081 I WILL MAKE SURE YOU ARE ONE OF THE FIRST TO LAND. 126 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:19,284 TO SEE AN OLD MAN LIKE YOU 127 00:06:19,286 --> 00:06:21,186 TOTTERING UP TO THE BARBED WIRE 128 00:06:21,188 --> 00:06:23,388 WILL SET A GOOD EXAMPLE TO THE LESS SEASONED TROOPS. 129 00:06:24,723 --> 00:06:27,492 NOW TO BUSINESS. WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 130 00:06:27,494 --> 00:06:30,061 IT HAS COME TO THE EARS OF THE FUHRER 131 00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,797 THAT TWO OF THE LATEST MARK VI LAND MINES 132 00:06:32,799 --> 00:06:34,432 ARE MISSING FROM THIS DISTRICT. 133 00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:37,402 HE HAS, OF COURSE, FLOWN INTO ONE OF HIS FAMILIAR RAGES. 134 00:06:37,404 --> 00:06:40,338 HAS HE EATEN THE CARPET? 135 00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:42,607 NO, BUT HE HAS DONE A LOT OF NO GOOD 136 00:06:42,609 --> 00:06:44,976 TO A REPRODUCTION OF A BAYEUX TAPESTRY. 137 00:06:44,978 --> 00:06:46,978 DO YOU THINK HE HAS A SCREW LOOSE? 138 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:48,946 IN MY OPINION, 139 00:06:48,948 --> 00:06:51,983 A WHOLE MECCANO SET HAS FALLEN APART IN THERE, 140 00:06:51,985 --> 00:06:54,785 BUT, UH... THAT IS JUST BETWEEN OURSELVES. 141 00:06:54,787 --> 00:06:57,989 NOW, WHAT STEPS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO RECOVER THE STOLEN ARTICLES? 142 00:06:57,991 --> 00:07:00,558 WE HAVE INFORMED HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 143 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,194 UNDERCOVER WORK IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. 144 00:07:03,196 --> 00:07:05,030 THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 145 00:07:05,032 --> 00:07:08,099 YOU WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THIS OPERATION PERSONALLY. 146 00:07:08,101 --> 00:07:09,800 THIS IS YOUR DISTRICT. 147 00:07:09,802 --> 00:07:11,503 YOU ARE THE COMMANDER. YOU ARE IN CHARGE! 148 00:07:11,505 --> 00:07:13,438 THIS WHOLE DISGRACEFUL AFFAIR 149 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,273 MUST BE RESOLVED WITHOUT ANY DELAY, 150 00:07:15,275 --> 00:07:18,076 OTHERWISE, SOMEONE 151 00:07:18,078 --> 00:07:19,877 WILL FIND THEMSELVES IN VERY HOT WATER. 152 00:07:29,922 --> 00:07:31,889 YES, MEIN FUHRER. 153 00:07:31,891 --> 00:07:33,425 NO, MEIN FUHRER. 154 00:07:33,427 --> 00:07:35,326 OF COURSE, MEIN FUHRER. 155 00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:37,228 I UNDERSTAND, MEIN FUHRER. 156 00:07:37,230 --> 00:07:40,098 I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO YOU, MEIN FUHRER. 157 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,233 GOODBYE, MEIN FUHRER. 158 00:07:42,235 --> 00:07:44,802 WAS THAT THE FUHRER? 159 00:07:45,904 --> 00:07:47,738 NO, IT WAS MY MOTHER. 160 00:07:47,740 --> 00:07:49,707 SHE WAS CHECKING TO SEE IF MY UNDERWEAR, 161 00:07:49,709 --> 00:07:52,110 WHICH SHE HAS KNITTED FOR ME, IS A SNUG FIT. 162 00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:53,144 AND IS IT? 163 00:07:53,146 --> 00:07:54,546 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 164 00:07:55,914 --> 00:07:58,450 NOW, I HAVE HERE AN IMPORTANT DISPATCH. 165 00:07:58,452 --> 00:08:00,518 BERLIN EXPECTS THE GESTAPO 166 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,520 TO FIND THE MISSING LAND MINES. 167 00:08:02,522 --> 00:08:06,124 WE ARE JUST THE BOYS FOR THE JOB. 168 00:08:06,126 --> 00:08:07,692 IT IS MY OPINION, 169 00:08:07,694 --> 00:08:10,295 THAT MUCH OF THE SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITY IN NOUVION 170 00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:12,263 IS CONDUCTED AT RENE'S CAFE. 171 00:08:12,265 --> 00:08:14,299 GESTAPO SPIES TELL ME 172 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:16,534 THAT THERE ARE FREQUENT MEETINGS IN THE LARDER. 173 00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,936 I DO NOT REMEMBER MENTIONING THIS. 174 00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:21,639 YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY SNEAKY PEBBLE ON THE BEACH. 175 00:08:23,409 --> 00:08:26,177 WE MUST FIND THE POSITION FROM WHICH WE CAN OBSERVE 176 00:08:26,179 --> 00:08:28,279 THESE GOINGS ON IN THE LARDER. 177 00:08:32,485 --> 00:08:34,018 HERE IS A MAP. 178 00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:36,887 HERE IS THE LARDER WINDOW. 179 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:39,424 HERE, OPPOSITE, IS AN OBSERVATION POINT. 180 00:08:39,426 --> 00:08:41,226 THE CHURCH TOWER. 181 00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:42,393 CORRECT. 182 00:08:42,395 --> 00:08:44,061 12 FEET FROM THE GROUND 183 00:08:44,063 --> 00:08:46,498 ARE TWO SMALL UNOBTRUSIVE OPENINGS. 184 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,134 FROM THESE WE CAN SEE DIRECTLY INTO THE LARDER, 185 00:08:49,136 --> 00:08:50,668 AND THE WINDOWS ABOVE. 186 00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:53,004 OH, YOU ARE A MARVEL, HERR FLICK. 187 00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:55,573 YOU WILL GO A LONG WAY WITH YOUR BRAIN. 188 00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:58,510 AND YOU WILL GO NOWHERE WITH YOURS. 189 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,081 ( laughing ) 190 00:09:10,556 --> 00:09:12,957 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE HAS STOPPED OUTSIDE WITH HIS HEARSE. 191 00:09:12,959 --> 00:09:14,726 OH, I WISH HE WOULD NOT DO THIS. 192 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,427 MAMMA TAKES ON SO. 193 00:09:18,197 --> 00:09:19,397 MONSIEUR RENE, 194 00:09:19,399 --> 00:09:20,832 QUICK, A COGNAC. 195 00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:21,900 OF COURSE. 196 00:09:21,902 --> 00:09:23,267 YOU WILL NOTE 197 00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:25,269 THAT MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING 198 00:09:25,271 --> 00:09:27,471 AND MY MOUSTACHE IS TWITCHING. 199 00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:29,107 HERE, GET THAT DOWN YOU. 200 00:09:29,109 --> 00:09:30,508 NOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED? 201 00:09:32,011 --> 00:09:33,511 I WAS TRAVELING THROUGH THE TOWN, 202 00:09:33,513 --> 00:09:36,081 WHEN A COFFIN FELL OFF MY HEARSE. 203 00:09:37,316 --> 00:09:39,217 I DIED A THOUSAND DEATHS. 204 00:09:39,219 --> 00:09:42,153 WHAT A TERRIBLE THING TO HAPPEN TO AN UNDERTAKER 205 00:09:42,155 --> 00:09:44,255 OF YOUR REPUTATION AND STANDING. 206 00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:45,824 IT IS, MADAME. 207 00:09:45,826 --> 00:09:48,593 ESPECIALLY WHEN THE COFFIN CONTAINS-- 208 00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:50,795 58-- 209 00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:53,098 EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS! 210 00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:57,235 OH, MY GOD! W-WELL, 211 00:09:57,237 --> 00:09:59,104 DO NOT LEAVE IT OUTSIDE MY CAFE. 212 00:09:59,106 --> 00:10:00,772 THANK YOU, MONSIEUR. 213 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,607 I DO NOT INTEND TO. 214 00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:08,012 MAMMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 215 00:10:08,014 --> 00:10:10,281 IT IS A FINE, 216 00:10:10,283 --> 00:10:12,083 SUNNY MORNING, 217 00:10:12,085 --> 00:10:13,985 AND I AM FULL OF JOY. 218 00:10:13,987 --> 00:10:16,387 ALSO I AM FED UP, 219 00:10:16,389 --> 00:10:18,489 WAITING FOR THE RESULTS OF THE TEST 220 00:10:18,491 --> 00:10:20,225 MADE BY THAT DOCTOR. 221 00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:22,994 SO, I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE-- 222 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:25,864 AARGHH! 223 00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:27,531 IT IS A MISTAKE, MAMMA. 224 00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:28,800 COME BACK. 225 00:10:30,236 --> 00:10:32,603 I AM NOT HAVING THAT THING IN HERE. 226 00:10:32,605 --> 00:10:34,806 I HAVE INSTRUCTIONS, 227 00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:37,041 FROM MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 228 00:10:37,043 --> 00:10:39,944 SHE SAID NO MATTER WHAT OPPOSITION I ENCOUNTER, 229 00:10:39,946 --> 00:10:42,513 THAT GOES DOWN YOUR BACK PASSAGE. 230 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:46,818 INTO THE CELLAR. 231 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,887 RENE, THERE ARE SOME GERMANS APPROACHING. 232 00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:50,554 OH, HECK. QUICK, TAKE IT THROUGH. 233 00:10:50,556 --> 00:10:52,590 THANK YOU, MONSIEUR. QUICK, QUICK. 234 00:10:52,592 --> 00:10:54,725 GO QUICKLY, COME ON, HURRY. 235 00:10:57,129 --> 00:10:58,529 WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER FIVE? 236 00:10:58,531 --> 00:10:59,730 OTHER FIVE WHAT? 237 00:10:59,732 --> 00:11:01,699 THE OTHER FIVE COFFINS-- 238 00:11:02,802 --> 00:11:05,569 WITH 290 EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS? 239 00:11:05,571 --> 00:11:06,737 OH, NO, NO. 240 00:11:06,739 --> 00:11:08,306 YOU ARE NOT BRINGING THEM IN HERE. 241 00:11:08,308 --> 00:11:09,774 NO. SAY THERE HAS BEEN A PLAGUE. 242 00:11:09,776 --> 00:11:10,975 GO AND BURY THEM SOMEWHERE. 243 00:11:10,977 --> 00:11:14,378 I CANNOT BURY ANYTHING WITHOUT A CERTIFICATE. 244 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,580 WELL, GET MICHELLE TO SHOOT SOME GERMANS. 245 00:11:16,582 --> 00:11:18,349 USE YOUR IMAGINATION, 246 00:11:18,351 --> 00:11:19,717 BUT THEY ARE NOT COMING IN HERE. 247 00:11:19,719 --> 00:11:21,352 AHA, SHOOT SOME GERMANS. 248 00:11:32,998 --> 00:11:35,166 GO AWAY! 249 00:11:39,238 --> 00:11:41,239 TELL THE DOCTOR 250 00:11:41,241 --> 00:11:43,674 I WANT A SECOND OPINION. 251 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,082 QUICK, BEFORE SHE HITS ONE OF THE COFFINS. 252 00:11:56,588 --> 00:11:58,323 HERR FLICK? 253 00:11:58,325 --> 00:12:00,892 HERR FLICK? WHERE ARE YOU? 254 00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:03,761 I AM BEHIND THE SCREEN, WITH VON SMALLHAUSEN. 255 00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:06,898 MAY ONE INQUIRE TO WHAT YOU ARE UP? 256 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,766 WE HAVE REMOVED OUR CLOTHES 257 00:12:08,768 --> 00:12:11,069 IN ORDER TO FOLLOW THE FUHRER'S INSTRUCTIONS. 258 00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:13,537 I SEE. 259 00:12:13,539 --> 00:12:15,273 WHAT EXACTLY DID HE TELL YOU TO DO? 260 00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:17,275 WE HAVE DISGUISED OURSELVES 261 00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:18,709 IN ORDER TO MERGE 262 00:12:18,711 --> 00:12:20,845 INTO AN ECCLESIASTICAL BACKGROUND. 263 00:12:25,851 --> 00:12:28,219 CRUMBS, WHAT A STUNNING DISGUISE. 264 00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:29,820 IF I MAY SAY SO, 265 00:12:29,822 --> 00:12:31,555 THE HOMEMADE OPEN-TOED SANDALS 266 00:12:31,557 --> 00:12:33,157 ARE PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE. 267 00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:36,394 I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I HAVE VERY VIRILE FEET. 268 00:12:38,830 --> 00:12:40,131 VON SMALLHAUSEN? 269 00:12:45,371 --> 00:12:47,471 WHY HAVE YOU, HANGING FROM YOUR HEAD, A HALO? 270 00:12:47,473 --> 00:12:50,341 IT WAS PART OF THE SET. 271 00:12:50,343 --> 00:12:51,709 REMOVE IT. 272 00:12:55,514 --> 00:12:58,149 HELGA, HERE ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS. 273 00:12:58,151 --> 00:13:00,018 YOU WILL BRING TO THE CHURCH TOWER 274 00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,286 COFFEE AND SANDWICHES, 275 00:13:01,288 --> 00:13:02,921 TO SUSTAIN US DURING OUR VIGIL. 276 00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:05,323 WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING IN THE CHURCH TOWER? 277 00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:06,590 SNOOPING. 278 00:13:06,592 --> 00:13:08,226 VERY WELL, HERR FLICK. 279 00:13:08,228 --> 00:13:09,727 I MUST SAY, 280 00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:11,296 I FIND THE LENGTHS TO WHICH YOU WILL GO 281 00:13:11,298 --> 00:13:13,731 TO ACHIEVE YOUR ENDS MOST EXCITING. 282 00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:15,166 THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE. 283 00:13:15,168 --> 00:13:17,302 MAY I KISS YOU? 284 00:13:17,304 --> 00:13:18,869 NO. 285 00:13:18,871 --> 00:13:20,838 THE RULES OF THE ORDER TO WHICH I BELONG, 286 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,574 FORBID THE KISSING OF GIRLS. 287 00:13:23,576 --> 00:13:25,276 DO THEY FORBID ANYTHING ELSE? 288 00:13:26,711 --> 00:13:29,713 YES, MONKS UNDER 5'3" 289 00:13:29,715 --> 00:13:31,149 ARE NOT PERMITTED TO SPEAK. 290 00:13:34,753 --> 00:13:37,188 MAY I ASK A QUESTION? 291 00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:43,194 RENE, MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT. 292 00:13:43,196 --> 00:13:44,461 IT IS TIME FOR ME TO SING. 293 00:13:44,463 --> 00:13:46,964 HOW QUICKLY IT COMES ROUND. 294 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,035 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 295 00:13:51,037 --> 00:13:52,770 IT IS CABARET TIME AT CAFE RENE. 296 00:13:52,772 --> 00:13:54,038 AND HERE, 297 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,672 AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT, 298 00:13:55,674 --> 00:13:58,075 IS YOUR OWN, YOUR VERY OWN, 299 00:13:58,077 --> 00:14:01,145 NIGHTINGALE OF NOUVION, MADAME EDITH. 300 00:14:01,147 --> 00:14:02,679 ( all groaning ) 301 00:14:04,549 --> 00:14:06,450 THANK YOU FOR THAT WARM WELCOME. 302 00:14:06,452 --> 00:14:09,253 TODAY, I WOULD LIKE TO SING FOR YOU, 303 00:14:09,255 --> 00:14:12,356 ONE OF MY FAVORITES-- AND I HOPE, ONE OF YOURS. 304 00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:14,625 "BOOM, WHY DID MY HEART GO BOOM?" 305 00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:16,160 THANK YOU. 306 00:14:16,162 --> 00:14:18,095 WITH ALL THESE EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS IN THE CELLAR, 307 00:14:18,097 --> 00:14:19,997 I WISH SHE WOULD NOT SING THIS. 308 00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:22,666 ( loudly ) ♪ BOOM! ♪ 309 00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:25,136 ♪ WHY DID MY HEART GO BOOM? ♪ 310 00:14:25,138 --> 00:14:27,905 ♪ ME AND MY HEART GO BOOM ♪ 311 00:14:27,907 --> 00:14:29,740 ♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪ 312 00:14:29,742 --> 00:14:31,875 ♪ 'CAUSE I FOUND YOU ♪ 313 00:14:33,778 --> 00:14:35,146 ♪ BOOM... ♪ 314 00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:37,581 EDITH, YOU'VE CLEARED THE ROOM. 315 00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:39,783 ♪ I CAN SEE LOVE IN BLOOM ♪ 316 00:14:39,785 --> 00:14:41,718 ♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪ 317 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,887 ♪ ALL AROUND YOU... ♪ 318 00:14:43,889 --> 00:14:47,191 ARGH, PEASANTS! 319 00:14:47,193 --> 00:14:48,859 EDITH, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. 320 00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:50,894 YOU DID NOT HAVE THE RIGHT PIANIST. 321 00:14:50,896 --> 00:14:52,363 YOU ARE RIGHT. 322 00:14:53,765 --> 00:14:55,866 YOU ARE SACKED! 323 00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,768 YOU ARE INCOMPETENT! 324 00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:00,204 NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU PLAY IN NOUVION! 325 00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:01,439 OUT! 326 00:15:04,943 --> 00:15:06,677 OH, I MUST LIE DOWN. 327 00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:08,179 WHERE ARE MY SMELLING SALTS? 328 00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:10,414 WE HAVE RUN OUT, MADAME EDITH. 329 00:15:10,416 --> 00:15:12,116 STUFF A MOTHBALL UP EACH NOSTRIL 330 00:15:12,118 --> 00:15:13,517 AND BREATHE DEEPLY. 331 00:15:13,519 --> 00:15:15,586 MOTHBALL? 332 00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:20,291 RENE, WE ARE ALONE AT LAST. 333 00:15:20,293 --> 00:15:21,492 YVETTE. 334 00:15:21,494 --> 00:15:23,094 OH-HH! 335 00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,096 HOLD ME TIGHTLY. 336 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,898 IF THOSE PUDDINGS IN THE CELLAR EXPLODE, 337 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:30,167 I WANT TO BE IN YOUR ARMS. 338 00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:31,402 OF COURSE. 339 00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:33,604 IT IS A LONG TIME SINCE WE WERE OUT TOGETHER. 340 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,673 GOOD MOANING. 341 00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,445 OH, I SEE YOU ARE HAVING A CURSE AND KIDDLE. 342 00:15:43,215 --> 00:15:46,083 I WILL TURN A BLONDE EYE. 343 00:15:46,085 --> 00:15:47,985 WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? 344 00:15:47,987 --> 00:15:49,953 I HAVE FOR YOU 345 00:15:49,955 --> 00:15:52,756 TWO EXPLEEDING CHRISTMAS PODDINGS. 346 00:15:52,758 --> 00:15:55,959 I SUPPOSE THEY ARE DOWN YOUR TROUSERS AS USUAL? 347 00:15:55,961 --> 00:15:58,662 DO NOT BE REDOCULOUS. 348 00:16:05,337 --> 00:16:07,338 MIND THE HILLY. 349 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:09,840 IT IS VERY PROCKERLY. 350 00:16:09,842 --> 00:16:11,509 AND DO NOT DRIP THEM, 351 00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,545 OTHERWISE THEY WILL GO OFF, BONG. 352 00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:16,947 ALL RIGHT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? 353 00:16:16,949 --> 00:16:18,549 WE COULD SAY 354 00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:20,518 WE ARE MEMBERS OF A PUDDING CLUB. 355 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,788 DO NOT MENTION MY NAME IN CONNECTION WITH IT. 356 00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:28,592 I MUST GO ABOUT MY BOSNESS. 357 00:16:28,594 --> 00:16:31,495 I WILL USE THE BACK WEE. 358 00:16:34,766 --> 00:16:37,268 RENE! OH-HHH! 359 00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,603 LOOK OUT, THE WIFE IS COMING. 360 00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:41,738 OH, RENE, 361 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,075 THE MOTHBALLS DID THE TRICK. 362 00:16:44,077 --> 00:16:46,910 I AM FEELING QUITE CALM AGAIN. 363 00:16:46,912 --> 00:16:48,879 RENE, THERE IS A GIRL OUTSIDE 364 00:16:48,881 --> 00:16:51,148 WHO DEMANDS TO SEE YOU, WITHOUT DELAY. 365 00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:52,383 WHAT DOES SHE WANT? 366 00:16:52,385 --> 00:16:54,151 SHE SAYS IT IS A PRIVATE MATTER 367 00:16:54,153 --> 00:16:55,586 THAT ONLY CONCERNS RENE. 368 00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,522 RENE, WHAT IS GOING ON? 369 00:16:58,524 --> 00:17:00,124 I HAVE NO IDEA, EDITH. 370 00:17:04,696 --> 00:17:07,064 I AM GLAD YOU ARE OPEN. 371 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:09,133 I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THIS ON YOUR DOORSTEP. 372 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:12,669 I DENY-- 373 00:17:13,972 --> 00:17:17,174 I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 374 00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:18,775 I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. 375 00:17:18,777 --> 00:17:20,444 HOW MANY ARE THERE? 376 00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:22,713 SIX MORE GIRLS ARE OUTSIDE. 377 00:17:22,715 --> 00:17:24,615 - Rene: SIX?! - AARGHH! 378 00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:33,190 AND THERE IS A BUSLOAD COMING AT 7:00. 379 00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:34,791 AARGHH! 380 00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:37,261 I MUST PUT UP MY NOSE, MORE MOTHBALLS. 381 00:17:38,663 --> 00:17:40,998 RENE, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? 382 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,767 THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. 383 00:17:43,769 --> 00:17:45,936 TWO EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 384 00:17:49,707 --> 00:17:51,775 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS! 385 00:17:51,777 --> 00:17:54,077 ♪ GOD REST YE, MERRY GENTLEMEN... ♪ 386 00:17:54,079 --> 00:17:55,779 GET OUT! 387 00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:08,426 I SAY, FAIRFAX, I REALLY THINK 388 00:18:08,428 --> 00:18:09,660 I'M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS. 389 00:18:09,662 --> 00:18:11,462 THERE IS ONLY ONE PROBLEM. 390 00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:14,164 AFTER SIX HOURS COOPED UP IN THERE, 391 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:16,367 THE OLD LEGS WON'T STRAIGHTEN OUT. 392 00:18:16,369 --> 00:18:18,336 I KNOW. MINE ARE THE SAME. 393 00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:20,371 IS EVERYTHING TICKETY-BOO, CHAPS? 394 00:18:20,373 --> 00:18:22,373 WELL, WE'VE MANAGED 395 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:25,543 TO UNSCREW OUR NUTS IN 12 SECONDS. 396 00:18:26,678 --> 00:18:28,412 THAT MEANS 10 SECONDS TO PUT ON THE PARACHUTE, 397 00:18:28,414 --> 00:18:29,613 AND PULL THE THING. 398 00:18:29,615 --> 00:18:31,215 GOOD SHOW! 399 00:18:31,217 --> 00:18:32,583 YOU'RE LEAVING TONIGHT. 400 00:18:32,585 --> 00:18:33,984 OH, WIZARD. 401 00:18:33,986 --> 00:18:37,054 WHERE ARE THE GERMANS ACTUALLY GONNA DROP THE LAND MINES? 402 00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,489 WELL, WE CAN'T BE SURE, 403 00:18:38,491 --> 00:18:40,290 BUT THEY'RE BOMBING LONDON ALL THE TIME. 404 00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:42,960 IF THEY DROP YOU OVER WIMBLEDON, FAIRFAX, 405 00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,295 YOU COULD HAIL A CAB AND BE HOME FOR SUPPER. 406 00:18:46,398 --> 00:18:48,399 NOW THIS IS THE GENERAL PLAN: 407 00:18:48,401 --> 00:18:50,368 WE WILL SCREW YOU DOWN INTO THESE THINGS, 408 00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:52,336 AND THEN UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS, 409 00:18:52,338 --> 00:18:53,771 YOU WILL BE LOADED ONTO A LORRY, 410 00:18:53,773 --> 00:18:55,406 AND TRANSPORTED TO A WAREHOUSE. 411 00:18:55,408 --> 00:18:58,409 FROM THERE, YOU WILL BE HUNG UNDER A GERMAN BOMBER 412 00:18:58,411 --> 00:18:59,510 AND THEN OFF YOU GO. 413 00:19:01,045 --> 00:19:02,913 WHAT HAPPENS IF THE WEATHER'S BAD, 414 00:19:02,915 --> 00:19:04,582 AND THEY DON'T GO FOR A FEW DAYS? 415 00:19:04,584 --> 00:19:06,350 OUR PEOPLE WILL POP IN FROM TIME TO TIME, 416 00:19:06,352 --> 00:19:08,051 AND GIVE YOU SANDWICHES AND COFFEE. 417 00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:10,454 IT ALL SOUNDS A BIT HAREBRAINED. 418 00:19:10,456 --> 00:19:12,656 ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'LL MAKE 419 00:19:12,658 --> 00:19:14,759 A JOLLY GOOD CHAPTER IN MY BOOK. 420 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,066 ARE THEY STILL HERE? 421 00:19:23,068 --> 00:19:24,735 I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE GONE BY NOW. 422 00:19:24,737 --> 00:19:26,570 THEY ARE LEAVING TONIGHT. 423 00:19:26,572 --> 00:19:28,539 MEANWHILE, YOU MUST HIDE THEM IN YOUR CELLAR. 424 00:19:28,541 --> 00:19:31,809 IT IS FULL OF YOUR EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 425 00:19:31,811 --> 00:19:33,444 WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? 426 00:19:33,446 --> 00:19:35,112 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE, I'M AFRAID. 427 00:19:35,114 --> 00:19:37,548 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 428 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,216 ASK A SILLY QUESTION 429 00:19:39,218 --> 00:19:41,051 AND YOU GET A SILLY ANSWER. 430 00:19:41,053 --> 00:19:42,586 NOW LOOK, MICHELLE, ONCE AND FOR ALL, 431 00:19:42,588 --> 00:19:44,187 I WANT NO PART OF THIS. 432 00:19:44,189 --> 00:19:46,590 WOULD YOU PREFER A BULLET IN YOUR BACK? 433 00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:50,428 OH, VERY WELL. 434 00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:51,729 COME ALONG, CHAPS. 435 00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:54,965 KEEP CALM AND DO YOUR BEST TO LOOK LIKE FRENCH PEASANTS. 436 00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:56,667 ROGER. 437 00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:07,010 OH, MY GOD. 438 00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:13,517 WHY ARE YOU SHIVERING, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 439 00:20:14,719 --> 00:20:17,287 THESE HABITS ARE VERY DRAFTY, HERR FLICK. 440 00:20:17,289 --> 00:20:19,857 WE SHOULD HAVE WORN LONG WINTER UNDERPANTS. 441 00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:22,927 THE GESTAPO HANDBOOK ON CHURCH CUSTOMS 442 00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:25,896 SAYS THAT MONKS DO NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR. 443 00:20:25,898 --> 00:20:27,230 HAVE YOU FOUND A LADDER? 444 00:20:27,232 --> 00:20:28,833 NO, HERR FLICK. 445 00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:31,635 NOTHING THAT WOULD REACH THOSE LITTLE WINDOWS UP THERE. 446 00:20:31,637 --> 00:20:33,471 YOU INCOMPETENT MONK! 447 00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:35,506 BUT WE WILL NOT BE THWARTED. 448 00:20:35,508 --> 00:20:37,942 LET US PUT ON OUR MAGNIFYING HATS. 449 00:20:47,619 --> 00:20:49,419 WAIT WHILE I ADJUST MINE 450 00:20:49,421 --> 00:20:51,154 TO MY WEAK RIGHT EYE. 451 00:20:54,526 --> 00:20:56,560 WE WILL CLIMB THESE ROPES. 452 00:21:02,601 --> 00:21:03,901 ( bell tolls ) 453 00:21:03,903 --> 00:21:05,268 AARGHH! 454 00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:06,937 - ( second bell tolls ) - AARGHH! 455 00:21:07,873 --> 00:21:10,307 ( ringing ) 456 00:21:13,845 --> 00:21:16,714 THE BELLS, THE BELLS! 457 00:21:27,025 --> 00:21:28,592 CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING? 458 00:21:30,128 --> 00:21:32,229 NOT FOR LONG. 459 00:21:40,772 --> 00:21:42,406 HERR FLICK! 460 00:21:42,408 --> 00:21:44,207 IS THAT YOU UP THERE 461 00:21:44,209 --> 00:21:45,976 IN THE DARKNESS OF THE BELFRY? 462 00:21:45,978 --> 00:21:48,646 Flick: I AM SUSPENDED BY THE CLAPPERS. 463 00:21:52,918 --> 00:21:55,586 THE RISKS YOU TAKE FOR THE FATHERLAND. 464 00:21:56,821 --> 00:21:59,523 CLIMB OUT ONTO THE BEAM, HERR FLICK. 465 00:21:59,525 --> 00:22:02,125 THE ROPE IS ENTANGLED. 466 00:22:03,161 --> 00:22:05,763 GIVE IT A LITTLE JERK. 467 00:22:05,765 --> 00:22:07,130 ( screaming ) 468 00:22:09,267 --> 00:22:11,368 ( loud clanging ) 469 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,815 VON SMALLHAUSEN, ARE YOU IN THERE? 470 00:22:24,817 --> 00:22:26,717 SPEAK TO ME. 471 00:22:26,719 --> 00:22:28,418 ( clanking within ) 472 00:22:30,288 --> 00:22:33,356 ( theme music playing ) 44263

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