All language subtitles for The Other Two s03e02 Brooke Drives an Armpit.eng

Hey, guys, can't believe

"Night Nurse"
has been out a week.

As we continue
to celebrate,

let's not forget
the amazing crew,

who I think
might literally be wizards?

@melaniedesignhair,
@victormakeupandhair.

Happy National Nurses Day!

Playing Nurse Louis
was the honor of my life,

and I'm so thankful
to the writers

for trusting me with him.

With wild, complicated,

always-there-when-you-need-him
Lou--

OK, to everyone asking
about a Nurse Louis spin-off:

LOL, thank you!

But I'm pretty sure
this was just a one-off,

and I wouldn't want to ruin
the artistic vision of--

Just took BuzzFeed's "Which
'Night Nurse' nurse are you?"

and got @beaniefeldstein.

LOL.

If you take it, tag me,

and I'll post it to my--

Sorry for the serious post,

but our line producer's
mother's

friend's dog
is not doing well,

so let's share some love
on his Insta.

"Night Nurse" Hive, ri--

"Night Nurse" Hive?

Ugh.

My dear God, dude.

♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪

Also in the summer schedule,

"Drape Disasters
with Maria Menounos."

She goes into homes where
the drapes are just a disaster.

- Uh-huh.
- New episodes would air

at 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30,

4:00, 4:30,

5:00, not 5:30, and 6:00.

- Sounds great. Approved!
- Great.

[phone buzzes]
We're so glad you like it.

We love Maria,
and we love drapes.

OK, moving on,
we also have a show

with a woman
named Alyssa Schechter.

She has eight kids,
and she is so, so nice.

And what's that one called?

It's called
"Alyssa Schechter:

She Has Eight Kids
and She is So, So Nice."

Yes! That way,
people know exactly what it is.

- Approved.
- Great.

Brookie, we have
a lot of good programming.

Yes, I am proud to be a part
of all these vital shows.

- What work we do.
- Well, thanks, Pat.

Don't want to take up
any more of your time.

You've already been here
seven minutes.

So let's clear the elevator

and pull her car around.

Great work, everybody.

- Bye, Mom.
- Oh, hold on.

Brookie,
I am happy to stay longer

if people need
anything else from me.

Oh, no, we just need you
once a month for approvals.

We set it up this way
on purpose, remember?

The talk show was killing you.

So go home.

Bowl in your bowling alley.

Make guacamole
on your guacamole floor.

Well, I've already
done all that.

Then hang in the city.

- Take a stroll in Central Park.
- Oh.

You want to take a stroll
in Central Park?

Yeah, sure.
That could be fun.

OK, then let's head
back to your house

and get started on
all the safety protocols

- to make that happen.
- Uh, protocol--

Walter, we're on our way
to home base.

Crap, we forgot one.

Can you ask your mom
if she likes

"Junk Drawer Rehab
with David Archuleta"?

- [phone buzzing]
- Uh--[sighs]

- Hello?
- Brooke, where are you?

I need you to come do
something important.

[sighs] Really?
You promise it's important?

Yes, I need you
to help close

an $8 million deal for Chase.

So pack your bag.

You're headed to Los Angeles.

Yes!

We... were talking.

Cary, hey, want to come
watch "Drag Race"?

Me and some friends
are gonna order food

and talk
over the whole goddamn thing.

Ugh,
I don't think I can today.

Boo!
You were gone for so long

and then had
"Night Nurse" stuff last week.

- We need a dumb hang.
- I know. I just--

I do still have "Night Nurse"
stuff this week, so...

Whoa, really?

Well, if you're free
this Saturday,

we're bingeing
"Australian Survivor,"

and there's this guy on it

with the hugest nipples
you'll ever see.

- Ew.
- No, no, no.

- They work, and we love them.
- OK.

All right, I-I gotta run. Bye.

Oh, all right, bye--
[line beeps]

- Position one.
- OK, thought that was one.

- All right, position two.
- Two? You want to see two?

What in the absolute hell
is going on here?

Oh, hey, Cary.

No, I'm just standing in
for Chase, you know,

while they get his pit
nice and ready.

- I'm sorry, his what?
- Yeah.

Now that he's 18,

he's doing his first-ever photo

where he gets to show off
his full adult man's armpit.

[laughs] I mean, I don't know
if you've noticed,

but up until now,
Chase has always had

to wear shirts
to cover his pit

'cause it was
a child's pit, Cary.

But now that he's an adult,

we can get that big,
beautiful thing out there.

And I'm not talking
about part of the pit.

I'm talking about
the whole pit,

tip to taint.

OK, this is disgusting.

What?
No.

Cary, this is one
of the most beautiful moments

in a male singer's life.

I mean, surely you remember
the first time

you saw JT's pit.

- OK, I do, actually. Yes.
- Exactly.

And now "Rolling Stone"
is gonna pay Chase $8 million

for exclusive rights
to his pit.

- They are?
- Yes!

And "GQ" is pissed.

I mean, they wanted it bad.

And I don't blame them.

It's quite a pit.

[sighs] Have you seen it?

- I'm good.
- Go check it out.

- Ugh.
- Take a peek at the pit

before we start
charging admission.

[laughs]

Chase.

- Hey, Cary.
- Comb.

I'd give you a hug,
but I don't want

to mush up my pit hair.

Do not hug him.

I've been here since 4:00.

His pit was a disaster.
Comb!

Well, what I see now
looks like, uh, $8 million.

- And you're OK with this?
- Oh, yeah.

I'm just excited for people
to start seeing me as an adult.

- How's my pit looking?
- Shuli!

Yes, just the girl
I came to see.

Oh, no, it's the old one.

I have been looking
for a publicist

to keep making the most
of "Night Nurse."

But I've called
everyone in town

and no one said yes,
so I thought maybe, um,

you'd want the gig?

Cary, no offense,

but I only do
big-league stuff,

- like this.
- Fuck!

We're blow-drying it too much.

The pit is starting to flake!

But since you came
all the way here,

I have someone I do think
could help you.

- I'll text her info.
- Oh, my God.

Shuli, thank you.
Thank you so much.

Oh, and hey, um,
Brooke has a license, right?

- Yeah, why?
- Well, "Rolling Stone"

is terrified this pit pic
is gonna leak,

so they don't want us
to email it to them

or upload it to the internet
in any way,

so I'm gonna have Brooke

drive it across the country
on a thumb drive

and hand-deliver it
to them in LA.

And she agreed to do this?

Basically.

Hey, Lance.

Sorry I've been MIA.

I'm not upset anymore.

Work's just been crazy--

and fulfilling, yeah.

Shuli's actually sending me
to LA tonight

for a really,
really important--

You want me to what?

Brooke, this is
how all the big artists

transport their IP.

It's how Taylor
delivers her music,

and now it'll be
how Chase delivers his art.

The photo has been
secured in the back

of this discreet
FreshDirect truck.

So there's just one photo
of my brother's pit

in this whole truck?

No, there's $8 million
in this whole truck.

And if anyone intercepts it,
it's your ass.

- [keys jingling]
- You know what?

I should go too,
be an extra set of eyes

on the lookout
for road thieves,

someone from "GQ"
or maybe "Men's Health."

- Ugh.
- Of course, you know,

we're gonna need new names.

OK, from now on,

you will be a trucker named Pam

and I will be Rusty Calhoun,

uh, your loyal road dog.

OK, I am not doing
any of that.

Also, you're not coming.

Pam.

God.

[engine turning over]

At least Mom
gets to spend the day

strolling in Central Park.

OK, so we got approval
from the Parks Department

to clear the park for an hour.

Now we're just waiting
to hear back

from the mayor's office,
but Diane

is running things there now,

so who knows
how long that'll take?

'Cause--
'cause Diane's bad?

- Oh, Cary Dubek.
- Hey.

So I just gotta say,
I loved "Night Nurse,"

and I'm gonna get you
the best press I possibly can.

Whoa! That's great.
OK, thank you.

Let me just make sure
I have all the details correct.

- You were the third lead, right?
- Yeah.

- And it's available on VOD?
- It is.

And it came out
eight days ago?

- Mm-hmm.
- OK.

So I can secure you
an exclusive feature

on TheBrooklynBurrito.com.

Oh, um...

I was hoping for more,
like, "Rolling Stone" or--

- Oh.
- Or something.

Well, TheBrooklynBurrito.com
is pretty much

the "Rolling Stone"
of websites

about burrito spots
in Brooklyn.

Uh, what--what would
the press be?

Oh, it's so fun.

You would choose ten
burrito spots in Brooklyn.

You would get on Google Maps,

figure out how to get
to all of them,

then you would buy
a burrito at each.

Don't worry,
you'd be reimbursed.

Just fill out a W-9.

And then you would
rank them on a scale

of one to five nurses.

You know, for "Night Nurse."

So you would write, like,
"Too much cheese,

two out of five nurses,"
or whatever.

That's just an example.

- You're the actor.
- Ah.

If you're interested,
they would love for you

to pop by their offices
today to chat.

You just take the 1 to the L

to the very, very last stop
on the F.

And then the article would,
what, run on their website

with, like,
a little picture of me?

That's exactly right.

You in?

I mean,
all press is good press.

[giggles]

[sighs]

[rousing orchestral music]

Hey, you're cute.

- Want to get coffee?
- Sorry.

I'm, like, slammed with press.

♪ ♪

Whoa, you're hot.

Would you want to go fuck?

That is so kind of you,

but I have to take
a series of trains

to TheBrooklynBurrito.com,
and fast.

- [sighs]
- Hey.

Um, are you busy right now?

There's this carnival
that I thought we could go to

and then maybe lay in the grass
after and look at the stars,

perhaps even... fall in love?

Wow, that sounds
comically lovely.

Ugh, wish I didn't have
to rank burritos.

But I do.
Goodbye forever.

♪ ♪

- [bell dinging]
- Order up!

[sputters]

[phone buzzes]

God.
[phone buzzes]

[sighs]

Hey there.

What are you doing
all the way out here

in the middle of nowhere?

Uh..."working"?

I'm a talent manager.

Oh, wow.

Uh, I'm impressed.

[scoffs] Don't be.

Right now,
I'm driving a photo

of ChaseDreams' armpit
across the nation

in a grocery truck.

Oh.

Well, that sounds... cool.

Uh, I only drive
actual groceries.

But, uh, what you're doing
sounds kind of important,

which is... pretty sexy.

- It is?
- Yeah.

Uh...[chuckles]

Can I maybe
buy you a drink?

- Sure.
- Yeah?

- Why not?
- All right.

- Be right back.
- OK.

[giggles]

[tense music]

[chuckles wickedly]

♪ ♪

Yes.

[scoffs] Nice try, dude.

My job's important?

I knew right away
you were full of shit.

Who do you work for, "GQ"?

Oh, yes, damn it!

Wait, really?

Like, you are from "GQ" and you
are trying to steal this pic?

I mean, it is Chase
all grown up, right?

Like, you see his whole pit?

[scoffs]
Tip to taint.

- Ooh!
- But unfortunately for you,

this beauty's going straight
to "Rolling Stone."

[laughs]
Or is it?

Because while we were flirting,
I stole your keys.

Ha!
Yeah, sorry.

I've been doing this
a lot longer than you.

They're right--wait.

[laughs]

And I've been doing it
even long--

- oh, shit.
- [gasps]

- [keys jingling]
- Damn it!

Jesus.
Ha-ha!

Even longer.

And now if you'll excuse us,

we have an armpit to deliver.

After you, Pam.

Thank you...

Rusty Calhoun.

Hmph!

[chuckles]

[engine turning over]

Rats!

Hi.
Cary Dubek.

Sorry it's so late.

Uh, lot of trains.

Um, I'm here to talk press

for TheBrooklynBurrito.com.

Oh, you came.

Yes.

Why is that weird--

Cary, welcome.

I'm Dr. Wiegland.

This is a mental health facility.

Am I not here
to review burritos

on a scale
of one to five nurses?

No, you are here
because anyone

desperate enough to say yes
to that level of press

and then actually show up
to do it is deeply unwell.

So the publicist
Shuli said could help me

sent me to a brain doctor?

If you sign this,
you'll be voluntarily

admitting yourself
for one year

while we help your brain heal.

And if you sign this,
it gives permission

for students
at local universities

to study your brain,

for it is that broken.

Mm.
[phone buzzing]

- Hello?
- Cary!

Rob from Owens & Berger PR.

Yeah, I'm sorry
it took a sec,

but we would be thrilled
to work with you.

Whoa.

Really?
Is--is that true?

Yes.
"Night Nurse" was awesome.

We could start sending you out
on stuff tomorrow.

There's gonna be a lot
of demand for you, Cary.

Yes!

I knew it.

[folksy rock music]

- Huh?
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

Whoa, is that a hitchhiker?

I didn't think people
still did that.

They don't.

Nice try, "GQ"!

Rats!

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Hey, Brooke, look.

Ah!
[laughs]

♪ ♪

Whoa, there is
a pregnant woman

on the side of the road,
and her car is on fire.

Streeter, we have to stop!

Oh, Brooke, you sweet child.

You're gonna have to try
harder than that, "GQ"!

- Rats!
- [laughs]

This is so insane.

♪ ♪

Wait, wait.
One more.

Oh!

[both yell]

[laughter]

[siren wailing]

Oop, Brooke, I think
we're getting pulled over.

[scoffs]
Yeah, right, we are.

This is your fakest one yet,
"GQ"!

[engine revs]
[cackles]

[sighs] OK, so these ones
were just cops.

[knock at door]

Yay!
Oh, my God, you made it.

Oh!
Come in.

Cary, this is Nico, Rich,
JP, Theo, Tyler, and Paul.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.

How do you all,
uh, know each other?

Oh, um, well, Theo and I met
on Grindr a couple years ago,

but he wasn't into it.

And Rich and I
met on Grindr last month,

and I wasn't into it.

Then JP and I
met yesterday on Grindr,

and neither of us
were into it.

And Tyler is my barista.

- Oh.
- Oh, wait, yeah.

You remember Tyler,
Nico, and Paul.

They were at your, um,
terrible VOD party.

Oh, yeah.
Of course, hi.

Hey.

I can't believe you all
watch "Survivor."

I thought it was
violently straight.

What?

Have you ever met a gay person?

Uh, yeah--

Cary, get in here
so I can make you

a piece-of-shit drink.

Oh, sorry.

So tell me
about this publicist.

Oh, my God,
he's got me

so many things
'cause of "Night Nurse."

- It's crazy.
- OK, and we're sure

he's not also a mental health
provider in disguise?

No, no, no, no.
It's--it's all real.

I already shot it all.

Like, he got me this feature
in "Rolling Stone."

It's gonna be
Chase's issue, I think.

It's a spread called
"The Next James Dean."

Yeah, I shot all these pics

re-creating James Dean's
iconic looks.

And I'm in the new Calvin Klein
underwear campaign.

- What?
- I know!

- Holy shit!
- Yeah, no.

I'm not, like,
the star or anything.

It's just a bunch
of young actors,

like Hollywood's next gen,
all in our Calvins.

Yeah, I shot my stuff alone,
and then they're gonna put in,

like, Jacob Elordi and
Sadie Sink and other people.

I think it's gonna be
really cool.

Um, yeah, I think it will!
Jesus!

- [phone buzzing]
- Oh, this is my publicist

calling right now.

- My God.
- Hello.

Cary,
everything looks so good.

- OK.
- We just need you to DocuSign

releases for everything,
and we'll be all set.

OK.
Yeah, no, I can--

I can actually do that
right now while I have you.

And sent.

[distorted voice] We have
received the final document.

Bring us $100,000,
or we will release the press.

Rob?

You have until
midnight tonight.

Tick tock, Dubek.

[coughs]

Sorry, I gotta go.

I think I'm being...
blackmailed for $100,000.

- Sorry, guys, gotta run.
- What?

I'm currently
being blackmailed.

- Nice to see you again.
- OK, girl.

Bye.

What happened?

So I'm sure you understand
why we brought you in.

Mm-hmm.

First we tried
to pull you over,

- and you sped away.
- Yes.

Very bad decision, sir.

Then you gave us
fake IDs that said, uh,

Pam and Rusty Calhoun on them.

What?
That's so suspicious.

And when we asked to see
inside your truck,

you screamed no
and swallowed the key.

Huge red flag.
I'd arrest us.

We have no choice
but to detain you

as we try
to cut open your vehicle.

Anything you need, Officer.

Right, Brooke?

I don't know.

I still think this is "GQ."

What? No.
[laughs nervously]

She's ki--she's ki--
she's kidding, Officer.

I mean, they look like cops.

They certainly...[sniffing]

Smell like cops.

But something tells me
they're nothing more

than a couple of "GQ" fags.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's not use that language.

Aha!
That was a test.

If you were cops,
you'd love that word.

Look, officers,
I--I promise you,

there's nothing weird
in our truck.

Just one pic
of a teen's armpit,

nice and normal.

We're driving
across country for work.

Sorry, uh,
how is that your job?

Oh, that's good.

They're good, yeah!

[mockingly]
Oh, how is that your job?

It's so embarrassing.

Welp, heard it all
before, boys--

in my dreams.

OK, we don't
have time for this.

We'll be back
once we get the truck open.

In the meantime,
we will be charging you

with evading arrest,
which is a category D felony.

N-no, uh--sorry, wait--

Someone will be here shortly
to bring you to your cell.

Sorry, ma'am.

We really are cops.

[door creaking]

Anyone here?

Uh, hello?

Rob?

Uh, just had a few questions
about our last call.

[camera whirring]

[distorted voice]
Where is the money?

We are not messing around, Dubek.

Sorry, I just--
I don't understand.

I, uh--I want this press
to be released.

I mean, "Rolling Stone"
called me

the next James Dean...

- right?
- Dubek, you fool.

You were the third lead
in a VOD film.

"Rolling Stone" doesn't know
shit about this.

But the whole world
will know you thought

you got this
if you do not pay.

Oh, my God.

They'll also know
about this!

Wait, this
wasn't real either?

Am I not part
of Hollywood's next gen?

[laughs]

You're 33 1/2, Dubek.

Now, bring us our money,
or else.

Oh, Jesus.

Should I see a brain doctor?

Uh, please don't
release the press.

I--I'll get you the money,
I promise.

Fuck!

[fingers tapping]

- [sharp bang]
- Huh?

Oh, um...

uh, sorry.

If we are being held,

don't we get a phone call?

I just want to let my mom

or brother know where I am.

You have two minutes.

I'll be right outside.

OK, thank you.

OK.

- Shit.
- What?

I don't know their numbers.

The only person's I know is--

[sighs] Fuck!

Ugh, I can't believe I'm now
calling my nurse fiancé

at his hospital
to tell him I got arrested

while driving my brother's
armpit across the country.

It does sound bad
all strung out like that.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

B?

Hell yeah.
I miss you, baby.

Yeah.
Yeah, I--I miss you too.

What's going on?

How's that big job
Shuli gave you?

Yo, hey, make sure
you up her morphine

until she's comfortable,
and then you gotta dab after.

She loves the dab.

Uh...

never mind.

Yeah, I had a question,
but I figured it out, so...

I actually gotta go.
I'm really busy here.

OK, well, come home soon.
I want to see you.

And have fun at "GQ."

- Wait, what?
- Have fun at "GQ."

When you called me just now,
it came up as "GQ" on my phone.

[garbled, distorted speech]

B?

Nice try, "GQ"!

Yeah, suck it, "GQ"!

- [door slams]
- B?

Rats!

Oh, God.

[knocking]
Hey, Mom.

Cary!

Oh, yay!

What a nice surprise.

- How, uh, are you?
- I'm good.

On Tuesday, I decided to go
for a stroll in Central Park.

That's nice.
Uh, how was it?

Oh, I haven't gotten
to go yet.

Sorry, ma'am, Melissa's
at the mayor's office now

and wants to know if you want
to stroll over the bridge.

Oh, sure.
That could be fun.

[inhales sharply]

Or I don't need to,
if that would help.

OK, she's fine
without the bridge.

Sorry, just in a little bit
of a time crunch here.

Uh, so I shot some press
for "Night Nurse,"

um, that was actually... kompromat,

and now I'm being blackmailed
for $100,000, so--

Oh, well,
I can give you 100,000.

Oh, really?

- Are--are you sure?
- Well, yes.

If you're in trouble,
I want to help.

- [sighs]
- Though I will need a favor.

Come here for a sec.

- Sit down.
- What's wrong?

[sighs]
If I give you this,

you can never, ever post
about "Night Nurse" again.

- Wait, what?
- I love you so much, Cary.

But your Instagram presence
is not good.

What?

Mom, half your Twitter feed

is accidental texts to people.

Plus, I need to post sometimes.

Like, what about on
the one-month anniversary of--

No, you won't be able
to post then.

Well, what about
on Edie Falco's--

No birthday posts either.

If I give you this,
you need to stop.

"Night Nurse" was so good.

I loved it.

But it's over!

You need to move on.

See friends,
go on dates, I don't care.

Do anything else!

- Good news, ma'am.
- Yeah?

We got approval
from the mayor's office.

Oh, yay!

Now we're just waiting
on JFK

to clear the airspace
above the park

so you're not attacked
from above on the stroll.

Oh.
Yes.

We wouldn't want that.

- No, ma'am.
- [sighs]

OK.
All right.

I--I promise
I won't post anymore.

Then I'll have
the money wired.

Now, go.

There's a whole big world
out there.

Go live in it.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, Mom.

- I love you.
- I love you.

[sighs] Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay.

[door opens, shuts]

Oh, yes!
I knew those weren't cops.

Suck my dick, "GQ"!

Hell yeah!
Go off, sister.

I wouldn't have even known
they weren't cops

- if it wasn't for you.
- Aw.

I think you might be
one of the smartest people

I have ever met?

I've been waiting
for this day.

Also, this picture
is important.

- It's making Chase happy.
- Yeah.

Plus, it's gonna be huge
for his fans.

I mean, I remember
the first time I saw JT's pit.

I came so hard
to that baby for months.

Wait, are we just shuttling
porn across the country?

You know what? No.
I'm not taking that on.

- It's not porn. It's culture.
- Right.

We are shuttling culture
across the country.

Peters and Dubek, baby!

- [laughs]
- Whoo!

- Dream team!
- Dream team!

OK.

[sighs]

What?

I guess...

You came.

Or...

you sort of
just missed it.

Oh, hi.

Uh, you mean the carnival?

Wasn't that
a couple of days ago?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I--

I come here a lot.

It's sort of my favorite place
in this whole town.

Uh--

Cotton candy?

Got an extra one.

Uh, sorry,
am I dreaming this?

[laughter]

I feel like you just
arrived in my life

at the exact right moment.

Or sorry,
that's an incredibly stupid

thing to say out loud.

Hey, no.

You're not stupid.

Thank you.

I just--I've been very obsessed

with this movie
I was in recently.

Apparently I haven't stopped
talking about it for weeks.

Guess I was being
sort of crazy about it.

Like, I didn't think so, but--

You know,
there's this place I go to

whenever this town's
making me feel crazy.

Would you... want to see it?

OK, come on.

[line beeps]

Hey, it's me.

Uh, sorry about the phone tag,

but it looks like I'll be
coming home tomorrow.

I actually--I can't wait
to tell you about my day.

I did something
that's maybe stupid

but also actually kind of big?

[door beeps]

Oh, I gotta go.
OK. I love you.

Bye.

[laughter]

[clears throat]

- OK? OK.
- Great.

Gavin, "Rolling Stone."

- Hi.
- Thanks for making the trip.

I'm sure all the precautions
felt kind of dumb.

Oh, no, not at all.

I never thought
about its dumbness once.

Anyway, here you go.

Here is one teen's pit.

Great.
Let's take a look.

[chuckles]
He's gonna take a look.

[laughing]

- [sighs]
- OK.

Yep, you had one of the decoys.

Uh, one of the what?

One of the decoy pits.
Principle Records knew

so many people
would be after this,

they sent out
six different trucks,

five with decoys.

So you two were
transporting this.

Wait, that's not Chase?

That looks exactly like Chase.

Holy fucking shit!

Whoa.
[chuckles]

Yeah.
This pool is always unlocked.

So anytime I'm feeling
stressed or crazy,

I come here and just
take off my clothes,

cannonball in,
sink to the bottom,

and let it out.

Let it--let it out?

Whatever's bothering me.

Do you want to try?

[laughs nervously]

- Come on.
- I--I don't--

- [sighs]
- Cannonball!

Whoo!

[sighs]

[weakly] Cannonball.

[muffled screaming]

[muffled screaming]

[Stefan Melbourne
and Darius Behdad's

"We No Longer Conceal"]

♪ ♪

♪ Here where we align
in a row ♪

♪ A vision enough to be ♪

♪ A binding of wounds ♪

♪ We no longer conceal ♪

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Do you think maybe we'll be
in each other's lives forever?

Oh.
Um, maybe, yeah.

I--I mean, I--

I do think this was one
of the best nights of my life.

I--I guess my mom was right.

I do need to be in the moment,
you know?

Enjoy my life.

I like you...

Cary Dubek.

Oh.

I, uh--I like you too,

Nicholas I-don't-
know-your-last-name-yet.

[laughter]

I can't believe it.

I can't believe
this whole time,

we didn't even have
the right pit?

[laughs] I know.

Shuli really got us.

This whole trip
was just... nothing.

Yup. I mean, like, when I
stole the keys from that guy?

For nothing!

And you with the cops?

That was also for nothing.

Oh, you are such a nasty
little minx, Shuli Kucerac!

- Streeter, stop!
- [chuckles]

Jesus!

I mean, we just spent
a whole week

of our one life
doing nothing.

And I mean, who am I kidding?

Even if it had been his pit,
it's still nothing.

I just--I feel
so fucking stupid

that I thought that this
was anything other

than a waste of five days.

He--yeah,
but hey, we had a time!

- [phone buzzing]
- Oh, great.

Now Nurse Fantastic
is calling me back.

I mean, what the fuck
am I doing with my life?

- I think--
- What we both do is nothing.

What we do is fucking nothing!

[lock clicking]

Yeah, yeah,
his name's Nicholas,

and we met
outside of this carnival.

And we just, like, talked
and ate cotton candy,

and then we broke into a pool
and went swimming.

Oh, my God,
this sounds like a movie.

I know, right?

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

- What?
- Cary, tell me.

When he walked you home,

did you both run
the whole way

while holding sparklers
in your hands?

Well, now I don't want
to answer, but yes.

Yeah, it was--
it was freeing.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, Nico also went out
for this part.

What?
What--what part?

It's another one of those
"Love, Victor" spin-offs

called, like, "Love, Nicholas."

It's about a gay teen who
falls in love with another boy

and is afraid his parents
are gonna be mad,

but then they throw him
a parade.

The sides were psycho,
but every gay alive

went out for it
while you were in Croatia.

Oh, my God.

Yes, and the actor
who got it sucks.

His name is Lucas Lambert Moy,
and anytime he books a role--

which is constantly--

he stays in character
the whole shoot.

It's his method.

So you're saying
I learned life lessons

from a fake gay teen
all night?

Yes, bitch!
[laughs]

Oh, my God.

I thought we were
actually hanging out.

I told him
how embarrassed I was

that I've been obsessing
over "Night Nurse."

Oh, well, I mean, I could
maybe see that, yeah.

I told him I was glad
to be in the moment with him.

But he wasn't in the moment.

He was... working?

Oh.
I'm sorry, friend.

How do you feel?

So... unproductive.

Wait, what is this takeaway?

I need another fucking role.

Now.

[sighs]

[prolonged flatulence]

Honey, I'm home!

Pat?

[sighs]

[shower running]

[prolonged flatulence]

B, is that you?

- Hey.
- Hell yeah, baby.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

Sorry I was gone so long.

I--

[sighs]

- How was work?
- Very good.

That baby we thought died survived.

We brought it back.

It was the loveliest thing
I ever did see.

That's good.

Oh, you left me a voicemail!

You said you did
something stupid

but kind of big last night?

Uh, yeah.

I quit my job.

[somber music]

[sighs]

Pat?

♪ ♪

[upbeat rockabilly music]

♪ ♪

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