All language subtitles for T A O O a H S01E24 The Safe Crackers 1080p AMZN WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-WhatsBeyond (1)_track3_[eng]

- Listerine antiseptic,
Listerine toothpaste,

and Prophylactic
toothbrushes present

America's favorite
family comedy,

"The Adventures of
Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely
wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door
neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- I hate to bring up
an unpleasant subject,

but tomorrow's the deadline
on your income tax.

- Well, I always manage to sneak
in under the wire, don't I?

- I don't know why
you always let it

go until the very last night.

- Hold on.

How can you say that?

You know darn well I have been
up working hard the last three

nights.

- How can you stay
up that late, Pop?

- Well, when you have
something important to do,

you just concentrate real hard.

You stay awake.

- Whenever I get to stay up
that late, I always fall asleep.

- Well, if I know
your father, he

spent most of his time
reading magazines,

and he'll be up all night
tonight with his income tax.

- Now, don't be so sure.

I may fool you this time.

- Oh, you said that last year,
and you didn't get to bed

until 5 o'clock in the morning.

- Can I stay up with
Pop tonight, Mom?

- Oh, you certainly cannot.

- Don't be ridiculous, Ricky.

- I think it'll be fun.

- No, I'm afraid figuring
your income tax hardly

comes under the
classification of fun.

- Besides, your father will
have enough on his mind

without having to
worry about you.

- Yeah, we don't want anything
to happen to you guys.

- Hey, that's right.

We're deductible, huh, Pop?

- Yes, David.

The government allows us $600
a year for each of you boys.

That pays for your shoes.

- I'm sure glad I don't have
to pay any income tax, boy.

You will someday.

- The president of our
school says every man

should pay an income tax.

- Well, I think just about
every man does nowadays.

Yeah, but he ought
to pay for his wife, too.

Women work hard all day at
a thankless job and slave

over a hot stove at night.

Who says all this?

- Our principal, Mrs. Benson.

He had me
wondering there for a minute.

- Gee, look at the time.

I'd better hurry up.

- Where are you going, David?

- Over to Bob Swanson's.

- What are you guys
cooking up today?

- Nothing special.

- What do you guys
usually cook up?

- Oh, he's got his garage
set up like a chemistry lab.

- Oh, say, I hope you're not
concocting anything dangerous.

- Oh, nothing dangerous.

I'll get some good
ideas, though.

- You ought to meet him, Pop.

He's real crazy man.

Yeah, he sure is.

- Only he's crazy the way
it means in the dictionary.

- I've met him, and he
seems like a very nice boy.

- Oh, he is.

He's just kind of
a practical joker.

He's a nice guy, though.

- Well, there's nothing
wrong with practical jokes.

In fact, the person with
a good sense of humor

is a welcome addition
to any group.

Sure.
Look at me.

- What about you?

- I'm a real joker, boy.

- Well, I must admit there are
times when you're quite a card.

- You can say that again.

- What are you
laughing at, David?

You're from the
same deck, you know.

- All right, somebody
help to clear the table.

- I'll help you, Mom.

- Oh, will somebody
get the telephone?

- I'll get it, Harriet.

I'm expecting a call.

- Come on, Rick.

You can help, too.

- Big man, pushes
little people around.

- Hello?

- Hello there, Oz.

This is Herb Dunkle.

- Oh, oh, hi.

Uh, just a second, Dunk.

Just wanted to make sure
Harriet was in the other room.

Well, I've got all the figures.

I'll bring them
over to your office.

- I may be out for a spell
this afternoon, so just

put them on my desk.

I'll get at them as
soon as I return.

- And remember, don't mention
this to anybody, will you?

I don't want it to
get back to Harriet.

- Oh, you can count
on me, Oz, old boy.

Mum's the word.

Mum is the word.

So long, Dunk.

- What about Mom?

- Oh, Ricky.

You don't want to sneak up
on a person like that, son.

- Well, I was here
all the time, Pop.

- Oh?

Well, in the first place,
the word wasn't "mom."

It was "mum."

See, I have a little
surprise for your mum--

Uh, your mom.

- What kind of a surprise?

- Well, remember now, this is
secret just between you and me.

- What about Mr. Dunkle?

- Well, yes, Mr. Dunkle
has to know about it, too.

You see, he's going to make out
my income tax for me this year.

That is, I've gathered together
all the material, and all

the information, and
all the figures and all,

but he's going to make out
the actual forms and stuff.

- Well, how come?

- Well, you see,
he's an accountant.

He knows all about
that kind of thing.

- How come you're not
going to tell Mom about it?

- Uh, well, I'm--

I'm going to tell her
later on, but, you see,

this is sort of a little
practical joke on her.

She thinks that I have
to stay up late tonight

and make out my income tax.

- I don't get it.

- Well, it's not a
big hilarious routine,

but I think she'll be
kind of amused by it.

It's a little practical
joke, you might say.

- Oh, stealing my
stuff, huh, Pop?

- Well, sure.

I just want to prove you're
not the only card in the pack.

Marvelous.

- OK, Pop, but just
remember one thing.

There's only one
joker in every deck.

Oh, marvelous.

- Come in.

- Hello, Mrs. Nelson.

- Hello, Mr. Miller.

You can put that box
right on the table here.

- All right.

Would you care to
check over the list?

- Oh, no, I'm sure
everything's there.

- All right.

Say, I took the
liberty of adding

an extra pound of coffee.

It's my own special
blend for income tax eve.

I figured it'd come in
mighty handy for Mr. Nelson,

keep him awake tonight.

- Oh, what sort
of a blend is it?

- Well, it's 100% pure caffeine
with all the coffee removed.

Gosh, that
was a fine little joke.

- Well, I'm afraid it's what
Mr. Nelson will need, though.

How about you?

You got your tax
returns ready to mail?

- Oh, goodness no, Mrs. Nelson.

That's a laugh.

- I guess all you
fellas are just alike.

- Well, according to my wife,
I'm the worst of the bunch.

She says I'm the procrastinatest
procrastinator that

ever procrastinated.

- Well, Mr. Nelson does
the same thing every year.

No matter how many times he
resolves to get them in early,

somehow he always manages to
get them in just under the wire.

- Well, I'll tell
you what I did.

A couple of nights ago, I
got together the tax papers,

I sharpened the pencils,
got out the scratch pad,

cleared off the desk,
pulled up my chair,

turned on my television set.

And it looks like a
long night tonight.

- That sounds exactly
like our house.

- Well, actually, all
you need is one evening

a good concentration, but I
just can't seem to concentrate.

- Well, it would probably
help if you turned off

the television set.

- Well, yes, but,
frankly, I think

it would help a little more if
I could turn off Mrs. Miller.

Not that she isn't a real
fine woman, mind you.

But it's just that it's hard
to get the work accomplished

when she's standing over you.

You see, she used to
be a schoolteacher.

And every time I look up at her
and she looks down at me, I--

I get the feeling like I'm
a little boy who hasn't

finished his homework yet.

Not that she isn't a real
fine woman, like I say,

but I could get the work done
a lot easier if she would

just kind of get out of
the house and go to a show

tonight or something.

- Say, Mr. Miller,
you've given me an idea.

- Oh, really?

- Well, you know, it's
no fun for the wives

to sit around and listen to you
fellas moan about making out

your income tax.

Maybe I could get a gang
of the wives tonight

and we could go over
to the woman's club

and play cards or something.

- Say, that's a
mighty fine idea.

And say, Mrs. Nelson, just in
case you should need a fourth,

may I suggest Mrs. Miller?

Like I say, she's a
mighty fine woman.

- I guess Mr.
Dunkle's out to lunch.

Yeah, here are my
returns right here.

Ricky, don't mess around
with that filing cabinet.

Mr. Dunkle has got a
lot of personal stuff

in there, probably.

- Great desk, Pop.

- Yeah.

Don't disturb
anything there, now.

- How can I?

It's all locked up.

- Well, he probably knew
I was bringing you along.

- How'd he know that?

- I don't know.

- Look at me, Pop.

I'm a big business man.

- Ricky, take the cigar out of
your mouth, will you, please?

- It's still got
the paper on it.

- All right, well, put
it back in the box,

and take your feet off the desk.

Tax payments item 6.

Add to the balance--

- Chair, boy.

Look at me, Pop.

No hands.

- Very good.

Ricky!

Come on!

Cut that out.

You want to fall out the window?

Look, why don't you sit
over in this chair here?

And just relax, will you?

I'll be through
in just a minute.

- Hey, I didn't know
Mr. Dunkle had a safe.

- Yeah.

- I wonder what they keep in it.

- Oh, probably valuable
papers or bonds.

Might even have
some money in there.

- Did you ever see those
burglars in the movies, they

way they open it?

They just turn this
little dial, and the thing

swings right open.

- Make sure the sheet is
attached to this form.

- You think you could
open it up, Pop?

- No, I'm afraid opening safes
is a little out of my line.

Leave it alone, now.

- I'm just looking at it.

I bet you could if you tried.

- Well, I'm not going to try.

- You want me to try?

- No, thanks.

That won't be necessary.

Oh, come on, son.

- Hey, Pop, about how old
would you say the safe is?

- Oh, I don't know.

It's a pretty old one.

Very well built, though.

- It sure looks heavy.

I'd bet you a safe-cracker would
have to blast this one open.

- Oh, not necessarily, Ricky.

Those guys really
know their business.

I don't think they'd have
much trouble opening this.

- Well, how do they do it?

- They do it with sandpaper.

- Wouldn't that take
an awful lot of time?

- No, what I mean is,
see, they sandpaper

the tips of their fingers.

That makes them
very, very sensitive.

And then they just
turn the dials,

and they listen carefully as
the tumblers fall in place.

- Well, what do you mean?
- Well, look.

I'll show you.

You see these little numbers?

Each one has a combination,
as you probably know.

Now, they just move it back.

They sandpaper the
fingers, of course.

And then just turn it and turn
it and listen very carefully.

- I think it'd be more fun
to put a stick of dynamite

and blow the door open.

- Oh, no.

The cops would be
on us in no time.

Much better just to
turn this gradually one

way and then the other,
listening very carefully

for the tumblers.

- You sure know a lot
about safe-cracking, Pop.

- Not necessarily.

Hmm.

Did you hear something?

- No.

What, Pop?

- I thought I heard
a little click then,

as if the tumblers
fell into place.

What was that?

- I didn't hear anything.

- Didn't you?

Its sounded like a
little click to me.

- Well, the safe didn't open.

- Well, I know.

The safe does not until
you pull the handle.

Hey!
- Gee, Pop!

You did it!

- How about that!

- How'd you do it, Pop?

- Oh, your old man is
a guy of many talents.

- I should find another
place to hide my money, boy.

- Hey, I don't blame you.

Well, I'm a regular
Jimmy Valentine.

- I sure wish I could open
a safe like that, boy.

- See, I just happened to
think of a wonderful idea.

- What's that, Pop?

- Well, here's a little joke
we could play on Mr. Dunkle.

It'd really mystify him.

See, as long as I've
got the safe open now,

why don't I put my tax papers in
there and then lock it up again

and let him figure out how I
got it open in the first place.

- It's a lucky thing
you're a good safe-cracker.

- Ricky, I'm not a
safe-cracker at all.

The safe just
accidentally came open.

- I don't know.

You sure look like you
knew what you were doing.

- Well, believe me, I didn't.

Boy, old Dunkle's going

to get a kick out of this.

- I hope so.

- Oh, sure.

People enjoy having
little practical jokes

played on them, especially if
they have a sense of humor.

- Do you enjoy having
little jokes pulled on you?

- Well, sure I do, if
they're really funny.

Boy, old Dunkle's really
going to be mystified.

Hey!

Here's Mr. Thornberry's
tax return too.

I guess ol' Thorny's been
playing it smart this year.

- Why don't you put them
in the safe with yours?

- Yeah, I think I will.

That's a good idea.

Now, I'll leave a little
note for Mr. Dunkle.

Let's see.

What would be a
funny thing to say?

- You sure are full
of jokes today, Pop.

- Well, a little practical
joke never hurt anybody.

"If you're looking for
Thorny's tax papers or mine,

they're locked--"
"in a safe place--

Your safe."

How do you like that?

- Yeah, it's good.

- What are you doing down there?

- Oh, nothing much.

- Well, come on.
Let's go, son.

- Oh, wait a minute.

You'd better make sure
the safe is locked.

- Well, I locked it before.

Don't you remember?

- You'd better try again.

- No, don't be--

Ah!

I tied your shoelaces together.

Wasn't that funny?

- Yes, yes.

Very funny.

You just can't hear me
laughing with my head

in this wastebasket.

"Ozzie and Harriet"
will be back in just a moment.

- Ozzie?

Oh, it's me, mom.

- Oh, hello, dear.

- Hi.

- Do you know where
your father is?

- I think he went
someplace with Ricky.

- Oh.
- Why?

What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing's the matter.

I was just talking to some
of the wives a while ago,

and we decided that
since the men will

be working on their
income tax reports

tonight that we might
have a little get together

down at the woman's club.

- Oh, good.

That fits in swell.
- Why, dear?

Did you make some plans?

- Yes, ma'am.

Can I spend the night
over at Bob Swanson's?

- Have you been invited?

- Yes, ma'am.
Ricky, too.

- Well, sure.
That's fine.

Go ahead.

- There's going
to be five of us;

Bob, Ricky, me, Will
Thornberry, and Georgie Dunkle.

- Is there enough room
for five of you fellows?

- Oh, sure.

Bob's got a pretty big bed.

- It certainly isn't big
enough to sleep five of you.

- Oh, no.

Two of the guys can
sleep in the bed,

and the other guys can
sleep on the floor.

We can bring our sleeping bags.

- You're sure this
is all right now?

Who invited all you fellas?

- Bob did.

- Yeah, I thought so.

Does Mrs. Swanson
know about this?

- Oh, sure.

I asked her, and she
said it was swell.

- Well, if you're sure.

- I'm sure.

I wouldn't leave it up to Bob.

You know, him and
his jokes, he'd

probably wind up sleeping
on the front lawn.

- Well, OK.

That'll give your father
the house all to himself.

Just poor old dad and
the income tax papers.

- Doesn't that stuff has to
be in the mail by tomorrow?

- That's right.

It's usually a photo finish,
but he always seems to make it.

I've got everything
all set up for him.

Plenty of paper
and sharp pencils.

I've hidden the magazines,
disconnected the radio,

and turned the television
set to the wall.

- Well, fancy meeting you here.

- We were just
talking about you.

Where have you two been?

- Oh, just around, downtown.

- Around, downtown.

- Well, looks as if it might
have been a rough voyage.

- Well, uh, could be.

- Could be.

- What were you doing downtown?

- Oh, uh, nothing much, really.

- Just a little
safe-cracking, that's all.

- Safe-cracking?

- Just a little private joke.

Don't let it worry you, dear.

- Tell them about tonight, Mom.

- Oh, yes, I've got
some good news for you.

You have the house all
to yourself tonight.

- Oh?
How come?

- The boys have been invited
over to Bob Swanson's.

- Since when?

- He invited us this afternoon.

You, too, Rick.

- Are you going out
tonight, too, Harriet?

- Well, yes, I thought I'd
go over to the woman's club

and play some Bridge.

And that'll give you a
chance to work on your taxes

without any interruption.

- Well, this may come
as quite a shock,

but I finished all
my work on my taxes.

- Oh, you're kidding.

- No.

But Dunkle's going to
finish it up for me.

- Oh, say that reminds me.

He phoned you
while you were out,

and he wanted you to call him
just as soon as you came in.

- Oh, yeah.

I was kind
of expecting he'd call.

- He seemed rather
upset about something.

- I think, uh, "mystified" would
be a more appropriate word.

- I wonder why he
wasn't laughing.

- Well, he'll laugh as soon
as he catches on to the joke.

- What joke?

- Well, you see, Dunkle has
this big old safe in his office,

so I was sort of showing
Ricky how a safe is opened.

You know, I was just fooling
around with the dials

a little bit, and
all of a sudden,

the darn thing
popped right open.

- Pop sure would make
a good burglar, boy.

- He's sounds like one already.

- No, it was an accident.

Honest.

- Where does the joke come in?

- Well, you see, Thorny had
his tax papers over there, too.

So after I'd accidentally
opened the safe,

I thought it would
be kind of funny--

I took my tax papers and I
took Thorny's, and I put them

in the safe, and then I closed
the safe and locked it again.

And now, poor old Dunkle can't
figure out how I got it open.

Don't you think
that's kind of a funny joke?

- Oh, yes.

Is that a police car stopping
in front of our house?

- Where?

- No, I'm only kidding.

- Oh!

You had me a little
worried there for a minute.

- Say, I'd better
call some of the wives

and tell them I can't make it.

- Oh, no, no.

I don't want you to
do that, Harriet.

- Well, I wouldn't want
to leave you home alone.

- That's OK.

I don't want to spoil your fun.

- You aren't spoiling
our fun, dear.

I can play Bridge any night.

- Where are you going?

- Oh, just out to
get dinner started.

- Oh.

I think I'll go phone
old Dunkle and clear up

the mystery for him.

- Oz, have you
talked to Dunkle yet?

- No, I was just
about to phone him.

- I worked three nights
on those tax papers, Oz.

Three long hard nights!

- Don't get excited, Thorny.

They're OK.

Didn't Dunkle get my note?

- Yeah, sure he got your note.

That's the reason
he's so worried.

He's worried because
he can't figure out how I got

his safe open.

- He knows how you got it, Oz.

It was never locked.

- Was never locked?

- That's right, but it is now.

Now Dunkle's worried about
how he's going to get it open.

- Now, wait a minute.

You mean to say the
man doesn't even

know the combination
of his own safe?

- Oz, the safe was
already there when

Dunkle moved into the office.

It's never been locked
because he never uses it.

And he never uses it because he
doesn't know the combination.

- You mean to say
that my tax papers are

locked in that safe and
nobody knows the combination?

- My tax papers are
locked in there too!

- It's a neat joke on
Mr. Thornberry, huh, Pop?

- Ricky, please.

This is serious.

- I thought it was a joke.

- Yes, it started out
to be, but it's suddenly

taken a very dramatic turn.

- Oz, I want my tax papers.

- Thorny, just calm
down for a minute.

- Three nights I
worked on them, Oz.

Three long hard nights.

I'll never be able to remember
some of those deductions.

- Yes, yes, I went through
the same thing myself.

- I want my tax papers, Oz!

- Thorny, please.

Don't get hysterical.

I'm sure there must be
something we can do.

- Fine.

What do you have in mind?

- Well--

- I'm waiting.

- You say they can't
get the safe open.

- That's right.

And they called
the safe company,

and they're closed
for the weekend.

- Hmm.

Think this over for a second.

You say they definitely--

Can't get the safe open.

- They trusted us.

- Any more bright ideas?

- Who did the safe belong to?

I'm sure they still
have the comb--

- We don't know.

- Don't know.
- No.

- Don't know.

How about the company
that manufactured the safe

in the first place?

They'd have the com--

- They went out of
business in 1912.

- 1912.

- Yes.

- Papers are locked in the safe.

Nobody knows the
combination, so therefore we

can't get the safe open.

That's our problem, right?

- And it's a beaut to.

Well?

- Uh, Harriet?

Before you go out, will
you put a pot of coffee on?

Looks like it's going to be
one of those long, long hard

nights.

"Ozzie and Harriet" will
be back in just a moment.

- Want another cup
of coffee, Thorny?

- No thanks.

I've already had four cups.

- Well, we'll probably be
finished with this stuff

in about an hour or two.

- Yeah, probably.

- Well, cheer up.

You had nothing better
to do tonight anyway.

- Nothing except
catch up on my sleep.

- Oh, you can't kid me.

Thorny, you know darn well
you'd miss the excitement

of this last minute rush.

Besides, everybody else is
figuring out his tax return

tonight.
- Oz, please.

I'm trying to add
up these figures.

- Oh, hello, Dunk.
- Oh, good evening.

- Is Oz home?
- Yes, he is.

They're right in
the dining home.

- Oh, thank you.
- Come on in, Dunk!

We're right in here
in the dining room.

- Hi, Dunk.

- Hello there, Thorny.
Hello, Oz.

- Hi.

- Don't tell me you
managed to unlock the safe.

- No, I'm afraid not.

David called me, though.

- David?

- Yes, it seems a friend
of his has a chemistry set.

- Oh, oh, yes, uh, Bob Swanson.

What did David phone about?

- It seems they've been
doing some experimenting,

and they volunteered to
blow the safe open for me.

- I hope you turned them down.

- Oh, yes, indeed.

But I think I have a solution.

It, uh, may be rather
expensive, though.

- Well, let's hear it.

- Yeah.

- Well, the law says your
returns have to be in the mails

by March 15.
- Yeah.

- Yes, that's right.

- Well, my idea is to get your
returns in, and let the tax

department worry about the rest.

- What do you mean?

- Simple.

We just mail them the safe.

Oh, bully, bully, bully.

Bully, bully,
bully, bully, bully.

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Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

Will be brought to you by
Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint
for the finest first.

Joseph Kearns played
the part of Mr. Dunkle.

Bob Sweeney was Mr. Miller.

Don't forget that a
completely different episode

of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday
night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for
time and radio station.