All language subtitles for Boy Meets World (1993) - S04E02 - Hair Today, Goon Tomorrow

El bateador va al bate.

Para los
Seattle Mariners,

numero veinticuatro,

Ken Griffey Jr.

(IMITATES CROWD CHEERING)

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Eric, you were
doing it again.

What, the
Jenny McCarthy dream

or the Spanish
baseball announcing?

Beisbol.

Good.
Jenny's starting
to get needy.

Tell you
something, Cory,

you hit a certain age,
you are afraid to
go to sleep at night.

I'll tell you
something else, Eric,

you hit a certain age,
you're afraid to wake up
in the morning.

You're avoiding
the mirror again.

No, I'm not.

Listen to me, Cory.
Sooner or later,

you're gonna have to
look at yourself,
my friend. Come on.

Aw, man. It's me.

Come on, Cor.

Every teenager goes through
this gawky, awkward,

hate-what-they-look-like
phase.

Well, what about you?

Yeah, you think
that, baby.

Listen to me.
Why don't we stick
with the problem

that is your head,
all right, my friend?

Now, for the
next few years,

you're gonna be
growing into your look.

Everybody understands that.

Nobody's gonna give you
a hard time about it, okay?

Hi, I'm Cory,
and for the
next three years,

I'm gonna look
like a potato.

Morgan, you wanna
get out of here?

No. The child
speaks the truth.

I, Cory Matthews,
am a po-ta-to.

I'll just take that,
Mr. Matthews.

Now I got no pipe.

Yes. Fine.
You're perfect.

Now, can we get out
of the hallway
where everyone can see me?

Hold on. Just need
to get a little more
hair in my eyes.

You know I hate that.

Also good.

Also good.
Also good. Move!

Whoa, whoa.
Cory, Cory.
Come on. Come on.

You're gonna
cut your fingers.

You're right.
I'm overreacting.

It's just that
between you and Eric,

I feel like
I'm surrounded by people
with perfect hair.

Hi, Cory.

No need to explain
this relationship,
is there?

What are you guys
talking about?

Nothing. I'm just
a little insecure today,

but I'm sure
it'll pass.

Hey, Topanga.
Hey, Dylan.

So, you wanna go out
this weekend?

Of course not.
I'm going out
with Cory.

Oh, you're still with him?

I figured you'd have
dumped him over the summer.

Would you
please leave?

Yeah, but if you do
decide to dump him,
here's my card.

"Locker number 168."

Huh.
That's a nice locker.

Look, Cory, it's just
some guy asking me out.
It's no big deal.

Well, it's no big deal to you
because you're the askee.

And why are
you the askee?

You're always the askee
because you are gorgeous.

Well, thank you very much,
but give me some credit.

I know guys go out with girls
because of how they look.

But you go out with me
because of who I am inside.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

The only reason
you think I'm good-looking
is because you care about me.

That was
one too many.

It wouldn't matter
what I looked like.

You'd still think
I was pretty.

Yeah, but, Topanga,
I mean, this is easy
for you to say.

You don't have a nose
that takes up
half your face

and hair
like a Brillo pad.

Come here.

What?
You saw suds?

First of all,
I love your face,
and I love your hair,

but most of all,
I love you because
of who you are.

And I hope you love me
because of who I am

and not because
of my face and hair.

Cory.

Topanga, if I looked in
the mirror every morning

and saw what you see,
I'd feel real good
about myself, too.

Oh, so you think
that's it?

You think what gives me
all my confidence
is my face and hair.

And the fact
that they're perfect,

yeah, I think that
puts a little spring
in your step.

Oh, yeah?

Well, here's
what I think.

Words, Topanga.
Use your words.

Well? Am I any
different now?

Well, somewhat
less predictable.

But, no,
you're right.

I'd love you
no matter what
you looked like.

Good. Glad you
learned something.

She's gonna
scream now.

(SCREAMING)

It's okay. It's okay.
It's just a little hair.

It has nothing to do
with who I am.

I am still
Topanga Lawrence,

and nobody who cares about me
will even notice, right?

Mr. Matthews.
Mr. Hunter.

Ooh. What the heck
happened to you?

Mr. Feeny, I've cut my hair
in an attempt to show Cory

that physical appearance
is secondary
to inner beauty.

A-ha.
Well, in that case,
Miss Lawrence,

I applaud your attempt
at teaching
a very valuable lesson

during these
extremely vulnerable
teenage years.

You think I'm ugly!

Nice going, Feeny.

Man coming in.
Man coming in.

I'm not looking.
I'm just here
on business.

Now I'm taking
my arm down.

You'll probably
want to scatter.

Go ahead.
Scream. Scatter.
Make a big scene.

See,
'cause I'm a boy.

Hey, how come you guys
get a couch?

Sometimes we need
to lie down.

You see,
that's where guys
are different.

We're in, we're out.
We don't like to linger.

Look, Cory,
I'm having some problems
right now,

and I'd really
like to be alone.

Well, I'll be
alone with you.

Look,
you don't have
any problems.

I mean,
look at yourself
in the mirror.

You're still beautiful.

I can't look
in the mirror.

Topanga,
you were right.

It doesn't matter to me
what you look like.

It only
matters to me
who you are.

See, that's
my problem, Cory.

I thought I was
someone who thought that
appearance didn't matter,

but that was
only because
I was comfortable

with my appearance
all this time.

But now I'm not.

How shallow
can I be?

You are not shallow.
You're deep.

You're the deepest,
most thoughtful,

profound person
I've ever known.

How's my hair look?

Well, that's not
one of your
strong points anymore.

You gotta
let that go.

Look, how long did
it take you to grow
your hair that long?

Six or seven years.

That's perfect.

Because in six
or seven years,

you'll grow
your hair back,

I'll be out of my
goosey-goosey stage.

Don't you see?
It makes us even closer
as a couple

because now we are
in perfect sync.

See, Cory.

That's why
I love you.

Thanks.
Today after school,

I'll go down
to the beauty parlor and
get this all evened out.

Great idea.

So, how'd it go?

Topanga's going
to the beauty parlor
after school.

Everything's fine.

Huh. So what do you
want to do now?

I don't know.

Wanna sit
on the couch?

Yeah.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

MAN ON TV: This has been
a Quinn Martin production.

(CHUCKLES)
You solved that crime,
you fat, fat man.

Eric, it's 4:00.

You were sitting there
when I left this morning.

You were supposed to
look for a job.

Think I found one, Mom.
Check it out.

All day long,
I've been watching
crimes on TV

solved by old guys,
by fat guys,

by guys with
wrinkled raincoats.

So, naturally,
it occurs to me,

what this world needs
is "Eric Matthews,
good-looking detective."

I'm gonna do
so much homework.

Check it out.
I already thought
of a theme song.

♪ When a crime
breaks out

♪ All the
cute girls shout

♪ "Get the
good-lookin' guy"

♪ When there's a crime
out there

♪ He's gonna comb his hair

♪ 'Cause he's
the good-lookin' guy ♪

Book him,
good-lookin'.

Honey,
I'm scared for you.

You have
got to get out
of this house.

Well, to do what?

I mean, Mom, let's say
I do find one of these
so-called "jobs."

I mean,
with nothing better than
a high school diploma,

the best I can ask for
is minimum wage.

And what
they take out
for taxes?

Honestly think
I can do better
solving crimes.

♪ When a crime
breaks out... ♪

Stop. Sweetheart,
you cannot just mope
around the house.

Why don't you
go out on a date?

You used to date
all the time.

I know,
but all the girls
I used to date

have gone off
to college.

Oh, I'm sure there's
plenty of nice girls
right here in town.

Townies?
You want me to
date a townie?

Oh, that is
great, Mom.

I can see them
right now

sitting on their couch
in their ratty bathrobe,

watching daytime TV,
eating bonbons.

These are Cocoa Puffs.

And I'm a detective.

I don't know, man.
She's been in there
an awful long time.

What are you getting
so crazy about?

She's just
getting a haircut.

No, Cory.
We've known Topanga
all her life, okay?

She doesn't
wear make-up.

She's never been
to a beauty parlor.
She's completely natural.

So what's
the big deal?

The big deal is
she was beautiful before
without anybody's help.

Now she's got
professional help.

She's gonna be
mega-beautiful.

We're not even
gonna be able
to look at her directly

without burning
our retinas.

Shawn, come on.
This is not
Beverly Hills.

I mean,
it's a neighborhood
beauty salon

next to
old lady Schneider's
doughnut shop.

I mean,
they don't exactly
do "miracles" here.

Old lady Schneider.

It's a miracle!

Oh, no.

Shawn, Topanga
is gonna come out

looking 10 times
better than she did
when she went in.

Okay, the first thing
she's gonna do
is dump you,

then starting hanging out
with other unbelievably
good-looking people.

How do you
know that?

It's what we do.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Well, I think
that's interesting,
but, oh, so wrong.

And why is that?

Because if anybody
knows hair, it's me.

When I get a haircut,

it looks terrible
for, like,
the first six weeks.

Then all of a sudden,
it looks terrific
for, like, a day.

Then it's time
for another haircut.

It's what I like
to call the haircut
cycle of shame.

Okay, and that's
what you think's
gonna happen to Topanga?

Yes, I do.
Because the universe knows

that Topanga and I
are supposed to be
together,

so the universe has seen fit
to put Topanga in that chair

and make her hideous
so we can get through
our teenage years

awkward hand
in awkward hand.

You know she's coming
out great-looking,
don't you?

Yes!

This universe blows!

Well, isn't
somebody going
to say something?

She's my best
friend's girl,

she's my best
friend's girl...

Oh, the heck
with that! Marry me!

I live in a trailer park
and I have no education,
but my hair does this!

Shawn!

Shut up, man!
I'm going for it!

Thanks. Thanks.
I'm back.

Good.
All right, Topanga,
I want...

I want the name
of the guy
who did this to you.

You don't like it?

No, no, it's not that
I don't like it,

it's just that
I'm in love
with this girl

who was never interested
in what
she looked like before,

and now I see make-up
on your face

and polish
on your nails
and toes and...

Stop looking
at her toes.

But they sparkle.

I want the name of the guy
who did this to you.

My stylist's name
is Mr. Cellini.

Cory, it's just a haircut.
It's just some make-up.

It's not going
to change me.

Gotta go.

Well, where
are you going?

This outfit
with this hair?

Hello, bye-bye.
I am so at the mall.

You know, Shawn,
this just isn't
like Topanga.

Obviously,
she's under the influence

of this so-called
Mr. Cellini.

Yeah. I say
we go back there.

You are my friend,
aren't you?

Of course I am.

And that little thing
with Topanga?

Well, I think
the three of us can be
very happy together.

All right, which one
of you guys worked
on Topanga Lawrence?

Ah, that would be me,
Bosco Cellini.

All right, Bosco,
I want to know
where you come off

taking a natural beauty
like Topanga

and painting her face
and nails and messing
with her beautiful hair?

"Messing"?

Hey, friend to
the little whining boy,
did he say "messing"?

Yeah. That's
what I heard.

Well, for
your informazione,

it is very rare
that on a Tuesday,
our slow day,

that Venus de Milo herself
would sit in my chair

and say to me,
"Make with me
what you wish."

I am a European man
secure enough
in my own masculinity

to admit to you
I wept.

I cried like
a little baby cries.

All right, all right,
Bosco, first of all,

we're in the middle
of Philadelphia here,

so let's just drop
this phony accent.

Scusi?
Talk in English!

(IN BROOKLYN ACCENT)
All right, all right.
Here's how it went down.

Chicky comes in,
plops down
a half a c-note, right?

I do a little
snippety-snip,

badda-boom, badda-bing,
your girlfriend's a looker.

You're right.
I mean, she is beautiful.

Okay,
let's go, buddy.

There's nothing
left for you here.

You did
a very nice job.

Hey, don't mention it.

So I'm kind of
at the crossroads
of my life

because I didn't
get into college
like the rest of my friends.

Oh, you didn't?

No. Looks like
I'm kind of stuck here
in town for a while.

It's not so bad.
Really.

You get used
to being here.

Yeah, I mean,
I'm okay with it.

Actually thought
there was a career for me
out there as a weatherman.

I even interned
at Channel 5.

Wow.
Yeah, but I don't know.

I guess they thought
I was too young

and didn't have
enough life experience,

which, frankly,
I think is crazy.

I mean, I'm 18.
I've lived, you know?

Oh. I hear you.

I'm 18, and I feel
like I have some
life experience.

Yeah?

Yeah. I mean,
I have a two-year-old
to take care of.

He's a big handful.

And in between
putting him in daycare

and working double shifts
at the Dairy Queen,

I actually wouldn't mind
a little less
life experience.

Can't your parents
help you?

You've got
your mom and dad
helping you?

Well, you know,
just financially.

That's nice.

You're very
lucky, Eric.

Yeah, thanks.

I guess I'm luckier
than I thought.

All right, everybody,
take your seats.
Come on, take your seats.

What is so interesting
that you all have to
crowd around here...

Oh, boy.
Look at you.

Yeah. I got a haircut.
Do you like it?

Hey! Hey!
Focus, Mr. Turner.
Some are here to learn.

Okay, today,
we're going to be talking
about John Merrick,

immortalized in the play
The Elephant Man.

Now, even though he was
tragically disfigured,

he still won the hearts
of London society

with his wonderful
inner spirit.

Yeah, you know what?

I come from
a great-looking family,

and I'm just going through
my awkward teenage phase,

but that doesn't mean
I can't win the hearts
of high school society

with my wonderful
inner spirit.

Now, see, what's
really interesting
about John Merrick

is that he came from
a wonderful-looking family,

yet was so
hideous himself,

he was forced to
wear a burlap sack
over his head

and perform as
a sideshow freak

until the day
that his oversized head
rolled back and he died.

And when
did he grow out
of this death?

Attention, please.
Excuse the interruption,
Mr. Turner.

A reminder
that this Friday
is picture day,

so, please, dress nicely
and try to look your best.

(FEENY MUMBLING)

(SIGHS)

Shawn?
Yeah?

I just want to die.

Please don't lift
my oversized head.

Ah, Mr. Cellini,
you've got to help me!

Si, Cellini
is here to help.

Oh, it's you,
the little whiny kid.

No, I don't want you
to be that guy.

I want you to be
Cellini the artist.

I want you to help me
like you helped Topanga.

Forget it!
I don't take walk-ins.

You don't walk in here in
the middle of the afternoon

and expect me
to take a walk-in.

Well,
I'm walkin' in
with 75 bucks.

Attencione!
Cappuccino for
the whiny kid.

Sit.

♪ When a crime breaks out

♪ All the cute girls shout

♪ "Get the good-looking guy"

♪ When there's
a crime out there

♪ He's gonna
comb his hair

♪ 'Cause he's the
good-looking guy ♪

What the heck
are you doing?

This is who
I am now, Daddy.
I'm a townie.

I'm worse than a townie
because I rely on my parents
for economic support.

I didn't even
buy this cereal.

You bought
this cereal.

You bought
my clothes.

You bought
this cereal.

You bought the milk
which was white
when it started,

but it's chocolate now
because it's Cocoa Puffs

and I've been
sitting here
for 9 hours.

Eric.

Yeah?

Get off your butt.
Get a job.

Huh? Right now!

Thank you, Daddy.

So here's
how I see it.

You know, you guys
really can't make it
a habit to be in here.

I grew up with
these two people,

and I guess
they're my two best
friends in the world.

Anybody I know?

As I understand it,

one of them,
who in my opinion
is a good-looking guy,

is going through
a shaky time right now.

Where is Cory?

That's not as important
as where you are, Topanga.

In all the time
that I've known you,

I can't remember you
ever looking in the mirror.

You had this confidence
in yourself,

and I really
liked that about you.

Come on, Shawn,
everybody in high school

has a mirror
in their locker

and checks each other out
and only cares about
how they look.

But up until
a couple days ago,
you never did.

Your world got
completely rocked

when you hacked your hair off
and saw that for two seconds

you can actually look
a little less than perfect.

This isn't me,
is it, Shawn?

Well, it's not
the Topanga I know.

But obviously
we're all at that age

where we're going
through changes.

Oh, that's great.
Thanks.

Stop! Stop!
Please don't touch him!

Too late.
I am finito

and proud to say
this is my best work ever.

Everything I have done
until now was dreck.

This is
my masterpiece!

Oh, he's beautiful.

Of course! I have
had to call upon all of
my skills and powers.

I really look okay?

I think
I'm falling in love
all over again.

And you,
you wet rodent!

What have you done
to my work?

Once again,
as a European, I weep
without embarrassment.

What are you
talking about?

She looks beautiful.

Just like
she always was.

You, too, Cory.

Just like
you always were.

Mom? Dad?
I did what you said.
I got a job.

Oh, Eric, we're
proud of you.

Hey, what kind of job
did you get?

Check it out.

(MUSIC STARTS)

♪ When a crime breaks out

♪ All the cute girls shout

♪ "Get the good-lookin' guy

♪ "Good-lookin' guy"

♪ When there's a crime
out there

♪ He's gonna comb his hair

♪ 'Cause he's
the good-lookin' guy

♪ When a crime breaks out

♪ All the cute girls shout

♪ "Get the good-lookin' guy" ♪

AMY: Eric.
Mommy?

Eric, wake up!

Daddy, I was
fighting crime!

Eric, put down
the Cocoa Puffs
and get a job!

Okay, okay.

Send me out
in my bathrobe.

What kind of job
could I possibly get
in a bathrobe?

At night.