All language subtitles for Når jeg faller (Magnus Meyer Arnesen, 2018).english

I guess I'm... 10 years old, maybe.

Quite young, anyway.

And I'm out in this big garden,
picking apples from a tree.

I use my t-shirt as a basket and fill it
up with the best apples I can find.

Once I have filled it up entirely,
I turn and walk back to the house.

There is a house right behind me.

I go around the corner, up on the porch
and over to the living room windows.

Then, I look inside.

The curtains are closed
so I can't see who is in there.

But, it's a children's birthday party,
or something like that.

In fact, it's probably my birthday.

I move closer to the window
that is nearest to the door.

Then I see her coming toward me. Mom.

But she is very young.

I start knocking
because I want to go in.

But she can't hear anything.
I yell and knock harder and harder.

But she... doesn't notice a thing.

Then she actually comes so close to me

that there is only
a thin curtain separating us.

And the glass, of course.
I'm knocking and knocking really loudly.

And then suddenly, she looks at me.

She smiles.

And then I look down at
my t-shirt and see that

all the apples have turned into rocks.

I look up at her, and see
that she has noticed this, too.

And then...

It's as though she decides
not to let me in.

I start pounding on the window again,

and then she just turns away

and disappears.

AS I FALL

Table 22.

"Look at yourself. Look at yourself,
Joachim! You're pathetic!"

"You have become the person
you always feared you might become."

"Do you want to waste your entire life?"

"Are you that weak?"

"Is this really what you want?"

"No, it's over now. Never again!"

"Monday the 24th of October.
The day I stopped using heroin."

What is it like to hear
what you wrote back then?

It's strange. Sad, of course.

But it was a long time ago.

It's easy to write stuff like that
when you're high.

But you did manage to quit.

I had no choice.

And you haven't started again?

I can't.

Have you thought about what it was
that enabled you to quit?

No, I haven't given it much thought.

I'm better now.

That was a lucky catch.

Do you want it?

This won't make much of a meal.

By the way, Thomas and Susanne
are coming over for dinner later.

Why don't you join us?

- I'm not sure.
- Come on, we hardly see you anymore.

Where is Susanne?

She had to work late.

How are things at the cabin?

- Just fine.
- Isn't it cold there now?

Sure, but I just light the fire,

and then it's okay.

- It's cheap, too.
- You'll get the bill soon.

Yes, I guess I will.

I'm sure it's good to have money
for other things, too.

Maria says hi. I dropped by
to give Lukas a present last week.

Eight years old, imagine that.
Last year it was Lego, now it's an iPad.

How the time flies.

- You gave him an iPad?
- Yes.

- I can drive you back.
- No, you don't need to.

I'll be fine.

You don't have any cash, do you?

I don't know... Let me check.

Only if you can spare it.

Let me see if I have some more.

I'll pay you back.
They're really slow paying the wages.

I'm afraid that's it.
But you can take the leftovers.

- That's great.
- At least you'll have that.

Thanks.

Bye.

Do you want a lift?

How are things with you and Susanne?

We're about to try for the third time.

Susanne is taking hormones.

I think it's getting worse each time.

And how are you?

I'm doing just fine.

Only three more weeks of check-ins.
And urine tests.

And I see a psychologist twice a week.

But it's fine.

- Good follow-up...
- Are you going to continue therapy?

Mm.

Does he have a lot
of contact with Maria?

Some, I think.

Or... I don't know.

- You should have turned off there.
- I'll drive you home.

- You'll drive all the way around?
- It's no problem.

It's quite nice to have a drive.

- I'll see you on Saturday then.
- See you.

- How are you doing?
- I'm fine.

"Nothing is as painful to the human mind,
as a great and sudden change."

No, it's alive!

Dad, I can't talk right now.
I'll call you later, OK?

I'm at home.

Okay.

I'm not going there.

No, that's out of the question.

Dad, I'm not going. No.

No. She can call someone else. Bye.

Hi.

I heard you had moved back.

You're looking well.

Dad couldn't come,
so he asked me to come instead.

- But I just called him.
- Well, he couldn't make it.

So, what's going on?

They found some stuff.

They came to the apartment.

Someone has to collect him.

And there's no one else you can ask?

Not now.
If so I wouldn't have asked Sverre.

I'll call the school and have you
added to the pick-up list.

OK? That's all I'm asking.
A couple of hours.

I'll call you as soon
as they let me out.

Hi.

Are you picking someone up?

Yes.

Lukas Foss.

- I should be on the list.
- That's right. Maria called.

So, you're his father?

- I don't think we've met before. Mette.
- Nice to meet you. Joachim.

I think Lukas is inside.
In the class room.

Go through the door and up the stairs,
then it's at the end of the corridor.

- Okay?
- Yes, thanks.

- Is there anyone called Lukas here?
- Which Lukas?

There is a Lukas over there.

- Are you Lukas Foss?
- Yes, who are you?

I'm here to pick you up.
I'm a friend of your Mom.

And where's Mom?

She's coming later.

Are you ready to go?

Hi, you've reached Maria.
Leave a message after the beep.

Who are you?

My name is Joachim.

- Yes, can I help you?
- Maria Foss. Has she been released?

- Is Mom here?
- One moment.

You'll have to come back tomorrow.

No, I need to speak to her now.
I've got her kid here.

We're closed now.
Come back during visiting hours.

I'm here with her son.

Hello?

You can go through to the living room.

I don't want to be here.

Are you hungry?

- I want to go see my Mom.
- I get that. But you have to eat a bite.

I want to go home.

Yes, I know you want to go home.

I'm also waiting for your Mom to call.

But now it's so late that
you'll have to sleep here, okay?

Is there any food here?

- Can we go and see Mom now?
- Yes, we're going to see your Mom.

Is it okay if he sits here
while I'm inside?

Yes, that's fine.

Am I going to school today?

- You said we were going to school.
- Yes, we are.

- Hey there.
- Hi.

Are you okay?

Just take it easy.

Why did you give money to that man?

He's poor.

Hi. Can I have one of those?

- Which one?
- That one.

Thanks.

Come on!

Come on, now.

I'm just dropping him off.

- You're very late. School has started.
- Sorry.

- Maria will pick him up. I'm going to work.
- Come, Lukas.

What the hell is going on?
Why haven't you called?

They found it.

Found what?

I've been keeping some stuff
in my apartment for a guy.

I've been so broke.

- How much?
- Enough for them to send me to Bredtveit.

- You have to come tomorrow.
- What about Lukas?

Can you bring him with you?

Please.

- Table seven has to go now!
- Yes, sorry.

Speed it up, guys.

- Number seven?
- Hang on.

Number seven.

I have to pee.

Come on,
you can hold it for two minutes.

I can't do it while you watch.

I couldn't do it.

I think I know who you are.

I've seen a picture of you once.

On Grandad's fridge.

Where's Mom?

Why don't you say anything?

Is Mom here?

Answer me!

- Mom!
- Hi!

I've missed you so much.

- How are you?
- Good.

- Have you brush your teeth? Promise?
- Yes.

Let me see.

Hey... Are you sure about that?

Maria.

How much was there?

Just under a kilo.

So, what happens now?

Now...

Now, you have to help me out.

You have to pick up his things
from the apartment.

The neighbour will give you the key.

It won't work. I can't do it.

- You have to.
- I can't do this.

Listen to me.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Your Dad and brother can help you.
You can do this.

No, I can't handle it.
They had to show him to me at school.

They had to point him out for me.

What the hell are you talking about?

Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

Do you think you're a victim?

I don't feel sorry for you, Joachim.

You chose to leave him.

It was your choice.

Every day for eight years
you made that choice.

So, where have you been?

Do you want to bring
any clothes in particular?

Toys?

- I don't want to pack.
- Well, you have to.

- Do you hear me? Pack!
- I want to stay here.

You can't stay here.

- I want to stay here, I say.
- And I say you have no choice.

- I don't want to leave!
- Now, you listen to me!

Pack what you want to bring with you!

- Hi! Are you Joachim?
- Yes.

- Hi, Tove Kringsja.
- Joachim.

- Phillip Sunde.
- Hi, Lukas. Do you remember me?

It's not been easy
to get in touch with you.

We're from the Child Protective Services
in the municipality of Oslo.

Yes, I realized.

We've been monitoring Lukas
for a few years now

and just heard about Maria's situation.

Go inside, Lukas, I'll be in soon.

There are some things
we need to discuss

because you can't just assume custody
of Lukas while she's in prison.

But, it might prove to be the best
solution, and it's what Maria wants.

You will soon
have completed your probation?

Mm.

And we see that you're staying clean.
Your weekly urine samples have been fine.

Your situation is unusual,

but I believe
that we can work things out.

That is, if you want Lukas
to stay with you on a permanent basis?

Yes.

Joachim?

Joachim, can you help me?

Yes.

I need help.

You have to open your mouth.

Can we visit Mom tomorrow?

Don't speak right now.

Can we visit her tomorrow?

You have to open your mouth.

Please.

Keep still.

Are you alive, or what?

Yes.

I'm coming.

- Is he here now?
- Yes.

She got busted a few days ago,
so he's been at my place since then.

What did she get busted for?

She was stashing
some guy's drugs at her place.

- She called Dad first.
- Yeah, I heard about that.

He said she was arrested,
but not that it was this serious.

How long are we talking?

Probably five.

Are you kidding?

Maybe more.

Five years?

- Hello, there!
- Where were you?

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

- So, you're staying with your Dad now?
- Mm.

Just go inside. It's cold here.

- OK, see you.
- Bye.

Three, two, one...

I'm not sure what to do.

Child Protective Services.

So, you don't think
I can take care of a kid?

You're not even close, Joachim.

No way.

- You can see that, right?
- What do you know about it?

You don't have to
be a father to see that.

I don't care what you think.
Maybe this is just what I need.

What you need?
What the hell is wrong with you?

- It's a huge responsibility.
- I know that!

Hey, what's going on?

Is Maria pushing you?

Okay, let's turn things around.

You have just started
a new and better life here.

And you're clean now, right?

Yes, I'm clean.

- Just stop! I'm not blind.
- Yes, you are. Now you can leave.

You need to go back to rehab.

Hey! I'm trying to help you here.

I don't need your help. Understand?

Put the firewood inside
so it doesn't get wet.

Fucking shit!

What's all this?

You have to clean up your stuff
so we can walk in here.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for something.

For what?

Something.

I can help if you want.

Hello?

Dad?

I think I found something.

- Have you been here many times?
- Mm.

Hello?

Come on.

Hi, Lukas.

Hi, Joachim.
Come on, let's go in here.

- Here you are.
- Thanks.

- Don't you want any, Joachim?
- No, thanks.

How are you guys doing?

We're... okay.

I thought about stopping by yesterday.

But then I thought maybe you would want
some time alone with Lukas.

Is he doing okay?

- Does he understand...
- He's not quite aware of what's happening.

Well, he's not the only one.

Maria called again yesterday by the way.

She asked if I could
help you with Lukas.

Give you a break.

You really don't need to.

It's no problem at all.

Just let me know if you need my help.

I'm here for you.

Yes, I know.

Oh, and someone from the
Child Protective Services called.

Tove, I think.

Yes, they stopped by,
and are coming back next week.

We should probably get going.

OK.

- Are you ready, Lukas?
- But I want to stay here.

- Yeah, but...
- I'll drive you both home, Lukas.

You don't look well, Joachim.

You look run down.

I'm just tired.

I haven't been sleeping, which isn't
so odd with all that's been happening.

I see more than you think I see.

And it's...

really hard to see you like this.

I can see that you're in pain.

And I don't know
what I can do to help you.

You have to do something.

- You're sick.
- I'm not sick.

- Yes, you are.
- Please stop.

You're sick and you need help.

You have to think about Lukas now.

He needs stability and security.

Especially now.

- Yes.
- Can you come out?

I'm coming, go back in and sit down.

- What are you doing in there?
- Just go inside and sit down. I'm coming.

I don't know,
it's probably just the flu going around.

Sure, but I won't be back at work until
the end of the week, at the earliest.

Yes, I'll do that. Bye.

Are you sick?

No, but I will be soon enough.

Hi, this is Joachim Ekeberg.
Lukas Foss' father.

Lukas is sick and
won't be at school for a few days.

Are you hungry?

You'll have to tell them you've been sick
for a few days when you go back to school.

Just lie a little. Can you do that?

Yeah, I lie all the time.

Do you miss Mom?

You know she
won't be coming back for a long time?

How long?

Very long.

But we can visit her
as often as you want.

At the same place as last time.

I'd like that.

- Do you want to drive the boat?
- Yes!

Are you ready?

Yes.

Are you sick again?

No.

- I'm just a little tired.
- Can I sleep here?

Here?

I had a nightmare.

Sure, if you want to.

Can we drive the boat again tomorrow?

Yes, we'll see.

Hi, Lukas. Nice to see you again.
How's it going?

Good.
But I was very sick for many days.

Well, it's good to see
you're better now then.

I had the flu.
It's just something that's going around.

Yes.

I need to get to work,
so I'll talk to you later.

I still feel a bit sick.

- I have a headache.
- OK...

- It's true.
- But... are you sure, Lukas?

- Yes.
- Okay.

I guess you'll just
have to come with me then.

- Okay?
- All right...

We'll see you on Monday then.
Try to get some rest and get better.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

You shouldn't become too good at lying.

- Hi, did you come with your Uncle to work?
- He's mine. Is it okay?

- Yes, it's okay. But there's a lot to do.
- Yes, I know.

Put that up in there.

We'll be monitoring things closely
in the beginning.

It's just standard procedure.

We have some forms here
you need to look at and fill out.

Just some information we need
in order to proceed.

We can look at it together if you want.

Information about
your family situation, and so on.

Can't you sleep?

Do you think Mom is okay there?

Yes, I think so.

You think so?

What if she's all alone?

We're just going down here.

Do you see those lights
between the two red ones?

Yes.

That's where your Mom is.

How do you know?

I just know.

Those lights are brighter
than all the others nearby.

You see?

I'm eight years old.

I'm not as dumb as you think.

You look good. I lied last time,
but now I really mean it.

You too.

I appreciate what you have done,
and are doing.

He's doing well. It's nice to see.

And that's good, right?

Yes, it is. Of course.

Okay.

Did it go well with
the Child Protective Services?

Yes, it did.

I can do this,
but you need to give me a chance.

Okay?

Okay.

I'm doing very well now.

Better than in a long time.

So...

I think it will work out fine.

Yes, I hope you're right.

Really. This is almost
too good to be true.

Mom, are you coming?

Hi, there!

I lost the connection.

A lot has happened, as you say.

You're suddenly a father.
A major responsibility.

What do you think about it all?

I think it's a good thing.

But it seems as if...

It seems like no one believes
that it's going to work.

They're waiting for me to fuck this up.

- Is that how you feel?
- Yes.

I feel like you're just
waiting for me to screw up.

I come in here...

And there is finally something good
happening in my life, I'm positive...

And then you just have to get me down
right away. You're good at that.

It's important that you can talk about
challenging aspects of your situation.

You have been to prison,
you were addicted to opiates.

And now you're
the sole provider for a little boy.

Yes, I know.

Maybe this is just what I need.

Today we're going to Grandad's
for his birthday.

- One or two?
- Two.

But before we visit Grandad,
we're going to visit Grandma.

- Do you have a shirt?
- I don't know.

Hello!

Hi! Hi, Lukas.

Thanks a lot, that was nice of you.

- How old are you?
- What do you think?

- Seventy.
- That's a bit much. Come on in.

- Hello.
- Hi, Lukas!

It's nice to see you again.

And you too.

- How's it going?
- Good.

- Would you like some wine?
- Yes, that would be nice.

Yes.

- You're really looking good.
- Do you think so?

Really, it's a huge difference
since last I saw you.

That wouldn't take much, though.

Shall we toast?

- Happy Birthday, Dad.
- Nice that you all could be here.

It just happens now and then.

You have to hold in the button
when it's in neutral.

It's under the handle.
And then give it some gas.

Forward carefully, otherwise it stalls.

How fast does the boat go?

- I'm not sure.
- Depends on the number of passengers.

- 35 knots, maybe?
- Give or take.

- We drove really fast, and I got to steer.
- That's our little secret.

- How did the grave look?
- Nice. We tidied up and lit a candle.

Good to hear.

- How's it going at school, Lukas?
- Well.

But, on Friday,
I went to work with Dad.

And then we visited Maria.

Have you told Lukas
how long Mom is going to live there?

I think we'll discuss
that sometime later.

Shouldn't he understand the scope of it?
Or are you hiding that for him as well?

Lukas, shall we go outside and play?

Okay.

Let's go.

You're an expert at avoiding things.

Can't you see how crazy this is?
Suddenly, he's playing father?

- Calm down.
- You want me to calm down?

I'm the only one who dares to talk about
this, but I don't want to have that role.

- Your son is sick.
- That's enough.

How naive can you get? Do you think
Lukas will make him stop using drugs?

Where do you think all your money goes?
You're suppressing that too.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.

I can't stand seeing you high
while you're with your little boy.

And nobody else reacts, pretending
there's no problem. It's sick.

- You're probably high right now.
- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

What are you doing?

You're getting all worked up about
things you don't have a clue about.

- You see nothing.
- Okay.

If it's so hard for you
to see me with Lukas, then just leave.

- It's not my fault you can't have kids.
- That's enough.

That must suck.

Can't we try to have a nice evening?
Please!

- He is right, you know.
- What?

He's right.

I've been getting high all the time.

Also after I came back to Oslo.

But now I'm clean.

And what I need now
is your support, not your criticism.

He can't cook at all.

Hey...

Sorry about that.

Okay? I apologize.

It's okay.

No, it's not.

It's not.

I'm just not used to
seeing you in this role.

And totally clean?

Yes, I am.

That's good.

I had almost given up on that idea,

but I'm happy for you.

Just let us know
if we can help you with anything.

Just make sure it lasts this time.

- Was that the last one?
- Yes.

- Who's carrying the cake?
- Lukas.

Ready, Lukas? Here it comes...

(Singing birthday song...)

- Hurray!
- Happy birthday!

- Don't go to the toilet!
- Sit down, I said.

Go to bed.

What the hell are you doing?
I told you to go to bed!

Here! Get out of here!

What do you want?

Go to bed!
I don't want you here anymore!

Lukas?

Lukas?

Lukas!

Shit. Lukas!

Lukas!

Lukas!

Go away!

I don't want you here.

I'm going home.

Go away, I said!

I hate you!

I hate you!

Hey, Lukas?

Lukas?

I didn't mean what
I said to you earlier.

About not wanting you here.

It's not true.

I hope you can understand that.

I'm ill.

Very ill.

I thought I could manage
to get well on my own.

But, I can't do it.

When will you get well again?

I'm sure it's difficult to understand
what I'm talking about, but...

I have to go away for a while.

To a place where I can get help.

Without toilets.

- Huh?
- To a place without toilets?

To a place without toilets.

I promise.

And after that, I'll come back to you.

I promise you that.

Hi, it's me.

I...

I have to be committed.

You must help me,
because I can't do this.

I can't do this.

AS I FALL