All language subtitles for Dave.S01E10.Jail.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

On stage rapping

Ain't shit to me,
I'm a rapper, that's what I do

Young Dave snappin'

The crowd seem to fuck with me
and I like them, too

Ordinarily I might joke around
on the stage

Funny motherfucker,
class clown, 12th grade

Sometimes I might overstep
my boundaries

Do some weird shit,
believe in the art of the joke

In this case, I was like
Ay, y'all a great crowd

So as a reward,
do you wanna see my dick?

Crowd went wild,
now I'm kinda torn

Mid-show soft dick
Is my worst soft dick, I'm a moron

"Show your dick,
show your dick"

- Whole crowd chants
- Shit

I'm like, I can't,
but what about nuts?

People erupt,
whipped out the nuts... cheers

Off stage, head up
to the dressing room,

Five cops
Waiting in my dressing room

Goddamn, dude,
you blowing up

Look at how they beefing up
the security

I was like, Officers,
I'll be okay

One cop said:
"Sir, you're under arrest"

I laughed in jest,

Assumed he was just
Showing off for his cop friends

Opened some Chex Mix,

"Sir, I'm gonna need you
To put on these cuffs"

I'm like, "What?"

Sir, you just exposed yourself,
at an all-ages show nonetheless

Wait, you talking 'bout
showing nuts?

That's like a common joke

You never pull out a ball
with your friends or...

-Never?
- Sir, please put on these cuffs

Wait, stop, no,
this is actually happening?

- Sir, sir
- Wait, this is unfair

- I'm sorry, I swear
- Sir!

- Please hear me out...
- Sir, you're going to jail

I'm like, "Jail?"
He like: "Yeah"

I'm like, "Jail?"

Yeah

Booked, bail

- Pay it, scared
- This is crazy

- Months pass, trial
- Real trial

45 parents press charges

- I got a DUI in college
- Stupid

- This was not my first offense
- Oh, my God

Children were crying on the stand
Probably the dorks of their class

You're a loser

Now it's the day of my reckoning
They 'bout to give me my sentencing

Can't even breathe
and I'm trembling

- The jury arrived at a verdict
- Guilty

- I thought I misheard it
- Guilty

- Mama Burd going berserk
- My son!

- Wait, you said two years, Your Honor?
- Yes

On the bus to Tuckawala
They got me chained to Roberto

Tat on his face,
he was fidgety

Shook as can be
as we pullin' in

They take my picture, unchain me
They give me my state I.D.

Then they took me to a room
And told me to "spread your cheeks"

I was like, "Like this?"
They like: "Yeah, but rake your nuts"

Rake... rake my nuts?

- Like pull 'em up?
- Yes

They made me squat
and cough

- Standard procedure, I'm wid it
- It's cool

After I finished
I had a minute with the guard

Say to him,
"Sir, I know this is bizarre"

"But the whole rape thing,
is it, like, real?"

"Is it actuallya thing in jail?
Or...?"

He like: "Yeah"

I'm like, "Yeah?
It really happens?"

He like: "Yeah"
Isn't it your job to protect people?

- Getting walked to my cell
- We got a white boy!

Walking through jail

- Shit is like hell
- You dead, you dead!

- It's just like the movies
-Gettin' fucked!

Screaming and hollering,
hooting: "Fresh meat!"

A black guy said:
"I'll break your back!"

Hispanic guy ask:
"What that mouth like?"

- "I'm-a need that"
- A neo-Nazi just smiles

We get to my... cell,
got a cellmate named Raheem

- Hi, I'm Dave
- Good dude, wonder why he in

- I'm Raheem
- Then he asked me what I even did

What'd you do?

I explained the whole thing,
was performing

Showed my nuts,
totally innocent, like

I did it, but it was an innocent act
It's not a big deal,

Now I'm here
In Tuckawala for two years

For exposing myself to minors

"Whoa, whoa, you a pedophile?"
Raheem said

No, I'm not a pedophile,
you just heard the story

Okay, okay, okay;
you cannot let anyone know this

- Why? It's not a big...
- If they find out, then it's over

- Over?
-You raped; dead, maybe

- Raped dead?
- Let's just think of solutions instead

In here there's the blacks
and the Mexicans

Well, what about
those white supremacists?

They see that you're Jewish,
it's evident

It's evident, what does...

The blacks and the Mexicans
Don't have inherent hatred for you

You gotta pick
one of them for protection

- Who? The blacks or the Mexicans?
- Yes

I guess I go blacks, right?
Blacks

I just don't know much about
Mexicans

- I hear you
- At home I would hang out with blacks

- Go with blacks, then
- How do they know I'm with blacks?

How do I refer to it?
Do I say "blacks"?

You won't have to say...

I feel like it'd be weird
If I said, "I'm with the blacks"

- It's not like that
-How is it referred to?

Don't worry, I'll make sure
That everyone knows you're with us

3:00 rec, ball
Pretty solid courts, real good runs

Watched on the sidelines,
didn't try to run

Calling for next
would be calling for death

Real good black dude
roll his ankle

Mexican guy on the side says:
"Ay, carambo"

Now there's a squad
that's only got four players

And in jail the other team
picks his replacement

They look around
and my heart started racing

One guy is beelining
straight up at David

'Cause they probably think
I'm a horrible player

They like, "All right, take
this white, skinny bitch"

Little do they know I'm a bad
motherfucker on the court

First play hit 'em
with the cross-up fake

Next play, wide open three,
like, wet

The yard taking notice,
I take a charge

But they don't even notice

Don't leave him open
His jumper is potent

Pat on the back
Feel like a black

Dap, dap, dap

All the sudden, a Mexican guy
Walks on the court and says

Stop the game, stop the game,
stop the game

Gets in my face
Says: "You know what he did?"

Everyone's frozen in place

- You know what he did?
- What he do?

He raped some kids

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, not true,"
I said

He said: "One was my niece!"

Hold on, I can explain,
I'm a rapper, I was on stage

You ain't no motherfuckin' rapper

- Yes, I am
- We gon' rape you

No, I am a rapper
I'll spit, you want me to spit?

- I'll fucking spit! I'll...
- You 'bout to get fucked, pendejo

Listen: my dick sucks, my dick sucks
That's just a hook

Remember the name Don Quixote

That's the guy
that will fuck you later

-Okay, chismoso?
- Then he walked away

I tried to play it cool,
I'm like, "Back to the game"

Punched in my back,
thrown off the court

I'm like, "I'm with the blacks,"
that made it worse

Smack, smack, smack

I'm like, "I didn't rape no kids"
I just showed my sack

You never did that, like,
with your friends?

- Ain't fuck nah, pussy
- It was just a joke

- I believe in the art of the joke
- That don't sound very funny

Yeah, but you should've
seen it, it worked

They laughed,
the joke was successful

They whipped my ass

- Now I'm not with the blacks
- You ain't black

Lick my wounds in my cell,
tell Raheem all the facts

This guy walked
on the court...

- He like: "Oh, no, Don Quixote?"
- Yeah

- That's the most dangerous Mexican
-Really?

And now all the blacks
not protecting you

Yeah, no shit,
and by the way

They didn't take kindly
To me saying I was with the blacks

Well, now...

- Now everyone's got the green light
- Green light?

- I wish I could make it be right
- Raheem...

- You're definitely gonna get raped
-Raped dead?

- If I were you, I'd learn to fight
- I can't fight, I'd lose every fight

Instead of fighting back
What if I offer, like, willing head?

Willing head?

I'm like, "Yeah"

Willing head?

Yeah, think about it

- Nobody wants to fight
- That's not true

I would much rather give
consensual head

Than get fucked up my ass
and die

Well, it's not gon' be
an option like that

No, no, hear me out,
what if one day up in the caf

I stuck a paper on the wall?

- A paper?
- Yeah, a sign-up sheet

- A sign-up sheet?
- Yeah, with time slots

- What? Time slots?
- Yeah, for head

If you don't rape me

I'll give you the best head
you'll ever get in jail

And I'll be such a joy,
so pleasant

What a great companion
I could be

- I don't think...
- This is so smart

Then word would get around
about the head

And everybody
would start to realize

The second I'm raped,
that the head off the table

Better than anal

The brothers would kill
for this shit, Cain and Abel

You're not gonna have
the option like that, cuh

It's cool when you say "cuh"

Like cuz, but you... "cuh"
Where you from, Raheem?

- Man, I gotta nap
- When you wake, then

Caf, tuna fish

Actually surprised
because this shit fire

Usually I'm real picky
with my tuna type

Only like my mom's
and Subway's

Did you guys know that Subway's
the biggest chain in the world?

Over McDonald's

No one responded

Tap Raheem's shoulder,I said
"Did you know that, Raheem?"

He like: "What?"
That Subway's the biggest chain?

- Bigger than McDonald's
- No

Walking back to my cell

Just me and the guard,
I feel greasy

- All the sudden he bail
- What the fuck?

Then as I turned the corner,
I saw Don Quixote

Fuck, this is it, oh, my God,
Dave, you're so raped

Thought of my options,
he start approaching

I'm like, "Quixote, relax,
I'm open to it"

Come here

Kissed on his neck

Licked on his ears

Took off his shirt

Kissed on his stomach,
his chest is... so bulbous

But I'm playing my part
He fallin' hard, I got his heart

I get down to my knees, ay
Tease, ay

Whipped out the dick

Oh, my God, so big, ah...

Veins, everywhere,
so many veins

Off-colored dick
Darker than I expected

I realized in that moment

I've never seen
a Mexicano's dick before

Spit on the dick

His guard fallen

Cocked his head back real slow
And then said: "Ay, carambo"

Plan coming to fruition
I open wide, put the tip in

And I close my eyes,
pray to God and...

Okay, turn it off, please.
Turn it off now.

You want this to be
your first single?

100% yes, but, like, I will
field any and all questions

after the song's completed.

There's, like,
six and a half minutes left.

Can we just talk after
the song's over, please?

- Have some courtesy? Thank you.
- No. Just...

We are never
putting that song out. Ever.

Okay? I'm actually a little concerned
that we might be in some sort of trouble

even playing it out loud here.

I'm very confused as to what
you're even talking about.

Like, this is the most innovative
piece of content maybe ever,

in the history
of recorded media.

Okay, so we can get on the same page,
what rubbed you the most?

Jim, may I?

- By all means.
- Okay, great.

Yes, let's have a nice,
civil discourse about this.

As a black man, I find this
extremely offensive.

The criminal justice system,
it embodies all the racism

that African Americans
face in this country every day.

And for you, through a black
art form no less,

to take it and make such
a-a mockery of everything,

I don't even feel comfortable working
on this project now, Jim, to be honest.

- I understand.
- Yeah, I respect that.

I'm sorry that you feel
that way, I really am,

but just so you know, there are
six and a half minutes left

where I get to this whole climax

that exposes
the criminal justice system.

That's the whole point of the song.
You just didn't let me get there.

I lure people in with absurdity
through, like,

the lens of a privileged
perspective.

- And so, can I please... Thank you.
- Go ahead.

Bit off his dick

Ay, carambo

Spit out his dick

- He fell to his knees...
- No. Unbelievable.

- May I also chime in?
- Please, Pam.

For you to be making jokes
about rape... ever, let alone in 2020,

I'm just shocked at
the level of tone-deafness here.

Okay, Pam, just so we're
on the same page,

are you saying that man-to-man
prison rape is, like, the same vibe...

Vibe?!

- No...
- Vibe?

We're saying the same thing.
Okay, this is a lot to digest,

so let us have some time with this
and we'll come back to you.

- Is that cool?
- No, there's no time.

I don't need to digest anything.

I didn't come here for feedback,
or even approval.

I came here to tell you this is
exactly what it's going to be.

This is my first single.
This is my art.

You know, when I signed to
you guys, it was very clear:

creative is my thing,
you guys figure out the rest.

It is what it is, like, that's
the deal we agreed upon.

Okay, Dave, you are signed
to us now. Okay?

We do control what you release,
when you release it and all that.

And it's clear to us now,
you need our guidance.

You know what,
don't do me any favors, okay?

Because, by the way, this...
this is the real fucking jail.

- Dave...
- No, I'm not... This is crazy.

We will...
We'll get back to you.

What the fuck were you
doing in there?

What the fuck
was I doing in there?

How the fuck is Spotify gonna play that
on New Music Friday?

Are you out of your mind?

And by the way, your days of not letting
me hear the music in advance

are officially over, pal.

I can't believe you let me
go in there blind like that.

- They're never gonna let that go.
- Who cares what they want?!

What are you talking about?
I'm your client.

You should only be worried
about me!

I am only worried about you,

whether or not your pea-sized
brain realizes it or not.

You got to get me out
of this deal.

I'm not doing this for my whole career.
Get me out of the fucking deal.

- Really? Really, dude?
- Yeah, get me out of the deal.

So you're not willing to compromise
for $250,000 and a machine

that's gonna help you live out
your dreams?

My dreams? You think my dreams
are running everything up the flagpole

whenever I
want to put a song out? No.

I can't half go for it.
I can't compromise my art.

Your job is to do what I want.

You listen to what I want,
and you make it happen at all costs.

You don't worry about appeasing
other random people.

I'm not worried about appeasing
random people...

Do your fucking job!
Do it! Do your job!

I don't understand, like, this is
the best thing I've ever done by far;

I've put
so much time into it.

And Mike just sits there
nodding his head "yes,"

doing whatever they want, not even
defending my vision, like a pussy.

Okay, would you ever compromise
your art for anybody?

If they were paying me? Yeah.

- Can we get into your logos?
- Okay.

Okay, so per your e-mail, I got
a bunch of shafts, a bunch of balls.

Some young, some old.
You can, like, mix and match them.

- Wrinkles.
- Yeah.

I knew you would want wrinkles.
I got, like, 12 wrinkled dicks for you.

And then, for myself,
I did some without dicks.

I actually... I like this non-dick one.
Let's do that.

So you want, like, 50 different
variations of this

that will then ultimately
have a dick in it?

No. I think that that will work fine.
Let's just do that.

Okay.
Sweet. Done.

Yeah. How's Al?

She's good.

You don't have to rush out,
I'm just asking a question.

- I'm not rushing out.
- What do you mean "she's good"?

Is she going on dates?
That's all I want to know.

Dave, I'm not getting
in the middle of this.

I'm not asking you to get in the middle.
I asked you one simple question.

And honestly, your lack of a response
is very telling,

so you've already told me
she is.

I'm not talking to either one of you
about either one of you.

You guys aren't speaking
for a reason,

so I'm not gonna be
the messenger.

Okay, I got to go.
Love you. Bye.

Institutional flaws
How will you all respond?

Did you know all along?

Ay, caramba.

Dude...

This is, like, the best thing
I've ever fucking heard.

I know, right?!

At first, I thought it was too
problematic, but by the end,

how you tied everything in with
the criminal justice system,

it's just, like, such a chef's
kiss on social commentary.

Thank you!
Yes, you understand it.

It's, like, yes.

And the label won't even put it out.
They think it's too offensive.

- You should just fucking leak it.
- Leak it? Just put it out?

What if you premiere it on
The Breakfast Club?

Like, imagine sitting down and talking
with Charlemagne about jail.

Yeah, I mean, I wish I could,
but... it's, like, not easy.

Dude, yeah, not easy.
I could text him right now.

- Yeah, text him.
- Okay. I'm doing it.

But, like, couldn't I get in trouble
with the label?

Like, couldn't they just sue me?

All right, one of two things
are gonna happen.

You're gonna play the song,
everyone loves it,

your label's gonna be excited,
let you do whatever you want.

Full creative control.

Or... everyone's gonna think it's
terrible, the label's gonna drop you.

But it's what you wanted
this whole time,

and you're out of your contract
and free to do whatever you want.

It's a win-win to me.

Brilliant.

Yeah.

Yes,The Breakfast Club.
Benny got me on.

- I see it.
- Totally real.

- Okay. That's awesome.
- Yeah.

Okay, CC me on the e-mail,
then I'll reach out to the label.

- I'll let 'em know that you're gonna...
- No. Don't say a word.

- Do not.
- Why the fuck not?

Because I'm gonna premiere
"Jail" onThe Breakfast Club.

I'm just gonna... just put it out there.
It's the best thing I've ever done.

Like, I have to put it out.

You can't just go
behind the label's back.

- Okay, we signed a contract with them.
- I need to start doing what I want.

Not doing what I want
has gotten me in this position.

I didn't want to sign with this label.
You really influenced me on that.

It's not a side project for everybody.
Like, this is my life.

I quit my job.

- Really?
- Yeah, really.

When?

When the advance came in,
I put in my two weeks.

I was waiting until this became
a real thing, and it did, so I quit.

Why didn't you tell me
when it happened?

Because after that fucking
"Jail" meeting,

- I was trying to get it back.
- That sounds about right.

Can you blame me?

Don't try to, like, guilt me into
making decisions for you now.

- That's not, I mean...
- That's fine.

I'm just going
on the record right now

and telling you I think
it's a very bad idea,

and you're going to piss off
some very important people.

So just know that.

I want to go on record saying that
it's a risk that I'm willing to take.

I can't, like, half-ass it.
I have to go with what I believe in.

Okay.

- What are chives?
- It's like onion bits.

We've done this, like,
a thousand times.

- Oh, baby.
- Look at this.

A Lil Dicky studio session,
not using another artist's time.

You're getting paid
by my stupid fucking label.

Everyone wins.

- What's wrong with them?
- Everything.

I need to really lock in
on this album right now.

It's the only thing
that is keeping me alive.

I have to tell you something.

I'm leaving town for a second.
I'm going on tour with Trippie Redd.

He asked me to go on tour with him,
and engineer on the road and...

For how long?

Six weeks.

Six weeks?
What the fuck, dude? I'm...

Bro, six weeks
isn't even that long.

That's fine.
I'll do everything myself.

Aren't you happy for me,
at least a little bit?

Zero percent happy for you.

I'm happy for you, obviously,
I'm just sad. Just...

You have me here now.
Let's get to work.

- Chin up, buttercup.
- Play me a beat.

- Put it on hold for me.
- For how long?

Forever.

Ay, first things first
When I pop, I'm-a get your ho thirsty

I sign my paycheck in cursive,
I'm worthy

- Yeah
- Hos.

I'm going to get something to drink.
You want anything?

No, I'm good, thanks.

- I'm good. Thanks, bro-bro.
-Okay. Heads up.

We're in there in ten minutes,
all right?

Are you still doing
that "Jail" song today, bro?

Yeah.

You know how many niggas I know
that would kill to have a record deal?

You run into a couple obstacles,

you ready to risk it all
just to get some jokes off?

That shit weak, bro.

I'm getting, like, very sick of people
telling me how to live my life.

It is what it is, bro. I'm-a rock
with you regardless though, period.

For a place called
The Breakfast Club,

you'd think they'd have more
than just a box of Shredded Wheat.

Heavy door.
Hi, guys, I'm Dave.

- Good morning. How you doin'?
- Angela.

- Yes?
- I'm a hugger. Sorry.

- All right.
- Good to meet you.

Charlamagne.
Would you like a hug?

- No, I'm not a hugger. How are you?
- Good. How you doing?

I'm a hugger,
but I just don't know you, so...

Sure.
I'm Dave, nice to meet you.

Man, I can't wait for you guys to hear
this song that I've got.

- Hey, Jim.
- Hey, Mike.

Did you really think we weren't
gonna find out about this?

You're supposed to keep us
in the loop about this stuff.

- We're partners.
- You're right. Let's...

Oh, my gosh,
are we in third grade?

Is this microphone mine?

- Whose else would it be?
- Touché.

I think we should trust
Dave's artistic process.

- I do.
-Okay, no, so check this out.

And I want to watch
what's happening.

I know, and let's watch
from right here.

- You're a little new, aren't you?
- I'm brand-new to this.

- Wake that ass up.
- Early in the morning.

The Breakfast Club.

Morning, everybody, I'm Angela Yee,
that's Charlamagne Tha God.

We areThe Breakfast Club,

and we have a very special guest
in the building.

- Lil Dicky is here.
- Hello, everybody.

Yeah, he keeps introducing himself
as Dave, though.

That's my name.

I just feel weird introducing myself
as anything other than my name.

- That's pretty un-rapper-like of you.
- I know, right?

Is that something you take pride in,
"being different"?

Not being, like,
seen as a typical rapper?

Not necessarily.

I don't want to even speak
to what other rappers do.

If I'm gonna meet someone, I'm not
gonna be like, "Hi, I'm Lil Dicky,"

'cause, like, I'm not.
Like, I'm Dave.

Like, the guy behind Lil Dicky.
You know what I mean?

So the whole Lil Dicky thing
is just a parody?

No, I don't think it's a parody.

There's jokes in it because I'm
a comical human being, I suppose,

but it's more satire
than anything.

Do you worry that people will look
at you as a culture vulture?

I worry about just about everything,
Charlamagne.

Like, I wake up
and I start worrying.

Who's your guy over there with
the dreads? That's your shooter?

That's your weed man? That's your...
Go on. What does he do?

You're being a little
stereotypical, Charlamagne.

That's my friend Gata.

So you just walk around with a token
black guy to make yourself look cool?

- No.
- Gata, come over here, my brother.

- I want to holler at you, man.
- For real?

- Yes, man. Come here.
- Shit.

- Here's your mic.
- I can't believe this.

I want to ask you some questions about,
Lil Dicky, Dave here.

Do you work for Lil Dicky?

Yeah, that's my partner
in crime. I'm his hype man.

We be turning up,
geeked up on stage.

Do you actually fuck
with Lil Dicky's music?

Dope, bro. One of the greatest.

- Greatest what?
- Rappers.

I tell him that every fucking day.

Like, "Bro, you dope "as fuck, bro,
keep doing your shit. Be yourself, bro.

- "Don't fold on these niggas."
- No.

You're not gonna convince me
that Lil Dicky

is one of the best rappers
out right now, brah.

- You're gonna see, Charlamagne.
- Stop it.

One day, bro. Might not be today,
but you gonna see.

And what made you pick
a black man as your hype man?

It's not a complicated
question, sir.

I didn't think racially when I...
I mean, I picked Gata.

He's been a hype man for other rappers.
Gata knows all my songs

and he's, like, honestly, a very, like,
talented performer.

He's great at dancing. He's...

Of course a white man would think a
black man is a great dancer, Dave.

I mean, he's just, you know...

Yeah, he's, like, he's really...
he's good at... Yeah.

Good at what?
Wait, is that cultural appropriation?

Yeah. It is.

Is it? I'm wondering now
if it is or not.

Just right now?
Just right now at this moment,

a white rapper is wondering if what he's
doing is cultural appropriation?

Man, fuck all that.
I been in this nigga's mama house.

They done cooked for me,
I done slept in the guest room.

Seriously, y'all don't know.
Don't even fall for the hoopla.

You've been there for me, when I was
down, bro, on my mama, nigga, like...

We supposed to be together,
getting this money,

doing shit that people ain't
never seen before, bro.

- And that's what you doing, my nigga.
- Here's what I'll say.

If having Gata be a part
of my rap career

is, in fact, cultural appropriation
in a way that was totally over my head,

which is obviously so possible because
I'm that stupid as a human being,

then I really don't
have regrets.

I know that's a bizarre thing
to say, but he's, like...

I got, like, one of the best friends
I'll ever have out of it,

so, like, I would do it again.
I love this man.

- That's beautiful.
- #RelationshipGoals.

- I love you, too, my nigga.
- That's it.

Real talk, bro.
You my brother for life, bro.

I love you.

Y'all just need to be a couple.
Where'd y'all meet, Tinder?

All right, Gata, cat's out of the bag.
Give me a smooch.

Look at this guy. Always being funny,
man. I can't believe you, brah.

I think he's serious.

- You guys are cute.
- I'm out of here.

South Central L.A., we did it,
Gata made it toThe Breakfast Club.

Shout-out, Angela Yee,
LD, Charlamagne, I'm gone.

- That's right. Good to meet you.
- I'm out.

I have waited so long for that kiss,
you have no idea.

So, Dave, you told our producer
that you have a song

that you want to premiere right here
onThe Breakfast Club?

- Huh, Lil Dave? Lil Dicky?
- Yes.

So, yeah, I've got this,
it's my life's work.

It's the best thing I've ever...

I'm just gonna...

If I'm being honest with you,

I have had conversations recently
with my team

about whether or not it's ready
for public consumption.

And it's actually not finished
yet now that I think about it.

How about I just rap
for you instead?

You knew you was coming
toThe Breakfast Club.

So let me rap.

You really ready to rap live in front
of eight million listeners tuned in?

I think it is eight million
potential new fans,

and sometimes you have no choice and
it just is what it is, so here we go.

Eight million people that's about
to think that you're wack.

Or not.

- Elz made the beat...
- Who the hell is Elz?

Y'all probably didn't know
what this was

Y'all probably about
to hop on this bus

If you know somebody
that'll call my bluff

Then line 'em all up,
they will all need hugs

Condolences, in my own lane
like bowling pins

I'm so dumb I don't even know
where Poland is

Suburban kid, I got it
at the roller rink

My girl just left,
I should not have said that

But I guess I was due
for a setback

I'm still dripping with the sauce,
need a Wet-Nap

My dick sucks so bad

Y'all don't even want
to know the details

You don't want to know about
the surgeries,

I kept it all inside till now,
fuck it, I'll tell everybody

Two holes on my shaft
Hypospadias, look it up

I love when my fans are black,

I'm a little tone-deaf
Yeah, what of it?

You know my heart
is in the right place

I've been working like a dog
in this bitch

And that phrase doesn't even
make no sense

'Cause dogs were probably the least
evolved animals in the world

I'm sweet like a sorbet,

Mike calling me
About to get another tour date

More cake, give me more hate,
this is horseplay

Hot in a North Face,
you cannot ignore Dave

I know I'm privileged
Let's not even go there

Out here fucking it up,
But I'm still fucking it up, wait

Little body,
but the boysound tough,

Hold up but they saying I'm not rap,
Charlamagne, this is hip-hop, right?

Give me the facts,
just keep it real

I'm up and down,like off and on
I was an ad man at Omnicom

I used to eat with the parents
at the Olive Garden

I was wearing nothing
but Ralph Lauren

My mom adorned me,
and I like milking porn

But I guess that's less important
Just a little side note about me

Tell Gata no need,
I don't even need weed

I'll smoke this beat like

All of that, all the smoke,
I need all of that

Trust-fall them,
they falling back

I don't know nothing about life
But I write it like a book, wait

How you doing?
I'm good, great

And if you see me upon the street,
say, "Hi, LD"

And I'll stop you and say,
"Well, my name is..."

What's your name?