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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:10,019 ♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO" BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,000 Hello? 3 00:01:37,018 --> 00:01:40,005 So it looks like what happened is this individual 4 00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:42,004 broke into your home, burglarized it, 5 00:01:42,006 --> 00:01:44,016 and in an apparent attempt to escape, tripped, 6 00:01:44,018 --> 00:01:46,022 hit his head, and fell into the pool and drowned. 7 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,012 You know, I was sleeping, I don't know what-- 8 00:01:49,014 --> 00:01:51,006 Well, I heard a noise, I woke up. 9 00:01:51,008 --> 00:01:52,015 All right. And when you came outside, 10 00:01:52,017 --> 00:01:54,000 did you see or hear anyone? 11 00:01:54,002 --> 00:01:56,012 No. No. Nothing. Mm-mm. 12 00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:58,008 All right. And, sir, your name is? 13 00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,014 Willie Nobody. 14 00:01:59,016 --> 00:02:02,000 All right. And you also live on the property? 15 00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:03,008 Fuck yeah, I live here. 16 00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:05,007 That's my little bungalow right there. 17 00:02:05,009 --> 00:02:07,014 Okay, and I see you don't have your fence up around 18 00:02:07,016 --> 00:02:10,004 the perimeter of the pool, is there a reason for that? 19 00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,002 What? Fence? 20 00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:15,001 Santa Monica City Ordinance 8.12.150 says you must have 21 00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:17,001 a fence around the perimeter of your pool 22 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,020 of at least five feet at all times. 23 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:20,003 Fence? 24 00:02:20,005 --> 00:02:22,015 I... Honestly, I don't know anything about-- 25 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,021 Nobody told me anything about a fence. 26 00:02:23,023 --> 00:02:26,002 I bought the house from somebody. They didn't... 27 00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:27,005 This is the way it came, 28 00:02:27,007 --> 00:02:29,005 and nobody said anything about a fence. 29 00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:31,003 Well, you are supposed to have one. 30 00:02:31,005 --> 00:02:33,014 Am I in trouble? What does this mean? 31 00:02:35,011 --> 00:02:38,009 You seem like a decent guy, so I'm gonna give you a pass, 32 00:02:38,011 --> 00:02:40,004 but get the fence put in. 33 00:02:40,006 --> 00:02:42,005 Thank you so much. Thank you. 34 00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:51,002 Can you believe it? No! 35 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,010 Seeing that in your pool. 36 00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,008 Who expects something-- I wouldn't even have dreamed 37 00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:56,018 - of something like that. - Imagine! You know, why me? 38 00:02:57,016 --> 00:02:59,017 - Why you? - What's in my house? 39 00:02:59,019 --> 00:03:01,013 - Hi, welcome to Netflix. Hi. 40 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:04,011 Larry David, Jeff Greene to see Don Winston Jr. 41 00:03:04,013 --> 00:03:06,006 Great. Just give me one sec. 42 00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:08,022 - Don Jr. 43 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,004 Yeah. Don Jr. 44 00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:11,016 How do you have a name like that? 45 00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:12,022 Must be horrible. 46 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,015 Trump has really ruined it for all Don Jrs, hasn't he? 47 00:03:15,017 --> 00:03:17,007 I would not want that as my name. 48 00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:19,014 - Oh, my God. - All right, Larry. 49 00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:20,021 - Jeff. - Thank you. 50 00:03:20,023 --> 00:03:22,023 - Elevators are to your right. - Thank you. 51 00:03:24,011 --> 00:03:28,001 Oh, hey. You going to Albert Brooks' funeral? 52 00:03:28,019 --> 00:03:30,006 I have no choice. 53 00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:33,020 Who throws a funeral for themselves while they're alive? 54 00:03:33,022 --> 00:03:36,021 He does. And I have to speak. He's asked me to speak. 55 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,023 - No. - Yeah. 56 00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:42,013 - Oh, jeez. Yeah. 57 00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:45,007 All right. You ready for my pitch? Yeah. 58 00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:47,006 The show is called Young Larry. 59 00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:51,007 It's about my life when I was like 24, 25. 60 00:03:51,009 --> 00:03:53,018 I lived in Brooklyn with my parents. 61 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:58,008 And my Uncle Mo lived upstairs with my grandmother. 62 00:03:58,010 --> 00:04:00,006 Mm-hmm. - Mo was in his 70s. 63 00:04:00,008 --> 00:04:02,002 He pushed racks in the Garment Center. 64 00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:03,015 Would take the subway every day. 65 00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:05,004 He never spent a nickel in his life, 66 00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:08,006 - so he had over a million dollars saved up. - Uh-huh. 67 00:04:08,008 --> 00:04:12,017 So, one day, Uncle Mo comes up to me, and he says... 68 00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:15,023 -"I'm moving into the city..." 69 00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:17,019 "...and I want you to live with me, 70 00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:21,021 and if you live with me, I'll leave all my money to you." 71 00:04:21,023 --> 00:04:23,015 - Wow. Wow. 72 00:04:23,017 --> 00:04:26,004 So, in the show, I move in with Uncle Mo. 73 00:04:26,006 --> 00:04:30,019 And, uh, I do everything that I can... 74 00:04:31,012 --> 00:04:33,007 to accelerate his... 75 00:04:34,010 --> 00:04:35,014 - demise. 76 00:04:35,016 --> 00:04:38,005 So, how does he try to kill him? 77 00:04:38,007 --> 00:04:41,020 Subtly. You know, like, giving him terrible food to eat, 78 00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:43,003 Reuben sandwiches. 79 00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:44,014 - Oh, God! Okay! 80 00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:46,017 Making him climb up six flights of stairs, 81 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,011 telling him the elevator's broken. 82 00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:50,002 - You know, things like that. 83 00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:52,004 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Young Larry, what's going on 84 00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:53,017 in his life right now? Like, what is he doing? 85 00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:54,020 Okay. Very good question. 86 00:04:54,022 --> 00:04:56,004 - Thank you. - He's a private chauffeur. 87 00:04:56,006 --> 00:04:59,000 He drives for an old woman. I was a private chauffeur. 88 00:04:59,002 --> 00:05:01,008 I drove this old lady around. She was blind. 89 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,010 I never cleaned the car. 90 00:05:02,012 --> 00:05:03,020 - She had no idea. 91 00:05:03,022 --> 00:05:06,008 And so he has this huge Cadillac limousine 92 00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,018 at his disposal that he uses all the time. 93 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:11,017 And I was a stand-- I was trying to be a stand-up comic. 94 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:14,008 So I was just starting out doing my act. 95 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:15,014 Oh, that's really interesting. 96 00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:17,010 You know, we'll see him do stand-up... 97 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,008 Sure. -...when he's not chauffeuring 98 00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:21,014 or whatever and trying to kill his uncle. 99 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,001 Wow. I love this. 100 00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,010 - I think this is great. - Really? 101 00:05:26,012 --> 00:05:28,020 I think we wanna do the show. And we're in. 102 00:05:28,022 --> 00:05:30,000 Yeah? Yes, in! 103 00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:31,004 You're kidding, really? 104 00:05:31,006 --> 00:05:32,004 I love that. Absolutely. 105 00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:34,007 Ah! Oh, my God. - Look at that. 106 00:05:35,011 --> 00:05:37,022 - Purell? How about that? - I'm good for now. 107 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,006 I'm not a Purell hoarder. 108 00:05:39,008 --> 00:05:41,015 Remember, the pandemic, the hoarders? 109 00:05:41,017 --> 00:05:43,002 Hell yeah. - Nasty people. 110 00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:44,017 - Terrible. - They're like horse thieves 111 00:05:44,019 --> 00:05:46,019 - in the old West, aren't they? 112 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:50,013 Okay. You'll find that I'm a pleasure to work with. 113 00:05:52,005 --> 00:05:53,014 Don't give me any notes. That's all. 114 00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:56,019 I'm not-- I'm not joking. 115 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,013 I'm not joking. It's not a joke. 116 00:05:59,015 --> 00:06:01,001 - That's great. 117 00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:08,005 Hey. Thanks for lunch. 118 00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:09,010 Oh, hell yeah. 119 00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:13,001 Every time we sell a show that quickly, I'm buying. 120 00:06:13,003 --> 00:06:15,009 So you're still going to, uh, Leon's girlfriend's-- 121 00:06:15,011 --> 00:06:16,015 - What's her name? - Mary Ferguson. 122 00:06:16,017 --> 00:06:18,019 - Mary Ferguson's dinner party? - Yeah. 123 00:06:18,021 --> 00:06:21,011 Leon said she has a nice place. I wish he'd move in. 124 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:24,011 Bringing anyone? - Yeah. I'm taking Lucy Liu. 125 00:06:25,007 --> 00:06:26,011 - Really? - Yeah. 126 00:06:26,013 --> 00:06:29,008 - How many dates is this? - This will be our third date. 127 00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:30,023 Wow. 128 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,014 Hey. Isn't that Dennis Zweibel? 129 00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:35,008 That is Dennis Zweibel, yeah. 130 00:06:36,015 --> 00:06:38,006 You know, he still owes me 6,000 dollars. 131 00:06:38,008 --> 00:06:40,008 Remember, I fronted the money for that golf trip? 132 00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:41,018 Yeah. I paid you. 133 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:44,004 Yeah, you did. And everybody else did except him. 134 00:06:44,006 --> 00:06:46,017 Well, you know, I, uh... 135 00:06:46,019 --> 00:06:49,010 I heard he's got early onset dementia. 136 00:06:50,023 --> 00:06:52,001 Yeah. 137 00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:54,010 I better get the money now before he forgets. 138 00:07:02,018 --> 00:07:04,007 Hey, Dennis. 139 00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:06,008 - Oh, hey, Larry. - Hey, nice shirt. 140 00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,009 How's it going? 141 00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:09,012 - Great. How are you? - Yeah. Pretty good. 142 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,002 - Slightly awkward, but, uh... - Yeah? 143 00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:16,011 Remember the golf trip six months ago? 144 00:07:16,013 --> 00:07:18,005 - Uh-huh. - I put up money for everybody. 145 00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:21,005 And just a little reminder that, uh, I don't know, 146 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:25,003 you probably forgot all about it but, uh, you never-- 147 00:07:25,005 --> 00:07:27,011 you never paid me the money back, so... 148 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,015 - I didn't forget. - Well, if you didn't forget, 149 00:07:29,017 --> 00:07:31,023 how come-- how come you didn't pay me? 150 00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,013 What are you-- What are you doing? 151 00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:35,019 Like, are you, like, stalking me? 152 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:39,006 Stalking you? Nothing wrong with a little reminder, is there? 153 00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:40,010 It's just-- it's rude. That's all. 154 00:07:40,012 --> 00:07:41,017 It's just, you know. It's not necessary. 155 00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,022 It's rude? I'll tell you what's rude. 156 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,005 - Yeah. - You know what's rude? 157 00:07:44,007 --> 00:07:45,019 - What? What's rude? - Owing somebody 6,000 dollars 158 00:07:45,021 --> 00:07:47,020 for six months and never mentioning anything about it 159 00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:50,001 and not paying them back, that's rude. 160 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,001 - What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with me? 161 00:07:52,003 --> 00:07:54,001 - What is wrong with you? - I think the question is what's wrong with you? 162 00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,020 - Yes, you. You'd like walk around and... - You owe somebody 6,000 dollars. 163 00:07:56,022 --> 00:07:58,011 - You didn't forget. Is that how you see the world? 164 00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:00,003 You walk around the world and go... 165 00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:01,012 - And you didn't pay them. -..."Oh, there's a guy that owes me money. 166 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,022 There's a guy that doesn't owe me money." 167 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,015 Yeah. The shoe's on the other foot! Everybody else paid. 168 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,019 "That guy might owe me money. Maybe I'll loan him money." 169 00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:08,000 But not you. You decided not to pay. 170 00:08:08,002 --> 00:08:09,016 - I know I owe you money. - Yeah. 171 00:08:09,018 --> 00:08:11,000 When I see you at the club, 172 00:08:11,002 --> 00:08:12,009 - I'll write you a check. - Fine. 173 00:08:12,011 --> 00:08:14,007 And then you'll have your money, and it will be wonderful. 174 00:08:14,009 --> 00:08:16,005 Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, I'm the bad guy here. 175 00:08:16,007 --> 00:08:17,021 You're sick. You have-- you need help. 176 00:08:17,023 --> 00:08:19,007 - I'm sick? - Yeah. You need help. 177 00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:20,014 - I'm sick? - You'll get your money. 178 00:08:20,016 --> 00:08:22,017 - I didn't do anything! - You're gonna get your money. 179 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,022 I'm not the bad guy. 180 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,000 How-- How would you-- How am I the bad guy? 181 00:08:29,002 --> 00:08:30,014 How's it back there? Comfortable? 182 00:08:30,016 --> 00:08:32,001 Oh, it's so nice. Yeah? 183 00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:33,006 It's perfect. - You sure you don't want me 184 00:08:33,008 --> 00:08:34,023 - to move up? - No. Oh, I'm great. 185 00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,010 You know what, I am so excited. 186 00:08:36,012 --> 00:08:39,010 I can't believe I'm in a car with Albert Brooks, 187 00:08:39,012 --> 00:08:42,022 Lucy Liu, and Jerry David. I just-- I can't believe 188 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,020 - we're all going. - Oh, you're so funny. 189 00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:47,015 Oh, I got my Jews confused a little bit. 190 00:08:47,017 --> 00:08:49,016 I got my Jews confused? 191 00:08:49,018 --> 00:08:51,007 - She's funny, Albert. - She's funny. 192 00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:53,012 - Yeah. - Yeah. Anti-Semitic, but funny. 193 00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:56,016 You know, I'm a huge fan of Albert's. 194 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:59,012 And I haven't had sex in year, so I'm really excited. 195 00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:01,021 - Pull over. I'm done. 196 00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:03,006 Oh, no, no! 197 00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:05,016 So, Albert, uh, Larry told me that you're having a funeral 198 00:09:05,018 --> 00:09:08,018 - for yourself? - Yeah. I call it a live funeral. 199 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:10,023 Right. Oh, that's great. - So what is that about? 200 00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:14,023 So in the last three years, I've been to five real funerals. 201 00:09:15,001 --> 00:09:16,000 Oh, God. 202 00:09:16,002 --> 00:09:18,000 The idea that people get together and friends 203 00:09:18,002 --> 00:09:19,018 get together and say wonderful things 204 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:23,001 should be done to a person who can hear it. 205 00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:24,016 - I love that idea. - Yeah. 206 00:09:24,018 --> 00:09:26,013 And so it's just a different way 207 00:09:26,015 --> 00:09:27,015 of thinking about it. 208 00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:30,019 I can't stand that all this praise is going 209 00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:32,003 to somebody in a box. 210 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,022 You can't stand that the praise is going to somebody else. 211 00:09:36,002 --> 00:09:38,011 I will bet money this catches on. 212 00:09:38,013 --> 00:09:40,006 Okay! You're on! 213 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:45,005 Wait a second. So he was dead in the pool? 214 00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:47,000 Dead. Completely dead. 215 00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:48,016 How does the guy get in the pool? 216 00:09:48,018 --> 00:09:50,001 Don't you have a fence? 217 00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:52,008 - Mm-mm. That's city code. 218 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:54,002 That's right. It's actually a law. 219 00:09:54,004 --> 00:09:56,007 In Santa Monica, you have to have a fence. 220 00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:58,003 All right. Can we talk about something else? 221 00:09:58,005 --> 00:10:01,017 So-- Oh, everybody, uh, announcement to me. 222 00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:04,012 Mary and I are going on a trip to Asia. 223 00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:05,021 Really? Wow! 224 00:10:05,023 --> 00:10:08,002 That's great. - Yeah. In a few months. In a few months. 225 00:10:08,004 --> 00:10:10,009 We already got our seats picked out already 226 00:10:10,011 --> 00:10:11,010 - on the plane. - Yeah. 227 00:10:11,012 --> 00:10:12,023 Uh, reservations already made. 228 00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:15,015 - And where? China? - All over that motherfucker. 229 00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:16,019 - Everywhere. 230 00:10:16,021 --> 00:10:19,011 By the way, expensive trip, no? 231 00:10:19,013 --> 00:10:22,007 Fuck yeah, it was. Had to do a little GoFundMe. 232 00:10:22,009 --> 00:10:23,022 - What did you tell them? 233 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,003 - You must have had a sad story? - I said I'm taking my baby... 234 00:10:28,023 --> 00:10:31,009 - my baby to Asia. 235 00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,003 That was it? And people gave you money? 236 00:10:33,005 --> 00:10:35,005 - Fuck yeah. - I think it's brilliant. 237 00:10:35,007 --> 00:10:37,006 - I'm gonna try it. - Come on. 238 00:10:37,008 --> 00:10:40,003 Really. My baby has never seen a Ferrari. 239 00:10:40,005 --> 00:10:43,011 Please, if you wanna send us to Italy 240 00:10:43,013 --> 00:10:45,011 to pick it up from the factory... 241 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,017 Gosh. Look, I'm gonna go check on dinner, okay? 242 00:10:48,019 --> 00:10:50,005 I'll come and help you. 243 00:10:50,007 --> 00:10:52,016 Susie, I've been looking at your bracelet since I got here. 244 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,006 - Can I... - Isn't it stunning? 245 00:10:54,008 --> 00:10:55,015 Oh, it's incredible. 246 00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:58,013 I got this at Dennis Zweibel's jewelry store. 247 00:10:58,015 --> 00:11:00,015 Oh, my God. It looks like an antique. 248 00:11:00,017 --> 00:11:01,020 Dennis Zweibel? Yeah. 249 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,007 The guy owes me 6,000 dollars for six months. 250 00:11:04,009 --> 00:11:07,004 I asked him for the money. He got completely offended. 251 00:11:07,006 --> 00:11:08,022 You don't need to ask him for money. 252 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,004 I mean, how long do I have to wait? 253 00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:11,013 Six months, a year, ten years? 254 00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:12,022 When are you allowed to ask a person for their money back? 255 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,005 I don't know. Nine months? 256 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,016 I'm not the bad guy here. I didn't do anything wrong. 257 00:11:16,018 --> 00:11:19,001 I loaned him the money! Maybe you're not the bad guy, 258 00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:20,018 but you need to learn some compassion. 259 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,014 - Oh, my God! 260 00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:24,007 Wow. Oh, jeez. 261 00:11:24,009 --> 00:11:26,013 What did you do? 262 00:11:26,015 --> 00:11:28,006 What did I do? You plopped down on the couch. 263 00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:30,000 - I didn't plop. - You plopped. 264 00:11:30,002 --> 00:11:32,005 You are so fucking skinny, your arms can't even hold 265 00:11:32,007 --> 00:11:33,023 - a fucking glass. - Oh, get out of here. "Skinny"! 266 00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,009 - Puny, puny, puny. - You plopped down. 267 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,001 You don't know how to sit on the couch. 268 00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,014 I didn't plop. - Did she plop? 269 00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:41,001 - Oh, like I'm gonna say. - Did she plop? 270 00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:42,018 I'm not taking sides on this. 271 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:45,005 - Oh, my God. What happened? The couch is ruined. 272 00:11:45,007 --> 00:11:47,008 - What in the world? - He was unsteady in his hand 273 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,007 - and it just... - She plopped down on the couch 274 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,001 - and it spilled. 275 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,003 - It's gonna stain. - You know what, we'll pay for it. 276 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,009 What? Excuse me. Excuse me. 277 00:11:55,011 --> 00:11:57,018 - No "we". You'll pay for it. - No, no. We will chip in. 278 00:11:57,020 --> 00:12:00,008 - I didn't do a fucking thing. - You're completely responsible 279 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,014 - for that stain! - Hey, I got a great idea. 280 00:12:02,016 --> 00:12:04,005 Why don't you two start a GoFundMe page? 281 00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:06,008 - Oh, fuck you, Albert. - Fuck me? 282 00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:08,011 - Yeah. - All right. I'm going with plop. 283 00:12:08,013 --> 00:12:10,020 Okay. Look. Everybody, look, there's dinner outside 284 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:12,014 on the patio, let's have a good time. 285 00:12:12,016 --> 00:12:13,019 Okay. - Okay? 286 00:12:14,006 --> 00:12:15,008 Sorry. 287 00:12:16,012 --> 00:12:17,018 She plopped. 288 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:20,017 That was very nice, Mary. - Oh, my God. Total plop. 289 00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:22,013 From beginning to end! Are you kidding me? 290 00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:24,018 - Oh, what the fuck, Larry? 291 00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:27,004 Oh, my God. 292 00:12:27,006 --> 00:12:29,007 Larry? Holy shit! 293 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,018 Is he all right? - You okay? 294 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:33,019 That's glass, Larry. - Fuck! 295 00:12:33,021 --> 00:12:35,015 Oh, my gosh. 296 00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:37,016 Shit, Larry. 297 00:12:37,018 --> 00:12:39,022 - Can you stand up on your own? - Yeah. I'm okay. 298 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,004 Okay. - Okay. 299 00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,020 - So this is glass. - Yeah. Yeah. 300 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,009 And there's an opening right here. 301 00:12:44,011 --> 00:12:46,007 - Okay. Just hold my hand. 302 00:12:46,009 --> 00:12:47,012 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. 303 00:12:47,014 --> 00:12:49,008 There's a step down. Step down. 304 00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:52,006 Two feeble things in a fucking row, the fucking wine, 305 00:12:52,008 --> 00:12:54,001 and now he walked into a fucking glass. 306 00:12:54,003 --> 00:12:55,006 He got one more left. 307 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,000 I'mma drop his ass off at a nursing home. 308 00:13:01,019 --> 00:13:03,000 All right. 309 00:13:03,012 --> 00:13:04,014 So, uh... 310 00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:07,001 Yes, I had a really nice night. 311 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,023 And, um, you know what, text me when you get home, okay? 312 00:13:10,001 --> 00:13:11,012 So I know you got home safe and everything. 313 00:13:11,014 --> 00:13:13,020 - Text you when I get home? - Get some rest, 314 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:16,013 and then we'll talk later, okay? 315 00:13:16,015 --> 00:13:17,022 What? Wait a second. 316 00:13:18,022 --> 00:13:20,008 I thought I would, uh... 317 00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:22,011 - Uh... - Yeah... yeah. 318 00:13:22,013 --> 00:13:24,023 - You know what, you've had a big night... - Go on, go ahead. 319 00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:27,016 ...and, you know, I just feel like it was... 320 00:13:28,011 --> 00:13:31,012 it was a lot for... for you. 321 00:13:31,014 --> 00:13:33,017 - No. It wasn't a lot. - No. You fell. 322 00:13:33,019 --> 00:13:36,003 - I mean, you hit your-- - Oh yeah, yeah. So what? I got a very-- 323 00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:37,020 - You hit your face. - I got a hard head, yeah. 324 00:13:37,022 --> 00:13:39,000 It's not a big deal. 325 00:13:39,002 --> 00:13:41,021 Just go home. Take a bath. Relax. Put your feet up. 326 00:13:41,023 --> 00:13:43,012 Do you have a hot blanket you can turn on? 327 00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,016 - Yeah. - Put that on, 328 00:13:44,018 --> 00:13:47,020 - and then just, like, get cozy. - Can I knit as well? 329 00:13:48,023 --> 00:13:50,010 All right. I'm gonna go. 330 00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:51,018 - Goodnight. Okay. - Okay. 331 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,017 Okay. 332 00:14:09,011 --> 00:14:10,011 Whoo! 333 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,019 What's going on in there? 334 00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,013 The fuck you think going on there? 335 00:14:15,012 --> 00:14:16,015 That's where you're going? 336 00:14:16,017 --> 00:14:17,023 This is the bathroom I use 337 00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:20,005 to drop the kids off at the pool. 338 00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:21,015 Why don't you use your own pool? 339 00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:23,009 I can't drop kids off at the pool 340 00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:24,015 in that little-ass bathroom. 341 00:14:24,017 --> 00:14:26,017 Now if you don't want me to use this fucking bathroom 342 00:14:26,019 --> 00:14:28,005 all the time, I'll move around. 343 00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:30,005 We got plenty of pools in this big-ass house. 344 00:14:30,007 --> 00:14:33,023 You can use any of the pools on that side of the house, okay? 345 00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:35,022 Any of the pools down here. 346 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:40,009 There's one pool, though, that's completely off limits. 347 00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:41,015 - Okay? - Mm. 348 00:14:41,017 --> 00:14:43,015 - And that pools where? - And that pool is up there. 349 00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:45,023 The resort pool is not available to me? 350 00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:47,019 It's not available to you ever. 351 00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:49,005 How about when you're not there? 352 00:14:49,007 --> 00:14:51,007 No. Never. Never. 353 00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:52,006 - Never? - Never. 354 00:14:52,008 --> 00:14:53,006 - I feel you, though. - Okay. 355 00:14:53,008 --> 00:14:54,009 Keep your pool to your fucking self. 356 00:14:54,011 --> 00:14:55,009 - Absolutely. - Okay. 357 00:14:55,011 --> 00:14:57,013 - Oh, that's Albert. 358 00:15:00,002 --> 00:15:01,007 - Albert! - Hey. 359 00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:02,018 - AB! 360 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:05,001 - Hey, Leon. Hey, hey. What's up, AB? 361 00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:07,002 Thanks for inviting us. That was fun. 362 00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:08,014 Fuck yeah. Took care of your ass, didn't I? 363 00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:10,002 Great time. - Huh? 364 00:15:10,004 --> 00:15:12,002 Listen, I just stopped by to pick up a photo 365 00:15:12,004 --> 00:15:14,016 of you, me, and Marty Short taken at Lincoln Center 366 00:15:14,018 --> 00:15:17,002 that I want for the memorial. Can I borrow it? 367 00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:19,010 - Sure. - That's all. 368 00:15:19,012 --> 00:15:21,020 - Yeah. Yeah. It's in there. - Thank you. 369 00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:25,005 - This memorial! 370 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,000 Yeah, that's it. I love this. 371 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:32,000 Hey, uh, what's the dress code for... the event? 372 00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:35,015 Like any funeral, the dress code is a dark suit. 373 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,020 Can I bring Mary? 374 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:41,000 Yeah. Is she a fan? Has she seen any of my movies? 375 00:15:41,002 --> 00:15:42,004 To be honest, AB, 376 00:15:42,006 --> 00:15:43,020 I haven't even seen any of your fucking movies. 377 00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,017 Okay. Well, there's two on Netflix 378 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,018 if you wanna watch them before you come. 379 00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,023 By the way, what about you? Are you all right? 380 00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:52,003 - How's your head? - I'm good. 381 00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:54,017 - Did you get an MRI? - Why? Why do you say that? 382 00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:57,004 - You know what a brain bleed is? - I don't care. 383 00:15:57,006 --> 00:15:58,019 - You don't care? Yeah. I don't care. 384 00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:59,018 Drop dead. 385 00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,020 Hey, then we could have a real funeral! 386 00:16:01,022 --> 00:16:03,011 - A real one, okay? - Okay. 387 00:16:03,013 --> 00:16:06,013 And people will say all these wonderful things about me. 388 00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:08,022 Yes! Let's keep our fingers crossed. 389 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,009 All right. - Maybe I'll die 390 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,010 and it'll be a real one. 391 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,022 And then you'll see the difference. 392 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,002 You're through? 393 00:16:14,023 --> 00:16:16,014 - Yeah. I guess. Okay. 394 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,007 - How's Lucy Liu? Not good. 395 00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:22,012 Something's off. Something is very off. 396 00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,021 - Yeah. I'm telling you, 397 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:26,012 she doesn't look at me as a sexual being anymore. 398 00:16:26,014 --> 00:16:29,001 Yes, because you walked into a door. 399 00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:31,012 Big deal. She could've walked into a glass door. 400 00:16:31,014 --> 00:16:33,001 Well, she didn't, and you did. 401 00:16:33,003 --> 00:16:34,015 And that's what the Three Stooges did, 402 00:16:34,017 --> 00:16:36,018 and they didn't get laid either, so... 403 00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:37,023 You're right, man. 404 00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:39,013 That little fat motherfucker, who run on the floor, 405 00:16:39,015 --> 00:16:41,004 like in circles, going... 406 00:16:41,006 --> 00:16:43,001 He never got laid. - That motherfucker never got no ass. 407 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:47,006 - I guarantee you. - Once they see you in that way, 408 00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:48,017 like a cripple... 409 00:16:48,019 --> 00:16:51,006 - Mm. -...there's no sex anymore. 410 00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,015 You know, it throws them off. 411 00:16:52,017 --> 00:16:54,007 Well, I mean, you don't know what to do. 412 00:16:54,009 --> 00:16:55,008 Do you take care of them? 413 00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,020 I thought they liked taking care of you. 414 00:16:56,022 --> 00:16:58,017 - Women love taking care of men. - That's not true 415 00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,015 No, I disagree. 416 00:17:00,017 --> 00:17:03,010 There's a Munchausen thing that they have 417 00:17:03,012 --> 00:17:06,013 where they want you sick in bed and you can't do anything with anybody. 418 00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:08,013 They don't want you to have fun with anybody else. 419 00:17:08,015 --> 00:17:10,013 And this is it. And now you're trapped in the bed. 420 00:17:10,015 --> 00:17:13,003 - They love that. - That's your concept of women? 421 00:17:13,005 --> 00:17:14,011 - Yes. Okay. 422 00:17:14,013 --> 00:17:15,013 - Yeah. - Well... 423 00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:18,006 A normal woman doesn't wanna take care of you. 424 00:17:18,008 --> 00:17:21,015 She wants to feel you can... You know. 425 00:17:21,017 --> 00:17:24,015 Hey, a lady wants you to tap that ass, know what I mean? 426 00:17:24,017 --> 00:17:27,007 I'll tap. I can tap. Give me a chance to tap. 427 00:17:27,009 --> 00:17:31,008 You tapped the door. You're never gonna tap her. 428 00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,012 Okay. Get out. Get out. 429 00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:36,019 Please come. Don't worry about the movies. 430 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:38,017 Although, if you wanna see Concussion, 431 00:17:38,019 --> 00:17:41,019 - that one is on Amazon Prime. He's a doctor, yeah. He's-- he's a doctor, yeah. 432 00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:44,003 Okay. Coolio. Yeah, Concussion. 433 00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:47,018 You got a delivery or something. 434 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,022 Oh, yeah. 435 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,000 Hey, wear a tie. 436 00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:53,022 Okay. 437 00:17:57,020 --> 00:17:58,021 What's this? 438 00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:00,020 Uh... 439 00:18:01,019 --> 00:18:02,019 Shit. 440 00:18:02,021 --> 00:18:06,012 Santa Monica Municipal Code, fencing regulations. 441 00:18:06,014 --> 00:18:09,000 "Every swimming pool shall completely surround 442 00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:12,000 such body of water or property with a fence 443 00:18:12,002 --> 00:18:15,023 five feet above the adjacent grade at all places." 444 00:18:16,016 --> 00:18:17,018 "Let's talk." 445 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,012 Holy shit. 446 00:18:20,014 --> 00:18:21,021 Yeah. I know what the fuck that is. 447 00:18:21,023 --> 00:18:24,020 Someone's trying to come up. Someone's trying to get paid. 448 00:18:26,010 --> 00:18:27,010 It's extortion. 449 00:18:49,019 --> 00:18:50,023 Larry David. 450 00:18:51,015 --> 00:18:53,007 At your service. 451 00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:56,006 I'm Marcos. This is my taqueria. You want a taco? 452 00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:57,017 Uh-- 453 00:18:57,019 --> 00:18:59,009 Anyways, let's get down to business. 454 00:18:59,011 --> 00:19:01,013 Yes. Let's. 455 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,021 Ah, you just seem like a nice guy. 456 00:19:03,023 --> 00:19:06,021 I'm a living doll, as my mother would say. 457 00:19:06,023 --> 00:19:10,018 My brother was a nice guy too. But now he's dead. 458 00:19:11,022 --> 00:19:13,008 Yeah, sorry. 459 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:18,006 It's not your fault that he drowned in your pool. 460 00:19:18,008 --> 00:19:20,002 I mean, I know it. You know that. 461 00:19:21,014 --> 00:19:23,012 But do the courts know that? 462 00:19:23,014 --> 00:19:26,010 Then I started thinking about all the fees and litigation 463 00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:29,022 and attorneys and possible jail time. 464 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,020 That's a lot to handle. 465 00:19:31,022 --> 00:19:35,007 But, you know, you lucked out. You scored a friend. 466 00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:36,014 - Lucky me. - Yeah. 467 00:19:36,016 --> 00:19:40,014 But looking down that tunnel, it's like nothing but money 468 00:19:40,016 --> 00:19:42,015 emptying out of your pockets. 469 00:19:43,022 --> 00:19:44,022 Unless... 470 00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:47,018 Unless what? 471 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,012 - My daughter. - Ah. 472 00:19:49,014 --> 00:19:51,005 - She wants to be an actress. - Oh, does she? 473 00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:54,021 She's great. Maria Sofia! There she is. Hi, baby. 474 00:19:54,023 --> 00:19:57,017 She'd be perfect for your new show. 475 00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:59,017 What? Her? 476 00:19:59,019 --> 00:20:04,010 "Larry David pilot in dev at Netflix." 477 00:20:04,012 --> 00:20:05,013 - Right? Look. 478 00:20:05,015 --> 00:20:07,007 There's nothing for her in the show. 479 00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:09,004 There's no... there's no part for her. 480 00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,022 "Casting the role of Marsha Lifshitz." 481 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,011 That's a Jewish girl from Brooklyn 482 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,007 who's an aspiring ballerina. 483 00:20:16,009 --> 00:20:18,008 - Maria. Maria Sofia. Come here. What? 484 00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:20,012 You gotta meet her. 485 00:20:21,004 --> 00:20:22,006 - Hi, baby. - Hey. 486 00:20:22,008 --> 00:20:23,023 This is Larry David. 487 00:20:24,001 --> 00:20:25,021 - How are you doing? - How you doing? 488 00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:27,015 Tell him about your high school plays. 489 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:30,003 Dad. Yeah, well, I played Juliet in high school. 490 00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:31,021 I mean, it was amazing. You should have seen it. 491 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:33,007 Oh, sorry I missed it. 492 00:20:33,009 --> 00:20:35,016 - And she also dances. - Yeah. 493 00:20:35,018 --> 00:20:37,003 - Show him how you dance, baby. Oh, okay. 494 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,023 No, no, no. You don't need to show me how you dance. 495 00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:40,010 Okay go. One, two, three. 496 00:20:45,016 --> 00:20:47,002 Re-re-rewind. 497 00:20:48,016 --> 00:20:50,013 That's very good. Very good. Bravo. Yes. 498 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:52,014 - Excellent. Good job. Very good. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 499 00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:54,008 That's not the whole thing. There's a flip at the end. 500 00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:55,013 Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. 501 00:20:55,015 --> 00:20:57,020 Okay. Go ahead to the table. I'm gonna talk to Larry. 502 00:20:59,011 --> 00:21:02,019 - Uh, talented girl, for sure. - Thank you. 503 00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:06,016 Thing is, even if she's the best actress in the world, 504 00:21:06,018 --> 00:21:08,005 which she very well could be, 505 00:21:08,007 --> 00:21:10,000 but just not right for this part. 506 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,022 But I know Marsha Lifshitz is that girl right there 507 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,017 eating those leftover tacos. 508 00:21:14,019 --> 00:21:16,009 Look, we'll find her something else. 509 00:21:16,011 --> 00:21:17,023 I'll send her picture and resume 510 00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:20,013 to a bunch of agents I know, we can get her started. 511 00:21:20,015 --> 00:21:23,019 That'd be so great. 512 00:21:23,021 --> 00:21:26,002 I just don't know if you have all the time in the world, 513 00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:29,019 you know, with the lawsuits and possible jail time coming. 514 00:21:32,003 --> 00:21:33,008 What do we do? 515 00:21:35,011 --> 00:21:37,011 Well, okay, she can, you know... 516 00:21:38,010 --> 00:21:40,015 - She can audition. - Hmm. 517 00:21:40,017 --> 00:21:43,005 - I'll give her an audition. - I got you. 518 00:21:43,007 --> 00:21:47,011 We'll take that audition. And then see you on set. 519 00:21:49,019 --> 00:21:53,010 Suppose I cast her and then, you know, the show gets cancelled? 520 00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:55,001 Shows get cancelled all the time. 521 00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:58,000 As long as you cast her, we're good. 522 00:22:03,005 --> 00:22:06,004 It's extortion, Jeff! Total extortion. 523 00:22:06,006 --> 00:22:08,005 What-- what are you gonna do? This is crazy. 524 00:22:08,007 --> 00:22:10,023 I mean, you know, he could sue me for everything. 525 00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:12,020 And he could bring criminal charges. 526 00:22:12,022 --> 00:22:14,020 So is his daughter gonna audition? 527 00:22:14,022 --> 00:22:16,001 "Audition"! 528 00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:18,002 We'll go through a charade of an audition, 529 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,018 but it's not an audition really. 530 00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:24,018 -She's got the part. This is a nightmare. 531 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,001 - Oh. Hey, Dennis. - Hi, Larry. 532 00:22:31,003 --> 00:22:32,014 What are you doing? You going out? 533 00:22:32,016 --> 00:22:34,023 - Yeah. You? - I just quit. 534 00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:36,020 Oh. Not for good, I hope. 535 00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:38,006 - Uh, maybe. 536 00:22:38,008 --> 00:22:40,002 - So sick of it, you know. - Yeah. 537 00:22:40,004 --> 00:22:43,023 Hey, so the last time I saw you, you said, 538 00:22:44,001 --> 00:22:46,002 the next time you see me at the club, 539 00:22:46,004 --> 00:22:47,014 - which is now... - Uh-huh. 540 00:22:47,016 --> 00:22:51,019 ...to remind you about the 6,000 dollars you owe me 541 00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:55,001 and that you would, uh, have a check and pay me. 542 00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:56,011 That's close, Larry. 543 00:22:56,013 --> 00:22:58,012 Uh, you saw me and you reminded me 544 00:22:58,014 --> 00:23:02,000 of the 6,000 dollars, and I pulled out my checkbook, 545 00:23:02,002 --> 00:23:05,000 and I wrote you a check for 6,000 dollars. 546 00:23:05,002 --> 00:23:06,007 - What? - Yeah. 547 00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:08,003 - I paid you at the farm shop. - No. No, you didn't. 548 00:23:08,005 --> 00:23:09,003 Of course I did. 549 00:23:09,005 --> 00:23:10,016 Dennis, you didn't pay me at the farm shop. 550 00:23:10,018 --> 00:23:13,010 I paid you. I wrote a check to you for 6,000 dollars. 551 00:23:13,012 --> 00:23:15,002 No, you did not. You didn't. 552 00:23:15,004 --> 00:23:17,014 I would remember that, okay, if you paid me. 553 00:23:17,016 --> 00:23:18,021 I remember what you wore. 554 00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:20,023 You wore a green sweater, tan pants, 555 00:23:21,001 --> 00:23:22,010 a blue and white checkered shirt. 556 00:23:22,012 --> 00:23:24,022 You had an almond decaf latte and a bran muffin. 557 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,018 Now if I know all that, don't you think 558 00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:28,006 I would know if you paid me? 559 00:23:28,008 --> 00:23:30,017 - Why would I lie about that? - I'll tell you what else. 560 00:23:30,019 --> 00:23:32,014 I complimented you on that shirt. 561 00:23:32,016 --> 00:23:34,018 - You didn't compliment me. - I most certainly did. 562 00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:36,009 You've never complimented me in your life. 563 00:23:36,011 --> 00:23:37,021 There's never anything to compliment you about. 564 00:23:37,023 --> 00:23:39,017 Ask around and see if anyone else remembers 565 00:23:39,019 --> 00:23:41,002 being complimented by you. 566 00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:42,017 I compliment people's outfits all the time. 567 00:23:42,019 --> 00:23:45,004 - You're a bad guy, Larry. - I'm not the bad guy! 568 00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:46,014 - You are the bad guy! - You're the bad guy! 569 00:23:46,016 --> 00:23:48,016 - No. I pay my debts! - It's true. You didn't pay anything! 570 00:23:48,018 --> 00:23:50,004 - I pay my debts! Larry, Larry, 571 00:23:50,006 --> 00:23:51,019 - leave the guy alone. Come on, man. 572 00:23:51,021 --> 00:23:53,016 - What are you doing, man? What? 573 00:23:53,018 --> 00:23:55,005 What are you, hassling him for money? 574 00:23:55,007 --> 00:23:56,012 - He's got dementia. - So what? 575 00:23:56,014 --> 00:23:58,011 Dementia's not a license to steal, is it? 576 00:23:58,013 --> 00:24:00,003 Well, how do we know you didn't forget? 577 00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:01,011 What are you talking about? 578 00:24:01,013 --> 00:24:04,017 We heard that you ran into a sliding glass door recently. 579 00:24:04,019 --> 00:24:06,021 Yeah. I walked into the door. I didn't see the door. 580 00:24:06,023 --> 00:24:08,017 How could I? It looks like air. 581 00:24:08,019 --> 00:24:11,012 Everybody's done it. Hey, let me ask you a question. 582 00:24:11,014 --> 00:24:14,002 Have I ever complimented you two guys on anything? 583 00:24:15,001 --> 00:24:16,007 - No. 584 00:24:16,009 --> 00:24:18,019 I didn't tell you I liked your new PING driver? 585 00:24:18,021 --> 00:24:19,022 No, you didn't. 586 00:24:20,018 --> 00:24:23,002 Oh. Must've been somebody else. 587 00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:28,006 Maybe this Maria Sofia will be okay. 588 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:31,013 Maybe she won't be as bad as we think. Who knows? 589 00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:33,001 I know. 590 00:24:33,003 --> 00:24:34,021 But it's acting. It's not so hard. 591 00:24:34,023 --> 00:24:37,008 I think anybody can do it. What's the big deal? 592 00:24:37,010 --> 00:24:40,020 What do you do? You say the words, you make a face. 593 00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:42,021 There's-- there's nothing to it. 594 00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:47,014 We're fucked. It's a big bowl of fucks. 595 00:24:47,016 --> 00:24:49,022 - Where's Lucy? - Oh, she's gonna meet us there. 596 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,007 - What's the matter with you? - What are you talking about? 597 00:24:52,009 --> 00:24:56,005 What are you, harassing poor Dennis Zweibel? 598 00:24:56,007 --> 00:24:57,023 You think I don't hear about these things? 599 00:24:58,001 --> 00:24:59,012 - Oh, please. - He's impaired. 600 00:24:59,014 --> 00:25:01,021 I waited six months to ask him for that money. 601 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,002 Six months. I should've asked after a month, 602 00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:05,010 but I was being really nice. 603 00:25:05,012 --> 00:25:08,001 This keeps catching on the chiffon. 604 00:25:08,003 --> 00:25:09,022 It's ruining my whole outfit. 605 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,006 You know what? You're petty. You're just petty. 606 00:25:12,008 --> 00:25:13,013 You think I'm petty? Yeah. 607 00:25:13,015 --> 00:25:17,020 Huh? Can I tell you a real example of petty? 608 00:25:17,022 --> 00:25:21,006 You plopped down on that couch, spilled the wine on it, 609 00:25:21,008 --> 00:25:22,022 I got charged for the cleaning, 610 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,011 and you didn't even offer to chip in. 611 00:25:25,013 --> 00:25:27,001 Because I didn't plop. 612 00:25:27,003 --> 00:25:29,022 Oh, no. You plopped. You're a plopper. 613 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,019 - You've always been a plopper. - Jeff, did I plop? 614 00:25:32,021 --> 00:25:34,006 - Don't ask me. Yeah, you plopped. 615 00:25:34,008 --> 00:25:36,021 Here's what you did. You went like this. You went like this. 616 00:25:46,022 --> 00:25:50,014 Oh, my God. I didn't ask for a reenactment. 617 00:25:51,019 --> 00:25:55,010 Ah! Ah! Stone missing. Stone missing. 618 00:25:55,012 --> 00:25:57,018 How are we gonna find it? It's tiny. 619 00:25:57,020 --> 00:26:00,003 - Do you see it, huh? - I'm looking. 620 00:26:00,005 --> 00:26:01,020 Jesus Christ, Larry. 621 00:26:01,022 --> 00:26:04,021 They ricochet all over the fucking place. 622 00:26:04,023 --> 00:26:06,016 Move your foot. You know what, Larry... 623 00:26:06,018 --> 00:26:07,023 - You see it? - No. 624 00:26:08,001 --> 00:26:09,022 All right. You know what, Larry? Forget it. Just get out. 625 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,007 I don't wanna drive you to the funeral. 626 00:26:11,009 --> 00:26:12,014 - What? - Just drive yourself. 627 00:26:12,016 --> 00:26:14,011 I don't wanna look at your face in the rearview mirror. 628 00:26:14,013 --> 00:26:15,017 Just get the fuck out. 629 00:26:15,019 --> 00:26:17,004 - What? - Out! 630 00:26:17,006 --> 00:26:19,021 Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll drive myself. 631 00:26:19,023 --> 00:26:21,022 Who the fuck wants to go with you anyway? 632 00:26:23,006 --> 00:26:24,017 And let me tell you something, okay? 633 00:26:24,019 --> 00:26:29,000 I am not a bad guy. Not a bad guy. 634 00:26:29,002 --> 00:26:32,019 A good guy. A very good guy. 635 00:26:57,022 --> 00:26:59,000 Hey. 636 00:27:00,005 --> 00:27:01,005 How you doing? 637 00:27:02,009 --> 00:27:03,013 Why so sad? 638 00:27:03,015 --> 00:27:05,001 Why so sad? It's-- 639 00:27:05,023 --> 00:27:07,023 I mean, too soon. 640 00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:10,008 He's upstairs. What's this thing? 641 00:27:11,022 --> 00:27:13,003 The shiva-- The Shavuot. 642 00:27:13,005 --> 00:27:14,021 The rending of the clothes. This is-- 643 00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:17,013 Oh, you're really going Jew-ey here, aren't you? 644 00:27:17,015 --> 00:27:20,020 Oh, that reminds me. Uh, I wrote a few things down. 645 00:27:20,022 --> 00:27:23,015 Is bashert a word that I could use? 646 00:27:23,017 --> 00:27:25,004 What's the context? 647 00:27:25,006 --> 00:27:29,004 "I'm feeling bashert at the loss of our friend, Albert." 648 00:27:29,006 --> 00:27:31,010 No. Bashert, it means "fate." 649 00:27:31,012 --> 00:27:34,012 I think you wanna say, "I'm feeling a lot of tsuris." 650 00:27:34,014 --> 00:27:35,021 Tsuris? How do you spell that? 651 00:27:35,023 --> 00:27:37,018 T-S-U-R-I-S. 652 00:27:38,017 --> 00:27:40,000 -Tsuris? - Yeah. 653 00:27:40,002 --> 00:27:43,006 Hey, whatever happened to the movie where you were playing me? 654 00:27:43,008 --> 00:27:45,000 - Oh, God. - The character was based on me. 655 00:27:45,002 --> 00:27:46,011 You would... 656 00:27:47,006 --> 00:27:48,009 Yeah, it went away. 657 00:27:48,011 --> 00:27:51,002 They tested it and the audiences didn't really respond 658 00:27:51,004 --> 00:27:52,023 - to the main character. - Really? 659 00:27:53,001 --> 00:27:54,014 They fill out cards with the feedback. 660 00:27:54,016 --> 00:27:57,009 The word that kept reappearing was "repugnant." 661 00:27:57,020 --> 00:27:58,018 Repugnant? 662 00:27:58,020 --> 00:28:01,000 There wasn't much they could do to fix it. 663 00:28:01,002 --> 00:28:02,003 I mean, I thought it was-- 664 00:28:02,005 --> 00:28:04,010 It's possible it was a performance thing. 665 00:28:04,012 --> 00:28:05,023 It's interesting, 'cause they were very specific. 666 00:28:06,001 --> 00:28:09,022 They loved the performance. They hated the character. 667 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000 Was it a hatchet job on me? What was it? 668 00:28:13,002 --> 00:28:14,021 I think it was pretty true to life. 669 00:28:14,023 --> 00:28:16,022 - Hey, you know what? - Yeah. 670 00:28:17,013 --> 00:28:18,014 It's bashert. 671 00:28:20,003 --> 00:28:21,009 - See, I pick it up. - Yeah. 672 00:28:21,011 --> 00:28:23,014 I pick it up. Tsuris. I'm gonna do tsuris. 673 00:28:23,016 --> 00:28:25,013 Speaking of, um, when am I going up? Uh-- 674 00:28:25,015 --> 00:28:27,016 - Yeah. You're after me. - All right. 675 00:28:30,011 --> 00:28:32,017 Look, there's Larry! Oh, he looks nice. 676 00:28:32,019 --> 00:28:34,003 He wore a tie. 677 00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:35,019 It's a good crowd. Everybody came. 678 00:28:35,021 --> 00:28:36,023 Oh, my God. 679 00:28:37,001 --> 00:28:39,013 I never thought I would live to see this day. 680 00:28:42,006 --> 00:28:43,013 Larry. Oh, hey. 681 00:28:43,015 --> 00:28:45,013 Hey. I got you a glass of water. 682 00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:47,005 Oh, water? 683 00:28:47,007 --> 00:28:50,000 Yeah. Just to make sure you're not impaired 684 00:28:50,002 --> 00:28:52,003 - when you're up on the podium. - Mm-hmm. 685 00:28:52,005 --> 00:28:55,004 Okay. Something's going on here with you. 686 00:28:55,006 --> 00:28:57,010 Since I walked into the glass door, 687 00:28:57,012 --> 00:29:00,015 you're treating me like I'm a-- like an invalid. 688 00:29:00,017 --> 00:29:03,006 Things changed when that happened. 689 00:29:03,008 --> 00:29:04,014 - Oh, did they? - Yeah. 690 00:29:04,016 --> 00:29:06,017 I don't see you in a sexual way anymore, so... 691 00:29:06,019 --> 00:29:08,022 Hey, I'm as virile as I was three days ago. 692 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,015 And I was plenty virile then. And I'm plenty virile now. 693 00:29:12,017 --> 00:29:14,021 And I can prove it to you. Let's go upstairs. 694 00:29:14,023 --> 00:29:17,000 Come on. I'll prove it to you. You wanna test it? 695 00:29:17,002 --> 00:29:18,012 - You wanna test it? - No. I don't wanna test it. 696 00:29:18,014 --> 00:29:21,000 Test me. Test me. Come on. I dare you. 697 00:29:21,002 --> 00:29:22,015 - Take care. Test me! 698 00:29:22,017 --> 00:29:24,000 Watch out for glass. 699 00:29:24,002 --> 00:29:27,003 Hey, one day, you're gonna run into glass. It's unavoidable! 700 00:29:27,005 --> 00:29:29,002 I think we should go. 701 00:29:29,004 --> 00:29:32,022 Larry, let's go. Thanks for the tie. 702 00:29:34,020 --> 00:29:37,012 Okay. Hey, everybody. Let's get started. 703 00:29:42,004 --> 00:29:45,003 Welcome, everyone. Thank you for coming. 704 00:29:45,005 --> 00:29:48,019 It saddens me personally to be here today. 705 00:29:48,021 --> 00:29:51,016 Mainly because my dear friend, Albert Brooks, 706 00:29:51,018 --> 00:29:53,006 is very much alive. 707 00:29:54,014 --> 00:29:56,012 Oh, don't do that. 708 00:29:56,014 --> 00:29:59,005 It would've given Albert tremendous satisfaction 709 00:29:59,007 --> 00:30:01,008 to see all these people gathered here 710 00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:04,003 to pay their last respects to a man 711 00:30:04,005 --> 00:30:06,009 they will see again in less than an hour. 712 00:30:06,011 --> 00:30:08,016 - Come on, man. 713 00:30:08,018 --> 00:30:12,019 I'm very sorry that Albert is faux dead. 714 00:30:12,021 --> 00:30:14,014 Get the next person, please. 715 00:30:14,016 --> 00:30:17,006 'Cause I was going to leave him some faux money. 716 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:24,007 And know this, nobody loved Christ more than Albert. 717 00:30:26,002 --> 00:30:27,017 Big Jesus guy. Big. 718 00:30:27,019 --> 00:30:30,004 Is that true? Have you accepted Christ into your heart? 719 00:30:30,006 --> 00:30:31,006 Are you crazy? 720 00:30:31,008 --> 00:30:34,000 Albert is the one who inspired me 721 00:30:34,002 --> 00:30:36,008 to become a stand-up comedian. 722 00:30:36,010 --> 00:30:37,022 And that, more than anything, 723 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,022 makes me wish he was really dead. 724 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,017 - I hate him. 725 00:30:42,019 --> 00:30:46,022 And now I'd like to bring up another friend of Albert's 726 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,018 who was also coerced into doing this, Mr. John Hamm. 727 00:30:52,014 --> 00:30:53,016 - Ah. Okay. - I'm so excited. 728 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:55,005 I can't believe you know Jon Hamm. 729 00:30:56,005 --> 00:30:57,008 I... 730 00:30:58,007 --> 00:31:02,006 So much tsuris. 731 00:31:04,022 --> 00:31:06,016 They say laughter is the best medicine. 732 00:31:06,018 --> 00:31:08,023 And if that is the case, then... 733 00:31:10,003 --> 00:31:13,005 Albert overmedicated us all. 734 00:31:13,007 --> 00:31:14,021 - That's sweet. - He's funny. 735 00:31:14,023 --> 00:31:16,019 - I know. -I'm sure many of you 736 00:31:16,021 --> 00:31:18,017 will stand up here and praise the genius 737 00:31:18,019 --> 00:31:21,016 of this inward-gazing comedy savant. 738 00:31:21,018 --> 00:31:23,001 And you'd be right to. 739 00:31:23,003 --> 00:31:28,005 He was my absolute, hands-down, favorite comedian of all time. 740 00:31:28,007 --> 00:31:33,003 And now he's been taken from us far too soon. 741 00:31:33,005 --> 00:31:35,005 Albert was one of the great American filmmakers 742 00:31:35,007 --> 00:31:38,018 of his or of any generation. And... 743 00:31:38,020 --> 00:31:40,022 - Where are you going? - Bathroom. 744 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,006 - I'm after you. Okay. 745 00:31:42,008 --> 00:31:43,016 Don't let anybody else go in. 746 00:31:43,018 --> 00:31:46,011 That was the movie I always wanted to make 747 00:31:46,013 --> 00:31:47,014 about jealousy. 748 00:31:47,016 --> 00:31:49,019 That is how much his art resonated with audiences. 749 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,019 Before I got a chance to know him as a friend, 750 00:31:52,021 --> 00:31:53,023 I was just a fan. 751 00:31:54,001 --> 00:31:56,005 I wish I had one more chance just to tell him 752 00:31:56,007 --> 00:31:59,001 how much Lost in America resonated with me. 753 00:32:00,021 --> 00:32:01,023 Oh, my God. 754 00:32:04,001 --> 00:32:06,016 He's a COVID hoarder. 755 00:32:07,014 --> 00:32:09,016 Albert Brooks is a COVID hoarder. 756 00:32:09,018 --> 00:32:12,000 - He's a fucking COVID hoarder. 757 00:32:12,002 --> 00:32:14,019 - Albert's a COVID hoarder. - Are you kidding me? 758 00:32:14,021 --> 00:32:16,018 Look at this, Jon Hamm! What the fuck? 759 00:32:16,020 --> 00:32:18,008 What are you doing in the closet? 760 00:32:18,010 --> 00:32:19,019 What's going on here? 761 00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:21,004 Look at all that toilet paper. 762 00:32:21,006 --> 00:32:22,007 And Purell! 763 00:32:22,009 --> 00:32:24,018 First responders could have used all of that stuff. 764 00:32:24,020 --> 00:32:26,010 Why are people in that closet? 765 00:32:26,012 --> 00:32:28,015 Wait a minute. Are you really a COVID hoarder? 766 00:32:28,017 --> 00:32:29,017 Hey, hey! 767 00:32:29,019 --> 00:32:31,004 This is unacceptable. 768 00:32:31,006 --> 00:32:32,015 What's going on in here? 769 00:32:32,017 --> 00:32:34,003 The fuck is wrong with you? 770 00:32:34,005 --> 00:32:35,023 You're sitting over there with a closet 771 00:32:36,001 --> 00:32:37,012 full of fucking toilet paper? 772 00:32:37,014 --> 00:32:38,016 Jesus Christ! 773 00:32:38,018 --> 00:32:40,010 Unbelievable. - Have you no shame, Albert? 774 00:32:40,012 --> 00:32:43,004 - Have you no shame? -Shanda! A shanda! 775 00:32:43,006 --> 00:32:46,017 I just moved in here. This used to be a CVS. 776 00:32:46,019 --> 00:32:48,023 You know what? I hope you really die. 777 00:32:49,001 --> 00:32:52,005 Jon, this was beautiful! Come back! 778 00:32:52,007 --> 00:32:53,022 Come on, Jeff. We're out of here. 779 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,010 This is a mistake! 780 00:32:55,012 --> 00:32:57,007 You disgust me. 781 00:32:57,009 --> 00:32:59,001 Shame on you, Albert Brooks. 782 00:33:00,015 --> 00:33:03,005 Come back. I've got flu shots. 783 00:33:07,022 --> 00:33:09,020 Maybe we'll try again next year. 784 00:33:10,015 --> 00:33:12,000 Yeah. 785 00:33:14,006 --> 00:33:16,017 - Fucking Albert! - I know, right? 786 00:33:16,019 --> 00:33:18,003 - Let's get out of here. - Yeah. 787 00:33:18,005 --> 00:33:19,020 Oh, hey, babe, I left my coat outside. 788 00:33:19,022 --> 00:33:21,007 Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. 789 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,010 The fuck? 790 00:33:25,012 --> 00:33:27,013 - Oh, shit. 791 00:33:35,008 --> 00:33:36,018 I'm done with her, man. 792 00:33:36,020 --> 00:33:38,016 Once you do that shit, you can't go back. 793 00:33:38,018 --> 00:33:39,018 You can't unsee that shit. 794 00:33:39,020 --> 00:33:41,021 You can't think of the person any other way. 795 00:33:41,023 --> 00:33:44,001 I'm sure Lucy Liu felt the same way. 796 00:33:44,003 --> 00:33:46,003 Even in the fucking animal world, 797 00:33:46,005 --> 00:33:48,011 when pigeons fly into a motherfucking glass, 798 00:33:48,013 --> 00:33:50,009 motherfucking office buildings and shit, 799 00:33:50,011 --> 00:33:52,020 they ostracized from the other pigeons and shit. 800 00:33:52,022 --> 00:33:55,002 You see a whole school of these motherfuckers, 801 00:33:55,004 --> 00:33:57,001 whether pigeons or geese or whatever. 802 00:33:57,003 --> 00:33:59,005 They fucking flying, and there's one motherfucker back there. 803 00:33:59,007 --> 00:34:00,021 You know why? Because that goofy motherfucker ran 804 00:34:00,023 --> 00:34:02,009 into a goddamn building last week, 805 00:34:02,011 --> 00:34:03,020 and they don't fuck with him no more. 806 00:34:03,022 --> 00:34:04,022 Huh. 807 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,005 That's why Mary Ferguson had to go. 808 00:34:07,007 --> 00:34:09,014 Well, what are you gonna do? You paid for the plane ticket. 809 00:34:09,016 --> 00:34:11,013 It's got Mary Ferguson's name on it. 810 00:34:11,015 --> 00:34:13,016 It's nonrefundable. What are you gonna do, eat it? 811 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:17,011 No. I'm gonna find me another Mary Ferguson. 812 00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:18,018 What are you talking about? 813 00:34:18,020 --> 00:34:20,015 I'mma put an ad out. I'm gonna get them all here. 814 00:34:20,017 --> 00:34:23,006 I'm gonna audition a bunch of Mary Fergusons. 815 00:34:23,008 --> 00:34:25,016 Find the one I like and take her ass to Asia. 816 00:34:25,018 --> 00:34:28,010 What random Mary Ferguson is gonna go to Asia 817 00:34:28,012 --> 00:34:31,018 with some stranger who's probably a sociopath? 818 00:34:31,020 --> 00:34:33,016 You're forgetting one key thing here. 819 00:34:33,018 --> 00:34:36,005 Free. Who wouldn't wanna go to Asia for free? 820 00:34:36,007 --> 00:34:38,006 They'll take that chance waking up dead 821 00:34:38,008 --> 00:34:40,006 for a free trip to Asia. I promise you. 822 00:34:40,008 --> 00:34:41,019 I think you might have something. 823 00:34:41,021 --> 00:34:44,010 Okay. I'm gonna take me a little dip in the pool. 824 00:34:44,012 --> 00:34:46,019 There was a dead body in there just a couple of days ago, 825 00:34:46,021 --> 00:34:49,007 - just so you know. - It ain't in there now. 826 00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:55,011 Oh, yeah, Susie. 827 00:34:55,013 --> 00:34:56,019 Boy, you popped this right out of there. 828 00:34:56,021 --> 00:34:58,010 I know. How did you do that? 829 00:34:58,012 --> 00:35:01,014 - Oh, Larry. You know Larry. - Yeah. I'm not a fan. 830 00:35:01,016 --> 00:35:03,014 Yeah. Well, he plopped and then it went flying 831 00:35:03,016 --> 00:35:06,013 in the air and then it came out and I couldn't find the stone. 832 00:35:06,015 --> 00:35:09,000 But then I remembered, you gave me a lifetime guarantee. 833 00:35:09,002 --> 00:35:11,015 - So here I am. - A what? A lifetime-- 834 00:35:11,017 --> 00:35:14,001 A lifetime guarantee, Dennis, you don't remember? 835 00:35:14,003 --> 00:35:15,020 I mean, Susie, I don't have to remember. 836 00:35:15,022 --> 00:35:19,006 We don't-- We've never given lifetime guarantees. 837 00:35:19,008 --> 00:35:20,023 Well, you gave me one. 838 00:35:21,001 --> 00:35:22,007 No, Susie, I never said that. 839 00:35:22,009 --> 00:35:24,011 - Yes, you did, Dennis. I didn't-- 840 00:35:24,013 --> 00:35:25,022 Why would I say that? 841 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,008 - I don't know why. - That doesn't sound like something I would say. 842 00:35:27,010 --> 00:35:29,013 Maybe 'cause I buy so much fucking jewelry here. 843 00:35:29,015 --> 00:35:31,001 We appreciate that. 844 00:35:31,003 --> 00:35:34,002 But, Susie, I'm sorry, I just have no memory of that. 845 00:35:34,004 --> 00:35:35,020 Let me tell you something, dementia boy, you gave me 846 00:35:35,022 --> 00:35:37,013 a lifetime guarantee, and I don't care 847 00:35:37,015 --> 00:35:39,013 if you don't remember your dog's fucking name, 848 00:35:39,015 --> 00:35:41,021 you're got to fix this and it's not gonna cost me 849 00:35:41,023 --> 00:35:44,004 a goddamn thing. You hear me, Zweibel? 850 00:35:44,006 --> 00:35:46,005 - You got it? - Got it. 851 00:35:46,007 --> 00:35:47,020 I'll be back Friday. 852 00:36:05,004 --> 00:36:06,014 Mary Ferguson. 853 00:36:06,016 --> 00:36:09,005 Oh. Oh. My bad. 854 00:36:09,007 --> 00:36:10,016 - How about you? - Oh, me? 855 00:36:10,018 --> 00:36:12,005 Go on inside. 856 00:36:12,007 --> 00:36:14,007 - Hi, guys. - Hey. Hello. 857 00:36:14,009 --> 00:36:15,014 This is Brady Reiter, Larry David. 858 00:36:15,016 --> 00:36:17,020 - Nice to meet you. Hi. Nice to meet you. 859 00:36:17,022 --> 00:36:21,005 I've always loved traveling. And I've been dying 860 00:36:21,007 --> 00:36:23,002 to go to Asia for years. 861 00:36:23,004 --> 00:36:25,003 Would you have a problem faking a disability 862 00:36:25,005 --> 00:36:26,021 just so we can get in those wheelchairs 863 00:36:26,023 --> 00:36:28,018 and they can push our ass through the airport? 864 00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:31,013 I don't think I would like that. 865 00:36:33,006 --> 00:36:34,021 I want you to eat this matzah ball. Come on. 866 00:36:34,023 --> 00:36:36,020 - Come on. Munch it. - Don't put the matzah ball here! 867 00:36:37,011 --> 00:36:39,020 No matzah ball! Eat it! 868 00:36:39,022 --> 00:36:41,005 That was great. Wow. 869 00:36:41,007 --> 00:36:42,023 - That was great. Thank you guys! 870 00:36:43,001 --> 00:36:44,013 - You guys have a great day. Good job. 871 00:36:44,015 --> 00:36:45,021 Bye. Bye. 872 00:36:45,023 --> 00:36:47,012 She's fucking hilarious. 873 00:36:47,014 --> 00:36:48,013 Wow. 874 00:36:48,015 --> 00:36:51,012 Yeah. Well, let's see. Let's see who else. 875 00:36:52,001 --> 00:36:53,002 Okay. 876 00:36:53,017 --> 00:36:54,019 Next. 877 00:36:55,017 --> 00:36:57,003 Bye. 878 00:36:57,005 --> 00:36:59,003 - Thank you. Thank you. - Thank you. 879 00:36:59,005 --> 00:37:00,006 Thank you. 880 00:37:02,007 --> 00:37:04,012 Mary Ferguson 5. Thank you. 881 00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:06,001 Okay. Next. 882 00:37:06,003 --> 00:37:07,022 - No. - Uh... 883 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,022 No. Fantastic. Thanks a lot. 884 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,010 She's amazing. - Yeah, she was fantastic. 885 00:37:12,012 --> 00:37:14,011 I don't think so. 886 00:37:16,013 --> 00:37:18,017 - Nah. - Eh. 887 00:37:18,019 --> 00:37:20,017 Hmm. Next. 888 00:37:20,019 --> 00:37:22,014 I want you to eat this matzah. Come on. 889 00:37:22,016 --> 00:37:26,002 Ow. It's hot! Larry, your hands are all over it! 890 00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:27,007 That was great. 891 00:37:27,009 --> 00:37:29,004 - Thank you. Thanks, Julia. 892 00:37:30,019 --> 00:37:32,006 - No. Okay. 893 00:37:34,010 --> 00:37:36,009 - You ever dated a Laker? - No. 894 00:37:36,011 --> 00:37:40,004 - How about Clipper? - I've never dated a Clipper. 895 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,005 Fuckin' dig it. 896 00:37:43,007 --> 00:37:46,021 Suppose we crashed on a deserted island 897 00:37:46,023 --> 00:37:49,004 and I make it and you don't make it. 898 00:37:49,006 --> 00:37:50,021 - Is it cool-- - You can eat me. 899 00:37:50,023 --> 00:37:54,008 Oh. Shi... I think we should do this. 900 00:37:54,010 --> 00:37:55,019 Wait. So am I going? 901 00:37:55,021 --> 00:37:57,008 - Let's do this. - Let's do it! 902 00:37:57,010 --> 00:37:58,015 What's up? 903 00:37:58,017 --> 00:37:59,020 - Ah! 904 00:37:59,022 --> 00:38:01,011 Oh, shit! Oh, oh! 905 00:38:03,019 --> 00:38:06,013 Hi. This is Maria Sofia Estrada. 906 00:38:06,015 --> 00:38:08,002 - Larry David. - Hi. 907 00:38:09,003 --> 00:38:10,004 What's up? 908 00:38:10,019 --> 00:38:11,022 Hello. 909 00:38:12,017 --> 00:38:13,018 Did you... 910 00:38:13,020 --> 00:38:15,010 - Oh. Oh, headshot. 911 00:38:15,012 --> 00:38:18,001 Yeah. Of course. Of course. Of course. No problem. 912 00:38:18,003 --> 00:38:19,005 Do you have a resume? 913 00:38:19,007 --> 00:38:21,020 Uh... No resume. 914 00:38:21,022 --> 00:38:24,003 And-- Yeah, and your mark's back there, so... 915 00:38:24,005 --> 00:38:25,011 Oh. There. 916 00:38:25,013 --> 00:38:28,003 Right there. Yeah. Great. 917 00:38:28,005 --> 00:38:29,014 Okay. 918 00:38:30,023 --> 00:38:33,015 To me. Eyeline to me. Whenever you're ready. 919 00:38:35,003 --> 00:38:39,003 Larry, my mother wants to know if you wanna come 920 00:38:39,005 --> 00:38:40,019 to our cedar Friday night. 921 00:38:40,021 --> 00:38:44,004 Uh, it's Seder. Uh, nah, I don't think so. 922 00:38:44,006 --> 00:38:48,004 And I want you to meet my boo-bay. 923 00:38:48,006 --> 00:38:49,010 Your what? 924 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,007 My grandmother. 925 00:38:51,009 --> 00:38:53,003 Yeah. I can't be around old people. 926 00:38:53,005 --> 00:38:54,012 They creep me out. 927 00:38:55,010 --> 00:38:58,003 - Oh, stop. Okay. Fine. 928 00:38:58,005 --> 00:39:01,009 But only on one condition, okay? You have to finish your lunch. 929 00:39:01,011 --> 00:39:03,005 - I'm full. - Look, you didn't need to think. 930 00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:04,017 Marsha, seriously, you're too thin. 931 00:39:04,019 --> 00:39:06,018 You're like a rail. Come on. 932 00:39:06,020 --> 00:39:10,011 This is a good weight for me. 933 00:39:10,013 --> 00:39:13,014 Okay. But at least finish the matzah ball, right? 934 00:39:13,016 --> 00:39:14,017 No. 935 00:39:14,019 --> 00:39:16,009 What is it? Do you have an eating disorder? 936 00:39:16,011 --> 00:39:18,004 - No. Marsha, I swear to God. 937 00:39:18,006 --> 00:39:20,019 - I want you to eat the matzah ball Ew! Gross! 938 00:39:20,021 --> 00:39:23,006 Come on! Come on! - Ew! No, stop! 939 00:39:23,008 --> 00:39:24,023 - Stop. Okay. 940 00:39:26,003 --> 00:39:27,001 Thank you. 941 00:39:27,003 --> 00:39:28,011 - Thanks, Maria. - Thank you. 942 00:39:28,013 --> 00:39:30,012 Nice to meet you. - Oh, that's it? 943 00:39:30,014 --> 00:39:31,015 - Yeah. - Yeah. That's it. 944 00:39:31,017 --> 00:39:33,010 - Whoo! Thank you so much. 945 00:39:33,012 --> 00:39:35,011 Thank you. Thank you. 946 00:39:35,013 --> 00:39:37,002 Ooh, God. 947 00:39:39,022 --> 00:39:41,000 We got her. 948 00:39:41,002 --> 00:39:42,019 - Her? That's our gal! 949 00:39:42,021 --> 00:39:43,022 - Larry. - Oh, my God. 950 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,010 All right. Let's go home. 951 00:39:46,012 --> 00:39:49,006 - We still have three more girls. Yeah. I don't think so. 952 00:39:54,010 --> 00:39:56,013 Some double date. 953 00:39:56,015 --> 00:39:59,013 Quite a romantic evening this turned out, huh? 954 00:40:04,008 --> 00:40:07,021 - Hey. Got any Purell? - Yeah. 955 00:40:09,015 --> 00:40:11,015 Oh. - I ran out of the smaller ones. 956 00:40:11,017 --> 00:40:13,019 That's a big boy. 957 00:40:13,021 --> 00:40:16,002 Here. Keep it. I got another one, you know. 958 00:40:16,004 --> 00:40:20,000 - Thanks. 959 00:40:23,005 --> 00:40:26,018 ♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO" BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪ 72184

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