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1
00:00:06,667 --> 00:00:08,667
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:13,533 --> 00:00:16,100
Leon: somebody need
To talk to the man,
You know what I mean?
3
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:19,400
I'm so happy you called me.
He's just moping around?
4
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:21,100
I mean, we all
Are really worried
About him, man.
5
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,433
This cheryl thing's
Got him crazy.
6
00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:25,533
This cheryl thing's
Got him twisted, man,
For real.
7
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,433
He's up there moping, man.
Mopy dick, that's what he is.
8
00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:30,467
- moby dick.
- no, mopy dick.
9
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,200
- no, it's called moby dick.
- who's fucking moby dick?
10
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,333
"Moby dick" is the book
By melville.
11
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,133
- who's fucking moby dick?
- where did you hear
Moby dick from?
12
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,500
Mopy dick, man.
His dick is moping.
13
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:40,800
- oh, literally mopy dick?
- yeah, mopy dick.
14
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,767
Okay, let's go up and
Get his mopy-ass dick
Out of bed.
15
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,767
- let's go.
- I like the way
You operate, man.
16
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,833
You know what I mean?
You're straightforward.
I like that shit.
17
00:00:48,867 --> 00:00:50,267
( knocks on door )
18
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,967
- what?
- ( door opens )
19
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,233
- jeff: gotta come in?
- leon: coming in, man.
20
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:58,400
- hey, what's going on?
- I don't know.
21
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,100
I fucked up my life.
22
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,867
- how did you fuck up your life?
What did you do?
- with cheryl.
23
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,867
- oh, cheryl.
- oh, man, this
Cheryl shit again.
24
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,133
Come on, man.
25
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:10,300
The stupid call
From the plane--
I didn't--
26
00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:11,900
You were busy
With the tivo guy.
27
00:01:11,933 --> 00:01:15,100
Busy with the tivo guy.
Yeah, I was busy with
The tivo guy.
28
00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,167
Leon:
Your brain is all fucking
Discombobulated, man.
29
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,667
You need to focus
On some ass.
30
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:20,700
I'm just never gonna meet
Anybody like her again,
31
00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:22,367
Ever ever.
32
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,167
I'm not disputing that,
But you've got to meet
Somebody else.
33
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,900
- you've got to move on.
- there's nobody that
Compares to her.
34
00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:29,800
I can't even imagine
Being with anybody else.
35
00:01:29,833 --> 00:01:32,133
Listen, man, you've got
To get out there
And do stuff.
36
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,400
Get down there
And get breakfast.
What are you doing?
37
00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:36,900
Is she going
To sammie's bat mitzvah?
38
00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:38,400
Yeah, she's coming
To the bat mitzvah.
39
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,433
She's bringing
That guy too.
40
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:45,367
What do you
Want me to do?
We didn't pick sides.
41
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,767
I can't believe
I've got to see her
With this guy
42
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,900
- at sammie's bat mitzvah.
- well, who are you
Gonna bring?
43
00:01:49,933 --> 00:01:51,733
- nobody.
- both: you've got to
Bring somebody.
44
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:54,167
Bring somebody?
Who am I gonna bring?
45
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,633
You're not gonna find her
Here, lying like this.
Come on.
46
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,367
Yeah, you gotta
Find somebody, man.
47
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,733
- I'm not a good dater.
I can't date.
- why can't you date?
48
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,300
You're not comfortable
In your larry shell
Right now.
49
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,567
You've got to become
Another motherfucker
Right now.
50
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,733
Larry,
Grow a mustache, man.
Grow a goatee,
51
00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:10,400
A mustache,
Grow sideburns. Become
Another motherfucker, man.
52
00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:12,800
- you feel me?
- it's not bad advice.
53
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,900
It's not bad advice.
But anything to get
Your ass out of bed.
54
00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:17,900
Get your ass out of--
Wh--?
55
00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:19,433
- what was that?
- what are you doing?
56
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:21,333
You've got bedbugs?
What's going on?
57
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,500
Oh, nothing.
Just a little
Uncomfortable.
58
00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:26,800
- listen, I did my part.
Get your ass up.
- okay, thanks.
59
00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:28,733
- I've got to go
To work, all right?
- thanks, yeah.
60
00:02:28,767 --> 00:02:30,933
- I'll see you later.
- good work, man.
61
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:34,133
Hey, I'll get him up.
Hey, man, let's roll, l.D.
62
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:37,567
Come on downstairs, man.
The family wants to talk
To you a little bit.
63
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,367
- all right,
I'm turning over a new leaf.
- yeah, come on downstairs.
64
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,500
- that's it.
No more of this shit.
- we want to talk to you.
65
00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,800
- okay, no more.
- yeah, get out. Let's get
Your shit together.
66
00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:46,800
- I'm getting it together.
- yeah, think about that
Beard shit.
67
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,267
- okay, all right.
- think about that mustache.
68
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,533
( chattering, laughing )
69
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,533
Look who I found.
70
00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,400
- hey.
- hey, l.D.!
71
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:56,133
- how are you doing?
- auntie rae: yeah.
72
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,567
- eh, I think okay.
I think I'll be all right.
- good.
73
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,067
- I'm fine.
- good.
74
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,733
You know what?
My mind is made up.
75
00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:04,500
- I am forgetting about her
As of now.
- okay.
76
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:06,867
- that's what
I'm talking about.
- as of now.
77
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,533
- l.D., you're gonna
Be fine, trust me.
- leon: it's a new day.
78
00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:11,533
He'll be
The last man standing.
79
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:14,100
So what's going on?
What do you want to
Talk to me about?
80
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,467
Loretta,
You want to...?
81
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,800
Um, our house
Is ready
82
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:20,700
And we're gonna
Go home.
83
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,533
Yeah yeah.
The lady called today.
84
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,467
- we're out for real.
- auntie rae: we are.
85
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,500
- we're not kidding you.
We're out.
- no, for real.
86
00:03:28,533 --> 00:03:30,233
- he's speechless.
I can't believe it.
- well...
87
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:32,533
- I am speechless.
- ( all laughing )
88
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:34,433
- you too?
- I'm out of here too.
89
00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:37,067
I've got a little
Boo down there
I'ma holla at.
90
00:03:37,067 --> 00:03:39,933
I know it looked like
We weren't gonna ever
Get out of here, though,
91
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:42,167
- but...
- well...
92
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,133
- you gotta go--
You gotta go.
- yeah.
93
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:45,600
- we're gonna
Miss you, though.
- we are.
94
00:03:45,633 --> 00:03:47,333
You can always
Come visit now.
95
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:49,800
- eh, let's not go crazy.
- ( chattering, laughing )
96
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:51,933
- my gerbil's gone.
- loretta: what?
97
00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:55,067
- my gerbil's gone.
- auntie rae: what do you mean
Your gerbil's gone?
98
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,200
Well, come on.
Let's go find it.
99
00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:59,167
- chill out.
We're cool.
- chill out?
100
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,400
There's a gerbil
Running amok in my house.
Come on, help me find it.
101
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,267
Antoinette:
Okay, thank you.
( hangs up )
102
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,067
- hey, larry.
- yeah.
103
00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:11,700
- the building manager
Just called.
- yeah?
104
00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:14,500
In the next few days
Somebody's gonna come
105
00:04:14,533 --> 00:04:16,500
And look at that office
Across from you.
106
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,800
- are you kidding?
- no.
107
00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:21,900
Oh, I dreaded this day.
I don't want anybody
108
00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:23,500
Moving in
Across the hall.
109
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:25,733
You know, we have
Privacy here.
110
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:27,600
I know.
Larry, there's nothing
I can do.
111
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,733
We're not gonna have
Control of the thermostat.
112
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:31,733
- that's right,
It's in there.
- yeah, it's in there.
113
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:33,200
Why don't we
Take that office then?
114
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,667
I'm not gonna
Pay for an office
I'm not using.
115
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,167
Well,
Somebody's gonna take it
If you don't take it.
116
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,600
How do you stop somebody
From renting it?
117
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,700
That's what
I want to know.
118
00:04:42,733 --> 00:04:45,567
How are you?
119
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,100
- you know, I feel
A little better today.
- do you?
120
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:49,900
- I've been pretty depressed.
- you seem better.
You look good.
121
00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:52,167
Yeah, I feel better.
I'm feeling like I'm ready,
122
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,467
But I hate being single.
I just hate it.
123
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,800
- I know, larry.
I'm sorry.
- I want to meet somebody.
124
00:04:56,833 --> 00:05:00,200
I swear to god,
I can get married again
In a month if I could.
125
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:03,733
Oh, larry.
Larry david,
You are a romantic.
126
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,667
Am I?
Do you think I am?
127
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,900
Oh, I forgot.
Matt tessler called
And said,
128
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,867
"Hey, I'm in the building.
I thought I'd drop by."
129
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,267
- he's in the building?
- yeah.
130
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,233
He said he knows you,
"Seinfeld" days.
131
00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:16,533
Yeah, he directed
Four "Seinfelds."
132
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,433
He was terrible, though.
He was a terrible director.
133
00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,267
- oh, I remember matt.
- what does he want?
134
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,567
Lewis is doing a pilot now,
And I'll bet he wants me
To recommend him.
135
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,600
- you know,
He's got the son...
- oh my gosh, that's right.
136
00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:28,500
...Who's got
The muscular issues.
137
00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:29,800
M.S. Or m.D. Or...?
138
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:32,100
I don't know.
There's something.
139
00:05:32,133 --> 00:05:33,733
I could say
That you had to leave,
140
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,733
- you had an important
Meeting.
- eh...
141
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:39,233
- larry david.
Larry david, how ya doing?
- hey, matt tessler!
142
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,900
- we were just
Talking about you.
- good to see you.
143
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,767
Hey, matt, what's going on?
Nice to see you.
How are you?
144
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,800
- you're well?
You look good.
- yeah.
145
00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:49,133
- you look
Pretty good yourself.
- oh, thanks, thanks.
146
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,400
- yeah, I'm doing okay,
Doing okay.
- look at this.
147
00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:53,200
- working my
Ass off, yeah.
- nice.
148
00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:55,200
I'm just, you know--
I'm kind of stuck
149
00:05:55,233 --> 00:05:57,767
- in a dramedy ghetto.
- really?
150
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,533
Well, I did
The cancer scare episode
Of "Home improvement,"
151
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:04,333
- so I got typed as
This guy who does ticker.
- oh, jeez.
152
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:06,333
Now they want me to do
All the teardrop stuff.
153
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,733
I want to get back
To the funny,
To the shtoomy.
154
00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,667
- the shtoomy, yeah.
- are you and richard lewis
Still tight?
155
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:15,333
- is there any way you can
Just give him a--?
- I'm really not...
156
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,533
- you're not tight anymore?
- not really tight.
157
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,800
'cause they're
Floating my name
To direct his pilot
158
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,400
And I just would love
To be in on that.
159
00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,667
Well, if I run into him,
I'll, you know--
160
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:26,400
Yeah, if I had
A recommendation
From you, though,
161
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:28,400
That would mean
That I'd have a shot
At this.
162
00:06:28,433 --> 00:06:31,467
The sitcom-- you know,
I'd come in at 9:00-10:00,
163
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:34,067
- I'd get a chance to see
My son in the morning...
- it's a great--
164
00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:36,667
...I'd get a chance
To see him at night.
So anything you could do
165
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:40,067
To recommend me to richard
Would be just great.
166
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,267
Yeah, I'll--
I'll recommend you.
167
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:45,200
- bless your heart.
Bless your heart.
- yeah.
168
00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:48,433
Hey, larry, do you still
Have that tickle
In your anus?
169
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,633
I cannot get you
An appointment
For two weeks.
170
00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:53,067
What?
171
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,800
Are you experiencing
Discomfort?
172
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,467
Tickle in my--
What is she talking about?
What are you talking about?
173
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,567
- where did you get that from?
- that's nothing to
Joke around about.
174
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,867
- who were you trying
To get an appointment with?
- rosenberg.
175
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,367
Rosenberg is a good man.
I've got a better one.
176
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,767
( clicks finger )
Pencil.
177
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,267
Call this man--
Dr. Jay whitney.
178
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,667
My wife's cousin kai--
She runs the office.
179
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,167
- oh, she does?
- she can open
All the doors,
180
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,133
And not just the back one,
You know what I mean?
181
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:19,867
Seriously, she can
Get you in today.
182
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,500
- yeah.
- you don't have to
Think about it.
183
00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:23,933
It's nice of you,
But there's really
Nothing wrong.
184
00:07:23,967 --> 00:07:25,900
Why did you say
I have a tickle
In my anus?
185
00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:29,067
Are you fucking crazy, huh?
A tickle in my anus?
186
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,900
- she's just
Looking out for you.
- why did you say that?
187
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:32,267
I don't have a tickle.
Who said that?
188
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,067
Look, I gotta go.
I gotta go.
189
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,967
Look, I think
I've given you
The wrong impression.
190
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:38,900
- larry's anus is fine.
- shut the fuck up, okay?
191
00:07:38,933 --> 00:07:40,800
Shut the fuck up!
Sorry.
192
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:43,233
All I'm saying is,
Don't take any chances
Here, okay?
193
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:45,200
- this is serious,
All right?
- yeah, no.
194
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:46,967
- good, 'cause I
Care about you--
- yeah, thanks.
195
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,867
- --not just 'cause--
- good to see you.
196
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,567
- and you.
- I'm gonna call richie
Right now.
197
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,300
- thanks, ant--
- antoinette.
198
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:53,933
- yeah.
- I'll take care
Of that.
199
00:07:53,967 --> 00:07:56,733
- okay, thank you, larry.
Thanks so much.
- okay.
200
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:02,800
Hi, it's richard.
Leave a message.
201
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,867
- ( machine beeps )
- hey, richard, it's larry.
202
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,867
Matt tessler
Just asked me
203
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,767
To recommend him
For your pilot...
204
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,167
( slowly )
...So this is me calling
205
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,433
To recommend--
206
00:08:13,467 --> 00:08:15,500
"Recommend" him.
207
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:18,333
So in case
He ever asks you
208
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,633
If I recommended him,
You can tell him
209
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,967
That in fact I did
210
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:27,067
Recommend him.
211
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,933
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
212
00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:34,233
- hi.
- hi.
213
00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:36,533
Just sign in, please,
And have a seat.
214
00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:38,200
Shouldn't be too long.
215
00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,667
I have a little problem
With this--
216
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:44,333
( chuckles )
These sign-in sheets,
You know.
217
00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,867
My name's right
Out in the open here.
218
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:50,067
It's a bit
Of a privacy issue.
219
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,767
There's no shame
In having to come
220
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,600
To the gastroenterologist's
Office.
221
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,500
It's a little embarrassing
Maybe, you know.
222
00:08:56,533 --> 00:08:58,733
We could just put
A sign up on the wall
Saying,
223
00:08:58,767 --> 00:09:01,867
"Larry david was here."
Why don't we do that?
224
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:03,533
You know,
I have to tell you
225
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:04,967
I've worked here
For four years
226
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,700
And I've never had
Anyone come in
227
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:09,267
And, like, cruise the list
Of patient names
228
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,900
For any reason.
229
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:14,233
What if you are
In charge of this, okay,
230
00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:15,967
So this is down here?
You keep that.
231
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,633
I don't like that.
First of all,
232
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:19,400
I only get paid
$9 an hour,
233
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,633
So it's a little
More responsibility
Than I'm used to,
234
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,100
To keep track
Of patients.
235
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,300
Second of all,
I can't even make
Decisions.
236
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:26,900
You have to take it up
With the home office.
237
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,133
I would like
To take it up
With the home office.
238
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:32,100
- see, you didn't think I was
Gonna take you up on that.
- no, I did think you were.
239
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:35,100
- you strike me as a high--
- well, things like this
Interest me.
240
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:38,533
I'm not an inventor,
But I'm an improver.
241
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,467
I improve things
That are broken.
242
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,133
This is broken.
This system is broken.
243
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,800
I'd like to improve it.
244
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,500
Great.
I'm assuming you're
A new patient,
245
00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:48,233
'cause I think I would
Have remembered you.
246
00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:50,500
- so please
Fill that out.
- okay.
247
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:57,067
( chuckles )
What would you do
If I sat there, huh?
248
00:09:57,067 --> 00:10:00,067
You'd be a little
Freaked out if I sat there,
Wouldn't you, honestly?
249
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,067
- a little bit.
A little bit.
- I think a lot.
250
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,100
Yeah, that's
A little creepy.
( chuckles )
251
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,333
What are you reading?
252
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:08,667
It is called
"Showbiz insider."
253
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:11,367
- really?
- I like to feel
Like an insider when--
254
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,567
- pretty heady stuff. Wow.
- yes, very heady stuff.
255
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,733
Many are called.
Few are chosen.
256
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,167
You must be
Very very bright.
257
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,333
Yes.
258
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:23,533
Where are you from,
New york?
259
00:10:23,567 --> 00:10:25,533
- I'm picking up
An accent.
- yeah.
260
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:27,767
Yeah.
You from new york?
261
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,200
Yeah.
262
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,000
But I'm not a jew,
If that's what
You're thinking.
263
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:36,567
- ( laughs )
- 'cause I saw
Your wheels spinning.
264
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,367
That's uncanny.
It's like there's
A window into my soul
265
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,933
And you can just
Really read me.
266
00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:43,733
I read you
Loud and clear, sister.
267
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:46,233
- yes.
- yeah.
268
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,900
Are you okay, by the way?
Do you have any--
269
00:10:47,933 --> 00:10:50,733
You have some
Terrible medical problem
That brought you here?
270
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:53,167
I'm fine.
A checkup.
271
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,100
- a checkup?
- mmm.
272
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,533
Hmm, really?
273
00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,300
You?
274
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:01,933
- a checkup.
- really?
275
00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:04,200
- yeah.
- huh.
276
00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:06,633
- how about that?
- let me ask you
A question:
277
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,567
Did you ever go out
With a bald guy?
278
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,800
( laughs )
Yeah.
279
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,300
How did you find it?
280
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,967
It was magical.
281
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:16,067
- yeah? See?
- yes.
282
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:19,233
How am I doing
On the flirt so far?
283
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:21,233
- how would you
Assess it?
- um...
284
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,767
- pretty good?
- I'm-- well, 7.5.
285
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,600
- 7.5? Really?
- 7.5, yeah.
286
00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:28,100
- you're tough.
- larry david?
287
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,500
- you're up.
- all right.
288
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:31,733
Well, they have
Called for me.
289
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,200
Larry?
290
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:36,400
I guess I'll go in
For my checkup.
291
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:40,067
- a checkup.
- nice talking to you.
292
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,633
Good luck.
293
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,833
So long.
294
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,067
Hello, mr. David.
How are you?
295
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:51,267
- good.
- good. All right.
296
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,867
Oh, you know my cousin,
Matt tessler.
297
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,400
Oh, matt's your cousin?
Oh, yeah.
298
00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:57,333
Oh, right.
Oh, thank you for this...
299
00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:58,900
Yeah, sure sure sure.
300
00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:01,067
So let me ask you,
Mr. David,
301
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,900
Why are you here
To see the doctor?
302
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:05,533
Um...
303
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,933
I'd just as soon
Tell the doctor.
304
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:10,467
It's okay.
I've got to take all
Of the information first
305
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:13,133
And I give it to the doctor.
So why don't you tell me
The reason you're here?
306
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,100
I know,
But if the doctor's
Gonna come in here,
307
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:17,200
Why not just
Tell the doctor?
I don't see why
308
00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:19,600
I need to tell you and--
Then you have to tell
The doctor.
309
00:12:19,633 --> 00:12:22,100
- well...
- why not just
Tell him directly?
310
00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:24,167
I'm going to new york.
Why am I stopping off
In florida?
311
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,933
Mm-hmm. Our policy is
That I take the information
Down first
312
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:29,367
And I give it to him.
He'll come in and
Go over this.
313
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,167
So he'll have it all
Written down.
314
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,900
He won't have to go through
All of the questions again.
315
00:12:32,933 --> 00:12:35,133
- this whole thing is askew,
Your system.
- mm-hmm.
316
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:37,533
The doctor should
Be in here right now.
We could be saving time.
317
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:39,267
He's got other patients
That he's dealing with,
318
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,200
So what I'm here--
I pretty much cut the time
In half with him.
319
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,567
Cut the time in half?
So you intercept him
In the hall?
320
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,400
He's gonna
Get the information
And then what,
321
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,500
Run to the internet
To look it up? No.
322
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,400
- he's gonna hear it from you.
- the doctors and the nurses
Work hand in hand.
323
00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:53,667
I just need the information.
If you could just
Give it to me--
324
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,933
I'm not that comfortable
Telling you, frankly.
325
00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:57,733
I need to take it down
Before I can leave.
326
00:12:57,767 --> 00:13:01,433
Okay, I have a gerbil
Up my ass.
327
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:04,467
That's my problem.
328
00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:09,700
How long
Has it been there?
329
00:13:09,733 --> 00:13:12,833
Two days.
330
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,700
Okay, thank you.
The doctor will be
Right with you.
331
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:18,767
Fine.
Happy?
332
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,600
- man: mr. David.
- hello, doctor.
333
00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:25,600
- larry, nice to see you.
- okay.
334
00:13:25,633 --> 00:13:27,600
I was wondering
If you could tell me
335
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:30,167
What seems to be
The problem.
336
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:46,467
Hey, what happened--
337
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,400
What happened
To the sign-in sheet?
338
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:50,733
Oh, I called our
Corporate headquarters
339
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,567
Off your suggestion
And they loved it.
340
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,133
- so there's a new policy.
- what?
341
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,100
It's private,
Just like you wanted.
342
00:13:57,133 --> 00:13:59,200
No no no,
I don't want that.
343
00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:02,700
You're listening to me?
I don't know what I'm
Talking about.
344
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,733
Put the sign-in sheet
Back on.
345
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:06,933
- I can't. No.
- what?
346
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,500
You can't see this now.
347
00:14:11,367 --> 00:14:13,533
First of all, I've got
To tell you something,
348
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:15,533
- okay?
- yes.
349
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:17,533
I want to apologize
350
00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:19,767
For the way
I behaved earlier.
351
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,767
Mr. David,
352
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,167
You don't have to
Play games with me.
353
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,733
- I don't?
- no.
354
00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:28,500
Are you looking
For christopher?
355
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,200
No.
356
00:14:30,233 --> 00:14:32,767
- andrew?
- keep going.
357
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,933
Paula?
358
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,633
Aha.
359
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,267
- you cannot tell.
I could get fired.
- no no no, never.
360
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,767
- no no no no.
- I have no formal
Education.
361
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,867
- no no no no no.
- okay.
362
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,367
Be careful.
363
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,467
- thank you.
- she looks like
A live wire.
364
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,767
- jeff: you called her?
- larry: yeah.
365
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,233
So where are you going
To take her on a date?
366
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:55,767
I'm gonna take her
To the movies maybe.
367
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,767
That's great.
368
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,733
The question is,
Why was she at that--
369
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,833
What kind of doctor
Was that again?
370
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,967
- mm, gastroenterologist.
- so what was she
Doing there?
371
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:05,433
- that's the question.
- oh my god.
372
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:07,067
Why was she there?
I don't know.
373
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,067
I hope she doesn't have
The same thing I do.
374
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,100
Well, that's a good thing.
It'll go away.
375
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,667
Yeah.
376
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,200
Let me ask you
A question:
377
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:16,767
How much will you give me
To start gargling now?
378
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,933
- 50 bucks.
- you'll give me
50 bucks?
379
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:20,600
- 50 bucks.
- take it out
Of your pocket.
380
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:22,700
Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
381
00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:25,067
Just do it.
What, you don't trust me?
382
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,300
( gargles )
383
00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:30,200
( laughs )
There you go.
384
00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:33,800
- I just got 50 bucks.
- no, now that doesn't count.
385
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,833
- no, you can't do that.
- no, what are you
Talking about?
386
00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:38,300
I would have
Paid that happily.
It was so enjoyable.
387
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:42,067
It was so enjoyable
And you ruined it with
"I just got 50 bucks."
388
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,700
Let me ask you a question:
Tessler's still one
Of your clients?
389
00:15:44,733 --> 00:15:47,067
Yeah.
He's coming
To the bat mitzvah.
390
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,867
You know
Who else is coming
To the bat mitzvah?
391
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,500
My newest client
John legend.
392
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:53,300
He's a huge r&b singer.
393
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:54,833
I have no idea
Who this guy is.
394
00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,833
- do you know
Who anyone is?
- no.
395
00:15:56,867 --> 00:16:00,367
- when was the last time
You bought an album?
- 1972?
396
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,933
- '72? So you know no one.
- no, I know nothing.
397
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:05,333
Anyhow,
He's my client now.
He's coming
398
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,733
To the bat mitzvah.
He's gonna sing.
399
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,067
Well, maybe I'll bring
This woman.
400
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,733
You know, if we
Get along tonight,
I'm gonna ask her.
401
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:15,133
'cause you gotta bring
Somebody. Cheryl's coming
With that guy.
402
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,967
- you gotta be there
With somebody.
- absolutely.
403
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:18,967
Why don't we
Double-date tonight?
404
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:21,167
You know what?
Susie and I were talking
About going to the movies.
405
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,433
You're kidding.
Let's do it.
406
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,833
Perfect.
I can check her out.
407
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:30,867
Larry:
I haven't dated in a while.
Who pays?
408
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,667
- you pay.
- don't be ridiculous.
You pay.
409
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,467
- I do?
- women: yes, you pay.
410
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,767
- larry's not used to dating.
- clearly, yes.
411
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,233
- no, I haven't dated
In a long time.
- no, a long time.
412
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:43,833
What do I do?
Am I allowed to hold hands
During the mo--?
413
00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:46,167
- susie: I don't know
If there's rules--
- is there a rule?
414
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,867
Excuse me.
415
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,867
Thank you.
416
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,067
Hi.
417
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:58,300
One movie.
418
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,433
Thank you.
419
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:07,233
- larry: don't you want
To sit on the aisle?
- women: no.
420
00:17:07,267 --> 00:17:09,567
- I was being nice.
- women: center's better.
421
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,933
Center? Why?
You think there's
A big difference
422
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:13,600
- over there from here?
- yes, this is good.
423
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,733
Jeff:
As long as a giant man
Doesn't sit
424
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:17,967
- in front of me.
- susie: or a giant woman.
425
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:20,833
- larry: oh my god.
- paula: what?
426
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,833
This guy.
That's the guy
427
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,167
Who walked past the line
To get his ticket before.
428
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,067
- paula: oh, yeah.
- pete!
429
00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:28,533
- look at him.
- I think it is.
430
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:30,667
Oh my god.
He was faking.
431
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,167
- are you kidding me?
- no.
432
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,133
That's really good.
433
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:36,067
- oh my god.
- holy shit.
434
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:37,933
I gotta
Take my hat off to him.
435
00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:40,433
I gotta tell ya,
That's pretty good.
436
00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:42,667
( dramatic music playing )
437
00:18:01,733 --> 00:18:02,900
Are you okay?
438
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:04,800
Yeah, I'm fine.
439
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,733
( whispering )
Why? Why are you
Asking me that?
440
00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:08,800
( whispering )
No reason.
441
00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:16,500
Everything okay
With you?
442
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:18,500
Yeah, I'm fine.
443
00:18:18,533 --> 00:18:19,700
Are you sure?
444
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,933
Yeah.
Why shouldn't it be?
445
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,933
It's just you're
Squirming a lot.
446
00:18:23,967 --> 00:18:25,333
You're squirming
More than I am.
447
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:26,700
Well, my seat
Is uncomfortable.
448
00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:28,400
Yeah, my seat's
Uncomfortable too.
449
00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:30,833
I know.
We're in agreement.
450
00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:32,767
Why did you say
You went
451
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,567
To that
Gastroenterologist's
Again?
452
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,400
- I was there
For a checkup.
- a checkup?
453
00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,567
- yes. Why do you
Keep asking me that?
- I've never heard
454
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,067
Of anybody going to
A gastroenterologist
For a checkup.
455
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:43,067
- oh, really?
- yeah.
456
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:45,067
That's what you were
Doing there.
457
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:47,367
- is that what I said?
- yes, that's what
You said.
458
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,567
Honestly, I'm just
Really kind of bored
With this movie.
459
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,700
It's not so bad.
460
00:18:56,733 --> 00:18:59,467
I really want to go.
Can we go?
461
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,267
Please.
462
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,267
Are you gonna
Drag me out of this movie
463
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,067
With five minutes to go?
That's insane.
464
00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:08,467
It's not five minutes.
This is the world's
Worst film
465
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,600
I've ever seen
And I really want to go.
466
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,433
Come on,
Five more minutes.
467
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:15,600
What do you gain by staying?
You don't care about
This story.
468
00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:17,133
I finish
Things I start.
469
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:18,700
Books--
They could be
500 pages,
470
00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,767
Once I start them,
Even if I hate it,
I'll finish it.
471
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,767
I have friends
Who I can't stand,
472
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,733
You know,
For, like, 25 years.
473
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:27,733
I'm still friends
With them.
474
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,533
Why?
475
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,100
Because I
Stay to the end,
Till they're dead.
476
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,400
I go down
With the ship.
That's what I do.
477
00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:36,367
I'm not even the captain,
I'm going down
With the ship.
478
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,233
That's how I want you
To think about me:
479
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:40,267
I'm the guy who keeps
The captain company.
480
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,600
I can't watch this.
481
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,567
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
482
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,633
- where is she going?
- I don't--
483
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,067
- she was bored.
- it's almost over.
484
00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:58,533
I know.
I told her.
485
00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:00,200
It's five minutes to go.
It's crazy.
486
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,900
You'd better
Go out after her.
487
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:04,033
- she's not gonna
Wait for you.
- you don't expect
488
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:06,333
Somebody else to leave
If you're walking out
Of the movie.
489
00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:09,467
- you don't understand women.
- you don't understand
Etiquette.
490
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,533
Susie: fine.
491
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:29,133
- where is she?
- she's not here.
492
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:31,267
- are you surprised?
- can you believe it?
493
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:33,533
- yeah, that's rude.
- I told you she was
Gonna leave.
494
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:35,567
- that was completely
Rude, unbelievable.
- by the way,
495
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,600
I timed it.
There were six minutes
Left in that movie.
496
00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:40,267
Irrelevant, larry.
She was not gonna
Wait for you.
497
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,700
I invested
An hour and a half.
I'm supposed to leave
498
00:20:42,733 --> 00:20:44,967
- with six minutes to go?
- the last six minutes.
That's craziness.
499
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,333
So, fine.
You were right
And now you're alone.
500
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:50,933
Yeah, well,
She has a tickle
In her anus anyway.
501
00:20:50,967 --> 00:20:53,933
- she has a tickle in her anus?
- I think so. She was
Squirming in her seat.
502
00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:55,300
I don't wanna hear it.
Let's go.
503
00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,133
You know what?
That movie stunk,
By the way.
504
00:20:57,167 --> 00:21:00,633
No, it was great.
You're crazy.
505
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:02,200
So you're not gonna go
To the bat mitzvah?
506
00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:04,100
Eh, I don't want
To go by myself.
507
00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:06,100
And cheryl's
Gonna be there
With this guy.
508
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,933
So we'll get you
A date--
509
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:11,067
My next-door neighbor.
She's a belly dancer.
510
00:21:11,067 --> 00:21:12,767
She also was
In cirque du soleil.
511
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,600
Yeah, that's the one
With the nose rings,
Right?
512
00:21:14,633 --> 00:21:17,200
- she can take 'em out.
- then there's a hole
In the nose.
513
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,967
We'll just cover it
With makeup.
514
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:22,067
Blech!
515
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,700
Do you want any coffee?
I'm gonna go get coffee.
516
00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:25,767
No, I don't want
Anything.
517
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,100
Woman: this way. This is
The one I was telling you
That I think is just perfect.
518
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:31,333
- man: this is great.
- yeah, available the first
Of the month.
519
00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:33,200
All we need is
Your signature
On the paperwork.
520
00:21:33,233 --> 00:21:35,733
- that's great.
Two months upfront?
- upfront.
521
00:21:35,767 --> 00:21:38,133
- two parking spaces.
It's all yours.
- how do you heat it?
522
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,433
Oh, you've got
Your own thermostat
Right there, see?
523
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:43,400
I've got to take this.
Will you excuse me
For one second?
524
00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:46,367
- I'll be right back.
- sure. Yeah, okay, good.
525
00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:48,767
Hi, I'm just--
526
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,933
Hello!
527
00:21:50,967 --> 00:21:53,667
- how are you?
- I'm-- I'm good.
528
00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:56,333
- are you
Renting the office...
- ( stammering )
529
00:21:56,367 --> 00:21:58,500
- ...Next door?
- you know, I'm thinking
About it.
530
00:21:58,533 --> 00:22:02,567
That's very good.
We'll be friends.
531
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,967
Well, you know,
I'm looking at
Several places.
532
00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:08,200
- I should probably catch up--
- we'll go to lunch together.
533
00:22:08,233 --> 00:22:10,167
- yeah.
- every day, every day.
534
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,700
- every day.
- every day, lunch.
535
00:22:12,733 --> 00:22:14,933
Uh, listen,
You're probably busy.
536
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:16,600
No, I'm not.
I have nothing
To do here.
537
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:18,833
I've got to find
The office manager.
Thank you.
538
00:22:18,867 --> 00:22:20,767
Goodbye.
Bye.
539
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,933
I hope you rent
The office.
540
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,400
Larry, wh--?
541
00:22:25,433 --> 00:22:27,533
- oh, hey.
- am I interrupting
Something?
542
00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:29,067
No.
543
00:22:29,067 --> 00:22:31,067
I just came by
To say thanks
544
00:22:31,067 --> 00:22:32,967
For the recommendation.
I got the gig.
545
00:22:33,067 --> 00:22:34,667
- you got the job?
- yeah.
546
00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:37,133
What's this about?
Is this supposed
To be funny?
547
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:38,500
No no no.
548
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:40,933
Someone was gonna
Rent the office
Next door...
549
00:22:40,967 --> 00:22:43,533
This is how you welcome him?
You use some humor?
550
00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:46,333
No no no,
It was a test to see
If he's a tolerant person.
551
00:22:46,367 --> 00:22:48,400
And anyone who's not
Is no neighbor of mine.
552
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:50,300
I know somebody
Who wouldn't find this
Funny at all.
553
00:22:50,333 --> 00:22:53,200
He's a 10-year-old boy
Named max and he lives
In my house--
554
00:22:53,233 --> 00:22:55,400
- who's not gonna think
That's so funny.
- oh, jeez.
555
00:22:55,433 --> 00:22:57,400
This is what you do?
You sit on your ass
556
00:22:57,433 --> 00:22:59,433
- making fun
Of retarded people?
- oh, come on.
557
00:22:59,467 --> 00:23:01,333
- un-fucking-believable.
- I was just, you know--
558
00:23:01,367 --> 00:23:02,833
I'm really
Disappointed in you.
559
00:23:02,867 --> 00:23:05,067
I would rent an office
To your son.
560
00:23:05,067 --> 00:23:07,467
My son has an office
On the right hand
Of jesus.
561
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:10,067
Hey, you know
What's really funny?
562
00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:13,267
A successful
Writer-producer who puts
Gerbils up his ass for fun.
563
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:16,367
- what? What?
- I talked to kai.
I talked to my cousin.
564
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,600
- that's why you had
To see the doctor.
- oh, that's bullshit.
565
00:23:18,633 --> 00:23:20,633
- 'cause you have
Gerbils in your ass.
- I made that up, you moron.
566
00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:22,733
- why would you make
Something like that up?
- because I didn't feel
567
00:23:22,767 --> 00:23:25,067
- like telling her
What was wrong with me.
- that doesn't make any sense.
568
00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:28,300
And you know what?
I think a lot of people
Would get a kick out of this.
569
00:23:28,333 --> 00:23:30,333
I really do.
Fuck you, larry.
570
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:32,133
Let's just try it out
On the street.
571
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:34,600
- hey, no, I made that up.
- hey, wanna hear
Something funny?
572
00:23:34,633 --> 00:23:36,267
Hey, you wanna hear
Something funny?
573
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:44,933
So sorry.
Do we still have time
To do it?
574
00:23:44,967 --> 00:23:46,800
- I'm sorry.
- no. I'm late now.
575
00:23:46,833 --> 00:23:48,700
- it's too late for lunch?
- it's too late for lunch
576
00:23:48,733 --> 00:23:50,267
And it's too late
For my career
577
00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:51,967
And you fucked me
With tessler.
578
00:23:52,067 --> 00:23:54,400
- he's not working out?
- he sucks!
579
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,600
- he doesn't know comedy.
- I know that, I know.
580
00:23:56,633 --> 00:23:58,733
He should be
Selling fabrics.
581
00:23:58,767 --> 00:24:00,667
Why'd you hire him?
582
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,633
How d--?
You--
583
00:24:02,667 --> 00:24:04,700
My friend of 47 years--
You recommended him.
584
00:24:04,733 --> 00:24:07,133
Oh, I recommended him?
When I called you
585
00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:09,233
I told you
That he asked me
To recommend him...
586
00:24:09,267 --> 00:24:12,300
- what--?
- ...So I'm "Recommending" him.
I put quotes around it.
587
00:24:12,333 --> 00:24:14,367
Why'd you "Recommend" him,
Mr. Quotehead?
588
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,367
I thought that you
Would pick up that it was
A non-recommend recommend.
589
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,067
You know, life is
Very brief, okay?
590
00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:22,067
And you know I need
A good series.
591
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:25,300
- is life too short?
You think it's too short?
- yeah.
592
00:24:25,333 --> 00:24:28,367
- it's too short, isn't it?
- yeah, but now my life is
Fucking way short.
593
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,233
- I'm sorry.
- you ruined my
Fucking pilot
594
00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:31,600
Because of your
Recommendation.
595
00:24:31,633 --> 00:24:34,100
I can see if it came
From a skinhead...
596
00:24:34,133 --> 00:24:36,100
- yeah.
- ...Or one of
Ben laden's people.
597
00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:38,067
You call him
Ben laden or bin laden?
598
00:24:38,067 --> 00:24:39,733
I don't know.
599
00:24:39,767 --> 00:24:41,867
You called him ben.
That's almost like
A jewish name.
600
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:43,733
That's true.
Ben laden does sound
601
00:24:43,767 --> 00:24:45,633
- like a shirt-maker
In manhattan.
- yes, I know.
602
00:24:45,667 --> 00:24:47,667
"Let's go to ben laden's.
They got great collars."
603
00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:49,700
Exactly, yeah.
Anyway, I'm--
604
00:24:49,733 --> 00:24:51,667
- no--
- I'm sorry.
605
00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:53,900
Yeah, fine, fi--
606
00:24:55,067 --> 00:24:56,867
It's true, isn't it?
607
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,900
- holy shit.
- what are you
Talking about?
608
00:25:00,067 --> 00:25:01,767
Did you stick a gerbil
Up your ass?
609
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,167
- 'cause the whole
Fucking town--
- are you out of your mind?
610
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,167
It's all over the set.
It's everywhere.
611
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,167
- and I said---
- jesus,
612
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,833
This tessler is spreading
This rumor about me
613
00:25:10,867 --> 00:25:12,500
To get back at me.
614
00:25:12,533 --> 00:25:14,167
It's all over
The fucking city now.
615
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,067
It's gonna be
On the internet too.
616
00:25:16,067 --> 00:25:18,067
It's everywhere.
It's everywhere.
617
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:21,533
Jesus christ,
Did you see the way
That guy looked at me?
618
00:25:21,567 --> 00:25:23,567
I'm sure he probably
Read "Gerbil" magazine
619
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,767
And you're
Fucking on the cover.
620
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,933
Holy shit.
621
00:25:27,967 --> 00:25:31,867
You know, I do have
A tickle in my anus.
622
00:25:31,900 --> 00:25:33,867
Oh, really?
623
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,200
- yeah.
- I gotta split.
624
00:25:40,067 --> 00:25:42,100
Hi, carol.
625
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,167
Carol,
626
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,100
It's not true.
627
00:25:47,133 --> 00:25:50,600
- ( family chattering )
- leon: ...Some crazy shit.
628
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,600
- it's missing.
And you hear this shit.
- leon!
629
00:25:52,633 --> 00:25:55,067
Leon, I don't really think
He would do something
Like that.
630
00:25:55,067 --> 00:25:56,700
- I don't think--
- you don't know, loretta.
631
00:25:56,733 --> 00:25:59,067
Think about it.
Look, the gerbil's
Missing, right?
632
00:25:59,067 --> 00:26:01,200
And then you hear
This shit's going on.
Come on now.
633
00:26:01,233 --> 00:26:03,367
- ( women exclaiming )
- add this shit up.
Add this shit up.
634
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,900
Here he comes now.
What's going on, larry?
What's going on, larry?
635
00:26:05,933 --> 00:26:08,333
The gerbil got
On the elevator, hit "Up"
636
00:26:08,367 --> 00:26:11,300
- and went up your asshole?
Is that what happened?
- loretta: leon!
637
00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:14,667
I can't believe
That this thing has already
Gotten to this house,
638
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:16,967
- that you would
Accuse me of that.
- larry, where's the gerbil?
639
00:26:17,067 --> 00:26:19,367
- I got your back, l.D.
I don't think you did it.
- thank you.
640
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,067
I didn't even want
That thing in the house,
641
00:26:21,067 --> 00:26:23,300
- much less put it
Upy ass, okay?
- let him out, larry.
642
00:26:23,333 --> 00:26:26,400
So, wait a minute.
Are you saying you didn't
Do that?
643
00:26:26,433 --> 00:26:28,767
Absolutely.
Of course not.
Come on, that's insane.
644
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,833
- ( sighs )
- that's what I thought.
645
00:26:30,867 --> 00:26:32,667
I'm still sick
About the fact
That that thing is
646
00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:34,400
Running around
The house somewhere.
647
00:26:34,433 --> 00:26:36,833
- leon: yeah, all right.
Whatever, man.
- we're done packing.
648
00:26:36,867 --> 00:26:38,667
- loretta: all right.
- all right, sweetness.
649
00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:41,700
- hey, y'all got
Everything together?
- yeah, we're done.
650
00:26:41,733 --> 00:26:44,500
- all right, that's good.
- leon: you ready to roll?
651
00:26:44,533 --> 00:26:47,633
Wow, this is really
Happening, isn't it?
652
00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:49,733
- oh yeah, we're about
Ready to bounce.
- yeah.
653
00:26:49,767 --> 00:26:51,533
- when are you going?
- tomorrow.
654
00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:53,700
- tomorrow?
- mm-hmm.
655
00:26:53,733 --> 00:26:56,700
( auntie rae chuckling )
Can you believe it?
656
00:26:56,733 --> 00:26:59,333
- leon: we're out
Of here, man.
- oh my god.
657
00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:03,067
- wow.
- leon: it crept up
On you, right?
658
00:27:03,067 --> 00:27:05,067
You're gonna
Miss us, larry.
659
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:06,733
Auntie rae:
We're gonna
Miss you too, larry.
660
00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:08,667
All right, don't get my
Waterworks going here.
661
00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:10,867
- you know
How emotional I am.
- all right, okay.
662
00:27:10,900 --> 00:27:13,067
Leon:
We're gonna miss you, larry.
That's deep.
663
00:27:13,067 --> 00:27:16,567
Yeah. All right,
I've got to get ready
For a bat mitzvah.
664
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,067
- what's that?
- it's a jewish ceremony,
You know.
665
00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:20,600
- oh.
- it's a big party.
666
00:27:20,633 --> 00:27:22,733
You don't wanna
Go with me, do you?
667
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,867
- you want me to go?
- yeah, come on.
668
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:28,200
Sure, I'll go
With you, l.D.
669
00:27:28,233 --> 00:27:29,933
- beautiful.
- yeah.
670
00:27:29,967 --> 00:27:31,900
- a bat mitzvah.
- yeah.
671
00:27:31,933 --> 00:27:35,300
- ( all chattering )
- my little girl
Is so perfect.
672
00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:51,667
- thank you.
How are you doing?
- naches to you.
673
00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:54,067
You saw
The early rehearsals.
When you left
674
00:27:54,067 --> 00:27:56,467
They had a run-through.
The network stormed out.
675
00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,867
How in the fuck
Could my best friend
Recommend such an asshole?
676
00:27:59,900 --> 00:28:02,800
- why didn't you say
You didn't like him?
- any normal person
677
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:04,633
Would have picked up
On what I was
Trying to say.
678
00:28:04,667 --> 00:28:06,667
Now I'm abnormal.
Oh, now I'm not normal.
679
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,667
Yeah, you are abnormal.
680
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:10,967
You're the most abnormal,
Jerky nutcase
681
00:28:11,067 --> 00:28:12,833
I've ever met
In my entire--
682
00:28:12,867 --> 00:28:15,433
- oh, you think you're
More normal than me?
- fuckin'-a I am.
683
00:28:15,467 --> 00:28:17,467
I'll have
A mental patient face-off
With you any day.
684
00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:21,067
- oh, really?
- hey, larr, did you stick
A gerbil up your ass?
685
00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:23,200
- who told you that?
- I'm not gonna tell you
Who told me.
686
00:28:23,233 --> 00:28:25,567
- it's not important.
- of course I didn't stick
A gerbil up my ass!
687
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,900
- don't get so upset.
- I'm upset!
688
00:28:27,933 --> 00:28:29,667
- he's telling everyone.
- yeah, he sure is.
689
00:28:29,700 --> 00:28:31,833
- woman: oh my god.
- ( laughing )
690
00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,933
( glass dinging )
691
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:40,567
On behalf of my
Wonderful wife susie
692
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,067
And myself
I want to welcome you.
693
00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:45,167
Thank you all so much
For coming.
694
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,700
It means a lot to us,
695
00:28:47,733 --> 00:28:50,067
A lot to sammie,
696
00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:54,067
I can tell you that.
We're very proud of her.
697
00:28:54,067 --> 00:28:56,067
I don't want
To embarrass her,
698
00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:58,067
So I'm gonna
Keep this short
And just say
699
00:28:58,067 --> 00:29:00,100
Thank you
From the bottom
Of our hearts.
700
00:29:00,133 --> 00:29:02,600
What we're gonna
Do right now is
Open it up
701
00:29:02,633 --> 00:29:04,933
To anybody who'd like
To say something,
702
00:29:04,967 --> 00:29:07,867
Make a toast, whatever.
Come on up.
703
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:10,300
- yeah, I'm gonna--
- both: larry.
704
00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:13,567
- I'd like to say something.
- all right.
705
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,333
Hey.
Um...
706
00:29:17,367 --> 00:29:21,200
Well, first of all,
I'm so thrilled
707
00:29:21,233 --> 00:29:23,667
To be here at sammie's
Bat mitzvah tonight.
708
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:26,067
- thank you, larry.
- this is a fantastic
Occasion.
709
00:29:26,067 --> 00:29:28,233
You know,
I've known sammie
710
00:29:28,267 --> 00:29:30,733
Since she was born,
Actually.
711
00:29:30,767 --> 00:29:32,633
- I was in the hospital,
Remember?
- yeah.
712
00:29:32,667 --> 00:29:34,600
I was in the hospital
That day
713
00:29:34,633 --> 00:29:37,367
And I saw her
When she was, like,
Five minutes old.
714
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,533
It was not a pretty
Sight for me.
715
00:29:39,567 --> 00:29:42,067
It was the first time
I ever saw one of those
Things, you know.
716
00:29:42,067 --> 00:29:44,600
Um, anyway,
What I really want
To talk about tonight
717
00:29:44,633 --> 00:29:48,400
Is that
There's a guest here
718
00:29:48,433 --> 00:29:51,067
Spreading a vicious,
Nasty, scurrilous rumor
719
00:29:51,067 --> 00:29:53,067
- about me and a gerbil.
- ( murmuring )
720
00:29:53,067 --> 00:29:54,833
Okay? I'm sure
You've heard it.
721
00:29:54,867 --> 00:29:57,867
And there's not
A word of truth
To it, okay?
722
00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:00,733
He has a personal vendetta,
So don't believe
One word of that.
723
00:30:00,767 --> 00:30:04,033
It's not true.
However,
724
00:30:04,067 --> 00:30:06,033
In the interest
Of full disclosure
725
00:30:06,067 --> 00:30:08,033
I will tell you
That, um,
726
00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:09,900
I do have a tickle
In my anus.
727
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:13,633
- ( crowd groaning )
- and they're slightly
Related to each other.
728
00:30:13,667 --> 00:30:15,633
Marty:
What did he say?
729
00:30:15,667 --> 00:30:18,067
Larry:
The point is, it's not true.
I just thought it was
730
00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:20,133
- important to say that.
- susie: that's fine, larry.
731
00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:22,700
- because it's not right
That he would spread...
- thank you very much.
732
00:30:22,733 --> 00:30:25,367
- ...That vicious rumor.
- larry, thank you
Very much. Enough.
733
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,633
Larry:
What are you looking at,
Tessler?
734
00:30:27,667 --> 00:30:29,933
I'll put
A fist up your ass.
735
00:30:29,967 --> 00:30:32,500
How about that,
Huh?
736
00:30:32,533 --> 00:30:34,500
Well, um,
737
00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:36,800
If anyone else
Has a toast,
738
00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:38,867
Something to say...
739
00:30:57,367 --> 00:30:59,433
I'll be right back.
740
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,200
- cheryl: hi.
- hello.
741
00:31:05,233 --> 00:31:07,067
- how are you doing?
- nice to see you.
742
00:31:07,067 --> 00:31:08,900
- remember glenn?
- sure.
743
00:31:08,933 --> 00:31:11,167
- sammie looks cute.
- yeah.
744
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,400
- very cute.
She's all grown up.
- yeah, I know.
745
00:31:14,433 --> 00:31:16,433
- oh, your underwear--
- yes.
746
00:31:16,467 --> 00:31:19,167
- --got 'em on.
- my underwear?
You're in the no-fly zone?
747
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,300
- I'm going
Right over the fence.
- you're over the fence?
748
00:31:21,333 --> 00:31:22,933
- over the fence.
- did you miss the gate?
749
00:31:22,967 --> 00:31:24,867
- not at all.
- don't even think
About the gate?
750
00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:27,433
- don't even think about it.
- that's wonderful.
Thank you.
751
00:31:27,467 --> 00:31:31,067
- you look good.
- oh, thank you,
Thank you.
752
00:31:31,067 --> 00:31:33,500
( slow music playing )
753
00:31:33,533 --> 00:31:36,600
John legend:
Good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen.
754
00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:39,567
This one
Goes out to sammie.
755
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,100
Would you like
To dance?
756
00:31:41,133 --> 00:31:43,333
Um, yes. I mean,
If you don't mind.
757
00:31:43,367 --> 00:31:45,400
- no, please.
- would you excuse us?
758
00:31:47,333 --> 00:31:49,367
( singing )
759
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:32,200
Would you care to dance?
760
00:32:32,233 --> 00:32:34,267
Thank you.
761
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,833
- wake up, wake up!
- ( all chattering )
762
00:33:26,867 --> 00:33:28,667
- get the ball, daryl!
- ( whistle blows )
763
00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:30,433
Referee:
Slide tackle,
Number 2, black.
764
00:33:30,467 --> 00:33:31,967
- what, you're gonna
Cite that?
- of course.
765
00:33:32,067 --> 00:33:33,467
What, are you crazy?
Are you out of your mind?
766
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:34,733
( whistles )
Get out of here.
767
00:33:34,767 --> 00:33:36,633
Come on.
768
00:33:38,267 --> 00:33:40,467
- stop playing.
Stop playing.
- ( all yelling )
769
00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:42,700
- would y'all calm down?
- hey, give me that.
770
00:33:42,733 --> 00:33:44,500
- keysha: no.
- don't make me
Come back there.
771
00:33:44,533 --> 00:33:46,200
It's mine.
It's mine.
772
00:33:46,233 --> 00:33:48,433
( family yelling )
773
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:57,733
Oh, fuck you, larry.
Bullshit, motherfucker.
774
00:33:57,767 --> 00:33:59,867
- I didn't know.
- you are such a bald
Asshole!
775
00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:02,900
- I can't begin to tell you.
- who the fuck do you think
You're talking to?
776
00:34:02,933 --> 00:34:04,400
Don't nobody talk
To my man like that.
777
00:34:04,433 --> 00:34:06,433
You'd better
Get your ass
Out of my house,
778
00:34:06,467 --> 00:34:09,067
- you fucking bitch.
- goodbye.
779
00:34:09,067 --> 00:34:10,533
Get your smile on.
Get your smile on.
780
00:34:10,567 --> 00:34:12,067
Get your smile on,
Come on.
781
00:34:12,067 --> 00:34:14,067
Am I smiling?
Here we go.
782
00:34:14,067 --> 00:34:15,567
( laughs )
783
00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:22,333
( theme music playing )
62832
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