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1
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,000
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,167
Larry:
Auntie rae, auntie rae?
3
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,633
- you need something?
- I want you to come with me.
I want to show you something.
4
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,133
Oh, all right then.
What is it?
5
00:00:22,167 --> 00:00:24,267
Eh, don't worry.
Just come with me.
6
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,567
You know,
You said how much
You love gardening,
7
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,733
And how you wish you
Could garden here,
8
00:00:29,767 --> 00:00:33,133
So I cleared this
Little area for you.
9
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,533
- and... There you go.
- larry.
10
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,300
You did this for me?
11
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:38,633
- I did it for you!
- oh, larry!
12
00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,567
- huh?
- oh-ho! Larry!
13
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,133
Grow some lettuce, auntie rae.
Grow some lettuce!
14
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:46,067
You don't know how much
I appreciate this.
15
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,633
You've been so good
To us, larry,
16
00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:51,467
My family.
I really appreciate it.
17
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,467
I really
Appreciate it, larry!
18
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,833
Thank you, larry.
I--
19
00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:02,133
Larry,
You're disgusting.
20
00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,733
Ah!
21
00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:06,067
Agh!
Auntie rae!
22
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,467
( sighs )
23
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,467
Larry:
She called me disgusting.
( laughs )
24
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,500
Oh my god.
25
00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:19,100
- what were you thinking?
- and she ran into the house.
26
00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:21,067
- oh my god.
- how does that happen to you?
27
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:24,067
You know, she went
Over the appropriate
Amount of time
28
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:27,067
That I can have
Human contact
Without getting aroused.
29
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,100
I only have five seconds.
30
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:31,167
After that, it's out
Of my control.
31
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,433
Not me. I've got
Discipline down there.
I have a very discerning penis.
32
00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:35,800
- no...
- very discerning.
33
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:38,067
- my penis is an animal.
- really, just out of control?
34
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:40,367
- it's a feral tiger, yeah.
- it's wild.
35
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,933
Oh, so how'd your--
How'd the appointment go?
With the doctor?
36
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:44,633
Great.
37
00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:47,400
He's gonna snip-snip,
And...
38
00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:49,700
I will no longer
Be snoring.
39
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,800
- really?
- going in on
Thursday morning.
40
00:01:51,833 --> 00:01:53,633
- fantastic.
- unbelievable!
41
00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:56,233
- fantastic.
- my dog howls
42
00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:58,400
From my snoring.
I wake up my dog.
43
00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:00,900
My dog starts howling.
I'm out of control.
44
00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:02,700
- this'll be good.
- this'll be great.
45
00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,233
- it's about time.
- it is about time.
46
00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:05,933
- yeah.
- it's about time.
47
00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:09,533
Hey, guess what else?
I think ben stiller's gonna
Come with me as a client.
48
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:11,367
- are you kidding?
- no!
49
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,400
- have you met with him?
- no, I'm meeting with him
This week.
50
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:17,967
- if you could sign him...
- I think it's a slam-dunk.
Done deal.
51
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,800
It's gonna bring you in
So much income.
52
00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:21,133
- huge income, I know.
- my god.
53
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,933
- that's amazing.
- hello.
54
00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:24,533
- hi.
- I know you
Couldn't decide
55
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:27,067
Between the slaw and the soup,
So I brought you both.
56
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,333
Wow, thank you
So very much.
57
00:02:29,367 --> 00:02:31,900
And here's your sandwich.
Can I get you something
To drink?
58
00:02:31,933 --> 00:02:33,833
You know what I'd love?
I'd love an arnold palmer.
59
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:36,167
- okay, I'll be right back.
- thank you.
60
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,067
Excuse me?
Can I give you
A drink order?
61
00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:41,567
- sure.
- I'll just have
An iced tea.
62
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,567
- an iced tea. Okay.
Arnold palmer... Of course.
- thanks again.
63
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,633
Thank you.
Man, she's nice.
64
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,467
Yeah. Nice to people
With hair, she's nice.
65
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:53,533
- what are you talking about?
- what am I talking about?
66
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:56,467
- yeah.
- bald people get discriminated
Against constantly.
67
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,433
And you just saw
A perfect example of it.
68
00:02:58,467 --> 00:03:00,333
Oh, it's because
You're bald.
69
00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:02,567
Yeah, ask any bald person.
Ask, go ahead.
70
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,433
You still have issues
With being bald.
71
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:07,767
You know, if I were bald--
If I woke up tomorrow
And I found myself bald,
72
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,733
I'd be so cool with it.
It'd be no big deal.
It's all natural.
73
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:13,067
- yeah, right,
That's what everybody says.
- whatever.
74
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,167
Hey, they have
A pharmacy here, right?
75
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,367
- yeah.
- I gotta get
A prescription filled.
76
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,100
I'm gonna go now,
Drop it off,
77
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:21,133
Then I'll pick it up
When I'm done.
78
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,933
Beautiful.
79
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,800
- hi.
- oh, hi there.
80
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,167
Ah, let's take
A look here.
81
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,567
Can I get that in
The next half hour?
82
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,100
Sure. Yeah,
We can do that.
83
00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:44,700
Great, thank you.
84
00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:49,100
- larry: that's odd.
- jeff: what?
85
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,400
I could have sworn
When I left,
86
00:03:51,433 --> 00:03:54,267
I had about twice
As many french fries
87
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,767
- as there are now.
- hm.
88
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,700
- you wouldn't know anything
About this, would you?
- no idea.
89
00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:01,067
- huh?
- no idea.
90
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,900
- no idea?
- no.
91
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,267
- no idea?
- I told you I had no idea!
What's the big deal?
92
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,467
- just eat.
- maybe somebody could shed
Some light on this for us.
93
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,367
Excuse me. Hi,
I'm sorry to bother you.
94
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,067
- it's all right.
- I'm wondering if you
Noticed anything unusual
95
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,400
Going on at this table
After I left?
96
00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:26,633
Well, I--
I really couldn't say.
I don't want
97
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,467
To impinge
On a friendship.
98
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,067
Impinge away.
Go ahead and impinge.
99
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:33,400
I took one.
Shoot me.
100
00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:36,067
One.
Two of them might have
Been stuck together.
101
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,933
Mm-mm-mm.
Thank you.
102
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:40,433
- are you a doctor?
- yes, dr. Flomm.
103
00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:42,933
- I'm an orthopedist.
- really? An orthopedist?
104
00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:44,367
- mm-hm.
- hi, my name's larry.
105
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,867
Hi, larry.
I'm-- I'm sheila.
106
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,867
Nice to meet you.
So you work in the building?
107
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,200
Leon:
God damn, larry.
What the fuck, man?
108
00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:56,467
You hug my auntie, man,
You stab her
In the stomach?
109
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,367
- oh well...
- what the fuck was that?
110
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,067
She hugged me
And she held that hug
For over five seconds.
111
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,300
- what the fuck?
- I have no control
After five seconds.
112
00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:05,233
- so you got
A five-second rule?
- not a rule,
113
00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:08,600
It's an approximate amount
Of time that it's gonna take
For something to happen.
114
00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:10,800
What the fuck,
I mean, what the fuck?
Loretta.
115
00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:12,167
- oh, I'm sorry.
- l.D.?
116
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,133
- what?
- you have lost your
Damn mind.
117
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,733
- no, I...
- auntie rae?
118
00:05:15,767 --> 00:05:18,333
I can't control it.
I have no control.
It's not my fault.
119
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,133
Just like that,
You got turned on?
120
00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:22,333
Not just like that.
That's a long time,
Five seconds.
121
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:25,233
He got a five-second rule.
One, two, three, four, five--
Boing, it come out.
122
00:05:25,267 --> 00:05:28,333
- where's your "Mississippi"?
You gotta put mississippi in.
- both: mississippi?
123
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:30,833
That's how you count--
"One-mississippi,
Two-mississippi,
124
00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:33,467
Three-mississippi,
Four-mississippi,
Five-mississippi."
125
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,100
- that's way too long.
- way too long.
126
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,200
- you're stretching it out for--
- I'm not stretching it out.
127
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,333
- I shortened it.
- I'm just sayin',
It's been a long time
128
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,367
- since my uncle
Passed away, man.
- that's right.
129
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,567
You all over her.
You stab her in the fuckin'
Stomach, man.
130
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,367
Believe me, it's not
Gonna happen again.
131
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,667
You better make sure
It don't happen again,
Because we can go.
132
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,267
- we can go, man.
- we can go. We can
Go anywhere.
133
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,100
- where you gonna go?
- anywhere. Get out
Of here, I know that.
134
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,067
- leon: we got places to go.
- you know, it's just
135
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,067
I'm so starved for affection,
I guess that
136
00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:58,867
- any kind of contact...
- talk to your man.
137
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,367
- you got one more chance, l.D.
- I just met a doctor, actually.
138
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,467
I'm gonna go call her
For a date right now.
139
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,800
- she's very attractive.
- handle your business.
140
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,267
- but no-- no more
Hugging, don't worry.
- oh please, please don't.
141
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,367
Call that goddamn doctor,
Get a diagnosis,
142
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,800
And-and-and-- and go
Stab somebody else, man.
143
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:17,067
Dr. Flomm:
And what happens when you--
When you turn your palm?
144
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:19,167
- yeah, it hurts.
- worse, okay.
145
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,267
- ( phone rings )
- just a moment, please.
146
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:24,067
- hello, dr. Flomm.
- oh, dr. Flomm.
147
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:27,200
- this is larry david calling.
- oh hi, larry.
How are you?
148
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:30,133
- good, I met you
Earlier in the cafeteria.
- yes yes, I remember.
149
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:33,733
- would you like
To make an appointment?
- uh, no, actually.
150
00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:36,167
I'm calling for,
Um, a date.
151
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,200
Oh I see.
Well, I'm with
A patient right now.
152
00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:39,867
Oh jeez,
I'm so sorry.
153
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,633
Okay, is-- is tonight
Good for you?
154
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:45,300
Actually I'm all
Booked up tonight, but I
Am available tomorrow
155
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,200
Between 5:00 and 6:00
Or anytime after 8:30.
156
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,300
- okay, I'll take the 8:30.
- terrific.
157
00:06:49,333 --> 00:06:51,433
Speak to my receptionist
To get the pertinent details.
158
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:53,867
- I'll call your receptionist.
- if you need to cancel
159
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,800
Or in case of any emergency,
Just page me.
160
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,167
Okay.
Okay, will do.
161
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,433
Good, and I recommend
Being five minutes early.
162
00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:00,767
Okay, I'll see you
Tomorrow.
163
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,267
All right, larry,thank you.
164
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,500
- okay.
- ( clicks )
165
00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,133
Hi.
166
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:14,167
Is... Sheila here?
167
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,400
Yeah, come on in.
I'm her sister.
168
00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:18,133
- oh, hi.
- you must be larry.
169
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:20,067
- yeah.
- just come on in,
Have a seat.
170
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,067
- make yourself at home.
- oh, thanks.
171
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,967
- she'll be right down.
- ( soft jazz playing )
172
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,533
You have nothing
To worry about.
It'll be fine.
173
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:50,300
- thanks, sheila.
- oh hi, larry.
174
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,300
- hi hi.
- this is my brother joe.
175
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,067
- larry david.
- hi, joe.
176
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,300
- nice to meet you.
- I suppose you met trish,
My sister.
177
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:57,567
Yes, yeah.
178
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,400
- wow.
- huh?
179
00:07:59,433 --> 00:08:01,933
- you look great.
- it took me about
Two hours to get ready.
180
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,733
Your brother and sister,
They're staying with you?
181
00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:08,867
Yeah, they're gonna be
With me just a couple months.
182
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,133
- so...
- you know, I've got people
In my house too.
183
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:12,733
- you're kidding.
- no.
184
00:08:12,767 --> 00:08:15,267
You know, it's great
And then sometimes
It's not so great.
185
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:17,167
Well, I took in
A homeless family...
186
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,567
- you what?
- ...From-- from--
From the hurricane.
187
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,700
- you're kidding.
- no.
188
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,833
Anyway, their--
Their name is "Black."
189
00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:25,100
- uh-huh.
- and-- and they're
Actually black.
190
00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,767
- well, that makes it easy.
- exactly, yeah.
191
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,100
Yeah.
192
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,067
- can I move on?
- absolutely.
193
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,233
Huh? All right,
I got a groin issue.
194
00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:35,067
- oh, okay.
- I-- I pulled it.
195
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,067
Did you ice it right away?
196
00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:38,967
- no.
- okay, so put a little
Bit of heat
197
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:40,667
- on the groin...
- heat on the groin.
198
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:43,133
- ...And then I'd massage it.
- you want me to massage it?
199
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,633
- oh absolutely.
- really?
200
00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,500
You never want
To massage with muscle,
201
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:49,067
- you always want
To massage laterally.
- lateral, okay.
202
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,300
For instance,
This is your groin.
Just-- you just massage across.
203
00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:55,100
Watch out for my testicles
Right over there.
204
00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:57,233
( dr. Flomm laughing )
205
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,767
Larry?
206
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:07,433
Why don't we move this
To my bedroom?
207
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,167
Sure.
208
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,667
Go upstairs,
Take off your clothes,
209
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,133
And I'll be in to see
You in a few minutes.
210
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:19,367
Okay.
211
00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:27,767
( exhales )
212
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,067
( light jazz playing )
213
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,567
Larry?
214
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,100
- hey.
- hi.
215
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,100
Uh, listen, I--
I am so sorry.
216
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,900
I-- I hate
To tell you this,
217
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,933
But my brother
And sister just
Came back.
218
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,933
- they weren't supposed
To be here.
- oh.
219
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:57,700
And my brother got
Food poisoning, so they
Came back early,
220
00:09:57,733 --> 00:10:00,100
And I--
I'm really sorry.
221
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,233
- well, what are you gonna do?
- so...
222
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:04,467
- it happens.
- ...We need to reschedule.
223
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,267
Why don't you get dressed
And I'll meet you
In the foyer?
224
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,367
I'm telling you, jeffrey,
225
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,500
There's nothing
Like dating a doctor.
226
00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:24,033
We talked for 45 minutes
About my groin injury.
227
00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:27,133
No no, she just
Wants me to massage it.
228
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,300
It's killing me too.
229
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:31,700
Um, so listen--
230
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:34,800
I'm gonna see you later.
I'm gonna stop by before
Your operation.
231
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:36,600
Okay, man.
232
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:38,667
Okay, take care.
233
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,467
( groans )
234
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,367
( gasps )
235
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,233
( screams )
236
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,833
Oh!
Auntie rae!
237
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,867
- larry: you know what?
- what?
238
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,500
- last night, I know
We talked about this.
- yeah?
239
00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:04,700
- this thing, you know.
- oh, that thing.
240
00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:07,633
- and believe me, I respect
Your medical judgment.
- mm-hm?
241
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,700
- I think it's cancer.
- ( laughs ) it's not cancer.
242
00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:13,100
Huh? I've never
Had cancer before
But I'm imagining
243
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:14,967
- this is how it feels like.
- how would you know?
244
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:16,733
No no, it's not.
245
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,800
( clears throat )
I'm gonna...
246
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:20,633
Head to the men's room.
247
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,533
I-- okay, that's fine.
248
00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:24,967
I just... I'm a little
Shy about this,
249
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:27,800
And I just have--
I just wrote you
A little something.
250
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,100
- I think it might
Make you feel better.
- moi?
251
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:33,200
- yeah.
- ah. A note.
252
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:35,133
- oh my god.
- you're embarrassing me.
253
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:37,133
Just-- just go
To the bathroom.
254
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,067
- oh, excuse me?
- yeah?
255
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:53,600
- can you do me a favor?
- sure.
256
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,333
A doctor wrote me this note.
I can't make out
A word of it.
257
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,900
You know the way they write.
They have terrible penmanship.
258
00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:00,633
- look at this.
- "Libby..."
259
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,167
No no, larry.
That's me.
260
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,867
Something...
261
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,967
- something "Socks."
- "Socks"?
262
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,967
That's an "S"?
I thought that was a "T".
263
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,167
- tox?
- truck?
264
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,700
Truck.
Do you have a truck?
265
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,433
- no, I don't have a truck.
- it's gotta be truck-- oh.
266
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,533
- all right, whatever, okay.
- I'm sorry.
267
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:21,067
- all right, thank you.
- yeah.
268
00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:23,167
Thank you.
This...
269
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:29,300
- ( water running )
- man: yeah, I'm at
The hospital.
270
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,200
Yeah, I fucked
My wrist or something.
271
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,067
Yeah, I was movinga futon.
272
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:37,067
And I had to take
The top because of
This 300-lb nigger.
273
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,900
Yeah, exactly.
I'm at the fuckin' top,
And halfway through,
274
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:42,767
This nigger
Drops his side.
275
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:47,100
So nowmy wrist is fucked.
276
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,833
Oh my god.
277
00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:55,600
You can't believe
What I just overheard
In the bathroom.
278
00:12:55,633 --> 00:12:57,933
What an unbelievable jerk.
279
00:12:57,967 --> 00:13:01,900
This guy is
On his cell phone,
He's talking to his friend.
280
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:04,367
And he's upset
And he's complaining,
281
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,500
You know, he had
To move some furniture.
And he says to his friend,
282
00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:10,267
"I hurt my hand because
I had to take the top
283
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,067
Because of this
300-lb nigger who was--"
284
00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:15,467
What did you say?
What did you just say?
285
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,800
- oh...
- what did you just fix
Your mouth to say?
286
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,700
- no no--
- you just used
The most vile word
287
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,567
In the english language.
How dare you?
288
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,367
- no, I was--
- how dare-- in front of me?
289
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,200
You are despicable.
I can't stand people
Like you.
290
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:28,233
- I didn't--
- you bald son of a bitch.
291
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:30,800
I have to face this kind
Of wretched foolishness.
292
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,600
This is ridiculous.
I just want to-- god!
I can't stand people like--
293
00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:36,233
Bald?
294
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,400
( machine beeping )
295
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:44,700
I wonder what's
Keeping dr. Page?
296
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:46,833
Why hasn't this patient
Been prepped?
297
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,300
He is prepped, sir.
298
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:51,167
Excuse me, nurse.
299
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,333
- clippers!
- sir, clippers
Are not req--
300
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,500
Do I have to do
Everything myself?
301
00:13:55,533 --> 00:13:57,800
I know what I'm doing here.
Clippers, please.
302
00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:59,667
Thank you.
303
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,100
( buzzing )
304
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,200
Jeff:
Oh my god!
No no!
305
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:09,967
- what?
- oh my god!
306
00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:11,800
Look at me!
307
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:14,067
What the hell
Happened to you?
308
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,167
- what happened?
- what happened, nurse?
309
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,300
Dr. Page accidentally shaved
Mr. Greene's head--
310
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:20,900
- shaved my head?
- wait a minute.
311
00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:22,667
- accidentally?
- did he operate on my head?
312
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,267
No, the procedure
Was canceled.
313
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,900
The operation is going
To be rescheduled.
314
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,067
- so he didn't
Have the surgery?
- no.
315
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,067
Oh, you look horrible.
Jeff!
316
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,533
- nurse, would you
Please excuse us?
- doctor, what happened?
317
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:36,067
- what the hell happened?
Look at him!
- what happened?
318
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,700
Mr. And mrs. Greene,
I am so sorry.
319
00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:40,067
I was coming to see you
In the operating room
320
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,633
And I had just been
Victimized by a terrible
Incident in the cafeteria.
321
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,400
And so I came
To the operating room
322
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:47,833
And I was so angered
And I was upset
And I was confused,
323
00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,500
And I mistakenly
Shaved your head,
324
00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:51,833
- for which I'm so sorry.
- "Mistake" is correct.
325
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:54,367
- you took it
Out on his head?
- it was a terrible mistake.
326
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,533
I can explain--
I'm leaving the cafeteria,
And I'm walking past a table,
327
00:14:57,567 --> 00:15:00,267
And this horrible man
Uses the most vile word
328
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,933
In the english language
To refer to a black person.
329
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:04,667
And I went
Into a blind rage.
330
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,200
And I left there and I went
To the operating room,
331
00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:10,333
And I made
This terrible mistake,
For which I'm so sorry.
332
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,733
Do you know who
This man was?
333
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,400
I have no idea
Who he was.
334
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:16,067
He was just
A despicable bald man.
335
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,767
- bald?
- ye
336
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,467
Did he, by any chance,
337
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,067
Wear glasses?
338
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:24,233
Yes.
339
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:26,500
As a matter of fact,
He was wearing glasses.
340
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,233
And it was awful.
It was just absolutely
Awful.
341
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,667
"S..."
342
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,300
"Sitter"?
"Sitting"?
343
00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:42,067
( rapping on door )
344
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,667
( sighs )
345
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:49,067
Look at him!
346
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,867
- look at him!
- what the fuck?
347
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:52,767
- I'm bald!
- you like this look?
348
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,067
- he had a beautiful
Full head of hair...
- I'm bald!
349
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:57,300
...A mane that I loved
And now he looks like you!
350
00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,167
- look at me!
- what happened?
351
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,367
- how did that happen?
- you did it!
352
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,900
- I did it?
- you did it! Yes!
353
00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:05,700
- what are you talking about?
- you traumatized the doctor!
354
00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:09,967
He described you.
He said, "Bald, glasses."
You said some racial slur
355
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:11,933
And you traumatizedthe doctor.
356
00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:13,767
- and he came in
All flummoxed...
- what did you do?
357
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,967
...And shaved
His fucking head!
358
00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,600
There's nothing wrong
With being bald!
359
00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:19,667
- sure there is!
- yes, there is, larry!
360
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,067
- look at you!
- you said you wouldn't
Care if you were bald!
361
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:23,700
Yeah, in 40 years!
Not fucking today!
362
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,733
Because he knew it was
Never gonna happen!
363
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,933
- not overnight!
- yours is gonna grow back.
Mine isn't!
364
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:29,667
That's right.
You know what?
Curse on you!
365
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:32,067
Mine's gonna
Grow back. Yours isn't!
You deserve it!
366
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,900
Susie:
What did you say
To that doctor?
367
00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:36,167
Here's what happened, okay?
Here's what happened.
368
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,367
I was in the cafeteria.
I was having lunch
With dr. Flomm.
369
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,633
Okay? What--
You know, it was pretty...
370
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,433
By the way, can you
Interpret this-- this note?
371
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:46,500
Oh, nobody gives a shit
About your note!
372
00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:47,900
- what are you doing?
- huh?
373
00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:50,233
Okay, so I went
To the men's room.
374
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:52,633
I'm in the stall.
There's this guy,
375
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:54,167
An unbelievable
Asshole.
376
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,267
He's talking
On his cell phone
To his friend.
377
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,933
He's very upset
Because they had to
Move some furniture.
378
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:00,800
He says to his friend,
"I hurt my hand
379
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:03,367
- because this
300-lb nigger is--"
- what'd you say?
380
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,400
- what?
- what did you just say?
381
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:08,167
- oh no no, I--
- did I just hear the word
Nigger come out your mouth?
382
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,233
- no, but I was--
- did you say nigger?
383
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,133
- leon! Leon!
- what?
384
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:14,767
- oh no no, don't--
- leon, get your ass out here.
385
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,433
Larry
Just said nigger.
386
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,933
- get thfuck out of here!
- larry just said nigger!
387
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:21,067
- how you gonna say
Nigger, man?
- no no!
388
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:22,667
Is that how you
Feel about us?
389
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,900
That we a bunch
Of niggers up in here?
390
00:17:24,933 --> 00:17:27,933
- I was quoting somebody.
- let's get out of here!
I wanna go!
391
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:30,600
What is all this
Fussing and cussing
Going on up in here?
392
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,300
Larry d. Done
Called us nigger.
393
00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:33,633
- nigger?
- both: nigger!
394
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,167
- no, let me explain!
- you lost your damn mind now!
395
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,800
First, you're gonna be rubbing
All up against me, then whacking
Off in the damn car!
396
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,400
- now you call us--
- I was massaging!
397
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:43,433
I'll come down there
To whip your poor ass!
398
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:46,267
- you done fucked up, larry!
- I'll tell you one damn thing--
399
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,200
We ain't gonnaput up with that.
400
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,733
- l.D., I told you
You had one last chance.
- auntie rae: one.
401
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:53,100
- this the last straw.
We out this bitch.
- that's it.
402
00:17:53,133 --> 00:17:54,400
- we out this bitch!
- out.
403
00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:56,233
- where you gonna go?
- we don't know.
404
00:17:56,267 --> 00:17:58,500
- but we gonna get
The hell out of here.
- you could stay with us.
405
00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:00,600
- thank you, baby.
- that's what I'm talking about.
406
00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:01,867
- we appreciate that.
- thank you!
407
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,567
Fuck you, larry,
Wit' your monkey ass!
408
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,400
Auntie rae:
Daryl! Keysha!
409
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:08,333
- we gettin'
The hell outta here.
- you're damn straight.
410
00:18:08,367 --> 00:18:09,967
- get the hell outta here.
- where the kids at?
411
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:12,367
Like how you do what you do.
It's a sexy ass, susie.
412
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,600
Fuck you, larry!
413
00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:16,533
Peace!
414
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,333
Well, look, I--
I think that
415
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:25,633
You're limiting yourself
By just doing comedies.
416
00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:27,533
- right.
- you can do it
In your sleep.
417
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,067
Let's show people more.
418
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,233
Why can't you win
An academy award?
419
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:33,800
The studios, they'll do
Anything you want to do.
420
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:36,433
We just gotta push 'em
In the right direction, man.
421
00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:38,367
- yeah.
- that's it.
422
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,833
- I didn't just fall
Off the melon truck.
- melon truck?
423
00:18:40,867 --> 00:18:43,867
You sign with me,
I will fight that fight
To get you those roles,
424
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,933
To develop those
Projects with you.
425
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:48,767
That's what I do.
You know, you need
To be doing things
426
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,100
( voice fades )
That are more independent,
Smaller in scale...
427
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:55,433
As well as the big-scale stuff.
That's gonna fall in your lap.
428
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,567
I'll do the work.
You won't notice
Anything different
429
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,533
Except for the fact that
You're collecting awards.
430
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:01,400
( normal voice )okay?
431
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,167
What?
432
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,367
Stiller said no.
433
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,633
- what?
- doesn't want
To work with me.
434
00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:15,967
- are you kidding?
- doesn't feel it's right.
435
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,767
- he called you?
- yeah.
436
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,500
Said "It doesn't
Feel right."
437
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,700
- "Doesn't feel right"?
- doesn't feel right.
438
00:19:21,733 --> 00:19:24,067
- yeah?
- yeah.
439
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,867
You know what doesn't
Feel right about it?
440
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,300
- you're bald.
- you think that's
The reason why?
441
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:30,867
- yeah.
- I'm not sure.
442
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:33,133
Doesn't want a bald man
To be representing him!
443
00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:35,533
Hey! You know what?
I know exactly what I want.
444
00:19:35,567 --> 00:19:37,567
- I'm gonna get--
- I'm a little busy today.
445
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,533
I'll come back
In a little bit.
446
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,200
- okay?
- that's weird.
447
00:19:43,233 --> 00:19:44,833
- weird?
- yeah.
448
00:19:44,867 --> 00:19:46,833
That's the way
It works, my friend.
449
00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:48,267
Welcome to my world.
450
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,900
- this sucks.
- you know what?
451
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:52,800
- this fucking sucks.
- that cost you millions
Of dollars today.
452
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,300
- what happened.
- millions of dollars.
453
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,967
- millions of dollars.
- the hospital wants
To meet with me.
454
00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:59,667
They want to talk and--
And go over my bill.
455
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,500
"Go over my bill."
I'm gonna sue these
Motherfuckers.
456
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:04,800
- that's it!
That's fucking it!
- right, good for you.
457
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:06,933
This blows.
How do you deal with it?
458
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:10,633
You just get used to it.
And I get support
From my bald brothers.
459
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:12,833
- there's, like, meetings?
- there's no meetings,
460
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:15,067
But we see each other
On the street, we nod.
461
00:20:15,100 --> 00:20:17,900
- we'll give a thumbs up.
- yeah.
462
00:20:17,933 --> 00:20:20,967
You know what?
We love each other,
Me and my bald brothers.
463
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,933
Still obsessed
With that note, huh?
464
00:20:22,967 --> 00:20:25,700
I-- I've asked
10 people.
465
00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:28,100
Excuse me, could you
Do me a favor?
466
00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:31,100
I can't read this.
Could you make out
Any of that handwriting?
467
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:32,400
- this from a doctor?
- yeah.
468
00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:34,367
Take it
To a pharmacist.
469
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,833
- what a great idea.
- yeah.
470
00:20:38,867 --> 00:20:41,067
They're the only
Ones who can make out
A doctor's handwriting.
471
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,567
Yeah, go!
472
00:20:45,133 --> 00:20:47,033
- oh, hi.
- hi.
473
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:49,767
Rry david.
I dropped off a prescription
The other day.
474
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,467
- ah yes yes, here we go.
- yeah.
475
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,333
Actually, I want
To talk to you about
Something else too.
476
00:20:54,367 --> 00:20:56,467
I'm going out
With a doctor,
477
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,500
And she wrote me
This note,
478
00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:00,767
- and I cannot...
- and you can't read it.
479
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,800
I can't read it!
It's unbelievable.
480
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:04,800
- nobody can!
- yes.
481
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,600
So somebody suggested
A pharmacist,
482
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,533
'cause nobody can
Decipher this thing.
483
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:10,333
Let me--
Let me take a shot.
484
00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:12,367
You're my only hope.
485
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,067
"Larry, had a great time
Last night.
486
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:19,800
Would love to get
Together friday night
487
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:22,333
- at the bel-air
Regency hotel..."
- what?
488
00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,567
"...Just the two of us."
489
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,533
- ( sighs )
- "So tired of all these
490
00:21:27,567 --> 00:21:29,833
Brothers and sisters
Around.
491
00:21:29,867 --> 00:21:33,067
I know you feel
The same way.
492
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:35,633
Tell me your life
Wouldn't be better
493
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:38,467
Without the blacks."
494
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,067
Huh?
495
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,067
Oh, okay, uh...
No no no no no.
496
00:21:44,067 --> 00:21:46,333
Pharmacist: it's your business.
497
00:21:46,367 --> 00:21:48,500
- you're misinterpreting it.
- here's your prescription.
498
00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:50,767
- no, see I've got--
- take your prescription.
499
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,133
- thank you.
- I've got people
In my house.
500
00:21:53,167 --> 00:21:55,500
There's...
501
00:21:55,533 --> 00:21:58,200
They're black but
Their name is black!
502
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:00,833
She's got...
503
00:22:00,867 --> 00:22:03,433
Her brothers
And sisters.
504
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:17,600
( soft piano playing )
505
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,067
Dr. Flomm:
It's open.
Come on in.
506
00:22:29,467 --> 00:22:33,067
Hi. You have got
The worst handwriting...
507
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:34,800
- ( laughs )
- are you out of your mind?
508
00:22:34,833 --> 00:22:37,067
- no? You couldn't read it?
- you expect anybody to--
509
00:22:37,067 --> 00:22:39,167
- couldn't read it?
I gave it to 10,000--
- oh!
510
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,633
- a pharmacist,
A pharmacist wound up...
- I'm so sorry.
511
00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:44,367
- ...Translating that for me.
- oh, I'm sorry.
512
00:22:49,433 --> 00:22:50,633
Mm.
513
00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,967
Larry:
Thanks for driving me home.
514
00:23:14,067 --> 00:23:15,467
Really, I--
I couldn't drive.
515
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,200
I just don't--
I don't feel like--
516
00:23:17,233 --> 00:23:19,767
I feel nauseous
And like I'm drugged
Or something.
517
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,267
And as far as
What happened earlier,
518
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,267
I'm mean,
You know, usually like,
Five-mississippi.
519
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,733
Honest to god,
Five-mississippi--
( claps )
520
00:23:28,767 --> 00:23:30,633
That's all I need.
521
00:23:30,667 --> 00:23:32,967
Why don't you just go?
522
00:23:38,867 --> 00:23:41,133
Well...
Good night.
523
00:24:04,133 --> 00:24:06,467
Ugh!
524
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,800
( orchestra playing )
525
00:25:06,067 --> 00:25:07,867
( sighs )
526
00:25:09,367 --> 00:25:11,967
( jeff snoring )
527
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:17,133
Leon:
Ahhh!
528
00:25:17,167 --> 00:25:20,167
Somebody go in there
And put a sock in that
Motherfucker's mouth!
529
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,967
( knocks at door )
530
00:25:22,067 --> 00:25:23,867
( moaning )
531
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:25,800
( knocks )
532
00:25:25,833 --> 00:25:27,800
One second!
533
00:25:29,533 --> 00:25:31,500
( door-knocker rapping )
534
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,133
Hey, l.D.
535
00:25:37,167 --> 00:25:39,200
- what's going on?
- come on in, it's cold.
536
00:25:39,233 --> 00:25:41,533
- you're back?
- yeah. Couldn't sleep.
537
00:25:41,567 --> 00:25:43,733
Jeff's snore?
Man, I'm telling you,
That was awful.
538
00:25:43,767 --> 00:25:45,867
Worse than
The damn hurricane.
539
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,900
- I know, it's terrible.
- kids need to sleep here.
Y'all go on up to bed.
540
00:25:48,933 --> 00:25:50,433
- good night, larry.
- good night.
541
00:25:50,467 --> 00:25:52,267
- good night, mom.
- good night, y'all.
542
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:56,067
Talk to your boy, man.
Shit, that motherfucker
Swallowed a kazoo.
543
00:25:56,067 --> 00:25:59,233
- ridiculous.
All fucking night!
- yeah.
544
00:26:00,967 --> 00:26:03,067
Come on!
545
00:26:03,067 --> 00:26:05,067
It's safe.
It's safe.
546
00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:07,433
One-mississippi,
Two-mississippi,
547
00:26:07,467 --> 00:26:10,067
Three-mississippi...
548
00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:12,367
Jeff:
My own daughter locks
Herself in her room,
549
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,833
Won't come out
Whenever I'm home.
550
00:26:14,867 --> 00:26:17,900
My wife--
One of the most warm,
Loving people
551
00:26:17,933 --> 00:26:19,067
You could ever meet--
552
00:26:19,067 --> 00:26:21,500
Has turned into a witch.
553
00:26:21,533 --> 00:26:24,467
A witch!
'cause I'm bald.
It's changed everything.
554
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:27,100
Ben stiller
Won't work with me
555
00:26:27,133 --> 00:26:30,467
Because I'm bald!
I mean, come on.
556
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:33,200
Do you know how many millions
I'm losing because of that?
557
00:26:33,233 --> 00:26:34,900
Millions I'm losing!
558
00:26:34,933 --> 00:26:37,467
All right, I don't know
What else to say. Thank you.
559
00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:40,067
All right, mr. Greene.
I understand now we're
Going to hear
560
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:42,367
From mr. Larry david,
561
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,867
Who will testify
On mr. Greene's behalf.
Mr. David?
562
00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:48,133
- thank you for being here.
- you're welcome.
563
00:26:48,167 --> 00:26:50,467
Mr. David, as you know,
We are looking into
564
00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,867
Allegations
Of physician misconduct
565
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:55,100
Stemming
From the incident
566
00:26:55,133 --> 00:26:56,967
On the 17th
Of this month.
567
00:26:57,067 --> 00:26:59,500
Would you please tell
The board what happened?
568
00:26:59,533 --> 00:27:02,367
I was having lunch
In the cafeteria,
569
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,567
And I excused myself
To go to the bathroom.
570
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,333
You know, it's--
It's a thing we all do.
571
00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:11,333
It's not a crime, right?
572
00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:14,167
- don't have
To be embarrassed.
- no need for embarrassment.
573
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,533
Go ahead.
574
00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:17,233
Anyway, I went
Into the stall.
575
00:27:17,267 --> 00:27:20,400
Generally, when I--
When I use a public toilet,
576
00:27:20,433 --> 00:27:23,067
I'll-- I'll go into the stall
As opposed to the urinals.
577
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,667
I find there's, you know,
There's no privacy.
578
00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:28,533
And if there's no dividers,
It's kind of like going
In a trough.
579
00:27:28,567 --> 00:27:30,467
All right, all right.
Go ahead, please.
580
00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:32,667
Anyway, so I went
Into the stall--
581
00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:35,367
I guess it's kind
Of a habit now
582
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,500
For me to go
Into the stall, in a way.
583
00:27:37,533 --> 00:27:39,767
Um, if it's open,
If it's available,
584
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,600
I'll-- I'll generally
Take the stall.
585
00:27:41,633 --> 00:27:44,833
Of course, what you
Find in there is-- you know,
Is anybody's guess.
586
00:27:44,867 --> 00:27:47,233
Anyway,
So I'm in the stall,
587
00:27:47,267 --> 00:27:51,733
And I overhear this guy
Talking on his cell phone.
588
00:27:51,767 --> 00:27:55,067
And he's talking
To a friend of his, and
He's getting very upset
589
00:27:55,067 --> 00:27:57,067
'cause he had to move
Some furniture
590
00:27:57,067 --> 00:27:59,367
And he hurt his hand.
And he-- and he's saying,
591
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,167
- "And then I hurt my hand
'cause this 300-lb--"
- ( door closes )
592
00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:05,700
Sorry I'm late.
593
00:28:05,733 --> 00:28:07,567
( man clears throat )
594
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,400
Please continue,
Mr. David.
595
00:28:10,433 --> 00:28:12,933
Go ahead, sir.
596
00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:14,533
Please continue.
597
00:28:16,867 --> 00:28:18,967
Mr. David,is there a problem?
598
00:28:19,067 --> 00:28:23,067
Please,
Tell us what the man
On the cell phone said.
599
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,067
Mr. David, tell us
What the man said!
600
00:28:29,067 --> 00:28:31,700
- just say it!
- you are wasting this
Committee's time.
601
00:28:31,733 --> 00:28:34,367
- larry, tell 'em.
- please tell us what
The man said.
602
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,267
- say it!
- tell 'em!
Will you tell them?
603
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:38,067
- just say it!
- larry, just tell 'em!
604
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:39,900
- tell us what the man said!
- tell them, please?
605
00:28:39,933 --> 00:28:42,200
- just do it, larry!
- tell us now, mr. David!
606
00:28:42,233 --> 00:28:44,900
- just say it!
- larry, tell 'em!
607
00:28:44,933 --> 00:28:54,967
( theme music playing )
608
00:28:54,967 --> 00:29:05,067
( theme music playing )
47911
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