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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:23,633 Hb ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:31,100 Morning! 3 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,067 ( birds twittering ) 4 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:37,733 - need some help? - be great. That'd be great. 5 00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:39,800 Okay. 6 00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:47,500 Hey, I'll do it. Don't worry about it. Relax. 7 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,867 - I got it. - mac: nice, thank you. 8 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:51,333 - what is this, grape juice? - yes, grape juice. 9 00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:54,200 - you guys drink grape juice? - sure we do, it's a great Antioxidant. 10 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:57,167 - come on over and have some. - you never see people drinking Grape juice. 11 00:00:57,267 --> 00:01:00,533 - it's delicious, you'd love it. - I think it's a very Underrated juice. 12 00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:03,067 - it is! - I wonder why more People don't buy it. 13 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,467 Ethel: Larry. Larry. 14 00:01:05,567 --> 00:01:09,133 Did you know that A sex offender moved Into the neighborhood? 15 00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:12,100 - yeah, I saw his Picture on a flyer. - I know, it's terrible! 16 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,200 Yeah, he's A bald guy, too. 17 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,267 - a bald guy. - yeah, a bald guy. 18 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:19,600 - it's very bad for The bald community. - oh, larry. 19 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:22,733 What's very bad for The community is that He's a sex offender. 20 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:26,267 I know, as long as he's gonna Be a sex offender I wish he Had a full head of hair. 21 00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,300 - oh, larry! - let me ask You a question. 22 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,033 Have you-- have you guys Been getting your newspaper? 23 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,667 Yeah, yeah. 24 00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:35,400 - you have? - yes. 25 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,867 Hmm. I haven't gotten My paper in six days. 26 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,433 I did see somebody 27 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,867 Walk up your Walkway there, 28 00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:44,233 - pick up your newspaper-- - what?! 29 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,733 But I figured maybe it Was somebody that you knew 30 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,267 Because he had on a suit. 31 00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:50,733 A guy in a suit Is taking my paper? 32 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,033 That's why she thought it Might your friend of yours. 33 00:01:53,133 --> 00:01:55,767 Jesus! That's crazy! 34 00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:59,100 - ethel: well, you know. - guy in a suit is taking My newspaper? 35 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,967 A suit's a good cover if A guy's gonna steal a paper. 36 00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,333 If you saw him again, Would know him? 37 00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,500 Yeah yeah, I'm pretty Sure I'd know him. 38 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:14,300 A guy in a suit? Huh? 39 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,167 - makes no sense. - stealing papers? 40 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:20,033 - makes no sense. - I know. 41 00:02:20,133 --> 00:02:21,767 I don't get it. 42 00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:23,967 I don't get it at all. 43 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,867 What's a motivation there? 44 00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:28,567 Guy in a suit's gotta Be able to afford a paper. 45 00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:31,200 Yeah. Hey, you coming To passover seder? 46 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,333 - cheryl's doing a seder, huh? - yeah, for my father. 47 00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:36,067 Does she know What she's doing? 48 00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:38,367 - I don't know, she'll find out. - a little problem. 49 00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,333 Susie's sister's in town, 50 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:44,000 Which means my Brother-in-law's in Town which means that 51 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,900 Their kid's in town and 52 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,967 My brother-in-law Is a little... 53 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:52,300 - he's a conservative? - he's a conservative. 54 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,467 - your brother-in-law's A conservative? - big time. 55 00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:57,367 - big time conservative - do you want to bring Him to the seder? 56 00:02:57,467 --> 00:02:58,867 - yeah. - fine, I don't care. 57 00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:01,433 - I'll talk to you later. - all right, very good. 58 00:03:01,533 --> 00:03:04,433 - thanks for lunch! - sure. 59 00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:19,567 Man: These machines Are really finicky. 60 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,467 Yeah, let me give You a hand with that. 61 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,333 No nno no. 62 00:03:25,433 --> 00:03:27,733 - no, let me help you out. - no, I don't even care-- You know what? 63 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,967 No, let me get this. I know how to do it. I've got the touch. 64 00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:31,900 - I don't even need to read it. - watch watch watch watch. 65 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000 ( coin jangling ) 66 00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:36,400 I just know how to do it. I know this machine. 67 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,467 Go ahead. 68 00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:41,800 You want one? 69 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,667 Yeah, but I'll close it Again and pay for it, Because, you know. 70 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,200 - it's just... - oh. Okay. 71 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,567 ( coin jangling ) 72 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,233 - okay, well... - yeah. 73 00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,900 - thanks a lot. - hey, I'm sorry, you're-- 74 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,067 You're larry david, right? 75 00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:03,700 - yeah. - yeah, I'm sorry To bother you like this. 76 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,433 I never, ever do this. 77 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,333 But, you know, I'm sort Of new to the neighborhood. 78 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,767 And I'm a huge "Seinfeld" fan. 79 00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,633 - no kidding? - yeah, the biggest. 80 00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:14,700 - seriously? Get out of here. - yeah yeah yeah, seriously. 81 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,300 No, I'm, probably the biggest "Seinfeld" fan ever. 82 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,767 - what a great show. I miss it. I miss it! - ah, go on. 83 00:04:20,867 --> 00:04:22,767 "Puffy shirt" is My favorite episode. 84 00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:25,933 You know what? I love that show. 85 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,833 - really? - that's one of my Favorite episodes. 86 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:29,933 Yeah, it's great. It's great. 87 00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:32,367 How did you guys come up With the low talker? 88 00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:36,600 Well, I mean it was Pretty easy to come Up with. 89 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:38,167 I was out to dinner With one. 90 00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:40,367 And then you write It and you put it On the tv. 91 00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:43,333 - yeah, yeah. - I'm not an artist, You know? 92 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,633 So it's interesting To see how an artist Like yourself works. 93 00:04:45,733 --> 00:04:47,800 Well, that's very nice Of you. Thank you. 94 00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:51,000 - it's incredible. It's really an honor. - thank you so much. 95 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,033 I'm rick leftowitz. Great to meet you. 96 00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:56,333 - nice to meet you. - yeah. 97 00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:58,767 - welcome To the neighborhood. - thank you. 98 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:11,367 Oh, boy, Look at the jew girl. 99 00:05:11,467 --> 00:05:14,233 - I am so jewish Right now. - holy cow! 100 00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:15,800 Where did you learn How to do this? 101 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,100 Well, susie's been Coaching me through It all. 102 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,767 - she has? - yeah. 103 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:22,400 - do you even know what This thing is called? - this is a, uh... 104 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:25,033 Haroset. 105 00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:28,633 - very good. - it's a lot like Ambrosia, except-- 106 00:05:28,733 --> 00:05:31,600 I wish my mother were Alive to hear you say That word out loud. 107 00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:34,733 Yeah, I wish my mother Could hear me say-- My mother would flip 108 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,800 - if she knew I was doing this. - looks good. 109 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,933 Thank you. I mean, I'm trying. 110 00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:44,267 It seems like a lot Of trouble you people Go through for this. 111 00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:47,600 - you know what I mean? - "You people?" I don't know If I like that so much. 112 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,733 - you jews, is that better? - that's better, yeah. 113 00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:53,967 Okay, I feel like I've been cutting apples For, like, two hours. 114 00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:58,267 Okay, hey, You know what? 115 00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,700 Marla and mark Got back together. 116 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,933 - really? - yeah. 117 00:06:03,033 --> 00:06:06,600 Good for them. Good for them! 118 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,833 I thought you'd be Happy to hear that. 119 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,100 That's nice. That's nice. When did this happen? 120 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,500 About a week ago, And he moved back in With her. 121 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,933 - really? - yeah. 122 00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,433 - wow. - and they're coming Tomorrow. 123 00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,400 - oh, you know Who else is coming? - who? 124 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,233 Jeff asked me If he could bring His in-laws. 125 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,867 I know. I talked to susie. 126 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,400 Jeez, you know what I just realized? 127 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,233 I never followed through On my christmas present To mark. 128 00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:33,767 Remember I got Him a subscription To the "Times"? 129 00:06:33,867 --> 00:06:35,667 - "The new york times." - yeah. 130 00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:38,567 And then he and marla Broke up. 131 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:41,133 I don't know. I kinda forgot About it. 132 00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:43,267 So you just didn't Give him his gift? 133 00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:44,967 Yeah. 134 00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:48,400 - because heroke up With his girlfriend? - yeah. 135 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,433 I don't see The point to it. 136 00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:54,000 No, you just thought You wouldn't have to Worry about it 137 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,233 - and you wouldn't see Him again, so who cares? - oh my god. 138 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,400 What? 139 00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,500 I'll bet you mark-- 140 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,067 I'll bet you mark Is the guy who's Taking the paper. 141 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:11,000 No, think about It, seriously. Think about it. 142 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,667 I can't believe it. Mark is stealing The paper. 143 00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,200 Holy shit! Don't you see? 144 00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:21,500 How long have we Not been getting it, Six days? 145 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,133 He moved back in With her a week ago. You just said that, right? 146 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:28,833 Who else would be Doing it? It's him. 147 00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:31,833 - mark is not stealing Our newspaper. - no? 148 00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:34,033 - that is the most Ridiculous-- - I don't think so. 149 00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:36,633 Oh, I think so. Larry, he's a doctor. 150 00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:39,700 I think he could afford The paper if he wants To get a paper. 151 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,933 Yeah, but not if he's Upset with somebody 152 00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:45,000 Who promised him a gift For christmas and never Followed through on it. 153 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:48,300 - that is so ridiculous. - it's not ridiculous. It makes perfect sense. 154 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,367 You know, Because I spoke to... 155 00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:54,467 Hey, you know what We should do? 156 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:56,367 What? 157 00:07:56,467 --> 00:08:00,767 We should invite Mac and ethel. 158 00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,933 We should invite them For seder, don't you think? 159 00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:08,800 You want to invite Ethel and mac? 160 00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,400 I had no idea You liked mac And ethel so much. 161 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,567 You don't understand Because you're not Jewish, okay? 162 00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:21,100 But it's a jewish thing. It's sort of like A tradition, you know? 163 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,133 Invite the cranky Neighbors who... 164 00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:25,433 Well, if jews don't have Any place to go for seder, 165 00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,533 You're supposed To invite them. 166 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:31,033 Come on. Come on. Invite 'em. 167 00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:40,167 Hey, larry. 168 00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,733 - hey. Rick, yeah. - hey, rick. 169 00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:46,033 Hey, let me Give you a hand here. 170 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,300 - okay. Oh, thank you. - yeah. How are ya? 171 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,667 Pretty good. Pretty good. 172 00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:53,900 I should have taken One of those carts, You know, but... 173 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,367 - yeah, I know. - look, it's downhill. I'm worried it'll hit a car 174 00:08:57,467 --> 00:09:00,100 And I'll get in A lawsuit or something. Who the hell knows? 175 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,067 Hey, what do you Got there? 176 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,100 Oh, my four iron. 177 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,233 - yeah. - yeah. 178 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,667 You play golf? 179 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,033 Yeah, and I eat And I breathe. 180 00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:15,533 - ( laughs ) - in that order. 181 00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:17,900 - yeah, me, too. Absolutely, yeah. - really? 182 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,300 Wow, wow. 183 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,000 Anyway, I replaced The four iron with A nine wood. 184 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,633 I can't hit it anymore. 185 00:09:24,733 --> 00:09:28,267 Well, you know what? I would love to help you. 186 00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:32,233 Oh, come on. Nobody could help me. People have tried before. 187 00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:34,700 It can't be done. Can't be done, rick. 188 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,167 I've been golfing For a long time. I'm fairly good. 189 00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:39,967 Yeah, in my backyard, 190 00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:43,767 I have this setup That you won't believe. I've got a net, a tee. 191 00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:47,300 - get the hell out of here! Really, a camera? - and I've got a camera 192 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,567 And you shoot yourself Swinging and then analyze Your swing frame-by-frame. 193 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:53,933 - what are you doing now? All right, let's go. - nothing. 194 00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:56,000 Right now? Okay, where's your car? 195 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,533 I don't have one. 196 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,833 - okay, I'll take you. - okay. 197 00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:07,167 You want some cheetos For the trip, huh? 198 00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:09,933 Yeah, why not? Great. 199 00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:13,767 All right, It's gonna be fun. I love golf. 200 00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:22,433 Ha ha ha. Huh? Oh my god. Did you See the whole thing? 201 00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:25,167 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 202 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:28,833 Come here. Come here. Look at this. Watch it In slow motion, okay? 203 00:10:28,933 --> 00:10:30,333 Look at that. 204 00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:32,633 See, you're bringing Your hips through. 205 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,467 It doesn't even look-- Who is that? 206 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,100 - is that me? It doesn't look like me. - it's you. 207 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,100 Look, look, I wanna Freeze it right here. Wait, right there. 208 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,733 - look at your hips right here. - yeah, no, I see. Perfect. 209 00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:45,833 I can't believe it. 210 00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:48,800 A plus. My best Student of the day. 211 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,467 Good work. Okay. 212 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,700 - all right. Great. - unreal. 213 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,933 Listen, anytime, Anytime. 214 00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:58,733 I'm completely spent. 215 00:10:58,833 --> 00:11:01,233 - it's my pleasure. - fantastic. 216 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,200 That was great. That was just great. 217 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,233 - yeah, yeah. - could not have Been better. 218 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,067 What are you doing For passover? 219 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:11,533 Just having Some people over. 220 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:13,367 - oh, really? - yeah, what are you doing? 221 00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:17,300 Nothing, nothing. Totally free. 222 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,300 You want to come To my house? 223 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,133 No, really? Oh! 224 00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:35,633 - all right. - okay, okay. 225 00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:38,033 - great, great. - you don't have to. 226 00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:40,400 No, that sounds great. I got nothing else to do. 227 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,333 - you sure? - yeah, of course, Thank you. 228 00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:45,000 Yeah, I'll bring latkes. 229 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,533 - okay. - great, great. 230 00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:51,567 I'll see you then. I'm gonna hit a few. 231 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,400 Uh... 232 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,833 Cheryl: What took you so long? Where were you? 233 00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:03,467 Well, I met sort of A new friend. 234 00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:05,867 He's kind of new In town. 235 00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:08,300 And we got to talking. 236 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,833 Golf nut, okay? Took me to his backyard. 237 00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:15,100 He's got a net. What a setup this guy-- My life is changed. 238 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,400 Today, changed, Irrevocably. 239 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,233 And you just started Talking to a stranger? 240 00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:26,600 Yeah, kind of, well, You know, he knew me From "Seinfeld." 241 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,967 You know, he's... 242 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:31,633 - fan? - yeah, kind of. 243 00:12:31,733 --> 00:12:33,767 And gonna be alone On passover, 244 00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:37,433 And I kind of invited Him to the seder. 245 00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:39,567 I hope you don't mind. 246 00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,567 - you did? - yeah, I'm sorry. 247 00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,900 - no, that's okay. - really? 248 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,933 - well, if he's alone. - aren't you a doll? 249 00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,433 Well, that's cute. I'm glad you made A new friend. 250 00:12:50,533 --> 00:12:51,900 - yeah, okay, yeah. - that's nice. 251 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,233 I don't hear that Very often from you. 252 00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,933 Oh, and I forgot To mention 253 00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:59,100 It's that sex offender. 254 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,167 What? 255 00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:04,433 You know, we saw that Picture on the flyer 256 00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,767 Of that sex offender guy. That's him. 257 00:13:06,867 --> 00:13:11,300 - he's cool. - you invited a sex offender Over for seder? 258 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,367 Are you out Of your mind? 259 00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:16,767 - it was an awkward moment. - what is wrong with you, larry? 260 00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:18,600 You don't do something Like that without Asking me! 261 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,367 You do not invite A sex offender over For dinner 262 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,067 Without talking To me first! 263 00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,600 We're not having A sex offender over For dinner, no! 264 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,833 - call him and say no. - cheryl, what would Jesus do? 265 00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:31,433 - oh. - huh? 266 00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:33,433 - cheryl, cheryl. - no, no! 267 00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:37,133 Cheryl, he's a jew. He's a jew! 268 00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:54,833 This is a fact. This is like numbers, Okay? 269 00:13:54,933 --> 00:13:57,533 Have you heard Of the theory, The 77? 270 00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:01,800 - no. - okay, every 77 years There's a great president. 271 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:05,100 Washington and then You go 77 years, lincoln. 272 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,533 77 years there's-- What's that guy's name? 273 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,767 - theodore roosevelt? - f.D.R. 274 00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:13,000 And then another 77 years, you got w. 275 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:16,400 - really? - I think we're in Historic times. 276 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,633 - washington, Lincoln, f.D.R. - and w. 277 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,100 - and george w. Bush. - that's right. 278 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,600 And we're turning The whole damn world Around. 279 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,500 - jake, did you remember To call your mother? - what? 280 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,733 Did you remember To call your mother? 281 00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:31,900 Jake: I told my mother I would call her After the seder. 282 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,567 - you said "Before." - after the seder. 283 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,767 - hey. - hey, larry. 284 00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:38,967 - how's it going, mark? How's the doctor? - doing well, doing well. 285 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:42,700 - doing well, busy. Real busy. - oh, yeah. 286 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,900 You know, things are booming Right now, you know? 287 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000 Nice to see you And marla back together. 288 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,767 She's great. She's great. 289 00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,200 Yeah, what happened? 290 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:54,000 You couldn't cut it in Your single life there? 291 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,600 Couldn't get any dates, So you went back? 292 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,767 At's funny. Part of the perk Of being a doctor. 293 00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:01,100 It's not hard To get dates. 294 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,167 Get to see a lot Of women naked? 295 00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:06,200 - cosmetic surgeon. Seen my fair share. - really? 296 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,667 You ever get aroused? 297 00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,733 I don't think that's Really an appropriate Question. 298 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:12,433 - really, why not? - well, you know, It's just... 299 00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:14,367 It's sort of A personal thing. 300 00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:16,733 I don't want to discuss Something like that. 301 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,800 The answer of course is no. I'm a professional. 302 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,533 People come to me for help. I help them. 303 00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:25,100 I understand. Tell me If you think this is an Appropriate question. 304 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,633 And I mean No disrespect. 305 00:15:28,733 --> 00:15:31,033 Have you been stealing My newspaper? 306 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,400 Larry... 307 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,567 Yes, that is An inappropriate question. 308 00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,733 Okay, so that's Two inappropriate Questions. 309 00:15:39,833 --> 00:15:43,067 I have not been stealing Your newspaper, larry. That's appalling. 310 00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,800 - really? - yeah, really, larry. 311 00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,700 I'm quite sure I haven't been Taking it. 312 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,533 Are you positive, Mark? 313 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,100 Okay. 314 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,000 Now if you'll excuse me. 315 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,733 So what did you think Of my brother-in-law? 316 00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:21,233 - whoa. - uh-huh. 317 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,433 - man. Wow. - big time. Wow. 318 00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:26,067 What? 319 00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:28,633 - your sister's husband. - man, oh, man. 320 00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:32,167 - he's nauseating. - he's quite a piece Of work that guy. 321 00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,533 - who else is coming? - ( doorbell rings ) 322 00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:38,267 Oh, there's Somebody right now. 323 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,067 - hey, there he is. - somebody order latkes? 324 00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:50,267 Look at this. Boy, oh, boy. 325 00:16:50,367 --> 00:16:52,300 - yeah, how are ya? - great, how you doing? 326 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,200 - very good. - good to see you. 327 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,333 - yeah, this is nice. - oh, yeah? 328 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,833 Let me introduce you To some of my friends Here. 329 00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,500 - the guests. - great. 330 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,467 Hi. 331 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:10,800 - this is marla. - hi, marla, nice To meet you. Rick. 332 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,733 And this is My wife cheryl. 333 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:15,767 It's lovely to meet you. You have a wonderful home. 334 00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,833 - thank you. - thank you. 335 00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:20,700 - I made latkes. Yeah. - latkes. 336 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,133 - from my mother's recipe. - they smell good. 337 00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:27,267 Hey, this guy completely Changed my life. 338 00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:30,000 I'm telling you. I can't believe the way 339 00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,700 I hit the ball now On account of him. 340 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,067 Yeah, just wait Till I'm done with him. Different man altogether. 341 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:36,667 I can't wait. 342 00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:39,867 - nice to meet you. - thank you. 343 00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:44,200 Come on over here. This here is jeff. 344 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,700 - you are? - this is rick leftowitz. 345 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,600 - nice meeting you, rick. - nice meeting you. 346 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,633 - this is susie. His wife susie. - hi. 347 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:55,167 - and that's sammy. - somebody drop a cute Bomb in here? 348 00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,533 Oh, hey, And this is my dad. 349 00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:02,267 Rick: it is an honor To meet you, sir. 350 00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:03,733 Nat: nice to meet you. 351 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,700 - this is carol. - hi, carol. 352 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,100 - very nice to meet you. - rick. Nice to meet you. 353 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,700 - this is emily and jacob. - can I talk to you a second? 354 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,200 Sure, yeah. Excuse me for one second. 355 00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:19,300 What the hell are you Trying to pull, larry? 356 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,900 - what? - you know Who that guy is? 357 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,533 - he had nowhere to go. - I don't give a shit Where he goes. 358 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,967 I think it's gonna Be a big addition To this passover. 359 00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,333 - in what way? - he's got a good Personality. 360 00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:29,567 He's smart. He's funny. 361 00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:32,700 He should not be In our presence On a holy day. 362 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,600 Any day. What the hell Are you doing? 363 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,100 ( doorbell rings ) 364 00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:44,833 - larry. - hello, hello. 365 00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:47,133 - how are you? - pretty good. 366 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,967 - good to see you. I'm glad you came. - so are we. 367 00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:51,400 Thank you. 368 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,067 Everybody parked In front of my house. Everybody here, 369 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,600 - except the kids. - yeah, so what? 370 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,433 - so what? - are you going Out tonight? 371 00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:02,333 I think you're here, Aren't you? So what's The problem? 372 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,767 Everybody's got the car Parked in front of my-- 373 00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:07,267 - same thing, every time You have a party-- - I'm sorry. 374 00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,167 - I'll inform them Next time. - please. 375 00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:11,400 Ethel, hi, how are you? 376 00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,533 It was so nice Of you to invite us. 377 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,833 My pleasure. Ethel, what I Want you to do is 378 00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:19,733 I want you to take A look around this Room here, okay, 379 00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:23,300 And just see if There's anybody Who you recognize. 380 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,867 - okay? - sure. 381 00:19:25,967 --> 00:19:27,633 - all right, would you Do that for me? - sure. 382 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,867 Take a look around. 383 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,533 - ( ethel gasps ) - ( thud ) 384 00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:45,133 Okay, gently. Gently, guys. 385 00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:47,667 Let's put her here On the bed. 386 00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:51,967 Okay, let me Just check her. 387 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,833 I think I hurt my back Lifting her up. 388 00:19:54,933 --> 00:19:57,000 Her pulse is okay. She's breathing fine. 389 00:19:57,100 --> 00:20:00,867 - does this happen often? - well, yeah, every once In awhile 390 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,900 - something startles her. - how long is she going To be out like this? 391 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,867 A couple of hours. 392 00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:08,500 A couple of hours?! What, are you kidding? 393 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,000 Just a-- you know, She'll sleep it off, 394 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,800 Then she'll be fine. 395 00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:14,600 ( all groan ) 396 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,533 ( snapping ) 397 00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:32,100 ( singing in hebrew ) 398 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,400 Everybody have a nice big Swig of wine. 399 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:44,667 ( cheering ) 400 00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:48,200 Hey, guess what. 401 00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,333 Okay, get ready, kids. 402 00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:54,067 You know what's in here? Matzah. 403 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:57,000 And I'm gonna hide this, And you've got to go find it. 404 00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,967 And whoever finds the matzah Is gonna get a dollar. 405 00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:02,433 - ( all "Ooh" ) - okay, a dollar! 406 00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:05,467 All right, now go Into the kitchen. Go in the kitchen. 407 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,333 Close your eyes. Don't look. 408 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,267 Cover your ears. Okay, I'm gonna hide it now. 409 00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,133 Don't look! 410 00:21:37,133 --> 00:21:55,567 Okay, kids, you can come Look for the matzah now. 411 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,733 ( groans ) 412 00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:03,600 - mac: so, larry. - yeah? 413 00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:07,033 Any luck in finding The guy that... 414 00:22:07,133 --> 00:22:08,433 - has been stealing Your newspaper? - no. 415 00:22:08,533 --> 00:22:12,333 No luck at all. 416 00:22:12,433 --> 00:22:15,333 For those of you who don't know, I'm sure you don't, 417 00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:17,933 Somebody's been stealing My newspaper 418 00:22:18,033 --> 00:22:21,000 For an entire week-- Yes, every day. 419 00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,567 Mac: I tell you something, my wife, She got a good look at him. 420 00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:26,833 Mean, a really good look. 421 00:22:26,933 --> 00:22:30,267 If she ever sees him again, She'll recognize him. 422 00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:32,167 - really? - she'll know that face. 423 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,500 She never Forgets a face. 424 00:22:37,033 --> 00:22:38,733 Is something wrong, doctor? 425 00:22:38,833 --> 00:22:42,767 Excuse me, uh, no. Just some gefilte fish. 426 00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:46,967 Well, hopefully, She'll wake up soon 427 00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,600 And come down and join us For the rest of the seder. 428 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,133 - wouldn't that Be nice, everybody? - all: yes, yes. 429 00:22:52,233 --> 00:22:54,400 That would be wonderful, Wonderful! 430 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,633 ( coughs ) 431 00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:09,533 Hey, there's no matzah here. Let's go, beat it. 432 00:23:09,633 --> 00:23:11,233 Come on, pfft, Beat it. 433 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:34,400 ( jewish dance music Playing ) 434 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,567 - ( silverware clanks ) - larry: well, I've... 435 00:23:47,667 --> 00:23:49,533 Just seen ethel. 436 00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:53,133 She's coming around. She should be down soon. 437 00:23:53,233 --> 00:23:54,967 Nat: That's nice. That's nice. 438 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:57,433 Larry: Huh? Isn't that good news? 439 00:23:57,533 --> 00:24:01,733 What is all the... All that sound, that noise, 440 00:24:01,833 --> 00:24:03,600 The racket we all Heard upstairs? 441 00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,433 Oh, my foot fell asleep So I was kind of jumping Up and down 442 00:24:06,533 --> 00:24:08,667 - to get the blood Circulating again. - ( laughing ) 443 00:24:08,767 --> 00:24:10,367 I hate when That happens, right? 444 00:24:14,567 --> 00:24:16,433 Something wrong, doctor? 445 00:24:16,533 --> 00:24:18,733 For pete's sake, I've-- 446 00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,733 I've been paged by the hospital. It must be an emergency. 447 00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:25,367 Oh my gosh! Oh, it's a doctor emergency. 448 00:24:25,467 --> 00:24:28,467 - I'm so sorry. - I didn't hear Anything, doctor. 449 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,933 - I keep my pager on vibrate... - oh, do you? 450 00:24:31,033 --> 00:24:32,733 - ...For medical Emergencies, yes. - uh-huh. 451 00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:36,100 - thank you So much for having me. - it was great to meet you. 452 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,067 Aren't you A cosmetic surgeon? 453 00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:41,233 Yes, we have emergencies In that field as well. 454 00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:43,500 You know, it's too bad. Ethel's coming down soon. 455 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,833 She'll be upset that She didn't get to meet you. 456 00:24:45,933 --> 00:24:48,100 I'll meet her Another time, I'm sure. 457 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,167 Thank you. Marla, I'm sorry. I'll see you at home. 458 00:24:50,267 --> 00:24:51,967 - I'll see you at home. - thank you, everyone. 459 00:24:52,067 --> 00:24:53,700 - love you. - found it! 460 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,167 - what? - ( cheering ) 461 00:24:57,267 --> 00:24:59,633 - stevie! - he found the matzah! 462 00:24:59,733 --> 00:25:01,667 Larry: in a hurry, doctor? 463 00:25:01,767 --> 00:25:04,500 - as I explained, I've been Paged by my hospital. - yes, I know. 464 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,233 Emergency boob job, No doubt. 465 00:25:06,333 --> 00:25:08,567 ( clears throat ) I've been paged for A medical emergency 466 00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:11,200 - because I am a doctor. - yes yes yes. 467 00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:13,433 You're a doctor. Yes yes, of course, You're a doctor. 468 00:25:13,533 --> 00:25:16,667 - it's a medical situation. - you're lucky that Old lady fainted. 469 00:25:16,767 --> 00:25:19,100 I don't-- I don't know What you're talking about. 470 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,833 You took that paper. I know you did. 471 00:25:21,933 --> 00:25:24,033 I'm a doctor, you idiot! 472 00:25:26,133 --> 00:25:28,067 Good yontif. 473 00:25:29,267 --> 00:25:31,233 - larry? - hey, buddy, what's up? 474 00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:32,467 Can I talk to you For a second? 475 00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:34,800 - sure, what's up? - um... 476 00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:37,233 This is really hard. I, uh... 477 00:25:37,333 --> 00:25:42,200 I'm... In the throes Of a moral quandary right now, 478 00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,733 - and I don't know what to do. - okay, um... 479 00:25:44,833 --> 00:25:47,067 I'm not really the right-- I'm not a good person to... 480 00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:50,200 - oh, I think you are. You're the perfect person. - ...To confide in, no no no. 481 00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:53,233 What you need To see is a doctor Or a psychiatrist, 482 00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:54,833 - a counselor of some kind. - a doctor, no no no. 483 00:25:54,933 --> 00:25:57,667 I'm-- I'm-- I'm clear On what I'm torn about: 484 00:25:57,767 --> 00:25:59,567 My allegiance to you As a friend, 485 00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:02,833 And not wanting To ruin the party. 486 00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:05,633 Uh, but I saw something Very shocking, 487 00:26:05,733 --> 00:26:07,667 And I feel like I have to tell you. 488 00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,467 What-- what's going on? 489 00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:12,633 Well, I saw mr. Dunkle 490 00:26:12,733 --> 00:26:15,067 Whisper in his son's ear. 491 00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,100 And then the boy went right Over and found the matzah. 492 00:26:20,667 --> 00:26:22,733 Oh my god. 493 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:26,633 Yeah, because he Saw me hiding it. 494 00:26:26,733 --> 00:26:28,533 We made eye contact. He saw it. 495 00:26:28,633 --> 00:26:31,900 Well, there you go. Sorry. 496 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,067 Yeah, okay. 497 00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:37,333 - I'll take it from here. - okay. 498 00:26:51,867 --> 00:26:54,867 When am I gonna get My dollar? 499 00:26:54,967 --> 00:26:56,900 Oh yeah, your dollar. 500 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,167 That's right. Let me ask you A question, stevie. 501 00:27:00,267 --> 00:27:03,067 I notice that you went To the bookcase once. 502 00:27:03,167 --> 00:27:06,700 What made you go Back there a second time? 503 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,267 Hey, look look, He found the matzah, Pay up. 504 00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:11,567 I'm just trying To find out why he went Back to the bookcase. 505 00:27:11,667 --> 00:27:15,033 There's no need For the third degree. Just pay him the dollar. 506 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,333 - how come you Went back, stevie? - stop it! 507 00:27:17,433 --> 00:27:20,233 He found the matzah, Pay up. That's that! 508 00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:22,100 - he found the matzah? - yeah! 509 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,467 'cause you told him Where it was hidden. 510 00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:26,433 - that is a lie! - didn't you? 511 00:27:26,533 --> 00:27:29,300 - didn't you? - that is a lie! You don't know anything. 512 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,200 - how would you know that? - how do I know? 513 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:33,267 How would you know? 514 00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:38,633 My friend told me, That's how I know! 515 00:27:38,733 --> 00:27:42,833 He saw you whisper in Your son's ear then watched As he ran to the bookcase 516 00:27:42,933 --> 00:27:46,800 - and got the matzah. - oh, your friend the convicted Sex offender! 517 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:48,600 ( all clamoring ) 518 00:27:56,867 --> 00:27:59,500 Oh my god! Oh my god, there's Something wrong with sammy. 519 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,433 Sammy, sammy, get up. 520 00:28:01,533 --> 00:28:03,733 Come on, come on. What's the matter, honey? 521 00:28:03,833 --> 00:28:05,167 She can't breathe. She can't breathe. 522 00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,567 - does anyone know Mouth-to-mouth? - oh my god! 523 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:27,133 I do. 524 00:28:39,533 --> 00:29:46,300 ( theme music playing ) 41361

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