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1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,770
I think I just saw Tonya Harding.
2
00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:07,505
Okay, I just want to go over tomorrow
3
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,107
'cause it's a beast.
4
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:11,042
We've got winter coat
shopping in the morning,
5
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,644
lunch at Nerfer's in the afternoon...
6
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,446
Babe, I have plans tomorrow.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,180
Taking off the goatee!
8
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,449
No!
9
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:18,983
- Yikes.
- Really?
10
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,785
Babe, you'll look weird
without a goatee.
11
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:23,855
After seeing this CIA
rendering of your face
12
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,724
with no goatee, I agree.
13
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,928
Bongiorno, y'all!
Welcome to Mama Mangia's.
14
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,464
What can I get y'all tonight?
15
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,066
I will have the "sal-mon."
16
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,402
No, you won't like it.
He'll have the grilled cheese.
17
00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,472
Babe, I want the "sal-mon."
18
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,939
It's pronounced "sah"...
19
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:44,208
I say "sal-mon", and I want it!
20
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,812
Give us a moment, Agatha.
Core team, huddle up.
21
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,750
Sorry, Jeff, salmon's just not
22
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,352
possible for you at this time.
23
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:58,089
I... want... sal-mon!
24
00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:01,159
Okay, we should leave.
Give our apologies to Mama Mangia.
25
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,695
Oh don't you worry
about Mama's feelings!
26
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:05,831
She's a private equity group.
27
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,722
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
28
00:01:11,757 --> 00:01:15,106
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
29
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,109
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
30
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:22,814
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
31
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:27,986
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
32
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,522
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
33
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,656
Aah!
34
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:36,060
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
35
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,996
So what are we doing for dinner now?
36
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,064
Well, we do have
that eight-pound brisket
37
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:41,666
left over in the freezer.
38
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,467
- We got any latkes?
- Dozens.
39
00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:47,005
Plus some matzoh ball soup from
Greenblatt's. Two portions.
40
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,472
- One for me!
- I'll nosh on that!
41
00:01:48,474 --> 00:01:50,875
Any dessert? Hamentashen?
42
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:52,877
I made blintzes yesterday.
43
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,612
Ooh, Jeff loves blintzes.
44
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:55,880
I'm not hungry.
45
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,281
You gotta eat something, Jeff.
46
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,150
Yeah, you need your nutrients.
47
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,019
Nutrients are important, Jeff.
48
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,754
I can make my own decisions!
49
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,955
But you can't, Jeff.
50
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,489
Yeah, you make bad ones.
51
00:02:05,491 --> 00:02:06,624
So we make them for you.
52
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:07,825
To help you.
53
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,427
'Cause you're not the smartest.
54
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,363
This is messed up, Babe!
55
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:15,299
No, I'm done!
From now on, I'm the decider of me!
56
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,902
Mr. S, let me out of the car!
57
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:21,373
Fine.
But I'm only slowing down a little.
58
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,045
_
59
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,983
This place is kinda scary.
60
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,252
Want to buy a million dollar bill?
61
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,921
Whoa, you should keep that.
62
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,790
Who knows how much it's worth!
63
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,259
Then just give me all your money!
64
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:44,796
No, I'm only gonna give
you a little of my money.
65
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,998
Hey! Get out of here!
66
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,735
Gosh, there are so many
creeps on this street now.
67
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,136
I'm Tracy, by the way.
68
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:53,405
I'm Jeff.
69
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,607
Not that I had any say in it.
70
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:58,209
You know, Jeff, you impress me.
71
00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,344
It took guts saying "no" to that guy.
72
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,881
I don't ever let people
tell me what to do anymore!
73
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,750
- Come with me.
- Okay.
74
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,553
What is this place?
75
00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:11,956
The land of opportunity.
76
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,426
A-K-A the Langley Regional sales office
77
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:18,763
for the Stretcharoo
Leggings Corporation.
78
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,031
Eye-catching, right?
79
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,300
And best of all, easy to sell.
80
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,636
Let me ask you all, what are your goals?
81
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,570
To eat sal-mon.
82
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:29,307
- Yep, beat me to it.
- Salmon. Uh-huh.
83
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,375
Eat salmon.
84
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,844
And how many hours a day would you say
85
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,046
you're eating salmon right now?
86
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,381
- None.
- Jesus. Really?
87
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,184
What if I said there was a way for you
88
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:44,055
to enjoy salmon every day of the week.
89
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,390
How is that even possible?
90
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,593
By selling the highest
quality leggings known to man.
91
00:03:49,595 --> 00:03:52,930
And not at some stuffy
store in the mall.
92
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,533
From the comfort of your own home
93
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:58,270
through direct peer-to-peer sales.
94
00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,671
Is this a pyramid scheme?
95
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:00,872
Pyramid?
96
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,075
Maybe in its shape and
management structure
97
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,677
and day-to-day operations, but no!
98
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,545
It's multi-level marketing.
99
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:10,749
And we're looking for hustlers
with a killer instinct.
100
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,684
I think that could be me.
101
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:16,688
Hell yeah!
I'm talkin' alphas who would never,
102
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,691
never, ever, ever be a beta.
103
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,626
Did I mention we have rewards weekends
104
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,628
in tropical locations like...
105
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,163
Cancun!
106
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,232
With incredible prizes
for our top salespeople!
107
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:31,436
All you got to do is
buy $5,000 of inventory
108
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,772
today and commit to a
recurring monthly purchase
109
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,240
of a product that sells itself.
110
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:40,244
So, are you ready to choose success?
111
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:41,313
What do you think?
112
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,448
Me? I'm in!
113
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,983
Do you have cash?
114
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,786
Oh, man, I should have
bought that guy's money!
115
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,254
I do have this number card.
116
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,990
Everybody take note!
117
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:55,193
This is what an alpha looks like.
118
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,962
Stop!
119
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,467
I made another decision!
120
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,469
Yeah, you did.
121
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,937
I'm officially a salesman
122
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,406
for the Stretcharoo
Leggings Corporation.
123
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,075
Stretcharoo? The pyramid scheme?
124
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,813
No, the multi-level marketing scheme.
125
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,482
They sold me inventory.
126
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,083
How much?
127
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:22,420
A whole bunch of boxes
for only like, 5,000 bucks!
128
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:23,155
- Oof.
- Five Gs?
129
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,689
Ay yi yi.
130
00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:26,558
Jeff, that was our life savings!
131
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,693
That's your life savings?
132
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:29,894
You live at home.
133
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,029
Yeah, what's your monthly nut?
134
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,564
That's not the issue!
135
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,632
Now come on, Jeff,
we're getting our money back!
136
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,100
No! I won't go!
137
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,836
We can get a treat on the way.
138
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,972
That's more like it!
139
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:46,911
My husband gave you our life savings,
and I want it back!
140
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,047
Right this way.
141
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,315
Step into our Angry Spouse Holding Tank.
142
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,450
Someone will be with you soon.
143
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,318
Better be soon! 'Cause I'm angry!
144
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,589
Over and over,
the same goddamn mistakes!
145
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,857
I could've married Al Roker!
146
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,592
Had to make his own decisions.
147
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,394
Ha! They always do.
148
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:05,263
It is a good deal, though. The leggings?
149
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,066
80% margins.
150
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,334
He's a mole, get him out of here!
151
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,672
80% margins.
152
00:06:14,447 --> 00:06:17,209
80% margins, bitches.
153
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,211
I am in.
154
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,812
Welp, looks like the rest of us
155
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,216
are gonna have to clean up this mess.
156
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,950
I don't know how you did it, Jeff,
157
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,820
but you stumbled ass-backwards
into the deal of the century.
158
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,088
We're in!
159
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,757
Okay, let me just roll these D&D dice.
160
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:36,961
And now match the numbers to
the corresponding bible verse.
161
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:40,098
"As ye hear the sound of the trumpet...
162
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,301
Absalom reigneth in Hebron..."
163
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,304
That settles it! I'm on board, too!
164
00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:52,410
Alright. Let's talk sales strategy.
165
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,279
I was thinking we could
do like a sales party,
166
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,615
like a Tupperware party
but with leggings?
167
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,283
Yes, love it.
168
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:02,286
I'm promoting you to
Executive Vice President.
169
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,823
Oh, we could film ourselves
in our leggings
170
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,424
and put it on Instagram!
171
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:10,028
Film? People love newspapers.
Anyone else have ideas?
172
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,831
What if we, like,
go up to people somewhere
173
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,699
with our leggings and...
174
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,901
and ask them if they want to buy them?
175
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,170
Back to [BLEEP] basics!
176
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:19,303
That's what I'm talking about!
177
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,572
Good job, Klaus!
178
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,174
Nice exchange.
179
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:24,909
Klaus and Steve are now
Executive Vice Presidents.
180
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,711
Incredible decision, Mom.
181
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:30,182
I'm promoting you to
Executive Vice President!
182
00:07:31,854 --> 00:07:33,852
Throw me up as an EVP, too.
183
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,855
What about me? Can I be an EVP?
184
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:41,125
That would be nepotism,
and that's just bad optics, Jeff.
185
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,462
Are you kidding me?!
This whole thing was my idea.
186
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,366
Either make me the same as you guys,
or I'm out!
187
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,404
I'm afraid it's a hard "no", Jeff.
188
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:55,139
But you can still be
part of our workforce.
189
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,008
No! I'm out of here!
190
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,011
- Come on, Babe.
- Sorry, Jeff.
191
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:00,344
I'm sticking with them.
192
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:03,147
Oh, my God, dude! That's your wife!
193
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,550
- Dad!
- What? It was crazy!
194
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,689
Mr. Fritz!
195
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,956
Glad you could make it.
196
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,225
Happy to be here, Steve.
197
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,693
This is my wife, Tonya Harding.
198
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,160
Sorry, one sec.
199
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,029
Stretcharoo leggings, go for Steve.
200
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:21,233
You want how many?!
201
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:23,235
Klaus, this guy wants a thousand units.
202
00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:25,303
A thousand units?
203
00:08:26,203 --> 00:08:27,639
Okay.
204
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,375
I'm Klaus, by the way.
205
00:08:31,897 --> 00:08:33,578
Are you buying or not, Greg?
206
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,648
What? I got your mail by accident.
I just walked in.
207
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,384
Yeah,
and you didn't look so hot doin' it.
208
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,319
You need a stretchier pant.
209
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:45,457
With a busy print to distract
people from all this.
210
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:48,660
Nice try, this is where
I want people's attention.
211
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,862
What the hell's going on?
We're drowning!
212
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,665
Do I have to remind everyone
how over-invested we are?
213
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,935
It's this friggin' crowd.
They're a bunch of dick teases.
214
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,937
That's why we got to MAPA...
215
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,606
maintain a party atmosphere.
216
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:04,409
Get 'em loose, and they'll be buying.
217
00:09:04,865 --> 00:09:06,210
Buckle's trying to escape!
218
00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:10,015
Through the kitchen, my Yiddish queen!
219
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,818
Your leggings...
220
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,420
they're gorgeous.
221
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,689
Yeah, I like the pineapples.
222
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:21,960
Playful, yet honoring
the contours of your body...
223
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,427
I must have them!
224
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,896
I'm wearing these.
225
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,765
Why don't you buy a pair from Mrs. S?
226
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,701
- What's going on here?
- Jeff's poaching our clients!
227
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,104
He lured Buckle in here with his body.
228
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:33,638
I'm just sitting here!
229
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,375
Wow, Jeff,
you're trying to torpedo this event?
230
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,243
A successful event?
231
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,378
Screw it.
232
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,314
Buckle, how much do you want to pay?
233
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:43,515
How much were you thinking?
234
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,517
Sold!
235
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:45,984
Wow, Jeff.
236
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,719
This isn't a game for us, Jeff.
237
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,388
You've awakened a sleeping giant, Jeff.
238
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,724
A giant that will crush
you and be crowned
239
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:55,393
Top Seller at the
Cancun Rewards Weekend.
240
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,396
Boom. How ya like that, Jeffy boy?
241
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:01,466
I like that just fine, Mrs. S!
242
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,735
'Cause I'm gonna crush you!
243
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,937
I'm gonna murder you in your sleep!
244
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,739
Oh, like that's so hard!
245
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,474
Enough! No more talk.
246
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,209
We'll see you at the rewards weekend.
247
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,410
Yeah, you will...
248
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,713
Rewards weekend.
249
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:23,021
Rewards weekend.
250
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,626
Rewards weekend.
251
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,795
Aah!
252
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,168
Rewards weekend.
253
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:42,240
Rewards weekend.
254
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,779
Rewards...
255
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,381
Aah!
256
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,125
It's been a record breaking year,
Stretcharoos!
257
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:03,327
And it's all because of you!
258
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,198
You decided to choose success!
259
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,332
I thank you, my husband thanks you...
260
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,134
Jim, get on out here!
261
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,804
Let's go!
262
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,074
Are we ready to party, Cancun?!
263
00:11:17,959 --> 00:11:19,544
Now hold up, before we party,
264
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:22,547
ol' Jim needs to get
a little serious, y'all.
265
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:25,884
I need to tell you a story
about someone you know.
266
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:26,886
Me.
267
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,620
We love you, Jim!
268
00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:29,622
Married!
269
00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:35,493
Before Stretcharoo,
I was in a really toxic relationship.
270
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,763
With my current wife, Deborah.
271
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,165
We hated each other
because we hadn't made
272
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,902
the decision to choose success.
273
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,905
But then Deborah saw a
basket of tennis balls.
274
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,974
It was like a bolt of
lightning hit her in the face.
275
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:53,912
Our first Stretcharoos print,
the iconic "Tenniz Ballz",
276
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,047
was born.
277
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,853
And our relationship was reborn
278
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,788
because we chose success.
279
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,991
Just as you chose success.
280
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,593
Let's give it up.
281
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,194
We love you, Jim!
282
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,064
Now the fun stuff!
283
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:14,732
The food tonight is bomb, so eat up.
284
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,000
Mmm-mm-mm!
285
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,737
And then after dinner,
we're gonna Lambada down
286
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,738
to the beach for the after party.
287
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,407
There's gonna be a bonfire,
a s'mores cart.
288
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,476
An astronomer.
289
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,078
Oh, my God, the astronomer!
290
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,280
Okay, I think it's award time.
291
00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:31,283
Top new salesperson, let's do it!
292
00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:32,884
And the winner is...
293
00:12:35,498 --> 00:12:37,489
- Jeff Fischer!
- Jeff Fischer!
294
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,692
What?!
295
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:44,162
Did you never consider
this possibility, Stan?
296
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,030
We had no sales!
297
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,232
- Zero!
- What?!
298
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,701
And, Klaus, you knew this?
299
00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:50,835
Me?
300
00:12:50,863 --> 00:12:52,771
You're the one who set
up a conference call
301
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,238
last week and just kept screaming,
302
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,240
"The ship is sinking!"
303
00:12:56,836 --> 00:12:58,910
And how about your prize?
304
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:02,748
A brand new Brookstone Massage Chair!
305
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:08,687
Tell us, Jeff,
what was the secret to your success?
306
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,925
Good decisions.
307
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,195
Now we got one more surprise,
and it's a good'un.
308
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,930
Get hyped for...
309
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,332
- Pitbull!
- Pitbull!
310
00:13:21,378 --> 00:13:24,669
Dale mi gente,
let's give it up for Jiggity Jeff!
311
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,204
This biggity boy should
be priggity proud!
312
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,006
- ♪ It's goin' down ♪
- ♪ It's goin' down ♪
313
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,208
- ♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪
- ♪ I'm yellin' timber ♪
314
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,076
- ♪ You better move ♪
- ♪ You better move ♪
315
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,012
- ♪ You better dance ♪
- ♪ You better dance ♪
316
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:37,015
And, guys,
Pitbull is contractually obligated
317
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,018
to stick around for a half
hour of the after-party!
318
00:13:41,555 --> 00:13:43,956
♪ Whoo-ooh ♪
319
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,995
Whoa, look at that star!
320
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,296
Wow.
321
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,232
Pitbull's been here for five minutes
322
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,434
longer than his contract requires.
323
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,703
He must be enjoying Jeff!
324
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:02,707
Maybe he'd be enjoying us
if Stan sold some leggings!
325
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,709
Me?! What about you?!
326
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,779
I married you because I
thought you could sell!
327
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,313
That's why I married you!
328
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:10,849
Pitbull's feeding Jeff a s'more now.
329
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,517
Enough! I'm going over there
330
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,719
and giving him a piece of my mind!
331
00:14:15,445 --> 00:14:16,655
Hey!
332
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:18,523
Please help us, Jeff!
333
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,525
Things are going so bad!
334
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,527
Our finances are in ruins!
335
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,128
Our emotions suck, too.
336
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,798
Stan and I are sleeping
in separate beds.
337
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:27,932
We all are!
338
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,770
We're sorry, Jeff. Please guide us.
339
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,361
Okay, I'll do it.
340
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:45,417
How you liking that telescope, Armando?
341
00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:47,519
That's right, I looked you up.
342
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:55,894
Jeff, I feel like a kid on
his first day of university.
343
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:59,231
A sponge, ready to soak up
your deep knowledge
344
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:00,498
of selling tights!
345
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,833
They're leggings.
346
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:05,503
Holy moly, class is in session.
347
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,172
I'm just happy we're finally a team.
348
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,641
Now everyone has a say.
349
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:10,775
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
350
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,710
- We don't want a say.
- You don't?
351
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,913
No way. Our ideas are shit.
352
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,315
We want you to tell us what to do.
353
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,650
Okay.
354
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,652
Come on, hit us with those nuggets!
355
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,454
Your top sales techniques.
356
00:15:22,456 --> 00:15:26,190
I guess always be an alpha?
357
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:29,661
Yeah. Never, ever, ever be a beta!
358
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:32,196
Not even sometimes?
359
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,465
No.
360
00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:36,601
What are some of the actual
things you did to sell?
361
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,869
Mmm, good Q, Hayley.
362
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,737
Some concrete examples
that could save us
363
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:43,075
from financial ruin could be helpful.
364
00:15:43,077 --> 00:15:46,344
Would you excuse me for a sec?
365
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,679
I should call the bank.
366
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:49,413
They've been trying
real hard to reach me.
367
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,417
What's up, bud?
368
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,752
What are you doing?
369
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:56,288
Upper deckin' the toilet.
What's new with you?
370
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,356
What's new is I'm a fraud.
371
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,759
Everyone's a fraud, Jeff.
Be more specific.
372
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:03,027
I made up all my sales, Roger!
373
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:06,564
I've been buying inventory
then writing fake receipts.
374
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,366
How'd you buy so much inventory?
375
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,968
I robbed a bank.
376
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,503
Wow, impressive.
377
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:14,172
I can't make decisions for the family,
378
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,975
I can't even make decisions for myself.
379
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,911
I'm just gonna come clean
and tell them everything.
380
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,914
You could do that and
prove everyone right.
381
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:25,850
Or you could make your lie true.
382
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:28,453
You just need one big, good decision
383
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,054
to make everything right.
384
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:33,191
Ah, dangit, I dropped my phone.
385
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,526
So what's it gonna be?
386
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:35,794
I'm gonna...
387
00:16:35,796 --> 00:16:37,462
Don't tell me. I don't care.
388
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,732
And, Jeff, don't tell anyone
about the upper decking.
389
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:42,801
It'll make my joke less funny.
390
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,804
Jeff, Francine's being a beta.
391
00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:47,739
Ah!
392
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:50,742
One good decision.
393
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,678
What are you doing with your eyes?
394
00:16:54,359 --> 00:16:56,681
I'm looking for stuff.
395
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,417
Should we be looking for stuff, too?
396
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,220
I have a ton of leggings.
397
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:07,091
I mean, you guys have a ton
of leggings to get rid of.
398
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:10,628
So I'm thinking we need something big.
399
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,036
Wait a minute. The game!
400
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,104
You thinking massive FanDuel bet?
401
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,774
Mr. S, can you get some helicopters?
402
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:25,510
Sure, I still know some guys at the CIA.
403
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,389
It all comes down to this.
404
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:41,259
If Shiballski makes this kick,
the Sharks win the championship!
405
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:44,396
The ball is snapped,
the kick is up, it's...
406
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:46,264
...blown wide by six
407
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,801
cargo helicopters that appear
to be dropping what appear to be
408
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:52,404
low-quality leggings on
the heartbroken crowd!
409
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:53,938
Sharks lose!
410
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,340
Sharks lose! Suck it, Sharks!
411
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:59,211
Cyber Moles forever!
412
00:17:59,963 --> 00:18:02,214
Now all we have to do is wait for them
413
00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:05,483
to send in their payments
with all the self-addressed
414
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,686
envelopes we attached!
415
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,825
Here's your mail.
416
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:15,760
It's just a tree-trimming flyer.
417
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,229
Damn.
418
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:19,964
Actually, let me see that.
419
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,434
They just stole all our leggings?
420
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,973
No one wants your shitty leggings.
421
00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:32,844
Here's a big-ass bill for the cleanup.
422
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,319
This is all my fault!
423
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,721
No, it's my fault!
424
00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:44,656
I'm a fraud!
425
00:18:44,658 --> 00:18:46,658
I didn't sell any leggings!
426
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:50,662
All my sales receipts were made up!
427
00:18:50,664 --> 00:18:52,864
Oh, wow, we should've done that.
428
00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:56,268
I just wanted to prove you all wrong,
429
00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:58,937
show you I could make good decisions.
430
00:18:58,939 --> 00:19:01,873
I ruined this family!
431
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,808
And I robbed a bank!
432
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,010
Cool.
433
00:19:06,321 --> 00:19:08,680
Put me out of my misery!
434
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:10,214
Kill me!
435
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:13,551
Cut off my head and
don't call an ambulance!
436
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,820
Core team, huddle up.
437
00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:23,762
Sorry, Jeff, that's not going
to be possible right now.
438
00:19:23,764 --> 00:19:27,431
You made some bad decisions,
but we all did.
439
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:28,967
This is not your fault.
440
00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,769
It's not really any of our faults.
441
00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:33,371
- What do you mean?
- I don't know.
442
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,775
No, you're right, it's not our faults.
443
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:40,779
I'll tell you whose fault it is...
multi-level marketing!
444
00:19:40,781 --> 00:19:43,115
Yeah, they lure you in with big promises
445
00:19:43,117 --> 00:19:46,651
and self-improvement jargon,
and then they suck you dry.
446
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,852
Who sucks you dry?
447
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,321
They prey on suckers!
448
00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:50,588
Like us.
449
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,124
And the only way to get out of it
450
00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:54,926
is to find an even bigger sucker.
451
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:02,066
Ding-dang! 80% margins?
I feel like a thief!
452
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,069
Now you sure you want to sell
me all these gorgeous leggings?
453
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,994
I mean, they're gorgeous!
454
00:20:07,029 --> 00:20:07,740
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
455
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:09,073
- Yep.
- Yes.
456
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,342
- Definitely.
- Please take them.
457
00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:12,610
Money's been tight lately. Ma moved in.
458
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,812
She's sick.
459
00:20:13,814 --> 00:20:15,147
The medical bills are
crippling what with
460
00:20:15,149 --> 00:20:17,349
the dialysis every day. Don't ask.
461
00:20:17,351 --> 00:20:19,951
But with this new revenue stream,
462
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,187
our prayers have been answered!
463
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:27,826
God, I'm so happy I could sing!
464
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:30,028
♪ It's goin' down ♪
465
00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:32,230
♪ I'm yellin' timber! ♪
466
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,835
I'd like to propose a toast.
467
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:39,171
Thanks for letting me
order the "sal-man."
468
00:20:39,173 --> 00:20:42,741
Not really a toast,
but I'll drink to it.
469
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:49,981
Here. Have half my sandwich.
470
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:51,449
Thanks, Babe.
471
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:55,653
You know, I guess I have made
one really good decision.
472
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,055
My wife!
473
00:20:57,057 --> 00:20:58,523
Aww.
474
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,425
Have a great night!
475
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,121
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