All language subtitles for Costa.Rican.Summer.2010.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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Good morning, my queen.

Good morning, Ding-Dong.

I think today
can be a special one for you.

I think you're right, Pammy.

I found some backwash
from this one.

[coughs and burps]

Nice.

Come on, Dinger,
I'm serious,

I sense a change coming,
something for the better.

Pammy, you're
the only thing
that's good for me.

No, Dinger, something
really good for you.

Just be open to it.

So now you gotta go
to the other guy, huh?

Hey, come on, sweetie.
Dont be jealous.

You know youre my only
fully-interactive fantasy.

Just remember, carpe diem.

Carpe Diem.

God, I love it when
you talk dirty to me.

You are the sexiest
thing thats ever
been on this beach.

[tingling sound]

[tingle]

[hard rock music]

[Tasty]
We have waves,
palm trees, man.

My kind of school.

[Tasty]
Yo. Whoa, who,
whos this babe
right here?

[Carla]
Hi, handsome.
How are you?

[Kyle]
You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Yeah, youre
no Aunt Carla.
You got body karate.

Thats Tasty.

And thats Doobie.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Those arent names
for good students.

[Carla]
You know the drill.

Free room, board and tutoring
in exchange for some really
hard work.

You could take a lesson
from our resident
surf pro,

but unfortunately, hes
a little comatose
these days.

You guys heard
of Dinger Doolittle?

Dinger Doolittle,
the former World Champ?

Yeah, the guy
used to be my hero.

Hm, now hed be
in Lindsay Lohans hero.

[chuckles]

[Inga]
Hi, Carla.

Hi, girls.

[celestial music]

[Swedish accent]
I see the boys
are here.

[Inga]
Ve are going
svimming now,

so maybe after
you unpack you
want to cool off? Ya?

Ya.

Okay, ve go
unpack, yeah? Yeah.

[celestial music]

[Tasty]
We are going fishing
for Swedish fish.

Twenty, twenty-one.

[cheerful music]

Ready to play?

[Rikki]
Ready.
[giggles]

Ya, you boys
are such good
strong svimmers.

Yeah, vonderful.
[giggles]

You boys want
to play pool game?

Yeah.

Strip poker!

That is not
pool game.

Oh, with you
and some plastic
cards, it is.

Yeah.
[chuckles]

I am Inga.

I am Rikki.

I can move.

[Eva]
No need.

As long
as you let me
read in peace.

You're not Swedish.

And youre not
letting me read in peace.

Sorry.

[Rikki]
We were thinking
about playing Marco
Polo. We against you.

[Tasty]
Uh, okay.
And we come
and grab you

[both]
Ya.
[both giggle]

Okay, I'm in.

Yeah.

But I think this
make the game
more fun.

[both]
Ya?

Ya.
[giggles]

Ya.

Oh.
[giggles]

[Tasty]
Ya.

[both]
Ya.

Ya. Okay,
let's play it.

I could ask them to stop.

You could, but you won't.

Youre a surfer.

Not exactly
in your character.

Bye.

[Doobie and Tasty]
Marco.

[Rikki]
Polo.

[Tasty]
Marco.

Polo.

[Doobie]
Marco.

[Tasty]
Marco.

[both]
Polo.

Marco.

[Tasty]
Marco!

Polo.

[Doobie]
Marco.

[Tasty]
Marco.

Polo.

[Tasty]
Marco.

[Doobie]
Marco?

Polo.

Marco?

Polo.

Marco.

[both]
Polo.

[both]
Marco.

Polo.

Whoa.

[Tasty]
Was I just dreaming?

Are you knuckleheads
ready to surf Costa Rica?

[cheerful music
in Spanish]

Whoo-hoo!

[Doobie]
Bro, I think
I saw a mermaid.

[Tasty]
Dude, those waves
are carved out
of marble.

[Doobie]
Dude, I cant
believe how warm
this water is.

[Kyle]
Told yo,
Costa Rica, baby,

I cant wait
to meet Dinger.

[sexy music]

[laughs]

Hans.

Looks like youve got
a cocktail frank in there.

Or maybe its a little
wiener schnitzel /i.
[laughs]

No, get outta here.
Im serious.

You fuck-up. You.

[whistling of
supposed projectile]

[imitates explosion sound]

[laughs]

I dont think
FedEx even delivers
a package that small.

[Doobie]
Forget school
and just surf.

[Tasty]
Shred.

[Kyle]
One day
youll learn about
priorities, Tasty,

lifes not
just about
catching waves.

Oh-ho.

Thats the day
that Doobie and I

say, check,
please. Were going
to pipeline heaven

in the sky.
Thank you

Its like surf
or die, brother.

[Kyle]
Hey, guys.
Lets go talk
to Dinger Doolittle.

[Tasty]
Ah, Dinger.

[Pammy]
Hey, Ding-Dong.

I think today
could be a special
for one for you.

European men will
no longer be allowed
to wear Speedos on the beach.

Thank God.

Cause if
I see another banana
hammock around here, I

Ill never eat fruit again.

[Dinger]
Whoa! Who the heck
are you squids?

We came
to meet... you.

Were helping
out Carla.

Now, thats a woman
that the Dinger

needs to get to know
up close and personal

cause she is one
tasty tuna tartar.

Shes a sexy
salmon surprise.

Just the classiest
clam Ive ever-- Oh.

[laughs]

Who are you again?

I'm Kyle. Her nephew.

Oh. Magnificent woman.

Upstanding character.

I mean, Ive never
even thought about playing
hiding the halibut with her,

or fondle
the flounder, or grinding
the grouper on her--

Okay. Got it.
Got it.

Aunt Carla tell you about
Brad the Butt-munching
butt-muncher?

No. Who
is that?

Some ex-surf pros
ass I used to kick
on the reg.

Now he inherited all of his
daddys dinero and he bought
up half this coast.

And youre aunts falling
behind on her payments.

That's why she
needed the help.

Yep. Your Aunt Carla
sure got her tit
in a ringer.

[Kyle]
What?

Whoa. That was
just a metaphor.

I would never
talk about your aunts
gorgeous guavas like that.

I mean,
with the ample size
of those merry melons,

I dont think
I could even get
em in a ringer.

What?

Who?

Hey, before Carla
has a titty tantrum,

check out this shit
I swiped from my dad.

Whoo-hoo!

All right.
Home brewed.

Dad keeps it
in the garage refrigerator
at 38 degrees. Smell it.

Whoa.

Dude, it smells
like gasoline
and vomit.

Right?

Old school
potent shit.

You know my dad
used to be a pimp
in the '70s?

Nice.

He said this
would set him up
for the takedown every time.

Yeah.

Would definitely
take a girl down,
thats for sure.

Might kill one, too.

Yeah. Take it
down treasure lane.

[rainfall]

[sniffs]
What do you
two have on?

[chuckles]

It's his dad's
super pimp potion.

Well, it smells more
like gasoline and vomit.

[Tasty]
See, it just
takes time

for it to work
on hot babes like
you, you know.

Honey, I dont
have enough time
in the day for that

Go shower
before I hose
you off myself.

Yeah, but how are you
gonna go crazy for us
with hot teacher desire?

Hamilton!

You wanna watch us
take a shower?

Im, you can do it later.
[laughs]

[soft music
sung in Spanish]

♪ Everything's gonna
be alright

Sat back
and close my eyes ♪

[Cipes]
Hey, bro,
sit down, man.

[Cipes]
You know, you
have real artists
out there, huh?

Ripping it up.
I can feel it.
I can see it.

Man, thats what
brought me here.

Six months ago, dude,

working at a Pizza Hut,
making six bucks an hour.

And I came to this ledge,
right, and looked down
and it was a long way to go.

And I just--

I chose to fly, man.

And if I was to sit
back on that ledge

and not jump,
[light thunder]

I might have been
waiting a lifetime.

And a lifetimes
a long time to wait, bro.

[plays instrument]
This is
a conscious revolution.

[plays instrument]

And know this,

♪ Everything's gonna
be alright

♪ Sat back
and closed my eyes

♪ And found the reason why

♪ I chose to fly

♪ Some things just
have to change

[Brad]
No, no,
I said sell it. Man,
its hot here, huh?

Okay. So this is
what I want, brother.

I want
condominiums back here.
Remove all this stuff.

Dinger Doolittle?

Remove him, please.

Do you understand?

[Dinger]
Hey, Brad.

Got my rent check, bro?
I stuffed it in one
of my bottles

and should be floating
your way in a few days.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Couldnt we just build
around this, sir?
I mean--

No, no, no.
Did you hear
what I said?

I said,
remove it all. Okay?

[Brad's friend]
Dinger.

Pelican. 5:00.
Happy hour?

[Brad's friend]
Beers on me, bro.

Mr. Taylor.

Later.

[Brad's friend]
Dick.

Come on,
lets get back
on top, Dinger.

Dont you think
its time to set some goals?
Stop drinking, get a job?

You know, maybe a shower?

Jeez. Cant we just stick
to the fantasy stuff, Pammy?

Theres no need
for you to go all
Hasselhoff on me.

[hard rock music]

[reggae music]

We make
a good team,
you and I, you know?

Thats real
romantic, Brad.

[Carla]
All right.

Let me
get this straight.

I sleep with you,

I get to keep my motel.
I dont, you foreclose.

God. You
make me sound
like such a beast.

You know what?
Maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.

I mean,
couldnt I maybe
be a romantic good guy?

Couldnt I be a man
whos crazy about you
and sees a future together?

I mean, is it,
is it that terrible
to explore the possibility?

Is it?

Uh-huh.

[Kyle]
Everything all
right here?

[Tasty]
You need us to do some
kung fu or anything
like that?

[Doobie]
Oh, we could totally
take him down.
[laughs]

[Doobie whispers]
Pow.
[chuckles]

You guys,
everything is fine.
This is Brad Taylor.

Brad Taylor?

[Brad]
That's right, man.

I had your poster.
Potty trained
my puppy on it.
[giggles]

Whoa.

Thats Dickwad Taylor

Exactly.

Ha-ha. Compliments
galore today,
huh, boys?

[Kyle]
You really
are good, man,

you just managed
to always lose to
Dinger Doolittle.
[chuckles]

Ah. And you must
be the nephew?

Dinger Doolittle
might have gotten lucky
and won a few surf contests,

but he certainly
didnt turn out too good
in the end, now, did he?

In fact, I think
I can smell him
on the beach from here.

[boys sniff]

Look, I dont wanna do this.
In fact, I would be ecstatic
for you to keep this place.

Let me prove it
to you over dinner
tomorrow night.

Pick you up
at 7:00.

Come on.
What do you say?

Fine.

Great decision!

You see boys?
The good guys
always win in the end. Hmm.

Whoa. Dickwad
was a good name.
[giggles]

If going to dinner
with Brad Taylor

means that I get
to keep this place

for another day,
another minute,

thats a small
price to pay.

I love this place.

Yeah, but hes such a jerk.

Tell me about it.

This place is cool.

It is cool.

Just ask your mother
about her hapless
little sister.

I was a failure as a wife.
I was a failure as a teacher.

Apparently Im
about to be a failure
as a motel owner in paradise.

You havent failed
as my coolest aunt.

Youve always been that.

[light thunder
and rainfall]

Thank you.

I just wish
being a cool
aunt paid better.

All right.
Enough about
my miserable life.

Stanford, huh?

Uh, mmm.

Is that about
that surfing dream

that your parents
are so relieved
you gave up?

They're right.

I mean,

Dinger was
the best and look
what happened to him.

Cant get sidetracked
trying to surf pro.

Its, its Stanford.

It is Stanford.

But its your life.

All right, Im off to class.

You know, my friend,

I thought I couldnt
reach my students before
and they were on planet Earth.

You have sent me
on a mission to Mars.

Uh, I know.
[chuckles]

Thank you.

[chuckles]

[soft music]

[Kyle]
Dinger, Brad is taking
Carla to dinner tonight.

Brad? The butt-munching
butt-muncher?

[Kyle]
Yeah, he wants
to foreclose the hotel
if she doesnt, you know.

Play bury the barracuda?
[chuckles]

Or tickle the tuna?

Dinger, she needs
your help.

My help?

Yeah. Brad hates you
because you kicked his
ass on the surf tour.

Damn Skippy.

If you challenge him
to a surf contest,

hell accept no matter
what the bet is.

I mean, look at you.
He, hes gotta think

you can barely stand,
much less surf.

Well, arent
you just the little
ego-booster from hell.

You know what?
Forget about me.

You challenge him
to a surf-off,

bet the hotel,
you win, she wins.

Why dont we
just build a spaceship
and go to Pluto?

Are you gonna
help Carla or not?

Your Aunt Carla
is a goddess.

Id lay down my life
for a woman like her.

And theres
a time where she
might even have noticed.

Maybe the time is now.

Youre the reason
I became a surfer.

Low blow, bro'.

Kid playing
the hero card.

Too bad Dinger
doesnt play cards.

Youd play a little
strip poker with me,
wouldnt you, honey?

We have time
for a game or two.

It is getting awfully
hot and this shirt
is suffocating.

Oh, yeah,
the girls look
like theyre over-heating.

[Dinger]
You wanna play strip poker,
Ill play strip poker.

Well, just take my hand,
baby then we can play.

Go ahead. Take it.

[harp music]

Im sorry, bro.

I dont know
what Im thinking.

You know what though?

Im in.

[soft music]

[Carla]
Okay, guys.
I really dont
have time for nonsense.

You wanna
pass this test
thatll allow you

to repeat your senior
year at Malibu High, right?

Okay. Well, Ive gone
over all the material

and I think
I could help you.

But you have to be willing
and open to learn.

Hamilton?

I would be more
open to learning

if you were
more open to wearing
a bikini to class.
[both giggle]

[Doobie]
Whoa.

Id be down for,
like, a G-string.
[giggles]

Okay. Lesson
number one, boys.

If you ever
say anything sexually
related to me again,

youre on the first
plane back home. Comprende ?

[giggles]

Si.

And you, Richard.

Youre gonna omit the word
"whoa," from your vocabulary.

Wh--

No! One more time

and youre outta here.

[Tasty]
I can see why
you quit teaching,
Ms. Terminator.

No wonder you and your
friend are on the way
to a special school.

You two are like
the village idiots.

Im sure
its really cool
when you were young.

But right now,
its really pathetic.

Shes a horrible teacher.

Whoa.

Chicks dig
us, right?

Thanks.

Marco.

Okay. I guess
I was a little--

Harsh?

Judgmental? Rude?

How bout focused?

How bout
rudely focused?

I can live with that.

Okay. Truce.

I'm Eva.

I'm Kyle.

I know. Your aunt
was raving about you.

So youre
like a pro surfer,
whatever that is?

Im not really a pro.

I just graduated high school
and, believe it or not,

Im starting college
in the fall.

Me, too. Where?

Its gonna
kill your stupid
surfer hypothesis.

Stanford.

Stanford?

That's too weird.

Dont tell me out
of all the great
bastions of academia,

you chose the same
school as a stupid
surfer boy?

Close. Ill be right
down the road
at Berkeley.

Neighbors.

Not a bad school.

Hmm, its no Stanford.

Okay. Im an idiot.
We already established that.

[chuckles]

What about the truce?

Yeah.

[percussion music]

I would
like to apologize
for yesterday.

I should have been
more patient.

You hear anything?

Im willing
to give it another
shot if you guys are.

But you have realize
youve gotta change.

If you wanna go back
to your high school,
you have to wanna learn.

Wow.

Look, Brad.

There's not
enough space for both
of us in Costa Rica.

Heck. Theres barely
enough room for us in
Central America.

Maybe adequate
space in Europe.

I heard Antarcticas nice.

Dinger, you suck.

Okay, butt-muncher.
You best be on the next
wave outta here

cause theres
a new sheriff in town

and his name's
Dinger Doolittle.

Brad?

Buddy?

You couldnt possibly
lend me a few colones

just until payday?

A six-pack of Imperial?

You disgust me.

What happened
to the real Dinger?

Where did he go?

I cant do this.

I cant do this.
What happened?

Where is the real Dinger?
[flash sound]

[Inga]
Oh. Looky whos here,

our favorite
young men. Oh, ya.

We want
to play today. You
want to play with us?

Ya.

Ya? Vell, you
should come by our room
after breakfast, ya?

[both boys]
Ya.

Ill with you
later, Rikard.

All right.
[giggles]

Ya.

[mischievous music]

Come on,
dude. Enough
with the nature watch.

Okay. We, we, we, weve
gotta play it cool.

Like, uh,
like Rico Suave.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Rico Suave.

Who is Rico Suave?

Hes this Latin dude
who gets, like,
tons of babes.

All right. Let's go.

Hello?

W-- w--
Were here.

[Inga]
Oh. Well
be with you
in one minute.

We are
in panty heaven.

[giggles]
Hey, look at this.

[gasp]
Oh, so sorry.

We leave our laundry out.
That is so rude.

[Rikki]
Oh, how rude of us.
We apologize.

It's-- It's okay.

Oh, yeah.
We wont tell anybody.

Good. You ready?

We are up here.

Huh?

Theyre just breasts.

[Inga]
You have nipples,
we have nipples.

Oh, we like those better.

Okay, we go
play now, ya?

Ya.

Ya. Ya.

Oh, ya.

Yeah.

[Inga]
So you boys know
how much we like,
uh, games, ya?

Ya. Ya.

And we know how much
you American boys

like to see
an older womans body.

[both]
Ya.
[giggling]

Va, ve play
strip games, ya?

[gasps]
Ya!

Oh, ya.
[giggles]

[Inga]
A movie?
Two vord.

Second vord. Uh,
three syllables.
First syllable.

Prayer. Gods,

uh, oh, its second
and third syllable.

Baby. Mother.
Sounds like a mother.

Its a father.
Ya. Oh, oh, oh.
Godfather, The Godfather!

21 seconds, boys.

Your turn, boys.

[soft music]

All right. How do I look?

Wow, you
look beautiful.

Thank you.

Its not too late.
I could cancel.

I can call him that you have,
like, jungle fever.
Fatigue. Plague.

Honey, it's just dinner.

[Brad]
Hello, beautiful.

Whoo. Wow.

You look like
the mother of my children.

Too early in the date
to propose?

Just a little.

What's up, Kyle?

Well, guess we should
be going, yeah?

[Kyle]
Wait, why the rush?
I mean,

I have Brad Taylor here,
surf legend.

You know, when you
beat Slater in '97

with that 360 degree turn,
man, that was epic.

Yeah. Yeah, it was, man.

I remember sitting out there
with him waiting for a set.

You know,
and I just felt it.

I turned
to Kelly and I said,

Second place isnt so bad.
Enjoy it, fool.
[laughs]

Yeah. You're
really cool.

Thanks.

Well, you ready?

Yeah.

[Dinger]
Not so fast, Brad.

What are you doing
here, Doolittle?

Isnt it about time
to fall down drunk again?

Im here to call out
the alleged surf champion.

[Dinger]
That must
eat you up inside.

No matter how many
championships youve got,

you never won
one against the Dinger.

Dinger, dont.

[Brad]
Because you quit,
ran away, right
into the bottle.

And youre still in it.

What do you want, wino?

I want you.
One on one.

Surf-off.
Three waves,
one champion.

I hate to tell you this,
but were a little bit
too old to play for fun.

What are you gonna bet?
Your moldy mattress?

[fake laugh]
No.

If I win,

Carla keeps the motel.

Is he delusional?
I mean, actually,
thats a silly question.

And you, you eat
the rest of that mortgage.

Look, this
is ridiculous. Stop.

I know I dont deserve
to love you right now,

and Im a little down
on my luck.

A little? Whoof.

But the Dingers back.
I am back.

[burps]

[Brad]
Okay. All right.
You're on, wino.

You win,
I wont foreclose
on Carla for a year.

I said--

Thats the best
youre gonna get.

But when I win,
you leave Costa Rica forever.

Well call
it my, um, beach
beautification project.

Leave Costa Rica?

Yeah. You know, go bye-bye?

This is ridiculous. Stop.

Youre on,
butt-muncher.

Fine. Two weeks
from Saturday.

You got one chance
to beat me and thats
gonna take an act of God.

Let's go, Carla.

Please don't go.

I know youre not quite
ready to just be with me,

but dont be with him.

[Brad]
Man, you gotta
work on your pecs.
You got man tits.

[Brad]
You need some Grecian
for that grey, dude.

[Dinger]
Ugh.

Ugh!
[splash]

[Kyle]
Oh, Dinger,

oh, thats foul.

Ah-- Ah--

[Brad]
Youre not just
one big hair.

[Carla]
You know, I should
have studied like you.

According to my ex-boyfriend,
no one studies like me.

I guess thats why
hes my ex-boyfriend.

Well, theres
plenty more where
that came from.

Youre on vacation now.

I know. My cousins
keep reminding me.

I just wish
I could relax.

Well, we could hold you
down and take your book.

Im a black belt.
It could get ugly.
I fight like I study.

Kyle could give you
a surf lesson.

Oh, you mean,
the relatively
attractive nephew

who you forgot to mention
is going to Stanford?

I figured you would
find out on your own.

He seems cool, but sorry.
Theres no love connection.

Were practically
gonna be neighbors, you know.

Word spreads.
I dont need
that kind of trouble.

All right.
Suit yourself.
Study hard.

[cheerful music]

[Dinger]
I feel cold, brah.

What? Its like
90 degrees.

[shivers]
Cold.

So cold.

Is that
a white light?

A velvety white light?

[celestial music]

Im on the road
to Shambala.

Theres Jehovah.
Hey, big Daddy.

Sweet robe.

Dingers coming
home to Papa.

Got any Capn Crunch
around here?

Dinger, you're
going to do this

you gotta go sober.

Youre not gonna let
Carla down, right?

Right.

Your heros gonna need
a little help on this
one, brah.

I know.
I'll help you.

I did good
today, huh?

Yeah.

Except for blowing
the chunks all
over her.

[harps music]

Oh, God, you heard
what I said about Carla.

I love you.
I want you.

Its okay, honey.
Shes real. I understand.

[Dinger]
Youre real. So real.

Youre my one
and only love.

[Carla]
So what
are you doing?

[Kyle]
Just walking
with my beautiful
aunt on the beach.

[Carla chuckles]
I mean, what
are you doing?

Dinger shows up
to challenge Brad,
professes his love for me?

Youre a believer,
right? Its just
the universe at work.

With a little help
from you. Look.

[Carla]
I made this mess,

I dont think you
and Dinger should
get involved.

No, I think we
should, I mean,

what do you want Dinger
to do? Just lie down
on the beach drunk?

Kyle, he said
he loved me.

So, hes
got good taste.

Isnt your generation
the one that believed
love is all you need?

No, thats
the generation before
mine. Mine needs money.

This plan is silly.

Got anything better?

[harp music,
Dinger chuckles]
Oh, yeah.

Always good
to use protection, Pammy.

Oh, yeah, rub it
right there. Oh. Oh, yeah.

I think you missed a spot.

Oh, yeah, thats it,
right there, baby.

Itd be much nicer
to have a real girl
do this for you.

Like Carla.

No, this is great.

Real is better.

Not when its real
versus Pamela Anderson.

Honey, Im not really
here, you know that?

Say what?

You create the fantasy.
The reality is,

Im at Little League game
with my boys right now.

Stop it.

I think you can stop it.

But you look so good wet.

You have
the prettiest skin.

Goofy.

[hard rock music ]

Dinger.

Running in place,
in slow motion,

wont help.

I feel the burn, brah.

[grunts and groans]

Come on.

Okay.

That's... one.

You are killing me,
Osama. Whats next,
waterboarding?

Ah!

Dinger, you
got this.

You used to have
the best balance
in the world.

I dont know what youve
been smoking lately, brah

But Im with Ringling
Brothers here.

Whats next,
a flying trapeze?

I mean, you might
as well shoot me
out of a cannon.

Im back.
Whoo-hoo!

Try and get
these clothes off.

[both]
Ya!

Name the seven
continents.

[Doobie]
Pancho Villa.

[Tasty]
Catalina.

[both boys]
Oh.

Explain Einsteins
Theory of Relativity.

Define existentialism.

Freuds interpretation
of dreams.

Keynesian Theories
of Macroeconomic Management.

How much vood could
a voodchuck chuck if
a voodchuck could vood?

Show time!

It better be a big show.

Its so little.

[Rikki]
If itd be
any smaller,
it would be invisible.

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

[Rikki]
He's hung like a hamster.

Stupid is no fun.

We dont take
our clothes off
for stupid American boys.

Yeah. Vhy dont you
just take your honey
buns out of my sight?

Take a long walk
on a short pier.

[Inga]
Yeah. And vhile
youre at it, take your
cocktail vieners outta here.

Dude, I totally knew
that woodchuck
question, man.

[Doobie]
Come on, work.

[Tasty]
All right.

North America.

South America.

Antarctica.

Africa.

Australia.

What about Australia?

Uh, nothing.

Whats wrong, guys?

We really
are idiots.

[Doobie]
Idiots, with, like,
a capital--

[moans]

[chuckles]
Whats wrong? Your
date with the Swedes
didnt go very well?

We need to learn.

Not just so we can
stay in our school,

but just
so we're not
pathetic kooks.

[Doobie]
And, you dont even
have to, like, seduce us

or anything like
that, you know?

I mean, look,
çif you wanted
to, you could.

But. Im sorry.
I didnt mean it. Oops.

Hey.

[Eva]
How's it going?

Okay.

Think you might
have time for
a surf lesson?

Thought you had
to focus.

Its just
a surf lesson.

I think Im smart enough
to learn how to do your
little surf thing.

This has nothing to do
with book smarts.

Please.

How hard can it
be? Your brain-dead
friends can do it.

Okay. I think I will
give you that lesson
in humility.

Okay. Wait a second.

I talked to your aunt.

She told me what youre
trying to do with Dinger.

I think its really cool.

Im not trying
to add to that frustration
or anything, I promise.

I come in peace.

[Kyle]
When you see that friendly
little wave coming
that you want

you align yourself
up on the wave.

When youre paddling,
youre basically gonna
be doing a crawl stroke.

And coming over the top.

Got it.

All right.

Looks good.

And once you feel the glide,

you kinda do
a push up like this.

Knees slightly bent,

arms out to the side
for balance

and thats your
first surf lesson.

Your turn.

Okay.

Feet off the edge
of the board.

Nose out of the water.

Kick.

Paddle.

Think I got it.

Thats good.
Just like a pro.

[cheerful romantic music]

Well, that
went well.

You actually
did pretty good.

Paddlings looking good.
Balance is nice.

Its all good.

Im just not ready.

It's okay.

So, do you guys understand
what Dickens Tale of Two
Cities is about?

Yeah. Kind
of about us.

[laughs] Its about
you and Richard?

[Tasty]
Well, the guy
in the book,
Sidney, he loves Lucy,

but Lucy
loves Charlie.

And that is, like,
pretty much, like,
the story of our lives.

See, the babes
that we love, usually
love someone else.

Okay, good. I mean,
not good, but--

Dickens was
exploring the concept
of unrequited love,

when you love someone
and they dont love you.

You guys really got it.

[Kyle]
Come on, Dinger!
Youre almost here!

Cant I just enroll
in Jenny Craig?

Or take a Jazzercise class?

Come on.

Come on, baby, into my arms.

[Dinger]
Im coming, sweetheart
[groans]

[Dinger]
You cant tell me
this isnt for real.

[Kyle]
Dude, this is gay.

Dinger!

Have a good surf,
bro. Get em.

[hard rock music]

Wow.

[harp music]

[slurps]

Wow. Back to tease me?

No, just watching him surf.

I remember
watching you
in Hawaii. You were amazing.

That was a long time ago.

Not so long.
I see the way
he looks at you.

He remembers. They all do.

You know, Pammy,
for a fantasy girl,

you can be a real
pain in the ass sometimes.

How about
a little less pressure
and a lot more suntan oil?

Okay, okay. But maybe
this whole thing, you know,
the changes, the challenges

maybe this
is your fantasy. Not me.

[chuckles]
Uh, that would be
a no, Dr. Anderson.

Youre my fantasy.

Well, we are making
some progress.

We just had an entire
conversation without
you trying to grope me.

Yeah, I guess.

[bionic jump sound]

[cheerful music]

[Dinger]
Oh, Pam. Finally, Pam.
[groans]
Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, Dinger. Spring.

[Dinger]
Ugh!
[groans in pain]

Dinger!

You tease!

[male in Spanish]
Puto!

[tingling music]

Oh, Ernesto.

[in Spanish]
Lo siento mucho.

I'm sorry, brah.

Im hallucinatin
from this sober thing.

You look exactly
like Pammy though.

[plays guitar softly]

Do you mind
if I sit down?

Take a seat.

Things going
any better with Dinger?

No.

So,

whats in your brain
that has to change?

Dont you have
some studying to do?

Im a surfer
now. Remember?

Sometimes its easier
to tell a stranger,
or a near stranger.

Im just thinking about
maybe putting off Stanford.

I always dreamed
of surfing pro.

I dont wanna look back
on life and have any regrets.

[sighs]
But I dont wanna turn out
like Dinger either.

You're not him.

You dont think
its crazy?

I should, I guess.

But I don't.

Watching you surf,

its beautiful.

I mean, its a gift.

I thought Id be
the last person
to see it that way.

But, look.

Ive been studying
fanatically since
I can remember.

And I guess maybe
its not so bad
to take a break.

Maybe it doesnt
forever damn you

into a future in fast food.

So, not to change
the subject, but I
kinda have an idea.

[Carla]
Are you crazy?

Setting your cool
aunt up on a date
with Dinger Doolittle?

Maybe youll inspire him.
I mean, he is risking
everything for you.

[Eva]
Its more
of a Don Quixote approach.

Youre Dulcinea
and hes your
knight errant.

He deserves
an audience.

Don Quixote was insane,
as is Dinger.

[Kyle]
Insane is
a little extreme.

Id say
hes more eccentric.

Right!

Since when
did the two of you

become a tag team?

Arent you
supposed to be
studying or something?

I believe a wise
and beautiful
hotel owner

once told me
to take a study break.

[Kyle]
Come on,
it's just dinner.

Hes willing to give up
his home for yo

I really think
that we should
cancel this whole thing.

I mean, he cant,
he cant possibly
win, can he?

Hes a four-time
world champion.

Hes got a chance.

All he needs
is a little time.

Your time.

The two of you
are too smart for your
own good, and for mine.

Okay. My typical
first date.

Maybe we shouldnt
use me as a model.

Lets take a slightly
different approach.

Just be yourself,
you know,

the non-perverted part
of yourself that wont
try to jump her bones.

God, I want you so bad.

Kid, figuratively speaking.

[Eva]
Look, Dinger.

If you want any chance
with a woman like Carla,

youre gonna need
some updating.

And youre gonna be
doing this updating?

Me and my two
Swedish cousins.

Swedish cousins. Wow.

Are you guys
gonna be wearing
something like G-strings

for my updating comfort?

Maybe, uh, after
this updating youll hit
on someone other than me.

So, this Plato
isnt the stuff
made out of clay.

Its a Greek guy,
a philosopher.

Good job, Hamilton.

[Doobie]
And, he believed

in inherent intelligence.

[Tasty]
And that we were born
knowing all the stuff
that we need to know.

We just have
to call on it.

Were, like, smart
as Asian kids.
[giggles]

You guys, Im really
proud of you. Youre
working really hard.

So, I hear
you have a big
date tonight. Oh.

Oh, no, no.
Its not a date.

Well, dont let him
get to second base

without finishing
the shrimp cocktail.

[Doobie giggles]
Shrimp cocktail.

[harp music]

Look, I'm just
not in the mood.

Well, thats a surprise.

Dont take offense
or anything. Youre
still my Pammy, right?

If you say so, honey.

Ill just leave you alone,

maybe just
head down the beach
and go skinny-dipping.

You're testing me.

[chuckles]
Youre testing me.

[Kyle]
Dinger, we got
to train.

I am training, bro.

For what,
the next life?

In a matter
of speaking, yes.

Maybe Im praying
for you to loosen up.

Ive seen you surf.

You could be great.

You just gotta
let it flow.

[celestial hum
and echoing voices, off]

[Brad, echoing]
But when I win, you leave
Costa Rica forever.

[Dinger, whispering off]
I know.

[Kyle, echoing, off]
Are you gonna help
Carla or not?

[Dinger, whispering, off]
I know what matters.

[Pammy, echoing, off]
Its okay, honey. Shes
real. I understand.

[Carla, echoing, off]
When you love someone
and they dont love you.

[Dinger, whispering off]
Mind over matter.

[Kyle, echoing, off]
Maybe the time is now.

[Brad, echoing, off]
You know, go bye-bye.

You just gotta
let it flow.

[Dinger]
Oh! Whats that? Ow! Oh.

Hows it going?

Um, well,
[Dinger groans
in background]

lets just say
no felony charges yet.

A few misdemeanors maybe.

Im sure hell be fine.

[Dinger]
No, dont.
Give Kyle my stuff.

Oh.

[Dinger]
Oh!

He wanted me
to give you this stuff.
I found it in his hair.

Id give you the plate,
but were going through
his underarm hair now

and Ill probably need it.

All right.

Yeah. He likes
Britney Spears.

[Dinger]
Dont lose my Britney,
Baby One More Time.

You owe me another
surf lesson after this.

You got it.

[Dinger]
Mom, help!

Uh, I should probably
get back to that.

Good luck.

[Dinger]
I wanna go back
to the beach!

[soft music]

[Kyle]
Oh, my God.
You look amazing.

Thank you.

All right. If this goes
bad, Im gonna kill you,
you know that, right?
[chuckles]

Come on. Just give it
a chance. You might like him.

I think you will.

You know when I first
moved here about 12
years ago I, I

met Dinger Doolittle
and he was the resident
surf god.

He was something.

I mean, not my type,
of course.

Of course.

He was
a stupid surfer.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

Dinger, is that you?

I think so.
Cant be a 100 percent,

but, it sure
bears a resemblance.

[Carla]
Uh, you, you look--

Human again?

Uh, [chuckles]
you look great.

Well, you look amazing
without my vomit
all over you.

Oh.

Heres a peace offering
for blowing the chunks.

That, these grow up
by my house.

Mattress.

Thank you.
Thats very sweet.

Are you sure
you wanna do this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You kids
be back early.

Well be waiting.

We vant
to apologize.

Yeah, we were rude.
You are not
so stupid.

Ya. Come.
Ve vill play.

Ya.

Ve go skinny
dip, ya?

Oh, ya.

We're trying
not to be so stupid.

Yeah.

Well pass.

[Doobie]
Bro, put it
in the books. Im gonna
split the atom one day.

Hey, we have
to review Stalins
reign of terror, too.

Oh, yeah.

[Inga]
Vat if we said

that ve do
go skinny-dipping.

So you can see
our hooters, ya?

Ya. Maybe touch. Ya?

Ha. Well take
a rain check.

Okay. Ve show
you now.

[Doobie]
Dude, I
found a dangling
participle right here.

Oh!

Was that a dream?

[soft music]

You did
an amazing job.
I cant believe its him.

Thanks.

You dont
have to be doing
this, you know.

You could
be studying.

I think I needed
a study break.

Whats going on
with you and this
bet, Dinger?

I mean, I appreciate
the sentiment,
but its wrong.

It feels
right to me.

Its not your
problem, its mine.

What if helping you
with your problem
helps me with mine?

Look, I dont wanna be
like Ive been.

I cant.

And if this
is the reason
to change, you,

its as good as any.

Better.

[Dinger]
Thanks for doing this
with me, Carla.

Thank you.
I had a really
nice time.

Really?

Really.

[sighs and chuckles]

Oh, wow.

Someones smiling.

[chuckles]
Im not doing
this with you guys.

Come on.

Okay.

Lets kick
butt-munchers butt.

Come in.
Ve want to play.

Please, we're studying.

Well, study
anatomy. Ours.

Dude, I can't
concentrate here.

Yeah, lets
leave these aquatic
recreational facilities.

[Kyle]
Come on, Dinger.

Please, let
him get up.

Two words.

Okay. First word.

Thats it, Richard.
Okay. Um,

two syllables.

Excellent! Yes.

All right.

Miss Dante.

Yeah?

Oh, come on, girls.
Get outta here!

[Dinger]
Hey, whats up, brah?

My God.

[coughing]

Carla.

Hey.

You wanna talk to me?

Yeah, um,

Look, everybody in town
knows that I have
rooms available

and I think
its only right
that you have one.

Stay here?

In an actual room?

Yes.

And sleep in the bed?

With sheets?

Yes.

And use the bathroom?

Yes, you can even
use the shower
if you want.

And the soap?

Yes.

Well, Carla,
you know, this is
kind of a surprise to me.

You wanting me to move
on so fast and all.

I mean, I had
a great time on our date.

And the kiss
was certainly erotic.

But you know a guy
usually has to play
a little hard to get.

Youre asking me
to be your live-in
boy toy.

No. I am offering
you a room.

Not my room.

Yes or no.

Yes.

Okay.

[soft romantic music]

Oh!

A bed. With sheets.

Yeah.

[chuckles]
Light!

Yeah! Light!

Okay. You
can let go
of me now.

God. She really
loves me, doesnt she?

Love is
a little strong.

I would say
its more,

more of a like.

Love, like,
they all start
with the letter L, right?

Yeah, that
they do.

All righty then.

Wow, theres water
in this toilet.

Oh, man. Soap.

Soap.
[chuckles]

Was I really
your hero once?

Yeah.

Look, Big Brah.

I never asked
you for anything.

And its not
like Im asking
for that much now.

Maybe just a little karma.

Youre not coming
home tonight?

Well, she offered
and I felt kinda obligated.

I mean, it cant
hurt the filly.

Its just one night.
Ill be back, Pammy.

Good night, Dinger.

Good night.

[grunts]

Hes close.

Eva, the competition
is tomorrow.

Close means Dinger
leaves here forever.

Close means Carla
loses the hotel.

[harp music]

Are you all right?

Yeah. Maybe
a little scared.

Well, a little
scared is normal.

You know, I wanted
to apologize to you, Pam.

For what?

For treating you like
a fantasy all these years.

You know, an object.

The hottest object
in the history of mankind.

I mean,
those 11 Playboy
covers confirm that.

[record scratch]
It's 13.

Anyway, the truth is

while most
of us are scared
to death of love,

you at least
give it a chance.

You take your boys
to Little League games.

You rescue animals.

Youve been the best friend
a lost soul could ever have.

Thank you, Dinger.

I have to go.

I know.

I could call it off.

[Dinger]
No. We're ready.

The legend returns,
right brah?

Look, Dinger,
you dont have
to do this.

A heros more
than a sandwich, kid.

Look at you guys.

You all look like
Lindsay Lohan
without a beer.

Come on.
Have some faith.

Tomorrow the Dinger
rides again.

[Dinger]
Just like
that Plato dude said.

Its all
inside me, right?

Yeah.

[Tasty]
And Carla.

[Carla]
Yeah?

[Tasty]
I wrote
a song. Do you
mind if I play it?

Sure.

[plays instrument]
Oh.

♪ It's me and my friends
In Costa Rica today

♪ Come to catch a few waves
And maybe get laid

[Doobie chuckles]

♪ My Aunt Carla
She taught us new ways

♪ Two Swedish chicks
Teasing us

♪ Titties in our face
[all chuckle]

♪ Kyle digs Eva,
Green-eyed blond
With the brains

♪ It's me and my friends
In Costa Rica today

♪ My boy, Doobie

♪ Sure loves the reefer

♪ But now
He quotes Shakespeare,

♪ Dickens and Queen Latifah

♪ Dinger winning

♪ We thought was history

♪ Believing in him
Will lead him to victory

Whoooo

♪ I love my family
In Costa Rica

♪ This is my family
In Costa Rica

♪ This is my family--

[applauds]
Wow.

What a tender moment
for a bunch of losers

on the verge
of complete annihilation.

So, Carla,
I heard about
your little date.

You really that hard up
you have to do a makeover
on the wino?

I'd leave now,
butt-muncher.

Youre the only one
leaving, Doolittle.

And Im sure with
a little bit of luck,

youll soon have your
very own shopping cart
in downtown Detroit.

After I destroy
your drunk boyfriend,

my lawyer will begin
foreclosing on your
little hotel.

You had your
chance, baby.

You blew it.

Wow. Congratulations, Brad.

That was perhaps the best
dick speech in the history
of all dicks.

Which is appropriate
cause your flys open.

[fake laugh]

[all chuckle]
That's right.
Made you look.

[giggles]

You guys
get a good
nights sleep.

Cause tomorrow,
you and your girlfriend
lose everything.

Oh, thats right.
You do have that
one chance.

Yeah. I remember.

Thats right.

[plays instrument]
♪ This is my family
In Costa Rica

[Dinger]
You know, Brad.

[Dinger]
You should be real
careful with karma.

It can bite you in the ass.

Pearls of wisdom
from the wino.

[Brad]
Well, well. You and your
sorry-ass entourage
have actually shown up

[Brad]
Lets keep this
simple so even
you can understand

Three waves,
best two out of three wins.

Translation? After two
quick rides, you leave
Costa Rica forever.

Now, can you tell
my beautiful friends
what happens if I win?

Yeah, yeah, of course.
If there happens to be
an act of God,

Ms. Dante here will
not have to pay her
mortgage for one year.

You sober enough to begin?

Lets do this.

Thanks for everything,
brah. You okay?

Yeah.

You can do this.

The legend returns.

Come on, fatso.

After you, Brad.

[group]
Come on, Dinger!
Okay, Dinger, come on.
You can do it!

Ah-ha-ha.
You better
pray, Doolittle.

[Kyle]
Whats he doing out there?

[Tasty]
Just wait. Its cool, man.

[Carla]
What's he doing?

[Brad laughs maliciously]

Great. He's
praying again.

[Tasty]
[thunder]
Whoa. Wha--
Whats going on?

[Kyle]
This doesn't look good.

[thunder and howling wind]

[Tasty]
Think Gods crying.

[Brad]
Whoa! Whoa!

Oh!

[Tasty]
Di-- did you see
that lightning bolt?

[gasp]
Oh.

[Tasty]
He just got struck
by lightning.

[Dinger]
I'll save you, Brad!

Help.

[Dinger]
Grab my board.

[Brad groans]
Oh, my God.

Dont worry,
everyone. Hes
not dead.

Miss Dante? We dont
have to know anything

about supernatural phenomenas
for the exam, do we?

[Brad groans]

Anyone wanna
help him?

I think he shit
his pants.

[record scratch
and new cheerful music]

[group]
Whoo-hoo!

[Carla]
You did it!

[Dinger]
We did it, brah!

[Tasty]
You did it!

[laughing and cheering]

[Tasty]
No way.
The Dingers back.

Is that what you
were praying for?

Yes, and you
were in there,
too, brah.

I'm gonna
need a surf
coach if I go pro.

You got it.

I know I didnt beat him
the way I used to back
in the day,

but I still won
for the woman I love.

Thats what they
call unrequited love.
Dickens wrote about that.

Yeah, that's
when you
love somebody

but they don't
love you back.

That might not
apply here, boys.

Sorry about
that. I just wanted
to say goodbye.

God, Im so
proud of you.

Well, you always
wanted that kiss.

Is that all you got, Dinger?

Not even close!

Book. Uh, Seven words.

First word.

Okay. One syllable.

Prayer. Prayer.
Uh, uh, chicken.

Uh, hen, hen.
Okay. Sounds like,

uh, Zen. Zen.
All right. Uh,
second word, second word.

Enough! We give up.

[Inga]
Enough!

We, we respected
your minds.

Yes. So now,
ve give to you
our bodies. Ya?
[laughs]

[Doobie]
Uh, if I
remember correctly,
I think you guys called us

uh, stupid Americans?

Youre on
the lame train. Weve
seen this show before.

You boys like
to go motor boating?

[Rikki]
Ya.

[all yell and moan]

[Inga]
Oh, yeah, we
love you boys.

Come on.