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1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,635
HI, I'M CALLING ON
BEHALF OF MIKE FLAHERTY.
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,471
IS COUNCILWOMAN SCHWARTZ
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,340
STILL ATTENDING THE
BENEFIT WITH THE MAYOR?
4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,842
GREAT. MAY I SPEAK
TO HER, PLEASE?
5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,011
GOOD MORNING.
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,190
GOOD MORNING!
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,946
BEAUTIFUL DAY, HUH?
8
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,248
OH, YEAH... CRISP!
9
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:19,784
MIKE WANTED TO GO OVER WHAT
YOU'LL BE WEARING TOMORROW.
10
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,454
SUIT.
11
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,690
MIKE WAS HOPING
SOMETHING MORE FESTIVE.
12
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,091
LIKE WHAT?
13
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,959
A COCKTAIL DRESS.
14
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,095
A COCKTAIL DRESS?
15
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,042
IF YOU'RE NOT
COMFORTABLE WEARING THAT,
16
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:34,043
THE MAYOR CAN ALWAYS
FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
17
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,000
HE'D FIRE ME?
18
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,569
EXACTLY.
19
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:42,007
ALL RIGHT, I'LL WEAR ONE.
20
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,642
LISTEN, YOU NEED ANY
HELP FINDING A DRESS?
21
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,478
NO, I HAVE ONE.
22
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,946
HEY, GOOD MORNING, PAUL.
23
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,414
ALL RIGHT...
24
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,294
I'LL COME TO WORK
TOMORROW MORNING,
25
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:52,717
I'LL WEAR A COCKTAIL DRESS,
26
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,687
AND PRANCE AROUND LIKE
SOME HAIRY DEBUTANTE!
27
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,056
YOU WIN! CONGRATULATIONS!
28
00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,724
YOU'RE THE WINNER!
29
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,833
WHAT SICK, DEMENTED
CONTEST DID I ENTER?
30
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,535
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
31
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,633
NIK, I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW... I KNOW.
32
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,101
I'M SORRY?
33
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,770
THE GRAY COAT YOU'VE
BEEN WEARING ALL WEEK...
34
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:48,673
THE SAME GRAY COAT YOU
WORE ON OUR FIRST DATE...
35
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:51,710
TURN DOWN THE
VOLUME. I HEAR YOU.
36
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,345
IT'S A RAINCOAT, MIKE.
37
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,113
I WEAR IT WHEN IT RAINS.
38
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,515
AND IT'S RAINING ON
THE INSIDE, ISN'T IT?
39
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,284
WHAT IS THE FORECAST, NIK,
40
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,954
PARTLY LONELY WITH
A CHANCE OF REGRET?
41
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,889
ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT THIS
IS A DIFFICULT TIME FOR US,
42
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,159
AND THERE'S BOUND
TO BE SOME WEIRDNESS.
43
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,394
AND APPARENTLY YOU'RE
GOING TO PROVIDE IT.
44
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,563
MORNING. MORNING.
45
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,831
GOOD MORNING, MIKE.
46
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,233
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
47
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,935
I ASKED YOU IF I COULD
SIT IN ON THE MEETING.
48
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,871
YEAH, AND I SAID NO.
49
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,673
AND I CAME ANYWAY.
50
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,108
REALLY DON'T WANT YOU HERE.
51
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,145
REALLY DON'T CARE.
52
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,780
AS LONG AS WE'RE CLEAR.
53
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,748
UH, KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL,
54
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,918
AND VOTERS ARE
THINKING ABOUT EDUCATION,
55
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,388
SO WE HAVE NAMED A JUNIOR
HIGH SCHOOL AFTER THE MAYOR.
56
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,357
THAT'S EASY ANSWERS,
NOT SUBSTANTIVE CHANGE.
57
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,059
SLICK POLITICS AS USUAL.
58
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,727
BUT WITH A KICK-ASS MASCOT!
59
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,832
KIDS, WE'RE GIVING YOU
SOMETHING BETTER THAN LITERACY...
60
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,701
IT'S A BEAVER!
61
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,636
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
62
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,149
THAT'S A RACCOON.
63
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,773
I'D KNOW THOSE EYES ANYWHERE.
64
00:02:55,809 --> 00:03:00,044
I WAS MAULED BY ONE AT A
REST STOP IN PENNSYLVANIA.
65
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,481
WOODCHUCK. I WAS
ALSO ATTACKED...
66
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,850
IN MY FAMILY'S REC ROOM.
67
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,820
GUYS, WE, UH...
WE HAVE A VISITOR.
68
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,957
HOW DID A WOODCHUCK GET
IN THE FAMILY'S REC ROOM?
69
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,693
SNUCK IN THROUGH THE PIG DOOR.
70
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,472
HELLO! GOVERNMENT MEETING HERE!
71
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,174
WE HAVE A LOT TO
ACCOMPLISH TODAY.
72
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,210
LET'S STAY FOCUSED
AND NOT GET DISTRACTED.
73
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,334
I'M TELLING YOU,
THAT IS A BEAVER!
74
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,404
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
WHAT A BEAVER LOOKS LIKE?
75
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:33,544
YEAH, I'D LIKE TO
TALK TO M... YEAH?
76
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,213
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO MIKE.
77
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,815
I WOULD LIKE TO PARTY
BACKSTAGE WITH PM DAWN...
78
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,151
DOESN'T MEAN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
79
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,087
JAMES, EVER SINCE
YOU GOT THAT HEADSET,
80
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,155
YOU'VE BECOME TOO
BIG FOR YOUR BRITCHES.
81
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,557
I GOTTA TALK TO MIKE
82
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,492
ABOUT WHO'S GONNA
WEAR THE BADGER SUIT
83
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,194
AT THE SCHOOL PRESS CONFERENCE.
84
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,764
PAUL, AS DEPUTY-DEPUTY
MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY,
85
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,801
I'LL BE DECIDING THAT.
86
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,637
YOU CAN'T DECIDE THAT, JAMES.
87
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,306
YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY.
88
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,541
YOU'RE A LOWLIFE,
PENCIL-PUSHIN',
89
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,877
BOTTOM-OF-THE-BARREL SECRETARY.
90
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,014
YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF
TWO HOURS IN A BADGER SUIT!
91
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,551
IF THE MAYOR IS GONNA WIN,
92
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,321
WE'RE GONNA RAISE YOUR STAFF'S
PROFESSIONALISM TO A NEW LEVEL.
93
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,957
THIS IS NOT SOME STUFFY
CORPORATE ENVIRONMENT.
94
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,860
WHAT I'VE CREATED HERE
IS A FREE-FORM THINK TANK...
95
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,873
A MENTAL PLAYGROUND,
IF YOU WILL.
96
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,598
NOW, SOME OF OUR MOST
PROFOUND AND INNOVATIVE IDEAS
97
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,333
ARE BORN OUT OF CHAOS.
98
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,435
LOOK AT ME! I'M A SECRETARY!
99
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,071
I'M A SECRE... HELLO?
IS THIS THING ON?!
100
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,640
CAN YOU TELL I'M A
SECRETARY? HELLO?
101
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,211
THEY'RE ONTO SOMETHING ÷ BIG.
102
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,553
STUART, I'LL JUST BE
A FEW MORE MINUTES.
103
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,088
WHAT'S THE HEADBAND FOR...
104
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,359
TO KEEP THE BALD
OUT OF YOUR EYES?
105
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,962
YOU KNOW, STUART,
IT'S THE WIT LIKE THAT
106
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,831
THAT MAKES YOU SUCH
CATNIP FOR THE HOOKERS.
107
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,799
SO THIS IS THE GAY GYM, HUH?
108
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,735
IT'S NOT ACTUALLY
CALLED "THE GAY GYM."
109
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:08,106
BUT IT'S A GYM WITH
NOTHING BUT GAY MEN.
110
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:12,477
I HEAR YOU CAN LAND A
747 IN THE STEAM ROOM.
111
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,978
WE DON'T WORK OUT HERE.
112
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,980
WE JUST RUN AROUND
THE LOCKER ROOM,
113
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,950
SNAPPING TOWELS AT EACH OTHER,
AND HAVING NAKED CHICKEN FIGHTS,
114
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,284
YOU TOOL.
115
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,986
I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO
116
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,088
THAN HANG AROUND
HERE AND LOOK AT MEN.
117
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:27,292
HOLY COW, WILL YOU LOOK
AT THE CANS ON THAT GUY!
118
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,073
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN COME HERE
119
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,217
SO THEY CAN WORK OUT
WITHOUT BEING HIT ON.
120
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:39,003
[CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
121
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,774
THERE IS A HEAVEN...
AND IT'S A GAY GYM.
122
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:49,080
HEY, NIK.
123
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,683
I RECOGNIZE THAT SWEATER.
124
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:56,521
SECOND DATE...
BOATHOUSE... MET YOUR MOM.
125
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,834
THAT WAS THE SWEATER THAT SAID,
126
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:03,061
"WE WANT YOU IN
THE FAMILY, MIKE."
127
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,729
YOU KNOW WHAT?
128
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:07,232
WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER
TO MY APARTMENT TONIGHT
129
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,401
AND TELL ME WHICH
OF MY CLOTHES SAY,
130
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,503
"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME"?
131
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,238
NIKKI, I HAD AN IDEA...
132
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,306
I JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP US.
133
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,476
TELL ME WHAT YOU
THINK ABOUT THIS...
134
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,310
COUPLES COUNSELING.
135
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:20,389
NO.
136
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,680
FINE. I RESPECT THAT.
137
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,282
LET'S JUST, UH...
138
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,819
LET'S JUST GO TO
THE BUDGET MEETING.
139
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,721
NIKKI, THIS IS TOM.
140
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,190
TOM, THIS IS NIKKI.
LET'S DIVE RIGHT IN.
141
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,659
NIKKI'S UNDER THE
MISCONCEPTION THAT I AM DECEITFUL
142
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,328
AND MANIPULATIVE AND
THAT YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT.
143
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:38,897
HE'S A THERAPIST!
144
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,032
YOU LIED TO ME
TO GET ME IN HERE!
145
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,238
AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?
146
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,385
THIS IS GREAT!
147
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,878
YOUR GAY GYM
REJECTED MY APPLICATION!
148
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,047
STUART, UNDER "PERSONAL GOALS,"
149
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,617
YOU PUT "TWO
CHICKS IN A HOT TUB."
150
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,886
STILL, IT'S DISCRIMINATION.
151
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,690
THIS GOES AGAINST
EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR.
152
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:10,861
DISCRIMINATION IN ANY
FORM IS A VIOLATION OF...
153
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,932
THAT... OHH!
154
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,134
THAT THING... THAT LIST.
155
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,970
YOU KNOW, THE GAY MANIFESTO!
156
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,672
THE "BILL OF RIGHTS"?!
157
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,775
THAT'S THE ONE!
158
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,290
JUST FORGET THAT
I'M PAYIN' THE BILL.
159
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,225
AND NO WAY DO I EXPECT
YOU TO TAKE MY SIDE.
160
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,027
I'M HERE AS A COUPLES COUNSELOR.
161
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,617
THERE'LL BE NO "SIDES."
162
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,785
RIGHT.
163
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:37,222
GOTCHA.
164
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,258
NIKKI AND I ARE HERE
165
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,527
BECAUSE WE WANT TO GIVE
THIS THING ANOTHER GO.
166
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,363
NO, WE DON'T.
167
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,131
THERE YOU GO, DOC.
168
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,468
GET IN THERE... WORK YOUR MAGIC.
169
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,637
HALF THE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER,
170
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,672
I FELT LIKE HE
WASN'T EVEN THERE.
171
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,041
AND YOU BLAMED YOURSELF.
172
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,487
YES. YES, YES!
173
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,944
I FELT LIKE IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.
174
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,980
YEAH, ME TOO. ME TOO.
175
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,681
I FELT THAT WAY, TOO.
176
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,716
THAT'S GOOD, MIKE.
THINK ABOUT THAT.
177
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,587
DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD?
178
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,222
YOU NEVER ASKED ME THAT.
179
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,457
I THOUGHT WE WERE THINKING.
180
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:19,931
WHEN I WAS 6... I LOST MY BINKY.
181
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:26,371
[Voice breaking] TURNS OUT
MY MOM JUST THREW IT AWAY.
182
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,009
SO REALLY WHAT YOU'RE
DOING IS TRANSFERRING
183
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:35,213
MIKE'S NEGATIVE FEELINGS
ABOUT HIMSELF ONTO YOU.
184
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,453
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
GET A CHECK READY.
185
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:45,656
I'M FINISHING UP HERE.
186
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,626
THANK YOU, TOM.
THIS HAS BEEN GREAT.
187
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,832
GOODBYE, DOCTOR.
188
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,600
GOODBYE, PATIENT.
189
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,672
I THINK WE HAD SOME REAL
BREAKTHROUGHS HERE.
190
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:05,843
YEAH, WELL, I KNOW I
HAD ONE... YOU SUCK.
191
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,382
WELCOME, STUDENTS.
192
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,716
AS YOUR PARENTS KNOW,
193
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,886
I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED
MYSELF "THE EDUCATION MAYOR,"
194
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,654
SO I AM PARTICULARLY PROUD
195
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,723
OF RANDALL M.
WINSTON JUNIOR HIGH
196
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,992
AND OUR GREAT MASCOT...
197
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,064
THE RAT.
198
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,499
BADGER. THEY'RE BADGERS, SIR.
199
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:32,303
REMEMBER, PARENTS,
"BADGER" YOUR KIDS TO STUDY.
200
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:35,406
STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!
201
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:40,311
MIKE, WHOEVER WORE THIS
THING BEFORE ME THREW UP IN IT!
202
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,948
WELL, YOU ROLL THE
DICE WHEN YOU RENT.
203
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:46,885
MR. MAYOR, A LOT OF KIDS
THINK THE STANDARDIZED TESTS
204
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,865
FOR CITY EIGHTH-GRADERS
ARE TOO HARD.
205
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,521
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
206
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,657
I THINK THAT'S A
VERY GOOD QUESTION,
207
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,358
BUT THE ANSWER IS "NO."
208
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,305
THOSE TESTS ARE VERY IMPORTANT.
209
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,063
YOU KIDS JUST NEED
TO STUDY, STUDY, STUDY,
210
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,133
LIKE BUSY LITTLE... BADGERS.
211
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,768
HOW ABOUT A SAMPLE QUESTION?
212
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,836
SURE! HIT ME!
213
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,206
"A TAPE PLAYER RUNS
AT 7 INCHES PER SECOND.
214
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,153
"HOW MANY HOURS
OF PLAY WILL I GET
215
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,776
WITH AN 800-FOOT-LONG TAPE?"
216
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,381
PASS.
217
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,717
ARE YOU SAYING YOU CAN'T
ANSWER THE QUESTION?
218
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,919
THE MAYOR CAN
ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
219
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,756
THE MAYOR CAN ANSWER
ANY QUESTION ON THAT TEST.
220
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,635
SO THE MAYOR WILL TAKE THE TEST?
221
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:31,228
THE MAYOR IS FAR TOO
BUSY TO TAKE THAT TEST.
222
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,197
SO YOU'RE SAYING
"THE EDUCATION MAYOR"
223
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,966
HAS NO TIME FOR KIDS?
224
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,802
YOU SURE YOU GO
TO PUBLIC SCHOOL?
225
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,489
MORNING, MIKE.
226
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,646
CAITLIN.
227
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:50,148
GREAT DAY, HUH?
228
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,515
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
229
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,395
HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPERS?
230
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,554
"MAYOR STUMPED
BY EIGHTH-GRADER"...
231
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,055
"MAYOR HELD BACK"...
232
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:03,094
AND MY PERSONAL
FAVORITE... "MAYOR... STUPID."
233
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:07,465
NOBODY READS USA TODAY.
234
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,768
SORRY I'M LATE, BUT NOW THAT
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST,
235
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:13,704
I THOUGHT WE SHOULD
REVIEW SOME OF THE SUBJECTS.
236
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,139
OH, IT'LL BE FUN.
237
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,208
IT'LL BE LIKE I'M
BACK IN PREP SCHOOL.
238
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,878
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO STUDY
239
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:23,447
A LITTLE HARDER THAN YOU
DID AT WINSTON ACADEMY.
240
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,394
PAULY, SINCE WE
HAVE JANELLE IN HERE,
241
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,485
WE PROBABLY DON'T
NEED TWO SECRETARIES.
242
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,121
I'M THE PRESS SECRETARY, JAMES.
243
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,391
WELL, PUT WHATEVER WORD
YOU WANT IN FRONT OF IT.
244
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,237
THAT'S IT. I'M
TAKIN' THE HEADSET.
245
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,395
YOU'RE ONE WORD AWAY
FROM THAT BADGER SUIT!
246
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,898
BUT... THAT'S THE WORD! SUIT UP!
247
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:49,006
JANELLE, NOTE IN THE MINUTES
PAUL WAS ASKED TO LEAVE.
248
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,509
YEAH, I'LL PUT IT IN
HERE RIGHT BEFORE
249
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:57,214
"JANELLE PUTS FOOT IN
DEPUTY DEPUTY MAYOR'S ASS."
250
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,784
ALL RIGHT, "MY BROTHER
IS TWICE AS OLD AS I AM.
251
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,420
"10 YEARS FROM NOW HE
WILL BE 13 YEARS OLDER.
252
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,188
HOW OLD AM I?"
253
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:12,196
MY BROTHER IS 53, AND
HE'S STILL A BACHELOR.
254
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:16,934
HE TOOK HIS FRIEND HECTOR
TO MOTHER'S FUNERAL.
255
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,836
YOUR BROTHER'S GAY, SIR.
256
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,018
"A MAN SELLS A MIXTURE OF NUTS
257
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,020
"CONSISTING OF 1/3
PECANS AND 2/3 CASHEWS.
258
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,977
IF A POUND OF
THE NUT MIXTURE..."
259
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:30,948
YOU KNOW, I'M OVERDUE
FOR MY TESTICULAR EXAM.
260
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:36,120
I'M JUST HERE TO TUTOR, SIR.
261
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,358
IF ANYONE DESERVES TO
BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST,
262
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,693
IT'S THIS MAN.
263
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,698
BUT OUR FOREFATHERS
GAVE THEIR LIVES
264
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,800
SO THAT REPUGNANT
CREEPS LIKE HIM
265
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,835
CAN WALK INTO ANY
GYM IN THIS LAND
266
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,737
AND TAKE A SPIN CLASS.
267
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,440
AM I HAPPY ABOUT THAT?
268
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,109
WOULD I WANT TO BE THE
ONE ON THE BIKE NEXT TO HIM?
269
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,111
NO!
270
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,613
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO WOULD?
271
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:06,483
THOMAS JEFFERSON!
272
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,921
I DON'T THINK FRUIT
BASKET'S BUYIN' IT.
273
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,990
TOM?
274
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,191
I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU.
275
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:18,129
YEAH, UH, WE SHOULD
PROBABLY TALK.
276
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,597
OH, HEY, LISTEN... NO
NEED TO APOLOGIZE, OKAY?
277
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,300
WE ALL DO THINGS WE REGRET.
278
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,768
YOU LOST YOUR
OBJECTIVITY IN OUR SESSION,
279
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,704
AND I STOPPED
PAYMENT ON YOUR CHECK.
280
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:30,074
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.
281
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:32,743
ACTUALLY, I'M MORE WORRIED
ABOUT YOU BEATING ME UP.
282
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,678
NOW, TOM, WHY WOULD I...
283
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,150
READY FOR LUNCH?
284
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,685
OH, GOTCHA!
285
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,953
I'M SORRY, MIKE, IT'S JUST...
286
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,757
WE HAD A REAL CONNECTION.
287
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,832
YEAH... ME, TOM! I
WAS THE CONNECTION!
288
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,861
YOU KNOW, THIS IS
SO UNPROFESSIONAL!
289
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,997
YOU COULD LOSE
YOUR LICENSE FOR THIS!
290
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,132
WELL, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE
291
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,469
TO FOCUS ON MY MUSIC ANYWAY.
292
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,570
YOU'RE A MUSICIAN?
293
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,379
SIR, HOW'S THE STUDYING GOING?
294
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,147
I'M STUMPED.
295
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:14,485
WHY IS CHER "IN"
AND MADONNA "OUT"?
296
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,487
BECAUSE CHER'S A SURVIVOR, SIR.
297
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,122
GIVE ME THE MAGAZINE.
298
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,893
WHAT ARE THOSE?
299
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,929
VERY SPECIAL SNEAKERS, SIR.
300
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,563
PUT THEM ON.
301
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,599
HISTORY AND GEOGRAPHY
ON YOUR RIGHT,
302
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,734
SCIENCE AND
VOCABULARY ON YOUR LEFT.
303
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:34,005
THEY'RE "CROSS-CHEATERS."
304
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,706
I FEEL SMARTER ALREADY.
305
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:38,142
OH, MIKE, NEXT TIME
YOU'RE IN MONTANA,
306
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,945
MAKE SURE YOU
STOP BY THE CAPITAL...
307
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,714
HELENA.
308
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,349
SIR, CAITLIN'S HERE.
309
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,284
OH, GOOD. SEND HER IN.
310
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,856
AND THANK YOU FOR
BEING SO... ASSIDUOUS.
311
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,026
MR. MAYOR, I WAS JUST TALKING
312
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,461
TO THE PRIME MINISTER
OF MOZAMBIQUE ABOUT YOU.
313
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,607
MOZAMBIQUE?
314
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:03,167
ISN'T THEIR CHIEF
EXPORT... SALT?
315
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,002
SIR, THE ONLY THING WORSE
316
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,915
THAN FAILING AN
EIGHTH-GRADE TEST
317
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,707
IS GETTING CAUGHT CHEATING
ON AN EIGHTH-GRADE TEST.
318
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,775
YOU'RE NOT WEARING THOSE SHOES.
319
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:13,945
I'M SORRY. I DON'T SEE
HOW YOU CAN STOP HIM.
320
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,252
WELL, CAITLIN,
THAT WAS KIND OF...
321
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:28,959
IN-CUR-COS... BLAH!
322
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,435
I MUST ADMIT, THE LAST TIME
I TOOK A STANDARDIZED TEST,
323
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,272
I DIDN'T FEEL ANYWHERE
NEAR THIS MUCH PRESSURE.
324
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,276
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT
I AM FULLY CONFIDENT
325
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,778
THAT I'M GONNA PASS
THIS TEST WITH EASE.
326
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:52,249
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A
GROUP OF GREAT MINDS
327
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,519
TAKING THIS TEST WITH ME.
328
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,955
AND NOW I SHALL BEGIN.
329
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:02,059
AND NOW I SHALL BEGIN.
330
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:06,530
"WHO WAS THE SUPREME
ALLIED COMMANDER ON D-DAY?"
331
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,632
DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER.
OMAR BRADLEY.
332
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:12,069
I'LL TELL YOU WHO IT
WASN'T... A BLACK MAN...
333
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:15,839
EVEN THOUGH "OMAR"
SOUNDS LIKE A BROTHER.
334
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,810
WELL, I KNOW IT
WASN'T A BLACK MAN...
335
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:27,051
EVEN THOUGH "OMAR" DOES
SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER.
336
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,054
SIR, IT WAS DWIGHT
D. EISENHOWER.
337
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,922
CAITLIN'S COMING!
338
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,361
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?
339
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,196
NOTHING... NOTHING AT ALL.
340
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,965
WE NEED A BUNSEN BURNER,
A SPANISH DICTIONARY,
341
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,202
AND A STYROFOAM MODEL
OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM.
342
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,138
OKAY, I LIED...
343
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,607
I'M MAKING FONDUE FOR
A MEXICAN ASTRONOMER.
344
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,175
YOU GUYS ARE CHEATING.
345
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:54,445
OKAY, WHAT'S THE FIRST
ELEMENT ON THE PERIODIC TABLE?
346
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,181
IT'S EITHER HYDROGEN
OR HELIUM. SOMEBODY...
347
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,295
BORON! NITROGEN!
348
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,885
NutraSweet!
349
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:06,157
CAITLIN?
350
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,825
HELP.
351
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,992
YEAH, RIGHT.
352
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,160
COME ON.
353
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,495
NO WAY.
354
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,164
OH, I GET IT.
355
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,943
LITTLE MISS IVY
LEAGUE DOESN'T KNOW.
356
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,367
OH, I KNOW.
357
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:18,002
SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
358
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,039
All: [Chanting] SHE
DOESN'T KNOW.
359
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,074
IT'S HYDROGEN.
360
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,676
IT'S HYDROGEN!
361
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:30,081
IF WE'RE GONNA CHEAT,
LET'S AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT.
362
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:31,415
GIMME ME THAT HEADSET.
363
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,317
[SIGHS] IT'S HYDROGEN, SIR,
364
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,653
ALTHOUGH I DON'T
APPROVE OF CHEATING.
365
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:36,954
GIVE THAT BACK.
366
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,123
I'M IN CHARGE NOW. GUESS AGAIN.
367
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,302
NO, YOU GUESS.
368
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:41,837
GIMME THEM! GIVE ME!
369
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,029
YOU GIVE IT... GIVE ME... HA!
370
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,031
I GOT THE BIGGEST HALF.
371
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,766
HELLO?
372
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,501
HELLO?
373
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:51,936
WHERE ARE THE VOICES?
374
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,604
I DON'T HEAR THE VOICES.
375
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,380
NOT ONLY IS HE GONNA
FAIL, BUT LOOK AT ME...
376
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,082
I HELPED THE MAYOR CHEAT.
377
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,817
I FOUGHT OVER A HEADSET.
378
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,820
I'M LIKE A CLASSIER,
MORE INTELLIGENT...
379
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,123
YOU.
380
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,624
OH, YEAH, REAL CLASSY.
381
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,026
I THINK I STILL HAVE ONE
OF YOUR PRESS-ON NAILS
382
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:18,028
IN MY BACK.
383
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:24,669
95th PERCENTILE! WHO'S THE MAN?!
384
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:25,836
OOH!
385
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,583
YOU ARE, SIR, AND, UH,
386
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,309
NO OFFENSE, BUT, UH, HOW?
387
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:34,278
THAT SECTION ON YACHTING
PUT ME RIGHT OVER THE TOP.
388
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:37,381
AND MY PASSING THIS
EIGHTH-GRADE TEST
389
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:41,085
HAS GIVEN ME THE CONFIDENCE
TO BE A UNITED STATES SENATOR.
390
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,164
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY ABOUT CONGRESS...
391
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:46,190
IT'S JUST LIKE HIGH
SCHOOL... BUT WITH MISSILES.
392
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:51,728
HEY, TOM, HAVING A GOOD DAY?
393
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,830
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO HERE.
394
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,899
MY POWER HAS BEEN TURNED OFF,
395
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,102
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE
HAS BEEN SUSPENDED,
396
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,571
AND THEY'VE REROUTED
THE WEST SIDE HIGHWAY
397
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,807
THROUGH MY LIVING ROOM.
398
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,720
DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
399
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,622
I HAD NOTHING TO
DO WITH ANY OF THAT...
400
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,323
OR WITH YOUR CAR BEING TOWED.
401
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,614
MY, UH, CAR HASN'T BEEN TOWED.
402
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,383
WHATEVER YOU SAY, TOM.
403
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,589
YOU KNOW, THE
PROBLEM ISN'T TOM, MIKE.
404
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,691
THE PROBLEM IS YOU AND ME.
405
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:23,160
I JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THAT
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.
406
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,695
I DON'T BLAME YOU
407
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,064
FOR NOT WANTING TO
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE,
408
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,933
BUT I BELIEVE IF YOU DO,
THIS TIME I'LL GET IT RIGHT.
409
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,237
I'LL PUT YOU BEFORE WORK.
410
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:36,540
I'LL BE HONEST.
411
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:41,312
I'LL MAKE SURE YOU FEEL AS
SPECIAL AS I KNOW YOU ARE.
412
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,613
YOU JUST HAVE TO LET ME.
413
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,385
[SIGHS]
414
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,822
WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE
SAID THAT A LONG TIME AGO?
415
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,824
I KNOW THAT I SHOULD HAVE.
416
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:58,195
I, UH... I'M SAYING IT NOW.
417
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:01,732
IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
418
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,901
SORRY.
419
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:42,206
REMEMBER, YOU'RE THE
FIRST STRAIGHT GUY HERE.
420
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,209
YOU HAVE TO BE
BETTER THAN THE REST!
421
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:49,112
YOU'RE LIKE A WHITE,
CLASSLESS JACKIE ROBINSON.
422
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,514
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.
423
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,251
HI. HI.
424
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:55,586
HI.
425
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:58,222
HI. NICE BRACELET.
426
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,125
IT'S HINDU. THEY BELIEVE
IF YOU LEAD A GOOD LIFE
427
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,094
YOU GET REWARDED BY RETURNING
AS A MORE EVOLVED BEING.
428
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:10,434
REALLY? YOUR SPORTS BRA
MUST'VE CURED POLIO IN ITS LAST LIFE.
429
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:14,271
THAT'S IT, YOU'RE OUT OF HERE.
430
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,774
IT WAS WORTH IT!
431
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,409
Man: SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG.
432
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,510
(BARKING)
28834
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