All language subtitles for Ghosts s02e20 Woodstones Hottest Couple.eng

Samantha, as you know,

Trevor and I are now
an official couple.

That's right, Sammy,
this beefcake is off the market.

You snooze, you lose.

Darn.

Anyway, our social calendar

is filling up quickly,

so if you and Jay would like
to get on the books,

I suggest you act with haste.

This afternoon is
spoken for, however,

by me and Nigel.

Oh, it's so fun to have
another couple

to do things with now.

I know. Doing things
with other couples

is one of the best things
about being a couple.

Thor and Flower
also a couple now.

Oh, dear.

We are available to do things.

Unfortunately, we
have plans that night. Oh!

But Thor not say
specific night.

Without a specific night,

how are we supposed
to plan anything?

Oh, she's good.

I'm home!
Jay!

Hey, babe, and I'm guessing
three to eight

invisible people from
throughout history.

How was New York?

It was freakin' awesome.
It was two days of

wall-to-wall D&D
with my old crew.

Sounds like pure hell.

It was pure bliss.

Neglore and Devlin
were unconscious,

Florin was out of heals.

It was just me versus
the Dracolich.

I pull out my sword,
toss my lucky die,

and what do I roll?
Natural 20, baby.

I am so sorry I missed it.

No, you're not.
No, I'm not. But I did miss you.

I root for them.

It's gonna be a bummer
watching them wither and die,

but right now,
this is nice.

? ?

Nay. Ya-da-da-da!

Pete, please get out of the way.

No can do, my friend.
As you know, the bathroom

is strictly off limits
for ghosts

when the Living
is inside.

That's when someone's,
like, in the shower, man.

They're just fixing
a leaky pipe.

Okay, what you're saying may be
within the spirit of the rule,

but I must insist we
follow the letter of the law,

because of my ethics,

and what a doctor
once called

a slight personality disorder.

Did you get the sneakers?
I waited in line

for six hours
to get these bad boys.

Behold.

The Wind Storm Ultra Five.

Damn! And Sam didn't see you
bring these in?

No, no, no, no, no.
I brought 'em in

in my suitcase, and then
I hid 'em in this tub.

She doesn't know anything.

Can I smell 'em?

I wouldn't consider you
a fellow sneaker head

if you didn't.

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Oh!

Dude, are you kidding me?!

I hope that didn't wake up
that creepy prom ghost.

That is, like, twice
in two years, dipwad.

Sweet dreams.

Okay, what about
six Wednesdays from now?

Mm, no, also booked.

It is unfortunate.

It's frustrating for both of us.

Hey, losers.

Stephanie, what are you
doing up?

Please don't make fun
of my knees again.

They're normal knees.

That dork Living woke me up, again.

So what did I miss
since last April?

Oh, well, let's see,
Elias came back from hell.

Samantha got possessed.

We all met Tara Reid.

Ooh, we started a podcast
about my murder.

I have son.

And I'm gay.

What's a podcast?

So, what are we smelling
for lunch?

Oh, God.

Stephanie.
Hi, Trevor.

Aren't you happy to see me?

You know, I've been
thinking about you,

like, a lot.

Again, not gonna happen.

You know, I'm technically
54 years old now.

Yeah, but you're not.

Plus, um...

Well, really, I'm seeing someone.

Her?

We were copulating secretly

for a period of time.

Initially stirred to passion
on the Lord's birthday.

But now we have come out
of the shadows.

Thor also have girlfriend now.

We're going on a double date
with Trevor and Hetty

at some unspecified point
in the near future.

As soon as we can work it out
schedule-wise, yeah.

I'm dating Nigel.
It's sort of an adorable story.

He's British,
and I killed him.

Wow, so is everyone just
pairing up now?

There is some movement
in that direction.

But no, not everyone.

It's his knees, isn't it?

And she went there.
Gosh darn it.

Hey, Stephanie.

I guess the rumors
are true.

Just came to say hi.

Wait a minute,
you mean Stephanie

the creepy chainsaw girl?

I mean the totally rad
'80s girl?

Did I wake her up?

I did go up to the attic
to put my suitcase away.

Anyway, how are you?
Terrible.

I just found out
about Trevor and Hetty.

Oh, yeah.

She's upset that
Trevor's dating Hetty.

Trevor is dating Hetty?

Seriously? When were you
gonna tell me this?

What would you do with
that information, Jay?

I don't know, feel included
in the goings-on

of my own home.

I just really, really like him,

and I don't think he's ever
gonna give me a chance.

That's why they call them crushes.

If they were easy, they'd
call them something different.

That's from Sixteen Candles.

It's my favorite movie.

Me, too. I've been there.

I know it hurts.
I know.

I just need to move on
and set my sights

on someone else.
You should definitely move on,

but I'm not sure who else
you could be with.

What does that mean?

No, it's just that
you're a high-schooler,

and all the other ghosts
are, you know, adults.

I am 54 years old, young lady.

I Frenched a guy
at a Flock of Seagulls concert.

I don't know what to tell you.

You tell her to stay positive,
okay? You never know.

A nice high school kid
might show up,

and he might crash his car,
fly through the windshield...

Jay!

Well, excuse me for being
a romantic.

You know what?
I think you're right, Sam.

I should just make peace
with being alone.

Thank you so much

for a very helpful talk.

You're welcome.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, hey, Stephanie.
You're awake.

What are you up to?

I am going to take down

every couple here at Woodstone.

If I can't be happy,

no one can. Cool.

I'm gonna stick my head
in the fridge

and smell some cheese.

Listen, Trevor,
uh, I am sorry

for getting all mad
about you and Hetty.

The truth is I'm happy
for you guys.

Thank you, Stephanie.

It kinda sucks, though,
for you, right?

You guys used to just hook up,

and now you have to do a bunch
of boring boyfriend stuff?

Yikes.

Look, boyfriend stuff
isn't boring.

Like today, we're doing
a double date.

What are you doing?

We're having tea
with Isaac and Nigel.

Wow. That sounds
right up your alley.

Not.
- Whoa.

She completely changed
meaning of sentence

with one word.

Well, I like tea.

And next time they said that
we can watch basketball.

I'm sure that'll happen.

Not!

Whatever.

You're just jealous.

And stop trying
to get in my head.

So, a Viking and a hippie.
- Mm-hmm.

What do you guys have in common?

Um...

we both like Viking stuff. Mm.

I mean, I'm not huge
on Viking stuff.

That's not a promising start.

I like horses. Mm.

Yes! Me, too.

Very delicious.
Oh, no.

Well, I'll leave you guys to it.

Hey, thanks for coming up here.

I was hoping you could
help me move this old quilt

onto my bed.

Which old quilt?
This one?

Yeah, that one right there.

Looks way more comfortable
than the one I have.

Thank you.

Wait, what are these?

Oh, I don't know.
It's, like, shoes or something.

Jay was putting them up here
when he woke me up.

Wait, did you not know
about these?

Huh, he bought these
two days ago in New York.

And he hid them from you?

That's so messed up.

No, we don't hide things
from each other.

I'm sure he just didn't
get around

to telling me yet.

No, yeah, yeah.
I'm sure you're right.

Not.

So, Nigel,
Isaac was telling me

that you don't care
for green tea.

Getting into controversial
topics, I see.

Well, be honest.
Don't you grow tired.

Of the smell of
English breakfast tea?

In England,
we just call it

breakfast tea.

Is this whole double date
gonna be

tea-related conversation?

It's just, it's been an hour.

And-and that's just
a long time to talk

about flavored water.

Well, uh, perhaps it wouldn't
feel so long, dearest,

if you attempted to participate.

Mm.
Okay.

Well, I guess that I like...
Mm-hmm?

...iced tea.

Have you ever had Snapple?

The Diet Peach
was pretty good.

And in a bold move,

Iron Chef Arondekar has
chosen the parsnip.

My God, how's he gonna
prepare this?

This guy really needs
some friends.

Well, when you have imagination,

you don't need friends.

I wore headgear
till I was 15.

Hey, honey,
I just realized that

I never got the chance to hear
about the rest of your trip.

Oh, well, it was pretty chill.

Just played D&D
with the old crew.

Oh, did I tell you about
the showdown with the Beholder?

No, I didn't mean
more D&D stuff.

You were there for two days.

You must have done
something else.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
a Beholder showdown.

Let's not race
past that.

Nope, that was
pretty much it.

So weird.

Why isn't he telling you
about the sneakers?

Look, Jay, the truth is I know
what you did in New York.

You do?
Yes.

And it's not even
a big deal, I just...

I want you to be able
to be honest with me

because that is the kind
of couple we are.

Okay, fine, I interviewed for
the head chef position

at my old restaurant.

What?!

You interviewed for a job there?

You just said you knew, and that
it wasn't a big deal.

This is so much better
than sneakers.

I didn't know,
and it is a huge deal.

Okay, before somebody says
something they're gonna regret,

let's get back to
the Beholder showdown.

Did it use its Ray
of Disintegration?

A shiny nickel says it did.

I just can't believe
you would interview for a job

in another city
without talking to me.

Wait, what did you think
that I was hiding?

Uh, duh, the sneakers
in the attic.

Oh, well, those aren't mine,
those are Mark's.

He keeps 'em here so that
his wife doesn't know

how much he spends on shoes.

I don't even have shoes,

and my clothes are basically
a potato sack.

I'm just offering
a different perspective.

Whatever.
The shoes don't matter.

You were looking for a job
in the city.

Are you unhappy here?

Well, not exactly.

You know I can't live
in the city, right? Yeah.

It's, like, wall-to-wall ghosts.

Central Park looks like
the "Thriller" video.

I wasn't gonna take the job.

I just wanted to indulge
in the fantasy for a minute.

What fantasy?
I don't know.

Being at the epicenter of
the cooking world again,

and working in a busy restaurant

with people that
I can see and hear.

Ouch. That felt pointed.

I'm not unhappy here,

I just-- I miss some things
about my old life.

Okay.

Well, what can we do?

I don't think there's
anything to do.

Wait, what-what--
What was that?

I wanted fireworks.
That was just...

That was depressing.

What are you talking about?

She's been trying to
break everybody up,

except for Pete, who has no one.

Stephanie, why would you
do that to us?

Oh, my God, no one
understands me!

I hate you.
I hate all--

Stop looking at me.

That is one dramatic
middle-aged lady.

Guys, what was I thinking?

I had everything
so good with Hetty.

It was literally just sex.

But now we're smelling tea
and talking about tea.

And she shushes me
whenever I bring up anything

that happened after 1900.

I hear you.
Relationships are tough.

What do you know
about relationship?

Uh, hello?
Remember Jessica?

My ex-girlfriend?

She lived in a car?
No.

Trevor, I think you're
thinking about this

all the wrong way, buddy.

I mean, the stuff
you're doing now,

the couples stuff,
that's the best part.

Really?
Oh, yeah.

When I think back on
my time with Carol,

I mean, those are the moments
that really stand out.

You know, it's that trip
to the lamp store,

or those long breakfasts
where you

sit there reading
your separate papers.

And then she glares at you for
laughing out loud at Ziggy,

which you know bothers her,
but you can't help yourself.

It's Ziggy!

The point is,
this is the good stuff, buddy.

Soak it in.

That was so bleak.

Yeah. Thor rattled.

She lived in a RAV4.

It was just a couple
weeks ago, Thor.

I know you remember.

Very sad, Sass
make up girlfriend.

So, that was fun today
with your new beau.

Yes, it was a delight.

We should do it
again soon.

Not that soon, though.

It's just we want to
space out the fun.

Oh, drop the niceties.
Trevor was a disaster.

He had no opinions about tea.

His knowledge of steam engines
was rudimentary at best.

It wasn't that bad.

Is it really that difficult
to carry one's weight

at a social function?

I mean, Elias was
a syphilitic philanderer,

but that man sparkled
at a dinner party.

He could drink anyone
under the table with class,

and vomit most discreetly.

Things were simpler before, when
our union was purely carnal.

But now... what can I do?

Can't go back.
During tea,

did either of you...

Feel his genitals were
on display? Yeah.

I wish I could say
you get used to it.

You don't.

Hey, Sam, I'm here
for the shoes.

Oh, yeah, sorry
about that, Mark.

I just don't want people going
in and out of the attic. Why?

Oh, that is a fair question.

Um, there's a rare owl
that's nesting there.

We don't like to disturb it.

Oh, I didn't know
about this owl.

I love owls.

Odin has pet owl.

Really?

Maybe that's a thing
we have in common.

Yes. Thor and Flower both
familiar with owls.

Is definitely basis for
entire relationship. Hmm?

There's gotta be another place
on this giant property

I could stash these shoes.

How about that barn out back?

You want to put
your expensive sneakers

in some dilapidated old barn?

Yeah, it's old,
but it's got good bones.

And it's actually got
a solid roof to it.

Ooh, hold on.

I know my girl.
Her wheels are turning.

Guys, I have an idea.

It's, uh, it's just me.

Right. I mean guy...

My guy, my man, my-my dude.

My man Mark. Marky-Mark.

It never gets less
painful to watch.

Now will you tell me
what we're doing

out here in the barn?

So, after our little
talk earlier,

everything you said
was true.

I can't ever go
back to the city.

She got a lot
of parking tickets. Ah.

So why don't we bring
the New York City

food scene to us?

It'll be like that
baseball movie you love.

Major League II?
No.

Major League one?
The Sandlot? No.

Bull Durham?
Moneyball?

The Natural?
Barbarella!

Just stop guessing.
- Oh.

"If you build it,
they will come."

Field of Dreams.

So this is why
I brought you out here.

Because this could be
your cornfield.

It could be a restaurant,
a destination restaurant.

Are you saying this could be
our Blue Hill at Stone Barns?

A destination restaurant
could be a big draw

for the B and B.

Oh, also, a butter churn.
People love activities.

Mark could help us
transform the space.

Yeah, I mean,
it all sounds great,

but we don't really have
the money for that.

You do if your contractor
is your business partner.

Hold on. Mark's gonna be
around all the time

being best friends with Jay,
getting into shenanigans?

Don't love that.

Although I am glad that
Sam and Jay worked things out.

And now they're
stronger than ever.

Just like me and Thor,
who love owls.

Oh, thank you, Sam.

Now I can tell you that
half those sneakers are mine.

They're investment pieces.

See? The shenanigans are
already starting.

Hey, Stephanie...

Yeah, they already told me, okay?

You and Jay are totally fine.

Are you here to gloat?

No, I'm here to thank you.

You made us work
through something,

and we are stronger
because of it. Good for you.

I'll just be over here
alone for eternity

because I died on prom night,

and there is not a single other
teenage ghost on the property.

Wait a minute,
you've never met Ralph?

Who's Ralph?

Hey, Ralph, show yourself.

I got someone who wants
to meet you.

H-Hi.

I'm-I'm Ralph. Ew.

What's wrong?

Look at this dork,
he's got glasses on.

What, these?

? But would you suspect... ?
Oh, my God.

You look like that
under those?

? Do not want a part
of this anymore... ?

So what kind of music
do you like?

I only heard music
three times in my life.

Whatever. You're so hot.

? And I'll have to spend
my time on repair... ?

My own restaurant?
I'm so excited.

I'm so excited for you.

Oh, and Mark's gonna be around,
like, all the time.

Glad you'll have
a real-life friend.

You think Mark really likes me,
or is it just business?

I don't want to talk
about Mark anymore.

Now you know how I feel.

Okay, rock, paper, scissors.
I win, we ask Sam

to turn on Who Wants to Be
A Millionaire?

You win, we watch...
what is it?

Find Nemo.

Is story of fish on great
journey across the sea.

All right.

One, two, three.
Ha ha!

Rock beats scissors.

And axe beats all!

Darn it, that smarts!

- How dare you!
- How dare me?!

You're selfish,
you're a control freak,

and you got all your
little old-timey rules.

What's going on?
Hetty and Trevor are having a huge argument.

Shh, it's getting good.

It's like dating my teacher,
and not in a hot way.

You know what's not hot?!

Displaying one's genitalia
at the tea table.

It's because of a hero move!

You know what? I'm done.

That makes two of us.

Stephanie will be
most pleased with this

a year from now.

But she couldn't
stop us. Owls.

Owls.

Do you think they bought it?

Hook, line and sinker.

Then back into the shadows
we go,

where this mismatched
travesty belongs.

Now take me, you bare-assed
libertine.

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