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[TV static drones]
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[bright tone]
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00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,800
[all chanting]
Curzuz! Curzuz! Curzuz!
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00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,176
Yes, welcome.
5
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,261
Welcome to "Curzuz,"
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00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,930
the culture's favorite battle
of music magic.
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I am your host and DJ, D-Nice.
8
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,350
[cheers and applause]
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00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,977
Tonight, we got Kayutie.
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[cheers and applause]
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00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,896
Yes, yes, yes!
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00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,648
And we have Bodegia
in the building.
13
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,899
[cheers and applause]
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00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:25,984
- Give it up, give it up!
- Thank you, thank you.
15
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:26,985
You look good, girl.
16
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,236
I haven't seen you
since the Voodoo Awards.
17
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,446
What's it been,
like, 400 years?
18
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,655
You know, you really are
a bad witch,
19
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,614
and I'm not just saying that
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00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,199
'cause you be necromancin'
everybody's mans.
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Yeah, the dick is alive,
but the rest of the body dead.
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- [laughs]
- All right.
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Let's get right into it.
24
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Round one.
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It wouldn't be Curzuz
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00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:41,166
if we don't start
with actual curses.
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00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,125
Well, one thing about me,
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all my verses come with curses.
29
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,920
Kayutie's potions are dry,
no lotion.
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00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,006
Please, my rhymes will put
your man under a spell,
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Bodegia, so you better
warlock him down!
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I know...
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00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,137
- all: That's right!
- Eh!
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00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,014
Well, I'm 1,000 years old,
so I'll go first.
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00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,349
This is the spell that I used
to put Dru Hill back together,
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00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,309
then break them up
ten minutes later
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00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,310
on live radio.
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all: Damn!
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DJ D-Nice, drop the beat!
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[hip-hop music playing]
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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,941
Bodegia!
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00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,735
Look, listen.
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Look.
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Listen.
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♪ Flim flam,
I got tea to spill ♪
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♪ I do what
no other witch will ♪
47
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,951
♪ Woody went solo,
gave God the praise ♪
48
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,578
♪ And Sisqo said "What?"
and pulled out his braids ♪
49
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,622
♪ Splitting up groups
is what I do ♪
50
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,956
♪ Put 'em back together,
you can call me the glue ♪
51
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,041
♪ I said,
put 'em back together ♪
52
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♪ You can call me the glue ♪
53
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♪ Put 'em back together,
you can call me the glue ♪
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[cheers and applause]
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Okay!
I didn't know that was you.
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Thank you. Thank you.
57
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Uh, you better make your next
curse your best curse, Kayutie.
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Okay. Don't boss me around.
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He mad 'cause we broke up.
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- Yes, we did fuck.
- Ooh, I like that.
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'Cause I'ma give 'em
some heat.
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This is the curse I put
on Drake's dance moves
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in "Hotline Bling."
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Give me that beat!
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[hip-hop music playing]
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♪ From wheelchairs to wheels up
he got the game on lock ♪
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♪ Got 12 different accents,
he can't be stopped ♪
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♪ He a rude boy,
like a island ting ♪
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♪ Didn't call me back,
I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪
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♪ What, what,
I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪
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♪ I what, what ♪
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♪ I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪
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♪ I what, what ♪
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♪ I cursed "Hotline Bling" ♪
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[cheers and applause]
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00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,002
Yeah, that's what happens
when you don't call me back.
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[scoffs]
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Damn, payback's a witch!
And that's on...
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all: Alakazam!
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Yo, yo, watch where
you're shouting those spells.
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Oh, sorry, D-Nice.
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Round two, everyone.
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We did it big with curses.
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Now it's time to hit us
with your best collabs.
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Me first this time!
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00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:21,724
Y'all know this one.
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This one went instant platinum.
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00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,395
- Oh, you coming with it today!
- That's right.
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Now, this is a curse
I put on Lil Jon and Usher
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00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,690
to bring them together
for "Yeah."
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00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,191
'Member that? Yeah!
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00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,359
Let me get that beat!
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00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,195
[hip-hop music playing]
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00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,905
Duke Ellington on the keys.
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She got Duke Ellington.
How'd she do that?
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00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,702
♪ From hip-hops
to drop tops ♪
97
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,288
♪ Seven o'clock
on the drizzop ♪
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♪ Music so Hpnotiq
it will make you drunk ♪
99
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,917
♪ Usher bring the beat,
Lil Jon bring the crunk ♪
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00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,420
♪ Hip-hops and drop tops ♪
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00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,046
♪ Seven o'clock
on the drizzop ♪
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00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,256
What, what?
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00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,300
♪ This your favorite song
and it been for years ♪
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00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,802
♪ You can learn to twerk
if you face your fears ♪
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♪ Twerk it, twerk it,
twerk it ♪
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00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,306
♪ Twerk it,
twerk it, twerk it ♪
107
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,266
♪ Twerk it, twerk it,
twerk it ♪
108
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,976
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
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00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,604
♪ Ah, ah, I got asthma ♪
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00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,897
- [cheers and applause]
- Wow.
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00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,106
You know,
that's gonna be hard to top.
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00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,232
Okay, thank you.
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00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,067
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was cute or whatever.
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00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,069
But I'm 'bout to witch slap
y'all with this next one.
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And that's on the...
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all: Brujas!
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This is the one I used
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to get Mariah Carey
and ODB to collab.
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It changed the game.
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00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,745
DJ D-Nice, drop the beat.
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00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,414
[hip-hop music playing]
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Ooh, I like this.
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Here we go.
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00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,628
Yeah. Yeah.
125
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,589
♪ Don't bug me,
these hits are butterfly ♪
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00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:38,426
♪ My girl's hitting notes
eight octaves up high, high ♪
127
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,136
♪ Rap and R&B make ya say
hot damn ♪
128
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,804
♪ With the Wu-Tang Clan
and the Queen of the Lambs ♪
129
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,681
♪ I said rap and R&B
make ya say hot damn ♪
130
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:45,475
♪ With the Wu-Tang Clan
and the Queen of the Lambs ♪
131
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,436
- [cheers and applause]
- Yes! That was fire!
132
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,647
Okay, that was cute
or whatever,
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00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,483
but it's time to get romantic
on these witches.
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00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,525
Aw, yeah.
135
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:57,278
Final round: love spells.
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00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,613
My turn! I love a love spell.
137
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,990
And that's on...
all: Black love!
138
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,242
DJ D-Nice,
give me something smooth.
139
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:05,411
[R&B music playing]
140
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,330
I'm about to get delicate
in this motherfucker.
141
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,957
This is for all
the people in the crowd
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00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:09,958
who's gonna fuck tonight
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00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,334
on their backs
and on their bellies.
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00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,336
- I'ma do both.
- Wow.
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00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,629
♪ ♪
146
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,339
♪ Fire, brimstone ♪
147
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,675
♪ High notes and dribbles ♪
148
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:22,553
♪ We need a real love
that is mad official ♪
149
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,516
♪ Make it last forever until ♪
150
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:30,103
♪ And that's on
Tamia and Grant Hill, yeah ♪
151
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,438
[cheers and applause]
152
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:35,566
Oh, we doin'
sports and music bae collabs?
153
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,318
That's when I get in my bag.
154
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,611
Let me get one more. I know...
155
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,321
all: That's right!
156
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,031
D-Nice, make it sexy.
157
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,574
[soft R&B music playing]
158
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:44,575
- Ooh.
- Oh, this is the--
159
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:45,827
this one was number one.
This is--I like this one.
160
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,828
Yeah. This was number one.
161
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,371
- This is my best one.
- Yeah, I like this one.
162
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,372
♪ ♪
163
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,873
♪ Curses, spells,
and seances ♪
164
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,834
♪ Nowhere, uh ♪
165
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,420
♪ My good sis called on God
with a prayer ♪
166
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,504
♪ Yeah ♪
167
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:57,714
♪ Saw it fly by ♪
168
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,882
♪ I flicked my wand, yeah ♪
169
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:03,594
♪ Thank me for Ciara
and Russell Wilson, yeah ♪
170
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,055
♪ If you like that,
you gon' like this battle ♪
171
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,306
all: ♪ Yeah ♪
172
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:10,893
♪ I'ma give you something
that's more better, yeah ♪
173
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,229
♪ Look at me, baby,
'cause I'm better ♪
174
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,355
♪ Yeah ♪
175
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,774
♪ I just won this Curzuz
'cause I'm better ♪
176
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,109
all: Yeah!
177
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:21,195
[cheers and applause]
178
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,864
This has been "Curzuz."
179
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,908
I'll see you next time
on the Sorcerer Awards.
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00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,410
♪ ♪
181
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,537
[Doechii's "I Told Em"]
182
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,372
♪ We told 'em we was kings,
we showed 'em the machine ♪
183
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,374
♪ I been gave 'em the keys,
I been flew overseas ♪
184
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,543
♪ I been knew I'm a queen,
I been knew I was free ♪
185
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,545
♪ I told 'em, I told 'em,
I told 'em, goddamn ♪
186
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,547
♪ I been whippin' the rolls,
I been bookin' the shows ♪
187
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,591
♪ I been takin' the hoes,
they been calling me doe ♪
188
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,593
♪ I been pickin' the clothes,
I been knew I was gold ♪
189
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,219
♪ I told 'em,
I told 'em, I told 'em ♪
190
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:48,723
♪ Holla, ooh ♪
191
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,267
♪ I told 'em, goddamn ♪
192
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,311
♪ What you told 'em ♪
193
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:57,106
♪ The funk don't matter
if it's not cross chatter ♪
194
00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,026
♪ If the Black Lives Matter
I would know ♪
195
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,611
♪ What you told 'em,
what you told 'em, goddamn ♪
196
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,112
♪ ♪
197
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,614
♪ I would know,
what you told 'em ♪
198
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,157
♪ What you told 'em, goddamn ♪
199
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:10,411
[upbeat percussive music]
200
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,914
[elephant trumpeting]
201
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,916
Welcome
to "Black Table Talk,"
202
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,502
the only place
on the "Hworld Hwite Web"
203
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,962
where we can have
an honest conversation
204
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,798
about the systematic destruction
205
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,299
of Black culture.
206
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,552
{\an8}I'm your host,
Dr. Haddassah Olayinka
207
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,639
{\an8}Ali-Youngman, pre-PhD,
208
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,140
{\an8}and today, my guest is--
209
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,642
{\an8}Yeah, no, I'm not doing this.
210
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,976
{\an8}[laughs] Nope.
211
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,103
{\an8}You can take my name
212
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,270
{\an8}right off of the lower third.
213
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,106
Oh, Colman Domingo.
214
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,775
I like the aggression, my king.
215
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,276
Laying down the law
from the beginning.
216
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,237
I like it. Welcome to the show.
217
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,322
No need to welcome me.
You tricked me into being here.
218
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:47,281
You said it was gonna be
219
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,075
a sit-down interview
with Oprah.
220
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,910
- Yes, I did say that.
- Yeah, you lied to me.
221
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,203
- No.
- "No."
222
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,454
- You misheard me.
- Did I?
223
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,539
See, see, see,
224
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,291
I said it's gonna be
a sit-down interview...
225
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,669
- With?
- Dr. Haddassah Olayinka
226
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,629
Ali-Youngman, pre-PhD.
227
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,214
- Not at all.
- They sound alike.
228
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,883
Nope, not in any world
do they sound alike.
229
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,009
Agree to disagree.
230
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,177
Well, you're superglued
to the chair,
231
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,345
so you can't leave now.
232
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:12,515
Today's topic: the desecration
of Black men in media.
233
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,059
I thought the topic
was acting for activists.
234
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,853
I don't see
Jesse Williams here.
235
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,187
- I'm a feminist.
- You're a what?
236
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,480
- A feminist.
- Hah!
237
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,690
- What's wrong with that?
- Hey!
238
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,024
You don't believe
in feminism?
239
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,651
Absolutely not!
240
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,153
Well, how--
how is that possible?
241
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,738
- You're a woman.
- I am a female!
242
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:29,991
What questions do you have
for me today?
243
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,325
- Mr. Colman Domingo.
- Yes.
244
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:32,493
Colman Domingo, you are on--
245
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:33,578
Why do you say my name
like that?
246
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,830
- Colman Domingo!
- Okay, wow! That's so much.
247
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,165
I don't know why it's so much. Anyway.
248
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,249
Colman Domingo!
249
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,917
Now, you play a drug dealer
250
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,211
on a hit HBO television series,
251
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,880
"Eu...
252
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,173
four-I-A."
253
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:50,052
No, absolutely not true,
and it's called "Euphoria."
254
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,763
Okay. I'm sorry, no, go ahead.
You have questions.
255
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:55,266
Now, "hwhy" do you think
this is the right way
256
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,894
to portray Black men
on television?
257
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,937
All those "hwite" people
watching?
258
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,564
[laughing]
I'm not playing a drug dealer.
259
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,523
He's not a drug dealer.
260
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:03,858
- He's a former addict.
- Ah!
261
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,277
And, uh, a sponsor
to the central character,
262
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,196
and he's really just offering
a bit of light
263
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,530
and humanity to the show.
264
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,741
You're also in another movie
265
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,367
called "The Color Purple."
266
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,535
Now, what do you have against
267
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,078
the colors red, black,
and green?
268
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,538
Nothing. I don't have
any problems with those--
269
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,498
Now, you starred in a movie
called "Candyman."
270
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,499
Yes.
271
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,542
Why you so obsessed
with Black people
272
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:22,627
getting stung by bees, Colman?
273
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,378
[laughs] Okay, I get it.
I think I see.
274
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,964
- This isn't funny, Colman!
- You're insane. I get it.
275
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,799
Oh, wow, Colman.
276
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,259
You know what's insane?
277
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,261
Black on Hook violence.
278
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:36,224
Now, Colman Domingo, I see here
that you are an Afro-Latino.
279
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,392
Where is Afro-Latinia?
280
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:39,602
It's not a country.
281
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,437
- Tu hablas español?
- Maybe.
282
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,356
Sí, sí, sí.
283
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,732
Now, that one was in Spanish.
284
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,235
Mr. Colman Domingo,
you recently won an Emmy award.
285
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,486
I did. Thank you so much.
286
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,238
Now, why would you name that
after a young "hwite" woman?
287
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,656
Why do you hit that H
so hard?
288
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,574
- You say it.
- White.
289
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,742
"Hwite."
290
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:57,078
You have a--what is
a Tony Award nomination?
291
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,412
What does that even mean?
292
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,081
That--uh,
that's for my work onstage,
293
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,749
and it was for a show
called "The Scottsboro Boys,"
294
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,252
'cause I'm
a song and dance man.
295
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,336
A "hwat"?
296
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,837
Oh, God, I know
what you're gonna say.
297
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,089
You know the only song
I know, Colman?
298
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,131
What?
299
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,466
♪ Wade ♪
300
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,135
♪ In the water ♪
301
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,096
That's a dirge.
You know that, right?
302
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,807
♪ Wade ♪
303
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,517
♪ In the water ♪
304
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,478
both: ♪ Children, wade ♪
305
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:25,564
♪ In the water ♪
306
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:28,484
♪ God's gonna trouble ♪
307
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,736
♪ The water ♪
308
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,029
Colman, that was
a beautiful moment.
309
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,114
Thank you, thank you.
310
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,573
Now, you were in
something called
311
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,450
"Ma Rainey's Black Bottom"?
312
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,785
Do you even watch
any of this stuff?
313
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,537
- Not a one.
- Of course you don't.
314
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,163
So you're just reading titles
off that card.
315
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,040
I'm not reading.
These are pictures.
316
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,917
- Do you read?
- Why would I do that?
317
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,002
Well, let me help you.
318
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,586
You should see other shows
319
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,839
because you will realize
that we're not trying
320
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,091
to destroy Black culture,
you know?
321
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,802
What you're doing is devaluing
all these incredible artists
322
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:56,554
that have made such an impact, okay?
323
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,347
All right, just because
we have, you know,
324
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,348
"The Color Purple"
in the title.
325
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,517
- Huh!
- Or the phrase "Black Bottom."
326
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,519
- Hah!
- The--you'll see that
327
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,062
if we didn't do these things,
328
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,647
we would have
no representation.
329
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,232
If we have no representation,
330
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:11,068
then our legacies
would just be wiped out.
331
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,737
[uplifting music]
332
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,988
Maybe you're right.
333
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,740
♪ ♪
334
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,074
Thank you.
335
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,075
Thank you, my king.
336
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,076
Oh, you're very welcome.
337
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,037
Yes, you have taught me
so much today.
338
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,080
You're welcome, sis.
339
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,999
I just have
one final question for you.
340
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,250
Okay.
341
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,045
What is
"If Beale Street Could Talk"?
342
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:32,965
Why would you have a historic
Black street talkin'?
343
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,759
Isn't it bad enough
that "hwite" people
344
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,511
are trampling all over it
every day?
345
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,056
The ducks coming out
to that hotel,
346
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,932
waddlin' on it?
347
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,060
Duck, Duck, Goose,
guess who's an idiot.
348
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,102
Black people!
349
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,605
Can you tweet this
to your followers on Tic Tac?
350
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,023
- You have Instagram?
- A "hwat"?
351
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,191
IG. Do you have Facebook?
352
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,359
Why would I put my face
on a book?
353
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,360
Well, do you have Myspace?
354
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,527
Are you talking about
BlackPlanet?
355
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,862
Well, where is this airing?
356
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:55,863
- This?
- Yes.
357
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,156
It doesn't.
358
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,742
That's all the time we have
for "Black Table Talk."
359
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,244
[elephant trumpeting]
360
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,038
[panther snarling]
361
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,581
[soft music]
362
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,959
Karlie Chanel
is a motivationalist,
363
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,711
inspirationalist,
364
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:13,589
published author
on Pinterest-alist,
365
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,258
the rainbow
after the brainstorm.
366
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,762
TV executives,
please welcome...
367
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,056
Ms. Karlie Chanel!
368
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,100
[scattered applause]
369
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,267
[laughs]
370
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,685
Did she just introduce
herself?
371
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,978
She's been standing
behind the curtain
372
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,523
the whole goddamn time
like this is a magic show.
373
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,441
Get ready, networks,
374
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,944
because I, Karlie Chanel,
375
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,447
am here to offer up
my goddess-given gifts
376
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,075
in the form of TV bliss.
377
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,326
[laughs]
378
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,577
America is suffering.
379
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,578
I'm suffering.
380
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:47,415
People are spending
47 hours a day
381
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:51,877
doomscrolling and dying
under weighted blankets.
382
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,923
But to quote my extended
relative, Pocahontas,
383
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,758
the life that
they're looking for...
384
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,302
[mimicking echo] For...
is "just around the riverbend."
385
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:03,472
So I present to you, TV-EOs,
386
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,642
"Crossing Streams
with Karlie Chanel."
387
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,852
That reminds me,
388
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,478
I need to get
my prostate checked.
389
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,521
I can hear you.
390
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,439
I thought I did that
last night.
391
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,648
Oh, girl, you did.
392
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,732
- [both chuckling]
- Did I do a good job?
393
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:14,984
You got up in there.
I'm like--
394
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,611
"Crossing Streams"
is 42 minutes
395
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,780
of monologues,
cooking segments,
396
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,449
and--[screaming]
397
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,491
Oh.
398
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,120
Primal screaming
399
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,830
that'll have you
falling in love
400
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,124
with your destiny's
inner child.
401
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,835
Can I get a "CB-Yes" from CBS?
402
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,628
- Oh, God.
- Huh?
403
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,881
Are you ready
to dream the stream?
404
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,883
CBS doesn't dream.
405
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,676
We keep one eye open.
406
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,511
No deal.
I'll see you in the car.
407
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,596
Mm. Get the little--
408
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:47,850
NBC, do you "NB-See"
what I'm sayin'?
409
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,352
I'll bring the "law,"
410
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:54,064
you bring the multi-series
"order"!
411
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,024
♪ The more you ♪
412
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,275
No.
413
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,860
Come on, guys. Let's go.
414
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,153
B-b-but wait!
415
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,404
There's more!
416
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:01,655
Where are you all going?
417
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,032
I'll give you
an eight-figure deal
418
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,825
on the spot,
my little mint foolep.
419
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:05,910
[gasping]
420
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,703
But it comes at a price.
421
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,662
[demonic voice] Your soul.
422
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,457
- Oh, no. Not you again.
- Yes.
423
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,586
I've already delivered
666 Karliebelle souls to hell!
424
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:19,089
I can give you three
primetime specials.
425
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,925
Might as well rename yourself Lizzo,
426
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,802
'cause all that cash
is gonna feel good as hell.
427
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,763
If I wanted to make
a deal with the devil,
428
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,848
I would just win
"American Idol."
429
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,226
And you would know that
if you ever read
430
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,770
my self-published e-book
entitled,
431
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:36,273
"To Make a Deal with the Devil,
Win 'American Idol.'"
432
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:38,526
I'm talking
international distribution,
433
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,152
my little honey-baked hot comb.
434
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,363
You'll be more worldwide
than Pitbull,
435
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,907
and not the ones white women
adopt and put in tutus.
436
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,158
Wait.
437
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:50,704
I could be an international
inspirational motivationalist?
438
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,207
Oh, so far, the only borders
that I've reached
439
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,250
are the closed bookstores.
440
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,086
Yes. It's so sad,
if you think about it.
441
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,965
But with my help, people won't
call you "Noprah Losefrey."
442
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,050
I'll have a deal
that'll gas you up!
443
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,344
[banjo music]
444
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,222
Ah, well, look who it is.
445
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:11,475
My old rival, gas station TV.
446
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,310
You know, with all these
electric vehicles,
447
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,729
I thought you'd gone
the way of Quibi.
448
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:16,730
Dead.
449
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,815
[laughs] Hardly.
450
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,025
Just like racism,
we'll be here forever.
451
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,735
- I hate that for us.
- Ms. Chanel,
452
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,154
if you sign with
Two Pumps and a Bump TV,
453
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,907
you will be the face
of our network.
454
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,910
That means everyone everywhere
will think of you
455
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,620
when they pass gas.
456
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,621
Stations.
457
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:34,248
Gas stations.
458
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,708
Thinkin' of you.
459
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,460
The--passing gas stations.
460
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,671
Why would I want that?
[laughs]
461
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,631
As I said in my blog post,
462
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,467
"How to Retain Hot Air:
463
00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,137
Flatulence,
It Is A Sign of Weakness,"
464
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,514
you want to associate
your brand with class,
465
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,974
not gas.
466
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,810
Ha! Looks like I've won,
Gaseous Clay.
467
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:55,811
Hold on,
468
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,564
Evander Not-So-Holyfield.
469
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,107
Fortune is fleeting.
470
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,234
So if I sell you my soul,
471
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,778
you have to make me
a household name.
472
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:05,779
[laughs]
473
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,114
Fine.
474
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,117
But only 'cause you're sweet,
Stevia Wonder.
475
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,119
I'll not only make you famous.
476
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,455
I'll make sure you're
the only person in the world
477
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:15,623
with a talk show.
478
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,208
You'll have less competition
than the Food Network.
479
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,044
It is my eternity of yes!
480
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,420
Excellent.
481
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,713
Sign here.
482
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,757
Now, I normally have people
sign in blood,
483
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,383
but your blood type
is AB-Annoying.
484
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,551
Ah!
485
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:30,304
Congratulations,
people of Earth!
486
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:33,182
You get to revolve
around me now!
487
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,183
Aht-aht-aht.
488
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,225
Not so fast, butterbutts.
489
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:36,268
Huh?
490
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,811
I didn't say which planet.
491
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,188
Enjoy your little talk show...
492
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,314
[demonic voice] On Mars!
493
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,274
[laughing]
494
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,444
Uhh!
495
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,863
[laughter echoing]
496
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,532
{\an8}[upbeat music]
497
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:51,575
{\an8}What up, fam?
498
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:54,119
{\an8}It's your girl
Cookie motherfuckin' Carusso
499
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,663
{\an8}on my acting shit!
500
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,331
{\an8}Yo, and you know me.
501
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,667
I'm famously famous
for playing the devil,
502
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,793
motherfuckers!
503
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,835
Ha-ha!
504
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,212
Yo, shout out to TMZ.
505
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,214
Y'all didn't catch me
at the airport earlier,
506
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,758
but you can catch me coppin'
free sushi and shit
507
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,385
at Nobu Maliboots!
508
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,429
I be gettin' real nigiri-ish
up in there, eh-eh!
509
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,014
Yo, one thing about me,
510
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,266
I don't get crazy at auditions,
you know what I'm sayin',
511
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,227
'cause I don' fuck with auditions.
512
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,062
I just show up, and boom!
513
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,480
It's a show. Ha!
514
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,107
Like right now,
y'all can't play me.
515
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,192
I know this is really
a episode of "Hot Ones."
516
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,276
Bring the wings!
517
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,070
{\an8}Here's your wings,
518
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,697
{\an8}'cause you so fly.
519
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,198
{\an8}All right, Margarita.
520
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,367
This bitch is always trying
to convince folks
521
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,368
she on "Hot Ones,"
522
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,704
but that's just
her regular lunch.
523
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,163
[coughing]
524
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,373
Oh, shit!
525
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,416
Ah!
526
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,959
What is this,
the motherfuckin' ten?
527
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,544
- It's just garlic parmesan.
- Goddamn!
528
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,545
Shit!
529
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,548
{\an8}[coughing]
530
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,341
{\an8}♪ ♪
531
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,303
{\an8}[uplifting music]
532
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,097
- Good job, runners!
- Good, good, good, good, good!
533
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,432
There you go, there you go!
534
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,100
Uh-huh! Yeah!
535
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,477
Look at y'all out here running
like some Kenyans!
536
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,603
- Yes!
- [laughing]
537
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,313
Love to see it!
538
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,107
[clears throat]
More like some Preten-yans.
539
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,567
- [both laughing]
- And I should know,
540
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,652
because I am Deena Daleedah,
the Speed Walkin' Diva,
541
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,779
1979 champ, what you say!
542
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,407
Oh, I didn't say anything,
Miss Daleedah,
543
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,451
but it's such an honor
to stand next to a winner.
544
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,744
I'm always runner up.
545
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,245
Ooh, runner?
546
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,413
Oh, no, no, now, Marta, please.
547
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,539
I don't do no running, honey.
548
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,958
No, no, no, see, I--I sashay.
549
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,168
[laughs]
550
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,794
You got it, runners!
551
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:29,339
When I run, my knees sound
like Savion Glover tap dancing.
552
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:30,966
[imitating tap dancing] Ow! Ow!
553
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,259
That sounds really painful.
554
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:34,636
- Oh! Want some water?
- Deena, look.
555
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,054
- Mm.
- Let me give you the rundown.
556
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,431
Oh, I don't do no runnin'!
557
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:38,766
Go on, give me a,
"What you say!"
558
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:39,808
What you say!
559
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,435
Can we not do this this year?
I'm exhausted.
560
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,353
I was up all night catfishing
my husband's mistress.
561
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,938
I'm so sorry
about your broken home,
562
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,774
but have you ever broken
a record
563
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:47,775
keeping straight legs
564
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:48,984
at a moderately fast pace
to claim--
565
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,736
Claim all glory.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
566
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,821
You tell more lies than my
husband in couples counseling.
567
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,448
- Always running your mouth.
- Hey, hey!
568
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,699
I don't do no runnin'.
569
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,868
You do know that it takes
more muscles
570
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,077
to walk than to run.
571
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,454
Did you know that? Huh?
Can I get a "what you say"?
572
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,622
What you say!
573
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,333
Okay, hand me a synthetic wig,
'cause I love being
574
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,168
the Anderson Paak
to your Bruno Mars.
575
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,169
[both laughing]
576
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,462
[laughs mockingly]
Dang, Marta.
577
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,713
What are you,
Skechers Shape-Ups?
578
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:10,839
Always making me look bad.
579
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,175
Deena, why don't you just
sign up, pay the goddamn fee,
580
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,259
and run if you're so good?
581
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:18,013
Deena Daleedah
don't do no runnin', okay?
582
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,182
You want me out here
sweatin' my edges out, huh?
583
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,892
Nips gettin' chafed
and bending my knees?
584
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,227
- For what?
- You say!
585
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:24,853
Oh, oh.
586
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,855
If it isn't Little Miss Althea.
587
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,065
I need water.
588
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,441
Just water, Deena.
Don't give me no shit.
589
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:30,818
Uh... oh.
590
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:31,860
Mm. [chuckles]
591
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,487
You sure you just want water, huh?
592
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,114
Come on, Harriet Tubman.
Just give me my--
593
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,323
Mm!
594
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,491
- I'm not playing with you.
- Mm-hmm. You sure?
595
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:38,534
- I'm not playing with you.
- Did you come over here
596
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:39,993
- just to get water?
- Come--give me my water.
597
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,662
Just to get--just to get--
just to get--
598
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,831
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
599
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,124
Whoo! There it is.
600
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,333
You sure you here
for just some water?
601
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,585
Hmm? Hmm? Did you come here
602
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,921
my speedwalking medal?
603
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:51,880
That's what you did.
604
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,299
You know
Deena's got more fans
605
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,717
than a Southern church
in the summer.
606
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:56,718
- Whoo!
- Ah!
607
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,428
- What you say!
- What you say!
608
00:18:58,428 --> 00:18:59,888
- Ha!
- It's a medal!
609
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,766
I say
it's a participation medal.
610
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:03,809
Oh. Ooh, that's what you say?
611
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:04,893
Every year, you out here
612
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,646
"what you saying"
us real athletes to death
613
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,691
while you Cha Cha Slide
on the side.
614
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,025
Ooh! Hey!
615
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,945
Speedwalking is way harder
than the Cha Cha Slide.
616
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,363
So take it back now, y'all!
617
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,364
- [grunts]
- Look at her.
618
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,657
She don't look like
she never won nothing.
619
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,659
- You ain't either!
- Uh, hello.
620
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,536
That medal says
you just tried.
621
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,537
[both gasping]
622
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,206
Ooh!
623
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,624
[laughing]
624
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,293
Oh, you want to see
the diva in action.
625
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,419
- Mm-hmm.
- No.
626
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,755
I want to see the diva
make some traction.
627
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,090
I'm out.
628
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,592
I'm going to set
my husband's car on fire.
629
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,010
Go, girl!
630
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,887
You know what would make me
feel good?
631
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:40,971
Huh?
632
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,098
You actually running.
633
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,559
Oh, don't you worry
your little pretty self, okay?
634
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:48,896
I'm going to take it easy
on you, Miss Althea Kibson--
635
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,731
yeah, one letter away
from greatness!
636
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,733
- Oh, oh! [laughs]
- [laughs]
637
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,067
Eat my dust!
638
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,402
Oh, no, you...
639
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,446
Get it, Deena!
640
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,530
[muffled cheering]
You're like a cheetah!
641
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,533
[uplifting music]
642
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:06,788
{\an8}[in slow motion]
What you say, Deena!
643
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,832
♪ ♪
644
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:12,419
Go, Deena!
645
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:17,257
♪ ♪
646
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,509
What you say!
647
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,303
Ooh! Ooh!
648
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,429
I told y'all!
649
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,056
Well, good for you.
650
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,266
Yet again, you just tried.
651
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,310
[laughs]
652
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,853
We both literally came in last.
653
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:31,939
What you say!
654
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,607
♪ ♪
655
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:34,608
{\an8}[light music]
656
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,276
{\an8}[screaming, coughing]
657
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,945
{\an8}Yo, Margarita,
you motherfuckin' bitch!
658
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,321
{\an8}You did this to me!
659
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,114
{\an8}I didn't do anything!
660
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,157
Ah!
661
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,283
My name is Margo.
662
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,910
She's been calling me Margarita
for years.
663
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,161
{\an8}Ah!
664
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:47,329
{\an8}Yo, I swear to God,
665
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,455
{\an8}I should've left your ass
666
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,832
in the gutter at Harvard
where I found your ass.
667
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,584
I went to Howard.
668
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,627
Ahh...
669
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,795
ah!
670
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:55,879
Ahh!
671
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:57,339
See, there was hot sauce
in my hand,
672
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,216
and it went in my eye and shit!
673
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,218
Okay, I'ma lick it off.
674
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,178
[screams]
Had a cut on my tongue!
675
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:04,930
Shit! Oh, God.
676
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,348
Ah, now it's in my wig!
677
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,432
Goddamn it!
678
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,892
- You want some milk?
- I gotta fin--no!
679
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:09,935
Get that white shit
out of here!
680
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,228
{\an8}I don't drink no white shit.
681
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,730
{\an8}♪ ♪
682
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,317
Ugh, Mom,
683
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,819
this wedding is so expensive,
684
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:21,530
I promise you, it's about to go
from black-tie optional
685
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,823
to food optional.
686
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:25,993
Janaya, I told you to make it
BYOB: bring your own buffet.
687
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,953
- You did.
- You know what?
688
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,454
I think it's time to give you
689
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,790
something that
my mother gave me.
690
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,667
The sickle-cell trait?
691
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,918
Yes.
692
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:36,837
But also this.
693
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,714
[gasps]
694
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,257
[angelic choir singing]
695
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,050
Your restaurant napkins?
696
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,218
[laughs]
697
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,554
N-no, I can't take these.
698
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,556
Mom, I'm...
699
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,724
I'm not ready.
700
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,101
Oh, sweetheart,
you're more than ready.
701
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:54,021
This is a family tradition
spanning back
702
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:57,190
to when your great-grandmother
was the first Black woman
703
00:21:57,190 --> 00:22:00,402
to be seated at
the whites-only White Castle.
704
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,445
Ooh!
705
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,905
I should use these napkins
for my reception.
706
00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:04,990
[gasps] Ooh!
707
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,366
Or I should sell them
708
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,368
to pay for my "Making the Band"
cover band!
709
00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:09,369
[ominous music]
710
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,871
- Ah!
- Child, are you damaged?
711
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,749
These napkins are
for emergencies.
712
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,418
Lap picnics, boob sweat,
713
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,211
if you spill in your car--
714
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:19,796
and only in your car!
715
00:22:19,796 --> 00:22:20,797
Okay.
716
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,090
You understand me?
717
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:24,885
I have absorbed
everything you've said, Mom.
718
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,094
[laughs]
719
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:28,764
Well...
720
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,724
there's something else
I want to share with you.
721
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:31,767
Aw.
722
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,268
I wanted to wait
to give it to you
723
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,520
until you foreclosed
on your first house,
724
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,272
but I think you're ready.
725
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:38,273
Okay.
726
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:39,274
You know what this is.
727
00:22:39,274 --> 00:22:40,776
- [laughs]
- [gasps]
728
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:41,902
No.
729
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:42,861
[angelic choir singing]
730
00:22:42,861 --> 00:22:44,571
Mom, come on. I can't take it.
731
00:22:44,571 --> 00:22:46,615
A remote control with no back?
732
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:47,866
[gasps]
733
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,076
Twisty ties!
734
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,327
Peppermints.
735
00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,954
[gasps] A black coin.
736
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:55,082
It could be a dime.
It could be a penny.
737
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:59,961
This is the cornerstone of
every Black woman's household.
738
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:02,172
But now it belongs to you.
739
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,757
Oh!
740
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,592
No, Mom.
741
00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:08,303
An unscratched scratch-off
from 1994?
742
00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:11,556
I could never be as good
a wife and mother as you.
743
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,100
You won't. [chuckles]
744
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:14,309
But you'll get close.
745
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:15,811
[laughs]
746
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:17,229
Let me get you a plastic bag
747
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,814
so you can put
your heirlooms in it.
748
00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:20,107
[clears throat]
749
00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:21,108
[suspenseful music]
750
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:24,486
Where in the Sheryl Lee
are my Ralphs bags?
751
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:27,614
Where are my multicolor array
of crumpled plastic bags?
752
00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:29,116
Maybe they just went out
to get some air.
753
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,617
Let me get a napkin.
754
00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:31,952
Oh, no, I'm not in the car.
755
00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,745
Mom, look at me.
756
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:35,163
I...
757
00:23:35,163 --> 00:23:37,916
donated your plastic bags.
758
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:38,917
[ominous music]
759
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:42,504
"Donated"?
760
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:46,007
You donate blood, money, food.
761
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:47,342
Your edges.
762
00:23:47,342 --> 00:23:52,430
But plastic bags,
we keep forever!
763
00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:55,100
Technically,
we do keep them forever.
764
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,768
A plastic's life cycle is--
765
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,478
is longer than
a Georgia voting line.
766
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,313
Why?
767
00:24:00,313 --> 00:24:06,486
18 years of free storage, gone!
768
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:07,904
Oh!
769
00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:11,032
How am I going to store
my tax receipts?
770
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:12,826
I bought you the scanner
last Christmas.
771
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:15,495
Where am I gonna put the hair
when I take my braids out?
772
00:24:15,495 --> 00:24:18,165
Mom, you haven't worn braids
since 2008.
773
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,666
- Mind your business.
- Okay.
774
00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:21,710
- How am I gonna move?
- Boxes.
775
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,712
And when it's cold outside,
776
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:27,132
how do I insulate my feet?
777
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,551
How do I protect my hand
when I fix the toilet?
778
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:30,552
[whispering] Call a plumber.
779
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:33,638
How do I season my chicken?
780
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:34,764
[sighing] Oh,
I didn't think that through.
781
00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:39,311
And how do I protect
my bump and curl when it rains?
782
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,354
With an umbrella,
just like Mary Poppins.
783
00:24:41,354 --> 00:24:42,731
Don't you sass me!
784
00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:43,899
Yes--yes, ma'am.
785
00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:47,235
You know how many things
I use them plastic bags for?
786
00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:49,362
Stuff I can't even
tell you about.
787
00:24:49,362 --> 00:24:50,614
Okay, come here. Come here.
788
00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:51,948
Come on, sit down. Sit down.
789
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:53,950
- [sobbing]
- Ooh, okay.
790
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:57,996
And how are
my future grandbabies
791
00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,956
going to trick or treat?
792
00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:02,417
You have ruined my legacy!
793
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:05,086
Listen,
we can get canvas bags--
794
00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:07,505
You shut
your recycling-ass mouth!
795
00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:08,924
- Okay.
- [gasping]
796
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:12,093
Until you do right by my bags!
797
00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:13,136
[knocking]
798
00:25:13,136 --> 00:25:14,304
Hello, is anybody home?
799
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,472
Help!
800
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:16,723
- Hey, how you doing? Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
801
00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:17,766
- Can I help you? Oh.
- Nice house.
802
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:18,767
- Hello. Hi. Um...
- Excuse me.
803
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:21,311
Hey, I'm Marquita
with the Sierra Club.
804
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:22,812
I have this $50,000 check
for you.
805
00:25:22,812 --> 00:25:24,397
[shrieking] Oh, my gosh!
806
00:25:24,397 --> 00:25:26,733
Ciara the singer,
she's gonna pay for my wedding!
807
00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:27,859
Not that Ciara.
808
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:30,111
S-I-E, not C-I-A.
809
00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:31,404
- Give it back.
- Who the fuck is that?
810
00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:33,323
Uh... uh, is Christine here?
811
00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:34,324
Christine!
812
00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:36,076
Did you find my bags?
813
00:25:36,076 --> 00:25:37,744
Actually, thanks to your
recent donation
814
00:25:37,744 --> 00:25:39,412
of 4,000 plastic bags,
815
00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:41,790
we didn't find them
inside of a whale's stomach,
816
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:45,669
so, uh, we'd like to award you, Christine,
817
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:48,171
with this $50,000 check.
Christine--
818
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:51,258
You can keep that $50,000
and stuff it up your ass!
819
00:25:51,258 --> 00:25:52,300
What did you just say?
820
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:56,513
I'll kill 4,000 whales
to get my bags back!
821
00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:59,307
[screaming, gasping]
822
00:25:59,307 --> 00:26:01,476
Oh, my God, lady. Wow!
823
00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:02,686
I don't know what's worse!
824
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:03,853
Not having my bags
825
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,814
or not having
a daughter anymore!
826
00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:07,315
Open the door!
827
00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:08,692
Sorry. Uh--whoa.
828
00:26:08,692 --> 00:26:10,318
Where are you going, Ma?
You live here.
829
00:26:10,318 --> 00:26:11,778
[door slams]
Mama, no!
830
00:26:11,778 --> 00:26:14,531
[crying] Mama, I need you...
831
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:16,324
to pay for my wedding!
832
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:17,492
[dramatic music]
833
00:26:17,492 --> 00:26:18,952
What is the name
of the show that I'm on?
834
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:20,203
- "Euthanasia."
- It is--no.
835
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:21,955
No, that's something
totally different.
836
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:22,998
"Unification."
837
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:25,375
Okay, HBO has a show
called "Euphoria."
838
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,501
- They do?
- Yes.
839
00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,545
[laughing] And that's the show
that I'm on.
840
00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:30,130
Who's that central character
on the show?
841
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:31,172
Zendaya.
842
00:26:31,172 --> 00:26:33,550
Oh, a dark-skinned sister.
I love her.
843
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:34,968
She's not really
dark-skinned, actually.
844
00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:36,094
Same color as me.
845
00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:37,846
- Yeah.
- Very dark.
846
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:39,097
It's hard out here for us, Colman.
847
00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:40,515
- [laughing] I can't.
- You don't realize
848
00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:42,851
what it's like to be
a brown-skinned woman today.
849
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,894
[quirky music]
850
00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:47,480
How do you find inspiration
for your characters?
851
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:48,898
How do you find inspiration
for yours?
852
00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:50,025
I'm not a character.
853
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,276
- This--
- This?
854
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,652
- Natural.
- Really?
855
00:26:52,652 --> 00:26:54,321
- Came out the womb.
- Okay.
856
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,032
Blonde as
the continent is Black.
857
00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:58,491
Colman Domingo,
I'm just saying,
858
00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:02,245
I wrote a one-woman show
for Broadway.
859
00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:05,332
It is called "Pre-PhD,"
based on a novel by Sapphire.
860
00:27:05,332 --> 00:27:06,875
When I was born,
the doctor slapped my butt,
861
00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:08,043
and I said, "Hah!"
862
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:09,419
- I know Oprah.
- Oh, wow.
863
00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:10,462
Now you're gonna throw it
in my face.
864
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,838
I'm not throwing it
in your face--I'm not--
865
00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:13,965
Throwing it in my face
because you know famous people.
866
00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:15,550
- I'm not using--
- What is she like?
867
00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:18,386
"All my life, I had to fight."
868
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:19,596
Perfect!
869
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:20,597
- "I have to--"
- Great.
870
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,098
- I'm not finished.
- That's--oh, I'm sorry.
871
00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:24,184
I thought we were--
I was trying to give you a...
872
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:26,227
"I had to fight my brothers,
873
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:27,729
my uncles..."
874
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:28,730
"Un-cahs"?
875
00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,316
[both laughing]
876
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,372
[bright tone]
877
00:27:45,422 --> 00:27:49,972
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