All language subtitles for call.me.kat.s03e21.720p.web.h264-cakes

Hi, Sheila. I'll have my usual.

I've never seen you
before in my life.

I'm Jeff.

I've been coming in here every
day for the last two weeks.

I joke around with Kat.

She says "What's up?"
I say "Muffin."

That does sound like
something I'd block out.

Oh, they're playing Max's
song again. Turn it up.

Oh, it is so crazy to have
a friend's song on the radio.

Other than Drake. I know Drake.

Y'all know I know Drake, right?

It's catchy, too.

But, my goodness,

the woman it's about
sounds like a real zero.

You know darn well
that songs about me, Mother.

But I don't mind.
You know, Max is super talented,

and I'm happy to hear that
song everywhere I go,

including at the
fricking gynecologist.

Well, good for you,

'cause if my ex wrote
a song like that about me,

I would lose my mind,
and he would certainly

lose his tires and his wheels,

and maybe even his brakes.

Well, I'm very happy for Max.

Unrelated,
how does one do drugs?

Uh-uh.

The hell you think you're doing?

Aw, come on, man.

You guys got the good stuff,

and I'm expecting
a big crowd tonight.

You know, for Max and Zoey's...

Shut the hell up,
you big M-O-R-O-N.

Max has a show tonight?

Yeah, we just didn't want
you to be upset about it.

Plus, you weren't invited.

But the show is not a big deal.

It's just Louisville's
biggest country station

doing a live broadcast,
and we're sold out,

and they're calling the song

the biggest tailgate
anthem of the summer.

Ah! Why'd you just kick me?

Well, that-that's great.

You know, I-I want
Max to succeed.

Yes, we broke up.

Yes, I was hoping our 20-year
friendship would survive,

but-but Max isn't there yet,

and that's okay, I am mature
enough to accept that.

♪ You can walk, you can run ♪

Oh, zip it, Jeff!

And from now on,
no music in here.

Welcome to Footloose!

♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪

♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪

♪ You can walk, you can run ♪

♪ Tell yourself
I'm not the one ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ Had to let you go ♪

♪ Can't you see
I can't believe ♪

♪ You told the world
you'd set me free ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ Had to let you go ♪

♪ Saying there's the door... ♪

Thank you. Keep the change.

Appreciate it.
Check it out, Randi.

Right into the wedding fund.

We're still not getting
a wedding cake

shaped like your hair.
Or my ass.

Whoa.

Oh, leaving early, huh?

Must be a pretty lame show.

And that song, so clearly unfair

to the person it's about.

Actually, it was too crowded.

Yeah, those guys need
a much, much bigger venue.

Too crowded?

That sounds like
a fire code violation.

Now I'm torn between
letting Max have his big night

and fulfilling my civic duty.

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ Had to let you go ♪

♪ Saying there's the door ♪

♪ Door, door ♪

♪ Door, don't let it
hit you in the ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Saying there's the door! ♪

That's my buddy!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

This-this whole night
has been like a dream.

Oh, uh, special shout-out
to Hubba Bubba

and the Morning Zoo.

Best of luck next week
at the Safeway opening.

And to my high school
guidance counselor

who said I'd never make it
in the music business,

you can kiss my ass!

RIP, Mrs. Henderson.

Oh, that was so great,

I almost forgot I was
listening to country music.

So good, even if
you forgot to say

that the Middle C
has the coldest beers

and hottest bartender.

It wouldn't be
the same without you guys.

Also, thank you in advance
for understanding

that I'm gonna
have to dump y'all

when I become rich and famous.

Oh, hey, Kat.

What up, homies?

"What are you doing here?"

she says like
she didn't bet Carter

that this is exactly
how it was gonna go down.

Oh, that's right,

I forgot the big show
was tonight.

That must be why

the fire department asked me
to conduct a headcount.

Self-appointed
junior marshal, so you know,

I got things going on, too.

No, I like that you're here.

This way you can
see all the ladies

throwing their underwear at me.

Yeah, I'm gonna need those back.

All right, I got to
get back up there.

Wait, Max, I just...
I want you to know...

I'm genuinely happy for you.

Well, I guess you were right.

You crushing my heart
really did help my career.

No, Max, that's not what I...

Sorry, it's so loud.

Mother, put your bra back on!

Holy mother of Wi-Fi,
you've got to be kidding me.

What?

Some music influencer found out

that Max's song was about me

and she won't stop DMing me
for an interview.

Well, how did she find out?

Sorry, sweetheart,
she was at Max's show.

If you buy me three drinks,

you get full access
to my mind or body.

It's just the way I was raised.

I'm trying to be
supportive of Max,

but his song is everywhere.

This isn't healthy for you.

We need to get your mind
off of all this Max stuff.

How about a girls' trip?

And if that means we have
to close the café for a day,

or a week, then so be it.

That's a great idea.

We could go wine tasting,

or to a spa, or wine tasting.

Hi, can I speak to your manager?

How can I help you?

I'm Val. I'm here to see

if I can put up a flyer
for our cat show,

The Louisville Pretty Kitty.

Not to be confused with
the gentleman's club off I-65.

You're doing Pretty Kitty again?

I wasn't sure you would
after last year's incident.

They double booked
with an exotic bird show.

For the record,
the cats had a great time.

Well, this is fate.

Randi, we were just talking
about doing something fun.

What's more fun than a cat show?

Literally everything.

Now hold on, Randi,
before you say no,

is there a bridge
between here and there

we can drive off?

Come on, we can enter
Martin Scatsese.

Yes, definitely.

It's fun to compete,
even if you won't win.

Just like all those nations

nobody can pronounce
at the Olympics.

Wait, are you saying that
Martin can't take home a trophy?

No, of course not.

But yes.

Entering a premiere cat show

isn't something
you do on a whim.

You spend years building
a rapport with your animal,

mortgaging your boat
to pay for cat training,

leaving your husband
when he gets in the way.

Jokes on you.
She ain't got a man.

Well, I'll leave these
with you. I have to run.

My Silver Persian
is getting a blowout

at the Dry Bar down the street.

That's why Fredrick
cancelled on me?

Hey, since you're both here,

there's something I've
been wanting to ask you.

Yes, you've gained weight.

-What?
-But it's cool.

Because of Lizzo, it's okay now.

You look great.

You know, so many people starve
themselves before their wedding.

I think it's nice
you went the other way.

I was gonna ask you
to be my groomsmen,

but now I'm rethinking
the whole thing.

-Snap! Hell yeah.
-Groomsmen!

Hello, stranger.

Brigitte, you made it.

Of course.

I'm not going to
come all the way

to a conference
in Nashville and not see you.

I mean, first I saw
the toilet where Elvis died.

Allegedly. I think he's
living in Cuba with Tupac.

Oh, man. Kat is not
gonna like this.

-Why?
-That's Max's ex-girlfriend.

They were together
for like ten years.

She's from "Pa-ree."

That's French for "Paris."

I think I'm the only
Black person here.

Normally I would be offended,

but right now,
I just feel proud.

All these booths and
not one bottle of liquor?

Does catnip get you buzzed?

No.

Hmm. I'm gonna try it.

All right, the first
"cat-egory" is best of breed,

followed by
the costume competition,

and then the agility course.

And you wanted
to go to New Orleans.

Oh, look who's here.

That sad little stray

cleaned up so nice.

And your cat looks good, too.

Katharine is not a stray.

I only left her
at the fire station

for ten minutes
before I went back.

You're not getting
in my head, Val.

We are winning this

because Martin is beautiful

and he's got
a great "purr-sonality."

Good one.

Let me introduce you

to three-time champion,
Admiral Cheswick.

These are his little ribbons,

and of course,
his tiny "purr-ple" heart.

Are you kidding me? That's
the exact same joke I just made.

And it wasn't funny
when she said it neither.

Well, the competition
starts in an hour,

so I recommend you head
to the grooming station.

Oh, I actually gave him
a bath this morning.

I wasn't talking about the cat.

Yeah, well the Admiral
has split ends.

That's right, I went to Dry Bar

and Frederick
and I were being "catty."

See what I did there, Katharine?

Thank you, Mother.

You really think we can win?

There's a lot of good-looking
cats around here.

Like this one that
looks like a little leopard

you can put in your purse.

Or better yet,
make it into a purse.

No, Martin's got this.

He needs this win.
I need this win.

It's been a crappy
couple of weeks,

and nothing's gonna make
me feel better

except a plastic trophy
with a tiny little cat on top.

Now, come on, let's make
this $500 entrance fee

not feel like a huge mistake.

It's crazy.

It just feels like yesterday

we were running around
the Left Bank together.

Do you still go to
that little café

with the amazing house wine
and really rude waiter?

Max, it is France.
That is every café.

Hey, just wanted to check

to see if you guys
wanted anything else.

I'd love another.

Oh, great,
when Darren comes back,

I'll let him know.

Or you could go get it.

This guy.

So why are you in town?

How long are you here?
When you leaving?

I don't know.

Depends on how long Max
can put up with me.

Well, you're pretty easy
to put up with,

unlike some people.

Ugh, my boss.

Hello? Yes, of course
I'm still at the conference.

Hey, tell your boss
"soup du jour" from me.

What the hell do you
think you're doing?

Nothing, I'm just catching up
with an old friend.

She's not just an old friend,

she's your smoking hot ex.

I can't help it if my exes
are hot. I'm hot.

You know Kat has always
been weird about Brigitte.

Yeah, well, I'm not
with Kat anymore,

so it doesn't matter.

I'm telling you, man,
you're playing with fire,

which sounds like fun

until lighting a fart
goes terribly wrong.

I am so sorry,

I have to go back to my hotel
to email my boss a file.

Oh, that's too bad.

Unless, uh, you come with me?

There's a lovely bar
at my hotel.

Hotel bars. What a snooze.

You know what?
That sounds great. Let's go.

This is not gonna end well.

Oh, yes, it is.

They totally gonna have sex.

My name is Val Park,

and this is Admiral Cheswick.

He loves warm milk,

naps in the sun

and America.

Bring our troops home.

Smart, the patriot angle.

Brings me back
to Fleet Week, 1974.

By the time it was over,

those boys were
thanking me for my service.

Okay, that's it.
I'm starting a podcast

and you're my only guest.

I'm Kat Silver,

and this is director
of Taxi Driver, Martin Scatsese.

And there's just
one thing I want to know:

"You meowin' at me?
You meowin' at me?"

Ooh, this place is nice.

I am definitely
stealing a robe from here.

What is going on?

There is no wine in here.
Is this a room for children?

And if so, where
is the children's wine?

Oh, it's here.

See? It's can-bernet.

I bet you didn't know

Lubbock had a wine region.

To old friends.

And new beginnings.

You know what
goes great with, uh...

let's call it wine.

Well, I hope it's wasabi peas
or gummy bears

'cause that's what we got.

I was thinking more like a bath.

Oh. Hmm.

Rub-a-dub-dub,
two friends in a...

You know what?
Yes, the answer is yes.

I'll go get it started.

Uh, I hope you like it hot.

Actually, my feet

are weirdly temperature
sensitive, so...

You know what?
Yes, the answer is yes.

All right.

Housekeeping.

Oh, good, somebody forgot
to put a robe in here.

-Ha, not really housekeeping.
-What are you doing?

I'm trying to stop you
from making a big mistake.

Do you know what Brigitte
is doing right now?

Running a bath. A bath.

It's clean and dirty.

Come on, man,
there's a lot of ladies

in Louisville
that you can get with.

You're tall, you're muscular,

your eyes are
the color of the ocean.

-You know, when you laugh...
-Carter, did you come here

to ask me to prom?

I'm just saying,
you can get with anyone.

Why Brigitte?

Kat will never talk to you again

and that'll blow up
our friend group.

It'll break my heart

if Randi won't let me
play with you anymore.

How is this my fault?
Kat dumped me.

Yeah, and that sucks,
but she did it

because she thought
that's what was best for you.

If you're really being
honest with yourself,

you're just doing this
to hurt Kat.

That's not true. Did you not
hear the thing about the bath?

-Now, come on.
-Okay, okay.

All right, all right.
You know what?

I didn't want to
have to do this.

Huh?

You just handcuffed yourself
to the outside of the door.

-What?
-Yeah.

Wait, hold on, wait, wait. Aw.

Damn, what'd I do with that key?

I am so nervous.

Now I know how my mother felt

when she entered me
into Little Miss Louisville.

For my talent, I made
a perfect dirty martini.

For Little Miss Detroit,

you just had to
rebuild a transmission.

I just found out
the Admiral's in the lead,

but Martin's a close second.

Oh, and Mr. Big Stuff

has been disqualified for
performance enhancing drugs.

You're welcome.

I guess it all comes down
to the agility course.

Marty, I want you to know
that no matter what happens,

I will still love you.

But if you lose,
you're riding home in the trunk,

just like I did after
Little Miss Louisville.

It was a different time.

Last chance to quit.

You can still walk out of here
with your dignity.

Though I guess you would've
had to walk in here

with dignity first.

Please, I haven't
worried about my dignity

since I got food poisoning
on a trapeze at Sandals Jamaica.

On your marks,

get set, go.

Admiral, full speed ahead.

Come on, Marty. Action. Action.

Come on.

Come on, do it for Mama.
Come on.

Come on. Yeah, that's it.
Keep going.

Yeah, you're riding home in
the front seat tonight, baby.

Screw it.

-What are you doing?
-Winning.

The hell you are.

This has taken a strange turn.

Or the catnip is kicking in.

Whatever it is, I'm here for it.

Scratch her eyeballs out!

Security to the agility course.

Yeah, that's right, Kat!

Show her you're a better cat

than that other crazy-ass bitch!

Oh, Katharine, you're gonna
win your first pageant.

Go, girl!

Doesn't this feel better
than those stupid degrees?

♪ ♪

We did it!

Looks like you got divorced
for nothing, Val!

You and the Admiral
can kiss my... Aah!

Oh, what the hell
is Egyptian cotton?

It's like
I'm wearing a baby seal.

I'm going to call down for
some proper champagne.

We French did not
surrender in seven wars

for me to drink wine from a can.

Great, I'll meet you
in the bath.

Takes me a while
to get my feet in.

You should totally
steal that robe.

Kat?

Oh, I'm imaginary Kat.

Everything you love
about real Kat,

with the added bonus
of being awesome at the robot.

Mm, that's exactly how
you always do it.

Oh, guess that means real Kat
is awesome at the robot, too.

Okay, I know why you're here.

Listen, I have every right
to hook up with Brigitte.

With her enthusiastic
consent, of course.

Wow, you really are in my head.

No, you do you.

Or in this case,
I guess, Brigitte.

I don't have an eggplant emoji,
but I do have this.

Wow. You know, imaginary
Kat is really da bomb.

You are such a dork.

I am not.

Really? 'Cause the first time

I met you in college,
you put a Slip 'N Slide

in the dorm hallway.

It was an excellent way
to raise awareness

about the dangers
of drinking and walking.

And I got a concussion.

Well, in hindsight,
I guess I shouldn't have

ended it at
the top of the stairs.

You did catch sweet air though.

And then you stayed up
with me all night.

I had to make sure you
didn't fall asleep.

Your cymbals made sure of that.

Third chair. Whatevs.

Yeah, we had so much fun
over the years.

What the hell?

You would not believe
what I have in this bathtub.

I've never known
anyone like you.

Max, do you want anything

other than champagne?

No, I'm good.

Kat?

Kat?

Ow! What are we, lobsters?

You're not in the bath yet?

Have you talked to a doctor
about your feet?

I'm sorry, I got to go.

What? Why?

I can't do this.

Take care.

But before I leave,
I just need you to know.

You have to steal your robe.

Oh, my God.

I knew you'd do
the right thing, bro.

Hey, where you going?

Hey, can you get the handcuff
key out of my car?

And I was like,
"Boom, in your face, Val.

You mess with the Kat,
you get the claws."

You said that to her?

It was pretty heavily implied

by the way I held the door open
for her as she left.

-Hey, ladies.
-Hey.

Kat, can we talk?

Anything you want to say to me,

you can say in front
of my posse. Word.

Nope.

Come on, Sheila,
let's give them some space.

I wanted to watch.

Well, that's what
the window is for.

Hey, what's up?

The radio station
wants me and Zoey

to do another show next week.

So we're gonna have to
write a second song.

Or hope that Hubba Bubba's
listeners are high enough

that they don't
remember the first one.

That's great.

Yeah, thanks.

And, um,

I was thinking it might
be nice if you came.

Oh, you-you don't
have to do that.

I know. It's just...

I think it's gonna
be a really good show and...

I miss my friend.

I miss you, too.

-Ow, ow, ow.
-What?

-Cat show injury.
-What?

I cracked a rib
beating the Admiral,

and now I'm banned
from Pretty Kitty.

And that's why I miss my friend.

♪ Man, I'm tired of
putting out your fires ♪

♪ You're hot enough
to burn it down ♪

♪ We were gold,
now we're just cold ♪

♪ I'm sick of always
burning out ♪

♪ When I walk away ♪

♪ Tell me who's to blame ♪

♪ I know you're gonna say ♪

♪ It's just another
he said, she said thing ♪

♪ You can walk, you can run ♪

♪ Tell yourself
I'm not the one ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ Had to let you go ♪

♪ Can't you see
I can't believe ♪

♪ You told the world
you'd set me free ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ Had to let you go. ♪

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