Original subtitles

- in 2012, I founded a company called tli.

Tli's job is to carry out my vision.

But it's not just my vision.

It's a vision that many on this earth share.

You could fit all of these things

which I see for this world under one title:

Positive world change.

My intention is to build a company

that is so large and so unstoppable

that nothing can come up against it,

a company whose intentions are so pure

that not even the people who created the company...

Not even the executives, the ceos, the directors...

Can come up against it.

My joy on this planet is carrying out that vision,

and so, I will.

Have a good week.

teal: I'm carrying the responsibility

of so much of this mission,

but it's so dependent upon the people around me.

The people who are the most dedicated to this,

they know me on a very close, personal level,

and it's like my inner circle.

Originally, they started as volunteers,

people who wanted to learn from me

in exchange for working for me.

Tristen: Coming from an asian household,

I was pretty much told that I was gonna be a doctor,

and I adopted that as mine.

And then, I stumbled across teal,

and I was just like, "okay, this feels real to me."

and that's when I decided to drop out of college.

Is there anyone that would want to film a testimonial

of your experience?

Go for it.

That was beautiful.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

- I don't know if you guys know this,

but cyan wasn't the name I was born with and legally have.

Do you know that?

my actual legal name is matthew.

Are you familiar with teal's work?

- No, I'm not. Cyan: Both teal and I,

at the same time, were like, something feels so different

to where, like, my name doesn't even feel

like it matches me anymore,

like that's some other identity,

and then, we came up with this name together.

matthias: Back home, in germany,

I used to be a tennis coach.

Teal called me, and she said,

"you know what, I have the intuition

"that you've been managing

"and coaching tennis players.

What do you think about managing me?"

and immediately, I said yes.

my number one goal right now

is to get her as big as possible.

- When you first see her, it just...

You know, your whole world explodes, and it's like,

"who is this creature? Are you even human?"

you know?

How do you have this answer that no one else has?

I eat, breathe, sleep in this process.

I don't think I've really left her side

for the last seven years.

teal: Everyone around me has made the decision

to dedicate their life to this mission.

We're ready to sacrifice anything for it.

everyone has to have that attitude.

That's what it takes to go to the altitude I'm going to.

Follower: Good morning! Follower: Good morning.

How are you?

- I... okay, so I made it...

This is why I am wanting to have this conversation.

This community, obviously based on the fact

that it's oriented around this mission,

with me at the spearhead of it,

functions a lot differently

than most intentional communities.

It's not a real safe community...

Both because of the level of pressure

that we're under all the time and the level of attacks

we get all the time.

So my only safety is this community.

It's all the people around me.

I'm in the middle here,

and, like, my community forms this little circle, like that.

And that is my everything. Juliana: Mm-hmm.

Teal: And, like, blake is the person that I'm closest to.

He's my safe place, and, like, I need him in my life.

The problem comes whenever a girl that he's with

has a truth that opposes mine in any way.

Juliana: Mm-hmm.

- He acts like a little noodle,

and then, it's about her versus me.

I don't want it to be that same dynamic,

'cause, like, the reality of blake's life so far,

unless he changes his mind, is this.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Sure.

That's, like... I got... I got to know him that way,

so I didn't expect something different.

I really want to work

where I feel like I have purpose

and can do something,

and having this community place pretty much is what I want.

I would... it would be the optimal thing to live in,

and I am, like, open to experience it and find out.

Teal: We're terrified.

- About?

Teal: Getting attached to a new person

and having it go south again.

And community with us means a lot of...

A lot of intense things.

- We've had community members turn/leave,

because people aren't expecting

teal's persona to be what it is.

Teal: It's never like, "oh, let's chill."

there is no chill.

There is always weird, like, interpersonal shit going on

and intentions.

Do you have any questions for us about anything?

Juliana: I don't know right now.

Teal: Your head's still spinning.

- No, not really spinning.

It's just, I don't know,

maybe I have more questions later on, I guess.

Mm-hmm.

hi.

Juliana: Hi.

How do you feel?

- G-good.

I mean, that was...

I mean, it's kind of intense.

And how are you?

Juliana: Same.

before I came here, it was like,

okay, this is not a normal thing

where you have a partner.

I was aware that, if that works,

I have a whole family at the same time.

So if I don't get around with one of them,

this won't work.

I feel society, in general,

they have, like, a totally different understanding

from what is a family.

People should go more into

with whom do they feel comfortable

and where is, like, my heart tribe, my soul tribe.

Where do you really feel at home?

That's usually not the family.

Americans are a little bit crazy.

- Yeah, we're a little bit.

- just a little.

- Well, you're a little crazy too for coming out here.

- I am.

Blake: This bike path will take us all the way to the walmart.

juliana: Okay.

Teal: Juliana does not understand what we do.

She got interested, and then came for a training,

but I don't feel like she's gotten a real taste

of what she's signing up for yet, which is scary.

Shay: All right, ladies and gentlemen.

We have a very special guest: Teal swan.

So for people who don't know you,

how would you boil down your philosophy

and what it is you do exactly?

- What I essentially define myself as

is an expert in human suffering.

I want to help people get out of suffering.

Shay: Why do people call you a cult leader, though?

- Because they know it's gonna scare people off me.

Shay: That's... that's true.

That is a good... That is a good way to do it.

yeah, I like to think about cults

as... as really having a foundation

and a system of control of people.

Shay: Mm-hmm.

Do you think that cult leaders start out with ill intent,

or that a lot of times... - No.

Shay: Yeah. Yeah. - I don't.

But I think most people

who evolve into cult leadership

aren't really looking at their own shadows.

- Yeah. Oh, for sure.

And then, what are your thoughts

on everything that the media has been saying

about what you do and...

- so, like, here's the thing: I find...

I have been on the opposite end of the scale,

where people saying whatever they want to say about me

has done so much damage to my career.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I ever made

was to ignore it.

- Mm.

reporter: Over the last year, I've been trying to figure out

who teal really is and understand her influence.

To her followers, she's a savior, a healer.

To her critics, she's a narcissist,

a dangerous cult leader.

Whatever you feel about her at this point, she is a catalyst.

- hey, I'm gonna talk to the cops now, okay?

Police officer: Hello. Is this blake?

Blake: Yeah, this is him.

Police officer: What you got going on?

- Well, we have a woman

that has sent us about 100 threatening mess

policer officer: - Towards you guys?Man

- yeah, like, "you need to pay me back for my training,

"you narcissist.

"wait till what's coming your way.

I'll expose the shit you actually are."

police officer: Yeah. Now, you said

there was something recently, like this week.

- This is all this... This is all two days ago.

Police officer: Okay. So all right.

We'll go check on her, and thanks for calling.

- All right. Appreciate you.

We get hate messages and threats pretty often.

"no one hates themselves but you,

"and you are a gaslighting narcissist.

"the fact that you sit around and tell the most beautiful,

"loving souls that they hate themselves

"then they clearly don't,

you need to be executed."

.

Teal: This issue with my haters,

it's just like this festering wound.

It is so overwhelming,

I don't even know where to start, so...

- I feel like, especially in the spiritual field,

people have more expectations around everything.

Teal: Mm-hmm. You do.

Let's say that you're a pop star,

and people are like, "that bitch."

okay, you're just gonna sell a lot more albums,

'cause people don't know about you,

and they don't really care if you're a bitch

if you got good music.

That's not the case for someone in my career.

If somebody says, "this person's dangerous,"

and I'm in the business of healing,

that's no different than graffitiing "people die here"

on the outside of a hospital.

It prevents people from coming through the door.

I want the process I take people through around suicide

to be something that's adopted

in the mainstream psychology fields,

but I didn't understand

that people thought it would be possible

that entertaining the concept of suicide

would cause people to commit suicide.

Juliana: Yes.

Teal: My reputation has been tarnished to such a degree

I can't seem to make money

in the way that I need to make money

in order to fight this stuff.

So I am, like, literally in a place where I'm like,

"is the message that I'm only safe

if I marry a multibillionaire?"

is that my... this is my answer.

I don't know why you guys are, like, so quiet.

Do you not feel as powerless as I feel to this?

Blake: Absolutely. That's why I'm so silent.

- There's a powerlessness,

but there's never a point where I give up.

I always look for more options.

We hired a private investigator

to help us to clear up the facts.

I mean, it's very clear.

You know, um,

people call her "the suicide catalyst,"

which is absolutely not true.

There is no ground,

and it's the same with the cult, you know?

People are very easily talking about a cult,

and it's super damaging.

Molly: I'm going to record, if you would give me permission.

- Okay. Let me see how to do this.

Molly: And I'll adjust my camera here.

Matthias: So my main concern, obviously, by hiring you,

is to find out the truth

and to see if there is something I'm missing,

or you know, what a third party actually can find out.

- My job is to dig through the mud

and see if I can find any nuggets of truth in there.

When someone would say,

"we heard these horrible things about you,"

and then you can say, "well, here.

"read this. This is the truth.

"this is a third-party, independent,

"unedited investigation

that we had no influence over the content of."

that's basically what I do.

Matthias: That would definitely be helpful,

so I know at least where we are, and you know.

- Right. Okay, all righty. Matthias: You know? Yeah.

- I'll go have a... I'll go have a look.

I'm old, okay?

So I miss the newscasters from the '50s, you know,

where... where... Where the news organization

was not profit-driven,

where... where you could count on it

to have some credibility.

People don't have rolodexes anymore,

and when I forget a password, they're still here.

oh, computers.

teal: As living beings, we are hardwired for survival.

But as we all know, sometimes the painful conditions of life

can overrule that hardwiring,

and instead, we become motivated towards death.

I want you to know that I'm going

to be talking to you today not just from the standpoint

of a spiritual teacher

but also from the standpoint of a survivor.

And here's the thing:

You've been loosely, and mostly subconsciously,

toying with the idea of suicide.

This time, what I'm going to encourage you to do

is to consciously imagine committing suicide.

Molly: I'm trying to better understand

why professionals are very concerned

that this video is not appropriate for people at risk.

Jonathan: So as president of the american association

of suicidology,

I get a lot of the complaints...

- Mm-hmm. Jonathan: Saying,

"visualize your suicide," to a video,

not knowing what the emotional state is

of the person on the other side who's watching it.

That is problematic, because there's no way of knowing

if that's actually gonna work out.

There's no quality control there,

and I don't think that it's defensible in a public forum.

- Was there anything about doing that video

that was scary or risky-feeling to you?

Did you feel that that could have actually encouraged you

to take your own life?

Follower: No.

She's just like, "imagine that, and really feel into that,"

so that... Why would that be scary?

I really find it important to keep videos like that up.

Follower: You know, I had psychiatrists tell me

that I was a doormat.

I wasn't getting any kind of compassion...

- Whoa. Follower: Or help.

At the time, financially and with insurance,

I couldn't always stick with the same one, you know,

so the healthcare thing was kind of hit-and-miss.

- They're claiming that teal was responsible

for leslie's demise, and... Follower: I know.

just complete nonsense.

There's nothing I wouldn't do

to help teal and to defend her...

How adamant I am about her, you know, sincere.

Jonathan: If you're saying that three people

out of millions of people that have interacted with teal...

- that we know of. Jonathan: Yeah, that know of.

You would be really hard-pressed to say,

"these people killed themselves because of teal."

- are you aware of some of the attacks

that have been made against her?

Follower: I try not to go down that rabbit hole,

because I believe she is legitimately doing a good thing

and trying to help people.

Molly: I have little patience for pejorative slingers,

but it just seems that, if you are attractive, period,

it's one of the criterias for being a target.

Do you feel that, if you left,

that someone would publicly shame you for leaving,

for any reason?

Follower: Are you asking if we're a cult?

Molly: It's pretty hard to see,

in many of these accusations,

being able to stick when you start talking to these folks.

when you have somebody who has a lot of followers

and somebody wants to pick a bone with them,

you just throw the word "cult" at them,

and suddenly,

unfortunately, in many circles, it sticks.

But I'm going to find the truth.

As I see it.

blake: I was doing this workshop.

One of my cp participants came up to me.

She was beautiful.

We hung out at the hot springs, and..

I floated you around in the water.

we were in the office, and I gave you a massage,

maybe crossing the boundaries of the practitioner/client.

and eight months later, she moved to utah.

How lucky am I?

Whoo-hoo!

follower: Aah! Follower: Let go. Let go.

Wow.

Blake: Juliana's the first person

I've ever been committed to.

we're compatible in tons of ways,

and I hope that she fits in with everyone.

wow.

That's fun.

Teal: Juliana is like this raw stone,

and so, there are all these edges.

And now, it's blake's aura color.

Follower: Is it? - Mm-hmm.

Follower: This is really good.

Teal: And based off of what happens,

that person either smooths out,

and so, it becomes this frictionless relationship...

Blake: Oh, my god. That's so refreshing.

Teal: Or it becomes a problem.

We haven't had time to do enough with her

so that we're polished stones up against each other.

I want you to sense or feel this bubble,

separating you from the rest of the world.

Now imagine, sense, or feel the prison of this bubble,

the way it keeps you isolated and lonely.

And with this bubble burst,

I want you to sense or feel

what this loneliness that lives inside you may need.

Feel it filling that space up from the inside.

I want you to build that sensation of companionship

wider and wider

until it fills up your entire being.

Amir: I like checking things out,

so I go to a lot of different spiritual stuff.

And I got here, and my mind was blown.

This is so over my head,

but I guess I want to be a part of something.

I want to be a part of something,

and I haven't found that, so I'll keep looking.

The level of struggle and...

Is... is, uh...

I need... I need... I need help.

I need help.

- We all need help. Amir: I need help, yeah.

- What's that?

- Wow, because when I came last year,

I thought it was a cult, you know?

Really. Full-blown.

I said that to you before, right?

- Yeah. Amir: Yeah.

I need more love in my life,

and I don't know how it's gonna look,

but I need help, so I'm just run...

I'm just looking for someone to help me.

- What do you need from me in order to feel resolve?

Amir: I haven't had closeness in a long time.

I'm wired to have a lot of affection,

and so, I'm looking for more closeness.

- You've got aspects of your life that aren't going well,

especially relative to people, right?

And... - I don't know.

I don't know! For real.

In a way, it's going great.

I don't know what this is.

I do think god is, and... and I'm glad.

I was suicidal for a long time,

so I'm glad I... I'm glad it's there.

- Do you know what it's like talking to you?

There's no cohesive thought.

- No cohesive thought? - No cohesive thought.

- That's so interesting.

I think I'm doing... I think... I think everything's great,

and I'm doing a good job, and...

- why the do you think the universe would put you

in front of me if everything's fine?

Amir: I mean, I don't know, teal.

- No, I mean, really. Answer the question.

- No, I don't... I don't... I don't know.

I... I don't know.

I could just have a crush on you.

It... it could just... it really just could be a sexual thing

that I've just taken too far,

and it's okay, and that's why I'm here.

- If the only reason you're here

is because of a sexual, like, thing,

that's a problem for me.

- Right. Right, right, right.

Right, right, right, right.

Teal: I hate this field, I swear to god.

I hate the spiritual field.

I'm super angry.

Hi, blake.

I'm sitting here in process with amir.

It was real fun when, in the middle of our session,

he looks at me and says, "I'm afraid if you see

all these parts of myself, you won't want to me,"

so yeah.

That was fun. Blake: Wow.

- You know, "the only reason I'm here is because

of, you know, being sexually attracted to you,"

and it's the same bullshit.

It's like I use my sexuality

kind of like in this demonic way to attract people.

I would love it if you would talk to him,

'cause this is .

that was not fun.

It's the kind of thing where you've got somebody

who's, like, really not got anything going in their life,

you know?

- Is there any chance to help him in any way?

- It's just like, you gotta know.

It's like a red zone case.

He needs so much,

and he will rip the shit out of any member of our team

who works with him.

Teal: So have you come more clear

on something you want to see?

Amir: Um...

I think a lot about my mom.

She's been coming in my dreams recently.

She... she... Before she took her life,

she attempted five times over the prior seven years.

My dad couldn't understand that it was a suicide attempt.

He was in that much denial.

I went to an aa meeting. It was 4:00 p.M.

I left queens, went to new york city,

and my dad called and was like, "she's gone."

and I went up to see her body.

She was split.

Her leg was perpendicular, um,

and she looked so peaceful.

that seems unfair. Um...

- Yeah, yeah. I would love to.

I'd love to see her.

- okay.

what we're going to be doing is what I call channeling.

You're using your body as a vessel for a specific energy.

You can do it with people that are living.

You can do it with people that are dead.

You can do it with anything.

So if I bring in your dead mother,

that's actually your dead mother, you guys.

I'm working literally with her thought form.

It's an incredibly dangerous process.

It's also one of the most powerful tools

that has ever existed.

Juliana, I deliberately want to stretch you in with this.

I think it's a good idea.

Juliana: I kind of, like, knew that when I come here,

that it's not just about establishing a relationship

with blake.

I also need to have a good relationship with teal,

so coming here was also committing to her.

I want to make it work.

Teal: Come here.

So ask her to...

Ask her if she will choose with her free will to guide you,

and then you have to say your mother's full name.

Amir: Do you, with your free will,

choose the consciousness of talit bajua?

Amir: I just want to spend some time with you, mom.

- you are, mom.

- Do you feel like you're stuck anywhere,

or do you...

- where are you stuck?

Teal: She hasn't completely crossed.

teal: Yeah. Amir: Yeah?

Teal: Yeah. The thing is, you're not responsible anymore.

teal: You can let go.

Juliana: No, I can't do that.

- Do you see this?

From where you are, you can't do anything anymore

to help either of them.

Amir: No. It's okay, mom. I love you so much.

- Amir, just think about whether there's anything

you feel like you need to say that will release her.

- I forgive you, mom. I forgive you.

Juliana: I cannot do it.

Amir: I want you to let go

of the responsibility you feel, mom.

You've helped me so much since you passed away.

I accept... I accept my life.

I want you to know I like my life.

I struggle a lot, but I like my life.

teal: Now, you can tell her.

- Mom, you can go.

You can go.

- Okay.

Juliana: That was so intense.

It was also surprising to me that I was that energized.

And I wasn't aware that I'm that good in doing that.

Teal: You were really good.

Juliana: I wasn't aware of that,

so I was surprised.

Really surprised.

Teal: Like, I feel like you're better at this with me

than people who have been on my team for years.

Juliana: Wow.

I feel at home.

It's a totally different home, but I feel at home.

Teal is like a big sister to me.

She's changed my mind completely

how you can approach healing.

Teal: I like to think of those of you who are standing here

as my little army.

I see you all as the people

who are going to be the change in this world

instead of the people who simply look at this world

as if it has to change.

I want to personally thank you

for the level of bravery it took to come here

and especially for your bravery

to be connected when the whole world is disconnecting.

Freedom is in the reclaiming of self

and the turning of life's cyanide into honey.

blake: It has, like, nothing to do with...

Follower: Yeah, that's so random.

It would be these two.

Juliana: Okay.

Follower: You guys. You guys.

Blake: They don't know how to play this game.

We're just gonna have to roll with it.

All right. Do I read it?

Juliana: Mm-hmm.

- And you're putting the one that you think I would choose?

- Mm-hmm.

Blake: I didn't know if juliana

would fit well into the community.

Follower: You win the card. Follower: You win. Yeah.

- "alternative medicine is now embracing

the curative powers of..."

"my balls on your face."

"of looking in the mirror, applying lipstick,

and whispering, "tonight, you will have sex with tom cruise."

that could be very healing.

to make this work,

you have to choose teal's mission to be your mission.

- Oh, probably this one. That was pretty funny.

blake: She fits in with everyone.

I never could have imagined what my life has become.

I just feel good about everything in a way.

Molly: At what point in teal's career

did you enter the picture?

Jared: I first met teal in 2012.

I was already having a hard time in life.

I had just gotten divorced

and went on this, like, spiritual journey,

trying to find myself.

Molly: Uh-huh.

- She always came off as, like,

"there's so much that you are going to learn.

"there's so much that I have to teach you.

"like, don't throw spirituality away

"just because you're leaving mormonism.

There's so much more."

she's trying to help make a better world.

I want to make the better world,

and so, I told her, "hey, I want to do this.

Hell or high water, I'm gonna make your vision a reality."

I helped her with the website,

I moved in with her.

Molly: Right. Okay, so then you get involved.

What was she actually selling at that point?

- Frequency paintings that had the power to heal people.

Molly: Okay.

Did they?

- Well, I was staring

at several that I bought in my room for several years,

and they did not work.

Molly: Okay.

Were you paid anything for your services?

Were you...

- Um... Molly: Salaried, or...

- I mean, I was given room and board.

Molly: All right. - Yeah.

Molly: Interesting.

Have you ever heard of anybody

choosing to no longer participate

being ostracized in any way?

- I mean, like, my exit wasn't very nice.

The moment the tv camera would go off,

the moment she would go behind closed door at a conference,

any of that, it just unleashed.

The last thing... I think the last thing she told me

as I'm, like, leaving,

and everyone's, like, ganged up on me,

she said, "if I were you, I would just go kill myself,

'cause there's no hope for you."

- well...

Whoo, that's a lot.

- Oh, it gets a lot more interesting, molly.

jared: I wanted this so badly.

I was so washed.

And, like, when I say I was washed,

she, like, would constantly ask us,

like, "you're gonna leave me. You're gonna leave me, jared.

You're gonna give up on all this."

and I'm like, "no, I'm not. No, I won't. I'll do anything."

she's like, "what are you willing to do for this cause?"

and I told her I'd be willing to kill someone

and bury them in the backyard.

molly: It feels like a burden,

that I've found some of this stuff out,

because now, I'm responsible for including it

and being honest about what I found.

It's the pandora's box you wish you'd left closed, you know,

but now that it's here, it's here.

Teal: Blake, I need to know

where you guys are on everything.

I need to know what you're thinking.

I don't feel like we're on the same page.

Obviously, we haven't spent enough time together.

- I know. It's been weeks,

and she's only been here for weeks.

it's one month yesterday.

I'm thinking of asking

for her to marry me in two weeks.

- Okay. Well, thank you for telling me.

What are you thinking?

- Well, I don't know. I mean, just...

Teal: Well, do you think she's on the same page?

Have you guys talked about this?

- A little bit. Yeah. Teal: Well, come on.

What have you guys said? Like...

Blake: We've just been, like, just planning stuff.

Yeah.

- Two-week proposal leaves you zero room for rings, blake.

What are you doing?

- Well, that's... I'll get a wedding ring.

Teal: Do you want help with that?

Blake: Yeah. - Okay.

how do you feel about the ending of the saga

of the romantic feelings towards me?

Blake: Ending of that saga? Teal: Mm-hmm.

- I mean, I still think you're sexy as hell.

blake: You know. - Thank you.

She doesn't react when you touch me, so...

- Well, she doesn't. Teal: I've been watching her.

Has she said anything?

- Well, there has been no conversation

about my romantic feelings towards you.

- Good. There shouldn't be.

She doesn't react. I've been watching her.

Blake: Mm-hmm. - It's a good thing.

- Yeah. You know.

- I love this. Blake: I know. Me too.

- She sounds super compatible, blake.

- Yeah.

Wow.

Teal: Good, blake.

teal: It's like an offering.

These amplify and magnify everything.

officiant: Marriage requires a lot of forgiveness.

It requires respecting the other person,

even when you disagree with them.

And it requires the maturity

to put someone else before yourself

but not so much that you forget who you are as an individual.

From this moment on, nothing in your life

is to take priority over the comfort and well-being

of the person that you're holding hands with right now.

- I was given a list of the things

that people had to agree to to be part of this inner circle.

- That most of it is illegal.

Teal: A normal life is not compatible

with the life that we are leading.

Follower: I didn't come here to keep learning,

and learning, and learning, and...

Teal: You want to know the reality?

If people don't start doing this kind of work

on themselves... Headed off a cliff.

- I don't feel like we can force them.

- You literally just crossed the line.

Now, we have problems.