Original subtitles

THE POPE APPEARS

♪ I won't give up ♪

♪ Of course I can't give in ♪

♪ Know where I'm going ♪

♪ See where I've been ♪

♪ Screw you if I don't ♪

♪ Screw you if I do ♪

♪ I really thought what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

♪ You can't, you can't ♪

♪ I really thought what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

♪ I really thought what would i do without you ♪

♪ I can't do it without you now ♪

- If there is anyone here that can cause

about why these two people should not be united in

holy matrimony, speak now or forever shut up.

- I can.

- And who would you be?

- Beth's husband in the eyes of God.

-Michael, why? are you doing this?

- Get out, loser.

- you follow the Bible, isn't it, minister?

- Clear.

The Bible is ours sole authority.

- So you know that the Bible says that a believer

cannot divorce another believer and then get married

with someone else and she is married to a believer, me.

- Are you Catholic?

- Yes so?

- You pagan Catholics, they are not real Christians.

- Oh, little horse, we are like this.

- They are not. - Are so.

- Uh-uh. - Uh-huh.

- Uh-uh.

- This is stupid.

- Well, yes.

- Hey.

- none of you will you get up?

- You're on your own bill, cigarette.

- Who cares, it's open bar.

- Beth, don't do this!

This is mine wife upstairs!

- All right, go creak the teeth, Bible man.

♪ Maybe life is a great mystery ♪

♪ We only see what we want to see ♪

♪ You tell me so loud and clear ♪

♪ I tell myself what I want to hear ♪

♪ Might have learned in recent years ♪

♪ How to face your biggest fears ♪

♪ The time has come and we both know ♪

♪ You won't stay and I I can't let you go ♪

♪ You won't stay and I I can't let you go ♪

♪ You won't stay and I I can't let you go ♪

- More art, exactly what we need.

- Will you be careful?

This can be worth a lot of money someday, if you survive.

- Then put it in some where I don't trip over it.

The living room is a artistic obstacle course.

- It's great, isn't it?

Ooh.

- What?

what are you?

I thought the house next door was empty.

They must be creatures.

- With flashlights?

Swamp gas.

- You're not even paying attention, look.

- You are sure, there are some lights.

Should I call the police?

- No.

I don't want to look silly.

- Too late.

Want to play astronaut?

Oh, now you want play astronaut?

- anything for get out of these masks.

- You took the trash can

and recycling for the street?

- Yes Princess.

Is that a point for me?

Compensating, back to zero.

rub my back and maybe we'll see.

- Hey.

We can talk a minute please?

Beth.

Beth.

If you don't come here, I will strangle that dog.

Wow!

- We don't have a dog.

- Well, you're done. to save his life.

- Nice car.

- Yes, I'm leaving it to you.

- That's good, I'll change it for a villa in Tuscany.

What do you want?

- I'm just putting my house in order.

- You're going somewhere?

- Perhaps.

- Well, then maybe you finally leave us alone.

- And then you can contract a legal marriage

with the Church.

- You just don't you're going to let this die, are you?

- No, but before going to that big island resort

in heaven, tell me just one thing.

Why did you leave me?

- Oh, I told you a thousand times.

You know very well why.

- Beth, as God is mine witness, I don't know why.

- Last time I checked, they still don't allow cheaters to enter heaven.

- What?

I never cheated on you.

- Of course with that idiot buyer.

- Bimbo buyer?

- The one you met at the base.

- Wait a minute, do you want tell that purchasing agent

at the air base?

It was David having an affair with her.

So when I don't would lie to him and his

girlfriend at the time discovered and ended with him,

he said i I violated the guy's code,

but he still got what he wanted.

That bimbo, I want say, purchasing agent,

let him put his name in our offer,

so she gave it to him personally.

After that he went alone and he didn't need me anymore.

- You are lying.

- Oh yeah, I just made it up.

But that is not all.

The agent got caught and David rolled on top of her.

Forgive the twist.

So she went to prison while David was never prosecuted.

So he stole you, the grand prize.

- Why couldn't you tell me all this years ago?

- I could not.

- Even if you don't was lying and you are,

you didn't have to bother and air to

always and we could have dispelled it years ago

and you wouldn't have to make my life miserable.

- Anyone in the world ever happy to see you?

- He's all yours, David.

- What do you want?

- The same thing that I always want

so that my soul wife be safe and holy.

- holy matrimony, Batman, what a surprise.

Slam. - Yeah, easy killer.

But think, if I wasn't around,

could you if marry her in church

and maybe become one Catholic yourself.

- The only way to become catholic

is if Jesus himself Christ came down, knocked

at my door and said: "Oh, I want you."

- When He returns, it will be too late for you.

- All right then, if the Pope tells me ask, then I will become Catholic.

Yes, Pope, that's a ticket.

tell him to appear anytime.

- Well, at least you still love me.

Did you steal the company?

I had to assume.

He destroyed the company integrity.

it was a question of survival.

What about me?

someone will take care of you, so I took care.

-David Paul Sheba, if you are lying.

Shh.

- David, like never before do we pray together?

- To pray?

Did you know that I was not a man of prayer when he married me.

- Good,

at least you don't was praying with me

at the same time in who was cheating on me.

- Please, sit down, sit down.

I'm so happy and blessed to see you all here today.

There are so many people from different countries here in

Cleveland for the Journey World Youth.

It's an amazing sign of unit see all

people from different sizes, shapes and colors

sharing our beloved Catholic faith with each other.

Yeah, it's like a little piece of heaven

here at the lake.

- Tell us, Your Holiness,

what is it like to be first African pope?

- Well, I wouldn't know.

This happened in first century of the Church.

I am the fourth African Pope.

In the first 300 years of the Church, each Pope

had the guarantee of be martyred for the faith.

I don't think the pool of candidates was very large.

In the old days, when people wanted

stating the obvious, they said: "Is the Pope Catholic?"

It's okay, you can laugh.

And many years later, became: "Is the Pope Polish?"

Still, it's okay, you can laugh.

then the sent John Paul II

effectively killed all Polish popes.

Why?

How many poles are needed to defeat the Soviet Union?

Anyone?

Nobody?

Only one.

Now the last joke is: "Is the Pope black?"

Yes.

Do you know any good ones?

- It was a long trip and the Holy Father is very tired.

Tomorrow he will be in several world day locations

of Youth for so to speak, smell the sheep.

And then, from now on two days, the Pope

will celebrate a great outdoor mass

at Lakefront Airport.

We expect more than 2 million of people to Mass.

I understand it's more than that when the calves

won the championship of the NBA in 2016.

- Is this right.

If it's big, it's happening in Cleveland.

Eat your heart out, Cincinnati.

- You have three?

- No, Cardinal Cariott, go fishing.

- There!

- A bishop and you do you have a tray?

- What is a tray?

- Three.

- Oh, then no.

- Monsignor, you do you have a six?

Um, how about you?

- Oh, Monsignor.

- I have.

- No problem.

- Oh.

Wouldn't it be great if the Apocalypse had a key to the numbers?

- Come on, in the game.

Cariott is losing again.

- What? - He always loses, always.

- It's terrible, it's the game easier.

- I win at swimming.

When was the last time you went swimming?

- I'm a back master.

- Yes.

- You will leave for Lake Erie

and do some of that while we're in town.

- I float very well.

- This is wonderful.

I can stay floating for hours.

I'm like a whale upside down.

- Dear Lord, I know that this World Youth Day

was scheduled before of me being elected,

but why did you choose me?

I'm not good at this.

I don't even know why you made me

bishop and cardinal, much less the Pope.

I fear I am a bad shepherd

and the wolves will ravage your flock.

Please,

remove this cup from me,

even if it means that I have to die.

- Start Operation Pope Drops In.

Show time.

Coffee.

- Coffee.

They don't have coffee inside?

- describing what they have it there like coffee

would be a sin against the eighth commandment.

- I like this car.

It's a beautiful color.

- I got stuck with a entire fleet of these Fiats

because my predecessor I didn't want to offend the Italians,

so I had them painted with the colors of the Church.

Mary Blue, Martha Red, Ordinary Green and Latarra Pink.

- Pink Canister.

- Yeah, we just left a few Sundays a year.

- What, none Prince of Peace Purple?

- No, apparently owned of some rock star

has everything purple.

- Oh.

- Coffee?

- Can I ask you a special favor?

- Come on, my son.

- I need you go with me to visit someone

who needs to come back to faith.

- I don't think I have time.

- Don't have time to save a soul?

- You know, I have many appointments.

- Yes, and I only have one,

but it is very important.

In fact, there is nothing more important than that.

- What if I don't go?

- Then I will have to insist.

- So, you are me kidnapping, huh?

- If that's how it is you want to call.

- You know you can go to jail for this?

- You know when Jesus says to Peter: "When you are old,

you will extend your hands and others

will dress and take you where you don't want to go"?

- Yes, I know the passage.

- Well, now's the time, Peter.

- I do not think that this time in particular

is what he was referring to.

- Probably not, but it will have to do.

- Is that a weapon?

- It's my finger.

- You cried at the end from "Field of Dreams?"

- Yes of course.

- Me too.

okay, how much how long will this take?

- Hardly you will be missed.

Here you go.

- Who are you?

- I sigh.

- I'm the Pope.

- I know who you are.

Beautiful color, this car, Mary Blue.

we are walking in Mary's Fiat, how nice.

- How old are you?

- old enough to go on an adventure.

- I'm sure it violates

some kind of protocol of child protection.

- No no.

leave the little children come to me.

children need of adults nearby.

so where to are we going, michael?

- South and West, Cincinnati.

- Wait, he can't go.

- Of course you can, it will be fun.

- You are crazy?

- I'm kidnapping the Pope, of course I am.

- It's better than be it life or death.

- Oh, it's more than that.

- So you're in cahoots.

- You can say that.

- Hey, there's only four holes.

- Loading loads.

Funny face.

Here, do you want one?

♪ rock and roll makes me speed up ♪

♪ Driving my car like a trusty steed ♪

♪ Crossing the river deep and wide ♪

♪ Left town on Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Riverside Drive is calling ♪

♪ Makes me feel so young and alive ♪

♪ Riverside Drive is calling ♪

♪ Heaven must be something like Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Heaven must be something like Riverside Drive ♪

♪ Heaven must be something like Riverside Drive ♪

- I really appreciate this.

- Let's get this over with.

Who are we going to see?

- Some people for whom you have a natural affinity,

a divorced Catholic and remarried, non-practicing

and your husband nothing that ended with her first marriage.

- And how are you connected?

- The guy is my ex-partner who stole the deal.

The woman is my wife.

He stole it too.

- I don't think it is. very wise for me

get involved in a domestic disturbance.

- Oh, you mean that the husband beats the Pope

who was visiting the wife, movie at 11.

- Punch?

I don't want to be spanked.

are you sure of should be doing this?

- Give your love to someone who cheats on you

it is the story of Jesus.

- He's right, you know.

- So what do you do in your free time?

- Free time.

You mean when I'm not being

Vicar of Christ, head of the Universal Church,

and servant of all the servants of God?

- Yes, this.

- I love bowling.

play a little bowling ball.

It's so exciting, I love it.

- Do you know any good jokes?

- Spiro, he's not the fool of the Church.

- No no no no no, no, he's fine, he's fine.

Oh, everybody listening?

Ah, okay, okay, okay.

why the theologian crossed the street?

- to observe the good samaritan.

- So you already heard this before.

- Okay, so why the Good Did Samaritan cross the street?

- Oh, to help the guy who got spanked.

- Eh, wrong.

To escape the theologian.

- How is that funny?

- You have to work on your standup.

- Dying is easy, but comedy, comedy is hard.

The banyo, please.

I need to go to Next stop, please.

- Bishop, it seems that the Papa is leaving town.

Why, I don't know, and where he's going, I can't say.

- How do you know that?

- Oh, I have a tracker of the Papa new and improved on my phone.

As long as he has the smartphone with you, we can find him.

Now then, you is there any man

what can you put into it, toughies?

- Let me think.

Well, there's always the Kamaraza brothers.

- The Karamaz brothers.

- No, the Kamaraza brothers.

- That's what I said, Karamaz brothers.

The K brothers, but you can assure me, are they discreet?

- My name is Dimitri Leoni Disputin Kamarazo.

This is my brother Alioso Theodore Pavlonavich Kamarazo.

We call it Vepos.

- Gentlemen, sit down.

Make yourself comfortable.

Now then I have a mission for you.

It's nothing less than to save the Church.

I need you to find the Pope.

- Is the Pope missing?

- It's either that or him. was kidnapped.

- We'll find him, Eminence,

and we will bring it from back safely.

- Interest.

- Don't swear, we are in mixed company.

- Sorry.

- Gentlemen, allow me check for a moment

with Monsignor Riacco.

Okay, so Monsignor, I I was going to pay these two heads

scoundrel to guarantee that the Pope would never return,

but now i think which is more likely

that they achieve this trying to save it.

What do you think?

- Okay, we can send them on a dangerous mission

where they will die, together with the Pope,

and then you will be one shoo-in to be the pope

at the next conclave.

- They know that we are here, right?

- They understand that we are half a meter from them.

I'm sure they they know what they are doing.

- Am I right.

- They are a religion Very organized.

- That is true.

- What should we do with them?

Zip lining with loose connections?

- Very obvious.

- Bungee jumping with a very long rope.

- Very fun.

- Sabotage the balance of the tire over the lake.

- We are not going to send him to the summer camp.

- Look at their faces.

- Sorry.

We could say to they he needs

survive a sting snake while sleeping.

And then we let them take

one they drop in the room.

It's very biblical, very Sherlock.

- Very Pentecostal.

What's his kryptonite?

We carry, ooh, we could make him run until he dropped.

- For what reason?

- You are sure.

Wait a minute.

He has seasonal allergies.

- Then?

- So we tell the boys that he has to be locked

in the dungeon of a castle until penance

substitute for all the scandals of the Church.

And no one can stop you or

he will have to start all over again,

a day for every priest bad in the last 100 years.

- What will that do?

He will like this.

- Without food.

We tell these honyocks that only angels can come and feed you.

They will lock you up until nobody be there and that

old musty castle kill him in no time.

- Bright. - I know.

- Now we just need of a castle.

Let's search, castles near me.

Here we are. - Huh.

- White Castle.

Oh, that's not right.

This is a network that sells onion burgers.

- Burgers. - No, onion burgers.

We are trying to kill him starve, don't torture him.

- I know the castle.

- It's in Loveland.

- Gentlemen, are you about to to embark on a mission.

you need to capture the Pope and take him to the...

- White Castle.

- The one you said.

- Land of love. - Loveland, the castle.

And make him do penance by the Universal Church.

It's tough love, my brothers, a tough love.

The future of the Church it depends on you.

Here, take this phone.

It is set to track the Pope's location.

And gentlemen, I gave up the anger in

Lent, so don't piss me off.

- Yes, yes, sir.

- You don't have any problem.

- Yes, now you understand.

Fine.

Sugarplum.

- We'll do fine. - We'll do fine.

We have to do this. - You have to leave.

- Must find, find Pope.

- To go out!

To leave!

- Come on, nice to meet you. - Bye Bye.

- Au revoir.

- They are very cool, I think.

- Do you think it will work?

- Let's say the size my miter is 7 1/2.

- Hello Maria.

- Welcome, I'd like to experience a tasting flight?

- Clear.

- Not for me, I'm driving.

But how about a glass of wine for our friend?

- OK. - And I'll have a grape juice.

- All good.

- In that case, I'll have what is he having.

- Ah, wine for your friend and grape juice for you.

You know, your friend looks familiar.

- Yes, many people say that he looks like the Pope.

- No, that's not it.

- We ordered a cup of wine for you.

- Thanks.

Blood of the Grape.

What is the meaning of this name?

- My late husband and I we thought it would be an honor

to make the wine that turns into self

blood of Christ in the Mass, then the blood of the grape

it becomes the blood of the Lamb.

- Good for you.

Can I buy a box?

- That's all I remains of the sacramental wine.

We receive Jesuits in the week past and they cleaned me up.

- Well, let's hope not. turn back into water.

- Nobody moves.

Good.

- Follow my command.

- Squirrel!

- Oh, I love squirrel.

What is a squirrel?

Oh, where did they go?

- Oh!

- Don't mess with the Mike, wherever you are.

- And you're out!

Nice shot but we'll see what the judges have to say.

It was just theory of war.

Proportional answer.

Self-defense.

- OK.

The judges will accept that. - The judges will accept that.

- Well, now let's get out of here.

- The wine!

- Fast fast!

C'mon C'mon, come on, come on, quick.

God bless you, my son.

To stop!

Come in.

- What are you doing? - All good.

I always stop for hitchhikers.

- And he gives them 20s.

- Why do you think that do they get the bottle guy?

- Because he obviously wants a second hostage.

- Oh, he's very smart.

Oh, you are very smart.

My calf, my leg, my back leg is hurt.

I take the horse Charles.

- Hi, I'm Jesse.

- This is Michael. and that's daddy.

- In reality.

- Yes, but nobody believes it.

- Well, he doesn't. he looks very papal.

- He's still a little shy, but we are working on it.

- Hi guys, I'm right here.

- See, he's getting better at asserting yourself.

Just give him some time.

- Oh, that trip it will be good for him.

- Hey, no touching, no touching.

What are you psychiatrists?

- Testy.

So what's the mission?

- Tell him, Daddy.

- You can tell him.

- I don't believe that I am doing this.

Okay so Michael is trying to save his wife

that she divorced him and married her ex-partner

who stole the company and its wife for about 20 years.

Why? because michael would not lie for him to his

girlfriend about your infidelities many years before.

Now that same ex-partner business said to Michael

that he will become a Christian and will join the Church

only if the pope shows up and ask him personally

and we're on our way to Cincinnati to do just that.

Clear?

- Crystal.

- Good.

- What if David reneges?

- How do we know his name?

- I do not mind with a helping hand here sometimes.

- I help, I earn the money.

- Oh sure.

Porsche is nothing more than than Brutus' whore.

- What?

- That's not a business, it's a marriage.

- Where does it come from?

- Do you know what day it is today?

- Seven chances and six don't count.

- Really?

- I know it's not "Day of don't disturb your husband".

- No.

It's our anniversary.

- So tell me more about this situation

before I go and blow my head.

- You're not in danger.

David knows the truth, even though Beth doesn't know.

- So you think that is it partially your fault?

- Not that I know.

I loved my wife very much.

There are many spouses innocents out there.

Nobody is perfect but one

marriage without forgiveness it always ends badly.

- Forgiveness.

you know the lord says that if we look at

another woman with desire in our heart,

so we committed adultery with her.

- Look, I certainly appreciate the finer attributes

of feminine neatness, but I never acted on it.

I think she simply decided

that she doesn't love me more and wanted to leave.

- And why not requested annulment?

- I had no reason.

I kept my vote.

In addition, David is also divorced, so,

even if she asked it wouldn't be enough.

He would never accept Church authority.

I'm sure that he would say he didn't have to.

- The more you tell about the situation,

but I doubt it will go ahead.

- Maybe, but what are you afraid of?

- I am not afraid.

I'm being prudent.

- No. You are being a coward.

- Stop this car.

Park.

Pull over now.

it was an idea idiot all the time.

- No!

It's the same thing what Jesus did for us.

Who else can we go to?

- I said I would help and I will.

Michael, I'm sorry.

All that wine and running gave me heartburn.

- The Pope has ajathu.

- What is that?

- A Sicilian heartburn.

- Oh, I get a lot of that in Rome.

- Hey, I know that one Dude, it's Gums and Roses.

- Me too. - Yes.

- Everything fine now you go to the bathroom

and I'll get an antacid.

- Yes Yes Yes Yes, yes, yes, bathroom.

Bathroom, oh

- Wow.

Jump straight inside.

bathroom, toilet, you stay there.

Step here.

Do you think I can impersonate a cowboy?

- No partner, you are all hats and no cattle.

- But I have sheep.

- That is true.

Here, try these.

You will be less visible.

♪ The guy ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like a ball and chain ♪

♪ Final penance pinned for winning the game ♪

♪ You don't volunteer ♪

♪ They all back off ♪

♪ Surprised your pontiff, you are a trap ♪

♪ Always be alone, but never alone ♪

♪ Can't go out to eat pizza or talking on the phone ♪

♪ So why is this boy feel you free ♪

♪ Maybe never come back to see what you see ♪

♪ The guy ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

♪ He thinks these clothes draw less attention ♪

♪ Hate to see what he thinks it's ridiculous ♪

♪ Full car ride of itinerant pilgrims ♪

♪ The smell of these sheep it's the smell of those humans ♪

♪ So now you is traveling incognito ♪

♪ In a Fiat Mary Blue 5-0-0 ♪

♪ Dude ♪

♪ The guy ♪

♪ You're the man ♪

♪ He's the man ♪

- Where is the fire in these wires?

♪ The guy ♪

- Oh, Gums is ready for a ride.

- The more the merrier. ♪ He's the man ♪

♪ All that chocolate cake ♪

♪ Had enough sugar to make you shake ♪

♪ The frosting of caramel turned out great ♪

♪ In all this chocolate cake ♪

♪ Well, all of mine uncles and aunts died ♪

♪ They all went to the other side ♪

♪ When they arrived to the pearly gates ♪

♪ Saint Peter gave them chocolate cake ♪

♪ All that chocolate cake ♪

♪ Had enough sugar to make you shake ♪

♪ The frosting of caramel turned out great ♪

- This way.

Cardinal.

This is Dimitri Leoni Dispuk Kamarazo.

We're stuck in a field on a farm with two peacocks.

- Those two dead batteries

is afraid of a couple of peacocks.

Where are peacocks in Ohio?

- Eminence, there are peacocks displaying

across Ohio, it's the breeding season.

- Dimitri.

- Yes, here, yes, Your Eminence.

- Dimitri!

- Tell him something smart.

- Dimitri!

- Here, it's Webus.

- Who? - The other brother.

- Webus, why you is in a field,

a farm in the middle out of nowhere with peacocks?

- We had to pee.

- Dimitri!

Dimitri.

- Yes Yes Yes.

- Drive among the birds and reach the Pope.

Dimitri, have you ever joked to capture the flag?

- Well, yes, last week.

- Well, that's capturing the Pope.

Now move.

- So why does the Church don't put all your weight

behind to become the illegal divorce?

- This is nonsense.

No country would approve of it.

- Well, not with that attitude.

- This is temporal, we are spiritual.

it's not ours work to do politics.

- Unless the storm is destroying the spiritual.

unless you show some courage, there won't be

no one to hide our priests in their basement

when the chase comes.

- You are being a little dramatic, don't you think?

- Well, just think about it.

- All right, I'll go.

Now, can we stop?

- All right, no more discussion.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I have to go again.

- Oh okay.

- Yes.

- We are almost there.

- Good.

- I'll be at the gift shop looking for a ball and chain.

- I'll be in the bathroom.

- Hello.

- Hello sir.

- I know this man.

- This is from.

Pope in the castle. - Pope in the castle.

Cardinal Cariott.

This is Dimitri Leoni Disputin Kamarazo.

- I know it's you, as we are?

- We just saw Pope, we are at Loveland Castle.

The Pope just to enter.

- Great.

Crush any resistance.

It is imperative that you lock the Pope in the dungeon.

all christianity is counting on you.

- Yes, Eminence.

- Let me know when you're successful.

- Yes, Your Eminence, let's go in now.

- Yes good.

- You go that way.

I go the other way.

- But the Pope was direct.

- This is very easy, it can be a trap.

- Oh, Dimitri, that's why that you are big brother.

- You know that we are on a mission

to actually save someone?

Actually two.

- We're on a mission to save all Christendom.

- Who told you that?

- Cardinal Cariott sent us.

You have to stay here dungeon and pray reparations,

a day for every priest bad in the last 100 years.

- He said that?

- Yes, your popality.

- Did you know that I am deadly allergic to mold?

- No.

- How long have you do you think i would live

get locked in a musty dungeon?

- A day for every priest bad in the last 100 years.

- Lower.

- Six months.

- Even lower.

- Six days?

- Perhaps.

And Cardinal Cariott put you in it?

- But he never said you would die.

That would be bad.

- My son, there are enemies out there

and within the Church.

This is one of those times.

When was the last time did you confess?

- Oh, I don't remember.

The last time that Mom made us go.

- You are a so bright boy.

Come, sit here

and tell me.

- Where is my brother?

- The Pope is hearing his confession.

- Well, I need to go in.

We have a mission.

- Oh yeah, well, me too.

You will not stop mine.

- But Cardinal Cariott says that we have to save the Church.

- The Church needs always renewing

and the Holy Spirit is taking care of it.

- OK.

- From now on, your name is no longer Webus.

It's Aloysius, his given name.

- Thanks.

I never liked Webus.

- No one liked Webus, everyone hated it.

Now you are ready to have fun?

- Oh yeah.

- Now play with me, huh?

- OK.

- Prepare? - Yes.

- You did what?

- Stay here.

- Now, hurry, go get your brother and bring him inside.

Yes.

- To sit.

I will ask you the same thing.

When was the last time did you confess?

- I do not remember.

- That's right, you don't remember.

Whisper in my ear what you want to confess.

- I like "Die" better Hard 2" than "Die Hard 1".

- Very good.

you have a firm purpose of making amends?

- Oh, yes, Your Holiness, yes.

- Then I absolve you of your sins.

In the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

- But Holiness, no should I do penance?

- Dimitri, your penance is to call Cardinal Cariott

and tell him you are all right here in the castle.

- See this.

This will be good.

Your Eminence, this is Dimitri Leoni Dispuk Kamarazo again.

- I know who is.

- I want to inform you that Pope is safe at Loveland Castle.

- Great.

you two win a golden star.

Now, be quiet, become scarce.

Do not call me.

If you have any problems,

I will deny all knowledge of your actions, capeesh?

- Yes, Eminence.

- Good.

- Excellent, excellent.

How do you feel about become my bodyguard?

- It would be an honor for Dimitri's life.

- Good.

- I love it when a plan works.

- I wonder which one name I choose.

Bartholomew. - Bartholomew.

- Oh, sir, birds of the same feather fly together.

Wow!

- One down and two to go.

Oh, and here they are.

These two gentlemen are my new bodyguards.

michael, where they can you wait for us?

- Hmm.

Well, if they like ice cream,

there's a Whippy Dip on the highway.

- Whippy sauce?

It doesn't matter.

you two brothers go down there and wait

for us and we will pick them up on the way back.

- What will we do did we come here?

- Yeah, let's do that.

I'm looking forward to meet these two.

- You and him?

- Yes my love.

- Oh my God.

I'm not worthy of you come under my roof.

- Just tell word and I will.

- Word?

David, is there anyone here to see you.

- Has the mail arrived?

- No, someone else showed up.

- Oh damn.

Are you kidding me?

A celebrity look-alike.

This is Michael's doing, isn't it?

- You know it can't be.

- Oh, otherwise.

Michael brought me here and he told me the whole story.

- He what? - He what?

- He took us all the way from Cleveland,

me and Michael, Spiro, Jesse and Gums and Roses.

And we had a few phone calls little along the way too.

- Now I'm sure that he is an imposter.

- I assure you that I am the Pope.

- I think he is.

- No way.

Why would the Pope come alone to Cincinnati?

actually how could he come alone?

He doesn't always have one entourage with him or something?

- Really, David. I'm the Pope.

Not illegitimate carborundum.

- Huh?

- Come back again?

- I'm still the Papa and not you.

- No, I'm not and neither do you.

I'm David.

I don't know who you are

a photo or resume or something like this.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm telling you the truth.

Michael kidnapped me and he brought me here today.

- That's really impossible.

- Oh, a Pope who likes Talking Heads.

- Michael died six months ago.

- Now I found him kneeling in front of our mailbox,

stalker to the end.

- no stalkers have candles and rosary

in your hands, David.

- So who took me?

- call your agent, ask him.

- Wait a minute.

I can prove that I'm telling the truth.

michael told me something that only a husband would know.

- How did you know that?

- Michael told me to that you believed.

- Okay, suppose you are the true Pope, why are you here?

- Why?

I am here for invite you to join the Church.

Wasn't that what you said it would be necessary?

- No.

- Yeah, don't lie to the Pope.

- Actually, I'm here to you too, my dear.

My predecessors did a great effort to invite

people who got divorced and remarried without annulment

return to Communion in certain circumstances.

Why do not you?

- I could not.

- Why?

- Why not no matter what they say

I knew it was wrong because We didn't get the annulment.

- Okay buddy, you it's out of here.

- David.

- Okay, fine, do what want with this imposter.

- Would you like me to? your confession, my dear?

- Yes I would.

- Oh my God.

Damn.

- Bless me, Father.

- Go on, my dear.

- I forgot.

- tell me your sins and we'll go from there.

- David.

Is there anything else you need to tell me about all this?

- No.

- Nothing since Michael died?

- No.

- You never told me how we managed to pay all the bills

and the mortgage and then go on vacation.

one day you were on a ledge

and in the other was whistling for Dixie.

He left me money, didn't he?

- Oh, he left us one. little, you little.

- How much?

- 1,200,000.

- $1,200,000.

- Actually, it was $ 1,206,856 to be exact,

more house next door.

- He owned the house beside with all the lights

and you didn't tell me.

- I was trying to protect you.

- Protect me?

Protect?

David Paul Sheba, I swear I will-

- Beth, Beth.

- At times like this, it's better to do something normal.

bad dinosaur, bad dinosaur.

Oh!

It's okay, yeah just his CPAP.

He has to clean up.

- What are you watching?

- "Godzilla."

-Bete.

Come on, it's fun, bring your mask.

- I've seen it, it's funny.

honey, how much how long will you stay?

- Now I'm a sweetheart.

- I better go.

- No, don't go, it's early.

- Yes, you two have some things to sort out.

- Thanks for coming, best prank of all time.

- David.

Is that more beer? Great, more beer.

- I never knew you could get them in cherry.

- This chocolate is money.

- Do you want a top dip?

- What is a top dip?

- What does he has.

soft ice cream, hard shell top.

I would start with the classic chocolate with vanilla.

- Oh, the Whippy Dip.

- Yes.

- I want chocolate on chocolate with sprinkles.

- Jessie, Gums.

- Yes, both of us. we will have the classic.

- Well, I will be.

- It's getting too much late to come back tonight

so you go though in cars.

Papa and I go for a run

fast in the morning before we go back.

- We do?

- Yes, we have.

- Are you the Archangel?

- No.

You don't see any wings, do you?

- No.

- I'm just an intern.

Second class.

I'm going there in the morning.

good you can find out what he

was doing there back in the trees.

So you knew what were those lights i saw?

No I did not.

I knew he was plotting something back there.

Oh, it just stays better and better.

the birthmark on my thigh.

Your what?

Michael told the Pope.

The Pope told me.

Even when he's dead, he is in our bed.

- How did I not know that you were so close

these last few months?

How could I let you die alone?

Michael, I thought you were gone.

- How do you know that won't save your spouse

with your unshakable example of faith, hope and love?

-Michael?

Michael.

♪ Thinking of your tender touch ♪

♪ Must have loved you too much ♪

♪ And I, carry on hoping that someday ♪

♪ You will walk the path that leads my way ♪

♪ You will walk the path that leads my way ♪

- Oh, magnificent.

michael, you built it for me.

Why do you love me so much?

I never felt more closer to you than now.

Michael, I'm sorry.

I am really sorry.

Beth?

- Amazing, isn't it?

- Statue, ah.

- It's always the men who resent her.

But women understand.

- Well I do not.

Then she had a child.

- I don't think I can. take this journey with me.

Michael didn't cheat on me, did he?

- No.

- So it was you, as he said.

He wouldn't lie for you, so

you came after me to get revenge.

- I came after you because I wanted you

more than anything in my life.

And don't rush about what I did.

You wanted to leave it.

- What?

- You turned so easily.

Do not blame me.

You got what you wanted.

- I want my soul back.

And I want a husband who also want your soul back.

- Honey, you don't is understanding this.

you want something that I never promised.

You changed, not me.

- So go.

- Look, Beth, me.

I'm not good at you you know, religious stuff.

Forgive me if I would do any thing to have you for me.

- Was wrong.

- He cracked the guy's code.

- The one where you lies and deceives men

who lie and cheat on their wives?

- It sounded better in my head.

- There's a fine line between love and hate

and now you are on the wrong side of it.

- What do you want?

- To keep your word.

The Pope came.

Oh my God, the damn papa came to our

house to offer you a personal invitation.

Get an annulment, marry me in church,

and don't be such an idiot.

- All good.

I am going to try.

- And there it is.

Finally.

I'm devastated,

like Jesus.

- love your enemies is never easy.

- They never went my enemies.

- I spy something blue.

- Ha, the panel.

- He got it in first try.

- Too bad it's not at night.

We could play padiddle. - Oh yeah.

- Poodle?

- Let's sing.

- Oh.

♪ Well, I went to Cincinnati and walked around the block ♪

♪ And I walked into a bakery ♪

♪ And I grabbed a donut hot in the fat ♪

♪ And I gave it to the baker a five cent coin ♪

♪ Well, he looked at the nickel and looked at me ♪

♪ And he said: Young man, it's easy to see ♪

♪ There was a hole in the nickel and it goes straight through ♪

♪ I said, There's a hole on your donut too ♪

♪ Thanks for a donut tap, tap ♪

- So where do they come from? the screw holes?

Donut holes.

- Daddy, it is enjoying the trip?

- Well, it was unbelievable.

And by that I mean no one will ever believe me.

- Do not even try.

- You know, I understand why Michael kidnapped me.

I don't understand what you are doing here.

- We need you to fix the ship.

- He wants call a council.

- Three months later and Are you asking me

do something that just happens every 300 years?

I will die before even finish.

- About?

About?

It's not over until let's say it's over!

- Well said.

- Oh, I can't lead something so big.

I would lose control.

And the Church, the Church it would be destroyed.

- Call him.

- You just had to ask.

- We have to go.

- I'll catch you when I get back.

- Hit me.

- Why?

- Just hit me.

- OK.

- Wow.

- He is well.

I hoped it was a dream, but clearly I'm awake.

- Well, you had a good nap.

from Chillicothe to Wooster.

Hey thanks.

two down, eight billion to go.

- Just doing my job.

Oh, and about Beth and David.

With enemies like you, who needs friends?

- Oh,

where am I going, no I will need this more.

- Dimitri, Aloysius, take my things.

- I carry.

- No, no, no, you it falls a lot, I carry it.

- I'm brother bigger, carries a hat.

- Ooh, camera, camera.

Here you take a picture.

America. - America.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm going over there you go this way.

- Why don't we go straight in?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

He is very easy, it could be a trap.

- Getting well, my brother.

- You did.

You miss me?

Sit, sit, sit, sit.

- Were you kidnapped?

- I know you would like to know where I was

and what I was doing, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,

but all i can really say is that all the

what i was doing it is under the seal of confession.

So, like you says I drank one

little wine to take to the Vatican?

Yes, Ohio wine is a very good wine, isn't it?

Oh, he knows.

And sometimes I feel like I'm the only cowboy in Ohio today.

Comedy is easy, dying is hard.

- Why the Church does not keep up with the times?

- Why do they want times with the Church?

- His Holiness, the what are you doing

about the scandals inside the Church?

- There will always be scandals in the Church.

The Institution is divine, but the people in it are not.

we must do everything we can

to heal the victims of our sins.

the real scandal is the hierarchy if

protecting while the sheep are slaughtered,

that's precisely why that the Church has real standards

to be judged objectively when we sin.

The devil, the devil loves become a priest, why?

Because he knows he can take so many others with him.

But there are hundreds and thousands of priests who

gave their lives for sheep and did not fall.

We should say thank you to them

every day, all time we see them.

- But what do you will you do it alone?

- Believe in our Lord Savior Jesus Christ.

Serve God in truth.

Pray and love each one how God loved us.

'Cause in the end, that's the only one thing a man can do.

And as the Church is always in need of renovation,

I will call the Third Vatican Council

to put the permanence of marriage

back in the center of our faith again

and declare war spiritual against divorce.

Other than that, nothing.

Thank you thank you for coming.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for coming.

- What he is doing calling a board?

he is just a temporary, a janitor.

- Don't worry, Cardinal.

This could fall into our hands.

- And how can that be, horn?

- If we could have sure he dies

while we are at the council, all

cardinals would already be in Rome for the vote.

- If, I do not like of that word, if.

- Pontiff Cariott.

- Yes, Holiness.

- I can speak?

- Oh.

Nice suits, matching.

Eyebrows too.

Holy Father, I'm so glad to see you home with

security, but you must us prepare for that kind of thing

in the future, so no we care so much.

- Very kind of you. express such sentiment, Cardinal.

would you like me to hear your confession now?

- But Holiness, I have nothing to confess.

- I see.

so are you prepared to go to

ends of the earth to proclaim the gospel?

- Certainly, Your Holiness.

- I have one new task for you

where can you put this commitment into practice.

- Yes.

- Now you are the Cardinal Archbishop in Sheberghen

in northern Afghanistan.

Well, the harvest is small, but workers are small.

- Afghanistan, the sandy, rocky?

Let's pray?

- Clear.

Lord let me sleep a little bit tonight.

- That's not a prayer.

- Well, of course it is.

- For other people.

- Then teach me.

- All good.

But once you know like, you have to lead.

- OK.

By the way,

happy birthday.

I promise that year Come on, I'll remember.

Want to play astronaut?

This is a small step for the man

one giant leap for the cursed man.

- Oh, you are so full Besides, he never said that.

- Of course.

See, he was late and he fell the first time and had

what to do again then we only saw the second take.

- We need one second take, not Neil.

- Okay, take two.

We are lost in space!

Wow. - Wow.

- Damn it!

- The stone soup is almost ready, Your Eminence.

We can play fish later if you like.

- Oh, shut up.

- Yes, Eminence.

Subtitles: joao garcia

♪ You ask me why i love you ♪

♪ Damned if I can tell you why i do ♪

♪ You put your smile on me and how you hold me ♪

♪ Mostly I just I love you because you are you ♪

♪ The sun on my face it's much hotter ♪

♪ The moon looks a lot bigger in my opinion ♪

♪ The stars are in mine eyes and are much brighter ♪

♪ All because I I love you like I love ♪

♪ Together or apart ♪

♪ You've always been in my heart ♪

♪ All I really I know you make me happy ♪

♪ So you ask me why i love you ♪

♪ Damned if I know why that but it's still true ♪

♪ Even God can don't have a better answer ♪

♪ Than mostly me I just love you because you are you ♪

♪ Mostly I just I love you because you are you ♪

♪ And I will always love you ♪

♪ Because you are you ♪