Original subtitles

[adult Adam] Back in the '80s, I wasn't exactly

the coolest kid on the block.

Oh, damn it!

But that didn't stop me from being a bona fide ladies' man,

from puppy love with Dana to nerd love with Jackie,

and, of course, high school love with Brea Bee.

But these days, it was real love with Carmen.

We were adults in an adult relationship,

and that meant one thing.

Sleepovers.

It was a brand-new chapter for me.

["Push It" playing]

Everything now somehow felt different.

Almost like I was floating.

Man, what a feeling.

The kind that left me with nothing to do

but bust a sweet little move.

Salt-N-Pepa's here?

You've only heard the song on the radio,

so, sure, we could be them.

♪ Push it good ♪

♪ Ah, push it ♪

♪ Push it real good ♪

[adult Adam] This was what that morning felt like,

a chance to let it all out and sing.

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ B-Baby, baby ♪

Oh, my, aren't you in a good mood.

I wish I had been there to share whatever made you this happy.

Glad you weren't!

[laughs]

[woman] ♪ Get up on this ♪

Look at him go.

♪ Get up on this ♪

[adult Adam] Yep, I was on top of the world.

And nothing could bring me down.

-Aw! -♪ Get up on this ♪

Adam! [laughs] I'll join you.

What? No!

Just let me have this moment alone with Salt-N-Pepa!

Uh, my two favorite spices

behind butter, cheese, and ketchup?

I don't think so.

♪ Ooh, Schmoopie Poopie ♪

♪ Ooh, Schmoopie Poopie ♪

♪ Give up a kiss ♪

-[laughs] -How did one of the best days of my life

turn out so badly?

You seem taller somehow.

My little baby's growing up.

Mmm!

[groans]

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting Clearer every day ♪

[adult Adam] It was football Sunday, 1980-something.

Barry and the JTP were watching their beloved Eagles.

Or, more specifically, they were watching them

on the stadium's jumbotron.

A giant TV in the stadium?

[chuckles] The future is here, boys.

If it wasn't for the guy who almost puked on my back,

I'd feel like I was in my own living room.

My favorite part is the Kiss Cam.

Philadelphians are not afraid to show their affection

for their team or each other.

You know what would be cute?

-A Baby Cam. -Oh, here we go.

Oh, you're a dad now?

Come on, like, a giant photo of Muriel with 10-foot dimples?

Tell me you wouldn't nom-nom that [bleep], holmes.

You can't make it cool just by saying it like that, bro.

[announcer] Okay, Philly, it's time to find

the biggest Eagles fans here!

-Places! -Get ready to be famous!

I've waited my whole lifetime for this, so, clearly,

I should have bigger goals.

[all] One, two, three!

-Eagles! -...fans out there.

Who could it be?

Eagles superfans, where you at?

"GALS"? What the hell?

Where are all the E's?

Matt was supposed to bring them.

Yeah, but when Matt couldn't make it,

Geoff was supposed to do it.

I brought the seat pads so that

we could sit on something soft and pillowy.

No one asked you to do that.

Oh, I'm sorry, now I'm the bad guy

because I care about my friends' bottom comfort?

Looks like we found our superfans!

My God.

Is that Matt Bradley?

[Geoff] Wait, so he's notat work?

And he's with other dudes?

Who aren't us.

I mean, that's... That's not us, right?

Stop waving like a buffoon.

It's clearly not us.

Well, I know. What if there's a delay?

There's no delay!

But there's clearly a traitor.

[adult Adam] While Matt couldn't hide,

my love for Carmen was out in the open.

Hello, beautiful sister and niece.

Hello, stylish refrigerator by Kenmore.

And hello, shiny bowl of apples.

May you fill my body with sweetness and fiber.

Stop. Muriel's little brain is a sponge,

and I don't want her soaking up your weirdness.

True love is like a puzzle within a mystery

tucked inside a hidden dimension.

People like yourself can't see it.

I know what love is.

-I'm a wife and a mother. -[doorbell rings]

Oh, sweet, naive, exhausted-looking Erica.

Those are job titles.

But one day, you'll feel what I feel.

Thanks, friend.

Here's one more thing for you to carry,

the knowledge that I've never been happier.

And this apple.

[door closes]

Balls!

What, your guy-who-still- lives-at-home bill

is higher than usual?

NYU wants my housing deposit.

Oh, don't worry, Mom will fork over the dough.

There'll be unsettling strings attached,

but she'll pay.

It's not that.

I've been so living in the blissful now

that I forgot about the painful after-now

when Carmen and I will be apart.

That just might be something you can't fix.

I can fix it.

What the hell, lady? Is that a kabob skewer?

I call it a Ka-Bev.

And I'm not here to startle, I'm here to help.

What's to help?

My relationship is gonna be over!

Just like it was with Brea, and Jackie, and Dana.

How have you had four solid girlfriends in the last decade?

My incredibly lopsided dating history

is not up for discussion!

Adam, ignore your romantically-challenged sister.

Again, I'm married.

[Muriel cries]

What if there was a way that Carmen was with you in New York next year,

while I was also sometimes nearby in a chic downtown loft?

Half of that, I love. Keep going.

You just have to confidently approach Carmen and say,

"Carmen, I want you with me in New York.

I love you, and you're coming."

Oh, so bold!

-Some would say aggressive. -Trust me.

New York is littered with '50s retro diners

looking for waitresses.

Why are you making so much sense right now?

Because you desperately want her to.

But the best part is,

you can finally get everything you want.

Everything iswhat I want.

Thanks, Mama.

-Ah! -[Adam and Beverly chuckle]

-Oh. -Why are you so desperate to keep Carmen around?

My tiny boy can't date New York City women.

They wear high heels in the boardroom andthe bedroom.

They really don't.

Always dressed in black,

with their bagels and progressive ideas

about how suburban moms shouldn't cut in the bathroom line at a Broadway show.

Okay, I think I got enough.

Good luck messing up Adam's love life.

Bye, crazy lady.

[adult Adam] While my mom tutored me on my love life,

Barry was ready to school Matt Bradley.

Men, I have called this emergency meeting of the JTP

because of the treacherous act that was committed against us.

All I ask is that we talk about this like adults.

-Of course. Hi-ya! -Ow!

I'm sorry, okay?

Friends from work asked if I wanted to go to the game

a couple weeks ago, and I wanted to mix it up.

Andy, bring in the holy text, the JTP charter.

[all] ♪ Omm ♪

Come on, man, we wrote that years ago.

Shh!

"We will neverhang with outside friends,

especially girls."

-Aw. -That's cute.

I'm married now.

And the punishment, you have to kiss a worm.

I'm not doing that.

Then you are officially kicked out of the Jenkintown Posse for life.

Turn in the Krazy Straw I issued you on day one.

-I don't have it on me. -[Barry] What do you mean?

Okay, I-I find it hard to believe

no one is speaking up right now,

so maybe Ishould.

-Please don't. -Take one for the team, man.

Last week, during our poker game,

Andy was at the movies with his fencing pals.

-Fencing pals? -Damn it!

[sighs] Yes, Barry, okay? I fence.

Like stolen goods?

Like the elegant sport with swords.

Well, well.

Look at my little Musketeer.

But I'm not the only one stepping out on you!

Naked Rob has got his nude beach buddies.

-What? -I met a like-minded group of guys last summer,

and we hang out a lot, unencumbered by clothes.

I, for one, don't have another friend group.

Finally. Thank you, Geoff.

Because Erica's my best friend.

-Ugh. -So lame.

Now I'm madder!

Barry, just because we have other friends who enrich our lives

doesn't mean the JTP isn't still the JTP.

-He's right. -We'll always be us.

What do we say, for the next Eagles game,

we go and tailgate together,

just the original crew, like old times?

Oh, we're gonna tailgate.

We're gonna tailgate in a way none of you will ever forget.

[cackling]

-He just walked into the furnace room. -[Barry] Ow!

[adult Adam] While Barry was off to hatch a secret plan,

I was ready to put all my cards on the table for Carmen.

There she is.

What Oh. [giggles]

What has gotten into you?

-Four Yoo-hoos and the perfect idea. -Tell me more.

Me, you, New York City.

Did you get Phantomtickets?

Next year, when I go off to NYU, you're coming with me, baby!

Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, I don't know.

I do. Jump on this rocket and ride it, baby!

My first concern is you're calling me "baby" a lot.

Second, my whole life is here.

My family, my home, my job.

Your job?

There's probably a million places in New York

where you can dress up and serve people.

They're probably not all eating establishments,

but we'll do our homework.

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God," you can't wait

for our exciting, new adventure together?

Here's an answer, baby. No.

What just happened?

I'll tell you what happened, Goldnerd.

God finally noticed you keep getting smoking-hot girlfriends

and decided to restore the natural order.

Yeah, when you punch above your weight,

eventually, you get knocked out.

Take it from someone who punches people all the time.

It just all made so much sense when my mom said it.

Your mom?

-Oh, no. -I know, I know.

But this time, it really felt like

she had my best interest at heart.

Ugh. Balls.

[adult Adam] Determined to teach the JTP a lesson,

Barry went to the wisest/nearest person he knew.

Babe, I need new friends.

Nice. You're finally open to the idea

of expanding your social circle. Love it.

Now, how does one make friends?

I guess you could make a list of the things you like

and find people who share those interests.

Like the Asian battle arts.

As a very early starting point that you ultimately realize

was a misstep, sure.

[sighs] Damn it.

That would never work.

My natural instincts would kick in,

and I would destroy any potential bestie

with my elbows and feet.

Here's an idea. Don't hurt anyone.

Or maybe this unnamed stranger would respect me more

because, despite all we share,

I wasn't afraid to pummel him to the edge of death.

I don't feel like I'm helping.

And yet, you have.

Here I go, off to brutalize my new best friends!

So Barry ventured out into the world

to find replacements for the JTP.

Ah, basketball.

The sport of friendship.

Swish, baby!

Okay, so my brother had his work cut out for him.

-Psst! Raj. -Shh!

I'm not giving you the answers.

The only answer I want is, yes, you'll be my best friend.

Oh, then it's a "no."

But we have everything in common!

We're both gonna be doctors.

I mean, you probably won't,

because your answers are super wrong.

I hate you so much.

[laughs] This fight is so us.

[adult Adam] Soon, Barry became so desperate,

he started to see the possibility of friendship

in the most unlikely places.

Hello, friend. Do you have a second to talk?

Friend, you say?

I got a lifetime.

Get on in here. Let's get messy.

Yep, Barry's friend hunt wasn't getting any easier.

Meanwhile, my mom was busy

entertaining pals at afternoon tea.

Isn't tea time nice?

And who doesn't love tiny sandwiches?

[chuckles] I feel like Andre the Giant.

Such a strong and impressive man

with many health issues.

The heart struggles to pump blood through a body that large.

So, is it just us and John today?

I'm afraid so.

-You. -What is it, Schmoo?

-You. -This happens a lot.

He gets so excited about how much he loves me,

he can't get the words out.

Every single relationship I've ever had, you've ruined!

-So, still just the three of us. -This is insane.

I've never overstepped in his romantic life.

Uh...

If anything, I've made his relationships better.

[higher-pitched] Uh...

Instead of yelling at me, he should be drowning me in kisses.

-[higher-pitched] Uh... -Alright.

Enough with the musical scale.

Just use your words.

Even as the most casual observer of young Adam's dating life,

you've been... How do I put this gently?

A love-squeezing anaconda

snuffing out his last breath of happiness?

I was in the area of a bulldozer of carnage

driven by Satan in a hard hat.

It's playful and evocative.

Well, aren't you both clever.

In fact, why don't you wrap up your [bleep] little sandwiches

and get the [bleep] out?

This can't be a surprise to you.

You have been despicable to Jackie and Dana

and, more recently, Brea Bee.

Don't you seem to have quite the instant recall

on Adam's former flames.

As the William Penn guidance counselor,

I find it essential to obsessively follow

the romantic comings and goings of every student.

So, that's actually far more disturbing

than Beverly's dumb thing.

Thank you, Ginzy.

And now, I am gonna go prove

that I made his relationships better.

I don't think that our plan to do this weekly is gonna stick.

And so my mom took a trip down memory lane

to interrogate each of my past loves.

Excuse me, anonymous coffee lady.

[gasps] Jackie! Is that you?

-Hello? -Is that Dana Caldwell?

Oh! What a crazy coincidence.

Brea Bee!

Let's cut to the chase.

How helpful was I in your relationship with my son?

On a scale of one to ten?

Definitely helpful in learning

what I would never tolerate again.

Does negative seven make sense?

Let me rephrase.

I made your relationship with my son better, right?

[laughing]

You're a funny lady, Mrs. G.

You seem to enjoy being an overbearing nightmare.

Do you know how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone

and there's this third person who's...

-Difficult. -Controlling.

Judgmental.

-Manipulative. -And terrifying.

Not having to deal with you has been truly incredible.

My God, Adam has terrible taste in women.

But maybe he was also right.

While my mom was floored by what my exes revealed,

Barry had hit a wall in his search for new friends.

Hey, babe. How was the friend hunt?

Really bad.

Who knew finding another person to immediately trust, respect,

-and connect with was so hard? -Maybe everyone?

Luckily, I found someone who'll always be there for me.

Oh, no. I'm out of butterscotch drizzlecorn!

What can'tgo wrong today?

Did you eat that whole tub?

I'm so alone.

That was full when I left this morning.

Why has God forsaken me with only good looks and intelligence?

That's like three gallons of sugar and salt.

I'll never make another friend again.

Stop!

You have more friends than you know.

Despite our great rapport,

my relationship with the annoyed woman

at Foot Locker was purely transactional.

Plus, it could never work.

I have a natural inclination to yell at referees.

No! Remember when you were secretly watching sports

and weirdly holding hands with Bill Lewis?

I have a rich and varied life filled with bizarre adventures.

And remember when Mrs. Kremp put you in the floral fridge

and now you have coffee sometimes?

Again, my exploits are renowned

for their offbeat and fantastical nature.

And don't you constantly go to Mr. Glascott

for advice so personal

that he cries and begs you to stop?

Yeah, but he's the neighborhood's guidance counselor.

He's not, mostly because that's not a thing.

He's just your friend.

I have friends?

I have friends.

I... have... friends!

Now you can relax and bring the JTP back into your life.

Or I have the perfect crew to throw in their dumb faces!

As Barry knew exactly what he had to do to punish the JTP,

my mom was ready to accept a punishment of her own.

Here's my letter of resignation.

I have clearly failed as a mother.

This shouldn't be at all unnecessarily dramatic.

As hard as it is for me to admit, I, uh...

I have interfered too much in your love life.

Gorgeous people make mistakes, too. I'm sorry.

It happened.

She admitted she was wrong.

[laughs] I finally won!

Yeah, I have a feeling this is gonna turn on you pretty quickly, buddy.

It's hard to say who revealed my short-comings first,

Dana, Jackie, or Brea.

Faster than I thought.

You talked to my ex-girlfriends?

How else was I going to determine whether or not

you were right about me overstepping into your love life

if I didn't interrogate your exes where they live and work?

You are unbelievable.

This will never be our dynamic.

You know, unless you try to pull away from me.

The point is, you're right.

I am the worst.

Damn straight!

I'll be in my room inhaling the scent of your toddler pajamas

until you're ready to speak to me again.

You're gonna be breathing in those R2-D2s

for a long time, lady.

Can you believe her?

The important thing is,

she admitted that this was all her fault.

I got some bad news for you. It isn't.

Don't get me wrong, Mom's nutso-butso,

but you're to blame.

Me?

But that's, like...me.

Despite your ample toy collection,

you're not a kid anymore.

You can't just do everything Mom says

and then blame her when it doesn't work out.

Mom is who she is.

You need to decide who you are

and then start taking some responsibility for it.

[adult Adam] It was the day of the big Eagles tailgate,

and it looked like Barry was a no-show.

At least, until this.

Uh, guys?

JTP, meet my new and primary friend group.

Your friend group has quite the age range, Bar.

For my real friends here,

age is just an extremely high number.

These old misfits and I share a history

that bonds us like no other.

Barry, I'm confused.

I thought you were taking me to an Eagles-themed gospel brunch

for my half-birthday.

Anyway, JTP, look out for our boundless affection

on the jumbotron.

Unlikely posse, let's go find our seats.

Flattered as I am, I don't know if I can commit

to a friend group.

I prefer to bask in the glow of one mon amiat a time.

And I've held my tongue long enough,

but I would never join a friend group that included Bill Lewis.

Oh, here we go.

Let the crazy lady say her crazy words.

The only thing crazy was the tilework you did

in my powder room.

I tried to talk you out of that faux limestone,

but someone puts way too much of a premium on slip-resistance.

Is it possible to start a correspondence friends group

where we all keep in touch by writing letters?

And I know it was you that complained

to the Homeowners' Association about my garden gnomes.

Also, FYI, I have a sourdough proofing at home.

Too bad! We're best friends,

which means we do everything together.

Now, shut up and gel.

I have to admit, I am starting to feel a real closeness.

See? Odd Mr. Glascott gets it.

The gnomes were creepy!

They're the small but jaunty guardians of my azaleas.

You have no whimsy, Virginia Kremp!

[gasps] Look at this give and take, JTP.

It's okay to feel jealous.

Let it all out.

Let out our confusion?

I'm jealous of anyone who understands what's going on.

-No whimsy! -[Virginia gasps]

Bill, no! We come and go as one!

I've stood by when people have called me

pinched, dull, and forgettable.

But "no whimsy"?

That is a bridge too far!

You too, Ginzy?

You're the glue!

Well, my sourdough awaits.

Fine!

Okay, JTP, you win.

It doesn't feel like anyone won whatever this was.

I just don't get it.

You guys have always been enough for me.

Why am I not enough for you?

You've got a girlfriend, man.

Do you have any idea how bad I want one of those?

I mean, I like my nude dudes,

but I was kinda hoping some ladies would join us.

And I don't talk about it much, but I get a lot of action.

But we're not going anywhere, Bar,

because we're more than friends.

We're family.

And we can never break apart, because we have you, Bar.

You're the glue that's held us together all these years.

So, I'm like the Ginzy of my new group, but of this group?

Yeah, sure, if you wanna put it like that.

Thanks, guys.

JTP for life!

[all] JTP for life!

As Barry got the win he wanted,

the only thing I wanted was not to lose Carmen.

Carmen, I'm sorry.

I got crazy with the possibility

of you coming to New York with me.

But I understand that you have a life here,

and you should do what's best for you.

Thank you.

I do have a life here, and it includes you.

I just don't know if it includes New York yet,

so let's just take it one day at a time.

For you, I'd do anything.

♪ I will follow you Will you follow me? ♪

♪ Just one single tear ♪

Relationships can be tricky,

whether they're new or the ones you've had forever.

[man] Cheers!

-Yeah! -Yeah!

[chattering indistinctly]

And when we occasionally fumble...

-Oh! [laughs] -Oh!

...it's great to have your squad there to pick you right back up.

But even when your team is the best,

sometimes you just have to take the ball

and run with it on your own.

♪ Follow me... ♪

[chuckles]

What was that for?

Just 'cause I love you.

♪ ...know will be ♪

♪ I will stay with you ♪

Because when we're surrounded

by the people who do nothing but love us,

we become a team that everyone can root for.

-Hi, Adam. -There he is.

[Jackie] The reason we're all here.

What is happening right now?

What's happening is I've made peace

with all your former sweeties.

Turns out, voicing all the horrible things

she did has, uh, cleared the air.

-The pushiness. -The overstepping.

The overwhelming torrent of guilt.

Okay, ladies, I think he gets it.

And now we're going to lunch.

-Uh... -You know what? I'm going, too.

Oh.

I have some things I'd love to say to you, as well, Beverly.

Ahhh!

Let's order wine.

That'll really open the floodgates, huh?

-[women chuckle] -Ah...

[groans]

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