Original subtitles

Disrobe, please, and put this gown on.

God, it's cold in here.

Now, fill this bottle.

I don't think I can fill the whole thing.

You certainly look like you can.

Oh. Thank you.

I'll do the best I can. God, it's cold in here.

I filled it up.

That's a good boy.

Thank you.

Well, hand me the bottle.

Could I hold on to it a little longer? It keeps my hands warm.

Hello. Hello, is this x-ray?

Step up here. Stand still.

Hold your breath. And you will not speak.

God, it's dark.

Well, you're lucky, 'cause I'm ugly.

Now, you will drink this down without stopping.

Ah! God! Are you sure this isn't the bottle I just filled?

No jokes, please. All right! Here we go.

I'm upside down! I'm turning upside down!

Ah, yeah. Don't be alarmed.

Now, I am just going to insert this tube.

Insert what tube? Don't insert... I don't... I can't see, it's dark.

Insert the tube where? Where? Ahhh!

That's where. Just let it fill your lower abdomen.

I can't hold it. I can't hold it.

Well, think of it as a contest.

I'm losing the contest. I can't hold it! I tell you, I can't hold it!

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Ohhh, schweinhund!

♪ Now, here's another♪ fine mess I'm into, honey

♪ A little bit sad and a little bit funny

♪ Sit and listen if you wanna know the score

♪ It's a story that you've probably heard before ♪

It's the same thing Ali MacGraw had in Love Story, isn't it?

No. See, what you have is a toxic blood disease.

If I remember correctly, Miss MacGraw had, uh, leukemia.

Yeah, but I wind up the same way.

Dead.

Now, I didn't say that, Mr. Lawson.

You didn't have to say it.

You don't have to be afraid to say it, Dr. Krugman.

You've had the biopsies,

you've had the blood tests,

you've had the spinal taps.

I've been to three doctors.

How long have I got?

It's really very difficult to say.

Try.

Well, you see, it's difficult to say because there's always

a chance that there's some doctor working somewhere, in some little lab

who may find a cure.

Look, I'm not talking about some miracle.

Now, barring some miracle,

I'm a big man.

I'm a strong guy. You know what I mean?

I can handle it. Now just tell me.

How long have I got?

I'd say you've got a year.

Ahhh! Oh, my God!

No! Oh, I can't believe it.

Oh, a year left.

I can't believe it.

Ahhh, ahhh!

Ahh, shit!

Oh, what's the shortest?

I've seen some of these cases go in three months.

Ohhh, shit.

I've got three months to live.

Well, you can say you've got three months to live

if you choose to look at this thing at,

well, it's most, most negative level.

Well, that's the way I choose to look at it.

At the most negative level!

That's where I'm the most comfortable!

The most negative level!

I don't even feel sick. I mean, I...

I feel sick, but I don't feel like I'm dying.

I mean, I feel lousy, but I don't feel like I'm dying. You know what I mean?

I mean, people kept telling me,

"Jesus, you're losing so much weight. You look great!"

"God, you look great! You're losing so much weight!"

I mean, I do look good.

Don't I look good?

You look good. You look very good.

I think you're going through a period of remission.

You know, people frequently

take on an almost glowing quality.

Just before they die.

You know, what I don't understand is,

why didn't you call your own doctor sooner?

I mean, surely you must have known that you were quite ill for some time.

I... I thought I'd discovered some new way of losing weight.

Throwing up.

Throwing, throwing up's no good. That's not good.

You can't keep that up.

It's going to get worse, isn't it?

Yeah. You see, unfortunately, as the disease progresses,

the pain increases.

I'm very curious. How do you feel right now?

Well, I don't have a headache today.

I didn't have one yesterday. I...

My stomach

is kind of bad on me. On a scale from one to ten, I'd say it's about a six.

You, you rate the pain?

That's interesting. That's really interesting.

You talk about pain.

We had a guy, came in this office.

A patient of mine, about two or three years ago.

Never mind.

Any, anyway, we have, ah...

We have wonderful drugs.

We really have miraculous drugs now for pain.

Really make you feel good.

What we're gonna do is, we're gonna give you bone marrow injections.

Perhaps tie off some veins, and maybe...

Maybe we'll remove your spleen.

No.

No!

No!

You're not gonna remove nothing.

I haven't had much dignity in my life.

But I'm gonna have some dignity in my death.

I'm not gonna tell anybody about this, see.

I'm not gonna tell my mother or my father.

I'm not gonna tell my little daughter, Julie.

Nobody's gonna know that I'm gonna die!

Nobody!

Damn it. Sorry.

You were saying.

You just gotta tell me one thing. I mean...

What's it gonna be like at the very end?

Oh, wow.

You're really not making it easy on me.

Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.

Okay.

All right, in the final stages you, of course, will be hospitalized.

You will experience a great deal of shortness of breath.

Severe cramps.

And, uh, a great deal of, uh, hemorrhaging. Great deal.

Mr. Lawson, you forgot to make another appointment.

Mr. Lawson.

Mr. Lawson?

♪ Here's another fine mess I'm into, honey

♪ They won't cut me loose, not for love nor money

♪ I'm a fighter but they've got me on the floor

♪ Don't believe I'm going to take this anymore

♪ Well, here's another fine mess I've stumbled into

♪ As sorry a state as I've ever been to

♪ Though it's difficult for some to understand

♪ I'm going to knuckle down and take it like a man

Pronounced dead by a rotten corporation.

♪ I'm going to knuckle down and take it like a man ♪

I can't see. I can't see.

I got something in my eye.

Yuck!

Hey.

What'd he die of?

What, are you crazy? Get outta here.

Sir?

Sir?

Ma'am?

What'd he die of?

You can have a little dignity.

I might have been a customer!

You're gonna be in about two seconds.

Oh, God. The corpse slammed against the door!

Excuse me, kid. Do you know where can, uh, talk to a priest?

I'm a priest.

Oh.

Really. I am.

No, I believe you. I think.

Says so on my driver's license.

Well, that's all right. It's just that you look so young.

Yeah. Yeah.

I made a decision to serve God right after I got out of high school.

Oh, that's nice.

You got the calling, huh?

Naw. It was more like a whisper.

Nothing like you see in the movies. I love movies.

That's very interesting. Very interesting.

Sir? Yeah.

If you'd like an older priest...

No, no, no, that's okay...

They call you Father, Fa... Uh... Father, what?

Benson. Father Benson.

I'd, uh... I'd like to make a confession.

Really? Yes.

Gee. I haven't heard many confessions.

As a matter of fact, you'd be about my first.

Your first? In the field, I mean. Yes.

You see, we used to practice on our friends back at the seminary.

They all had such crummy little sins.

Barely worth confessing.

Maybe you should have a priest with a little more experience.

What do you think?

Father O'Hara will be here this afternoon. He's old.

He's old.

Look, I don't know how to, how to put this. Uh...

This is gonna be my last confession.

No.

Yeah. You see, I'm dying.

No.

You mean like... In dead?

Like in dead. Yeah. Dying like in dead. Right.

Dying. Wow.

You know, a lot of people say that

Father O'Hara looks just like Barry Fitzgerald.

You know, kindly. Yeah.

A little twinkle in the eye.

I... I don't want to talk to Father O'Hara.

I want to talk to you.

Me? Yes.

See, I haven't got that much time.

And I gotta make my confession now. Okay?

Certainly.

Thank you.

And one other thing. I have a hard time calling you Father, Father.

Oh. Call me Dave, if it's more comfortable.

Dave. Dave.

Thanks. After you.

My son.

In.

Bless me, Dave, for I have sinned.

Dave?

Yes? I am still here.

I think I'd rather call you Father.

Fine.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

How long has it been since your last confession?

Uh... Last confession I made was, uh...

Twenty-two years ago.

Boy.

That's a long time. I was really hoping one of us would be good at this thing.

What?

I said that...

Why have you stayed away from God's house so long?

I don't know.

I just stopped going to church after I, uh...

I just sort of lost interest. I mean...

After I discovered fu... Uh, sex.

That's when we lose a lot of 'em.

I still believe in God.

Don't worry, we all lack faith sometimes.

Want me to tell you something?

Yeah.

Every day,

I have questioned if I made the right decision, becoming a priest.

You see...

Becoming a priest, that can keep a person from committing a sin. Sure.

But it can't keep a person from... From lusting after women,

craving alcohol, dreaming of screwing a business partner,

contemplating going out and...

This is my dime. Do you mind?

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Where was I?

Um... "Oh, bless me." That part.

Yeah. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Among my grievous sins, um...

Is jacking off still a sin?

I mean, uh...

Is that still your biggie?

No. It's mine.

Oh, I know.

I sell real estate.

That's a sin?

The way I sell it, it is.

Also...

Also, I...

Well, the whole time that I was married,

when I should've been... Being a good father to my daughter...

Well, I was out copulating around with other women.

You, um...

Committed adultery during your marriage?

Yes, I did.

About, um...

How many times?

Well, let's see. I was married eight years.

About 200 times.

Jesus Christ. Son of our Lord! Blessed member of the Holy Trinity.

Two hundred times? Wow!

All right!

How's it going?

Fine.

Uh, where do they, uh, keep the dying patients?

Everywhere.

I mean the, uh, the terminally ill ones, you know?

Do they keep 'em in a special place?

I don't know, man. I ain't no doctor.

I'm a singer. I just work here part time.

♪ You make me feel like dancin'

♪ Gonna dance the night away

♪ You make me feel like dancin'

♪ Gonna dance the night away

That's real nice. That's real nice.

But where do you keep the dying people? That I gotta know.

Why?

'Cause I'm dying myself. I'll be dead in a month.

Hey, man, don't touch the food.

Oh, sorry.

Look up on the third floor. I don't think any of those folks are leaving this place.

Least not through the front door.

Uh, thanks.

Can I use the stairs?

Yeah, man.

♪ You make me feel like dancin'

♪ Gonna dance the night away ♪

Dr. Cambert, report to Intensive care immediately.

Dr. Cambert, report to Intensive Care immediately.

What?

Dr. Cambert, never mind.

Oh, my God.

I'm not gonna end up like that.

Honey, you can't come down here.

No, I'm still in Intensive Care.

Well, I sneaked out to make this phone call to you. Yeah.

Well, I want you to talk some of that trash to me.

Excuse me. I got to make a very important call. Do you mind?

Buzz off, fella.

Yeah, honey. You know what I want. Yeah.

Yeah. Talk some of that lovely talk. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Now that... That's good stuff. Yeah, yeah.

I hate to be rude, but this really is important.

Will you kiss my ass!

Oh, not you, honey.

No. No. Oh, some guy.

Oh, no, that's it. Oh, don't make me breathe too heavy, now.

No, I don't get my pacemaker till tomorrow.

Yeah, honey. Yeah! What?

Oh, yeah. That's the good part. Yeah. What?

I'll call you back.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Darlene? Is Marty there?

Lunch? Hell, it's only 11:00.

Where's he having lunch at?

God damn, I don't give a crap what he said! Where's he having lunch at?

Darlene, I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours!

Now where's he having lunch?

Casa...

Marty, you're my best friend.

You're my lawyer, and you're Jewish. So you're used to pain.

I've gotta talk to somebody, so I'm gonna talk to you.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about dying.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever.

I know what dying means! But what's this got to do with you?

It's got everything to do with me! I'm gonna die!

My doctor told me.

Oh, a doctor. Oh, that's nothing.

They, they say anything just to keep you coming. Doesn't mean a thing.

No, no, Marty. Listen to me.

I've got a toxic blood disease. A toxic blood disease.

I've known it for three months now.

My chest aches, my stomach aches.

Everything aches. I'm nauseous. I'm nauseous all day long! And sick!

I'm your best friend. How come you didn't tell me?

I told you. I told you! Every time I'm in your office,

I throw up on your desk!

Was that you? Yes!

Marty?

I'm gonna kill myself.

What do you say, Sonny? Do you like the enchilada plate here? It's...

Did you hear what I said? I'm gonna kill myself!

I really am.

Sonny.

You're the sweetest guy I know.

I'm so sorry.

Forget it.

Forget it. It doesn't bother me.

That bothers me.

I'm sorry, Sonny. I'm... I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day.

Well, eat if you want to eat. Go ahead. No, that's all right.

If you can eat when I'm dying. I don't have to eat now.

Okay. I have a lot more time.

True. It's true.

Sonny, Jessie... Julie...

I will do anything I can for them.

What a guy. I appreciate it.

Sonny. Mmm-hmm.

It is a little morbid, but we are on the subject.

How... In what manner...

How do you... No, no. You mean to do it.

To do it. Yeah.

How, how, how... Yeah. Well, I think...

I think sleeping pills.

Ah.

Most painless, right?

I don't have any now.

But I can probably borrow some.

Um. Huh?

Good. Good.

Have you got any? No.

I have Sleep-eze.

Oh, that's... Can't OD on Sleep-eze.

No, I could, but it'd take 3,000.

Yeah.

Well...

I'm gonna go by and see Mary Ellen.

I'm gonna say goodbye to her.

But I'm not gonna tell her, you know, that...

Oh, no. I'm just gonna say good bye

and I'll be back to see you later, sometime.

Intelligent. Sensitive. It's what we expect of you.

You can't be dying, Sonny!

Don't tell me that! It can't be true!

Honey, you...

I'm sorry, baby.

I shouldn't have told you.

Sonny, not now.

Sonny!

This could be my last meal.

Sonny, not now!

Just making a little joke.

Well, it's a terrible one.

You're using your death.

Yeah. You're right.

I guess I was going for a pity fuck.

Sonny.

Oh, my sweet Sonny.

Stupid idea.

Oh, Sonny.

What can I do to make you feel better?

I didn't think you'd go for it.

Oh, Sonny, I'll do anything.

Oh.

No!

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

How was it in there?

Um, felt good.

Did you, uh...

Did you, uh...

No?

No.

There was a moment there, you know, when you kinda arched your back,

and you kinda let out a little sigh.

I thought maybe you reached an orgasm then.

No.

You know the moment I'm talking about?

You know, when you had your back arched, and you, and you...

Let out a little...

Sonny, I really don't want a blow-by-blow description of our lovemaking.

Takes everything out of it.

Yeah, course it does.

Maybe you reached a climax and didn't know it.

Now, that's possible.

No, it's not.

Did you at least like it?

Well, of course I liked it, Sonny!

I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it.

Yeah, that's the difference between you and me.

I've done it with people I didn't like.

I've done it with people that nobody liked.

Ohhh.

Oh, Mary Ellen. The least you could do for a dying man is come.

Oh, Sonny!

Well, you don't let go, Mary Ellen!

You just won't release. You told me that yourself.

Oh, please, Sonny! I mean, what can I do?

You can do what any decent woman would do. You could lie to me!

For goodness' sakes! I can't lie to you!

For goodness' sakes! That's why you love me.

That's the problem! That's always been the problem!

I love you more than you love me.

That's why you won't move out of this place!

That's why you won't move in with me.

That's why you won't come.

That's why you won't clean up this kitchen!

Sonny...

I don't know why you're doing this to me.

Why are you saying all these things that make me so unhappy?

Because I'm unhappy!

Seeing you is like... Being alone!

Well, then why do you keep coming here?

I tell you exactly how I feel.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Why do you keep coming here?

Oh, I gotta get out of here.

Where you going?

I gotta go see Julie before...

Before what?

Before she finds out what happened.

Well, now, I thought you told me you hadn't decided

if you were gonna tell Julie or not.

Look, I just had a very traumatic experience and want to talk to my daughter.

Do you mind? Okay. All right.

All right, don't get mad. It's just...

I just don't want you to do anything crazy.

Like what?

I don't know.

I just don't want you to hurt yourself.

Well, don't be silly. I'm not gonna hurt myself.

What, what are you talking about?

What'd you do with that gun I gave you last Christmas to protect yourself with...

Sonny! I'm just kidding.

You're not funny. Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Honey, I gotta change. Julie doesn't like to see me in ladies' clothes.

Sonny, I...

I hate to let you go.

Why?

Am I gonna see you back again here tonight?

Course.

Sonny?

You promise you're not gonna do anything to yourself?

Mary Ellen...

If was gonna kill myself,

don't you think I would've told you about it, so that you would have been

riddled with guilt and remorse?

That's true.

Sleeping pills!

Oh, Sonny, what do you need sleeping pills for?

If you just go on a good diet...

You know, give up the sugar, give up the caffeine.

Don't lecture me!

Don't lecture me from classes that I paid for.

All right. All right. I was just trying to help.

But you always relate everything to money, don't you?

A lesson I learned from your lawyer.

Oh, would you just get out?

I'm sorry.

I don't want to fight with you.

What?

I don't want to fight with you!

You don't? No.

What's the matter, Wendell?

I don't feel good.

Well, here. Why don't you try some of this? Should make you feel better.

Look, if you're really having trouble sleeping,

why don't you go and borrow a couple of pills from your folks?

They're hypochondriacs.

My folks are not hypochondriacs!

You always call them hypochondriacs!

They might have a couple of downers, though.

Sonny, why are you here?

I told you, I have something I have to discuss with Julie. It's very important.

Maybe could discuss it with you.

Will it depress me?

Well, God, hope so.

Well, then, would you save it till tomorrow, please? I've had a terrible day.

Julie woke up at 5:30 this morning

screaming that the shark was after her again.

I will never forgive you for taking her to see that movie.

You know she's afraid of the water, anyway.

I'm sorry, Jessie. I was just trying to please her.

She said she wanted to see the picture. I was trying to make her happy.

Sonny, she will say anything to look brave to you. You're so dumb.

I will not be called dumb by a woman that I support!

Shh. The maid is taking a nap.

I support the maid, too!

You wake up Maria, Sonny, I will...

We fired Maria!

This is another Maria!

Oh.

Julie's screaming woke her up at 5:30 this morning, too.

Then Maria started screaming because she thought it was the border patrol.

Oh, Jessie. You want to hear about heartache?

You want to hear about heartbreak, Jessie? Heartbreak!

Sonny, are you growing a beard?

I've been growing a beard for three months.

Why?

Because some mornings when I wake up,

I don't have the strength to shave.

Well, you ought to go to a barber. It looks awful.

You don't care about me. You don't care about me at all.

No, I don't care about you. Not since you walked out that door.

I didn't walk out the door. You threw me out the door.

With two hookers.

One little mistake!

One little mistake! And I've been paying for it for six years.

I've been apologizing for six years.

And I'll tell you something, Jessie.

Out of respect for you, the three of us never laid down on our bed.

That's my date. Now would you please just get out of here.

No.

Why don't you drop dead?

I'm working on it.

Oh! Buenas tardes. Mi amor.

Te ves hermosa. Uh-huh. Oh, oh, gracias.

Te ves divina, divina. Ah, merci.

Oh, merci! Oh.

Uh, uno momento. Si?

Uh, no prestes atencione a ese schmuck.

And you be civil, or I'll kill you.

Ah, I don't know how to tell you this. But...

I'm a dying man.

Senor, yo no hablo ingles.

Son of a gun. That's too bad.

Okay. Esta bien. Vamonos.

Jessie, I need to talk to you one momento.

Ah, let go of me.

I need to talk to you for a moment, please.

Ah, por favor, uh, eh, esperas en el auto?

Yeah, adioso. Okay?

S'il vous plait, uh... Yeah. Okay.

And fuck the Panama Canal.

Would you let go of me? Listen to me a second.

Now, where are you and Pancho going?

To Taco Bell and have a little cock fight?

You are a racist ass.

We are going to a French restaurant you wouldn't take me to,

and after that we are attending a seminar.

Oh, boring! Boring.

That may be to you, Sonny, but not to me.

I am trying to make my life better.

It may not work, but at least I'm trying.

Okay? Let go. Where did you meet this beaner?

Beaner? Beaner.

Yes. Well, I met this beaner in the English class that I teach.

Oh, how nice! This beaner happens to be the son of an arch...

The teacher's gonna take out the student.

A little tea and sympathy, and then have a little...

And you're also a sexist ass, too, right?

You look 10 years older than him!

You look like you're his chaperone!

How dare you say that!

You're going with a girl who probably still wears a retainer!

Let go of me! Will you listen to me?

I gotta talk to you for a minute!

If you don't let go of me and get out of my way, I'll give you a karate chop.

You wouldn't dare. Oh, you don't think so?

No! Oh!

Okay, Sonny.

Pull yourself together now.

Here we go.

You going to go?

Huh?

Of course you're not going to go.

The last time you got up was when your chair was on fire.

You don't have to yell. I'm not deaf.

Oh, hello, dear. Hi, Mom.

When're you gonna shave that thing off?

I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

I brought you some candy. Oh, thank you.

Hiya, Pop.

Hiya, Pop.

Who is it?

It's your only son.

Ah-ha! You never forget the holy water, do you?

You hungry?

Oh, I'm almost out of milk.

How's the art world?

What?

I said, how's the art world?

Boring. Boring.

What the hell else are you gonna do when you're past 70?

Sit around and watch your hands turn brown?

I hope you can stay.

We never talk.

I can only stay a minute, Mom.

Listen, I, uh...

l haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and I thought

maybe you could give me a couple of sleeping pills to take, huh?

Sleeping pills?

We don't have any sleeping pills, do we, Ben?

You know damn well we got enough sleeping pills in there

to put the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in a coma.

Go help yourself, Son.

Thank you, Pop.

Take what you need, but be careful how you use 'em.

I will! Don't take too many.

Ooh.

A nine.

Try those blue ones. They'll really put you in la-la land.

Wowee.

I should never have married an Irishman who drinks.

Try finding one who doesn't.

My God.

No wonder they could put up with each other all these years.

I don't like this guy's colors, Maureen. They're all the same.

All day I've been painting 11, and 11, and 11.

I'm sorry, Ben.

The store was all out of Sad Clowns.

The blue ones.

They really put you in la-la land.

...took place n South America in the rich wildlife area

along the Kanani River,

creating a vast man-made lake that flooded the wildlife range.

Pedro Travalle found this kinkajou swimming

over flooded treetops that were once its home.

Our orphaned baby otters would have starved

if we hadn't found them near their den.

I'll see you two later.

Goodbye, Pop. Bye-bye, my boy.

Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye, dear.

Sure you're not hungry? The meatloaf's great.

Well, I'll have to heat it up.

Oh, you'd have to heat it up. You think you can handle it, Maureen?

I didn't mean that. Ahhh...

That's all right I'm... I'm not hungry.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

I'm not paying all kinds of money for my daughter to learn this smut.

You're certainly not.

Her bill hasn't been paid in months.

Nice outfit for a striptease.

It's from the stage show.

Yeah, saw it. In the Navy.

Don't you think you ought to wear a coat over that thing?

Isn't it kind of cold?

It's 100 degrees out.

If there's anything I'd like to take off, it's this dumb hat.

What's the matter with that hat? It's cute.

Why do we have to put "Daddy's Girl" on it?

It makes me sound like a racehorse.

I'm not going to have my daughter wear a hat that says "Bitch" on it.

Dad, why'd you bring me here? I hate miniature golf.

You loved it the last time I brought you here.

That was six years ago.

The game hasn't changed that much.

Castles are bigger.

I've changed.

I know you've changed.

That's why I want to talk to you. Sit down.

Julie...

I want to talk to you about sex.

If you want to talk to me about sex, I know plenty.

Oh, you do? Like what?

Well, I'm at the top of my class in sex education.

I just got an A on my paper on menstruation.

How nice.

How can I put this delicately,

so you won't be suspicious of the opposite sex for the rest of your life?

You see, all boys and all men

are rotten filthy beasts who just want to get you in the sack

and jump your bones, and then dump on you.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Dad, why are you telling me all this now?

I'm gonna go away for a while.

Maybe for a long while.

Julie...

But I'm coming back.

I am coming back.

God damn it, why you gotta wear that stupid thing?

Why can't you wear a coat over it? It's obscene.

Take me home.

I'm sorry we had a fight.

Come here. Me, too.

Me, too.

Tell you what.

Let's us not be mad at each other.

Ever again.

About today, or anything in the future.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean in this old world that, sometimes,

things happen we don't understand. You know?

But years later when we think about them, they make sense.

Uh, I don't understand what you're trying to say.

That's good.

Goodbye, honey.

Dad?

Yeah?

Is this a business trip?

Yeah, it's a business trip.

Are you gonna take Mary Ellen with you?

No, I'm not.

Then who the hell's gonna take care of you?

Don't curse.

Wish I could go.

Damn it, don't say that.

Why?

Dad, what's wrong?

Where are you going?

Bakersfield.

Well, you sound funny.

Like you're going someplace awful.

You ever been to Bakersfield?

I know you haven't been feeling very well lately.

Oh.

You're going to the hospital, aren't you?

No, I'm not going to the hosp...

I'm not going in the hospital.

Swear to God?

Swear to God.

Cross your heart? I cross my heart.

Hope to die?

I hope to die.

I'm glad.

Ahhh.

I'll miss you, Julie.

I'll miss you more than anybody.

You'll see me when you get back.

Yeah.

I love you.

You better go now. Bye-bye.

I love you.

"Wendell Sonny Lawson.

"Love from Mother."

God, what an ass I had.

You know, if I'd have been four seconds faster in the 100-yard dash,

I'd have been All-American.

Memories!

Is this the coward's way out?

Of course, that's why I picked it.

Come on. Get on with it.

Here's a blue one.

Um...

God! Sour. Shit. Fuck!

Shit!

Oh, oh.

Um.

Ah. Ah.

He's damn near right. You can't take just one.

Um.

"Lonely? Depressed?

"Contemplating suicide?

"Don't do it. Dial 555-HELP."

Why not?

Um, 555,

H-E-L-P.

Hello. Hello?

Thank you for calling... Hello? Hello?

Ma'am? Listen, I... I... I'm...

I've done a terrible thing. I'm taking, uh...

I'm taking, uh, booze and, and downers,

and I'm...

It's a very dangerous thing to do because...

This is a recording.

Hello? Ma'am?

Hello?

Twat!

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.

God, what a mess.

Oh.

Look at all that color.

Looks like Walt Disney threw up.

No.

I never even had my own dog.

It ain't working yet.

Nothing's happening.

Hmm.

The note.

Oh, my God. I forgot the note.

Who do I write the note to?

Uh, Jessie.

Uh,

no, if I write it to Jessie,

Mary Ellen would be hurt.

If I write it to Mary Ellen,

then Jessie will be hurt.

No matter who I write it to, my mother will be hurt.

I could write it to my father.

He probably wouldn't read it.

Who do I know?

Who do I know that's mature enough to handle a suicide note?

"Dear Julie.

"I'm so sorry.

"Daddy is so,

"so sorry."

God damn son of a bitch.

Hi.

It's very interesting the way you woke up cursing.

A large percentage of attempted suicides

wake up with exclamations of hostility.

Where am I?

Ninety-two percent, of them ask that. You're in La Playa.

The nut house?

That's a cruel label.

We prefer "booby hatch."

You a doctor?

No. Me? No. I'm a patient.

Marlon Joseph Borunki. Paranoid schizophrenic.

Deep feelings of inferiority alternating with delusions of grandeur.

Hi. Hi.

Uh, Sonny Lawson. Real estate.

Uh-huh.

Wait a minute. Didn't you used to be on television selling land somewhere?

Yes, I used to watch you. Ah, Lake Crest Estates, right?

You didn't buy a lot there, did you? I swear to God there was a lake there,

I swear to God there was a lake there.

I don't buy land from television.

I'm crazy but, uh, I'm not that crazy, you know?

A real TV star.

How'd I get here?

I can't get over it.

Sonny Lawson. Haha! What?

How'd I get here?

Oh. Uh, they transferred you here last night from the hospital.

You tried to kill yourself, unsuccessfully, needless to add.

Oh, shit!

Then why did you say it, dummy?

Hey.

I'm writing a book on insanity.

You should always write about something you know. You know?

I'm calling it Fruitcakes I Have Known.

There's two whole chapters, by the way, on suicide, that would interest you.

Did you know, for instance, that 50% of all

female suicides have bleached hair and a hysterectomy scar?

You blue? Are you depressed?

Yeah.

I thought I'd wake up dead.

They had no right to stop me like that.

Ah, technically, they did. They did have a right.

It's against the law, you know, to kill yourself.

You're kidding. I wouldn't kid. Are you kidding?

No, you wouldn't kid. You wouldn't kid about that.

Why would you kid? Suicide's a serious thing.

Shit, no.

I never lied to you before, have I? No.

See? Actually, the laws vary from state to state.

But suicide is legislated against in most of them.

It's all in the appendix of my book.

Dumb law.

I agree with you. I think it is very presumptuous of them

to tell a person how they can die or even how they can live.

It's a dumb law.

It's a dumb law.

Sane people make a lot of crazy rules.

Do you like me?

Sure. Oh.

Well, I mean, I don't know you very well, but...

Ah, you know all there is to know.

Are you kidding? I'm very superficial.

You said it. I know I said it. Leave me alone!

Are you rooming here with me?

Me? Yeah?

No.

No.

Actually, I'm in the south wing.

Ta-da! The south wing.

That's where they keep the dangerous ones.

Are you dangerous?

No. Yes!

No. Don't listen to him. Actually, my father thought I was very dangerous.

Your father. Yeah.

And he put you here?

No. Kind of.

I strangled him.

You mean,

like that?

Ah, no. More like that.

I guess he was right about me being dangerous.

Yeah, a lot of doctors have different theories about why I did it.

Mother complex. Father complex. Feelings of inferiority.

Suppressed rage. But I, and I alone,

know the reason that I did it.

It was because...

He was so Polish.

Polish?

When I was a kid, I was tormented with Polish jokes.

Oh, you know, "Who was Poland's Man of the Year?"

"Nobody."

"How do you sing the Polish national anthem?"

"You don't sing it, you fart it."

"How do you tell a Polack's identification?"

"By the shit in his wallet."

Kids can be very cruel.

What kids? My father told me those.

He was always teasing me.

He was a big, loud, hairy,

sweaty Polack!

He was covered with sweat. Always.

The only man that I know who could sweat while he was swimming.

And I could never have friends over because

he challenged them to a nose-picking contest.

And he always won!

Got a minute?

Sure.

The last straw came when I finally brought home my g-g-g...

Girl. Uh, uh.

You know, before I took her out to dinner.

I knew I shouldn't done it. I shouldn't have done it!

Yeah, when we got there, he was just sitting down in his favorite

sweaty undershirt, drinking beer

eatin' chili with his fingers, and watching celebrity bowling.

At first he was nice, you know?

We were talkin' nice.

And then, oh! He was so stupid.

He said how he thought that Moby Dick was a venereal disease.

I told him, in a nice way, what a stupid idiot he was!

And then he told her that he thought

that she was wasting her time with a...

With a loser like me.

So, I put my hands around his 22-inch neck

and I strangled him!

Phew!

We never went out to dinner, needless to say, because I strangled him.

You say it like you're proud.

Well, you didn't have the courage to do it.

Stop it. No...

Oh.

I feel sick I feel sick!

When I was a little kid, my mother left us. She just left us.

I was a baby. She said, "Bye! Bye!"

I have always respected her for that.

Do you think this country will ever switch to the metric system?

I gotta pee.

A hundred percent of all new arrivals have to pee.

Don't get up. It's too soon.

Ta-da!

I can't pee in one of those things.

Do you want a bigger one?

No.

I'll get the nurse. No, no.

I can't pee with a nurse around.

Oh.

Oh.

Nine.

I can't pee with the door open.

You know, you got a lot of rules about peeing!

Yeah, I know.

Finished?

Get out of here.

Mr. Lawson? Yeah?

That's all right. What?

Having so many rules about peeing.

Thank you. You're welcome.

He pees a lot.

Damn it, there's nothing in there,

there's nothing in there to stick or shove or cut yourself.

There's nothin', no way you could kill yourself in there.

I know. They're very thorough.

That's so stupid.

There's no razors. Nothing.

There's new, new shatterproof glass,

and there's no mirrors. No mirror?

There's no mirror in here! There's no mirror! There's no mirror!

There's no place that you can look at yourself.

You can't, you... There's nothing that... To see yourself in.

How could they not have a mirror where you can look at yourself?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I wish you could hurt yourself

somehow, you know. Yeah.

What are you doing?

You're a...

You're a fighter. No.

You're cold? Oh.

You're hitting me.

Ah, you're holding your breath trying to suffocate!

No, no, don't do that. You know what happens?

You pass out, you breathe, and then you get a headache.

It doesn't work.

See? Oh, no. It doesn't work.

Aw, shoot.

Aw. All you got is a headache, right?

I got a headache! I know, I told you.

Oh, look, look. This is an electric bed.

You could stick your head right in there...

Wait a minute.

And crack it like a walnut. See?

Oh.

That would work. You're not so crazy.

Tut, tut, tut, Marlon.

Tut, tut, tut, Marlon.

You've been making up your own visiting hours again.

Get away from me with that thing!

You're to come with me, Mr. Lawson.

Just think of it as a Polish dinner jacket.

Oh, oh.

Don't, don't say Polish to him.

He's very sensitive about it. You shouldn't do that. Ah!

Ha! Gotcha. Ah! Ah!

Don't hurt me, James!

Get away from me, you little dwarf.

I usually escape every Wednesday and Friday, Mr. Lawson.

Sonny.

Uh. Sonny. He's my friend.

Wait a minute. He's my friend.

Wait a minute. He's my friend.

Wait. Wait. Yuck.

Home, James.

Watson.

Oh, Doctor, Sonny's gonna try it again.

He likes to get his way, you know.

Just set your mind at ease, Mrs. Lawson.

These rooms were designed to house attempted suicides.

The windows are barred.

There are no cords or sharp objects in the room.

There's constant surveillance.

There's no way he could possibly hurt himself in here.

I see.

Oh. Oh, shit.

The bed. Oh, my God!

Gentlemen!

Out with the old dangerous beds.

In with the new safe beds.

Out with the old dangerous beds.

Good to see you. Sonny, listen.

I know that you're suffering from depression as much as your illness.

Now, when your depression goes away...

Of course I'm depressed!

I'm gonna shrivel up and turn yellow.

Think the idea of looking like an old Jap makes me cheerful?

Just calm down, okay? It's all right. It's all right.

I don't want to calm down! What's he doing?

I don't want to calm down!

God knows I've only got a couple more days to live.

Oh, that's bullshit, too, Sonny. We spoke to your doctor.

He said you're not gonna die right away.

Sonny, why do you always have to rush everything?

I don't want to rush everything.

I think the courts may decide very soon

that I'm not rational enough to make any decisions.

And they'll assign some turkey like you to make them for me.

I don't think that's it.

I'm sorry. That's okay.

Sorry. Ah, it's okay.

I don't deserve to die, either.

I need to talk to you alone, Jessie.

Sonny, I don't think so.

Please, Jessie... Please. Please.

Uh... That's okay. That's okay.

Look, Sonny, I'll, uh...

I'll... I'll wait down here.

Listen, I'm your friend. I love you.

I'll do anything for you. I'll be your slave.

I'll... I'll get you girls. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, Jessie.

It's just... It's okay.

I just can't sign that release.

It's okay, Marty.

Just, uh, just wait down at the end of the hall.

And I love ya, Marty.

Down here? Okay.

Please, will you go in the room with me, Jess?

All right.

Oh, hi. Hi. How's... How's it going?

Hello. Good to see you, too. Wait a minute.

I want to get some more. Hey!

Hi. Hi. How's it going?

Get me outta here! I'm going wacko!

Sonny, I understand what you're going through.

You don't understand! You won't understand

until you've been pronounced dead!

Well, I'm trying to understand.

Well, you're doing a lousy job!

Sonny, I don't want to see you kill yourself.

It would be a burden I would carry for the rest of my life.

Don't you understand?

If I let you take your life,

it would make my life meaningless.

Tell me you understand that.

Jessie? What?

You're a selfish bitch.

Jessie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're just a wife. You're not a selfish bitch.

You are a sexist ass, right to the last.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to be nice.

Just trying to be nice, that's all.

Sonny. Sonny.

Forget it. We've forgotten how to be nice to each other.

Well, we should try harder.

We should try to be nice to each other.

Let's try to be nice to each other, okay?

Okay, okay. Sign me outta here.

Oh, Sonny.

Now, come on. I've had enough of this.

Now, okay. Maybe, maybe I ca... Can't imagine how you feel,

but can you imagine how I feel?

No.

Sonny, listen.

Suppose I wanted to kill myself, would you let me?

You mean if you were gonna die?

Yeah.

Of course I would.

You really would?

Well, you were in a lot of pain.

Aw, Sonny.

No.

No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't, Jessie, I wouldn't.

Oh, Sonny.

Aw, Sonny. Aw, Jessie.

People tend to coddle or cover up things

when someone they love is ill. Makes 'em feel better.

- Screw 'em. - Screw 'em.

Screw 'em.

One of the worst aspects of dying is that you're so alone.

Oh, God, you're so alone.

So alone.

People are unable or afraid to share your grief.

They'll never be able to imagine how alone you are, Doctor.

I don't have to imagine it.

I'm dying, too.

You're dying, too?

Yup.

The doctors told me I can go any time. Just like that.

Of course, they told me that about two years ago.

You seem so alive.

Strange, isn't it? I'm not always this robust.

Right now I seem to be in a period of total remission.

Even played tennis today.

Did you win?

No, I played shitty.

But then, I also played shitty when I was well.

What, uh, what's wrong with you?

Heart trouble. Lots and lots of heart trouble.

I'm not taking your, uh, therapy group.

Some people in my therapy group

are really close to kickin' the bucket.

You're gonna love 'em.

I'm committing suicide, remember?

You're sure having a hard time doing it.

That's because nobody'll leave me alone.

Either that, or you really don't want to do it.

I want to do it. I want to commit suicide.

I'm in love with the idea of killing myself.

When I think about killing myself, I get a hard-on.

I'm sure there's a part of you that thinks of it as a romantic notion.

But there's another part of you that feels guilty for taking your own life.

That's psychological bullshit.

I don't feel guilty about anything.

Then why did your suicide letter to your daughter begin with, uh, an apology?

"Dear Julie, Daddy is so sorry for what he's about to do."

Gimme that!

Son of a bitch! I'll punch you dead.

Aw, shit!

Feel better? No!

You don't play fair!

Stakes are high.

Life and death. Want to punch the scale?

Yeah! No!

Yeah.

Shit.

I mean, they...

They shoot horses when they're miserable, don't they?

Ow!

You see, I'm terrified of pain.

Pain hurts me.

Sonny, what makes you so convinced your death is gonna be painful?

Have you ever actually seen someone die?

Haircuts hurt me.

People should die at home.

Yeah? Well, that'd be kinda difficult with me. You see,

I mean, hustling from my house to my ex-wife's house

to my girlfriend's house...

Hell, I'd be dyin' in a taxi cab.

Are your parents alive, Sonny?

No.

Yeah. They're alive.

I guess that's called a Freudian slip, huh?

Either that or a boo-boo.

Why don't you come to at least one death therapy session?

Just sitting around talking to people like yourself

can make death less scary.

Maybe even meaningful.

I don't think so, Doc.

Okay. I'll let you out of here.

But want you to at least read a pamphlet, okay?

Okay.

♪ You are my sunshine Do, do, do, do, do ♪

Oh. Oh.

Oh, oh, boy, I'll tell you something.

You're the happiest son of a bitch I've ever seen.

Jumping up and down, and whistling like that.

I mean, I'm gonna die, you're gonna die,

and you're jumping up and down and whistling. I'm with you.

Really? Yeah.

That's a good decision, Sonny.

Now listen, you're a great salesman. Don't back out on me.

I'm not going anywhere.

Uh...

Doc?

What did you do to him?

I liked him.

Sonny.

Hiya, Sonny. Hi, Marlon.

Hi. Hi.

How did you escape?

Oh, oh. Yeah, I escaped.

How'd ya do it?

I forgot. Oh.

I always forget a lot of things as soon as I do them.

Yeah, well, you're lucky.

About what?

About forgetting.

I know.

There's a lot of crazy people around here.

Did you hear about what happened to me with the bed?

I heard about what happened to you with the bed.

It hurt my head, though.

You shouldn't have listened to me.

Out of the mouths of Polacks ofttimes comes caca.

Don't put yourself down for being Polish.

One of my favorite people is Polish.

Yeah, who? You.

Aw...

But it did hurt. Good.

No. Not good. I don't like pain.

I would like to find a way of doing myself in without hurting myself.

Oh, you don't want hurt.

You got a lot of rules about dying, too.

Yeah.

I always thought jumping out a window would be completely painless.

You know, until you landed. Then it would be very painful.

One thing about it, you couldn't change your mind once you started.

No. Geronimo! Boohoo!

Except all the windows around here got bars on 'em.

Yeah, they all have bars except the tower.

The tower? Hmm.

Where's the tower?

Here it is. The tower.

I love high places.

Yeah, I'm not crazy about 'em.

Well, it's got a ledge, huh?

Yeah. Just like in the movies.

Yeah. It'll give you some place to stand on and I can cheer you on.

Yeah.

Okay, Sonny. Jump.

Don't be so anxious! I'm sorry.

I thought that's what you really wanted.

Well, uh, I am... But... Uh, it just doesn't seem high enough.

Oh, sure it's high enough!

You sure? Oh, sure.

Only one way to find out.

Will you stop! Will you stop!

I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.

I just gotta work myself up to it gradually, ya know what I mean?

You know, you'll never get hurt if you crawl down.

Don't talk to me like that. I'm the one that's doing it.

Okay. I'm the one that's gotta do it.

Okay. All right.

You're very brave. I am brave.

Okay. I gotcha. All right.

Now listen. Let me take a look. Yeah.

Before I go. Okay? Okay.

It ain't high enough.

What're you talking about? Sure it's high.

It ain't high enough!

If I fall and I land on my feet,

I'll break my ankles and I'll have broken ankles and a toxic blood disease, both.

Oh, yeah. Hey, wait a minute!

Wait a minute! I've got an idea! What?

Drop you on your head!

No, you drop me on my head and you'll be a murderer.

Oh, my God, a murderer! Yeah.

What're you talkin' about, I'm already a murderer.

That's right. You are a murderer.

Are you sure you want to take that kind of responsibility? Huh?

Did you mean it when you said you liked me?

I like ya! I like ya!

Then I want to help my friend. Okay.

Pull me in. Okay.

Pull me in. Then can drop you on your head?

Yes! Oh, that's good.

Okay. Here you go.

Oh, this is going to be good.

Okay, now, let me get your feet. Okay.

Just, easy does it. Don't worry. Okay.

Now wait a minute. I gotta do this slow. Okay.

You know what I mean? I understand.

Don't... Let's not rush into this.

All right. I'm here. Okay?

I'll let you go whenever you tell me. Yeah.

I'm just gonna lean back and then I'll go, right?

Point your head down. Point my head down.

Yes. Yeah! Don't. Wait a minute.

Just gotta get ready. Here I go.

Okay, Okay.

All right.

Let me know when you're down!

Oh, my God.

No!

Shall I let you go? No!

Uh, oh! Wait a minute...

Why?

Because it ain't high enough!

Good for me!

It isn't high enough! Huh?

Pull me back. No.

Pull me back up! I don't think so.

God damn it, pull me back!

Okay! Okay.

Why did you pull me back? Why did you pull me back?

You said... I don't have enough courage!

I don't have enough guts! That's why you're here!

I can't do it by myself! I'd be dead now!

If you hadn't pulled me back, I'd be dead now and it'd be over!

I'm a failure. You said it. Shut up!

All right. Wait a minute. I got an idea.

Yeah. I got an idea.

Oh, please tell me what, anything. All right. I'll sit up here.

You get over there. Yeah. I get over there.

You get running like a bull.

I'll have my back to you. Push you!

You push me. I'll go.

Oh. What a good idea. Thanks so much. Huh? Okay.

Goodbye, Marlon. Goodbye. It's been a pleasure knowing you.

Okay. Okay.

You're my best friend. Sorry.

Yeah.

I'm ready any time you are, Sonny! I'm ready!

Wait a minute. I'm not ready.

Bless him, Father. He was a nice man. Will you come on?

Okay. On second thought...

You're right, Sonny! It's not high enough!

They mate for life, you know.

You're kidding. Oh, sure.

I wish I was dead.

Oh, and you would be, too, if it wasn't for my dumb ideas.

Oh, don't put yourself down, Marlon.

You're right.

Why waste time talking about a piece of shit like me?

Ooh! I almost forgot.

I got ya something. Oh, a present?

A present for you.

That's very nice, Marlon. You didn't need to do that.

Oh, I hope you like it.

Very sweet. Uh...

You like the color?

Yeah.

Hanging. Yeah.

And the beauty part is you don't have to do anything.

You just have to stand there. I'll do the rest.

I wonder if it hurts.

You see, hanging is very simple.

It's clean, it's neat, and it's very economical.

I mean you... You... You don't spend any money with the rope.

You see, it' s just the cost of the rope.

That's why these things become traditional.

But I wonder if it hurts.

Marlon. Marlon.

Shouldn't you have a horse?

What? Now wait a minute. It's very simple.

All right. What?

I just step out from under you and you'll be hung.

Don't... Don't ya understand?

What?

Yeah. You wanna horse. Is that what you said?

I said... Yes.

A horse?

A horse. A Polack. What's the difference?

It's the same thing. You wanna horse? You got a horse.

Okay. Just a minute now.

You'll be hung in a moment! Okay! Here you go!

Okay! Say goodbye to Marlon! So long!

Oh. How are you feeling?

Is that okay?

It hurts.

What? It really hurts.

You... You're resisting again. You know that?

You sound just like Donald Duck.

Wait a minute. You're hurting my neck.

Ah! Oh!

Wait a minute! Ow!

Don't ever do that to me again!

I was almost dead!

One more minute and I would've been dead!

Let go... Let go of me, you fool!

Don't do that! Don't ever stop like that.

When you got me like that, don't ever stop!

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

I don't think ya... I don't' think you understand.

I don't think you...

Understand.

I'm gonna have to do this thing myself.

Marlon?

What is it, Sonny?

Goodbye, Marlon. What?

Goodbye! No, wait a minute!

Wait for me!

I'm a failure.

You certainly are. But not for long!

That man's nuts. Grab 'em. Ooh!

Um!

Sonny! Wait for me!

Come back here!

I certainly hope my father likes it here.

Well, I'm sure he will.

He seems like a very nice man.

Keep your hands off of me, stubby!

Well, it sure seems nice here.

Are there many, uh, uh...

No, no, no. No, I would say merely mildly irrational.

I got one! I got one! I got one!

Uh... Mr. Petersen has one.

His expression.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Holy shit!

Hello!

Oh, no! Go away!

Get off! Off! Off! Off! Off!

Get off! I can't see! Oh, boy!

It's a challenge. Someone wants to play chicken.

Ha, ha, ha, hoo!

Pull over!

Guts is part of learning to drive!

Out of the way!

Oh, my goodness!

It's a ramp.

That was terrific!

Do it again. Bye, Marlon.

Oh! Sonny! Ah! Ah!

What's happening?

Oh! The Polish assassin has just escaped from that insane asylum!

He's very dangerous! He's a killer!

What'd he look like?

He's wearing white pants, white shirt, round face, bald.

Ohhh.

Free! The Polish prince is free!

Sweetheart, can I get you something?

You got any water?

Water. Uh...

Ohhh. A ten.

Mary Ellen, if you're gonna make glasses out of jelly jars,

can you at least take the jelly out first?

Never mind.

Honey...

You should be in a hospital, shouldn't you?

I'm not going to hospitals anymore.

I'm not going anywhere where they have any control over your life

or your death.

What're you looking for?

My clothes. Where are they?

Here're your clothes. I ironed 'em.

It's not my clothes I'm looking for and you know it.

I hid it!

You're never gonna find it.

You're not even warm. Ah-ha!

Exactly where I thought it would be, hidden under the cat crap.

I'm gonna call the police.

Don't touch that phone.

I'll shoot... Myself.

That's right, baby.

Put down that phone or I'll splatter my brains all over these walls.

Of course, on these walls, who would notice?

Sonny.

You drive me crazy!

You put a gun to your head. You drive me crazy!

Mary Ellen, will you stop?

You put that thing to your head... Come on, honey.

Help me off with my pants. You drive me crazy.

Help me off with my pants!

Sonny? Yes.

I feel that maybe, if I'd...

If I'd done something different,

I don't know... If I'd...

If I'd have loved you a little bit more...

Maybe you wouldn't be dying!

Maybe it's all my fault!

Maybe I caused it.

Oh, don't be silly, Mary Ellen.

You can't give somebody a blood disease. That's a gift from God.

If I could've just

loved you a little bit more.

Nah...

No, don't think you could've done anything, Mary Ellen.

Well, maybe if you'd just come one time.

No, actually, you did everything you could, Mary Ellen.

No. You did everything you could. I mean...

No, I didn't. You did, you did.

I got more out of the relationship than you did,

with all my bitchin' and moaning.

I got more out of the relationship 'cause I loved you.

I loved you completely.

And you never did really love me completely and...

And I was always fascinated by that.

Do you know what I mean? No.

It's like me, I mean, if you think about it.

I mean, think that's why I just kept, you know,

hanging on and hanging on.

Doesn't that sound like me?

Yeah. It does sound like you.

I'll tell you something else, Mary Ellen.

With all this shit,

all this shit,

you always turned me on. Always.

That's something, isn't it?

Yeah.

Well...

Doesn't that make you kinda...

Understand a...

A little bit better what I want to do? I mean...

Suicide?

I think I'm starting to understand.

I do.

Maybe it means I'm growing up.

I guess I've just been selfish,

wanting to keep you around a little bit longer.

Hell.

Sonny, you do what you have to do.

You mean I can do it?

I can kill myself?

Aw.

Oh, baby.

But if you really love me...

Oh...

Sonny, God, you drive me crazy!

Always picking on me! I can't do anything right.

I never can do anything right! I gotta go.

I can't let you go.

I gotta go. I gotta go off somewhere and swallow lead.

I have to tell you something first.

What? That you screwed some guy?

I don't care about that now. I got a date with a .38.

Who was he? Was it that guy on the...

Oh, my God, don't tell me.

No, no. It's nothing like that.

I have to tell you...

The gun isn't loaded.

What?

I took all the bullets out of it when you gave it to me because

I thought somebody was going to hurt themselves.

Well, that was a stupid thing to do.

You know I know how to handle a gun!

Ohh!

Shh.

Well, I thought I unloaded it.

God damn, everything you do is half-assed.

Oh, Sonny, will you get out of my house?

Just get out of my house!

I'm glad I didn't kill myself here.

It'd take six months to find the body!

He missed,

the chicken-shit.

Sonny! Where're you going? Wait!

Ooh!

Ah! You dirty ra... Oh!

You! I hope your nuts rust!

♪ And now

♪ The end is near

♪ And so I face

♪ The final curtain

♪ My friend

♪ I'll say it clear

♪ I'll state my case

♪ Of which I'm certain

♪ I've lived

♪ A life that's full

♪ I've traveled each and every highway

♪ And more

♪ Much more than this

♪ I did it my way

♪ For what is a man

♪ What has he got

♪ If not himself

♪ Then he has naught

♪ To say the things

♪ He truly feels

♪ And not the words

♪ Of one who kneels

♪ The record shows

♪ I took the blows

♪ And did it my way ♪

Here I come, Lord!

Why'd Daddy do it?

Julie, shh, Daddy's gone now.

But he promised me he was coming back.

You promised, Dad. I hate you for this!

I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Oh.

I wanna live!

I wanna live!

Huh!

Oh.

I can never make it.

Help me, Lord.

Please.

I promise not to try and kill myself anymore.

Save me and I swear I'll be a better father.

I'll be a better man.

I'll be a better everything.

All I ask is,

make me a better swimmer!

Oh, God.

I can't do this to Julie.

We can't do this to Julie.

Oh, God.

Let me live and I promise to obey

every one of the 10 commandments.

I shall not kill.

I shall not commit adultery.

I shall not...

I'll learn the 10 commandments!

And then...

I'll obey every fucking one of 'em!

Just get me back to the beach!

I'll be honest in business!

I promise not to sell lakeside lots

unless there's a lake around!

I wanna see another sunrise!

I wanna see another sunset!

It was a mistake, God.

I never really wanted to kill myself,

I just wanted to get your attention!

Help me make it!

I'll give ya 50% of everything I make!

Fifty percent, God!

I want to point out that nobody gives 50%.

I'm talking gross, God!

I think I'm gonna make it!

You won't regret this, Lord!

I'll obey every commandment!

I'll see my parents more often!

No more cheating in business,

once I get rid of those nine acres in the desert.

And I'm gonna start

donating that 10% right away!

I know said 50%, Lord,

but 10% to start!

If you don't want your 10%,

then don't take it!

I know it was you that saved me!

But it was also you that made me sick!

No! Oh, no!

Goddamn!

No! Don't shoot me!

Please, I want... I don't wanna die!

Ah! Oh, no!

Oh, God!

You missed him, putz!

Will you stop it?

Hold still!

Goddamn you, Marlon! Don't shoot me!

It's empty!

You silly son of a bitch!

What's the matter? You could've killed me!

I know! You could've shot me!

Yes! You fat,

round Polack!

Oh, Sonny, you're the...

You're so mean!

You son of a gun! You're so...

You fink!

I'm trying to help you and all you do is yell at me foul names!

Up yours! I'm not mad anymore!

I had a flat tire. Gee, it was hard to find you!

Did you have a nice swim? You know what?

I missed you! And I'm so sorry...

Wait! Sonny, wait!

I don't want to die!

Do you understand me? You gotta stop trying to kill me!

Do you understand me?

I understand.

I don't think you do! I do.

The doctor was right about me!

That's why I couldn't do it!

'Cause I really don't wanna die!

But what about your fears and your pain?

I promised to help you end all that.

Will you forget about that?

I don't think it's in your best interest.

I don't care what you think!

You don't like me anymore.

I like you, Marlon.

I like you. I really do. You do?

I do.

But you gotta understand.

Tell me you understand.

I understand.

I love you, Sonny.

I really do. I love you, too, Marlon.

I love you, Sonny.

I love you, too, Marlon.

Surprise!

Help! God!

Make me a better runner!

Wait for my knife.

Fifty percent, God!

Remember when I said 50%?

I'll give you 80, God. I'll give you 80%!

Gross! Eighty percent gross!

♪ Here's another fine mess I'm into, honey

♪ They won't cut me loose Not for love nor money

♪ I'm a fighter but they've got me on the floor

♪ Don't believe I'm gonna take this anymore

♪ Here's another fine mess I've stumbled into

♪ As sorry a state as I've ever been to

♪ Though it's difficult for some to understand

♪ I'm gonna knuckle down and take it like a man

♪ Wave goodbye

♪ Don't try to talk What's there to say?

♪ The words are unimportant

♪ It's the feelings we remember anyway

♪ Just wave goodbye

♪ Don't make a scene Just let it go

♪ Don't smuggle love and glory Put an ending to our story

♪ We're riding for that final roundup

♪ So this is where the oak trail wound up

♪ Here's another fine mess And not my choosin'

♪ We loved for a while You can't call that losin'

♪ If I knew our love was gonna end this way

♪ Why, I'd relive it and I wouldn't change a day

♪ Now here's another fine mess ♪