Original subtitles

♪

[ Clatter ]

♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Clatter intensifies ]

Whoa! Uh, h-hey Jeff.

Martin, hey, come on in.

Just caught me in the middle of something.

I actually started putting together a handout

I'm planning to share with some of the people

here in the colony.

You're welcome to take a few.

Something to drink?

Uh, no, thanks Jeff.

So, I see you're pretty busy here,

but I actually have a proposal for you.

Uh, a job.

A job?

Yeah, yeah, we had an opening down in logistics, and, well,

I thought you'd be perfect for it.

Oh, yeah. I just, uh--

I'm just thinking about how that might slot in.

Now, are we talking about full-time here, or just...?

Jesus Christ, Jeff. What is that?

Oh, that's, ah, "Jeff's Village."

If you look closely, you'll see that each terrarium

is its own little ecosystem!

[ Insect buzzing ]

Ah, Jeff. Fuck.

I've just been so alone.

Well, at least you didn't get into the labels again, right?

Totally, yeah. Of course not.

♪

You know, as important as my projects and research have been,

this is actually a good time for me to press pause.

Get a change of perspective, maybe a hair more structure.

And frankly, you never know where inspiration might strike.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of inspiration down here.

Sluggo's full of inspiration.

So, "Sluggo", that's an interesting name.

I'm not sure I've heard it around these parts.

Jeff, meet Sluggo Buchinsky.

You're his assistant.

Alright, you two morons take it from here.

Hello, Mr. Buchinsky.

It's a real pleasure to make your acquaintance--

Shh. Quiet!

[ Distorted upbeat music plays ]

[ Sluggo laughing ]

Okay, yeah.

'Nuf fun.

Suit up.

♪

We pat this 'ere, before we go out there.

Is fer luck.

'N ya need luck out there.

Pat. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

♪

[ Wind whistling ]

♪

Wow...

this is it.

Houston, we have a...

opposite of a problem.

'Nuf pissin'.

Let's get to work.

We movin' this pile from here...

to there.

Okay, I think I got that, and, well,

forgive me if I'm overreaching here,

but did Martin give you a sense of why we're doing this?

From here to there. Ya got me?

From here.

To there.

Right.

♪

Guess I won't be engaging certain faculties

on this go-round.

But nothing wrong with that.

Good to give the old noggin a rest from time to time.

Never know when you'll have to be ready to leap back into...

...action.

Uh, [Clears throat] Mr. Buchinsky?

A robot banana cart just exited the colony

and went into a restricted cave.

Not our job.

Right. Yeah.

Well, it's just that, what if there's, uh...

some kind of glitch and there's a bunch of food

getting wasted and, uh-- hoo!

[ Exhales ]

Understood, sir.

Loud and clear.

Hey, Sluggo.

Howdy, Crystal.

And you're Jeff?

Yep. The new guy.

Just, uh, helping Mr. Buchinsky

here do what he does best.

Right, Mr. Buchinsky? [ Chuckles ]

[ Coughs ]

Okay.

Just gonna grab a quick baseline to start.

And then we'll take a look at your skin.

Any weird health things or ongoing issues?

Um, well, I guess my mouth has been a little dry lately?

Uh, probably just need more water.

I try to be a three-liters-a-day guy and, uh...

y'know, I used to drink a lot of milk, too.

I guess, I dunno, maybe all kids do.

Though I did have a friend who only drank goat milk.

His mother was, y'know, very old-- older woman.

[ Door slams ]

Night, Crystal. Night, Jeff.

Oh, and, uh, a couple weeks ago, I died.

Was that you?

I heard about that!

That was some really sick shit.

They totally forgot about you, and you were stuck

in a tank choking on your own feces.

I mean, what did that feel like?

Well, I, uh... [ Chuckles ]

I wouldn't know. I was asleep.

Er, yeah, dead, actually.

Well, glad you're okay.

See you in a week to check how you're doing.

Great. Yeah.

I will see you later...

doctor.

[ Distorted upbeat music plays ]

♪

[ Alarm beeping ]

[ Beeping stops ]

♪ Well, I been workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Whew! About to slip down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mind ♪

♪ Whew! About to slip down ♪

♪ Five o'clock in the morning ♪

♪ I'm up before the sun ♪

Goddamn it!

♪ I'm too tired for havin' fun ♪

♪ I been workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mine, whew! ♪

Hmm...

E-Everything okay back there?

Just the handheld scanner's a little finicky.

You know, I think I'm gonna need to do some more

in-depth tests later this week.

Maybe you could come down to the lab some evening?

Or we could even do it at one of our places.

Sure! Yeah. I, uh...

I mean, of course I'll have to check my calendar, but, uh...

no, that sounds good, and, uh...

I'll be in touch.

♪

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

"My place"? [ Chuckles ]

♪

Oh, no. No, no, no!

♪

Shit, shit, shit.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh!

Oh, oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God!

Okay. It's okay. We can do this.

Crystal: Hey! Sorry I'm late.

Some of the larvae have been pupating,

and it's just a really exciting moment.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Yeah, no, I haven't been here long at all.

You going in?

After you, doctor.

♪

Cool place.

Don't you have the exact same one, Jeff?

Right, but yeah, mine's-- it's-- it's on the other side,

so it's kind of a very similar but just, uh--

Jeff, do you have something in your pocket?

Yeah.

What is it?

It's-- It's a funny story, but, um...

♪

So you really thought it was a good idea

to come over here with your finger in your pocket?

Well, it wasn't in my pocket when I left.

But yeah.

And as far as I can see,

the cold air completely cauterized the wound.

Now you just gotta make friends

with the guys down in cybernetics.

Whoa.

A couple of months ago, some idiot

stole all the labels from the lab,

so our stuff got all mixed up, acid spilled all over my thumb,

and anyway, it was pretty bad.

That's terrible.

So, no idea who took those labels, huh?

Eh, it's okay.

Felt strange for like a week, but now I don't even notice it.

Plus...

Can't draw Sir Spidington with a regular thumb, can you?

That's pretty good.

All right, all right.

Where were we before you started falling apart?

[ Whirring ]

You know what? Screw the tests.

You thirsty?

I mean, of course I believe in nature, biology,

evolutionary game theory.

You know, material reality.

But then at the same time, my job is deconstructing

everything under microscopes all day.

And you see enough endlessly algorithmically perfect fractals

and suddenly it's like, maybe we are just bopping around

in some weird Christian video game.

And, like, Jesus was actually just one of the programmers

who made an avatar of himself so he could enter the game

and warn us that if we don't follow the rules,

our code-souls would get trapped

in an infinite loop of torture, i.e. Hell.

And my ex was like, "You can't believe both of those things."

I don't know why it bothers me.

He probably was just trying to piss me off.

Okay, don't make me shit-talk alone.

Let's hear about yours.

She's in brand partnerships but also very interested

in social media...

and wellness, I guess.

I-I don't know.

Yeah, I'd say we could lose just about every one of those people

and things would keep humming along just fine.

But you-- without guys like you,

this place falls apart overnight.

I mean, I move rocks.

I wish I could say I chose it, but the truth is, it chose me.

Maybe sometime I can come watch you and Sluggo

move some of those rocks.

Whoa, whoa, you come to the rock pile, you gotta haul, baby!

[ Both laugh ]

You know...

You're fresh out of a relationship.

I'm fresh out of a relationship.

What if we...

just used each other for a rebound?

♪

[ Yawns ]

♪

Shit!

God damn it.

What is it with these banana carts?

Mr. Buchinsky, sorry-- I'm-- late.

It's just, I saw another one of those banana carts and--

oh!

Martin was down here earlier.

Made me look bad, my assistant not being present.

Anyhow, get yer gear together.

We on rat-walk.

[ Screeching ]

♪

[ Screeching ]

[ Vacuum whirs ]

♪

♪ The birds are sweetly singing, the sun is shining bright ♪

♪ But in our place of torment, it is as black as night ♪

♪ Our lamps, they burn a-dimly, our food is nearly gone ♪

♪ Death wraps his cloak around, so we'll be carried home ♪

[ Rats screeching ]

♪

Aww. Hey there, little fella.

You're not a rat.

Don't worry, buddy.

I won't let 'em turn you into hog-chow

with the rest of these dirty ol' things.

Oh, you're a smart little guy, aren't you?

Look at you. I think I'm gonna call you...

Socrates.

Jeff! Why you just let one go?

Oh, yeah sorry, Mr. Buchinsky, but sir,

that wasn't actually a-a rat--

oh!

[ Electronic dance music playing ]

[ People laughing ]

Hey, 'scuse me? 'Scuse me.

Hey, can I get a refill on the Prosecco?

Hey, you know what, let me get a round for the table.

This stuff is juicy good.

Fuckin' Ted.

Aah! Ow! Ow! [ Rats squeaking ]

Aaaah!

Ow! Ow!

Teeeeeeeeed!

♪

Stomp 'em! C'mon! Don't just sit there.

[ Squelching, rats screeching ]

♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

♪

[ Romantic music plays ]

[ Knock on door ]

Oh. Jeff.

No.

You look like you could use a Malbec.

Jeff, what is this?

A full-bodied red-- notes of dark fruit.

Slightly smoky finish. This isn't a date.

I'm here to actually run tests.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

Ready when you are, doc.

Look, we both needed a rebound, and we had one.

And now that's over. Like we discussed.

Right, no, yeah.

Totally. Let's, uh...

Let's do the tests.

[ Whirring ] [ Clears throat ]

So, random question-- have you ever seen "Casablanca"?

[ Sighs ] [ Music shuts off ]

Jeff, last night, when we,

you know, processed our break-ups,

I chose to be honest with you,

and I think I owe that to you now, as well.

I don't have room for a relationship.

I only have room for work.

So, as I said before, this...?

Is not happening. Okay?

No, I-I-I know that.

Why would you think I-I didn't know that?

Your outfit. The wine?

Yeah, well, this is how I dress, and this is what I drink.

So deal with it.

I mean, I'm actually annoyed we aren't working more.

Y'know, more tests, alright?

That's what I want! Thank you!

Okay. As long as you understand my position.

[ Whirring ]

[ Soft piano music plays ]

♪

[ Birds chirping, waves crashing ]

♪

[ Music, atmospheric sounds continue on radio ]

[ Cellphone honks ]

Jaaaaax. What up?

Just seeing if you wanted to swing by

for a little boys' night.

Why're'nt we being hanging out more?

Dude, I-- we should totally hit up the gym tomorrow.

I mean, get shredded.

Just shred, shred, shr--

[ Glass shatters ] Oh, man.

Oh, boy.

Oh. [Chuckles] Okay.

Anyways, I love you, bro.

I said it, I believe it.

You're fucking cool.

Straight up. Okay.

Oh, shit.

My man, somebody's ready to party.

Jax!

Jax: [ Sighs ] Let me guess--

Miss Brainiac had a change of heart.

Her? Ah, sh...

Maybe. I don't-- I mean, who even fucking cares?

That's my take on it 'cause-- [Shudders]

She used me, man.

[ Sighs ] Of course she did.

She's a scientist.

The world's their petri dish, and we're the lab rats.

Here.

Eat this whole thing, then it's lights out.

And with the colony's anniversary

right around the corner, you know we're going to

celebrate in style-- Mars style.

Get all that broth down, too.

Folks, we're trying something really crazy this year.

Not only will Falco be making his first public appearance

since returning from the

Democratic Republic of the Congo,

but we've been brainstorming, and, well,

he came up with something so far outside the box,

it's literally on another planet.

The entire Marsiversary event is going to be designed

on Mars.

We've got world-renowned graphic designer,

Midori Yamamoto, on her way there as we speak.

We're just so excited to finally have some creative

graphic-design talent on Mars.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh, yeah, sure, Crystal, a little "no strings attached"

sexual one-off, right.

Except for the part where you told me about the summer

you spent, the magical summer in South Carolina,

and you spooned me half the night!

Yeah, "caj," Crystal.

Real "caj."

And, Martin, ohh, thank you so much for the job.

Fucking around with rocks and rats

and some weird little punching man!

And sure, why don't we fly up

a new graphic designer while we're at it.

[ Whirring ]

Fuck!

[ Jeff grunts ]

Sluggo: Jeff! What the hell you doin'?

Jeff! Jeff, where the hell you goin'?

Get back here!

♪

[ Panting ]

Whoa, what is this place?

♪

Crystal: Over the course of the last several months,

this latest subject has been exposed to approximately

300 hours of surface radiation.

Mostly while doing manual labor.

So, overall, he's a good analog for the type of exposure

we'll experience during our departure and building phases.

The subject shows signs of degeneration,

increased confusion, social impairment,

and, of course, physically, but it's tricky to gauge

because his baseline readings were already so below average.

Scroll back.

Is that the lighting or does the boy possess no buttocks?

What the fu...?

Is that m-- Oh! Aah!

[ Grunts ]

Ah. Oh.

Martin, hey.

Hey.

[ Grunts, thuds ]

♪

Man: I don't see any other option for the young interloper.

Hey! Hello? Yeah, excuse me!

It's been about eight to 11 hours since my last meal.

And also, yeah, my jar here, as you can see,

it's getting a bit full.

Haven't had anything to drink, but, it's-- it's

still coming out here, so-- Hey, come on!

Crystal. Crystal!

How long are you gonna keep me in here?

You use me for sex, then you trap me in a room?!

"Welcome to Mars, baby!"

Man: However gruesome it may seem,

and however much it may offend our peaceful sensibilities.

I'm sorry, I don't see any other option

for the young interloper...

Oh, God.

I mean, he's definitely the most obnoxious person

I ever met in my life, but he's not a bad guy.

But is anyone gonna miss him? Really?

I think the word here is "collateral damage."

All in favor?

All: Aye!

What?

Collateral damage? [ Glass shatters ]

Ow! Oh, God, no.

♪

[ Panting ]

Whoa!

♪

God, no.

[ Sobbing ]

It's over, Jeff.

I've buried myself alive!

[ Sobbing ]

[ Squeaking ] Wait...

Socrates? [ Squeaking ]

Help me, help me, Socrates.

Yeah, yeah, lead me to safety!

Right? You can do that, can't ya, boy?

My little hero, my tiny little hero.

Thank you. Thank you, Socrates.

Yes, crawl towards freedom. I'll follow you.

Aah! Oh!

[ Grunting ]

- and in just a few months time the entire colony will be

transformed into a celebration of innovation and exploration.

That's right, Marsiversary, folks, and you better

believe we'll be broadcasting... [ Distant groaning ]

every last second of-- I'm sorry, what is that sound?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No, no, please.

Someone, please-- please-- please help me.

Aah!

Oh-hoo!

[ Sighs ]

Now, Jeff, for both our sakes, I really hope

you've got a good explanation for this one.

A lot of us are very curious as to what you were doing

climbing around in unauthorized areas.

I, uh-- [Clears throat]

I don't know what to tell ya, Darren.

I just follow the rats.

[ Sighs ]

You know, this colony may seem like a slick,

well-oiled machine.

"Nothing ever goes wrong! It's too boring!"

I mean, that's what people say around here, right?

[ Chuckles ]

But things do go wrong, Jeff.

Things go missing-- food.

Supplies.

Labels.

I've seen evidence that suggests

possible criminal activities, Jeff.

And I want to be super sure that if you had any knowledge

of anything like that, you would tell me about it.

Because if you didn't, there could be some very,

very, very serious consequences.

I just follow the rats, like I said.

♪

Hey, um, since you're here, I wanna run something by you.

What do you think?

Team's making some really stellar progress, huh?

Is that the tank?

Ding, ding, ding! Correcto!

We good here?

Oh, of course, of course, don't let me keep you.

Go! Go, get the fuck out of here!

Get out of here!

Ah.

So that's where all the eclairs went.

Can I have one?

Half.

I heard Darren was looking for you.

Did you talk to him?

Yep.

Did you tell him about...

you know?

No. I don't know.

Our little club.

Oh, that? No.

No, I did not tell him about that.

Really?

Really.

Why?

Because I like you.

Okay. Even after...?

Even after you dumped me, yeah, then planned to kill me.

Well, I didn't really "dump you," Jeff.

But you did plan to kill me.

Well...

I wouldn't put it like that, necessarily, but...

I could see how you might have gotten that idea.

♪

[ Snoring ]

[ Doorknob rattling ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Muffled shouting ]

♪

Man: A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight...

His punishment?

He sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

♪

Join us, Jeffrey.

♪

in the light of a new day.

♪

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