All language subtitles for Cel Mai Iubit Dintre Pamanteni 1993

The Earth's Most Beloved Son

A film by Serban Marinescu

Co-producer

A film inspired by
the novel of MARIN PREDA

Literary consultant
Ion Cristoiu

with

- Hush! Shut your mouth! The girl is sleeping...

- Is your book really that interesting?

- It's not interesting, it's forbidden.
There you go.

The news is that this writer is forbidden.

- My dear girl, he is not a writer, he's a philosopher.

- Nevermind.

- Better come here and give me a back wash.

Come on please and wash my back.

Forget about those ointments for a second.

They're also demolishing buildings,
not only philosophers.

So why are you so surprised?

- Settle down, you're tickling me.
what do you mean they're demolishing?

- Just like that.

You know that appartment building downtown?
- Which one?

- The one built by Gogiman...

those splendid caryatids will be demolished.

- What's their reason?

- The boobs!

- Come, give me some!

- Just like that, the boobs.

Comrade Calcan gave us the order to finish with this crap.

- And nobody told him he's an idiot?

- Yeah, right.
Everybody knows that
comrade Calcan is an idiot.

But only the devil has the
courage to tell him that.

He gave me an order

- What did he tell you?

- You must bring this crap down!

I told him Comrade Calcan, it's a pity, it's a work of art,

it's something beautiful

What do you mean by beautiful, comrade?

If you were to walk on the street butt-naked

would that be something beautiful?

- Yes.

VICTOR PETRINI
UNIVERSITARY PROFESSOR

Boo!

- Face to the wall and don't move.

- Cheers!

How are you, Victor?

Come inside

Come on, courage!

I'm sorry to receive you in slippers like this,
but I've run all day, my feet are swollen.

What can you do? It's a hell of a job.

Sit, sit, take a seat

All...right.

Do you know where we are?

- I think we're at the Militia's.

- Militia my ass. We're at the Securitate.

- The same shit.

- Hmmm, it's not the same shit.

We're sitting here chatting and
your lady at home must be scared.

Of course she should be scared,

we took you from your bed at night,
the poor woman got scared

But it's ok, we'll fix it right away.

we'll solve the problem.
Here you go.

Write!
- What should I write?

- Ohh, you still have your handcuffs
and that moron left with the key

Nevermind. I'll write it for you.

I'm listening

- What am I to say?

- What was the deal with Sumanele Negre?
(# a Romanian anti-communist resistence group)

You must know.

Good luck!

- Thank you.

- We know you weren't some kind of boss, you didn't kill people,

but others did that shit

and you must know these people, right?

- Mister, look at me carefully, I'm a serious man,

I have totally different preocupations

I'm an University professor, what am I
supposed to be doing with Sumanele Negre?

I'm a philosopher

I can prove it with witnesses, it's a stupid thing.

- Well, stupidity has a cost.

What would you say if we were to prove to you and document it
that you are a terrorist?

- Me?

What can I say? it's a... mistake, an error.

- What kind of mistake?

Look here, it says so black on white.

No, no, no.

If you give us those names, we won't press charges, we classify the file,

you go nice and easy to your lady,
you have some good boiled wine...

and that's it!

- Sir, please pinch my nose!

- Why?

- So I'll be sure I'm not dreaming

- Victor, I see you're very tired.

That's ok. You will go to a cell, you get some good rest

and tomorrow you'll remember everything.

Hey, caugh the other way, will you?

- Remember about what?

- About this.

- Iustin Comanescu.

We used to be friends.
- Yes

- He must be somwhere in Austria
or in Italy by now, who the hell knows...

- He's in Switzerland.

- Where?

- In Switzerland! He's well-off, fuck him.

Read on!

- Well, I'm reading but I can't find anything!

- What do you mean you can't find anything?

It's written black on white, look:

I'm waiting for your orders

- Not orders, ordinances!
It's the same.

No, it's not the same!
Thank God it's only this!

Wait, I'll explain it all for you.

When we were students, this colleague of mine,
Iustin and I went to a variety show

and we were very amused by a
sketch between a major and a soldier.

The major was mocking the soldier and this idiot
of a soldier was frozen in a salute position

and repeating the same words all over again
"Sir, I'm waiting for your ordinances!"

Ever since then, this colleague of mine, Iustin and I,
whenever we said good-bye,

we used to say ", Sir,
I'm waiting for your ordinances!"

A joke!

- A joke my ass! It's a letter.

It's a letter that was sent to you from there.

We just happened to grab it, what can you do?
Bad luck!

This Iustin guy killed people.
Who are those working with him?

Who are they? You must know.

- How should I know?
Not only that I don't know these people,

but it never crossed my mind that Iustin
might have worked for Sumanele Negre

- Then why is he expecting orders from you?

- Not orders, ordinances!

- It's the same thing!

- No,it's not.

- Whatever. Think about it some more, I've got enough time.

- Sir, what is your name?

- It doesn't matter.

- Please don't take this the wrong way,

I'm sure...but don't get upset, it's not your fault,

I'm sure you are making a phonetical mistake.

- Sure, it could be...

- May I address myself to one of your superiors?

- Of course you can.

- May God protect you!
Thank you.

(The radio) Dear listeners, good morning!

Let's begin a new day with a lively pace,
follow the rythm

1,2,3,4 left, right, left, right,
now walk on your toes

- You wanted to see a superior officer.

There you go. You have him before you.

Intellectuals!

You endangered Transylvania, you receive
from and you give orders to people abroad

against the regime,

You're a criminal.

Sir, in your opinion,
is the accused entitled to a defence or

...is he convicted already?

What defence?

Here it is clearly written: You give orders!

What kind of orders and to whom?

- It says ordinances, not orders there.

It means something else, it's a whole different thing.

- Oh yeah? Think about it some more

- You really don't understand that it's a joke?
- But we do.

- Then let me go home!

- We will let you go home,

but first you have to tell us what kind
of orders are these people waiting from you.

- Ordinances!

- What the fuck, Petrini, man, you're an intellectual!
Or at least you're pretending to be one.

Don't you understand that once you are here,
you'll never get out?

You have to confess that you are a criminal,
we're not in a hurry, we have all the time in the world.

What the hell? Didn't you learn the lesson?

- Mister, you are a scumbag.

Don't you think you will have
to prove that I'm guilty?

- A philosopher, hey? Really...

Fuck you. You don't even know a craft,
but you pretend all kinds of stuf

Man, you're giving me an evil eye

Hmmm, I wonder what's hiding inside this head of yours?

The things you would do to me if only you had the power...

Scram!

Gicuta!

- Yes?
Yes, boss.

- Search him. Search his asshole too, he gave me an evil eye.

- Understood.

Come on, miserable one, off with the clothes.

- Wait, I'm ticklish.

- Ahhh, I'm tickling you, sorry

- What starts with a "p", ends with "ula" and enters the sea?

You don't know!
(PULA =slang for PENIS)

- I don't know.
- Peninsula.

That's alright, we go on.
What starts with a "p", ends with "ula" and has hair?

- Painting brush.(romanian - PensULA)

- Bravo! What starts with a "p", ends with "ula"
and moves like this?

- A cou-cou clock! (# pendula, in Romanian)

- Nooo, solo questo it's a penis ,
'cause the clock goes like that!

-Let's go, boys! C'est la lutte finaaale..
(french "it's the final combaaat")

Mind this: their vocabulary doesn't have more than 2-3 hundred words

they're extremely trivial and
proud like all the fools are.

If you talk to them differently,
they'll kill you.

- Come on.

Down!

- Mesdames, monsieurs!
(french: ladies and gentlemen..)

You're on your own!

- Where do you want to sleep?

- Up

- Take it easy.

- Gosh, what a stink.

Stay put!

- Mister, mister!

Come here. Here.

Take them! They have a new footbed.

- Thank you. And you?

- I'm getting free tomorrow.

- May God help you!

- Thank you.

(the speakers:) Here comes spring again

over the fields, over the valleys,

Gaiety is all around us

For the 1st of May is here

The workers have united...

...and they proudly celebrate
the workers' 1st of May

- Is it good?

- Yeah. Permission to report!

You see, we, the educators, the teachers,
we're like doctors who sit by the pacient's bed

and wait,
they wait for the pacient to get better,

meaning he gets on his own feet

'cause if he doesn't the fucker will kick the bucket.

We have here representatives from all the categories.

Who is a Ministry?

- Here!

- Well, better say he had that position in the former regime.

We've got State men, university professors,

engineers, philosophers,

...artists.

They've all come here to be re-educated,

meaning to learn a trade

that would feed ...
Them...selves!

That would feed...

..themselves

Themselves!

- and afterwaaards...
...their...

- families!

Their...
Families!

- That's it!

No, no, don't do that!
Don't do that, I don't look good in pictures!

- Look how he is putting on a show...

- Boss, you know how they look at me?

Like they're looking at God.

How are you looking at me?

- Like you're God!

- How?
- Like you're God!

- Is it ok?

Sit down!

Gentlemen,

with the help of an instrument
that's in-ge-ni-ous,

we will learn how to make together useful things for people.

Especially for peasants,

since "craftmanship is man's golden bracelet", right?
- Right!

That's it.

Namely, baskets.

What is a basket?

- An object made of stiff fibres.

- Up!

What is a basket?
- An object made of twigs.

An object made of twigs...Very well!
Let's all repeat together!

What is a basket?
- An object made of twigs!

- That's it. Sit down.

In his in geniosity, the peasant makes a basket
that allows him to evaluate his crops, meaning

he counts how many baskets he took home
and he instantly knows how much stuff... He has

- No, he produced.
Exactly

But for this to happen, someone had to think about it
with his own head to help the peasant

and he invented an instrument that's more in- genious than his knife

and that's how the hedging knife appeared

The hedging knife said to be Moceanu's hedging knife
because Moceanu is its inventor.

That's it. Moceanu.

It has 2 parts: the part that's woo...dy

and the part that's iron...y. So let's make a short recap!
Moceanu's hedging knife was invented by...

- Moceanu!

- It has

- 2 parts!

- the part that's wooo...dy

- and the part that's iron...

- y

- iron...
y

- That's it.

See? That's why I like to work with intelectuals,
they "catches" on so quickly.

- Wake up!
- Why?

- Come on!
Come on, man!

- Where?

To "laugh ourselves". to yank each other's crank until we're done for

Hey, wake up the other guy too!

- Let him sleep, he's ill.
He's got tuberculosis, he had a crisis earlier.

So what?

We'll give him a whore and a vodka
and we're "laughing ourselves" again

because we like it, we like to "laugh ourselves", don't we?

No boots! We'll walk bare foot!

(He sings a traditional folk song)

Man, I brought you to a resort!
You'll be spoiled

(swearing about Christ, God and other)

I will kill you! I will bury you right here!

I will bury you right here!

- Come on, get up here!

- Petrini!
- Uh!

- Did you think about what you're gonna do when you 'll get out?

- No.

You'll say this:

Poor Macis was right when he said
that this life is a big pile of shit.

- And we drink another alcooholic beverage.

# Heart, why don't you want to grow old?

Isn't it enough how much you've suffered?#

# another swearing about Christ

- This is where I should hit you. Right here.

We didn't like the craftmanship, the baskets,

we laughed ourselves

now we're going to the dorm, we're executing the morning program,

we dress up nicely and
we get down to the mines

to work!

UP!

UP!

UP!UP!UP! UP!

Up your mother's ass!

- Are you feeling badly? Me too.
Let me push, you just pretend you're working

- Yeah, right! A moron just fell.
Come on, move it, next!

What do you want? Upstairs on the passage bridge the wood is weak.

If you don't keep your eyes open, you break your neck. Next!

- One thousand seven hundred and fifty three

- What did you say?

- One thousand seven hundred and fifty three

- what did you say?

- One thousand seven hundred and fifty three

- Come over here!

What did you say?

- One thousand seven hundred and fifty three

Your mother's Christ! Are you mocking me?

Do you wanna confuse me?
I'm gonna kill you.

It's seventeen and fifty three

It's seventeen and fifty three

Seventeen and fifty three. Well, why didn't you say so?
Fucking reactionaries!

Seventeen... and fifty three

Fucking learn how to speak Romanian,
you fucking animals!

- Stop looking at that or I will denounce you!

- Shut your trap, you mother fucker!

- What is it? Are you feeling sick?

- No, I feel excellent.

Petrini, I have a message I'd like you to deliver to my beloved.

Memorize! Pay attention

- Tell me

- Pay attention

- Tell me

- My dearest, I am thinking about you...

- Extraordinary!

- ... just like a mugger thinks about a lord's watch

- Genius!

- ...and in my flesh handcars are colliding
and horses die of heart-attack (# it rhymes in Romanian#)

- Bravo!

Macici!

- What do you want, man?
- Macici died!

1004

- Ahaaa. Go to bed!
Scram!

- Who did this? Who did this?

I'm gonna kill you! Why did you do this?

You scumbag, I'm gonna strangle you!
Why did you take his shoes?

I'll strangle you!

- The "dixctractions" are over!
Come.

- 'Morning!

- Up! Down! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12..

Boss, I can't do it anymore. You're killing me!

Forgive me, forgive me, boss!

- 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

- I've got something to tell you.

- At supper. Petits pois (peas) a la grecque!
Pommes de terre(Potatoes) a la grecque!

Cabbage la grecque!

Oh, but your canteen is broken

Go in the back and we'll fix it! That's it.

- Greek guy, you must help me.
I think "God" wants to kill me.

- He's helping me out in the kitchen.

"C'est la lutte finale..."
(It's the last fight)

- To the attic! To the attic!

- Wait for me here!

- Greek guy, you can get alcohol in?

I beg of you, get me around 1 kilo.
I wanna survive at least one more night.

- Done.

- Angel, my little angel
that God has given me

I am small, you make me big

I am weak, you make me strong.

Angel!

- Forgive me, boss, don't leave me!

- You're gonna die. Do you have anything to say to posterity?

I send into your mother's cunt!

- I saw you! I saw you!

If you don't agree, I'll denounce you.

If you scream, I'll denounce you.

# The radio: Only you are photogenic...#

- It's closed.
Don't you see the chair is in the door? It's closed!

Zoicoooo! God damn you

- Have a long life! (# a commun salutation between men in Romania)

Don't you recognize me?

- Wait a second! Haven't we worked together at some point?

- "I'm waiting for your ordinances"

- Aha! You just got out of jail and you stopped
here to get drunk and make a scandal!

Why did you come here, you punk?

Miticaaaa! See who the fuck is this guy!

Grab him! Zoicooo! Get him over here! Get him over here!

What is this guy doing here?

Go on and call the Militia,
let's see who the fuck is this guy!

Who are you, you fuck? (# swearing in Ro)

- Who is it?

- Me.

- Who is me? Mom, there's someone at the door.

- Did you ask who it was?
- Yes, and he said "me"

- Ok, go to bed now. I'll see what it's about. Go on now!

Who is it?

- Me.

Me.

I'm going to take a bath. Where's Sylvia?

- Fucking go to bed now!

- My dear, I've been rehearsing this scene for 10 years. Take it easy.

Bonsoir!
I'm going to take a bath, 'cause I stink.

You put the cigarette into your
mouth the other way around!

How are you, Tamara? Winning or losing?

I don't even know where the door knob is anymore...
Get me a cognac, will you?

- Why did you leave the door wide open?

- He's here.
- Who?

- Victor!

- This is yours, right?

- Right.

- And who are you? My wife's lover?

- No, we've been married for 9 years.

- And what's Matilda's name now? Matilda what?

- Calcan

- What?
- Calcan

- The one with the caryatids?

And my little girl's name is Sylvia Calcan...

- Yes.

- I'm gonna fucking kill you (# swearing of God)

- Don't kill me! I'm still young!

(# the radio playing a popular pop song in the 60s)

- Oh my God...

- They took my clothes too?

- This is the only one left. Nobody took it.

I gave the other ones away.

Are you in good health, my dear?

And now what are you going to do?

I worked like a devil all my life,
so that you can study. And now?

They're gonna send you to work with a shovel.

- God help me! Scram!

- You should tell me the truth! What did you do?
They couldn't have arrested you for nothing.

What do you think the time is?
Look at you! You look older than I am!

- Traian, please leave him alone

- And you, ma'm, see to your own business.
I'm talking to my son.

- Good afternoon (# actually, it's "kisshand" salutation,
respectful towards older women or parents in general)

- I'll leave you alone.

- I see that poor Macis was right,
God rest his soul.

This life, comrade Calcan is a big pile of shit.

Hallelujah!

- You talk and you behave like an animal.
But it doesn't surprise me, you know.

- Such strong ass you've got
- Asshole!

Please sign this for me.

- Matilda, wisdom is a road you will never tread on.

What is it you want me to do?

Give up my own child because some guy
got into my bed while I wasn't there?

Niet!(No in russian)

- Alright.

- Fuck you ( # 'go back into your mother's cunt')

- Alright.
If you don't wanna sign, I will denounce you.

- You will do what?

- I will send your notebooks, your
philosophical memoires directly to the Securitate.

Those guys won't understand anything,
but there's gonna be some colleague of yours

a philosopher, to clarify things for them and
when those guys will finally understand

just how much of a reactionary you really
are, you will be stuck in jail again

and not even the devil
will get out of this one

so that you can barge into people's homes,
you shameless punk who pretends he's a father!

What, you think you're a father

just because some years ago you pushed your...ass
a few times and now you feel you're a father?

Man, wake up!

- You're right, Matilda. What am I supposed to do now?

- You can hang yourself. But first, sign the paper!

- Alright, I'll sign it.

If you fuck with me one more time.

Now.

(#She mumbles a swear)

- No!

- Fuck you (#hmm, actually it's "fuck your ass up your mother's")

Let's see what you are going to do now when I'm gonna
call the neighbours and they'll find you here butt-naked?

What will they declare in front
of the judge? That you're a whore.

And that there's no place for you
in that Communist Party of yours

where you liked to lick asses in order to get promoted to Senior
Architect

and there's no place for you near
the kid either, because you're a slut.

Well, what have you got to say now,
Saint Parascheva the second?

- I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!

- Coman, it's over, get up!

We've gone too far.

An ending worthy of modern times.

Matilda!

Come on, Matilda, get up!

You managed to get rid of me,

Adieu, the nightmare is over.

Come on up, my love

come, another life is waiting for you.

You will become the queen of england.

such a stupid thing..
Matilda, can't you hear me?

It's me, your man. My love!

Didn't this mean anything to you?

- You raped me!

- How could you know I raped you
since you were unconscious?

- You're gonna pay for this! You'll see!

- Oh, I don't think so. Please keep
a special memory of these moments.

I've never loved you more

I agree, Petrini

Leave my notebooks in my mail box

and in order to get to your life partner Calcan,

the one with the caryatids,
I will lend you my jail coat full of lice.

EMPLOYMENT OFFICE

Here you are.
Did you fill out the form?

- Yes.

- Let's see.

It's not right!

Here, at the profession, you didn't write anything

That's alright, I'll write it for you.
You people have no idea how to fill out a form!

How many classes did you do?

- A lot.

- A lot, my ass. I don't understand anything.
Write with capital letters!

- I thought that your office would be crowded,
that people would stand in line

- You make such horrible noises, go outside!

Is it finished?

- Yes.

- Former University professor...

- Yes.

- Why former?

- Because I'm not anymore.

- Did you get into trouble?

- Yes.

- You were fired?

- Yes.

- Were you convicted of anything?

- Yes.

- Civil law?

- No.

- Political then?

- No.

- What do you mean no?

- I was convicted for no reason, madam.

- You will receive the answer in writing, at home.

- In every village of our motherland
one meets new things...new things!

are you deaf? new!

Wait a second, there's someone at the door. You get it!

- I can't!

- I'm on the phone, get the door!

- I'm in the bathroom, I can't!

- She's in the bathroom, she can't. Hang on!

Who is it?

- Petrini

- Petrini? Petrini who?

- Victor, John, man, doesn't this name tell you anything?

Say something, man

- Yeah, yeah, a lot, even too much.
I'll call you right away.

Right away.

And what do you want?

- Nothing, I wanted to pee, but I'm over it.

- John, who is it? Tell me, dear!

- From Water and Canalization

- Shit

- Petrini, you're back! Here, take some seeds!

- Thank you, professor.

- How are you?
Will you be back with the Faculty?

- Which Faculty? They didn't even want
to have me in an elementary school to teach the ABC

- Let's be serious! A man of your qualities cannot be left behind.

- Not behind, professor. Below!

- Get away from here, you're pessimistic.

You must have read that book,
L'avenir de l'intelligence and you see the world in black

But tell me, what's wrong with your voice?
Is anything the matter, does it sting or hurt?

- No.

- I have a friend, a professor in Medicine, Marcu

- Who shoots butts with a bow (in romanian it's a rhime)

- Do you know him?

- No, no,professor, it's that stupid joke with...

You must see this doctor!

He's a bit crazy, but he's really great at what he's doing!

You should go immediately to him!
Look, as soon as I get home, I'll give him a call and...

- Sir, please, thank you, but don't make a fuss...

- Are you kidding? Health before all things!
You're still a young man.

By the way, how old are you?

- 50

- See? You were clearly affected by this mess.

Ah...It's not a cold, everything is clean,
the tonsils are fine, the pharynx...

12345 LACUNA
Smart!

It's not a cold, it's an infection.

We'll do the tests and if the case,
we'll shoot with Peniciline right away!

- Infection from what?

From nothing.

Even if we don't detect an inflamatory nest,
the infection might be there.

And you, mister philosopher, will receive
your effects and you will be hospitalized.

Have you worked in a toxic environment?

- Yes.
- Come with me.

Where?

- At Slanic, in the salt mines.

- Salt?

- Yes.

- For how long?

- 10 years.

- 10 years? A decade!

- Yes.

- You got lucky! It's useless to ask if they gave you milk...
- Useless

- Useless, yes.
Look a white horse!

You, mister philosopher, have suffered an emotional choc lately.

- Professor, is it cancer or not?

- Mister, why don't you take a breath
of fresh air and go change your clothes.

Grigore, a jar full of red fish bite,
the red one.

- May I? Good morning. You just came in today.

What's your illness?

Ahaaa, you can't speak...

Don't worry, this will go away.

Butfor the rest, you are in good health, aren't you?

You can live without a voice

- God forbid!

- Look, I would give away my ears just to escape these scabs,
all this iching is eating my soul, mister,

It comes regularly. Nobody knows what it is, no doctor.

- Bullshit! How can they not know?

As I know I was operated of ulcer,
you also know what's wrong with you.

A skin disease...

One fine day, it will take over your liver
and you'll get out of here feet first.

Since when are you ill?

- Well, 7 years.

- And what did you tell the professor yesterday when he asked you?

- That it stings around this area

- Eh, the liver is there

- Oh, so you want us to die so that you can be alone.

Well, you should know that I'm here on a temporary basis.

I come in regularly and temporarily.

- Temporarily, bullshit. I'm the only
one here who's on a temporary basis.

And you.
I understood that you have no voice.

If that's the case, no big deal, you will learn
that alphabet with the fingers and you'll do just fine.

You will think more and you'll be more intelligent than others
given the opportunity of skipping the bullshit.

A day before I got my operation, this guy comes to me and says

Give me your watch.

Cherries, sour cherry... I crave, but I'm not allowed.
They wouldn't let me.

Give me your watch, that's what he said.

My clock works with exact precision. No worries.

I wouldn't give it for one of those extra-flat watches
that work like the factory of smoke packing.

So this guy comes to me and says
"Give me your watch, I'll keep it for you"

He said "keep",

but he thought I wouldn't survive the surgeon's
knife and he would get to keep it for himself.

God damn hyppocrite!

- I shouldn't have even come

You shouldn't have even come.

I forgot to tell the nurse
to stop you at the gate.

- YOU want to stop ME? Can you stop anybody anymore?

Haven't you had enough of your life,
you left me a single mother with an empty house.

Look, he's there. He doesn't even want to see you.

- I don't want to see him either. He takes after you.

- You don't want to see him? YOU don't want to see him?

Look, he DOES want to see you. Come here, baby.

Look, baby, this is your dad who left you
when you were 7 so that he can put people in jail

and destroy their lives while he was hanging
around drinking and going to whores.

Look, the people's curse eventually got to him.

The child's curse doesn't forgive!
You know what he said to me?

Mom, what's the worst illness
ever for a human being?

Cancer, baby. Then, may dad be struck by cancer!

And now you see? You see it's exactly what happened?

- Get out or I'll kill you both! I'll kill you both!

- Hey hey hey! Where are running like this, like a stalion?

I am looking for the professor

The professor is gone fishing. Now go back to the salon!

- Torreador, come and wake me up,
I can't, Carmen, I'm naked.

Did you come here to fish or
you have some business? Hm?

What is it with you here?

Alright. Do you know how to swim?

No problem, we've got a boat, let's take a stroll
on the lake and discuss your problem.

Come on, get on. Come on, man, are you serious, get on.

If you really want to discuss this matter...
Move a bit, I've no space

That's it.

We will float.

So, mister philosopher, the tricky thing in your throat is not cancer

It's just a weird thing, plain weird!

There are some phenomena that escape
our comprehension, you see...

Right now this could go away in a week, a month, a year or never.

There are tissues that
stopped feeding themselves,

they wither and then zbaang!
they fall, like a dry branch off a tree.

That's it. I forget the fishing poles on the shore, shit!

See, with you everything is triggered from here

you've gone through a trauma, something set you off, right?

Well then, another choc will put you back on your feet!

I will drown you!

Damn you!

- Heeee see that you don't have cancer?
Go on and sleep peacefully.

- The professor was right.

- The professor was right.
He said I was nuts, right?

Maybe, but I'm a genius, philosopher!

I'm a genius! You see?

If the Americans had come, I would be fishing in the Pacific
Ocean right now, not in this swamp.

Go home and sleep and be happy!

COUNCIL

- God damn them all bloody papers! Please, take a seat.

Saftica, come here and get these papers

- What's the problem?

- It's about the job.
- Let's see.

These people are crazy.

I have a single position,
it's on the city's Rodent Control team.

Would you accept such a position?

Deratization means I have to unclog the shit holes?

- No, that's another department.

- There's no problem, I can do anything.

No, we deal with killing rodents.

Rats, you understand?
Are you afraid of rats?

- Very much so, but I have to survive, don't I?

- That's so stupid, man.

I have this slut over there are the library and I don't know
what's her connection, but I can't kick her out.

Instead, I hire a professor at the Rodent Control department.

If you accept the job, I promise you I'll fire
that lazy ass and I'll pass the library to you.

What do you think?
- As you say goes.

Isn't it the normal thing to do?

But please, step outside for a while,
I'm gonna find a solution for you.

Saftica, show the gentleman out.
Please don't step on the papers!

- No, no, no.

- Don't trash them around with your feet, they're very valuable

- No, no, no, don't worry.

- Hey, guys, listen to this: what starts with a p,
ends in "ula" and you take it into your mouth?

The pill, you stupid! (#Ro: PilULA).

What starts with a p,ends in ula and enters the sea?
Let him say.

PeninsULA.

And what starts with a P
ends in ULA and does like this?

- The bell!

- Your mom's bell!(They should have said Pendulul/PendULA)

(# They're singing an old song about Bucharest)

- Professor, I found the solution!
Hey, listen up!

#They're singing a traditional Happy birthday song.

- Shut the hell up, chubby boy!

- That's it, cut it. Cut it!

Hello, boss.
Stop goofing around, I hired you a boss.

Hello.

How come we need a boss, boss?

- Just like that. Why, are you against it?
So that you stop waisting your time anymore.

Where were you the other day?

Didn't I told you that my wife was sick, poor me?!

- You were at the Red Snake, weren't you?
- Me?

- He wasn't, boss.
- Me?For God's sake!

- Stop getting so offended or you'll get to hell. Bacaloglu!
- Yes.

You take this gentleman here,
he's an University professor,

he's your boss,
let that get through your skulls,

You take him to the warehouse and you give
him a brand new overall.

Do you understand? Now!

- Understood!

- Or maybe you wanna give orders in the Popular Council?

- Who? Us?

Boss!

- Shut up!

Have a long life!

Fuck you!

- They're always attacking, boss. The chest or the balls.
They have a very strong tail.

The wife gives milk to the little-ones,
she lies in bed just like a sow and...

Go up your mother's ass, you lazy bastard!
- What? Why my mother and not yours?

- Go and work!

- Watch out, he's got pustules in his head.

- And do you know how they carry a corn cob?

they make one of them face up, holding the corn cob with his paws
while the others..

- Come on, hurry up, 'cause mister university
professor is giving us drinks at the pub

- You know what, if he picks on my salary, I'll fuck him

- Who do you think picks on your salary, man?

- Soil for flowers!
Soil for flowers!

Come on!

- Come on, it's your turn, I can't do it anymore!

- Coman, Mr Bacaloglu, they die anyway..

- Come on, little one, get out!

- We have to hurry up, 'cause afterwards we're going for a drink.

Look, mister university professor is
gonna buy us drinks, sweet thing!

Now, he is the boss, mind you.

- Fuck him (# )

- Look, you have to work just like him, you should learn!

- Professor, don't take this one!
these ones go for your balls!

You punk, if you touch my butt again,
I'll crush your skull, you filthy drunk!

- What did he say?
- Go ask him!

- A kiss here. And there. Idiot!

- Look how he glues the paper to the wall
with Mr Vintila, what a sweet pie of a boss!

- Who knows why he left the University..

- Let me kiss your savant brain!

Boss, tell this miserable bastard to work,
look at him, he stands there like a cow, really!

Oh my God! Mother! He took my view!

- There he is!

- Watch out, he might jump!

- Where is he? He's here, he's here!

Enough!

- Bravo! You scored big time. You'll get the State prize

- Neluta, what, you're upset?
Nevermind it, I'll play first

# He plays a traditional song from Southern Romania

- Welcome, Mr Bacaloglu. Please, sit down

- Take a seat!

- Professor, professor, these are the people,
we have to manage with them

- No problem

Snake! Mr Bacaloglu is no longer our boss,
now we have another one,

the gentleman over here,
an University professor!

- Eheeee, our Party knows what it's doing!

- Of course it knows!

- What would the gentlemen "wants"?

- He's the one to give the order, he's our boss,
he's got plenty of dough from the Faculty

- You have no shame, man!
Leave him alone!

- He's gonna buy us drinks!...
Fuck off!

- He's gonna buy us drinks!

- I will only pay for the booze, the food is on you.

Black wine for everybody and a big vodka for myself.

- Understood.

- Neluta, something nice for mr boss here

Well, what do you think about it?

Mother, it's like a wedding.
I told you he had money? Get that!

- Listen, listen, what the hell is this, man? A funeral?

- La Chilia in Port (# the title of a traditional song
about forced labor and life in jail)

# The train is coming up the
mountains like a long snake

It's bringing National cigarettes up to the convicts

The captain yells Go on, you thief!

I can't do it, captain! Ah, it's so painful..

When I see travelling birds I would give anything to be able to fly #

- Ah, let me kiss your college brain, mr boss

- Stop calling me mr boss or I'll kill you

- Coman, give a kiss here!

- Wait, man, don't move. Stay still, he dislocated your jaw!

Keep your tongue inside your mouth!

You had it coming!

Why are you being disrespectful to the professor?

you raised pigs together? See, now he punched you,
so that you get your reason back!

Professor, let me see your hand!

Pickaxe.

- Why, mr boss, why did you give me one?

- Don't ever call me boss. This goes for everyone.

The punch is for spilling wine on my trousers.

- I didn't mean to do that!

- Yes, you did.
Make way.

- This guy beats people, man!

- He came here to buy us drinks,
you were the ones starting this mockery

- Really? And what else?

Listen, daddy,
you should know I have my eye on you.

If you say anything to the guys upstairs,
you're fucked.

Pardon me!
And I piss on you, you poor bastard.

- Good evening!

Welcome

Have you been drinking?

- I celebrated my new job.

- Did you get a job?

- Yes.
- Where?

- At the Deratization department.

- There was no other place except that?

- No, that's where they assigned me.

- Can't you see you're making us look like fools?

So you got a job?
- Yes.

- At the Deratization department
- Yes

- Well, if you got a job, then you have money

- Yes.

- Well if you've got money,
it means you can rent a room somewhere

You stopped staying yes?

- Yes

- Then do something good and collect your books
by tomorrow morning and leave us. Go with God!

- Newton!

CHIEF OF PERSONNEL

- What are you doing, man?
- Good afternoon.

- What are you doing?

- I was told to come here.

- Come in. Do you wanna have a taste?
Come! Germinated wheat seeds!

No, thank you.

Don't you eat any more meat.

Do you know how many toxins does a pig release when it's being killed?
- Enormous amounts!

- Tell me, Petrini, you were an university professor, right?

- Right.

- So you actually sat behind a desk and you taught philosophy?

- Yes

- And the students "was" listening to you?

- Yes, of course.

"Of course".
And what did you do at Slanic?

- I worked in the mines.

- Did you really work?

- You know very well what I did there.

- And what did you say to yourself, as a philosopher,
when you woke up with a trolley in your hand?

- Someone who teaches Philosophy is not necessarily a philosopher

- What is he then?

- A simple professor

- A simple professor? Take a seat here!

How much time did you spend there?

- 10 years.

- And do you still remember some of the
philosophy stuff or have you forgotten everything?

- No, I remember everything.

- Then tell me 2 ideas.

- what kind of ideas?

Didn't you say you used to teach Philosophy
and you haven't forgotten anything?

Well, tell me 2 philosophical ideas

Philosophical?

- Yeah, philosophical.

- "I think, therefore I am".

- What is this?

- A philosophical idea.

It's yours or somebody else's?

- No, it's not mine.
- Whose is it?

Of a great French thinker

- And what does it mean?

- It means that my existence is certain, since I think.

- Big deal

- It is a big deal, a certainty, a philosophical idea..

- A certainty, a philosophical idea...What do you mean?

If I don't think, I don't exist?

Look at these wheat seeds or take
a horse or a donkey for example,

it doesn't think,
but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

- I can't know if they exist or not,
all I can say for sure is that I exist since I think

- Go on. Another one!

- Everything is well in the best of all the possible worlds

- That's like a slogan! Maybe it's from Marx, right?

- Yeah, it could be...

- What about one of yours?

- I have none
- Well, why don't you?

- Because I have none

But you have what it takes
to carry out intrigues.

I have one to tell you,
although I'm not a philosopher.

Man is an intriguer. What do you think about this one?

Is it a good one?

- There are people who like to plot schemes,
but I mind my own business.

- Really? And what if I prove the contrary to you?

Will you agree, philosophically speaking,
that I should have you fired?

Stand up! Come on, stand up!

And put in your file a small sheet of paper ,
testifying that you accepted this job just to pass the time

and to fire that slut from the library
so that you can take her place.

And you pretend you're not an intriguer.

If that girl from the library
finds out you called her a slut,
she's gonna sue you.

You will get your promotion, of course.

But in your department, at Rodent Control, not at the library.

Now scram!

Petrini, my man, wait a second! What do you do with your money?
- I spend it on whores and booze.

- Oh really? And I thought that you, philosophers, don't have a...

- Yes, we do

- You do, huh? Listen, you leave that girl alone!

But if it comes to a party or something, I could join you, seriously,

you think that we, the bosses in charge
with the personnel, don't know how to have fun?

Oh, wouldn't you love it,
wouldn't you brag about it!

I bet you would love to blackmail me.

Go on, close the door on the outside.

So comrade Istrate's
conclusion is the following:

A healthy donkey is better
than a sick philosopher.

Forgive me, please, this stays as a joke,
allow me to continue

Of course, comrades, it is also my fault that
I couldn't find enough ressources of persuasion.

I don't deny the importance of sports,
which is comrade Istrate's department, the one quoted before.

Sain mind in a healthy body,
the antics used to say, right?

Because sports, nevertheless, have this purpose.

But also the importance of culture, comrades mustn't be overlooked.

Thank you! Good - bye!

- Nineta!

- Petrini!

What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?

- Did you finish the Faculty?

- Yes, I did.

- I hope they didn't expell you because of me!
- No, no, no.

- ...and lose your career...
- I didn't lose anything, you'd laugh...

- You wanted to become a philosopher. It would be funny if it were true...

- Comrade librarian,is it true that if you lose a book,
you have to pay three times more the original price?

- Alright, wait for me just a second

What's up with you? Are you married?
- No.

- Then at 4, at the spot we know.

- Yes

- Darling
At 4 sharp!

- Coman, move it. Tudor, hurry up, man.

Professor, salutations.

I didn't forget about that thing, you know,
it's just that I have this internal meeting,

the thing about the library is that it's not gonna work
I'm going crazy

But no problem.

You pick one of your men that you like, you come to me
and I'll promote you to a different activity, ok?

- Boss, are you coming?
- Yeah, man, I'm coming, go to hell!

Salutations, professor!

- Did you hear what they said, professor?

Not to let the winter catch us... what about fall?

the fall might catch us.

To me it's of no importance, but for you this work
is really better than to sniff toxic stuff, right?

- It's...cleaner, yes.

So, I say we shouldn't try too hard

- We're still gonna try hard...

- My God, such good air!

Don't try so hard, professor, don't try so hard

Such good air!

- Watch out, you're blowing towards me

- I just did spontaneously, sir.

And so it was...

One time, when I was in jail, it was freezing,
I was in my cell with some important people.

One of them used to be a general, another one
a State secretary, another one a journalist

and another one...nevermind.. but this one
was cleverer than all the rest and he says:

"Gentlemen, we're bored".

"The wax horizon is hugging me and it
gives me the feeling I'm losing my Ego".

"We each carry our own world, let's hold some conferences",
he says.

Goddammit, professor, come on, if you keep it up,
we'll be unemployed by tomorrow.

- I'll sit for a while then.

Aren't you gonna continue the one about the conference?

- Really? You liked it?
- Yeah.

And so the general starts to talk about the wars
of Julius Caesar and then the others followed,

The State secretary talked about the battle of Kursk,
the journalist... and this guy says

Vintila, man, say something and
then I remembered a trouble I had...

Professor, I'm not even gonna begin to tell you just
how carefully they listened to me.

Silent, serious, nobody interrupted me,
they didn't laugh, they didn't cry.

And the journalist goes:

Vintila, man, if I were free now,
I would make a balcanic writer out of you!

And he mentioned one name, like that's
who I'm supposed to have had become...

Fuck it, I've been trying to remember for years
what was this writer's name and still nothing!

- Panait Istrati, that's his name.
- Pfff, see what it means to go to school!

Goddammit, if my sister had been alive, God rest her soul,
she would have registered me with some highschool

and I would have gone far in life!

My dream was to write books,
a balcanic writer,

like Panait Istrati, that's it,
that's what he told me.

- Hello, Victor.

I was at the Popular Council, I talked
to comrade Istrate and he told me where to find you.

- Scram, John.

- I wanted to meet you, maybe we could go to a pub and talk.

I understand that you're
very busy... but...

a friendship needs to be re-fueled,
there are no other values more important

- Vintila, do you know this guy?
- No, professor, how the hell should I?

- I don't remember anything that
I did that could upset you like this.

Maybe that time when you came to visit me,

but you have to understand, I was with
someone and you had just gotten out of jail...

Ok, alright, now we're even, ok?

You know I left the University, too.
Now I'm Senior editor at the Literary Morning Star.

It wouldn't be a problem if you were
to come work in the literary media,

you can write some article in which you express your support,
you show a bit of remorse for what happened,

just like everybody else, and that's it, you're saved,saved!

If you don't leave this very minute, I'll beat the shit out of you.

- Okay...

I still maintain my proposition, it's a childish thing to do

- Scram!

- Victor! How are you, my boy?

I was thinking about you. Telepathy...

Let's drink something!
- No, I can't.

- Come, I have some business with you.

Victor, man, I'm starting to feel nauseous about this.

Liars, snitches, fuck them, for a little money
they would sell their own father

- What happened?

- Read this!

No, man, coman, how could I possibly believe you killed someone?

- Who signed this?

- Leave it alone, man, a fucking snitch.

But I have to follow-up on this one, do you understand?

- Good health to you!

- You understand I have to do it
- Yes

- If we were back in those times you know so well,
we wouldn't be talking right now

black sun glasses, black car and bang!

Times changed.

Times changed, so we have to make people change too.

- And what am I supposed to do?

- You must sign a committment.

- What does this mean?

- Nothing much. We sit and have a
drink together once in a while and we chat.

Coman, man, if you, intellectuals, who suffered so much,
don't help us out,

how can we get rid of these low-lifes?

What do you think?

Victor, my boy, should we tear this apart or not?

- How did you get here?
- You forgot your keys on the outside.

You left the keys just like you used to.

- Like good old times

Where's the bed?

- Everywhere

- What's wrong with your voice?

May I still put my hand inside your pocket?

- Yes.

I've aged.
- A little bit.

- You haven't changed at all.

- Listen...

- You'll see I'm not the same either.

- Yes, you are

- No, I'm not

- Do you love me?

- Yes.

- How much?

- A lot.

- How much?

- A whole lot. Is it ok?
- No.

- Enormously. Is it ok?

- No.

- The most. Is it ok?

- No.

- You're Earth's most beloved son. Do you like it?

- No.

- Then fuck off. Will you marry me or not? Will you marry me or not?

- I'll marry you.

- Christ has risen! (# traditional Easter salutation)
- He has truly risen!

- Let's celebrate 3 years since you've been here.

- What do you mean 3 years?
we'll celebrate that next summer

- Then let's have a 6 year aniversary,
if we add the other 3 back in our youth

- Here you go!
- Good luck!

Darling, every time I cross this attic, coming from the toilet,
I get horribly scared.

We should do something about it!

- Let's furnish it.

- With what?

We're going to your mysterious one
room appartment and we empty it.

Building no 152.

- No, no, no

- Why?

- This is a house that has different memories, no way.
Where did I put that thing?

- It's on the table.

- I'm so light-headed!

"If there's no love, then there's nothing".

What is this?

- It's a philosophical idea.

- Whose?

- Mine

- What do you mean "if there's no love, then there's nothing"?

You mean this notebook doesn't exist?
or the table, the books, me?

There's nothing?
- Exactly!

- You are smart!

- Better come see what the Easter bunny brought you

- The Easter bunny?
- yep.

- Where?

- On the desk.

- This one?

- Yep.

- You're a fool!

Victor, the keys, I forgot the keys.

Look for them in the cupboard, in my black purse, there.

I don't wanna go back there 'cause it's bad luck.

- Come on, don't get upset, you know I'm superstitious.

- Where?

Down, my love, down

- Maybe you'll explain to me what's with these mysterious Sundays.

- Now you think it's the right time?!

- I've tried them all, I'll take a chance with this one as well.

- You swore you would never ask

- I'm an old man, I'm stupid, but you're my wife

- Nope, not yet. What's with this note?

- I don't know.

- Who's writing you notes? It's from your father.

- If he came this far, it means it's pretty serious.

- You still don't talk to each other?

- No. It's useless to ask you if you're not coming with me...

- It's the last time, Victor, I swear. Today and that's it.

Petrini!
I love you.

- Untranslated subtitle -

Bye, dear, bye!

- Are you the son?

- Yes

- You should know she's running the last 100 yards.
I just gave her a shot of morphine.

- Can I help you with anything?

- Yes. You should ask around and get her some.

- Get her what?

- Morphine. It's rather rare.

- Will she be in pain?

- A great deal! Now it's barely started.

- And how long you think before...?

- Who knows? A month, maybe more.
In any case, I will drop by daily.

- Were you paid?

- Yes, no problem. Good evening!

- Goddamn you, leave me alone!

- Hush, keep it down, people can hear you!

Look, I brought you this.

- You son of a bitch!

- Keep it low, the doctor might hear you.

- Right, now you're ashamed of people.

What about a lifetime of you mocking me?

You were kissing my slut of a sister in front
of me and you were leaving together,

and then you came back the next day
to get your clothes clean and ironed!

I hope God doesn't forgive her there where she is!

Now you must forget about these things.
I've been asking you this for 40 years.

- I only told you do what you please,
but don't come back to me to wash your stuff

- Why did you wash them?

I wanted you to realize that you're a son of a bitch.

You were and you still are a son of a bitch.

- I... should see the doctor out.

- Very well. Go, go

- And I'll be back

- You come back when I call for you, do you hear?

- Did he leave?Did the doctor leave?

- Yes

- It's a good thing he didn't hear all this circus,
we would've looked like fools.

Now that she's in less
pain, she turned mean.

Where could that bottle be?

Where did I put it?

- Let her talk, she's airing out.

- Maybe I've already drunk it. Don't talk like this,

I haven't touched her in 40 years, we've been living like strangers

- I didn't feel that

- You didn't feel anything.
Anyway, when one dies, one forgives.

This one will never forgive me, not even on his dying bed..

- Well, you did cheat on her with aunt Cecilia
and didn't even bother to hide it.

- What do you mean I cheated on her?
She was only her sister.

How was I to prevent her from
clinging to me like a lunatic? Right?

When I realized what was happening,
I told her to back off, but...

Go and have a drink!

Come on!

Yeah, I'll go get drunk.

Damn!

- Good afternoon.

- Who is it?

- The Easter bunny came.

What's with this, mom?
- Did your father leave?

- Yes.

- That's just my medicine.
Look, my hands stink because of them.

- Let me see.

- Look.
You're waiting for that one to come back, right?

- No.

Yeah, right.

Then why don't you go looking for another woman to marry?
What are you waiting for?

- My God, you will take some old woman
like yourself, I pity you...

What are these?

- I'm getting married, mom.

It's so hot in here.

- With whom?

- With Nineta.

- Ah, Nineta.

And if you're marrying Nineta, why didn't you bring her over?

- She couldn't come today, she's coming tomorrow.

- She couldn't come today, she's coming tomorrow...

Listen,

If you don't come with her tomorrow to see me,
don't ever come again.

- Mom, God forbid!

- Not even to bury me or to bring me flowers.

Now go on, leave.

Take these, too.

- Good-bye.

- You're kicking me out..You're chasing me away...

- Hush, the neighbours can hear you.

I'm getting married, it's for the last time, please understand...
- You're getting married?

- I can't sleep with you anymore

- And if you're getting married that means
you won't give it to me anymore.

When you were miserable and you wanted a job,
you were giving it to me, right?

But not anymore...

- Don't be stupid, I love you.

You know I didn't sleep with you
because I had an agenda,

but I can't look into my man's eyes
after I've slept with you.

I found him, he's gonna marry me!

- Who is this stupid guy?

- Yes, but he'll marry me, you never will.
You can't get a divorce.

Come on leave me please, the neighbours
will see you and you'll be compromised!

Will you be compromised because of me?

I figure you'll also write an
anonymous note to the Party...

- Get away from here, you pig.
Take your fucking rags and get the hell out!

Up your mother's cunt!

- Don't swear or I'll...
Whore!

I'll take a leak.

- What a curse! Not to be able to keep what I love.

I can't! Victor, please,
I beg you, don't denounce him!

He's strong, don't destroy him!

Don't destroy him or I'll kill myself.

I beg you, I beg you,

I beg you like you would be God, don't destroy me!

God help me, please God, help me!

I'm so miserable!

- Fuck you!

- Wait, wait, wait!

- Comanescu! Iustin.

I'm waiting for your ordinances.

I'm waiting for your ordinances.

I'm waiting for your ordinances.

God, forgive us!

# And keep us, God, in your grace and mercy.#

Father!

Father!

# To you all the might, honesty and prayer,
to the Holy Trinity, now and forever, Hallelujah!#

" If there's no love, there's nothing."
Marin Preda