Original subtitles

-From AVALON Hollywood,

welcome to "Carol Burnett: 90 Years of Laughter + Love."

Tonight, the biggest stars of stage, screen, and television

have gathered to celebrate

the one, the only, the incomparable Carol Burnett

for an unforgettable evening of comedy, music, and memories.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Steve Carell.

**

-Good evening,

and welcome to "Carol Burnett: 90 Years of Laughter + Love."

Tonight, you will see an amazing gathering

of talented performers, friends, and fans

from every generation,

except babies,

who are here to celebrate the hilarious,

incredible, one-of-a-kind,

no-one-like-her Carol Burnett.

Over the next 17 hours,

we are going to enjoy some of the funniest

and very best moments of her career

in television, film, and the Broadway stage.

People often ask me who were my greatest comedy influences.

And as a kid growing up in the '70s,

there were too many to choose from.

Raymond Burr, Pat Nixon, Johnny Mathis,

the woman from those commercials who kept saying,

"Where's the beef?"

But let me tell you something.

Carol Burnett lands a solid fifth on that list.

I know that you are a very humble person

and that this all might be kind of difficult for you.

And really all I can say is,

you got to brace yourself

because we are about to lay it on really thick.

So, let's get started, shall we?

And I think the best way to begin

is at the beginning.

-I began my life in show business as a fan.

As a little girl,

there was nothing I loved more than going to the movies

with my grandmother, Nanny,

and I just wanted to climb into the screen and live there.

At UCLA, I was going to major in journalism,

and they didn't have a major in journalism.

So I looked in the catalog,

and I found Theater Arts/English.

I didn't realize that, as a freshman,

when you're in the Theater Arts department,

you had to take an acting course.

And I was terrified.

And I was in this class with about 10 other students.

And I had to do a scene,

and they cracked up.

The students cracked up.

They laughed and all like that,

and I thought, "This is a good feeling.

I think I want to pursue this."

The bug bit when I heard the laughter.

I joined a musical-comedy workshop at UCLA.

I remember I did a scene from "Annie Get Your Gun."

And there was a tap on my shoulder,

and it was this gentleman and his wife.

He said, "We really enjoyed you.

What do you want to do with your life?"

And I said, "Well, someday I want to go to New York."

And he said, "Why aren't you there now?"

Well, we were --

We were not wealthy.

Let me put it this way. We were poor.

So I had no money to go to New York.

And I just said, "Well, someday I hope I can save up

to be able to go."

And he said, "I'll lend you the money.

"There are stipulations.

"You pay it back within five years if you can,

"if you're successful.

"You must never reveal my name.

You must pay it forward and help others out."

Well, that was my ticket to New York.

**

-And hello, everyone.

I am Sheryl Lee Ralph.

And I just want to tell you,

Miss -- mmm! -- Carol Burnett,

look at you at 90, looking like a snack.

Girl, I'm honored and I am happy

to be here this evening

to tell you that you changed

my 9-year-old life forever.

It was the '60s.

It was the '60s, people,

and you welcomed me into that 12-inch box.

Yes, you did.

And I watched you welcome, embrace

Sammy Davis Jr., Pearl Bailey,

Nancy Wilson -- the Black one --

Flip Wilson,

The Jackson 5.

You hugged them. You kissed them.

You performed with them on the stage.

And by seeing that,

you let me know that I could become

the Sheryl Lee Ralph that I am still becoming.

Ah. You got your break on Broadway.

I got my break on Broadway.

It was "Dreamgirls" for me.

And for you, it was "Once Upon a Mattress."

-Well, here I am.

Who's the lucky man?

-"Once Upon a Mattress"

was a big, huge break for me.

-* I've always been shy-y-y-y

* I confess that I'm shy-y-y-y

* Can't you guess that this confident air *

* Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy? *

-And then there was television.

-* When your car is asked to stop *

* By a handsome traffic cop

* Lest you want a ticket or two *

* Give them the ooh-la-la

-* I made a fool of myself

* Over John Foster Dulles

-The John Foster Dulles song was written by Ken Welch,

who was my coach and special material writer.

Now, for those of you who don't remember,

John Foster Dulles was the Secretary of State,

and he was aptly named.

He was dull.

Kenny wrote the song,

and then I was asked to go on the Jack Paar show.

There was such a big reaction, Jack had me come back.

And then Ed Sullivan had me do it on Sunday.

So, three times that week, I did the Dulles number.

Garry Moore had a variety show,

which was a very big hit,

and Martha Raye,

who was a brilliant comedienne, was the guest,

but she came down with a terrible case of bronchitis.

And Gary said, "Can you come over

and be the guest and replace Martha?"

Well, I ran over there like Road Runner.

And Gary explained to the audience there in the studio

that I had just come in to do this,

and the audience was very supportive.

Then, as a result, Bob Banner, the executive producer,

asked me if I would want to be a regular on Gary's show.

**

Fear not, Queenie! Here I come!

**

-Here she is -- the one and only Lily Tomlin.

-Carol, I can't tell you how many years

Jane Wagner, my partner, and I have marveled

over your one-woman extravaganza of humor and love.

And that has really blessed the world throughout your career.

I, um -- I've got a story about your impact on me

that I wanted to share. -What's that?

When I was starting out and had just been on "Laugh-In"

for two or three weeks,

I was over at the CBS lot,

where your iconic show was filmed.

And I was totally rigid with fear

that I would run into you

and you wouldn't know who I was, either.

And I heard your voice in the hall.

And I -- It was --

I didn't have time enough to fake my own death, so --

so I just, uh --

I -- We literally bumped into each other.

And I heard you saying,

"Lily Tomlin, one ringy dingy, two ringy dingys."

You absolutely knew who I was, and you --

-Well, yes. -And you knew --

I'd only been on the air a couple of weeks

or three weeks or something.

And you were so kind and so generous to me.

And you talked to me for a long time.

And you gave me all the confidence in the world.

Carol -- That is -- You are, Carol, right?

The love that we're all showing you here tonight

is small payback for all the love

you've shown us through the years.

**

-Coming up, Kristin Chenoweth and Bernadette Peters

celebrate Carol and her best chum, Julie Andrews.

Then later, Amy Poehler, Cher,

-Well, hello there. It's Dolly.

And I want to be among all the wonderful people

and all the many people that are gonna say

happy 90th birthday to Carol.

* Happy birthday to you

**

-Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Kristin Chenoweth and Bernadette Peters.

-Back in the day, as a die-hard Carol fan,

I would just get so excited

when her specials were about to happen

because everybody wanted to take the stage with Carol --

Robin Williams, Lucille Ball, Dolly Parton,

just to name a few.

-One of my favorites was her special

with an amazing opera star,

the legendary Beverly Sills.

I think I must have watched "Sills and Burnett at the Met"

like a thousand times.

-We wore these jerseys

for you people up there and up there and up there

so that you could tell us apart.

-Beverly Sills -- her nickname was "Bubbles."

She had the greatest personality.

It was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had.

-The only difference between us is one little octave.

-One octave? -Eight little notes.

-You're kidding. That's it? Really?

That's the only difference between our voices,

eight little no-- one octave? -One octave.

-So, what's the big deal?

**

* We're only an octave apart

* Eight little steps on the musical line *

* Eight little steps between your pipes and mine *

* Only an octave apart

-* We-e-e're

* Only an octave apart

* Eight little steps on the musical line *

* Eight little steps between your pipes *

* And mi-i-i-ne

* Only an octave apart

**

-* My F is here

-* My F is here

-* My A is here

-* My A is here

-* My D is here

-* My D is he-e-e-e-re

* Ha ha

-* Ha-ha

-* Ha-ah, ha ha

-* Ah, ah, ahhhhhhh

-* Ha ha-a -* Ha ha-a

-* Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha -* Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

-* Ha, ha, ha, ha -* Ha, ha, ha, ha

-* Ha, ha -* Ha, ha

-* We're only an octave apart -* We're only an octave apart

-* Eight little steps -* Eight little steps

-* On the musical line -* On the musical line

-* Eight little steps -* Eight little steps

-* Between your pipes and mine -* Between your pipes and mine

-* Only an octave -* Only an octave

-* Only an octave -* Only an octave

-* One teensy-weensy -* One teensy-weensy

-* Eensy-beensy little octave -* Eensy-beensy little octave

You are the highest singer I've ever met.

-And you are the lowest.

-* Apa-a-a-a-rt -* Apa-a-a-a-rt

I love you. -Ah.

Before we go any further, we want to give a shout-out

to our music director, John McDaniel,

and our incredible 19-piece orchestra.

Bravo!

-There were so many great Carol Burnett specials,

but the most legendary Carol specials

were shared with her dear, dear friend,

her pal, her chum, Miss Julie Andrews.

-Julie and I never shut up talking to each other.

It was like we had known each other from the get-go.

So, the idea was born that Julie and I

should do a special together.

And so we wound up doing three.

You are heaven!

You know what you are? You're cotton candy.

You're Christmas! You're carnivals!

-What? -You're a little girl

in her first prom dress,

on her first date, all dressed up,

tripping down the stairs with stars in her eye.

-You're hay rides. You're -- You're Halloween.

You're firecrackers on the 4th of July.

You're a little child at his first ballgame

waving his pennant in the breeze.

Um...you're our boys overseas!

To do something on purpose,

you would have to do something like, um...

that.

-I've never seen anyone work as hard as Julie does.

Simply maintaining that accent is an enormous accomplishment.

**

-I think you are the most wonderful performer

in the whole universe.

-Alright. You got one more chance.

-Oh! Thank you!

**

You like a little...?

**

-I hate this instrument.

-So-o-o we'll be partners * -So-o-o we'll be partners *

* Just like hot dogs and mustard *

-* A twosome, a duet -* A twosome, a duet

-* We'll be buddies -* We'll be buddies

-* Just like Huntley and Brinkley *

* We're -* Andrews

-* And Burnett

-Wherever we go, we belong * -Wherever we go, we belong *

-* We belong -* We belong

-* We belong togethe-e-e-r -* We belong togethe-e-e-r

-We really wanted to dedicate a song to Carol and Julie

that pays tribute to their talent

and their 60-plus-year friendship.

-And what better song for two old friends

than the classic "Old Friends,"

written by their close friend Stephen Sondheim?

-* Hey, old friend

* Are you okay, old friend?

* What do you say, old friend?

* Are we or aren't we unique?

-* Time goes by

* Everything else keeps changing *

* You and I

* We get continued next week

-* Most friends fade

* Or they don't make the grade *

* New ones are quickly made =

* And in a pinch, sure, they'll do *

* But us, old friends

* What's to discuss, old friends? *

* New friends pour through the revolving door *

* Maybe there's one that's more *

* If you find one, that'll do

* But us, old friends

* What's to discuss, old friends? *

* Here's to you

* Who's like you?

* Damn fe-e-e-w

-Aww.

I know!

Old chum.

Thank you, ladies, on behalf of both of us, right?

Yeah. What huge memories that brought back.

I mean, that tea party sketch,

when we were smashing things all over each other,

was such ridiculous fun.

And what makes -- -You had fun.

- Yeah. - Well, you did to start with.

Yes, you did. What makes me smile

is that both of us just sat there and took it all.

I mean, we took the punishment.

I liken it to sort of being Laurel and Hardy.

They used to just sit there and have it happen.

I cannot believe that it's been 62 years,

if not more, I think, since we first met, chum.

-Yes, it was. -Yeah, yeah.

And it's gone by so fast, it's been ridiculous.

Since then, we've shared the stage

on three delicious television specials,

we've appeared together from time to time,

we've had so many dinners, shared so many phone calls,

and we've gone from landlines to cellphones to texts.

And, oh, have we laughed along the way.

We've shared confidences.

And so often you've been the one I've called

when times were rough and I needed a shoulder to cry on.

I can't imagine anywhere

that I would rather be than here beside you tonight.

And I'm thrilled to be here.

And I love you very, very much, my dear chum.

**

-Up next, Amy Poehler audience questions, Carol Burnett-style.

-Carol, getting to turn 90 and in great health --

what a powerful testimony for living strong,

living well, living with laughter.

Thank you for all the joy

you've brought to all of us all these years.

-Can we turn up the lights so we can talk to the audience?

before we get --

Are there any questions you might -- Yes?

-I wrote a small poem about you I'd like to read.

-Alright. Why don't you stand up and read it?

What's your name? -Danny Kruger.

-Hi, Danny. -Hi.

"I'm in love with a wonderful girl,

"but there's a catch. Oh, brother.

"The girl I love, this glorious girl,

is old enough to be my mother."

-Sit down, Danny.

Q&A started because the executive producer said,

"Instead of having a comic,

why don't you come out and warm up the audience?"

-You want me to do the Tarzan yell? Alright.

-Ahhhh-ah-ah--

Oh!

I lost it.

Ahhhh-ah-ah--

Yes? -What kind of soap do they use

to clean the floor?

-I think that's a little personal.

You have a vinyl floor at home you want to clean?

Is that it? Yeah. Where is it?

In the bathroom or the kitchen?

All over?

You have vinyl all over your house?

-Just on the floor.

-I love you!

-Please give a warm welcome to Amy Poehler.

-Good evening.

One of my favorite parts of "The Carol Burnett Show"

was what we just saw,

when Carol would come out on stage

and answer questions from her audience.

It always felt spontaneous and real,

and Carol's genuine warmth always came through.

And to be honest, it -- it looked kind of easy.

So, in honor of those moments,

I'm gonna do my own version of that tonight.

So, um, this should be fun.

Let's just see who has questions for me.

Anyone? Questions?

Yes. You, ma'am.

-What happens to us when we die?

Wow. Right out of the gate.

That's a big one.

Um, it's an important question,

but let me just, like, get warmed up first.

But we'll get back to that 'cause that's important.

Anyone else? Anyone else have their hand raised?

Yes. You, sir.

-Yes. Hi. How do you think the world will end?

Nuclear disaster or climate change?

That's another heavy one.

I remember these being more fun.

I feel like the '70s were a little more fun.

So, does anyone have, like, a softball-type question,

you know, something like, "Oh, what's your favorite color?"

or, "What makes you laugh?" Anything like that?

Yes. You.

-What makes you laugh? -Oh, great question.

I think I just love watching funny and deluded characters,

which is why Carol's work is so dear to my heart.

-You know, what makes me laugh

is when scientists create robots with artificial intelligence

that will one day replace us all.

-Okay.

I couldn't really hear that last part, but...

I think I heard you say,

"Can you try to do Carol's Tarzan yell?"

And, okay, here goes.

Ahhhhhh-ah-ah--

I take it back. This is so hard.

I'm so sorry, Carol.

Nothing you did was easy.

This was not easy.

Your Q&A's were much harder than I thought.

Please, let's continue to take a look at the best of Carol

on "The Carol Burnett Show."

And I'm sorry I even tried this.

-I loved being all those different characters.

-Stella Toddler?

-Yes?

-This is your lifetime!

-iAy caramba!

Ha!

My enchiladas --

they were hot, hot, hot!

And now --

Now my enchiladas are cold, cold, cold.

-Mrs. Wiggins, could you come in here now and --

-Hello?

-Could you come in?

Uh, "Dear. Mr. Del Mar,

"uh, in regards

"to your letter of the 25th,

"I feel that a written reply

"is in the keeping of the company policy,

"rather than seeing you in person.

"And so I am forwarding this letter at this time

to you --"

Are you going to memorize this?

-Eunice spoke to me. I don't know.

The frustration, the angst,

the wanting to be somebody,

but not quite making it.

I just felt for her.

-Now, you listen to me.

I told you what the signal was.

This is the signal for proper name.

This is the signal for that.

Now, I am going to give you a proper name,

and then I am going to give you a sounds like.

Now, come on, Mama! You know this song!

-Well, how the hell can I think with you screaming at me?!

Proper name!

Sounds like!

-Stomach hand! -Unh!

-Pain! -Mnh!

-Agony! -Ugh!

-Belly! -Yeah!

-Sounds like "belly"!

"Wait Till the Sun Shines Belly!"

-I'm gonna kill you!

-Coming up, more great laughs from Carol's career.

Plus, Billy Porter, Vicki Lawrence,

-Carol Burnett, I am honored to celebrate you

on your 90th birthday.

You know, growing up in our household,

your show was one of the ones that we could watch as a family.

My dad loved Tim Conway, and -- I'll be honest --

maybe I had a little bit of a crush on Lyle Waggoner.

But it was your wit, your heart and boldness

that always stole the show for me.

So, on this birthday, I hope you feel all the love and joy

you have given millions of families

reflected right back at you.

I love you so much, Carol. And happy birthday.

-From "The Carol Burnett Show,"

here's Vicki Lawrence.

**

Stop.

Stop. You'll make me cry.

Who gets a fan letter from a gawky teenager,

looks up her family's number,

calls her on the phone,

and makes arrangements to come to see her

in the Miss Fireball contest?

Carol.

Who, on a hunch, hires that 17-year-old

to play her sister on her new variety show?

Carol.

Thanks to Carol, I got to go to the Harvard School of Comedy

in front of America.

People always ask me -- I don't know if they ask you,

but they always ask me,

"Did you guys have as much fun as it looked like?"

And I always answer, "You have no idea."

-Vicki, you've got a gold record.

-Have any questions you might like --

The gentleman there who falls asleep during our show

wants to ask you a question. -How old are you?

-No, no. -Ah.

-Oh, there you are.

-Oh, my darling, come into my arms.

-Together at last. -Ohh!

-Harvey had the best comedy chops of anybody

I've ever worked with.

-Molly? -Hmm?

-Why don't we have another kid?

-Man turning into beast.

Don't you know there's no such things as "werewoooolves"?

-Hello? Anderson residence. Hello?

Hello --

Oh, foolish me.

Hello?

-Mr. Handsome, there's a Miss Fusco to see you, sir.

-Hello there.

-Tim Conway -- that little mind never quit.

-Fire!

-Don't touch anything until the police arrive.

Fingerprints, you know.

Put on your gloves.

-But I've just waxed the doorknob.

-He would be coming up with bits of business

that were just brilliant.

-I'm sorry, sir.

-And so, many times, that's what we used.

So, I always wanted to let him go and let him do his thing.

I don't know what made Vicki the perfect Mama

except that she is a perfect talent.

-Aha!

Aha!!

Oh! Oh, Camilla. What are you doing here?

-Well, I could ask you the same question,

but it's perfectly obvious what you're doing here.

You and this little Norwegian nothing

have a lot of nerve doing this to me,

and I won't stand for it! I won't! I won't!

I'm a big Hollywood star. Do you hear me?

A big Hollywood star!

And I will not have you treating me like an extra.

I've worked a long time to get where I am,

and I will never be humiliated like this again!

Never, never, never!

-Oh, that's wonderful.

-I have twin sons.

One son is werewolf.

The other son is a lead singer in a rock group.

When the moon is full, you couldn't tell them apart.

Go raise children.

-She was 18 when we discovered her,

and I think she was 24 when we had her play Mama.

She learned all about comedy

in front of 30 million people a week.

-You're really nuts, you know?

-Nuts? -One of these days

they're gonna come over here and lock you up.

-Oh, lay off of me, will you? -You ain't playing

with a full deck, Eunice.

I think somebody blew your pilot light out.

-Oh, boy.

That's a new one, Mama.

-I think I might be the luckiest person here tonight

because I'm the one who got to spend

11 of the best years of my life working with this lady --

or, as you love to say, playing in the sandbox.

-Absolutely. -Yes.

They asked me to pick a favorite clip

to share here tonight, and I thought,

"Well, I could maybe narrow it down to --

I don't know -- maybe 200."

And then I got to thinking about all the incredible music

that we did on your show.

And we had the special music material writers,

you know, who would write these incredible musical take-offs,

amazing medleys.

So, what I picked means a lot to me.

It was the final episode of the season in 1975,

and I was pregnant with my very first child.

I was, like, very pregnant,

like, 10 minutes from giving birth.

And as my due date grew closer,

Ken and Mitzie Welch put together a medley of lullabies.

But I mean, like, every lullaby you've ever heard in your life.

It was incredible.

Did we have so much fun rehearsing that?

It was so much fun.

And I think Carol, being a mom,

knew how much it would mean to me.

Thank you so much, Carol,

for this memory and for all the memories.

And I hope there are a whole lot more.

I love you.

-* Close your eyes, sleepyhead

* Bright angels will guide you

* Close your eyes, sleepyhead

* Angels gather near your bed

* Lullaby and good night

* Till the dawn's early light

* Lullaby and good night

* Time to turn out the light

-I love you so much.

-Up next, a special musical tribute

to "Annie" with Jane Lynch,

-Hi, Carol. It's Martin Short. -And I'm -- Well...

-And we are so excited

to be sending our birthday greetings to you.

Mwah! -Because you are 90 years old

and we have loved you for every year of our lives

except for the part where we weren't born yet.

But happy birthday. -Yeah. Oh, happy birthday

Mwah! We love you, genius girl.

-Please welcome Oscar winner Charlize Theron.

-I am a huge fan of the classic movies,

films like "Sunset Boulevard," "Show Boat,"

"The Little Foxes," "Gone with the Wind."

But you know what I love more?

It's what you and your cast

did to them on "The Carol Burnett Show."

So, your take on them was brilliant.

Those parodies had great music, amazing costumes,

wonderful dialogue, and unforgettable characters.

Let's take a look at your great parodies.

-To Nora Desmond,

the greatest silent film star of them all.

-Max? -Yes, madam?

-Is there someone there? -Yes, madam.

-Good.

-No!

I shall remain steadfast against your lustful urgings,

never, never submitting to your wanton sexual appetites

and your mad burning passions

and your need to ravish and debauch.

Say something, Captain! Say something!

-This is it,

the first human contact with a being from another planet.

-Speak for yourself.

-That shape!

That form!

Why, he looks almost

like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

-Oh, darling. Don't worry.

I'll get you the finest doctor that money can buy.

**

-Hello. -Who are you?

-I'm the finest doctor money can buy.

**

-How did you know she was sick? -I heard the music.

I'm afraid she only has five minutes to live.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

I'll act as though nothing had happened.

Hey, funny face.

Guess what. -What?

-The doctor says you're gonna be alright.

There's nothing wrong. How about that?

Hey, how'd you like something to eat?

I'd love a 4-minute egg.

-Starlet, I love you. That gown is gorgeous.

-Thank you. I saw it in the window,

and I just couldn't resist it.

-Please give a warm welcome to the movie's original Annie,

Aileen Quinn.

**

-No one was better than Carol at those hilarious parodies.

I enjoyed watching that.

But let's not forget she's also a brilliant film actress.

-You think I like to see you so jealous of Nick

that you feel you have to tackle him?

You think that makes me feel good?

-I think we should get to the heart of this.

-The heart of this

is that you wish you had some blond nymph

adoring you like he does.

So, go on. Go find one.

Christ! How long are you gonna hang on to these fantasies?

The reality is you're married to a middle-aged woman

with a good sense of humor and dry skin.

And if you don't like it, then go find yourself a nymph.

-You are an art collector?

**

I think that's just wonderful.

I love art.

Of course, I don't know too much about it,

but I do know I love looking at pictures.

I think it would just be wonderful

to be able to collect it like that.

**

-And of course one of the roles

she's most known for is Miss Hannigan.

Yes, in the film that I was lucky enough

to be a part of -- "Annie."

-Leapin' lizards!

-* Little girls, little girls

* Everywhere I turn

* I can see them

**

* Little girls, little girls

* Night and day I eat, sleep, and breathe them *

* I'm an ordinary woman with feelings *

* I'd like a man to nibble on my ear *

* But I'll admit no man has bitten *

* So how come I'm the mother of the year? *

**

-Ladies and gentlemen, Jane Lynch.

**

-* Little cheeks, little teeth *

* Everything around me is little *

* If I wring little necks

* Surely I would get an acquittal *

* Some women are dripping with diamonds *

* Some women are dripping with pearls *

* Lucky me, lucky me

* Look at what I'm dripping with *

* Little girls

**

* How I hate little shoes, little socks *

* And each little

* Bloomer

* I'd have cracked years ago

* If it weren't for my sense of humor *

* Someday I'll land in the nut house *

* With all the nuts and the squirrels *

* There I'll stay tucked away

* Till the prohibition of

* Little gi-i-i-rls

Please welcome Billy Porter and Bernadette Peters.

-* I remember the way our sainted mother *

* Would sit and croon us

* Her lullaby

* She said, "Kids, there's a place that's like no other" *

* "You got to get there before you die" *

-* Now, you don't get there by playing by the rule books *

-* You stack the aces

-* You load the dice

-* Mother dear

* Oh, we know you're

* Down there listening

* How can we follow

* Your sweet advice

* To

-* Easy street

* Easy street

* Where you sleep till noon

-* Yeah, yeah, yeah -* Yeah, yeah, yeah

-* Yeah, yeah, yeah

-* She'd repeat

* Easy street

* Better get there soon

-* Easy street

* Easy street

* Annie is the key

-* Yes, sirree -* Yes, sirree

-* Yes, sirree -Whoo!

-Yeah! -* Easy street

* Easy street

* That's where we're gonna

* Be-e-e-e

-* When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely *

* I just stick out my chin

* And grin and say

* Ohh

* Tomorrow, tomorrow

* I love ya, tomorrow

* You're only a day away

-* Tomorrow, tomorrow

* I love ya, tomorrow

* You're only a day

* Awa-a-a-a-y

**

-Coming up, Sofia Vergara, Susan Lucci, Marisa Tomei,

-I laugh at mys-- Not that much, but only a little bit.

Happy 90th, Carol. Love you.

Love you, love you.

**

-Please welcome Sofia Vergara.

**

Buenas noches.

**

The theater that we're in tonight

is not too far from the one where Carol worked as an usher

during her summer break from UCLA.

Unfortunately, the manager fired her

when some customer demanded to be seated

at the end of an Alfred Hitchcock thriller

and Carol insisted that they had to see it from the beginning.

That's right.

That night, Carol lost her 65-cent-an-hour job.

And years later, when she was asked

where she wanted her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame,

of course Carol said she wanted it

in front of the very theater that she was fired from.

That's, I think,

one of the things that we all love about Carol,

that she never takes herself too seriously

and that there's always a laugh in everything

and anything that she does.

So, now let's take a look

at a few of her best roles on television.

-What kind of doctor do you call yourself?!

-Mrs. Stemple, Mrs. Stemple,

Jamie is trying to have a natural childbirth.

-Ahh.

-Are you out of your mind?

-Maybe you could talk to costumes about getting --

getting you a longer loincloth.

I saw your balls.

-What?

-I saw your balls then.

-Then be calm. -I'm calm!

-Hold this. -I'm calm.

I'm calm.

-Help!

-Angie, I'm scared.

-Hey, Rosie, I was, too, on my first day.

Everyone is. -You know something?

The difference between you and everyone else is you've got me.

Come on.

-Sometimes I think my real talent is in attracting bad men.

-Well, good ones are hard to find.

-Oh, dear God, what did we do to our sons?

We taught them to believe that you obeyed,

that you did what you were told,

that you didn't question.

But it was wrong.

It was so wrong.

They would be alive today.

That's what we have to live with.

-I used to watch "All My Children" every day.

It would be my lunch hour.

And Agnes Nixon, who created "All My Children,"

called and said, "Would you like to come on the show

and be a character?"

I said, "Absolutely."

I had a whole storyline,

and I got to work with Susan Lucci...

-Oh, perfect!

-...who is the opposite of Erica Kane.

No diva about her at all.

If Opal wants to fight for Sam,

she's gonna have to go mano a mano with moi.

-Then you better just "tangono"

out of "town-o" right "now-o."

-From "All My Children," please welcome Susan Lucci.

-Oh, Carol, you were a member of our family

when you were on "All My Children."

You did a great send-up of soaps on your show --

"As the Stomach Turns."

I loved watching it.

I know everyone did.

But I tell you, you could just do a take on any genre

and find the funny.

And, boy, are we all so glad that you did.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-Next, a tribute to the legendary Bob Mackie

-For Carol, this meant a new connection to someone

she's known for years.

That's Bill Hader. You know him?

-Bill?! Of course!

He was on my 50th-anniversary show.

-Oh, my God. -Well, it was a family affair.

-Isn't that something?

-Hey, Carol.

Sorry I couldn't be there tonight,

but I am busy planning the Burnett family reunion 2023,

and it is going great.

We're having a great time.

Last night, we had a sketch night,

which was fun,

except we didn't get through a single sketch

because people kept breaking.

But that's kind of our thing, right?

But I wanted to say, on behalf of myself and my family,

we were so thrilled to find out that we're related.

But the truth is, Carol,

that you make anybody who's ever met you,

you know, or seen you perform

feel like family.

So, on behalf of your family, real and honorary,

I want to say thank you for the love and the laughter,

and thank you so much for just being one of my heroes.

Congratulations.

-Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mrs. Wiggins.

**

**

-Hello?

Is that lunch?

-No. Mrs. Wiggins, I'm the director.

And you need to introduce the Bob Mackie clip package.

-Watch...this...

movie.

-Bob Mackie is a genius.

**

He would come up with these ideas.

In fact, he has often said

that he enjoyed doing the character work

even more than just designing pretty clothes.

-Actually, I have it on backwards.

-And he designed not only what I wore,

but what everybody wore on my show,

which means, with all the sketches, the dancers,

the guest stars, Harvey, Lyle, Vicki, me, Tim.

-65 to 70 costumes a week.

So, do the math.

200-and-some-odd shows, 70-some-odd shows.

That's about 17,000 costumes in 11 years that he designed.

Bob Mackie.

-Now, we all know that the actual Mrs. Wiggins

belongs to the one and only Carol.

And here is the man himself

who designed all those great costumes --

Bob Mackie.

**

**

-Hi, darling. -Hi!

-Darling.

-So, tell me more about the Mrs. Wiggins costume.

-Well, actually, Mrs. Wiggins --

she wasn't the most tasteful girl in the world,

but everybody liked her, and she had a great body.

-What about Carol? I understand that there was --

-Yeah, Carol thought her behind was a little flat,

and she said, "What am I gonna do?

You're gonna have to take the skirt in."

And I said, "Just arch your back

and stick out your butt and walk."

And it was perfect.

-So, let's talk about Eunice.

-Oh, Eunice.

Well, Eunice was the most unhappy woman alive.

Her mother didn't like her. Her husband couldn't stand her.

And, you know, she wore the same dress day in and day out.

-It suited her, though.

What about this classic, classic costume?

-This is an iconic --

kind of the trademark of Carol Burnett.

There's cartoons. There's greeting cards.

There's everything with that person on it.

-And, Bob... -How about --

-...tell me about Nora Desmond.

-I love Nora Desmond.

She was a take-off on Swanson.

-Was it Gloria Swanson? -Gloria Swanson.

-Gloria Swanson was amazing

because she saw when Carol did that part

and she was really amused.

And she wanted to be on the show.

-And over here, our other favorite --

Stella Toddler. -Stella Toddler.

-When this one came on,

she did things with her body that nobody else could do.

-And the costume allows for all the physicality.

-And she would, like, fall down,

and then she'd just sit there because she couldn't get up.

You know, it was that kind of a character.

And we laughed and laughed.

-And, you know, what I what I don't see here, though,

is one of the most iconic costumes

you've ever made for Carol. You know which one --

the curtain rod. -The curtain rod dress...

-From? -...that Starlet O'Hara...

-From "Went with the Wind."

-"Went with the Wind" pulled down,

and people still ask me all about it.

**

-The original, though, is so famous.

It's in the Smithsonian... -Oh, is it?

-...so we would have to break into the museum to get it.

We couldn't get it here tonight.

**

-Maya Rudolph, where'd you get that dress?

-Oh, this old thing?

Oh, I saw it in the window of the Smithsonian,

and I just couldn't resist.

-Coming up, Lisa Kudrow

and the funniest "Carol Burnett Show" bloopers,

-Carol, it was back in 2005 when President Bush presented you

with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

We all agree you're a legend, a pioneer,

and you've enriched our nation.

-You are a national treasure.

You've broken barriers, inspiring the next generation

of little girls to reach for their dreams.

And you've done it while spreading laughter,

joy, and warmth.

-We love you, kid. -Happy 90th.

-Happy birthday.

-Please welcome Lisa Kudrow.

**

-You know, when you screw up at a regular job,

it could possibly get you fired.

But when you messed up on "The Carol Burnett Show,"

it was a blooper that was proudly broadcast.

And when you'd watch the bloopers on the show,

on Carol's show, yes, it was hilarious,

but you'd also feel how much she loves what she gets to do

and how much she loves and enjoys

the people she's working with.

And she's generously sharing that with her audience.

And whether it's a comedy sketch or straight acting --

and she's a really good actress --

bloopers or not, Carol,

what comes across is how much real fun you're having.

And that transcends whatever is written in the script.

-The bloopers and the crack-ups were never, ever rehearsed.

-I was at this freak show one time,

and I -- I saw these Siamese elephants.

They was adjoined at the end of their trunks like that.

And this trainer would make them

stand up on their back feet like that,

and they had their trunks stretched like that.

Then this little monkey would come out.

He would walk out there and dance the merengue right...

I kind felt sorry for them.

They couldn't go like the other elephants when they go --

All they could do is just blow and go, "Nork."

-Go, Mama.

-Go, Mama.

-You sure that little ass...through?

-A few weeks later,

I got back at Tim with my own ad-libbed elephant story.

-For transportation once,

he gave me this pair of elephants.

They were Siamese.

They was joined at the trunk.

And whenever one of them wanted to go somewhere,

the other one would have to walk backwards.

-Harvey was adamant he never wanted to crack up.

He hated himself for doing it,

but it was impossible when Tim got on a roll.

It's funny. People think that's all we ever did.

That wasn't a major part of our show at all.

If you really count the times, it was mainly Conway --

and not all the time.

-Coming.

-But people think we did it so much because it's so delicious

when you can't -- when you can't help it.

-Take a firm hold of the hypodermic needle.

Right.

-When I was watching Tim and Harvey

do the dentist sketch,

again, it was Tim coming up with all that Novocaine shtick.

-Well...I'll be right with you.

-And the audience was screaming with laughter.

The crew. I'm in the wings.

And what went through my mind was,

"This should go in the time capsule."

And, you know, that's over 50 years old now.

And I dare anybody to watch it today

and not laugh like crazy.

It's timeless.

-I'll just, uh, try and --

-Hi. I'm Melissa Rauch from "Night Court."

I've been a Carol fan for as long as I can remember.

When I was 15, my mom took me to see Carol

in "Moon over Buffalo" on Broadway.

I had written her a fan letter,

which I gave to the stage manager before the show,

and a little while later the stage manager came over to us

and said, "Come on backstage. Carol wants to meet you."

I had my extensive list of questions,

and I had so much to say

about how brilliant she was in the show,

and all I managed to blurt out was,

"Um...you're so good."

Well, Carol was so incredibly kind,

and, sensing that I was nervous,

she asked if I wanted a picture

with my little disposable camera.

And, well, there it is.

I don't think it's physically possible

to have a bigger smile on my face.

I met Carol one more time after that

and she was equally amazing and I was equally tongue-tied.

So I promised myself if I ever had the opportunity

to be in her presence again,

I would pull myself together,

properly thank her for all she means to me,

and tell her how eternally grateful I am

for encouraging me to go after my dreams that day.

So, Carol...

you're so good.

-Coming up, Cher,

-Hello. It is my honor to join the celebration

of Carol Burnett's 90th birthday.

Carol...

Upstairs in our offices, we have hung

a huge photo of Carol on our show

doing her famous Tarzan yell

so my writers and I can pass by that picture every day

and look to it for something to aspire to.

So, Carol, for your example and your talent,

from me and everyone you've entertained

and inspired for so many years,

happy birthday, and thank you.

-* We're two girls who love what we do a lot *

* We're two girls who

* When we're good, we're very, very good *

* And when we're bad -Ooh!

-* We're hot

-And now, please welcome the one and only Cher.

**

-Thank you.

So, I wore this dress tonight for Bob and for you.

And when "Sonny & Cher" had the summer show,

we didn't have any money,

and Carol and I are the same size,

so Bob raided your closet for us

so I had something to wear, so --

Did you know that?

Okay, well -- well, we did.

Alright, so, when I was outside, people were asking me questions,

questions about you.

And I said, "Oh, she's kind and she's funny

"and she teaches you so much.

"And she's the kind of woman,

"kind of star that, if you meet her,

you're never gonna be disappointed."

I can always think of just her being so kind and helping me

because I wasn't really sure what I was doing, you know,

'cause I'd had Sonny as a partner

and when I went on my own, I was really frightened.

And you helped me. And you know you did.

And I don't know. I just love her.

And I wanted to be just like her.

And I'm not just like you, but I'm my own version of you.

So, those were really happy days,

and you are a great mentor and a great example

for many, many women in the United States.

I'm not sure if you knew it. You must have known it.

So, you featured everyone in the music industry.

Simply put, watching Carol Burnett's show

was like having a front-row seat at the Hall of Fame concert.

So, I love you, and I'm so happy to be here with you tonight.

-I loved all the musical guests.

-* That wonderful year we hope you'll see *

Golden voice.

-* The past reappear like a memory *

* We'll show you the way it used to be *

* Remember

* Do you know the way to San Jose? *

* I've been away so long

-* I may go wrong and lose my way *

-I often enjoyed having some of the singing people

be in sketches, and a lot of them said,

"Nobody's ever asked us to do these sketches before."

Even Ray Charles did a sketch with me,

and he said, "Oh, this is fun!"

-* When I want rain

* I get sunny weather

* I'm just as blue as the sky

-* So am I, so am I

-* Since love has gone -* Love has gone

-* Can't pull myself together

-* Guess I'll hang my tears out to dry *

-All of them. I mean, oh, my gosh.

Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Tormé and Bing Crosby.

-* You and your fancy flattery

* You're laying it on for spite *

-* You're big and strong

-* You figure you'll charge my battery *

* And I'll get too hot to fight *

-* You're handsome, too

-* Now it's time you were took in tow *

-* Yes, I know

-* That flattery stuff don't go *

-No? -* I'll follow you anywhere

-Ethel Merman and on and on and on.

-* This is a real big Ferris wheel world *

* I'm romancin' and we're having a big, beautiful ball *

-* I don't care

-* You don't care

* If we are

* If we are

-* At the bottom of the class in high school *

* 'Cause you're on the honor list in my school *

-* Movies gave us tunes we'll always treasure *

* They gave us pleasure

* Each measure makes you feel good *

-* Keep writing songs like these *

-* We need your melodies

* Hooray for Hollywood

**

**

-And now with a special performance

paying tribute to all of your musical guests,

please welcome Sutton Foster and Darren Criss.

**

-* Aren't they fun?

* Aren't they fantastic?

* Carol Burnett's duets

-* Everyone enthusiastic

* Carol Burnett's duet

-* No other show could beat

* Carol Burnett's duets

-That's right. * Friendly yet so elite

-* Love 'em

* Can't get enough of 'em

-* She'd play the ham

-* They'd play it straighter

* Carol Burnett's What is it?

-It's duets. -* Duets

Thank you. * They brought the glam

-* And she brought the theater

* Carol Burnett's -It's duets.

-I know. * Duets

-* Standing next to a stand-out someone *

* Just to watch herself become one *

* Carol Burnett's duets

-So many icons. -There's too many to count.

-* So we're here to buy that smile that you sell us *

-I mean, you sang with every hero of mine,

every great artist on the planet.

* I'm not gonna lie

* I'm just getting jealous

-Darren, this isn't about you. -I know, but it's just --

Can we just say it's not fair? -It's gonna be okay.

-* Hope this number will help uncover *

* Just how much the people love a *

-* Carol -* Carol

-* Burnett -* Burnett

-* Duet

* Don't get much better

* Than Carol Burnett's

* Due-e-e-e-ts

-Next, Laura Dern, Allison Janney,

and Kristen Wiig,

and later, Ellen DeGeneres,

-Hi, Carol. It's Tina Fey saying hi from New York.

I'm so sorry I'm not there with you tonight,

but you know that I love you. I think you're a genius.

I know, in fact, that you're a genius.

I hope you're having an amazing time tonight.

And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Every few years, when floral dresses

with puffy sleeves come back into fashion,

I almost get sucked in.

But then I think about it, and I know

that I will look like Eunice.

And I don't buy it.

**

-From "Better Call Saul," it's Saul himself --

Bob Odenkirk.

-Okay.

We all know Carol is a comedy icon,

but she is an amazing dramatic actress.

I knew that watching her on other series,

and I got to see it firsthand

when she joined us on "Better Call Saul"

for our final six episodes.

I came away with stories about working with Carol

that will last a lifetime, and I also came away

with the knowledge of the importance of Life Alert.

-I trusted you.

-Marion? This is Valerie with Life Alert.

Are you okay? -No, Valerie, I'm not okay.

There's a criminal standing in my kitchen, threatening me!

He's a wanted man!

And his name is Saul Goodman!

-Alright, Marion, I'm calling the police.

I'm calling right now.

-Oh, my God. It was amazing.

She's so great. That scene --

That scene was rewritten exactly as I wanted it,

but not how your so-called good friend,

"Better Call Saul" executive producer Vince Gilligan

had written it.

Carol, there is something that you should know.

Vince wanted my character to kill you in that scene!

Look at him. He's shaking his head "no."

His exact words to me were,

"Saul ends up killing Carol Burnett."

And if I remember right,

he didn't say, "Kill Carol's character."

No, no, no. He said, "Kill Carol Burnett!"

And I refused!

And I told him I'd walk!

Carol, I was willing to risk my career

and never work in this town again

because I did not want little children who watched our show --

and I hope many of them did --

to see me on the street and say,

"Mommy, that is the man who killed Carol Burnett!"

And that's all I wanted to say,

that I'm your real friend and Vince is not!

And one more thing.

Vince and I and everybody on our show --

we think you're the greatest.

And now, because you refused to stop working,

here's a clip from your newest series, "Palm Royale."

Check it out.

**

-Ahh.

Finished.

Finished!

Robert?

Where's my Robert?

Shake me another martini,

and then let's play doctor.

Oh, Robert, please come up.

You can't still be mad at me, can you?

Robert?

Robert?

Robert!!

**

-And now please welcome Carol's "Palm Royale" co-stars,

Laura Dern, Kristen Wiig, and Allison Janney.

-Good evening, amazing Carol.

Allison, Kristen, and I

feel so lucky to be able to honor Carol tonight.

We had the opportunity, as you just saw,

to work with her on our upcoming show, "Palm Royale."

And we were in awe, to say the least.

-And during shooting, we got so close

that we all became roommates. -Yeah.

-And Carol takes care of all of us.

Just financially.

-Thank you. -You guys, right now, at 90,

Carol is working harder and is busier than all of us.

I just heard that she is going to be playing all the parts

in different wigs for the next season of "The White Lotus."

-Ooh. -Yeah, I read that.

Really?

You know, and not just in Hollywood.

She's on the road giving talks, writing books.

-No, guys, she was my driver here tonight.

-Really? -Wow.

I saw her carrying a stack of cardboard,

and it turns out she's doing all the cue cards for tonight.

-Oh. -Mm-hmm. I heard that.

-You know, and to top it off, she wrote

what every person is saying about her tonight.

Yeah. On a typewriter.

-Carol, we don't know how you do it.

You've been our muse and artistic hero our whole lives,

and the greatest gift I shared every week with my grandma

was watching and loving you.

-Falling in love with sketch comedy

when I was a young girl was because of you.

And I still pinch myself that I got to work with you,

watch you, and now call you a friend.

-Alison? -Carol...

I'm not really familiar with your work.

But you must be very good for this many stars

to be kissing your ass tonight. -Yes.

Oh, wait. I think Carol --

I think Carol's saying something.

What -- What does that say?

-"Ladies, wrap it up." -"Ladies, wrap it up."

-Oh. Well, I told you.

-Alright, well, happy birthday. -Alright.

-Yeah. -Happy birthday.

-Uh, Carol, we still need you to give us a ride home, though.

-Oh, now I know who you are. Yes, I got it.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Love you.

-Coming up, Ellen DeGeneres.

-* I'm so glad we had this time together *

* Just to have a laugh or sing a song *

* Seems we just get started

* And before you know it

* Comes the time we have to say *

* So long

-And now here's Ellen DeGeneres.

**

-Oh, thank you so much. Hi, Carol.

Well, Carol, you know that I love you.

You know that because it's three hours past my bedtime

and at least six hours past yours.

I am honored to be here tonight

because Carol Burnett is one of my heroes.

And, like everyone said tonight, I grew up watching her

and loving her and laughing at every single thing that she did.

She didn't just pave the way for me

and female comedians everywhere.

She blazed the trail.

When I watched her, growing up,

I did not know I would be working in this business.

I never thought I would actually get to know her.

Not only, uh, do I -- do I know her.

I actually get to call her my friend,

and we actually are neighbors.

And, um -- which is something --

I mean, I can't believe we're neighbors.

And I have always been too embarrassed to --

to say this to you, but we're here.

So, um, there's a light on your porch that --

that shines directly into our kitchen.

If you could just re-adjust it or just get rid of it,

it's not -- It's in the kitchen.

Also, my Ring camera caught you stealing three Amazon packages

from our porch.

One, I thought it was a mistake,

but three -- mnh-mnh.

But that's not what tonight is about.

Tonight is about you and your incredible life.

And I want to say congratulations

to all of your singular, amazing accomplishments

in your legendary career and your trailblazing journey.

And I am so glad that we've had this time together.

Please welcome Katy Perry.

**

-* I'm so glad we had this time together *

* Just to have a laugh or sing a song *

* Seems we just got started, and before you know it *

* Comes the time we have to say so long *

* There's a time you put aside for dreamin' *

* And a time for things you have to do *

* But the time I like the best is in the evening *

* I can spend a moment here with you *

* When the time comes that you're feelin' lonely *

* And I'm feelin', oh, so blue *

* I just sit back and think of you only *

* And the happiness

* It still comes through

* That's why I'm glad we had this moment together *

* 'Cause it makes me feel that I belong *

* Seems we just got started

* And before you know it

-* Comes a time we have to say

* So long

Oh, God. Thank you, everybody. Oh, wow.

**

**

**

**

**