Original subtitles

You!

I think I'll go change in the car.

Good thinking.

You watch the road!

Okay.

What was that?

You know who that was?

Burt Reynolds. I'm almost positive!

I have a feeling you'll be seeing a lot of stars.

The pacific coast highway is a main route

from the studios to Malibu.

Now that's what you call seeing stars.

I've seen that look before.

You thinking about the CHP, uh

charity annual?

You really think I've forgotten last year's party, Jon?

The down to the wire changes, temperamental stars

opening night, flop sweat, huh.

Yeah, well, remember those words at the meeting.

'It's okay.'

Gear, brake check.

Go!

What's that kid doing here?

'Get out of the race!'

Hey, kid, watch your lane!

Watch it, would you?

It could have been your frame.

It's totaled.

Maybe I can save some parts.

May I see some identification?

He caused all this, officer.

I was jammed out of my lane.

You wimps are supposed to hang in the slow lane

like on freeways.

Look, he was racing out of his class.

You belong in midgets!

Okay, alright. Get out of here.

Just take it easy. Take it easy, would you?

Okay, where are your parents, Dane?

I live with my mom. She's working.

I'll call for a pickup.

Any unit in the vicinity of ECH.

11-98 need for transportation.

Hi! What have you got?

Unsupervised male juvenile

and, uh, a case of nerves.

Dane!

I want you to put your bike in the trunk.

You'll be going with officer Clark.

Okay, so I'm busted.

I want a regular cop.

Put your bike in the trunk.

Now!

Wipe the oil from your hands and wait for me in the front.

I'll follow this up and tell you about it at briefing.

Well, what do you think?

I hope we didn't shake you with that head-on.

Ansgar likes to showboat a little.

That's alright.

Nothing wrong with a little showmanship

when you're calling attention to a new product.

May I?

This is the most exciting innovation I've seen in years.

We figured to compete with it, but the track officials--

They-they-they said that it gave us an unfair advantage

but then we saw the real use for it.

I mean, this is safe, cheap transportation

'and-and we know everybody'd like to ride motorcycles.'

Any guy could sit his old lady and the rug rats in the sidecar

and boogie on down the road.

'Yeah, I can see that.'

Alright.

We'll start with a patent search

then I'll line up a good patent attorney.

Well, aren't-aren't you a patent attorney?

Patent advisor, the way the ad reads.

I handle the big picture, the, uh, manufacturing

licensing rights, foreign merchandising.

Now the patent search'll cost you 1,500 at the outside.

Is there a problem with the money?

Well, we hadn't thought about it.

I mean, your ad said "free advice."

Exactly.

My free advice is you pay for a patent search.

Alright.

My partner meant that he wasn't prepared

for the cash outlay right now.

I understand that.

Well, what if we bring the cash, uh

up to your office?

Well, that's fine.

Just don't wait too long.

A delay could cost you guys a fortune.

Well, we'll-we'll have the money to you, say, tomorrow.

I'll be there.

$1,500

Everything we've got is tied up in this cycle!

We can get the cash in minutes.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Will you face reality?

You know we're nothing but a couple of washed-up racers

with nothing going for us but this cycle car.

We had our skins on the lines on tracks all over the country.

Now we do a stunt on the freeway and we've got the money.

Who could catch us in this?

One time only, right?

Just once.

Okay, could I have your attention, please?

'It's CHP charity time again.'

Now, if you'll recall last year we raised

a lot of money for a very worthy cause.

This year proceeds will go to

actors and others for animals.

'Now if you're not familiar with it'

'the organization includes'

'some of Hollywood's biggest names'

who devote a lot of time and energy

to furthering the cause of animal welfare.

Uh, their participation should be good news

to the person in charge of lining up celebrity guests

uh, a post filled last year by Frank Poncherello

'who did an excellent job, by the way.'

That's my partner!

Okay. The, uh, first thing on the agenda is the theme.

Now, anybody have any fresh ideas?

Okay, um..

Barbecue's an American institution, right?

Uh, how about a giant cookout?

Yeah, we could get the merchants

to donate all the ingredients.

I'll do the cooking!

And we can stage it on a blocked-off

section of freeway.

Uh...thanks, Artie.

Any other suggestions?

Uh, yeah, sarge. How about a CHP rodeo?

I think my riding club would let us use the facilities

and, uh, people would make a lot of donations.

Besides Jon, uh

how many bronc riders do we have here, hmm?

Yeah?

Why don't we show the public

a side of the CHP they've never seen before?

In fact, most of us have never seen before.

A duty-ready motorcycle.

Completely disassembled, huh?

'I can just see all the parts strung out.'

Pistons, springs, valves..

...gaskets.

Softball game. We play the civilians.

Now wait-wait a minute. H-hold on.

Let-let's keep in mind what we're looking for here.

It's got to be timely, something that everyone

would enjoy and would pay to see.

I cook a great kreplach con pollo.

How about a bike

Now that's a good idea.

How

Uh, we could make it a relay race

get more riders involved.

Keep it short. Five, uh, kilometers.

Uh, you know, around three miles.

Actually, uh, 5K works out to, uh, 3.106 miles.

Now, that's a great idea, Frank, but do you think

enough people would be interested

in watching us race each other?

Hey, we get a few celebrities on bicycles

everyone would be interested!

Ponch, you remember last year?

Celebrities, stars, all sorts of--

Stars!

With some celebrity officials

and star contestants, we can't miss!

It's the CHP charity 5k star race!

Just when you think you've seen everything!

Did you get a description of the motorcycle?

It happened too fast.

A suspect in a sidecar dropped a few coats

and started all this.

Here, I got a list of the stolen merchandise.

Three autumn haze car coats, a beaver jacket--

What's the one with the question mark?

Uh, it may be a sale.

They're negotiating.

This coat was left on the highway.

Well, so it's got a few miles on it.

Wear and tear!

Look, you guys can untangle this without me.

I got a lot of paperwork, alright?

Hi, I saw you drive up.

I needed some additional information.

Sure.

The juvenile officer's talking to my mom

but come on in.

Alright.

The cop's here, mom.

The one that saved my skin.

- Oh. I'm Dane's mother. - Hi.

I'm so happy to meet you.

Please, won't you come in.

Julie Borris, county juvenile department.

Hi, Jon Baker. Nice to meet you.

Look, uh, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Oh, no, not at all.

I want you to know how verygrateful I am

for what you did for my son.

I'm just glad I could be there.

He was gnarly.

He came in scarfing up the blacktop--

I'm glad you're here, officer.

Uh, apparently there's no citation issued?

Oh, right, they cannot be conclusive

as to why he was in the motor traffic lanes.

Well, there's a history of Dane's behavioral problems.

'In the past year he's tried to sail to Catalina on a raft.'

'The coast guard found him after a two day search.'

He was a stowaway on an international flight

with climbing gear.

'Uh, the plan was to climb Mount Everest.'

I thought I heard the-the phone.

Uh, Linda, this is Jon Baker.

Uh, Linda, dear, go upstairs and turn off your stereo.

I was just explaining the big brother program to Dane.

Well, how about him?

'I'd go along with that.'

Well, there's more to the program

than selecting someone you admire, Dane.

I was just asking a question.

Mmm, discuss it with your mom

and, uh, I'll expect a decision by the end of the week.

Uh, if you have any questions, uh, call me.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

If I'm ever on a talk show you know what I'll go for?

A bathroom of your own.

Right. I'm so sick of washing my hair..

...in the kitchen.

Roberta, Chris

uh, this is Jon Baker.

Hi.

I'm so sorry for all the confusion today.

- That's alright. - Come on outside. We can talk.

I just have a few more questions.

So how did you end up in the center lane?

Okay. I'm jamming along, looking for a move..

And you lost it.

Yeah.

My sister Wendy.

Have I met all your sisters?

One to go.

Carol. She's at her diet class.

Need anything else?

Just your serial number on your bicycle.

I've got it here.

Someplace.

Look, Dane, uh..

I want you to tell me something straightforward

alright?

Why did you ask for me as a big brother?

Okay.

You know that girl cop that picked me up?

Officer Clark?

That's her.

She brought me in here.

And the lady juvenile officer called my mom.

Get the idea?

Keep going.

You know what they really call that program?

"The Big brother-big sister program."

And with the way my luck's going--

You'll get a big sister.

That's not the only reason.

But that's what I was thinking when I asked.

- So I blew it. - Look, Dane.

"Big brother program" is a carefully

supervised situation

with qualified volunteers, alright?

Sure.

It's okay.

My, uh...quarter horse club

has a program for youngsters.

I'll take you if you're interested.

Really

As soon as I can. I'll call you.

Don't forget!

Don't forget!

I want you to check this for, uh

final approval.

- Wow! - That looks good! Great!

I-I highlighted "star." that's the big draw, right?

Right, yes.

That's a great poster, Harvey.

Okay, it goes to the printer's today.

- Terrific. - Let me take a look.

What the heck am I gonna do?

Rocks on the coast highway.

That's an everyday occurrence, Grossie.

Who's the complainant?

Well, all we got is an address.

You want to check it out?

Yeah, why not?

Maybe I could use him.

Hey, who you got lined up, huh?

Any real biggies

I just formed the committees.

You have stars sandbagged, right, huh?

Waiting in the wings?

Come on, just give me a couple names.

Some other time, Grossman, okay?

Gotcha. You don't wanna dilute the impact.

Right.

Hold out for a big announcement.

That's very professional, Ponch.

Thank you!

See you, Grossman.

Well.

Are you Milton Berle?

If I'm not, I'm having

a lot of fun with his wife.

'What took you guys so long?'

And I'd hate to be waiting inside of a whale.

Well, that'd be a coast guard problem.

Very funny.

Do all you brownies come up

with these snappy one

Sorry. Uh, the complaint mentioned a road hazard.

Rocks, from up there.

Gone now, and you know where they went?

Whew! Right past here!

But they'll be back.

'Like the mudslides, the fires, the smog.'

Ah, I was a sweet guy before I moved here.

Well, then, why do you live here?

I'm a star. Where should I live, Oxnard?

Now look. What about the rocks?

Well, it's a condition that exists along the highway.

I mean, those bluffs are unstable.

Good answer, but I'd like another opinion, please.

Okay, the coastline here hasn't changed

much in several thousand years.

Huh

That one I like.

But no more funnies, huh?

Sometimes I get this feeling, this gut feeling

that maybe there's someone up there

tossing down rocks just to bug me!

'Maybe I got an enemy.'

Maybe somebody wants to kill me.

What do you think?

Well, that's a definite possibility.

Oh.

We'll check it out, sir.

Do that, will you? Thank you very much.

Oh, uh, Mr. Berle..

Yeah.

Uh, there's this charity event I'm working on--

And you want me to appear on it?

Yeah. Would you?

You got me, kid. I'm yours.

For a bicycle race.

A bicycle race?

Make it touch football and I'll be there.

You serious?

Only on one condition.

If somebody's out to get me...find him.

Thank you.

No one's tossing rocks up here.

Kinda puts you in touch with nature, huh?

You know, the football game would be a great icebreaker.

And that beach is perfect.

'Spectators could watch from the sand.'

What do you think, Jon?

Ponch, it's a bike race.

It's a star race,Jon.

'And the football game would be a great warm-up event.'

And it gives me a star.

He's your only star?

Running out of time.

Yeah, it seems that way.

Up until curtain time.

'Turkish-Serbian war. I have to go to Moscow at once.'

I won't let you go, Alexei.

I won't let you go. I won't let you go.

'See, Anna, this is why I didn't wanna..'

It's not fair. It's not fair.

It's not fair! It's not fair!

It's not fair!

No luck, right?

Do you know the furs we got

have got numbers tattooed on them?

Right on the pelt under the lining?

How much did you get?

Five hundred.

Oh.

We need a thousand more for the patent search.

Well, if you're planning another freeway heist, deal me out.

This is how we're gonna wind up, huh?

The hottest racing cycle team in the country

on the circuit, anyplace!

That was a long time ago.

We were champions. We deserve better than this!

- Hey! What--

Just listen to my plan.

I got the whole thing worked out.

You know the flea market by the Santa Monica pier?

Yeah, where they have the outdoor sales?

'Yeah, that's right.'

Only this time we'll get something

without numbers that's the same as cash!

Oh.

I'm talking about gold!

Gold?

Real gold.

See who was in that limo?

'That's Edie Marshall!'

Ah, was Steve with her?

I'm not seeing stars. That was Edie!

Dennis, what's causing this? An accident?

Ah, just beach traffic, mom.

On hot days like this, the highway's always jammed.

I wonder if the judge had any idea of the traffic situation

when he approved this custody plan.

Oh, mom.

It's a valid point, honey.

It's dangerous driving you back and forth through this traffic.

'The beach isn't a safe place for you.'

Rip tides, body builders.

But I like the beach!

Broken glass, hmm

None of these things could happen in Beverly Hills.

I'm taking you back home, baby.

Dad'll be really angry.

Notice how it catches the light. A very fine cut.

'Once in every five years I get a chain like this.'

Why don't you feel the weight of that chain.

- Of course.

Excuse me.

Is all this stuff solid gold?

Everything on the table is 14 karat. Solid!

- Everything.

- Yes, I do.

Uh, I'll be back. Really.

'Okay.'

Hey, help, help me. I've been robbed!

Stop! Stop, thief!

LA-15-7 Mary-3.

'All units in the Malibu area.'

'We got a landslide at the Pacific coast highway'

'and sunset, request paramedics.'

'LA-15 Mary-3. Advise you have a landslide..'

Are you okay?

Get away from the landslide. Get back!

Head down. Head down the highway! Let's go.

Come on, folks, down the highway. Move!

Hurry up. Get back. Get back off the highway!

Get back. Come on! Get back to highway.

Come on. You alright?

Take her. Take her down the highway.

Here we go.

- Alright, you got him.

Come on.

- Here, somebody take him. - Get back!

Somebody take him over there.

Come on, get out of there! Get out of there.

That thing's gonna go any minute!

No, I think it's over.

'Come on, let's find out if anyone's home.'

Hey! Alarm. The place is wired.

I know. There's signs all over the place.

That slide impact must have set off all the alarm systems.

They'll reset them when the highway's clear.

Terrific. Now it's housebreaking!

- Hey!

Wait, shh!

You know who this house belongs to?

- A television producer.

One of the biggest in Hollywood.

I've seen his name on the credits.

He's good.

Not great, but good.

Oh.

I figured he'd live like this.

Kelly, look at this.

This note's to his housekeeper.

The guy's in Europe, shooting a picture.

If we play it right, we could stay here

until the road's cleared.

Oh. Ah, we've-we've got that gold.

It wouldn't be hard to slip away in all this confusion.

Yeah, how about the cycle?

Well, uh, hide it. Come back later.

It's registered to you.

If the police found it, you'd be in trouble.

Well, uh, I'll report it stolen.

Then we're in the clear, right?

Well?

When we were building the cycle

I had to economize on parts.

Picked them up wherever I could.

If they ran a check on all the serial numbers--

Hot parts?

You let me register that cycle

with stolen parts on it?

Which parts?

The engine

forks

suspension..

...transmission.

Ohh!

I didn't tell you because I knew you'd worry.

" Yeah, worry.

I mean, we could hide out here

u-until the highway's cleared and then slip out.

Cash in that gold jewelry..

...and get that patent search going, right?

Huh?

- Okay. - Alright, good.

I'll take care of the cycle and you just relax.

Hey.

Will you lay back, enjoy this joint? Relax!

At least we're safe for now, the housekeeper won't be here

till Thursday, relax.

Relax!

Hot parts.

Hmm.

Yeah, I'll need a cross-trail done. Right? And two skips.

'Roger.'

'That was the big one? That was the big one?'

'I'm ready to get out of here. That was the big one?'

I've got all of my stuff, all of my stuff.

Just relax, sir.

Just a simple landslide, that's all.

You mean they-they gave me a second chance?

The engineer's checking it out.

Mr. Rhodes!

Shh. Shh. Shh. They hear you!

It's, uh, nothing really unusual.

Just a case of sediment adjustment.

Yeah? What would you call that?

Hey, that's really lovely. You have excellent taste!

He means the boulder.

- Up there.

Yeah, well, that's a..

...that's a boulder.

That's, uh, probably part of a rock outcropping, uh..

I'll go up there and take a look.

But I wouldn't worry about it.

I wouldn't either, if I lived in Barstow.

That rock cuts loose down the hill.

It rolls right through my sauna

and then into my bedroom where I sleep, and then

knocks off my hot tub on the way to the beach!

Well, no, sir. Uh, actually, that wouldn't have happened.

You see, uh, a boulder that size

on impact with a highway, would just explode.

Explode?

Like shrapnel? That's nice.

I'll get a flak jacket and a Buck Rogers hat like yours

and go through life waiting for a crash.

You know

you really got a great sense of humor.

But look, don't worry about it.

Uh, I'll check out the rock.

- I'll let you worry.

They're closing the highway to vehicles along the slide here.

Malibu CHP is covering the north end

we'll cover this end.

And we'll work out a schedule

to cover the crowd control and, uh, security.

'Some of the residents will be leaving the area'

'until the slide is cleared up.'

How long will it take?

Clearance? A few days.

Not sure about that boulder.

Now, we'll put you in soft uniforms

walking shoes, and light duty gear.

Like beach control?

Yeah, and ten-speeds too.

Ten

The roads will be jammed with clearance crews and equipment.

It's either that or a foot beat.

You can hack that, can't you?

I can hack it.

Officials expect the Pacific Coast highway

to be cleared within the next few days

but they're still not sure about the boulder.

That giant rock has prompted a number of area residents

to evacuate their beachfront homes.

But some of the people from around here

are refusingto leave.

Among them, Mr. Television, Milton Berle.

You're definitely not leaving, is that right, Mr. Berle?

That's the, uh, that's the way it is, Felicia.

Now believe me, I'm not talking like a big star.

Just an ordinary guy clinging to his land.

Ninety feet of beachfront.

You see, the le..

You see, uh, Felicia, I am fighting for a right

that's basic to all Americans.

Which right?

The right not to have

to live under a boulder!

- 'Thank you, Mr. Berle.' - 'You're welcome.'

'And thanks for being with us.'

'This is Felicia Jeter reporting live'

from beneath the boulder on the Pacific Coast highway.

You get that part about people evacuating the homes along here?

Yeah. So what?

Just thinking.

I can understand how you feel about bicycles.

A lot of people are afraid of heights.

S-say, I bet you could play, uh, touch football.

You do?

Oh, Linda, you look beautiful.

- Hi, this is Jon Baker.

May I speak to Dane, please?

Oh, hi. Uh, yeah, just a moment.

It's for you.

Hello?

' - Hi, Jon!

Yeah, I suppose you've heard about the coast landslide.

Yeah, I was a little worried.

I know you guys are right in there with stuff like that.

That's why I'm calling, we'll be patrolling

the slide area until the road's clear.

Guess I'm gonna have to cancel that, uh

riding lesson until later.

I understand. It's your job.

Let me know when you have the time.

Okay, I will. Talk to you later.

Alright. Bye.

Believe me, there are some things people never forget.

A few minutes on a bicycle and it'll all come back.

Okay, see you there.