Original subtitles

HI GUYS

HI PAPY

HELLOW .. ARE YOU THERE

Felix. -Hello.

Congratulations.

A shame your fianc�e couldn't make it.

I'd have liked to see her. -You'll have to make do.

There she is.

That's Donna? -Yes, that's her.

To the left. Come on.

To the left he said.

Down. Come on. Down with it.

Darling, do something. -To the right.

Ok, yes, yes.

Wow.

Fantastic. -Beautiful.

Thanks, Stanley.

Thank you all for the beautiful gifts.

I'm sure Donna will love them too.

She can't be here tonight. I don't know if you've heard.

Donna's a model.

And she suddenly had to do a photo shoot in Morocco.

We decided not to cancel the party.

She told me to say hi to all of you.

Donna's a very sweet girl. -Girl?

She's a woman, a beauty.

We're very happy for you. Congratulations.

Bye, Felix. -They can say many things about you...

...you sometimes look pretty bad, but you do have taste.

Good night. -Bye.

Why do we fall in love?

Because nature wants us to.

And why can't I get a girl?

Also because nature wants it?

The stupid games men and women play to get each other into bed.

Felix is not allowed to love the teacher.

You can go home, Felix.

Why do I make it so complicated? Birds just show off their feathers...

...and sing out loud.

Can't I be successful once? Just once?

O come, all ye faithful...

After acne started, the female boycott was complete.

While other boys chased girls, I spent my time on the courtship behaviour...

...poultry, frogs and game.

It was hopeless. I had to stop wanting a girl.

I tried to stop thinking about women and sex.

I succeeded so well that when I would think about them...

I kept seeing them everywhere. Women, women, women.

In the end, I had to give in.

Young man, 22 years old, wants to meet girl.

Has nothing that makes a man a man for a woman.

Falls in love with all women, without ever having loved one.

And he's most of all a coward.

Who wants to become my nightingale?

Felix. No, better say Frank.

You're Frank, aren't you? -No, I'm Felix.

You're Frank. You're Frank!

You're Frank! You're Frank!

He is Frank.

This is Felix. -It's not true.

Believe me. He's a friend of mine.

I'm lucky, Donna. I can talk to you whenever I want.

I win every discussion.

I go to bed with you whenever I want.

We like the same music.

The same food.

But most of all, you think I'm attractive and beautiful...

...funny and intelligent.

We'll have a great time together.

Turn it that way. You have to turn it that way.

Come on, hurry up. -I'm stuck.

Hold it!

Don't yell. -I'm not yelling.

The cupboard's falling apart. Esther, grab the cupboard.

I can't!

No Esther, go back. -That's what I said.

Can you keep it quiet? -Quiet?

I'm studying for an exam and I want...

Nice neighbour, Esther. -Can't you give us a hand?

Jerk.

Esther.

I want you to come out now.

A shower's functional first of all. So use it as such.

I don't care what you do in there, but I need to use the shower too.

Some people have to be somewhere on time.

He showers with his clothes on.

Felix, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you.

You're my best friend. Do we keep secrets from each other?

Come on, spit it out.

A girl moved in on my floor.

Now I'm in love again.

You just got engaged.

Donna's going to love this. -What do I do now?

What you should do?

Listen to me carefully.

You know you've been coming here for years.

We've always heard you whine that you couldn't get a girl.

Now you finally have a girl and the whining starts all over again.

Forget about that new girl, please.

Easy for you to say. You've never seen her.

Have a date with her.

And focus on her negative sides.

You can't dislike her if you don't know her.

Hello.

Would you have a...

...cup of sugar for me?

Stupid bitch.

Has that looker of yours come back from Morocco yet?

No, she's staying for a couple of weeks of holidays.

You have two hours to defend this proposition.

Good luck.

Felix.

I can't get through this. You try it.

I'll return it to you tomorrow.

Sorry about yesterday. -Why?

I wasn't very friendly.

You don't have to be.

Why not?

Can I offer you a drink tonight? -No.

I have a German exam tomorrow.

One drink?

Do you like the room?

It's only temporary. I'll go back to Gerard soon.

Gerard? -The man I was showering with.

Isn't he a bit older than you?

He's 19 years older. But he's really great.

Boys my age always had to be home at 1:30 AM.

So I'd take them home and they'd go inside after we kissed.

And I'd go back into the city. Sometimes 2 or 3 times per evening.

I was more independent than my boyfriends.

I get along better with older men.

Those young guys feel the need to prove themselves.

I don't want a young guy anymore.

I'd rather have Gerard.

He's a playwright. -Wow.

Have you known each other for long? -A couple of months.

I was working in a shop-window and it was raining really hard.

He watched me in the rain for 2 hours.

We moved in together in no time.

So he won you over in no time. -No way.

Gerard doesn't win over women. They win him over.

What a luxury. -We had a great time.

Especially in the beginning.

At one point he didn't want to make love to me anymore.

After a while, he didn't even kiss or hug me anymore.

He only did that with the dog.

So I asked him why not with me. He said: "You're not a dog."

We had a good talk last week.

He loves me as much as I love him.

But he wants to be sure he'll still love me in 30 years.

And how does he want to find out?

I don't know.

He'll have to show he loves me.

Another one? -Yes.

Dirty old bastard.

After the divorce, my father started writing love letters again.

Because he missed my mother and us.

He'd had therapy and stopped drinking.

And he wanted to try again.

At least things went better than when they were married.

My parents died during a cycling holiday.

Do you miss them? -I did at first.

But I think I'm over it now.

Do you have a girlfriend? -No.

I thought you were wearing a ring. -Me?

No. -Yes.

No.

And your other hand?

Oh, well. I must have been wrong.

What do you think of me?

I think you're quite nice.

Nice? -Yes.

Just nice.

Just nice? -Yes.

How do you think I look? -Drunk.

Seriously. -You look alright.

You're lying.

Look at me when you lie to me.

Well? -You could dress a bit better.

What's wrong with my clothes? -Nothing.

But you could dress a bit smarter.

And your hair. Another haircut maybe.

You think I'm ugly. -Nonsense.

There are very attractive things about you.

Such as?

You have beautiful hands, for instance.

My mother always used to say that too.

I'm about to have an oral German exam and I'm drunk as hell.

I'll fry you a couple of eggs. That'll fix you up.

Who's is that in the picture?

My sister. -Beautiful sister.

Thanks for the nice evening.

Yes, it was nice, wasn't it? -Yes, of course.

Or else I wouldn't have kept going all night.

I thought I'm not that sociable.

I didn't notice that. -No, no.

When will I see you again? -Not today.

I'm going to bed. -Tomorrow?

Maybe.

You're sweet.

Good morning, Herr Felix.

Come in.

Good morning, Fraulein Niemeyer.

Herr Koch.

Good morning, Herr Koch.

Good morning, Herr Koch.

Sit down, Herr Felix.

Herr Felix. -Yes?

Yes, Herr Koch.

Yes what?

Everything alright, Herr Felix?

You've read Der Zugf�hrer. Tell us the whole story.

Tell us how you feel, Herr Felix.

What's your name, Herr Felix?

I... -Speak German!

Go on.

I bet she was a bitch.

She's not a bitch.

What was that?

Sorry, but she's not a bitch.

That's great.

And now what?

Didn't you focus on her negative sides?

She doesn't have any.

Nonsense. Everybody has them.

She doesn't.

Bye.

How do I come on to her?

When I hear all this...

...I don't understand how you ever got with Donna.

Donna? -Yes.

That must have been agony.

She fell for me right away. -I see.

So that was easy? -Yes, only took one day.

So what's the problem?

Use your imagination.

Esther!

I have a couple of days off and I wanted...

...to go out.

I was wondering if you want to come along.

I don't know, Felix. -I have to know now.

The day after tomorrow then.

The day after tomorrow. -Yes.

Felix, don't expect too much of it.

Thank you.

Lovely. I haven't eaten anything yet.

Aren't you eating? -Yes, I am.

Robbie.

What's wrong?

Ever since my parents died, I can't handle funerals.

Was that alright?

Felix, Felix.

They were tearing the place down for me, did you hear?

I guess you didn't know I was that funny.

I don't understand you weren't laughing.

Science can't always focus on ethics and morals of society.

If it did, it could never be innovative.

If science is no longer innovative, it dies.

And society would die with it.

And concepts like morals and ethics would become meaningless.

You could also look at it from the point of view of the huge problem of...

Can't we talk about something else?

Bon app�tit. -Merci, Jean.

I won't eat this. -What?

I can't eat this.

It's embarrassing.

You're in love with me.

I'm not in love with you.

It's very nice to offer me all this...

...but it makes me feel guilty.

Why? Can't I offer you this?

I just like you.

You just like me.

Will you swear you're not in love with me?

Yes.

Repeat after me.

I Felix... -I Felix...

...I promise.. -...I promise...

...that I'm not in love with Esther... -...that I'm not in love with Esther...

...and that I don't love her. -...and that I don't love her.

I promise that. -So help me God.

Enjoy.

You haven't eaten for days.

You can't do that.

Stanley says you're in love.

I am, but not with Donna.

How can I marry Donna, when I'm thinking of someone else?

I can't eat anymore, or study.

What's her name? -Esther.

Does Esther feel the same way about you?

I don't know.

I know she doesn't want a relationship.

But she did kiss me.

So she must like you a lot.

I think so too.

The feeling she gives me, I'll never have with Donna.

And I can't accept any less anymore.

If you feel that way about Esther, you'll have to tell Donna.

You can't hide it.

She has the right to know where she stands.

Easy for you to say.

I shouldn't have let it get this far.

You've also been in love with Donna.

Not like now with Esther.

I'll fail my exams of course.

You can always do them next year.

What about the fridge?

You can keep it.

I'll tell Donna today.

Isn't she in Morocco?

I'll go see her parents.

In love.

It's been so long.

I don't even remember how it feels.

It sucks.

Excuse me.

Can I ask you something? -Of course.

Would you hit me on the eye?

Why?

It's very important. I need a shiner.

I can't just...

Please. -Listen to me...

25 guilders? -No.

On this eye. -But I...

Do you... -Please.

Yes?

Thanks a lot. -Are you alright?

Thanks.

Coward. -He was asking for it.

So are you.

How did you get that?

I lied to you. I did have a girlfriend.

But I broke up with her today. -Not because of me, I hope.

Not because of me? -Yes.

You promised you weren't in love with me.

What? -You promised you weren't in love.

I've never been this crazy about anyone.

You've opened my eyes and stopped me from making a big mistake.

I was going to marry her.

What does that have to do with me?

You're claiming me and I don't want that.

I've been trying to tell you that I love Gerard.

I'm crazy about her. -Great, but she doesn't want you.

By the way, what happened to that girl last night?

Didn't end well. -No?

I'm giving you a prescription.

Here you are.

It's not that serious. Let him have a good sleep.

He can collect his bike tomorrow.

You just don't do this.

Welcome all.

You'll be here for a couple of weeks to undergo the gastricon therapy.

Me and Johan will be counselling you.

Why are you here?

You're here because you all have the same problem.

The inability to approach the opposite sex from fear of rejection.

You've developed this problem over the years.

And your self-confidence has suffered.

But these wounds aren't serious. Just ignore them.

We're going to teach you some basic techniques...

...to start a conversation with someone else...

...with the objective to pick up that person.

We often get wedding-cards from ex-patients.

So there's no reason for despair.

That's all I have to say at the moment.

You now have the opportunity to get to know each other.

And then we start with a few basic exercises.

Followed by a group evaluation.

Good luck.

Did you write down...

Evaluation... of course.

What's so strange about that?

I've been doing this kind of nonsense for years...

...but the moment I leave, I clam up again.

Why do you do it then?

For my mother.

Want to go to the movies tonight? -No.

Stop. Why did you say no?

I don't have to say yes right away, do I?

But if you always say no, you can forget it.

What are you doing? Turn around.

Yes.

And now talk.

When my mother and I go eat in a pizzeria, for instance...

...she's the centre of attention.

That makes me proud of her and makes me think she's hot.

Why aren't you talking?

I say all kinds of things but she doesn't react.

Coby. Coby?

Do you hear me?

Johan. Give me a hand, please.

She's crazy about you.

I didn't do anything.

Congrats, Felix. It's working.

I don't want her. I'm in love already.

What a look.

How did it go?

I'm still crazy about you.

Listen. If you let me decide when I want so see you...

...and if I can continue to see Gerard...

...and if I can continue to see other guys...

...and if I contact you, not the other way around...

...and if I can be myself...

...then it's fine with me. -What do you mean?

Then we're an item.

Stanley.

I have a girlfriend.

Congrats, you're lucky again.

Why can I always get the women I want?

Charm.

Charm.

Telegram.

For me? -Yes.

Need to see you. Come to shop-window where it all started. At 9:30 PM.

Gerard.

What time is it?

9:28.

Can't we go faster?

He's not there.

This is not how you treat a woman.

What did he say?

He can't guarantee he'll love me in 5 years.

And something about me irritates him, but he doesn't know what.

He said it wasn't my fault.

Yes.

I made breakfast.

Take your clothes off. -Why?

Do you remember that first time...

...the relaxed atmosphere...

...clumsy stuff with your hands and your mouth...

...looking for closed zippers that you never found.

Remember that special moment...

...you were moaning on your back.

The seat was getting sticky...

...the steering wheel was in the way.

The grass was wet and squishy...

...in the dyke behind the hedge.

It was the... very first time.

It was the... very first time.

Is this your first time? -Of course not.

I've been engaged, haven't I? -You're in the wrong spot.

Felix, about what happened just now...

I'm having breakfast, ok?

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what I said.

We could always try again.

Do you want to eat something too?

Did you think you can teach like this?

Why not?

I haven't seen you for weeks.

What's going on with you? -Nothing.

Nothing? Apparently you were a zombie at your German exam.

That's not like you.

You're one of my best students. Don't tell me nothing's wrong.

I'm in love.

I understand that causes tensions.

But you have to forget about that for now.

You can be in love after you pass your exam.

You can't continue... -I don't want to study anymore.

Is that because of your girl? -No.

A relationship must have a sound basis.

What's a man without a career?

Some women don't care about that.

But those women don't tend to love men.

They only love themselves.

They'll even abandon the children...

...and start a life between chickens and ceramics.

Love's based on mutual dependency.

How can you make a woman dependent if you have nothing to offer?

Using charm and romantic dilly-dallies?

A woman wants to fall in love with someone who amounts to something.

What else would she fall in love with? A shinbone? A pubic hair?

Great fun, but it doesn't pay the bills.

I've been divorced for three years now.

I know what I'm talking about.

I've always been happy I pursued a career.

I educated myself and I can be myself.

My wife would never even read a good book.

She'd want to go out. Thought she was still sixteen.

But life's no party. It's about control and responsibility.

I could hardly write love letters to her until I was sixty.

I had to tell her I loved her every day.

If I'd say it twice a day, she'd think I was cheating.

When I was trying to make more money for us, she'd say "but you have me".

But she'd keep nagging that she needed this and needed that.

You can always come back here.

Whenever you want.

Felix.

Never make a woman think you take her for granted.

When she finds out, you lose her.

What's all this?

Is that him? -Yes.

Tell him.

I'm pregnant to you.

Pregnant?

To me? -Daddy?

Felix?

If he can sleep with her, he can look after her.

We're a Christian family.

Daddy.

But I am pregnant to you.

How is that possible? Explain that to me.

I haven't laid a finger on her.

No? You kissed me.

Kissed you?

One kiss. On your cheek.

Because the therapist told me to.

She's crazy.

Positive.

We can't go on like this. I'll move in with Chiel en Ernst.

You? Why you? You just stay here.

She's pregnant. I can't kick her out or send her back to her terrible parents.

I'm not responsible for...

You're not leaving, you hear?

Get out of my bed, idiot! Who do you think you are?

Esther! Esther!

Taxi!

Are you coping? -Yes.

We're almost there.

Careful, careful. -Where does it go?

Put it there.

I'll get you a beer.

Donna?

Beautiful, isn't she? That's my daughter Margot.

She works all over the world as a model.

She's my only child, but she means everything to me.

Is Donna four years old here? -Margot.

Little Margot. -No, she's five there.

She's missing two front teeth. -Yes, she's getting her big teeth.

Yes.

She's sixteen there.

Pretty, isn't she? She's also very sweet.

I've had to chase many men down the stairs.

Down the stairs? Has she been here?

I mean did she live here? -She was raised here.

It's a shame she lives so far away, in Germany.

This is where she lives. Wertach 76, Munich.

Do you want a sorbet?

That's the first thing you've said to me in days.

Do you want a sorbet or not? -Yes, please.

You think I'm ugly. -You're not that bad.

You're lying. -Yes, how did you know?

I am ugly.

You blame me for the fact that Esther left.

But if she had loved you, she'd have stayed.

I was with Esther until you arrived.

I had a boyfriend too once. Ben.

I broke it off.

Or actually, we both broke it off at the same time.

He's a doctor.

But he's not allowed to give injections. -Then he's not a doctor.

Yes, he is. -Impossible.

Ok, he's almost a doctor then.

Almost curing someone means letting them die.

You're jealous of Ben.

I don't even know him.

Maybe you've seen him in the street.

And how do I know it's Ben?

There are hundreds of people in the streets.

He's tall and he has short dark hair.

He has blue eyes and he's strong and smart.

And he must be very sweet.

You're so dumb.

You always put me down.

I'm not putting you down, but you say stupid things.

I always say everything I think.

Dumb, right? -Now you're making sense.

First Donna, then Esther and now Margot?

Let me tell you something.

Next time you come in here, will be the last time.

Go mess things up for others.

He can't help being in love. -Yes, he can.

No, he can't. You don't know what you're talking about.

What's that supposed to mean? -You don't pay me any attention anymore.

You only come here to sleep and to drink.

You don't even touch me anymore.

You don't show me affection anymore.

You only live inside your head and you don't care about feelings.

MUNICH

Good morning.

Good morning.

Can I help you? -No, thanks.

Very kind of you. -Did you get lost?

No, I'm just walking around a bit.

I'm a tourist. -Where are you from?

From Holland. Amsterdam.

I'm also from Amsterdam.

Really?

Margot, I have to go.

I'm coming. I'll be right back.

Have a good trip. Take care of yourself.

Good night. -Good night.

Good night. -Good night.

2 YEARS LATER

Cheers. -Cheers.

We're going, Felix. -Have a good trip.

Both be good to daddy. Until next week. -Have fun.

I put everything ready. The tickets are in the red suitcase.

You're a darling.

No, not again. I'm falling in love again!