Original subtitles

This film won top prize for a feature film

at the 1964 Canadian film awards in Montreal.

(Wind blowing)

This film represents a filmmaker's take on the concerns

of certain groups of French Canadian youth.

Montreal, 1964. Under grey skies.

During an unusually mild winter.

Claude and Barbara are living out the last days of their relationship.

National film board of Canada presents

- my name is Barbara, and...

I'll be 20 on October 8.

I am Jewish.

I'm a libra,

but I don't really like that sign

because it means my ruling planet is Venus,

and I want to be an intellectual.

- My name is Claude and...

I'm 23.

I'm French Canadian, so I'm trying to find myself.

I know I need a lot of stability and a lot of...

Advantages if I'm going to succeed at anything.

In a film by gilles groulx

my society doesn't give me what I need...

To live a life that's enlightened.

So, I tend to seek a kind of solitude,

to find, within myself, certain truths.

I have no choice.

I'm like the cat in the bag.

The cat in the bag

(jazz music)

- Photographs... mirrors...

I do my hair, mess it up, I put on makeup...

I come from a bourgeois family.

I have to admit I enjoy luxury.

I don't really get along with my mother...

Well, she's pretty...

Liberal in the way she thinks, but...

With the bourgeois, there's always something.

I can't date whoever I want.

I have to be home by a certain time.

I'm sick of it!

- One way to cope:

As I was saying, be a loner.

Stick to yourself and a few friends.

[Voice over] That's why I'm reading the negro revolt,

the Cuban revolution, and frantz fanon.

I worship Jean vigo. I'm learning proverbs.

I'm also reading this. Taking sides

and this. A plea against censorship

I cut out news articles to better remember events.

And I tape them to the wall, along with my ideal woman.

Ultimately, I'm looking for...

A way out.

I do a lot of biking.

(Bicylcle wheel spinning)

I'd like to box.

[Voice over] I bought an Italian bike from baggio.

And I've already got a boxer's nose.

Truth is, I'm a bit lost.

(Jazz music continues)

One believes less and less in one's destiny.

[Voice over] I'd like...

No. I don't really want anything.

(Bicycle wheel rolling)

I worked at a newspaper, where I tried a few things,

where I thought I could really express myself and really...

Hear myself.

I tried to reach people who would understand.

It was a waste of time.

- Last summer...

(Jazz music continues)

Before meeting Claude.

Have I changed since then?

I don't think so.

I'm always the same.

An optimist.

But why?

I ask myself.

When I look closely at things,

I lose all my optimism.

Is it... Is it all just an illusion?

Is attending the national theatre school just another game?

Am I kidding myself? No, it's not a game.

The map of Quebec. Montreal, right here.

Such a tiny city in this huge space, in this huge country.

I want to travel there,

there, and there...

All the way to there.

I want to see things. I'm...

Very, very drawn to all those lives,

the people, eskimos...

Different ethnic groups.

[Voice over] I don't know anymore.

After the national theatre school,

I'll go to Europe and live in Paris.

- [Voice over] Sounds about right.

When anglophones learn French,

it's to go to Paris.

- [Voice over] Not me, Claude. - You know that.

Anyway, I'm not anglophone. I'm Jewish.

And now I'm playing.

[Voice over] Do I really look like Nana?

- [Voice over] What does it matter? - It's ridiculous to care about that stuff.

- [Voice over] You never want to play, Claude. You're no fun.

- [Voice over] I don't want to be fun.

(Train rumbling)

- [Voice over] Claude.

(Jazz music)

- [Voice over] I spend my time going in and out

for all kinds of pointless stuff...

Or under the false pretense of looking for work.

(Car driving)

I lead a superficial life.

That is to say, I have no real thoughts.

I have no real life.

Just ideas.

(Traffic noise)

- [Voice over] Today, we're reading brecht.

I'm behind on the others because

my accent is so bad.

If I don't lose it, I'll be stuck playing character parts.

- [Voice over] Someone once said, "the insipid routine of daily life

is my only constant."

North America's biggest French daily. Circulation: 300,000.

(Background chatter)

That's my most fallacious pretence.

As allais says, "money makes poverty bearable."

(Jazz music continues)

(Shouting, car noise)

- Have you read Simone de beauvoir?

- No. - Everything she says about...

- No.

(Train rumble)

You've read Simone de beauvoir?

- Yes, a bit, but I don't really like her,

because I believe that, ultimately,

men are still superior to women.

- Why?

- Because they're men.

And we're women.

And the world is made for... People are made for...

- But what do you expect from a man?

- What do I expect from a man?

- Yes.

- That he loves me.

- Between your thoughts and...

And your actions, there's some kind of disconnect.

Instead of hanging around at the national theatre school...

With your friends...

- But what...

I wish you'd spend more time here.

- But I've got to go to class. - What can I do?

- For me, acting is basically doing nothing.

It's just killing time.

- That's not true. - We're doing something.

What about you? Do you actually do anything?

- I don't do a thing, but I don't have any ambition to do anyhting, either.

But I...

I feel like you're living in a utopia, a dream world.

- Yes, that's true.

But what about you...

All your political ideas?

Aren't they dreams too?

(Train crossing bells ringing)

Come on, answer me.

- I don't think they're dreams.

- What, then? They're not reality. - They don't exist.

They're dreams.

An ideal. And ideals are dreams.

Laurendeau, dunton and ouimet are traitors

(indistinct radio show sounds)

- [Voice over] In the morning, I get up late.

We all get up late.

Because we all go to bed late.

Toulouse earns his living doing magic tricks.

Jean-Paul illustrates children's books.

(Laughter)

- Is Barbara coming over this morning?

- Don't know.

Jean-Paul often has people over for breakfast.

In the morning, I don't talk much.

(Indistinct voice)

- Anything funny in the express?

- Never.

- Toulouse, do a magic trick. - Entertain me.

(Playful music)

-As if magic wasn't miraculous.

It's what Toulouse does every night,

when he starts his show.

He thinks he's a god.

(Napkin crumpling)

No joke...

(Newspaper sounds)

- Hold this while I...

- What's this?

(Laughter)

- Thanks.

It's not my best trick.

- We know!

(Laughter)

(Door opening)

- Hello! - How's it going?

- Is this coffee?

- Barbara brought coffee. - And croissants!

(Laughter)

- Barbara brought us coffee.

(Plates and glasses moving)

- [Voice over] I make the effort to come over every day,

but you never even seem to notice me.

(Indistinct chatter)

(Horns honking, cars driving)

(Footsteps)

-[Voice over] I don't want to become that sociable guy.

Because the more you're controlled by society,

the less human you become.

(Office chatter, typewriters)

"Constant contact" between mm. Pearson and Johnson

expo 67 has passed. Does it have a future?

Why are there no Canadian films in our cinemas?

- The problem is accepting the need

(typewriters)

To work with people you might consider...

Sellouts.

You give me an article.

Let's take a look.

How did you research it?

It's from a book, right? It's a concept...

But every day, the streets are full of people with whom you disagree.

So what do you do?

No, this is no good.

The thing is problems do not exist as...

An absolute.

They're part of the real world.

It's that... you're drawing...

You're drawing from books.

You're coming from...

Pure, raw emotion.

You've got to connect with bankers,

board of trade guys...

Guys from all over.

- But if my research is accurate, aren't you censoring me?

- No, it's not censorship.

Because an article that's based in reality, that reports facts...

- How about history?

- Yes, history, maybe... history is, of course, reality.

But I mean, an article based in reality

can be published.

- Like an article about secularism?

- An article...

An article about a problem that concerns a majority of people.

But you're coming to me with an article

that says, "I want to change the world.“

but how do you change it?

What world are you changing?

Are you familiar with this world?

All I'm asking is that you understand it.

That you can say, it's like this and that.

Those facts are important.

More important, in fact, than what your article says.

You bring me your ideas...

About how to change the world.

But before you can change the world, you need to understand how it works.

There should be a column where 20-year-olds

say what they think.

But, it's very particular.

That reality, of being 20-years-old, it looks different...

Your world at twenty is not like mine.

It's not the prevailing reality.

(Cards knocking on desk)

But what can you do? That's the way it is.

But one day, one day,

that may all change.

And I'm not talking about you getting older.

I'm talking about the society you're dreaming of.

Maybe then... It'll be possible...

To stay 20 until you're 60.

Who knows when?

-[Voice over] They want people to stifle their dreams. To maintain the status quo.

(Jazz music)

- Why so hostile? - What have I done?

All I've done is love you.

- You really think I'm hostile?

- Yes, it really feels that way.

Just because I don't share your ideas...

Or share them completely.

(Train rumbling)

- You can see I'm always stressed.

But I...

I don't know, you're so easygoing. It gets on my nerves.

Maybe that's why I'm hostile.

- You never laugh. Never joke around. You're not so happy.

- Are you, you're happy?

- Yes, I think so.

- If I'm no fun to be with, why stay with me?

- Because I love you.

We discuss ideas all the time. Why can't we take action?

Even in Latin, there's a saying.

- What saying?

- Well, I don't remember the Latin,

but I think it's "he who hesitates is lost."

[Voice over] He who hesitates is lost.

You know, in the competition with...

Atlanta?

There was a guy, a young guy,

who thought he could win, but he hesitated and lost.

(Jazz music continues)

- [Voice over] Barbara,

at school I was educated by hypocritical priests.

They taught us about faith, but not how to think.

Don't you see everything I must learn before taking action?

- [Voice over] No, Claude. I feel just as committed as you are.

But I'm not as hung-up as you are.

- I know.

- If nothing changes, we Quebecers will never fulfill our potential.

That minister didn't know how true his words were

when he said this:

"Everything seems to happen by chance,

then suddenly everything seems decisive."

As Marx said, "men make their own history."

I borrow two bucks from Jean-Paul, who already owes Toulouse 50.

(Train rumbling)

(Honking)

(Piano and singing in background)

Smart people are always doing stupid things.

I'm not talking about the theatre. I mean in real life.

(Bags dropping)

- Hello! - Hello, how's it going?

- Good, good, good.

(Bag shuffling)

- How's the theatre?

- The theater is going well.

Today, Mr. Sabourin said I'm making progress and losing my accent.

- What are you reading?

- La presse.

- Anything new? - Seriously?

- What?

(Newspaper rustling)

- [Voice over] Here are five guys who messed up badly, but didn't flinch.

"Near monopoly on textbooks: Authors had conflict of interest."

- That's terrible.

- "Commission of inquiry into the book trade

denounces dpi officials and consultants"

- you know what the dpi is? - No.

It's the department of public instruction.

"Unfair competition from communities..."

Want to hear more?

- Go ahead.

- "Some of the leading figures

in the field of education, religion and publishing..."

- Next week, we're going to start working on a play.

- About what?

- Brecht.

I hope you'll come. You'll see the theatre has changed.

- Some of the leading figures

in the field of education, religion, and publishing.

The department of public instruction and the catholic committee

have been implicated in this massive conflict of interest

announced today by the report of the commission of inquiry

into the Quebec book trade."

- They should be ashamed. - "According to the report,

this situation has seriously hurt the quality of education in Quebec."

[Voice over] The system isn't always hurt by scandal. Anyway, it's legal.

"And the expenses were considerable."

- Were secular schools involved?

- There aren't any.

- Well, I didn't know that...

- Look, cost of inquiry: One million.

- You say I know nothing about politics,

but you refuse to listen to what I'm saying about the theater...

- A priest was beaten...

- How can you be so prejudiced?

- I'm not. Damn! It's right here in black and white.

It says right here, $199,000...

- I'm listening! - The theatre isn't so important.

- It is important.

- It's outdated art.

- I can admit I know nothing about politics.

(Rehearsal chatter in background)

- Hey, the rhinoceros party...

- [Voice over] When you talk about the theatre, you talk nonsense.

You lump everything together. You make no distinctions.

It's like if I said film

hadn't come of age after watching an nfb film.

(Traffic noise)

- [Voice over] That's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about life.

We're all in the same boat.

(Background chatter)

It's not until we're forty, after we've given up the fight,

that we're allowed to speak.

That's the system. There are no opportunities.

- [Voice over] I know a guy at a paper who can help you if you want.

- [Voice over] Waste of time.

I know him and I know what he'll say.

(Elevator door closing)

Today it's life itself that cuts you off from life.

(Elevator door closing)

(Footsteps on staircase)

(Office chatter, typwriters)

- A revolution doesn't happen overnight. That's what we think.

We think revolutions come by express post and other luxuries like that.

But that's not how it works. Revolutions happen slowly.

Gradually, through compromise, and you see what you can accomplish.

At first, you don't know what you want to do.

All you have is an idea.

But what if it was the other way around?

If your action gave you ideas.

Let's say you start from scratch.

Let's say you're sent to organize farmers,

without knowing their issues, without knowing anything.

You go and find problems with education,

small farms, a ton of other things...

So you start to get an idea.

Journalism is a bit like that.

You jump in blindly. You have to get a new start.

You're looking for news to inform your readers,

people you don't know.

But you don't own the news.

Neither does the paper. It's the public's.

And how will you find it? By getting to know the people.

Then you're going to have to dig and dig. Do the work.

And after a few years, you'll be on to something.

- At some point, you want to convey your rebellion.

They won't ask. You have to tell them

like a press release.

- Yes, but...

- And if the papers won't do that, then what?

- I agree, but you've got to plan it.

I'm part of the rebellion. Someone who isn't...

Might as well throw in the towel.

- Maybe, after 12 years at the paper, you've gone a bit soft.

- Maybe I have, a little.

But on the other hand,

if I hadn't become a journalist, I'd have been acting alone.

All very fine and heroic...

Maybe I've lost a bit of my edge.

But journalism, I don't know who said it, but...

Isn't journalism about defiance? I should find another way...

- Of course, why wouldn't it be to convey rebellion.

I agree, but... it takes planning. You've got to join forces.

- But after all that planning, you've lost the guts to do anything.

Because I'm sure you wouldn't do it now.

- Listen...

After 15 years, who knows?

- That's it. I'm not waiting 15 years.

That doesn't interest me.

- You might have to wait fifteen years!

- It'll be up to someone else, then.

- No, it won't be up to someone else...

- I knew it. - It's called planning.

Putting money aside for ten years,

so you can buy a car.

While the young live in an idealistic, but hostile, world,

they talk nonsense with angels and devils,

(traffic noise)

While waiting for miracles.

They accept the way things are.

They don't prepare for what's coming.

They care more about security than their passions.

(Footsteps)

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after."

(Honking)

(Trafic whitsle)

(Footsteps)

(Newspaper rustle)

(Traffic noise)

(Cash register bell)

(Car peels out)

(Mall music)

(Footsteps)

- [On TV] Study of the 46 sections of bill 60 began in Quebec city today.

The united national mla for the district of missisquoi,

Mr. Jean-Jacques bertrand,

moved to include a definition of the education minister's rights.

The opposition argued

this will protect the rights of

neutral or nondenominational groups.

Mr. Jean lesage responded that this

will set the tone for the whole law.

The French-language secular movement

argues the bill 60 authorizes the government to run church schools.

Mr. Albert gervais, union nationale mla

for the district of montmorency,

explained to our reporter what he called

the "anti-Democratic nature" of bill 60.

The Quebec institute of chartered accountants

suggested that the federal government...

- [Voice over] You never do what I want.

You find all sorts of reasons not to make me happy.

- [Voice over] You see, Barbara...

I judge you based on your actions.

In certain ways.

I approve or condemn you

based on how I feel about you.

- [Voice over] $0...

It's because you don't love me.

You never approve of what I say.

Because it bugs you that I'm right.

And you know it.

You tell me to forget my ideals.

But you're not willing to forget yours.

(Jazz music)

- [Voice over] You obviously don't know me, Barbara.

You anglos don't understand us.

You look down on us.

- Okay, if you say so.

- Strange coincidence.

James Baldwin says

that black Americans expect Jews to understand them

because they've also suffered.

- [Voice over] $0?

Rights belong to individuals, not races.

- [Voice over] Yes, but when races are denied rights,

individuals are too.

- That's very good. Think so?

- [Voice over] You talk nonsense.

- [Voice over] No, you do.

- Sorry. I'll start over.

Not at all?

(Engine revving)

(Jazz music continues)

"Talent is good... Experience is better"

- [voice over] When I think about my life,

it's like I'm doomed to failure.

(Train rambling)

We live makeshift lives.

- [Voice over] Your thoughts are always so gloomy. You seem to enjoy it.

I'm in class. We'll grab a bite later. Barbara

- [Radio] According to the Muslim league,

muslims expect a fixed representative proportion

in any future goverment created after independence...

- [Voice over] You know the type who get by.

They get along.

- [Voice over] I know.

Maheu says we must change the social structure.

That it's hard for us because society is fighting us.

- What do you expect? Look who owns the big magazines.

Big capital. Big money.

They're not really interested in our ideas.

(Machine noise)

We have to make it on our own.

Obviously, it won't...

- First you need a job.

-But remember,

there's no point trying to reconcile what you believe with your job.

In this society, you never make it by being yourself.

This society...

It changes you, forces its rules on you.

You have to play the game, but cheat at the same time.

- Easier said than done.

- Some guys got blacklisted from papers,

and the same thing in radio.

They were told to drop our magazines...

Or lose their job.

That's what's so sickening. The young become unemployable.

(Machine noise continues)

(Distant traffic noise)

- [Voice over] Society talks about democracy, but it's still everyone for themselves.

We fight for scraps.

- [Voice over] But there are people everywhere who have to do what they don't want.

- [Voice over] And it's the same everywhere.

Nobody listens to colonized people until they revolt.

Without bloodshed, they think they can get away with anything.

(Horn honks)

(Distored voices)

- [Voice over] If I protest, it could hurt my business.

(Military music)

You've got to take people as they are.

Money has no smell.

Man proposes, god disposes.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

(Marching band performing)

(Whistling, voices chattering)

(Marching band performs in the distance)

(Dancers rehearse)

(Trumpeters rehearse)

(Whistle)

(Trumpeter continues rehearsing)

(Shouting)

(Chattering)

(Full band rehearses)

- I seem to be witnessing the birth of a new folklore of alienation.

(Full band continues)

- For now, the majorette corps are self-financed.

(Marching drums)

Most of their uniforms are paid for

by themselves or by some club or association.

- These young women use their allowance to...

- Yes, to be part of this kind of group. They enjoy it.

It's also good training.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Finished? - Ok, thanks.

- Clapperboard. One interview.

(Loud drums)

- [Voice over] Once again, I see the preachers of conformity

promote mediocrity

in a world they themselves don't inhabit.

A philosopher said,

"there is no pure accident in existence or in coexistence."

(Jazz music)

Right now, I know this:

We've been living this way for 97 years.

The Quebec citizen's standard of living is 10% lower than the average Canadian.

It's 27% lower than that of neighboring Ontario.

English Canadians account for 71% of Canada's population.

At the start of the constituion, we made up 50% of the population.

We're a minority in Canada,

but we're 82% of the population of Quebec.

Yet we control just 20% of its economy.

Quebec has a population of six million.

(Background voices)

(Distant singing)

(Distant whistling)

(Footsteps)

- Hi. How's it going?

- It sure doesn't sound like it.

(Bags rustling)

You...

Remember the play I told you about?

The brecht?

Mr. Puntila and his man matti?

We're doing it.

(Singing rehearsal in background)

Hello? Are you there?

We're mounting a produciton of Mr. Puntila and his man matti.

I'm moving to the country.

Where?

- The place I told you about.

- Saint-Charles? When?

- Well, right away.

- You have to go?

You have to go? You can't stay?

Well, it's not so far away. I could go every night.

(Match scratches)

You packed your trunk?

- It's right here.

- Your clothes and everything? - Your books?

- And records.

I cleared out.

- So you're leaving town for good?

(Fingers tapping)

- Will you drive me?

- Of course.

- Don't worry.

I'll come back to Montreal from time to time.

To submit articles.

(Match lighting)

- Shall we? - Yes, let's go.

(Bag drags on floor)

[Voice over] You're not worried I'll find someone else?

- [Voice over] You know, Barbara...

You have a gift for love like some people have a gift for contempt.

You have a loving heart exactly like some have a bad temper.

(Low crowd noise)

If you leave me, it will be for someone else.

As for me,

I can't love a girl who loves someone else.

- [Voice over] Yes, you'll live alone

and make all kinds of decisions that will change you.

I understand that better than you.

- [Voice over] I'm not going to make decisions.

I'm just going to try to think.

I've made a mess of my life here.

- [Voice over] It would be better if we stayed together.

But I won't try to convince you.

I don't want things to change.

(Bus passing)

(Footsteps)

(Jazz music)

[Voice over] Claude, when you talk to me, you talk nonsense.

If I have a loving heart, it's because I feel inadequate.

And I wish I could have helped you.

- [Voice over] You talk like we'll never see each other again.

- [Voice over] Yes...

You'll still see me, but you'll never be the same again.

- [Voice over] Barbara, why drag this out?

- [Voice over] Can I still invite you to spend the night with me?

Or, to come have a drink with me?

- [Voice over] You just want to know if I'm leaving you.

- [Voice over] You're just following an impulse.

(Jazz music intensifies)

(Car driving)

[Voice over] You don't want anything, Claude?

- [Voice over] No.

(Car motor running)

(Jazz music continues)

- [Voice over] What's Saint-Charles?

- [Voice over] It's a rural area. - Montreal's vegetable garden.

The farmers do alright.

They don't have to go logging to support their farms.

Now I can start to orient myself.

That way's north.

South, looking toward Montreal.

West, where the sun sets and sometimes the moon shines.

Far to the east is the U.S. border.

My torture chamber.

I know my revolt Springs more from my heart than my mind.

- Hello madame. Can I help you?

- I'd like to look around first, thanks.

(Footsteps)

- [Voice over] That's the end of my habits.

I'll have to find new ones.

I feel older, too.

(Glass chimes)

(Bass strings)

(Footsteps)

- [Voice over] Am I a rebel? - Yes.

Am I a revolutionary? I don't know.

(Gunshots)

(Echo)

(Footsteps)

[Voice over] I keep coming across words and phrases

I want to shout from the rooftops.

It's hard to relax.

(Car sounds)

(Box rustling)

(Bottle kissing)

[Voice over] I didn't know you liked to cook.

- [Voice over] You never even asked me if I knew how to cook.

I'm still a stranger to you.

You know nothing about me.

- [Voice over] I'm a stranger to myself.

(Classical music)

No, I'll drink my tomato juice first.

Nice, huh?

- You like the table?

I hope you like the soup.

(Slurping)

- Real good.

(Laughter)

The peas are hard.

Your soup's good.

- I told you.

(Offscreen murmur)

(Loud laughter)

- [Voice over] See? We're giggling because we're not communicating.

We don't even say the things we said before.

- The peas are good.

- [Voice over] I don't even know why I'm here.

Okay, I'll eat my soup.

Stop laughing.

You have to read the paper?

- There's an interesting article. - I haven't read a paper in three days.

- And you haven't seen me in nearly a week!

- "Feed the crow. He'll peck your eyes out."

- Is that true? - What?

- "Feed the crow. He'll peck your eyes out."

Mean people are always ungrateful.

(Spoon tapping bowl)

- Your soup is good. - Very, very good.

- "I taught you to swim. - Now you can drown me."

(Newspaper rustling)

Suspicions focus on terrorists over criminal underworld

- [Radio] Radio-Canada presents the latest news.

Defence minister hellyer has ordered a company of 250 men

to guard the barracks threatened by a Montreal separatist group.

- [Voice over] So that's what we've come to. Of course.

I can't even guess who's involved.

(Indistinct radio voice)

I feel so sheltered.

(Distant street traffic)

- [Voice over] I always have something to do.

I keep busy these days.

I've started taking school more seriously.

Or I'm taking myself more seriously.

But I've got less free time.

Life isn't a game. I want to take it seriously.

- [Voice over] I read this:

(Classical music)

"When we judge something, we're not making a judgment.

Our judgment is made possible

by the thing itself."

Hope has skipped three generations.

(Machine gun firing)

(Children playing)

(Classical music continues)

Life turns chance into purpose, history, destiny.

(Children shouting)

(Car driving)

(Dog barking)

Her name's manon something-or-other.

(Truck passing)

Now I know what a forest is, a field, a river...

Because I've tested myself by observing them.

(Envelope tearing)

(Paper rustling)

- "Friday. Dearest Claude,

I know you'll understand

why I can't come to Saint-Charles.

There's too much snow. I haven't bought winter tires yet.

We talk about you a lot though. Jean-Paul, Toulouse, the whole gang.

I wish you were here.

But my professor, Mr. Bourin, says I'm making progress.

We're putting on a play soon, and I've got a big part.

I need to study the script.

I'll try to visit you Saturday or Sunday.

Love always, Barbara."

(Paper rustling)

"Saturday.

(Classical music)

Dear Claude, unfortunately, I can't make it this weekend.

My car broke down.

Sending you all my love, and I hope to see you soon.

Barbara."

[Voice over] It's written,

but what matters is how it's said.

It can be very brief.

But if it makes you sad, remember

it's worse to drag it out.

I'm reading philosophy, and that occupies my mind.

I think constantly about what I'm learning.

Every moment of the day, I dream about things,

things I imagine in the world that are probably just a dream.

I even imagine people whose presence here is conceivable.

(Dreamy music)

I do virtually nothing, but I know why.

Now I can start from scratch.

(Car driving)

(Footsteps in snow)

- Can I take that side?

- I'd prefer this side.

- So would I.

(Sheets rustling)

You took my place.

(Exhales)

- Do you realize the time you waste on makeup?

- Yes.

I also know...

I enjoy wasting time like that.

- Just admit that you waste your time doing pointless things.

- No.

I'm doing two things at once.

While I'm wasting time, as you say, I'm also thinking.

My mind is far away from what I'm doing.

- No offense, but you don't seem to really be living.

You act busy, to create the illusion of a life,

that you're getting somewhere.

When all you're really doing is marking time.

You're not getting anywhere.

- You're the one who's not getting anywhere.

- Do you have any idea why I moved out here to the country?

Do you know why I'm here?

- Yes, I know.

- What are my reasons for being here, do you think?

- Yes.

What are my reasons?

You don't know?

- I'd rather not discuss it.

But what about you? You're not living.

You... You're just a living corpse.

- It's hard to live when you're not given the means to act

or you've got to create them yourself.

- That takes... that takes a little time, Barbara.

But it's better than wasting time on makeup...

Learning lines, seeing friends, and gabbing about nothing.

- Life has meaning, and I'm trying to grasp it.

- I'm trying to say somehting, will you let me talk?

- I've listened to you for hours.

- But for every minute that I... that I talked, I listened to you for hours.

- There comes a time in your life,

especially if you're as nationalistic as I can be,

when you realize that if you don't do something at the right time,

the exact right time,

- yes, but...

- If that time is very close and you don't take action...

It's over. You're done.

- When that time comes, I'll believe you.

- At one time, I felt because of your nationality you might

be able to understand our problems,

understand our aspirations.

But somehow you don't get it.

You see nothing. Absolutely nothing.

- That's your opinion.

In my opinion, you see nothing.

- Barbara... - You're blind.

- In two years...

We'll see.

- More empty words.

(Light switch)

- [English] “Barbara, my daughter,

[French] Your father and I are worried about you.

You come home too late, too often, and you seem to be avoiding us."

- Etc., etc., etc.

(Clothes rustle)

(Distant sreet traffic)

[Voice over] I don't know where to go anymore.

(Water in sink)

I don't know what will happen with Claude and me.

I just don't know.

Before, I thought there might be at least

some chance of a future for us.

But that faded pretty fast.

(Moving items on counter)

I don't know whether he's ruined his life, or...

Or if he's just getting started.

But I can't stand his complacency.

And his pessimism.

It's not easy to be a pessimist in this world.

You've got to choose.

Instead of going to the country, he should have gone to Europe.

(Paper rustling)

He won't tell me what he thinks.

He avoids me.

Either because he thinks I'm stupid,

or because he just can't be bothered anymore.

Right now, I'm completely torn,

between my emotions or feelings...

And what I know is right.

He thinks he has revolutionary ideas, but

he's afraid to take any risks.

He takes small steps, never big ones.

And he thinks I'm afraid.

But he's the one who's really afraid.

He's afraid of life.

He says I think only of myself,

but he leaves me no choice.

He shuts himself off completely,

then feels hurt because I don't show enough interest.

I can't even do my makeup today.

- "Thursday.

Sweetie,

I can't see you this weekend.

We've got a fencing class,

and I can't miss it.

Yours, Barbara."

(Melancholy music)

[Voice over] Ultimately,

my feelings for Barbara

were just a sign of transition.

It was just part of me finding myself.

The end