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THE CELEBRATION

Christian speaking.

Hi. I'm here now. I landed this morning.

What?

I shaved at the airport if you must know.

I shaved at the airport if you must know!

I'm fine.

Right now, I'm looking at the fields, at the land of my father.

It's beautiful.

It makes me want to move back for good, but that would be problematic.

I'll make it.

Yes, I suppose it will be a shock.

What?

You're dropping out - Okay. Bye.

What the hell? That's my brother.

Why the hell didn't you say something?

As if I saw him! I mean -

I have to do everything myself.

Hell, Christian! What's this?

Hey, man.

See him, Kasper? He's walked all the way from Paris.

Only from the station.

-Christian. -Wow, man!

Hi.

Giddyap! I'll fuck you, damn it!

-Fucking hell! -You're very merry.

It's been fucking ages. It fucking has.

How are you?

I'll give you a lift. Hop out, kids!

-I'm giving Christian a lift. -There's plenty of room for us all.

Get out, Kasper! Come on, Mette.

-He can walk. -Yeah, yeah. Get out. Come on.

-Sit in the front. -I can walk.

-No, I want a chat. -You want us to walk all the way?

-What's up, man? -What the hell? Walk all the way?

He's my brother, for fuck's sake. Give me a break, will you?

Oh, shut up!

Chill out!

-Has Dad arrived? -Not yet.

-Hello. What's your name? -Lars.

Lars. Okay, Mads. Listen.

I have a little problem with new staff. So now you know.

-Hello. -Hello.

Who do you think we are?

This is Christian, my brother.

He has two restaurants in Paris.

And I've got a cafeteria in the docklands.

Okay.

We grew up here, so we know how to handle customers and stuff.

If you're a really good receptionist, you keep a bit of an eye out.

You give us rooms 9 and 19, and we won't complain to the old man.

I'm afraid you're not on the list.

What?

Look again. "Michael Klingenfeldt-Hansen."

Your father has told me that Michael is not invited.

Okay, watch me.

-Okay, Mads, listen up. -It's "Lars."

Yes. Lars.

It went a bit amok last year.

I got a bit drunk. When I drink, things go a bit crazy.

A couple of schnapps over the top and I freak.

Hey, but we'll figure this out. I've brought the wife and kids.

Michelle has come, too, so...

I wouldn't know.

-Is there a room or not? -There is not.

-Let me talk to my father. Now! -He's out hunting.

Sort it out yourself then! That's your job, right?

Lars, just find a room. I'll talk to Dad.

Okay, listen.

Just give us one of the small rooms.

They're never used. Number 3 and 1.

Give us those. That'll be fine.

-Don't you want a key? -Oh, yes.

-I must be on the list. -Oh, yes.

Has our sister arrived?

Do get a move on. It's Daddy's birthday, his 60th.

All the people up ahead are my family. I have to be there to welcome them.

-Nadim, wasn't it? -Nadim, yes.

Okay, Nadim. If you go a bit faster, I'll give you my phone number.

-Hi, honey! -Hi.

Hi! They're nearly here.

You haven't been drinking, right?

Not today.

-Wasn't it a fantastic funeral? -Yes.

-I'm ready. -What are you doing here?

What did I do now?

You missed your sister's funeral, but you're coming to Dad's birthday?

Don't poke your nose into what I do. And you arrived late.

I'm poking it into what you don't do.

You don't go to her funeral. You don't phone me on my birthday.

You don't pay back the money you owe. You only care about yourself.

Now she's starting too. I've had it. I'm going home. Okay, Christian?

-Great idea. Have a nice day. -Want my bike?

I don't want to listen to her bullshit.

Be quiet. This is old hat.

-Yes, be quiet. -Spoken just like Christian.

Stop that!

-Michael... -Come on.

-Be quiet. -Yes, be quiet.

He doesn't understand me. Say it like Christian. You're so clever.

Stop it! Be quiet!

Be quiet. Stop now!

Honk the horn again so they can hear it.

That's the wife of one of the sons.

That's Mette walking.

And Huey, Dewey and Louie.

-Hi! See you in a bit! -How are you?

You tell the kids to shut up. Quiet, kids! We're here.

Behave yourselves.

Don't do that. I'm your sister.

Hi!

A good thing it's only once every ten years.

-Hi! -But it's nice after all.

-Hi. -Hi.

Grandad. Welcome.

Thank you, thank you.

Welcome.

-Hello, my dear. -Hello there.

-Thanks for a lovely funeral. -Thank you.

Great to see you again.

-Wasn't it hot? -Yes.

Hi, and thanks again. That was nice. It was a hot trip.

Yes, it was.

I'll go and unpack. See you later.

-Welcome. -Hi.

-It's so beautiful here. -Beautiful place, right?

Hi, Dad.

Your father asked me to be toastmaster this evening, okay?

-Welcome. -Do you know Lise?

Welcome. Welcome.

-How are you, my boy? -It's so sad. The weather.

-Not sure I can take it. -Go in and have a beer.

-Hi there. You haven't changed. -Thanks.

Not one bit!

-Welcome. -Thank you.

Welcome. Go on into the hall.

-You'll meet Helge. -Splendid.

Hello there.

Christian, darling!

-How lovely you could make it after all! -Hi, Mom.

-You look great. -Oh, stop it.

Excuse me. All guests are here.

Okay. Go and see your father. He's waiting for you.

Remember to say happy birthday.

-Hi, Dad. Happy birthday! -Thank you, my boy.

-They're all waiting. -Sit down a moment.

-I've something important to tell you. -They are ready.

Sit down.

Come on, sit down.

-Join me in a cognac? -No, thanks.

Well... it's important. I've been thinking about this for days.

Listen.

Two hookers are sitting in a railway car.

Don't laugh at your old dad! On his birthday too!

How dare you?

I'll have to tell your mother. I'll have to.

-We're waiting for you. -The boy is laughing in my face.

Christian, you mustn't do that.

-Let's tell jokes and let them wait. -Yeah.

Let them wait. I want a chat with my eldest son.

Right. How are things?

Fine. We're moving to Lyon at the moment, and -

I can read the papers, my boy. You're doing well. I must say.

How about that girlfriend who is always phoning?

Can't you have a few kids and move back home?

No. She's having someone else's kid. She's just a friend.

Then find another girl and move back here.

I'm getting older, and I want my family around me.

-Then there's your mother. -What about her?

She's getting tired of my jokes.

I see why.

What do you mean you see why? What's wrong with my jokes?

There's no respect anymore.

Tell me how you are. Got a girl? Oh, I've already asked.

-Come on! -We're coming.

Come on then, my boy. Just one thing...

Christian, will you say a couple of words about your sister this evening?

I can't do it. I'd just blubber.

Sure. I've already written something.

You have? Well done, my boy.

-Michael has come. -Michael?

I suppose I'll have to talk to him.

...how they will react.

Your guests are ready.

-Michelle, are you married? -No.

-You'd better ask someone else. -I think so too.

Oh, yes, That was my other son. I'll have a word with him.

Today, it's Helge's birthday

Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah

He'll get lots of presents He's been wishing for all year

With lovely chocolate and cakes

Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah

-Hi, Christian. -Hi.

Which room are you in?

What? Seventeen. Why?

I need to borrow your bathroom. I mean, may I borrow your bathtub?

Congratulations, Helge!

Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

And the sound of the sea.

Bravo!

I'll put them down here.

-No, it's a secret. -A secret?

Yes.

-I hope you've been out today. -As usual.

Are you listening?

Good.

It was the third time we were going to move to Copenhagen, right?

But Bettina H. moved in with him instead.

-Bettina H.? -Yes.

Anyway, I'm still here, right? We went to the park yesterday.

I've been given the room where my sister died.

Well, it's better than giving it to Christian. They were twins.

It's one thing not wanting to talk about it,

but covering it all up is just silly.

Look. It's spooky.

Yes, I can see that.

Really ghostlike.

I don't think she'd like it either, if you get me.

Can we remove the covers? Move the furniture a bit?

Then I'll stay with her. I don't mind at all.

Certainly. Perfect.

Okay.

This was where it happened - the bathroom.

Maybe I should have another room.

Yes. Would you rather?

It's just that...

I'm getting really bad vibes.

Did you hear that?

She's in the bathroom.

No, she's... dead

We'll just have a look.

-No, I think we should go. -No, I'll have a look.

Hey, Mette, I can't find them. Come here.

-Have you checked the suitcases? -Come on.

-I can't find those shoes. Help me. -They should be in a suitcase.

I've looked in that one.

Keep your shirt on. We'll find them.

I can't go to dinner in brown shoes. Dad will go nuts.

I know, Michael. They must be somewhere.

I've looked everywhere.

I think I left them behind.

You didn't say that. Get it?

Go home and fetch them. You've got two hours.

Go. Take the car and get the shoes. Got it?

Fucking stop it, Michael.

You fucking have to! I can't see my dad in socks!

You expect me to go home now? Stop it. What would your mom and dad say?

I don't fucking care what you think. I can't go to the dinner in these shoes.

Are you insane?

You could just pack your own stuff.

I've packed for you, me and the kids,

and you want everything to be just so.

If you are so unhappy, pack your own crap!

I've got fucking news for you!

You're the one who does the packing!

-Every single time, you lose my shoes! -Stop, damn it!

So figure it out, damn it!

-You made us visit your fucking family! -I don't give a shit!

-Listen to me when I talk to you! -Shut up!

And then I spent a while at a cake shop.

Actually, I'm doing the dessert tonight.

What does it mean, an upward arrow? Up, up, up?

Please go and lie in the tub, so you can see if there is anything.

The tub? You want me to lie in the tub?

Yeah.

Sure.

I'll take off my shoes.

Shall I lie down?

See if you can see anything. Search for a sign or an arrow.

A wave or a fish or a bird. Kind of like "You're getting warmer."

-It just won't do. -I'm sorry.

-I'd just ironed this. -I lost my temper. Sorry.

Shall we... lie down for five minutes?

Aren't you going to the party?

We'll have to lie down for five minutes, right?

There's a fish. It means flat, which means down.

I'm not sure I understand this game.

No.

How strange.

We always played it. "You're getting warmer."

Come on. Get down. Get down.

Check next to the other leg.

How sweet of her to have done this.

I can hardly bear it.

I'm practically the only one still stuck here.

The rest of you go gadding off to Paris and all.

You can't sit here crying.

I'm sorry.

Have one of these.

Thanks. Just say if you want me to go.

-Didn't you want a bath? -Oh, yes.

-An arrow again. -Okay.

And an arrow again.

Will you...

Up!

-Will I what? -Undo me.

I've still got a nice ass. ls a bath all it's going to get?

Up there. Look.

-On the other side. -Where?

Next to where the lamp is attached.

"Dear whoever finds this letter, You are probably... "

Boo!

Fucking hell!

It doesn't say anything.

Mette, damn it!

What happened? Oh, shit.

-Did you put all this soap here? -No.

How irritating!

-Damn it, Michael... -For fuck's sake!

Why did you leave the soap here?

You're the one who used it, man.

-Fucking hell. -Did you hurt yourself?

I certainly fucking did.

There've always been ghosts in this house.

It doesn't say anything.

I'll happily stay here.

-Thanks for your help. -Yeah.

-You really took fright? -Not at all.

A bit? I'm sorry. Thanks for your help.

Yeah.

Why the hell did you leave the soap there?

I didn't put the soap there. You did.

-I didn't. -You're the one who used it.

-Where are my pants? -I don't know. Over there?

You should take care of your things.

I'm not your babysitter.

-Shut up, man. -Oh, for God's sake!

Stop it now.

The fucking thing's fallen down now, man.

-You'd better put it up again. -Forget it, man.

It's weird. You were always the wild one, getting into fights.

Now it's your brother.

You can't even be bothered to look at a pretty girl anymore.

Maybe it's because you think I'm too skinny.

Christian?

Christian?

It can go in here. They mustn't find it.

Okay. There.

Where are you, lovely Christian?

Okay.

It's six o'clock! Time to get up!

Cards, please. Tickets please, or other proof of travel!

Up, up!

My trousers!

-Hi, Grandpa! -Hi, Dad.

I want to see you in the drawing room in five minutes.

Fucking hell. I'll never make it.

Hi, Bent.

I got this.

Hi, Poul.

How's tricks, you old honker?

Hi.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, my boy. Another time. We're going in now.

The thing is...

I've been asked to inquire about your interest in the lodge.

Yeah?

I don't see you as one of the brethren, I must say.

But Christian has told Preben you're doing well.

And as Christian is not interested,

you may expect to be invited to join the Freemasons.

-Strike while the iron is hot. -Yes?

He could make something of himself.

We have to help you get on.

But behave like a normal human being tonight, all right?

Keep your fingers off - What's her name, Michelle. Okay?

I'd like you to hover about tonight and keep things running smoothly.

Can you manage that?

Hey, give him a drink. Look lively. Get your act together, okay?

Got a drink?

Hey. I need a drink.

Hi, Michael.

You got a drink? Good.

We need to talk.

I don't have time.

Hi.

You do remember something, don't you?

-Oh, yes, certainly. -Very good.

Oh, yes.

I was thinking of saying a word or two this evening.

I thought so.

It won't be anything for little girls.

No. I bet it won't.

You fell asleep.

Yes.

Aren't you sleeping properly?

Only with you.

Yes.

It is a great honor for me to be toastmaster this evening.

The Klingenfeldt-Hansen family has invited us to yet another lavish party.

My name is Helmuth von Sachs. For those of you who don't know me -

Yes. I'm from Germany. Cologne, Ruhr, "The Steelworks."

And Helge is made of steel too.

Helge, my friend, my Danish father, over to you.

Well...

Looking at you all reminds me so clearly

of the years gone by, and of all that has happened to us.

Turning 60 is nothing unique.

To me, it seems like yesterday

that the final negotiations fell into place

for the takeover of this unique place.

Yet it was right back in the summer of 1971

when my little family walked up the steps...

my dear wife,

Helene, Michael and the twins...

and the twins...

ready to move into these lovely buildings.

We were so -

We were so full of expectations.

I'll stop here.

I'll stop here and hope that we will have a lovely party together.

Let's eat!

-Yes! -Bravo!

First course. Ready...

Go!

Good job.

-Wasn't it a lovely trip? -No. It was very hot in the car.

You have air-conditioning, Bent.

Yes, but it dries out your mouth.

-That's not pleasant. -Yeah, that's...

-And you brought the kids and all. -Yes...

Give me a lemonade.

Yeah.

I'm all wet.

-Probably because she spilled something. -That's too bad.

I don't know.

What's your name, my girl?

-My name is Mette. -Oh, yes.

-M-E-T-T-E. Mette. -That's right, yes.

I said it's lobster soup.

-No, it's... -Lovely!

...it's salmon soup.

Salmon?

I think it tastes more like lobster.

But it's delicious, the soup.

Yes. Tomato soup.

No, it isn't tomato soup. It's lobster soup.

-Yes. -Yes, lobster soup. Cheers!

Eldest son makes speech.

Morten.

It is almost seven o'clock,

and I should like to propose the first toast.

After all, it's my duty as the eldest son. Correct, Helmuth?

Yes.

But first, a speech.

I've written two, Father.

One is green. The other is yellow. You choose.

One is green. The other is yellow.

I'll take the green.

The green is an interesting choice.

It's a kind of "home truths" speech. I call it "Dad's Bath."

I was very young when we moved here.

Times changed completely for us.

We had all the space we wanted

and all the trouble we could cause in all that space.

In those days, this room was a restaurant.

I can't count the times my sister Linda - who is now dead -

and I. .. played in here.

And she would put things in people's food without their noticing.

And we would hide. Then she would begin to laugh.

She had the most infectious laugh you can imagine.

In no time at all, we'd both be howling with laughter.

And, of course, we got caught.

But nothing ever happened to us.

It was much more dangerous when Dad had his bath.

When Dad wanted to take a bath,

he would take Linda and me into his study,

as there was something he had to do first.

Then he'd lock the door and lower the blinds.

Then he'd take his shirt and trousers off and made us do likewise.

Then he'd put us across the green couch - that's been thrown out now -

and raped us, abused us sexually.

He had sex with his little ones.

Christian...

A couple of months ago, when my sister died,

I realized that Helge was a very clean man, with all those baths.

I thought I'd share it with the rest of the family.

Baths summer, winter, spring, autumn, morning, evening.

They should all know this, I thought, that Helge is a very clean man.

Seeing as we're celebrating his 60th birthday.

What a guy!

Imagine living a long life and watching your children grow up!

And Michael's grandchildren.

-But you didn't come to listen to me. -No.

We've come to celebrate Helge's 60th, so let's do so.

So, thank you for all those good years.

Happy birthday.

I've nothing to drink. Fill our glasses!

Christian, you were the first, but now it's my turn.

Else, it is your birthday.

Helge!

-What did he say? -Helge.

He said that it was Helge's birthday, Grandad.

-Listen to Grandad. -Helge, it's your birthday,

and that's good.

You're a big boy now.

Your ears can take a story from the seven seas.

Good on you, Grandad!

I have to go.

When Helge was a young lad,

he told me he had trouble finding lady friends.

Kim. Kim?

-Hi, Christian. -Hi.

I've got a plane to catch.

Stop! May I introduce my boyhood buddy, Christian.

Christian, you know most of them.

-Hi, Christian. -Hi.

Christian, how are you?

-I'm fine. -Fine, you say?

Well done, Christian.

You've made your speech, and now you're going home.

The battle's lost. Nothing's changed.

Over.

Are you drunk?

Otherwise I can't cook.

-How long have we known each other? -Kim, I need to...

Since our first year of school?

We filched apples together.

I've been waiting for this ever since, and you just run away

from your father, who drew lots for you and your sister.

A brilliant start to your speech, drawing lots like your father.

What do you want, Kim?

Sorry to interrupt, Grandad.

I just want to say that I hope none of you took Christian seriously.

He is my brother, and I love him dearly.

But what he said wasn't true. And I should know, right?

And sorry for interrupting, Dad. It was the shock. I'm sorry.

At 7: 15 your father will come down to give me a time for the main course.

He'll say, "I think they like the food."

And he'll have his usual bitters, everything is fine.

Just give me two minutes, you'll see.

Good evening, you all.

I thought you'd...

Come here!

Bitters for me and my son.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

-It tastes splendid. -Thanks.

A fine first course. I think they liked it.

Thanks.

-Great. -Thanks.

-No, thanks. -You don't want one.

That tastes good. This crap tastes good.

Yes. I do believe it tastes good.

Have one and then put the bottle away. Come with me. I need to talk to you.

Alone.

Off we go!

Well, how are you?

-I'm fine. -Really.

Are you sure?

Well, I don't understand a thing.

My memory must be failing me. Age probably.

What do you mean?

What you talked about, I don't recall it at all.

You'll have to help me. What happened?

Sorry, it's probably me who got it wrong.

Don't apologize, or you'll really have me worried.

I'm just a bit on edge at the moment with work, with my sister.

Forget it.

What you were talking about is a crime.

We must call the police.

No, don't do that. Just forget it.

I'm not sleeping well. I'm feeling a bit weird. Sorry.

Are things going well upstairs?

Yes, fine. Good people.

It takes more than that to shake them. Don't worry.

Have a good trip home. It was nice seeing you.

They're waiting for me.

-Helge, it's your birthday. -Grandad, not again.

You're a big boy now.

Your ears can take a story from the seven seas.

When Helge was a young lad,

he told me he had trouble finding lady friends.

I told him, "Listen, lad!

Just buy a big potato and stuff it down your swimming trunks,

go down to the lake in summer and they'll come running!"

Anyway, summer came...

What do you think?

-Me? -Yeah.

I don't know what he's planning.

Damn.

He came back in despair and told me things were far worse now.

Nobody would talk to him.

"No wonder," I said.

"You should have put the potato down the front of your trunks."

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

Which nobody can deny

Michelle, Pia.

A word.

Michelle, come here. Pia, come here. A word.

We'll steal their car keys. Over.

-What? -Us?

-Okay. -It's Christian's turn tonight.

People mustn't go home yet. Over.

Now they will get the entire menu.

I don't think he intends to say any more. He apologized.

Let's wait and see.

Don't tell the old waiters. They need their pensions.

Off you go. Now.

-We mustn't leave any traces. -No, no. We'll just look carefully.

Where the hell is it?

I have it!

Next room.

Is everything okay?

Any problems?

No, everything is fine.

Will my brother stay the night?

I don't really know.

A taxi. I'll go check it.

Hey!

Hey, Charlie Brown, you've come to the wrong place.

Can I go?

Just a moment.

Listen, Max. I don't know where you met my sister,

and I don't want to.

I've missed you so much!

-Michael, what are you doing? -What the hell do you mean?

What the hell are you doing?

Mind your fucking manners, Michael.

How dare you drag a monkey to Dad's 60th?

Are you calling Gbatokai a monkey?

-How dare you! -Chill out.

-You Nazi bastard! -What is happening, man?

Okay, you can shove off.

Mom, wait a minute. This is my boyfriend.

You haven't met him. That was another one.

Absolutely.

Forgive me for disturbing you again, but I forgot the most important bit.

We're here for my father's birthday, not all kinds of other stuff.

I led you up the wrong path earlier.

I'd like to make amends by proposing a toast to my father.

Please stand.

Well done, Christian.

Raise your glasses.

Here's to the man who killed my sister.

Here's to a murderer.

I'm proposing a smoke break.

Cigarettes. Come on!

Cigarettes. Please, now!

Hey. Play something. Nice and easy.

Play something.

Let's stay a while. We can't just leave.

Okay.

Christian, are you mad?

Christian, can you hear me?

Are you mad, Christian?

Make sure nobody goes home.

I'm ill. I'm ill, damn it.

For the last time, I have phoned -

-Hello. Get me a taxi. -Just a moment.

I can't take it. I'm already suffering a bad depression.

-There will be no taxis. Let's walk. -No. Just wait a little.

Here comes the Danish summer

I've had it with family gatherings.

-Bent, have you seen our car keys? -No, I haven't.

Let's call a cab then.

We're leaving, but we can't find our keys.

Is there a problem?

I can't take it. I'm depressed and...

The number is still busy.

There is an 11-month wait.

May I speak to Kim?

Hello, Lars? Just take it easy, okay?

Hide those keys!

-In the oven! -How funny.

-You dropped one! Quick. -What about here?

In the fridge!

Hide the car keys now, damn it.

They've vanished.

Where the hell is Michelle?

Michelle!

Right, sweetie.

Come in, damn it.

Michael, I want a word. With you too.

-You must leave. -No. We're going to talk now.

-Mette, you know what happened? -I want a word with you.

Come on. In here. Come on.

Let go of me.

Calm down, all right? Okay.

What the hell do you want?

Last year, you promised me. You came to me at night.

And now you won't even give me the time of day.

Okay, listen.

Sorry. I've got my wife here, damn it.

Funny how she's never been that important before.

You know I got pregnant, right?

Don't worry. I got rid of it. I just thought you should know.

Listen, it's my old man's 60th, and things are going amok.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, Bent. Fucking hell.

-Yes, I - -Is this your room?

I was just leaving. Have you seen my car keys?

-No, certainly not. -I'll have a quick look, okay?

-Sure you haven't seen them? -Yeah.

I'll get depressed if I don't find them.

I know. Bent, go downstairs, all right? Great, go.

Okay.

Listen. Pack your gear and go home, all right?

Here are your wages. Now just shove off. Get it?

You're as sick in the head as your dad.

Don't dis my family. Get it?

...the dessert. I would like to...

Listen, Dad. Go to the living room.

What if I got up and said a couple of words instead?

About you.

About how sick you were as a child.

About the way you always spoiled things for the other children,

burning their toys in front of them,

about the warped soul you've always been.

I could also tell them how your mom and dad had to go to France

to extricate you from that sanatorium where you lay,

sick in the head as ever, pumped full of medicine,

to your mother's despair.

I could also mention your lack of talent with women.

Lovely women you let go by, year after year,

because there is so little man in you.

I could also make a speech about you and your sister.

What do you say to that?

Did she ever say goodbye to you, Christian?

No. Was there a card? A letter? No. Nothing.

There was for the rest of us.

And maybe there was a reason why.

Because you just left, as usual.

Left your sick sister.

She kept asking for you

and rushing to the phone every time it rang, but it was never you.

As ever, you were only interested in yourself and your sick mind.

Now you sling mud at the family that only ever wanted the best for you.

Your mother thinks you should go. She doesn't want to look at you.

But I think you should stay right here

and feel what it's like to spit in your family's face.

After that little intermezzo pianissimo,

I think we should return to the dinner table.

I'm hungry.

So, let's go, ladies and gentlemen.

They're ready. I don't think Christian is very happy.

Okay. Venison and cranberry, go!

...the other one.

Cheers, Grandad! Cheers!

Yes, it was a super-duper speech.

You keep yelling into my ear.

Grandad, do you hear me? Cheers!

We're still here.

Salt and pepper! Cheers!

-Champagne. -Yes, champagne.

We must have champagne and caviar.

Yes.

If the birthday boy is my Danish father,

then Else is my Danish mother.

Everyone's mommy.

Else, over to you.

Give her a hand!

Thank you, Helmuth. Thank you all.

I want to say how much

I appreciate your coming today.

I also want to say a word or two

to thank my husband, my Helge.

Though it may be hard, as I can hardly find the words

to describe what you have meant and mean to me.

But with your appetite for life and infinite care for your family,

you have given me everything a wife could wish for.

We've had 30 lovely years. Thank you.

I think I'll take the opportunity

to say a few words to my three children.

I think it is fantastic to see how well you have done,

especially when I consider how little you once were.

Michael, you are our youngest, our Benjamin.

Not that we've seen that much of you.

You were away from home from an early age.

First, boarding school.

Then the school ship.

Then culinary school in Switzerland.

You never did become a chef, but who knows?

At any rate, you have given us three splendid grandchildren

whom your father and I are so grateful for.

And, of course, we thank your little Mette.

Helene, the family loner.

You really are, Helene.

Ever since you came home and told us that you'd decided to become a singer

and had joined the - the Young Socialists, I think it was,

we've known you would choose your own path.

And you certainly have, in life as well as in your studies.

Now you've chosen anthropology.

I think it's interesting,

although your father and I had hoped you'd choose law.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what you have experienced and the contacts you've had

with foreign countries and peoples, it's impressive.

In that connection, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to Gonzales.

Mommy, his name is Gbatokai.

Yes.

Welcome, Kai.

Then there is you, Christian.

You have always been quite special.

A creative child.

The stories Christian could tell when he was small!

I always thought you'd make a really good author one day.

When Christian was small - for all of you who don't know -

he had a loyal companion called Snoot,

who didn't exist.

But Snoot and Christian were inseparable and they always agreed.

If Snoot didn't like something, then Christian didn't either.

And if you were the object of their dislike,

there was nothing you could do about it.

But, dear Christian,

it is so important to be able to distinguish fact from fiction.

I think you've always had trouble doing so.

Of course you can be angry with Father. I am sometimes too.

But it has to be sorted out in private.

Telling stories like those you've told this evening,

however exciting they may be - and they are exciting -

may be a bit too much.

Christian, I think that Snoot has been with you today.

And quite frankly, I think you both rather upset your father.

So I think it would be appropriate if you stood up -

leaving Snoot in his seat - and gave your father an apology.

It won't detract from you to say you're sorry.

It would be quite all right.

Christian, you may stand up now.

Come on, Christian, get your fucking act together!

He's sick in the head, Mom.

Christian?

I'm sorry to disturb you again.

In 1974, you, my mother, came into the study

and saw your son on all fours and your husband with no pants on.

I'm sorry that you saw me like that

and that your husband told you to get out and you did so.

I'm sorry you're so hypocritical and corrupt that I hope you die.

I'm sorry you're all such cunts that you listen to her.

-I'm sorry that for 30 years - -Come here. Follow me.

-Let me finish! -Come on.

-Christian, cool it. Come on. -I wanted to finish.

-Let go of me! -Come on out, man!

-I want my coat. -You can have your coat.

Let go of me!

Come on.

-I'll tell you one thing, Michael. -What?

You were away at culinary school in Switzerland.

So you know fuck all. Yet you know anyway. Right?

-You're way out of line! -You know anyway.

-Don't you? -You're way out of line!

-Get out! -Out of my way!

Calm down, damn it.

Lock the door.

Is it locked?

I think so.

In the deep, deep forest peace

Where songsters dwell

Where the soul did hearken Many a time

To the birds' happy song

There is idyll-

Where was I?

Mother, my loyal witness.

In 1974, you entered the study

and saw my father's stiff dick rubbing my hair, you bastard.

-Get him out of here. -Goddamn it!

-You bastard. -He's insane!

Let go of me!

Get out!

He is not healthy.

It's sad. Mother, go on.

There is such idyll Peace and calm

In the sylvan solitude

That sorrows are stilled

Where peace and rest do reign

Get him down the steps.

Get out, man! Fucking fuck off!

Okay. Leif.

Leif, stop that, damn it. He's my brother.

Go away! Go!

Get him! Come!

Get him!

Christian, come here. Okay.

The game is over.

Get it?

Are you through, man?

Not that. Take it easy! He's my brother.

-Come on, get rid of him. -Where?

In the woods. This must fucking stop.

-How far? -Just get rid of him.

-What do you mean "get rid of him"? -Shut up. In here.

We'll put him by that tree.

Fucking hell.

That's the way. Come on. Right?

Okay.

Do we really have to tie you to this tree, Christian?

What the hell made you talk such shit?

-Damn it! What are you doing? -Go away!

-Calm down, Michael! -Come on then!

-Give me the stick! Calm down. -Come on! Come on then!

-Come on! -Cut it out!

-Come on! -Calm down now!

-Have you tied him up? -I'm through now.

Easy does it.

That'll do.

Chill out, Christian.

Leif, have you got a cigarette? I dropped mine.

I'll check all the doors.

Sure, right.

I don't want to talk to him.

What have you done to him?

Take it easy.

I talked to Christian. He's gone home. He's very sorry.

-Is he? -Yes. Calm down. We'll talk about it.

You want trouble?

What did you say?

Stop it, Michael! Michael, stop it!

-Listen, you damn... -Stop! Stop, Michael!

Stop it!

Come on!

Stop it, damn you!

Back off! Back off!

-Hi there, Kim. -Hi, Leif.

We need to lock the back door.

Okay.

-Where is it? -Right over here, Leif.

-Too bad what happened to Christian. -Yes.

You didn't fight, did you?

He won't be back.

-This way? -In here.

-This is the wine cellar. -Yes. Over.

Cut it out, Kim. What the hell are you playing at?

-You locked him in? -Yes.

We can't have these violent types running around.

Kim!

-How's it going in here? -Hands off, Kim!

-Kim, where is Christian? -No idea.

Don't start drinking now. Michael.

What are you saying?

Why don't you make a speech?

Right, let's get things swinging!

A little sing-along.

I've seen a real Negro man

His face was black as a bucket of tar...

He spoke all funny

And had a big ring in his nose

I asked him, who are you?

Why did you smear oil All over your legs?

He just smiled and said these words That I did not understand at all

Fidlihak-olatom-gassibom

Black Massa from Umblagidarum

I've seen a little Indian

His face was as red as fire

He spoke all funny...

-I can't bear this! -Calm down.

I simply can't bear it! This has to stop now!

I'm going crazy!

Calm...

I've got such a headache. Will you -

Will you fetch my pills?

-Have you seen Christian? -No, he's gone home.

-A good thing he's gone home, right? -Yes, it is.

I'll get your pills.

This is crazy.

I can't bear it...

Tight.

You're still capable?

-Yes. -Yes.

For longer than you think, Helge.

It's nearly ten o'clock,

and something exciting is about to happen.

As Alfred Hitchcock suggested for his gravestone,

"This is what happens to naughty little boys."

Helge, you're not getting out of the family tradition.

The grand finale.

Hey!

It's Daddy's birthday

Daddy's birthday today

Now listen to the way We play the trumpet

Now listen to the way We play the trumpet

Hey!

Today it's Daddy's birthday

Listen to the way We play the flute

Listen to the way We play the flute

Hey!

Today it's Daddy's birthday

Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah

You dropped something. It's not good to drop things.

Hello.

You're not going, are you? So soon?

-I want to go home now. -Don't be silly.

Come on now, Helene and Gbatokai. It's time for dessert.

Yes?

-Well... -Well...

I love these traditions, these family traditions.

After the dance around the house, a note appears on the toastmaster's glass.

A secret speech. This is also the case today.

"A man urges his sister to read the letter to his father."

-"A letter." -Yes.

I think Helene is just too shy to start.

Right, Helene?

In any case, taking the situation into account,

it is kind of your brother to help you get started.

And it seems that there is peace in the family again.

So let's give Helene a hand.

-Come on. -Come on, Helene.

-Don't be shy. -Come on.

Come on.

Michael, Michael...

Michael! Pretend he's not here.

It's -

It's from my sister.

"Dear whoever finds this letter,

You are probably my sister or my brother,

because you must be good at 'getting warmer.'

Tee-hee, giggle.

I know it must be sad to find me

in a bathtub full of water.

But it isn't so sad for me.

I know that you, brothers and sister,

are happy, radiant people

and that I love you.

And I think you should just not think about me.

Christian, my beloved brother,

who has always been with me, thanks for everything.

I don't want to mix you up in this. I love you too much for that.

And you, Helene, and you, Michael, of course.

You nut.

Dad has begun having me again.

In my dreams, anyway, and I can't bear it anymore.

I'm going away now, as I probably always should have done.

I know it will fill your life with darkness, Christian.

I have tried to phone you, but I know you're busy.

I just want to tell you not to be sad.

I think there is beauty and light on the other side.

I'm looking forward to it, as a matter of fact,

although, of course, I am a bit afraid...

afraid of leaving without you.

I love you forever.

Linda."

That was a beautiful letter.

Pour my daughter some port so that I can drink a toast with her.

Pour my daughter some port so that I can drink a toast with her.

Pass the port to my daughter so I can drink a toast with her.

Pass the damned port to my daughter!

Pass the port to my daughter!

Show me some respect!

I've never seen the like.

What the hell are you staring at? What?

Is it my fault that I have such talentless offspring?

I've just never really understood why you did it. Never.

It was all you were good for.

It is quite a job being toastmaster tonight.

I must admit I hadn't tried it before.

I am profoundly affected by the situation.

I think we all are.

-Nevertheless, I regard it... -I have to go now.

...as my responsibility to see this dinner out.

So I suggest dancing, music and coffee next door.

Good evening.

I have collected the car keys and put them back.

May I have a glass of water?

Shall I call a doctor?

Christian? Christian?

Are you okay?

Come on.

Come on.

Come here.

Okay.

Christian?

Christian?

Pia?

Pia?

I was asleep.

Pia, my sister is here. I love you.

Christian?

Christian?

Hi.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

Shall I come with you?

I'm going now.

Come here.

Hello. Hello?

-It's Helene. Were you asleep? -What time is it?

Late. 3..00, I think. I was asleep too.

Or whatever you'd call it.

You know, I've been...

Maybe you have too.

Have what?

Nothing.

Please come, Christian. Michael has disappeared.

What's going on? What's he up to?

Michael has vanished, and his wife is bawling her eyes out in my room.

Is the party still going on?

No, I don't think so.

Don't worry about it.

Well, they all went to bed.

Let's get some glasses.

Hi, where is Michelle?

I think she's at Kim's.

People are sleeping in the wrong beds.

We don't do that, right, honey?

I have a glass for Christian.

-Do you have one? -Yeah, I need one too.

I just don't want the glass of someone ugly.

Come on, play something.

Gbatokai and Helene shall dance.

I think you should get married.

That's right. Next.

Dad?

It's Michael, man. Little Michael. I'm coming!

Open the door!

It's the fucking postman!

Open the door, damn it!

Open it!

Go inside and close the door.

Michael, stop it.

-Stop it, Michael. -I told you to go inside.

I said keep your mouth shut, man!

I told you, man!

Keep your mouth shut!

Come back here.

Come back here!

Just come back here!

Lie down, man. Lie down!

And stay lying down.

Lie down.

I don't want to hear any more shit. Stay down now.

Got me?

You will never see your grandchildren again.

You'll never see them again, get it?

This family...

it's kaput, man!

Stay down, I said.

Stay down, I say!

Now it's me who rang the doorbell, damn it.

Michael, man.

They can't just...

Stop it!

-Mommy, say something. -They can't...

What's going on, Mommy?

They can't...

-Gbatokai, get out there. -Your father!

Back off, Michael. Back off!

You're killing me.

You're killing me.

-Waiter, could I have another drink? -Sure.

I just like starting the day with a wee dram.

Well, that's not a bad idea.

Morten, what are you thinking?

Well, over and out. Yeah.

She's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, at least.

Morning, Christian.

-Good morning. -Have a roll.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

-Where the hell is Leif? -I'm here!

There you are! How's the hairpiece?

Where do you get your clothes crumpled?

Næstved.

Stop it, man.

Pia?

Do you want to come to Paris and live with me?

Yes.

That was all.

Hey, have you got the hots for the waitress? What the hell?

Shut up, Michael. Eat your breakfast.

Sure, I'll eat this French bread.

-Shut up now. -Yeah, yeah.

Good morning.

Good morning!

Good morning, Christian. Enjoy.

Dorthe, come to Daddy. We're leaving soon.

Your father will read it to you, I'm sure.

I know it's an unsuitable moment. You're having breakfast.

I'll try to be as brief as I can.

I just want to say

that I know that when you pack up and go home...

it will be the last time I see you.

I also see now...

that what I did to my children is unforgivable.

I know that all of you...

especially my children,

will hate me for the rest of your lives.

All the same,

I want to tell you that you will always be my children,

and I have loved you and still love you...

no matter where in the world you are or what you do.

To you, Christian, I want to say...

you fought a good fight, my boy.

Thank you.

Nice one, Dad. Good speech. Well done.

But I think you'll have to go now so we can eat our breakfast.

Of course. Yes.

Come on. Do you want to... Are you coming?

-I'll stay here. -Sure.