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1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:04,171
["Dreams" playing]
2
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,991
- [exhales sharply]
- Mush! [whistling]
3
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,980
[Keeley]
Now, that's a cup of coffee. It's strong.
4
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,857
Good though.
5
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,358
- I got you something.
- [squeals]
6
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,736
- Ooh. I love somethings.
- [chuckles]
7
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,698
[squeals] What is this?
8
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,452
Sense and Sensibility.
Oh, I love this book.
9
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,997
- I loved the movie more though.
- [chuckles]
10
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:23,292
Wait, is this, like,
a first edition or something?
11
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:27,379
- Yep. And it's signed.
- No.
12
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,552
"Keeley, you go girl! Jane Austen."
13
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,263
[both laugh]
14
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,349
Did you destroy a priceless artifact
just to make me laugh?
15
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,853
[stammers] One, it wasn't priceless.
It was actually very expensive.
16
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,316
Two, I can get very jealous,
and I hate the idea of you regifting that.
17
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,235
And three, no, I didn't. That is all her.
18
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:54,615
And she really wants you to "go girl,"
so... [chuckling] ...you better go girl.
19
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,992
- Oh, I'll go. Watch me.
- [laughs]
20
00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,162
Come here. Thank you.
21
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,455
You're welcome.
22
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,628
Hey, Cindy. How are you? Good.
23
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,048
How you doing, brother? You okay?
24
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,677
- Good morning, Faridah.
- Oh, morning, Sam.
25
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,556
[sighs] Okay. I have a favor to ask.
26
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,060
- Hmm.
- Do we have an open table on Friday night?
27
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,771
[laughing]
28
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944
Oh, you're being serious? No.
29
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:36,114
The restaurant is booked for months.
The waiting list is a lie we tell people.
30
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:40,827
O-Okay. We have a very special guest
coming, so I need a "Ray Liotta" for one.
31
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,038
[mumbles]
I'll take care of it, take care of it.
32
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,456
- [chuckles] You're the best.
- [chuckles]
33
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,750
- Okay. Thank you.
- [Simi] Oh. Fuck you!
34
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,462
- If you will excuse me.
- [Faridah] Mm-hmm.
35
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,387
- Is everything okay in here?
- [sighs] I don't know.
36
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,305
- Is everything okay in here?
- [staff] Yes, Chef!
37
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,224
- Everything's fine.
- So who were you talking to?
38
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,143
- Brinda Barot.
- And was she here?
39
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,061
No, poo poo head.
40
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,272
A refugee boat's coming in,
41
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,983
and our home secretary
wants to send them away.
42
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,694
- Why would she do that?
- Because she's the devil.
43
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,778
- Right?
- [staff] Yes, Chef!
44
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,948
Okay, listen. Brinda Barot sucks for sure,
45
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,868
but, Simi,
it's way too early to be this angry.
46
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:25,163
Maybe you should start drinking
coffee again. It's better for your heart.
47
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,164
Why are you here?
48
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,459
Is there a photo shoot
for Footballer Passion Project Magazine,
49
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,544
- or something?
- [chuckles]
50
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,130
No, I just stopped by
to make sure everything was okay.
51
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,756
Everything is perfect.
52
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,844
Mm-hmm. What about the spoons?
53
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,180
[inhales deeply, stammers]
54
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,306
[sighs]
55
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,268
They don't match.
56
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:53,734
Samuel, if the food is good, which it is,
no one cares about the spoons.
57
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,862
- Am I right?
- [staff] Yes, Chef!
58
00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,865
[chuckles]
59
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:04,745
[inhales sharply] You know, just...
My father is coming this weekend.
60
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,790
So-- Fuck. And I just-- [stammers]
I want everything to be perfect.
61
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,002
He's coming all the way from Nigeria.
[chuckles]
62
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,254
Hmm. If this bitch lets him in.
63
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,800
{\an8}[theme music playing]
64
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,822
[players chattering]
65
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,200
[Ted] All right, fellas, focus up here.
66
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,745
{\an8}Right about now,
Roy's gonna make things dark...
67
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,000
{\an8}so that Coach Beard here
can shed some light. Coach.
68
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,840
{\an8}At the 1974 World Cup,
69
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,509
{\an8}the tiny country of the Netherlands
came out of nowhere
70
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,511
{\an8}and made it all the way
to the World Cup Final,
71
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,430
{\an8}playing the home team,
heavily favored Germany.
72
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,309
{\an8}Those Dutch hippies scored before
the Germans even touched the ball.
73
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,228
{\an8}Yeah, but Holland lost that game.
74
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:15,649
{\an8}Correct. But along the way, they won
the hearts of fans all around the world
75
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:22,322
{\an8}with a style of play-- dare I say,
a philosophy-- called Total Football.
76
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,117
{\an8}Which, coincidentally, Coach dreamed up
77
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,411
{\an8}in a barbecue-sauce-related hallucination
just last week.
78
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,787
{\an8}[players chattering]
79
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,540
{\an8}No, it's true. But hey, it's not about me.
Go on, keep shining.
80
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,125
{\an8}The best player on that team
81
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,210
{\an8}and the godfather of Total Football
was this guy.
82
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,879
Can anyone tell me who this is?
83
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,881
That's Tim Robinson
from I Think You Should Leave.
84
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,593
No. It is Dutch football legend,
Johan Cruyff.
85
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:43,719
It's pronounced Cruijff.
86
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,555
My apologies. With Total Football,
87
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,099
- Johan Cruijff...
- That's it.
88
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:52,311
{\an8}...took his small club Ajax
to three straight European titles.
89
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:55,522
{\an8}Now, he later became a coach,
first at Ajax,
90
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,858
{\an8}and then he took Total Football
to Barcelona,
91
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,736
{\an8}where he won the Spanish championship
four years in a row.
92
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,447
{\an8}Now a central cog of that team
was an industrious
93
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,283
{\an8}but brilliant midfielder
named Josep Guardiola.
94
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,202
{\an8}AKA Pep.
95
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,579
- [players chattering]
- [whistles] Look at that head of hair.
96
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:11,663
God had to take it away
97
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,332
- just to balance things out, you know?
- Hmm.
98
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:17,211
{\an8}Pep became a coach as well,
honing his own version of Total Football
99
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:21,131
{\an8}that he took to Barcelona
and Bayern Munich,
100
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:25,427
{\an8}eventually landing
at our great white whale, Manchester City.
101
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,180
{\an8}[players boo]
102
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,682
{\an8}Where he briefly coached
a very talented young player...
103
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,895
until that beautiful dum-dum quit
to go do a reality show.
104
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,981
- [players laugh]
- I was robbed!
105
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,107
[all laugh]
106
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,986
Total Football is about constant movement.
Players are no longer in set positions.
107
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,657
Defenders are free to attack.
Attackers are trusted to defend.
108
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:49,952
It's about taking risks
and supporting each other's choices.
109
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,621
{\an8}Like when your friend wears something new
and outside his comfort zone,
110
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,249
{\an8}and instead of ignoring it,
everybody pays him a compliment.
111
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,626
- [players murmuring in agreement]
- By the way, great hat, Ash.
112
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,212
- [players chattering]
- [player] Oh, yeah.
113
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,714
- It's pretty sweet. Hmm.
- Yeah, it frames his face nicely.
114
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,759
Exactly. Total Football is about
letting go of your baggage
115
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,219
and trusting your intuition.
116
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:12,558
It's jazz. It's Motown. It's Mamet.
It's Pinter. It's Einstein.
117
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,351
It's Keurig. It's Gaga!
118
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,855
It's my mother proudly displaying
her vibrator on the bedside table!
119
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,860
It's about throwing off the constraints
put upon you by society and by yourselves!
120
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,529
We all know football is life.
121
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,948
But a beautiful life...
122
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,784
is Total Football.
123
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,954
[players cheering]
124
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,498
That's good. That's you right there.
125
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,750
- Give it up, that's Coach.
- [players chattering]
126
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,335
{\an8}All right, fellas, we wanted y'all to know
127
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,379
{\an8}a little bit about the history
of Total Football,
128
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,339
{\an8}because that's what we're gonna
start playing here.
129
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,675
{\an8}- What? No. No, no, no, wait. What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
130
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:51,013
{\an8}Oi! You turn those frowns upside down
'cause we're fucking doing this.
131
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:54,224
{\an8}We're gonna drill it, we're gonna train it
and then in a couple of months,
132
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,810
{\an8}we're taking Total Football
to the fucking pitch.
133
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,937
No, actually we're gonna do it
this Saturday against Arsenal.
134
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,023
- Well, that's fucking mental.
- No, it'll be fine.
135
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,150
- [players clamoring]
- Oh, hush your butts!
136
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,278
- [clamoring continues]
- Hush your butt! Let's go. come on.
137
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,239
[shushes] No, no, no. Ah, cool it.
It's gonna be fine. I don't wanna hear it.
138
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,033
- Let's go, come on!
- I hear butts!
139
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,744
Hush your butt, hush your butt,
hush your butt. Gotta hush them butts.
140
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,704
Isaac, come on, be a captain.
Get that butt hushed.
141
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,789
I don't wanna hear it, Van Damme.
Hush your butt.
142
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:24,963
{\an8}Oh, Ms. Jones, we have a problem. The--
Oh, no, wait, actually, no, we don't.
143
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,175
{\an8}Sorry, sort of force of habit
or something.
144
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,260
- Um, I'm just dropping this off.
- Thank you.
145
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,181
Oh. That's--
That's very lovely. Oh, may I?
146
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,265
Yeah, of course, go.
147
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:39,436
Oh. I never would've, uh,
thought that you liked books.
148
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,899
Uh, I mean, um,
that you collect first editions.
149
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,068
{\an8}Oh, no, I don't.
That was a gift from Jack.
150
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:51,114
{\an8}Oh, wow. What a very nice gift
to receive. From your boss.
151
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,326
{\an8}She's not really my boss, right?
She's helping me execute my vision.
152
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,955
{\an8}Oh, it must be nice to have
such a-- a generous friend that, um,
153
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,499
{\an8}delivers expensive gifts
to your place of work.
154
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,210
No, no. She gave it to me this morning
when we had breakfast together.
155
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:08,549
Coffee. We had, um--
We had a coffee together.
156
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,385
At a coffee shop.
But we didn't arrive together.
157
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:15,055
We came from sep-- separate places,
and we met there.
158
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,850
[stammering] She was late actually.
159
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:21,061
Well, I had a warm yogurt
on the tube in my pajamas.
160
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,771
You take the tube in your pajamas?
161
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,274
Yeah, sometimes, yes.
When I want to beat the rush.
162
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:28,694
And, um-- And then I just get changed
in the-- in the toilets when I get here.
163
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,529
Ooh. Smart.
164
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,240
- Ms. Jones.
- Barbara.
165
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,500
[cell phone chimes]
166
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,348
{\an8}[typing on computer keyboard]
167
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,433
{\an8}[text reply alert]
168
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,019
{\an8}[sighs]
169
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,146
{\an8}[sighs]
170
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:07,691
{\an8}- [typing on computer keyboard]
- [text reply alert]
171
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,152
{\an8}[sighs]
172
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,655
[sighs]
173
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,451
- Hey, Siri.
- [Siri] Yes, Wunderkind?
174
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,536
Um, could you set a reminder
for tomorrow at 7:00 p.m.
175
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,121
for Nicole's birthday dinner? Thank you.
176
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,583
Okay, your reminder
is set for tomorrow at 7:00.
177
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,299
- Siri.
- Yes, Wunderkind?
178
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,511
How can you tell if a girl likes you
or is just being nice to you?
179
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,554
You can't.
180
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,225
[chattering]
181
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:44,186
So now I'm starting to get
all these subtle, little hints from Jane.
182
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:46,813
Like, certain magazines left
on the coffee table
183
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,107
and always hearing about her friends
who are doing it.
184
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,151
Well, marriage is a big commitment,
you know?
185
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,486
No, I'm talking about pegging.
186
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,030
Oh. Well, still. [chuckles]
187
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,114
Wait, what magazines?
188
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,785
- Here you go, lads.
- Thanks, Mae.
189
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,912
- You okay, Mae?
- No.
190
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:07,793
We win, this place is packed.
We lose, it's like this. [sighs]
191
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:12,673
I actually prefer it. You can finally hear
yourself think in here.
192
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,383
Fuck off.
193
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,177
Hmm.
194
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,388
[glasses clink, thud on table]
195
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,267
Hey, Lasso. We wanted to apologize.
196
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:25,644
- What for?
- For getting all soft on you.
197
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:28,397
Yeah, we humanized you
and lost all objectivity.
198
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,899
Main reason why farmers
don't name their livestock.
199
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,735
And why we don't learn the names
of Baz's brother's girlfriends anymore.
200
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,028
Because he's a male whore.
201
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,906
Exactly.
So we're gonna backslide a little bit.
202
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,617
Now what the fuck are you doing
to our team, wanker?
203
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,244
- Okay.
- [Ted] You-- Well-- N-Now, hold on,
204
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537
hold on, hold on, Coach. [chuckles]
205
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,123
Well, I tell you what, fellas.
206
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:49,251
Why don't you come watch
training tomorrow? See for yourselves.
207
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,338
We ain't running a chocolate factory
or Deutsche Bank.
208
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,757
We got nothing to hide from y'all.
See you tomorrow?
209
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,386
Yeah. You will.
210
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,849
- [laughs]
- What?
211
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,018
- Should I wear a suit?
- I'm definitely gonna take a shower.
212
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,103
- I mean, gotta do that. Yeah, definitely.
- Yeah.
213
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,481
Coach, you sure it's smart
to invite fans to our practices?
214
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,068
It's their team. We're just borrowing it
for a little while. You know?
215
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,697
Anyway... [sighs]
216
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,782
...I guess marriage and pegging
aren't really that different.
217
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,701
[Ted] Yeah, it's all about compromise.
218
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,330
["Sometime in the Morning" playing]
219
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,179
- There he is! [chuckles]
- God! Sorry.
220
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,807
The hottest coach in the league!
221
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,808
- [chuckles]
- Thank you.
222
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:51,438
I won a lot of money off your lot.
So, keep it up. Please.
223
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,731
[chuckles] Table for one?
224
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:56,235
Um, no, I thought I'd-- Just passing.
Uh, is Jade working today? Do you know?
225
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,695
No, she's off Tuesdays.
She goes to school.
226
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,949
Or feeds her mum.
I don't listen, so I don't really know.
227
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,368
Okay.
Well, um, just say that I said hello.
228
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:07,746
Um... Actually, you know what,
don't-- don't say anything. Um...
229
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:11,375
Actually, no, do.
Uh, say, if you, um, uh, y--
230
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,086
No. Just don't say anything.
Unless she asks after me.
231
00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,213
In which case, just say that I said hello.
[chuckles]
232
00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,550
- And why would she ask after you?
- Exactly. I don't kn--
233
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,009
Um, thank you, uh, Derek.
234
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:24,972
Thank you. Bye. Um, uh, yes, no,
just... [chuckles] Yeah.
235
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:28,308
[mocking, laughs] All right.
236
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,645
- Hey, Trent.
- [Trent] Hello, Ted.
237
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,774
- Hey, Ted!
- Hey, fellas!
238
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,859
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]
239
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,528
The fuck are they doing here?
240
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,531
I don't know. Ask Beard,
he's the one who invited them.
241
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,951
[Ted blows whistle]
242
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,120
All right, my Merry Pranksters.
243
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,832
If we're gonna play Total Football,
there are four things we need to focus on.
244
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:56,211
All right? Number one, conditioning.
Y'all gotta get into even better shape.
245
00:13:56,211 --> 00:14:00,215
Number two, versatility.
Number three, awareness.
246
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,341
And number four...
247
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,053
I don't know what that one is yet.
But I know it's important.
248
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,765
Starting today, we're gonna have
to turn things up a notch around here.
249
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,185
So I'ma hand it over
to your drill instructor,
250
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:13,270
Sergeant Roy Kent. [blows raspberry]
251
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,193
Whistle! On your feet, maggots!
252
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:21,945
[players muttering] Right.
253
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:26,241
Today you're gonna run
from end to end to end to end.
254
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,285
But lucky for you, I'm in a good mood.
255
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:32,831
So you've only gotta do that
for the whole fucking practice.
256
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:34,541
Whistle.
257
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:41,131
- Why doesn't he just use a whistle?
- He's allergic to metal.
258
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,634
Football stars, they're just like us.
259
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,011
Run!
260
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,596
[players shouting]
261
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,308
You sure you don't want a plastic whistle?
262
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,647
- Hi.
- Hi.
263
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:03,320
- Ooh, cute flowers.
- Aw, thanks.
264
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,613
Yeah, daisies are my favorite.
265
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,865
- Huh. And I thought I was.
- Wait!
266
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,786
- [mutters, clears throat]
- [remote clicks]
267
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,539
Why'd you do that?
268
00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:16,250
- Shit, you're right, yeah.
- [remote clicks]
269
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:21,547
- [gasps, screams] No. Off. On. On?
- Keeley. Keeley.
270
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,550
- On or off? Off? On or off?
- [clears throat] Keeley. Keeley, s--
271
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,885
- On? On. Do you want it on or off?
- Keeley. Keeley. [stammering]
272
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:30,639
- On or off? Off? On? Off or on?
- Stop. Give it-- Give it to me. Thank you.
273
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:34,810
- What's going on?
- I'm sorry.
274
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,938
I am just not built
for a secret office romance.
275
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,691
I'm used to everyone
knowing everything about me.
276
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,401
Barbara saw the book that you gave me,
277
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,903
and, uh, I didn't think that I could
tell her that we were dating,
278
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,488
because I don't want us to get in trouble.
279
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:50,409
We can't get into trouble
'cause we are two consenting adults.
280
00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,370
And I'm get-away-with-murder rich, so...
281
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,622
- Really?
- Yeah.
282
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,500
- Like who else? Name names.
- Everyone connected to Epstein.
283
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,337
Keeley, I don't care if people
in the office know we're dating, do you?
284
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,508
No, of course not. I just didn't know
how serious you were about this.
285
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,468
Come with me.
286
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:10,804
Okay.
287
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,143
Hey, everyone. Uh, quick announcement.
288
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,811
Keeley and I are dating.
289
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:23,358
And it's-- it's brand-new,
but I'm serious about it.
290
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:29,573
And so both of us just wanted to let you
all know so that there were no secrets.
291
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,910
'Cause it's-- it's all good.
I'm not crazy. She's not crazy.
292
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,786
You're not crazy, right?
293
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,247
[inhales sharply] Neither of us are crazy.
294
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:41,376
[chuckles] But, if any of you have
any issues or concerns about this at all,
295
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:45,881
please do not hesitate to come
and speak to me or Keeley or Barbara.
296
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:47,382
Cool?
297
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,427
Cool.
298
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,224
And congratulations, Jack and Keeley.
299
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,311
- Love is love, i-- Right.
- No, that's enough, Dan. Thank you.
300
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,064
["Rocks" playing]
301
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,402
[grunting, panting]
302
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,994
[retching]
303
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,413
[retches]
304
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,790
This is some of the best puking
I've ever seen.
305
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,544
Yeah, me too. And we spend
most of our lives at the pub.
306
00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:26,672
- [whistle blows]
- [players panting, groaning]
307
00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:31,844
All right. Nice job, gentlemen.
Okay, that's it for today.
308
00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,220
Now we scrimmage!
309
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,597
[players groan]
310
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,350
[Rebecca]
Honestly, my jacket's still a bit canal-y.
311
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,603
- [Keeley laughing]
- It's really bad. Mmm.
312
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,897
Okay, so, you never got his name?
313
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,775
And you never told him yours?
314
00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,779
Yeah, see,
that part's not that weird to me.
315
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:54,616
If you really didn't have sex
with the guy, now that is fucking bonkers.
316
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,910
Look, what we shared, it just--
317
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,665
It transcended sex. It was...
318
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:03,959
- Magic.
- Gezellig.
319
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,172
But, yeah, I would've liked
to have seen his penis.
320
00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:13,177
- [laughs] Oh! It is so good to see you.
- Oh, you too. [chuckles]
321
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,137
- It has been way too long.
- Hmm.
322
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,097
Because I've lost you to another woman.
323
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,892
- I know. I'm sorry.
- Oh, I am joking.
324
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,228
So come on. How's it going?
325
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:27,024
- Oh, it is great. I mean, she is so cool.
- Mmm.
326
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,776
She's smart. [stammers] Super foxy.
327
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,570
- Mmm.
- She's an amazing gift-giver.
328
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,950
Oh, my God, and the way she proclaimed
our relationship to the entire office.
329
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,994
It was so fucking hot.
330
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:42,748
Mmm. I think she might be
love bombing you.
331
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,083
- She's "love what-ing" me?
- Love bombing.
332
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:49,379
That's when you're bombarded
with expensive gifts and trips
333
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,257
and grand gestures of love.
334
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,218
- [chuckles]
- They call it love bombing.
335
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,762
- Who does?
- I don't know. They do.
336
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,348
Those "they" out there that name stuff.
337
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,811
But what I do know is that
on my second date with Rupert--
338
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,355
- Second date...
- Hmm.
339
00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,607
...he took me to a car showroom
and said, "Which one do you want?"
340
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,151
- Oh, I would fucking love that.
- Oh. [chuckles]
341
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,110
What did you do?
342
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,322
Well, I asked him if he was referring
to the cars or the beautiful saleswomen
343
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,157
suddenly tripping over themselves
to help us.
344
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,202
[laughs] And?
345
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,788
I drove home in a bloody lovely Jaguar,
of course.
346
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,039
[both chuckling]
347
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:28,335
It just felt nice to be taken care of
for once.
348
00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:30,879
Mmm.
349
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:32,756
Look,
350
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:36,218
I'm not saying that Jack is like Rupert.
351
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:40,681
But sometimes shiny things can tarnish.
352
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,058
I think it's fine.
353
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,895
Okay, good. Good. [inhales deeply]
354
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,897
Just trust yourself.
355
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,693
I ignored so many red flags in my past.
356
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,946
Yeah. Well, maybe we're love blind?
357
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,447
Ooh, love blind. What's that?
358
00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:01,159
It's an emotional version of
color blindness where a person interprets
359
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:04,872
red flags as giant green,
just-fucking-go-for-it flags.
360
00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:07,040
[both chuckle]
361
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,084
- Did you come up with that?
- Yeah, I did.
362
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,546
Oh, my God. You're one of those
"they" that name stuff.
363
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382
- [gasps] Shit, I think I might be.
- I think you might be.
364
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,508
[both laugh]
365
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,927
Oh, sorry, excuse me.
Could we get the bill, please? Thank you.
366
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:22,723
Actually, the bill was already
taken care of by Jack.
367
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:24,892
She said she hopes
you both enjoyed your meal.
368
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,436
[gasps] What a massive surprise.
369
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:29,980
- Wow, yeah. [chuckles]
- What? [gasps]
370
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,608
Well, then I think we ought to have
some tiramisu. Don't you?
371
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,526
- Definitely. Mm-hmm.
- Oh, and, uh, two bottles
372
00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:38,739
of the '34 Château Cheval Blanc
Saint-Emilion Premier Grand Cru to go.
373
00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,616
And one for yourself. Mmm.
374
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,746
[imitates bomb exploding]
375
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,832
- [Nathan's family laughs]
- [Sophia] Happy birthday, Mum.
376
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:52,127
- [Nicole] Ooh, wow.
- [family exclaims]
377
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,462
I love it.
378
00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:56,089
Well, it was my vision,
but Uncle Nate made it happen.
379
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,799
- Ah.
- She was actually quite specific. So...
380
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,468
[all chuckling]
381
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,137
Thank you, cheeky. Thanks, Nate.
382
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,265
Let's have a look, love. It's lovely.
383
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,809
So, come on.
384
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,603
You're the hottest coach
in the Premier League,
385
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:12,773
which makes me
the coolest lawyer in the firm.
386
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,942
Please tell me you're hooking up
with girls left and right.
387
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:20,280
Okay, I-- I don't think this kind of talk
is appropriate for a young lady.
388
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:22,282
- Who wants ice cream?
- I do.
389
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,660
Great. Let's go to the corner shop.
390
00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,371
Ali, come with us.
Let them have their girl talk.
391
00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,373
[Maria, Nicole, Lloyd chuckle]
392
00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,250
[Lloyd]
Come on, love. See you in a little bit.
393
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,376
Bye.
394
00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:35,295
Okay, tell me everything.
395
00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,966
Uh, okay. Well, there's this girl I like.
396
00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:43,136
- Uh, she's the hostess at Taste of Athens.
- Ooh, mmm.
397
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,181
Uh, she used to hate me, um, but now she--
398
00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:48,517
Well-- Well, I-- [stammers] I don't know.
399
00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:50,644
I've misread signals
from women before, but--
400
00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:53,772
I mean, how do you tell if a girl
likes you or is just being nice to you?
401
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:54,940
[both] You can't.
402
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:58,861
But there is one surefire way to find out.
403
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,863
- Right.
- Ask her out.
404
00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:03,156
No, I can't-- No, I can't-- [chuckles]
Can't do that. No.
405
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,409
[scoffs] Come on, what is the worst
that could happen?
406
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,327
Well, that she laughs
in my face and says no.
407
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,162
And that I scurry away, humiliated,
408
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,456
never to be allowed
in my favorite restaurant ever again.
409
00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,750
So that next time we have
some kind of family celebration,
410
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,253
I'll just have to, you know,
sit on the pavement outside
411
00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:17,462
eating takeaway fish and chips,
412
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:20,465
watching you through the window
like some Dickensian street urchin.
413
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,050
Oh, my God.
414
00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:26,346
He's just like Dad.
You have to show him the map.
415
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,515
No, your father would kill me.
416
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,893
- Show him the map.
- What map?
417
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:38,692
Your father and I went
to school together for years,
418
00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:43,530
but I didn't think he even knew I existed,
until he gave me this.
419
00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:52,372
{\an8}"Distance between the places
that we were born, 4,125 miles.
420
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:56,001
{\an8}Distance between the places
that we were raised, 4,230 miles.
421
00:22:56,585 --> 00:23:00,422
{\an8}Distance between
our dorms on campus, 1.3 miles.
422
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:04,927
{\an8}Distance between us on Friday night
at 8:00 p.m., hopefully one foot.
423
00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:06,553
{\an8}Would you like to go on a date?"
424
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:09,848
- [Nathan chuckles]
- [Nicole exhales deeply]
425
00:23:09,848 --> 00:23:11,141
Stop waiting, Nathan.
426
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:14,144
Yes, you could fail and be embarrassed
for a second.
427
00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:17,856
But you could also get married,
have two wonderful children
428
00:23:18,357 --> 00:23:21,276
- and live happily ever after.
- [Nathan chuckles]
429
00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:23,403
[door unlocks, opens]
430
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:25,113
- Oh, shit.
- [Sophia, Lloyd] We're back.
431
00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:27,449
{\an8}Quick, distract him.
432
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,535
["What Would I Do Without You" playing]
433
00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:55,310
[reporter 1] ...that is carrying
a large group of refugees,
434
00:23:55,310 --> 00:24:00,482
including several women and children,
who are hoping to claim asylum in the UK.
435
00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:02,150
- What's going on?
- [shushes]
436
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,485
[reporter 1] ...in Portsmouth.
437
00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:05,571
[reporter 2] The boat is now kilometers
from Portsmouth Harbor,
438
00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:09,283
{\an8}where its passengers, dozens of refugees,
hope to find sanctuary.
439
00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:11,743
{\an8}Hundreds of supporters
await their arrival.
440
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:16,039
{\an8}While others, such as Home Secretary
Brinda Barot, had this to say.
441
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:20,669
{\an8}To anyone attempting to enter
our country illegally, I say this.
442
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:23,714
{\an8}"Go home. Britain is closed."
443
00:24:23,714 --> 00:24:25,465
[reporter 1] Over the last few days--
444
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:27,968
- What a stupid idiot. Mmm.
- What a piece of shit.
445
00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:31,054
You know, someone needs
to send her back to where she came from.
446
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,849
- Her mother's butthole. Right?
- [staff] Yes, Chef!
447
00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:37,060
Or somebody could try and speak
to the better angels
448
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,937
of this clearly misguided person.
449
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,907
{\an8}- [Simi] Bitch.
- What?
450
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:53,410
It should say, "Help make Britain
better than this bitch."
451
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,209
I-- I think I'll stick with mine.
452
00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:02,127
Yeah.
453
00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,464
[pedestrians chattering]
454
00:25:12,971 --> 00:25:14,056
{\an8}- Hi.
- [Jade] Hello there.
455
00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:15,307
{\an8}[sighs] Nate.
456
00:25:15,307 --> 00:25:19,353
{\an8}Um, there's something that I wanted
to ask you. Um, would you...
457
00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:24,775
{\an8}Excuse me one m-moment.
458
00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:28,487
So-- So sorry. Sorry.
459
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:34,785
[door creaks shut]
460
00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:37,246
[breathing shakily]
461
00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,429
Actually, there's, uh, one thing
I need to do first. Sorry.
462
00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:05,524
Whistle. Whistle. Bring it in.
463
00:26:05,524 --> 00:26:07,192
[players panting, groaning]
464
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:10,487
[Ted] All right, fellas.
How y'all feeling?
465
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:11,446
[players groan, chatter]
466
00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:12,656
- [retches]
- [Ted] Oh.
467
00:26:12,656 --> 00:26:14,533
- Ah.
- [Baz chuckles]
468
00:26:14,533 --> 00:26:16,910
Bumbercatch,
did you just puke whole Cheerios?
469
00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:19,872
Yes, Coach. I like to eat my breakfast
without chewing.
470
00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:23,876
To conserve my energy in case
an impending class war breaks out.
471
00:26:23,876 --> 00:26:25,460
Yeah, no, makes sense. I get it. Yeah.
472
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:29,089
Uh, all right, gentlemen,
today we are gonna focus on versatility.
473
00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,800
Now, in Total Football,
you gotta constantly be asking yourself,
474
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,261
"What does this situation need right now?"
475
00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,556
You know, do I need to drop back
and replace Jan Maas on defense?
476
00:26:37,556 --> 00:26:39,850
Or-- Or, you know,
should I attack like Jamie?
477
00:26:39,850 --> 00:26:42,352
Or, you know, or do I lend Roy here
a piece of gum
478
00:26:42,352 --> 00:26:43,729
because his breath smells like dookie?
479
00:26:43,729 --> 00:26:46,940
[chuckles] Completely hypothetical.
Don't worry. You're fine, you're fine.
480
00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:49,985
All right? You gotta be able to jump in
anywhere at any time.
481
00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,446
And the way to do that well
is to understand
482
00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:56,700
and appreciate everyone's position
and every position's function.
483
00:26:56,700 --> 00:27:00,746
That's why we got our man, Beard,
replacing Will today as our kitman.
484
00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:06,418
Yeah. So when we get out here
and we scrimmage,
485
00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:09,171
y'all are gonna be swapping positions
with someone else. Yeah?
486
00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:12,549
Uh, for example, you know, Isaac,
we're gonna move you up to forward.
487
00:27:12,549 --> 00:27:15,010
And Dani, we're gonna drop you
back to defense. Got it?
488
00:27:15,010 --> 00:27:16,470
I'm gonna be Dani Rojas?
489
00:27:16,470 --> 00:27:19,389
[stammers] That's right, Isaac.
And Dani is gonna be you. Make sense?
490
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,517
We're gonna fuck 'em up, bruv.
[breathes heavily]
491
00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:23,101
Ay, Dios mios.
492
00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:24,645
Y'all don't need to do the voices.
493
00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:26,980
- [players] Aw! Come on.
- Okay, all right. Y'all can do the voices.
494
00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:28,857
- [players chuckling] Yeah.
- [Ted mumbles]
495
00:27:28,857 --> 00:27:30,192
You go ahead, Roy. Help 'em out here.
496
00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:32,945
Roy's gonna be handing out paper
that's got someone's name on it.
497
00:27:32,945 --> 00:27:35,405
That's the name of the person
you're gonna do the swaparoo with.
498
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,032
- Everybody understand?
- [players] Yes, Coach.
499
00:27:37,032 --> 00:27:38,784
All right, good. Coach, I miss anything?
500
00:27:38,784 --> 00:27:42,204
- That's it, baby. Let's go!
- All right, let's do it. You heard him.
501
00:27:42,204 --> 00:27:43,330
[blows whistle]
502
00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:47,751
Here we go, boys. Here we go.
503
00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:02,933
- There you go, Coach.
- Oh. Thank you, Coach.
504
00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:06,603
Hey, Coach.
Uh, there's been a mistake. I got me.
505
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,105
Oh, no, Jamie, that's not a mistake.
506
00:28:08,105 --> 00:28:10,482
We just figured you'd wanna keep doing
what you do best for us.
507
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:13,068
Playing striker and scoring goals, right?
[chuckles]
508
00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:16,989
[chuckles] Uh, yeah.
509
00:28:16,989 --> 00:28:19,241
- Yeah, uh, if you want, yeah.
- [Ted] Great.
510
00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:24,329
- Okay.
- Have fun out there.
511
00:28:24,329 --> 00:28:25,247
[Jamie] Yeah.
512
00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:30,377
[whistles] That is yummy. What is this?
513
00:28:30,377 --> 00:28:31,795
- Water.
- Mmm.
514
00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:35,132
- [Thierry] I'm wide.
- [players shouting] Let's go! Let's go!
515
00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:38,677
[Thierry grunts]
516
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:41,722
[Thierry laughs]
517
00:28:41,722 --> 00:28:44,933
Nice try, Van Damme.
You tried your best, and we love you.
518
00:28:45,976 --> 00:28:46,935
Baz, what are you doing?
519
00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:48,729
I'm switching positions with Paul.
520
00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:51,857
You know, unwavering positivity.
521
00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:54,484
Nice job with the water bottles,
Coach Beard.
522
00:28:57,571 --> 00:28:58,906
You fucking twats!
523
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:02,951
[sighs] I don't like it.
I actually prefer to be me.
524
00:29:02,951 --> 00:29:05,329
[players chattering]
525
00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,414
- [whistle blows]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Hold up.
526
00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:10,584
Dani. Come on, now.
You're a center back, remember?
527
00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:13,128
That ain't your job taking corners.
That's what Isaac does now.
528
00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,464
- Right. Right, Coach.
- [Ted] Isaac, come on, man. You're up.
529
00:29:15,464 --> 00:29:16,673
- [player] All right, Isaac.
- Let's go.
530
00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:18,467
- [player] You've got this, bruv.
- All right, now.
531
00:29:18,467 --> 00:29:20,260
Coach,
I ain't never taken a corner before.
532
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:23,305
No, I know. That's 'cause
you were put into a box, Isaac.
533
00:29:23,305 --> 00:29:27,267
As a ten-year-old little boy with the
strength and facial hair of a grown man.
534
00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:31,146
The box of a center back who was
never allowed to take a corner kick.
535
00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:34,525
Well, my friend,
that box ceases to exist today.
536
00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,485
Yeah? Go on.
537
00:29:37,194 --> 00:29:38,570
What do you want me to do?
538
00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:40,906
I don't know.
Just kick the hell out of it.
539
00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:43,325
[chuckles] Okay.
540
00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:46,703
[players chattering]
541
00:29:50,666 --> 00:29:53,377
[humming a tune]
542
00:29:53,377 --> 00:29:54,628
- [loud bang]
- [cup, saucer clatter]
543
00:29:54,628 --> 00:29:56,004
[exclaims]
544
00:29:56,839 --> 00:29:58,173
- [players murmuring]
- [Sam mumbles]
545
00:29:58,173 --> 00:30:01,093
Ow, ho-- hot! Hot tea. Ow.
546
00:30:01,093 --> 00:30:02,845
[Sam laughs]
547
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,141
Just a bit outside.
548
00:30:11,812 --> 00:30:14,022
[Sam exhales sharply, breathes deeply]
549
00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:16,108
[players chattering]
550
00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:32,416
[players chattering]
551
00:30:41,550 --> 00:30:43,719
[chuckles]
552
00:30:44,303 --> 00:30:48,432
Ted. I just want to make sure
I have this right.
553
00:30:48,432 --> 00:30:51,685
You're gonna change tactics
at this stage in the season
554
00:30:51,685 --> 00:30:53,770
and replace it with a totally new method
555
00:30:53,770 --> 00:30:56,732
that the boys are clearly struggling
to understand.
556
00:30:57,566 --> 00:30:59,234
And you think this is a good idea?
557
00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:01,403
Mmm. Well, Trent, the way I see it,
558
00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:04,239
it's kind of like taking a hike
with Robert Frost.
559
00:31:04,239 --> 00:31:06,241
It could go either way. Hmm?
560
00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:10,370
[inhales sharply]
561
00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,628
- Get the fuck out of my chair.
- Yeah, no, of course. Sorry. [grunts]
562
00:31:17,628 --> 00:31:20,339
["Shoegaze" playing]
563
00:31:34,019 --> 00:31:36,021
[people on street chattering]
564
00:31:46,615 --> 00:31:47,824
[Keeley chuckles]
565
00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:53,205
[gasps] Oh, my God.
566
00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:05,050
Okay, Greyhounds. Today we're talking
about number three, awareness.
567
00:32:05,050 --> 00:32:06,677
When you play Total Football,
568
00:32:06,677 --> 00:32:09,388
you gotta know what your teammates
are doing at all times.
569
00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:13,225
Constant movement requires
constant concentration, yeah?
570
00:32:13,225 --> 00:32:16,270
So if Sam makes a run through the center,
y'all gotta shift, right?
571
00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:18,814
And if Dani moves back on defense,
that means what?
572
00:32:18,814 --> 00:32:21,024
- Hell has frozen over?
- [players chuckling]
573
00:32:21,024 --> 00:32:22,317
No, it means you've gotta move up
574
00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:24,486
- and support Dani's choice.
- [players mumble]
575
00:32:24,486 --> 00:32:26,154
Okay, any questions so far?
576
00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:28,156
Uh, yeah, Coach.
What's with the red string?
577
00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:29,741
[Ted] Ah, great question.
578
00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:33,245
In Japanese culture,
they have a myth where they believe
579
00:32:33,245 --> 00:32:37,207
that all soulmates are connected
by an invisible red string.
580
00:32:37,207 --> 00:32:40,961
And those strings are attached to each
of their little fingers. Hmm?
581
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,673
Okay, so why is it tied around our dicks?
582
00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,800
[players muttering] Yeah.
583
00:32:48,969 --> 00:32:50,888
Yeah. Well, you know, that was Roy's idea.
584
00:32:50,888 --> 00:32:53,473
Uh, but I'm pretty sure
the thought behind it is that
585
00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:56,518
it is nearly impossible to not be
fully aware of what your teammate's doing
586
00:32:56,518 --> 00:32:58,645
when y'all got a rope
tied around your dingdong.
587
00:32:59,271 --> 00:33:00,397
Am I right about that, Roy?
588
00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:02,274
Yeah. Something like that.
589
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,027
Okay, great. Uh, yeah.
590
00:33:05,027 --> 00:33:08,197
So we gonna get after this right now,
gonna do a full scrimmage at half speed.
591
00:33:08,197 --> 00:33:10,782
And I don't wanna see
them strings get too loose.
592
00:33:10,782 --> 00:33:13,160
And I'll leave it up to y'all
to make sure they don't get too tight.
593
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,370
- Do not leave my side.
- [Sam chuckles]
594
00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:16,663
Shall we? [blows whistle]
595
00:33:16,663 --> 00:33:18,332
[Coach Beard] "Dicks" on three.
One, two, three.
596
00:33:18,332 --> 00:33:20,042
- [players] Dicks.
- Come on, let's move.
597
00:33:20,042 --> 00:33:23,170
- [chuckles]
- ["Centerfield" playing]
598
00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:25,631
Figure it out! This is what we're doing.
599
00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:29,218
- [laughing]
- [players groaning, chattering]
600
00:33:34,431 --> 00:33:36,683
[players shouting]
601
00:33:43,524 --> 00:33:45,359
[player] Ow, ow, ow, ow.
602
00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:49,071
- [Jamie] Fucking hell. Look at me, man.
- [player] Ow! [groans]
603
00:33:49,071 --> 00:33:50,614
I'm attacking. I'm attacking.
604
00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:52,157
[Colin] I'm defending. I'm defending.
605
00:33:53,408 --> 00:33:56,119
Whoa. [stammers] Ja-- Ja-- Jan!
Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan!
606
00:33:57,913 --> 00:33:59,748
Look what Kent gave me.
In case we wanted to--
607
00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:00,874
- No.
- No fucking way.
608
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:02,459
[player shrieks]
609
00:34:03,293 --> 00:34:06,171
- You wanna give him a little space, Dani.
- Sorry, Coach, I am too scared.
610
00:34:10,926 --> 00:34:12,386
Bro, do you wanna...
611
00:34:16,806 --> 00:34:19,643
[chattering, exclaims]
612
00:34:20,226 --> 00:34:21,061
[gasps]
613
00:34:21,645 --> 00:34:22,896
- [Paul chuckles]
- [spectators] Ooh.
614
00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:26,275
[gasps]
615
00:34:32,656 --> 00:34:34,533
[breathing shakily]
616
00:34:40,706 --> 00:34:43,292
- It's okay. His penis is okay.
- [sighing]
617
00:34:44,126 --> 00:34:45,627
- [player] Oh, my God.
- [sighing]
618
00:34:45,627 --> 00:34:47,629
[player]
I thought I just ripped Jamie's knob off.
619
00:34:47,629 --> 00:34:48,547
[whistle blows]
620
00:34:48,547 --> 00:34:49,547
- [players groan]
- Ooh.
621
00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:50,716
[Roy chuckling]
622
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:54,344
Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
623
00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:57,431
- Okay.
- [Trent sighs]
624
00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:01,268
[players chattering]
625
00:35:12,321 --> 00:35:14,072
[players chattering]
626
00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:15,157
[Sam clicks tongue]
627
00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:26,418
[players chattering, laughing]
628
00:35:47,481 --> 00:35:48,482
[sighs]
629
00:35:55,531 --> 00:35:56,365
[chuckles]
630
00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:58,909
{\an8}["You've Really Got a Hold on Me" playing]
631
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,502
[squeals] Hi!
632
00:36:08,502 --> 00:36:10,587
Hi. [kisses]
633
00:36:11,505 --> 00:36:14,466
Oh, sorry that I am late.
634
00:36:14,466 --> 00:36:16,677
I'm in no rush. I got you something.
635
00:36:16,677 --> 00:36:17,928
I don't want it.
636
00:36:18,595 --> 00:36:19,513
Sorry.
637
00:36:19,513 --> 00:36:23,642
I'm sure whatever it is, it is incredibly
thoughtful and mind-blowingly generous.
638
00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:25,018
But I don't want it.
639
00:36:25,018 --> 00:36:27,396
- Keeley, I just got you a--
- No, I don't even wanna know what it is.
640
00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:29,273
No. I just wanna hang out one time
641
00:36:29,273 --> 00:36:31,525
where it doesn't feel
like you're sweeping me off my feet.
642
00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,610
Okay.
Sorry for sweeping you off your feet.
643
00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:35,237
No. Hey, I didn't mean--
644
00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:39,658
No, no. It's okay. I get it.
It's, uh, absolutely what I'm doing.
645
00:36:39,658 --> 00:36:44,288
I'm coming on too fast or too strong,
I'm-- I'm sorry. I'll back off.
646
00:36:44,288 --> 00:36:46,832
- But just a little bit.
- [chuckles]
647
00:36:47,541 --> 00:36:51,545
It was a croissant. I got you a croissant.
648
00:36:51,545 --> 00:36:54,506
- Oh. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
649
00:36:56,008 --> 00:36:58,218
Oi. You're incredible.
650
00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:01,597
But you've gotta let me do something
for you every once in a while.
651
00:37:03,182 --> 00:37:04,057
Deal.
652
00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:06,143
Thank you.
653
00:37:08,061 --> 00:37:11,857
But it better be fucking amazing.
[chuckles]
654
00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:18,780
It's the last one, I s-- I swear.
655
00:37:21,325 --> 00:37:22,534
Verdict?
656
00:37:22,534 --> 00:37:24,494
It's a really, really good croissant.
657
00:37:24,494 --> 00:37:25,787
[chuckles]
658
00:37:31,251 --> 00:37:32,503
[car horn honks]
659
00:37:41,678 --> 00:37:42,804
[grunts]
660
00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:44,389
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
661
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:47,518
[sighs]
662
00:37:52,064 --> 00:37:53,023
[gasps]
663
00:38:03,951 --> 00:38:05,410
Would you like to go on a date with me?
664
00:38:06,036 --> 00:38:07,246
Yes.
665
00:38:08,997 --> 00:38:11,875
Good. Good.
666
00:38:13,752 --> 00:38:16,088
There wasn't anything alive in there,
was there?
667
00:38:16,672 --> 00:38:19,424
Oh, no. No, no. [chuckles] No, not at all.
668
00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:21,635
If you say so.
669
00:38:35,524 --> 00:38:36,775
[glass crunches]
670
00:38:36,775 --> 00:38:39,403
["Doomed" playing]
671
00:38:45,784 --> 00:38:47,160
[glass crunching underfoot]
672
00:39:27,993 --> 00:39:29,119
[cutlery clatters]
673
00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,425
- [laughs]
- [players chattering]
674
00:39:45,344 --> 00:39:46,261
There you go, sir.
675
00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,055
[grunts, strains]
676
00:40:01,193 --> 00:40:02,402
I've given this a lot of thought.
677
00:40:02,986 --> 00:40:09,493
Next time we do this drill, we tie
multiple guys' dicks to one guy's dick.
678
00:40:09,493 --> 00:40:10,577
Yeah?
679
00:40:13,288 --> 00:40:14,706
That was a one-shot deal, Roy.
680
00:40:14,706 --> 00:40:17,292
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
we cooked that whole bird already, Coach.
681
00:40:17,292 --> 00:40:19,211
Huh. Shame.
682
00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:23,090
- So, Ted.
- Hmm?
683
00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:25,008
- This number four.
- Yes, sir.
684
00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,594
- You haven't said what it is yet.
- No, ma'am.
685
00:40:27,594 --> 00:40:31,056
- But you know what it is?
- I don't actually. Mm-mmm.
686
00:40:31,056 --> 00:40:32,474
- What about you, Coach?
- I'm agnostic.
687
00:40:32,474 --> 00:40:34,393
- Mm-hmm. Roy?
- I don't fucking know.
688
00:40:35,018 --> 00:40:36,645
Number four has yet to reveal itself.
689
00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:37,855
There is no number four?
690
00:40:37,855 --> 00:40:39,314
Like the man once said,
691
00:40:39,314 --> 00:40:42,025
"Sometimes you gotta leave space
to let God walk into the room."
692
00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:43,819
Ah. So, number four is God?
693
00:40:43,819 --> 00:40:45,529
Oh, no. I don't think so. Coach?
694
00:40:45,529 --> 00:40:47,197
- I'm an atheist.
- Mm-hmm. Roy?
695
00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:49,283
- I fucking hope not.
- Mmm.
696
00:40:49,283 --> 00:40:51,118
- [players chattering]
- [door opens]
697
00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:53,996
[Isaac] Oi, man, you're ten minutes late,
yeah? That's gonna be a hundo, all right?
698
00:40:55,998 --> 00:40:57,124
The fuck's wrong with you?
699
00:40:57,124 --> 00:40:58,542
I'll tell you what's wrong.
700
00:40:58,542 --> 00:41:01,378
The world is full of evil people
who do shitty things.
701
00:41:01,378 --> 00:41:03,797
But I can't deal with that because I have
to kick a little ball around.
702
00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:05,257
[breathing heavily]
703
00:41:05,257 --> 00:41:07,801
W-Which those same people love me for!
704
00:41:08,635 --> 00:41:11,972
That is until I fuck up
or-- or I miss a penalty.
705
00:41:11,972 --> 00:41:14,266
Or-- Or-- Or I-- I decide to fight back...
[stammers]
706
00:41:14,266 --> 00:41:17,102
...and then they're just gonna wanna
ship me back wherever I fucking came from.
707
00:41:17,102 --> 00:41:19,438
- [Sam's father] Samuel!
- [Sam breathing shakily]
708
00:41:24,026 --> 00:41:25,861
[crying]
709
00:41:37,998 --> 00:41:39,208
It's okay.
710
00:41:42,961 --> 00:41:44,713
You know, I still want to go see it.
711
00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:47,257
No. No, no, no.
I-- I can't take you there.
712
00:41:47,257 --> 00:41:48,967
No. Not the way it looks now.
713
00:41:49,593 --> 00:41:51,887
Do you know
how long it will take you to reopen?
714
00:41:52,763 --> 00:41:54,139
I don't know if I will.
715
00:41:54,139 --> 00:41:56,141
- Samuel.
- What?
716
00:41:56,141 --> 00:42:00,020
W-Why? For who? Just so
somebody can go and trash it again.
717
00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:01,939
You do it for yourself.
718
00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,399
For your friend Simi.
719
00:42:05,067 --> 00:42:08,111
For all those people who want
a taste of home when they are away.
720
00:42:09,363 --> 00:42:10,989
Follow your heart, Samuel.
721
00:42:10,989 --> 00:42:13,033
Anger will only weaken you.
722
00:42:14,159 --> 00:42:15,744
Yeah. Okay.
723
00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:19,289
But if you really want to piss off
the people who did this,
724
00:42:20,582 --> 00:42:21,625
forgive them.
725
00:42:21,625 --> 00:42:22,835
What?
726
00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:25,629
Forgive them.
[whistles, splutters] Big whoop.
727
00:42:25,629 --> 00:42:28,173
- Big whoop?
- Big whoop. [whistles, splutters]
728
00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:29,508
[Sam chuckles]
729
00:42:30,342 --> 00:42:33,554
My son, listen to me.
730
00:42:34,221 --> 00:42:38,433
Don't fight back. Fight forward.
731
00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:41,770
[Sam chuckles]
732
00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:45,023
- Thank you, Daddy.
- [grunts]
733
00:42:45,023 --> 00:42:48,861
- [Sam's father chuckles, sighs]
- [Sam chuckles]
734
00:42:49,987 --> 00:42:51,905
Do you think I should invest
in security cameras?
735
00:42:51,905 --> 00:42:54,032
- Hell yes. And gates.
- [sighs]
736
00:42:54,032 --> 00:42:55,868
- [chuckles]
- Please tell me you have insurance.
737
00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:56,910
I have insurance.
738
00:42:56,910 --> 00:43:00,330
[sighs] Thank God. Otherwise,
your mother would have killed me.
739
00:43:00,330 --> 00:43:02,207
- Ooh. [chuckles]
- [laughs]
740
00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:05,127
- [Sam] Are you gonna have any trouble?
- [Sam's father] No. Insurance!
741
00:43:05,127 --> 00:43:07,421
[both chuckle]
742
00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:09,298
Hey. I'm sorry to interrupt y'all.
743
00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,300
Um, Sam,
we're getting ready to start out there.
744
00:43:12,134 --> 00:43:15,095
But, you know, if you wanna sit out today,
I totally understand.
745
00:43:15,679 --> 00:43:18,056
- Thank you, Coach.
- No, he's going to practice.
746
00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:23,437
- Okay. Well, you better go change then.
- I'm getting ready to change.
747
00:43:24,146 --> 00:43:26,315
Uh-huh. Okay. [chuckles]
748
00:43:26,899 --> 00:43:28,400
It's really nice to finally meet you, sir.
749
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:29,776
- You too.
- [chuckles]
750
00:43:30,485 --> 00:43:32,362
You know,
I almost wore that exact same thing today.
751
00:43:32,362 --> 00:43:35,324
- [laughs] Funny guy. Funny guy. [laughs]
- [chuckles]
752
00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:37,659
- Hey, you like American candy?
- Who doesn't?
753
00:43:37,659 --> 00:43:39,328
Yeah. Come on. It's got that bad sugar.
754
00:43:39,328 --> 00:43:43,207
- Yeah. High-fructose corn syrup.
- That's too many words. I say "bad sugar."
755
00:43:43,207 --> 00:43:45,709
["Alright" playing]
756
00:43:59,223 --> 00:44:00,849
[players chattering]
757
00:44:07,356 --> 00:44:09,399
[crowd cheering]
758
00:44:10,025 --> 00:44:13,779
At the beginning, Rupert bought me
so many tulips for so long,
759
00:44:13,779 --> 00:44:16,365
- his florist was able to buy a castle.
- What?
760
00:44:16,365 --> 00:44:19,326
I mean, it was in Scunthorpe, but still.
A castle.
761
00:44:19,952 --> 00:44:20,786
[scoffs]
762
00:44:20,786 --> 00:44:23,247
- Well, I'm taking Jack out tonight.
- Mmm.
763
00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:25,749
And if she tries to pay,
then I will give her--
764
00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:27,125
You'll give her what?
765
00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:28,877
Just the tip?
766
00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:32,005
[both chuckle]
767
00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:34,007
- Hello, everyone.
- Hello, Leslie.
768
00:44:34,007 --> 00:44:35,926
May I present...
769
00:44:35,926 --> 00:44:38,011
Mr. Obisanya. Ah.
770
00:44:38,011 --> 00:44:40,889
Rebecca Welton.
Lovely to finally meet you.
771
00:44:40,889 --> 00:44:43,684
Likewise.
Samuel has told me so much about you.
772
00:44:44,810 --> 00:44:45,727
[clicks tongue] Has he?
773
00:44:45,727 --> 00:44:48,438
Yes. He-- He has.
774
00:44:48,438 --> 00:44:49,857
Cool.
775
00:44:51,567 --> 00:44:52,943
[stammers]
776
00:44:56,947 --> 00:44:58,991
Oh, yeah! Come on, you Greyhounds!
777
00:44:58,991 --> 00:45:00,951
- [Keeley] Whoo!
- Let's go Richmond! [chuckles]
778
00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,911
- I'm Keeley, by the way. Hi.
- [chuckles]
779
00:45:02,911 --> 00:45:05,497
Hey. Let's-- Let's go, Greyhounds.
780
00:45:05,497 --> 00:45:07,291
- [Rebecca cheers]
- [Keeley] Come on.
781
00:45:09,835 --> 00:45:12,838
- Bumber! Bumber! Shot!
- [Bumbercatch] Push, man!
782
00:45:12,838 --> 00:45:14,631
Bumber! No.
783
00:45:15,591 --> 00:45:17,885
Richmond have been mired
in a run of poor form,
784
00:45:17,885 --> 00:45:23,390
and you have to applaud Ted Lasso's
efforts to try something new. But this--
785
00:45:23,390 --> 00:45:25,100
What's the word I'm looking for, Chris?
786
00:45:25,851 --> 00:45:28,854
"Sucks," Arlo. The word is "sucks."
787
00:45:28,854 --> 00:45:31,231
[Arlo] It's like they've never
played the sport before.
788
00:45:31,231 --> 00:45:32,149
[grunts]
789
00:45:32,149 --> 00:45:34,318
[Arlo] Good grief,
they're tackling themselves now.
790
00:45:35,402 --> 00:45:37,529
With Richmond literally running
into each other,
791
00:45:37,529 --> 00:45:39,156
the Gunners mount a counterattack.
792
00:45:39,156 --> 00:45:42,659
Here's a through ball to Parslow.
Parslow over to Hamilton...
793
00:45:42,659 --> 00:45:43,911
- [crowd cheers]
- [Arlo] And he's there!
794
00:45:44,494 --> 00:45:47,748
Hamilton has his hat trick,
and Arsenal leads 3-nil.
795
00:45:47,748 --> 00:45:49,499
- Fuck!
- [crowd cheering]
796
00:45:54,213 --> 00:45:55,506
[player cheers]
797
00:45:56,298 --> 00:45:57,299
Okay.
798
00:45:58,425 --> 00:45:59,510
It's all right.
799
00:45:59,510 --> 00:46:01,512
- [Mae sighs]
- [crowd cheering on TV]
800
00:46:01,512 --> 00:46:03,305
[Mae stammers]
801
00:46:04,848 --> 00:46:07,893
[groans] It's over.
We're gonna get relegated again,
802
00:46:07,893 --> 00:46:10,938
and I'm gonna have to go back
to filling the sausages with cardboard.
803
00:46:10,938 --> 00:46:11,939
- Patience, Mae.
- [Mae sighs]
804
00:46:11,939 --> 00:46:13,774
Just need to give it some time.
805
00:46:13,774 --> 00:46:16,985
Ask yourself,
what does this situation need?
806
00:46:16,985 --> 00:46:17,903
[whistle blows]
807
00:46:17,903 --> 00:46:20,364
[Arlo] And at the half,
Arsenal have a three-goal lead,
808
00:46:20,364 --> 00:46:23,450
and Richmond have plenty to talk about.
809
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:26,662
[Chris] Yeah, with fun conversation
starters like, "Why are we so bad?"
810
00:46:26,662 --> 00:46:28,247
or "Should we just go home?"
811
00:46:28,247 --> 00:46:29,665
[players chattering]
812
00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:34,378
Jamie, you keep floating back, mate.
813
00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:35,671
You gotta stay up front.
814
00:46:35,671 --> 00:46:37,256
We need you to stretch the defense.
815
00:46:37,256 --> 00:46:39,925
- We need you to score a fucking goal.
- [clamoring]
816
00:46:39,925 --> 00:46:41,927
[Jamie] But how can we
when we can't see anyone out there.
817
00:46:41,927 --> 00:46:44,721
There's no shame
in going back to the good old 4-4-2.
818
00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:46,515
Until we've had more time
to properly train.
819
00:46:46,515 --> 00:46:49,101
- Make you look like a prick.
- [players chattering]
820
00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:51,436
[Isaac] For fuck's sake.
What's the matter with you anyway?
821
00:46:53,605 --> 00:46:55,232
Hey, fellas. Lis-- Listen up here.
822
00:46:55,232 --> 00:46:56,358
[chattering stops]
823
00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:59,528
Well, I remember back in the early days
of my coaching career,
824
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,365
feeling compelled
to express my individuality.
825
00:47:03,991 --> 00:47:07,786
Since I was a straight fella
in Middle America working in sports
826
00:47:07,786 --> 00:47:10,706
and I was scared of tattoo needles,
827
00:47:10,706 --> 00:47:13,333
the only real option for me to do so
was through my facial hair.
828
00:47:14,209 --> 00:47:16,503
And, uh,
obviously I couldn't grow a beard.
829
00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,339
Otherwise, Coach and I here would,
uh, look like a ZZ Top cover band.
830
00:47:19,923 --> 00:47:22,259
- Would've been called "Sharp Dressed Men."
- Ooh, that's nice.
831
00:47:22,259 --> 00:47:24,052
God,
I hate what you've fucking done to me.
832
00:47:24,052 --> 00:47:27,806
Luckily, around that time there was
this quartet of stand-up comedians
833
00:47:27,806 --> 00:47:30,058
known as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
834
00:47:30,058 --> 00:47:34,479
And along with their observational humor,
fun banter and numerous catchphrases,
835
00:47:34,479 --> 00:47:37,399
they also possessed
the four most common types of facial hair.
836
00:47:38,358 --> 00:47:40,402
Now, Ron White, who was my favorite,
he was clean-shaven.
837
00:47:40,402 --> 00:47:41,820
That's one way to go.
838
00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:46,074
But then you had Larry the Cable Guy, and
he had himself a big old, bushy goatee.
839
00:47:46,074 --> 00:47:48,327
[stammers] And Bill Engvall,
he also had a goatee actually.
840
00:47:48,327 --> 00:47:51,038
But it was, um, you know,
smaller and, uh, more manicured.
841
00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:52,456
Not touching the sides here.
842
00:47:52,456 --> 00:47:54,541
- Also known as a Vandyke.
- [Ted] Thank you, Coach.
843
00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:58,128
And then you had Jeff Foxworthy of course,
who, uh, had a mustache.
844
00:47:58,712 --> 00:48:01,131
So, check it out.
I went ahead and rolled the dice
845
00:48:01,131 --> 00:48:04,718
and grew myself one of them big,
bushy Cable Guy goatees.
846
00:48:04,718 --> 00:48:06,386
And I thought I looked great.
847
00:48:06,386 --> 00:48:10,224
Until Coach Beard here took me aside,
848
00:48:10,224 --> 00:48:11,892
right as I was about
to walk down the aisle,
849
00:48:11,892 --> 00:48:14,311
and told me something I needed to hear.
Remember what you said to me?
850
00:48:14,311 --> 00:48:17,231
"Your goatee makes it look like
you ate out bigfoot's butthole."
851
00:48:17,231 --> 00:48:18,232
That's right.
852
00:48:18,232 --> 00:48:20,025
- AKA "ass-squatch."
- You're on fire.
853
00:48:20,025 --> 00:48:21,693
- Make it stop.
- [Ted] No, no.
854
00:48:22,319 --> 00:48:25,447
Coach was right though.
Not a good look. Not on this face.
855
00:48:26,907 --> 00:48:29,993
So I shaved that puppy down right
into a Foxworthy, and I never looked back.
856
00:48:31,620 --> 00:48:32,746
Point is, a lot of times
857
00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:35,707
the right idea is just sitting behind
a couple of the wrong ones.
858
00:48:36,542 --> 00:48:38,877
- Yeah?
- [Jamie] Hmm. [clears throats]
859
00:48:38,877 --> 00:48:40,295
You got something you wanna say, Jamie?
860
00:48:40,295 --> 00:48:44,091
- Uh, I mean, yeah. But... [chuckles]
- Great. Let us have it.
861
00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:47,344
Well... [sighs] ...I don't want people
to think I'm being a prick if I say it.
862
00:48:54,142 --> 00:48:55,352
[Jamie] Ah.
863
00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:57,354
Okay. Well, then.
864
00:48:58,647 --> 00:48:59,481
I ain't doing it wrong.
865
00:48:59,481 --> 00:49:01,191
- You're doing it wrong.
- Whoa!
866
00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:02,359
[players clamoring]
867
00:49:02,359 --> 00:49:05,320
I mean-- I mean-- No, I mean,
I think we're all doing it wrong.
868
00:49:06,405 --> 00:49:07,823
[stammers] If we want this to work,
869
00:49:07,823 --> 00:49:11,994
you gotta stop going to me
and start playing through me. You get me?
870
00:49:17,291 --> 00:49:19,376
Uh, look. Just look. Look.
871
00:49:19,376 --> 00:49:21,545
- Can I? Do you mind if I-- Right.
- Yeah, of course.
872
00:49:21,545 --> 00:49:24,715
So look, I sh-- I shouldn't be here.
I shouldn't be playing forward.
873
00:49:24,715 --> 00:49:26,967
I should be here, in the center.
874
00:49:32,264 --> 00:49:35,517
I should be here, right?
Let Dani go up front.
875
00:49:35,517 --> 00:49:37,227
Move Colin over there. Richard there.
876
00:49:37,227 --> 00:49:41,982
So, stop going to me, right?
And start going through me. All right?
877
00:49:42,941 --> 00:49:44,193
That's Total Football.
878
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:47,571
How's that sound to y'all?
879
00:49:47,571 --> 00:49:50,115
- [Sam] That actually-- actually works.
- [players murmuring]
880
00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:54,494
And there it is. Número cuatro. Sacrifice.
881
00:49:54,494 --> 00:49:56,955
Putting aside personal glory
on behalf of the team.
882
00:49:57,497 --> 00:50:00,083
Ooh. I like that.
But that ain't number four.
883
00:50:00,083 --> 00:50:02,711
- Let's bring it in! Come on.
- Let's go for "four" on three.
884
00:50:02,711 --> 00:50:05,255
- One, two, three--
- [players] Four! [cheering]
885
00:50:05,255 --> 00:50:07,508
[Arlo] The Greyhounds still 3-nil down,
in this second half.
886
00:50:07,508 --> 00:50:09,760
They need something,
and they need it soon.
887
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:14,848
Arsenal's cross, easy for Van Damme.
And Van Damme out to Jan Maas.
888
00:50:14,848 --> 00:50:16,350
Here we go.
889
00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:19,144
[Arlo] Here's Dixon. Infield to Tartt.
890
00:50:19,144 --> 00:50:21,730
Tartt to Obisanya. Over to Hughes.
891
00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,148
Tartt again.
892
00:50:23,148 --> 00:50:24,650
- To McAdoo in the midfield.
- Oh.
893
00:50:24,650 --> 00:50:26,610
- Ooh.
- [Arlo] Over to Rojas.
894
00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:28,695
Rojas drops it back to Tartt.
895
00:50:28,695 --> 00:50:30,906
Who sends a long ball down to Bumbercatch.
896
00:50:30,906 --> 00:50:33,367
- Huh?
- [Arlo] Bumbercatch to Goodman.
897
00:50:33,367 --> 00:50:34,576
- Goodman over to Tartt...
- Yeah.
898
00:50:34,576 --> 00:50:35,911
- [Rebecca gasps]
- [Arlo] ...in the box.
899
00:50:35,911 --> 00:50:37,579
Old Tartt with the back heel.
900
00:50:37,579 --> 00:50:39,790
- And Montlaur is there to hammer it in!
- [crowd cheering]
901
00:50:39,790 --> 00:50:40,874
[Rebecca screams]
902
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,878
That was bloody gorgeous!
903
00:50:44,878 --> 00:50:51,343
A majestic, sweeping symphony of a goal
with Tartt in the role of conductor.
904
00:50:51,343 --> 00:50:54,930
- [players cheering]
- Hey! All right!
905
00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:58,475
- That's it right there.
- There we go. There we go!
906
00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:00,561
[Keeley] Whoo!
907
00:51:01,144 --> 00:51:03,063
- [chuckling]
- Whoo!
908
00:51:03,063 --> 00:51:05,065
[Arlo] Arsenal prevails 3-1.
909
00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:09,528
But for the first time in weeks,
the Greyhounds are showing signs of life.
910
00:51:14,366 --> 00:51:15,701
[panting] Ted.
911
00:51:17,077 --> 00:51:18,537
It's going to work.
912
00:51:18,537 --> 00:51:20,706
- Great. What is?
- [pants] Total football.
913
00:51:20,706 --> 00:51:21,999
- Okay. Why?
- And I'll tell you why.
914
00:51:21,999 --> 00:51:23,125
The Lasso way.
915
00:51:23,792 --> 00:51:25,752
- You haven't switched tactics in a week.
- I haven't?
916
00:51:25,752 --> 00:51:28,213
- No. You've done this over three seasons.
- I have?
917
00:51:28,213 --> 00:51:31,925
Yes. By slowly but surely building
a club-wide culture of trust and support
918
00:51:31,925 --> 00:51:33,594
through thousands
of imperceptible moments,
919
00:51:33,594 --> 00:51:36,221
all leading to
their inevitable conclusion.
920
00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:38,098
- Total Football.
- Well, how about that.
921
00:51:38,098 --> 00:51:40,726
[exclaims] It's gonna work.
922
00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:44,354
Doesn't even matter what number four is.
[pants]
923
00:51:48,775 --> 00:51:50,652
What a fucking dork.
924
00:51:50,652 --> 00:51:53,739
Yeah. But he's our dork.
925
00:51:53,739 --> 00:51:55,157
[groans]
926
00:51:55,741 --> 00:51:56,742
Hmm.
927
00:51:56,742 --> 00:51:59,077
["Find Someone Like You" playing]
928
00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:05,501
[exhales deeply]
929
00:52:09,713 --> 00:52:10,923
[sniffs]
930
00:52:22,643 --> 00:52:24,686
- Hey.
931
00:52:24,686 --> 00:52:25,854
- Hi.
- All right to sit?
932
00:52:25,854 --> 00:52:27,689
Oh, of course. Yeah, um, take a seat.
933
00:52:27,689 --> 00:52:28,774
- [chuckles]
- [Jade] Thank you.
934
00:52:28,774 --> 00:52:31,610
Wow. Uh, you look great.
Thank you for coming. [chuckles]
935
00:52:31,610 --> 00:52:33,862
- Thank you for coming? [chuckles]
- You know...
936
00:52:33,862 --> 00:52:35,447
[Jade] Did you think
I was gonna stand you up?
937
00:52:35,447 --> 00:52:37,991
No, no, no. Um, do you want a drink?
Sorry, I ordered.
938
00:52:37,991 --> 00:52:40,077
- [Jade] No, that's fine.
- [chuckles] Just got nervous. Um...
939
00:52:40,077 --> 00:52:43,330
[Derek]
Please. Here we are, and there you go.
940
00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:47,501
Best table in the house. [chuckles]
As requested.
941
00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:49,419
{\an8}[Jack, Keeley chuckle]
942
00:52:50,712 --> 00:52:54,341
{\an8}- You little love bomber. [chuckles]
- [imitates explosion]
943
00:52:58,679 --> 00:53:01,014
I know it's not the outcome you wanted,
944
00:53:01,014 --> 00:53:03,976
but I'm very proud of the way
you and your team played today.
945
00:53:04,852 --> 00:53:05,894
Thanks, Dad.
946
00:53:05,894 --> 00:53:07,896
Ah. And I met Rebecca.
947
00:53:07,896 --> 00:53:11,775
- Oh, no. Did you make things weird?
- Yes.
948
00:53:11,775 --> 00:53:15,279
[both chuckle]
949
00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:17,614
[Sam's father sighs]
950
00:53:18,323 --> 00:53:19,324
[Sam sighs]
951
00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:22,953
- Do you want to go and see the restaurant?
- I would love to.
952
00:53:29,251 --> 00:53:31,003
- I don't know, Dad, I wish--
- [sighs]
953
00:53:31,003 --> 00:53:33,380
I wish you could've seen it
when it was done up. It was perfect.
954
00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,548
This looks nice.
955
00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:37,259
- Daddy, it's not the same.
- It isn't so bad.
956
00:53:47,853 --> 00:53:49,146
Yo, look who's here.
957
00:53:49,730 --> 00:53:51,481
- Oh!
- Hey.
958
00:53:51,481 --> 00:53:53,775
Ah, the surprise is ruined.
959
00:53:53,775 --> 00:53:55,152
What are you guys doing here?
960
00:53:55,152 --> 00:53:59,323
Well, we all just asked ourselves,
"What does this situation need?"
961
00:53:59,323 --> 00:54:01,283
And we thought your situation needed us.
962
00:54:01,867 --> 00:54:04,161
Yeah, got my cousin to fix
your window this morning.
963
00:54:04,161 --> 00:54:06,455
Didn't get a discount though,
'cause he's a prick.
964
00:54:06,455 --> 00:54:07,748
[players chuckle]
965
00:54:07,748 --> 00:54:10,459
And I brought some cases of wine
from my personal cellar.
966
00:54:10,459 --> 00:54:12,961
Not the best stuff obviously,
but still very, very good.
967
00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:15,506
And Bumbercatch
is trying to fix your sign.
968
00:54:15,506 --> 00:54:18,509
Neon signs are just a bunch
of illuminated, gas-discharge tubes.
969
00:54:18,509 --> 00:54:20,802
So I thought I'd give it a shot. Screwdriver.
970
00:54:20,802 --> 00:54:25,599
[sighs] Guys, this is incredible.
H-Honestly.
971
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,142
Thank you all so very much.
972
00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:28,810
- Aw, we got you, man.
- No worries.
973
00:54:29,478 --> 00:54:31,271
- Great work, Van Damme.
- Simi.
974
00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:32,356
Sam.
975
00:54:33,982 --> 00:54:35,108
Oh, my God.
976
00:54:35,734 --> 00:54:38,862
- Was this your idea?
- No, they called me.
977
00:54:38,862 --> 00:54:40,447
- It's amazing, right?
- It's-- It's-- [sighs]
978
00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:42,991
Oh! Uh, there's somebody
I'd love for you to meet.
979
00:54:42,991 --> 00:54:45,536
- Okay.
- Simi, this is my father.
980
00:54:45,536 --> 00:54:49,957
So very nice to meet you, Simi.
Sam has told me so much about you.
981
00:54:49,957 --> 00:54:52,459
- Hmm. Has he?
- Yes, he has.
982
00:54:52,459 --> 00:54:54,086
[Sam stammers]
983
00:54:54,086 --> 00:54:56,213
Well,
it's lovely to meet you too, Mr. Obisanya.
984
00:54:56,213 --> 00:55:00,384
No, no, no, no, no. My father
was Mr. Obisanya. Call me Ola.
985
00:55:00,968 --> 00:55:02,761
- [light bulb buzzes]
- [Bumbercatch] Whoo! [laughs]
986
00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:05,347
[players cheering, laughing]
987
00:55:11,937 --> 00:55:14,648
Oh. Uh, don't worry.
I'll order the new mirrors on Monday.
988
00:55:17,484 --> 00:55:19,611
No. No. Let's keep them.
989
00:55:20,237 --> 00:55:23,615
I think they serve as a good reminder that
everything doesn't have to be perfect.
990
00:55:23,615 --> 00:55:27,077
And if the food is good,
who cares about the mirrors?
991
00:55:27,077 --> 00:55:28,453
Exactly.
992
00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:30,163
Speaking of, who's hungry?
993
00:55:30,163 --> 00:55:31,081
[players] Yes!
994
00:55:31,081 --> 00:55:34,001
- Good. So I will cook you all dinner.
- [players cheering]
995
00:55:34,001 --> 00:55:36,086
Sam, Simi, follow me.
996
00:55:37,087 --> 00:55:38,088
[both] Yes, Chef! [chuckle]
997
00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:42,968
- ["Enjoy" playing]
- [all chattering]
998
00:55:46,430 --> 00:55:47,514
[all cheering]
999
00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:02,863
Apps are up.
1000
00:56:06,575 --> 00:56:08,869
- Come on, let me help you, child. [laughs]
- [Sam laughing]
1001
00:56:09,536 --> 00:56:12,497
[Sam's father exclaiming]
1002
00:56:12,547 --> 00:56:17,097
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