Original subtitles

Hello. My name Ronald.

I am a 29-year-old male.

Number 54.

We find the defendant, Trevor Julian Morris not liable.

Thank you.

Uh, I hereby enter judgment in favor of the defendant

and against the plaintiff.

Hold on. Just hold on just a second.

Here, I just got one more formality.

I just wanna make sure we have that clean shot to his eye line

when he's turning and looking at the judge.

It's nerve wrecking. Are you also nervous?

Mr. Foreperson, could you come up here with the verdict?

All right. Here we go. Ready, guys? Here we go.

Take a seat here. I just got one more formality.

Judge, can you put your microphone closer to you?

Oh, and just a second here.

I apologize.

Um...

as I said weeks ago, when you first entered this courtroom,

that this is the last trial of my career,

what I didn't tell you is it's also the first, uh,

because I'm not a real judge

and you're not a real foreperson.

This is not a real case.

What?

Each of your fellow jurors,

as well as the defendant,

the plaintiff, Bailiff Nikki, myself,

we're all actors.

Everything you saw was carefully planned.

What I'm saying is...

it was all fake,

except for one important element, you.

You see, Ronald,

even though the case of Hillgrove versus Morris wasn't real,

there was most definitely a trial held inside this courthouse.

You were presented day after day with countless challenges,

responsibilities, and ethical dilemmas.

You knew Mr. Marsden didn't cause the sequestration

with his paparazzi stunt yet you never told a soul.

These paparazzi, are they here for you?

Uh, I believe so.

I've gotten used to it, to be honest.

We put you on a joining hotel room with Todd,

whose odd demeanor and obsession with body parts

were specifically intended to frighten you.

- Oh, hey. What's up, bud? - hey, what's up?

Nice.

But you didn't shut him out.

You welcomed him into your room

and into your nonoptimally-designed heart.

You refused to accept Ken's $2,000

even though you beat him at Yut fair and square.

- I promise I will owe you... - No.

- Because it is... - No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Which, by the way, all those rules made up didn't exist.

You took the blame for Marsden's giant shit.

- So that was you, huh? - It might have been.

Hmm, obviously.

Ronald, the list goes on and on.

And perhaps it should surprise no one, then,

that you accepted the job of foreperson,

a job you didn't even want

and you rose to that challenge as well.

You used your innate sense of compassion

and reason to lead the jury to a just verdict.

He specifically said that these tanks had been moved

and Lonnie and I did witness this.

Just as you considered all the evidence

against the defendant

during this trial and decided he wasn't liable,

well, we've considered all the evidence presented during your trial,

and we've decided that you, Ronald Gladden,

are a hero.

What?

In recognition of your service,

your kindness, and strength of character,

I hereby award you

the sum of $100,000.

- Congratulations, Ronald. - What?

This case is now adjourned.

- Are you being serious? - Congratulations.

Oh, my God.

- No way. - I'll even bang the gavel, if you want.

No fucking way.

You guys are actors?

Guys, come on up.

We love you, bud.

... Are you kidding?

What?

- Lonnie, too? You son of a... - Hello, man.

No way.

So now what?

They're gonna show you the...

It doesn't feel real. It really doesn't.

I, I thought it was a joke at first,

but then it's like... everything just kept happening,

so I don't know.

You must have a ton of question, so, if, uh, you're up for it,

we'd like to take you behind the, the curtain.

No, I mean that's [BLEEP] ... I'm in the discovery phase, so...

Yes! Yeah!

Oh, what the [BLEEP] ... are you a real cop?

- No. - No.

God damn it.

Ronald was, like, so in it, but then he stopped

and took a moment with me and was like, "So you're not a real cop?"

And I was like, "Not, not even a chance."

That meant so much to me,

just because it was like,

"I wanted to be the best bailiff up in this joint."

So I know this ain't a courtroom, too,

but there's a lot more going on back here than what you think, so...

Yeah.

Are we ready? Are we ready?

Oh, what the [BLEEP]? No way.

This is crazy.

This is crazy.

All right.

Damn. So you guys are all actors?

- They aren't actors. - So did you get actually get hurt?

- No. - Oh.

Oh.

- What the [BLEEP]? - He's a stuntman.

I'd like to think that I pick up on things

and I'm pretty intuitive, but they all fooled me.

Do you want me to take your order or no?

She has the hero.

Ms. Parker, ready for a chat with hero?

Yeah, he's in position. I saw him doing it.

Ms. Parker, whenever you're ready.

Yeah, we can send them. Sending hero.

That would be a door right here and you check in with the clerk.

Tell Nick they're about to come in.

Anybody else coming?

So all of this that you saw when you, like,

checked in that first couple of rows, not a waiting room.

- Not a waiting room. Not really. - Okay.

Not a waiting room. Not technically.

- Do you even remember this room, Ronald? - I mean, yeah.

Spiegel, you can bring the camera, uh, inside now, too.

This is amazing.

- I've never... - This is fucking insane.

Go into here.

What the [BLEEP]? Oh, it's a camera spot?

We engineered that, so there were only four open seats.

So I get you to sit kinda where we want you to. So like...

- Really? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Like the, the whole idea was, when he walks in,

the only sit that should be open are these seats.

Dude, it was so difficult to not laugh immediately

when you were like, "Well, I saw this episode of Family Guy."

- Dude. - Because like when I brought it up,

like, we had gotten rid of that because it was like,

there's no way he's going to say that. It would be too difficult.

But I was like, we were sitting here for such a long time

that I was like, "Oh, I'll give it a shot."

What do people usually say

when they're trying to, like, get out of this?

Like what's, like, the movie like?

I'm only going off of the thing that I've seen on Family Guy

and that's probably not the best thing.

Wait, what was it?

And he just said it.

No, no, no. No [BLEEP] way.

No. No.

Ken, tell him he's exactly right.

I did not think Noah would run with it,

but he definitely gave it a shot

and it did not work out for him.

Oh, there's a camera in there, too? God damn it.

I think we followed him there.

Oh, people were in here?

- One minute. - Oh, she hung up.

- What is she saying? - She said she was mad.

Is there more?

So behind this mirror is a camera.

What's going on with you, man?

That corner has a camera.

I didn't get a chance to move it.

We got a camera behind this door,

cameras inside here,

camera up here.

Every corner of the room has a camera hidden inside it.

I feel more watched because I'm paranoid

that every mirror I see is, like, a camera,

and that you guys are recording me, watching me all the time, for sure.

It was a journey for us as much as it was for him,

and every day was different.

You couldn't anticipate how he was going to react.

There is a high-wire element to this.

You know, you're flying without a net.

Everything's going off the rail.

Why are we doing this in the hallway?

So, you're good to go.

Come back, come back.

I accidentally called a juror by her real name.

That Cassandra's bag.

Okay. Why don't you all grab her bag first?

- Whose is it? - Cassandra.

Cassandra?

My name's Cassandra Blair.

I play Vanessa.

I got it.

Because we don't have a Cassandra.

- Huh? - We don't have a Cassandra.

We have a who?

She's saying Cassandra.

- We don't have a Cassandra. - Oh.

The thing is that I was thought as,

you know, never let him see you sweat.

So, when I say, "Hey, that's Cassandra bag,"

- you are who I'm referring to. - All right.

I'm Cassandra.

Nice to see you again, Cassandra. Thank you.

The entire time we've been hanging out

and you've known me is that I've been wearing these glasses...

- Oh. - Which are props,

and they don't work, so I can't [BLEEP] see.

- No way. - Yeah.

So, like, every time we were playing a video game,

or watching a movie or anything,

you were sitting over there, and I was like...

- Oh, my God. No way. - I'm like, really trying to see.

Wait, you never got it with prescription?

It was too dangerous to go...

- We found something real. - for the whole time,

keeping on the reality the biggest [BLEEP]

we had to do is... ordering lunch.

When you come in the morning, order the same thing

that you've already given to production.

So it looks to Ronald like you're ordering for the first time,

but it's so they can have the order ready.

People had to figure out how to, um, order lunch

for people so that it would seem like it was coming at a specific time

from the court instead of from a film production.

That, that was the tricky part,

having a meal, and then knowing half an hour later

you're gonna have to have another one on film.

Oh, yeah. Because we ordered it last night.

Okay.

And the reality over here, none of them will have eaten.

What's that?

So we need to sanitize that room

before he comes back.

[BLEEP] dude. Eat up, man.

I don't know when I'll eat again.

Yeah, for real, though.

Sorry. Sorry, man.

So I had to eat a lot.

I'll have you seat in the spot you've always sat at,

and then I'm going to bring everyone in.

- All right. - All right?

God, how did I not catch it?

Son of a bitch, man.

Dude.

- You sons of bitches. - I know, I know.

- So you guys all met... - Yes.

- for the first time here? - Yes.

Pretty much. Wow.

Hi, my name Ross Kimball.

Susan Berger.

Pramode Kumar.

Hi, my name is Maria Russell.

Hey, there. I'm Whitney Rice.

I am Ben Seaward.

Rashida "Sheedz" Olayiwola.

Five-foot-three.

My doctor keep saying I'm five-foot-two.

Well, [BLEEP] them.

All right. Sometimes when I'm driving, I just sort of, like,

close my eyes for long stretches of it.

Um, and just sort of, like, see what happens.

I went into this show not knowing, uh, details about my character

until the weekend before we started rehearsing.

I think it needs to have, like, Velcro.

What I was told was that Todd was interested in cybernetics

and to be strange,

but to hopefully as time goes on,

to elicit sympathy.

Todd, what the hell?

Oh, I thought you were, like, pulling out a tooth.

- What the hell is that? - It wasn't working.

It was like a thing that make it like... that you can eat faster

but, uh, the... it's the tooth part, you know.

And then... it's like a shark kind of thing or something.

- A shark thing? - You put extra teeth

- in your mouth? - You know they have extra.

Just for eating.

I got the audition.

I decided to wear my fake breasts plate.

They're G-cup. They're $100.

Craig comes home and he got a Free Willy tattoo.

I've always wanted to be asked to do something

because you want me to do my thing.

If you go in my back door, it also smells malodorous.

And this was so exactly that.

Hey.

What about you and Noah?

And so, Heidi like...

Heidi is his actual girlfriend.

So that's... that was real?

- That was real, yeah. - But her name's Stephanie.

That was my real girlfriend on the phone, yeah.

Oh. So, that was... that was a ploy, shows her with a guy?

No, no. That was like a photo that was taken here.

Oh.

- They, they Photoshopped the bulge. - They put a back drop up there.

God damn it. What about that bulge? Was that real?

No, that was a cucumber cut in half.

Was that real? Oh, my God.

Ken, what is... what's your name?

You're gonna love this.

So my name is Ron.

- For real? - It is, it is.

Oh, no way.

When I found out about being cast,

I was working at UC Irvine

as their Senior Director of Strategic Pipeline analytics.

My mother collects, um...

very rare, uh, Beanie Babies.

Dude, you... if your mom sells a Beanie Baby,

I will mad be at you, Ken.

The Princess Diana.

Don't. No.

It was hard to talk as slow as Ken talks...

- consistently. - Oh, it was hard for all of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely.

God damn it. I know they're actors, but they did such a good job.

So, do you... are you really into, like, electronics,

technology, shit like that, or...

Uh, you know, like, not really.

James still a little hot about not getting his longtime perk,

comes and trashes it

because obviously the party is for him and he doesn't want it.

- I'm feeling like I don't really want it. - Oh, my God.

What just happened?

He's upset. He's upset.

Seeing someone lose their shit like that, yeah.

Oh look, he's fixing it.

He's fixing it.

I saw out of the corner of my eye and saw his head kind of hang

and I thought oh, I just kind of punched this guy

in the heart a little bit because he's such a sweet guy.

At least tell the bailiff we just don't want him to come back.

I mean, nobody wants him here.

That's outrageous.

Can I get Officer, uh, Curtis please?

- You got another cake? - Dude.

- How are you doing, man? - James.

- Good to see you. - Thanks for coming, man.

- I really... I really appreciate that. - Absolutely.

- Oh, man. - What?

It's a girl.

Yeah, it's a... it was... it was a mistake.

Bond's made a mistake...

I wanted to extend, you know, my genuine apology.

I appreciate the apology, man.

I mean, it is what it is. You know, it's not...

we're not spreading the word, so...

- Sorry. - Hiccups, man. Hiccups.

Dude, yes.

Ronald just keeps giving us every...

into that, it would be really hard to recover tomorrow.

There was a parade of moments

that I thought we're going to end everything,

that I thought surely no person

would allow this to continue past this point.

They let you go because of the James Marsden shutdown?

Yeah. ... like paparazzi thing and of all that.

I think the judges... pissed.

Just hold on one second, guys.

Um, she literally held us up

just to kind of have like a little farewell

hardy for the guy that... while we're just standing there waiting.

Bro.

Bro, literally just come to the front.

Just hold on one second.

We're trying to call our supervisor

down here because it's...

From the minute he walks in

every single day, even if he's on the hook,

every single day he needs to come through the metal detectors.

If something's off at the door, then your hackles are up,

and then I realized, like, "Oh, I could be the one who blows this."

The security guard actually had Jeannie take her phone

and take photos of her, like, posing with this guy.

It was pretty ridiculous.

The one that I was the most worried about

was the one where I wear chair pants to court.

So he sits on them. They're a chair for him.

- He sits on that? - Yes.

- No. - Because there's not enough

- chairs in there. - No.

This is like reality TV show.

It was... it's just really, really scary.

To think that what's gonna happen is this person is gonna sit down

and you're gonna say like, hey, do you know how to fill out this form?

And they're gonna be like why'd you say that like that?

Are you an actor? Is this all fake?

You're an idiot. You ruined it.

Then when I came into court with these chair pants,

it was such a move that I thought it would cause Ronald to just leave

altogether or mentally check out.

- What you waiting for? - Oh, they were... they, they...

I wasn't sure if they wanted me to bring the chair pants in to the...

Uh, probably not, I would assume.

Okay.

You know what, you take some risks sometimes, you know.

Not all of them pay off.

And the opposite happened.

He was really supportive of the chair pants

and, uh, my future as, uh, an inventor and engineer.

I'm still reeling at the fact that this wasn't even a court case,

you know, so I'm still there.

- I thought you did a phenomenal job. - Why, thank you.

We are actually attorneys and actors.

Obviously yours was, I mean, scripted, of course,

but man, I was like this guy is [BLEEP] train wreck.

Like, like...

I was a civil litigator in my two and a half years of practice

and I, I tried nine cases.

It was interesting coming in to the writer's room

because you guys were like, "You were literally the only person

that we have found that is competent

at both of these things, like, please."

As you can see here, uh, my client showed up for work.

We didn't see the animation that he uses

or that the plaintiff's lawyer uses.

We saw it with Ronald for the first time,

which was that was, like, too much.

What's going on here?

Is he dancing while walking?

Mr. Juror, please don't make any comments, okay?

I was like, I can't believe you didn't show us that before.

We had a witness who was a wonderful actor,

had to do a lot of technical stuff that...

you know, five jerk-offs wrote for him.

Uh, the CDU broke down and it was due to overheating,

so it made the machine inoperable.

Can you explain for the jury what CDU stands for?

It's a coalescing dryer unit.

I thought you did a great job.

I don't know what a judge is normally like but

I picture an old cranky judge just...

I've been practicing law for over 40 years.

What I kinda did was I channeled all the judges that I've appeared

in front of throughout my career,

who have just been moody as hell for no rhyme or reason.

You know who John Ratzenberger is?

- Cliff from Cheers? - Ah.

He was in this courtroom.

He was in an eight-day trial as a juror.

He was an exemplary juror.

And if John Ratzenberger wasn't a distraction,

you're not gonna be a distraction.

The conspiracy theorist in me is kinda starting to come alive

and I'm just thinking about, like,

why they would've done what they've done.

He pissed his pants. That's what I've noticed.

And also that he... I could smell pot and alcohol.

You thought he smelled off, great.

But if that's why, like, well, he's got to be drunk.

Look, look at him. He passed out and he pissed in his pants.

- But don't say that. - No, no, that's okay.

So if he smelled of alcohol and marijuana,

it would just make sense that they would give him

a... you know, a drug test.

The right questions haven't been ask, is what I would say.

I think he was like, I mean, really, it's kind of his fault

for hiring him, like if this guy was such a...

- Ronald said that? - Yeah.

And he was like he's such a flagrant,

- like, drunk alcoholic... - How is he doing this?

- ... like why, why - He's read the script.

- He read it. - Could he share it with them?

He literally was like, "It's kind of on them for hiring him."

If he knew he was getting [BLEEP] up.

He was saying literally as if he read the script.

So the jorf shirts?

It's made up.

Jorf is made up.

- Yeah, so that's not a real word, right? - It's not a real word.

I was like, yeah, that's...

We were terrified that that wasn't gonna work.

More hateful than all known slurs combined?

- But essentially... - the start of business

because of the critical mass of jurors and I need to clear some tests.

Basically there was... we're gonna say there was a lab error.

Well, it is almost 10:00 AM.

Um, still haven't received my COVID test for the day.

We're going to be here until 11:00.

We've got a good amount of things to rehearse here at the factory.

A bunch of work here.

You got your time card.

They're coming back down.

We'll cue you guys up, together everybody back up.

Those of you that are involved in the upstairs mannequin bed,

I think we are gonna talk through some

A, B, and C on whether he goes easily,

whether we re-approach, and ultimately if he doesn't go.

Yeah, the whole time we were in the factory,

we were all just whispering about, like, is he serious?

There might... there might be some shit up here.

That's the supervisor's office.

But we can check anywhere.

Bailiff Nikki,

we can check anywhere, right?

You can check anywhere you want.

And you were just like no, dude, we can't... we can't go up there.

It says personnel only.

I was like [BLEEP] he's not getting up there.

And then, it was only until Ken and Cassandra went up there.

What's going on here, bro?

If it would've been up to me, I would've stayed on the floor.

I mean, I didn't think about them, like, hiding evidence in a backroom.

I wouldn't have gone upstairs.

We had so much fun in Margaritaville.

Oh, my God.

For coverage, if I turned to take the shirt off,

is it better to go under my right shoulder or my left?

- Probably your right. - Okay.

- Because there's that camera there. - Thank you.

And they can at least get that

- and they've got a camera there, right? - Yeah, perfect.

- Think of it logically. - Okay.

I have been on a bus for a very long time, bathroom.

I... every time.

- I have to go to the... - Okay, go.

Because this is the last time.

Yeah, my head was just spinning and it's like wow,

okay, this, this shirt that he's wearing just got us this table

but now there's an, oh, shit, so the people who complained,

were those actors, too? God damn it.

Time out, time out.

So the question is, like, so did you actually get drunk?

- Were you guys actually... - We were.

They let us have, like, one drink and the rest of them were virgins.

All those shots that he and I took are water.

See, that's what I was wondering. Okay.

All right. All right.

If he doesn't drink, you won't drink.

If he does order a beverage,

everyone else can order one beverage.

Everything else will be virgin.

We couldn't order an actual drink until you did.

- Oh, my God... - So we were like come on, dude.

Order up.

Did you order yet?

- Negative. Have you? - No. No.

You're the foreman. You get to order.

Oh, no way, dude.

From... just, just for you.

It's 5:00 somewhere.

It's 5:00 right here.

- I was talking about the drink. - Oh.

Get him first because he's a... he's a... he's our, uh, number one guy.

Oh, me first?

Order, Ronald.

Damn, yeah. Let me do the Mango in Paris.

- Mango in Paris? - Yeah.

Cool. Cool. Mango in Paris.

What are we doing? Give him the water. What are we doing?

- We're getting drinks. - Nice.

So the, the turd will be sculpted with either this or this.

- Okay. - And will be...

we'll have weights inside of it so that

it stays... it's not buoyant.

- It stays... - Weights inside of it?

- Weight inside. - Okay. Okay.

- And then it will have a coil. - Okay.

And then, I think I'm gonna have a length

- of it sort of like lapping the bowl. - Love that.

And then we'll leave like a smear on the side of the bowl?

- Absolutely. - Okay.

And also, I'm gonna pre, uh, skid mark some toilet paper.

Love, love.

So, there'll be some toilet paper, and the turd,

and the toilet paper, and then I'm gonna bring

a couple gallons of pre-made toilet water like during...

And then, fill the bowl all the way to sort of the rim,

and then just have sort of the turd sticking out like that.

- That's beautiful. - We feel good about that?

- Love that. One thousand percent. - All right.

And then, we reek the room out with a spray.

Oh, my God!

- It's so gross. - Look at that baby.

Oh, my God, that's so gross.

It tastes good.

I journaled every day, not like a, a detailed journal,

but man, because that's... all this crazy shit kept happening

and I was like I can't even remember

- all of this stuff, like... - Wow.

It's a sensory overload, man.

You guys threw so much shit at me.

- For real? - Yeah.

I wouldn't...

So, did you and Jeannie actually hook up, or...

- No. - No?

So that whole... that whole soaking thing?

We did record video of us doing that.

Okay.

- I think you should come, like, on top. - Okay.

But cover yourself with the covers.

- Right, right, right. - Wait, smaller or bigger jumps?

Uh, smaller jumps.

Wait, bigger jumps.

- Okay. - No, smaller jumps, James, please.

Smaller jumps.

Smaller jumps, please.

All right.

Oh, my God.

You know what, I would've... I would've believed it.

Man, it sucks that this was, like, staged

because, man, you have no idea how many people

I was gonna tell about that.

You have no idea, man.

James Marsden went and jumped on a bed

so they could have sex that's not sex.

All the crazy shit that was happening and I should've known.

I should've known.

I had so much fun with you.

- I had a great time, yeah. - I know.

I remember we were, like, playing video games and you went, like,

to me and I was like...

I was like, "He's my friend."

I... because I liked the people that I got to know, you know, so...

We're good actors. We're not that good.

- Yeah. - Ninety, ninety percent

of what you saw is really a part of us.

Yeah, here's the deal.

We all fell in love with you.

Yeah.

I've met some good people here.

Everybody's real nice.

What's up, boys?

Oh, James, baby.

- Justice, bro. - Will be served.

That's one thing being here helped me realized is

I need to be helping more people out.

Oh, dude.

Or we go with this one.

I feel like I haven't really given back in a while

and I miss that feeling.

And it, it does feel good.

Unbelievable.

I didn't even know they were gonna reveal this shit.

No, because I was like... I was like, damn.

Really, we just want to thank you.

I told everybody that I was going into a documentary

about what a juror's life is like essentially, you know.

I, I don't know how I'm gonna change that.

I just tell them, I'll say, hey,

I guess I was just in a show about me, yeah.

I think I can finally say goodnight

- to this guy right here, yeah? - Yeah.

Thank you for serving Jury Duty.

Yeah. It's my... Oh, wait, actually.

So because this wasn't real,

I still could potentially be called for jury duty.

Damn it.

Okay. Good to know.

Good to know.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -