Original subtitles

(Male narrator) cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

Gents, uh, mind my corona with lime, will you?

I've got to see a man about an equine.

There goes one elegant guy.

Yeah. Nothing says class

like a chunk of fruit floating in your beer, huh?

Oh, come on, norm. It's, uh, yuppie nouveau

to, uh, have a little fruit floating in your beer.

Call me old-fashioned, cliff,

but the only thing i like floatin' in beer

is my liver.

You know, it's quite remarkable.

To float somethin' as heavy as a wedge of lime,

beer must have, uh, quite a high buoyancy factor.

So do your loafers.

You think, uh, an olive could float in beer?

Yeah, only one way to find out, my friend.

Well, guess it doesn't.

But, you know, i think maybe an orange rind,

being of the citrus family,

and a close cousin of the lime,

just might float.

Ah! Your hypothesis has been proven correct, dr. Peterson.

Thank you very much, nurse clavin.

I always wondered if a lit match would float in beer.

You always, uh, wondered that, huh, wood?

All right, woodrow.

[Cliff exclaims]

not only does it float, it smells like heaven.

I got one. How about his car keys?

(Norm) oh, good.

Here he comes.

Ah, now i've room enough for you, my friend.

[People chattering]

boy, that lime really adds something.

¶ Making your way in the world today ¶

¶ takes everything you've got ¶

¶ taking a break from all your worries ¶

¶ sure would help a lot

¶ wouldn't you like to get away ¶

¶ sometimes you want to go

¶ where everybody knows your name ¶

¶ and they're always glad you came ¶

¶ you wanna be where you can see ¶

¶ our troubles are all the same ¶

¶ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ¶

¶ you wanna go where people know ¶

¶ people are all the same

¶ you wanna go where everybody knows your name ¶

so, this is your apartment, huh?

Yes, sam, you've been here before.

Yeah, but never after our first date.

You gonna invite me in?

I don't know, should i?

I don't know, should you?

You're askin' the wrong person.

I haven't had a date here since 1986.

I definitely think you should invite me in.

All right, come in. But it's just for a cup of coffee.

Ok.

You know, i'm still amazed

that you agreed to go out with me.

What was it that broke you down?

My charm, my hot looks,

pity?

That last thing.

[Exclaims]

my coffee maker's on the blink. Is, uh, instant ok?

Sure, sure.

Ok if i turn on the radio?

Sure.

(Man on radio) are your lips cracked, dry, and bleeding?

Do you have scaly, red patches in your facial--

¶ put your head on my shoulder ¶

¶ whisper in my ear

you know, i was...

[groans]

¶ baby

[exclaims]

i'm all out of instant.

I don't suppose you'd be in the mood for a little hot tang.

Why don't we, uh...

why don't we just skip the beverage part

and maybe dance?

Sam.

Oh, come on.

Dancing's permitted on the first date.

All right, but just dancing.

Ok.

¶ Whisper in my ear baby

¶ words i long to hear baby

[groans]

are we still just dancing?

Yes, ma'am.

Magic song, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

I'm glad it's not the righteous brothers.

I never did stand a chance against them.

¶ You never close your eyes

[chuckling] ¶ any more when i kiss

did you plan that?

Oh, right, right. I made a lot of tips this week,

and went out and bought a radio station.

W.S.A.M.

[Exclaiming]

are we still just dancing?

In most countries, yes.

Why is your neck so hot?

Because somebody's breathing on it.

[Moans]

you know, it's been so long, i thought i'd forgotten.

I guess it's kind of like riding a bicycle.

If you think it's like riding a bicycle, it has been a long time.

¶ You've lost that lovin' feelin' ¶

now it's gone, gone, gone ¶

oh, sam,

don't.

Stop it.

Ok.

I said,"don't stop."

[Rebecca moaning]

¶ and you're starting to

¶ criticize everything i do

look at you.

¶ It makes me just feel like cryin' ¶

[exclaims]

[both laughing]

¶ something beautiful's dyin' ¶

¶ you've lost that lovin' feelin' ¶

¶ oh, that lovin' feelin'

¶ you've lost that lovin' feelin' ¶

¶ now it's gone, gone, gone

(rebecca) oh, sam, yes, yes.

Yes!

No!

Oh, thank god.

It was just a dream.

It's just a dream, beck-beck.

It's just a dream.

Good morning, boss.

You shut your fat face right now.

I was just gonna tell you,

if you want me, i'm out fixing the window.

I don't want you, i don't want you at all.

Oh, somebody got up on the wrong side of bed.

Don't you use the word "bed" with me.

I forbid you to use the word "bed."

Sorry.

You make me sick.

Last time i buy aftershave at a gas station.

[Door shuts]

carla, come here.

Does this make you sick?

Yeah.

But only 'cause you waited till after i was married to do it.

Does my aftershave make you sick?

Oh. Yeah.

W-well, somebody should have said something.

Frasier, don't use your gold card.

I exceeded the limit this morning buying biodegradable diapers.

They're not cheap, they're not pretty,

but they'll disintegrate within 50 years.

She loves her earth.

And look at these marvelous toys i bought today.

Oh, our child will love these.

I'm sure he can't wait to be born.

Monochromatic, high contrast.

What, they run out of colors?

Oh, no, woody, you see, tests have proven

that simple black and white geometric designs

stimulate the young infant's mind to a remarkable degree.

Oh, i don't know, i was raised on pink and blue,

and look how i turned out.

In your face, doc.

The evidence at hand notwithstanding,

current child development experts agree

that infants respond with great excitement

to toys like these. Mmm-hmm.

Whoo, yeah. They say,

"whoo, this stuff cost a fortune. My parents must be rich."

Well, come, lilith. We're off to lunch.

Besides, the boys here have to get back to

that mind-expanding and all-important,

tastes great-less filling debate.

Yeah, so where--where did we end up?

Well, i think it was, uh, tastes great.

No, it was less filling.

No, tastes great.

Less filling. Tastes great.

Oh, frasier, lilith, excuse me.

I know you're probably on your way somewhere,

yes, we are. But when aren't we?

It's just that i just have this really bad problem.

It's getting so bad that i can't even sleep at night.

Well, i'm sorry, rebecca. We do have this important lunch.

You see, i've been having these erotic dreams.

Well, lunch be damned. Our friend is in need.

What about russell and pam?

Oh, hang russell and pam.

They just want to weasel some free psychological advice out of us anyway.

So, rebecca, go on about your dreams.

Well, i guess you could say that the main problem

is that this guy, who's...

oh, i don't know, i guess you could say he's starring

in these dreams,

is somebody that i definitely should not be dreaming about.

Ah.

Because even though he's a sexy and successful doctor,

he's also happily married and about to be a father.

There is no fruit so sweet as that which is forbidden.

Frasier, stop before you embarrass yourself further.

What?

Darling, you're the love of my life,

but even i don't have erotic dreams about you.

So who is it? Mel gibson? Harrison ford?

That young man with the wavy brown hair and the leg muscles,

who comes in here all sweated up after bowling,

and has nodded hello to me twice?

It's sam.

Sam malone?

Can you believe it?

(Rebecca) he is the last person

i would want to see in my dreams.

I mean, i play donald trump's board game,

i watch ted turner's network,

i just finished robin colcord's new book,

and somehow, in my dreams,

i end up dancing on my back with sam malone.

Perhaps, sam represents someone else,

someone you fear craving even more.

Frasier, it's not you. Get over it.

Take a joke.

Just please tell me that it's not sam malone in my dreams,

so i don't have to take a bath with my electric toaster.

Well, rebecca, there are those who believe that

dream imagery is basically symbolic.

Uh, if you subscribe to that theory,

sam could signify any number of things.

Could be a need for you to get back in touch with your inner self.

Could be, uh, spiritual awakening.

Could be you and your god. It's sam.

It's sam. It's sam.

Oh, god, some evil, disgusting, perverted little part of me

is attracted to sam.

I'm gonna kill him. Now, rebecca,

it's not his fault.

Sam doesn't know what your dreams are.

You're right, and he can never know.

Because if it ever, ever got out

that i have been having sex dreams all week about sam,

i could never, ever show my face in this bar again.

Well, fear not.

You have confided in professionals.

Your trust is sacred.

Thank you.

[Laughing]

[coughing]

whoa! Hands up in the air.

You ok?

[Laughing]

what's so funny?

I'm sorry, uh.

I can't tell you. It's--it's--it's...

this is not something that a man can tell a woman.

This is something that

a man can only tell a whole crowd of people.

Hey, guys!

Hey, you nimrods, trash flash!

(Carla) step into mr. Malone's office

and assume the trash position.

What's up?

[Laughing]

well, it appears that our lovely miss rebecca

has been having x-rated dreams about a certain young man

that we all know and admire.

[All chuckling]

the guy with the wavy brown hair

who comes in here all sweaty after bowling?

No, woody, me.

Thought you said he was young.

Hey, how'd you find out, sammy?

Well, i accidentally overheard rebecca telling frasier and lilith.

[All exclaiming]

shrinks get all the great scam, huh?

You ought to get an earful of a mailman's day, pal.

Yeah, i do, cliff.

Now, fellas,

big question is how to

make use of this information.

He's gonna make use of this information.

I got a suggestion.

Shoot.

Now, if i were rebecca,

i guarantee this would work.

Somehow, you get me to go to sleep.

Go on, go on. All right.

Now you sneak into the room,

wait until i'm dreamin' about you.

You gonna know when that is because of all the moanin' and rollin' around.

"Moaning," "rolling," good, good.

When i'm just at my most receptive,

if you get my drift, mmm-hmm.

You lay a kiss on me that'll melt diamonds.

I wake up, but i think i'm still dreaming,

so i don't resist.

And then we make hot and sloppy till the cops arrive.

Carla, you're a genius.

Rebecca's gonna go for this in a big way.

The hell with rebecca. It was my idea!

I'm gonna go get some stuff to help her go to sleep.

Uh, woody, cover for me, will you? You got it, sam.

Woody, would you cover for me, too?

Where are you going? Home.

I just remembered, i left something turned on.

What? Me.

[Whispering] where's rebecca?

She's in the office.

(Norm) wait a second.

You're not gonna put the moves on her here in the bar, are you?

Well, i figured if i, uh, try it here

and something goes wrong,

i'll just be embarrassed in front of you guys.

But if i sneak into her apartment and something goes wrong,

i'll be embarrassed in the back of a squad car.

Let's, uh, pour this into a saucepan,

and put a little low flame under it.

Uh, you're not going to try to put her to sleep with a warm cup of milk, are you?

Excuse me, cliff, but have you slept with over 1,000 women?

Put a low flame under it, woody.

(Cliff) stop just before it makes a skin.

Ok, one more thing here,

what do you think is going to make her go to sleep faster?

"Brahms' lullaby"

or "the sounds of spring showers in a rain forest"?

You know, sammy,

that question has plagued mankind since the beginning of time.

How to lure to our bed the elusive morpheus,

son of hypnos,

known to the sandal-wearers of rome as somnus.

You really want to put her to sleep, sam, record him.

Uh, rebecca,

could i, uh, speak to you for a second?

Listen, i know i upset you in the office this morning. No, no, no.

It's me who should be apologizing. I'm sorry.

I, um, was going through something

that was sort of personal,

but i--i really shouldn't have taken it out on you.

Oh, no. That's ok, honey.

Sit down here.

[Rain pattering]

[sighs]

you know, you're probably just a little off

because you're so tired,

so very,

very tired.

Is it raining outside?

I hope i remembered to put the windows up on my car.

Oh, i'm sure you did.

Very, very sure.

Why are you talking so slowly?

Seem like i'm talking slowly?

It's probably just because you're so

very, very tired.

You're right. I am tired.

I haven't slept well all week.

No kidding. Well, why don't you go take a nap?

No, i can't do that. There's too much work out here.

Oh, what the hell. You guys do all the work around here anyway.

Carla, will you take my calls?

I'm gonna take a short nap.

[Exclaims]

sammy the sandman strikes again.

Did you see that?

Fellas?

Sam, i think you'd better take that tape with you.

It's put everyone to sleep except woody and me.

[Snoring]

oh, good golly!

Woody sleeps with his eyes open.

Yeah.

That is scary.

But it does explain a lot.

Rebecca.

Mmm.

Rebecca, this is your recurring dream.

How does it start again?

[Grunts]

what are you doing in here?

I'm not here. I'm in your dream.

Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.

You know. You know.

How do you know about my dream?

What dream? I--

oh, man, i hate you. I hate you.

You didn't tell your stupid friends about this, did you?

Oh, please, give me some credit, will you?

You told them!

I hate you for knowing!

I hate you for telling your friends!

I hate you for being in my dreams!

I hate my dreams!

I hate myself for dreaming my dreams!

All right, then smack yourself for a while!

[Sobbing]

god!

I don't believe this.

Look at what i'm dreaming about!

A bartender

in an off-the-rack shirt, with a button missing.

It's not missing.

I always keep it unbuttoned so i can scratch my stomach.

Oh, god!

God!

You know, i--i used to dream about

being swept away by some rich,

powerful, successful man.

And now, even in my dreams,

i'm settling for a stomach scratcher.

Hey, rich people scratch.

[Sighs]

don't you understand what i'm trying to say?

I was taught to win,

to strive, to achieve.

I was taught to never, ever settle.

Sweetheart,

how do you explain working in this bar

for the last 3 years?

Has it been that long?

I'm sorry, i'm sorry. That was a low blow.

I know settling stinks,

but there are a lot of things that are worse,

like never taking a chance,

always waiting for something better to come along.

What if something doesn't come?

It will.

Sweetheart, when was the last time

you had a close relationship with a man?

Well, what do you mean by close?

Close.

Oh, yeah, like, if you mean, like, close, close, close,

well, that would've been

just right before i started working here.

3 years ago.

Has it been that long?

Oh, god, sam, maybe you're right.

Maybe my dreams are right.

I mean, what the hell,

i mean, it's not like the donald trumps

and robin colcords of the world

are exactly beating down my door.

[Sighs]

all right, sam,

i'm going to do it.

I'm going to take the plunge.

You and i are going to take a shot at it.

All right.

Ok.

What do you say, i, uh,

pick you up around 8:00?

Pick me up now.

Mmm.

[Exclaims]

boy, i like the way i pick you up.

So come on, tell the truth.

Isn't this better than waiting around

for some mr. Wonderful

to come walking through the door, huh?

[Knocking on door]

oh, sorry to interrupt.

I'm looking for rebecca howe.

Huh?

Robin colcord.

Yes, as a matter of fact, i am.

[Grunts]

have i caught you at a bad time?

No,

you caught me just in time.