Original subtitles

Have a meatball.

Meatball.

Is there something wrong?

My daughter, she didn't

come home from school today.

Hildy, I want to go see my mother now.

But now I have nothing to live for.

Hildy, you have your whole life.

That poor, tormented woman.

Don't be late for school, girls.

Ponch, I'm beginning to like patrolling

near a college campus.

I know, deep down, you're just a professor at heart.

I got it, guys. I got it. I got it.

I got it.

I almost got it.

You got it You got nothing.

Yo, listen, tie in more in the middle, okay?

In the middle.

What middle? You got the middle.

I got the middle?

Then pull down the middle. Just pull down on it.

- 'Oh!' - Whoa!

What are you doing?

- Hey, listen-- - Aaa-ah!

What are you doing?

Hey, listen, you want the middle just take the middle.

Whoa!

I'm getting it! I'm getting it!

I'm getting it!

I'm almost getting it.

Hey, you're getting squat

up in your nose, you idiot.

Flip side of the campus.

Come on, pull it up.

What are you doing down there?

What are you doing down there..

Hey, silly head.

Are you blind? You don't see me?

- Come on, pull it up.

What a stupid jerk.

Good thing you're in a car, mister.

Yeah, who says?

- 'Wiggle, hey, come on. - 'Hey, one sec, guys.'

Whoa-a-a.

Dirtball, get the ladder.

I can't hold on! I'm slipping!

'Right into the manure. What a stink.'

L.A. 15, Mary six and seven.

'We have a multiple vehicle accident'

on Westland Boulevard between Oakdale and Bundy.

What a mess.

- Eh, it could have been worse. - I guess so.

Maybe you'd like another shot at it.

We were just trying to hang up

a fraternity banner for Greek Week.

Delta Delta Tau?

DDT, that's us. Hi, I'm Dirtball.

'He's our president for life.'

I'm Large Slob, and that's Mold.

Those are just our nicknames.

Are you sure about that?

'Sure we're sure.'

Okay, Webster, make sure these guys get a lift down to Central.

Oh, I was afraid you were going to say that.

Hey, what did we do, man?

Take a look, man.

Picky, picky, picky.

Hey, guys, what do we got?

We got a D!

What do we got?

We got a D!

What do we got?

We got a T!

DDT forever! Hey, hey, hey!

We're ready.

Get these guys out of here, okay?

This way, brothers.

You in back.

Come on, kids.

- Hi, Bruce. - Hey there, Jack.

Hi, Lindsey.

Bruce, I've got a surprise for you.

- But you can't see it.

Until after school

'cause it's not finished.

You mean you're not even gonna give me

a little hint what it is?

Well..

...it's about this big

and it has a lot of colors

but that's all I'm going to tell you.

Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to wait

till after school, aren't I?

Take care, sweetheart.

Oh.

Last but not least.

For littering.

Sign right here.

One, two

three, four, fiv..

Five violations?

We weren't even driving.

I thought this was America.

Yeah, because it's America

'you have the right to plead innocent'

'to every charge.'

'I don't suppose any of you'

'would like to be our witnesses?'

What is that smell?

Grossman, are you cooking up

one of your secret recipes again?

It is you.

Hey, all we were trying to do

was hang up our fraternity banner for Greek Week.

Delta Delta...Tau.

You're Delta Tau's?

He's our president for life.

Hi. Dirtball.

Oh.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, sarge?

Delta Delta Tau.

That was my old college fraternity.

What do we got?

Uh...we got a D.

What do we got?

We got a..

What happened to the Delta Tau's?

Well, we used to be so proud.

'We used to..'

'...walk with our heads up'

'and our..'

'...hair washed.'

We used to be the envy

of every fraternity on campus.

What happened?

Vietnam?

You were still in short pants

during Vietnam.

Alright, maybe we're not as neat as you were

but we're still the envy of the campus.

That's why they're trying to kick us off.

Kick off the Delta Tau's?

Yeah, I mean, they're even blaming us

for all the stealing that's been going on lately.

Electric typewriters

laboratory equipment, even computers.

We got a report on it from security.

There hasn't been a department that hasn't been hit.

I know this is going to sound crazy

but why would anyone be

envious of the Delta Tau's?

Because we're gonna

slaughter them for Greek Week.

What's this Greek Week?

That's when, uh, different fraternities get together

and compete in games of skill and honor.

It still is that, isn't it?

Sure it is.

Last year, we won three gold medals.

Pizza pig-out.

Egg salad relay..

'...and sticky wet toga.'

There's 5,000 bucks at stake

and we want that money.

For our favorite charity, of course.

Which is?

We, uh, we, uh.

Uh, um.

Children's Liver Foundation.

Hey, that's our favorite charity.

What a coincidence.

But we're never..

...gonna get a chance..

...to win that money..

...for those kids.

Not if we get

kicked off campus for those thefts.

And you say you don't know anything about it?

You have our DDT honor.

Okay.

Hmm. Okay.

'For the past glories of DDT.'

And the Children's Liver Foundation..

...we're going to look into it for you, but..

...if you're lying, brothers..

...the DDT's are gonna

have to answer to the CHP's.

Well, do you like it?

It's beautiful..

...and it looks just like me.

My teacher had to help me with the face a little

but I did everything else myself.

You can have it if you want.

Alright. Ready?

Boy.

That's some picture.

Okay, you go straight home now, okay?

I will. See you tomorrow, Bruce.

Okay, bye-bye.

Thanks for the picture.

Lindsey

I'm Hildy, a good friend of your mother's.

We work in the same real estate office together.

And your mother had to drive down to San Diego

to look at some property.

She didn't tell me she was going to San Diego.

She didn't know until after you went to school.

She called your principal, Mrs. Ellery.

Didn't she tell you?

- No. - Oh, dear.

Probably slipped her mind.

Well, anyway, your mother asked me

to look after you till she gets back.

Hop in.

My mother told me never

to go with strangers.

And that's very good advice..

...but I'm not a stranger, honey.

Your mother's told me so much about you

I feel like we're old friends.

I bet I even know what

your very favorite ice cream is.

What?

Cherry vanilla.

It's mine, too.

So, what do you say we go to my house

and have ourselves a super cherry vanilla party?

It's alright, Lindsey.

Your mother's going to pick you up

there in a little while.

Come on.

- Okay. - Oh, that's a sweetheart.

Fasten your seat belt, Lindsey.

So far it's unanimous.

Everyone we talked to feels the DDT's

have something to do with the theft.

- Still no proof. - I know.

But where there's smoke, there's fire.

Oh, I'm going to party tonight, baby.

Yeah, and where there's a wreck on wheels

there's an accident waiting to happen.

God damn. Whoo-hoo!

Aw, no, man.

- Go on.. Yeah. - Hey, noodle.

What now?

Listen, we were barely moving.

In this wreck..

...anything faster than a dead stop is speeding.

When was the last time you had your brakes checked?

Look at these tires. I could see right through 'em.

What's that black stuff oozing out of your tailpipe?

All the lights are busted, Ponch.

That's an exaggeration.

There's one on the dashboard that works good as new.

Uh, excuse me, Officer Poncello- Poncherello, is it?

My name is Mark Anthony Harlington III

'and this is my associate and fraternity brother'

Renzlo T. Johnson II.

- Officer. - Alpha Kappa Gamma.

'And we'd just like you to know that this, uh..'

'...wreck you see before you'

suits the Delta Tau's to a T.

- I'll fit you to a T. - Alright, knock it off.

Ponch?

Just cool it.

What did you do, find another vehicle violation?

Uh-uh.

Three electric typewriters.

"Property of the college library."

Beat us with the rubber hoses.

Stretch us on the rack!

Break our bones

into little, tiny pieces.

But you'll never make a DDT confess

to a crime he didn't commit. Right?

- Right! - Right!

No!

- No! - No!

- No! - No.

- Yeah.

Then, how about telling us how these typewriters

ended up in the back of your van?

We told you. We're ignorant of it.

We didn't even know they were there.

Look, we don't even type.

Can't you see it's just a plot

to get us kicked off campus?

Well, in that case, you won't mind

if we search your fraternity house.

Fraternity house?

Well, uh, I tell you what.

The house is a little messy at the moment

so let us go home and straighten up

and I'll give you a call, okay?

Can't be any worse than your van.

Come on. Let's go.

- Let's go.

You recognize her, Bruce?

Yes. Her name's Lindsey.

She drew a picture for me today, sarge.

This is Lindsey's mom, Mrs. Vane.

Bruce is helping out at the school crossing

while the traffic light's being repaired.

Is there something wrong?

My daughter.

She didn't come home from school today

and I'm worried sick about her.

Do you remember seeing her this afternoon, Bruce?

Yes. I helped her cross.

Then she turned the corner at Sycamore Street.

That's the way she always goes.

We only live a couple of blocks from the school.

Maybe she went to play at her friend's house.

No.

I called all of her friends.

I drove up and down the neighborhood.

'I looked everywhere I could think of.'

Was anyone with her when you saw her?

No.

Did you happen to notice anyone

hanging around the school?

No.

Wait a second.

I did see this woman yesterday

and I noticed her again today

but I just thought she was

one of the mothers.

Was there anything unusual about her?

Yes.

She seemed very sad about something.

Well, do you think you could help us out

with a composite drawing?

Sure. I'll get started on it right away, sarge.

Uh, Mrs. Vane?

Don't worry. We'll find your daughter.

Oh, God.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I don't think I've ever seen

so many pretty toys in all my life.

Well then, you just play with them as long as you want.

Why do you have them, Hildy

if you don't have any children?

Well, for-for very

special occasions..

...like this one today.

Maybe, my mother would let me come over

and play again sometimes.

Oh, yes. I'm sure she will.

Now, how would you like to help me fix dinner?

Dinner?

But I thought I was going home soon.

Well, that was the original plan but..

...your mother called a few minutes ago

and said she was having

trouble with her car

and would probably have to spend

the night in San Diego.

Well, she asked if you could spend the night here

and I said I'd be delighted.

Why didn't you let me talk to her?

Because you were..

...in the bathroom, pumpkin..

...and she was in a hurry to get to a garage

before they closed.

Lindsey.

You're not afraid of me anymore, are you?

No. Why should I be afraid?

Oh, that's a sweetheart.

Now, if I'm not mistaken

your mother told me you loved

hamburgers and French fries, right?

You bet.

Then come on.

And after dinner..

...I've got a very special surprise for you.

What is it?

Well, you'll just have to wait and see.

Okay.

- 'Hey, over here.' - 'Throw the ball to me.'

- 'Throw it to me.' - 'Turn the music up in there.'

- 'Keep away, keep away.' - 'New record, hey.

Hey, hey, how about giving your president for life

a piece of that pizza?

Sure.

You like my bird

Have some pizza.

Oh, it needs sugar.

Nothing here, Ponch.

Chances are they're too smart

to keep the stuff in the house.

- Uh, ah.

That's funny. That's real funny.

Have a meatball..

...meatball.

Needs a little more garlic.

On second thought, maybe they are being set up.

So, uh, you, uh, gentlemen find anything?

No, but that doesn't mean

the DA's forgetting about the stolen typewriters.

So you boys better stay out of trouble.

Listen, you got our DDT honor, huh?

That's what I'm afraid of.

Oh, excuse me.

Bonjour, Professeur Dirtball.

I hope I am not late

for my anglaislesson.

Dirtball teaches you English?

Oui,and he does not

even charge me.

He is such a generous man.

What can I say, guys?

Avec moi, ma cherie.

'Do you recognize her, sir?'

'Uh, you'll have to forgive me.'

My-my eyes they-they never were

what they should be.

Well, take your time, Mr., uh...

- Cringle. - Cringle, like in--

Oh ,no, no, no.

- He spells his with a "K ." - Oh-ho.

Now, you say that she

lives in this..

Well, she was seen in this neighborhood.

We don't know her name

or anything else about her.

We've canvassed the entire area

checked with the other merchants.

So far no one seems to know anything about her.

- Yes.

She comes in here every

once in a while to buy a toy and then..

...once, she asked for a little English riding doll.

But I didn't have one..

...so I told her I'd try to order one for her

and she gave me her name. I've got it here somewhere.

Here. Here we are.

Hildy Hopkins. Yes.

No address, phone number?

No, no, I asked her but she wouldn't give it to me.

Well, you've still been a big help, Mr. Cringle.

Yes, if she comes again

can you please call us at this number?

- Yes, certainly. - Thank you very much.

Uh, you know..

...I was always very curious about that woman.

Why's that?

Well, all those toys she bought.

And yet I never, ever saw her with a child.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

You know, Brother Harlington that set of keys

you've collected, you're wasting your time

going to college.

Nonsense, old chap.

They'll come in handy when I enter politics.

I'll grab a couple of these microscopes.

They should be worth at least a couple grand.

You do that..

...and I'll get a little going-away present

for our DDT friends.

You mean we're going to plant something else on them?

Not just something, my good man

but this.

I'm a political science major, not a chemist.

But it looks important

and the police should be pretty mad

when they find it in the DDT house.

Come on. Let's go.

Little late for a delivery, isn't it?

That's the lab building.

Hang on, Brother Renzlo.

It's the CHP fraternity.

Let's take a look.

instrumental music]

L.A. 15, Mary six and seven.

We have a car on fire at Baxter University.

'Roll fire and ambulance.'

- I think so.

Alright. Come on. I'm gonna get you out of here.

Come on, everybody. Let's move. Let's move. Come on.

'Let's go. Come on, Ponch.'

Hurry up.

Thank you.

It's okay.

'Ponch, we got to get those guys.'

Nothing upstairs.

Hey , Ponch.

This Hildy Hopkins is a real mystery woman.

No driver's license, credit cards

voter registration.

It's like she didn't exist until a month ago.

Is that when she rented this house?

Yeah, I finally got the address

from the water and power company.

There's no question she moved out.

And there's no question Lindsey was here.

She drew another picture of me, Ponch.

You find something?

Doctor's appointment card.

Come on. Let's check it out.

It's one of my appointment cards, alright.

But I don't have a patient named Hildy Hopkins.

We found that in her apartment.

That's why we've asked you

to come down to Central.

You said you had a picture of her?

Yes, just a composite drawing

but it might be of some help.

Hildy Hopkins.

Hildy, Hildy.

Wait, Hopkins isn't her last name.

It's Harper. Hildy Harper.

- Yes.

That's why we had such a hard time

getting any information on her.

Well, she only came to me a few times..

...after she'd suffered a tragic loss.

What happened?

Dr. Brothers..

...we understand the doctor-patient relationship

but this could be a matter of life and death.

Her daughter was killed in a traffic accident

and she was just seven years old.

Did she have blonde hair and blue eyes?

- Yes. - So does Lindsey Vane.

Well, then it all makes sense.

She may have taken the child as a replacement

for the little girl she lost.

That poor, tormented woman.

Dr. Brothers, do you have any idea

where she might have taken Lindsey?

I didn't have a chance to

know her very well.

Well, maybe she said something

that could help us.

She spoke a few times

about going to Mexico.

She said if she had it to live over

she would take her daughter

to a little village in Mexico..

...where there weren't as many cars.

Bruce, alert the U.S. Border Patrol in Mexico.

I'll make arrangements for us to fly down there by chopper.

Good as done, Ponch.

Thank you, Dr. Brothers, for your help.

I just hope you find them.

I'm afraid this is not one of our better days.

Not only is Lindsey Vane still missing

but I just got word that the canister

that was stolen from the college lab yesterday

'contains a very deadly virus'

'which was being studied in hopes'

'of finding an antitoxin.'

Do we know what the canister looks like?

Yeah, I had Grossman pick one

up to show us. Grossie?

Gentlemen.

A-a-ahem.

- Fellow officers. - Hmm.

This is what we're looking for.

Looks harmless to me.

Well, that's what the people of Pompeii

said about Mount Vesuvius.

But if this canister

'had the virus inside it'

'which it doesn't'

and if someone pulled this lever

or broke open the canister

and if even one..

...tiny drop escaped.

W

All I can say is..

...there goes the entire population

within a ten mile radius.

Um, excuse me.

Oh.

The other authorities have been notified

along with medical facilities for treating patients

'and the Red Cross.'

Uh, what about plans for evacuation?

Already in the works.

What do we tell the public?

Nothing at the moment.

We don't want to start a panic.

Any other questions?

Alright, let's get out there

and find that canister.

Oh, perfect.

Just perfect.

Straighten your shoulders up.

Oh, yes.

Are you sure

I will learn English better

in a bathing suit, Professor Dirtball?

Oh-ho-ho, indeed, ma cherie.

Indeed.

Haven't you ever heard of body English?

'Now breathe. Oh.'

Pant. Pant.

Perfect. Perfect.

That's nice. That's good. That's good.

Feel confident about yourself.

I'm confident. Confident.

'How are the police gonna know where to find it?'

We're going to tell them, dummy.

'Now, breathe right from the diaphragm.'

'That's right. That's right.'

Now, now, read the book.

Read the book as you're breathing, very breathy.

Feel that air.

"See.

- Mary, run." - "Mary, run"

"See

"Jack

run after"

- Oh. - "Mary."

And they're running so hard

they're out of breath.

Mold, you're a slob, a real slob.

Thanks, but maybe

I better change my shirts, anyway.

Where's a clean shirt?

I got to find a clean one.

What's this?

Here, let me have it.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Thanks, ma'am.

Thanks.

- Not yet.

The Mexican authorities are going to join in the search

in case they already crossed the border.

I can't believe what's happened

to the old fraternity.

We used to be so sensitive, so mature.

Sergeant Getraer, this picture.

Yeah

It looks familiar.

It's you, isn't it?

Uh, well, it, uh, looks like me, uh, doesn't it?

Looks like you're pouring a bottle

of ketchup over your head.

Well, to relieve the tension of exams

we let ourselves go a little.

Uh, Webster, Grossman, you find anything?

Dirty clothes.

And a lot of leftover pizzas.

Ugh.

'What about you guys?'

At least a ton of sweaty socks.

- But no canister. - Let's go.

I told you we didn't have it.

An anonymous caller said you did.

Well, sure. It's all a plot to get us kicked off campus.

Slaves!

You are my slaves!

Dirtball, I can't imagine why

anyone would want you off campus.

Yeah

Well, there's no accounting for little minds.

Nelson, you alert the authorities

in case we have to evacuate the campus

and the surrounding communities.

You three check the other houses, alright?

Looks like they didn't find it.

Well, what do you expect from public servants, Renzlo?

I guess we'll just have to give them a little more help.

Hildy, didn't you say

we were going to pick my mother up in San Diego?

Yes, sweetheart, her car's going to take

longer to fix than she thought.

But the sign says San Diego is back that way.

This is the way to Mexico.

'I know, pumpkin'

but, uh, I thought as long as

we're so close it might be fun to see.

'Your mother wouldn't mind.'

Hildy, I want to go see my mother now.

Please, Hildy, take me to my mother.

It's Bruce. It's Bruce.

Ponch, it's Lindsey.

Oh, Bruce, I'll never go with a stranger again.

That's right..

...but you're safe now. We're gonna take you home.

Hildy.

Hildy, I just want to help you.

Alright?

I didn't hurt the child.

I just wanted to take care of her.

To love her.

I know that.

But her place is with her mother.

Yes.

But now, I have nothing to live for.

Sure you do.

Hildy, you have your whole life.

My little girl was my life..

...and she's gone.

Hildy, you're still young.

You can have more babies.

But you need some help first..

...and I'll see that you get that help, I promise you.

It's too late.

No, it's never too late.

If you want something bad enough..

...you can get it.

I just want to be a mother again.

And you will be.

Trust me.

Pull. Pull.

- Give me a D.

- Give me a D.

- Give me a T!

- DDT forever.

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Wait a second. Wait!

That's two against one. That's not fair!

Why don't you give her a little hand, Dirtball, huh?

Oh, I will, Anthony III.

I keep telling them more garlic.

Oh, I guess that ties us

for first place, doesn't it, Dirtball?

How'd you like a face full of marinara, huh?

Please, out of my way, animals.

Wait.

Okay, Mold... this is the big one.

This is the one for all the enchiladas.

Yeah. Yeah. G-r-r!

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I'm the king of the pizza pig

D-Dirtball.

That.

It's a 250-pound mouth.

Wait a second, wait a second.

He's not an Alpha Kappa Gamma.

He's one of our new pledges.

Where you been keeping him, in a cage?

'On your mark.'

Get set... go!

What are you waiting for, a dinner bell?

Come on.

We just got another anonymous call.

You already searched the whole house.

Officers, if I may.

There's been a lot of talk around campus

rumors and such and..

...well, I might have an idea

where that canister's been hidden.

If you would, uh, allow me to show you.

Be our guest, Mr. Harlington III.

Let's go, Dirtball.

Come on. Come on.

I'm-I'm missing the pizza pig-out contest.

- It's not in here. - It has to be.

What makes you so sure?

Uh, well, I-I told you, uh..

...I-I heard talk.

What kind of talk, Harlington?

Well, that, uh..

...that Dirtball had stolen the canister

'and, uh, hid it in this closet.'

You little pretzel!

Is that what you heard, too, Renzlo?

Yeah, sure.

- I think you're lying.

Because you don't want to be blamed if that

canister leaks and people die.

- You heard him.

Why would anyone blame me?

Because we think you know a lot more

than you're telling us.

Hey, I-I don't know anything.

Hey, we've got to go back to the games.

This is no game, Renzlo.

You do know where that canister is, don't you?

- No. - Tell us.

Well, it was in the closet.

How do you know?

Uh, we-be-because--

Renzlo, old fraternity brother.

How do you know, man?

B-because..

...we put it there. But it wasn't my idea.

It was Mark's idea.

All the thefts were his idea.

Ah, going somewhere, Caesar?

- Straight to Central. - This one, too.

Okay, take 'em away.

- Still missing.

There it is.

Here, whack this.

Ponch, you alright?

Yeah, except for hearing bells.

I'm fine.

Did you know there were almost 150

official holidays in ancient Greece?

Which means the average Greek worked

less than eight months a year.

Maybe that's why it disappeared.

Just like our friends

Large Slob, Dirtball, and Mold.

That, my good man, is an untruth.

Bruce spotted them leaving the fraternity house.

The back way.

Would you believe we were

just on our way over here?

No way.

Well, then in that case

I guess I must present you

with this check for $5,000

to the Children's Liver Foundation. Ha, ha.

'The five grand we won at the games.'

That sticky stuff there is pizza.

You know something?

You guys have a lot of class.

Aw, hey, come on, sarge.

They're DDT's, remember?

What do we got?

- We got a D! - We got a D!

What do we got?

We got a D.

'What do we got?'

- We got a T! - We got a T!

'DDT forever!'