Original subtitles

I am a maximum efficiency robotization-vector

but youcan call me Merv.

We're the Freeway Angels.

We're making a citizen's arrest on you, Chester.

Citizen's arrest?

You're messing with a Scorpio, lady!

Are you telling me that there's a break

in Merv's energy

- Yeah. - He's a walking time-bomb.

'15, Mary 6 and 7, LA.'

'Citizen's report of a reckless driver'

'northbound 405 from Reseda Boulevard.'

'Vehicle reportedly in excess of 90 miles per hour'

'and using all lanes of traffic.'

Come on, baby!

LA 15, Mary 6 and 7

we have a major accident on the access road

'leading to the Ventura freeway between Harper and Whitlock.'

Send on three ambulances, two tow-trucks

and one fire-engine.

'10-4, Mary 6 and 7.'

Alright, don't try to move. Just keep still.

An ambulance will be here any minute, alright?

I...I guess I would have been better off

paying a speeding ticket.

- You got that right. - Yeah.

Merv! Merv? Where's Merv?

Merv!

I don't know where..

What's wrong?

Uh, I can't find Merv.

He was in the back of the van, but now, he's gone.

'Over here, Dr. Rutledge.'

What's that over there?

Oh, well, well, that's Merv.

'Merv?'

Oh, Merv, uh..

You need an ambulance over here?

No. An erector set. Take a look.

What is that thing?

I am not a thing.

I am a maximum efficiency robotization-vector

series one.

But you can call me Merv.

Merv, a

A laser scan shows no damage to my memory banks

sensor paths, or integrated circuits.

Binary systems off .03

due to horizontal position.

Uh, Tom. Tom?

Give me a hand here, please. Let's get him upright.

Easy. Easy.

Easy. Easy.

There we go.

Now..

...is that better, Merv?

Binary systems, now functioning

at capacity.

Good. Good.

I'm, uh, I'm Dr. Rut-Rutledge

with, uh, Space Ten Industries.

Uh, we're just on our way to deliver Merv

to, uh..

...the, uh..

California Highway Patrol.

California Highway Patrol?

Central area.

'That's us.'

Well, congratulations.

Merv is on loan-out to various institutions

to demonstrate his, uh, time

and money-saving capabilities.

We think that you'll find, that with Merv

you'll be able to cut your cost

and manpower by as much as 50%.

Of course, there'll always be a need for motorcycle officers.

Well, uh, if it's alright with you

we're late for a meeting with, uh..

...Sergeant...Getraer?

We know him well.

Well...let's get back onboard, Merv.

Can you beat that?

Cut manpower by 50%.

You heard him.

What does a robot know about motorcycles?

The first internal combustion engine

motorized bicycle

was built in 1885.

'It had a single cylinder, 264cc'

4-stroke engine at 700 RPM.

Have a good day.

Here you go.

Here we go.

Come on, man!

Hurry! Come on, move it!

'Come on. Move it.'

Hey! Hey! Get back here!

Hey!

Hey, you girls looking for some fun?

We got business to take care of.

Now, well, we'll take care of it, Blue.

Don't worry. Hey, what do you say, huh?

Huh?

Why don't you pull over? We'll talk about it.

Alright!

My name is Chester. This is my buddy, Blue.

- I'm Emily. - 'Hey.'

- Sylvia. - Hey.

We're the Freeway Angels.

We're making a citizen's arrest on you, Chester.

Citizen's arrest?

- 'No, we're not crazy.'

And we're not blind, either.

We saw you run that stop sign back there.

You could have killed somebody.

And you two chicks

are going to arrest me?

That's right.

And what's to keep me from just getting

into my van and driving off?

For one, those two officers over there.

We always radio the CHP before pulling anyone over.

First, a know-it-all robot..

...and now, the Freeway Angels.

I got a feeling it's going to be a long day.

Look at it this way, partner.

Another 20 years, you'll be eligible for retirement.

What's the problem?

- I was just driving along-- - This man--

Alright! Alright!

One at a time. Please.

Would you turn that radio off?

Yeah. Sure.

Alright, you wait here.

Alright, what happened?

- This man ran a stop sign. - There was no stop sign there.

'He came this close to hitting another car.'

No way! You don't know what you're talking about.

- You're lying, man. - Alright, enough.

Cool it. Okay?

Emily, I know you and your angels

are just trying to give us a hand

'but I explained it to you.'

We can't issue a ticket for something

we didn't see with our own eyes.

What you're saying is, unless the streets are littered

with bodies and fenders, you're not interested.

What we're saying is, we have an entire army

of highway patrolmen.

We don't need a bunch of untrained amateurs

getting in our way.

I've got some news for you

General Nelson.

Your army is losing the war.

If it's alright with you guys

we'll be on our way.

Let's book.

Hold it.

Step back here, please.

What's wrong?

I noticed your registration's expired

'and look at these taillights.'

They're both broken.

Step over here and let me see your driver's license.

Take it out of the wallet.

Ponch, I got a feeling there's something in this van

we should know about.

Yeah? What makes you think that?

His buddy's acting kind of hinky.

Like he'd give a million bucks to be someplace else but here.

Well, he's jumpy about something

but if you're thinking about searching

the van, forget it.

- Ponch. - Hey.

Stopping somebody for a traffic ticket

doesn't give you probable cause for a search.

But I've got this feeling.

Bobby, the court doesn't accept your feelings

'as admissible evidence.'

Of course, if the owner gives you permission

to look inside, that's another story.

Well, what do you say? You giving us permission?

No way, man.

That's the law, pal.

'I have been asked to examine the following subject.'

Subject is 5'7.

Density scan, equivalent of 135 pounds and muscular.

Fair skin, blond hair, blue eyes.

Shifty look.

Must run in the family.

Criminal type, no question about it.

Place your hand on my video grid

palm flat.

What?

My video grid, palm flat.

According to the fingerprints on file

subject is Bruce Penway Nelson

'age, 23.'

'Currently, a cadet at the CHP academy'

'temporarily assigned to Central'

'for advanced field-training.'

'No criminal record, outstanding warrants'

'or behavioral problems'

'except for an isolated incident'

'in high school.'

That's enough, Merv.

Involving a young lady

by the name of Samantha.

'Merv.'

'And a white mouse, the subject'

'placed in her locker.'

I was just trying to get her attention.

You may remove your palm.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Don't mention it.

'That's just a small example'

of Merv's many talents.

As you get to know him better

and...we hope, uh, to love him.

'Uh, we're sure that you'll learn to appreciate'

his many abilities to sort through

billions of visual points

to analyze thousands of voices

and to solve an unlimited number of problems.

What happens if he has to change a tire?

Or when his batteries run dry?

I do not run on batteries.

I utilize a new-breed electromagnetic

isotope-6 pellet

'which puts out enough energy'

'to light, heat, and air condition'

'a 40-story office building'

'for an entire year.'

That's a lot of power.

Oh, uh, Merv is state-of-the-art in micro power.

But he's just as safe as uh..

...your average pocket-calculator.

Why is he looking at me like that?

I think he likes you.

- 'Blow him a kiss.' '

Merv?

Take a memo to Sergeant Getraer.

"Joe, as per your request

"I checked out complaints

"of illegal parking along Palmgate

"and found none of the vehicles

"in violation of current restrictions.

Sign it..

"...Officer Arthur Lee Grossman."

'Oh, PS'

"What are the chances of my borrowing two days

against accumulated vacation time?"

Sorry, according to the records

you have no accumulated vacation-time.

Just deliver the memo, Merv.

So, Officer Grossman

your bike is ready to roll again.

Oh..

What was wrong with it, Harlan?

Why don't you ask your friend there?

Great! Just walk all over me.

What's wrong with Harlan?

He's jealous about you-know-who.

Hey, Webster, anything on those recent stereo

No, not yet, but sarge says

he wants us to keep our eyes open

for gypsy stereo-dealers

offering bigdiscounts.

Officers Poncherello and Nelson.

You are to report immediately to Sergeant Getraer.

How does he do that?

My memory banks

are instantly activated

by voice-recognition analysis.

You had to ask, huh?

Hey, Merv.

Yes?

Uh, you help everyone else out.

How about giving me a little..

...hand with this academy homework?

Homework, an assignment given to a student

to be completed bythe student.

Thanks a lot, pal.

You don't have to get mad about it.

"Freeway Angels appeal to law-abiding citizens.

"Freeway Angels declare war against traffic violators.

"Freeway Angels demandrecognition.

"Freeway Angelschallenge

the California Highway Patrol."

You guys have any idea what

we're going to do about this?

Why don't we just close them down?

How? It's not as if they're running some illegal operation.

And they're not exactly trying to help little kids

cross the street.

They're out there, trying to arrest people.

And that's what worries me, sarge.

One day, they're going to try to arrest some hothead..

'...and end up getting hurt.'

Now, that'swhat worries the captain.

And when the captain worries..

...I lose sleep..

...and when I lose sleep..

- We have nightmares. - We have nightmares.

Ah! Exactly.

I'm glad we understand one another.

Now, uh, why don't you two go out there

and keep me from losing my sleep, hmm?

"Home of the Freeway Angels."

Why don't we just forget them, Chester?

Yeah. Maybe I should just forget about these,too, huh?

Well, aren't you?

Yeah..

...but not them chicks.

My sign's a scorpion, Blue..

...and when you mess with a scorpion..

...you get stung.

Yeah?

You better put your stinger away for now.

No sweat. We got plenty of time.

Let's do some business.

Over there.

I'm going next-door for a sandwich.

Can I get you anything?

- No, thanks. - Okay.

I think I just lost my appetite.

- Emily. - I know. I know.

You've got the building surrounded.

You want us to come out with our hands up.

You've been seeing too many old movies.

We just want to talk to you.

If it's about stopping our patrols, forget it.

What do you girls think you're accomplishing?

We girls, Officer Nelson?

We girls want to show people

that we're concerned about what happens out there.

They're our streets, you know.

We don't want to see them turned into battlefields.

Have you any idea how many men, women

'and children are killed or crippled'

every year because of irresponsible drivers?

Any idea?

That's our business, remember?

It's our business too.

And if just one driver slows down

because of the Freeway Angels..

...we've accomplished something.

Can't argue with that, Emily.

And I'm in favor of neighborhood watches.

Then, what are we doing wrong?

It's not the same.

Neighborhood watchers keep their eyes open

and if they see something, they notify the police.

We always call the CHP. You know that.

Yeah, but then, you move in on your own.

That's dangerous.

It's not like we're dealing with hardened criminals.

When you pull someone over..

...how do you know who you're dealing with?

'Emily, we just don't want'

you and your ladies getting hurt.

Is that so hard to understand?

No.

Then, give it up.

I can't, Ponch.

I have my reasons. I just...can't.

Okay?

Harlan, that bike's got

a ping in it you can dance to.

No problem. I'll just take a look at it.

The carburetor is running lean.

We have to richen it up.

That's amazing.

Well, I'll just, uh..

'Poncherello, if you would adjust'

'the idle-bleed screw'

'one turn and a half'

'the problem will be corrected.'

Alright.

Hey, he's right. The pinging stopped.

Hey, I don't believe it.

Sure.

What else does he have to do all day, huh?

Fill out a dozen repair forms, like me?

Beg the department for more money

to buy better tools, like me?

'Listen to all your complaints'

'like me, hmm?'

'I'll tell you what?'

The next time you need an extra player

for your softball team

you get him, not me.

Won't work, Harlan. Uniform's not big enough.

Uh, I think it's time to check out of here.

Harlan, I'll come back for the bike.

Yeah, that's a good idea, and while you're at it

take this fugitive from "Star Wars" with you.

I am not a fugitive. I am a maximum eff--

I know what you are!

Uh, let's go, Merv.

Danger. Danger. Danger.

Emily Daniels, born May 20th, 1960

to Lewis and Yolanda Daniels

both living in Los Angeles.

Hey.

What about brothers, sisters?

Two brothers and one sister

all still living at home.

Three brothers and one sister.

Merv, it says it right there.

Your antiquated terminal

receives only limited information.

My advanced X-3-E terminal has the ability

to tap into nationwide computer-banks.

Uh, Merv, just tell us about the third brother.

You didn't ask about the third brother.

We're asking you now.

Very well, then

the third brother, Jeffrey Daniels

was born August 5th, 1972

in New York City

and died November 3rd, 1979.

Died

As the result of injuries suffered

in a hit-and-run accident, here in Los Angeles.

Is there anything else you would like to know?

Uh, no, Merv. Thank you. See you later.

You will not see me later.

We won't?

I have completed my duty

with the CHP.

And soon, will be delivered

to another institution.

Who's the lucky one this time?

The Parkway Children's Hospital.

Au revoir.

He speaks French, too.

I speak 36

different languages and dialects.

Sure. Sorry, Merv.

Ah!

Harlan, you ever figure out what happened

to your electronic equipment?

I've got an idea, Ponch.

Now, I'm just waiting for some proof.

There, that ought to do it.

Who's your friend, Grossie?

'Come on out.'

Maybe if he turned off the music.

Music? You call that music?

'Come on out.'

'Come on.'

'This is Chad.'

I ticketed him for failing to yield

to an emergency vehicle.

I didn't hear the siren.

- Can't imagine why. - Anyway.

When he opened his door to get out..

...I noticed this stereo equipment..

...on the front seat.

The serial numbers match the merchandise

that was stolen from the electronic outlet.

I didn't know the stuff was stolen

when I bought it, honest!

Where did you buy it?

You know that gas station on the corner

of Wilcox and Yucca?

Well, these two guys were just parked there.

They had the equipment right in the back of their van.

That's why I didn't think it could be hot.

Do you know their names?

No.

'How long ago was this?'

About a half an hour ago

'but I don't think they're there anymore.'

Why not?

They were just packing up.

Any idea where they were going?

One of them said he had a date with an angel.

- 'That's what he said.'

Do you remember what he looks like?

About my height, brown hair.

Did he have a tattoo on his left arm?

Yeah.

Scorpion?

Could have been.

Chester Durham.

The man who wouldn't let us look

into his van.

Yeah, and I got a pretty good idea

who the angel is, come on.

You need anything before I go?

No, go ahead, I'll catch up

as soon as I get someone to relieve me on the radio.

- Okay. - Bye.

We'll go around the back.

Chester--

Hey, we're just going to have a little fun

with them, that's all.

No!

Stop it!

Stop!

'Stop! No!'

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Stop! Uh!

No! Don't!

You're messing with a Scorpio, lady!

Let's just get out of here. Come on. Let's go.

You okay?

Sure. I'm fine. Fine.

You had to get even, didn't you?

- You shut up! - You better get us out of it.

- It's jammed! Can't get out! - 'It's open. Come on.'

'Get out now!'

Hey, we were just having some fun.

We didn't mean to cause any trouble.

Trouble, Chester?

You don't know the meaning of the word.

You're going to see you'll find out.

You two wait for LAPD, I'm going to go talk to Emily.

Emily, I did some checking.

I think I know why you're doing this.

- It's because of your brother.

- Yes.

But if you think this is going to make me quit

you're wrong.

What is it you want, revenge?

You bet!

He was only seven, Ponch.

And the punk who hit him didn't even stop!

'If somebody hadn't gotten his license number, he--'

Yeah, but someone did and he was caught.

And now, he's out driving on the streets again

and my..

...my brother's still dead.

What you're doing, Emily, is not going to bring him back.

Maybe not

but every time I pull somebody over

who might hurt someone..

...I feel a little better inside.

And if that's what revenge does, Ponch..

...that's what I want.

Just to feel a little better inside.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I, um...gotta, I gotta clean this place up.

I'll give you a hand.

Here we go, Harlan.

Everything you wanted to know about electrical energy

but were too afraid to ask.

You didn't tell anyone you were getting these for me, did you?

No, but I felt pretty stupid about sneaking books away

from the police academy.

That's okay. Cadets are supposed to feel stupid.

Harlan, do you mind telling me what's going on?

When I'm ready, my boy. When I'm good and ready.

Harlan, are you sure you're feeling alright?

I feel fine.

Ever since Merv arrived

you've kind of act a little strange.

'Maybe you should see a doctor.'

I don't needto see a doctor.

'What I need is, time to find out'

why my oscilloscope blew up.

Anything else I can do for you?

Yes, as a matter of fact

there is something you can do.

You can tell your girlfriends

to stop calling you on my line.

Who, me?

You.

These came for you while you were out.

Only four?

I took the phone off the hook.

Is thatwhy Louise couldn't reach you?

Louise?

A gorgeousgirl.

She's crazy about mechanics.

And when I told her all about you

she went wild.

Too bad.

'Dr. Wienard to administration.'

'Dr. Wienard to administration, please.'

'Dr. Hotchkiss, turn off your beeper.'

'Dr. Hotchkiss, please turn off your beeper.'

This way, Merv.

Yes, Dr. Mitchell.

You're going to brighten the children's day.

They've been looking forward to this.

No trouble, Dr. Mitchell.

I will do my best.

Good.

We'll visit this ward first, Merv.

Looks like he's drunk.

We'd better stop him before he kills somebody.

Sylvia to base, notify CHP.

'We have a drunk driver'

'traveling southbound on 101'

'approaching Gower Street Exit.'

10-4, Angels. We have a unit responding.

'15, Mary 6 and 7.'

'Freeway Angels in pursuit of a suspected 5-0-2'

'California license Adam-Boy-Ida-1-7-8'

'in the vicinity of the Gower Street Exit'

'on the southbound Hollywood Freeway.'

LA 15, Mary 6 and 7. 10-4.

Here we go again.

Having problems?

Why don't you pull over?

Maybe we can help you.

Had one too many, huh?

'

'Drinking and driving don't mix.'

Drinking?

We're the Freeway Angels.

And unless you can walk a straight line, mister

we're making a citizen's arrest.

A straight line?

LA 15..

- He's drunk. - '...roll an ambulance.'

'To the southbound 101'

'south of Melrose, man down.'

He's in shock.

See this medical

'He's a diabetic!'

Oh, my gosh.

Ambulance is on its way.

We didn't know.

That's just it, Emily.

On this job, you haveto know.

One day, you're going to kill someone.

Is that what you want?

No.

Hey, sarge, I figured it out.

Figured whatout?

What happened to my electronic equipment

and the computer console.

Maybe they got hold of some badcurrent.

Maybe you'll stop making jokes

when you find out who's to blame...Merv.

Oh, come on, Harlan.

Just because he's an inch taller than you.

He is not!

Besides, that has nothing to do with it.

But this does.

That? That's good.

- I thought you'd ask.

This is an energy pellet

similar to the one that's inside Merv.

Where'd you get it?

Well, I called Dr. Rutledge

at Space Tech Industries

but of course, he's too busy to talk

to a lowly CHP mechanic.

So, I called a friend of mine

who's a chief engineer for the government

who called an associate of his

'who just happens to be Dr. Rutledge's superior.'

Alright. Alright.

You got the pellet, but why?

So I can prove my suspicions about Merv.

Alright, to make it easier for you guys to understand

I'm going to take this hammer and break open this--

- Relax!

The isotope 6 in this pellet

is 1/50th of what's in Merv.

Now, here goes.

Okay.

With the lead pellet open

the isotope 6 is exposed.

You gentlemen following me?

Will you come on, Harlan?

Alright, now, I'm going to put on this lead glove

I borrowed from the X-ray lab down the street.

Now, leadis the only substance

that isotope 6 won't penetrate.

Now, watch what happens when I move this pellet

close to the voltage meter.

Harlan, are you telling me that there's a break

in Merv's energy

Yeah.

And from the evidence

it's getting bigger every minute.

He's a walking time-bomb.

Where's Merv now?

Parkway Children's Hospital.

'Mary 6 and 7, S-3'

'respond to Parkway Children's Hospital.'

'We have reason to believe Merv's power source'

'may explode at any moment.'

'Use extreme caution.'

'Station 10, roll all units'

'to the Parkway Children's Hospital.'

'Backup the CHP on a possible explosion'

'from the power source of a robot.'

'Use caution. Treat it as a bomb threat.'

You've got the Munch Monster this time.

That is what youthink.

Oh, darn, he scrunched away.

Dr. Mitchell, my laser scanner

shows a hot spot in the patient's

right lower-quadrant

indicating an inflamed colon

and not an acute appendicitis.

And the treatment, Merv?

One gram of penicillin, IV Push

every six hours.

Take that, Munch Monster, and that.

'Oh, dear.'

I obliterated the monster, Merv.

I won! I won!

Yes. So you did.

Goodbye, Suzy.

Bye, Merv.

Oh, Merv, did you get Suzy's temperature?

Of course. 9.94 degrees.

9.94?

Negative. Point 994 degrees.

994 degrees?

Merv, don't you mean 99.4 degrees?

That is what I said.

No, you said..

Merv, are you alright?

Is there something wrong, Merv?

Merv?

Merv..

Merv!

Now, now. Follow me. Stay close.

Please help me get the children out of here.

Alright.

Alright.

Here we go. Here we go.

- Give us a hand! - Yeah, alright.

Bruce, get her.

No. Don't move her. She has a back injury.

Alright. Let's get the bed. Come on.

Go, get out of here. We'll take care of her.

Come on. Go, come on.

Alright, sweetheart, just take it easy.

Come on, put your arms around me.

Good girl. Come on.

You'll be okay.

It's alright.

We've got to disconnect that pellet.

You'll never be able to get that close.

Wait a second, Harlan said

isotope 6 can't penetrate lead.

X-ray lab's down the hall.

Be right back.

Rutledge said there's six wires connecting the pellet.

Each wire has to be removed

separately and counterclockwise.

If any one wire touches another--

Don't tell me.

Merv, give me a laser scan of your condition.

A laser scan shows

progressive deterioration of my energy source

which will result in an explosion

equaling two tons of TNT.

How long, Merv?

Sixty seconds and counting.

Alright, let's do it.

Forty-five seconds and counting.

Hang on to him.

Come on, buddy.

'You can do it. Come on.'

Thirty seconds and counting.

Alright.

Fifteen seconds and counting.

'Ten, nine..

...eight, seven..

...six, come on, come on!

Five, four

three, two

one

zero..

Good job.

Thanks, sarge.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Well, Frank..

...you're right.

Another day, another dollar.

Congratulations. You got a raise.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I decided to come by and tell you

that we're converting the Angels

into a neighborhood watch group.

After that last incident

well, I decided to leave it

to the professionals.

That's good to hear, Emily.

But I am going to still

work for traffic safety.

I told her that the CHP is always looking

for good officers.

I'm enrolling, Ponch.

We may really be on the same side someday.

I'd like that.

A fellow cadet?

Anytime you need help with your homework

you know where to come.

That's nice.

- Merv! - Oh, no.

Fully repaired.

And...equipped with a safety device

in case things start to go wrong.

What's he doing here?

He did such a good job, the department decided

to test him out for another week.

Alright, gentlemen, let's get back to work.

I am not a gentleman.

I am a maximum efficiency robotization-vector

series one.

But youcan call me Merv.