Original subtitles

'What is it? Anything wrong?'

Nah. Couple of cops ahead, that's all.

Hey, Jon, you wanna do wet bikes with me tomorrow?

I thought you had a date.

Yeah, with the only girl I know who likes wet bikes.

But I don't know how to reach her.

Don't tell me you didn't put her in that famous

little book of yours.

Oh, no. But the book was falling apart

so I fed all the names and numbers

into the computer for safekeeping.

Our computer?

You shouldn't have done that.

Now, you're telling me, partner?

Hah. The computer lost the whole list.

Okay, watch yourself. We're here.

'Gotcha.'

Hi. Just made it. Boy, did I hit traffic.

Can't load you tonight, fella. Shipping's closed.

I thought they close at 5.

- Used to, 4:30 now. - Oh, boy.

Motel down the street, some of the truckers stay there.

Yeah.

Well, okay, can I park here?

I got half a load. I hate to leave it on the street.

Yeah. They rip off everything these days.

Leave it. Come back at 8 o'clock in the morning.

Oh, thank you. Beautiful. Oh, look.

Here's the key, in case you have to move it, eh?

- Okay. - Thanks again.

Hey, find out who did it yet?

Nope. Must've had a key.

Turned off the alarm.

Thanks for letting me park.

'No problem.'

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ The skies of blue are here again ♪

♪ Let us sing this song of cheer again ♪

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ The skies of blue ♪

'Cleo, can I come up for air?'

Yeah, I think it's safe now.

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ The skies of blue are here again ♪

♪ Let us sing this song of cheer again ♪

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ All together

What'd you got?

Can't seem to find the driver.

Somebody saw a well-dressed old lady.

Doesn't make sense, but I got the description.

- No, I didn't.

I was pretty busy myself at the time.

What's in the cartons?

I don't know. They make stuff for, like, video games

and stuff for the government, too, I think.

And you loaded it this morning?

Yeah, that's right. Cops all over the place.

Uh, they were robbed last night, you know.

Yeah. We heard.

Uh, he was cleared by Systrol.

Okay, mister. You're free to go.

Thank you.

I tried to check this out for stolen, but you can't.

'The computer's down.'

No holds, no warrants, no nothing.

Hey, Grossie, would you check out this number

on the gardener's truck?

Lucas, you okay back there?

'The old dame saw me, Cleo.'

Forget about her. She took off.

The lady's got problems of her own.

With the computer down, those poor guys

on patrol are flying blind.

They'll never know who they're walking up to.

I know. I wish I could fix it.

It's not another overheat. I'm sure of that.

We're running a check on my driver's license as a test.

Heh. Ten moving violations?

Oh, no.

I just talked with LACC. The trouble isn't local.

The whole system's out.

Something's wrong in sacramento

or maybe between here and there.

- Harlan, your license. - I don't want it.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Ten moving violations?

It's the computer's mistake.

You know it, I know it.

But if somebody outside runs a check on it

I go to jail.

Keep the license. I'll walk.

He doesn't understand.

Well, that never seems to bother Harlan.

Yes. Who is it?

'Your loving cousin.'

How's it going, Morgan?

Who's this?

I thought it was time you met my buddy.

Lucas.

He's the guy that's been getting you all the stuff.

Hey, Morgan. You've got a nice place here.

I heard a lot about you.

You wanted microprocessor chips, right?

You see, uh, Lucas knows electronics

so he'll dig what you're doing.

See he's got this invention

that'll safeguard any computer system.

It'll sound a warning as soon as a crook taps in.

If it works, right?

But they're so expensive.

I mean, I can't ever pay you for 'em.

Whoa ho ho. When did I ever ask you to pay, huh?

Look, you make a million, then you pay us...with interest.

Cleo says you're about to make a breakthrough.

- Well, yes, I did.

I penetrated the Highway Patrol's computer system.

I changed their whole index, I think.

Ah, are these your circuits?

Mind if I take a look?

- Hey.. - I'm sorry.

Hey, come on. Come on.

Man's not a thief.

Are you, Lucas?

Hey, did you eat anything today?

Huh

Food

Well, yeah. I had some toast before.

Toast?

Look, why don't you let us out?

And when I come back, I'll make you something real nice.

What's the matter, man?

Your cousin, what is he? Dumb

He's a dumb genius.

All he knows is what we gave him, four microchips.

Don't worry.

You mind if I worry a little?

That box of chips is worth half a million bucks.

He's the only connection. If he starts talking..

To who?

Why?

Let me tell you something.

When Morgan was a kid he built a wall

around himself, alright?

Nobody ever gets in, he never comes out.

I take care of him.

If he talks, he's gonna say what I tell him.

Now, come on..

Let's go meet your buyer.

She took the truck once, once before

but she brought it back so he didn't complain.

Nettie's an outdoor lady.

This place builds up inside her

so she just has to get out.

He's been her friend for years.

And her name's Nettie Ormsby, 60 years of age.

Well, that's what she says, sarge, but you know girls.

'What about Mr. Kendo's truck?'

Well, it's alright. It's being towed to impound.

You can drive him there if you like.

Okay, thanks. Got it.

We'll do our very best to find her, okay?

Would you like to come with me, Mr. Kendo?

If Nettie needs any legal advice

remember I was a lawyer.

Mr. Lawton..

CPA.

See, wet bike, it's a very popular sport, Jon.

Hey, I only see one.

Well, it's not popular with everyone.

That's its charm.

Uh, here's your change.

Ah, you keep that, Bo. Thanks a lot.

Oh, thank you.

What's the verdict on the sandwich?

You think it's as good as my sidewinder?

- Oh, I think it's great. - Maybe even better.

What are you gonna call this one?

The Double Bar-D.

That's my daddy's brand. It's in his honor.

Well, he'd be proud of it. Believe me.

Yeah, all I need to really get this place going

is a couple of real good main dishes.

You know, Western style.

Yeah. Well, good luck.

- Thank you. - See you later. Thank you.

'7 Mary 3 and 4, LA.'

'Citizens reported smoke coming from the Ocean Park area.'

'Please advise.'

'Excuse me.'

Oh, my, you startled me.

May we ask who you are?

Yes, sir. Nettie Ormsby.

Smelled the bacon, did ya?

Come on down, have some.

This is a restricted area, ma'am.

An open fire's against the law.

You're gonna have to put that out.

Mind if I ask, ma'am, are you out here alone?

I mean, why?

Alone? Yeah.

To cook some real fresh bacon

over an open fire out in the open air

and eat it off a good old-fashioned tin plate.

'Something you've never done, or you wouldn't ask.'

Will you have a slice?

Uh, no, thank you.

No.

How'd you fellas know about me?

The accident you were involved in.

We found out where the gardener's truck was taken.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Kendo's truck.

Did he get it back?

The question is, ma'am, why did you steal it?

Oh, pshaw! I didn't steal it. Mr. Kendo knows that.

Just had to get away from that place where I hang my hat.

Well, you shouldn't have left the accident, Mrs. Ormsby.

You're at least a key witness.

Nobody calls me Mrs. Ormsby anymore.

You can just say Nettie.

Well, no, I don't think Smokey the bear

can say that fire's not out.

Uh, is anyone coming to take you back?

No. I was gonna hitchhike.

Say, you do that just right.

You've lived out of doors.

I grew up in Wyoming.

My stars. Colorado, neighbor.

Yeah, we had a ranch.

My daddy used to take me camping

up in the Rockies when I was a girl.

Always near a good trout stream.

Oh, my daddy's fried trout used to make him

the star of every Izaac Walton outing.

And then if the fish weren't biting he used to fix

an onion-smothered steak with cornmeal gravy.

Oh, how that man could cook.

Better than any female I ever met.

Except maybe me.

But I learned from him.

Uh, Mrs. Orms, uh, Nettie..

I'm gonna take you up the road, okay?

And I'll call for transportation.

Well, now why can't I ride with you?

Well, ma'am, I ride a motorcycle.

Big deal. I was raised on a horse.

This right here's the heart of your whole computer.

Industrial, recreational, whatever.

These, my friend, are what the military use.

How many you got?

Four hundred two.

Two hundred fifty thousand.

Negative.

A box is a bargain at 500,000.

Tell the colonel that's the bottom line.

You call Colonel Khatani. 3 o'clock.

Man, I think he had a gun underneath his arm.

I was ready for that, but..

But what?

Just thought he was gonna buy now, man.

Take that box off our hands.

Well, so did I.

But like you said, don't worry.

I've been in auto wrecks before.

And when I hit something, I know it.

And this time I didn't hit a thing.

Except maybe a little tap or two.

Okay, we have witnesses who agree

that the other car caused the accident.

And we thank you very much for your statement, Mrs. Ormsby.

Nobody calls me Mrs. Ormsby.

It's like you're speaking to someone behind me.

Now, could you tell us please

why you took Mr. Kendo's truck without his permission?

Well, he doesn't speak very good English.

Well, surely, you know you were committing a crime.

Not to amount to a hill of beans

if I was gonna take the thing back.

And I would have.

And then this big truck came hurtling at me.

And I don't mind telling you

that gave me quite a turn.

Is that why you left Mr. Kendo's truck?

Yes.

No.

I'm here to tell the truth.

I left because I just didn't want to go back yet.

Have you ever been cooped up in an old folks' home?

- No. - Of course not.

I'd never go back if I could find work.

No one hires a woman my age anymore.

You don't have any income?

A little welfare check. It's a county home.

I'm all alone, you see.

I didn't think it was a bad place.

Oh, not bad for what it is.

But I wouldn't be in the shape I'm in

if I didn't get out now and then.

So I ran.

I suppose I thought I'd get by without being seen.

And then this man in the back of the truck

threw that great big light in my face..

Hold it. Just one second, Nettie.

A man in the back of the big truck, not the driver?

No, no. Not the driver.

How did he get in? Did you see?

He didn't get, he was.

What did he look like?

Well, he was all dressed in black.

And then he had this big light, like a flashlight.

'Oh, I'd know him if I saw him again.'

What's wrong, Frank?

I just never saw the guy.

Do I have to go into court?

Is Mr. Kendo going to press charges?

I don't think so.

Well, there is that unlawful fire.

- She put that out. - Hmm.

Well, I think everything's gonna be alright.

'You can go for now.'

Officer Clark will give you a ride home.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I just have to say, you are the nicest people.

All my life, I've dreaded getting arrested.

But next time, I won't be half so nervous.

I don't think I made a mistake.

I don't think so.

But I think I might've misfiled

the names and addresses.

So I'm gonna try something else.

I'm gonna try my ID number just in case.

- Alright. - Alright, here we go.

Retired

Uh, the system must still be out, Ponch.

Aw, man, wait a minute.

If this thing can say I'm retired from the patrol

who knows where it's gonna spit out my telephone numbers?

What telephone numbers?

Oh, hi. Uh, numbers? Who knows?

This thing says I'm retired.

Ponch, maybe she can help out.

What telephone numbers?

Uh, okay. My, um, address book.

I fed the numbers into the computer.

- Yeah. I asked him that.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

I told him that.

And now you want to get me involved?

- No way. - Oh, hey, Deena, wait a minute.

I don't think I used my ID as a key.

I think I used my address.

So when this thing gets fixed

could you run it down for me, please, Deena?

- Please. - No way, Ponch.

Even if you're in the book?

Me?

With a star by your name, eh?

You're a louse!

One star?

It's Yacht Habibi.

Colonel Khatani, he's expecting the call.

Alright, thank you.

It's the marine operator, says the ship is still

out of the area. She can't reach him till tomorrow.

You're supposed to call him back

at 3 o'clock, and that was hours ago.

- I know. - Don't worry, you said.

You said it first.

Man, I thought we'd be out of the country by now.

What are you looking for?

Kendo. It's the name on the truck the old dame was driving.

'Maybe with the CHP computer out of action'

'we can find her before they do.'

And what if you do?

Man, we gotta talk to her.

With this delay, if she remembers what she saw..

We've gone past the talk stage, Lucas.

We're gonna have to take her out of circulation.

Just till we get our money.

H Mrs. Kendo?

This is the police, auto theft division.

We need some more information about Mr. Kendo's truck.

Twenty.. twenty-five. Come back soon now.

I swear they came this way.

Hey, Bo. There were three young ladies.

Ha ha. Real good

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's right. - 'Didn't see 'em.'

Yeah, they were here.

Didn't want any chili or sandwiches.

And that's all I got left.

Oh, we were outnumbered anyway, Jon.

- Thanks, Bo. - Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, Bo, can you fix an onion-smothered steak

with cornmeal gravy?

Well, I can handle the steak

but cornmeal gravy? I wish I could.

Good. I know an old lady that can. Would you give her a job?

She fixes bodacious bacon. I've eaten some.

Well, if she can cook, yeah.

You ate the bacon?

Uh, come on.

You ate the bacon!

Shh! It's Mrs. Schoonover. She's looking for me.

Shh! Read herself to sleep.

Oh, good.

They say you offered to bail me out

when you thought I was going to jail.

Well, yes. As a matter of fact, I did.

Bless your sweet heart.

Since I saved you all that expense

could you, just till the first of the month?

Alright.

Now, don't go too far.

And don't steal anything this time.

- I won't.

I won't.

I'll just borrow this wheelchair.

Hey! There she is. That's her!

Excuse me, lady.

Can you tell me how to get to Sunset Boulevard?

Yeah. If you'll give me a ride, I-I'll show you.

- It's you! - She knows you.

Sure is.

- Let go. - Get in the car.

Let go!

I'm alright. Just go get those rascals.

Oh...shame on you.

Oh, alright. Alright, I'll go back.

Shame, shame on you.

Oh, please stop saying that.

- Oh, you.

- Come on, man. - Hold on.

Hang on.

- I should've driven. - Shut up!

- Go faster. And hit it!

Look out!

Off-duty officer Baker again.

There's a multiple TC on Blair Road north of Union Summit.

We lost sight of that sedan.

'10-4, Mary 3.'

Poncherello, Baker. CHP.

Like to talk to somebody who was here when this place was robbed.

Go ahead. I'm your man.

You remember a van loaded here the morning after?

Gamma Transfer. Yeah.

We got some information on the van. We think it was involved.

In the robbery? I don't see how.

Hardly out of my sight all night.

Parked right where your car's standing.

A Trojan Horse.

A thief, in the crate, inside the van and when the doors

swung open, Nettie saw him. She's gotta be right.

Otherwise, they wouldn't have tried the kidnap.

Local detectives think it was someone

who used to work for Systrol.

I checked that out. Four ex-employees they can't locate.

I just got off the phone with Gamma Transfer.

That driver turned in his truck and quit.

Sarge, would you take a look at this?

Bonnie, we're busy.

You're busy? I'm broke. Look.

Frank, what are you looking for?

An address in my accident report.

Three dollars and sixty one cents.

- Bonnie, please. - 'Oh, sure.'

Why should I bother you? The computer's to blame.

Just because it cheated me on my paycheck

it certainly wouldn't cheat you on yours.

- You're a sergeant.

- Cleo Baxter. - You know, how..

Ponch.

'I been reading an interesting book.'

Maybe you've heard about it.

"The Application Of Cobol Biased

To Sequential Logic And Symbolic Instruction Codes."

It says the key to success with a computer

depends entirely on syntax.

Deena, is it working yet?

Don't speak to me.

This is the plate on a car involved in a 207 attempt.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Deena, look, could you contact Satco

and tell 'em to run it by hand?

I don't care if it takes all night.

It's that important.

Okay. Maybe they'll come up with his little black book.

Deena, it isn't black.

Actually, they're teaching five-year-old kids

to talk to computers now.

Maybe I better go find one.

Hi. Officer Baker and Officer Poncherello.

We're looking for the man in room 22.

Oh, Mr. Peters.

Uh, Baxter's the name we had.

Him, too, huh?

Uh, I haven't seen either one of 'em in two or three days.

What did they do?

They share the apartment, Baxter and Peters?

Uh, that's right.

- We're not sure, ma'am.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

W-well, what do I tell the neighbors?

Peters. Lucas Peters.

Fired by Systrol six months ago.

It fits. I think we got him.

Right. One question, though.

- You got it.

I found this in the tool shed.

What were you doing out there, Morgan?

I needed my old crimpers.

- Belongs to us. We bought it. - No, you didn't.

You never had that much money in your life.

Morgan, think about who backed you all the way.

Now, there's two ways to get things out there.

And I ran out of money.

Half the stuff in your invention is stolen.

Maybe little things, maybe.

Little It makes no difference.

It does.

Cleo, this is too big.

We'll have it out of here first thing in the morning.

I'll send you so much money, you could swim in it.

I bet the cops are after you, aren't they?

They can't trace us, even if they are

because you put their computer out of action.

Yeah, but I can fix that.

Wait. Morgan, you can't.

- Let me alone. - You'll go to jail.

Come on, let me go.

That's all we have on Lucas and Baxter at the moment.

'We hope to know more later today.'

'Please, keep your eyes peeled out there.'

Now...about your incorrect paychecks..

Alright, Alright. Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

I know just what you're feeling.

I am suffering along with the rest of you.

Oh, you mean your check is wrong.

Well, it's more than I usually get

but closer to what I deserve.

Oh. Who's gonna ask him how much?

I'll ask him. How much?

Uh, 92,000 dollars.

- Oh, come on. Gimme a break. - Ninety-two thousand.

Gimme a break. 92,000 dollars.

Let me call to your attention

the fact that I ordered four slide clips.

This is what I got. Paper clips.

Not four. Four gross.

What is this, the army? What do I do with these?

Pick 'em up.

Let the computer pick 'em up.

Pick them up, Harlan.

I thought it was funny.

Recognize anyone, Nettie?

Here. Now, this picture here.

Uh, he could've shaved his head

and pasted on those whiskers, couldn't he?

- No.

'They all favor my Uncle Abner.'

- Ab Turley.

He was a black sheep.

Claimed he rode with Jesse James

but I never did think he had the gumption.

Oh. Well, we'll find him. Okay, thank you.

Oh, you better take me with ya.

Oh, we can't do that. I'm sorry.

But I have to identify him.

Oh, you will, when we bring him in.

Got any more books I can study?

No. Why? Is there something the matter?

Oh, I won't say this has been fun

but it's made me feel alive.

There are times when I just hate that Royal Gardens.

Old is contagious, you know that?

Just living with old can soften

your bones as well as your brain.

I can tell you from experience. Don't get old.

But I know you're gonna go right ahead and do it, anyway.

- No, but you've got the muscle.

Uh, Bonnie, may I speak with you a moment?

I'll be with you in a sec.

I know this is bending the rules

but after you check her into the home

drive her over to the grub steak cafe

and give Bo this note, will you, please?

Sure.

Good. I'll pass it on. Thanks.

Someone tapped into the circuit

deliberately altering the indexing system.

They said they'll have it fixed today with a new main line.

- The computer.

Ohh.

Ahem. Deena..

If you put this behind your right ear

that means you forgive me.

I don't know why I let it bug me.

So I'm in your little book. Why not?

And a star by my name does make it easier to find.

I guess I'm covered.

- No problem. - Mmm, that's my girl.

Anything on that car we asked you to trace?

Three possibles.

Uh, finding it by hand, they got confused.

I'll check for stolen as soon as I can

but these are the addresses.

Ooh, you're tops. Thanks.

We reserved a boat for 11 o'clock.

Oh, we'll be there, Colonel Khatani.

Just be sure and have the money ready.

You got it.

We did it. We're off to the Yacht Habibi.

Hands aren't tied too tight.

You keep working, you ought to be free by suppertime.

There's plenty of food in the icebox, Morgan

but I won't be able to cook for you anymore. I'm sorry.

I'll write ya, and good luck with your invention.

Mary 3 and 4, 7 Adam.

I've checked out the sedan at the Maple Street address.

It's cold. You copy?

Mary 3, Bear. 10-4.

We're checking the last address now.

Hey, Jon.

Alright, alright. Take it easy. We got you.

A boat. A yacht.

The Habibi.11 o'clock.

I'm sorry, but my dad's not here

and unless you want a rowboat, these are all we have.

It's the cops, Cleo.

That's him. That's the rascal. Yes, ma'am.

Look, I have to take him in first, but if you need a ride--

No, no. You go on. I've got some business to do.

Okay.

You don't have to do this, Bo.

I know that, but she's talking slum gullion stew

prickly pear pie, plus the cornmeal gravy.

Alright.

Say, you boys just go on.

Mr. Darden said he'd take me home.

Alright, Nettie. Well, good luck to both of ya.

Now, Mr. Darden, I'll make my daddy's finest dishes

and work for the minimum wage

plus a percentage of the profits

but not in a place that's got a dumb pun for a name.

We're gonna have to change Grub Steak Cafe.

What would you like to call it?

Well..

How about Nettie and Bo's?

Deena..

I hear the computer's back in service.

Is there any chance of finding

my little book now?

Uh, it's been found.

On the printout in the captain's office.

Oh, no.

- Oh, he didn't see it.

And I never want to speak to you again.

Hey, Deena, what's the matter?

There is no star by my name, Poncherello.

'It's not even in the book.'

Maybe it got erased?