Original subtitles

'Oh, no, save your breath, man.'

Your pad's being painted.

You'll move in with me.

We'll have a ball.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I mean, no offense but I've seen that Marina lifestyle of yours

and, uh, I'm not into three-ring circuses.

Okay, okay, you wanna take it slow and easy, you got it.

But I'm not taking no for an answer.

Hey.

- That all depends.

You got a spare fuse?

No, I'm sorry.

Hey, what's the matter with you guys?

You're supposed to carry a spare fuse at all times.

'You know that.'

Us

Hey, look. I'm two men short on the shift.

I'm late for a meeting with the lieutenant.

I got a cold coming on

so spare me the righteous indignation, huh?

Hey, look, sarge, uh, why don't you borrow my bike?

I'll wait for the trailer.

'All units, BOL'

'for a tank-51 CHP unit'

'stolen five ago.'

'Lucy's coffee shop, Rosemead at Pico.'

'Last seen southbound on Rosemead.'

If that's one of ours

somebody's gonna get burned.

'LA-15, 7-Adam, in pursuit of a stolen unit'

'westbound, Tenth and Arlington.'

That's Baricza.

We'll be right back, sarge.

Mom's gonna kill us!

They haven't caught us yet, Alex.

Shut up!

Simple, huh? Just drive it away.

Not now, Alex. I'm busy, alright?

The only thing simple around here is you.

You don't like it? Get out!

Come on.

'And so, ladies and gentlemen'

it's with great pride that we officially open

one of the last links in what surely must be

the safest and most efficient

'freeway network in the world.'

Uh, Debbie, would you do us the honors, please?

'Try again.'

Once more..

Uh, scissors?

Here we go. As hard to cut as the budget.

Ponch, those guys are crazy.

They just crossed to the wrong side of the freeway.

Right behind you, Bar.

LA-15, Mary-3, we have a 10-8-51, uh, PC

to the westbound Simi freeway east of Desoto.

Two male suspects fled on foot.

Request 11-41-11-85 as backup as soon as possible.

'10-4, it's on right three.'

You alright?

Okay, bring those cars by.

Aw, man!

Any positive ID on whose unit that was?

Yeah, one of ours.

Oh, please, don't say anything.

I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Three minutes! Three lousy minutes.

Over at Lucy's coffee shop.

Hey, come on, Bonnie, these things happen.

Don't let it get to you.

Ha! That's not what he said two minutes ago.

Now, what did you tell her?

The truth.

I sure wouldn't wanna be in her shoes

when you-know-who finds out.

Uh, speaking of you-know-who.

How many injuries?

Uh, some lacerations, broken bones.

Nothing critical.

I guess I should be thankful

for small favors, eh, Clark?

I don't know what to say.

I-I mean, it's like a nightmare.

I've taken a thousand coffee breaks, we all have.

May I remind you there's an unwritten rule

to keep one's vehicle in view at all times

when on one of his or her several thousand breaks.

And may I remind you that there are certain times

that that's impossible, at least for those of us

who have to attend to certain needs

ifyou get my drift.

Uh, sarge?

Wrong time, wrong place to hang out

the "Family Linen," don't you think?

Yeah, good point, Frank.

I will see you all back at central.

Come on, Harlan, let's hit it.

Uh, Ponch, Jon, you-you think you guys wanna take him back

and I'll-I'll just bring up the rear?

That's what I thought.

Mom! Wait up.

What are you two doing here?

What else? Joey blew it.

'Listen to him.'

Like it was my fault some hotshot do-gooder spotted us

and called the cops?

Well, I had to ditch it.

Yeah, some ditch. We're lucky to be here.

Alex, I will not have you blaming Joey. Is that clear?

Now, let's go get some lunch

and talk this over sensibly.

Guess we ought to forget about that armored truck job.

Bite your tongue, Alex.

Yeah. You're forgetting pop's getting out

of the slammer in a couple days, Alex.

'Three years.'

Three whole years in that awful place

taking the rap for us out of sheer love.

Oh, come on!

Aren't you spreadin' it on a little thick?

We all promised.

Now, when your daddy comes out of that place a free man

we're gonna be waiting for him

with a half-million-dollar nest egg, as planned.

Hey, Bonnie, Ponch? Have you heard the latest?

No, of course not. You're still standing.

Grossie.

'Chapter 10 inspection, folks.'

Three days down the line

as per captain R. J. Tinsdale, area commander.

Just what I needed.

I know what you mean.

And with the mood Getraer's in

you could wind up in front of a firing squad for

'messing up today.'

Grossie, you sure have a way with words.

Hey, Bonnie, wait up.

Um, Jon's crashing at my place tonight

while his place is being painted.

Why don't you join us for dinner?

You know, potluck time, huh?

Uh, thanks.

But the way I feel

I sorta wanna go home and wash my hair.

Do you understand?

Yeah, I got you.

- Female psyche. - Yeah.

Clark? Lieutenant wants to see you in his office.

- On the double.

Beautiful, huh?

I don't have enough on my mind

they hit me with a chapter 10.

We'll be ready.

'Oh, you better believe it.'

I expect every uniform, every locker, every vehicle

every corner of this building to be up to snuff, or else..

Hey, Bonnie, what's the good..

You knew I was gonna get sent down, didn't you? You knew it!

Come on, Bonnie!

Why don't you protect me

the way you protect Poncherello, Baker, all the guys

when they goof up?

Because they didn't have a car stolen!

Like I'm the only one that it could happen to?

Is that what you're saying?

No. What I'm saying is

that I'm a supervisor, not a nursemaid.

If you have a car stolen

the lieutenant has to know about it.

Happy headache.

It's a cold!

Hey, partner, come on in.

Girls, this is Jon Baker.

This is Cindy, your local ballet instructor.

Hello.

Hi.

And there's Francesca

God's gift to the art world.

Hm, interesting.

Very interesting, yeah.

And this is Sherri.

Hi, Sherri, don't tell me you're writing

the, uh, great American novel?

Hardly.

Uh, stove's on the blink.

Hey, the music's a little loud, isn't it?

If you're worried about the neighbors

we are the neighbors.

Yeah.

Hey, Jon, toss your stuff in the bedroom

and, uh, make yourself at home.

Yeah.

Oh, Alex, how anybody can burn toast is beyond me.

Well, carbon's good for you. Pass the jam.

I hate apricot jam.

Everybody knows I hate apricot jam.

I'm sorry. I forgot.

Yeah, sure.

Boys, will you remember

we are a family!

That's one word for it.

Oh, your father would be hurt to hear that.

Yeah, you'll really have to watch

your tongue when dad gets out, Alex.

Cut it out, Joey, we have far more

important things in front of us.

That's right, Joey.

Okay!

Eyes and ears this way.

Yes, mother.

Now, this is where we are.

This is the bank, this is the armored truck company.

Now that we've zeroed in on the truck's last run of the day

all that's holding us up is the highway patrol car.

Right, Joey?

Oh, now, now, now, now.

Don't berate yourself.

I know you're gonna do the very best

you can to make it right, right?

Hey, I don't believe it.

I mean, you call last night

an intellectual evening?

You met Francesca.

Uh, don't remind me, don't remind me.

That's it! I've had it!

Hey, come on. Would you cool off?

No! Getraer or no Getraer, I am not a desk jockey.

Never have been, never will be.

Hey, Bonnie, where you going?

Home!

She's really flipped her gourd this time.

'Clark?'

Why aren't you in the report room updating the records?

I have three days' sick leave

and I'm gonna take every one of 'em

if you keep me nailed to that desk in there.

Oh, don't do this to me.

You're gonna force me to take punitive action.

Punitive action, huh?

Funny, I don't remember you dumping any PA on Bar's head

when he took off to help his dad out of a jam.

That was different.

Yeah, it wasn't me.

There she goes again.

She's taking this whole thing personally.

Darn right, it's my life. It's my career.

Okay. Okay, fine. Uh, Harlan? Harlan, stick around.

Bonnie, you do whatever you think is right.

Right now, I got bigger problems.

Harlan! Harlan, the motor pool area is a disaster.

There are weeds everywhere.

Weeds? I'm not the gardener.

Okay, okay.

Considering the pressure cooker situation around here

I'll take care of it.

Glad to be of help.

Okay, boys, you got three days.

Three days to get your heads screwed on right

especially you, Grossman.

Putting those 202 reports in the triple 5 box, come on.

What are you yelling at me for?

I didn't wreck a car!

Ugh!

One big happy family, that's us.

Moving to a motel

Because I gotta get some sleep.

Look, last night was a little busy, I'll give you that.

But tonight it's strictly slippers-off time

a few intimate friends.

'All units be on the lookout for a 10-8-51.'

'CHP unit stolen from a service station at sunset in Alvarado.'

'Last seen eastbound on sunset.'

Not again!

Yeah, I just hope it isn't one of ours.

For all our sakes.

Uh, practice makes perfect, right?

Why don't you cram it, Alex?

LA-15, 7-David in pursuit of stolen CHP unit

northbound, stadium way.

7-David, Mary-3 and 4 southbound stadium way at Springer.

Oh, neat. Now what?

Take the park. We'll lose 'em.

'LA-15, to all units.'

'Confirm stolen cruiser'

'attached to west LA Office.'

That's great, man! It's not one of ours.

Go get 'em, Jed.

You alright?

I'm okay. Get gone!

I'll call it in.

You lost 'em, huh?

It wasn't because we didn't try, you know.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Jed, it happens.

Hey, look. I don't need to hear the obvious.

Tell me something good, just one little piece of good news.

Okay. You know that stolen cruiser from west LA?

Came through without a scratch.

How about that? Good news, huh?

Stupendous.

'A stolen highway patrol cruiser'

'traveling the wrong way at high speeds'

'scared motorists out of their wits this morning'

'along a newly opened section of the Simi Valley Freeway.'

'With a second cruiser in hot pursuit'

'the result was a spectacular series of accidents'

'that marred a ribbon-cutting ceremony'

'to mark the freeway opening.'

'Amazingly, no lives were lost in the series of crashes'

'that demolished a number of cars.'

'Our cameraman on hand for the opening'

'got more than he bargained for.'

'Officials believe that those responsible'

'for stealing the CHP cruiser'

'made another aborted attempt'

'to steal a second cruiser today.'

'Highway patrol spoke..'

How? How could you foul up twice in a row?

Ask Joey.

Like, it was my fault somebody called the cops, Alex?

And besides, you were the one

who was supposed to take care of the pay phone.

That's 'cause you kept honking the horn.

Okay, okay. Let's just forget it.

No, mom. I mean, we can make it happen.

No, I mean it, Joey.

There's no sense in pushing our luck.

Maybe you're right, mom. Maybe it's a bad idea.

It is not a bad idea! It's a good idea!

It's a great idea.

We just have to use a little more ingenuity.

I guess she didn't wanna forget it after all.

Me, tired?

Oh, I love charades.

I mean, anybody that can't get by

on three hours' sleep a night

ought to have their head examined.

Hey, sarge, Bonnie show today?

Turner, will you relax?

You were on a pursuit. Getraer knows that.

Besides, they just have so many desk jobs

to hand out around here.

Thanks a lot, man.

Am I right, Ponch?

Just because things are getting a little tense around here

that doesn't mean we don't hang together.

Oh, no, this time I wouldn't be surprised

if Getraer hung us one at a time.

Pretty good, huh?

It's just like you wanted, isn't it, mom?

It's perfect.

Yeah, except for the flashing lights

the-the door, the CHP insignia.

Otherwise it's perfect.

Don't be a worrywart. All in good time.

But first you boys have to stop by

the cleaners for me tonight.

Yeah, I hope we get a good fit.

- Pow! - Oh, hey. Close.

Hey, Ponch, guess what auto theft

coughed up this morning at Whittier?

Some punks ran off with a '79 Dodge Monaco

off a used-car lot.

Two-tone, black and white.

Perfect match for one of our cars.

Yeah. I mean, two days, two attempts to steal a cruiser

and now this?

Alright, guys. Listen up.

48 hours, that's all I ask.

48 hours of unparalleled devotion to duty.

Is that clear?

And then we can get on with our lives 49 hours from now.

Hey, sarge, Jon and I just got a flash.

Yeah, I mean, first there was two attempts

to steal the CHP unit

and now a black and white Dodge Monaco is missing.

Like somebody out there's, uh, awfully anxious

to play policeman?

Well, a stolen police car usually means

a kid on a joyride.

But what about the Dodge Monaco?

In a county of 5 million? A sheer coincidence.

Look, guys, I got more important things

on my mind

like whipping this joint into shape.

Uh, step aside, Jon.

Yeah.

These things require a certain, uh, knack.

Here you go.

- That's nice. - Thanks, Grossie.

Oh!...now, it's days like this that I..

I envy the troops in eureka.

You know what they say.

There are bad moods

and there are badmoods.

Yeah, what gives with him, anyway?

I mean, he's been through more inspections than any of us.

Maybe the sergeant's bucking for lieutenant.

- That would explain a lot. - Bummer.

I hate the thought of having to break in a new sarge.

Morning. A-am I early, or are you late?

Oh, Sergeant Getraer. I am so sorry.

We were just about to call you.

Don't tell me you scorched my inspection uniform.

Worse than that, I'm afraid.

We had a break-in here sometime last night.

You were the first person I planned to notify.

Well, burglary's a matter for

the sheriff's department, not the CHP.

Uh, how much did they take?

No cash.

Just, uh, some uniforms.

Uh, my uniform?

Yes, sir.

Yours and well, several others.

My inspectionuniform?

'Our insurance will cover your loss, of course.'

And in the meantime, I hope you won't be too inconvenienced.

Oh, lady, you'll never know.

I'll put a rush on these for you.

- Uh..

Okay.

Uh, oh, boy.

Hey, Bonnie, welcome back.

How's it going, huh?

It's going.

If inspection turns up any deadwood in these files

it won't be my fault.

Listen, I can talk to you like a friend, right?

Right.

Okay. Friend to friend.

I think you're letting this whole thing

with Getraer get out of hand.

Is that so?

Hey, now, come on.

Why get mad at me, huh?

Because there are certain things that you don't understand.

Bonnie, yesterday the guys started thinking

that Joe might have a lot riding on this inspection.

Like what?

Like lieutenant's bars, hmm?

Do you mean it?

Why else do you think he's so uptight

about a routine look

That's terrific.

I'm sitting here stewing about the guy

and you tell me he might be leaving.

You got a lot of nerve, you know that?

Hey.

I just thought you ought to know.

Halt!

Halt? What do you mean, halt?

That's the language you understand, isn't it?

I want you to know it's your obligation

to keep your motor free of road tar, not mine.

Yeah, Harlan, will do.

Don't will do me. I know what's going on around here.

Poncherello?

About those two stolen CHP units

and the Dodge Monaco, I think you better stay on top of it.

What gives?

Somebody pulled a skylight job

on my dry cleaner's this morning.

The only thing they took were CHP uniforms

two of which were mine.

Sheer coincidence?

Alright, Frank. You made your point.

The kid was maybe early 20s

thin-faced, kind of pale.

So far, the description fits one of the kids.

Look, I told you I already gave

a full report to the LAPD.

Yes, sir. I know.

This is just a follow-up.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Hey, uh, hey.

I forgot to give this to the investigator.

It's a street map the little fink must've dropped

taking off his jacket.

Much obliged.

Scotch tape on the corner, that's all.

Nothing there gives us a clue.

Hi, Bar.

How you doing?

What's the latest word from the inspection front

'or should I say the promotion front?'

Ask Grossie.

Before you ask, I don't want to talk about it.

Talk about what?

His new career in the private sector

once Getraer gets the bill.

Bill?

Yeah, $52 from the Beverly Hills public works department.

For the six overhead lamps that Grossie broke

when he forgot to lower his aerial

in the underground garage today.

You guys

someday I'll teach you the trick

of staying off Getraer's hit list.

'Any units in position to assist 15-Mary, 7'

'with a traffic break, northbound'

'405 freeway at national.'

Oh, no!

Look. Will you just look?

Speaking of, uh, Getraer's list--

I'm warning you, don't say it.

You're right. Uh, no comment.

Your two front doors and your lights

stolen just like that?

I'm dreaming, right?

I'm asleep and this is one big Laurel and Hardy movie.

Get Harlan in here.

Hey, sarge, on the stolen CHP units and the Monaco.

Yeah?

'All the eyewitness descriptions'

of the suspects jibe perfectly.

Okay. Okay, keep on that.

Now, in case you're curious

that is responsible police work.

You want to see me, sergeant?

What the devil is that?

Whoa, this? Oh..

You know those weeds you ordered me to pull?

Yeah?

They were poison oak.

Oh!

Can anything else go wrong?

Oh, hey, mom.

Oh, where'd you get the guns?

Toy store.

They almost look real.

Well, what do you think of the car?

Fantastic.

Just one more little detail

and as of 3:47 tomorrow afternoon

this family will be richer

than even your father dreamed of.

You and dad couldn't stand each other.

I mean, the only thing that stopped the fighting around here

was him getting busted.

This familyis a crock.

I don't know.

I'm both mad and hurt at the same time.

Well, good-byes can be like that.

Why is everybody so happy?

Glad you're here. We were talking about Joe.

Yeah, he has everybody wound up so tight

and then he dumps us.

Yeah. It's kind of hard to get up the spirit anymore.

It's like our family's falling apart.

Everybody's just going through the motions.

Hey, we know Joe's been a bear lately.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you, you used the word family.

Now, if we're more than just a fair weather family

then we owe it to Joe to get behind him.

Well, I wish he'd make it a little easier for us.

Well, he's only human.

I mean, if you were bucking for lieutenant

wouldn't you have a one

'You know, guys.'

He'd be a pretty good lieutenant.

Captain, for that matter.

So the patrol gains and we lose.

Well, you lose a member of your family.

If the bird wants to fly, you let him fly.

That's right, you don't only let him fly

you give him a little push.

Now, come on, you guys, let's get our act together, okay?

Come on.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Oh, come on, you could do better than that!

See you later.

Hey, listen, uh, you still have that map?

Oh, yeah, sure. It's in here.

I got to thinking, I mean..

A phony cruiser, two phony cops.

It's gotta be a heist.

Hmm.

'Uh-oh!'

You were right, there are a couple of pinholes.

Yeah, and this is the scotch tape at the corners

they used it to pin it up against

a bulletin board or a wall for some reason.

Pushpins may be marking the locations.

Yeah. Let's go see the sarge.

Hey, sarge.

We traced the locations

the suspects marked on the map.

One is the tri-valley bank

the other is the Pervis armored car courier company.

Well, what are you waiting for, your birthday?

Get with it.

Okay, I'll check out the bank. I'll see you later.

Alright.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

You're smiling.

Joe, we're with you all the way.

Well, uh, thanks, Bonnie, thanks.

Look, I want you out in the field.

Frank and Jon might have come up with something.

Thanks, Joe!

Alright, Clark

Uh, truce?

Truce.

Whoops.

Alright, that's fine. Thank you very much.

A Pervis armored courier truck is at the bank

right now making a pickup.

I put the company on alert.

Maybe you'd better swing by

and have a talk with them, huh?

We've got an oil tanker that spilled its load up ahead

so you'll have to take a detour.

Detour

Well, if you've got a security problem

I'll be glad to escort you.

Let me call my dispatcher.

'First base, this is Pervis mobile-3.'

'CHP wants to detour us of an oil spill.'

'Please advise.'

'Roger, mobile-3.'

'Go ahead and detour'

'and keep us advised of your alternate route.'

'Roger.'

A couple more miles.

Okay.

No, no problems at all, officer.

How about your tri

You put that to bed yet?

Mm, not quite.

They had to make a detour off of riverside drive.

'Something about the route being closed off'

'due to an oil spill.'

Oil spill?

We didn't get any alert about any highway closure.

No?

You get on that radio

you call your crew

and you tell them there might be a heist going down any minute.

Right away.

LA-15, Mary 4, request all available backup

to Parish church, Griffith park.

Pervis, armored courier truck possibly detoured

by two males impersonating CHP officers

riding in a phony CHP vehicle.

Tell Mary-3, I'll meet him in the park.

'Attention all units.

'Possible 211 in progress'

'involving a Pervis armored truck.'

'Griffith park, off riverside drive.'

'Units in position, identify.'

LA-15, 7-Charles responding to Griffith park.

Bad accident up the road.

You have to sit tight for a couple of minutes.

Oh, come on. First an oil spill and now an accident.

'What gives?'

Well, when it rains, it pours.

We'll get you going as soon as we can.

Okay.

What the..

Where the devil they go, anyway?

I don't like it. Get on the horn.

'Pervis base, come in.'

It's dead!

Bees!

We're okay, go get 'em.

Okay.

LA-15, Mary-3 and 4 in pursuit of armed truck robbers

eastbound hill down from Crestline.

Well, that's a good job, guys.

Oh, will your daddy be proud.

Yeah.

How did they know where we were?

- Well, don't look at me.

Oh, shut up, both of you.

Try and get us out..

Steer turn off on the left.

'Oh, no. We hit a dead end.'

'Oh, we're fine. Come on, let's get out of here.'

'Get off my back, Alex. I'm doing the best I can.'

Well, do a little better driving. Alright.

Oh, come on! This is..

I'm doing the best I can!

You guys, get off my back!

Run 'em down, here we go.

Got it blocked off.

- Oh - That's a smart move.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

'I'm doing the best I can.'

I can do it a lot better.

- Oh, no! - You idiot!

Run him down.

Alright, hold on.

You darn kids!

You're just like your father!

As if you're so perfect, mother dear.

- Get your hands off of him. - Oh, just shut up.

Get your hands off of him!

Will you get your hands off of him?

Get your hands off of him!

- Here we go. - Easy now, easy.

Put your left hand on your head.

Looks like some families just can't get along.

You're just like your father.

Take it easy. Take her away.

Well, Bonnie, I don't know what to say.

How about, uh, nice work, Officer Clark.

Nice work, Officer Clark.

Uh, about the car..

...this one's on me.

It has come to my attention

that there is a rumor going around

that I might be leaving you soon.

Well, I don't know where that started

or how it came about

but it's not true.

I guess it just goes to show

that there are communication problems

even in the best of families.

'I know that I've been edgy over the past few days'

'and I guess it's only fair that I tell you why.'

Uh, Commander Tinsdale, who ought to be here any minute

just happened to be my head instructor

during my academy days.

'Now, he was, uh, heh.'

'How should I put this, um'

he was a back breaker.

And when I heard that he was coming here

well, uh, I just..

Well, I sorta felt like I was back in school.

Yeah?

Okay.

Uh, it seems that Commander Tinsdale

is marooned in Gorman pass in four feet of snow

and is therefore forced

to postpone today's, uh..