Original subtitles

Well, Steve, another three martini lunch?

Your estimate's conservative.

Who's your date for Steve's party, or do you have one?

Nope, but I eliminated Janet and Carrie.

Oh, what a shame. They're going to be heartbroken.

Yeah, which leaves Tina, Delores and Victoria.

Only three?

Yeah, if you don't count Mary, Marge, Marine, and Carline.

What's the matter with you cops?

Can't you find somebody doing somethingwrong?

Well, our highway patrol has finally come alive.

About time.

Okay, old girl, now which one of these dudes

you think has the most insurance?

'The Seville?'

50 grand accident, 50 personal injury.

What do you think, huh?

Mercedes?

I resent the implication

because if I'm drunk, the mayor's drunk

half the City Council's drunk

because that's where I've been, gentlemen

to a very important meeting.

We understand, ma'am.

Would you extend your arms for me, please

'and try touching your nose.'

Now, the arms out first.

Right hand, then the left hand.

I'll do it, but I won't like it.

Right hand...left hand.

- That's the way. - Very good.

Will that be all, gentlemen?

Uh, could you stand on one foot for me, please

and tilt your head back.

If you insist. Yes.

Easy does it. Easy. Easy.

Next, they'll be asking me to walk a straight line.

Would you do that for me, please?

Now, we go heel to toe, like this.

I'd appreciate it.

I am trying my very best, gentlemen, not to get angry.

Thank you.

It makes our job a lot more pleasant.

Now, here we go, heel to toe.

Wait until I tell the mayor about this.

Shoes.

Wait a minute.

That's the one.

Imported and expensive.

And look at that fat cat driving it, baby.

He don't know it yet, but he's going to get us

into a bad accident.

And is his insurance carrier gonna pay.

Ah, there.

Now, I ask you, is that a straight line

or is that a straight line?

Well, yeah.

This ain't your day, Dennis.

Code 33.

Down..

...H-Hensworth...overpass...

Foothill freeway.

'Attention all units, Code 33.'

'Units vicinity of the Foothill Freeway and Hensworth.'

'Officer down.'

'Units responding identify.'

Mary 3 and 4 responding for Foothill knock down.

Alright, folks, back up.

Come on, move out. Go back to your cars.

Clear away from him, please.

- Move back, sir. - Get back, please.

Steve. Steve!

Hey, Ponch.

Help's coming. Just stay still.

Bear?

Oh, no, he's out.

What happened, ma'am?

Please, ma'am, any help you could give us.

A van! It was a van!

A van. It just came from nowhere.

Oh, my God.

Getraer's on his way. Paramedics are right behind me.

Jon..

Relax, Steve. It'll wait, alright?

Cheryl..

...you make the call.

Okay?

Here come the paramedics.

Yeah, I'll call her, Steve.

Some kind of a van.

Medium-sized, blue, no license plate number, no nothing.

It all happened too quick.

Bird.

Bird.

Okay, Steve. It'll wait. Alright?

Bird.

Now, just take it easy. It'll wait, alright?

Keep still, Steve.

You're back early, Abel.

Yeah, Phil, I didn't feel so good

so I thought I'd bring her in.

You look a little pale.

I got one more week on probation.

All I need is another traffic accident, huh?

We still haven't fixed the truck since your last wreck.

Yeah, I know, Phil.

That's funny, I didn't realize it was that banged up.

Yeah, listen, Phil, I'm sorry about that, I..

Let me tell you something.

I've been watching you lately.

Maybe you're just a little too careful these days, huh?

Hey, Phil...if you had my insurance rating

you'd be careful too. You know what I mean?

But I got almost everything delivered. I promise.

Well, listen, when a guy doesn't feel well

he ought to be home in bed with a couple of aspirins. Go ahead.

I appreciate it, Phil. I really do.

Uh, if you can't come in tomorrow, call in.

No, no, Phil, listen, I'm going to be perfect.

I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.

Any word?

No, they're still working on both of them.

Almost an hour now.

Listen, can I get you some coffee or anything?

Oh, no, I'm high-strung enough as it is right now.

Sometimes, I think people like us shouldn't get married at all.

No, you live with a person you love

and you learn not to jump every time the phone rings.

'The odds are with you.'

Yeah, sounds like Steve.

Steve didn't say it. I did.

When he didn't know if he wanted to marry me or not.

I'm Dr. Rhoades.

- Sergeant.. - Uh, Getraer.

This is Officer Wydemeyer's wife.

Mrs. Wydemeyer.

Both injured officers suffered from

multiple bruises, contusions.

There were broken bones and internal hemorrhaging.

'Officer Baricza is in stable condition.'

- 'He'll pull through.'

There was a hairline fracture of the skull

which resulted in a subdural hematoma.

We did everything we could.

He's gone, Mrs. Wydemeyer.

'I'm sorry.'

No...I'm alright. Thank you.

- Sure.

Um, we'll have to put Saturday's party off a while.

I didn't say that. I didn't.

Hey, we understand.

Look, you guys sure he said "bird?"

What?

Steve. Are you sure he said "bird?"

Yeah, bird, I don't know.

It didn't make any sense.

Maybe he meant "T-Bird."

No, Ponch, he was hit by a van.

Yeah, but it could have been one of those license plates..

...uh, personalized jobs.

Okay, well, look, I'll take it to DMV.

You guys better get going.

Going?

Yeah, finish your tour.

Yeah..

...neither, uh..

...neither rain, snow..

...nor death, right?

Jon.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

That was marvelous! Marvelous!

Get me down out of here.

You better have had your lens cap off for that one, baby.

Okay, you guys, come on, help me get him out of there.

Okay, alright.

Yeah, I'm fine.

- Fine, fine, fine.

Listen, how was the angle? Did it come in low enough?

- Perfect. Just what I wanted.

Oh, it was beautiful. Right in there.

Come on in the trailer, I'll buy you a drink.

This one's mine.

You got it.

Step out of the car, please.

Put your hands where I can see them.

Thanks, but I'm comfortable where I am.

Now, you want any help out of that car

I'll be glad to supply it.

Now, get out!

You step over here.

I thought the old rubber hose routine

went out with bow ties and white socks.

You're a scream, kid, but two wisecracks is the limit.

Now, let me see your driver's license.

You mean, you're not going to frisk me, huh?

Pat me down for weapons? Oh, darn. I'm disappointed.

On second thought--

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Decisions, decisions. My, oh, my.

Forgive me.

I've hurt your partner's feelings.

May I see your driver's license, please?

Of course.

I'm going to cite you for excessive speed, Mr., uh..

Burham.

Burham, yeah, that's right.

Unsafe lane change, reckless driving.

Is this your present address?

You got them?

- Sheila.. - I don't know.

No, it's either you got them or not.

You've collected from two insurance companies already.

You know how many are listed in the yellow pages?

What are you going to do? Put a claim in on all of them?

Isn't Laura worth it?

Laura's been dead 3 years now.

You didn't hear the sound the tires made.

You didn't hear what that..

..executive from Eastern International Life Insurance

told me right there at the lousy funeral.

"You didn't tell us, Mr. Grace

"you made your living driving stunt cars.

"Naturally, we can't honor coverage

bought under false pretenses."

Maybe if you told them upfront you did stunt work, they'd--

I tried that.

I tried it with California Meridian, National General

with Federal, with Western, with all of them.

Sheila, you told me you could get me licenses.

"No sweat," you said.

They're in my purse.

Don't tell me you got something against getting rich

especially off some fat cat corporation

that plays percentages with your life.

If there was just some other way, I..

You know something?

I could win every last one of those accident cases

under a thousand phony names

and it would just be a drop in the bucket to them.

They wouldn't even blink.

They're probably insured.

We've had this gym in for how long now?

Usually, you can shoot ducks in here.

Got to keep busy, sarge. Otherwise, we'll go crazy.

Yeah, I know what you mean, um..

About that idea you had on the license plate..

Bird.

Yeah, well, there are about 50 of them..

...Bird, Birdie, Bird-1, Bird-2

so far, none on a van.

They'll ask Baricza about it when they interview him

won't they?

Well, doctors don't know when that'll be..

...or if it'll be.

Look, uh, Steve's wife would like you guys to be pallbearers.

So would I.

Sure.

It's the whole formal ceremony, gentlemen.

The commissioner will be there, honor guard, motorcycle escort..

...you'll be involved in that too, of course.

It's a stupid way to lose a man.

Stupid, stupid way!

'Attention, Glendale Freeway Unit.'

'At the Dichter off ramp, citizens report'

'of a vehicle over the side.'

That's for us.

Mary 3 and 4 responding.

I didn't cut him off.

I didn't know the guy was in that lane.

He came out of nowhere. I had my signals on, I swear.

Alright, alright, just stay put. I'll get your story, alright?

Hey, easy, easy.

You don't want to make it any worse, internal injuries.

I'm okay.

Look what that road hog did to my car.

Cut me off like that.

What are you blind?

I-I didn't see you, man.

"Didn't see you?" All those people saw me.

Sure, he's driving a big, fancy sports car.

'Right away he thinks he owns the whole road.'

'Look, I'm insured. You're not hurt.'

How do you know I'm not hurt?

Tell me, you're a doctor, right?

Alright, alright, that's enough.

But wait a minute. Now, maybe this guy can afford

six or seven of old heaps like mine, but I can't.

Aah!

You better call an ambulance.

You want to pull your car over to the shoulder?

Just sit down over here. Come on.

Getraer's been trying to get you on the horn.

That's right, it's almost 11:00.

I'm supposed to meet him at the funeral parlor.

- Listen, can you, uh.. - Get going. Go on.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, look, Ponch.

It's an emblem.

An emblem on the side of a van.

That's what he was talking about, an emblem.

Well, we got something to ask Baricza about

when they interview him again.

Yeah, when.

Alright, here's an ad for house of pets.

Has a bird emblem, see?

Yeah, but that's a parrot.

Steve would have said parrot. I don't think it's a pet shop.

What other kinds of businesses have bird emblems on their vans?

Diaper service?

What about a stork?

Okay, you know, this is going to take forever.

Do you know how many bird emblems

they've got in this book alone?

Yeah, almost a hundred.

We have a list from the advertising council.

I plan to have Baricza look it over.

Hey, how's Bear doing?

Well enough to go through a preliminary debriefing

which confirmed your hunch.

Steve meant a logo on the van that hit him.

Any idea when Bear will be up and around?

Well, if I know Baricza, it won't be long.

They're waiting for us.

Ah, gentlemen.

There'll be three of you on either side of the coffin

in the following order.

I think, uh, you, you, and you.

'Then, on the other side'

'you'll be on...over there.'

'And then you, possibly..'

- Frank. - Look.

Hey, Bear.

What do you say, Bear?

Jon, how you doing? Hi, Ponch.

If they hadn't have let me come, I would have walked out anyway.

Well, we never doubted it...ever.

I want to be in the procession, sarge.

Well, uh...

It would be most appropriate I think.

So do I.

Not many more left.

Easy, Poncherello, it'll be there.

Oh, yeah, probably the last one.

There.

About 10 from last.

Mm-hmm.

"Dove Deliveries. 211 South Sierra."

Dents Show me one of my trucks

that doesn't have them.

People use those vans for target practice.

What about the guys? Any of them look..

...I don't know, shook?

Nervous?

Yeah, nervous, sick.

No...wait a minute.

Abel came in early from his run.

That's right. He said he didn't feel good.

- Abel Henshaw.

Guy's nervous about his driving too.

The company had to put him on probation.

That's him.

Abel, what are you doing?

- Get out of the car. - It was an accident.

Turn around, put your hands on your head.

I was driving along so safe, you know

and this guy cuts me off.

I had to get out of his way, didn't I?

Why did they have to be right there?

And then what happened?

Well, I-I couldn't think.

You know, I-I mean, all my tickets

and, uh, my high risk on the insurance.

You know how much I need this job?

You know how much that officer needed his life?

Uh, Mr. Henshaw, you said somebody cut you off.

Describe the car.

Yeah...it was used, all-all rusted all over.

You know, uh, they shouldn't let...drive cars

like that on the highway.

What about the driver?

What about him? It all happened so fast.

Can you remember anything, Mr. Henshaw?

Well...he wore something...some hat, like, no, like a helmet.

Like one of those old-time football helmets, you know

like they used to wear in the Pat O'Brien movies.

You know, "Win one for the Gipper?"

I know it sounds hollow and everything but..

..I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

'He served his country'

'as a brave marine'

'and he served his state as a brave peace officer.'

He'll be missed..

...by you, by me.

And most of all..

...he'll be missed by his family.

For whose sacrifice..

...we are all deeply indebted.

And, salute.

Arms, huh!

Half right face.

Ready.

Aim.

Fire.

Pull.

'Aim.'

'Fire.'

'Aim.'

'Fire.'

Ready..

...to.

On behalf of the government of the state of California

and all his friends in the California Highway Patrol

please accept this as a small token of our appreciation

for the..

..for the service that Steve rendered.

Thank you.

Look, could you swallow a cup of coff..

'Ah, forget it. You want something stronger?'

Huh?

Oh, I wasn't hung up on that.

No?

No, Jon, old football helmets

from Pat O'Brien movies.

What are you talking about?

Backing up the off ramp into my radiator, that's what.

What are you crazy? Nobody backs up an off ramp.

Alright. Alright. Take it easy, guys.

You'll both get a chance to tell your story.

Now pull your cars over to the shoulder.

We already got traffic backed up to the freeway. Alright?

I've never seen anything like it.

The guy gets to the stop sign and then, wham!

He comes at me tail first.

Have you ever heard such a phony excuse in your life?

And I bet you thought you heard them..

Don't I know you?

I don't think so.

Look, uh, you want me to move this off to the side, right?

Hey, wait a minute.

I'll be right with you.

What's going on?

That's the guy who went off the shoulder yesterday.

Sideswiper?

How much do you want to bet he's got an old football helmet

in there?

The guy knew what he was doing, whoever he is.

Well, check the car out

missing windows, roll bar

like it was prepped for accidents.

Remember that car he took down the embankment?

The car, the driver.

You know what I'm thinking?

Some kind of stunt man.

Some kind of stunt..

Are you ready, Dennis?

Quiet on the set.

Roll 'em.

Action.

Cut and print it.

Set up for the next stunt.

Okay, guys, that's it.

Let's move to the next location.

'Down to the end of the street.'

Ha-ha! Terrific. Terrific, my man, as always.

Ah! Well, you can relax.

Don't go too far.

Oh, how much longer?

Oh, not much. We're almost there.

Okay, now, look. Make sure this cable is buried, understand?

Otherwise, we blow the joke, okay?

Got it. Got it. Say, look.

Did you talk to Dennis about this new stunt?

Ah, no, no, that's next on the agenda.

As a matter of fact, go find him for me, will you?

- I'll be right over here. - Okay.

- Dennis, Den.. - Dennis!

- 'We're not ready for you!' - 'Hey, wait a minute!'

Wait! Wait! Dennis! Hey! Wait a minute!

'Dennis!'

What do you suppose he gets for a stunt like that, huh?

Oh, I'd suppose..

...seven years.

It was an insurance scam.

Grace would set himself up as an accident victim

using various names.

And his girlfriend at the DMV

supplied him with the blank licenses.

Yeah, and since he was one of the primo stunt drivers

in the business, he wasn't worried about his skin.

He'll worry about it now.

Vehicular manslaughter is a heavy charge.

Look, have you told Cheryl Wydemeyer?

Yeah, for all the good it does.

Hey, you guys.

Someone in the lobby says he wants to talk to you

about film work. Barry Granger?

That's the director of that film!

Hey, yeah, says he saw you up on the set

when you busted that stunt guy.

He thinks you got it.

- Yeah.

- That's what he said.

You hear that My mirror was right.

Look out!

You want to talk brilliant casting idea.

I got a world-class idea here.

- Barry.

Do I know you?

Ah! There he is. Ha! What a face! I tell you.

For the role of the cop, right? Look at that face. Huh

'For the role of the cop. What do you think?'

Perfect. Perfect!

Hey, now, wait a minute, guys, I mean, uh..

I mean a real cop, yeah, but..

'Hey, come on.'

You gotta say yes.

You don't want us to hire him, do you?

What?

What is this?

Oh, you guys.

You're crazy.

Movie star? Ha ha ha!

I don't care who you are

you'll never work in Hollywood again.