Original subtitles

Whoa! And you thought that was just an old, dead log lying there.

I tell ya, these gators are mean. They're real.

By the way, folks, you can get your own genuine Florida baby alligator

and other Sentinel souvenirs at the concession stand...

Okay, get you some genuine alligators

at the stand back there.

They could do without the fake blood.

It's real, mama.

Get him off, get him, hit him!

Why don't they shoot it?

If they could turn it on its back, it'll fall asleep.

Stay calm now,

we got everything under control.

Don't worry about it, we'll get him out of there.

He's okay, folks.

Well now we promised you gator wrestling, folks,

and uh, sometimes gators win.

Hey, a big hand for Bobby Brazell, everybody.

Bobby Brazell.

Atta boy Bobby. He'll be back on his feet next week, folks.

Honey, they're vicious animals.

Did you see what it did to that man today?

Oh come on, honey. It's starting to rain.

What about when it grows up?

I'll give it to a zoo.

Pick yourself a cute one, honey.

Go ahead. They won't hurt you.

They're tender little babies.

Come on.

- There they go. - Oh.

I'll call him Ramon.

- Yuck. - Cute.

Oh come on, let's go, honey.

Here's your house.

Why don't you go in and go to bed now because I have to go to bed, too.

When you get up, I'll be going to school

and you'll be taking your alligator bus to school

and then you'll be going to school here

and there's all sorts of stuff that you'll like there.

There's some fish and crickets and insects.

You'll love living here, Ramon. It's so fun.

Ramon, it's time to go to bed.

The city of Chicago remains in chaos this morning.

Hundreds of writers disrupted the 1968 democratic convention

clashing with Mayor Daley's police force late last night.

Hundreds were injured and traffic has been...

- Marisa! - Oh my God!

- Marisa! - She's not home!

Well, where the hell is she then?

She's at school at the science fair.

- Now what are you gonna do with that? - I'm gonna get rid of it.

There's alligator turds behind the clothes hamper!

And what are you gonna tell Marisa?

We'll tell her we found it dead

like we did with the hamsters!

No, Bill.

We'll give him a burial at sea.

All right guys. Sorry.

I think we got him.

What do you say there, kid?

I know just what you're going through.

What are you looking at?

The patch on the back, the thinning in the front.

You know what I mean? Same thing.

Same thing, you know?

Yeah.

Okay, what is that? $15.90.

Had another one. They swiped him out in front of a grocery store.

Must have been in there two minutes and bingo.

Yeah, that sure goes on a lot around this neighborhood.

Did you call the cops?

I am the cops.

Name was Snaps, the one that got grabbed.

I know just how you feel.

They're kind of cute. You...

you kind of get attached to them, don't you?

Yeah, you sure do.

Oh, duty calls.

Well, thank you.

Uh, you got any advice on him?

Keep your shoes off the floor for a couple of months.

- He's teething. - Thanks.

All right, kid.

How do you suppose it got this way?

it looks like it was chewed off.

Yeah, it's a working man's hand.

We'll get some scrapings off these calluses.

Anything else?

Yeah, they found a Lhasa Apso

floating in the same sludge tank.

- What is that? Some kind of pooch? - Yeah, some kind of dog.

They got a line on who it might be.

Uh-huh?

Yo! Homicide in here?

Yeah, that's me.

Chief wants you outside.

He's got a lady, she owns a dog.

Be right there.

We got a big toe in the morgue once.

Nothing else, just a big toe.

- Yeah? - Never found the rest of him.

But we figured out who it was.

Had a funeral and everything.

Must've been a pretty small casket.

I checked it out. There's only three of that breed registered

in the whole state.

Now a lady called in and reported it lost two months ago.

What kind of shape is it in now?

The body hasn't decomposed a bit,

but all the internal organs had been cut out

clean as a whistle.

Larynx cord's cut, too.

It looks so much like Taffy.

Mrs. Lewis?

This is Detective Madison.

Hi.

It looks exactly like Taffy, but it's way too big.

You know, she has the same markings,

the same color, everything.

This fit her two months ago when I lost her.

- This sweater fit this dog? - Uh-huh.

Come on.

Get in there.

See if you can make some friends.

Come on, Tucker. Here we go.

I'm going to need a lot more of those for this experiment.

How about some cats? I got plenty of cats.

Puppies.

I also got a parrot I'd like to get rid of.

Puppies.

And we're through with those. You can dump 'em.

Right.

Oh my God.

Say, you know, a cop came by my store this morning.

Almost wet my pants.

I'm scared, you know.

I'm really scared.

Maybe I ought to... maybe I ought to lay low for a while, huh?

Gutchel, I need a lot more animals.

The old man's breathing down my neck for results.

- Now get cracking. - Right.

Puppies.

Puppies.

Puppies.

Callan?

Yeah?

They tell me you're a friend of Edward Norton's?

That's right. So what?

Well, his timecard for last Friday

said that he punched out at three o'clock,

but his wallet and street clothes are still in his locker.

Yeah, well, I punched out for him.

He's okay, isn't he?

Where was the last place you saw him?

Well, it must have been Friday.

We were opening up a section of the old system

down by the drug works there.

You're a mangy little critter.

Don't you give me any trouble, now.

Oh.

Bastard.

God.

Oh, shit.

Not that bunch.

Well...

Not exactly the Nile.

I gotta get you little suckers movin'.

Come on.

Now watch it.

You know, if this keeps up,

I'm going to open a spare parts shop.

This isn't the guy the arm came from.

How can you tell?

This guy cut his nails square.

The other one rounded them off.

What was he wearing on his feet? Wearing boots?

No, he's wearing alligator wingtips with lifts in 'em.

Not your regulation sewer gear.

Yeah, we got one here and you know,

forensics came up with something

very interesting in his sock. - What?

Kitty litter.

The guy must have been a cat fanatic.

Yes, we do quite a bit of in-vivo research.

You ever do business with a pet store owner named Gutchel?

All of our subjects are either bred here

or we purchase them from the city pound.

What happens when you run out of test animals?

We have to suspend research. That does happen.

- You're a hormone guy, right? - Yes.

Just hypothetically, is it possible for a mature dog

to double its size in, say, two months period?

No, not at the present time.

Look, detective, I'd like to be more help to you,

but like I said, when we're done with the subjects,

they're taken back to the pound for cremation.

It's all very carefully regulated by the humane society.

Is it possible for one of these dogs to get loose

and wind up in the sewer system?

No.

No way.

They're very quiet.

- Pardon? - I said your test animals

are very quiet.

Oh yes, well, we cut the larynx when they first come in.

It helps keep the noise level down.

That it does.

Stop tap dancing around it, son.

You just got caught with your pants down, that's all.

Well, we're very close to that synthetic hormone, sir,

and I thought that we should go ahead and...

Yes, what did the police really have on you?

Well Gutchel was paid out of the slush fund,

so there's no way he can be tied to the company.

Uh, I've disposed of any animals that could be traceable.

It's just this guy, Madison that was here...

Yes, yes, yes. Um.

I'll put in the... in the fix.

- Pardon? - Well it's not the police

we have to worry about. No, it's those damn yellow journalists

that's the trouble.

They're out to ruin our public image.

Yes, sir.

Yes, now will you get on back to your chemistry set

and I'll take care of everything.

We'll put in the fix.

Don't worry about a thing. Go on, go on.

- Thank you, sir. - Yes.

Don't talk to any reporters.

Yes, sir.

I don't know why I'm supposed to talk to 'em.

Because it's your case.

You gotta to face the music.

Jesus, don't you own a razor?

I was in a hurry this morning.

In a hurry? For Christ's sake, you were a half hour late.

These reporters are assholes.

You just watch your language in there.

Edward Norton worked for the sanitation department for 25 years.

Have you identified the other victim?

And what do you know about him?

Luke Gutchel, he operated a pet store.

And Gutchel, didn't he have a criminal record?

- No comment. - Detective, is there any evidence

to link the two murders?

Well, we don't know that it was a murder, second of all, that would be evidence.

I wouldn't be able to comment on it.

- Is there anything you can comment on? - Next question.

How could the bodies have been found in the sewer system?

- Say that again, please? - How could the bodies have found

their way into the sewer system?

In this city, we use a combination sewage

and drainage system therefore the bodies could have

found their way into the system at any point.

Can you give us a cause of death in each case?

The bodies were dismembered.

We're waiting on the coroner's report.

Can you tell us at least if they were similar?

The bodies were dismembered.

- Are you withholding information? - No comment.

Do you think there might be

a Jack the Ripper type killer operating in the city?

It's a little too early to speculate on that kind of...

What do you think the motive

might've been in these slayings?

Raise newspaper circulation. Look, I can't do this.

As you can see, we have very little information at the moment.

Now if you'll excuse us, Detective Madison

and I have work to do... - Officer Madison,

aren't you the same David Madison who lost his partner

in the Hotel Baldwin incident in St. Louis?

- Yeah. - I believe in that case,

your partner was stabbed to death, wasn't he?

He was shot.

That's right. I'm sorry.

We will keep you posted.

Thank you.

You ought to let me break that stolen pet angle.

Give 'em somethin' to chew on.

You look terrible, David.

When you're representing the department,

you should take the time... - Look, Chief,

I had a tough night last night. I had one of those bad dreams.

Didn't get me much sleep. I didn't shave this morning, so gimme a break.

David, you can't let that Baldwin Hotel thing throw you.

Now, that was five years ago, and nobody blames you.

Yeah. Tell that to the newspapers.

Thanks.

I need somebody to check out a sewer with me.

Champsky?

I got a court appearance today.

Uh-huh.

Meyer? Spinola?

We're at Marquette Hill today.

Don't think the Chief would pull us.

Sloan, what are you doin'?

- Paperwork. - What is it, my breath?

Shoot fingers or somethin'. I need somebody.

I'll go.

You're it.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna need some boots or something.

I just shined my shoes, and I don't wanna get 'em wet.

- You bet. - You bet.

You hit some methane pockets, these will help you.

Righto.

Who cuts your hair, Madison?

I do mostly. Why?

You oughta see a hair stylist.

You let your hair grow down and whip it across,

nobody will be able to see it.

Sir?

Yeah?

I killed a man in the sewer.

Madison.

Well, look, you give us a second, I'll take you down to Sergeant Reynolds.

He'll take your confession.

No, sir. I didn't come to confess.

I came to...

kill the rest of you.

I see.

How do you intend to do that?

I'm wired to explode.

You two.

Don't move.

Your time is running out.

Now, I-I-I-I- cut him up with my matte knife.

I'm a picture framer.

Why would you do it, son?

They told me to.

Who told you?

Them.

On the radio.

Madison, he's bluffing.

Take him to the left.

Cool it, Kelly.

Don't move! Uh...

I'll kill us all!

They told me to.

Kid, take your finger away from that button, please.

- Kelly! - They told me to.

The voices. Don't you see? The voices.

- Hey, buddy. - The voices.

Buddy, you wanna know the truth?

I used to be a left-hander, they made me a right-hander.

I wanted to be a priest, they made me into a cop.

You wanna blow the joint up, I don't care what you do.

I stopped wantin' to be a cop about last week. I have...

Don't even blink.

- Okay, what do I... - Don't do anything yet.

Look on the side. It's not on this side.

There's gotta be a little button. It's gotta be right near the counter.

- Got 11 seconds more. - Okay.

All right. Nine seconds more.

I got it!

- Pull it. - I got it, I got it.

Now, don't anybody move. Hold him real tight.

I got him.

All right, let's see what we got here.

It's a radio.

Next time, try Lawrence Welk.

Hey, Sloan with all the paperwork,

come here and book this guy.

Okay.

Did you see the look on that guy's face?

I want to know why you thought he was bluffin'.

Well, you can't live forever, huh?

Ain't gonna last long in the cops with that attitude.

We'll see.

Oh, boy.

Whoo, look at this place!

Heard you used to work in St. Louis.

Yeah.

Why'd you leave?

I'm sure you must've heard the story.

All I heard was, uh,

kind of unhealthy to work with you.

Then why'd you volunteer?

I don't go for that locker room crap.

Besides, I can take care of myself.

Know what I mean?

Well...

I can't find it.

I'm not surprised.

These maps aren't complete. Some of these tunnels date back to 1890.

They lose track.

Here you go.

As long as we get home before supper.

Oh, my back!

Methane. Use your mask.

Don't light any matches.

Saw a methane explosion in St. Louis once.

Blew a hole in the street. Goddamn bus fell through.

Well, at least we could find our way outta here.

Where are we?

According to this? Cleveland.

I knew a guy like you in St. Louis.

Wild Bill, they used to call him.

He'd just kick a door in and see what happened.

We were down by the ballpark one time. You know St. Louis?

Kelly?

Kelly?

Kelly?

Kelly!

Kelly!

Kelly!

Kelly!

Kelly!

I could've shot you, asshole.

I thought I was dealin' with quick-draw Madison.

Damn.

What do you think?

I think someone's been here recently.

Yeah.

I think we ought to come back here with a crew and really look this joint over.

You know, Madison, I don't mind tellin' ya,

I'm gettin' a little tired of this soup.

Oh, son of a bitch!

Wait a minute. I got it.

Here you go. Unroll it one more.

That's it, that's it.

All right, looks like we just keep goin' down in this direction,

we ought to hit some kind of an outlet.

Get you home for dinner.

I'm not hungry anymore.

- Come on. - Keep movin'.

Open it.

It's stuck.

Push it!

- Well move up! - I am up.

No!

No!

No!

Kelly?

Kelly!

Dr. Kline? Paging Dr. Kline.

- Telephone... - No!

No.

There you are.

How'd I get here?

Well, you just popped out of a manhole at Campbell Street

and started yelling alligator.

Holy Jesus.

Kelly.

Kelly.

- Hey. Hey, hey. You are not to get... - David!

Leave me alone. What happened to Kelly? Did you find him?

Nothing. And not a sign of you know what, either.

Now look, stay a couple of days.

Just take it easy.

What the hell are you talking about? We gotta get back down there.

You need some rest, David.

Are you nuts?

You think I'm going to lay in this bed while a kid I sent down in the sewer is...

unaccounted for?

Look, Dr. Leigh has got to see him.

- Who's this Dr. Leigh? - He's a psychiatrist.

- He just wants to give you some tests. - I'll give you some tests.

You're going to give yourself a headache.

You're nuts yourself. What the hell's the matter with you guys?

Hi.

How you feeling?

What happened, you lose your paper route?

What's the matter with you?

Hey, I'm just trying to write a story.

Well, invent something. You know how to do that.

I hear you lost another partner.

We got no comment on that.

You know, that's getting to be a habit with you.

I pulled out the files on the Baldwin Hotel shooting.

Hey, Kemp. Lay off.

I'll lay off.

You tell me what happened in the sewer yesterday.

No comment.

Chief, I'm not asking you.

I'm asking Officer Madison.

And that's exactly what we're going to find out, isn't it, Chief?

Right.

The largest one ever recorded was around 15 feet,

but in a sewer it's not possible.

Even in a zoo they don't grow full size.

He was bigger than that.

- Excuse me. - He was huge.

Tell me something, miss.

Are these your snakes?

No, they belong to the university.

I have a couple of non-poisonous species at home though.

It was bigger than 15 feet.

An alligator half that size would starve in a week.

There's no sunlight.

There are toxic fluids and gases.

Not to mention the question of how it got there in the first place.

You're looking at the one who saw it, and it was big.

You said it was dark. Now, perhaps you're mistaken.

Okay.

Thanks very much for your help.

- Can I borrow this book? - You can have it.

Excuse me.

Dr. Kendall, could there be another animal down there

that could possibly be this size?

Nothing I know of.

I'm sorry.

Thank you very much.

I thought she'd be some kind of help.

She's the leading authority. Now, it was worth a try.

She's a kid, she lives with snakes. What the hell you talking about?

Look, I didn't say she was normal.

I said she had the word on alligators.

Now look, why don't you give it up, Dave?

It's one of your nightmares.

Nightmare your ass. There's something down there.

Now, it'll take a lot of guys, but we'll flush him out.

The only thing you're going to take is a leave of absence.

Here. Read it and weep.

Our friend Kemp, he's got the hots for you.

"City Detective Loses Partner Again.

Mysterious circumstances surround the abrupt disappearance

in a city sewer of Police Patrolman Jim Kelly,

partner of Detective David Madison,

while on an official investigation.

No such mystery surrounds the death of Jerry Randolph

of the St. Louis Metropolitan Police who was paired

with Madison on the fatal night of March 21, 1975."

"Witnesses report that Detective Madison's inaction

enabled the three to escape,

wounding Randolph in the process.

A Board of Inquiry hearing investigating the officer's death

made no finding against Madison.

In the more recent disappearance..."

Hey!

Nice.

"...the more recent disappearance,

city officials have been unwilling to make any comment.

This reporter, for one, is not satisfied."

Well what kind of dreams?

Well he was out on meds most of the time that he was here.

What are meds?

- Medication. - Mm.

He kept coming up with some garbage about alligators in the sewers.

Alligators? In the sewers?

Yeah.

Nice. Wonderful place.

Jesus Christ.

Oh!

No! No! No, please!

No!

Marisa Kendall?

Hello?

No, I was awake.

Wait a minute. Slow down.

Kemp?

No.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Here's his camera.

It got caught in a grate by tank five.

Sure.

And no sign of Kemp?

The sanitation people, they won't go in any further.

The rumor is starting to spread.

Figures.

- Get 'em while they're hot. - Got anything good, Sparks?

You won't believe it.

- It's a rat. - No, no. Not that, not that.

Here, look.

Huh?

Huh?

- Holy shit! - Huh?

What do you think, Chief? You believe me now?

We'll get the snake lady to take a look.

- Who? - The herpetologist.

Imagine, clicking away with your camera while that's coming at you.

Well, he'll make the front page anyway. That's all he really wanted.

Thomas Kemp, the popular columnist

for The National Probe Magazine

is missing and presumed dead.

His camera, the only clue to his disappearance,

was fished out of a filtration tank

at the city sewage works late last night.

The film inside the camera was salvaged.

What appeared to be an abnormally large alligator

or similar reptile who is now believed

to be responsible for at least four deaths.

But as mayor, I tell you that no effort

and no expense will be spared by this...

Professor, herpetologist, author,

and probably the leading authority

here in the Midwest on reptile and amphibian life,

as well as a native of our own city.

Dr. Kendall, what animal is it?

It's an alligator.

- Couldn't it be a... - There's no question.

It's definitely an alligator.

I see.

Well how large do you think it is from the photographs you've seen?

If it's been living in the sewer, it couldn't be very large.

Even under ideal circumstances, in a zoo for example,

they don't grow nearly as large as they would in their natural habitat.

This makes it one, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...

13...

Where are you?

Come on, keep 'em coming.

Now come over here.

Move it!

Move!

Unit, come in.

That you, Beau?

- Yeah. Who's this? - This is Frank.

- Oh, you in position? - Yeah.

- Unit, come in. - Yeah, who's this?

We've got teams moving in from every possible entry point,

pushing through, converging in these three main channels

such that there is only one possible exit, and that is here.

- What if he doesn't run? - Don't worry.

- It will. - Oh, Dr. Kendall.

If you don't corner it, you'll be fine.

Detective Madison.

Who invited her?

David, we don't know how this thing is going to react.

Now maybe she can help us.

All units are in position now.

Thank you. Patch me in, please.

This is Madison.

Yo, this is Rudy. We're all ready.

Look, I didn't believe you, and I'm sorry.

- Don't lose any sleep over it. - We're all ready in here.

All right, guys, this is Madison.

Commence operation.

Command Center, this is Unit One. We're pushing off.

Unit Two pushing off.

This is Unit Three pushing off.

Madison, this is Harry. I'm still waiting for Clark.

I can't raise him on my radio. Will you try him for me?

...ends about a quarter-mile downstream of the waterfall.

I'm still waiting for Clark.

I can't raise him. Call him for me, will you?

Madison? Madison!

I don't know what's happened,

but I passed the same spot three times now.

Charlie Six you're just going to have to back up about 200 yards,

make a southwest and then a southerly turn.

This is Clark...

You know, I had one once when I was little.

An alligator.

My father found it dead one day, though,

so I didn't get to keep it very long.

His name was Ramon.

Actually, they're not very good pets.

Snakes are a lot better.

You're a weird kid, you know that?

I'm not a kid.

Anybody younger than me is a kid.

I'm really sorry about your friend.

Must have been a terrible thing to see.

Madison, Charlie Three just called in from here.

They'll be flushing him out in five minutes.

Yeah, if he's still in there.

Where is he going to go?

Where did he come from, that's what I'd like to know.

Oh, Mayor, this is David Madison.

He's heading up the operation.

Hunker down, guys. Here she comes.

Ready positions, let's go!

Into positions!

Hold your fire!

Hold your fire!

Jesus. David.

We'd better go figure out what we're gonna hand the press on this one.

They missed it, Chief. I don't know how, but it's still in there.

Come on, David. Let's get the hell outta here.

Chief Clark, can you tell us what happened...

Nothing! Nothing to say.

Press conference in the morning.

- Come on! Come on, will ya? - Over here!

Let's go! Come on!

Batter up!

That's the one on the TV!

Let's get out of here! Come on! Let's go!

No!

God, no!

It got me! It got me!

Help me!

Please help!

Mom!

Mom! Mom! It's the alligator!

It's the alligator, it's the alligator!

Later, Joey, I'm on the phone!

- But it's the alligator! - I said later!

I'm sorry, Connie.

The kids are outside playing alligator,

and Joey's drivin' me batty.

Yeah, where was I? Oh, yeah... Joey, come back here!

Now he's got my bread knife!

Joey! He's drivin' me crazy!

Will you put that goddamn map away?

Look, I gave you 78 men, you've got the National Guard,

and he's still loose in my city!

And look at the hole he made!

He'll go for water.

- What? - He'll go for water.

He's expended a lot of energy and he'll look for a place with water to rest.

That's wonderful!

We got rivers, we got canals,

and we got that lake over there!

The safety of the public is my job!

Well, you've got no job unless I get reelected.

Now, look, this could generate a lot of good publicity.

And I can't have your people fumble the ball for us. And that's all.

Give this lady an idea of how big he was.

Just a guess.

Was it as big as he is?

You know an El Dorado?

The car. You're kidding.

No, a refrigerator. Of course a car.

Wait a minute.

You're saying it was as big as a car?

Yeah. Of course, you've gotta add the tail.

- Of course. - Yeah.

Look at the size of this thing.

This is amazing.

I mean, according to this, it should be 30 to 40 feet long.

But it is an alligator.

David.

This is Colonel Brock...

Hey, what the hell is that?

We're setting off charges to see if we can bring him up.

It's a wild animal, not a submarine.

I've flown in Colonel Brock to take charge of the operation.

Take charge?

Yeah, well, he's hunted big game animals

all over the world.

It's a new ballgame, Dave.

What the hell do you expect me to do?

You just stay out from under my feet.

Start right now, guys.

Now, look, Madison...

You know, it's not his fault the alligator got loose.

Who is this pretty girl?

Oh, Colonel Brock, this is Dr. Kendall.

- She's the... - Oh, yes, the lizard lady.

Well, now you can go back to your books.

You'd better take all the help you can get.

You know, I've seen what this animal can do.

Well, if I couldn't get myself killed chasing it,

what fun would it be?

Get your Alexander souvenir here.

Hey, want a bump there?

Alexander souvenirs. Alexander souvenirs.

How about you, bud? An Alexander for ya?

Take one home to the kiddie.

Alexander badge? Hey, how about it?

Alligators here.

Come and get your alligators.

How 'bout you, pal?

Won't take a bite out of your pocket...

Hey! Aren't you gonna get one, pal?

Hey, see him shake! See him wiggle!

Take him home, make ya giggle!

Get 'em! Alligators! Get 'em, pal! Get 'em, pal!

Hey, sport. Wanna see somethin'?

He's yours for twenty.

Great pet for the kids.

Feed him whatever's left on the table, throw some water on him, huh?

Couple of sausages.

- Ross, Daley. - Yeah, what's up?

- Bust this guy. - Come on, what for?

For being a creep.

Possession of an endangered species, anything you like.

This is an attack on the free enterprise system.

Communist!

Hi. Are we live on this thing?

- I believe so. - Oh, nice. You're very pretty.

But, uh, we're here to talk about alligators.

Well, look, alligators respond to sound.

They talk to each other, call each other.

Listen.

What's that?

That's the distress call

of a young gator that's still with its mother.

Do they have a love call?

Your alligator is a very romantic creature.

It gets the itch, come spring,

and it'll give off with a sound something like this...

And that will attract another alligator?

Well, I'm hoping so.

I'm counting on it.

I work, too, you know. I mean, I'm way behind on the class work,

I still have two experiments I have to get done.

My dear young woman, it is still out there.

They'll find it.

And your great white hunter will shoot it,

and that'll be the end of it.

And you're not even curious how it got to be that size?

I'll be there at the autopsy.

Look, there's a couple of things I'm trying to put together.

You're the only I know who can tell me

whether the pieces fit.

If the thing works out,

I'll buy you an iguana or something.

One of them little pretty...

That'd be great.

It's a section from the pituitary of your Lhasa Apso.

Hmm.

The dark blue globules indicate that it's been bombarded

with some sort of hormone derivative.

- What'll that do? - Well, in some cases,

it'll make little dogs into big dogs.

I'd put my money on somatropin,

but if they've been throwing test animals down the sewer for years,

there's no telling what combination our friend's been exposed to.

Maybe he'll die of cancer.

Geez!

He's a big one.

- What is it? - Alligator spore!

Don't step in it.

The latest sighting was in the Marquette Hill section of the city,

where the animal is believed to be still at large.

Residents are warned to stay off the streets,

and are asked to report any new sightings

of the alligator immediately.

And you work with progesterone as well?

Sure, we tested 'em all.

What kind of a cow is this?

It's a calf.

Big for a calf.

Detective, the world has a food shortage problem.

We're trying to do something about that.

Yes, I understand you manufactured

a synthetic form of testosterone.

Yes, we had some success with that.

Why didn't you market it?

Several contraindications.

Main one being that it tended to hyper-excite

the organism's metabolic rate.

What's that in plain English?

It gave them an insatiable appetite.

Look, detective, I've got a lot of work to do.

You got any more questions?

Yeah.

What would Slade Pharmaceutical pay for a hot Lhasa Apso?

Mayor.

Slade here.

We got a little problem here at the lab that you could be some help with.

Chief!

Chief.

- I got the goods on the alligator. - David...

The big guy over at Slade's, our dear mayor's buddy,

he's up to his eyeballs in it.

I'll need your shield, David.

You're off the force.

What are you talkin' about?

You pushed too far.

You didn't really expect me to work under that guy Brock, did ya?

It's out of my hands.

- You're kidding... - Homicide?

Not anymore.

I got canned. Apparently, we stepped on all the wrong toes.

Well, can they do that?

Sure, they can do that. It's their town. They can do anything they want.

Well, how do you feel?

I was always worried they were gonna can me anyway.

Now that it happened, psh, I feel wonderful.

And what are you gonna do?

Go out there, I'm gonna find that alligator, and...

I'm gonna kick his ass.

When do we start?

You ever have any boyfriends?

There was Stuart,

who was president of the science club.

Taught himself calculus?

In the ninth grade.

And then, of course, there was Chester.

He was into reptiles, like I was.

Sounds cozy.

Oh, it was all right.

Till he started dissecting them.

Yeah, here we are.

This the place?

Right-o.

Jesus, I haven't been in this place since I first started with the department.

Look at all that.

All right, this is where we're gonna split up and take a look.

What the hell are we looking for?

Anything that looks like it doesn't belong here.

Evidence of alligator nesting.

That would be, like, shoes, handbags, luggage?

Right.

Found a shopping cart up here.

- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

It's just a dog.

Jesus.

I'd venture to say there are other animals stashed around here, too.

I think this is home base.

And you think he'll try to come back here?

If it can get back in the system, I think it will sure try.

Well, that settles it for me.

I'm taking my vacation until this thing's over with.

At least in Florida, they keep 'em in the swamps where they belong.

Oh, Mr. Slade, I'd have to go to the City Council for a reward.

Now, now, let's stop fussing. I'll put up the money.

I'll put up the money.

Listen, the wedding is tomorrow.

I want you to pick up all this silver, all the tables,

put 'em back the way it should be later.

Look, that's very generous of you, Mr. Slade.

Mayor, listen, we have got four products,

four products pending with the Food and Drug Administration right now.

Four products.

- And that's a lot of politics involved. - Oh, I see.

And if they traced it back to the company...

You mean if they traced it back here to us?

- Yeah. - Well you'd be out of a job

for one thing.

Arthur.

Mayor Ledeux, my future son-in-law, Arthur Hill.

- Oh, how do you do? - Nice to meet you.

- Arthur is my number one boy. - Oh.

My number one boy, yes, sir.

Dinner time.

Aw, yes, kiddo, yes.

- Can I get rid of this jacket somewhere? - Sure. Drop it right there.

- This is Snaps. - How do you do?

This is Marisa.

- Okay, kiddo, are you hungry? - And can I use your phone?

- Yeah. Right here. - Thank you.

What do you think, kid? You hungry?

Little bit of corned beef hash?

- Hello? - Hello, Mom?

I'm going to be late tonight.

Here you go.

That's it.

Tonight's a school night. Now, what about your homework?

Mom, I'm the teacher.

I made this nice meatloaf for you.

Ooh, it was so good. Listen, I ironed your white blouse.

I can't find that little purple skirt that goes with it.

Now, what did I do with that?

It's such a shame.

- Oh, you should have... - I live with my mother.

- If you would have come home on time... - Oh.

...you would have had the best dinner...

All right, you cowboy freak!

We're gonna make you walk this plank!

Yeah, you landlubber!

For stealing all our gold!

May the sharks eat you up into little tiny pieces!

- You haven't got any guts! - I got plenty of guts!

Ha! Get up there right now!

- All right, now walk the plank! - Walk!

Donald!

Donald!

No!

Mom! Mom!

Mom!

Mom, Mom, it's Donald!

- Feel better? - Much.

You know, when I first met you,

I thought you were one of those real tight-asses.

You did? Well, you were wrong, weren't you?

When I first met you, I thought you were someone

whose apartment would look just like this.

Well, you're quite right. One of these days, I'm going to shovel it out.

However...

Marisa.

Look it.

We're gonna go to dinner now, right?

Right.

All the while, I'm gonna be wondering

whether or not you're going to come back

and spend the night with me.

Oh?

That's not exactly an answer.

See, if I have to eat food and I'm worried about yes or no,

it sort of hyper-excites my metabolic rate and...

Oh.

Can I take this as a definitive yes?

Yes.

We're so down, so...

You guys know the neighborhood.

Every expedition needs its bearers, its native guides.

What's in it for us?

10 dollars a day, a piece.

All right!

I get 20.

The local chieftain.

I was looking at a guest book, checking the license plate numbers.

This guy comes up behind me, sticks this thing in the back of my neck,

says he's going to blow my brains out.

Took my gun, gave it to somebody else who was hiding.

Made me lay on the desk face-down.

I heard yelling upstairs and the shots.

The guy behind me ran. I couldn't move.

It was like my legs were gone.

When I finally turned around,

Jerry was coming down the stairs. He was dying.

They had a gun on you.

He had a roll of pennies he took out of the cash box.

The only gun they had was mine, the one they shot Jerry with.

How could you know?

I froze.

There's a heavy penalty in this life for fear.

You can't blame yourself for surviving.

What are you doing?

Look it, I'm fighting male pattern baldness.

I'm a little sensitive on the subject

and I hope you don't mention it again.

This is it.

We call it Booger Alley.

They said they heard heavy breathing.

Where's it lead to?

Lets out by the railroad track.

Give me my rifle.

We better go in and look around.

Who is we?

The bearers follow the hunter into the lair.

They back him up.

Is that right?

Not in this jungle, mister.

We'll see you on the other side.

No backbone?

Must be the environment.

Hey, man...

Oh, what the fuck.

Y'all wait for me here, man.

Think he got him?

Pull me out!

Pull me out!

Pull me out!

Come on. Let's split.

Studied history and psychology,

and when I got done, I decided I was gonna be a cop.

What I always wanted to be, and I became a cop.

Thank you.

You know what Freud says about that.

What's he say?

He said the police want to punish society

for their own illicit desires.

- Hm? - Mm-hm.

This guy never did the kamikaze shift in East St. Louis.

No. Probably not.

Speaking of illicit desires...

- Yeah? - Hi, Madison.

Hey, Purdy, Ashe, how you doing?

Thought you guys would be out beating the bushes for Jungle Jim.

They just scraped him up over at Marquette Hills.

- What? - Brock?

Wasn't much of him left.

We're pulling a double shift looking for that damned animal.

Tough break about the job, Madison.

Yeah.

Jesus.

It was his own fault.

I understand how you must feel.

Don't understand me so quick.

You mind?

No.

Here.

Your mom will be waiting.

Yeah.

Kelly!

No!

No!

Kelly!

Kelly.

She'll be down in a minute.

Marisa just hates to get out of bed in the morning.

Oh, some days I used to go up there,

she was sleeping so peaceful,

I just didn't want to wake her up.

She'd get so mad at me

because, well, she didn't want to go to school.

And then I'd make her some cookies, and we'd watch Days of Our Lives

until Bill, my husband, came home, and then we would...

I've been looking all over for that rosary!

There it is.

God rest his soul.

You know what he used to say to me?

Sleeping too much leads to an early grave.

Worked just the opposite for him, though.

God rest his soul.

Do you know I have an evil eye?

Bet you can't tell which one it is.

Is it this one?

Or is it this one?

Did you like that?

What's your name?

Madeline.

Can I give you a cup of coffee?

No, I got some.

You really make yourself at home, don't you?

- Good morning, David. - Baby.

Hi.

I came to apologize.

What for?

You name it, I apologize for it.

Don't forget tonight's a school night, Marisa.

You, uh, want to see my rock collection?

Yeah, well, what do you need me for?

What does anybody need anybody for?

You're the country's leading herpetologist.

You have a wonderful mind, a doctorate degree,

and beautiful tits.

I find this all fairly confusing.

There's nothing to be confused about.

I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but anything worth having

is gonna be trouble.

That is, unless you want to go live with the turtles.

Are you going to come with me?

Well, we'll see.

Well, we'll see.

The sightings indicate he's been moving east.

If he continues in that direction,

he's going to hit the canal.

If we wait downstream, he's going to come right to us.

Then what happens?

Well, I could bring my mother.

She could talk him to death.

No, I don't want to talk to Madison!

Things are crazy enough as they are!

Look, just let me know when the state troopers are ready!

Damn it!

He's not hiding in the bushes!

All right, I see we've got a lock in the canal here

about a mile above the river.

That's maybe two miles from where we are right now.

Right.

But if the lock's closed, he's going to leave the river.

What's he going to do when he gets out?

I guess that depends on what's in his way.

Holy shit.

That's him, off the port.

Where'd he go?

There he is!

Get me the hell out of here!

Get me out!

Help!

Help me!

Pull me up!

How far down the canal?

A mile and a half up to the river.

Okay. Now, get me whatever's available,

and get it up to Shady Point by the Slade mansion!

We'll work it from there.

- Nothing! - Listen, did you see which way it went?

He walked out down there about 200 yards.

- Which side? - This side.

- Let's go. - You've been here before?

You bet. Headed straight for Slade mansion.

When I was a kid a long time ago, I used to go in our back 40 there,

and I'd cut down one of those green hickories.

Hickory?

Well, I would soak it in water,

two, three weeks, four weeks at a time.

Now you go out, and then you build yourself

a great big, deep pit of charcoal like that.

Charcoal?

And... and... and then you picked up your hickories,

you know, put your hickory, a little seal, right on top.

No too much of it, or else you'll drown out your fire.

- Oh. - And then that aroma, that aroma starts.

Stop, you're making me hungry.

Beautiful. The meat, it's permeated. That's really living.

- Mr. Slade! - No!

Let's get to the limo!

No!

Let me in!

Mr. Slade! Open the door! For God sake's, Slade.

Blaine, get the hell out of here!

Get us outta here, Blaine!

Get outta here!

You've got to let us in.

Could I see your invitations?

Come on, man, the alligator's coming. You've got to let us in.

Alligator?

I got a magician and a three-piece orchestra...

Open it.

Hurry up.

I'll call the cops.

Great. Call 'em.

Where is it?

David!

Jesus Christ.

Where is it? Where is it?

Storm drain.

You're right.

He's headed back to the sewer.

Then we know exactly where to find him.

David! Hey, David!

I need your help!

David!

All right, let's say I give myself two minutes on the timer.

Let the chief know where I'm coming up and make sure that manhole is clear.

Got it.

Come on!

Keep comin'.

Shit.

Hey, open up!

Hey! Hey!

- Let me out! - Move your car!

Lady, you've got to move your car!

- The garbage truck... - Then back it up! Move it!

Hey!

- Move that truck now! - Back it up?

Lady, you've got to move your car. There's somebody underneath.

What are you talking...

Hey, you asshole!

- What did he say? - Get over!

You'll live. You'll live.

Any sign of him?

- Only pieces. - Yeah, you believe me now. No dream.

When did I ever doubt you?

I think I'm gonna lock you up with her mother.

How about that?

Her mother?

Think your mother would go for something like that?

Yeah, she might.

She goes for that increasingly high forehead look.

I think it runs in the family.

Yeah.

We got him.

We sure did.