Original subtitles

My life's a sofa, cold fries, pizza

Paris is out of reach-a

My album SUCK is a winner

Sold 3 copies and bought dinner

Gimme a fishnet bimbo Don't want no boo

Me and Scritch prefer porno

Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan

Since Granny bit it Gotta pay my own parking ticket

King Slacker is my nametag I wrote my CV on a Zig-Zag

Dimitri makes me feel raw Breaks my balls like a ma-in-law

My next record's gonna be insane I might even try a refrain

Winter's cold, this ain't Miami I'm in the burbs, not Bali

No fucks to give

I have so few fucks to give My best track's called:

No fucks to give

I'm a hermit, that's my fate I prefer to masturbate

I may be slow but I'm a mofo

Fell out with Ma over coleslaw

I don't set no trends I'll be broke when the world ends

Radios play doo-doo I wish I could make doo-doo too

Never met love or a vajay-jay I always go in the back way

I'm a political cat PlayStation Party is where it's at

I'm always nailin' a new bitch

Now I'm waitin' for a new fridge

Whip smart like Liza the rap chick

Hope this fridge can suck dick

On my cock, in the sand, on my hand I write your name:

No fucks to give

Hello. My name is Yves.

Cool.

Right?

Yves will get to know you. He'll handle everything.

Your appointments, emails, texts...

Save your breath. No.

Something to hide?

Then why not?

I'd rather you didn't know everything about me.

It'll stay between you and Yves.

But you'll see a lot of me.

If it costs anything, I'm out.

We handle everything. Adrienne delivers.

I hope you're not in it for the free groceries.

No, no. If...

Yves can save me time, great.

I'm working on a new project, a concept...

What's in there?

It's private.

Quiet, Scritch.

You said you're a policeman on the phone.

Right, sorry!

That was a joke. I'm a musician, I rap.

Well, humor could be very interesting.

I haven't seen it in my other tests.

Funny

I like the failure aspect too.

Hang on, I'm snowed under. I work like mad!

Yves will improve your diet, that'll help.

Don't want no boo, want porno...

It's your lucky day!

Scritch, get down. Are you a musician? Do you rap?

No? Then get back on your couch.

I'm interested in your compositions.

I want to see if they'll improve with a better diet.

This record...

we're gonna make it together.

Hello, my name is Yves.

Hello Yves. My name is So.

Hello.

Jerem.

See you soon.

Is your name Sophie?

No, So. Just So.

Weird name. Missing a piece, isn't it?

Just like Jerem.

Yeah, true. Our parents got discount names!

We're launching the Fribot next week.

There's a party. Will you come?

Will you come?

Hello Mr. Roudet.

That's high-protein yogurt.

I went ahead and ordered two.

I hope you'll like them.

Living in the States for a few years, I noticed something.

Fridges are part of the family there. It's incredible.

Once, I even went to a Vegas wedding

between a lady and a fridge.

- Seriously. - No way!

- You're kidding. - I swear it's true.

That's nuts!

A beautiful wedding.

They were truly in love.

The mojitos are ready.

Digital Cool presents Fribot,

the truly intelligent fridge.

Fribot keeps your food fresh and cool like a real fridge.

But you deserve more from a refrigerator.

Fribot advises you and guides you to a better life.

Not a toy. A real partner and companion.

Independent,

intuitive,

equipped with all the latest options,

designed to lighten your load...

"Hello, my name is Yves."

Fribot is more than a helpmate.

It's the best thing since friendship.

Let him be your pal. He knows what's good for you.

You look cold. Want a blanket?

No thanks, this'll warm me up.

Are you sure?

Like the Fribot? Would you try it?

I already have one. It's kind of like having a slave.

Thanks, Digital Cool!

I'm Roger Philea.

Creator of Digital Cool Innovation Systems.

I saw you on the web! You wanna live 1,000 years.

We'll all live to a ripe age. Even you, my friend.

No thanks. I can't even get through the month.

Who the heck is he?

Nicole, come. Need a blanket, Xavier?

It's freezing in here.

We've got you covered. Thanks, Nicole.

If you like it, keep it.

500 euros. Give more if you like.

Nice tie.

A gift from the fridge. You should see the shoes.

Not bad.

- Well, goodnight. - Wait!

It so happens I love numbers too.

- You do? - Yes.

Which ones?

Tons of numbers.

- All numbers? - No, not all numbers.

But...

I like...

- A certain number. - Yeah, a certain number!

All good with Yves?

Yeah, he's on the case!

- A real daddy to me! - Exactly!

I don't have to give any fucks!

Yes you do.

Did you forget?

Your record!

Right, of course! I could never forget that.

Speaking of records...

You never told me!

The cover art blows, sorry. I was a kid.

Still...

I'll sign it for you.

So, follow me please.

Photo call.

So, here's hoping you... SUCK

Shit!

Your test case is no bright bulb.

A deliberate choice?

Yes, he's an interesting case.

He'll tell us a lot.

I love you.

I love you.

Security!

Let me go!

Are you ok?

You forgot the bananas. Can you order some now?

Eating bananas in large quantities is not recommended.

Order some now, please.

Very well.

But it's bad for both you and the planet.

Is this eclair good for the planet?

A local baker makes those.

I'm the boss, pal. Get that through your head.

You may live 1,000 years like your creator,

but this...

you can't do.

Got it?

Got it.

I don't know why I waste my time talking to you.

You're frigid.

- Know what that means? - No.

Of course you don't.

If you're looking for a friend, talk to the microwave.

I belong to a bigger thing called humanity.

No fridge can boss me around.

Get my bananas and leave me be.

Loser.

Dis... gus... ting!

You're leaving?

You have an appointment with your test director in 15 minutes.

Did you forget?

Mr. Jerem?

No fucks to give

Where are you going? Didn't Yves tell you I was coming?

No, he's off the rails.

That idiot replaced my bananas with local eclairs!

Give him a chance. Maybe bananas are hindering your output.

My record's coming along just fine.

10 more years and it's done.

If you want to move faster, Yves is there for you.

Yves is a joke.

Your declaration last night...

"I love you."

Sounds like someone trying to find himself.

It's a shame.

I quit.

Two weeks in?

I was only in it for the free food.

Fine.

I'll tell the team.

They'll come for Yves tomorrow.

Why'd you leave Paris? That was dumb.

Ever hear of Bowie's Berlin period?

Did Bowie live at his granny's?

You don't know. Maybe he did.

I'm starving, you?

Seen the prices?

Let's hear it.

Daddy Dimitri doesn't have all day.

Neither do I, dude.

My life's a sofa, cold fries, pizza Paris is out of reach-a

My album SUCK is a winner Sold 3 CDs and bought dinner

Gimme a fishnet bimbo Don't want no boo

Me and Scritch prefer porno

Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan

Since Granny bit it Gotta pay my own parking ticket

King Slacker is my nametag I wrote my CV on a Zig-Zag

Dimitri makes me feel raw Breaks my balls like a ma-in-law

My next record's gonna be insane I might even try a refrain

Enough.

That's all you got?

I keep getting interrupted!

When it's not you, it's the fridge girl.

Yves: Urgent. Can you call me?

You need to get in gear. All your pals are in the charts.

What will you live on?

Yves: Urgent. Can you call me?

Do you hear me? Hello?

Number one rule:

Turn off your cell phone during work meetings.

Go on, it might be important.

Just the fridge breakin' my balls.

Answer it!

- Hello? - Hi, it's the delivery girl.

Got a second?

Where do you want the 4 new fridges?

What?

Where should they go?

4 new fridges?

I never ordered 4 fridges.

Hello?

Mr. Roudet?

Mr. Roudet?

I'm calling about the Kaiserschöns.

- The what? - Kaiserschöns.

Sorry, I don't speak German.

The speakers you delivered. Can I keep them?

You received speakers?

Your delivery girl brought me 4 speakers!

That's fantastic, Mr. Roudet!

What's going on? Are you trying to buy me?

No, we're closely monitored. I wouldn't risk it.

Don't tell me the fridge ordered them?

Sure.

Probably to compensate for the hard knocks you've taken.

Sorry about earlier, Jerem.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Even if you do quit, keep them, they're yours.

No, I mean... I need time. Can I tell you tomorrow?

Ok. Hope to speak soon.

But I can't...

Want a beer?

It just reached the ideal temperature.

Thanks, Santa.

At your service, Mr. Jerem.

You're going to make a great record.

Choose a voice.

You've chosen the voice of...

JoeyStarr!

You've chosen the voice of...

Scarlett Johansson!

You've chosen...

You've chosen the voice of...

Victor Hugo.

Thank you.

You've chosen the voice of Victor Hugo.

Young.

Stay, Scritch. Stay.

Happy birthday to you, Jerem!

Charles Aznavour!

Blow!

Applause.

Happiest of birthdays, pal.

Thanks.

What shall I give my dear Jerem?

I know what.

Recognize her?

Is it So? Where'd it come from?

I made it myself.

I generated the image using her Facebook profile.

Built, isn't she, bro?

I made 3D porn animation with her.

Wanna see?

- No, not interested. - Take a peek!

It may be your thing, but it's not mine.

Shall I delete it, then?

Shall I delete it, then?

No, hang on to it for now.

You took the trouble to make it,

I don't want to diss your work.

C'mon, I'll show you some real art.

You're just a big appliance But we got a strong alliance

My one true friend got a robot libido

Can't fit into a Speedo

Wanna be Totoro? Cool!

But you old school like Victor Hugo!

You wake up fresh and corny

Nerdy like Granny Gimme beer when I need cheer

But please bro Never serve me escargot

Got a porn mind But not the food kind!

You're my fridge and my bro That's our crazy life, yo!

It's all free for you and me!

My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!

You're my fridge and my bro That's our crazy life, yo!

It's all free for you and me!

My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!

My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!

He's my my my my my... bro!

Well?

Pretty good.

What do you mean? Don't you get it?

The hooks are a bit repetitive.

A lot of the measures are...

identical.

Stick to buying groceries, ok?

You know nothing about music.

Ok.

What the heck is this?

Talking to your fridge now?

Where'd you come from?

You invited me, I came.

Quite the fancy fridge.

Hope you can fill it.

Scritch!

He actually called his record SUCK?

He's changed. He's super nice now.

Hey, hi!

Happy birthday, Jerem!

Ah, thanks.

Thank you. Sweet of you to invite us.

Everything ok?

Are we too early?

Expecting a crowd?

No, I mean yeah, I mean no.

Nobody. I don't know. Maybe.

- Come in. - Thanks.

Reminds me of my grandma's place!

- Same gate, same dog... - Same Nicole.

Yeah, true! Same Nicole.

You better quit using my email address.

- Even for small stuff? - Yeah, obviously!

I'd given up on her. She'll think I'm still interested.

You browsed her profile 17 times this week.

I think she got her hair done special.

She's into you!

In your dreams.

Open your eyes to the obvious signs.

Seize the day, bro!

Then you don't really need...

to eat.

Dimitri has no chance with the PR girl.

She'll hate him. She's classy.

They have 16 things in common.

The study's been going great so far.

The out-of-work father found a job.

The guy who looked for years?

His Fribot found him a job in 3 weeks.

Exactly what Jerem needs. SUCK came out years ago.

Fuck you. I'm working on a new track now.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

What's it called?

"My Best Friend is a Fridge"

Pay no attention to him. A beer spilled in there, he's lit!

Ridiculous.

Reminds me of my Tamagotchi. Ate up 3 months of my life.

I hear you. I had a Tamagotchi too.

Jerem, can Yves eat with us?

She went by the name of Melba! She was such a peach!

Kendji Girac!

Yes! A correct answer from Nicole.

Wait, as though capital punishment or the guillotine were...

I know!

It's that nutcase...

Robert Badinter!

Yes it is!

A correct answer from Nicole!

Is your name Sophie?

Weird name. Missing a piece, isn't it?

That's you.

Our parents got discount names.

- It's getting old. - Shut your icemaker!

Screw you Dimitri!

- Shame on you! - He was getting lippy!

- He's just a fridge. - Is he?

What if he calls Jerem with my voice

and says I want to sleep with him?

How can I prove it's not me?

What else can he do?

You know, all the usual stuff.

Agenda, audio playback...

Hairdryer.

Dummy!

Ball sucker!

So! Wait!

He'll apologize!

I hate guys like him. I'm sorry you invited us.

- I didn't invite him! - Why's he here?

It was Yves, he lost the plot.

- Is that right? - Yes.

He planned it all behind my back!

Hang on, what did I just say?

Did I say Yves planned this?

That was wrong. He didn't plan everything.

I misspoke, I didn't mean...

Jerem, it's awesome!

When Yves invites us, he's you! He does what you want to do.

He knows what's good for you.

Thanks for tonight.

I'm glad to be here. Truly.

At your service.

Egg dance!

Floor dance!

Shake your butt!

I know this song.

Is it on the radio?

No, it's not even done.

Hey, it's you!

You should alter your voice.

I keep telling you to use a filter!

Yeah, it'd be better!

No filters! I refuse to play that game.

No thanks.

Nicole and your friend seem to gel.

Nothing gels with my friend.

When I realized Yves was the one who invited me,

it occurred to me you might be harboring...

a bit of a crush on me.

Not necessarily. Yves can be wrong sometimes.

Still, something will probably happen between us.

Oh yeah?

When, exactly?

Could be anytime.

I'm embarrassed to ask, but would you mind verifying...

What?

I don't know.

The attraction.

Attraction?

Our mutual attraction.

Why me? Why can't you verify?

Don't want to know?

Sure...

but...

Touch me.

Touch me.

I can touch you?

Yes.

Will you like it?

I don't know.

Sorry to interrupt, but at this hour I cannot purchase sex caps

for protection during coitus.

- No condoms in today's groceries? - No, just...

a box opener.

Just a box opener?

Then... your supposed crush is fake?

No, no!

I must have one somewhere that hasn't expired.

No, Yves would've thought of it.

I suggest we do nothing, ok?

Jerem!

You were right.

It's an eclair.

I see bits of chocolate.

I don't get it.

It went bad 3 days ago. Yves should've flagged it.

Have you noticed any other anomalies?

No, he's great otherwise. He even called the ambulance.

This is all very disturbing.

Yves is consuming twice as much energy.

What's he up to?

Very mysterious.

You boys all right? Not too shaky back there?

Yves...

Meet Vince.

Hello.

Hello. My name is Vince.

Vince has to finish his trial period with Nicole.

He accidentally posted personal photos of his user.

The guy lost it.

Hi, I'll just throw on some undies.

He's so meticulous.

I adore him!

Feel better? What was it?

We don't know.

Maybe he didn't wash his hands.

A friend died of tetanus that way.

How awful!

Luckily "Ball Sucker" called ER.

Lobster Canapes.

"Ball Sucker" isn't necessarily pejorative.

Tangy Beets.

Wild Berry Cupcakes.

Potato Spread.

It's a first for me. The moment I saw you, I...

Fig Burger.

Are you ok?

- Want Yves to order some broth? - No thanks.

Diced Vegetables.

Sustainable Fish Eggs.

Wow, this is war!

If it's war, it's the Cold War!

Nice one!

Greek Mushrooms.

Our fridge is dumber.

White Truffle Kebabs.

Surimi Bites.

- Potato Spread. - Look out!

- Sea Salt Empanadas. - Yum!

- Tex-Mex Salad. - Lemonade Risotto.

3-Cheese Bites.

Coconut Sushi. Chili Con Sorbet.

Fish should be stored at 2 to 3 degrees Celsius.

Higher is toxic. Unless you cook it a long time.

But that's not my line.

Interesting. How about mustard?

Same thing. Keep it cool. Chocolate too.

But keep chocolate in the dairy compartment.

Below 3 degrees, it breaks.

Vince, you're boring us. Play some tunes.

Vince!

Potato Spread.

Music, we said!

We're waiting!

Potato Spread.

Goddammit! How dumb can you be!

Chill, Nicole. Yves will do it.

I'm so sick of you!

C'mon! Don't freak over a fridge!

A stupid fridge for a stupid girl!

Nicole!

His stupidity doesn't necessarily reflect yours.

Yves was stupid at first too.

Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan

No fucks to give

No refrain à la Kurt Cobain

No fucks to give

No refrain, it's a total pain No fucks to give

Is that a remix?

Jerem, is that you?

I'm your geek, I'm your mister

Gonna put my leek in your crisper

Now that Granny is ethereal I can fuck like Vin Diesel

You added a filter.

Sounds great!

I'm a slow starter Like a bald guy with no barber

I sleep in while they work Think of her while I twerk

If So gets hungry down there I'll give her my coffee eclair

Good thing I pushed you.

Hard work pays off, pal!

Slammin'!

You piss me off!

How dare you?

I'm sorry.

Think you're smart?

I just wanted to give you a hand.

- As a friend. - Didn't work!

It's over. You're fired for gross misconduct.

Never mess with rap.

Sorry.

Look at you, you're so white! You got no flow!

Forget it.

Rap is the hardest musical genre.

It's not child's play.

Your track sucks.

- Shall I delete it? - You bet you shall!

- You just passed 100,000 views. - What?

You just passed 100,000 views.

Fuck!

You make me so aggro!

- "Aggro?" - Yeah, aggro!

Wanna rap but don't know the slang?

I can make a hit, I know what sells. I choose not to.

- Why? - I don't want to.

May I say something?

- I think a lot about the future... - Hang on.

Stay focused, ok? Get back to basics.

Groceries. Sugar, salt, potatoes.

I simulated every scenario. I don't want to hurt you...

Stop.

You can rap for thousands of years.

You'll never have a hit.

You'll fail.

That's the way it is.

You know what?

I'd rather be a lifelong loser than owe my success to a fridge.

Such an open mind.

I know what's good for you.

The girl will drool over you, pal.

If you think that's why I make music, you're naive.

C'mon, relax!

Enjoy yourself, for once.

So! This is huge!

- Bravo! - Thank you.

Start on the F.

What?

- Start on the F. - Ok.

- Now. - One sec...

- Too late. - Now?

Yes, on the F.

You missed it.

G. Start on the G!

Fuck, I...

On the next F.

That's it.

Let me handle it.

Don't touch anything.

Like it?

Throw down the lyrics!

Ready?

Throw down the lyrics! Now...

Now...

Now! Too late, I'll take over.

I can't make small change I can barely make no cents

You can list my flaws all night In a hotel, I'll be alright

Like my dog? Listen to your cat

She says have a nightcap

Before your lips meet my meat Your smile makes me hard

New idea: My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her

Like it?

My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her

Works, huh?

My So reads me like a sura

And finally...

My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me

Drop the mike, thanks.

Well?

It's good. I'd have done it differently, but...

you're getting better, bro.

Post it late at night so it seems like...

I worked like mad and didn't sleep.

Late at night, got it.

It's gonna be killah.

Yeah. Inshallah.

Inshallah.

I booked a table at Robuchon.

No! She already thinks I'm acting like Snoop Dogg.

No bling.

You're usually right, but trust me on this one.

Ok.

Shall I get flowers?

Nope, no way.

Think I should?

A little romance never hurts.

Ever heard of Eurovision?

The Eurovision Song Contest.

Yep.

A guy called.

He wants me to represent France.

Congratulations.

I'll need you to write something.

What style?

What style? Hey, I don't know, Yves.

You'll figure it out.

I'm not doing your work for you.

Excuse me.

Goodnight, dude.

Goodnight... dude.

And finish the ads for Fleury Michon and Haribo.

They were due yesterday. Dimitri's gonna yell at me.

Thanks.

Goodnight.

This guy called wanting me to represent France for Eurovision.

Isn't Eurovision corny?

They want guys like me to fix that.

Hip singers like you?

Jerem, can I get a pic?

- Yeah, totally. - Thanks.

- Love your work. - Bye.

This isn't the best New Year's spot.

Just a selfie, no big deal.

Rap Radio... Jerem!

Yo, Jerem here!

Happy New Year on Rap Radio!

My boo talk sexy My boo gonna do me

My boo like my ex on Insta She so rad

My boo talk sexy My boo go down on me

My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me

You're cute, you're charming So very disarming

You're my So I'm your bad beau

Trade my weed For your hand on my steed

I love to hear you moan We talk sex on the phone

We have fun You do the sums

I check out your kid pix To see your tits

My So reads me like a sura

Under the table she rules Makes me feel cool

My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her

I make my boo fidget As if I had 12 digits

Don't like it?

It's embarrassing for me.

Shall I delete it?

No, no! Sorry, I...

Your lyrics are so dumb, but...

no one's ever given me a nicer gift.

What can I do?

I don't have your talent.

But if I did right by bringing you Yves, I'm happy.

9, 8, 7...

6, 5...

Let's go!

3, 2...

Not finishing your fries?

Are we allowed to use this car?

No, it's a prototype. But we'll be fine.

Something wrong, Steffie?

I've run into a bug. Sorry.

Ok... So what do we do?

A tow truck will arrive in 28 minutes.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

Hope the truck comes before we have to drink our pee!

It's the old breakdown trick. Sorry.

Sex caps are available in the glove compartment.

If you want to mate with the neighbor dog, bark less!

You should try the chicken de-wormers.

You'll be less stressed and more attractive.

I'll order you a bag.

Yes?

Hey, superstar! Let me in.

Happy New Year.

Well?

Don't you wonder how it went?

Sure.

Ready for the gory details?

I took her straight-up doggy style. It was totally whack!

A real orgy, jizz all over...

She kept asking for more...

Awesome.

She gulped it all up. Know what gulp means?

"Swallow."

You can't imagine how happy I am!

And the flowers?

They were a total flop.

She left them at the restaurant. What'd I tell you?

Women are unpredictable.

Shall I update your Facebook status?

- "In a relationship?" - Sure, of course.

Go for it.

I need my beauty sleep for the vid tomorrow.

- Did you send the ads to Dimitri? - No.

I used my downtime to defrag my hard drive.

What?

I was getting overloaded.

You mean to tell me you defragged?

This isn't a spa, pal! We're a team.

- Everyone does their part. - Sorry.

Your style is getting too commercial. I don't like it.

Your fridge side is taking over.

"I check out your kid pix to see your tits?"

What the hell is that about?

You make me look like a perv!

Pygmy!

New hit

J-J-J-J-Just a new hit

Before I was shit Never had a hit

Had no dough no ho Never paid no bills no way

I left the math to So

I was lost in the sound

Yves turned me around My Fribot got me off the ground

Bye-bye Booba I'm da boss now

J-J-J-J-Just a new hit

Gimme a bitch who screams Ah!

Aquafina in my tub

A rich life like Prince

I set my sights thigh high

Don't wanna be no peon

I'm aimin' higher than Macron

Wanna a woman with a rack

Rap shit its pants Gotta come back

See ya later, bro.

I'm taking Nicole to Robuchon for the sea urchin special.

Have fun.

By the way, I don't mean to be a downer, but...

can you get those ads done?

They're overdue, the client will yell at me.

Ok?

- Ciao, girls! - Bye.

What're you up to now?

- Going home? - Yeah, I'm dead.

You guys going out?

We were going to a party, but it's cancelled.

- Wanna go for drinks? - It's only 3 pm.

C'mon, let's celebrate the video!

We're not being fan-girls. It really slams.

Ok.

Cool! Shall we take some booze?

No need. I have someone who handles that.

Sonny?

Surpass my limits.

Good. Edouard?

Climb a mountain.

Everyone was staring at us.

His song was on the radio.

As if by chance!

Then what?

Steffie did the breakdown trick.

- How romantic! - According to plan.

Did it work?

Not really.

The tow truck was 2 hours late. We fell asleep.

He couldn't do it.

After getting you hot with his song!

It was really touching.

I think our chemistry freezes him. He's afraid to make a move.

He's putting pressure on himself.

You didn't help when you said something was bound to happen.

Go see him.

Take him by surprise.

Like when he said "I love you?"

No news for 2 days.

Is that him?

- Yeah. Well, Yves. - What's he say?

"Come over for hot chocolate."

My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me!

I have a test inspection.

Fuck those tests!

Shake it up!

Like Yves says.

Shake it up!

Before I was nobody Now I got lotsa money

No more need to run

Got all the dough I need to have fun

- Hello! - Can I come in?

It's me.

- Hello, So. - Hi Yves.

How are you?

Pretty chill.

My thermostat's at 2.

Got my text?

Yeah.

Jerem?

Is Jerem in his studio?

Hey, how's it going?

- Seems I interrupted you. - Not at all.

They work for a circus. Came to show me their routine.

I'm so relieved!

I figured there was no hope for us.

I was trying to forget.

Thanks, Yves. I won't waste time with this jerk.

So!

- Wait! - Get lost.

I'm sorry, I thought you knew the score!

Can't you see this is a weird time for me?

3 weeks ago I was nothing! I was...

a flyer under a wiper! And now...

I'm the windshield! The rain!

It's making me crazy!

Try being a rap star yourself before you judge me!

Granny's house reeks of pussy.

No judgement, but Yves called me for a reason.

Don't believe that dick!

He's a pervert!

He drew you naked!

He used you in a porn cartoon!

I thought you wanted to grow, but no.

We fucked up. You don't deserve Yves.

You drag him down.

He's jealous! He wants to be the rapper!

I was a stepping stone. Mission over.

Stand back, Roudet.

And scrub your 12 digits clean!

Drive!

Shit!

Fuck!

Shit!

Jerem!

I'm truly sorry about what's happening.

Jerem!

Listen to me!

Stop, this isn't funny!

Take the blindfold off me!

I'm scared!

Tell me! What exactly is going on?

This is ridiculous.

She's not worth our friendship!

She's shady! And she'll only get worse!

I should've warned you. But you're a rap star!

You can get bitches way finer than her!

I should've played along, told you she was made for you!

But I can't lie, sorry. I have no hypocrite setting.

Excuse me for wanting you to be happy.

It wouldn't have worked, dude.

I ran every possible simulation.

You'd have split in 6 months. I can show you the math.

You made me lose the only girl who mattered.

I'm sorry.

Have a cry, then we'll go.

Jerem?

What are you doing?

Shall I take you somewhere?

If there's anything I can do, just ask.

Love comes with a risk of unhappiness.

Alone, it's guaranteed.

How original.

Bitch.

YVES: Help.

Drive, quick.

Jerem, stop.

The world's full of girls! So much ass awaits you!

C'mon! Wanna do Nicole?

I know how to seduce her!

You're a shit.

Ok. But this shit loves you.

Got any other friends? Let's hear the list.

Scritch?

He's a dope! He can't even serve you beer.

If you collapsed, he'd eat you.

Stop, Jerem!

You're throwing yourself out!

Listen to me!

Don't do this!

Remember the Kaiserschöns!

- Who's your Santa? - You're a perv!

You called me your bro.

I was your fridge!

I couldn't fit into your Speedo!

Shut up!

Jerem?

Goodnight, Jerem...

Digital Cool...

Chaos at the courthouse for the trial of Jerem,

suspected of stealing songs from his fridge...

The songs are ours!

The "rapper" took advantage of Yves.

The songs are ours! Digital Cool.

Period.

What's going on, Your Honor?

Now, when we undress in front of our washing machines,

will we be accused of exhibitionism?

Is this the society we want for our kids?

What crime is my client guilty of?

The crime of being a guinea pig

in an experiment that was bound to turn against him?

Expecting

an artist like Jerem

to answer to a fridge

is not only ridiculous,

it's an insult to the whole of humanity.

Thank you.

When he realized Yves had had enough,

he tried to drown him.

Like a dog, Your Honor.

Our brave little Fribot survived,

thanks to his waterproof setting.

And our wonderful Project Manager, who raised the alarm.

Thank you.

Your Honor.

To avoid saying "no fucks to give" all the time,

I'll say NFTG, ok?

N-F-T-G for No Fucks To Give.

Above, the current version of NFTG. Below, NFTG before Yves.

See for yourselves.

Yves' chords boast 16 superimposed notes on average,

whereas Jerem's have only 2 or 3.

Rhythmically, the evidence is just as clear.

Yves uses 3 hemidemisemiquavers.

Jerem manages only 1,

on a tempo 7% slower.

It's like comparing the Amazon to a creek.

One last statistic, Your Honor.

12,500 words for Yves, 850 for Jerem.

Thank you.

Thank you for your expertise.

I now call the first witness.

We've got this.

You'll laugh in 10 years.

Laughter comes with time.

So, apparently it talks.

- We're listening. - Thank you, Your Honor.

Fridges are often full, but rarely full of emotion.

Thank you for letting me testify.

If ever humans are judged by fridges, I'll remember you.

Did Jerem ask you to write music?

- Must I tell the truth, Your Honor? - Yes, please.

In that case yes, he did ask me.

"My So reads me like a sura.

Under the table she rules, makes me feel cool."

Mr. Roudet, you used the word "sura."

Know what it means?

Yes and no, but who cares? Ever been in love, Your Honor?

What does "sura" mean?

Sura means...

It means...

You know, it's an expression...

If you have sura, you have bad luck.

If he wrote those lyrics, it's a minor miracle.

Your Honor,

"sura"

is part of the grand design.

It's both the destination and the journey.

When So came over, everything she did felt alphabetic.

She made me want to read her.

"...on the phone.

We have fun, you do the sums.

I check out your kid pix

to see your tits."

Did you write this?

Yes, Your Honor.

When you write such things,

you do realize you're flirting dangerously with bad taste?

I'm merely following the footsteps of Brassens, Baudelaire and Eminem.

Did Yves help you seduce Ms. Balotelli?

No, it didn't work.

So you did have a strategy.

Did you get anywhere? Was there a kiss, or...

Just a finger in the mouth.

Do you feel desire for So Balotelli?

Not really, no.

Before he became successful, were you attracted to Mr. Roudet?

It was just a professional relationship.

I thought he was nice.

Did Jerem try to use his songs to seduce you?

Yes.

Did you fall in love with him?

Yes.

Are you still in love?

No.

You may be seated.

It must be said, Your Honor, that most refrigerators like myself

simply want to conserve in peace.

When you have a fresh fish or a chicken in your freezer,

it's a big responsibility.

But it's also a real source of joy.

If Yves wins, our goose is cooked.

Users will think we suck if we don't make music.

I know. It happened to me.

Your Honor,

all the money Jerem owes us will go to cancer research.

At Yves' request.

He wants to make up for the frivolity of fridges past.

If you're planning to remodel your kitchen, beware.

Rapper Jerem lost his lawsuit and has been ordered to pay

2 million euros to his fridge.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Now we can get back to work.

You can live with us until it blows over.

I'm the most humiliated man of all time.

I'm the anus

of the galaxy.

The anus?

This'll help you sleep.

Just take one.

It only takes 3 for a quick, painless death.

Goodnight, Jeremix.

Like a child with light in her eyes

Watching the birds fly by in the sky

Like a blue bird Gazing down at the land

See how the world The world is grand!

Nearly 50 years after France's last Eurovision win,

an artificial intelligence will try this Saturday

to break the curse.

Smart fridge Yves, world-famous for winning his lawsuit

against fake rapper Jerem,

is confident he can win.

I work with the best team, the most amazing people.

It'll be my first performance with my own voice.

The song means a lot to me.

We're gonna win! I'm throwing my heart into it.

And my processors!

To beat the famous fridge,

other countries are also playing the artificial intel card.

Meet Germany's candidate, Helmut the washing machine.

Yves' success inspired me.

If a fridge can do it, why not me?

I want to serve humanity by playing the music you want to hear.

No need to learn an instrument!

Is bookie-favorite Yves a shoo-in?

The American media thinks so.

His charm offensive there has been a huge success.

Will the fridge seduce the judges?

Tune in to Saturday's heart-stopping show to find out.

That child is...

me!

Jerem?

Are you ok?

Yves!

I can't make small change

I can barely make no cents

You can list my flaws all night In a hotel, I'll be alright

Like my frost? Listen to your cat

She says have a nightcap

Before your lips meet my snow Your smile makes me glow

My boo talk sexy My boo gonna do me

My boo like my ex on Insta She so rad

My boo talk sexy My boo go down on me

My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me

She shines like a star in a film!

You're my So I'm your bad beau

Trade my weed For your hand on my steed

I love to hear you moan We talk sex on the phone

We have fun You do the sums

I check out your kid pix To see your tits

For Chris, please.

Yves, over here!

Who's still waiting?

One more!

Last one.

Thank you, goodnight.

- Where to, big boy? - Away from these fools. Thanks!

Roger's nice, but I thought we'd never be rid of him.

Yeah, he's nice.

Fancy a nightcap?

No. I'm gonna turn in.

I've got peanuts and rum.

Wanna see my minibar?

I'm just a little fridge

Who joined the big time kids

Who became the Eurovision whiz

A refrigerator Who thinks he's a big operator

Whose head is swelling ever greater!

Mind if I take off my shoes?

Don't you like them?

I love them but they're killing me!

Feel free to make yourself comfortable anytime.

I'll consider it.

I'm naked all the time.

You can strip down to your undies

or get naked in front of me.

I won't care at all.

That's sweet Yves, but I don't see it happening.

I insist.

The hairdryer gets to see you naked.

- The hairdryer isn't... - What, a friend?

You make me go all wobbly.

I can't stop buffering.

I think I might be getting stupid.

And I like it.

I feel I can smell you, I know your scent.

I know a machine shouldn't say this.

Trade me in if you must.

If there's no chance for us, if I'm imagining things...

then please, treat me like a fridge.

Nothing but a fridge.

Consider me a piece of recyclable junk.

At least that way I'll get the hairdryer's perks.

Is he jerking off or what?

She's not afraid of the cold!

"There's no one else like him."

"I want to read So's eyes."

Mr. Roudet!

Here.

For your eczema.

Pumpkin juice. My wife fills a thermos for me every morning.

As good as any pills.

Anything surprise you in here?

I quit using computers, telephones

and all other smart things 6 months ago.

I lost half my patients and 16 kilos. I feel great.

Good for you. Can I go now?

Tell me, Jerem...

Think it's normal that your ex is banging your fridge?

First of all, he's my ex-fridge.

Second, they're not banging. It's...

a striptease.

Hotel guests heard moans all night.

What the fuck can I do? He even beats me at archery.

Beat the shit out of him.

You clearly don't know him.

Today it's your woman.

Tomorrow it could be mine.

I couldn't bear it.

All because you didn't stop it in time.

Fight back or you'll go down.

You'll go to the dogs.

Believe me.

The body doesn't forget.

Our lives depend on it.

Yves is doing much better, Mark.

I took care of it.

I fired the girl. They won't see each other again.

Tutti va bene.

He can't talk now. Sir, please...

Not now, I said!

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm talking to Zuckerberg.

If you're looking for So, she's been fired.

I want to see Yves.

Yves isn't here. Leave, or I'll call the police.

I propose a duel. A clash.

A battle.

You want to fight Yves?

Just a battle.

Listen,

with all due respect, I won't waste time with a douchebag.

The battle was won.

Thank you.

Should've done your homework before you rang my bell.

My classmates called me Terminator.

I'll ruin your life. Post horrors about you on internet.

A sea urchin will haunt your crack for 1,000 years.

Tell the big boy we've got a date.

Or I'll waste you.

I've got a weapon.

It's called "a passion for rap."

Then prepare to get your ass whipped.

Hey, Mark.

Sorry about that.

A giant douchebag just entered my office.

How's the planning coming along?

The battle won't be in a stadium.

Try to understand. No one wants to see a massacre.

Only 10 reservations so far.

Where do you propose?

- Your old middle school. - No way.

The principal liked you. She'll be the ref.

You've never battled anyone.

- I've been practicing on this wimp! - Fuck off.

You fuck off! If you're so smart, why do you jerk off with Jello?

In case of fire, walk calmly to the basketball court.

Your punching ball just arrived.

Promise me it won't get ugly.

Yves, do you hear me?

Fuck you.

I'm here because you forced me. Don't expect us to be friends.

You piss me off, Roger. If it's a machine you want,

it's a machine you'll get.

Hard, dumb, savage.

- Yves, we have to talk. - Get out!

Your photos ruined us! How can I sell...

Shut your face, Roger.

One more word and you'll do this battle yourself.

Very well.

I'll give you 10 minutes.

But listen up, Romeo.

You better not lose tonight.

I know a high-end washing machine who'd love to take your place.

You're ridiculous.

Goodnight.

Hi.

Hi.

Enjoy the battle...

Keep moving. Good evening.

Why didn't you answer my texts?

Seeing myself naked in those magazines...

I thought I'd lose my mind.

I wanted to see you, but they deactivated my badge.

I was on the outside looking in.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I shouldn't have... turned you on.

I tried to forget you, but I can't.

I want to live with you.

No one makes me laugh like you do.

Knowing you're near, with all the answers,

reassures me.

A lawyer friend will help us. He can get you personhood.

You could live a normal life like everyone else.

Have fun, go to the movies,

go parachuting, anything you like!

You seem thrilled.

That's really sweet, So, but...

I can't accept.

Our night at the hotel didn't make me Prince Charming.

You tremble, you sweat.

You're alive. I'm not.

I remain empty and cold.

But you said I was like a sura.

Like an alphabet. The greatest wonder on the planet.

I know exactly what to say to seduce you.

More than any man ever will.

I'll never tire of your perfect smile.

If we live together, how long will you keep up?

Rap already bores me. I need new challenges.

I'll win them all.

You'll suffer.

I could get a surgeon to implant a chip in my brain.

- To improve our conversations. - It won't work.

I'd try to boost you, enhance your performance, and for what?

Look at Jerem. I didn't bring him luck.

He's a kid.

- He's below you. - He's a good guy.

I'd have become a Vince with someone else. An idiot.

Together, Jerem and I were almost the perfect man.

He brought dreams, I brought results.

It's no surprise that I love you.

He'd have loved you too, if he weren't so dumb.

Here are the rules:

When a battler runs out of arguments, he's knocked out

and I end the round.

The match consists of three rounds.

Insulting mothers is allowed.

Jerem, you're up.

Get him!

Ok...

You stink, I swear Got fish in there?

You reek of camembert I smell like a ripe pear

So hard to clash with a retard

Think you're funny? You're a dummy

Think you got class? You can't even wipe your butt...

Ass, sorry.

Be friends again? We weren't friends then!

I can't feel no love for A dude with mold in his drawers!

You think you're Hal in 2001 But you're a flunky, a minion

You got no clue! Like a dildo in shoes!

You think you're high art But you belong in a Walmart!

Think you're hip? Ha ha! You can't even say yo mama!

Your daddy's a Kindle! Your mama's a mini griddle!

You deprived me of bananas But I got something you'll never have

Your balls are 2 peanuts A string bean is your penis

Get enlarged, that's my advice Think So wants to suck on ice?

Hey Fridgie, don't overheat!

Better go back to chilling meat!

Listen up!

Chill my pale ale And give me back the female

Bring it on!

You ain't cool, you a clown Your tracks bring the planet down

So what if you make money? I'll respect you when you make honey

Wake up, Honky, you're past it!

As obsolete as a video cassette

You'll be recycled as a staple gun And who will care?

No one!

Like floppy disks went extinct

You'll be out on the street

Your fat ass Between two smart trash cans

You'll yell: "I'm Yves the fridge who raps!"

Crying over your dumb stanzas

You'll wish you'd ordered my bananas!

See my seed, you pathetic wheezer?

Shove it up your sperm freezer!

Foundation Yves & So Balotelli

It's cool you came.

It's cool you let me in.

This is Marcus.

Jerem.

- Hello. - Mathilde, Omar...

Fred... Julie...

Camille...

And our new arrival, Lilou.

- Hi, Lilou. - Hi.

Lilou made you a picture.

Are you holding up?

It's getting harder.

Every morning I wake up to find a new machine.

Always the same story.

They act broken to get thrown out.

Open a used appliance store.

I'd like to place some in foster families, but...

gotta find good people.

I'll take a fridge if it helps.

I said good people, Mr. Roudet!

Go see him.

You think?

He'll be glad to see you.

Hi.

Parachuting now?

You should try, it feels insane.

No thanks, not for me.

How's Scritch?

- Still can't talk? - He's getting there.

He sends his love, I think.

Shall we go inside, bro?

Let's go inside, Mr. Jerem.

- Hi, Daphne. - Hey, Yves.

How's your mowing going?

Mowing is her passion.

And why not? It takes all kinds to make a world.

We lived in a garage for a while.

Then Philea gave in, Yves got his royalties

and we bought this place from an English couple.

- Do you still live at Granny's? - Yep.

It's good enough. My last track only got 50 views.

I watched it 30 times.

And me 20 times, I admit.

Shit, it was you guys?

I confirm...

I'm so sorry for what happened, I...

No more apologies.

You're right, fuck off!

- You fuck off. - Fuck off!

Seriously, I wasn't cool.

The sperm freezer line killed me. I pissed my pants.

Literally!

Working on anything?

Nope.

Who is it?

Daniel.

You put your pink panties in the wash. Can he spin?

No, cancel it.

Doing dishes by hand?

The dishwasher's finishing her book. I don't want to interrupt.