Original subtitles

[soft piano music playing]

[Daniel] In Herman Williams' seminal work on the joys

of being a model train hobbyist, he writes,

"Many an hour have I spent

"blissfully lost in a world of my own creation.

"For the model train enthusiast,

"there exists a secret world of order and symmetry.

"Nestled into the corners of our basements and attics,

"we lord over a world

"where the hobbyist plays omnipotent creator.

"There, in 1:87 scale,

"the neighbors are always kind,

"the lovers always end up together,

"and the trains always take you to the far-off places

"you always swore you'd go."

In life, of course,

nothing is nearly as neat and tidy.

[woman singing] ♪ Well, if you close the door ♪

[piano music playing]

♪ The night could last forever ♪

♪ And keep the sunshine out ♪

♪ And say hello to never ♪

♪ 'Cause all the people are dancing ♪

♪ And they're having such fun ♪

♪ I wish it could happen to me ♪

- [piano music pauses] - [cheering, laughing]

- ♪ So baby close that door ♪ - [piano music resumes]

♪ And never have to see the day again ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I'd never have to see the day again ♪

♪ That's right ♪ Sing!

♪ I'd never have to see the day again ♪

[all whooping and cheering]

- [plays glissando] - Encore, Allie!

- No! - [others groan]

I am way too drunk

to be singing in front of people.

Aw, but we love you! Come on!

And I wanna keep it that way.

Um, okay. That was for my beautiful, sweet,

darling fiance, Nathan.

[laughter]

Who loves that song very much.

Bubba, you wanna come up here?

- No. [chuckles] - [all laughing]

[Allison] Come on! It's our engagement party.

He's very shy!

[all chanting] Nathan! Nathan! Nathan!

Nathan! Nathan! Nathan! Nathan!

[whooping]

[guests] Mm! Ah! Mm!

- Did you like it? - It was amazing.

[Nathan inhales deeply]

- Hey, y'all... - [laughter]

Um, I'll just briefly say that she played that song for me

on our very first date

on a beautiful, old piano she found

at the back of an empty bar.

- Well, you better go, girl! - Come on. Come on!

- Always be closing. - [Molly] Absolutely!

Welcome to the family!

- Allison... [chuckles] - Yes... [chuckles]

Every memory I cherish in my life has you in it.

Some of them are just tiny seconds.

The way you close one eye

when you really wanna focus on tasting something.

- [guests laugh] - I do that. I do that.

I go, like...

[guests laughing]

[laughing]

I can't believe this is real.

It's real, baby.

- Thank God. - [Allison] Mm.

- I love you. - I love you.

[all] Aw.

- Okay. - Hey...

- Um... Drink, smoke, be merry. - [man] Yeah.

And if you choose to sleep with Chip,

make sure he wears, like, 11 condoms.

[all exclaiming]

I'm, like, literally a virgin.

- [others laughing] - He's kidding. He's kidding.

- ["Time" playing] - ♪ Time keeps on coming ♪

♪ I've been all around ♪

[lighter clicking]

♪ I'll keep on loving... ♪

No! No, no, no.

- No. Come on, baby. No phone. - Oh.

When we get married, we have to make rules

- about phones in the bed. - [scoffs]

Oh, shut up.

You are on your phone, like, ten times more than me,

looking up rusty old trucks.

Uh, a '67 cloth top Bronco

is a work of art, baby. It's not a truck.

- I'm looking at art. - Yeah. Oh.

- Like this butt. - [Allison laughing]

I am so high from that gummy you gave me.

- What the fuck was that? - [Nathan chuckling]

I still can't feel my ankles.

You don't need your ankles right now.

Yeah, but I would still like to feel my ankles.

Hey, come kiss me.

- Hey, babe? - Yeah?

This creepy doctor from my sales list

is really trying to flirt with me on Instagram.

[inhales sharply] Maybe you gave him the wrong impression.

What?

Come on! As if!

I go in there, and I'm, like,

waving my engagement ring around.

You always say, "Flirting is a part of the job."

Someone's bound to get the wrong impression.

It's very light flirting.

- Ah, okay. [laughs] - It is!

It's like... It's just...

It's sushi with a smile,

so that he can write the fucking prescription,

and I can get a fat bonus,

and then

you and I can maybe one day

move to the city.

If we don't go to hell first.

Oh! Why would you say that?

- Come on! - I'm sorry.

I'm only pushing HUMIRA, like,

I won't go to hell for moderate to severe psoriasis.

Come on. That would be so unfair.

Yeah, yeah.

Shut up.

- Okay. Hey. - Mmm.

It's just a stepping stone, baby.

I know.

Do you think it's too late for astronaut school?

- [laughing] - What?

- What? - Nothing.

I could be a professional dancer.

- Oh, word? - Yeah. Yeah.

- You got them moves? - Ooh.

- [laughs] - Wait, let me stand up.

I'm way better when I stand up.

- Okay. - It's so much better

when I stand up.

- Are you ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Whoa. - What genre is this?

I don't know, but my body just goes...

[Nathan] Go.

Is this modern, right? [laughs]

- This is professional. - Wow.

So I would appreciate it

if you took me seriously right now.

I'm taking you very seriously.

And then, we'll finish with something like this.

- [Allison humming] - [laughs]

But I'm not gonna show you anymore,

because it's a work-in-progress.

And the professional is tired,

and I wanna cuddle.

♪ Came into this life on my own ♪

♪And I'll try Yes I'll try ♪

♪ Hope for love turn out the light ♪

♪ And I gave my own life My own life, my own life ♪

[truck horn blaring]

[Allison] Oh, calm the fuck down.

I swear, this road has been under construction

my entire life.

When will New Jersey be done?

- She's a work-in-progress. - Never.

[chuckles] Oh, by the way, how's Ryan doing?

Oh, you mean your future niece?

[gasps] Oh, my goodness. She's so pretty!

Yeah, the varsity coach said she might start next year.

- Oh, yeah? - [Jesse] Mmm-hmm.

She scored 19 goals last season!

- Tell her. Tell her. - Wow!

Oh, my God. You must be so proud of her.

I can't believe I haven't met her.

I'm so sorry Nathan and I

haven't made it down there yet.

Don't worry about it. I mean, it's far.

We're gonna try to come up more often

now that our dad's getting older.

[Allison] Yeah.

Well, I've only met your dad a few times,

but that we can't blame on distance. [chuckles]

This is fucking nuts. I'm sorry.

Wait, so tell us about

these wedding dresses we're seeing.

Yes, please. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it.

- [laughs] Shut up! - You are such a good sport.

No, he isn't. He just thinks that after we see dresses,

- we're going to go... - Yeah?

- ...on a pub crawl. - [Jesse] Mmm-hmm.

But actually we're going to see a play.

- You are? - No, we're not.

You said that we'd have to get tickets already.

No. We just gotta see some shit nobody else wants to see.

- [laughing] - Oh, great. That's awesome.

- Yeah, right? - Great. Great.

Hey, look, it's finally opening up.

All right, so I think it might be a little tight

getting you to a play,

but, um, let me just check...

- Okay, so now it's saying... - [back-up alarm bleeping]

Allie!

- [Jesse] Look out! - [tires screech]

[device chimes]

Here we are.

You got me here so early.

Yeah, well, it's

better to be a half-hour early

than one minute late.

[chuckles]

Grandpa, have you ever played any video games?

- No. [scoffs] - [chuckles]

You've got that perfect little brain up there

and you're just melting it away with that crap.

Okay.

- [automated voice] Nathan. - [cell phone ringing]

[Ryan] It's Uncle Nathan. Answer it.

Why would he be calling me?

Pick it up.

[sighs] Thought we weren't talking anymore.

[video game sound effects playing]

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Nathan. Nathan.

I've... I've got Ryan here in the car.

I'm just dropping her off at school.

I'll call you right back.

Yes, I heard what you said. I'm headed right there.

I just gotta drop her off, okay?

See, that wasn't so bad.

Mom says she wishes you guys could find a way to get along.

I... I've... I've got to leave, sweetie.

But I look like a dork being here this early.

I'm sorry.

I'll, uh...

I'll be picking you up today.

Why can't Mom?

She said they'd be back from the city today, right?

Well...

- she can't. - [sighing] Okay.

I'll text her.

[Daniel] Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Tell me you love me.

I love you, Grandpa.

I love you too.

[chuckles]

- Bye. - Bye.

[somber music playing]

[car door closes]

[sighs]

[machine beeping]

[Allison weakly] Mom, my head hurts so much.

I can't even explain how much pain my head's in.

[Diane] Can you click on the morphine again?

I've been clicking on it.

I'm clicking on it, and nothing is happening.

Oh, shoot, you're right. It is empty.

We gotta get more.

We'll have to get the nurse to get us more.

Nathan, why are you looking at me like that?

Like what?

Is it bad? Do I look that bad?

No, he's just upset, sweetheart.

He's upset 'cause we've been

- so worried all night long. - [Allison] Okay. Okay.

This backhoe thing just reversed

into the middle of the street.

[Diane] I know, I know.

[Allison] I didn't know what to do.

I know, but you don't have to worry about that right now.

- Right, Nathan? - Yeah.

No, you just need to focus on getting better.

That's all you need to think about, okay?

- [Allison] Okay. - Right, Nathan?

- Yeah. - [Nurse] Sorry to interrupt,

but the police are here to collect a blood sample.

Oh, no. Absolutely not.

Now is not a good time. She is in a lot of pain.

- You have to come back. - No.

- [Nathan] She just woke up. - Why are the police here?

Unfortunately, I can't.

Legally, the sample has to be drawn as soon as possible.

We waited for her to stabilize,

but with an accident like this,

it's imperative we test...

What is he talking about? It wasn't my fault.

- Officer, she doesn't know. - It wasn't her fault.

With an accident of this magnitude

involving fatalities, we're required...

- She hasn't been told. - Fatalities?

She hasn't been told,

- you fucking asshole! - [whispers] Fuck.

- [Diane] She didn't know. - Mama, what's going on?

- I'm so sorry, honey. - What is he talking about?

I'm so sorry.

[Allison] Nathan?

Nathan, what's going on?

They're gone.

They're both gone.

Who's gone?

[Diane] Honey...

[melancholy music playing]

[sighs] No, Mom.

[gasping]

[voice breaking] Why, Mom?

[Diane] I'm so sorry, honey.

[melancholy music continues]

["Wake Up With The Sun" playing]

♪ Wake up with the sun in morning ♪

♪ Go to sleep with the moon at night... ♪

[on speaker] Hey, guys! Bella here.

Welcome to my bathroom!

Today, we're gonna learn to cut our own hair.

So let's jump in.

To get started, we grab this first front layer

just like this.

And put your scissors at, like, a slight angle.

Okay, it's now or never. [chuckles]

Go for it!

♪ What their purpose is on earth ♪

♪ To love and be loved in return... ♪

Fuck.

[Bella] You nailed it!

You're officially a stylist just like me!

Now, go ahead

and grab the same layer on the other side.

And just go for it!

Okay. [sighs]

♪ Happiness comes from inside ♪

♪ At the center of your mind... ♪

Fuck.

[Bella] Does it look even?

Uh...

Not exactly. No.

Good job. You look amazing!

Thank you.

♪ You can change the darkest day ♪

♪ Simply by the things you say... ♪

Wow...

♪ Oooh oooh ooh ♪

I love it.

[indistinct tv chatter]

Oh, my God. Allie, what the hell is all this?

You have got to stop buying all this crap.

Yeah, well, one of them is an acrylic nail set

that I know you'll appreciate more than I will.

And the others are ankle weights.

Remember? We said we were gonna get in shape?

Oh, my God.

Allie, what the hell did you do to your hair?

What? It's makeover Monday.

- It's Friday. - Oh.

- It's so dark in here. - No, please, don't open that.

Mama, that is so bright!

[Diane] Did you go to physical therapy today?

Um, well, I tried to,

- but I overslept. - Allie...

What? I don't need PT. I don't.

Allie, your hair.

You don't like it?

I just don't understand why you would cut your own hair.

Well, the girl said it was easy, and it was not.

What girl?

This girl on the Internet. She's an influencer.

She influenced me.

Such a pigsty in here. I am not happy about this.

Hey, Mama, can you tell me where my pills are?

Which ones?

We said we were going to wean off of them. Remember?

- Did we? - Yes.

Because "we" are in pain

and "we" need more.

They're not gonna give you more, Allie.

- They have to! - No, they don't.

I need them!

Listen to me.

You're not in physical pain anymore.

Have you been doing the tapping thing

that that one shrink taught you?

Remember? For anxiety and stress,

and it calms you down on the...

- eyes, and then the lips. - Mom!

[Diane] Or play your piano. That always cheers you up.

I don't wanna talk about this, please.

I have the worst headache! Can you just stop?

Can you call the doctors and help me, please?

Which one? Patel? He said no more.

Okay, well, fuck Patel. Fuck Patel!

How about Goldberg, or...

or Fong?

- Allie... - Please, Mom.

- Just call 'em. Just help me. - You're being a little...

- No. - Just help me, please.

Guess what? They all said "no."

Patel. Goldberg. Fong. Rosenberg.

Okay, well, I'll try Vromen. He loves me.

Vromen is an orthodontist.

Yeah, but he used to flirt with me

when his fingers were really deep inside my mouth,

and it was very inappropriate, and so, he really owes me one.

Allie, I don't like how you're acting.

You know what? Enough is enough.

You gotta get out of this living room,

take off your pajamas,

and get your ass, and go get a job.

I'm sick of this crap.

As if you have any right

lecturing me on medicating myself.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means, Mom, you're such a fucking hypocrite!

You don't think that I clock how many Xanax you take?

Or how many glasses of wine you drink?

You think I'm just a zombie that doesn't notice anything,

but I notice fucking everything! I see you.

So, can I have my pills, please?

You're not listening. There's no more.

[breathes heavily]

[Diane] You get right back here,

- you little brat! - No!

What in the hell do you think you are doing?

Get out of there!

- Get out of there! - [Allison] Get off me!

- No! Get out of there! - Let go!

- [Diane] What are you doing? - No! Are they in here?

- [Diane] Get back! Cut it out! - You are hurting me!

[Diane] Stop it!

- Stop it! Put that back! - [grunts] Mom!

No.

- Open the door. - No.

- Open the fucking door! - Stop it! Stop it.

- Mom, let me out. - No.

Let me out. Let me out!

Mama!

- No! Stop it! - Give me those... Ow.

- Stop it! - [Diane] Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow.

- You fucking crazy little brat. - [Allison] No!

[groans]

Shit!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Mama, no! Please. No!

Why the fuck did you do that?

I'm in pain!

I don't give a shit!

Your daughter is in actual pain!

I don't give a shit!

I fucking hate you so much!

[Diane] You're bleeding!

[panting]

You get back here right now.

- ALLISON: Leave me alone. - You come back here.

- ALLISON: Leave me alone. - I'm gonna grab your...

[arguing continues]

[Allison] Leave me the fuck alone!

[Diane] I'm not gonna leave you the fuck alone,

- you little brat. - Ugh!

[mellow music playing]

Allison!

- Leave me alone! - [Diane] Where are you going?

Leave me alone!

[panting]

[crowd applauding and cheering]

[Daniel] Let's go, Ryan!

Attagirl! Attagirl!

[crowd groans]

Fuck! [sighs]

So you're the Ryan that's been talking to Damien?

Get the fuck outta my face.

See, you talk to people like that, bitch,

that's why you have no fucking friends.

Why are you hitting on me, huh?

Uh, I'm not the one named "Ryan."

It's a fucking dyke's name. You a dyke?

- Only when I fuck your mother. - Oh, at least I have a mother.

What the fuck did you just say to me?

Hey!

Stay away from Damien, you fucking whore.

Hey!

Break that up, Ref!

- [Ryan grunts] - [whistle blowing]

[referee] Break it up. Break it up!

Hey!

[whistle continues blowing]

[referee] Hey! That's it! You're both out. Red card.

[Daniel] Ryan, what the hell was that?

[huffs] I quit.

[tearfully] I quit. I hate this fucking game.

Why? Because you got in a fight?

Come on, that's not you.

You're tough. You're not a quitter.

- She made fun of Mom. - What?

She said, "At least I have a mom."

Well, fuck her.

Well...

And what kind of a punch was that?

You throw this hard right hook

and then you leave yourself wide open for the jab.

We're gonna have to work on that.

[mellow music playing]

[breathing heavily]

Hi.

I'm here to get a prescription refilled.

Last name, Johnson. Birthday, August 24th.

Okay. For which medication?

Uh... The Oxy. OxyContin.

It says here you are out of refills.

I see you've been on them for over a year now.

Your doctor's probably trying to wean you off of them.

As I'm sure you know, they can be very addictive.

Oh, really? I hadn't fucking heard that.

Sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Listen...

I was in a really bad car accident,

and I need them, because I'm in a lot of pain.

Just now?

What? No.

Your elbow is bleeding.

Oh, shit. Look, it's fine.

Let me go get you a bandage.

I don't need a fucking bandage. It's fine.

Then take this.

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. Thank you.

I feel so much better now. Thank you.

Fucking bitch.

[hip-hop song playing]

[instructor on speaker] Burn, but guess what that burn is?

That burn is in your soul. It is lifting you up.

You are climbing that mountain

and you are reaching higher heights

than you ever have before.

Keep pedaling.

[breathing heavily]

[unnerving music playing]

[inhales sharply]

[sniffles]

[gurgles]

[swallows]

[exhales sharply]

[whimpers]

[panting]

[back-up alarm beeping]

[horn blaring]

[gasping]

[panting]

[mellow music playing]

- [gasps] Hi. - Hi!

- Hey! - Hi!

- [giggles] - [Allison] Hi.

Oh, my God. I love your hair!

- It is so chic. Who did it? - Ah, thank you! Um...

I, uh, got a new gal.

Well, I gotta get her number. [laughs]

Okay.

Oh, I was so happy that you reached out.

Because you weren't responding to any of my texts.

Of course, I wanted to give you your space,

but I was worried.

- [waiter] Hi, good morning. - Hey!

Can I get you anything?

Uh, yeah. Can I please get a Jack and Coke?

Uh...

Sorry, our bar doesn't actually open until 11:00.

Oh.

Uh, okay. In that case, I'll get a black coffee.

- Oat milk latte. - You got it.

So, how's, how's work?

You're still at Purdue, right?

- Still repping Purdue. - Yeah.

You'd think it would've been a shit show

because of the bankruptcy and all the lawsuits.

- Mm. - But, between you and me,

my numbers have actually increased.

Wow.

My bonus last quarter was insane.

- It sells itself. [chuckles] - Yeah.

Karl Marx was wrong.

Turns out the opiate of the masses

is opium.

[both chuckle]

Anyway.

How are you doing?

When are you going back to work?

[smacks lips] Listen, I'm just gonna cut right to it

because you're my friend

and I know you're gonna understand.

Um...

I'm still in a lot of pain.

Oh, Allie...

I know, and my docs are cutting my Oxy scripts

because everyone's really freaked out

about addiction these days.

Uh... [hesitates]

So, I was wondering if it would be possible...

Allie, please tell me you didn't invite me

to breakfast to hit me up for pills.

No.

- No, no, no, no, no. - [sighs]

It's just until I can get in, and see my docs.

Um, because my fucking mother,

she threw my last refill into the toilet, so...

No way.

Are you fucking with me right now?

No.

If you have a problem, you need to get some help.

I can help you find the right rehab.

Please don't hand me a pamphlet.

I already have one.

Well, then find them on the street if you have to.

Every dive bar in this town's got a guy

with a pharmacy in his front pocket.

You know, Becka,

I really didn't want to do this.

But...

there's a handful of things

that happened at your bachelorette party

that I'm pretty sure you want to be kept private.

Allison, are you trying to blackmail me for OxyContin?

I'm just asking you for help.

Like, as a friend.

But you did blow that dancer. [chuckles]

It happened for a second.

I know, I know. But you did it, and I saw.

It never went in my mouth.

It was in your mouth.

Past the tip.

Past the fucking tip.

Allie, you need help.

Destroy my life if you have to.

But for the love of God, get some fucking help!

Okay, bye. Fuck you.

Fuck you!

[grunts]

Uh... I don't... Oh, fuck.

[sighs]

I don't have any money. I'm really sorry.

I can't pay for those.

That's okay. Take it.

I mixed in a little tequila for you.

[slurps]

That's disgusting.

Thank you.

[woman] Mr. Adams, we really wanna do

everything we can to help Ryan.

But she needs to take some responsibility

for her behavior.

That girl does not listen to a thing I say.

To be honest,

I was hoping you were calling me in here

to give me some advice.

I need help.

[man] It's just that we're a public school.

We have 2,000 kids to look after.

We don't have the bandwidth

to micromanage her in ways that she deserves and needs.

So, what are you saying?

I will give her an extra strike

because of the circumstances.

But if she doesn't tone down her language

with her teachers

and gets into one more fight,

we'll have to expel her.

[chair scraps]

Hi, can I get a double tequila, please?

Allison.

Yo, I know you.

It's Mark.

Yeah, hey.

Yeah.

I haven't seen you since high school.

This is Diego. You remember Diego?

- Hey. - [Diego] Hey.

You just having a little breakfast?

Uh... Um... I just...

I just needed to get out of the house.

[chuckles] Yeah, I feel that.

I heard what happened to you. The accident.

Saw it in the Star Ledger. Sorry.

What happened?

[Diego] She was in that accident on the turnpike.

Two people died.

Holy shit.

That was you.

Oh, bro.

That would've fucked me up.

It wasn't my fault.

Yeah, I'm sure. But, like, still...

[Mark] Damn.

[exhales sharply] Hey, can I have another one, please?

You having a tough day?

Just a day.

I just wanna get as far away from here as possible.

Yo, there's this app,

it tells you the exact opposite

of where you are on the globe is.

That's where you should go. I'll look it up for you.

[Mark] Yo, that's how I feel every fuckin' day of my life.

I can't seem to escape this town.

It's like there's a force field around it

or something.

Like, some people know how to get outta here.

But the rest of us,

we just keep banging our heads up against the glass.

It's Perth. That's the city

on the other side of the globe from here.

You should go to Perth.

I don't have enough money to get to Perth,

but thank you.

Aren't you engaged to Nathan Adams?

I was, yeah.

He was an amazing running back in high school.

He used to run every fucking play.

- You remember him, Mark? - [Mark] Yeah.

[Diego] Every fucking play,

they'd come on the PA system like,

"Nathan Adams, the ball carrier."

He was the whole fucking team. You remember him, Mark?

Yeah, I remember him.

Isn't he deaf?

Uh... In one ear. Since birth.

Wow, that's impressive

that he could be, like, that good, you know?

And half deaf.

So you're, like, single?

[Mark chuckles] Yo. Shut the fuck up, Diego.

What? You think she's gonna date you?

Where are you gonna take her? You live with your mom.

[chuckles] God damn.

Allison, I'm sorry.

My fucking friend has no tact at all.

[chuckles] We're not used to having

pretty girls such as yourself come in here.

So, you gotta excuse his

lack of decor.

Decorum.

What?

"Decor" is

the Bud Light lamp above my head.

"Decorum" is his behavior.

Neither is currently ideal.

[men cheering]

Hey, can I ask you something, like,

between us old friends?

You weren't our friend. You were popular.

- You were a bitch, actually. - All right. Diego.

That's old shit. Right, Allison?

We're past that. We're grown-ups.

Those of us stuck behind this force field,

- we gotta stick together. - [Allison] Yeah.

Um, do you know where I could get some Oxy?

[chuckling] God damn, girl.

No foreplay. No nothing.

No "How are you? How's your family?"

No, we don't fuck with pills.

I remember in high school

you were the guys that could, like,

get anything.

And now you're just buttering us up.

I don't have any money.

How are you gonna pay for that tequila?

I hadn't got that far yet. [sighs]

- Is that Rolex real? - Wait a second.

Wait. Allie Johnson.

Miss lovely Allie Johnson. [grunts]

You just stroll in here.

[chuckling] You got no money.

And you expect us to get you Oxy?

For free, and then you want us to pay for your drink.

Why the fuck would we do that?

Nostalgia?

Old friends?

You thought you were such hot shit in high school.

You're no fucking different now.

All right. Shut up.

Sorry.

This guy. No decorum.

No, he's right.

I didn't think I was better than you. I knew it.

I looked down on guys like you.

I thought you were Jersey trash

that would never be able to make it out of town.

[snorts, laughs]

Fucking bitch.

But now you're sitting here

right beside us

and you're looking for a fix.

A favor.

The favor is a fix.

- You're a fucking junkie now. - No, I'm not.

- You're a fucking junkie. - No.

- [Mark] Yeah, you are. - Yeah, you are.

Come on. You're a fuckin' junkie.

No. I'm not like you.

Allie Johnson,

you're so much more like who you think we are

than we actually are.

Come on. Say it, say it, say it.

"I'm a fucking junkie." You might like it.

Fuck you. It's a pill.

It's heroin in a pretty little dress.

I thought you were the nice one.

Why don't you say it? Say... Say,

"I'm a fucking junkie,"

and then I'll get you whatever you want. Anything.

Say it. Just, like, just come out with it.

I'm currently reliant...

No, that's not what I fucking said.

You sneaky little bitch. That's not what I fucking said.

- Is that what I said? - No.

That is not what I said.

Say you're a fuckin' junkie. Look at me.

Look at me!

Look me in the eyes, and say,

"I'm a fucking junkie."

Say it!

I'm a fucking junkie.

Good girl.

Beth, I got these tequilas.

I'm sorry for raising my voice.

We're just catching up.

Allie, this is Beth.

She's divine. She's the best.

[soft music playing]

That's not Oxy.

Same shit.

[coughs hoarsely]

[inhales sharply]

[exhales]

[breathing heavily]

[vomits]

[groaning]

Thank you. Ooh, she just walked in.

Oh, my God. I was so worried about you.

Where were you?

- I'm so sorry. - Oh, babe, oh.

- I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. No...

I need help.

I know. I never should have

flushed those pills down the toilet.

I had no right. I'm so sorry. I was just so worried.

Can you help me, please, Mama?

Yes, yes, I already did.

Here, I got these from Linda.

She's the woman who works next to me

in the toy kiosk at the mall.

Her doctor gave them to her

after she got punched in the face by a shoplifter,

but she said she didn't need them.

She swore by the neck brace.

But you need 'em, honey. So here.

That right there is a gift from Linda, okay?

And we can worry about kicking it later.

Let's not rush things.

What matters the most is that you're home safe.

Oh, babe. [kisses] Oh, my baby.

Hey, Ry?

[muffled music playing on speaker]

Got Chinese food!

I got sweet and sour chicken,

beef with broccoli, steamed rice.

Where are ya?

Hey, Ry?

Ryan!

[hip-hop music playing on speaker]

[gasps] What the... Daniel, get out!

- [boy whimpering] - Hey. Hey!

[boy] Okay. Whoa, whoa! Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down! It's not what you think.

I'm pretty sure it is what I think. How old are you?

Daniel! Get off of him.

Shut up!

I asked you a question, boy. How old are you?

- I'm 20. - She's 16, and I'm an ex-cop.

Looks like you picked the wrong girl.

You're choking him!

She said she was 18 online.

If I ever catch you near my granddaughter again,

I'm gonna rip your fucking dick off

and shove it down your throat. You feel me?

[gasping] Yes, sir. Yes.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yes, sir. Uh, I need my clothes.

They're in my house. They're my clothes now.

Run away!

[Ryan] Daniel!

Get out of my fucking room!

What the fuck?

[loudly] Hey, look, everybody!

Statutory rapist from Williamsburg!

I need my keys!

Oh, his keys! His keys! Look at him!

He's scrambling to his car! Statutory rapist!

Hey, Belinda,

I found this fool in bed with my Ryan.

She said... She said she was 18 online.

You're a fuckboy.

He's a fuckboy! That's what the kids call them!

Get out of our neighborhood, fuckboy!

[grunting] Okay. Okay!

[Belinda] Get out of here, fuckboy!

All right! All right!

Right fucking now!

- Wet, flaccid fuckboy! - [boy] Okay, okay!

Okay!

I cannot believe you just did that!

Give me your phone.

Give me the fucking phone right now!

You're grounded.

You hear me? You're grounded until...

Shit, I can't think of when you won't be grounded.

You can't just lock me up, Daniel.

For the last fucking time, Ryan,

you call me "Grandpa."

[door slams]

[Ryan crying] I hate you! I fucking hate you!

[unnerving music playing]

[breathing shakily]

["To the Mountains" playing]

♪ Oh, I'm headed to the mountains ♪

♪ I'll be back in a week or two ♪

♪ Don't you try to reach me ♪

♪ 'Cause I won't pick up for you ♪

♪ I've got some things I neeed to do ♪

♪ Oh, I'm headed to the mountains ♪

♪ The only place I feel at peace ♪

♪ And I knew you'd come after me ♪

♪ So I threw away your keys... ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ But I know you'd never go when I say leave ♪

♪ I'm headed to the mountains don't wait up for me ♪

[Allison breathing heavily]

Allison, don't go.

- This was a mistake. - No. No, it isn't.

Trust me, I know how hard it is to get here.

It's damn near impossible, and you did it.

Don't run away now because of me.

There are thousands of meetings.

- I'll find another one. - Well, yeah,

but this one has the best snacks.

- I wanna go. - No.

No, no. You've made it this far, and I wouldn't.

I don't wanna be here.

Nobody does in the beginning.

[tearfully] I don't wanna be anywhere.

Then you are definitely in the right spot.

I thought you were sober.

Ten years.

I kinda slacked off coming to regular meetings,

and then lately, I...

I realized I need the support.

Because of what happened?

No, no, no! No, it's...

Is the accident the reason why you came back?

No, I just feel that...

Daniel, am I the reason why you're back here?

Yes!

Yes, of course.

What the hell do you want me to say?

- I'm sorry. - No.

Look.

I got ten years, and lately, I've been feeling

like I really, really want a drink.

This works.

Thank you.

Um, I'm gonna find somewhere else.

There are thousands of these meetings.

Yeah, but somehow you found your way to this one.

Now isn't that something?

All right, come on.

Come on.

Okay.

[woman] Everybody, welcome.

This is the regular meeting

of the Live and Let Live group of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My name is Simone,

and I'm an alcoholic, and your secretary.

Let us open the meeting with the Serenity Prayer.

God...

[all] ...grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hey, you got up awfully early this morning.

I went to an NA meeting.

- [gasps] What? You did? - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, Allie. I'm so happy to hear that.

[Allison] Well, I'm not saying I'm gonna go again.

Well, you gotta start somewhere,

and sounds like you did.

- Mm-hmm. - So that's good.

I don't know if I'll be able to just quit, though, Mom.

I think I need real help,

like an in-patient program or something.

Well, honey, neither of us has insurance,

so how the hell are we supposed to pay for that?

I mean, you gotta get a job.

Mom, who's gonna hire me like this?

- Come on. - Like, no...

What do you mean?

You're a beautiful 26-year-old woman.

- You're smart, you're funny... - No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.

That's the old me you're describing.

You're still you.

No, I'm not! I'm...

[sighs] I'm something else.

I'm something...

Ugh. Um...

I was thinking, um...

You know how Dad was probably gonna get me a wedding gift,

or, well, at least he was gonna come, right?

Maybe instead of whatever it was

that he was gonna give me,

maybe he could help pay for me to get help.

And so, I was wondering if you

would call him for me.

Allie, I will never speak to that man as long as I live.

Do you know what he did?

He packed his car up, and he left us with nothing.

But it is what it is, okay?

So, you gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps, now.

Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, I'm sorry I can't get over this

as fast as you want me to.

- Allie... - Nah.

[somber music playing]

[Daniel] Well, look who it is.

Hi, Dad.

What brings you to the less glamorous side of the river?

Ryan asked me to come see her.

Turns out, she really wanted me to talk to you.

- Oh? - She's worried about you.

She's worried about me?

That girl's crazy.

She says she thinks you need a friend.

Hell, I don't need a friend.

I need a dog crate the size of a teenager.

Look, Nathan, I understand your need

to move on after the breakup...

but, hell, I never imagined

I'd be doing this all by myself.

You raised two kids.

I had your mother.

And you and your sister were much better behaved than Ry.

[Nathan scoffs]

What? Come on. Speak your mind, son.

We were good because we were terrified of you.

So, I'm not surprised

you don't have any tools in your arsenal

since you lost the only one that you had.

Fear.

I have apologized 100 times to you for the way I was.

Your sister found a way to give me another chance.

How come you can't?

'Cause Molly never really got the brunt of it, did she?

I guarantee you that if she was standing here now,

she would be begging you to drop this shit,

and help me raise her child.

Well, she isn't.

No, she's not.

I have to catch the train.

I saw Allison.

Where?

Not supposed to say.

AA?

Not supposed to say.

What the hell does she need AA for?

- I'm not supposed to... - To say.

I got it.

Of all the meetings, she ends up at yours?

She saw me, she tried to run away,

but I pulled her back.

Why?

She's suffering, Nathan.

Broken.

Lost.

You're the one who blamed her!

I stood by her!

Yeah, until she left your ass.

Sorry. Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant.

I have to catch the train.

[Daniel] Please, Nathan.

I need help.

Ryan asked me to come by and say "hi" to you.

And I did.

Okay.

Hi.

[playing classical music]

- Best first date ever. - I heard that.

[Allison laughing]

[Daniel] I used to drink whiskey until I blacked out.

Wake up the next morning to find out

what I had done, who I had been.

[chuckles]

My father was a drunk.

He beat me right up to the day he died.

And I vowed I would never lay a hand on my children.

And I didn't...

while I was sober.

But in the blackness...

I always denied because I really couldn't remember.

Sometimes there'd be a bruise.

"Oh, you must have fallen down.

"I'm your daddy. I would never hurt you."

August 11th, '99...

I woke up on my front porch to the sound of church bells...

and an ice cream truck.

So, I knew it was Sunday.

First thing I saw was my captain

standing over me,

poking me in the ribs with his nightstick.

An ambulance.

My son, Nathan, sitting in the back,

bleeding from the head.

Medics had bought him a popsicle.

Turns out that... [sighs]

in the blackness...

I had beat him so bad

that he lost the hearing in his right ear.

Forever.

And to this day, every time I see him,

I beg for his forgiveness.

It's just a little dance we do.

A mere formality.

Because we both know...

that there are some things that are just

impossible to forgive.

I do believe even God knows that.

When I was a cop, I used to eat here every day.

Free coffee refills.

You hungry?

No.

[Daniel] Hmm.

Funny, the things we stop caring about.

I used to want to travel.

I would leaf through National Geographic

and dog-ear all of the exotic places

I would visit once I retired.

Never do that now.

- You still could. - No, no. I couldn't.

I wasn't drunk, or on anything, by the way.

What?

When I saw you the other day at the meeting,

I instantly got worried that you may have thought

that I was drinking or on drugs

on the day of the accident, and I wasn't.

I was sober. It wasn't my fault.

I have every report ever written

committed to memory.

Right.

So, you know that it was

the backhoe guy's fault, Alvarez.

I don't wanna get into that all right now.

Okay, yeah, you're right.

Nathan said that he was deaf since birth.

He never told you?

Maybe he wanted me to like you.

I doubt that.

I thought that raising Ryan would offer me the chance

to be a better father than I ever was.

Shit.

I'm in way over my head.

I got one of those audiobooks from the library.

How to Talk to a Teen.

[chuckles] Oh, yeah?

How's that working out?

- Well, it's from the '80s... - [laughs]

It's on a cassette.

Right.

Its advice is,

"Chaperone a dance."

[laughs]

"Chaperone a dance."

I just caught her having sex

with a boy who looked like a man.

A dance would be delightful.

Can I give you some advice

from a former teenage girl?

She's gonna have sex.

And nothing you say is gonna change that.

Just make sure she's on birth control.

- Birth control? - Yeah.

She's 16!

No, we'll be going the abstinence route.

No offense, Daniel,

but, uh, there's a knot in your logic.

You're trying to solve a problem

by looking in the other direction.

I could talk to her if you want me to.

Oh, well, no thanks.

- It's okay. Of course. - That's not appropriate.

I don't even know why I just said that.

- I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.

It's just that I don't think that it's...

I just felt the need,

um, the instinct to help in some way.

It's the least I could do.

I don't know how to do this.

What?

Start all over.

How do you do it?

[Daniel] Takes work.

- Can I tell you a secret? - Sure.

I'm not sure I have the will.

What does "amor fati" mean?

[Daniel sighs]

Certain things are private.

Do you think I'm fucked up?

Are you high right now?

No.

I was a cop for 40 years.

I was an addict for 50.

So, I'm gonna ask you again.

Are you high right now?

Well, I...

I broke a pill in half.

So, half.

Yes, I think you're fucked up, Allison.

Not half.

All fucked up.

Do you think I'll ever pull out of this?

I mean, like, maybe one day I might be the kind of person

that people want their granddaughter

to hang out with?

I have no idea.

Me neither.

[soft country music playing]

Can I have my phone back, please?

I'm running out of ideas on how to handle you, Ryan.

Grandpa, everybody at my age has sex.

It's, like, not a big deal.

I know it was different when you were younger,

but that's just, like, not how it is anymore.

[smacks lips] Well, let me ask you something.

Are you...

Are you using

any protection?

Oh, my God!

I am so not gonna talk about this with my grandfather.

How the hell do you think I feel?

[both sigh]

- I know you're upset. - I'm not upset.

Maybe you should go back

and see that therapist again.

No. I just

want my phone back.

I don't have any friends at Columbia

and I want to

hang onto the few I still have on Long Beach Island.

How come you can't make friends?

I've been through a lot this year.

[Daniel] Hmm.

And nobody really understands.

They try. Some, but...

I mean, it's fake.

Don't you think most people are so fake?

I would probably say "duplicitous."

What does that mean?

Fake.

[chuckles]

I'm on your side.

I know.

Tell you what.

You can have your phone back

if you promise to start taking birth control pills.

Ugh! Oh, my God! Daniel!

Grandpa!

[sighs]

Grandpa.

Is it a deal? I'll make the appointment.

Fine. Fine.

I just

never want to talk to you about sex ever again.

Oh, really?

'Cause I just love this shit.

Have you ever been on campus before?

Not since I was a kid.

I used to do swim meets here.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- You were a swimmer? - [chuckling] Uh, yeah.

Well, I was 12, but yeah, I was pretty good.

I still have all the trophies and the ribbons.

- That's cool. - Mmm.

- What stroke? - Mostly freestyle.

Why'd you stop?

Um, my dad left.

Yeah, it was kinda the thing that we used to do together.

He would cheer so loud I could hear him underwater.

[chuckles]

Seemed kind of pointless to do it without him.

- Where'd he go? - Ohio.

Started a whole new family in Ohio.

Wow.

He has 10-year-old twins. Yeah.

I don't know if they swim or not, though.

Oh, man. I am always just amazed at people

who can, like, up and leave their kids like that.

[Allison] Mmm.

I just don't know how you could,

like, fucking sleep at night.

For so long, I thought that I'd done something wrong.

Like, it was my fault, or I'd let him down.

And then I just realized,

I don't know, maybe some people just aren't good.

[Simone] Hmm.

It's kinda like he, like, restarted a level

in a video game with a fresh life.

- [both laugh] - That's exactly what he did!

He packed up the car, and left his Rolex

in the attic of my dollhouse,

and he drove away.

Hey, let's sit for a second, okay?

- Yeah, yeah. - [clears throat]

Uh... So, I'll sponsor you.

- Okay. - But, um,

you gotta start taking this shit seriously.

You can't keep coming to meetings high.

What? [chuckles]

How did you know?

[laughs]

Uh, because I was you.

And I've helped dozens of women who were you.

And some beat it, and some are dead.

But, you know,

if you want my time, you gotta commit.

Because I have a toddler so I just

- don't have time for bullshit. - Yeah.

No, I do. I... I... I really wanna beat it.

Then I want you to do 90 meetings in 90 days.

- Wow. - Yeah.

And, um, we're gonna get you started on step one.

Okay.

Okay.

Also, enough hiding out, man.

It's time you shared with the group.

- All right. - Uh...

[nervously] Hi, I'm Allison, and I'm addicted to, uh,

pills.

[group] Hi, Allison.

[Allison] Uh...

Sorry. Can I start again?

I've never done this before, and I'm nervous.

You got it.

[breathes deeply]

Hi, I'm Allison, and I'm an addict.

[group] Hi, Allison.

I...

Um...

I was the driver

of a car

that was in a really bad accident.

Two people died.

The woman was...

The woman was about to be my sister-in-law.

We were on our way to try on my wedding dresses.

[shudders]

And then we weren't.

It wasn't my fault. [sighs]

I wasn't on drugs or booze, or drunk, or anything.

But, uh...

[voice breaking] Surviving that day was, is...

the most painful thing

I will ever have to live through.

[sniffles] I got hurt, too.

They put a hole in my head.

And, um, [sniffles]

that helped because at least I had something

I could blame the pain on.

But then that healed...

and I was still hurting.

And I guess that's why I didn't realize

how bad it was because to me...

[breathes shakily]

I was still in so much pain.

- [shuddering] - [rubbing stomach]

I was, um, prescribed them for physical pain,

and they really helped with that. They really did.

But they made me numb. Blissfully numb.

Without them I want to die.

[sniffles] Every day.

I've never said that out loud before. [sobs]

Um...

I've never really faced reality without them.

[sniffling]

And I don't know if I'll be able to handle what I see,

but I'm here to try.

Okay. That's it. [sniffles]

That's it. [sighing heavily]

What happens now?

[breathing heavily]

[toy train horn tooting]

You made all of this?

Uh, I assembled it and designed it.

Yeah.

You see, the houses come as a kit.

You just assemble them and paint them...

Schoolhouse, I built from scratch.

Hey, there are two kids making out back here.

- That's me. - [chuckles]

- You were handsome. - [laughs]

And tiny.

Yeah, my very first kiss behind the schoolhouse.

Olivia Williams.

It was fall. Tip of her nose was cold.

[chuckles]

Little runny.

She stood on tiptoe. Tasted like bubble gum.

[Allison] Is that who you married?

No! No, no.

No, she dumped me the next day for Charlie Cook.

- Oh. - He smoked Camels.

And drove a Buick Riviera Roadmaster.

So, is this all inspired by your life?

Kinda.

Supposed to be South Orange.

I grew up here.

I was a cop in Newark.

I've always lived here.

Who's the soldier?

[Daniel] That's me.

Day I got home from Vietnam.

That other little figure there is my father.

He came down to the station to pick me up.

- This is incredible. - Mm.

How long did it take you?

Years.

I started with a single figure-eight

and a two-car train.

I work on it when I can.

Got more time now that I've retired.

My wife passed.

Ryan used to hang out with me down here.

She liked the whistle and the microphone.

There's a microphone?

Right over there.

How else you gonna tell your passengers

- that the train's coming? - [laughs]

[toy train horn tooting]

[chuckles]

[Allison singing "Take The Last Train to Clarksville"]

♪ Take the last train to Clarksville ♪

♪ And I'll meet you at the station ♪

♪ You can be there by 4:30 ♪

♪ 'Cause I booked your reservation ♪

♪ Don't be slow ♪

[both singing] ♪ Oh no no no ♪

♪ Oh no no no ♪

♪ And I don't know if I'm ever ♪

[both sing] ♪ Coming home ♪

[Daniel laughs]

That was just a little serenade for your people

from the heavens above.

Think that's one of the reasons I enjoy it so much.

Why? 'Cause you get to play God?

Well, so much of my life has been outta control.

Down here,

I get to decide if Olivia chooses me.

I get to decide if my father comes

to pick me up at the station when I get home.

Did he?

No.

He was passed out drunk in our backyard.

He'd lain face down so long,

an inch of snow had gathered on his back.

Next morning at breakfast, he offered me a beer,

so...

I had a beer with him at breakfast,

and I never stopped.

When did you last talk to Nathan?

Daniel, this is God.

Allison would like you to change the conversation now.

- I'll bet she would. - [chuckles]

All right. Let's get outta here.

[switch clicks]

[music playing on headphones]

[Daniel] Ryan?

It's only one o'clock. Why are you home?

We had a half-day for the active shooter drill.

- I told you this morning. - [Daniel sighs]

Well, this is a friend of mine from the program.

Hi.

Hi.

- You should probably get going. - Yeah. Yeah.

I'm gonna go.

Wait, I know you from somewhere.

No, you don't.

You do?

How do I know you?

Uh... My... I'm...

I'm Allison.

Yeah, I've seen you before.

I thought you said the active shooter drill ended at 2:00.

Yeah, that's when the pretend shooter fights back.

Today, he shot himself, so we got out early.

Why do I know you?

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say.

- You were Nathan's fiancee. - No.

- You were in the car. - No.

- I was, yeah. - Weren't you driving?

Wasn't she driving?

We're in the program together.

- But I thought you said it was her fault. - What?

How could you bring her into our house?

Get out of our fucking house!

- Okay. It's okay. - [Daniel] I'm sorry. I...

I'm so sorry. I thought you were in school.

You ruined my fucking life!

I know, I know, I know. I'm... I'm really sorry.

[crying] You shouldn't be here! This is our house!

My mom grew up in here!

I sleep in her bedroom. I use her sheets!

[Daniel] All right. All right. She's leaving.

Uh, just in case this is the last time

I ever get to talk to you, please know,

I also wish it was me.

Okay? I do.

I'm gonna go.

[voice breaking] I never got to say goodbye.

[Allison sighs] I know.

They were going to see a play.

I know.

She wanted to see a musical,

because she loved all the fancy costumes.

I didn't know that.

She said you made Nate really happy.

That you were the best thing that ever happened to him.

He made me happy, too.

[softly] Okay, I'm gonna go.

- [door opens] - Allison.

Yeah.

Would you like to stay for dinner?

What?

Uh...

So, you're an alcoholic, too?

[chidingly] Ryan.

Uh, no.

Alcohol's not exactly my problem.

- What is? Meth? - [Allison snorts]

Ryan.

No. Not meth. Um...

[smacks lips] Prescription painkillers.

Oxy.

How do you know about Oxy?

Kids at my school snort it.

It's heroin!

No, it's not.

I could get it easier than I could get a beer.

They sell it at Rite Aid.

[Daniel scoffs]

- So why'd you dump Uncle Nate? - Ryan.

[Ryan] He said you ghosted him.

It's not your business.

I just don't understand how

if he was gonna stay with you,

even after everything that happened,

why'd you dump him?

I was upset.

And so I ran.

- Like you, quitting soccer. - [curtly] Shut up!

You don't say "shut up" to me!

Ever again!

Why'd you quit soccer?

- She got into a fight. - 'Cause I hate every girl on the team.

Oh.

Your parents were telling me how amazing you were.

- They were? - [Allison] Mm-hmm.

Your dad actually was saying

how you were definitely gonna get a scholarship.

I wanna go to Stanford.

[Daniel laughing]

Why are you laughing?

You quit the team, you're mouthing off in school,

and you're not doing your homework.

You're gonna get into Stanford?

I didn't say I quit the team permanently.

I said I wanted to take a break.

And I had a 4.0 down the shore.

I could get it back in a second if I cared.

Why don't you care?

Why, do you think?

- [Daniel] Shit. - [Allison] Okay.

Why don't we just call it a night, okay?

[Allison] Yeah, I'm gonna go home.

Hey, um...

[tears off page]

Um, just in case you, I don't know,

wanna talk, need to talk...

This is me.

And it's up to you, but I'm here.

Okay.

[receding footsteps]

[Daniel] I'm sorry about all that.

[Allison] Uh, it's fine.

You see what I'm dealing with.

Honestly, it's okay.

Look. [sighs]

She's a very fragile kid.

So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't contact her.

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, I just...

[stuttering] I just wanted her to know that I was available

if she wanted to talk or anything.

I'm just asking if you will

please just let her be.

Scout's honor.

No, that's Spock's "Live long and prosper."

We Boy Scouts do this.

Oh. I prefer Spock.

Live long and prosper, Daniel.

- [Daniel] Good night. - Thank you.

[piano keyboard playing]

Mmm.

[humming]

[resumes playing keyboard]

[plays descending notes]

[keys clang]

[cell phone chimes]

[indistinct background chatter]

[chuckles]

[chuckling]

[crowd cheering and applauding]

Go, baby! Go, go, go!

[quietly] Come on, come on, come on.

[woman] Come on! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

- Yeah! - [crowd cheers]

Attagirl!

Attagirl!

[cheering continues]

[mouthing] Thank you.

[somber music playing]

[bed creaking]

[heart beating]

[breathes heavily]

[fan creaking softly]

[cell phone chimes]

[Ryan] Why do you ride your bike everywhere?

Um...

I haven't been in a car since the accident.

'Cause you feel guilty?

Uh, no.

Because I feel... scared.

Daniel says you were using your phone.

[Allison] Uh, I was using Maps.

Everyone uses Maps.

Yeah, well, he has all the reports.

He's memorized them.

He stares at them at night. It's weird.

Okay, well, I was there.

And the person who wrote those reports wasn't, so...

[Ryan] Tell me why you ended it with Nate.

My mom would want you guys to be together still.

Ryan, I don't even know what to say to that.

My mom used to really, um...

just, like, look out for him and stuff, you know? Um...

And...

I've been thinking maybe now I'm supposed to.

Because she can't.

I bet that would make her really proud.

I could tell you about what's happening

- with him if you want. - No, that's okay.

Thank you, though.

I've tried really hard to avoid all of that...

He moved to Tribeca.

Wow.

Yeah. He has a dog.

- A dog? - Mm-hmm.

A French Bulldog named Jasper.

He never really struck me as a Frenchie type,

but okay. [chuckles]

It's his girlfriend's.

Oh.

[Ryan softly] Yeah.

I... I don't need to hear this.

- Are you okay? - Mm-hmm.

How long have they been going out?

I don't know. Like, four months, I think.

Wow.

Yeah. She's a paralegal.

I don't even know what that is.

Is that, like, a good thing?

[voice breaking] Yeah. Wow.

- You just keep saying, "Wow." - Yeah.

It's just a lot to take in.

Um...

I'm really happy for him. I am.

He really deserves to be happy.

I...

- I shouldn't have told you. - No, no, no. It's fine.

But you're upset.

We went through so much together.

I really want good things to happen to him.

I'm really sorry

- I made you upset. - [Allison] It's okay.

- I'm gonna go to the bathroom. - I really

meant for this to be friendly.

Yeah. I'll see you in a second.

[breathing heavily]

[door slams]

[brooding music playing]

[crying softly]

[phone camera clicking]

[sobbing]

[continues sobbing]

[sniffles]

Hey.

Is something wrong?

I, um... I forgot I have a job interview.

So, I'm gonna go. [sniffles]

- You sick? - [sniffles]

[voice breaks] Yeah.

- Withdrawal? - I'm trying.

All right. Look, don't stop.

- Okay? - Okay.

Don't use.

Okay.

Don't stay home tonight. Do something.

- Okay. Okay. - All right? Okay.

You need a hug?

[voice breaking] Um, if I hug you,

I'm gonna sob, so no.

Well, I can handle that.

No, I shouldn't. Not in front of Ryan. [sniffles]

Okay.

Well, I'm hugging you with my eyes.

Thank you.

- Be careful. - Okay.

[Allison] I have to go. So, I'll see you another time.

Bye.

[whispers] Fuck me.

Hey.

Let's go.

This asshole charged me six buck

for a cup of coffee. Come on.

Okay.

["A Love Song Seven Ways" playing] ♪ It starts so early now ♪

♪ The sun has gone to Birkenau ♪

♪ As shadows creep across your brow ♪

♪ I love you just the same ♪

[breathing heavily] Fuck!

♪ These freakish holidays ♪

♪ That make us act like renegades ♪

♪ A blood bath at the Ice Capades ♪

♪ Just makes me love you ♪

♪ More than I should ever have been allowed ♪

♪ In a world of candy guns ♪

♪ Sweet as demons in the candy apple sun ♪

♪ Think it quiet but then don't sing it loud ♪

♪ Through a world of number ones ♪

♪ Pointed skyward at the... ♪

Look at me!

[glass shattering]

[plays chord]

♪ ...here like Buffalo ♪

♪ Now it feels like Bamako ♪

♪ I love you seven ways ♪

♪ You wear those baby tees ♪

[knocking on door]

[Diane] Allie!

- [knocking continues] - [in sing-song voice] Allie!

Allie?

Did you job hunt today?

Please leave me alone.

I was looking on Etsy.

And I was thinking it would be so cute

if we found, like, a craft that we like.

And maybe we could make a little money. What do you think?

[groans]

[cell phone chimes and vibrates]

[Diane] I was thinking it'd be so cute

if it was like something fun that we could sell.

Like little bibs for babies that catch their food,

or salad dressing.

Or you know, just...

[gasps]

And you know what?

We could be on Shark Tank!

Can you imagine, Allie?

And I know you're like,

"Oh, shut up, Mom! You're drunk again."

But listen...

[Diane] Ooh, I just thought of the best idea!

We could do, um, papier-mache!

Papier-mache!

So it would be like,

do a little dance, a little song.

"Hey, Sharks! You know how everybody likes papier-mache."

I would be like, "Hey, Sharks! Hey, Sharks!"

Hey, Sharks! Oh... Sharks!"

Wait, that's too hard. We'll be like,

"I'm Diane. This is my associate, Allison.

"And this is our... whatever!" You know...

[softly] You weak piece of fucking shit.

You couldn't make it go two days.

I fucking hate you.

I hate you so much.

Allie, do you remember when you were in fourth grade,

you made that giant mitochondria?

That's something that would sell, I promise you.

We could be like, "Hey, Sharks!"

We got them for you! Papier-mache!"

You know, like all the...

[Diane's voice becomes muffled and indistinct]

I knew you would like that idea! I knew it!

[breathing heavily]

[pills rattling]

[bottle cap opening]

[shuddering]

[breathing heavily]

[gasps]

- [panting] - [faucet running]

[sniffles]

[continues panting]

[train horn toots]

Yes!

[laughs]

You're on the wrong side.

What? No, I'm not.

Oh.

Well, good thing you came!

Oh, my God!

Get over here.

Whoo! Party!

[train whooshes by]

[knocking on door]

- Hello, Diane! - Oh, hey!

I don't know

how much Allison has told you.

But we've been going to the same program.

Oh, yeah, she said. She told me, yeah.

My granddaughter, Ryan,

has taken an interest in Allison and,

well, now I can't find her.

So I just thought I'd drop by and see if she might be here.

I tried texting them,

but, you know, they all go green.

Do you know what that means?

I have no idea.

I hate when that happens, when they go...

It's all green

and you don't know if it's sent. It's so weird.

- [Daniel] Right. Right. Right. - Drives me crazy.

You'll have to let me know if you figure that out.

[both chuckle]

I'm not tech-y.

But I actually tonight was trying to find Allison myself.

But do you really think they're together tonight?

Both missing at the same time. It...

seems a little curious.

[sighs] Seems like no matter how old they get,

- you never stop worrying. - Yeah.

But they always seem to turn up.

Not always.

Yeah.

Well, can you let me know if you find them?

- I will. - Great.

Thank you.

What's that?

Oh, I was just... I...

I was just saying thank you so much

for being so kind to Allison.

She said you've always been so warm to her and you know,

I... just wanted to say thanks, 'cause, you know,

like, some people wouldn't be like that, so...

Well, we're all just trying to move on, I suppose.

Yeah.

I don't think Allie and I are doing

a very good job of that, Daniel.

You know what they say.

[Diane] What?

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

Oh. I didn't know they said that.

Well...

somebody did.

[laughs] Yeah.

Well, I best be going then.

Oh, yeah, of course.

- [Daniel] Night. - Good night.

[downtempo music playing]

[singing "Stardust"] ♪ Stare into space ♪

♪ Out in the blue ♪

Oh, my God, there he is!

Look at him! Isn't he so hot?

Is that a face tattoo?

- Yeah! - Oh, my God!

[sighs] I love this song!

Quinn sent it to me in a playlist.

He, like, knows so much about music.

Thank you.

For getting me to come.

Yeah.

[singer] ♪ You're the only thing ♪

That's the guitarist, Thomas.

He's staring right at you!

[Allison] Oh, stop. No, I'm okay. I'm fine.

I know, you can do so much better.

- [Allison] What? No. - But he is fucking hot.

[both laugh]

Uh... Okay, I, um... I gotta go get someone in.

But I'll be right back.

- Should I come with you? - No.

- Are you sure? - No, I'll be right back. Yeah.

[singer] ♪ Take a photo ♪

♪ Make it real ♪

♪ You're the stardust ♪

♪ Stardust ♪

♪ Lighting the fields ♪

♪ Caught in a state ♪

♪ Watching it fall ♪

♪ Aquarius bloom ♪

♪ Just bought a car ♪

Surprise!

Nathan?

- Hi! - [Allison] Hi!

Ryan?

- What? - Hi!

Uh, sorry.

Allie, uh, this is my girlfriend, Joelle.

[voice cracking] Hi. I'm sorry. Um...

Nice to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

Oh.

Okay.

I think we're the victims

of a teenage girl's good intentions.

- [Allison] What? - I said...

I said I think she meant well. Ryan.

[voice breaking] I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

- [Nathan] Are you good? - I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm gonna go.

Allie!

Ryan.

What the fuck did you just do that for?

No offense, but you weren't supposed to come.

I know being a paralegal is a good job,

but he's supposed to be with Allie.

- I'm sorry. - [Nathan] Ryan?

What the fuck did you just do?

I'm fixing it.

For Mom.

Go find her and then I'm taking you home.

[Ryan scoffs]

I am so sorry.

Serious... This...

- It's fine. It's okay. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Yeah. - You good?

I'm fine. I need a drink.

- But I'm fine. - Yes.

Oh, fuck!

[singer] You guys have been great,

- thank you so much! - [cheers and applause]

Allie!

Why the fuck did you just do that?

I thought it was gonna make you happy.

You thought that would make me happy?

- [Ryan] Yeah! - Are you insane?

Hi! Can I please get, um... Hey, I'm sorry.

Could I just get a glass of tequila, please?

Fuck, I can't breathe.

- Ryan, I can't fucking breathe! - Calm down.

Calm down, okay? I'm sorry.

You fucking did that on purpose!

You did that to hurt me, right?

Is that what you did? Yeah, you did.

- Just admit it. Yes, you did! - No, I didn't!

- You did that on fucking purpose! - No, I didn't!

You killed, baby! You killed!

- That was incredible, man! - [Ryan] Hi! Hi!

I'm Quinn's friend, Ryan.

You guys sounded so good!

You're gonna be so famous!

I know. I really have to savor my anonymity.

Hey, we're gonna go to this party over in Williamsburg.

You guys wanna come?

[sighs] Fuck, yeah, whatever. Let's go!

I need to get outta here.

[whooping]

Do you have the time?

- [cell phone chiming] - Yeah.

Hey, Danny. Everything okay?

I can't find Ryan. I've tried everything.

Anyway, my mind can't help but wonder if...

Well, if you've seen Allison or not.

Uh, no, I haven't, but I can text her if you want.

Well, I've tried texting both of them,

but neither one is answering.

What's wrong?

Daniel can't find his granddaughter.

Um, well, if he pays for the phone, he can just log

into the account, and use Find My Phone.

Yeah. Daniel, do you know what Find My Phone is?

No, what the hell is that?

[hip-hop music playing on speaker]

[Ryan] This is amazing!

Whoa!

[indistinct chatter]

[cell phone chiming]

Fuck!

Allie, this is Jarvis. He has the stuff you asked for.

Hey!

I don't have any thirties, just dope.

Uh, yeah, okay. Yeah, whatever you have.

Can you spot me?

- I'll pay you back, I promise. - Uh, okay, all right.

Thanks.

[snorts]

It's coming. Look like!

Yeah, here it is.

Okay, what does it say?

[muffled music playing]

[Ryan grunts]

- [cell phone ringing] - The whole room is spinning.

Oh, that's my phone.

Don't worry about it.

Can we just stop for a second?

Where is my phone?

[cell phone continues ringing]

I think I'm gonna throw up.

What the fuck!

She's in the fucking city!

She's in fucking Williamsburg!

Okay, Daniel, wait. I'm gonna come pick you up.

I don't want you to do something you're gonna regret.

I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. I'm on my way.

- [Allison grunts] - Okay. Easy does it.

- You're wasted. - No, I'm not.

[hip-hop music playing on speaker]

Ryan?

[breathing heavily]

Ryan?

- Ryan, are you in there? - [knocking on door]

[Quinn] She's fine. Go the fuck away!

[Allison] Ryan?

[techno music playing on speaker]

[knocking on door]

[Allison] Ryan?

Can you just open the door, please?

Ryan.

[Quinn] Go away!

[Daniel] Allison? Where's Ryan?

What're you doing here?

Where the fuck is Ryan?

She's in here. I'm trying to... She won't answer.

- [knocking on door] - Ryan!

[Daniel] Ryan?

It's your grandpa, open the door.

Open the door, baby.

[Quinn] Fuck off!

[kicks door]

- What the fuck! - [Allison] Ryan!

[Daniel] You again! Get the fuck up!

- Danny, no, no, no. - Oh, my God!

- Don't do that! - Nothing happened.

Tell me why I shouldn't kill you, motherfucker?

We were just making out.

You hurt my baby.

- Now, I'm gonna hurt you. - [gun cocks]

- No, no, no, no, no. - [Simone] Danny!

Dad!

No!

The hell you're doing here? This is family business.

Don't do this.

Go on back to your new life, Nate.

[Quinn] Put the gun down, please.

[sobbing] Please, please!

He's not worth it.

I got nothing left to lose.

You got me!

You got Ryan!

We need you!

You do this, it's over!

We get no more time.

[Simone] Danny, put the gun down.

Please.

[sighs]

[Quinn] Oh, my...

That's my niece.

She's 16 years old.

[groans]

[Simone] Oh, my God! All right, we gotta get out of here.

Hey, Ryan, baby?

- Please get up. - My fucking nose!

- [Daniel] Get over here! - [Quinn] My fucking nose!

[techno music playing on speaker]

[door creaks]

[Allison breathing heavily]

The fuck is the matter with you?

I was trying to protect her!

- [Daniel] Protect her? - Yeah!

I told you to stay away from her!

Who the fuck are you

to be talking about protecting somebody?

- You're a mess. - Dad!

I was... I was trying to help.

I was... I was trying to...

I was trying to make it right.

Let me tell you something.

You will never ever

be able to fix the things you've done to me.

You hear me?

I want my life back.

I want my child back.

My baby, my... Molly.

You took my baby away from me!

Dad! Enough.

Nah, it's okay.

Say it.

Shit, I wanted to hate you.

But I stopped myself.

And when you walked into that meeting, I thought...

This is God testing me.

This is proof of a higher power

testing me in this church.

Trying to see if he could break me.

But I'll show him.

I'm unbreakable.

I will offer my hand

to this sorry

little fucking pill-junkie.

All I asked you to do was stay away from this child.

Now look at her.

She got no mother.

No father.

And how many years can I have left?

What a fucking waste you are.

Dad!

What a fucking waste of a soul.

Of a chance.

Danny, enough. You've said your piece.

This isn't how it was supposed to be.

I'm a good person.

I never said God has to be fair.

I just never thought

he could be this cruel.

Taxi!

[Simone] Hold on, Danny, let me take you home.

[Daniel] No.

I'll go with him. Hey! Hey, Ryan!

Come on, wake up. We're taking you home.

[Ryan grunts]

You drank!

You turned your map app back on at 17:36:22.

Impact was at 17:36:24.

Skid marks show you lost 30 feet before you swerved.

You didn't have time to stop

because you were looking at your fucking phone, Allison.

Stop blaming Alvarez.

They're dead because of you.

[stifles sob]

[car door closes]

[sobbing softly]

All right. All right. It's all right.

Come here. Come here.

It's all right. Okay.

[kid] No, that can't go over there.

That can't...

That can't... That can't go...

[soft music playing]

Good morning.

Good morning.

I made a house.

Do you have a headache?

Yeah.

Hey.

Can I, uh, sell this, please?

I'll give you $12,500.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Thank you.

It is a beauty.

[piano music playing]

[Allison singing "I Hate Myself"] ♪ I woke up today ♪

♪ At least that much is true ♪

♪ I saw what people see ♪

♪ What a year this made of me ♪

♪ I tried a hundred times ♪

♪ But each time I thought of you ♪

Thank you.

♪ I hate myself ♪

♪ I fuckin' hate myself ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ And I ♪

♪ I want days of pain ♪

♪ Oh, to feel ♪

♪ The things I need ♪

♪ To pay off this shame ♪

♪ And I know that makes me broken ♪

♪ I know that makes me weak ♪

♪ I guess I'll put my armor back on now ♪

♪ I found a way ♪

♪ But I turned around ♪

♪ One step to start ♪

♪ But I'd rather fall down ♪

♪ Too much of a coward ♪

♪ To just say I'm wrong ♪

[Ryan] Grandpa, you are not gonna believe this.

One of the girls on the team

invited me to a party this weekend.

You?

- Yes, me! - [laughs]

[Allison continues singing] ♪ Help me, please ♪

♪ Try to fix yourself ♪

♪ That's all they said to me ♪

♪ Try to fix myself ♪

♪ To know how hard that would be ♪

[song ends]

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you so much for coming.

Sure.

- You look great. - [both chuckle]

I nearly put makeup on,

and then I just laughed at myself. [laughs]

Do you like my clips?

Wow, yeah.

I stole them from a pharmacy.

- [scoffs] - Not recently.

- Like, a while back. - [both laugh]

I don't know where to start.

That's okay.

Um, I'll start.

[smacks lips]

[breathes deeply]

Nate, I didn't have...

the faintest idea

how to handle my own grief.

I didn't even know if I was allowed to grieve.

We were all flailing.

Yeah, but I abandoned you,

and that was so selfish.

I ran as fast as I could away from you.

I still wanted you to be my wife.

I know.

But the truth is, Nate, I...

I was so sure

I was gonna...

- try... - I know.

And you know I tried.

I tried, but I couldn't.

'Cause I didn't wanna hurt you again.

It wasn't your fault.

It was.

Your dad was right.

If I hadn't been looking at my phone,

I could have stopped in time.

You deserve an apology that never came, and I'm so sorry.

I'm really sorry.

[sighs]

[chuckles dryly]

I've been spending some time with him lately.

Yeah.

- Oh, it's a work-in-progress. - [chuckles]

Good.

He kept me alive, you know.

I know about your ear.

Hey... I need you to be clear on one thing.

I loved you so much.

[tearfully] And along with everything else,

I will forever grieve

for the life that we might have had. [sniffles]

Me too.

- We were a good team. - [both chuckle softly]

It would be nice

if we could one day find some way

to be in each other's lives.

Maybe that's unrealistic,

- but... - Maybe.

[softly] Yeah.

Maybe.

I think we can all thank Elaine.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciated getting to know you,

and talking to you.

Everybody, our deeply inappropriate stories

- from yesterday... - [all laughing]

...have been well in my head. King's laughing.

Your stories are foul. [laughs]

Mama,

I'm so grateful for you.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.

And I love you.

[all applauding]

[soft piano music playing]

The food was terrible. Thank you.

[Allison singing "The Best Part"] ♪ I can't shake you off, dear ♪

♪ It's something I have tried to do ♪

♪ But I can't shake you off, dear ♪

♪ Sit on trains and think of you ♪

♪ But I...♪

♪ Oh, I can't tell ♪

♪ If it hurts or it helps ♪

♪ So breathe me in ♪

♪ One last time ♪

♪ And we play ♪

♪ Our rehearsed ♪

♪ Goodbyes ♪

♪ I can't shake you off, dear ♪

♪ It's something I have tried to do ♪

♪ But I can't shake you off, dear ♪

♪ I sit on trains and think of you ♪

♪ But you are the best part ♪

♪ You ♪

Thank you.

[scattered applause]

Um, I recently recorded my first EP,

and it's at the coat check

because I'm also the coat check girl.

Uh, so come buy a CD,

or I won't give you your coats back.

[people laughing]

[cell phone ringing]

Hi.

I know you're calling about my one-year clean,

but I need to tell you what I just did.

Yeah. No, I can talk.

Okay.

[somber music playing]

Hey, Dwayne.

Could you take these to the kitchen for me?

Thank you so much.

[soft, indistinct chatter]

[Simone] She'll give it back. Right, Ryan?

- That's nice. - [Ryan] Thank you.

Hey. How's it going? Ooh, wait, I have cupcakes.

- Need any help? - No, no, no. I'm all good. Thank you.

Actually, we broke up

- a few months ago. - Yeah...

- [Allison] Hey, Mama. - Yes?

Could you go pass these around over there?

I think they would like some.

- Sure. - Thank you.

- Ooh, they smell so good. - They are good.

[somber music continues]

[switch clicks]

[Daniel] Dear Allison.

Down here in 1:87 scale,

the lovers always kiss,

the neighbors are always kind,

and the trains always take you to the far-off places

you always swore you'd go.

In life, of course,

nothing is nearly as neat and tidy.

Everything I own has been left to Nathan and Ryan.

Nathan has agreed to move home

and be her guardian until she's off to college.

He'll need help.

Please help him, Allie.

Molly always said Nathan was the best version of himself

when he was with you.

Who knows,

maybe you can even get her into Stanford. [chuckles]

When we first met in that diner,

you asked what my tattoo meant.

- Amor fati is Latin. - [typewriter clacking]

It means "to love one's fate."

Neither of us chose this fate, Allie.

But perhaps we can find a way to love it.

Fate has given me one final year with my son.

He looks at me differently these days.

Once in a while I even catch him smiling at me

with a look that might just even be love.

Amor fati, Allison.

Until we meet again,

Daniel.

[Ryan] Allie?

Yeah?

What are you doing?

Come on upstairs.

[Allison] Yeah, okay.

["Deep In Love" playing]

[switch clicks]

♪ Down in the valley the first of May ♪

[door creaks]

♪ Gatherin' flowers both fresh and gay ♪

♪ Gatherin' flowers both red and blue ♪

♪ How little thought of what... ♪

[Allison breathes deeply]

♪ ...what love could you do ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ I put my hand in into the bush ♪

♪ Finding the sweetest sweetest rose ♪

♪ I pricked my finger deep to the line ♪

♪ And left the sweetest rose ♪

♪ Sweetest rose behind ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Thousands and thousands all on this Earth ♪

[song ends]

["On My Mind" playing]

♪ Honey you've been on my mind ♪

♪ Like Christmas and birthdays when I was five ♪

♪ Like the ticking clock for racers ♪

♪ And those in the prison line ♪

♪ Like Everest for Mallory and how drinkers know their wine ♪

♪ And the birds and the bees when you hit nine ♪

♪ And pearls for those girls

♪ Who always have their hair in pretty curls ♪

♪ You're on my mind ♪

♪ Honey you've been in my head ♪

♪ Like homework on Sunday when I've been laughing instead ♪

♪ Like cigarettes for the cool kids behind the garden shed ♪

♪ And love for the lovers and the elephant by my bed ♪

♪ And pearls for those girls ♪

♪ Who always have their hair in pretty curls ♪

♪ And football for English boys ♪

♪ Who always have the newest toys ♪

♪ You're on my mind ♪

♪ So don't you go away too long ♪

♪ Oh don't you go away too long ♪

♪ Oh don't you go ♪

♪ Away too long ♪

♪ You're on my mind ♪

♪ You're on my mind ♪

[song ends]