Original subtitles

Hyacinth? Yes, ma'am?

My husband is debauched, Hyacinth.

Yes, ma'am.She lies through her

Debauched. I like it.

Yes, it's a good word.

I wonder what it means.

He's a lecher, Hyacinth.

Mummy warned me!

Her mother is delusional, Hyacinth.

Picture a vast bosom,

You have to admire the way the

I shall tell daddy and make daddy

Yes, ma'am. (That doesn't go with

This is "the swine" speaking,

She's been at the gin again, can

Yes, sir.Ignore him, Hyacinth.

Yes, ma'am.Don't ever marry,

Stay free.

Life's a bitch, Hyacinth, and it's

How dare you.

Kiss me, damn you.

No! I can taste her.

Will you please hide the gin,

There he goes. Off to his floozies.

I shall kill him, Hyacinth.

Knife, I think.

Poison is so impersonal.

Yes, ma'am. "Impersonal".

I can use impersonal.

Must remember impersonal.

Whoops-a-buttercup.

We're here again. It must be fate.

Oh!

'When I'm married, with a home of my

'shades, hints of broderie anglaise,

'he can have his own room.

'Which I'm sure is more hygienic,

Is that daddy on the floor in drink

No, if anyone enquires, it's all

Daddy, why are you lying there?

It's so impersonal.

Has anyone seen you? Did you explain

wrong to leave the shrapnel in?

Are you using your breath mints?

Argh, the aliens have landed!

I will NOT take you to my leader.

Daddy! Why are you lying here?

What about the dress code of the

Is this the posture of a sales

I don't suppose you could see your

No more this week.

There is a terrible shortage of cash

You have to learn to live on your

Oh, it's a terrible job, child.

Scarcely better than manual labour.

Nonsense. You're a sales executive.

Today I sold a pack of Wonder

Well done, Daddy.

You'll soon be managerial.

New family size.

Not Mrs Harrison, she was a very

I was thinking, you girls need a

We don't need one that's married

Besides, you promised mummy you'd

No, I didn't. I never married your

SHRIEKS: Don't ever say that!

Remember, you've been so forgetful

Repeat after me,

Twice, but not to me.

You're delirious, Daddy.

I can smell it from here.

I think I'm in love with Mrs

With Mummy's memory!

I tell everyone how devoted you

She ran off with a Yank! You were

She was killed in the Blitz.

She was often bombed, I'll give you

No problem, love. Say hello to

Oh, pack it in, our Rose!

If our Hyacinth catches you,

Let him breathe, for goodness' sake!

It's not my bike.

I hate bikes.

It's just that it's so worth the

Eric and I were merely exercising

Oh, you've got an Eric now?

Don't you think he looks like

- No. - Everybody says that.

What happened to George?

Oh, too shallow. And he's got a

Since yesterday?

Maybe it's a wig. You never

I was blinded by his Norton

When you're on the pillion you can

His front came as quite a shock.

Give over! You seen more front than

I think it's a vocation.

BELL TRINGS

Looks like Father's "wobbly" again!

It's his war wound!

Daisy, why are you wearing Daddy's

Because it's me that's opening and

While he takes on a second job to

You look like the opposite sex.

I like that look. Help Daddy

Not well? He's plastered.

If anyone enquires, it's his war

This family does not overindulge in

So what is he wearing that loopy

I'm in love with a Mrs Harrison.

No, he isn't. I expect she reminds

And how long has it been

You've been talking posher and

Respectable people call their

You hear nice things about sugar

Not from me, you don't.

Sugar daddies?

Your mother had one of them until

I'm sure she didn't.Before my time.

The way she looked when I met her,

He's wandering again, help me get

Wandering? He's out of his bonnet!

They left the shrapnel in!

That's too much make-up, Rose.

Oh, um... There we go.

I wish she'd find more to do with

She doesn't believe in more before

I think that's weird, don't you?

How's Gary?

- He's got headache. - I'm not

There is something magical waiting

PARROT:Where's Daddy?

I've had it in the oven on slow all

The evening meal, Daisy, is known as

WATER PIPES JUDDER VIOLENTLY

But we were raised tea.

And now I'm raising us better.

Oh!

This house!

Where's the thing for under this

What have we got that's useless for

That man has two jobs.

And I'm doing one of them while he's

Show a little sympathy for his

The war's been over for years.

Not for Daddy. He still feels the

Well, he spends most of his time not

So, what happened to dinner at

It's called lunch.Whatever it's

As soon as Violet gets here.

Oh, I can hear a car. That'll be

Her employer, giving her a lift

A married man? I don't like it.

What would Mummy have said?

According to Father, it was usually

It's quite clear to me, Daisy, that

and it goes without saying, highly

He says she was anybody's!

If anyone asks, Mummy was a tower of

She made her own jam.

Why is Violet still out there?

Chatting? I knew it.

Your sister's inches away from shame

Our Violet knows how to look after

I don't trust men with moustaches.

Imagine one inside your best

Who's got best china?

Oh, it's waiting for me in my

Look at him smiling at her.

Do you think they've come straight

Our Violet? Mm, she doesn't talk to

What makes her think she's superior?

I'm the one that uses words like

What we looking at? Your sister's

Oh, she'll have to get closer than

Look! He's waving at her! That's not

Ooh!

Ooh, that reminds me, must write

Who left this here?

What? You're later than usual, in

Don't start.

What's for tea? Dinner!

And why are you wearing your skirt

It's not shorter.

Then your legs have grown since

Dangerous earrings?

They're not fit for work.

They're saying, "I'm up for

Oh, I could use a pair.

Get your own, you're not borrowing

I hope he brought you straight home.

We were late leaving.

Mr Cartwright can't drop everything

You don't sell farm machinery

Oh, it's "Mr Cartwright" now, is it?

It's always been Mr Cartwright.

The way you say it, it sounds like,

And how long has he had that

How do I know how long he's had

You're in moustache denial.

And yet you're working together

Pack it in, Hyacinth.

We eating yet? Is Father home?

Daddy's resting.Mmm! Again?

Just like Mother.

She made her own jam.

♪ Sugar in the morning

♪ Sugar after suppertime

♪ Be my little sugar

♪ And love me all the time

♪ Honey in the morning

PIPES JUDDER

I've got plans. This is not squalor,

Which we will be relieved of when

The biggest wonder is he ever sells

Kindly remember that that man,

had to single-handedly raise four

She ran off with a Yank!

Does that sound likely from someone

He raised us "single-handedly"?

We had a new auntie every few

His bed had a bigger turnover than a

He slept on the sofa.

And if anyone enquires, he always

I'd better look in on Daddy.

She's on her own planet.

Right, low card loses.

Whose sleeping with Hyacinth?

All she talks about is the house

Keeps you awake half the night

It's time you grew up, our Rose.

- Life's not a giggle. - It is if

Right, pick your cards. Lowest

Not only no giggles, you daren't

I should think you daren't, not

VOILET GROANS

GIGGLING

What are you giggling at, you two?

She's lost a George and found an

Not another one. How do you remember

I find if you snog a bit, it all

What's wrong with Mr Cartwright's

What's he hiding behind it?

I don't like you in the car

you've got a bicycle.

I have to look decent at work.

Mr Cartwright says I'm an asset

You never smile, you misery.

You keep a face like a sore bum.

I smile at work!

What's there to smile about here?

Daddy's doing his best.

He recently sold a family pack of

And spent his commission before he

Alter your tone, madam!

At Aldershot?

Oh, Aldershot was at war with

And then he served in the desert.

I know. He still keeps a picture of

Out of respect for her services to

Just like Mother's to the Americans!

Drinking her way through the

Hands across the sea, Violet.

Do you think we could all be

That'd be better than living in

I think it's time we all went to

I could be eligible for Hollywood.

What, and leave Eric?

Goodnight, everyone. Say your

No funny stuff.

I hope we all haven't inherited

She made her own jam!

PHONE RINGS

The Cooper-Smith residence, the maid

I believe Mrs Cooper-Smith has

Who, or should that be whom,

Yes, my lady.

No, my lady. Oh, no, my lady.

I'm sure I can remember a message

I'm sorry, my lady. There seems to

And it's off to work we go.

Without a kiss or a goodbye?

Who is that on the phone, Hyacinth?

A Lady Harkness, ma'am.

I'll take that.

Good morning, Sylvia.

I've spoken to a Lady Harkness! Oh!

I must tell Daddy.

Me, chatting with the aristocracy.

She called me "girl"!

"What was that noise, girl?"

"That was Squadron Leader - retired

That one's not for Daddy.

That one's for me to sort out.

My husband is a cheating swine,

Oh, it was just a glancing blow,

He's been seen parked in a lay-by

Maybe a customer, ma'am?

He sells cars.From the back-seat?

Not just cars, dear, top of the

I wish I could say the same about

I've done the bedrooms, ma'am.

So has Claude!

Oh, I hate that man!

I wish he were... Ugly!

I expect it's all a mistake.

Oh, no. It's Claude, all right.

Never happy unless he's bombing

And I have to learn about this

Oh, ma'am. Should we be talking like

Aristocracy?

He's in dog food.

Bought his damn title.

I like to know how.

Daddy tried and got nowhere.

She was his so-called secretary.

If she's any good at shorthand,

Pour me a gin, and get yourself one.

Oh, no. I couldn't, ma'am.

It's a young girl's worst enemy.

No, dear. Other girls are a girl's

You won't want gin, there's a

You'll find it much sweeter.

♪ Love, oh, love, oh, careless love

(# Love, oh, careless love)

♪ Love, oh, love, oh, careless love

(# Love, oh, careless love)

♪ You've broke the heart

♪ of many a poor girl

♪ But you'll never... ♪

Oh! Oh, um, the Cooper-Smith

I know where I am, dear.

Is she in? I will see if Mrs

Tell her it's Freddy.

Where'd you find that one?

Oh, she's a treasure.

That's my fault.

She finds she rather likes a

Tastes like fruit squash.

You're drinking early.

I see you're ready to join me?

I thought you'd never ask.

Claude misbehaving again?

None of your business, Freddy.

Oh, I sometimes wonder.

- Cheers. - Then stop wondering.

I'm not likely to exchange one

This floor slopes gently.

One wonders, is that a feature of

Hyacinth Walton, pull yourself

Oh, I'll do the drawing room until

There's something in my eye, ma'am!

I can't see a thing. Excuse me while

You see? A treasure.

'The ways of the upper classes are

'Role models only to a point.

'I couldn't do with a Freddy of

'I wonder if they're compulsory

'Surely there's a limit to how far a

'Even for fitted carpet throughout.

'No, I couldn't.

'When I'm married, my husband will

'Will I have to tell William I've

'At least it was by an officer and a

Thanks, Daisy! See you tomorrow.

No problem!

Good evening.

I see Daddy's home early.

Tired from his labours.

He's that tired he's gone boating

Oh, well done, Daddy!

Healthy exercise.

He took my bike.

How am I going to get to the

I do hope Daddy doesn't fall in the

Fishing him out's become routine.

Surely you don't begrudge assisting

It's my bike I'm worried about!

It takes ages finding that.

He never remembers where it went in.

Oh, poor Daddy.

If I'm not here, everything goes to

And Daisy, please change out your

You sit down for dinner, I'll be

Repeat after me.

"This family is going upwardly

ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYS

Our Hyacinth's inside!

Ah, George. Off you go.

I thought you'd left George for

I have. But I'm letting George down

Plus you get a lift home.

There is that.

I thought you didn't

I close my eyes and... think of

Oh, here we go again.I'm doing it!

- Let me do it! - Come on,

SHRIEKING AND LAUGHTER

FATHER DRUNKELY SINGS

♪ Mr Sandman

♪ Bring me a dream

♪ Make her complexion like peaches

♪ Give her two lips, like roses and

♪ Then tell me that my lonesome

♪ Sandman, I'm so alone

♪ Don't have nobody... ♪

What's this one for?

Your William's on his way.

Why is he wearing a hat?

I'm grooming him for executive

Are you letting him in this time?

Not until we get matching crockery

Oh, she leaves it in funnier places

I don't know how William puts up

We're saving ourselves for

Ooh, and maybe then he can take his

I've never seen a boyfriend so

They need a certain amount of

We're walking out together.

We go for walks.

We plan our future.

GIGGLING

And keep off that back row!

Don't worry.

SHE SIGHS

♪ Mr Sandman, bring me a dream. ♪

GIGGLING

- Oooh! - Oh, eh-up!

Looking smart, William.

I love the hat.

All dressed up for another exciting

I feel overdressed in this hat.

Come away, you two. Put William

Goodbye, William. Don't do anything

Is there anything you wouldn't do?

Don't ask. She'll think it's a

You always feel there's so much more

You're very quiet, William.

Have you lost all interest in

Hyacinth...

When are we going to do something

William Hitchcock! What makes you

I mean some other activity.

Never, William. Not before marriage.

Such as going to the cinema.

We're saving up from a bottom

I want to make you a home with all

sometimes see advertised on our

A shipwreck! Don't look! Let's go

Looks very much like him, I must

No, it is. It's your father.

Oh, what superb eyesight you've

Ah, the ukulele! Daddy always loved

I expect he played till he was

Who are these ladies? He probably

No wonder he's exhausted.

Reflexes like lightning. Saved them

Step aboard, William."Aboard"?

It's that way. No room for all of us

Please row Daddy back to where he

And if he's still dizzy from his war

But don't let him ride it!

Oh, Hyacinth.

Just a little farewell before these

And don't lend him any money!

I won't. He owes me 22 shillings

Hurry back, William!

TELEVISION: There's the sort of

open moorland with distant horizons,

because there's less chance of

Is Father back yet with my bike?

William's rowing him back to where

Rowing? Don't ask.

Father's coming. Alone?

Whoa... Help!

God, he's in again.

On my bike!

Where's the life belt?

Get the life belt! Coming, Daddy!

I don't like you seeing Freddy.

I don't like your tarts.

Have you been unfaithful to me?

- Bitch. - Swine.

There's only you for me, Dulcie.

- Promise? - Yes. What about Freddy?

Freddy who?

SPLASHING AND YELLING

He's going under!

There's someone in the canal.

Ask him where he went in!

Where's my bike? Don't pester Daddy

Daddy, what've you done with

Hyacinth? Oh, Squadron Leader! Oh...

May I introduce my father?

Very highly thought of in the

Daddy will be fine,

though I have to wonder, were they

Don't let them in the house until we

Daisy, please remove Rose from the

Daddy, where is William?

The girls took him to their place.

Oh! I hope he won't lose his hat!

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