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ANTERIORMENTE
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Guess what happened with me and Patrick last night.
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He collects and restores teddies.
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And pals about with blokes that shoot people.
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I wondered if you would look after Charlie Littlepockets for me?
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That would be an honour.
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We need to find out what's inside back there, Leanne.
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- I'm opening it up.
- Well, what is it?
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It... It's a gun.
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So, then, got rid of the body properly, then, yeah?
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- Yeah.
- You've got to get to the spunk out of the bollocks.
- What?
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You have got to take out these witnesses. Finish the fucking job.
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Put these on me tab, yeah?
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No tabs. You need to pay for that.
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This is what your daddy should have done.
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- What was that?
- It's nothing.
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Oh, fuck.
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Patrick.
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- All right, mate?
- Willy.
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Great to see you.
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It's been a while. Was you just in the area, or...?
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Oh, I'm stressed out here, mate.
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Just trying to stay calm.
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- I'm sorry to hear that.
- I need a favour.
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A big favour.
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Well, I mean...
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- If...
- I knew I could count on you, mate.
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I just need you to look after something for me.
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One-Pack'll drop it round,
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just throw it in the fucking drawer and forget about it.
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Fuck me. What's all this, mate?
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Oh, that's just a sideline...thing.
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Do you make these?
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I restore... Well...
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Yeah.
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Yeah... Each bear gets a little certificate, yeah?
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That's fucking quality, that, mate.
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- Yeah?
- I tell you what, my wife, she'd go fucking nuts for that.
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I tell you.
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Oh, yeah. Hang on.
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I tell you what.
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- Serious?
- Yeah.
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- Little present.
- Oh, mate.
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She'll fucking... Come here. Come here.
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Hey!
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Hey, top bloke.
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Don't you forget, mate. Door's always open.
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Morning.
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Do you think I got enough on it?
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I mean, some went on my hand, and I had to sort of drip it on.
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I mean, a lot went on. It was a big one.
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I mean, you don't drink that much Tizer and not do a big one.
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Oh, Rhones, nothing's happening.
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Does that mean I'm not...
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It does, doesn't it?
It means I...
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Oh, my...God.
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A line.
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- That means I'm pregnant.
- Oh, my God.
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Hey, my horoscope said,
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a new person or job opportunity would come into my life.
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And a baby is sort of like a person.
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- And being a full-time mum is a job.
- Oh, my God.
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Russell Grant, if you can hear me now, and I believe you can,
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thank you for this blessing.
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- Oh, my God, this is a disaster.
- No, this is fate.
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Leanne, we need to talk about your options.
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Names. Breast-feed or bottle.
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No, I mean the two options you have right now.
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What, boy or girl? Yes.
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If I want a girl, I need to start eating garlic or oily fish now.
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Hello, you're through to Childline.
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Yeah, hi, this is, like, confidential, right?
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Yes, that's right, lovie.
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- Even if I've done something illegal?
- Even if you have broken the law.
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Right. Because what it is is...
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I shot this guy.
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What?
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I shot this guy.
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Jesus Christ, I thought you were going to say you'd nicked some cans.
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Sorry.
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- Go on, lovie.
- I just don't really know what to do now.
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And I'm a bit stressed out because the spunk's still in the balls.
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- The what?
- The spunk is still in his balls.
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It's got DNA in it.
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Well, I mean... I think that's the least of your worries, lovie.
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You don't have to worry about...
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about the spunk in the balls.
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That's not a thing.
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Really? Fuck. Thanks, Benny.
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You just made me look like a twat in front of Childline.
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I think you should go to the authorities.
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It sounds like you're a very disturbed young man.
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What? Fuck's sake.
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I could have gone to my mum for that.
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Is there anything else you want to talk about?
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No.
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Wait.
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Yeah.
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Is it gay to get stiffies in the night?
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Oh, my God. I think I can feel him kicking.
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- Is that possible?
- No.
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- No, it isn't.
- Must be gas.
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The Tizer. Oh, baby's first Tizer.
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Right, so what do we do now?
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Well, first of all, I've got to talk to Patrick.
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- What?
- Rhona, he's the father.
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Yes, but in the cons column,
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he could get you, and now your unborn child, killed.
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Rhona, yeah, he may have some shady friends,
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but he's not going to hurt the mother of his child.
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Now, maybe he'll slam the door in my face, but he's the father.
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I'm going to talk to him.
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Well, you'll be going on your own.
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Fine.
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I'm serious.
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I know you are.
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I won't be there to back you up if anything goes wrong.
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Rhona, believe it or not,
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I made it 26 years of my life without your help.
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Pull, Leanne.
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You heard, then?
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I can't believe it.
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She was such a good woman, you know?
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Sharp wit,
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damn fine cheesecakes.
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You think they got to Forrest?
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That he's mixed up in all this shit?
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I think we have to entertain that idea, yeah,
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given that his wife was shot on her own doorstep.
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Fuck!
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You know, I've never told anyone this.
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I grew this moustache because of that man.
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Fuck.
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Right.
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- You are OK there?
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
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Shall I just check if the milk is pasteurised?
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No, I'll just check.
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Hello, is it pasteurised?
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Sorry, mate. Hi, the milk, is it pasteurised?
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Leanne. Leanne, wait.
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Of course you need to talk to Patrick about this.
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I'm sorry.
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Sorry I called you a cold-hearted bitch.
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- When did you say that?
- Maybe I just thought it.
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Point is, it's water under a bridge.
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Come on, let's go catch the train.
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Come on.
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Adrian?
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Adrian?!
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Adrian, my name's DC Wilton, I'm a police officer.
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I wanted to talk to you about Gareth Pugh.
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Gareth who?
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Yeah.
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- That guy.
- I was told you two are friends.
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Oh, no, we was more friends in year eight, to be honest.
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- Right.
- The teachers and Gareth's mum said that you two are pretty tight.
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I know him to say hello to.
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Why? What's he done?
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Gareth didn't come home on Saturday night.
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He hasn't been seen since. Do you know anything about that?
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Well, when did you last see Gareth?
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Well, I don't want you to worry, Adrian.
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We're going to be looking for Gareth,
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and we're very good at finding people, whatever's happened to them.
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If you do remember something,
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it doesn't matter how small it might seem,
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you need to let us know, OK?
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- Yeah.
- OK?
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Yes!
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Hey, Dens, he's come home.
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We'll have the whipper-in round.
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- Mystique?
- Hi, Patrick.
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Sorry to bother you. I know I only saw you, God, day before yesterday?
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So much has happened. Sorry I look a bit weird,
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- I slept on the street last night.
- Is everything all right?
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What the...?
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Inside, bucko.
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- Right, look, I can explain.
- Rhona.
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Please just put the gun down.
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- We didn't discuss this.
- We know you're in a gang.
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- Yes, OK.
- Rhona.
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- I mean, no, I used to be.
- Put the gun down.
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- Leanne, shut up.
- For God's sake, please, no more bloodshed.
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- What?
- She's got previous.
- Oh, God.
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Is it money you're after? Cos I can get you money.
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The gang, what's your involvement?
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I was... I was a teenager.
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Oh, God, I'm not in it any more, I swear.
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Right, so you got this from Argos, did you?
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- I was made to hide it.
- Just listen to him.
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These bears - what's that about? Stashing coke or something?
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- What?
- Right, you're being ridiculous now.
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Coke? No, if you put a gram of coke one of those bears,
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it would actually devalue it.
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And why didn't you call my friend back?
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- I'm... I'm sorry.
- It's all right, Patrick.
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Would it have killed you to text her?
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Look, I had an essay to finish.
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Could have text me that, though.
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Look, honestly, I have nothing to do with a gang, I swear.
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- I'm a student...
- Have you got an NUS card for this academic year?
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Can I raise a practical question at this juncture?
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May I go to the loo?
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- No.
- Rhona.
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I have IBS. When I get stressed...
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Patrick needs a poo, Rhona.
207
00:13:15,275 --> 00:13:17,331
Yes. Patrick needs a poo.
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Sorry. Sorry, I didn't know she was going to do this.
209
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This is very much her thing.
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- I'll look away.
- Don't look away. You don't know what he might do.
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I think I know what he's going to do.
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There's actually something I need to tell you, Patrick.
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I hadn't imagined I was going to do it like this, but...
214
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Wait, I want to know why he had this gun.
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Someone from my past came round and asked me to look after it.
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And if you know this...
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..person, then, you can't say no.
218
00:13:49,819 --> 00:13:53,389
So why did you give it to Mystique? That's not very nice, is it?
219
00:13:53,390 --> 00:13:55,750
The police came round and I had to hide it.
220
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I'm sorry, I really am, it's just... I didn't...
221
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..think anyone would make a connection between us.
222
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Oh, nice and quick.
223
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:10,592
- That's a credit to your diet, Patrick.
- Thank you.
224
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Look, you were the first person
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I thought of that didn't have any involvement in any of this.
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Quick word?
227
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Do you think he's telling the truth?
228
00:14:25,756 --> 00:14:28,184
Yes, I think he's telling the truth.
229
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But I also need to tell him about...
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All right.
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All right, let's tell him who we really are.
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Really?
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Hey, look who it is.
234
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Hey, matey boy, you dropped something.
235
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Why are you looking at my penis?
236
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Oh, Sanjeev, he's looking at my penis.
237
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- Oh, fuck off.
- Do you know, I spanked this boy.
238
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Yes, I spanked him, and now no trouble.
239
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We're friends now. He's a good customer.
240
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Hey.
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See, he shitted his pants. He shitted his pants pants.
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OK, Patrick.
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Our real names are not Sarah Pen or Mystique.
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Believe it or not.
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They are Rhona and Leanne.
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- OK.
- It's not that we've been lying to you, yeah.
247
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We were given those identities by the police
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when we went into witness protection.
249
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Well, the police gave us the start point.
250
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We really built the characters ourselves.
251
00:16:09,932 --> 00:16:12,413
- Right.
- We were placed into witness protection
252
00:16:12,414 --> 00:16:15,537
because we saw a shooting on Parson's Lane in Bristol.
253
00:16:16,805 --> 00:16:18,601
- Oh, shit.
- And the gang,
254
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,832
the same gang I assume you used to be involved with,
255
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:23,952
have found our location. They've got contacts in the police.
256
00:16:23,953 --> 00:16:26,442
They sent a guy to kill us night before last.
257
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,079
OK, you... You guys have got to leave right now.
258
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,397
We've... We've never met, I promise you, my lips are sealed.
259
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:32,864
No, we need your help, Patrick.
260
00:16:32,865 --> 00:16:35,544
No, no, no, you don't understand, these guys work for Willy Whelan.
261
00:16:35,545 --> 00:16:39,424
- Who's Willy Whelan?
- He's like Mr Big in the East Bristol...
262
00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:43,064
Google him. He's been busy. Look, I wish I could help you guys.
263
00:16:43,065 --> 00:16:45,544
I really do. I've got... I've got 30 quid in my pocket.
264
00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:48,861
Wait, Patrick, there's something else.
265
00:16:48,862 --> 00:16:51,061
Leanne? Tell him.
266
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:57,744
I'm pregnant.
267
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:03,157
We're having a baby.
268
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:26,460
I had so much to drink last night, right?
269
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,025
Hey. I count them crisps, man.
270
00:17:47,026 --> 00:17:48,890
You know what happens.
271
00:17:56,837 --> 00:17:58,561
Are you OK?
272
00:17:58,991 --> 00:18:00,681
Yeah. Yeah, sorry...
273
00:18:02,272 --> 00:18:04,798
I don't know what happened there. Just the shock.
274
00:18:06,282 --> 00:18:10,712
I don't mean to be rude, but you're definitely sure?
275
00:18:10,713 --> 00:18:12,092
Yes.
276
00:18:13,078 --> 00:18:14,757
I did this.
277
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,169
A line means pregnant.
278
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:20,083
And I could have bought the own-brand one, but I didn't.
279
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,249
OK.
280
00:18:25,723 --> 00:18:27,115
OK, you're pregnant.
281
00:18:28,637 --> 00:18:30,157
We're going to have a baby.
282
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:33,465
We're going to have a baby.
283
00:18:33,466 --> 00:18:35,499
You will be a mum and I'll be a dad.
284
00:18:38,562 --> 00:18:41,721
Yes, I mean, this is in the context of gangsters wanting to slay us.
285
00:18:41,722 --> 00:18:43,419
Right, yeah, of course.
286
00:18:44,078 --> 00:18:46,568
Well, firstly, I'll help you, of course.
287
00:18:46,569 --> 00:18:48,202
I'll help you.
288
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:50,642
Yes! Good, yes, thank you.
289
00:18:50,643 --> 00:18:52,570
We'll get some money together.
290
00:18:52,571 --> 00:18:54,469
We'll go abroad.
291
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:57,038
Off the top of my head, I'm thinking Kavos.
292
00:18:57,523 --> 00:19:00,599
We'll get jobs working in the clubs, selling shots.
293
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,013
No, no.
294
00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:05,443
Patrick, people have different opinions about parenthood.
295
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,283
And every one is valid.
296
00:19:07,637 --> 00:19:09,831
But I always imagined my child
297
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,799
wouldn't live on the run from gangsters.
298
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,094
Exactly. We want to go home, Patrick.
299
00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:17,836
Have you been listening to a word I've said?
300
00:19:17,837 --> 00:19:19,336
You can never go home.
301
00:19:21,614 --> 00:19:23,298
I've got a plan.
302
00:19:23,299 --> 00:19:25,098
We've got the murder weapon.
303
00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:26,698
You know the murderer.
304
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,352
We plant it in his house and call Crimestoppers.
305
00:19:29,353 --> 00:19:31,312
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no.
306
00:19:31,313 --> 00:19:34,072
- That guy you saw, he's no-one.
- But if he gets convicted...
307
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,432
If he gets convicted, it won't go away. Don't you get it?
308
00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:39,014
- But the police said...
- The police don't know shit.
309
00:19:39,537 --> 00:19:41,828
But what about Willy what's-his-name?
310
00:19:41,829 --> 00:19:44,072
If we put the gun on him,
311
00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:46,484
and he went to prison for murder and that,
312
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,043
could we go home then?
313
00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:52,409
Well, if... If he didn't know it was you, yeah, maybe,
314
00:19:52,410 --> 00:19:53,952
if he went down for long enough.
315
00:19:53,953 --> 00:19:55,723
But you'd never get to do it, this guy...
316
00:19:55,724 --> 00:19:57,222
You know him?
317
00:19:57,223 --> 00:19:59,446
Yes, well... Sort of.
318
00:19:59,447 --> 00:20:01,447
Well, there you are. We'll do that, then.
319
00:20:08,701 --> 00:20:12,299
- What's going on?
- We've had a call about that lad.
320
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,783
- The one you told me about.
- Gareth Pugh? What's happened?
321
00:20:15,784 --> 00:20:17,496
His mum's had a text from him.
322
00:20:18,015 --> 00:20:21,569
You know, Wilton, this morning, morale here was in the toilet.
323
00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:24,263
But this? This is what we signed up to do.
324
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,507
Christ, I love police work.
325
00:20:26,508 --> 00:20:30,787
All right, lads, this is it. Asian sex gang!
326
00:20:36,387 --> 00:20:38,038
Let's fucking do this.
327
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,958
What are you...? Somebody help me.
328
00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:50,448
Contact my solicitor. AJ? AJ, call my solicitor.
329
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:55,316
Good work, boys. Lots of passion, lots of energy, lots of hustle.
330
00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:57,636
And not any loss of accuracy.
331
00:20:57,637 --> 00:21:00,398
- Stellar policing.
- Get me out of here. No.
332
00:21:00,807 --> 00:21:03,328
Get me out of here!
333
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:36,161
If you're on the rob, you can fuck off.
334
00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:39,449
The only thing I've got to my name in here is a bag of piss.
335
00:21:39,450 --> 00:21:41,310
I just want to ask you a few questions.
336
00:21:42,299 --> 00:21:43,773
There you are.
337
00:21:44,984 --> 00:21:47,832
It's about those two girls.
338
00:21:47,833 --> 00:21:51,273
- What?
- You know it was them shot you, don't you?
339
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,102
It was meant for me.
340
00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:57,835
And I don't know who they told you they were and what they were doing there,
341
00:21:58,217 --> 00:21:59,858
but they are running from a drug debt.
342
00:22:00,215 --> 00:22:03,154
Yeah? And you know, you can call me old-fashioned,
343
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,901
but if you owe money to someone, you give them it back.
344
00:22:05,902 --> 00:22:08,235
- That's common courtesy, isn't it?
- Oh, listen, love.
345
00:22:08,236 --> 00:22:10,289
You can leave off that shit.
346
00:22:10,635 --> 00:22:13,914
The police have already told me they were in witness protection.
347
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,773
And I'm guessing you're one of the lads who's after them.
348
00:22:18,644 --> 00:22:21,639
I don't really give a shit, to be honest with you.
349
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,400
But if you're looking for them...
350
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,487
I do know something.
351
00:22:33,488 --> 00:22:34,816
Yeah?
352
00:22:34,817 --> 00:22:38,460
One of them, Mystique, has got a boyfriend.
353
00:22:38,461 --> 00:22:40,179
Shagging a local lad.
354
00:22:40,749 --> 00:22:43,188
He doesn't go by the name of Charlie Littlepockets, does he?
355
00:22:43,189 --> 00:22:45,458
Might do. Might not.
356
00:22:45,459 --> 00:22:47,138
But I can give you his real name.
357
00:22:47,139 --> 00:22:49,552
- Oh, go on, then.
- What are you offering?
358
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,568
You're a cheeky bitch, you are, aren't you?
359
00:22:52,569 --> 00:22:54,006
I'll tell you what, I'm offering that.
360
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:56,064
So give me his name,
361
00:22:56,065 --> 00:22:58,021
or I'll give you another fucking bullet to match that one.
362
00:22:58,022 --> 00:23:00,224
You won't get his name, then, will you, love?
363
00:23:00,716 --> 00:23:03,919
Why don't you go and tell whoever the fuck you work for
364
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,023
that I'll give you the name for a grand?
365
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,929
Excuse me, visiting time is over.
366
00:23:11,930 --> 00:23:14,129
It's all right, love, it's just my nephew.
367
00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:16,791
He'll change my bedpan, so you don't have to do.
368
00:23:17,144 --> 00:23:19,272
It's a good job we're family, isn't it?
369
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:22,627
It's a fucking dog's breakfast down there.
370
00:23:46,837 --> 00:23:49,707
Hey, it's me. There you go.
371
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:53,840
Got some toothbrushes, shampoo and deodorant.
372
00:23:53,841 --> 00:23:55,559
I wasn't sure what you liked.
373
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,567
- Leanne, you OK?
- Oh, yeah, thank you, Patrick.
374
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,559
- I'm just resting, which is vital.
- Good, good.
375
00:24:03,020 --> 00:24:04,720
Do you feel sick?
376
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,868
- No.
- Good, good.
377
00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:11,985
If you do, just...
378
00:24:12,834 --> 00:24:15,810
go for your life.
It lands where it lands - don't worry about it.
379
00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:18,289
Oh, you're so sweet, Patrick.
380
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:21,679
And there are some towels and stuff in the cupboard.
381
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,713
Just help yourselves, and I'll see you...
382
00:24:24,534 --> 00:24:26,063
in the morning.
383
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,893
Honestly, what part of odourless antiperspirant
384
00:24:28,894 --> 00:24:29,879
does he not understand?
385
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,879
I mean, why would I want to smell like a teenage boy?
386
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,765
Do I look like a woman who wants to smell like a teenage boy?
387
00:24:50,926 --> 00:24:52,310
Oh, God.
388
00:24:52,984 --> 00:24:54,679
Oh, Leanne.
389
00:24:56,765 --> 00:24:58,165
Leanne?
390
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,680
Nothing.
391
00:25:09,453 --> 00:25:10,800
NO PR�XIMO EPIS�DIO
392
00:25:11,395 --> 00:25:14,431
It's risky, but you could have something there.
393
00:25:14,432 --> 00:25:16,159
Police are appealing for anyone
394
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,225
with information on Gareth's whereabouts...
395
00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:21,024
Patrick has been so amazing, you know.
396
00:25:21,025 --> 00:25:24,923
Leanne, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
397
00:25:25,582 --> 00:25:27,626
Got you, you bastard.
29994
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