Original subtitles

(bell tolling)

(uptempo harmonizing music)

(moaning) (breathing heavily)

- Oh, that was so good.

Almost five years, just keeps getting better,

you know, Carole?

Carole?

- I think we need separate vacations.

- What?

You've been talking to those girlfriends

of yours, haven't you?

- No.

I've got a mind of my own.

- Well, what about the ski trip?

I mean, we've been planning it all semester.

- I know, but I really think that separate

vacations would strengthen our relationship.

- And just where we you planning on spending

this separate vacation of yours?

- Fort Lauderdale.

- Fort Lauderdale?

(uptempo tech music)

- [Sandra] Hot rollers, roomie dear, were not made

for re-heating pizza.

- You didn't like that, huh?

- [Sandra] I knew I shoulda started packing last week.

- Sandra, we're going to Fort Lauderdale for 10 days.

All you need is a bikini and a diaphragm.

- I'm not going to Fort Lauderdale.

I am going to Bermuda.

Fort Lauderdale is a zoo.

It's full of millions of guys who are just looking

for animal sex and debauchery.

- Exactly, that's why we're going.

- Oh, grow up.

- You grow up.

Sandra, the four of us could have a great time down there.

Besides, your cousin Camden will be there.

You know what it would mean to Jennie to meet him.

- Camden?

He's got the personality of a cement block.

- Who cares as long as it makes Jennie happy.

- Okay, I will drive down there with you

and I will spend the weekend with you, but that is all.

Then I am going to Bermuda.

And just to show you how nice I am, you can use my car.

- Thanks.

- Which is probably the only reason why you

want me to go in the first place.

(classical music)

- Hey, how'd it go?

- [Carole] I told him and he handled it very well.

- How well? - He wanted to kill me.

- It's pretty well considering.

- So, it's Fort Lauderdale, here we come.

- I don't think I can go.

- What?

And what about you?

- [Carole] Oh, I'm okay, I'm going.

- Jennie, thinking has nothing to do with it.

We're talking 10 days in Sodom and Gomorrah.

How can you back out now?

- Because I have a term paper due in two weeks

and I haven't even started yet.

I'm not like you, Laurie.

You don't crack a book and you make straight A's.

- Listen, darlin'.

If I can go spend three days in Fort Lauderdale,

which is out of my element, so can you.

Besides, how are you gonna go meet my famous

cousin, Camden Roxbury, though he be a weenie among men.

- Prick.

- Weenie.

- It's all the same.

- I don't get it. What's this got to do with Camden?

- He is going to be in Fort Lauderdale.

He is doing a benefit concert that

my Aunt Barbara is sponsoring.

So, as long as he's gonna be there,

why don't you come meet him?

- Oh, I wanna go so bad,

I just have so much work to do.

- [Laurie] Bring your books and you'll study.

- When you're not lusting after Camden.

- [Laurie] You can do both.

- You're right, I can do both.

- So?

- We're outta here.

("Hot Nights" by Jude Cole)

♪ Got me a school vacation

♪ I been waiting so long

♪ So long

♪ Get my reputation

♪ I'm gonna stay up all night long ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Nothing to lose, I've got to win ♪

♪ They might not see me back again ♪

♪ Hot nights are calling my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking back again we're gone ♪

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ So grab your books and leave them ♪

♪ We don't need them where we're going ♪

♪ No, no, no

♪ Got no time to read them

♪ That paperback don't turn me on ♪

♪ No, no, no

♪ Locked up in school it just ain't right ♪

♪ We're gonna make it up tonight ♪

♪ Well alright

♪ Hot nights are calling my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking back again we're gone ♪

- [Sandra] What are you doing?

- S.A. major S.A.

- [Jennie] What's an S.A.?

- Stud alert, you nun.

I'm giving that guy a ride.

- [Sandra] Laurie, no, not in my car.

That guy could be an ax murderer.

- [Laurie] With that bod?

I'll chance it.

- [Sandra] Are you crazy?

Driving in reverse on a major highway?

- [Laurie] Hi.

(all chattering)

- Thank you God.

Hi, I'm Scott Nash.

Could you move over just a little?

So where you girls going?

- [Laurie] Lauderdale!

- [Scott] Great, so am I!

You know, this is a very special place to me.

It's my sixth year in a row down here.

- [Laurie] Really?

- Yeah, and the reason I come to Lauderdale

every spring is to make my fortune

so I can continue being a part-time student.

- When did you drop out of school?

- Oh, about two years ago.

And let me tell ya, it's gonna be different this time.

'Cause I got a band.

- Where, in your duffle bag?

- Scott Nash and the Ramblers.

Ever heard of us?

- [Girls] No.

- No one has, but you will, real soon.

- So, you're into music?

- [Scott] Uh huh.

- [Carole] Jennie's a music major.

- Oh really?

Like what?

New wave?

Punk?

Reggae?

- Strictly classical.

- Hey, let's find a gas station.

I have to go pee-pee.

- Tinkle.

- Leak.

- Piss.

- Oh, gross.

(laughing)

Where's the bathroom?

- [Attendant] 'Round back.

- [Sandra] Where?

- [Jennie] There.

- [Carole] Yeah.

- Oh, no door?

Guard it.

- [Carole] Hey you know, that guy's kinda cute.

He's got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile.

Pretty intelligent, too.

- Yeah, and how 'bout those buns?

(uptempo pop music)

♪ Well ahead it won't be no snow ♪

♪ It's a place where everyone goes ♪

♪ Get a little crazy for a while ♪

♪ It's the land of good and plenty of guys ♪

♪ They come in every shape and size ♪

♪ And there's enough of them to go around ♪

♪ Many many times

♪ It's gonna be paradise

♪ Simply heaven

♪ You do anything you like

♪ Simply heaven

♪ Whoo hoo hoo

♪ Simply heaven

- [Carole] Oh my God, it's a supermarket of sex.

- Check out those hamstrings!

Look at those legs.

- Oh stop it.

I'm gonna take that yellow shirt and that blue biker

and the guys who's in it.

(chuckling)

- Sorry ladies.

This is where I get off.

My band awaits me.

Hey, thanks a lot for the ride.

Where you staying?

- Well, our plans are kinda up in the air,

we actually haven't--

- Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

- Right, catch ya there.

- [Carole] So long, hotshot.

- [Sandra] It's been very nice to meet you.

- Hey, you forgot your bag.

- Hey!

Hey, you finally made it, huh?

- [Scott] Hey Tony.

- Where the hell you been?

- [Scott] I got held up.

So, where are the guys?

- Oh, they're like, scoping the beach, man.

Scrounging for food, crazy.

Listen, we got uh, we're really hurtin', here.

We gotta eat and in order to eat we need bucks, you know?

Bread?

- I told ya I'd get us a gig.

- Oh my God, look at the talent on this girl.

I mean, fucking incredible footage.

Spielberg would shit.

(uptempo music)

- [Carole] Hey you guys, I'll go check us in.

- [Laurie] Okay.

- I am definitely out of my element.

- I thought leopard shawls were out.

(roaring)

- [Rappaport] Hello, doll.

- Hi, Carole Singer of Kenmore.

- Ah, here we are.

That's room 617.

The name's Rappaport.

Listen, dollface, if you need anything,

extra soap, more towels, a nude hot oil massage,

feel free to call me.

- [Carole] Gimme that key, creep.

- [Sandra] No boutique.

No beauty parlor.

- [Jennie] We'll find you a beauty parlor.

- Yeah, well I wish I were in Bermuda now.

(chattering)

- It's down there on the left.

- Oh, dammit.

Yellow ice again.

- [Carole] I got the key, I got the key.

Hold on.

- Hi y'all.

I'm from Texas A & M.

- Looks more like Texas S & M.

- [Carole] I think I'm missing a suitcase.

- [Laurie] Could be in the trunk of the car.

- [All] Oh my God.

(mumbling)

(crashing)

- Now I really am out of my element.

- We can't stay here.

- [Laurie] I love cheap grandeur.

- You would.

- [Jennie] How much is this room costing us?

- [Carole] I don't know.

- Oh, we've got to have this bathroom condemned.

- [Sandra] Why don't we call that guy at the desk

and get some Lysol?

He's probably drinking it as we speak.

- There's no hot water.

In fact, there's no water at all.

- [Carole] That bug was bigger than my foot.

- Operator I would like a number in Fort Lauderdale,

the Roxbury residence.

- [Carole] This has gotta go.

- [Sandra] Just a minute, operator.

- Perfect.

What have you got in there?

- One bottle of 151 proof rum, birth control pills,

some Midol, my father's American Express card,

king size bottle of Alka-Seltzer, too.

One sexy black teddy.

A lid of grass and a quarter, just in case

I have to call home.

I think that oughta get me through the night.

- That could get me through the rest of my life.

(harpsichord music)

- Ah, let's see, I'm wearing the black and white.

You're wearing the pink.

We'll take that one.

- Perfect.

That'll impress 'em at the Miami Airport.

- Hector, wash the car, not your hair.

- Relax, Barbara.

- Relax?

If I'm late I'll kill myself.

My son needs me.

- Darling, he hasn't needed you since he was six years old

when he won the International Chopin Competition.

- At Juilliard.

- [Maggie] Besides, he's wealthier, smarter and far more

pretentious than we are.

- [Barbara] No one's more pretentious than we are.

- [Maggie] Wanna bet?

- Barbara Roxbury please.

When?

Oh, can you tell her her niece Sandra called?

Sandra and I'm staying at the Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

Si.

Ooh, what's that?

- My buddy, Dave.

He was a gift and he'll be our bodyguard.

- Laurie, it is way too crowded in here.

He's gonna have to sleep in the tub.

- Come on, Dave, time for bath.

- [Jennie] Laurie, you're weird.

- She's on vacation scrubbing other people's toilets

and I'm weird?

Let's get naked, Dave.

(chuckling)

(harpsichord music)

- [Man] Hello, Mrs. Roxbury.

- Hi, thanks.

Oh God, we've missed him.

I knew it.

He's gonna be furious.

Camden!

Camden, darling, it's Mother!

- And Maggie.

- I know, I know.

Are you sure there's no press?

- Didn't I promise you?

Sometimes I think you don't trust me.

- Mother, you're a picture postcard.

And Maggie, you are simply younger than springtime.

- Oh, this boy's truly divine!

Oh come on, Camden.

Give your old mom a big smack on the chops!

(smooching) (chuckling)

- Camden, you look a little tired.

How old is this French actress that you've been dating?

The one we read about in People?

The one you didn't mention to me?

- Mother, that's my affair.

- Don't you think you'd be more comfortable

with people your own age?

- Mother, let's set things straight.

I'm here to do the concert for you and Maggie,

as I promised, but by weekend I'll be going back

to San Tropez for a little peace and quiet

and a very long rest.

- Oh, but darling.

You'll get plenty of peace right here

during Easter vacation.

♪ It's gonna be paradise

♪ Simply heaven

♪ I'll do anything you like

♪ Simply heaven

♪ Ooh hoo hoo

♪ Simply heaven

(cheering)

(screaming) (splashing)

- [Woman] Oh my God.

(chattering)

- [Laurie] Hey guys, you know what I wanna do down here?

- [Carole] What?

- I wanna meet some total bonehead

with the most gorgeous bod you've ever seen,

whose mind has turned to guacamole.

I'm talking Conan the Barbarian.

(giggling)

I'm gonna wrap myself around him for one night

of unbelievable raw, primal sex.

- She's great when she holds back like this.

- [Mr. Bullhorn] Attention!

Attention Paul Newman.

Paging Mr. Paul Newman.

- Paul Newman?

Where?

(cheering) (applauding)

Another victim of Mr. Bullhorn!

(cheering)

- New arrivals in town, hmm?

Better be careful with this Florida sun.

It's a lot stronger than you're used to.

- Really?

I guess you'd know all about sunburns and things,

being from Fort Lauderdale and all.

- I'm dark complected.

I don't burn.

- Well, darlin', you just be extra careful, okay?

- Uh huh.

- He's cute.

- And he's real sexy.

- Police officers are not sexy.

They're civil servants and you don't date them.

You date bankers and lawyers--

- Lawyers.

- [Sandra] And doctors--

- Doctors.

- There she goes again.

- Well, if I intend to leave here looking like

Diana Ross, I'd better start catching some serious rays.

(uptempo rock music)

Oh my God, it's Conan.

- Oh Jennie, be careful, be careful.

(wincing)

(knocking)

- [Laurie] Hey if you're hot, young and hung,

you can come in.

- What'd she just say?

- [Sandra] Laurie, who's that?

- [Scott] Hi, I forgot my bag.

- [Laurie] Hi, well, it's right over there.

Come on in.

- Well, thanks.

Hey guys, come on in. - [Sandra] What are you doing?

- [Jennie] What, are you kidding me?

- I want to introduce you to my four fabulous musicians.

That's Tony on the bass and camera.

That's Jude and Ray on the guitars.

And that's Jeff on the drums.

(chattering)

- This is Laurie, Sandra...

- Carole.

- [Scott] Carole.

- Thank you.

- And Jennie.

- [Tony] Ray, we're losing light here.

- I'm gonna call the front desk.

- What are you doing?

- I'm shooting a documentary.

- On what?

Half nude college girls?

Get outta here.

- He thinks he's Fellini.

Anyway, you're all invited tonight to City Limits

where we will be appearing live.

- [Jennie] Okay, look, bye.

- 9:30.

(chattering)

- Bye.

(phone ringing)

- [Scott] Now, don't forget, 9:30.

- [Tony] Bye.

(phone ringing)

- [Jennie] Laurie, would you come back here?

- [Laurie] No.

- [Sandra] Hello Aunt Barbara.

- [Jennie] I don't believe...

- Sandra, what a surprise.

I thought you'd be in Bermuda.

So, where are you staying?

Lauderdale Beach Hotel on the strip.

How divine.

With whom?

Oh, your three roommates.

Well, yes he is here, the little genius.

I know he'd love to meet them.

Where?

The City Limits.

How vivid.

No, no, it's perfect, what time, 9:30?

Great, right, bye.

- Bye bye.

Done.

We are meeting my Aunt Barbara and my cousin Camden

tonight at that club where Scott's playin'.

- I don't believe it.

(giggling)

What's he really like?

- Let me put it to you this way.

To Camden Roxbury, a one night stand

is an evening with the Boston Pops.

(laughing) (knocking)

- I got it.

- [Carole] Careful, might be that creep from downstairs.

- [Scott] Hi.

- [Jennie] Hi.

- I almost forgot, for you.

- Oh, thank you.

You really shouldn't have.

I mean, this must have been expensive.

- Some things are more important than money.

- Thanks.

It's Beethoven.

- How nice.

- [Jennie] From the Fort Lauderdale Public Library.

Oh, gimme a break.

(laughing)

- Hey look.

Come on, Toby, have a heart.

- My heart's in the cash register right over there.

- Well just put Scott Nash and the Ramblers to work

and you'll have cash in the register over there.

Come on, just let us perform tonight

and you'll see that Nash means cash.

Toby look, how do you expect me to go out there

and tell the guys that you can't use 'em?

I thought we had a deal.

- Sorry my man.

I don't need you.

I got a band.

- I'll tell you what, we'll work cheap.

In fact, we'll work free.

- What I need is busboys, dependable, responsible busboys.

- Busboys?

We're musicians.

- [Gary] Chip, we've been driving up and down

this strip for six hours.

- [Chip] And we'll keep driving for six more hours

until we find her.

- It's a hundred degrees down here.

I think we brought the wrong clothes.

- Well, we're not here for sunning.

We're here for spying.

- How do you expect to find her?

There's over two million college kids roaming around.

- She's down here, I'll find her.

I've given Carole some of the best years of my life,

and I swear, if I find her with some other guy,

I want those years back.

♪ Well be-bop-a-Lula she's my baby ♪

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula I don't mean maybe ♪

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula she's my baby

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula I don't mean maybe ♪

- [Barbara] Roxbury party please.

- [Camden] As expected, noisy, crowded, intrusive.

Perfect for my first night.

(mumbling)

- [Barbara] We're in America now, Camden.

You can say shit.

- Mother, I'm giving you 15 minutes in this place

and that's it.

- This is our best booth Mrs. Roxbury the third.

- He's the third, I'm the second.

Oh, there they are.

Come on, Maggie, Camden.

Darling.

- [Sandra] Barbara, over here.

(chattering)

Nice to see you.

This is my friend Carole and Laurie and Jennie.

My Aunt Barbara and Maggie.

Come on, sit down.

Hi Camden.

- Very nice to see you in your real eminence, Sandra.

- This place wasn't exactly my idea, cousin.

We just came to see a friend of Jennie's perform.

- Hi ladies.

May I take your order?

- Scott, I thought you guys were playing here tonight.

- So did I, but I think we're gonna play in a couple nights.

You know, I'm really glad you could make it.

And to show you my appreciation,

the first round of drinks is on me.

So what'll it be?

- I think we'd like to start with a magnum of Dom Perignon,

be just fine.

- How 'bout a round of beers?

- Is he a friend of yours?

- Well, not exactly.

He's just a guy we picked up hitchhiking.

He's someone we just met.

- Waiter, I think we'll just have the champagne

and you can put it on my Mastercard.

- Yes, sir.

(uptempo rock music)

- This job is worse than the job I had

in a pet cemetery in Cleveland.

- Do me a favor, okay?

- Oh sure, anything for a pal who got me into this

in the first place.

- Just take this order over to that table.

- [Tony] What's the matter?

Tray too heavy for ya?

- No, I just may drop it on his head.

- Hey guys.

For someone with a personality of a cement block,

I think Camden's kinda cute.

- I think you better get your eyes examined

for glasses when we get back to school.

- Getting back to your (mumbling) interpretation

of my third piano concerto.

- No, your second.

Your third was much more moderish in mood.

- I actually think she understands his music.

God knows I don't, but I love it.

- You know, Jennie, I'd very much like

to continue our conversation but this atmosphere

is certainly not the most conducive.

I'd like to see you again.

Would you like to be my guest at the concert Saturday night?

- I'd love to.

- Very good, I'll take care of everything.

Mother, Maggie, our 15 minutes are up.

Time to say au revoir.

- [Laurie] Oh, Camden we didn't even dance yet.

- [Barbara] Bye, you sweet thing.

- [Laurie] Oh, don't go.

- [Maggie] Bye darlins.

- [All] Bye.

(cheering)

(uptempo pop music)

♪ I don't want money

(chattering)

- Alright, you guys.

I think it's time to get seriously shitfaced,

but with dignity.

- Of course.

- Hi.

Can I have a margarita?

- [Bartender] Okay.

- And I'll have a gin and tonic.

- Scotch on the rocks.

- Scotch on the rocks.

- A virgin Mary.

- Hang on, hang on.

This isn't one of your mother's luncheons.

You're on vacation.

Have a real drink.

- Yeah, could you bring her a double tequila Mary

and could you possibly bring me your phone number?

- Don't go away, I'll be right back.

- I don't believe you.

(uptempo pop music)

(chattering)

- Hi Carole.

- [Carole] Tony.

- Come here.

- [Laurie] He's the one with the camera, isn't he?

- So, you game for a round of buzz, or what?

- [Carole] I'm game for a round of anything.

♪ I'll change my mind

♪ If you want me to

♪ I won't change my style

- In this game, it's anything that ends with seven

and multiples of seven, got it?

- Okay, I got it.

- [All] Then chug it, baby.

(laughing)

- Hey, are you sure it's okay for us to sleep here?

- We got no choice.

No hotel room.

No Carole.

(uptempo pop music)

- Good girl.

Okay, one more time.

One.

Two.

- Huh?

- Two.

- Three.

- Four.

(snoring) (laughing)

- He's five, I'm six.

- I'm seven, shit.

(laughing)

- At least one of us is having some fun.

- Aw, mas tequila.

Mas tequila Mary.

I am tequila Mary.

(giggling)

- We should get her drunk more often.

She's funny.

I'll be back in a minute.

- Can I have scotch on the rocks?

Ooh, Oberlin, huh?

- That's right.

- Where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.

Can we get acquainted?

- Sure.

- How 'bout out there?

- Thank you darlin'.

- Drink madam?

- Listen, I want to apologize for what I said earlier.

I really didn't mean for it to come out that way.

I guess I just wasn't thinking.

It was rude and I'm sorry, okay?

- Okay, if you let me walk you home.

- Okay.

- One thing, the place doesn't close 'til four a.m.

But I'll buy you breakfast on the beach.

- Alright.

- Ooh, I wanna buy his butt.

Buy somebody's butt.

- Ooh.

Yeah. Hey, if we keep this up much longer,

we'll have to get married.

- Is this what I meant when I said

let's get shitfaced with a little dignity?

- Yeah.

I don't film in there, so hang on, I'll be there.

- Okay.

- Well, that's a wrap.

(cheering)

("Slow Down" by The Rockats)

(cheering)

♪ (lyrics unavailable)

♪ Come on pretty baby ♪ Give me one more chance ♪

♪ Try to save our romance

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby moving way too fast

- Would you please shut up?

(siren blaring)

♪ Come on pretty baby give me one more chance ♪ Oh shit.

(crashing)

(yelling)

(chattering on police radio)

Hi, could I have a cheeseburger, fries

and cherry coke, please?

- Let's try driving while under the influence.

- I think, uh--

- Come on, dear.

- A cherry coke sounds much better.

- [Ernie] Let's try a little speeding

and reckless driving.

That sounds good, too.

Watch your head, hon.

- [Laurie] I didn't do that.

Did I?

- [Ernie] How 'bout damaging public property.

- [Laurie] You are picky.

- Okay, officer.

We're ready for the chain gang.

- Here we go.

- Now, I am a law abiding citizen and I demand for you

to tell me just what the hell you think you're doing.

- You demand?

- What if I booked you on a drunk and disorderly,

comes with a nice big, fat fine.

You'll love that, okay miss?

- [Sandra] Oh yeah?

- [Ernie] Mm hmm.

- Yeah, well fuck you.

(smacking)

- Come on, dear.

Let's go to the station.

You'll love it.

- [Sandra] Hi!

- Watch your head.

- Are we there yet?

(melancholy music)

- [Scott] Hey Jen.

I'm really glad you could stay.

- [Jennie] I didn't mind.

It was actually kinda fun.

You know, being my first night in Fort Lauderdale,

it was a lot to see.

- I love this time of the morning.

It's so peaceful.

- Yeah, it's really beautiful.

- Now how about seriously discussing the possibility of

having some real fun?

- Like what?

- Like this.

(melancholy music)

- Not now, okay?

- Sure, for the moment.

- Thanks for the walk and the talk.

I should be going.

- Then I'll see ya tomorrow.

- It is tomorrow.

- That's right.

I think I'll just stay and catch a few zzz's.

- Okay.

I'll see ya later.

- Great.

(chuckling)

♪ Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪

- Shut up!

- [Prisoner] Your ass.

- This sickens me.

Physically sickens me.

The youth of America, this country's strength.

They come down here and they behave

like total degenerates.

I haven't seen a spring vacation this bad

since '69 when I had to call in the National Guard.

It was like Korea.

- They took all my jewelry.

They actually took my mugshot without any jewelry on.

You know my mother will have a total coronary

if she knows I'm here.

- [Laurie] Mm hmm.

- What are we doing here?

- You don't remember?

The strip tease?

The accident?

- Nope.

- Telling Officer Grasso to fuck off.

- Laurie, I did a strip tease and told

a police officer to screw off?

- Fuck off.

- I'm gonna die.

What are we gonna do?

Ow.

- Don't worry about it.

I called Jennie, she knows we're here and she'll get us out.

- What's the total fine?

- $200.

You know, Sandra's parents can easily afford it,

but when I suggested calling, she threatened

to kill herself.

- Great.

- Good thing she doesn't overreact.

- Hey Carole, if we use our spending money for bail,

how much does that leave us?

- $4.50.

- Great, that might get us through breakfast.

- Can I have your attention please?

Can I have your attention please?

This is Mr. Bullhorn.

Don't miss the exciting Mr. and Ms. Hot Bod dance contest.

That's right.

It'll be at three p.m. today at Bootleggers.

The bigger the bulge, the bigger the bucks.

(cheering)

- Hello.

- Oh, forget it.

- Oh come on, Carole.

You'll be great.

- [Scott] Jeff, you're in the Hot Bod contest with Carole.

I want ya firm and I want ya pumped.

- [Jeff] Right, buddy.

- Why does it have to be me?

I mean, that's really humiliating.

- No, it's not.

You'll be wonderful and you had years of dance classes.

- Jennie, that was ballet.

I don't think the Hot Bod contest

is looking for a new Giselle.

- [Jennie] Just remember you're doing it

for Sandra and Laurie.

- [Both] Sandra and Laurie.

- [All Three] Sandra and Laurie.

- [Both] Sandra and Laurie.

- [Camden] An afternoon cocktail party for Sandra tomorrow?

It's out of the question.

- [Barbara] Oh, you can't be that rude to your cousin

and her friends, besides, I invited that darling

debutante Christina Lawson.

You'll love her.

- Oh Mother, please quit trying to fix me up.

But I suppose you are right about Sandra and her roommates,

especially that girl, Jennie.

I think that's what her name was.

- Jennie, she's the one that was so fascinated by you.

- She was not.

She just happens to be very bright and well-versed

in a subject in which we share a common interest, my music.

- Perhaps you'd like to invite her yourself?

- I suppose that would be the proper thing to do.

Do you know what hotel they're staying at?

- Of course, it's the Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

I already called.

They aren't in, but they did leave a message

they're at someplace called Bootleggers.

- Mother, you're certainly on top of things

at all times, aren't you?

(chuckling)

("Bony Moronie" lyrics by John Lennon)

♪ I got a boy named Bony Moronie ♪

♪ He's as skinny as a stick of macaroni ♪

♪ You should see him rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ With his blue jeans on

♪ He's not very fat

♪ He's just skin and bone

(cheering)

- And their cucumber.

And now my lovely assistant Star will walk among you

and pick contestants number four.

Contestants number four should be Carole and Jeff.

They gotta be over there somewhere.

("Rip It Up" by Jude Cole)

♪ Well it's Saturday night and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart says go, go

♪ Have a time 'cause it's Saturday night ♪

♪ And baby I feel fine

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it out

♪ And ball tonight

♪ Got me a date and I won't be late ♪

♪ Picked her up in my '88'

♪ Shag on down to the union hall ♪

♪ When the music starts jumpin' ♪ I'll have a ball ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it out

♪ And ball tonight

- Ah, we're wasting our time.

Carole wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this.

She's into ballet, for chrissake.

What the fuck is she doing up there?

- Well, it sure ain't Swan Lake.

♪ Rocking on out into the sky

♪ I don't care if I spend my gold ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight I'm gonna be one happy soul ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ And ball tonight

(cheering) - [Toby] Do not go away,

this couple's been in town for three days.

Ain't got laid yet, calling Mama to get more money

to stay in town, they're from Bowling Green,

let's have a nice hand for couple number five.

(cheering)

- Chip!

What are you doing here?

- I don't know, Carole.

I was just gonna ask you the same thing.

- What happened to Vermont?

- I gave it up for Lent.

(uptempo music)

♪ I been told long time ago

♪ I been told baby you been old ♪

♪ I'm gonna be your fool

Carole, what the hell is this?

Entering some tits and ass contest

the minute my back is turned.

- I was only doing that for Laurie and Sandra.

- Please, Carole, don't make it any worse

by lying, alright?

- Lying?

Laurie and Sandra are in jail.

- Carole, you know, it's not bad enough

that you've lost any sense of self respect

but that you would turn around and lie to me about it.

God, Carole, I thought I knew you.

I guess I was wrong. - Well, I guess you were.

- Well, guess what?

You wanted separate vacations, right?

How 'bout separate relationships?

- Well that'd be just fine!

(engine roaring)

♪ Oh my Melina she's a solid sender ♪

♪ You know you'd better surrender ♪

♪ Oh my Melina she's a solid sender ♪

♪ You know you better surrender ♪

♪ I been told baby you been told ♪

- Come on, we're shootin' this. ♪ Be your fool

- [Camden] Jennie, Jennie.

- [Jennie] Camden, what are you doing here?

- Hi Skipper, where's Gilligan?

- Scott.

- Well actually Jennie, I came to see you.

You see, Mother's having an afternoon cocktail party

tomorrow for some of our friends and Sandra

and I wanted to invite you personally.

- Oh, I'd love to come.

- Excellent, excellent.

I'll see ya around four tomorrow?

- Okay, great.

- And you can tell your roommates the address is

333 Ocean Vista Drive.

- 333 Ocean Vista Drive.

- [Camden] Right up the channel.

- Alright.

- 'Til tomorrow afternoon.

- [Jennie] Bye bye.

- That guy's really weird.

- Why?

Because he has perfect manners and a boat?

(clapping) (uptempo music)

(steamboat whistle blowing)

- You guys, I think we just lost first prize.

(catcalling)

- [Jennie] There they are.

- [Sandra] Jenny!

- [Laurie] Hey!

- [Jennie] Are you alright?

(mumbling)

- Listen, we got good news and bad news.

The good news is that Carole and Jeff won

second place in this Hot Bod contest, $150.

- The bad news is, we only have enough money

to get one of you out.

- What?

- What are we gonna do?

- We'll flip a coin.

Somebody call it.

- Heads.

- Tails.

- Oh!

- [Man] Open four.

- We'll be back, okay?

- [Sandra] Okay.

- [Jennie] Don't worry.

- [Laurie] Should we call her Aunt Martha?

- [Jennie] Are you crazy?

- Looks like your friends left you kinda high and dry.

- What friends?

I don't have any friends.

This is it.

Alone, behind bars.

How did I fall so low so fast?

- I think you've done enough time, lady.

Open four.

How 'bout a cup of coffee?

- Yeah okay, I'd like that.

(clanging)

You're Officer Brasso, right?

- [Ernie] You can call me Ernie.

- [Sandra] Oh, thanks.

Listen, could I call my friends?

- [Ernie] That's a good idea.

Coffee may turn into dinner.

(uptempo rock music)

♪ The beat goes on and on

♪ Night is almost gone

♪ I've got to get to you

♪ Before the night is through

♪ To hold you close and tight

♪ Would make me feel alright

- [Laurie] Hey guys, whaddya think?

Is this a little too trashy?

- [Carole] On you, never.

- I still can't get over him saying we have

an appointment tomorrow night.

I love it.

It's not a date, it's an appointment.

I've got a scheduled rendezvous with Conan.

- God, Laurie, can't you think of anything else?

- Hey, where have you been?

- Oh, I've been to the moon, Jupiter, Camelot

even Shangri la.

- God, I shoulda stayed in jail.

- Ladies, I'm in love.

- Are you kidding?

What about Bermuda?

- Oh, screw Bermuda.

I'm not gonna leave this paradise.

- [Laurie] God, jail changed her.

- For the better.

- Well, tell us all about it.

Who is he?

- I don't know.

Maybe he'll be the great love of my life,

like Chip is to Carole.

- Chip is no longer the great love of my life.

We're estranged.

- What can I say?

He's strong,

attentive,

committed.

- What else?

- Dedicated, thoughtful.

- Who you datin' ?

Clark Kent?

(giggling)

- There's just one little problem but it's nothing.

I think we can overcome it.

- He's gay.

- No, married.

- Same thing.

- Oh no!

- Yeah, I know.

I never thought of myself as the kind

that goes around wrecking homes,

but I guess you gotta start somewhere, right?

(mumbling)

Actually, they're separated.

- That's what they all say.

Has he got any kids?

- Yeah, a boy.

Imagine me with a son?

- Sandra, just go for it.

- Laurie, this isn't just a fling.

I'm a little scared.

What if he just wants to go to bed with me?

What if he's just trying to use me?

- Just use him back, it's very simple.

- No, what if I get--

- Oh, would you stop with the what-ifs?

You're obviously crazy about this guy.

Now, you should just go be with him

and have a good time.

You never know until you try.

- [Sandra] Oh yeah, yeah.

I guess.

Maybe I will.

- You know what I'd kill for right now?

- What?

- Pizza.

(laughing)

(thudding)

Room service'll get that.

Nurse, she's out of her room again.

(laughing)

- I'm starting to fantasize about Ernie already.

- Uh oh.

- I hope he's the one that's gonna make me oh!

- Make you what?

- Cough it up.

- Come!

(shrieking) (laughing)

- Now what a minute, wait a minute.

You gonna tell me nothing happened

with you and Peter or Brad behind ivy walls?

- Nope, not once.

I've only had six experiences

and that counts as two times where I just kinda shook.

(laughing)

While everyone else was playing doctor,

I was trying to figure out how to marry one.

- [Laurie] I think it's time for a little education.

- [Jennie] What are you gonna do?

- Put on something romantic.

- [Carole] What are you doing?

- [Jennie] You don't like this? (laughing)

- [Laurie] Music!

Dave, are you done with your bath?

- Nurse, she's out of her room.

- [Laurie] Here he comes, squeaky clean.

- [Sandra] Is this romantic enough?

Okay.

- You've already begun to fantasize,

so fantasize this as Ernie.

(laughing)

- Ernie is not inflatable.

- He better be, else I'd break the date with him.

(laughing)

- You're both feeling those strong animal impulses,

so you start out with a simple kiss.

- What?

- Oh, Laurie.

- He doesn't have herpes, just kiss him okay?

Relax.

Nothing'll ever happen if you're tense, okay?

- Okay.

- [Laurie] Okay.

Now, kiss him.

- [Carole] Oh God.

- Not like he's your grandfather.

Just kiss him.

- [Jennie] Where's my camera?

(laughing)

- [Laurie] Come on.

- [Jennie] Okay, now give me a great shot.

- Go for it girl.

(moaning)

Feel anything yet?

- Not a thing.

- Maybe you should dig your nails into his back.

- Only if you really feel it

because you can't fake it.

- Fake it?

The woman is screwing a hefty bag (mumbling).

(laughing)

Oh my God!

- Well, start again.

- Okay.

- With foreplay, alright?

- Oh, you gotta be kidding.

- Body kissing.

- [Carole] Body kissing?

- Now, start on the mouth, okay?

- [Carole] Just pretend he's Richard Gere.

(laughing)

- Here we go.

- Okay, good, now linger there a minute

and then slowly move to the cheek.

And it tastes like a combination of suntan oil--

- And rubber.

(laughing)

- Now, you slowly move off the cheek, across his chin

and your mouth slides down his neck.

Tastes like apricot brandy.

- I'm suffocating.

- Okay, you can hardly stand it now.

As your tongue comes down his neck,

to his heaving chest...

(laughing)

you place your lips on either one of his nipples, okay?

- Nipples?

Oh gross, Laurie, come on.

(laughing)

- Now,

you kiss it, and then,

feeling very reckless,

you gently, gently,

but firmly bite it.

(popping) (shrieking)

(hissing)

- She killed him.

(somber music)

- [Laurie] Goodnight, sweet prince.

(waves lapping)

- [Sandra] Laurie, I'm truly, truly sorry.

- [Laurie] It's okay, hon, as long as you climax with Ernie.

Dave would have wanted it that way.

(giggling)

(uptempo pop music)

(engine rumbling)

(light classical music)

- [Maggie] Oh, I see the Cabots are here.

Charlie had time for these little wing-dings.

- Oh, he'll do anything I ask ever since

I found out about the affair with the Jeep driver.

- Ooh, I bet you didn't waste a second

in letting him know.

- You know how I hate keeping secrets.

- [Maggie] Isn't that Carola Minola?

- [Barbara] It certainly is.

- [Maggie] I thought she was dead.

- That never stopped her from coming to one

of my parties before.

- And on the patio, Mother in 1983 built

the cascades over the pool.

Oh, here she is right now.

Hello.

(chattering)

- Thought you got lost, hi.

- Hi, girls.

- Aunt Barbara, I would like you to meet my escort,

police officer Ernest Grasso.

- Where did you two meet?

- In jail.

- Why don't you say hello to Christina Lawson,

our favorite debutante.

(chattering)

- Carole, where is that adorable Laurie?

- She couldn't make it.

- Yeah, she had a previous appointment.

(soft pop music)

(doorbell ringing)

- [Conan] You're late.

- [Laurie] Just five minutes.

- [Conan] Time is money.

- Right.

Satin sheets,

nice.

- [Conan] They'd look nicer with you in 'em.

- That could be arranged.

You don't waste any time, do you?

- I told you, time is money.

- That's the second time you've said that.

What's that all about?

- I'm a businessman, lady.

You wanna play, you gotta pay.

- You expect me to pay you?

What are you, on drugs or something?

You son of a bitch.

Pay for it my ass.

Okay, get undressed.

- What?

- You heard me.

If I'm buying a piece of meat,

I sure as hell intend to see what's under the wrapper.

Come on, come on, time is money remember?

That too.

Yeah.

So, where's the rest of it?

I'll see you in small claims court.

- You must have had a wonderful childhood growing up here.

- I wouldn't know.

I was on tour when my childhood was supposed to happen.

- [Barbara] Oh, they look so happy together.

God, I hope she's from a good family.

- Why? You weren't.

(engine rumbling)

(dramatic music)

- [Mr. Bullhorn] Come on party animals, this way.

333 Ocean Vista Drive.

Come on, party animals.

(uptempo pop music)

♪ Gonna go wild

♪ Gonna shake it down tonight

♪ We are gonna rock all around that cloud tonight ♪

♪ We'll do it right baby

♪ There's no ride tonight

♪ Oh yeah

♪ Gonna lose control

♪ Gonna rock gonna roll tonight ♪

♪ Right on party party

♪ I'm coming after you

(zooming)

- Holy shit.

- [Camden] That noise, those people, those boats.

Mother has really done it this time.

The only thing that can save us is some nice champagne.

- Oh, sounds great.

So, how's the new piece coming along?

- I haven't really figured out what to call it yet.

Could be one of my most important works.

Except for one phrase.

If I could find that, then all the rest

would fall into place.

I suppose that's the story of my life.

Finding that right note.

Perfect phrase, exact sound.

You know how frustrating that can be.

Cheers.

C sharp.

(uptempo party music)

- I'd like that like that.

Thank you.

- [Maggie] And I'll have that bottle.

- [Barbara] I think I'm gonna kill myself.

- Calm down.

So a few extra people showed up.

It always happens.

- A few?

This is hundreds.

Maybe I should call the police.

- Why?

Sandra already brought a cop, remember?

- Excuse me, pardon me, dear.

My church, my house.

Thank you, pardon me, excuse me.

(uptempo party music)

- Hey pal, interested in some hot credit cards?

Mastercharge, Visa, American Express Gold?

- [Scott] No thanks, buddy.

- Do you mind?

- [Tony] Yes, I would.

Keep walking, otherwise we'll fuck up this shot.

Hey Carole.

- [Carole] Hi Tony.

- Hey, lighten up, huh?

It's a luau.

Slam bama lama.

♪ Sometimes you got to turn and scream ♪

- [Chip] You didn't tell me this was gonna be formal, Gary.

- If you don't find me in an hour I'll be in heaven.

- Go get 'em.

(uptempo party music)

- [Maggie] Excuse me.

- No, excuse me.

How would you like to have an affair with a younger man?

- Well, only if it's (mumbling).

- Right.

- Ooh, come with me.

- Hey lady.

I like the way you look.

That's why I'm gonna sell you this piece

of stupid for only 20 bucks.

- That's very kind of you considering I paid 2000 for it.

(uptempo party music)

(stammering)

- I'm real sorry, but I just can't do this.

- What's the matter?

- Tony, this might sound real dumb,

but I've been going with Chip since the 11th grade.

- Oh, right.

- And I just can't do this to him.

♪ Whoa, no

♪ No disguise show your face

(chattering)

- We have in this bag Borneo bong, you like?

Guess you don't dig weed.

Alright, homemade ludes.

You get a discount if you buy 'em by the gross.

No, speed.

I know, you're into speed.

- Mrs. Roxbury, have you seen Jennie?

- She's probably with Camden who, thank God,

I haven't run into.

(uptempo party music)

- How 'bout everybody's favorite, snow from the Andes.

99 and 44 one hundreds percent pure.

Tough sell.

Alright, (mumbling) acid '69 vintage.

I've been saving it for a man of your discriminating tastes.

Say man, what are you into, anyway?

- Law enforcement.

- He's a police officer.

♪ No disguise show no face whoa no ♪

♪ See my heart show no face whoa no ♪

♪ No disguise show no face whoa no ♪

(chattering)

- [Ernie] Come on baby.

Let me show you Fort Lauderdale my way.

- [Sandra] Ernie, I would love it.

- I mean, I really love music.

I just, I don't know if I have the talent.

I think I have the taste.

- It's the inspiration that counts.

Like a beautiful woman's face.

Such as yours.

Or the D flat tone of your crystal.

- You mean this?

- It's D flat.

D flat.

(uptempo party music)

(soft piano music)

- [Scott] Jennie.

- [Jennie] Shh.

- No, no, not a D flat variation.

What you need is an E minor diminished

and that will set the structure for the next five bars.

- But that can't be.

- Just try it.

(soft piano music)

- It's brilliant.

Would you two leave me alone please?

I've got to work.

- Oh, I won't make a sound.

- Please, I'm working.

- I thought you just said--

- Jennie really, I've got to concentrate.

- Hey look, genius.

- What did you do that for?

You interrupted my flow.

- The only thing that would interrupt your flow

is if someone shoved a fist in your mouth.

- Scott.

- I haven't got time to exchange snide remarks.

I'm an artist.

I've got to be alone.

- Apologize to Jennie.

- Apologize for what?

- It's okay.

- For acting like an asshole.

- I don't think I've treated your or Jennie

any differently than I've treated anyone else.

- Oh, so you treat everyone badly.

- Please get out of here.

- Hey, why don't you and I just go outside and settle this?

- There's no room outside.

- Would you two please stop it?

(uptempo party music)

- Carole.

- You maggot.

(smacking)

- What the hell'd you do that for?

- [Scott] Jennie, Jennie.

- Carole, wait.

- Hey, wait a minute.

I wanna talk to you.

- I don't feel like talking right now.

- Why are you mad at me?

I was just defending you back there.

- I don't need you to defend me.

- Jennie, I don't get it.

I mean, you're a very special girl, you really are.

But it makes me goddamn mad that Camden Roxbury

could just dismiss you like you were the hired help.

- I don't really think he meant it that way.

- Camden Roxbury is an arrogant fool.

He doesn't give a damn about anything but his work.

- Well, maybe he has a right to feel like that.

- Would you stop defending him?

- You're just jealous.

- Yeah, you're right, I am.

I wish you felt that way about me,

because I really care about you, Jennie.

I care about you so much.

(horn honking)

- I have to go.

- No, for once can't we just finish something?

- Finish what?

(horn honking)

I can't.

- [Scott] Jennie.

Jennie, no.

- First my party's ruined, then my house is destroyed,

now someone's stolen my car.

- I've always said Barbara, you throw one hell of a party.

(uptempo party music)

(engine rumbling)

- Oh, I should have never come down here.

I should have gone to Vermont instead of acting

like a silly adolescent.

- Sounds like true love to me.

My second husband was exactly the same way.

- Really?

What'd you do?

- Divorced him.

- Great, that's just what I need to hear.

- Listen, lamb.

You come with me to the concert tonight.

I'm sure your girlfriend will be there.

You'll work the whole thing out.

- I hope so.

Listen, Maggie, about last night.

Everything's sorta vague, you know?

- Listen, don't worry.

When you remember, and you will, it'll be dynamite.

(speaking foreign language)

- That's the brightest moon I've ever seen.

- That's not the moon, that's the sun.

Have you ever had a hangover this bad before?

- No.

- You know what I gotta do today?

I gotta finish my suite.

- Our suite.

- It's my suite.

Your note.

You ever try to do anything difficult?

You know, like sit down and really work on your music?

- Sure.

It's about getting that one lucky break.

- The only breaks you get are the ones that you make happen.

You want success but you don't do anything about it.

I know you got talent.

So do I.

The only thing that makes us different is desire.

Until you learn that,

you'll just be another ripple in the pond.

(speaking foreign language)

- It goes over here in front of the sofa.

(speaking foreign language)

- Must have been some party, huh?

- Yes, I'm surprised you weren't there.

- I was.

Carola Minola, remember?

(laughing)

(soft pop music)

- Hello.

- Hello.

- These are for you.

- Thank you, they're beautiful.

- Let me put 'em in water for you.

(chuckling)

Jennie.

I want to apologize for my behavior last night.

- Oh, let's talk about something else, alright?

I'd really like to forget last night.

- So would I.

If I could only remember what happened.

Jennie, I'd still like you to be my guest

at the concert tonight.

- Okay, I'd like that.

- Good.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to add

the finishing touches to my suite.

Or die.

Whichever comes first.

Ciao.

- Hi.

- Morning Camden.

- That's questionable.

- What's he doing here?

- He came to apologize and he even brought me flowers.

- Flowers?

I think that's romantic.

- Romantic?

Since when have you been into romantic?

I thought it was strictly Conan.

- Oh yeah, whatever happened to your appointment?

How'd it go?

- It went.

But, Conan turned out to be just another jerk

in a leopard bikini.

- Something's gotta hold him together.

- Wasn't much to hold.

- Hi y'all.

Hey, give me a minute to change

so I can join ya on the beach.

I just can't wait to share my joy.

- [Jennie] I think I'm gonna be sick.

(chattering)

- Okay, so after the fourth time,

I just had to say, "Enough."

- I'm gonna kill her.

- [Jennie] When are you gonna see him again?

- Tonight, I asked him to the concert.

He said he'd call me later.

- What about Scott?

- Oh, Scott's, he's just a guy.

- Just a guy?

Jennie, I saw him kiss you last night.

That's not just a guy.

- Yeah, well, I don't know.

I'm so confused.

On one hand, there's Scott and on

the other hand there's Camden.

- I should have these problems.

(chuckling)

- Jennie, it's me, Carole.

Remember me, your friend, your pal?

You know you can talk to yourself 'til you're

blue in the face,

but actions speak louder than words.

That's really a boring phrase.

- You're right.

- Jennie, I was thinking maybe you could take Scott

and leave Camden for me.

- Are you serious?

- You like my cousin Camden?

- Well, sorta.

- Laurie!

Now, I can understand Jennie being attracted to him

'cause he's her idol and all, but you!

I don't know, I just never thought of him as your type.

- One never knows the chemistry between

a male and a female, does one?

- [Jennie] Whoa, I think she means business.

- Hey, listen, I'm gonna go back to the room

'cause I'm expecting that call.

- Good, see ya later.

- [Sandra] Leave my towel, okay?

- Alright.

So, wanna take a dip?

- Yeah.

(mellow music)

- Are you sure you're gonna be alright?

(melancholy music)

I feel bad leaving her here.

- You can stop talking behind my back.

- [Carole] We weren't.

Let's go.

- [Jennie] We'll save ya a seat.

Come and meet us.

(applauding)

- Oh thank you, thank you.

Isn't this a lovely night?

In case any of you didn't know, I'm Barbara Roxbury.

- [Woman] Hi Barb.

- Oh, thank you.

Well, welcome welcome one and all to this year's concert

for the United Charities of South Florida.

We are very lucky to have with us our own native son,

and incidentally, my own son.

(applauding)

Without further ado, performing his world famous

Quantum Sonata, Camden Roxbury.

(applauding)

(dramatic piano music)

- Oh God.

Make it ring, and I'll never eat another Godiva

chocolate as long as I live.

(dramatic piano music)

- [Ernie] What are you doing here?

- [Sandra] What do you mean what am I doing here?

You were supposed to pick me up.

- [Ernie] Yeah, but come here, you shouldn't come over here.

- Well, I'm not used to getting stood up.

- I didn't stand you up.

- We had a date.

I waited for you, you didn't show up,

now what would you call it?

- Sandy, I explained my whole situation

when you and I just got started.

- You're back with your wife, aren't you?

- No.

Yes.

Not really.

Look, she lost her job and on my salary,

I can't afford to pay two rents honey,

so I let her move back in.

It's just for a while.

- I see.

- No, I don't know if you do see.

I'm talking about I'm in bad financial shape.

I'm confused. I don't know if I'm coming or going,

all I know is I'm crazy about you

and there's nothing I can do about it.

Do you understand me?

All I'm asking you, honey, is just give me a little time.

Please, a little time, that's all.

- I don't think you're ready to let go, are you?

- What?

- I don't think you're ready to let go

and I can't afford to hang around

and wait for you not to be confused anymore.

I mean, that just might not happen, so,

I think I need to be the one who lets go.

Bye, Ernie.

(dramatic piano music)

(applauding) (cheering)

- Thank you.

Thank you.

For my next piece, I'd like to play for you

a world premiere, something I've just completed.

Inspired by a very lovely, beautiful girl

who's very special to me.

And now, Suite For Jennie.

(applauding)

(dramatic music)

♪ Jennie

♪ Won't you make your mind up

♪ I could be so good for you

♪ What's all the mystery

♪ Oh Jennie

♪ I'm looking for an answer

♪ Don't turn your heart away

♪ Tell me what you're thinking

♪ Jennie

♪ You keep running

♪ From my love

♪ All I want is

♪ To be in your life

♪ We were fated

♪ Ever something that was meant to be ♪

♪ And I love you

♪ Jennie

♪ Come to me

♪ Oh Jennie

♪ Don't you feel your heart beat ♪

♪ Faster than usual

♪ Listen to the music

♪ Jennie

♪ You keep running

♪ From my love

♪ All I want is

♪ To be near you girl

♪ We were fated

♪ Ever something that was meant to be ♪

♪ And I love you

♪ Jennie

♪ Come to me

♪ Come to me

♪ Come to me

(applauding) (cheering)

- Carole.

- Chip.

- [Both] I'm sorry.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

(applauding) (cheering)

(dramatic music)

(melancholy music)

- Hi Camden.

I can't promise lasting love or anything, but,

we could sure have one hell of a night.

- [Carole] Honey?

- [Chip] Yeah?

- [Carole] Are you sure that Gary won't mind

driving back all that way alone?

- Carole, he's not going back.

He's transferring to Miami.

I got this, girls.

- [Sandra] Thanks, Chip, thank you.

- [Chip] You bet.

- Hey San?

- [Sandra] Mm?

- You gonna be alright?

- Ah yeah, I'll get over it.

- [Jennie] You sure?

- Yeah.

- No what ifs?

- And no regrets.

Where's Scott?

- I don't know.

He said he'd say goodbye before we left.

- Oh darlin', I hope he doesn't turn out

to be another Ernie.

(horn honking)

- Hey party animals.

Time to head back to the real world, huh?

- [Jennie] Hey, did you have a good time?

- You bet I did.

Bye Conan.

You barbarian.

- I just wanna say thanks.

- I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I'd still like to consider you as my friend.

- Absolutely.

I'll see ya later.

- Take care.

- We better hit the road.

- But what about Scott?

- I guess we said our goodbyes last night.

- Bye bye Sandra.

- Bye.

- I got a paper to write.

- Come on guys, let's get going.

- Yeah, let's roll.

- [Carole] Thank you.

- [Laurie] You guys get all my stuff?

- [Jennie] Yep, it's in the trunk.

- [Camden] See ya later.

- [All] Bye.

- [Camden] Arrivederci. It's a week I'll never forget.

- It was great, Camden.

("Where The Boys Are" by Howard Greenfield/Neil Sedaka)

Jennie, Jennie.

Stud alert.

♪ Where the boys are

- Hi, how ya doin'?

♪ My true love will be

I'm Scott Nash.

I'm heading for Penmore to be with a girl I'm crazy about.

♪ In time

♪ And I know he's looking there for me ♪

♪ In a crowd of a million people ♪

♪ I will find my valentine

♪ Then I'll climb to the highest steeple ♪

♪ And tell the world he's mine

♪ 'Til he holds me

♪ I wait impatiently

♪ Where the boys are, where the boys are ♪

♪ Where the boys are, someone waits for me ♪

♪ 'Til he holds me

♪ I wait impatiently

♪ Where the boys are, where the boys are ♪

♪ Where the boys are, someone waits for me ♪

("Mini Skirted" by Spark)

♪ I'm no hick

♪ And I'm no prude

♪ But any less and you'd be nude ♪

♪ Because for mini skirted

♪ That's enough for me

♪ Mini skirted

♪ Good enough for me

♪ Mini skirted

♪ What a lovely sight to see

♪ When I walk around and see the sun in the sky ♪

♪ Or bouncing off your knees and through my eyes ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna end up legally blind ♪

("Hot Nights" by Jude Cole)

♪ Got me a school vacation

♪ I been waiting so long

♪ So long

♪ Get my reputation

♪ I'm gonna stay up all night long ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ I got to win

♪ They might not see me back again ♪

♪ Hot nights are calling my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking back

♪ But then we're gone

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ So drop your books and leave them ♪

♪ We don't need them where we're going ♪

♪ No no no

♪ Got no time to read them

♪ The paperback don't turn me on ♪

♪ No no no

♪ Locked up in school it just ain't right ♪

♪ We're gonna make it up tonight ♪

♪ Well alright

♪ Hot nights are calling my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking back again ♪

♪ We're gone

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ Well alright let's go

(dramatic music)