Original subtitles

Private eye?

Well, that translates into a lot of things. Mostly bad.

You have a very irritating manner.

So do you.

So you're a professional gambler.

That's fascinating.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

You can't protect Susan from herself.

'Cause that's not called protection.

What's it called? Meddling.

[Tires screech]

[Telephone ringing]

(Rockford on answering machine) This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone leave your name and message.

I'll get back to you.

[Machine beeps]

(man) I staked out that guy,

only, it didn't work out like you said.

Please call me. Room 234, County Hospital.

What are you doing? Opera glasses.

Susie, write this down.

"A-Z-I 656."

[Clears throat]

If you must smoke, use an ash tray, please.

There aren't any. Now, to answer your question.

Yes, the case is closed.

The police aren't working on it.

[Yells]

Don't use that. That's a Rostov plate.

[Clears throat]

Miss Adams, would you come in here for a moment, please?

Give it to her.

Excuse me.

Dirty, filthy habit, isn't it?

Okay, Miss Susan Parsons disappeared two days ago...

and the police aren't working on it.

Maybe she just got tired of L.A. And left.

Some of the things she left behind are valuable and dear to us.

I think we can eliminate that possibility.

You say Miss Parsons was a friend of yours?

What kind of friend?

Just what is that supposed to mean?

Well, did you have a mutual hobby?

Say, making model airplanes or what?

Are you trying to be funny, Mr. Rockford?

If I'm gonna be helpful in finding her...

I'm gonna have to know the nature of your relationship.

I think you can assume the nature of our relationship.

Fine, then I can also assume that you're paying the rent on her apartment?

You have a very irritating manner.

So do you.

Okay, Mr. Rockford.

I'm told that you're trustworthy.

And I'm going to rely on that trait.

No, I do not pay the rent on her apartment.

She has a roommate and they share that expense.

However,

[clears throat]

I did rent a place at the beach...

and we meet there twice a week.

I hope you understand that I have a reputation and a family.

And I don't need any complications.

So I will count on your discretion.

I met Susan at a Beverly Hills department store. She was a salesgirl.

We started seeing one another...

and after a time, I persuaded her to enrol in UCLA.

Why?

I was also interested in her mind.

Well, you're full of unique characteristics.

How much do you cost? $200 a day, plus expenses.

That's absurd. I'll give you $50 and no expenses.

Mr. Dexter, I don't know what you think is going on here...

but I sell a service.

If you want the service, you pay what I think it's worth...

if you think it's too high, you can go to Main Street and deal with one of those guys.

You're a little touchy there. Right. I'm a little touchy.

Okay, I'll pay it. For a couple of days.

Do you have a picture of Miss Parsons?

Yes, I do.

[Drawer clattering]

Miss Adams has an envelope for you.

It contains the keys to the beach house.

However, I don't think you'll find anything helpful there.

[Bell buzzes]

Thank you.

For your collection.

[Dog barking]

[Knocking on door]

[Exhales]

(Rockford) Louise Anderson?

Are you here about Susan? That's right. May I come in?

[Children chattering]

Can I get you a drink?

Soft, I mean. Of course, I know you cops don't drink on duty.

I'm a private cop. We're practically required to drink on the job.

You read that, or you just use it for posture exercises?

I read it. Sometimes I swear at it.

It's a law book. I'm a law student.

Private eye?

Well, that translates into a lot of things. Mostly bad.

I'm not sure I want to talk to you.

I'm trying to find out what happened to Susan.

I talked to a police sergeant named Freeman.

He has Susan's file, but his only interest in the case...

seemed to be getting it into his out-basket as quickly as possible.

He did say that you were throwing

most of the heavy dust in the air...

so I thought, maybe we could get together and compare notes.

Who are you working for, Mister...

Rockford.

I don't wanna seem stuffy, but that is confidential.

She would never tell me this, of course...

but Susan had a boyfriend. Somebody important.

Since she has no family, I guess you're working for her boyfriend. Right?

Well, if that's the way you want it, I'm working for her boyfriend.

[Clicking]

Think I'll get you that drink, after all.

Did Sgt. Freeman tell you about the license?

Yeah, he mentioned it.

What did he say?

Well, I'd rather hear it from you.

[Bottle clinking]

All right. He didn't tell me anything.

As a matter of fact, we didn't get along at all.

I go on my hunches about people.

I got a hunch about you that says maybe you're okay.

But I don't know who you're working for.

And I don't know how good your judgement is.

So, if I'm gonna give you what I have...

we have to come to some sort of arrangement.

Will $50 cover it?

I'll give you what I have, and you let me help you look for Susan.

In person help, I mean. Teamwork.

No, I'm sorry.

For three or four days, before Susan disappeared...

a man was hanging around in a car.

I saw him two times at school, three times right up the street.

I have the license number.

When Susie disappeared, he disappeared.

Pretty good?

Well, if the police aren't on it, it's probably a dead end.

The police are convinced she just split...

because she took her bags and there's no evidence of foul play.

They probably haven't even checked it out.

And if I'm gonna get the number, we got to be a team.

That's the deal. Besides, I think I can be a lot of help.

I know Susie, how she thinks.

Are you getting a little bored with law school, or what?

I happen to be Susie's best friend. And I think she's in trouble.

You're the only way I can find out what happened to her.

All right. Give me the license number and I'll see who owns it.

Nothing doing. The information goes with me.

It's in my purse.

So, let's go do whatever it is you do.

What kind of law are you studying?

I'm gonna be a public defender.

Or consumer advocate. Nothing but pro bono publico.

Real bare-knuckle stuff. Sounds great.

[Children screaming]

Did your friend in Motor Vehicles come through?

Yeah. Well, who was it?

Louise, you said you wanted to help, maybe you can.

Jim, who was it?

Another private eye. A guy named Kermit Higby.

Do you know him? Well, we don't get along.

As a matter of fact, we came to blows once. He broke my nose.

And you put him in traction, I suppose?

Somebody separated us before he killed me.

I was recovering from the flu. I was a little off my game.

If we're gonna get anything out of Higby, you're gonna have to get it.

I think you should do that.

If I was on fire, I wouldn't hire him to throw water.

We don't get along. He wouldn't tell me anything anyway.

You wanted team work, I'm offering you team work.

He wouldn't hit a lady, would he?

No, of course not.

At least, I don't think so.

You ought to keep your eye on his secretary, she'd hit anybody.

(secretary) I'm sorry, sir.

But all of our hostesses require a deposit at the beginning of the date.

And then, of course, each girl is on her own to do whatever she wants to do.

If you don't feel you got your money's worth...

there really is nothing I can do about it.

Of course, sir. The same to you.

I thought Mr. Higby was a private detective.

That's right. We share the office.

I run the Hollywood Escort Service and type his letters.

I hate to sound indelicate...

but it sounded like you were running something more than a dating service.

Well, a dating service is a little seedy.

So I decided to get into the hostess business.

Well, I sort of expected something else.

The trust officer at the bank said I should seek professional help.

They authorized the expenditure, but...

Trust officer?

Which trust officer? Which bank is that?

Well, I'm sorry.

Wait a minute, honey. I think you've got a problem...

and I'm sure that Kerm can help you.

If he can't, well, I probably can.

Kerm is out of town.

But I promise you, I can get him back within 24 hours.

Your deposit will guarantee his service.

Where is he?

He's in Vegas on business. But I'm sure I can get him back.

I really don't like it here. I'm sorry I bothered you.

I can see why you didn't want to go in.

That's some service they got going in there.

Did you find out?

If I tell you, how do I know you're not going to kick me out...

and work the lead yourself?

You know I won't because I say I won't.

I'd feel better if I had some leverage.

Would you like to hold my driver's license till this is all over?

I'm not gonna tell you what I found out.

At least, not yet. I'll give you directions.

Which way?

I've got to pack a few things, then get on the San Bernardino Freeway.

Las Vegas?

[People chattering]

(woman on P: A:) Paging Mr. Johnson. Mr. Charles Johnson.

Telephone please.

Paging Miss Bisset. Miss Andrea Bisset, telephone please.

Well, our luck's consistent, anyway.

He's not registered here, either.

Are there any hotels left?

No. There's 8I motels. We could split them up between us.

What's wrong? That's Susan.

Where? At the roulette table.

The one with the dark hair and the tinted glasses. That's Susan.

Paging Mr. Angelo. Mr. Nick Angelo.

This is where we cool the teamwork.

If she sees you, we've blown it.

"Cool the teamwork?" Are you telling me to go home?

Just go to the motel, now.

[Machines whirring]

Paging Mr. Angelo. Mr. Nick Angelo. Cashier's window, please.

Yeah, operator, I'd like to call Los Angeles, please.

Mr. Charles Dexter at 555-8000.

And operator, that's collect.

Yeah, I can see her right now.

Is she all right? Seems to be.

You want to talk to her?

No, I want you to make contact with her.

That could take a lot of time. I could come up empty.

Just keep in touch with me.

Paging Mr. Beretti. Mr. Carlo Beretti, telephone please.

Number five. Red and odd.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Paging Mr. Angelo. Mr. Nick Angelo.

Telephone please.

[Ball rattling]

Number 17. Black and odd.

Paging Mr. Beretti. Mr. Carlo Beretti, telephone please.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Excuse me.

May I ask what kind of system you're using?

Well, it's too complex to explain, I'm afraid.

If it weren't, I'd be happy to.

Well, it seems to be working. Yeah. It usually does.

[People chattering]

If you play black and red, and odd and even...

you're bound to lose. Really? Why?

The house percentages are gonna chip away at you till you lose it all.

Paging Mr. Johnson. Mr. Charles Johnson. Telephone please.

[Ball rattling]

I was just gonna cash in my chips and go get something to eat.

Care to join me?

If zero or double-zero comes up, you lose...

on red, black, odd, or even.

That's a 6.2% advantage for the house.

You can win in a short run if you get hot,

but in a long run, they'll pick you clean.

But I lose even worse at blackjack or dice

because I don't understand how to play.

At least roulette is simple. I suppose your system's complicated.

Yeah. No, you see, no roulette wheel is ever in perfect balance.

Just figure out the bias and keep playing...

till they catch on what you're doing.

That gives you a 6 or 7% advantage.

If you can keep them from figuring your action, you can rip them good.

I hit one of the strip hotels for $50,000 last August.

Before they caught on.

You sat right there in front of them, making all those notes?

That's just stage craft.

Makes them think I'm a system's bettor. They love system's bettors.

They always lose.

No. If they figure that I'm even casing the wheel...

well, they'll close the table down and re-balance it.

So you're a professional gambler.

That's fascinating.

[Music playing]

Yeah.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

[People applauding and cheering]

Will I see you again, tomorrow maybe?

Same time, same wheel.

It's a date, I want to learn your system.

I had a wonderful time tonight.

I've been sort of lonely here, until tonight.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

I heard you come in, but I had to wait. Right?

A cool private investigator like you,

you might have had Susan on your arm.

Is she okay?

Did you get anything to eat?

Yeah. I had a tuna fish sandwich.

Did you find out what's wrong? Is she running from something, or what?

I don't think so.

But she doesn't enjoy gambling or she'd be playing the numbers.

She's got a new name. Her name is Donna Weston.

She's here waiting for her divorce to come through.

Not a very original cover story, is it?

Maybe she's hiding from somebody.

I don't think so.

She's been hanging around that casino for hours on end.

Anybody with any brains is not gonna hide out in that popcorn machine.

Well, what do we do now? You should go home.

We found her. Nobody's holding her against her will.

Whatever she's doing, she's doing for her own reasons.

She's running from something. I want to know what it is and why.

What business is it of yours what she does?

'Cause I know she's in trouble. I can tell.

How?

When people are in trouble, you can see it in their eyes...

and the way they move. Especially people you know.

You some kind of expert on the human condition?

I grew up in a tenement house in Philadelphia.

My parents spent their lives getting fleeced by semi-legitimate salesmen.

I'm gonna be an attorney and protect people against the scavengers.

And I've got some commitments to myself.

I don't care if they're important to you. But they're important to me.

Susan is a starting point, and I'm not gonna turn my back on her.

Or on myself. I'll see you in the morning.

[Sighs]

A speech like that deserves more of a comment.

Okay.

There's a big difference between protecting people from semi-legitimate salesmen...

and protecting people from themselves.

You can't protect Susan from herself.

'Cause that's not called protection.

What's it called? Meddling.

[Sighs]

Goodnight.

[Door opens] Goodnight.

[Door shuts]

Louise.

[People chattering]

(woman on P: A:) Mr. Arthur Abelman, telephone please.

[Woman on P: A: Chattering]

[Woman continues chattering]

Paging Mr. Stevens. Mr. Mike Stevens, telephone please.

[Ball rattling]

[Token clatters]

Mr. Angelo. Mr. Nick Angelo. Cashier's window, please.

[Elevator whirring]

[Elevator shuts]

What are you doing here?

I was looking for you. What are you doing here?

Who hit us?

I don't know.

How'd you get in?

I saw Susan at the roulette table, so I went to the desk...

and I told them I was Donna Weston and I forgot my key.

They made me a new one.

This place looks like bargain day at the drug store.

(Louise) I wonder if they found what they were looking for?

I don't think so.

How can you tell?

Well, this whole room is wiped out.

Usually, when somebody's looking for something, they stop when they find it.

We better get out of here before Susan gets back.

[Door shuts]

[Elevator whirring]

[Elevator shuts]

Hey, you never answered my question. What were you doing in there?

Trying to help you.

We don't know what Susan is running from,

I decided to have a look in her room.

I'm not lying.

When this elevator stops, I'm gonna get out.

I'll expect you to stay in it, go down to the basement...

get into your car and go home. In other words, get lost.

[Music playing]

(woman on P: A:) Paging Mr. Angelo.

Mr. Nick Angelo. Cashier's window, please.

Mr. Nick Angelo.

Excuse me. You see that red-headed girl back there?

She's been following me around all night.

I never saw her before tonight, and she keeps saying...

that she's the divine spirit and I'm the Iris of her psyche.

Whatever that is.

Either you get rid of her or I'll move out of this hotel.

I mean, come on, really. The rates you guys charge.

I shouldn't have to play tag with some adolescent acid-head.

We'll take care of it, sir.

Thank you. Appreciate that.

Paging Mr. Stevens. Mr. Michael Stevens, telephone please.

Paging Mr. Johnson. Mr. Charles Johnson, telephone please.

Donna. It was you. I saw you down in the lobby.

I thought you went to bed.

Jim, hi.

I went out for some fresh air. I thought you went to bed.

I got a call.

There's a seat open at the Shamanda Pair, so I went down...

but there weren't enough players, so I passed.

I hate to play cards with shills.

Well, goodnight again.

Goodnight.

[Gasps]

What's wrong?

I'll call down to the desk and report this.

No, don't.

Why not?

I think it must've been my husband.

I don't want to get into trouble.

Whoever did this was looking for something.

They tore the paper lining out of the drawers.

Would your husband do that?

I don't know, I just don't understand it at all.

If you could use some help, I'm ready, willing and within reason, able.

No, I just... Yes.

I want to leave here right now.

But I suppose that's asking too much, isn't it?

Just tell me where you want to go.

I have to stay in Nevada for my residence requirement...

but could you drive me to Reno?

When do we leave?

Thank you.

The airline misplaced my other suitcase when I flew out here,

but they found it.

Could we stop and pick it up on the way out of town?

Yeah. Thank you.

[Cars honking]

You keep looking into that mirror. Are we being followed?

I think so.

There's no one back there.

He's back there.

I don't understand why anybody would want to follow me.

Well, if your husband had hired somebody to ransack your room...

maybe he'd hire somebody to follow you.

I guess you're right.

Hi, Kerm.

It's good to see you climbing out from underneath your rock

from time to time.

I thought I gave you a good lesson last time. What's wrong?

Don't you remember how I spread your nose out?

I remember. That lucky punch.

I'm not worried. Generally, you can't hit the ground with both feet.

Maybe you got to be taught another lesson.

Looks that way. Let me help you.

[Groans]

Open it. Clumsy, Kerm.

Looks like you got a couple of choices.

Either you can tell me, what you're doing following me...

and why you knocked me out in Susan's room...

or you can sit here with your hand in the door...

while I sharpen up my right cross. Which is it?

I didn't knock you out.

Okay, Kerm.

I'm gonna let your dentist rebuild your whole mouth.

Suit yourself.

Damn!

If it had been me, I'd have beat you to death.

Yeah, I know.

[Exclaims]

[Groans]

Who is it?

It's a man named Kermit Higby.

You ever heard of him? Never.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

(Susan) Hi. Hope you weren't worried about me.

Well, no, of course not. Why would I worry?

I only called your room ten times since we checked in.

I'm sorry.

There were a few personal things I couldn't find...

in that mess back in Las Vegas.

So, I went to the drug store. I'm back now, come on over.

That knocking you hear on your door is me.

[Knocking on door]

Hi.

I feel safe now, thanks to you.

I registered under a false name. I hope that's not illegal.

Only in Kentucky.

[Chuckles]

Are you going to stay in Reno for a while, I hope?

I have two more weeks until the divorce comes through.

Well, there's not gonna be a divorce, 'cause you're not married.

I've been thinking it over. We ought to get a few things straight.

Higby's not the only private detective that's been following you.

There's another one.

Who? Where is he?

Right here. It's me.

Charles Dexter hired me to find you.

I don't believe you. He wouldn't.

You mean, he wouldn't because...

he wouldn't admit that he had a reason to find you?

He did.

He also told me about the place down at the beach. The whole story.

I talked to him on the phone. He's flying here and wants to talk to you.

Did he tell you that I ran away from him because he is insane?

That he started thinking I was cheating on him and he began to threaten me?

It was horrible. I was afraid he might kill me.

Now, why don't you just start telling the truth for a change?

Look, Dexter isn't the only one who put a private cop on you.

Somebody hired Higby. I don't have any idea who that is.

Somebody went through your room in Vegas.

What do you think they were looking for? A key?

Maybe a key to a locker with a suitcase in it?

When we went to the airport, I didn't stay in the car. I was watching you.

And you took that suitcase out of a locker.

You didn't take it out of the airline's luggage room.

That's why you think I'm lying.

You think that I'm running off with a bag of jewels or something.

I'd like to check on it. Where's the suitcase now?

In another locker?

No, it's right in there.

[Keys jangling]

[Knocking on door]

(Louise) That's him, Officer. That's the one. Arrest him.

Louise!

Honey, are you all right? Was he hurting you?

(Rockford) What?

(officer) Shut up. You're going downtown for questioning.

What's the charge? Kidnapping and attempted rape.

[Laughs]

As a matter of fact, he was holding me against my will.

If you'd like to look at my ID...

you'll see that I'm a licensed private investigator.

You don't want to say nothing till I read you your rights.

This woman is the subject of an official L.A. Wanted...

and I'm authorized by City Statuette 12 to take her in. Now, Officer...

if you don't take us all in together, you'll never see them again.

We'll be right behind you, Officer.

If you go for that, Officer, you'll be making a mistake.

Why don't you let me worry about that, buster?

(Rockford) I hope you appreciate the fact

that I haven't once said, "I told you so."

I did appreciate it. Till you just said it.

They've gone, Lieutenant. I think they drove off out of town.

Well, I already told you that. They're headed back to L.A.

This fellow still could be guilty.

(officer) The girls maybe didn't want to get stuck here as witnesses.

I don't think so. There's a guy outside...

says his name's Albert Frost...

claims Rockford here, was working for him.

(officer #2) And that Susan Parsons? She's an L.A. Missing person.

Okay, you can go, Mr. Rockford.

The watch commander has a receipt for your car. It's right out front.

[Typewriter clacking]

That's all? You guys don't want to say anything to me before I leave?

Like what?

Well, I think somebody ought to apologize.

What for?

For treating me like some kind of sex-creep for the last two hours.

Move it, Rockford, before I decide to book you as a troublemaker.

Thank you, Lieutenant. I accept your apology.

[Door slams]

Hey, that's mine. Here's a receipt signed by the Lieutenant.

Thank you.

You said they were headed for L.A.

Albert Frost?

It's a little risky using phoney names with the cops, isn't it?

I could've blown your cover by mistake.

When I employ people, Mr. Rockford,

I expect a certain level of competence.

If you still want to employ me, Mr. Dexter...

you're gonna have to come up with some fresh material.

What are you talking about?

What's Susan got, that you and everybody else is chasing after?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Then we got a jump-ball, Mr. Dexter. Goodbye.

Wait a minute.

You know where she went, don't you?

Maybe.

There's a great deal involved here.

You've got to tell me what you know.

Well, I know that Susan bought another suitcase...

and whatever you're all after is in it.

I lost her for about a half-hour at the hotel...

gave her enough time to buy another bag.

And then her roommate stiffed me with the Reno bulls...

and now you're still trying to hang on to this jealous boyfriend routine.

Frankly, Mr. Dexter, I just don't have time

to stand around and listen to it any longer.

Okay.

If I tell you, you've got to promise me...

that whatever you recover, you bring back to me.

I'll pay you your fee, plus a 10% finders fee.

20.

10.

Okay. What's in the bag?

My corporation ran into a very serious problem a week or so ago.

So I negotiated with a man who could fix the trouble for us.

I was to meet him one night with $250,000 in cash.

I showed up with the money in a suitcase, he wasn't there.

So I went to the beach house that I rent for Susan to stash the money there.

When I went back to get it, Susan was gone and so was the suitcase.

Well, if that's true, why was Susan in Las Vegas...

playing the roulette wheels?

I don't understand.

Well, she wasn't gambling.

She was buying several hundred dollars worth of chips...

sitting at the roulette wheel for a few minutes, then cashing it in.

If it's the money you were using for a bribe, she was trying to launder it.

I didn't say it was a bribe.

I didn't just parachute in, Mr. Dexter.

Now, let's stop kidding ourselves.

I swear to you that everything I've told you is true.

Will you help?

I'll let you know what I decide.

[Keys jangling]

[Engine starting]

[Birds chirping]

[Engine humming]

[Tires screech]

(Susan) Who is it?

(Louise) How should I know?

Every time I speed up, he speeds up.

Every time I slow down, he slows down.

[Honking]

I think it's Jim. It can't be.

[Car honking] Look out!

[Screams]

[Tires squealing]

[Engine faltering]

[Engine sputtering]

You all right?

I don't think anything's broken. Susie, are you all right?

I'm okay.

You sure? Yeah.

[Bags thudding]

All right, where is it?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Whatever happened to that nice girl I met less than a week ago?

The one who was gonna be a consumer advocate...

and never turn her back on herself.

What I do with my life is my business.

When did you get to be my spiritual advisor, anyway?

And who are you to talk about public service?

I bet you haven't thought about anybody but Jim Rockford

since you were 14.

Your share of $250,000 isn't gonna do one thing...

but mess up your opinion of yourself.

Tell me what you get out of it,

if I hand over Susan's money to you.

I get $25,000. I'll tell you what.

I'll split it with you two. How about it, Susan?

Louise told me to let her handle it.

She's my lawyer. I'm letting her handle it.

You both better get a lawyer. And quick.

I don't think so.

I may not be too bright, but I know Charles Dexter.

He's not making any public charges against anybody.

You're gonna need a ride. Pick them up.

[Tires squeal]

[Bird chirping]

I've got an excuse, you know.

Everybody does.

It's really a rotten world. I mean, in general, it really is.

It makes it kind of easy to have temporary setbacks in the ethics department.

Were you serious about splitting the reward three ways?

We're talking about your life.

You want to stand out in the highway and quibble over money?

I just wanted to make sure we understand each other.

Yeah, I was serious.

It's at a locker at the bus depot, next to the hotel in Reno.

Let's go.

[Tires screech]

[Engine faltering]

[Engine sputtering]

Higby, I couldn't hit you before, but you just changed all that.

What the hell.

[Bird calls]

I knew there's a reason I didn't do that before...

I think I broke my hand.

[Groans]

(Dexter) There we are.

$200 per day, plus lavish expenses.

Do you plan to pay the bonus...

with a separate check, Mr. Dexter?

Bonus? Yeah, the bonus.

The one we agreed on in Reno. Ten percent of whatever I got back for you.

It comes to exactly $24,822.

For one week's work?

Well, that's the agreement, Mr. Dexter. It could've taken me a year.

Mr. Rockford, I wouldn't agree to pay a private investigator...

$24,000 for even a year's work.

Mr. Dexter, we had a deal. If I have to give you trouble to get it, I will.

Did you say trouble, Mr. Rockford?

Let me tell you something.

The reason that fellow didn't show up for his payoff...

is because he decided not to go along.

As a result, my corporation is going to lose a suit...

that's going to cost me $10 million.

And that private investigator? Kermit Higby? I found out who hired him.

My wife hired him. She's suing me for divorce.

And you think you can give me trouble?