Original subtitles

- So you're really leaving LA?

- Sadly, yes.

But for good reason. - That's right.

I'm starting a Cru Bar in New York City,

and Fay's gonna be my general manager.

- I can't believe this is really happening.

- I know. It was a tough choice,

but I think I made the right one.

- Well, congrats. I mean, this is pretty dope.

Amir, you ruin everything, man!

- [laughs]

That's--that's really funny, Noah. Right?

- So just one week left.

- Just one week left.

- Well, the job sounds incredible.

Amir, you're a monster. - Okay.

- Nah, but for real, we are really excited for you, Fay.

Amir, I'ma beat that ass.

- Uh-oh.

- To Fay. Clang, clang.

all: Clang, clang.

- No, you don't get to say "clang, clang," Amir.

- Uh, you know what? Next round of drinks on me.

- Well, that guilt trip worked. We got free drinks.

To Fay! Clang, clang!

all: Clang, clang!

- ♪ Whoop, whoop

♪ Cabernet and sauvignon

♪ Team is here and now it's on ♪

♪ Carry on and Carignan, sippin' on Perignon ♪

♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪

♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪

♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪

♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew

[mellow music]

- Hey, what's up? I got your message.

- Hey. Um, yeah, I just wanted to talk to you

for a sec without anyone else around.

- I know we talked about not doing long distance.

Are you having second thoughts?

Because as much as it kills me to admit this,

I think you're right.

You shouldn't jump into your new role

with one foot back here, in bed with me.

- Mm. You know it would be more than one foot, right?

- [chuckles] Well, there was that one time on the dresser

when you only had one foot on the bed.

- Okay, we need to stop.

No, the reason why I wanted to talk to you

is that I'm worried about Nicky.

I think me leaving to New York is really upsetting her.

- Really? She seems happy to me.

She's vibing.

- I think those are sad vibes.

Noah told me to look out

because ever since their mom died,

she has a hard time letting people go.

When her old friend Tasha moved to Santa Monica,

she had a hard time coping.

- So what did she do?

- Apparently, she just started saying

that nothing really mattered,

and it led to some pretty reckless behavior.

- I mean, she's grown a lot since then.

I think she'll be all right.

[both gasp] - I am so sorry.

- It's fine! It don't matter.

I literally don't care about anything right now.

- Man, I am gonna miss playing this game with Fay.

She was so bad at it.

- Yeah, but good energy, though, right?

- Oh, that reminds me.

Fay gave me some reservation

to some restaurant she made like a year and a half ago.

She can't go now because she's leaving.

- Oh, nice. Where?

- It's called Dirt & Honey.

- What? - Are you serious?

- Oh, so you guys have heard of it?

- You haven't heard of it?

It's like the hottest restaurant

in the country right now.

- It has three Michelin stars,

and the chef's name is Danny Cooks.

I mean, and that's his real name.

This guy was born to culinate.

- Why'd she give it to you?

Because I was "standing near her"

when she "received an email from Resy."

But I know it's really because of our super close bond.

Anyway, are either of you free to go?

Reservation's for two next Wednesday.

- Absolutely. I will go with you.

- You're married.

Why don't you go get dinner with your wife?

- And you're single.

Go have dinner with some floozy.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas.

Let's not make a big deal out of this. [chuckles]

How about we turn it into a high-stakes competition?

I think it's time for The Perfect Pair Part Two.

- Oh, that's the game you guys played

last year at the vineyard that Wyatt lost.

[game pieces clatter]

- We did not lose. What had happened was--

- Nobody cares, bruh. [chuckles]

Let's just play the game. I want that reservation.

- Well, too damn bad, 'cause it's mine. I'm in.

- Ooh, I love the drama.

Let the games begin!

[upbeat hip-hop music]

- This is nuts.

We don't have to do a wellness check on Nicky.

- She hasn't texted me in hours,

and the last couple texts I've gotten from her

had no emojis.

No emojis, Anthony!

- That's not a big deal. I think she's fine.

- Oh, hey.

- Ooh. Hey, Nicky.

[disquieting music]

[plate clatters] - [chuckles softly]

- I think you missed the trash can.

- Can't miss what you're not aiming at.

Michael Jordan said that.

What are you guys doing here?

[sneezes] Oh. [cats meowing]

- Nicky, aren't you allergic to cats?

- Oh, big time.

I went out to get the mail, and they followed me inside,

so I gave them salmon, and now they're my sistahs.

That's Eunice, Boo-nice, and that's Mila Kunis.

I think she's pregnant. [sneezes]

- Hey, Nicky, you good?

- I'm fine. I'm just... [coughs]

Having a little bit of trouble breathing.

- 'Cause you're allergic to cats.

- Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what it is.

[sneezes]

Anyway, I think I'm gonna go take a shower

and see if that helps.

♪ Boo-boo ba-doo boop [kisses]

BRB.

[coughs]

[sneezes] - Okay.

- Welcome back to The Perfect Pair Part Two:

Restaurant Edition.

All right, here's the deal.

Both of you wanna go to Dorky Bunny.

- It's called Dirt & Honey. - Semantics.

Anyway, I'll give you each an opportunity

to tell me in your own words

why you deserve to be my plus-one.

You've both had an hour to prepare.

- We've had five minutes. - Wow.

Someone has a poor grasp of time.

He'll probably be late to dinner.

- Ooh, noted.

Noah, make your case.

- Look, you hardly even know Wyatt.

He didn't grow up with you like I did.

You guys are barely even friends.

- Hey, Sherm and I are close.

- Your relationship is tenuous at best.

- That is not true.

Sherm and I even have our own inside jokes, huh?

I'll take a big ol' booty to go.

[laughs]

- This is the first I'm hearing of this.

- Come on, you remember. It was your birthday,

and I ordered a big old burger to go, but you thought I said--

- I said I don't remember. Please move on.

- Okay, first off, I make more sense practically

because I eat small portions

and this place has shared plates.

Now good luck sharing anything with this garbage disposal.

- That is low, that is slanderous,

and that is not based in truth. - Oh, really?

Then what'd you have for lunch today?

- What does that have to do with anything?

- I'll tell you what I had for lunch today.

I had a Caesar salad with four croutons.

And I only ate one of those croutons,

which leaves three croutons for you, Sherm.

- Hmm, I like the way that math shakes out.

Noah, I would like to know what you had for lunch today.

- What? Well, that's irrelevant.

- Answer the damn question! - Fine!

Three burritos!

Some chicken fried rice and...

and then two cannolis. - Damn.

What kind of crazy-ass fusion spot did you get all that at?

- I went to three different spots.

- Oh, damn.

[mellow hip-hop music]

♪

- Oh, here she comes.

[cat meows]

Oh, that's not her.

She's been in her room for over 45 minutes now.

- Yeah, and it sounded like she was either singing

or screaming in the shower.

- Oh, here she comes.

- Woo-whee!

Sorry, y'all. I fell asleep in the shower.

Anyway, I gotta go. I have a date.

- What? We just got here. Who's the date with?

- Oh, this guy that I met on Heart Match.

I don't remember his name, but it don't matter.

I'ma call him Sal. [chuckles]

Ooh, this bag will do. All right, ha-ha!

- Okay, she's clearly not doing great.

- Yeah, but I guess it could be worse.

I mean, she's not doing anything reckless.

[engine revving] - Later, bitches!

- All right. That's pretty reckless.

.

- Have you heard anything from Nicky?

- No, and if anything

happens to her, I'm gonna feel so bad.

- Hey, it's not your fault.

- She's upset because I'm moving,

so yeah, it is.

- Yeah, I guess it is kinda your fault.

Sorry. Was I not supposed to agree with that?

[engine rumbling]

- [sighs] Come here.

[both grunt and kiss]

Ugh, I gotta go.

I don't know why my friends are still here.

- Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you soon?

- I don't know. Maybe, Sal.

- My name's James.

- Goodbye, Sal.

Ooh, yeah! Get it! [chuckles]

[sighs]

- Nicky, what are you doing?

- And did you buy a motorcycle?

- It's a rental. I was feeling adventurous.

- When did you get your motorcycle license?

- You need a special license for a motorcycle? Huh.

- Nicky, can we talk about what you're going through?

- No. I don't need to talk.

I don't need you guys waiting around for me.

I don't understand why you guys are still here.

- Whoopi Goldberg!

- Whoa, are you serious right now?

You're pulling the Whoopi card?

- What the hell is "the Whoopi card"?

- Last year, Nicky and I had a movie night,

and we watched her favorite film, "Ghost."

- Perfect film. No notes.

- And then afterwards, we stayed up all night,

getting real about our lives.

And we made a promise to ourselves

that if either of us ever held back

our true feelings,

we could play the Whoopi card.

- Cool. Thanks for the backstory.

- So I'm using the Whoopi card.

'Cause, Nicky, you in danger, girl.

- What am I supposed to do, Fay, make new friends? Ew!

- Well, yeah.

- Well, I don't want to, though.

- I totally understand. I'm gonna miss you too.

But I'm not dying.

I'm just moving to New York.

We can still be friends. - True.

- We can do everything we do now, just on FaceTime.

- You're right. I guess it won't be so different.

- Right. - Exactly.

- You know what? I wish I could handle it

as well as you, Anthony.

You're so strong.

- Yeah, I guess I am.

- You know, I'm a mess,

and my friendship with Fay

is pretty much gonna stay the same.

But your relationship, it's D-E-A-D, it's dead.

And look at you, walking around just fine.

- Yeah, totally fine.

- Yeah, I mean, I could FaceTime Fay any time I want,

but you? Oh, you'll never kiss

or embrace her again in a sexual way.

But you're fine.

- Right.

- I feel better.

I'm gonna be strong like you, Anthony.

- Good. I love you.

- I love you too. Now hug me.

- Okay

- [chuckles]

- Mm, you smell like a satchel.

- Do you wanna get on the bike and go for--

- No. - Absolutely not.

- There you are.

The suspense has been killing us.

Now, who are you gonna take to dinner?

- Okay.

After a long night of deliberation,

I have decided

that I'm still undecided...

- Oh, come on! - Damn!

- Which means it's time for round two.

- Fine. - Let's go.

- So I've put together some scenarios

to help me come to a decision.

Contestant number one, we're at Dirty Sexy Money.

- Dirt & Honey. - Whatever.

We order some cocktails,

and mine is too spicy.

What do you do? - Easy.

I politely wave down the server,

tell him that your drink was unsatisfactory

and that we'd like a replacement

with much less spice.

- Mm, interesting.

Contestant number two, what's your response?

- Trick question. Sherm love the spice.

- And the spice love Sherm.

Point, contestant number two. - Yes!

- You know you can use our names, right?

- You remain nameless until I name a winner.

Next question.

We just finished eating, and it was amazing,

mostly because of my hot takes.

Where will you take me after dinner?

Contestant number one, we'll start with you.

- Oh, well, there's this really dope wine bar

called Mignon which is close by.

Figure we could go there for a nightcap post dinner.

- [chuckles] That's lame.

I'd take you to a Clippers game.

- You're pandering.

I'm more than just a Clippers fan.

Point, contestant number one.

- [laughs] - Damn it.

- Hey, so, I think something might be up with Anthony now.

- What makes you say that?

- Well, yesterday, after you said

that our relationship was dying

and that he might never kiss me again,

he started acting really weird.

And then we went out to dinner, and he spent a lot of money.

Like, a lot.

- Thank you for dining with us this evening.

Would you mind if I take the check?

- Oh, for sure. Here you go.

- Holy [bleep]!

Are you sure about this? - Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

- [stammering] I mean, I--

did you see this? - I--

He tipped the waiter 400%. It was crazy.

- Damn.

Usually he, like, throws himself into work,

but when he is really going through it,

he stress-spends.

- But he's an accountant. - I know.

It's his dirty, freaky, nasty little secret.

- Oh, I feel terrible.

First, I messed up your life, and now I'm messing up his?

We should probably check on him before he goes bankrupt.

- Let's hop on my hog. - What?

- I have the motorcycle for another week.

Trust me, you're gonna love it.

[funk music]

♪

- Gentlemen, I know this is taking some time,

but no one said it would be easy figuring out

who would be my plus-one to Sand & Syrup.

- It is Dirt & Honey.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. Because I don't care.

Now, it's time for the third and final round.

- Okay. - So what's up?

- I'm very excited to announce

that we have a new challenger entering the competition.

both: Ron Ron?

- What up, man?

Thanks for having me.

Happy to throw my hat into the ring, man.

- What? - Come on.

- I thought you guys were on bad terms.

- Oh, we settled our differences.

Ron Ron's the homey again.

- And I've always wanted to go to Gin & Rummy.

both: Dirt & Honey!

- Tomato, tomato.

- I can't believe this.

- Sherm, I got two Clippers tickets

with your name on it.

- Mm, that's pandering. And I like it.

- You didn't like it when I did it before.

- What can I say? Another classic Sherm 180.

- You know what? I've had enough.

This competition is wack. I'm out.

- What? - Me too.

- We almost done!

[chuckles] Well, looks like you win by default, Ron Ron.

- A win's a win.

Thanks again, man. - [chuckles]

[knocking on door]

- I still can't believe how good you are

at riding a motorcycle.

- I know, right?

My secret is, I'm very good at everything.

- Hey. What are you guys doing here?

- Hey, um,

we were just a little worried about you.

- What? Why?

- You know, because of all the overspending?

- I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Oh, uh, can you guys move to the side, please?

Fourth flatscreen just arrived. - Fourth?

- Yeah. - Okay.

.

- Ooh, ooh-whee.

- Y'all want some vegan chocolate fondue?

It's delicious.

- Good lord, Anthony.

How much money did you spend in the last 48 yours?

- Oh, not too much.

I got good deals on all this stuff.

Oh, and Fay, I got you something.

Yeah.

- Oh, wow. - It's vegan.

- How much did that cost?

- Not much. Just a couple racks.

- A couple of racks? - What?

Anthony, this is really thoughtful and all,

but if you were doing the accounting

on all these purchases,

how would you classify all this?

- Um, well, gifts, dining and entertainment,

home office furniture and equipment,

miscellaneous.

- And what would you tell someone

who was spending this much?

- I'd tell them, "great job." [laughs]

- Anthony.

- Yeah, I'd tell them, "great job ruining your life."

Oh, no!

Patrick Swayze!

- The hell are you talking about?

- Patrick Swayze from "Ghost"? - I know him.

- I figured since I'm a guy, I'd, you know, use Swayze.

- Well, that's kind of dumb.

Also, "Ghost" is kind of like our thing.

- Be nice. - All right.

- Hey, what's going on?

- I just--

I was doing well until Nicky started talking

about how you and I were done.

- We'll always be friends.

- Yeah, but done romantically.

It just hit me, and it hit me hard.

Guess I just channeled all my feelings

into all these crazy-ass purchases.

I'm ashamed to be an accountant right now.

- No.

Channel your feelings into helping me throw Fay

a great going-away party.

- Right, smart.

That'll be a good distraction. - Exactly.

A great way to hide

our horrible, sad, no-good feelings

about Fay leaving.

- Yes. Let's throw a party. Yeah?

[mellow music]

[indistinct conversation]

- Hey. How's Ron Ron?

Bet he's excited about that dinner.

- Well, it turns out Ron Ron had a conflict

and he can't make it anymore.

- Oh, really? What was the conflict?

- You owe me a drink. Next round's on you!

- Nah, nah, nah!

You owe me a drink. The next round's on you.

- How about a roundhouse to the face?

- Oh! So you wanna boogie-bop?

- Yeah, so let's bop the boogie then.

- No, guys--

- I wanna say I'm sorry

for what I put y'all two through

with this reservation.

- We don't trust you.

What's the endgame here?

- Nah, for real. I just couldn't decide

because y'all are both great friends

and I didn't wanna let either of you down.

- So what's the endgame here?

- Nah, I'm done with the games.

I think you two should take the reservation

to Dirt & Honey.

- He said the name right. - Wow.

I guess the games really have ended.

But you know what?

I don't wanna go to that restaurant without you.

- Neither do I.

Fay wouldn't want us being all petty

about who you should take.

So let's just get a reservation for the three of us.

For five years from now. - OK, word. That sounds great.

But what do we do with this reservation?

- I think I have an idea.

[soft electronic music]

♪

- Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family,

welcome to Fay's Bye-Bye-Bachata Bash!

Please welcome the woman of the hour,

Fay Guadalupe Garcia Peña de la Cruz!

[cheers and applause]

[Latin music playing]

♪

Fay? - [hushed] Fay isn't here.

- Huh? - What happened?

- She left five minutes ago,

right after she told me

she's not gonna take the job in New York.

She seemed really distraught

and wouldn't go into any details,

but I just know it's because of something I did.

- Definitely. So give us a second

to clean up this little mess that you made, okay?

- Okay. Thank you so much.

- Okay.

[chuckles, groans]

We definitely screwed this up. - Yup.

We need to find her. - Yes.

- Do you have any idea where she might be?

- Um... um, um, um, um, um, um, um...

I think so. Let's go.

- How are you so good at that?

- The internet's the wild, wild west.

Everybody's traceable. Let's go, let's go, let's go!

.

[downbeat music]

♪

- Hey, Fay.

- Hey, guys.

- So you're not at your own party,

and Amir tells us that you quit the New York job?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Whoopi Goldberg.

- [sighs] Okay.

Seeing you guys so upset about me leaving

made me wonder if I made the right choice

moving back to New York.

- But we didn't mean to do that.

- I know. It's just, I took the job

because I've been inspired by you two.

I mean, I literally asked myself,

"what would Nicky and Anthony do?"

And I feel like you guys would follow your careers.

But then you both spiraled out, that made me spiral,

and now I'm just not sure.

- Fay, as much as we're gonna miss you,

we'd be terrible friends to keep you

from an incredible opportunity like this.

- Yeah, and if you think we're sad now,

you have no idea how much we'll spiral

if you don't take this job because of us.

- I will go bankrupt. - I will get a motorcycle

and never get a motorcycle license.

[laughter]

- [speaking Spanish]

- Sexy. What does that mean?

- It means distance is just a measure of love's reach.

My abuela used to say that to me.

She lived in the D.R.,

but I never felt like she was that far away.

- And neither are we.

You'll always be a part of the crew.

- Aw.

I'm gonna miss you guys.

- We'll miss you too.

Bring it in. Ah! - Ah! [laughs]

[laughter]

- ♪ To just flow

♪ Flow, oh, oh

- Anthony, Nicky,

thank you so much for bringing Fay back here.

- Yeah, of course. - For sure.

- Fay, look, I know I upset you.

- What? - It's okay.

I'm taking full ownership of it.

I put you in your head

about this whole New York thing.

- Oh, no, that wasn't--

- No, no, it was him. Let him finish.

- Look, I put way too much pressure on you.

And if you're willing,

I'd love to offer you the general management position

and give you an ownership stake in Cru Bar New York.

Will that make up for everything I've done?

- Yes. I accept.

And I forgive you. - Perfect!

I'm so glad we were able to work this out.

What a journey this has been for us, huh?

Hey, everybody. Drinks on me tonight!

[cheering]

- ♪ Winter's tough ♪ Winter is tough

♪ I've been waiting for summer ♪

- Hey, Fay. The three of us wanted to get you something

a little special for your going away.

- Aww.

[gasps] I love it.

"Clang, clang"!

all: Clang, clang.

- I hope you guys didn't spend too much on this.

- No, we used that reservation you gave me.

We sold it to this rich couple in Pasadena

and used the money to buy that.

- Oh, so I kind of got this for myself.

- Uh, no. - I still love it.

[laughter]

- Nicky, didn't you say that you got a gift for Fay too?

- No, you misheard me.

- I'm pretty sure I heard you say

that you got her something.

- Okay, well, maybe I didn't realize

we were doing sentimental stuff,

so let's leave it at that. I'm good.

- No. What is it?

- [sighs] Okay, let's just say--

- Did somebody call for a repair man?

- Jerry Pipe?

Aww, thank you, Nicky! [both laugh]

- Congrats on the new gig, Fay.

I'm so proud of you.

- Ooh.

Here, hold this.

[upbeat music]

♪

[mellow hip-hop music]

- ♪ Somebody give me

♪ Somebody tell me the answers ♪

♪ Me and you isn't the answer ♪

♪ Me and you isn't

♪ Maybe I'm telling myself that ♪

♪ But there ain't nothing that'll change that ♪

♪ What good would it be

♪ If I knew how you felt about me ♪

♪ It could've been right but I was wrong ♪

- So...

this is it.

- This is it.

- ♪ You know that I can't get caught up ♪

- Fay, I, uh--

- I know.

- ♪ Now and again, we will dream about ♪

♪ And think about what we could have been ♪

♪ Oh, I'm holding it in 'cause I know in the end ♪

♪ We can dream about, I think about what ♪

[horns honking]

♪ We could have been

♪ Oh, no

♪

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