Original subtitles

What a laugh. It doesn't mean a thing.

They laughed at Edison, too.

Looks like I'm an assistant to

a guy out of a job.

You remember when mah-jongg was popular,

- don't you, Harry? - So what?

It's a fad.

I've staged 50 musical comedies,

and I'll stage 50 more.

I hope you're right.

Well, frazer and gould are putting

Never Say No into rehearsal,

and I'm doing the numbers.

Am I going with you?

If they don't run out of ink.

Let's go.

Hiya, Kent.

Hello, boys.

When does Never Say No go to rehearsal?

Chester, it don't. You can't give

the public what they don't want.

What show you gonna do?

No show, if we're in our right mind.

People ain't paying for shows no more.

Talking pictures-- that's what they want.

It don't mean a thing, huh?

Flesh is a dead issue.

We're in the picture business. Exhibitors.

Yeah, we just bought 4 houses.

They deliver the show in tin cans,

and we got nothing to worry about.

So musicals are out, huh?

Yeah, come on around the corner,

and I'll show you why.

Yeah, come on around the corner.

And I'll show you why.

There's the answer.

It's a lot better to fill your theater

10 times a day at 40 cents a ticket

than to charge $5 bucks a seat

and have it half-filled once a night.

Yeah. If you're lucky.

Come on. I'll show you.

Won't last.

Excuse me, Zeke. Official business.

From now on,

he'll be getting plenty of orders,

but they won't all be by wire.

Here's your answer.

Uh-huh.

I'm so proud of you, John.

So you're in the picture business,

eh, Si?

Who's that? Whistler's mother?

There's competition.

We're booking a house down the street.

So we give them a little prologue

to fit the picture.

What's the picture, Uncle Tom's Cabin?

We're showing Slaves of the Desert,

so we put on something oriental

to fit the plot.

That prologue wouldn't fit anything

but an ashcan.

Just the same,

it costs more than the picture.

Say,

why don't you let me put on some

of those prologues for you?

No. No. No more prologues.

No more prologues. Chester.

That oriental flash is too expensive.

After this, we're giving our customers

talking pictures and nothing else.

Well, so long. I got to break the bad news

to the wife.

Bread line, I hear you calling me.

Public wants talking pictures,

and talking pictures only.

Listen, what you'd better do

is get yourself another job.

Maybe I haven't made myself

understood, honey.

They're not doing any more

musical shows.

I always said they'd catch up with you.

Is it my fault if somebody

invented talking pictures?

I don't care whose fault it is.

It's time you earn some money.

I'm used to good clothes

and everything that goes with it.

Haven't I always given you--

yeah. What goes with it.

Listen, I'm fed up with you,

and I have been for a long time.

Well...

What should we do about it?

I'll show you.

Here. Sign that,

and I'll be tickled to death

to get a divorce.

You sure this is the way you want it?

Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

Well, that's that.

Here's your aspirin--18 cents.

Say, how do you do it?

The place next-door charges a quarter.

Yeah, but he's on his own.

We got 100 stores.

What does that mean?

We buy in big lots.

When you're buying for one store,

you get soaked.

When you're buying for 100--

I see. Practically name your own price.

That's it.

Say, that's marvelous.

The chain-store idea solves everything.

Thanks a million.

Hey! Your aspirin.

Take it yourself. My headache's gone!

Come on, al.

Listen, boys.

I just bought some aspirin.

Drunk again.

No, no. Listen to this. Listen to this.

When you've got one drugstore,

you charge 25 cents for aspirin.

But when you're buying for 100 stores,

you get it for less,

so you sell it for 18 cents.

So what?

So your house-- I mean,

your store is crowded.

That's great, Chester, old boy.

That's a marvelous idea.

Well, don't you get the connection?

Yeah, we'll use it,

if we ever open a drugstore.

No, listen, listen. When you put on

one prologue, it's too expensive.

But when the same prologue plays 25, 50, 100 houses,

it doesn't cost a cent more. Get it?

We might have something there.

Yeah?

Oh, the same scenery, same costumes--

put them on once, and they stay put on.

We've only got 4 theaters.

Play them all over Chicago,

all over the country.

Exhibitors everywhere will be tickled pink

to get ready-made prologues.

How do you know?

It's a cinch, because you can give them

swell prologues cheaper than

they can put them on themselves. And why?

Because you're in the chain-store business.

Si, he's right.

No question about it.

Boys, your name will be up in lights

from the rock bottom coast of Maine

to the sunny strands of California.

You'll have to wait a minute.

Will you take a seat, please?

Good morning.

How about a job, miss Prescott?

See Arnold, the casting director.

Any mail?

9 out-of-town calls.

Only 9? We must be slipping.

Hello.

Good morning.

Is the boss in yet?

I haven't seen Mr. Kent this morning.

Maybe you blinked and missed him.

Ah, could be. Heh heh!

Hello, girls.

Mr. Gould wants to see Mr. Kent.

Oh, I'll put that in my memory book.

Is Mr. Kent in?

No, but I'm his secretary.

This is something very personal.

That's the kind of secretary I am.

Well, you see,

I'm a title thinker-upper.

Ahh.

Honest, I am.

My real business is insurance,

but I have a lot of spare time,

so I think up titles.

Right out of your head?

Yes. Here's some I thought up yesterday--

girls of Spain, girls of France,

girls of South America--

shh! Keep them under your hat.

What do you do, just travel

around the world?

That's right. Now, maybe

he could use them for prologues.

I'll sell 'em cheap.

Tell you what you do.

You go over to gladstone.

Sounds like his kind of stuff.

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Here you are.

Cats.

First drink that.

Working all night again. I thought

you said you were going home early.

I did go home. That is--

I mean, I started to go home

right after dress rehearsal about 3 A.M.,

and then, bingo, I got an idea. Cats.

I was walking along the street

and saw some cats. You ever see cats walk?

Just like that-- regular dance rhythm.

So you came right back here.

That's just what I did.

Got the whole thing all mapped out--

7 boys and 7 girls,

tomcats and pussycats-- that's down in one.

Then we go to full stage

with an alley drop--

with the ash cans and a board fence.

Then we have 12 little girls

come out in kitten costumes.

They're the children, see?

Now, forget the cats, will you?

If you don't let up, you're gonna

meow yourself into a padded cell.

Now, go on, get washed.

I'll get you a clean shirt.

Oh, you're right. You're perfectly right.

Perfectly right.

But it's still a good idea.

Here you are.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, get Mr. Kent some tomato juice,

toast, and coffee,

and a bottle of milk for the cat.

Hello.

Yes. All right. Wait a minute. Hold on.

The gay nineties unit calling from Kansas City.

The park number runs too long.

All right. I'll talk to them.

Hello. Hello--

cut out your first chorus and open up with your second.

That will fix it, won't it?

All right. Fine.

2 units came in yesterday.

Finished their tour. Say, you're slowing up.

Haven't sent out a unit this week.

Yeah, we'll give them 2 next week.

That is, if I can stay out of

the laughing academy that long.

I put a peach in their rehearsal yesterday--

prosperity idea.

Oh, ring Harry for me, will you?

Skulking Thompson?

What have you got against him?

Just don't like him, that's all.

Sometimes I get the feeling you don't like anybody.

If you only knew.

Come in.

- Hello, bea. - Hello, nan.

Good morning, Mr. Kent.

Where's Thompson?

Out for a few minutes.

He'll be out for life if he doesn't stick

close to the business.

Gould signed 30 more theaters.

Oh, that means I've got to think

of 3 new prologues a week.

Dust off the strait jacket, baby. We'll need it.

You'll need it.

Oh, and Mr. Kent,

about the bridesmaid unit,

we're short 6 mirrors.

Well, uh, take the--

Yeah?

What?

Hmm. Wait a minute.

- More trouble. - What is it?

A theater in Savannah burned down--

costumes and scenery ruined.

Never a dull moment.

The soldier girl unit?

Yeah.

This is their last week. Why not bring them in?

That's right.

Hello. It's your last week, isn't it?

Bring the company in.

We'll put them in something else.

What?

A nice, big coffin.

And I'll lie down alongside.

There's a girl for you.

What kind of a girl?

With brains. You can buy beautiful women

a dime a dozen, but she's got it up here.

So have I.

What?

A headache.

Always the rap.

Here's old man river.

Hey, Chester!

Not Harry Thompson!

Yeah, and with a peach of an idea for a unit.

Now, get this-- all the girls come in

dressed as different flowers, see?

Then, for a finish, the leading lady

is the American beauty Rose.

Stop. You're killing me.

I almost fell out of my cradle

when the shuberts did it back in 1912.

What a memory.

Old faithful, I calls it.

Hoofers, like elephants, never forget, baby.

Here, Harry, here's a cat idea. Get it started right away.

Yeah? Yeah, this is Kent.

All right. I'll fix it.

The Iceland unit's in trouble.

Juvenile man married the leading lady.

They're both in the hospital.

That's quick work.

Listen, nan, send a new boy and girl

out right away, and make sure they're not

- in love with each other. - Right.

Get a couple already married.

Say, gould wants to see you.

Nothing strange about that.

This cat thing ain't bad.

Well, keep it that way.

Oh--oh, nan,

there are some notes there

on a Jigsaw puzzle unit and a Willow tree idea.

Type them out, will you?

I will.

American beauty Rose.

He said only the cat idea.

Yeah?

Now, why should we give him a job?

What can he do?

Well, Scott's a lovely singer and dancer.

Isn't he, Si?

Why, he won his spurs in college shows.

Oh, dear, dear Mr. Kent,

for my sake, now, I implore you.

Now, Harriet, don't get excited.

You know what the doctor said.

See, there's an idea, Si. A doctor unit--

the girls doctors and the boys patients.

The girls give the boys a shot in the arm,

and they go into a big dance.

Something like this--

♪♪ ya da de da da da da da ♪♪

♪♪ Da da da da da da ya huh ♪♪

Divine. Simply divine.

Like the idea?

Oh, it's a beautiful idea.

Oh, now, you see, dear Mr. Kent,

Scott is my protege,

and Scott is such a dear boy

with the sweetest tenor voice.

Oh, please, please, Mr. Kent.

Pardon me.

Sorry.

Mr. Gould is very busy.

Ha, ha! I'll say he's busy.

They're talking about me.

That shouldn't take very long.

I'm going to work here.

Mrs. Gould's giving Kent the good news.

Really? Well, as far as I know,

we have all the office boys we need.

I'm a singer--

starred in 2 shows at Arkansas college.

Rah rah.

Our shows play in theaters,

not colleges.

Why, he's waiting outside,

ready and eager to start his career.

Your mistake.

Mr. Kent will be delighted to engage you.

Oh, Mr. Kent,

I want you to meet Mr. Blair.

How do you do, sir?

Oh, it's your great opportunity.

Thanks, Harriet.

Well, I must say adieu now.

I've got to go see Si about a check.

Come with me, and I'll put you in the cat unit.

Oh, that's keen.

Don't be so optimistic.

Meow.

Meow.

Hello, Fanny.

My name's myrtle, Mr. Kent.

- Myrtle? Ha ha ha! - Come on, girls.

7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4...

All right. That's good.

1.2.3.4.

5, 6, 7, 8...

Hi, Mr. Kent.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Hold it!

Got a new boy for you, Mac.

I don't need him.

Neither did I, but I caught him.

He's yours now.

Sit down.

♪♪ In springtime, in falltime ♪♪

♪♪ I face the ground at all times ♪♪

♪♪ I'm one step ahead of my shadow ♪♪

♪♪ Its rainbow and bubbles ♪♪

♪♪ Reducing all my troubles ♪♪

♪♪ I'm having a jolly time ♪♪

♪♪ Telling the world that I'm ♪♪

♪♪ One step ahead of my shadow ♪♪

Hold it. Hold it.

What's the matter now?

This number's as dead as Chelsea's tonsils.

Oh, I worry about this,

and I worry about that.

I know. You got the kids looking worried, too.

This is a prosperity unit. Some life and some pep.

Dance on your feet. Don't die on them.

Here's the way to attack that finish.

Come on, let's go!

♪♪ Dum dum da dum dum da dum dum ♪♪

You got it?

All right, then. Do it.

I get it,

but I got too much on my shoulders.

It's all her fault.

She gives me absolutely nothing.

How can we look prosperity when

he's got depression all over

that pan of his?

There. You see, Mr. Kent?

See what I'm up against?

I'm afraid if this keeps up,

I'll have to resign.

You and me both, but until we do,

keep on working, will you?

Come on. Let's do it. All right, come on.

Give US a pickup there. Come on.

Right!

That's no way to kid a boy, you know?

♪♪ Reducing all my troubles ♪♪

♪♪ I'm having a jolly time ♪♪

Now!

♪♪ One step ahead of my shadow ♪♪

Ahh.

Now what?

We'll have to call off the prosperity unit.

Gladstone just put one on.

I slave day and night

worrying about ideas,

and gladstone steals them.

He's been doing it for months.

All right, girls, let's try it again.

No, no, call it off. Call it off.

The prosperity unit's out.

That's all, girls. You're excused.

What's in?

A cat number. We put it in rehearsal right away.

And you're it.

I don't know anything about cats.

I never had a cat!

I've got one for you. It's up in my office.

Yeah, but what will I do with it?

Go up and get him, make a pal of him.

Study his movements.

Now, listen.

I'm an animal trainer,

not a dance director.

Oh, no... Uh...

I'm a dance trainer,

not an animal d...

Oh, you got me so worried,

I don't know what I am!

I got bad news for you, Chester.

You can't use the cat idea.

Oh. You want to start to tell me

what I can use and what I can't use.

Well, it's my job

to see that our prologues

fit in with censor regulations.

I'm only doing my duty.

Oh, I see.

The tomcats and the pussycats are all right,

but the kittens are illegitimate.

They certainly are.

Unless they're married by a preacher cat.

No preacher cat, no kittens.

No, you can't use it in 39 cities.

Uh-huh. Well, I've got some bad news for you.

You're fired.

Oh, you can't fire me.

Mrs. Gould's my sister.

Iwouldn't care if she's your aunt minnie.

Now get out of here and stay out.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

Get out!

Look out!

Oh, get that cat out of here.

You don't suppose I want him in here, do you?

Now I've got cats to worry about.

I better quit, huh?

We'll go into that later, sweetheart.

Oh, Mr. Kent,

I have here got all the cat music

from our library.

Anything good?

Sure. Cat and the fiddle,

kitten on the keys,

you are the cats, cats on parade,

cat's meow, crazy cat,

pussycat, pussycat,

where have you been?,

me and my cat both love you,

and love me and love my cat.

Thompson just came in.

Stall him till I get there.

Get kitten on the keys right over to Francis,

and make an orchestration

of cats on parade in b flat.

Cats on parade in b flat.

Children, gather around.

I want you to watch this cat.

So, I'm giving you some advice.

Go out and find yourself a nice new job.

I got one.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. From now on, my business address

is general director, gladstone prologues.

Well, that's fine. After they fire you,

you can put on your dance at the old soldiers' home.

The gate's open.

Gladstone.

I'll bet that's our leak.

I'll bet you're right.

That dirty, lowdown...

Oh, well.

He'll wind up jerking sodas

when he has to think of his own ideas.

He's full of them,

like American beauty Rose.

Say, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna keep half a dozen

of the chorus people here as models,

teaching new kids the steps.

Like it?

Mm-hmm.

Yes. I do.

Say, I'll tell you somebody

who'll be swell for a job like that--

- who? - Bea Thorn.

No. Too valuable where she is.

Oh, but she's a swell dancer.

Used to do a turn in vaudeville.

No, I don't think she'd be interested.

Whatever you say, boss.

Listen, kid, I'm checking out.

If you go, dear, so do I.

No, I want you to stick.

I got a special reason.

But I'll never see you.

Yes, you will. We'll have

dinner tonight. Meet me at my place

about 7100 and I'll tell you

how you can help me.

Dear Mr. Kent, I promised my father

I'd always look after Charlie.

Think it over, will you, Chester?

All right. All right.

Take him back.

Keep away from me,

or I'll sock you right in your blue nose.

And don't you dare let him fire

any more of my relatives.

Come along, Charlie.

1,2, 3, 4.

1,2, 3, 4.

1,2, 3, 4.

1,2, 3, 4.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

These are cats, not elephants.

This is about what I want.

Watch carefully.

♪♪ Da deh de da da de da da da ♪♪

♪♪ Da da da da da... Da ♪♪

Oh, I get it. I get it.

I get it.

No, no. I want that certain rhythm.

Oh, that certain rhythm.

It's preying on my mind!

What you've got to do is watch that cat!

I hate cats.

I can't get away from him.

I've done everything but sleep with him.

Sleep with him. We've got to get it.

Now go to work!

All right, girls,

now please, pay attention, will you?

I want you to get this.

Now watch me!

Hold it, Mac. Hold it.

- Now watch-- - hold it!

The Egyptian unit just came in--

29 people.

Call them for rehearsal tomorrow morning.

We'll put them in the mechanical doll unit.

You must put brassieres on those dolls.

Oh, you know Connecticut.

What do they have to do in Massachusetts?

Wear red flannel drawers?

Rehearsal's off.

Call them back at 8:00 tonight.

Rehearsal's over, kids.

Back at 8200 tonight.

Hello.

Say, did you see me dancing?

Do you crochet, too?

No, not me,

but I got a tenor voice

people come miles to hear.

Here's a sample of it.

♪♪ Sweet Adeline ♪♪

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter? Don't you like it?

You must have gotten awful big

at Arkansas college.

I guess you don't appreciate me.

Oh, no? Well, here comes someone who does.

Oh, Mrs. Gould, he's waiting.

Oh, Scott, dear. I'm just in time.

Yep, just in time.

A wet nurse to an alley cat.

Closing time.

Yeah. Another day, another gray hair.

Wonder what it's getting me.

You're a 1/3 partner, aren't you?

Yeah. My 1/3 does all the work.

While the other 2/3 drag down the money.

Maybe it's better to be one of the help.

You know, I'm supposed to be getting

a percentage of the profits.

But so far, everything's gone back into production.

So they say.

Why don't you do some investigating?

I'm too busy.

I'm daffy trying to think up new ideas.

We've done everything...

Soldier girl unit,

bull fighters, blue girls,

ghosts, baby dolls, voodoo,

Russian revolution.

There's nothing left in the world.

A unit a week.

Where am I gonna get any more ideas?

When I do get them, gladstone steals them.

I'm falling apart.

Why don't you get something to eat

and go right home?

I can't. I've got to stay

and dovetail this cat unit stuff.

If I promise to take them home with me,

will you go right to bed?

It's a bargain.

Say,

what's the name of that foreigner

that built the monster he couldn't stop?

Frankenstein.

Shake hands with his aunt Emma.

Good night.

Frankenstein--

swell idea for a unit.

That looks vaguely familiar.

Oh, bonsoir, nanette.

Vivian!

I got the janitor to let me in.

I knew you wouldn't mind putting me up

for a day or two.

I thought you were in Hollywood.

I was, but pictures bored me.

So little culture out there, my dear.

What is this culture gag all of a sudden?

I beg your pardon.

Now, relax, will you? I said all of a sudden.

Last time I saw you,

your conversation was practically

dese, dems, and doses.

We grow up, you know.

What was it professor malinov said?

"Life is... Life is..."

"Just a bowl of cherries?"

No, but that's a very interesting thought.

Nerts.

Yeah, sure, I love you.

But now listen, give me the bill.

What's happening at frazer and gould?

They're rehearsing a new act.

The girls are dressed

like mechanical dolls,

and the boys wind them up.

Mr. Kent got the idea today.

Swell. Move it, babe, while I give it to gladstone.

Remember, now,

you can only stay till aunt Clara

or somebody or something

comes through.

Who is it?

Kent. I want to talk to you.

Just a minute. You answer the door.

Come in, won't you?

Be right out. The girl is miss rich.

Vivian, Mr. Kent.

How do you do?

How do you do?

In California,

I never missed a Chester Kent prologue.

They were all so...

What shall Isak..

Intellectually devised.

I'm glad you like them, miss rich,

but I wouldn't call them exactly intellectual.

You're just modest.

Every one had a definite central theme--

brains, you know.

Maybe you're right at that.

Anything special?

Oh, I got some new ideas on that cat stuff.

Wanted the outline.

It's on the desk.

Most prologues, Mr. Kent,

are utterly commonplace,

but yours... Yours have meaning.

What was it ruskin said?

"That intangible something"

oh, Vivian, whatever happened

to that boyfriend of yours?

Is he still a bootlegger?

Nan is so bourgeois at times.

Swell gal, though. Works like a slave.

Speaking of that,

I was reading a most interesting book,

slavery and old Africa.

Have you read it?

I don't even have time to read my mail.

Oh, it's filled

with the most fascinating pictures.

All the women were slaves--

Hold it, Vivian. I's a-comin'.

Say, that's a natural.

Where is this book?

I think I know a shop that keeps it.

I can see it now--

pretty girls in blackface--

slaves of old Africa.

White men capture them.

Can we get that book tonight?

Perhaps, if we leave right away.

Well, let's get going.

Oh, dear, I forgot. I've had no dinner.

Well, have it with me

after we find the bookshop.

I'd adore it.

Good night, nanette.

Oh, good night. Never mind the outline.

I think I've got a new one.

1,2,3,4,5,6...

Mr. Francis, the music department

sent down this new arrangement.

Give it to Joe.

Can't you see I'm busy?

I've got everything on my shoulders--

music, costume, girls, cats.

Now I'm beginning to sniffle.

I feel as though I'm coming down

with a dreadful...

Now, that's where Scotty comes in.

Where is he?

He isn't in yet.

Mr. Kent's going to hear about this.

From the beginning, girls.

1,2,3,4,5,6, Down.

1,2,3,4...

You know you're late, don't you?

♪♪ Good morning, dear teacher ♪♪

♪♪ Good morning to you ♪♪

I'm going to report you.

Mr. Kent is very strict

about chorus people being on time.

I'm not in the chorus anymore.

- Oh. - They threw me out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And you were going to report me.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, down.

1, 2, 3...

Perhaps I could speak to Mr. Kent.

Oh, now, that's not fair, miss Thorn.

You know I'm all upset. Look.

My hair's turning gray with so much on my mind,

and you're keeping Scotty from rehearsals.

But he isn't in your chorus anymore.

Of course he isn't.

They made him a principal last night.

A principal! Him?

I told you your favorite people

had a voice.

All these annoyances piling up.

Come on, Scotty.

I'm waiting for you to sing that number.

Ah-choo! Don't get a cold, will you?

Come on!

So long, time clock.

So long, kahuna.

Here's your statement

for the last six months.

Profits going up all the time.

Here's a statement for Mr. Kent.

No profits at all.

Mr. Kent's statement shows that all profits

go back into production. Is that right?

Exactly.

Draw $20,000 in cash for gould and me.

And charge it to production costs as usual.

And take a century note for yourself.

Good morning.

Is it still morning?

Ooh, you beautiful--

Nice of you to drop in.

There's some mighty pretty country around here.

11 wires, 9 phone calls, and one secretary

slowly going out of her mind!

Arrange an audition for some girls.

I want one to sing that number with Scotty.

I'm starting a new department today--styles and ideas.

Who's going to run it?

She'll be here in a minute--

has brains and all kinds of culture--

just what we need.

Gave me a swell idea-- slaves of old Africa.

A hit.

Should've kicked her out the minute I saw her.

Hello.

Four girls from the Swiss Navy unit

married a quartet from Philadelphia yesterday

and they want to quit.

Quartet any good?

Is the quartet any good? Yeah.

Put them in the act.

Put them in the act.

Sorry, Chester, to keep you waiting.

Hello, Vivian.

This is miss rich. My secretary miss Prescott.

I know miss bi--rich, if you remember.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

I met her at your place.

Vivian is the head of our new style and idea department.

I hope you'll both be very happy.

Oh, nan.

Um, would you get miss rich an office?

I'm awfully busy, but I'll see that it's done.

This way, please.

Don't forget about our luncheon engagement, Chester.

Mm-hmm. 1:00.

Right.

She work here?

Our new style and idea department--

the head.

Splendid choice, Chester.

Splendid choice.

Get her an office.

Ok.

Here's our semiannual statement.

Maybe I'd be better off on a salary.

I'll say you would.

When you've got 1/3 interest?

Don't kid yourself.

Frazer and I ain't drawing a cent

out of the business, either.

It's tough on you boys. I don't see how you get along.

And besides, gladstone's copped

the mechanical doll angle already.

I--I'll stop it some way, Chester.

That's going to be a big help.

Between gladstone stealing all our stuff

and you saying there are no profits,

I'm getting pretty well fed up.

But, Chester, think of the Apollo deluxe theaters.

So what?

They're going to do prologues--40 houses.

Have you signed them?

Apollinaris says they're too classy

for our regular stuff.

And gladstone's hot after the contract.

It's up to you, Chester,

to think up something original.

Gladstone again.

That means Thompson.

Well, we'll take care of him.

That's the spirit, Chester.

I knew we could count on you.

Come in.

Ha ha ha!

I'm Charlie bowers.

Well?

Uh, Mrs. Gould's brother.

Oh, oh, of course.

Won't you come in, Mr. Bowers?

Yes. Thank you.

Awfully glad you dropped in.

Yes. Same here.

So sweet of you to say that.

Gives one the feeling of, uh...

What shall I say?

Esprit de corps.

Yeah, yeah. That's the way I feel about it.

Ha ha!

Oh, I'd like to ask you, Mr. Bowers.

Oh, pardon me.

That's all right. Go too far.

All right, girls! Stand up!

Show Mr. Kent your legs.

Oh, higher! Higher!

This is an audition, not an exhibition.

I'm not a mind reader, you know.

Down, girls.

This audition is to find a girl

to sing a number with Mr. Blair.

You all got copies of the song?

All of 'em.

Sing it for them once, will you, Scotty?

And, Francis, show them the routine.

Give US a pickup there.

Watch this very carefully, girls.

♪♪ Ah, the moon is here ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, and we are here ♪♪

♪♪ Love is off to a wonderful start ♪♪

♪♪ I'm sitting pretty ♪♪

♪♪ And you're by my side ♪♪

♪♪ I'm well-supplied ♪♪

♪♪ Plenty of you, plenty to do ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, it feels so grand ♪♪

♪♪ When I hold your hand ♪♪

♪♪ There's a hop, skip, and jump in my heart ♪♪

♪♪ What is this funny thing ♪♪

♪♪ I can't get too much of? ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, I've got a feeling ♪♪

♪♪ It's love ♪♪

All right. You got the idea, girls?

Let's go! Now, who's first?

Mary!

Give US a pickup.

Great.

♪♪ Ah, the moon is here ♪♪

♪♪ Ah. And we are here ♪♪

♪♪ Love is-- ♪♪

Sorry. Sorry, little lady.

Next!

You're next! Come on.

Pickup, please.

I always get in my singing mood with perfume.

Do you mind?

Never mind the smell, honey. Sing.

♪♪ Ah, the moon is here ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, and we are here ♪♪

♪♪ Love is off to a wonderful start-- ♪♪

Sorry. Sorry. Won't do.

Why, I've sung before crowned heads!

You've laid yourself wide open for a crack.

We'll let it go.

All right, next!

Come on. You're next. Give US a pickup.

♪♪ Ah, the moon is here ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, and we are here ♪♪

♪♪ Love is off to a beautiful start ♪♪

♪♪ I'm sitting pretty ♪♪

♪♪ You're by my side ♪♪

♪♪ I'm well-supplied ♪♪♪

♪♪ Plenty of you, plenty to do ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, it feels so grand ♪♪

♪♪ When you hold my hand ♪♪

♪♪ There's a hop, skip, and jump in my heart ♪♪

♪♪ What is this funny thing ♪♪

♪♪ I can't get too much of? ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, I've got a feeling ♪♪

♪♪ It's love ♪♪

All right. That's it.

Get to work, Francis.

Nice doing, kid.

That's all for the singers.

Dancing girls, on the stage!

Take that again for me, will you?

On the stage, girls! Hurry!

Scott, dear.

I've come to take you to lunch.

Oh, gee, that's nice of you, Harriet,

but--I'd love to go,

but I'm not eating lunch anymore.

I'm in training now.

Well, you can walk with me

as far as Si's office, can't you?

Si's office? Oh, yeah.

All right, sweetie pie.

Have you seen miss Thorn?

I think she's gone to lunch.

Oh. Thanks.

♪♪ What is this funny thing ♪♪

♪♪ I can't get too much of? ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, I've got a feeling ♪♪

♪♪ It's love ♪♪

Lunch!

Have you seen Mr. Blair?

He's gone to lunch with Mrs. Gould.

He would.

Well, use a shorter introduction--

♪♪ bee bum bee bum bum, bee bum bee bum ♪♪

♪♪ Dee bum Dee dum dum dum ♪♪

Then bring the girl out for her number! Yeah!

Mwah!

These wires just came.

No, no, no. Do it that way!

Just that way! Yeah.

These wires just came.

Oh, I can't look at them now. I got a date for lunch.

Phone miss rich and tell her

I'll be right over, will you?

Miss rich, please.

Uh, miss rich?

I'm calling for Mr. Kent.

Yes, he won't be able to have lunch with you.

No. He says you may take the afternoon off.

He doesn't want you to strain yourself

the first day.

Oh, hello.

It's the only vacant seat.

Well, at least you're sitting next

to an elegant singer.

I'll try not to let it spoil my lunch.

Why, Scott, dear!

You told me you'd stopped eating lunch!

Well, I have. You see,

I got up so late, I'm just having breakfast.

Well, I'll forgive you this time,

you naughty boy.

I'll take spinach.

If I were a man, I wouldn't be a lap dog

tied to any woman's apron strings.

I might surprise you.

You probably won't.

Hey, Mr. Kent. I want to quit.

Don't be silly. Singers never quit.

They hang on till somebody knocks them off.

I know, but that's why I want to quit.

There's no future in singing.

What do you want to do?

I want to be your assistant.

You haven't filled Thompson's job yet.

I'll work a year for nothing if you insist on a sample.

Been reading those magazine ads again--

"how I became president of the atlas pickleworks."

Oh, give me a chance at the job, will you?

That's all I want. I know I'll make good,

but if I fail--

I best believe you are one of Mrs. Gould's relatives.

Keep you on anyway. You've got the job.

Thanks!

Oh, so Mrs. Gould sniveled you into another job.

I got this absolutely on my own.

Was there any business

you wished to discuss with me?

No. That's the trouble with you.

You're all business-- all efficiency.

You're not alive. You're not a bit feminine.

Look at that dress. Look at those glasses.

All you need is a pair of ground-gripper shoes

and the Atlantic monthly tucked under your arm.

Anything else?

That's all. If I need you, I'll send for you.

No, Mr. Kent is busy.

Nan, you busy?

No. Just dreaming lazily about life.

Tell me, where do you get your hair done?

And where do you get all those pretty dresses?

What's the idea?

Well, you're the type men like, and--

me? Ha ha ha!

Know any more funny stories?

Yeah. Mr. Kent!

Yeah.

Listen.

Cut a minute out of George's comedy,

and then bring the trumpet section up

before the Hawaiian number.

See my secretary.

And if you're still overtime--

oh, wait a minute.

Call me back in five minutes.

No.

Yes.

The one girl in the place that showed some sense.

I'm sick of looking like a schoolteacher,

and I'm sick of working in an office.

I want to go back on the stage.

Well, it was just a question of time

before this place got to you.

Did you say she could dance?

One of the best.

All right. Hold it!

- Hold it! - Hold it!

Let's see what you can do.

Play something in 2/4.

Same thing. Play.

Fine. That's grand. That's grand.

How would you like the job

of teaching the new kids the routines?

Well, gee, Mr. Kent, that would be swell!

All right. Job's yours.

Oh, Francis!

Miss Thorn is your new assistant.

It can't be done, Mr. Kent!

It can't be done.

All right, miss Thorn.

You watch it from over there, will you?

All right, girls! Places!

Another good gal gone wrong.

♪♪ Come out, come out, come out and get your lovin! ♪♪

♪♪ Now, don't you keep me in suspense ♪♪

♪♪ Come on. Come on ♪♪

♪♪ We'll do our turtle dovin' ♪♪

♪♪ Sittin' on a backyard fence ♪♪

♪♪ Come on, come on, the little stars are peekin' ♪♪

♪♪ They're waitini for you to commence ♪♪

♪♪ Aha, aha, I kinda thought I'd weaken ♪♪

♪♪ Sittin' on a backyard fence ♪♪

♪♪ It may be just another little backyard alley ♪♪♪

♪♪ Off the Avenue ♪♪

♪♪ But I can see a Willow tree, a moonlit valley ♪♪

♪♪ In the dreams I share with you ♪♪

♪♪ Meow, meow ♪♪

♪♪ The kitty cat is cooin' ♪♪

♪♪ He shows a lot of common sense ♪♪

♪♪ He knows, he knows there's always something doin' ♪♪

♪♪ Sittin' on a backyard fence ♪♪

♪♪ Come on. Come on ♪♪

♪♪ Come out and get your lovin' ♪♪♪

♪♪ Now, don't you keep me in suspense ♪♪

♪♪ Come on. Come on ♪♪

♪♪ We'll do our turtle dovin' ♪♪

♪♪ Sittin' on a backyard fence ♪♪

♪♪ Come on. Come on ♪♪

♪♪ The little stars are peekinl ♪♪

♪♪ They're waiting for you to commence ♪♪

♪♪ Aha, aha ♪♪

♪♪ I kinda thought you'd weaken ♪♪

♪♪ Sittin' on a backyard fence ♪♪

♪♪ It may be just another little backyard alley ♪♪

♪♪ Off the Avenue ♪♪

♪♪ But I can see a Willow tree ♪♪

♪♪ A moonlit valley ♪♪

♪♪ In the dreams I share with you ♪♪

♪♪ Meow ♪♪

♪♪ Meow ♪♪

♪♪ The kitty cat is cooing ♪♪

♪♪ He shows a lot of common sense ♪♪

♪♪ He knows, he knows ♪♪

♪♪ There's always something doin' ♪♪

♪♪ Sitting on a backyard fence ♪♪

That's all!

Oh! Those contortions are pretty vulgar.

Oh, one thing after another.

Just a minute! You look like a girl I used to know.

Oh, really?

You're new here, aren't you?

Uh-huh.

I thought so.

You tried to fool me, didn't you?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, but what a change.

You're beautiful, and what a dancer.

Mm-hmm.

Is that all you can say-- "mm-hmm"?

Mm-hmm.

Well, how about a little kiss, then?

Uh-uh!

Mrs. Gould's little boy?

I should say not.

Chester, you got to dove out something, quick.

The Apollo deal's hot,

and gladstone's after the contract.

Forget gladstone.

I'll give you something tomorrow

that will knock Apollo for a loop.

Yeah.

Now all I have to do is think it up.

Maybe we'd better go back to your office.

Yeah, uh... Yeah, that's right.

I can't keep my mind on the race here.

But, Chester!

I'll pick you up at 6:00.

You're going to get picked up again.

Old faithful's gone back on me.

I thought of a thousand ideas,

and every one of them moth-eaten.

If that little girl's not too bold,

how's for me sticking with you till you get it?

You could think out loud.

Like we used to?

It might help.

Keep throwing ideas at me.

You'll throw the poor ones right back. Sold.

We'll give Apollo a show if it takes all night.

We'll have dinner, think, and walk.

Let's go.

Got something?

Ha! It's so old, you'd have to fumigate it.

Say, how about a great big coffeepot?

The boys come out, and the girls come out...

And the audience goes out.

I think the jury better go out again.

We could have a band on the stage

and the chorus in the pit!

How about trees?

We've had flowers, pictures,

tables, radios, statues,

more tables, sofas, pianos...

Ah, nerts.

No good for a unit.

Hello.

Who's speaking?

Nan?

Nobody else. I wouldn't think of waking him.

He's sleeping,

and so was I when you called.

Good-bye, dear.

Move over, Chester, darling.

Hello.

It can't be out of order! I just spoke to them!

How did you sleep?

Like a newborn child.

So did I. No ideas, though.

Didn't even dream of one.

Maybe we'd better start all over again.

How do you suppose an insane asylum idea would go?

I could play the lead myself without any trouble.

Me, too.

Ha ha! Hey, look at this--

"what happens to unproduced musical comedies?"

What does happen to them?

They gather dust on the shelves.

Say, we've got it.

I know we've got it!

Apollinaris is in the bag!

What do you mean?

What happens to unproduced musical comedies?

I can tell you what's going to happen to them--

we're gonna put them in picture houses--prologues!

Grand!

Cut them down to 40 minutes!

Give them a picture and a musical comedy for 50 cents.

Most picture fans never saw a musical comedy!

That's the idea! Come on, let's grab a cab!

Instead of 40 people, our musicals will have 80.

I'm afraid of it.

Now I know it's good. We'll do it.

Sure, we can't miss.

I'll have George apollinaris out to dinner tonight.

I'll be there.

He'll be there.

Our troubles are over.

There you are, Mr. Apollinaris.

You give them a musical comedy and a picture,

all for 50 cents!

It's good,

but somebody beat you to it.

Impossible.

You know Thompson, gladstone's director?

Doing the same thing?

Sure, same thing.

But he stole our idea!

Well, sue him! It ain't my funeral.

Gladstone's got three prologues in rehearsal.

Going to show them to me sunday.

Now, here's what I'll do.

You fellas get three started,

but they got to be ready Saturday night.

I'll preview them

in three of my houses around town

and get audience reaction.

What I like ain't worth a cent.

What audiences like is worth millions.

And if the audience likes our stuff?

You get the contract for the whole 40.

If not, I sign it with gladstone.

Give me a good reason why not.

I ate too much.

We'll see Kent and let you know.

That's up to you, gents.

Well...

So long.

Ahh!

I hope your dinner shouldn't make me indigested.

Yeah, well, good night. Good night.

We got to get hold of Kent.

Try his secretary. She'll know where he is.

Hello.

Oh, yes, Mr. Frazer.

Well, I may see him later.

Yeah, it will be late, all right,

but I'll surely send him over.

How's the world's best secretary?

Oh ho ho!

I'll take care of him.

Looks like you have already.

Ha ha! Oh...

Here. Drink this.

They want you at frazer's apartment right away.

Can't be annoyed.

Can't be annoyed.

Got the greatest news of my life tonight.

Don't tell me you married that chiseler!

I'll thank you not to insult

the future Mrs. Kent!

I'm glad you said "future."

I always ignore crude persons, dear.

I'll take care of you later.

Oh, well, now, wait--

you got a taxi waiting?

Always got a taxi waiting.

Now you listen to me.

This is your big chance--

40 units in deluxe houses--

the whole Apollo circuit!

Oh, it's too late for units.

Units to the right of them,

units to the left of them.

Volleys and thunder and lightning and everything.

Come on, now! You get up here.

This is a chance of a lifetime.

All right, all right, I'll go,

but I want you to know I resent this.

How dare you-- my fiance!

Now, you scram before I wrap a chair around your neck.

But it's 3100 in the morning!

- Where do you want me to go? - Go to--

listen, you cheap stenographer--

outside, countess,

as long as they have sidewalks, you've got a job.

So you're going to hire detectives.

A fine pair of quarter-wits I teamed up with!

Every time I got a great idea,

you let gladstone steal it!

I've got a hunch you know something about that!

I don't know a thing!

What are you going to do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna show that big jerk

three prologues by Saturday night

that will stand him on his ear!

I'll give him the greatest show he's had

since he quit the restaurant business!

In 3 days? Where will you get the people?

Right in our own studio--

we'll use three choruses

and double up on the principals.

It can't be done!

Give me absolute authority to start it tonight,

and I'll do it!

- You've got it. - You've got it.

It's done!

We've gotta have three of the greatest prologues

ever put on. Now, get this.

Somebody working among US

has been giving gladstone inside dope--

selling him my ideas--

and for once, I'm going to put a stop to it!

This is the way we're going to do it--

nobody leaves here until Saturday night!

Quiet!

You'll eat here and sleep here--

live three whole days right here in the studio.

Quiet!

This is war-- a blockade!

Anybody comes in stays in!

What do you mean, stays in?

Quiet!

Now, this is your last chance to get out.

Well?

Anybody want to go?

No!

All right. Thanks.

This is a large order--

three prologues in three nights.

We're going to work your heads off,

curse you, and break your hearts,

but by Saturday night, we'll have what we want.

All right, hop to it.

This is dangerous, Mr. Gould.

Anything might happen--

suppose a fire broke out--

locking US in like this!

He can't do it!

Did you correct that measure I told you about?

All girls in this number to the rehearsal hall!

Come on, girls.

Come on. Get ready.

Come on, honey. Be reasonable, will you?

She and I are all washed up, and you know it.

Yeah, but does Mrs. Gould know it?

It's awfully nice of you

to bring me in here, really.

Come along, barrington.

I'll introduce you to the stage director.

Well, thanks ever so much.

You sit down here, dear.

I want you to meet Mr. Barrington.

Oh, uh, here's the man you want to see.

See? What did I tell you?

It does look like independence day.

Let's celebrate.

Ah, there. Look at that.

How can you expect to keep up a high moral tone

with that going on?

Wow. I'm awfully glad to have played

love's little messenger

and brought you two together,

but you do realize there's work to be done?

Well, we were just, uh--

well, would you mind saving

about that much of that love interest for the act?

We can use it. You know, you're in two prologues,

and miss Thorn, you're in all three.

So how 'bout it?

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah. See that window over there?

- Yes. - Take a running jump,

and I think you can make it.

Come on, fellas. This way.

Bring it down the hall, that's it.

That way.

Come on, kids! Come and get it!

Go on. Let her go.

I'm terribly worried, doctor.

All right! Quiet! Quiet, will you?

I feel, doctor,

that I'm going to have a dreadful heart attack.

You just listen.

Did you hear that?

Oh, I am notall right!

That's enough! Who's next?

I'm next.

Three prologues in such a short time.

It can't be done. It can't be done!

Get to bed, girls!

Good night. Good night.

Night, kids.

Good night!

I just wanted to be sure

you were all safe in bed.

Good night.

Good night!

Wake up, gang!

When do we eat?

Truckload of breakfast just arrived!

Rehearsal in 20 minutes!

Left! Right! Left!

Right!

1,2, 3, 4!

Come on, kids! Come and get it!

1,2, 3, 4!

1,2, 3, 4!

1, 2, 3...

4-

Hello.

I don't care if you wrote the doxology.

Mr. Kent won't see anyone till Monday.

Chester, it's like being in jail.

Sorry, dear. Better get used to it.

She is used to it.

But how about

our engagement ring, darling?

Get it for you Saturday night.

All right, sweet.

I wouldn't beef about

being locked up with the man ilove.

Hello. Yes, yes, I'll tell him.

Apollinaris says your prologue goes on

at the Jupiter theater at 9:00 tonight.

How about the other two?

Mercury theater at 10:00

and the Diana theater at 11:00.

Looks like we're in the laps of the Greek gods.

You worried?

Well, that woodland nymph number

will empty a theater like a stench bomb.

There's still time to change it.

Ah, it's too late, and I'm too tired.

Every time I fool with it, I ruin it some more.

Old faithful's gone back on me completely.

Hey! Wait a minute!

This is Mr. Kent's private office.

How nice. I'm Mrs. Kent.

And I'm Lydia pinkham. Outside.

Do you know this dizzy dame?

Yeah. I still have nightmares about her.

She used to be my wife.

Still is, Chester, dear.

You went to Reno.

I was going.

Somehow, I never got around to it.

I see. You heard I was in the money.

Exactly.

What kept you away so long?

I was in Europe.

And who paid for that?

That's my affair.

I understand you're all steamed up

about a miss Vivian rich.

And what's that to you?

I can make plenty of trouble.

All right, come on, come on. How much?

$25,000 worth.

You might as well ask for 25 million.

I work for a living.

You can have till 4:00 this afternoon.

Then my lawyer and I start shooting.

Wait a minute.

Here's a pass for the cop at the gate.

I wouldn't want you to have any trouble getting out.

25 Gs...

25 Gs...

Well, here's where I go to the cleaners.

Maybe I can do something about it.

You mean raise that dough?

What are you going to do? Print it?

Never mind. I've got an idea.

Keep it to yourself,

or the wife will cash in on it.

And when I get an idea, I do something about it.

Hmm, most dames do.

♪♪ By a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ I'm calling you ♪♪

I want to talk to Scotty.

Oh, you can't come in here

and break up my rehearsal this way.

Mr. Kent's orders.

Hold it! Come here, Scotty.

Were you on the level when you said

that frazer and gould were holding out on Mr. Kent?

Well, you know Mrs. Gould. She talks a lot.

Anything we can prove?

Just suspicions, but I put two and two together.

That's what I'm going to do--and make 25.

Back to your places, girls.

And you've been gypping him for months!

You're raving.

No, just investigating, and my knowledge

is worth money.

It's out and out robbery,

and that's a crime in any country.

If our accountant made a mistake--

Mr. Kent will let the jury decide that.

Oh, bonjour, darling.

I just got some tough news, Vivian.

My wife showed up.

You mean your ex-wife?

Mm-mmm.

My wife. She never got the divorce.

What do you mean?

Now, listen, baby, it's just one of those things.

We've got to be patient.

Young lady, you're on the wrong track.

What do you want?

To keep my mouth shut, $25,000.

Blackmail!

If I tell Kent, he'll walk out and you know it.

You can't bluff us!

What makes you think I'm bluffing?

Young woman.

So you see, darling, that's the way it is.

You promised to marry me

and you're going to marry me.

But I can't get rid of her. She wants $25,000.

Listen, you silly-looking baboon,

who do you think you're running around,

some little punk from the sticks?

What's this?

I wrote the book, and I know all the answers.

Well, well, the cultured miss rich.

Not cultured, just smart--

smart enough to sue

and attach everything but your garters.

Uh-huh. That's nice to know.

Well, I'd rather have you sue me than marry me.

Mr. Kent, there is a Santa claus.

25 Gs, and made out to you.

Endorsed to Chester Kent.

Take it and ask no questions.

There's something phony here.

How'd you get it?

Blackmail.

Come on, spill it.

I played a pair of deuces

like four aces, and they paid.

Frazer and gould have been holding out on me?

Bookkeeping mistake.

Uh-huh.

Where are you going?

Where do you think?

Hello, Chester.

So you double-crossed me?

A bookkeeping mistake.

I slaved day and night for you,

and what do I get?

You stabbed me in the back!

Me, the guy who made this place!

Who killed myself so you two chuckleheaded apes

could get rich!

We'll straighten it out.

Go and get somebody else to double-cross!

But apollinaris.

Stick him in your ear!

And that wood nymph prologue

hasn't got a chance the way it stands!

What do we do?

Fix it yourself, you two wonder men!

Chester! Chester, you've got to stay on the job!

You can't do this to US!

You've got to stick around here!

Just a moment. You can't go out there.

The orders are off.

Cab!

Where to, mister?

Anywhere. Just keep going.

Let's go back, boss.

For what?

They'll never get Apollo if you quit.

The three of them can open a peanut stand together.

No! No! No! Wait a minute!

Try it again.

Mr. Francis, Kent has quit.

What?

He took all the brains on the drive with him

under his hat.

I knew it couldn't be done. I knew it couldn't be done.

Come on. Let's go home.

When apollinaris hears, he wouldn't sign

if we gave him garbo on roller skates!

Prologues, prologues, prologues--

I'm fed up. Fighting for ideas

and chained to that office morning, noon, and night.

And that third prologue-- it's rotten.

But, boss...

Pull up.

Hey, hey, lend me that brush, will you?

Just a minute. Lend me that.

Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Hey!

Hey, wait a minute!

Hey, you! Wait! Wait! Wait a minute!

What do you think you're trying to do, huh?

That's my name, and I don't want it up there!

Ah, you're full of hooch, are you?

Let go!

Look at that.

Say, that's what that wood nymph prologue needs.

Huh?

A mountain waterfall splashing on beautiful white bodies!

You get it?

Hey, I have ideas, too, Mr. Kent.

Yeah, well, come on!

Yeah, come on.

Sorry, gents. Without Kent,

your prologues ain't worth a nickel.

He's coming back in a little while.

I can't wait that long. I got a date with gladstone.

Where do you think you're going? Come on, get back in there!

Everybody, back in! Come on!

Hold everything. Everybody stand by.

Guard that gate.

Nobody in, nobody out.

Same as before?

Same as before.

Listen, get back to work.

That whole third prologue has changed,

and all the dance routines are shifted.

Only this time, it's going to be good.

I'll be down with you in a minute. Get to work.

That's impossible, Mr. Kent. It can't be done!

All right, children, back to the rehearsal hall.

It can't be done. Oh, it can't be done.

Well, look, smallpox, I got the money,

but I want a release.

Here. Give her that when she signs.

I won't take a check. You'll stop payment on it.

Ha ha! Throw her a herring.

Say, that gives me an idea.

How about shiny fish jumping out of the water?

Swell. Come around Friday.

Say, listen...

What's this? I thought you quit.

Everything's off.

It's on. Here's your customer.

I got him on the way out. Hold on to him.

Keep him here if you have to tie an anchor to him.

I'll see you later.

But about that accounting mistake?

Mistake, your aunt Fanny.

We're giving you a new deal.

Yeah, and I'm the dealer.

Mr. Kent.

Do you like to look at funny pictures?

What do you mean?

I hope it looks as good as it sounds.

Well, well, just folks.

Don't mind US.

We just dropped in for a laugh.

This is all a mistake.

Right, sister, and you're it.

Well, I was just showing miss rich

what you can't do in kalamazoo.

You won't need that lawyer.

Your breach-of-promise suit

is right in the ashcan,

and you're my witness.

Ha ha ha!

I certainly have a genius of picking dames to fall for.

You said it, papa.

Maybe you better help me next time.

What do you think I've been doing?

Ha ha ha!

Mr. Kent, seeing all these girls

gives me a lot of ideas.

And don't let them keep you awake.

No. Looky, suppose I quit my job and work for you.

Wait till Saturday. I may be working for you.

Hold it! That's where your song comes in.

How's barrington?

Oh, I'm a little worried.

Only a little worried? He must be colossal.

He is, but maybe he'll improve.

Uh-huh. Well, you can start worrying all over again.

All the stuff you've done in this prologue is out.

Here's the new stuff, and it goes on tonight.

No, no. This is the straw

that breaks the camel's back.

Mr. Kent, I cannot and I will not try the impossible.

Come on, baby, wind yourself up.

After all, I'm only a human being.

I'm not a Superman,

and even if I were, it couldn't be done.

Mr. Kent, I resign.

I accept. You're through.

You accept?

Do you realize that leaves me without a job?

And after I've worked myself to the bone for you?

Come on, kids. I'm putting this prologue on myself.

Line up. You're through.

Oh!

All right, kids, come on.

Never mind about your costumes!

Change them in the bus, but hurry! Come on, girls!

Hurry, girls, hurry, please!

The bus leaves in 10 minutes!

Will you hurry?

Come on, girls! Hurry up!

Step it up!

I ate my dinner too fast. I got indigestion.

Come on!

Through here! Through here!

Through here, girls! Take it away.

♪♪ How am I to say what I want to say ♪♪

♪♪ In the proper way, my dear? ♪♪

♪♪ I'm not a gallant cavalier ♪♪

♪♪ But I'm sincere ♪♪

♪♪ So I'm going to say what I have to say ♪♪

♪♪ In the language of the day ♪♪

♪♪ You may have heard it all before ♪♪

♪♪ But here it goes once more ♪♪

♪♪ How about a little celebration ♪♪

♪♪ To the jingle of a wedding bell? ♪♪

♪♪ How about a little reservation ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel? ♪♪

♪♪ Honeymooning's going to be my hobby ♪♪

♪♪ Don't you think a honeymoon is swell? ♪♪

♪♪ Wait until we walk into the lobby ♪♪

♪♪ Of the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ Cupid is the night clerk ♪♪

♪♪ 'Neath the stars above ♪♪

♪♪ He just loves his night work ♪♪

♪♪ We just lcneto love ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I'm a mister looking for a missus ♪♪

♪♪ As a missus, you'll do very well ♪♪

♪♪ Bring along your things and all your kisses ♪♪

♪♪ To the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ I'm the man in charge of transportation ♪♪

♪♪ I will see that everything goes well ♪♪

♪♪ I'm the clerk in charge of registration ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ I'm the boy who carries up a seidel ♪♪

♪♪ Any time you push a little bell ♪♪

♪♪ Bridal suites are never very idle ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ We're the house detectives ♪♪

♪♪ But we're puzzled with... ♪♪

♪♪ The fact that no one stops here ♪♪

♪♪ Unless their name is Smith ♪♪

♪♪ I'm the girl in charge of conversation j? ♪

♪♪ I hear things I wouldn't dare to tell ♪♪

♪♪ I's the captain of the comfort station ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

Paging Mr. Smith! Mr. Smith!

♪♪ Aww ♪♪

♪♪ Aren't you glad to see your dear old mother? ♪♪

♪♪ Tell me why you didn't let US know ♪♪

♪♪ No, they didn't notify US, mother, ha ha! ♪♪

♪♪ But they will when they need dough, oh, yes ♪♪

♪♪ Aunt Matilda has a present for you ♪♪

♪♪ It will come in handy, you can bet ♪♪

♪♪ We got that just 20 years before you ♪♪

♪♪ But it ain't been used as yet ♪♪

♪♪ Congratulations, sister ♪♪

♪♪ All your clouds have passed ♪♪

♪♪ Congratulations, father ♪♪

♪♪ She's off your hands at last ♪♪

♪♪ Of course, you know that all of you are welcome ♪♪

♪♪ I'm so glad to see you, I could cry ♪♪

♪♪ It's a lot of hooey that we're welcome ♪♪

♪♪ We'll be seeing you ♪♪

♪♪ Good-bye ♪♪

♪♪ Good-bye ♪♪

♪♪ I've been notified there's a little bride ♪♪

♪♪ All alone in number two ♪♪

♪♪ I think we ought to see her through ♪♪

♪♪ I will ♪♪

♪♪ Me, too ♪♪

♪♪ We've been here aweek ♪♪

♪♪ When you're here a week ♪♪

♪♪ Then you're qualified to speak ♪♪

♪♪ Let's tell her what it's all about ♪♪

♪♪ My dear, will you come out? ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I'm glad it's you, I feel so nervous ♪♪

♪♪ “Don't know my husband very well ♪♪

♪♪ Husbands are a feature of the service ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ Gee, I'm sorry that I ever, ever ♪♪

♪♪ Left my little home in new Rochelle ♪♪

♪♪ Wait awhile, you'll want to stay forever ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ Girls, you'll have to scatter ♪♪

♪♪ We don't see why we should ♪♪

♪♪ You're in Jersey city ♪♪

♪♪ And not in Hollywood ♪♪

♪♪ We've got to be in bed before 11:00 ♪♪

♪♪ Naturally, we think it's very swell ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause every little bridal suite is heaven ♪♪

♪♪ At the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ Kiss your little honey-boy good night, girl ♪♪

♪♪ Now we're married, dear, here we are ♪♪

♪♪ I've a right to be beside the right girl ♪♪

♪♪ But you're in the wrong boudoir ♪♪

Oh, honey.

♪♪ Don't you dare to lie to me, I caught you ♪♪

♪♪ But, darling ♪♪

♪♪ Getting friendly with that blond gazelle ♪♪

♪♪ Please don't make me sorry that I brought you ♪♪

♪♪ To the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ In the morning, I'll see my attorney ♪♪

♪♪ I will have my little tale to tell ♪♪

♪♪ And for this, I took you on this journey ♪♪

♪♪ To the honeymoon hotel ♪♪

♪♪ Who was that blond woman ♪♪

♪♪ Making eyes at you? ♪♪

♪♪ Don't know that woman ♪♪

♪♪ I cross my heart, it's true ♪♪

♪♪ If I hurt your feelings, I regret it ♪♪

♪♪ Won't you please forgive your little Nell? ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, let's put out the lights and just forget it ♪♪

Got gas pains.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on! Come on, girls!

Hurry up! Come on!

Well, if this doesn't get 'em, nothing will.

♪♪ I appreciate the simple things ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause I'm awfully fond of getting ♪♪

♪♪ Love in a natural setting ♪♪

♪♪ This is what I call the simple things ♪♪

♪♪ Just a winding stream ♪♪

♪♪ Where I can drift and dream ♪♪

♪♪ And now I'm waiting ♪♪

♪♪ For you pp

♪♪ by a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ I'm calling you ♪♪

♪♪ Yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ We can share it all ♪♪

♪♪ Beneath a ceiling of blue ♪♪

♪♪ We'll spend a heavenly day ♪♪

♪♪ Here where the whispering waters play ♪♪

♪♪ There's a whip-poor-will ♪♪

♪♪ That's calling, "ooh" ♪♪

♪♪ By awaterfall ♪♪

♪♪ He's dreaming, too ♪♪

♪♪ There's a magic Melody ♪♪

♪♪ Mother nature sings to me ♪♪

♪♪ Beside a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ With you ♪♪

♪♪ By awaterfall ♪♪

♪♪ I'm calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ Yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ We can share it all beneath a ceiling of blue ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪♪

♪♪ We'll spend a heavenly day ♪♪

♪♪ Here where the whispering waters play ♪♪

♪♪ Yoo hoo hoo yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ There's a whip-poor-will ♪♪

♪♪ That's calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ By a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ He's dreaming, too ♪♪

♪♪ There's a magic melody ♪♪

♪♪ Mother nature sings to me ♪♪

♪♪ Beside a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ With you ♪♪

♪♪ By awaterfall ♪♪

♪♪ I'm calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ We can share it all ♪♪

♪♪ Beneath a ceiling of blue ♪♪

♪♪ We'll spend a heavenly day ♪♪

♪♪ Here where the whispering waters play ♪♪

♪♪ And in the Willow ♪♪

♪♪ There's a whip-poor-will ♪♪

♪♪ That's calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ By awaterfall ♪♪

♪♪ He's dreaming, too ♪♪

♪♪ There's a magic melody ♪♪

♪♪ Mother nature sings to me ♪♪

♪♪ Beside a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ With you ♪♪

♪♪ By a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ I'm calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ We can share it all 'neath skies of blue ♪♪

♪♪ We'll spend a heavenly day ♪♪

♪♪ Here where the whispering waters play ♪♪

♪♪ And hear the Willow ♪♪

♪♪ There's a whip-poor-will ♪♪

♪♪ That's calling yoo hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ By a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ He's dreaming, too ♪♪

♪♪ There's a magic melody ♪♪

♪♪ Mother nature sings to me ♪♪

♪♪ Beside a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ With you ♪♪

♪♪ There's a whip-poor-will ♪♪

♪♪ That's calling you hoo hoo hoo ♪♪

♪♪ By a waterfall ♪♪

♪♪ He's dreaming, too ♪♪

♪♪ There's a magic melody ♪♪

♪♪ Mother nature sings to me ♪♪

Did you like it, George?

Tell you later.

Now I've got indigestion.

Well, so far, so good.

Now, this last prologue's up to you and Joe barrington.

Where is Joe?

He's waiting for US at the theater.

Don't worry, boss, Joe will do his best.

He'll have to do better than that.

Well, this tells the story.

Cheer up, boss, everything's gonna be all right.

You stick close to apollinaris

and keep feeding him bicarbonate.

I've got to give barrington

a pep talk.

Hello, Mr. Apollinaris. Enjoying yourself?

I shouldn't have ate pie and salami.

Oh, let me get you some bicarbonate.

I just had some. Don't help me none.

How about a prologue honeymoon?

I'll sign now.

We'll make love in 40 cities.

And then start all over again...

If Apollo signs.

Well, he better.

Come on, girls! Come on!

Why can't I get cooperation?

Hello, Mr. Kent.

Get with it. You got to get on here!

He was nervous, so I gave him a little drink.

Oh, yeah?

My regards to Thompson.

I can't do it, I tell you. I can't!

I've only appeared in amateur performances.

An amateur!

Yes, sir.

Well, I might have known it.

Hot or cold, you go on.

If it's cold, you go back

to the amateur league on crutches!

I'm too nervous!

I can't do it, I tell you!

I'm sick! I'm sick!

I'll wrap this around your neck!

I can't do it.

What do you want to do, boss?

Bring up that curtain!

Bring her up, Joe. Places, everybody.

All right, that's you.

No, I can't. I won't go on!

You'd better go on!

Whoa!

Looking for your Shanghai lil?

No, she ain't your Shanghai lil.

Don't give him flowers.

He'll just take your flowers

straight to Shanghai lil.

No, I ain't seen Shanghai lil.

Hello, bill, you old galoot.

Where did you get that monkey suit?

Don't tell anyone you saw me,

or I'll rap you in the snoot.

Hey, you jumped ship. Now what's your game?

Oh, just looking for a dame.

Staying here, you're taking chances.

Yeah? Well, I'll stay, just the same.

♪♪ I've covered every little highway ♪♪

♪♪ And I've been climbing every hill ♪♪

♪♪ I've been looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And I've been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for my Shanghai lil ♪♪

♪♪ The stars that hang high over Shanghai ♪♪

♪♪ Bring back the memory of a thrill ♪♪

♪♪ I've been looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And I've been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for my Shanghai lil ♪♪

♪♪ I learned to love her ♪♪

♪♪ The little devil was just a butterfly ♪♪

♪♪ But you discover something on the level ♪♪

♪♪ Shining in her eyes ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I've been trying to forget her ♪♪

♪♪ But what's the use? I never will ♪♪

♪♪ I'll be looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And I'll be looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for my Shanghai lil ♪♪

I've got to have another Brandy.

♪♪ He's shaking like he's got a chill ♪♪

♪♪ I know what it takes to cure him of the shakes ♪♪

Ah, what he wants is Shanghai lil.

♪♪ Oh, she's a fascinating heathen ♪♪

But, say, she ain't been through the mill.

Since she met that gob, she's acting like a snob.

Say, who the heck is Shanghai lil?

That Chinese devil!

No, she's on the level.

♪♪ She can't hurt you and me ♪♪

♪♪ That oriental dame is detrimental ♪♪

♪♪ To our industry ♪♪

You said it.

♪♪ I offered her a house in London ♪♪

♪♪ And a chateau in the ville ♪♪

♪♪ She said she won't be mine for all of Palestine, oy! ♪♪

They all go for Shanghai lil.

Come on! Let's drink to lil.

He's looking for her still.

Drink her down to Shanghai lil.

♪♪ Cheers to the gal who loves the sailors ♪♪

♪♪ Here's hoping that she always will ♪♪

She's every sailor's pal! She's anybody's gal!

♪♪ Drink her down to Shanghai lil ♪♪

Hey, come on! Move it!

♪♪ He can knock them down, and he can lay them low ♪♪

♪♪ Fighting for his-- ♪♪

Shanghai lil.

♪♪ I miss you very much a long time ♪♪

♪♪ I think that you no love me still ♪♪

♪♪ I've been looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And I've been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for you, Shanghai lil ♪♪

♪♪ I think you go with other sweetheart ♪♪

♪♪ And very many tears I spill ♪♪

♪♪ He's been looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And he's been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for you, Shanghai lil ♪♪

I got new lover.

♪♪ You little devil ♪♪

♪♪ You're just a butterfly ♪♪

I like new lover.

♪♪ You're still on the level ♪♪

♪♪ You can't kid this guy ♪♪

♪♪ I pray to Buddha in the joss house ♪♪

♪♪ And Buddha, he bring back my bill ♪♪

♪♪ He's been looking high ♪♪

♪♪ And he's been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for you, Shanghai lil ♪♪

Left to right, hut!

Forward to right, hut!

Column left, hut!

Right, left, march!

Company halt!

♪♪ Oh, please, you take me ♪♪

♪♪ On great big steamboat with you ♪♪

♪♪ Across the sea? ♪♪

♪♪ I'd like to take you ♪♪

♪♪ But that great big steamboat ♪♪

♪♪ Don't belong to me ♪♪

♪♪ The stars that hang high over Shanghai ♪♪

♪♪ Bring back the memory of a thrill ♪♪

♪♪ I've been looking high, and I've been looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Looking for my Shanghai lil ♪♪

♪♪ I learned to love her ♪♪

♪♪ The little devil was just a butterfly ♪♪

♪♪ But you discover something on the level ♪♪

♪♪ Shining in her eyes ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I've been trying to forget her ♪♪

♪♪ But what's the use? I never will ♪♪

♪♪ I'll be looking high, and I'll be looking low ♪♪

♪♪ Till I find my Shanghai lil ♪♪

I knew we could do it! I knew we could do it!

You did it, boss.

You mean we did it.

Go on, take a bow!

Let's go to my office. I'll draw up a contract.

You don't have to. I've got one right here.

Oh. You would.

I've got a great idea!

Another one?

Take another bow!

I can't see, gentlemen.

This idea's for a wedding.

For a unit?

No, for you and me.

Come on, take another bow!

Take it yourself.

Do you like it?

Whatever you say, boss.

I'll make you love it.