Original subtitles

"Cheers" is filmed before A live studio audience.

Thank you For caring.

You see, sam?

And you said That very few Of our customers

Would care enough To write down Suggestions.

No. I said very few Of our customers Could write.

Well, you are wrong.

I mean, look At all of these.

Read that.

Let's see how We can make cheers

More responsive To customers' needs.

"Cheers should A have happy hour."

Not legal In the state Of massachusetts.

All right.

"Serve hot Hors d'oeuvres."

Conflict of interest With melville's.

Oh, the old place is Really shaping up, Isn't it?

There's got to be

One practical Suggestion in here.

Now. Here's one. Ooh! A it's a long one.

Than means someone Really cared.

"The thing I like best About cheers

"Is the sense of warmth And affection I get From the employees,

"Especially the manager Who seems to be

A generous, Open-hearted woman."

Did you hear that? The manager.

"In fact, The only thing needed

"To complete the loving Family feeling Of this bar

"Would be if the manager Made the naked pretzel

With the bartender."

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would Help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away? *

* sometimes You want to go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you want to be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you want to be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you want to go Where people know *

* people are all The same *

* you want to go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

[humming theme from "The magnificent seven"]

Sammy, "Magnificent seven."

Great movie.

Nope. That's my order.

Come on.

Yeah.

Hee-yah!

I've never sat down At this bar as a customer.

What's good here?

I've heard The beer's ok.

You guys seem pretty Pumped up tonight.

Where have you been?

We rented some movies And watched them

Over at mr. Clavin's Apartment.

Don't guys you Ever watch anything but "The magnificent seven"?

Oh, as a matter of fact, We rented the "Magnificent Ambersons,"

But watched it for A couple of minutes, Realized it wasn't a sequel,

So we went back to watching "The magnificent seven."

That must have Been something

Living back in The old west,

When men were Men, settling A new frontier.

I think in one Of my past lives, I lived in the old west.

As far as I recall,

I handled myself Pretty well.

Nobody could pull A buckboard like you, clavin.

You what the trouble Is with the world We live in?

Yeah? There's no danger.

There's no opportunity For three independent Hombres like ourselves

To stare death In the face

And conquer it On our terms.

What about Skydiving?

You think there'd Be some thrilling,

Dangerous endeavor We could try.

Why don't you Try skydiving?

Yeah. Everything's just too Darned safe in this world.

I teach Skydiving.

I could Take you up Any time.

Hey, I got an idea.

What about skydiving?

You mean, actually Jumping out of An airplane, woody?

It ain't that bad. I've seen a lot of movies Of guys skydiving.

They're just floating In the air.

Oh, yeah, yeah, They're just floating In the air,

But the earth Is hurtling upwards

At 100 miles an hour.

Guys, take it from Someone who's done it Well over 2,000 times,

You'll never Get over the thrill

Of letting go of that plane And falling through space.

You'll never Feel such freedom In your life?

Who the hell Are you?

Bob speakes.

I'm with The jump club Up in weymouth.

Well, very nice to make Your acquaintance, bob.

Now butt out.

Sorry. I didn't Know you guys

Were just Blowing smoke.

If you're serious, We could start In the morning,

Go through A brief orientation.

I'll have you Jumping by noon.

Boy, are you barking Up the wrong tree.

These are the three biggest Cowards in boston.

Hey, who you Calling coward?

You three Cocktail weenies.

You guys don't have The guts to go up there.

Hey, don't Force them.

Not everyone has What it takes.

Who, hey. Just a second, pal.

We got What it takes.

We got all kinds Of what it takes.

We could do it If we wanted to.

Just the question Is, do we want to, Right, cliffie?

Want to? Huh.

Try and stop me, Sucker.

Hey, guys. Don't Leave me out of this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fellas, it's late, You've had a few beers.

You'll agree to anything.

Damned right We will.

Yeah. Yeah.

We're all agreed?

Yeah!

Yeah!

What's The matter?

I caught one of My armpit hairs In my t-shirt.

Wow. He really Did it.

He was so scared In class.

Ok, next.

Who's he Talking to?

Us, I think.

Ok. Now just Like he did--

Stand In the door,

Count to three, Jump.

Wait 20 seconds,

Pull The rip cord.

No sweat.

Hey, no problem there, Huh, men?

I mean, we're men, Right?

You got it, man.

Let's go, man. We're still over The jump zone.

I don't want to Not sound like A man or nothing,

But this doesn't Seem like as fun

As it sounded Last night.

Oh, great, woody.

Now you've gone And done it.

We're all pumped up And ready to go,

And now you went And spoiled The whole thing.

It's no fun anymore.

Let's go back.

You know something, Cliffie?

When you're right, You're right, pal.

Turn the plane around, Will you, bob?

Are you sure?

None of you Wants to go?

You don't think We're chicken, Do you, bob?

No. Don't Be silly.

It's No disgrace.

This happens All the time.

Course it's Always been The ladies.

You're The first guys.

Well, you hear that?

We're trailblazers.

Hey. Yeah!

Trailblazers.

Yeah.

There you go.

What are we gonna Tell the guys Back at cheers?

We were mouthing off Pretty good last night.

No problem, woody. We just walk in the bar,

We look those guys Straight in the eye,

And we lie our socks off.

Yeah. I like it.

We can't do that.

Who's going to know?

It's just us And the guy who Jumped out before us,

And he's probably Dead by now.

I can't do that.

I can't lie. I can't.

We've got To stick together here.

We made a pact.

Men together-- That's male bonding.

Right. Which includes lying

And chickening out Together.

All right,

But I got to say I'm not proud Of myself.

So what? Cliffie and I never are.

Ok. What we need now Is a story.

One that we Can stick to, ok?

So whatever we do,

We make it simple And believable.

All right, I got it.

We jumped, The chutes opened,

And we landed.

Perfect.

Good. Good.

Now, In what order?

Ok. Let's Make the story A little simpler.

Ok?

There wasn't really A whole lot to it.

We jumped, The chutes opened,

We landed.

Yeah. Yeah.

The pilot And the instructor

Said they'd never Seen a first-timer

Do a triple Backward somersault.

Landed square right On the bull's-eye.

Woody, How'd you like it?

He's not much For talking, sammy.

Not woody. He's a man Of action.

A simple man, Like me.

We both appreciate A simple story.

The kind of story You can stick to.

Boy, I tell you.

I've always wanted To skydive.

I've just never Had the guts.

What did it Feel like?

I imagine it's a lot Like sex, sammy.

Not that I have to imagine What sex is like.

I've had plenty of sex And plenty of this, too.

Why don't you just Get off my back, ok?

Sammy, you don't Believe these guys, Do you?

They didn't jump.

You two weaseled out Of here last night, Went home--

You curled up With your wife.

And you got under The sheets

With your flashlight And barbie doll.

Come on, carla. They wouldn't make this up.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, corncob.

Who, me?

No, the other corncob.

Look, if woody here,

Who has never told A little white fib

In his whole Entire life,

Because he Knows if he does, He goes straight

To h-e- Double hockey sticks...

Says that they jumped, Then they jumped.

Now, woody...

Did you and your Two playmates over there

Really, really jump Out of an airplane?

Well, we went up In the plane.

I remember 'cause I was there.

Yeah.

We were very high, And we looked down--

I mentioned We were in the plane?

Yeah.

And people looked Like ants,

Only the kind of ants You can hardly see--

Woody, did you jump?

Yes, I jumped, The parachute opened,

I landed. It was all Very simple and believable.

God, I don't Believe you guys Really did it.

But woody never lies,

So I guess It's the truth.

Did you jump?

Yes.

Jump? Yes!

Yes!

I've got to give You guys credit.

I'd like To try that someday.

Well, everybody says Someday, sammy,

But only a precious Few of us

Have the maracas To try it.

Cliffie.

Wait a minute. Hey. Listen. I got maracas here.

All right. Tell you what. Why don't the three of you

Take me out, huh?

Tomorrow, maybe.

Tomorrow?

Yeah.

Is that ok With you, norm?

Actually, my parachute's At the dry cleaners, Sam, and...

They were talking like Wednesday, thursday--

Aw, come on. Are you guys trying To weasel out of this?

Ah, sammy!

We live for the jump!

Well, all right. Then great. Let's do it, huh?

Woody, what do you say?

We did it, ok? We jumped! What do you want from me?

Woody, woody, it's ok. It's all right.

Guys, guys, We got to talk.

A jump powwow, sammy. You wouldn't understand.

Listen, guys. You don't have to,

But I'm gonna go With sam, ok?

I mean, I can't live With lie,

And if I do it, then What I said won't Actually be a lie.

Woody, you wouldn't Tell everybody else

That we didn't jump, Would you?

Not unless They asked me.

Then I'd have to Tell them.

Well, what do You say, cliffie?

Maybe we just had To get up there once, Get the feel of it.

Maybe this time We'd actually jump.

Uh, well.

Heck, I'll do it If you'll do it.

You know I'll do it.

Hey. Well, I'll do it.

All right then. All right. Let's do it.

Let's do it!

Sammy, tomorrow morning 6:00 a.M. Sharp.

All right.

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Oh, damn.

I thought clavin Was up on the ledge.

Ok, sammy. Time to take that first Big step, buddy.

I kind of thought maybe one Of you would go first.

Good god, man, why?

Well, because You've done it before. You know what you're doing.

It will give me a chance To see how it's done, See if you make it.

Fair enough.

Norm!

Ha ha ha. No, no, no.

If you recall, Cliff,

I jumped first Last time.

You go.

Woody.

What?

You go.

Make me.

Hey, you know Something, man?

All this bickering Is really kind of killing My concentration.

Now I thought the spirit Of this whole venture

Was some sort Of togetherness.

Me, I don't feel it.

I think we ought to just Turn the plane around

And go back.

Fine, norm. If that's How you feel,

That's ok.

I'm not going To jump, either.

I feel that, too. What do you say, bob?

Oh, wait a minute, man. You guys didn't jump.

You just made that up, Didn't you?

Oh, pfff! Yeah, right.

Hey, cliff.

Did you jump?

Well...No.

That's great! So you come back To the bar, and you lie,

And you stir up Everybody's imagination

To the point where You get me up here.

I mean, that's low.

You know something? I'm going To do it anyway.

It's not often you get A second chance at life.

What? What are you Talking about?

There was this night When I was playing In tiger stadium

Towards the end Of my career.

I'd been on the bottle For a while,

And the coach hadn't Been using me.

But this was going To be a big game,

So I decided I wouldn't Have a drink all day long.

I was dying, But I knew this would be

My last chance To prove myself

As a major League pitcher.

Sure enough. Late innings The call comes down, "Send malone in."

I told them I couldn't play.

My arm hurt.

I chickened out.

I was afraid To go out there.

I turned tail, and I slunk Back to the locker room.

And I've regretted it Every day of my life.

I'll tell you something, Damn it!

I'm not going to let That happen this time.

I'm going Out there.

Ok, bob. What do I do here?

Remember what I told you. Get down in the door, Count to three, go.

1...

2...

Ok, here's our story.

Well, nobody Really planned it.

We just all went out At the same time

And decided To grab hands.

There we were In this four-leaf Clover formation.

We were Kind of like

The june taylor Dancers up there.

It's a kind of Male bonding Thing

To give yourself A nickname.

Well, I applaud Your bravery, But I must say

I thought we'd advanced Beyond the notion

That a real man Risk life

In pointless Confrontations With death.

I thought we'd accepted

That a real man Is someone who makes Gobs and gobs of money.

Like me.

Well, see you later, Sisters.

You know something? I just had This wild idea.

Do think you guys Could you jump Out of an airplane

Holding a large banner That said "Cheers"?

For any Particular reason?

I was just thinking. One of the comments I got In the suggestion box said,

"You have a really Great bar here,

"But why keep it a secret?

Why don't you Publicize more?"

We could get A cameraman shoot it,

Maybe even get it On the news.

Hold on a second Here.

You're talking About taking

A pure sport Such as skydiving

And tainting it For commercial gain?

Come on. A thing like that

Could have A tremendous impact.

Hey. So could I.

Maybe it isn't Such a good idea.

Maybe I was wrong.

Besides, I might have Gone ahead and made A fool of myself

And given in To temptation.

I don't see what--

Wait.

What do you mean?

Oh, I just think It's really exciting,

All the danger Of--of drifting Through space.

You know.

I really wish that there Was some way that I could capture

That feeling Of total abandonment

While making love.

Talk about a turn-on.

Please do.

Let's just say That this kind Of masculine bravado

Is too sexy For me to resist.

Could you wait Right here For a minute?

Could I talk To the june taylor Dancers

In the hallway?

Sammy, sammy, sammy, Wait a second now. Hey!

Whoa! Listen...

Ok. Now remember, This time when you jump--

Out of the plane--

Hold on to the bottom Of the banner

And let is spread out So that otto can get A good shot of it.

Ok, question!

How are we Supposed to pull Our rip cord

And hold on to The banner at The same time?

You won't be pulling The rip cord for 20 seconds.

Just count like this--

One mississippi, Two mississippi--

Excuse me. Could we Make a shorter state, Like maine?

You know, one maine, Two maine, three maine.

Look. You don't Have to do this.

I can have arrange To have some stunt guys I know jump for you.

Whoa. Hold on now.

You're talking About money For you guys,

Money for otto here, Money for The plane.

Then we hire A stunt crew and All their equipment?

That's going to Run us, what, 3, 4, $5,000, right?

Yeah. At least.

I'm comfortable With that.

That's fine. With me.

Vera has money From when Her folks died.

We'll just Dip into that.

Whew! Ha! What a relief!

I tell you. It's not As hard to chicken out This time, is it?

No, no, sammy. The more you Do something

The easier It gets.

Go to heck In a handcart.

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

I was embarrassed To talk to my mom

On the phone The other day.

I'd rather die Like a fool

Than live Like a coward.

Geronimo!

He jumped!

I don't believe it. He jumped!

He's not up here. He's down there, falling!

Hey, woody, is it scary?

That's it, man! I'm doing it! I'm going out there!

Really?

You betcha!

Oh, so you don't want To pay the money,

So you're going to Take the chicken Route, huh? Sam

No. I'm doing this For rebecca.

I figure The farther I fall,

The hotter she gets.

Who's with me?

I am, sammy!

No, norm, You turncoat, you.

No, cliffie. It's as If my whole life

Came down To this one moment,

And if I jump And I make it,

I prove to myself That I am worth something,

That there's A reason for me Being on this earth.

Then I can just Sit there planted On that barstool

For the rest of my life.

Let's go!

Yeah?

Uh-huh.

Aah!

Uh-huh-huh-huh...

Aah!

Ok. Let's Turn it around.

No, I'm going.

I'm going!

I'm, uh--I'm going.

I really--I'm going.

Ok. I'm going now.

One, two...

Push me! Shove me! I got to do this.

Kick me like a dog!

I can't do that.

[engine sputters]

Uh-oh.

What, what?

We're out fuel! We're going down!

Not with me, You're not.

Aah!

Ok, rick. He's gone.

[engine roars]

It works every time.

You guys did it! You actually did it.

Look at them.

Ha! Look at them Up there.

And there's the banner!

Well...

I wouldn't Have believed it

If I didn't see it With my own two eyes.

Chickenscanfly.

Boy, I feel good, sam.

This is the greatest I've ever felt in my life.

I thinking about doing Something really crazy.

Yeah. Me, too, woody. I'm thinking About having sex.

Sam, I think We're carrying This male bonding thing

A little too far.

Not with me. I mean rebecca.

Now you're talking.

No, woody, not you.

Not you.

Me.

Say, now that you've Seen all that skydiving,

How do you feel about An evening of magic?

I have to admit After seeing that tape,

My body feels kind of Tingly all over.

Well, I think A very special evening

With a very special Skydiver

Could only enhance That feeling.

I couldn't Agree more.

Uh-huh.

Hi, rebecca. You all ready to go?

Hi, bob.

I'll be with you In just one second.

Bob? What about me?

Bob didn't jump Out of that plane.

And bob didn't Blow chow at 5,000 feet.

Bye, sam!

[humming theme from "The magnificent seven"]