Original subtitles

"Cheers" is filmed before A live studio audience.

Here's something about A show of impressionists

Coming to boston This fall.

Why wait? I do one that'll Knock your socks off.

He's talking about French painters, doofus.

Yeah? Well, so am I.

I do a great Cézanne.

Get out of here-- Well, I do.

Watch this, man.

[french accent] Hold that pose, The light is perfect.

[like john wayne] Hey, you better smile

When you say that, Pilgrim.

[jimmy stewart] Now, now, now, now,

Just a darn second There, young fella.

Ok, ok. I got one. Watch this.

[southern accent] Hey, fellas.

I believe we might Be in for just A little rain

'fore this day is over.

Woody, Who is that?

It's dwight womack, Mayor of hanover, indiana.

No, woody, woody, When you do impressions,

You got to do impressions Of famous people.

Well, if I could Do somebody famous,

Why would I be doing Dwight womack?

Good point.

Yeah.

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away? *

* sometimes you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be where Everybody knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

Hey, everybody.

All: hey, sam.

Sam...Sam...

This is our first time Back in cheers

Since, you know, Yesterday.

Don't you think We should...Announce Our engagement?

Oh. All right. Ok. Well, go ahead.

Oh, no, no. You do it. You're the man.

All right, uh, Listen up, everybody.

I have an announcement To make here.

Diane and I Decided to, uh--

Oh, sam, ahem. What are you gonna say?

Well, I was just Gonna tell them that...

I see.

Sam: well, what do you Want me to say?

Oh, come on, diane.

Nobody knows Who the lunts are.

Due to our desire To be--what?

Conjoined. Conjoined.

Uh...

Uh, diane and I, Uh, would like you

To celebrate with us By, uh, toasting Our nuptials.

Ouch.

No, no, woody. That's, uh...

What sam So eloquently expressed

Was that he and I Have officially

Become engaged To be married.

How 'bout that, Al, huh?

Ah, married, sam. I thought you said

You'd never marry diane.

Well, I--I never, uh, Said that exactly.

Oh, no, I think The exact words were,

"I'd rather have Every hair on my body,

Pulled out Simultaneously."

Well, that's just An expression.

I mean...

No, seriously, You know, I--

We all knew it was gonna Happen sooner or later.

I just thought I'd get it over with.

Well, diane, sam, Congratulations To both of you.

Diane, I hope you're Planning to stay

For the entire Ceremony this time. Ours was--

Ours was very Touching, I thought.

Ah, well, another one Bites the matrimonial dust.

I guess that leaves Only one stud

To satisfy all the babes In this bar.

Hey, I can Handle it, too.

Hi.

I bet you never thought You'd see the day, huh?

Nice shirt, sam. Is it new?

No, it's not, uh...

Did you hear What I said up there

About me and diane Getting engaged?

The beer distributor called. He wanted to know

If he can change The delivery day To wednesday.

Carla, I know That we haven't always Seen eye to eye,

But you could at least Wish us well.

I need a draft.

Fascinating.

She's experiencing Denial.

What's that mean, Dr. Crane?

Well, simply put...

It means That the human mind

Blocks out that Which it cannot Emotionally accept.

Well, what's that Mean, dr. Crane?

It means that you don't Understand this,

And you never will.

Ah.

I think perhaps I should get personally Involved in this.

And after all, carla Is a good friend.

I think I could Help her alleviate Her suffering.

Besides, there's Nothing good on tv.

So I don't see A ring here.

What gives, You guys, huh?

Well, we're, uh, doing A little window shopping,

But she's got her eye On a big old diamond

In the window of, uh, Barton and lyle.

Oh, no, no, sam.

Now, that's Much too expensive.

I would be content

With any one of The smaller stones We saw today.

Aww, now, wait a second.

Hey, woody, Give me the phone There, will ya?

Listen, you might as well Have the best ring.

You got the best husband.

Hmm?

Any wonder I love you?

I'm twice blessed.

I'm getting The most Wonderful guy,

And one hell Of a rock.

Yeah, let me, uh...

Let me find out Just how much This thing is.

Yeah, there You go, sammy.

Beats "A rock."

Hi, uh, you got a ring In the window there By the door.

It's a big diamond With 2 little diamonds On either side there.

Yeah, uh, That's the one.

Yeah, how much Does that cost?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

How much?

5,200.

[all laugh]

Whoa, what am I Gonna do here?

I have bruce.

What?

A friend of mine in The jewelry business.

He buys diamonds And gold wholesale

And then You don't have To pay the markup.

It's like A zillion percent.

Ah, you know, That's kinda silly--

No, It's the same gold, Same diamonds.

Well, if it's the same ring, It's the same ring, isn't it?

Absolutely. Give me the phone.

All right. Now, go on, Do it, do it.

Uh, sam, I don't think That's a good idea.

Why not?

Diane's not the kind Of woman who'd like To find out

That her ring was bought From a jeweler

Who begins every transaction With "Psst! Buddy."

Oh, no, you make--

You're making it sound Worse than it is.

I mean, I'm sure Everything's legit.

All right, Fine, bruce. Great.

[softly] psst! Sammy, come here.

* dee-dah *

Huh? Not bad For 1,200 bucks.

Yeah, I'll say.

Ohh. Carla, you, Uh, see the ring

That sammy got For diane here?

You know, I'm thinking about

Having my house Texture coated.

You have your choice Of 24 decorator colors.

Amazing.

Yeah, and surprisingly Reasonable.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, guys, wanna see A classic here?

Watch this.

Hi, diane.

Hey, sam.

Oh, boy, hey, You know,

That finger looks A little warm there.

Maybe you should Cool 'er down With some ice.

[gasps] sam!

What, what? What's the matter? What's wrong?

Nothing. It's beautiful. Aah.

Ohh! Just think, Hours ago,

I was admiring this Magnificent ring In the window,

Thinking it was An unattainable Treasure.

And now, here it is, On my finger.

Yeah, there it is, All right. That's the one.

How about that, huh?

Ohh, thank you.

Thank you. Mmm.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, uh, carla, Do you realize

That when sammy and Diane get married

Diane's gonna be Your boss?

Nice shirt, norm. Is it new?

Sam...

I felt that I couldn't possibly Ask you for this,

But now that you've Actually gone out And purchased it,

I can tell you.

This is the only ring I ever wanted.

Hmm.

Where's the box?

Box?

Yeah, you know, The one it came in.

Oh, yeah. Uh,

This one didn't seem To come with one Of those, did it?

Really?

Well, I'm surprised They didn't give you one,

Especially considering How much this must have cost.

Oh, well, They did, they did.

It's just that I told them, Uh, keep the box.

She'll just wear it.

That's what I said, All right.

Heh heh heh.

Sam...

This may sound Frivolous, but...

Every woman wants To keep the box

That her engagement Ring came in.

I already Have a space Reserved for it

In my memento Drawer,

Right between My french club pin And my retainer.

All right, all right.

I mean, fine, honey.

I'll just, uh-- Well, I'll go back

And, uh, I'll get the box.

Don't forget your Receipt there, sammy.

Eh, they'll probably Remember your face.

You can relax, everybody. I got the box.

Cliff: all right. Norm: all right.

They just gave it To you, huh?

No, no, I had to Buy something.

Oh, yeah? What did you get?

Sterling silver Corncob holders.

290 bucks. You believe that?

Wow. Why'd you buy Those things?

Well, everything else Seemed like such a rip-off.

I'm still way ahead, Though. It's ok.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Oh, sam, There you are.

Yeah, And here you are, My little darling.

One ring box, Just your size.

How about that? Are you happy?

Deliriously.

I just wish I'd gone with you

When you went back To barton and lyle's.

I want to buy myself That dress.

Oh, which dress Is that?

The one in the window?

Right next door In justine's window?

Don't you remember? I was admiring it As we walked by.

Oh, sure, sure, Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's perfect. I'd love it.

Well--it's kind of Slack now.

Why don't you take off, Do a little shopping?

Really? Yeah. Go ahead.

Oh, sam.

I'll get my purse.

All right.

So, uh, sammy, [clears throat]

When diane sees The ring

In the window Of the fancy store

And also On her finger,

What do you think She'll say?

Well, I'm off.

Uh, no, diane, Uh, wait a second here.

Uh, I can't-- I can't let you Go through with this.

What? Well, uh...

I--I bought that Dress for you.

Sam malone.

I don't believe you.

No, it's a fact. It's in my car Right up there.

Ohh, you scamp! Oh, go get it, please.

Uh, you know, I was kinda hoping

To surprise you With it.

Well, I already Know about it now.

Right. What am I standing Here for then, huh?

Ha ha ha ha! Ohh.

Say, you know, That's, uh,

That's such An interesting dress.

How would you describe That color?

Pink. Pink. Right.

You always know The perfect word.

Pink.

Who would've thought?

I wonder what's Keeping sam.

He's certainly been gone A long time.

Where is sam?

Where is sam?

I think she's starting To relate to her Environment again.

Well, I think we've made Great progress.

Carla, can you tell me Who sam is?

Of course. He's my boss.

Did you know that He is now engaged To be married?

Yes, I'm very happy For him.

See how well We've done?

Carla, who is The charming soul

That has agreed To marry him?

Norm.

Well, I'm not The miracle worker.

Here we go.

The one you wanted And, uh, 3 more.

Oh, sam! What?

You impetuous fool. Oh, I love them.

Oh, great. Oh, thank you.

Wait a minute. You were gone An awfully long time.

I thought you were Just going to your car.

Well, I got A parking ticket,

And I, uh, I wanted to fight it In court.

Do I, uh, detect A snafu there, sammy?

Every damn dress In the window was pink.

Boy, that must've, uh, Cost you a pretty penny.

That's all right.

I'll get Some of it back.

She couldn't possibly Like all 4 of them.

Oh, sam, I love all of them.

I can't decide Which one to wear Tonight to dinner.

Oh, god--oh, boy. Uh, right.

What did we say? Uh, 7:00?

Oh, could we make it A little later?

I have to stop By the store

To get the ring Appraised.

Pardon me?

The insurance man said

That there has to be An appraisal on file

In order to have This covered In my theft policy.

Boy, they don't Make it easy, do they?

Uh, I tell you what. Why don't you let me Handle that?

I'll have it Appraised.

Uh, why don't you Give me the ring?

Oh, no, sam.

Just as our love Is forever, So is this ring.

From here on out, It will never leave My finger.

Beautiful.

That's really Beautiful.

Woody, you want to get me Some aspirin there?

Sam, I think this Has gone too far.

You're caught In a quagmire Of deceit.

You're just Gonna sink deeper And deeper,

And to what avail?

To my butt's avail.

Yeah, maybe You're right.

I should just Bite the bullet

And be honest With her.

I mean, I really want This relationship to work.

Yeah. Me, too, Sammy.

Uh, diane...

Yes?

I have something I want to say to you.

I'm afraid you're not Gonna like it.

After receiving This beautiful symbol Of our relationship,

A symbol that has Touched me very deeply,

Nothing you say Could ever Disappoint me.

What is it?

I have to go To the doctor.

What for? No, it's Nothing serious.

It's--uh, I just figured,

You know, we're Getting married,

Uh, I might as well Have a checkup,

Make sure The old evinrood's Still cranking.

I don't see any cause For alarm in that.

In fact, I think It's quite sensible.

Good, good.

I love the dresses.

Oh, me, too. Thanks so much.

Lovely.

So, uh, what now, Kemo-sammy?

It's no problem, No problem.

I'll just, uh, I'll go back To the store

And I'll-- I'll handle it.

I tell you, though. No way in the world

Am I gonna buy That expensive ring.

The ring is bought? Oh, yeah.

Ah, you shelled out For the ring In the window,

Didn't you, sammy?

Yeah. Ah.

I got a real Interesting price on it.

Full price? Right around There, yeah.

As soon as I switch this one

For the ring On her finger, My problems are over.

Oh, sam, what did The doctor say?

Same thing he always Does: "Wow."

But you're fine, yes?

Oh, yeah, No problem there.

No, uh--

You know, Actually, uh,

I was sitting in The, uh, waiting Room there

And I realized that, Uh,

I never officially Put that ring On your finger,

And I'd--well, I'd kind of like to.

Sam, you're just Sweeping me off my feet.

Um, ok, well, uh, Close your eyes.

Why?

Uh, there's something I want to say to you,

And I might get Embarrassed If you saw me.

Ok. I can't wait To hear this.

Diane, you're Really neat.

I think this big step We've taken

Has made you Positively goofy.

Well, maybe it has. That's me, Just one big goof.

Yeah, they haven't Found a chick

That can outsmart me.

Oh, that sammy.

Did he say chick Or chimp?

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Cheers.

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

Norman is Uncharacteristically Absent.

May I take a message For him?

Uh-huh.

Bruce wants to know About the ring.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Yes, I think It's safe to say

That sam's fiancee was Completely fooled by it.

Boy, I'm starved.

I hear it's a great Restaurant.

We're quite the little Chatterbox tonight.

Oh, you want me to talk?

Well, It's not necessary.

Fine, I'll talk.

I don't appreciate Being given junk jewelry

And then lied to About it.

Oh, now, wait a second. That is not Junk jewelry--

No. Sam, please, No more lies.

How could you Pledge your troth With a paste ring?

No, that is not A paste ring.

All right, there Was another ring,

But I switched it For the one In the window.

I swear to god I did.

Oh, please, Don't bother swearing.

You had no idea What I did--

Love obviously means Nothing to you.

I'd rather go Without them. Well--

No--no! [tires screech]

[screech and crash]

Explain that part about Switching rings again.

Oh, god! Something shiny.

No, just another Paper wrapper.

Ohh, look at us. We're filthy.

Yeah.

By the way, I hate that dress.

Considering The circumstances

Under which It was obtained,

It's hardly one of My favorites anymore.

Oh, good. On account you're Not wearing it

When you visit me In the poorhouse That you put me in.

Oh, sam, get off it.

No, no, no, Wait a second.

Let's tally up The damages here.

The first ring Was $1,200.

The box was $290.

4 lovely pink frocks Was a mere 950.

The damages On the car will be At least a grand.

And let's not forget About the $5,200 bite

I was hoping to avoid In the first place.

Bringing it to A grand total of... $9,000,

For a ring I no longer have.

Well, I hasten to add

That this was all Of your own volition.

290 for the box?

Yeah.

Do you like Corn on the cob?

I guess I'm just stupid.

To think that I could make Someone like you happy

On a budget Of someone like me.

I'm sorry.

Well, you should be.

All right! I said I was.

Give me a bit Of slack.

Even if-- Had that been The bargain ring,

It would have been Sinfully impetuous Of me

To cast it away.

Well, here's The bargain ring Right now.

Why don't you give it The old heave ho, too?

Hmmm.

Hmm.

I'm somehow reminded Of a fable

Penned by An anonymous 18th Century author...

Concerning The young mistress

Of a great Feudal estate,

And a wood chopper Who worked On the estate.

Diane... Not now, please.

Could I just Tell you the moral?

[sighs] what?

You're really neat.

Hardly original, I know.

The fact remains That...

No matter What the cost,

A ring is, Above all else,

A symbol of The feelings

That 2 people Have for each other.

So truly, sam, This is the ring I want.

Whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa.

Let me do this.

Uh...

But nothing says We can't keep looking.

Noooo!